#erebus adjacent writing adventures

[hmserebusadjacent]

Playing with his hair

The moment I made my post about Emmrich's hair in the new trailer, I just knew I had to write a story where Rook plays with Emmrich's hair. And here we are.

Emmrich x Trans Male Rook (Established relationship, musings on a shared life together, a self promise of a future love confession).

Word count: 1,481

AO3

It had all started with an accidental brush of Rook’s fingers. He had been innocently enough trying to even out a crease at the collar of Emmrich’s shirt when his fingers had brushed the short hairs at the back of the mage's neck.

Emmrich might have been embarrassed by the noise of delight he let out if all of his nerves weren’t tingling at once.

“Darling?”, Rook questioned, not concern in his voice but curiosity instead as he abandoned his pursuit and came to stand in front of his lover instead. Emmrich knew his smile must have looked triumphant and perhaps a little manic because Rook’s answering smile was extremely fond.

They knew each other very well at this stage, even with only knowing each other for a few months. In that time Rook had tried to get know Emmrich more than some of his colleagues had in ten plus years. It was a truly special relationship they had. With every moment, Rook proved that Emmrich’s very being, his very spirit even, had never scared him and never would.

His beauty had truly never scared the rogue, and it never would.

“I'm alright, my sweet. It's just…”

The mage paused for a moment to compose his words and Rook just waited patiently, taking hold of one of his lover’s hands as something to do more than anything else.

“You touching my hair was…electrifying. I wasn’t expecting it.”

Rook’s smile turned truly soft, and he took a step forward into Emmrich’s space.

“When was the last time someone played with your hair?”

Hmmm. The truth was, Emmrich couldn't remember the last time someone had played with his hair. Maybe his mother or his sisters had done it, but those days were long ago now.

Not being intimate with anyone before Rook hadn’t given Emmrich the opportunity to ask for or to receive such an intimate experience.

“I don't know.”

Then Emmrich decided to be brave, his own smile feeling shy as he felt his cheeks blush.

“Would you play with my hair?”

Rook’s grin was instant and delightful, making the mage feel so, so safe all over again. His lover had always been kind and gentle, and he knew he would be now too.

He adored him too much for anything else, and that was wondrous. To see Rook’s adoration always plain to see in his gaze, always present in every touch and every word.

Emmrich Volkarin had never felt more treasured in his entire life.

“Of course I can, Emmie. I always want to make you feel good.”

“You always do”, Emmrich assured, walking over to the chair that Rook motioned for him to sit in as Rook followed along behind. The very prospect of having his hair played with was now making his fingers itch to play with Rook's hair too. To sink his hands into autumn curls, to feel the way his lover's hair sprung and twined around his fingers. To release that heavenly scent of lavender and chamomile soap.

As the pair of them passed the floor length mirror that Rook seemed to be using more and more nowadays, Emmrich paused, mind swirling with an idea.

Then he grinned at Rook, holding up a hand, asking him to wait.

Shuffling a chair over took little time at all, and watching his lover's brain catch up with Emmrich's idea via his blue gaze brightening was brilliant.

“That's a nice idea”, Rook commented as Emmrich settled himself in the chair, crossing his legs at the knee.

“I always want to see you.”

Then Emmrich looked up and saw Rook in the reflection, saw himself in the reflection, and his very soul cried out with joy at how right they looked together.

Elf and human. Young and old. Grizzled but kind and optimistic and kind.

Emmrich didn't really believe in fate, but Rook made him want to believe that fate had destined to bring them together. Like the Hero of Ferelden and his former assassin. Like the Champion of Kirkwall and his beloved. Like the Inquisitor and his most treasured magister.

Would the history books talk of him and Rook with such romance, he wondered. More specifically, would Varric talk about them so romantically?

The necromancer really hoped so. More than that, he hoped they all lived to see the book published.

“Emmie? You've gone into your own mind again, haven't you?”, Rook prompted, gently squeezing his lover's shoulders and bringing Emmrich back into the present. He adored that Rook let him have those moments where he just got stuck looking at Rook himself, lost in his adoration for him.

“Sorry, I uhm…”

Being honest was always best.

Raising his hands to put them over his lover's hands, Emmrich smiled at Rook's reflection.

“I was thinking that if fate does exist, I'm glad that it brought us together. Like something out of a fairytale.”

Rook's smile properly crinkled, his eyes closing a little and revealing his laughter lines. Spirits, he was beautiful.

“The best fairytale of them all, my darling. Finding you was one of my greatest treasures of them all.”

Coming from a man who had seen so much, seen so many beautiful places but had shared his very first relationship with Emmrich, those words meant the absolute world.

“I adore you, Rook”, Emmrich whispered, turning his head to press a kiss to his lover's left hand.

“I adore you, Emmie”, Rook whispered back, leaning further round the necromancer to steal his lips for a very tender kiss. One that spoke of soft mornings, and passionate evenings. One that spoke of many years to come in their relationship and so many joys along the way.

A kiss that spoke of love too.

Emmrich would have to tell Rook that he loved him soon. There would be no hiding it soon enough.

But for now, Emmrich Volkarin was content.

Very, very content.

When the kiss ended, things could only get better from there.

Indeed, the first gentle pass of Rook's fingers through his hair, from the base of his neck to the crown of his head, was so soothing that it had Emmrich bowing his head and sighing happily.

