#especially antonov because he is my love and i miss him :’

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

overall i actually liked vol. 2 quite a bit more than the general public, but the one thing that i really, really, really hate is the two days later bit. eddie munson did not die a hero for no one to mourn his death (at least not for us as the audience to see). he deserves so much better than that.

[rahleeyah]

i've been reading about eli loving or hating noah/olivia and suddenly had this thought about him really trying but just not feeling like he fits into this new dynamic and lashing out here and there and everyone being so understanding and taking it in stride because they know he's just missing his mom because he def was a mamma's boy and they would do everything together and have the same personality and light and love and laughter and liv is just so different because she is dark and there is something broken in her eyes and her love feels overwhelming and too much sometimes but it's also a feeling he absolutely craves, that motherly love and affection

and one evening they're having dinner and eli had a bad day at school and he just breaks down when liv asks how school was, acting like a normal family, talking about their day and he starts crying and liv, with all her compassion and her empathy, goes to hug him and he just... pushes her away and screams that she has to "stop being so nice because SHE IS NOT HIS MOM" and she takes it in and understands and she's not upset and backs away but noah, sweet noah who's so protective of his mom because it's always been team mommy & noah screams at eli to "stop being mean to his mom" and eli just feels stuck in a place, in a life he doesn't want to be in and he turns to noah and blurts out "why should you care? she's not your mom either! you're adopted" and the world just stops spinning for a second

elliot freezes, olivia just crumbles into herself, noah doesn't understand but he turns towards his mom, questions in his eyes, so upset because what does this mean? and eli is angry, so angry and how did it get out of hand so quickly?

god, this is horrible but i'm in drama mode right now and i read all these fics where they're a happy family and just... there's so much trauma about eli losing his mother and his dad having ptsd and him being moved around like an something nobody knows what to do with that i just cannot see it happening smoothly and it is normal for there to be a big adaptation period, and resentment, and acceptance that it's okay for him to maybe look to olivia for that motherly love but it's so hard because he just wants his mom and he hates that everyone is being so careful around him and so understanding, he wants people to stand up to him, to tell him how it is, to tell him to stop being so difficult because yes he lost his mother, but it doesn't give him to right to become mean and lash out because now he's made this huge mistake and how is he, are they, going to fix it? is it even fixable?

he's just angry and sad and it's the worse combination because he want everyone around him to feel the same and he doesn't see it and have they all forgotten about his mom being dead?

but then olivia gets angry at him and tells him how it is, that he had no right and finally, finally it's the release that he's been craving for, someone standing up to him and afterwards they have a hard conversation about it, and a new understanding about their place in each other's life and it takes time to rebuild what was broken between them but it's better and he feels incredibly lucky that, in the end, it was olivia it happened with and not anyone else and he respects the hell out of her

elliot on the other hand is completely ashamed and angry and at a loss because he's never dealt with this eli before and it was always kathy that dealt with temper tantrums with the kids but this time he has to step up and it's the thing that makes him have a deep and hard conversation with eli about what happened and how to deal with it going forward

he apologises to olivia, he feels so bad and he doesn't know how eli knows about noah being adopted but olivia knows it's not his fault, that eli is old enough to take responsibility for his own actions and that really everyone didn't really look closely at how eli was coping and it's not an excuse but they need to understand what and how and why and families can be messy and together they have enough trauma to load an antonov-225 and it's going to take time but this too shall pass and it's going to be okay

noah and liv has the adoption talk (olivia was gearing towards it anyway because he's coming to an age where he can understand it) and they have a strong bond and they get over it because noah knows olivia is his mom and she's always been honest and she answers all his questions and it's a new dynamic to navigate but their love for each other is strong and he knows his mom and that she will always be there for him and he feels kinda special that her heart choose him, that they found each other and got to be a team

it gets tricky between noah and eli but slowly they figure it out and children are so resilient and forgiving and noah still looks up to eli and eli slowly realises that he can become an example for noah and how can you say no to childlike wonder and maybe they have more in common than they think and it deepens their bond that both of them lost their mom and both of them were taken in and loved and protected by olivia and that feeling? nothing can replace that feeling

this was my ted talk, thank you goodbye

Good Lord anon I feel like I need to lie down

Holyyyyyyyy shit

Eli is just a teenager, a young one at that, whose whole life has been turned upside down and inside out, and I think it totally makes sense that he would be angry at times, that he would lash out, that he would speak without thinking. And it's not that he's malicious it's just too damn much. And Olivia's compassion and empathy could be smothering, especially when he so desperately misses his own mother. And yeah it's messy and it's hard but yes they can find their way through it. I love this 🙌🙌🙌🙌