#ep. written by J.S.+ A.J.N

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 06.01

We've got a new monster! I repeat, we've got a new monster! Also this call was made just 3 days before Sam heard it! The monster is roaming the streets as we speak!

Ahem. Let us begin.

What I think happened in:

Case 06.01, the case of "Prickly Hugger – a cautionary tale for muggers" or

"I'm scary and pointy!"

We've gathered here today to talk about Mr. Needles.

Who is Mr. Needles? Mr. Needles is a local. He grew up here (somewhere in London), and he'd seen the neighbourhood go from 'nice' to 'dreadful' over the years. (He had a hand in that, though he won't say how). He used to feel lonely and hollow, but has found something to remedy that. Some kind of mark. Don't worry about it.

Mr. Needles does not look dangerous. On the contrary, he seems like an easy mark, a perfect victim (a perfect lure). This particular night, some knife-wielding ruffian fell for it and tried to mug him. Mr. Needles let the mugger get very close, before deploying needles (they come out from under his skin from thousands of tiny holes). (…does it hurt? Every time. Mr. Needles doesn't mind. He's experimented with BDSM before).

He happily glomped the mugger and made sure to position himself over muggers face (and his eyes). The needles broke off after digging into the mugger's flesh. (It's OK. They grow back).

When the mugger was already on the ground, moaning and bleeding, Mr. Needles decided to call emergency service. This was not his first hmugger, but his first emergency call - he's not very clear on how exactly they work, but he does know where the local contact centres are located.

After a little bit of back-and-forth with the dying mugger and the various operators, Mr. Needles ended the call without actually stating their location, so it will probably be some time before somebody stumbles upon a body full of needles, lying in a pool of blood.

Somewhere in Lambeth, a police operator is feeling rather unsettled and will be looking over his shoulder on his way home for at least few days. (And maybe he'll meet an unassuming little man fond of hugging).

Other important things to know about Mr. Needles: Mr. Needles is a very scary monster.

He can smell fear. He can smell fear even over the phone (which probably means it's not actually scent he's perceiving, but that's just a technical detail).

If his scare-factor is challenged, Mr. Needles becomes agitated and rattles his needles like an angry metal rattlesnake. It is not advisable to question his scariness. He WILL take offence and threaten to stalk you.

What we don't know about Mr. Needles:

Sewing needles or syringe needles? I've seen fanart depicting classic hand-sewing needles, but I don't think that works for the simple reason that the mugger is said to be bleeding to death rather quickly, while the needles are still in him. Every stab-wound PSA reminds us to leave the 'weapon' in, because it slows the bleeding. So I posit that Needle's needles are hollow, promoting fast blood-loss. He even says "This isn’t some poxy blood test," when arguing his scariness, which I think supports this.

What is Mr. Needles? A monster-ified human, or a human-shaped monster? He says he grew up here – does it mean: - he was just regular boring human before he grew prickly (how did it happen?), - or was he once just a tiny itty bitty prickle of unease in the back of somebody's brain, before feeding on collective fear of the locals, and growing big and fearsome, until he could manifest as a fully fledged, physical monster (what prompted it?). - Or was he once a tiny baby monster, toddling underfoot and biting ankles? (kidding ;) Smart money is on the first option, but I rather like the idea of the second. We'll have to wait and see, I guess.

How old is he? He seems to be rather new to the whole 'being a monster' thing, so whatever he was in his youth, I think he became Mr. Needles fairly recently. Like maybe...hm, about a year ago? When some other things started happening for no apparent reason?

Are muggers his usual prey? I doubt it. The line "once they realize their mistake" could mean "they thought I'd be easy mark – oops, surprise!", but it could just as easily apply to "this good Samaritan though I needed help," or "this random passer-by thought I was harmless and not danger to them". He also says he's proud of making the streets unsafe at night, so I think he is a predator that just also happens to eat other predators. Top of the foodchain kind of deal (or at least he likes to think of himself as such).

What is his name? The transcript says 'Needles' and I'm calling him this for now, but I don't believe it's what he calls himself. I bet when we meet him and he introduces himself, it will be with an overly long, pretentious edgy name, sth like Dr. Sharp, the Terror that Stabs in the Night, or similar.

What does he mean by "the land is marked now, same as me"? What happened to the land? Too much man-made destruction (physical mark)? Too many man-made tragedies (metaphysical mark)? An apocalypse seeping in from a nearby universe (eldrich mark)? Something else? All of them at once? What? *gnawing at my keyboard over a tiny inconspicuous remark*

[syntia13treeman]

Case 15.01

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what I think happened in:

Case 15.01, the case of "The Sunset Hunt" or "It's EAT the rich, not FEED the rich. Get it right, damn it."

On 22nd of June 2023 a man was shot dead while on the phone to The Sentinel (I'm guessing a private emergency service; like 999 but unofficial).

He used to be a caterer in his own company, catering to the rich.

Before that, he was a soldier. An army cook at some point, but also familiar with looking down the barrel of the gun up close, and the sound of a headshot. Trained to kill, both with guns and in close combat. Trained not to hesitate.

At the time of the call he's been on the run for a couple months, living out of motel rooms, maybe different one every night, always looking over his shoulder, flinching at the sound of dogs' barking.

What he was running from is known as 'Lady Mowbray'. He'd been lured to her property in Wychwood Hall in the Cotswolds on the pretense of catering a 'small family hunt'. Ostensibly, he was supposed to cook and serve game the family hunted. In reality, he and his people had been watched all afternoon as they worked, until, at dusk, in blood red light of setting sun, he was compelled (magically and with threat of death) to kill and cook his employees while the 'family' watched.

He killed at least 4 people that day, maybe more: his permanent employees (minus Steven, murdered by Lady M herself), and any temps he might have hired for the job.

The creature responsible for that was described as a big and imposing matriarch, with electric blue eyes and gunmetal-gray hair. She had dangerous looking dogs with her, and a big-game gun, which she handled with ease. In her arsenal were also: power to force a man into silence with a gesture (demonstrated) and power to made her orders be obeyed without question (heavily implied).

After the Killer Caterer did her bidding, she rewarded him with cash – and a head-start. Neither helped him in the end.

It is unknown if deaths/disappearances of the entire catering company was ever noticed or investigated.

---

On 22nd of March 2024, in the OIAR office, Freddie tried to warn Celia about the approaching predator by queuing this case for her. Was it helpful? Possibly. Celia is smart, but she might not have been as on-guard as she was without it.

Lady Mowbray not very subtly tried to get Celia to give her name. (Celia point-blank refused). Lady Mowbray VERY unsubtly tried to sniff out any additional information about her, with limited success (odd, brave, strong, different). Soon after Lady M was swept away by Gwen, whom she talked to very differently than to Celia. Old money can sniff out old money, I suppose.

I… have some questions

Who or what is Lady Mowbray? An old aristocrat who became as removed from humanity as they believed themself to be? An embodiment of the concept of the ruling class, that forces 'peasants' to do their dirty work for them for little or no reward? ...one of the Gentry? Look, I know I've been yapping about the Fae for a long while now, but here is a literal aristocrat (a lady; a gentlewoman if you will), with literal power over people's minds, who tries to get Celia's name, and Celia (the mysterious, different Celia, who know more than she lets on) knows that she shouldn't give it. (Never ever give them your name!) It's probably nothing… but maybe? How long has she been making people kill other people for her dinner and entertainment? 40 years? 60? 600?

Why is she working with OIAR? She seems like a very different kind of monster than Bonzo (thought they both eat their prey; hm); why would she let herself be in any way controlled? Is OIAR responsible for cover-ups of all the murders committed by 'Externals', and that's why Externals are willing to work for them? Do they even need it? Both Bonzo and Mowbray seem to have their own magic going on in that regard – Bonzo with his music and Mowbray with her voice (and money) that can make things go unnoticed.

Who or what are Mowbray's 'family', and why none of them got to shoot somebody? Are they actual family, ruled by their matriarch's iron fist? Are they just props (fake people to create a crowd for better scare tactic)? Are they followers? Courtiers? Servants? Slaves? Who are you, people with guns and dogs and expensive cars who never get to participate in the hunt beyond watching and eating? (Do you look like someone copy-pasted few random features onto multiple individuals? Asking for a friend).

So who is the next unlucky soul that Gwen's gonna sic a killer on? Do we know them? Will we get to know them for just as long as it takes Norris or Chester to read about their death? (Gwen, are you sure you want to do that, girl? It's not to late... well. It probably is. Enjoy your new job while you can, I guess).