Rook may as well have been a mage for the sheer amount of tingles he managed to produce across the necromancer's scalp. His touch was so soft, so light, brushing aside salt peppered hair easily and deftly. Emmrich tried to keep his eyes open, to keep a watchful eye on their reflections but the sensations were enough to have him slumping slightly in the chair.

“It's alright, Emmie. Just relax”, Rook encouraged, and that was all it took for the mage to close his eyes and enjoy the sensations.

Clever fingers smoothed through his hair in different directions with each swipe, making a mess of his usually neat hair but Emmrich didn't care in the slightest. He adored that Rook didn't just focus on the longer hairs near his crown, but also ran his thumbs through his sideburns and the short hairs at his nape. Feeling the pads of his fingers run round his hairline was also wonderful, Rook tracing the signs of age that he wasn't present to witness. Rook was almost tracing through time with his actions, running through events that had shaped Emmrich and how time had shaped him too.

It humbled Emmrich in the moment to think that he would be with Rook when Rook himself started to go grey. There were a few grey hairs now on his lover’s head that Emmrich thought were very distinguished looking, but the prospect of seeing Rook go fully grey was the best kind of promise. Of years to come and shared experiences, of both of them taking care of each other through thick and thin.

Emmrich Volkarin once thought he would spend the rest of his life alone. But now, knowing that he would be with Rook for a good long time to come, Emmrich couldn’t imagine ever feeling lonely again.

And that thought was what had Emmrich blearily opening his eyes and smiling dopily at his lover’s reflection, taking in all of his glory.

“If you play anymore, I fear I may actually fall asleep”, Emmrich admitted sheepishly, watching as Rook smiled and nodded, his final act being to sweep the mage’s hair back into place.

“Thank you, my sweet. You make this old man feel very treasured, safe and content.”

There was that glorious crinkly smile again, one that Emmrich hoped mirrored the love that he stored inside of him for Rook.

“I’m glad.”

For a moment Rook seemed to consider something, his gaze lingering on Emmrich’s hands. Then he was grinning, his eyes bright and shining.

“Could you play with my hair?”

As Emmrich nodded and beamed a smile at his lover, he knew that his future had never looked brighter and more full of love.

[hmserebusadjacent]

Finer details

Just a musing on Emmrich being described as intimate and sensual, and how that might manifest itself.

Emmrich x Trans Male Rook (Fluff, Established relationship, minor mentions of arousal, body worship of sorts)

Word count: 1,135

AO3

It was fascinating really, Emmrich thought as he stared at Rook’s finger pads and, more specifically, his fingerprints. All of these indelible little lines that swirled across the pads marked Rook as himself, as an individual person among millions. Not for the first time, Emmrich wished that his touch was more delicate, more fine so he could feel all of these little lines in close detail.

The lines and undulations would be like little valleys across his lover’s skin. But at that level of detail, Emmrich knew that every touch would be enough to render him almost paralyzed with the bliss that his lover's finer details would inspire.

“Having fun?”

Emmrich looked from Rook’s hands to Rook himself, quickly catching the smile that creased his lover’s lips.

“Just enjoying your finer details, my love”, Emmrich replied honestly, wanting Rook to know that every detail of his body was fascinating to him. The gentleman necromancer might be a master of handling the dead in their many forms, but Rook’s live body was the most fascinating thing he had ever been allowed to study.

To anyone else, Emmrich suspected his actions would be odd, or creepy to say the least. Most people didn't get lost in the fine print of the body or the soul, only interested in the larger print that pleasure could bring. But to Rook, who folded paper into fine, detailed little structures, Emmrich knew his words would be more akin to something like poetry.

“Explore away to your heart's content, Emmie. What's mine is yours”, Rook promised, his sincerity robbing Emmrich of his breath for a moment. To be so accepted so completely and utterly was a wondrous thing, and Emmrich would never take that for granted.

“Thank you.”

He pressed his thanks onto each of his lover’s finger pads with a kiss, tender and soft. Rook watched the actions fondly, giving his lover one last smile before closing his eyes and allowing himself to rest. He wasn’t quite asleep, but the implicit trust of letting Emmrich have access to his body like this was a beautiful thing.

The next thing Emmrich did was to place his left hand on top of Rook’s left hand, delighting once more in the size difference between the two. Where Emmrich’s hands were soft and old, Rook’s hands were young and battle scarred. Little scars from practice fights with daggers and callouses from hours of practice were just some of the marks of time on the rogue’s hand.

Emmrich thought his hands were beautiful. He himself had helped to teach Rook that his hands were more than weapons, that they could also give pleasure and comfort when needed. That Rook had also started shaping his nails rather than cutting them haphazardly also made Emmrich glow with pride, knowing that his lover was finding out more of his personal preferences every day.

His hands didn’t always have to be a mark of survival, or indeed always be a tool for survival. They could be warm and soft, just something else to show off who Rook really was. The ring that glinted back at Emmrich was further proof of that, and further proof of the fire of Emmrich’s affections.

The mage pressed a kiss there too before gently flipping his love’s hand over and placing his pointer finger on a specific mole there. From there, Emmrich gently traced his way from one freckle and birthmark to another, taking him on a journey up his lover’s arm, all the way to his shoulder. These marks were part of a wider constellation on his lover’s body, a unique sky map that he hadn't traced in its entirety yet.

There was still time for such things, as well as so much more. Rook had confirmed his wish for their relationship to be a long one, for them to go to Nevarra City when all of this was done. So Emmrich felt safe in the knowledge that he had time to truly enjoy all of the secrets of the body beneath and around him.

His fingers traced over the faded bruise of a love bite that Rook had been given in a moment of unbridled bliss. It was a delight to have a lover who accepted all of his love languages, even his ones where gently nibbling his lover's skin seemed the only appropriate way to share his affection.

The mage’s own skin was littered with similar bite marks, so all was fair in love and war anyway. And Emmrich enjoyed that so very much.

Next his fingers walked their way down toward the patch of skin that Emmrich adored above all others. He hadn't adorned this place with love bites, wanting to leave the space perfect, just the way it was. When he arrived, Emmrich placed his entire palm over the space and shivered in delight at being able to feel Rook's heartbeat. 

His love's very life force raged underneath his palm, beating out a rhythm of life, love and quiet intensity. Emmrich would happily admit that hearing and feeling Rook's heartbeat aroused him at the best of times, his own spirit rising to bask in the glory of the man who made him feel well and truly alive. 

The man whom he loved above all others. Who went above and beyond his wildest fantasies of what close friendships and deep relationships could be like. In his younger years he had longed for enduring affection, for someone to want him to the brink of death and beyond. And with Rook, Emmrich knew he would be treasured for the rest of his life and beyond.

He was an incredibly lucky man.

In fact, Emmrich turned his face towards his love to tell him just that when he took stock of his lover's breathing. The relaxed expression on his face coupled with the sleepy set of his mouth made the mage sigh with content.

Rook had fallen asleep after all. Emmrich couldn't blame him, honestly. The man did so much for all of them and didn't spend nearly as long on himself and his health. 

Oh Rook.

Emmrich adored him. Loved him. Treasured him. Wanted to marry him and be buried with him.

But for now, Emmrich just wanted to bask in his love's presence.

So, being careful not to wake him, Emmrich clambered out from between Rook's legs and scooted up the bed. Once he was lying down next to his love, Emmrich stilled himself and relaxed, reaching out to lay one hand on his lover's chest. 

For now, they would both sleep.

And then when they woke up, Emmrich would wax lyrical about his affections for Rook until Rook likely kissed him senseless.

What a wonderful life they both shared. And it could only get better once the world had been saved.

[hmserebusadjacent]

Emmrich Volkarin masterpost

Beautiful

Emmrich x Trans Male Rook (Pining, longing, all of that lovely stuff)

A story in which an origami ship is made and two men grapple with the enormity of their feelings for each other.

AO3

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Don't have to be ok

Reading this back, I realised this story is essentially me projecting my need to be comforted by Emmrich. But I hope you find the story enjoyable nonetheless.

So please enjoy Emmrich comforting Rook, saying that he doesn't have to be ok, that he will always be there for him.

Emmrich Volkarin x Trans Male Rook (Pining, longing, comfort, implied gender dysphoria on Rook's part, cloud gazing).

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AO3

Eyes open

Another fluff fic, this one taking place during Rook and Emmrich's relationship. I love the trope of lovers sneaking peeks at their lovers in secret during kisses, and thus this story idea popped into my head.

Emmrich Volkarin x Trans Male Rook (established relationship. Just pure fluff, Emmrich admiring Rook and waxing lyrical about him and his affections for him.

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AO3

Self Love

So, this is another self projection story after I read two articles in the space of seven days that made me realise that me loving Dorian Pavus is a ginormous act of self love.

So now Emmrich is helping my Rook have a self love moment of his own. Hope you enjoy.

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AO3

Little Moments

Just a story that I wrote during my lunch break at work today. A story about Emmrich appreciating the little unique moments that happen in his relationship with Rook.

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AO3

Playing with his hair

The moment I made my post about Emmrich's hair in the new trailer, I just knew I had to write a story where Rook plays with Emmrich's hair. And here we are.

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AO3

[hmserebusadjacent]

Beautiful

Thought I would post my own humble fluffy Emmrich x Rook story here too.

Emmrich x Trans Male Rook (Pining, longing, all of that lovely stuff)

A story in which an origami ship is made and two men grapple with the enormity of their feelings for each other.

Word count: 771

AO3 link

“It was the silly dream of a child, I suppose. To run away to sea…”

Rook had thoroughly drifted off into the mists of time, Emmrich could tell. Practised hands carried on folding the paper this way and that without the maker even having to look down to check his workings. The logical part of the necromancer’s mind wanted to study the paper folding so he might perfect the art before giving Rook a ship of his own.

But Emmrich’s heart was already lost in the other details of the man across from him, as it always seemed to be nowadays.

The way Rook used his nail to press the lines on the paper more firmly and flatten them, the subtle colour change at the end of his nails a hidden bloom. The hunch of the assassin’s shoulders but the lack of stress lines around his eyes and mouth, showing the war between his need to relax and his instinct to be on guard. The small little gap between the man’s lips that moved ever so slightly as he breathed in and out…

Emmrich idly wondered if Rook’s lips would feel as soft as he had often imagined they would…

“Still, it was a nice dream to have, even if it was foolish”, Rook whispered, shattering both the quiet moment and the deep concentration Emmrich had been pulled into. It felt like something had been drained out of him but had also been refilled anew during his quiet contemplation, and Emmrich had to resist the urge to sigh almost wistfully.