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 02.01

what I think happened in:

Case 02.01, the case of "Portrait of Daria Gray" or "The artist becomes the canvas."

Daria's story is pretty straightforward. What we know about Daria: she's a struggling left-handed artist who used to wear a lot of hand-me-down clothes from her sister, and she doesn't like the way she looks. At some point she decides to get a bit of a makeover and, among more mundane things, she starts shopping for a new tattoo. She finds a deal too good to be true (it is) offered by one 'Ink5oul'.

Ink5oul is sketchy as hell, and definitely has something supernatural going on. The tattoo they gives Daria (with no input from her, WTF! - paintbrush, floral patterns and glittering symbols) hurts much more than it should, but also heals almost instantly.

Looking at the tattoo (which is 'perfect') fills Daria with sudden desire to paint an autoportrait (which comes out 'perfect'). And once that is done, looking at it again makes her realize she can adjust herself (and make herself perfect).

So she takes her painting tools, most notably a pallet knife, right to her own face (and soon pretty much every other body part) and gives herself an impromptu plastic surgery. Which goes on uninterrupted for several days (???!?!!?!) until her room-mate Sarah comes home. Poor Sarah walks in on Daria while she has a knife stuck in her jaw, understandably freaks out and punches Daria, at which point half of Daria's face collapses under her hand like putty.

Having no idea that her room-mate has been touched by the spooky, Sarah comes up with the only rational explanation she can think of, which is that Daria poured some acid on her own face (which is very comic-book logic, but maybe Sarah paid more attention to Batman than chemistry and biology class as a teen).

So now Daria has severely disfigured face, and also is officially considered suicidal and a danger to herself and must go to therapy. (Honestly, she needs therapy).

There are two things, aside from the obvious, that grabbed my attention here:

The voice. Narration in the first case was that of a pretty normal email - a little bit rambly, a little bit disjointed, referencing things that the recipient would know about that we can only infer. The second case had a perfectly average forum thread. This case... also starts out with pretty realistic voice - right until the moment Daria stats talking about the tattoo. Then suddenly this story gets ridiculously verbose. The way she describes the studio, the tattooing process, the tattoo itself, the painting process and finally the 'adjustments' - the details, the wording - there's no way a regular person talks that way. Not in real time, not about a traumatic event that they very much don't want to talk about at all. So where is this coming from? I think it's the ink. Until proven otherwise, I'm going to assume that Ink5soul's tattoo somehow infused Daria with power to 'express herself' perfectly in whatever medium she's using - be it words, paint, or her own flesh.

Invasion of privacy issues all over the place. First Daria's tattooing session is streamed for who knows how many Ink5oul's fans without her say-so, and then her be-damned therapy session gets intercepted by some weird basement government branch. Daria glosses over the former and doesn't know about the latter, but they are there. And there was that private email in case of 'Not-Arthur' too. I wonder how present this theme will be in rest of the show. One thing I can bet on: if one of the cases doesn't deal with a conspiracy theorist yelling about government spying on them, I'm gonna eat my hat. (And the poor paranoid guy will be 100% right, just not in the way they think).

[syntia13treeman]

Case 16.01

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what I think happened in:

Case 16.01, the case of "The Inked 4eart" or "RIP your heart out, Madam E".

Today we have a little bit of social media drama. More specifically, a tragedy in 5 acts.  

Act 1, October 2023 (Halloween Eve)

FADE IN Enter stage left: Our protagonist – Madam Elecrum. She's a self-proclaimed ubergoth, and a lifestyle/beauty influencer, who'd apparently build her online persona by throwing fistfuls of trendy words and phrases at a bubbly / happy base to see what sticks.

Enter stage right: Our antagonist – Ink5oul (we've met before). They do magic tattoos and occasional grave robbing (it's for research). Their online persona is: 'I'm too cool for you. Loser.'

Madam E, long time Ink5oul fan, gets a tattoo (her 'heart's desire') done by her celebrity crush. For "free". (It's never free). Like we've seen before with Daria, she has no control over the design, and process is so painful she passes out.

Act 2, November 2023

The effects of Ink5oul's tattoo kick in fast, and they seem to be translating Madam E's popularity to a perpetual 'happy high'. Enamoured with her tattoo and tattooist, Madam E tries to start a relationship. It seems very one-sided, no matter how you look at it.

Act 3, December 2023

Ink5oul decides to find some fresh inspiration underground (again) and tries to manipulate Madam E (by questioning her self-image as 'goth') into doing the dirty work for them. Namely, digging up some graves. When manipulation fails to work, they resort to threats, which go right over Madam E's head (to be fair, if you don't know about their magic, 'I'll break your heart' is just a turn of phrase). Regardless, she does the smart thing and bails.

Ink5oul goes ahead with their grave-robbing plans anyway.

Then Madam E does the dumbest thing so far, and instead of going to the police or forever holding her peace, she blabs about the incident online.

Act 4, December 2023 cont.

Ink5oul retaliates with their own call-out video, among other things accusing Madam E of their own crime. And even though M.E. said the truth and I5 is lying, they have the power of larger fanbase and magic ink behind them. Things go poorly for Madam E. Being cyberbullied by enraged mob is bad enough, but the tattoo makes it so much worse, translating the 'hate' into physical pain (and injury?). M.E. still clings to her persona, but cracks are plainly visible (and full of fear). Ink5soul stans continue doing their worst, up to and including setting her place on fire.

Act 5, January 2024

Madam E is admitted to a hospital with some unspecified 'heart problems'. In her very last video her persona has gone out the window; she is scared and hurting and painfully honest as she begs for the pain to stop. As she begs for her life. I can only assume that the hate campaign is still going strong, since her condition keeps rapidly getting worse, until the cumulative effect rips her heart out in the most literal sense. I can only guess what was put down as cause of death on her death certificate.

FADE OUT

Here lies Madam Electrum. She was survived by her cats and her parents (now living together). So let's talk about the person who killed her.

Ink5oul, tattoo artist/influencer/streamer/grave robber. The Magic Ink Pal. Talking points:

They dig up old graves to study old tattoo's (are they a die-hard fan of Oscar Jarrett, or Sutherland Macdonald, or any old ink master in general?). I wonder if 'studying' takes form of 'looking at them for inspiration', or 'looking at them to learn new symbols and techniques used in them', or 'cut them out and frame them and hide them in my studio to get their power flowing through my space'. Or 'siphon their power through some other arcane means'.

They summon (potential) accomplices by sending them location in 3words code (which was a cool thing to learn about, ngl). I get it, why use rot13 when number 3 is so much more universally significant?

Their art is at least partially based in alchemy (that's how Daria found them – researching alchemy symbols; and there were some symbols incorporated into her paintbrush tattoo. They might have been in M.E.'s heart tattoo as well, we never got a description). I wonder if the symbols are the 'meat' of the tattoo, the things that carry the power, and the rest of design is just window dressing to keep the recipient happy, or are they equally important. They are significant for the people who get them for sure: Daria's paintbrush vs M.E.'s heart vs Ink5oul's floral snake (???).

Power of their art (as we've seen so far) was focused on appearances/image. Ink5oul is referred to as they/them even by a chronically off-line stranger in ep. 11, so there must be something going on with how they appear to others that conveys their non-binary-ness. (mind?) Daria hated her physical appearance, and was given power to change it. (body?) Madam E was living for her online image, and was bound to it so that it would affect her in ways beyond usual. (Feeling great when popular, getting ill and dying when hated and bullied). (soul?)

They occasionally offer tattoos for free or at a discount (both Daria & M.E.); ostensibly in exchange for views it gets them on live-streaming. I wonder if there's more behind that. Are they creating a magical debt, some kind of obligation they can later exploit?

The moment when they threatened Madam E. to 'break her heart', I at first thought they meant that being the creator of the tattoo, they had some kind of direct power over the person who received it. But with the way things went, I think it actually was that they knew how the tattoo worked, and they knew they had more than enough pull online to tank her reputation and send a tonne of hate her way, which in turn, through the heart tattoo, would hurt her and, very literally, break her heart.

I wonder if they actually know what they're doing (have full knowledge of how their craft works) or if they are experimenting. Maybe they once copied some symbols from an old book, just becaue it looked cool, noticed that things started happening, and are trying things out ever since. What will happen if I put this symbol next to this symbol? What if I arrange them this way? Wait, let me take a peek at how Oscar Jarrett did it. Oh, interesting. But what did it to? Must copy to a living person and see how it goes for them.