When he looked up to the assassin’s eyes to find the man looking at his folded boat, the necromancer acquiesced and looked downwards.

The boat was much like the others that Rook had made, with the pleasing little sails and the flap at the back that allowed the ship to stand up. But this particular paper was such a pleasing shade of green that it almost seemed to dance in the firelight, casting its own shadows much like Veilfire does.

“Beautiful”, Emmrich found himself commenting, permitting a warmer smile than perhaps was wise to twist his lips.

When the necromancer looked back up to Rook he was almost startled to see a blush dusting the assassin's cheeks, the man only holding his gaze for perhaps a second before he was looking away. The little cheeky smile that graced Rook's lips and the little cough he let out too in the aftermath had Emmrich's heart rattling out a sudden realisation.

Did Rook want to be described as beautiful? More specifically by Emmrich himself?

Oh shit…

By the time Rook looked back at Emmrich the necromancer was still trying to form words, and even Emmrich himself knew there must be a certain desperation to his gaze. Desperation to cross the gap, to bridge to something wonderful and new and joyously…alive.

What was worse was that Rook seemed equally torn, heart almost certainly racing in his chest over a dilemma that the older man dared to hope might be similar to his own.

Thankfully the assassin saved Emmrich from needing to formulate anything else that night, effectively ending the line of discussion when he gave a little wink and stood up.

“I've taken up enough of your time. I'll leave you to it.”

The assassin's face was still holding some of that desperate hope, creeping out behind the mask of joviality that was trying to stay fixed in place.

Even then, Rook wasn't done with inadvertently playing with the other man's heart, for his shy gesture of holding out the ship was enough to make Emmrich want to swoon.

“For you, if you'll have it.”

With hands that he desperately hoped weren't shaking, Emmrich reached out and plucked the ship from the waiting hands before him. He couldn't help but cradle both of his hands around the ship now as he brought it back to his lap, intent on protecting it like the treasure it was.

“Thank you…”, Emmrich almost whispered, somehow making the moment feel all the more intimate.

Rook merely offered a small bow, letting Emmrich see the smile on his face as he stood back up to his full height and then departed and melted into the shadows.

The moment Rook was out of sight and earshot, Emmrich Volkarin gently placed his head in one of his hands and let out the wanton sigh that had been building inside himself all evening.

“What am I going to do…?”, he whispered under his breath, the usually stoic necromancer lost in the midst of feelings he hadn't felt for nearly thirty years.

[hmserebusadjacent]

Eyes open

Another fluff fic, this one taking place during Rook and Emmrich's relationship. I love the trope of lovers sneaking peeks at their lovers in secret during kisses, and thus this story idea popped into my head.

Emmrich Volkarin x Trans Male Rook (established relationship. Just pure fluff, Emmrich admiring Rook and waxing lyrical about him and his affections for him.

Word count: 676

AO3 link

Emmrich didn't try to make a habit of keeping his eyes open when he kissed Rook, but sometimes he just couldn't help it.

It was like being permitted to enter a world of wonder that even Rook himself didn't know existed. The wonder Emmrich felt when Rook scrunched his eyes closed at the first press of the mage's tongue against his lips, seeing the spread of his eyelashes on his cheeks like fern leaves.

Seeing Rook's freckles even closer up, like a dazzling constellation as a gift from the sun and its light that danced across his skin.

The flyaway hairs that Emmrich had disturbed as he wound his hand round to the back of his lover's neck. He really did have such a lovely hair colour, reminding him of the dry tree leaves that skittered along the floor late in the year.

Hairs that were growing back into the gap previously taken up by a massive scar thanks to an ill dodged enemy knife swipe. Emmrich had pressed kisses to it so many times almost as an apology for not getting to his love quickly enough, even though Rook had told him multiple times it wasn't his fault.

Sometimes, more than just merely studying the details of his lover's face, Emmrich couldn't help but stare because he couldn't quite believe Rook was real. Rook, who had been through so much in his life before he had joined The Veilguard, still had so much time and compassion for all of them. He who had pulled his true self out of the broken remains of his former self still had time to help people discover themselves too.

Rook, who had held Emmrich all of those times he had confided in Rook about feeling homesick. Who had hugged him so tenderly even before they had got together, and in the beginning adored him as a friend more than Emmrich thought anyone was capable of.

His lover, who murmured and moaned his name so sweetly and opened his heart and body to Emmrich every day without question and with absolute joy. The man who gave Emmrich purpose again, who turned his life around and gave him a taste of what ultimate bliss must feel like.

Rook, who just now fluttered his eyes open in the kiss and caught Emmrich staring at him. Caught like a halla in the proverbial torchlight Emmrich froze, half of his brain keeping his lips moving in the kiss. And Rook, oh fabulous brilliant Rook, merely smiled into the kiss and closed his eyes once more, the hint of his smile still present in the aftermath.

Spellbound, all Emmrich could think to do was whine and close his eyes once more, pulling Rook closer with the hand at the man's back.

“Emmrich…”, Rook whined as he broke the kiss a few seconds later, only going far enough away to lean their foreheads together.

“I love you, Rook. So very much”, Emmrich replied in a whisper, his feelings needing to go somewhere when they couldn't be poured into a kiss for a moment as they both caught their respective breaths.