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 12.01

what I think happened in:

Case 12.01, the case of "Stag Hunter" or "Mr. Bonzo's toothy maw"

We need to talk about Gwen.

Full name Gwendolyn Bouchard, child of a rich family, strangely fixated on making career at OIAR of all places.

On 9th of January, after several years of exemplary if a bit slow work, she looked her boss dead in the eye and stated she wanted her job.

On 29th of January she received an email with a video of attempted murder (Lena on Klaus gun violence).

On 12th of February, after doing some additional research, she confronted Lena with the video. She assumed that Lena's superiors* wouldn't be happy to know that the 'murder' was a failed one. She let it be known that her source (singular) confirms that said mysterious superiors believe Klaus to be dead. As payment for her silence, she demanded to be let in on whatever extra operations were going on here. Lena graciously 'promoted' her to "Externals Liaison."

On Friday (March 8) Gwen received her first 'assignment' – to deliver an envelope to one Nigel Dickerson and 'any companion' of his that might be present. (So, glorified postal service).

On Saturday, (March 9) she got to meet her first 'External'. She was NOT prepared for the experience. She handed off the envelope as instructed. It got chewed in teeth that weren't soft. Mr. Bonzo the External lumbered away into the night, while somewhat shaken Gwen returned home.

Let's take a break from Gwen for a moment, to meet Ms. Jordan Bennett (age: early 20s). She's acquired bartending skills in 2020, and got hired at "Soho Jack's" strip-club in spring of 2021. Her employment there ended rather abruptly on Saturday night, 9th of March 2024. On that fateful night she was tending bar in a private suite on the third floor, where a Bachelor party was in full swing. The party consisted of (presumably) former high-school or college sports team, now in their 30s/40s, celebrating upcoming nuptials of their bud, Baz (full name unknown). (For now).

The chain of events was thus:

Somebody(/something?) planted a box of Bonzo merchandise among the presents for the groom.

Baz the Groom, a faithful Bonzo-fanboy, delightedly asked for the planted CD to be played.

Bonzo's theme-song started playing from the room speakers, and continued to play, getting louder, even after Jordan turned off the CD-player and disconnected the cables. (Later on it not only got louder, but also changed – from 'he wants to stay' in kids' voices to 'he's here to stay' in… different voices).

Summoned signalled by the music, Mr. Bonzo killed the bouncer guarding the room, and entered.

The party-guys did not notice the fresh body and were happy to see their favourite monster TV-mascot.

Mr. Bonzo somehow realized that the bartender did notice the body, and shushed her with a finger to his mouth.

Still unaware of danger, the guys found it hilarious when Bonzo picked up the groom by the arms and twirled him around like a toddler. They didn't even notice when

Bonzo ripped the man's arms right off. They did notice when Jordan screamed, and Bonzo tore Baz's head apart, and then pulverized and ate his body.

After that the guys tried to attack, without any real effect, aside from a trickle of some kind of stinking liquid from a cut (if it bleeds… can we kill it?).

After obliterating the groom Bonzo struck a playful pose, unfolded his mouth into a bigger, toothier maw and proceeded to bite chunks out of remaining people. Those who survived all lost something (Jordan's hand being the smallest loss). Those who didn't make it were devoured whole.

Notably, it seems that none of the people in the room tried to leave it, and none of the crashes, screams, nor the loud distorted music, were noticed by anyone outside the room; the security cameras weren't working either.

After the fact the club got sued for recompense by Jordan (and possibly other survivors and families of the deceased) and tried to get their insurance to cover it. Their claim was denied as fraudulent.

With that bit of unpleasantness out of the way, let's go back to OIAR.

On Monday, March 11, a very disgruntled Gwen confronted Lena again, this time about the nature of her assignment. Lena cheerfully advised her that screaming is good for the soul, that externals may be grotesque, but are valued assets, and that sleep is important. Also that Gwen should have already figured out whose name was in the envelope she'd delivered.

On Wednesday, March 13, Gwen's caseload included a graphic description of events of last Saturday at Soho Jack’s. She had… some kind of reaction, before Alice cut it off with a 'joke.' (btw, Alice's jokes sound more and more like 'shut up about stuff that can get us killed you idiot!')

There's a lot to unpack here, and I'm not sure if I want to touch most of it.

WHOSE name was in the envelope and why? At one point I considered a theory that the intended target was actually the Bartender (not to be killed, but maimed and traumatized), but as she wasn't the only survivor, just the 'luckiest' one, and she was way too young and poor to be Gwen's associate, I have to go back to option nr 1: The groom. Bonzo did zero-in on him upon entry, and only after completely removing him from this world did he change to more casual look and leisurely eating mode. (Work before play; at least he has good work ethics?) (No! Kill it with fire!) So. Why did 'Baz' have to die? Lena expected Gwen to know. Originally I was sure it was Colin or Alice, who both know too much. Since it's not them, the only thing that comes to mind is the 'source' who told Gwen that Klaus is believed to be dead. If a scary shady spooky government branch learned that they had a leak, they absolutely would plug it with excessive force and no consideration for collateral damage. Imagine you're Gwen, and you had a friend tell you something as a favour, and then you listen to a tale of how that friend got eaten by a creature you personally sent after him. 😬 Slightly more fucked up though less likely option: the 'source' was actually the bride-not-to-be. The Stag Night Massacre was a punishment and warning for both her and Gwen.

*Who actually are Lena's masters superiors? The ministerial prick who keeps nagging Colin about the app just… doesn't sound like someone who'd order a supernatural hit on someone. I have some thoughts, but they're too muddy to articulate just yet, so I'm moving on to:

Bonzo music. What is up with that? Nigel turned it on to call Bonzo to the door, and at the club he didn't come into the room until it was playing. Is the music just a way to get his attention, or is it like his Manchurian Candidate trigger phrase, turning him from Mr. Bonzo to Bonzo Butcher? Or is it just … part of Bonzo himself? It was getting more distorted and unsettling just as Bonzo was getting more monstrous in action and appearance. What was the cause and what was the effect here? Or: the music had to play, because it was the music that kept people from trying to run, and kept other people (and cameras) from noticing what was going on in there. So many options, so little certainty. :(

Gwen is now an accessory to murder, most likely of somebody she knew. I wonder what she's gonna do with that knowledge. Will she double down on "I can do it and I'm cool with it actually", or will she try to opt-out? (it's too late, but she could try…)

Unrelated: if at any point we meet a very angry young woman sans one hand, I'm doing the DiCaprio me

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 10.01

what I think happened in:

Case 10.01, the case of "Cursed Pygmalion" or "How I stopped worrying and started fearing for my life instead"

In 1994 Channel Six hired Niger Dickerson to host night variety show, nicknamed "Nigel’s SOS," (short for "Nigel Dickerson presents Saturdays on Six,"), where Nigel was 'held prisoner' by mysterious off-screen "Mr. Six", and played pranks on his guests. The prank always concluded with the guests being informed that they "got berried" and receiving a raspberry trophy.

In 1996, as part of the prank, a character of Mr. Bonzo was created (Nigel designed the look, nobody can really remember who came up with that name*)

The first guest confronted with Mr. Bonzo, chef Gordon Ramsey Gotard Rimbaeu was so freaked out, he broke the actors arm with a frying pan (allegedly**).

After that the actors (allegedly**) wearing Bonzo's suit would change frequently. Playing the role has become sort of rite of passage for the newbies on set.

Bonzo's role also changed overtime. From a jumpscare he went to become the show's mascot, to eventually replace Mr. Six as Nigel's 'jailer'. He was a hit with target audience, the merch was selling, they even started building a themepark… and then everything changed, when Terrance Menki attacked got caught.

Who is Terrance Menki? Apparently a serial killer, whose gimmick was killing in cosplay, presumably different one each time, as he had a whole wardrobe of costumes. Just bad luck that when he got caught with his 11th victim, he was wearing a knock-off Bonzo suit. (It wasn't even a good knock-off, all the colours were backwards!)

Alas, the press immediately dubbed him the "Bonzo Butcher", the public ate it up, and Mr. Bonzo's public image was ruined. Shortly afterwards, on 3rd March 2000 the Bonzoland was closed (ARG exclusive information), "Nigel's SOS" was cancelled, and Nigel was left to deal with hate-mail and death threats, despite having nothing to do with the whole mess (allegedly).