“I love you, Emmrich Volkarin. My true heart.”

Whatever breath Emmrich had gathered he quickly robbed from himself as he pulled Rook to him with a needy whine that set his own heart on fire. This kiss had a more passionate edge to it, desperate little noises being emitted by both men as their tongues began to dance in each other's mouths once more.

When Emmrich sensed the opportunity, he chanced to open his eyes again and found Rook already looking at him with such a fond smile in his eyes. There was a slight mischievous glint to his blue eyes as if to say “got ya!”. That accompanied by a wink had Emmrich grinning like a lovestruck fool into the kiss.

He would never get tired of this, never ever. Emmrich hoped that he and Rook had so many years ahead of them yet, and so many kisses that he could admire his lover during.

[hmserebusadjacent]

Don't have to be ok

I came up with the idea for this story this morning, and wanted to write and post it within a day to give myself a little boost after a rough start to the week. Reading this back, I realised this story is essentially me projecting my need to be comforted by Emmrich. But I hope you find the story enjoyable nonetheless.

So please enjoy Emmrich comforting Rook, saying that he doesn't have to be ok, that he will always be there for him.

Emmrich Volkarin x Trans Male Rook (Pining, longing, comfort, implied gender dysphoria on Rook's part, cloud gazing).

Word count: 2,677

AO3 link

Rook hadn't been his usual self today. He'd drifted off into the recesses of his own mind so often that each time it felt harder for Emmrich to pull him back. There was so much anxiety stored in the way Rook fussed with his hair or pulled at the fingers on his gloves, all of that energy just pouring out into his aura too.

Emmrich wasn't the only one to notice, of course. Davrin kept on shooting Rook sideways glances and then looking to Emmrich as if he had the answers. For once, Emmrich didn't have many words to give. It was the subtler signs that also gave him pause, like the way Rook fussed with the way his clothes hung around his hips and thighs. The way he had chewed the inside of his lips so much that Emmrich wouldn't be surprised if it was bleeding.

The necromancer couldn't blame their fearless leader for feeling the strain of leadership, helping to keep his team alive and stopping the world from ending. All that would have been enough but Rook also had to worry about not going mad from anxiety, grief, stress, any of the above or indeed every emotion under the sun. 

He couldn't blame Rook for having off days at all. He just wished he knew how to help better. To ease the strain even if he couldn't shoulder any of it. Emmrich did try, he really did. From ensuring Rook slept well, ate well and always being a willing ear if Rook needed to talk to someone about anything or nothing.

It was the least he could do for the man who had given his life purpose, for reminding him that life could be lived with other people rather than with the dead who no longer needed the spark of existence. Rook truly enlivened Emmrich Volkarin, and maybe one day he would have the courage to tell him.

And to tell him that he loved him above all things too. More than he had ever loved anyone before.

And when he held Rook in his arms whilst they hugged, or when Rook linked arms with him whilst they walked, or when they shared those late evenings chatting about everything and nothing over tea, Emmrich knew that this was what he wanted for the rest of his life.

To be his, in whatever form that took. If Rook also wanted to be his? It would be the happiest day of Emmrich’s life if he found out that Rook liked him half as much as he liked him.

When Rook designated their camping spot for the night, Emmrich's heart clenched with just how tired and fatigued Rook looked. Not just emotionally but physically, and the way he dropped his bag to the floor with a final thud made the mage’s heart jump in his chest.

“Will you two be alright setting up the smaller stuff while I have some time to myself?”, Rook asked, gaze almost pleading even as he willed something like a reassuring smile to his lips.

A niggling voice in the back of Emmrich’s mind said that Rook shouldn’t be by himself, even if he needed it. Maybe it was partly his perpetual need to have Rook in sight so that all felt right with the world.

But he also recognised that Rook had done more than enough today. They had walked miles and Rook hadn’t once complained, even with the evidence of his fatigue present in the dark rings under his eyes. If Rook needed time away from he and Davrin to recharge, to remind himself of where he was in the world, then that was what would happen.

“Of course. Do let us know if you need anything, Rook. We’re here for you.”

Rook’s bottom lip trembled at that, as if he might burst into tears and just give in to the reckless abandon of exhausted crying. But instead he smiled and gave Davrin a nod, and his gaze lingered on Emmrich for longer than it had their companion when he said

“Thank you. I won’t be far.”

When Rook had disappeared off with a blanket under his arm, Emmrich turned back to Davrin to find the elf giving him a look he knew very well by this point. All of the others had sent it his way too, and Emmrich felt his cheeks flushing with heat and just how very obvious he seemed to be. Well, obvious to everyone but Rook, apparently.

Trying to push his worries of Rook to the side for a moment (and failing miserably), Emmrich dived into getting their camp set up, casting glances in the direction that Rook had walked off in every so often.

—----

Emmrich managed half an hour before his mind was worrying so much about Rook that he could barely sit still and allow himself to rest. He’d been counting the minutes, every one that Rook spent wherever he was making the mage’s gut clench with nerves.

“Go and see where he is. I think he would appreciate it”, Davrin announced from across the other side of camp, making Emmrich jump as he was pulled from his looping thoughts. That Davrin thought he would be the best one to comfort Rook was gratifying, that other people thought Emmrich himself made Rook feel so comforted and safe. 