That would be the end of the story, except… between 2016 and 2021 there were at least 3 murders where Mr. Bonzo was (allegedly) seen at the scene.

When asked about in an interview conducted by Geraldine in August 2021, Nigel Dickerson categoricity denied it refused to comment on any potential Bonzo involvement in any crime.

Considering that he'd been living in Mr. Bonzo's house for the past [number unknown] years, his claims of ignorance and innocence fall rather flat.

The most recent Bonzo sighting was not reported on Saturday night, 09th of March 2024, when Gwendolym Bouchard, acting on behalf of OIAR, handed over an envelope containing (reportedly***) a name and address. Mr. Bonzo graciously accepted and chewed said envelope in his NOT SOFT teeth and lumbered into the night.

More news next Thursday at 5pm. For now let's speculate a bit:

*If Nigel didn't come up with Bonzo's name, and his producer Rich didn't come up with the name… then who did? I won't say it's impossible that it was just some random intern that Nigel couldn't be bothered to remember, but… Names are important. Names have power. Maybe something was trying to manifest itself, and started with giving itself a name?

**Where there ever actually any actors inside Bonzo suit? There are a few possibilities: a) it's been all Bonzo all along – it would go well with Bonzo naming himself, but otherwise I think it's unlikely. It's possible that: b) there only ever was one, very unlucky actor. When the Britain's snootiest chef attacked him with a pan, he did more than just break the poor man's arm. The actor died in the costume, and stayed in the costume, and just… kept going in the costume. This is macabre enough origin story to be plausible, but I'm gonna say nah. I think that: c) SOS really had their little ritual, where a stream of very tired, minimal wage studio workers had to run around in the suit until the next loser was hired. This is too easily verifiable for Nigel to lie about. I bet there were little 'behind the scenes' documentaries during the show's golden era, where Jack the stagehand and Joe the janitor bitched in polite British about how much of a pain in the neck it was.

So at what point did the actors become unnecessary? When and how was current day Mr. Bonzo born? I think it was a process that started with the name, but ended shortly after his show was cancelled. Over the years of popularity, as more and more people thought of Bonzo as a character (or a person) more than a funny suit, Bonzo was becoming less and less of just a funny suit. When the costume no longer had actors to animate it, it decided to animate itself. And because at that time the Bonzo-mania turned to Bonzo-hate, instead of chaotic but largely harmless creature he could have been, he became… well. Something that a shady government organization apparently uses as a hitman.

And here I need to ask an important question: What the fuck was up with that? Joking. (Though I wish to know how do you even discover you can do that). (***and did the envelope really contain name and address? Did Gwen check? Does she remember the name?)

The question is: who is the unlucky person, about to receive a lethal blast of the 90s nostalgia? Will we ever even know? (Will we know tomorrow, 11.04.2024, when Celia clicks on the newest case and hears an emergency call from someone fleeing for their life from a 'guy in a weird costume?')

Other question: how long has Nigel been held hostage in his own house (sorry – Bonzo's house) and just how sorry should I feel for him? He seemed pretty unconcerned about the actor with broken arm, and about Bonzo running off into the night to do murder, but I imagine that living in constant shadow of Mr Bonzo is pretty stressful and doesn't leave much room for empathy, so… I don't know. I'm gonna wait and see.

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 03.01

what I think happened in:

Case 03.01, the case of "Guilt in the Grief Garden" or "Ashes to ashes, meat to roots".

Oh boy, this one's a doozy. Let's go. On 3rd of April 2009 Special Constable Caroline Jennings, 2911, logs a homicide case involving: -Maddie Webber (deceased) -Gerald Andrews (alive ???) -grief counsellor Harriot Manning (hopefully alive) -Dr. Samuel Webber (deceased. Very, very deceased. He is SO dead you guys). -one buried briefcase with its content.

What we know: Dr. Samuel Webber had a wife (Maddie) and his work. He prioritized his work. Maddie was not very happy. Maddie left Samuel (possibly for Gerald), and left some of her things in storage unit when she moved out. Samuel was not very happy. He went to grief counsellor to deal. He got a nice grief-journal, but failed to deal. Obtained medical files of both Maddie and Gerald. Possibly killed Maddie (deceased). Possibly killed or planned to kill Gerald (no status note). Had a panic attack in public, shortly after the (possible) murder. He run away, decided to 'lie low'.

*deep breath* ok, here we go:

Smell of jasmine lures him into a garden that is in full bloom in December (sus) and surrounds 'ruins of bombed-out church' (very sus). He lies down in the wildflowers (as you do) and starts writing in his journal - thoughts, observations and lists. He likes lists. Then he starts hearing, and possibly seeing, Maddie (he seems to be gradually loosing memories, or maybe reliving random phases of his relationship with Maddie.).

And also he starts decomposing (starting from the scratches he got when getting through the bushes). And he's 'pruning' parts of himself. And he writes the whole process down, very clinically but also in a very poetically graphic way.

At some point he tries to leave but can't find a way out and might actually never have tried at all. Oh, and Maddie is definitely with him now, taking care of him and advising on gardening methods, so sweet of her.

Did I mention that at one point Samuel pulls his finger bones out of his left hand and plants them like seeds? He does that. Now you know.

And the more he falls apart, the more cheerful and awed by nature he gets. (Don't pay any attention to the deeply buried part of him that shakes in terror, it's not relevant). It's been night for so long, but now finally there's the sun and Maddie's with him and Samuel is happy. Also probably a tree, or, more likely, a shrub of jasmine.

What we don't know: anything.

Of note: Samuel was not in good mental state when he was writing (duh), and possibly hasn't been for a long time before that. The man is like an avatar of Unreliable Narrator. Any and all of the above might or might not have happened. Maddie left him, and she is dead - but did she leave him for a younger man, or did she leave because he was being both distant and possessive and controlling ("I worry when she is out alone"). (He got paranoid about someone looking at him in subway, he might have been paranoid about his wife talking to another man one time). Did he kill her, or did she die of illness / accident? Was the grief counselling for divorce, or for her death? He had medical files for the (alleged) lover too - did he plan on killing him? Did he succeed? More interestingly:

1). what is up with dates? The police has found and reported the journal in April of 2009, but the date of 'relevant entry' is 07-12-09. Read conventionally, that would be 7th of December 2009, so what's up with that? Was it:

time shenanigans?

Samuel was so out of it he didn't know what year it was

Samuel wrote the date backwards, so it was actually 9th of December 2007 when he got plantified, and his briefcase wasn't found until over a year later.

2). What about Maddie? Samuel kept hearing/seeing her while decomposing in the garden. Was it:

hallucination of his own guilt-ridden mind

Maddie's ghost

something else, using Maddie's voice to trick Samuel into false sense of security?

I don't know, but I see you, loss and regret and longing for loved one's voice. Don't think that I don't. I'm onto you, you little bastards.

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 10.02

what I think happened in:

Case 10.02, the case of "The Trapdoor Opens" or "Releasing ancient evil – a guide."

One might say it's cheating, making a file for an event that technically isn't a case yet, in that it hasn't been noticed and recorded by OIAR. (Yet). Buuuuuuut… I don't care. :)

So. What we know: Nearly 25 years ago, in December 1999, a paranormal research facility in Manchester, Magnus Institute, burned to the ground. Reportedly, there were no survivors.

However, this might not have been true. Let's put a pin in it for the moment.

On a dark and rainy night on 09th of March 2024, two OIAR employees (on their own time) entered the ruins and conducted a very soggy and inefficient search.

The instigator of the expedition, Samama Khalid, as a child was part of some (rather shady) program for gifted children conducted here. His hazy-yet-unsettling memories of the place had resurfaced recently, and he was determined to find some answers. The resident voice of reason, Alice Dyer, assisted him by way of holding the umbrella and trying to talk him out of the whole thing.

Before she succeeded, the following things happened:

Sam found a mystery key among the debris.

Sam successfully (eventually) broke through the door to an old office (probably owned by someone named Archibald. Ha ha.)

Sam was not careful enough walking around the rotten floor, and part of it collapsed under him.

Sam did not fall into the hole, thanks to quick reflexes of Alice, who pulled him back.

Sam did, however, drop the hard-won key into the newly created hole.

Sam gave up, and agreed to leave.

And now we return to our pin. Because down below the rotten floor of the office, something did survive. It heard the key falling down. It managed to find it, and fumbled in the darkness to fit it in the lock. It unlocked the padlock. It opened a trapdoor. It breathed free air for the first time in decades.

After 25 years of imprisonment, the Ę̴̊̆R̶̗̟̝̒͛̈́̍R̵̛̯͍̠̗Ö̴̮̤́́R̴̞͍̲̞̐̓́͠ͅ ̸̡̫̣̟̏̊̇̍͜ ψ walks free.

Unnoticed by all, a lonely tape-recorder hidden somewhere in the office keeps spinning its tape.

Thus concludes the thrilling Saturday Night adventure.

I... Have Questions. Not many, but pressing ones.

The most pressing one is WHY did you crazy kids go to explore literal crumbling ruins at night? Urbexers do it for 'vibes' and 'clout' (and they don't always come back with the same number of eyes they went in with), but why would you? What made you think it was a good idea to look for clues in the feeble light of torches? Why? Just… WHY? (And why a work night? Did you take a day a night off? Are you exploring on company time? Couldn't you wait till Sunday morning?)

Another good one: does Alice really believe this is a dead end (haha) and can't be bothered with it, or is she dragging Sam away because she knows something's there, and doesn't want her baby shrimp anywhere near it?

And finally – what did they just unleash on the world? My first thought was "one of those gifted kids did not make it back home," and that's as far as I'm willing to let that thought go for the moment. Another one was: "what magical monstrosity did they create in the Artefact Research"? And another: "holy shit, it's been 25 years. How sane is ERROR after all that time (assuming it was sane to begin with)? (I know there are clues on RQ's backstage page, where the casting calls dwell, but going there feels like cheating, so I won't. Today).

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 13.01

CAT3RB4622-17092023-14032024

what I think happened in:

Case 13.01, the case of "The Zorrotrade App" or "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes: Cryptobro edition"

What we know about the Zorrotrade App:

It likely has no government oversight.

It does some weird background checks of new users.

It allows users to engage in highly profitable and borderline illegal financial exploits.

They have some shady experimental features that are not advertised, hidden under a tonne of submenus and must be found and opted in by the user. (Free will, babey).

They have an Adjustment Department.

What we suspect about the Zorrotrage App:

It's magic.

One of magical perks is protectingusers phone from being stolen;

One of magical cons is compulsive truth spell included in their support line answerphone.

Another magical con: the Adjustment Department.

So let's meet a Zorrotrade user. Darrien Laurel (account number 428813). He had no shame, no self-awareness and no sense of decency. Also not a shred of common sense.

He came from a poor family (though considering his definition of 'broke' I'm not sure if his parents were actually poor, or just 'won't buy me a porshe' 'poor'). He went to private public expensive high school thanks to a scholarship, which – props to him, for this thing and this thing only. Boo to anything else he did with his life.

After school he took student loan, and instead of spending in on studying, he sunk it all in financial speculations (This has to be illegal, right? Aren't there stipulation in the contract about the permissible uses of the loan?) He used every trick in the book (specifically, the "book of things that are shady as fuck and are only technically legal because rich people benefit from them"). Shorting (and possibly indirectly bankrupting) startup companies and trading in cryptocurrency among them.

He used the funds he acquired this way for the ever so important business of impressing his former classmates, getting plastic surgeries, and buying excessive and excessively expensive shit. (Your suitcase does not have to cost a 1000 dollars, you prick). (Why are you buying in dollars, anyway? Did you have that imported from USA? Use pounds or euros like a proper European, asshat).

Then, in 2020, a tragedy: while he was peacefully sailing with his good friend Oli somewhere south of France, one bad investment left him broke – that is to say, just with a few thousands worth of clothes on his back (and in his 1000$ suitcase) (and the watch on his wrist) (and just a few thousands of savings to throw away on a whim).

Truly, a more devastating blow has never been dealt to anyone in human history.

This is when he discovered that his rich 'friends' really did hate him all along. More importantly, he discovered the experimental feature on his favourite app, "Personal Projection Short Selling". There were no instructions, but by stroke of bad decisions and bad luck (blindly investing most of his remaining money + getting drank + braking his friend's TV, and getting kicked out of Oli's yacht, + getting kicked in the face by some muggers respectively) Darrien worked out that it was functionally a wager against his own good fortune.

Another entry into Things that Darrien Did Not Have: a drop of self-preservation.

Imagine stumbling into an illegal casino in an alleyway somewhere, winning your first game by chance, and immediately deciding to start playing there every night, with loaded dice, winning a lot and occasionally getting caught and getting your teeth kicked in.

Darrien did this, but he skipped a few steps. His new business plan went like this:

Put in a wager that he'll have a Bad Day.

Arrange to get seriously hurt and/or destroy one of your relationships, therefore having a Bad Day and winning the wager.

Profit

He spent several weeks knocking around the south of France, purposefully getting into fights (arguments with friends and brawls with strangers both) and accidents. He was getting harmed and isolated and felt it was all worth it because he got paid every time.

I'm going to give him a pass on never questioning how this worked, because at this point I'm fairly sure it's influence off the app itself. It's not constant supernaturalsurveillanceyou're looking for /Jedi hand-wave/ It's perfectly normal for your life's misfortunes to be monetizable. /Jedi hand-wave/ It's all good! Chill! /Jedi hand-wave/

What I can't just hand-wave is Darrien's grand finale. His famous One Last Job, then I Retire I Promise.

He 'invested' a million pounds (£ 1 000 000), burned all the bridges with his family, friends and even strangers on the internet, and then jumped off a cliff. A literal, honest to gods, not metaphorical cliff.

Sir. SIR. There's gambling with your life, and then there's this.

He lost one leg, along with structural integrity of several pretty important internal organs and bones – and he was happy upon waking, because he was (doped up on painkillers) already counting the money he was surely going to get.

Alas, reality check – this was the Find Out part of his ultimate round of Fuck Around.

He loaded his dice, he stacked his deck, he used his cheatcodes – it was only a matter of time before somebody noticed and demanded refund. (somebody knew all along – they were just waiting for the stakes to be really worth it).

This time, the app did not pay up. This time, the app called foul and demanded that he pay up – or be Adjusted.

Predictably, Darrien Laurel was not happy with this outcome and he wanted to Speak to the Manager of this Application.

He called the support line. He threatened the answerphone with legal consequences. (now they hear you). He told the answerphone his life story, up to and including his current hospitalization. (now they know you). And at the end, almost as an afterthought, he said his full name and app account number. (now they own you).

The answerphone dutifully transferred the call to adjustments department. Somebody from adjustments department crawled out of the phone and onto Darrien's bed. The call got disconnected. Darriel Laurel… got Adjusted.

Well. That sure was something. Final thoughts:

Remember when I yelled about Fae rules in case file 05-01? Do not take their money food, do not give them your name. Darriel broke those rules, and just look what happened! Well,

we don't actually know what happened. My first knee-jerk reaction was to say 'he got eated', but Personal Adjustment sounds… much more painful than just death by Mrs. Spider's mandibles. (I keep calling her that, but for some reason my mental image of that last scene is a weird metal centipede skittering out of the phone speaker that's much too small to fit it). I wonder if we'll meet Darriel, or at least some of him, again somewhere down the line. (Would he be like Needles, or more like Not-Arthur?) The incident happened about 6 month prior to Sam hearing it. Is that enough time for a new unholy abomination to incubate? Or… ripen? Whatever the 'adjustment' process entails.

This is the third time we've seen a man changing their fortune through pain. And we know it's possible to game the system successfully, because the 19th century violinist did it – he died of old age, more or less satisfied with his life. Mr. Die and Darrien could never. (Smh. Kids these days. No patience, no self-discipline).

This is… how many times now that we've seen someone's body being transformed? {Not-Arthur, RedCanary (? missing eyes at least), Daria(? - partial, self inflicted), Dr. 'Jasmine bush' Samuel, Cinema Tom(? - potentially), Needles(?), Mr. Bonzo(?), Error(?), Crypto Darrien} That's 3 up to 9, I think. Something definitely likes to play play-do with human flesh.

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 01.00,5

Very short

Case 01.00,5 the case of "Creepy Dolls" or "Somebody's watching me".

Surprise! Bonus Case Files!

I was putting together a TMAGP conspiracy spreadsheet (as you do), when I noticed something. There is a third case hidden in episode one. It's the first case Sam assesses; it's not a 'talker' – just an email about dolls/watching. (Somebody being/feeling watched by dolls of dubious provenance?)