He’d never take the trust Rook placed him and the strength he gained from their friendship lightly. If he could always use that power for good, Emmrich would be a happy man.

He also didn’t need to be told twice to go and check on Rook, finding his way to his feet almost instantaneously as the mage’s mind was already far ahead of him planning just what to say to their friend and leader.

It didn’t take long to find Rook, his energy seemingly having given out on him in a nice little clearing in the woods nearby. The clearing was so pleasingly symmetrical, a beautifully wide circle glade filled with all sorts of wildflowers and buzzing bees. In the middle of this haven was Rook, spread out on his blanket, silhouetted by the sun in a way that only made him look more beautiful. Rook looked so at home here, amongst the wildflowers and beauties of nature that he adored so much, one of the other myriad of things he indulged in to help keep himself sane. 

In that moment, Emmrich was visibly reminded of his wish to take Rook to see the gardens of Nevarra City when the lilies in the ponds were in bloom, to marvel at the brightly coloured fish that came up to the water’s surface to snap at insects. If Rook would allow him he would also take him to see some of the gardens in the Necropolis on the higher levels to see the gardens borne of love and kept going by ongoing devotion that Emmrich wished so badly to feel for his own. If Rook would indulge him, Emmrich would tuck a flower behind one of his pointed ears and lead him on a dance in the magelights he would conjure to light their impromptu ballroom. Maybe if he was lucky Rook would allow Emmrich to artfully drape him over the back of his knee at the end of it all, his eyes shining as they both came back together and chanced a glance down at the other’s lips…

“Emmrich? You ok over there?”

Shattered shards of his hopeful visions cracked apart in Emmrich’s mind as he remembered where he was, gaze focusing back on Rook more clearly and the look of soft amusement on his face. Had Emmrich been staring at him slack jawed for a little while then? It wouldn’t be the first time and it wouldn’t be the last.

“Ah, yes! I just wanted to ensure that you were alright. Perhaps ask if you wanted some company?”

The beaming smile Rook sent his way was so utterly bright compared to the thin lipped smiles the rogue had been putting on earlier. Like something had genuinely managed to lift his spirits in the last half an hour and seeing Emmrich again was the icing on the proverbial cake. Whatever the case was, Emmrich was just glad to see the man smiling and looking hopeful again. Maker, he looked pretty.

“You can cloud gaze with me, if you like. Come on over.”

Cloud gazing? Emmrich couldn’t remember the last time he had done that. The last time was probably with his mother, lying down on the ground on a picnic blanket as they both giggled to themselves over heart and nug shaped wisps of clouds. A time before he had come into his magic, even, before the whole world had taken on a different hue and cast different shadows across all of their lives.

“I’d love to!” Emmrich replied cheerfully, already making his way through the tall grass and flowers, trying his level best not to trip over or to disturb the fuzzy lazy bees too much. With every advancing step Rook came into even lovelier focus, a scabious flower to the left of his head making his eyes shine an even deeper blue. It didn’t seem possible that the space could be lightening too, that the rogue was making the sun shine brighter by his very joy at seeing Emmrich approaching him.

By the time Emmrich reached the blanket and the sitting Rook, his heart was beating out a joyous yet nervous rhythm against the inside of his ribs. How the rogue looked so effortlessly beautiful all the time was beyond Emmrich, having decided long ago to simply bask in the man’s magnificence whilst he could.

“Come on then, you”, Rook murmured as he patted the space on the blanket beside him and fuck did Emmrich want to swoon on so many levels. That their closeness meant he was described using such soft words, commanded with such a fond tone of voice. Besotted wasn't enough of a word to describe the feelings Emmrich had for Rook. Maybe there weren't words strong enough.

But if looks could convey even half of those feelings, Emmrich was sure he was showing them now as he gently lowered himself to sit beside Rook, immediately feeling more calm for being in his presence. As he studied the man across from him for a moment, it did genuinely seem that Rook had found solace in this little space. He couldn't take all the credit for this change, of course, but Emmrich hoped that he had contributed a fraction of that ease that Rook now felt within himself.

When Emmrich laid down fully on the comfortable blanket a minute later, he was more than settled in for the pair of them to remain where they were, to bask in their semi closeness where he could easily brush their hands together if they went to point at the same cloud.

But Rook surprised the mage once again by asking an earth shattering question.

“Would you hold my hand?”

Emmrich turned his attention from the sky and was almost immediately disarmed by the fond look in Rook’s eyes, the entire question such an open quest for comfort that Emmrich couldn’t resist. He put his romantic feelings aside for the moment as he nodded, hand inching across the blanket till he could feel Rook’s hand next to his. Emmrich wouldn’t describe himself as a particularly brave man, but the way he gently placed his hand on top of the rogue’s hand and laced their fingers together might be one of the bravest things he had ever done.

And Rook’s smile was more than worth the risk.

After that, it was just a case of both men turning their faces to the sky and watching the world go by. There were a number of clouds available for perusal, all being blown slowly across the expanse by a thermal wind much higher up. A collage of mist and cloud fluff that still couldn’t compare to the beauty of the man next to Emmrich.

Rook offered his first suggestion for a cloud lookalike, pointing upwards and to the left.

“If you squint, that one looks like a nug. I’ve heard that the Divine has all but filled the Grand Cathedral with the little buggers.”