I originally ignored it, but today I noticed something. Look at the number that Alice typed for it:

CAT2RC1157-12052022-09012024.

The day of incident was May 12, 2022. The same day when Harriet Winsted went to a cemetery and met her Not-Arthur.

There was something going on with dolls, watching and (possibly) human skin on the same day when there was a revenant in the cemetery. There might be no connection, or there were some voodoo adjacent shenanigans at work.

That's it. That's all I've got. Putting it out there in case it becomes relevant later.

For the code-breakers in the fandom, here's comparison of the case numbers; maybe you'll see something in it that I don't.

CAT2RC1157 - dolls CAT1RBC5257- Not-Arthur

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 04.01

what I think happened in:

Case 04.01, the case of "The Red Violin of Schwarzwald" or "Feed the Violince"

Today's case comes in the form of a very old letter. The author of this letter, an illegitimate son of some English noble, a talented violinist, as a youth was summoned to audition for Royal Court Orchestra of the Palatinate (Germany).

That summer he left his home in Alnwick Abbey in company of his music teacher, Mr Bardwell, who appeared to be one of those miserable people who feel the need to lift themselves up by putting others down. Bardwell spent a chunk of their journey trying to convince the author that he didn't actually have talent, just a good teacher (himself). (Aside: considering that Author's whole career was carried by magic instrument, Bardwell might have been actually right about that, I'll give him that).

As autumn and their destination grew nearer, Bardwell grew more distant, occasionally muttering to himself or spacing out as if 'listening to distant music'. This culminated one night in a violent fit of uncontrolled movement and incoherent words, which ended with the Bardwell flinging himself from a moving carriage and bashing his head open on the rocks.

The coachman, convinced he just witnessed a murder, attacked the Author. The fight led to his death and spooked the horses, which run off into the night, taking the empty carriage with them. Left alone with two corpses, the Author set off on foot through the woods.

Eventually he came upon a campfire tended by what appeared to be a distinguished English gentleman - nice, generous fellow who offered to share a meal, and effortlessly coaxed out of the Author his entire life story. Then, among many mentions of 'luck' and 'fortune', offered him a gift - a beautiful violin, which he pulled out of an 'unusually shaped sack' filled with various knick-knacks. The Author was then sent on his way, and less than a day later he arrived at the Manheim School.

The rest is history. The violin was, of course, a cursed object, which played amazing, mesmerizing music, but demanded blood in return, and if denied, it took its toll anyway, by compelling the audience to mindless acts of violence (including oral eye removal - don't think I didn't notice that little detail).

And as is often the case, the Author was not completely satisfied with the magic that entered his life, because it 'only' brought him fame. It didn't give him the status he believe he deserved, as the 'upper crust' of society whom he played for never thought of him as 'one of us' and never noticed nor appreciated the blood sacrifice he made with each performance.

Honestly, the Author had no right to complain about that, as he himself started teaching music to those he considered below him specifically so that he could occasionally murder 'someone unimportant' to feed the violin and spare himself some pain.

And so he continued for the rest of his life (I presume), praying on the poor, playing for the rich. At some point one of his noble half-siblings sent their son to spend one summer with the Author, so yay family ties.

As he grew old, the Author decided to write a will, in which he left the hungry-hungry-violin to the aforementioned nephew, together with a letter explaining the nature of the thing (which was rather kind of him, really, most inherited cursed objects don't come with a warning, in my experience). And then, presumably, he died, and the violin changed hands, one way or another.

So that's the story of a nameless bastard [both meanings]. Let's forget all about him and focus on the important bits, in reverse order of interest:

4.) Who put the letter online and why? It's either some sinister figure doing it for sinister purposes, or just some poor history student innocently digitizing documents found in a tiny local museum somewhere for extra credit. There are no in-betweens.

3.) How did the murder-feeding work? Was it more 'kill a man and bleed him on the strings for 3 months' worth of recitals', or more 'chain them up in the attic and bleed them bit by bit before each performance till dead'? No theories from me, just something to ponder.

2.) What happened with Bardwell? He 100% heard the violin and was compelled by its music. Was it just because it was near, or was the Gentleman playing it, waiting in the woods? Was the intent there specifically to kill the man, or was he just driven to find the source of music, and it was just too bad for him that this included jumping from a moving vehicle? And finally, why did it affect him and not the other two men present? Possibilities:

Maybe he had, at some point in his life, come in contact with this or similar artefact and was marked by it.

Maybe he made a deal with some stranger, accruing a debt that he didn't quite pay off and it's now come due.

Maybe he sat in the audience once, as a child, listening to strange music played by red-stained fingers, which he was never able to forget.

Or maybe it was just something about him - like his love of music combined with ego and jealousy - that made him particularly susceptible to the lure.

My money is on option nr 3; I wonder if we'll ever know.

1.) last but no least: Who was the Gentleman?

I don't know, but I love this guy just on principle. He is so very 'magic salesman' 'devil in disguise' 'stranger danger' folklore staple!

I guarantee that no matter where you're from, he'd greet you in your own language, claim kinship and wear exactly the kind of clothes that made him seem trustworthy in your eyes. You'd sell your soul to this fucker before you could blink and wouldn't realize till it was way too late.

I'm getting very strong 'actual-supernatural-being, not human-turned-other' vibes from him, and I'm really stoked about it. (I have nothing to back it up, maybe it's just all the stories featuring various devils/spirits/similar that I read as a kid that make me biased).

If he isn't a recurring character, I'm gonna cry. I want to see what other abominations he can pull out of his funky little sack, and what tricks he'll use to ruin many other lives. Just let me have this, ok? Please?

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 01.02

what I think happened in:

Case 01.02, the case of "RedCanary in the Institute Coal Mine" or "Warning not received".

This one's an easy one.

An urbexer whom we only know by their forum name RedCanary moves back to Manchester and in search of a good spelunking place checks a dedicated forum which, apparently, not only lists suitable sites but also keeps track of how well-explored they are. Ruins of Magnus Institute (burned down about 20 years ago) has been marked as 'cleared' by previous site owner/main moderator, Devan, but there's no information or pictures. Encouraged by other forum users RedCanary decides to go.

(date of 1st exploration: Tuesday night 19.04.2022 till Wednesday morning.)

They get a bit spooked by the place, the pictures they took won't upload/get corrupted, and they feel paranoid for no reason. Also they found and took home some kind of wooden box covered in interesting symbols. They try to photograph the box, but pictures come out distorted. Additionally, forum users reprimand them for stealing from site. They also get insulting/threatening anonymous DMs about it. They angrily announce that they are going to put the stupid box back in the ruins.

They try to make good on this promise a week later. Unfortunately for them, spooky stuff happens. In the aftermath, in the early hours of Saturday 30.04.2022, an image is uploaded from RedCanary's account (but certainly not by RedCanary themself). The image depicts a pair of eyes on the floor (I assume), captioned: Canaries should stay above ground.

Several users are distressed and/or concerned. The mods remove the gory image and temporarily ban RedCanary from the forum. Few days after the ban should have been lifted user BadGrav31 asks if RedCanary is all right. This was the last post on this thread before moderator locked it.

For the trickier part:

What happened to our poor unknown friend?

Are they missing their eyes and traumatized, but alive?

Are they eyeless AND dead?

Are they dead, their eyes rotting on the ground, while something else is walking around in their body, looking at the world with a pair of cold gray eyes?

We might never know.

2. Who is 'Devan' and why did he mark MI as cleared on forum's list?

was it an honest mistake?

Was it actually cleared and well documented at the time, but since then all images/notes got corrupted/disappeared?

did he realize that the place was dangerous and did it to keep people away and safe?

We'll almost certainly never know.

A nice bit of micro-foreshadowing:

"[...]It’s listed under “cleared,” but there’s no pictures or info. I get that it’s useful to have a way of saying a place has been explored to death, but […]" Ay. Not the best choice of words there, buddy. :(

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 11.01

what I think happened in:

Case 11.01, the case of "Ink in the Water" or "Dead men tell no tales."

Today we visit the old Padstow cemetery in Cornwell. Sat at the very edge of the cliffs, just a kilometre or two away from town of Padstow, the place offers breathtaking view of the Atlantic Ocean, surely appreciated by the many sailors of old interred here. Unlike its less scenic sister cemetery located off Newquay Road, this old burial ground hasn't seen any burials since beginning of 20th century, but until recently remained a local landmark.

The cliff erosion that had been slowly eating up the space over the years has finally reached the stage where integrity of the cemetery was threatened*, and Cornwall Council decided to relocate all dearly departed to a more secure quarters at Newquay. The job was appointed to a crew of local lads led by Gordon Alan Johnson, under supervision of David [last name unknown], a medical examiner. They regularly reported by email to Alison Leshi of the Cornwall Council.

The works started in the first days of 2020 (yikes) and progressed with little delay. It was determined that they could use heavy machinery everywhere except the patch nearest to the cliff edge, but Gordie was confident that they'd manage those last few graves just fine with shovels.

All was well for about a week, until January 12, when a suspiciously well preserved body was uncovered. An artful rendition of a sailing ship covered the dead man's back, and the fact that it remained intact and pristine raised concerns that it was, possibly, a modern-day murder victim buried on the sly.

While the controversial cadaver was carted off for closer scrutiny, Gordie and his crew were left to care for unconfirmed crime scene. ($)

The news must have spread, because within a day or two a curious individual came by. They didn't give their name, but we know them as Ink5oul. They apparently had somehow** identified the dead man's tattoo as work of Oscar Jarrett, (connected to Sutherland Macdonald)***, and wanted to take a look. They visited cemetery first, then started hanging around the examiner's office. Let's leave them there for now and go back to two local man who already did have a peek at the inked masterpiece

Around the time when the tatted body was uncovered, Gordie started noticing the sound of the waves getting… louder. Or maybe closer. So close he could even hear them in his dreams. He started re-examining photographs of the tattoo left by David and at some point his interpretation of the scene changed. At first glance it seemed hopeful, but now he saw that the sun was setting on the voyage, and there was something sinister lurking beneath the waves, giving chase. The waves kept getting louder, and Gordie so desperately wanted to know, what was hiding in the water?

Dr. David, meanwhile, had not just pictures, but the og tattooed body all to himself, and was in no hurry to let anyone else have it. We don't know what he heard or saw or dreamt when examining the ink, but we know how it ended. On January 15th David walked out to the cliffs and threw himself into the ocean below. His body hasn't been recovered. It's all right, though. The deep will care for his bones.

Few days later, on January 19/20, there was what appeared to be a break in at the examiner's office, and the contentious body disappeared****. Good ol' Gordie swore up and down that it wasn't him, and his frequent presence at the scene was just due to his fervent wish to see the corpse he was responsible for. He pointed fingers at Ink5oul and vowed to recover the body from them or die and kill trying.

Shortly thereafter his email account was deactivated/deleted. Gordie's final fate remains unknown*****.

Final thoughts:

*A case could be made that the cemetery was at risk of toppling into the sea, because the sea was actively trying to get to The Body. This man belonged to the sea, not the earth, and was clearly marked as such. The sea was not having any of this ‘burial’ nonsense.

** I wonder how Ink5oul knew to come here. Did local news run the story of halted exhumations, and showed pictures of the tattooed body? Or did Ink5oul feel a great disturbance in the ink when the body was dug up?

*** What is the 'thing' with OJ and SM? Since Sutherland Macdonald (1860–1942) was a known tattoo artist irl, I think that Oscar Jarrett was either his competitor, student, or both. Also an og tattoo magic man.

**** Was there really a break in, or was it actually a break out? While it is believable that Ink5oul or other fan of OJ spirited the body away for worship or study, it is equally possible the 'body', freed from the confines of the grave, heard the call of the sea, woke up and walked out all on its own. Who knows, maybe we'll meet it somewhere down the line.

*****That only leaves the question, what happened to our friend Gordie? We know from Daria's case that Ink5oul was still operating in 2022, so presumably they didn't get killed or arrested in 2020. If Gordie indeed tried to confront them, it didn’t go in his favour. Maybe he died right there, in a small motel room, at the hands of a tattoo artist who was more than they seemed. Or maybe, cursing and desperate, he found himself walking toward the cliffs, irresistibly drawn by the call of the waves. Maybe he got to find out what was waiting in the water.

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 14.01

CAT1RB4426-01081995-15032024

what I think happened in:

Case 14.01, the case of "Snake Shack" or "Squirrels aren't rats (the snakes don't care)."

In the nineties The Magnus Institute, Manchester, has been offering some kind of 'enrichment program' for 'gifted kids'. They would conduct a series of test to see if the kids qualified for the program or not. Some kids were rejected.

About 50 km south of Manchester, a bunch of their rejection letters had been stabbed pinned to the wall with a knife. Location: security/storage room of the loftily named Resounding Reptile Emporium in Newcastle-Under-Lyme. This is not the most interesting thing about this humble pet shop.

On first of August 1995 its proprietor, Anthony Walker, called a pest control company -Elima Pest Ltd., claiming that he'd seen a rat in the break room.

Elima's employee, Alyssa Beck, upon arriving only found evidence of a squirrel (droppings and the squirrel itself – alive, but either injured or poisoned).

It is unclear if there ever was a live rat there, or if Anthony couldn't tell rodents apart. The second option is more likely, especially since Anthony was… let's say, unwell.

For some time now he'd been constantly hungry, but unable to finish any regular meal (most of them ended in the trash). He tried to make do with sweets and snacks, and he might have eaten a pack of frozen mice, normally reserved for the reptiles.

He also developed some kind of rash on his neck, irritated from scratching. His overall mental state wasn't great either. When instructed to temporarily close the shop, he became agitated and tried to explain about his burden, grabbing Alyssa's sleeve to get her to listen. This resulted with a small accidental (?) scratch on Alyssa's arm.

When after cursory inspection Alyssa let him re-open the shop and retreated to the back rooms, Anthony tried, very insistently, to sell a snake to a pair of customers – a man and his daughter (and her cute goose plush). Maybe it was his pushy attitude that made the girl cry. It was definitely his random attack* on the father that made both of them run out the door (good for them).

Two things happened during Anthony's clumsy attack:

he broke the glass cabinet with lizard food, releasing disproportionally large amount of crickets.

he fell over and vomited REALLY excessive number of snakes. We can only hope he was already dead at this point.

Alyssa, who watched the incident on a CCTV screen in the back room, managed to call the police. She also tried to call her dad, who didn't pick up the phone. She left him a heartfelt goodbye message on company's dictaphone. She started feeling swelling and itching in her throat just before the snakes found a way into the room she was hiding in. That was the last anyone ever heard from her. No body was recovered.

There are two separate trails to follow here:

1) Anthony, Magnus Institute and ‘gifted’ kids:

*to start with, I’m not entirely sure if Anthony was really attacking his customers. His ‘lunge’ over the counter might have been an attempt to grab the man’s sleeve (like he earlier did to Alyssa), which he overshot, loosing his balance, because he was already dying; or he was thrashing around uncontrollably, reaching out for help, because he was already dying.

Another question is how conscious he was during that episode, and why was he so desperate to make a sale? Was it a) an instinctive behaviour of a man turned into a snake incubator, who might not even understand what he was doing or why, or b) desperate last act of man who'd been given an ultimatum: do this thing, or something horrible happens to you. I'm leaning towards option 1 for now.

Now, Magnus Institute (ARG data): After comparing the kids' birth dates and their approximate age when they were tested, I believe that MI started their ‘program’ around 1994/95 and ended it in 1998.

There were two young Walkers on MI's list: Ruby and Aaron. At the time of the incident Ruby was just 14 days short of being 8, and Aaron was a 15 days old baby. They might be unrelated, but I don't believe in coincidences in TMA universe. (Michaels don't count).

Anthony had a whole 'bunch of rejection letters' from them. My guess is that he was Ruby's and Aaron's father. He wanted to get Ruby in on the program and brought her in for testing several times, and that was where he came in contact with whatever it was that turned him into a snake-man. The fact that he was angry about Ruby being constantly rejected (you don't normally stab a letter if you're calm about it) might have contributed to his reptile problem. (I'm so furious I'm gonna explode! Into snakes!)

For some unfathomable reason, somebody, possibly the kids' mother, brought Aaron to the Institute to be tested after Anthony's death. Lady, your man dies in highly strange and mysterious circumstances, and you take your kid to a place known for dabbling in strange mysteries? The heck? Ah well. Maybe she just went, 'oh, it meant so much for Anthony to get Ruby accepted there, this is what he would have wanted.' Hopefully little Aaron didn't catch anything deadly when there.