“There’s got to be someone who adores those creatures, I suppose. Lake Calenhad looks a bit like a rabbit if you squint, or so I’ve been told”, Emmrich replied, glad to hear the little huff of a laugh Rook uttered under his breath.

As Emmrich pointed to a cloud to his right, he felt Rook squeeze his hand as if the rogue worried that the mage wanted to pull away.

“That one looks like an Ocularum. Researchers within the Inquisition produced a fascinating paper on them a few years ago”, Emmrich ventured, delighting in Rook’s smile of intrigue.

“I’ll have to look at it one day.”

The two men continued in this way for maybe ten minutes, occasionally lapsing into silence when no new shapes presented themselves. Emmrich was enjoying himself immensely, and it felt good to see that Rook was too. Sure he still had the dark rings under his eyes and his hand lingered nervously near his own hip sometimes, but the rogue did seem to be calmer and more present than he did before. He often squeezed Emmrich’s hand, and Emmrich was all too happy to provide reassurances that he was still there with him and present in the moment.

When Rook had lapsed into a longer silence than the others before it, Emmrich turned his head and found Rook still looking at the sky but with a bit more of a distant look on his face. Emmrich’s heart ached for him, it truly did, and he wanted to be exactly what Rook needed, whatever he needed.

In the end, Emmrich simply said

“Are you alright? You don’t have to be, you know. None of us would judge you for it.”

Rook’s lower lip trembled again as if he was on the verge of tears, the rogue gently biting down on it a moment later to stop it from shaking. A gloved hand went to cover his eyes for a moment as the man took a long, deep breath in and out. He was clearly grounding himself, and Emmrich didn’t want to disrupt that.

Eventually Rook lifted his hand away from his eyes and turned to look at Emmrich once more, a sad sort of resignation in his eyes.

“Today I’m not. But I’m happy to be here with you.”

The man's voice was distinctly wobbly, and Emmrich's heart knew exactly how that feeling felt. That Rook found his presence so comforting, that he was looking at him with such trust and fondness in his eyes was star shattering. That he allowed Emmrich to comfort him, asked him to hold his hand, made Emmrich feel just as safe and treasured in reverse!

Joy beyond description.

“I'll always be happy to be by your side”, Emmrich murmured, deciding to be brave for the second time today as he let go of Rook's hand and opened his arms instead. With something that sounded like a soft sob, Rook was quick to slot himself against the necromancer's side, throwing an arm over Emmrich's middle. With a soft sigh that matched Rook's own, Emmrich gently wrapped his arms around Rook and gave him a soft little squeeze, resigned to the fact that the man in his arms would hear his racing heart.

“I'll always be here, whatever you need. You can always count on me and my affection for you, my dear.”

A delightful giggle from Rook made Emmrich's chest vibrate, and his heart leapt into his stomach as the rogue threw a leg over the mage's own for good measure.

“Thank you, Emmrich. You really are one of a kind, and a true treasure to me.”

If heaven existed on this mortal plain, Emmrich Volkarin would have sworn that this was what it felt like.

[hmserebusadjacent]

Self love

So, this is another self projection story after I read two articles in the space of seven days that made me realise that me loving Dorian Pavus is a ginormous act of self love.

So now Emmrich is helping my Rook have a self love moment of his own. Hope you enjoy.

Emmrich Volkarin x Trans Male Rook (Established relationship, comfort, so much love, gender euphoria, self love, Thedas equivalent of top surgery and HRT, some light smut at the end.)

Word count: 1,433

AO3 link

"What are you thinking about, my love?", Rook questioned as Emmrich got lost in stroking his fingers over his lover's chest scars. Emmrich had been staring at them on and off for a while, a wondering sort of smile on his lips that he sometimes pressed to the scars in a kiss.

Rook knew Emmrich loved those scars, as he loved all of his body and especially the more masculine parts of his body affected by the potion he took each month.

But this seemed to be something more than just admiration. The necromancer was so deep in thought it took Rook verbally prodding again before he looked up, blinking owlishly for a moment as he came back to himself.

"Sorry, I was somewhere else then", Emmrich admitted with a shy smile, and Rook couldn't resist reaching out to trace the older man's jaw with his pointer finger.

"That's OK. I just wondered what you were thinking about so intensely."

The mage closed his eyes as he let Rook's touch ground him in the moment, pressing a kiss to the rogue's fingers when they strayed close to the corner of his mouth.

"I was thinking about how brave you are. And how I can't fathom the bravery of what you have done, and how far you have come."

Awww.

"Thank you, my heart. It means a lot to hear you say that again. What brought this on?"

It did mean the world that Emmrich thought he was so brave for striving to find himself in the hollow shell his parents and society had wanted to create for him. Literally pulling himself out of the ashes had been a long and arduous process and in a lot of ways he was still reaping the long term benefits of it now.

One of them being the amazing necromancer that was currently lying between his legs, looking up at him as if Rook had hung the very stars in the sky.

"I was looking at your scars and thinking how they are an embodiment of the compassion you have for yourself."

Emmrich said it so casually yet so powerfully, as if that wasn't a statement that could shatter walls inside Rook's mind that he didn't even know existed. But he was right. It was an act of compassion of the self, wasn't it? To give both his body and his mind the solace they needed that couldn't be found through any other means. To give himself and the little boy who still lurked inside his ribcage the comfort of nudity, of looking in the mirror and not turning away ashamed.

Of allowing Rook himself to want to live. The compassion of wanting himself to live and to thrive.

The self love of such a gesture was extraordinary. And Rook had never been able to put those feelings into words before now.

"Oh, Emmy", Rook whispered, the wet tinge to his voice the first indication that he was on the verge of bursting into tears. As soon as he heard the first wet sounding syllable Emmrich was looking up, concern falling away to worry as he took in Rook with a hand over his mouth trying to hold back tears.

"My love! Oh, my darling, I'm sorry! Was it something I said?", Emmrich babbled as he crawled his way up the bed and pulled Rook into his embrace, scanning his lover's eyes for any hint of what he could have done wrong.

Rook let himself be bundled up, let the smell of Emmrich and his cologne wash over him as he wrapped an arm around his neck and just tried to breathe around his own quiet sobs.

"It's-not your-fault", Rook managed to get out, snuggling up to the necromancer's neck as Emmrich breathed a little sigh of relief, allowing his lover to hide himself away in order to calm down.

"Let it all out. I'm here."

Let it all out. I'm here.

Rook had hoped so many times to hear those words spoken to him so fondly, so full of love and kindness in the time before he had met Emmrich. And then Emmrich himself had blown every dream Rook thought he had had out of the water by being more amazing as a friend and a partner than he could be possible.

Emmrich was holding him oh so gently, making soft little humming noises that made his throat vibrate next to Rook's ear. With a shaky smile Rook recognised the tune as a lullaby he had told Emmrich about once, one that always served to calm his frayed nerves.

It took a few minutes for Rook to cry himself hoarse, not even trying to stop the tears because his feelings evidently needed to get out of him somehow. Even after that Rook allowed himself a few more moments to come back into his body, to feel Emmrich holding him so carefully.

"Are you with me, darling?", Emmrich questioned as he offered a cloth that he had probably picked up from the nightstand.

"I'm here, Emmy", Rook replied, his voice sounding stronger than he expected.

Emmrich gave Rook the space he needed to wipe his face clean, but his expression showed he was still eager to find out the reason for his lover's outburst as Rook gently pulled away enough to look at the mage.

"I'm sorry, your words caught me off guard", Rook ventured, his heart still aching in his chest as he processed the raging internal feelings too.

"There's no need to apologise for that. I'm sorry if I caused you distress, even inadvertently", Emmrich promised, the hand that wasn't still wrapped around Rook now reaching out cup his cheek instead.

"It's not your fault, Emmrich. I just hadn't been able to put those feelings into words before, and you said everything so perfectly", Rook admitted, his small smile turning into a grin as he raised a hand to trace over his scars.

"These show I love myself more than I thought I did. And that's wonderful."

Emmrich grinned too, looking so damned proud that Rook had to resist just kissing him on the spot. It didn't help that Emmrich was smoothing his thumb near the corner of his mouth, disturbing the peach fuzz that grew there.

"That is wonderful. I hope one day you might see why I am as in love with you as I am. Completely and utterly."

Fuck!

“I love you enough to fill the world. Maybe I can fill my body with love for myself too.”

Words seemed to be not enough for Emmrich to express his feelings as the mage let out such a soft little noise as he crashed his lips against Rook's. Rook responded in kind and let out a little whine of his own, not content with their current state of closeness.

Twisting in Emmrich's arms he placed a hand on the mage's chest, keeping up the passion of the kiss even as he tried to push Emmrich down into the mattress. Emmrich let out a low moan as he let himself be pushed backwards, hands reaching for Rook to pull him down and on top of his body. Bare skin met bare skin, one of the mage's large hands spreading across the rogue's back as another wound into his hair.

Rook felt so deliciously pinned even as he led the charge by questing forth with his tongue, tasting honey and tea on Emmrich's tongue.

“I love you! I love you so much!”, Rook managed to get out in-between kisses, using the limited space that Emmrich would let him have.

“I love you too! Maker, I love you too!”, Emmrich practically whimpered, a familiar desperation creeping into the way his hands squeezed and moved over Rook's body.

By the time the kiss was broken, both men were panting hard, foreheads pressed together in a gesture that Rook still believed to be more intimate than sex in some ways.

“Let me make love to you. Let me love you!”, Emmrich pleaded, his voice sending shivers down Rook's spine. Time for him to enjoy the rewards of being with a man who had always seen him as a man and always would. Who had just shattered and reformed part of his heart and the very way he saw himself and who continued to teach him what love in so many different forms meant.

“Take me, Emmy. Make me yours and mine!”

And Emmrich did just that. And also made Rook remember that he was also entirely his own person too, and that he was an incredibly lucky man.

[hmserebusadjacent]

I must admit, I'm amazed that so many of you want to know more about my Rook, and I'm very grateful that so many of you are looking forward to each installment of his story with Emmrich. I've never really posted about an OC of mine before, and because all of my OCs are so precious to me, I wouldn't really know what extra details to give about my Rook.

But maybe in the future I will divulge more of his story, which even now is still something of a mystery to me as I learn more about him every day.

But we shall see. In the meantime, thank you all for your ongoing support. The next story I post will likely be a mirror image of Don't Have To Be Ok in which Emmrich is the one being comforted this time. Either that or whatever else pops into my mind.