2) Alyssa and her dad:

Is Alyssa's dad a supernatural expert or survivor? She said that he taught her and told her about things that made her certain that he not only would believe her, but he might have saved her if only they could talk before the snakes got her. She told him not to blame himself. What is it that he knew or could do that might cause him to feel guilty about not picking up the phone at the crucial moment? Who are you, Mr. Beck Senior?

one very minor gripe: did Alyssa call the police, hang up, try to call her dad, then call the police again? We know she called the police immediately after Anthony first 'attacked' and unleashed the crickets. Then, presumably after she saw the snake vomit, she called her dad. And then, when he failed to answer, she started recording her final message, and she started it with 'I can still hear the police operator on the phone'. I guess maybe she wanted to update her first call. Something on the lines of 'hey, I just called about a violent shopkeeper and crickets? Well, it got so much worse now, guys!'. RIP, Alyssa. You did your best.

What happened to Alyssa? Anthony is almost certainly dead, but she wasn't found on the scene. She had already been infected (the scratch) and feeling effects of it (swelling/itching in her throat). She might have been gobbled up, or she might have been carried away into the nearby marshy nature reserve on the backs of the snakes, or she might have fled there on her own after undergoing some kind of transformation. (My moneys on nr 3).

People to look out for in future episodes: Snakes Alyssa, little gosling girl (all grown up) and Beck Senior on a revenge quest.

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 01.01

So. In TMA we had intentionally given statements, with proper introduction and follow up, so we had more or less clear picture of what happened, even if we had no idea what TF happened. In Protocol, we have mixed-media cases, stripped of broader context. This means I can have some fun trying to put together what's going on in there.

Let's go.

what I think happened in:

Case 01.01, the case of "Not-Arthur" or "Familiar Voices in the Dark".

One Harriet Winsted, age… 40+ (total guess), has recently lost her beloved husband of 20 years, Arthur. In her grief she turned to medium/spiritualist in desperate hope to talk to him one last time. The medium, unsurprisingly, was a scam-artist, who took her money in return for big fat nothing. Enter Darla Winstead (sister-in-law? mother-in-law? maaaaybe birth sister if Harriet kept her maiden name, or never officially married Arthur). She advises Harriet against listening to Mr. Medium. Harriet may or may not heed her advice BUT. But Mr. Medium suddenly calls her again, and sounds different - kind of manic? - and promises that this time he can totally get Harriet in contact with dear departed Arthur. He sends her to the cemetery, where she is faced with something that is at least partly made of Arthur, but is definitely not him. She runs away and checks in with Darla, while something may or may not be lurking in her garden outside.

This part I'm pretty sure of.

The next bit is a bit trickier.

There is that line: "the shadows […] hide whatever it was that took [Arthur] away from me."

It makes me wonder about circumstances of Arthur's death.

Was it natural death, and it was only Harriet's desperation to see him again that triggered whatever happened here, and that line only relates to the strange creature that took Arthur's voice?

Possible, but it kind of feels to me like that fear of shadows is older than just previous night. Did Arthur die (or worse, went missing-presumed-dead) in mysterious circumstances? Did something spooky happened to him, something that Harriet was a witness to, which might be why she was seeking help with 'supernatural specialist' rather than a grief counsellor? Maybe we'll learn. Maybe we'll never know. Time will tell.

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 08.01

what I think happened in:

Case 08.01,

the case of "Time of the Hungry Architecture" or "There are no missing persons in Forton Service Station."

Ok, I've had twinges of suspicion in some earlier episodes, but now it's a certainty. There are some Time Shenanigans afoot! Not time travel per se, but time asynchronicity for sure.

But let us start at the beginning, with Terrance Stevens (51) who recently went through a messy divorce, lost most of his friends in the process, and rather than going down the rabbit hole of workaholism/alcoholism/etc, decided to practice some self-care. He ditched his high-stress job in finances and became a janitor (less money but also less stress), and for a bit of intellectual challenge he enrolled in a university course. Good for you, my dude!

Downside of this – I imagine there are not many opportunities to bond with co-workers at a service station, and most if not all his fellow students are bound to be half his age, so he likely didn't make any new friends to replace the old ones. This is important, because I believe that lack of connections made him extra vulnerable to the spookies.

As Terrance later explained in his paper, his new place of employment, Forton Services, can be considered a site of brutal liminalism (TM). It's a cold and uninviting place, where there is a constant stream of people who want to be somewhere else, and where time has little to no meaning (open 24/7 and not a clock in sight).

In a place like this, reality might start to wear a little bit thin. Time and space might get a little bit warped. A little bit distorted. And not a little bit hungry.

And Terrance, lonely, sad and isolated Terrance, looked like a perfect meal.

It crept up on him over the course of few days. Without ever realising, he was being pulled somewhere else for increasingly long periods of time. (From his point of view, it seemed like there were less people around. There weren't. Terrance just didn't see most of them, because he wasn't there). It kept happening, until the fateful night, when Terrance phased out of reality for good. (For awhile).

Where did he go? Someplace almost here but not quite, where time was just a little bit out of sync with ours. Not by much. Just enough that the people and cars moving around started looking to him like a colourful blur. (Like stepping into a time-lapse picture).

Spooked by the (seeming) absence of people and strange visuals, Terrance ran right into the waiting trap elevator (defunct here, but working there). He was greeted by a too thin woman with name-tag that wasn't actually name-tag (it read You Are Here). She took him up to the (not)functioning restaurant at the top of the Pennine Tower (20m high).

There, in what seemed to be a 60s themed restaurant, he saw a crowd of people* who looked like they were AI generated (with key prompt words being thin&malnourished) sitting at the tables, not-eating and not-chatting. The chef, wearing another 'you are here' name-tag greeted him with a cheerful "You are here! Stay awhile!"

As first reaction, Terrance moved to sit at a nearby table.** (Everyone turned to watch).

As second reaction, Terrance showed admirable self-preservation instinct and tried to get the hell out of there. Sadly the door he'd entered through weren't there any more, the windows, he just noticed, were empty holes leading into black nothingness, and all the 'guests' moved to grab him, repeating after the chef: "Stay awhile!" (It was not a greeting this time. Nor was it a request).

After this, things escalated quickly. The hungry crowd closed in on Terrance and started biting him (the chef munched one of his fingers whole). Not quite ready to become dinner, Terrance punched and kicked his way free and with no hesitation jumped out the not-window.

Somewhere between the window-hole and hitting the ground, he re-entered the normal timestream, and some kind soul called in paramedics to treat his injuries. Which, for the record, were classified as fall damage by said paramedics and I find it either sus or hilarious. Sirs, these are bite-marks. How many teeth does your average building/pavement have? (To be fair, maybe the hungry crowd didn't master the teeth just yet. Maybe they need to take an anatomy course or something).

It is unclear how much time passed here while Terrance was NOT-here. It wasn't the Rip Van Winkle's 'one nap = 20 years', since he managed to submit his paper the same year it was assigned, but it was apparently long enough that he felt that someone should have reported him as missing. The fact that no-one did can have two explanations:

Very mundane if sad 'no-one cares about you enough to notice your extended absence, buddy'.

Part of the Pennine Tower's whole thing is that people who were pulled in-there are not remembered out-here, at least for as long as they remain in-there. A good hunting strategy, actually. If you were an immobile ambush predator, you wouldn't want potential pray to realize that fellow humans die here, would you.

To finish the story - Terrance immediately quit his janitor job, rationalized his experience as psychotic episode brought about by bad influence of hostile architecture, wrote a paper about it (submitted 12 July 2023 - late; failed) and, hopefully, moved on with his life.

Things of note:

*This is the second time we were introduced to a group of nameless, copy-pasted not-quite-people, prone to repeating cheerful, positive phrases. Colour me intrigued.

**I wonder what would have happened if Terrance took his place at the table. Maybe even tried some food he was offered. Was he always going to end up as the main course, or would he be assimilated, turned into one more thin, hungry guest, forever waiting for a new meal to walk in the door?

I keep going back and forth between 'the tower is a predator that creates human-facsimiles as part of its digestive system' and 'the not-people made the tower their home because they liked the brutalism vibe (or it was just a convenient spot)'.

I rather hope we'll see the Pennine Tower again. It's such a distinctive landmark. And the land is definitely marked.

There sure are a lot of mentions of hunger and food in this podcast, eh? Wonder what could it mean.