#especially on my last read of catcher (the one where i gave up halfway through ghfjdfhg)

[scorndotexe]

mostly unrelated to my catcher in the rye discussion enjoyment but i don't think you need to relate to a protagonist to be able to really get a book

[collecting-stories]

I’m Pine-ing for You

A/N: The second chapter of my Christmas fic.

Christmas Mingle Masterlist

_* ◦ ❅ . ❄︎ * ∙ ◦ . _

Ariana Grande crooned over the tinny radio in the gift shop as Audrey browsed, trying to maximize her day off and finish the last of her Christmas shopping. It was futile, she knew that much, but she had bundled up for the cold weather and headed out to walk around Main Street, hoping some kind of good would come from searching. Even if all it yielded was a new candle for her apartment. Most of her family was generic enough to settle for giftcards from Target but she still went out, as if she would find something that anyone would appreciate more than the basic $25 card. 

Just like every year though, she was browsing more for herself than anyone else, halfway through the display of handmade ceramic mugs, when she heard Jeff's familiar timbre. She'd only gone on one date with him so far but it didn't matter, she could probably pick out his voice in a line up. It was deep and not to raspy and she could've listened to him talk forever. But now that she thought about it, she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to "run into" him here. And when she looked over toward the door she realized he was with his son. She hadn't seen any pictures of Charlie but if that tall-for-his-age kid beside Jeff wasn't his son she'd be shocked. 

Audrey was in the back of the store, not poised to sneak out without having to walk right passed him. If there was one thing she truly hated it was running into people, something that happened a lot more frequently in her life now that she worked retail. There was nothing that compared to being trapped by an old school acquaintance as she rang up their groceries. She thought about turning and heading further into the store but there was no pretending that she hadn't seen Jeff, especially as her hand paused mid-grabbing a mug off the shelf, when he called her name. 

"Christmas shopping?" Jeff asked, stepping up beside her in the narrow aisle of the shop. 

"Well," Audrey looked over at him, "I tell myself that but honestly, I'm just shopping for me." 

"Nothing wrong with that," he replied and Audrey cracked a smile.

"You're very agreeable, you know that?" She pointed out. He'd been the same on their date, agreeable on all fronts. About her divorce, her disinterest in her current job, her lack of enthusiasm for the Christmas season. 

"Maybe we just agree on things?" He suggested. 

"Well then, I know who to call for a second opinion." Audrey replied, glancing over to the small section of kids toys, Jeff's spitting image crouched on the ground looking over a puzzle, "Is that Charlie?" She didn't know if day-after-the-first-date was too soon to meet his son but it wasn't like he was formally introducing them so she didn't feel too bad about asking. 

"Yeah that's Charlie," Jeff nodded, looking over, "kiddo's supposed to be helping me shop for other people's presents but it looks like he's picking out a few things to add to his list."

"Kid after my own heart," Audrey teased. "I'm not sure I could be of any actual help, Charlie and I seem to share a shopping gene, but I could lend a hand picking out some things if you want?" She wasn't sure that inviting herself to spend the afternoon with him was really an appropriate, normal thing to do, but she couldn't help herself. The words had come tumbling out of her mouth faster than she could think them. Something about Jeff just seemed to make the temptation of spending her day off completely by herself pale in comparison to spending the day with him. She couldn't remember a time when she felt this way about someone, even with Chris, even in the beginning when everything was new and supposedly exciting, she sought out moments when she could be alone. 

"Alright, but I have two stipulations," Jeff replied, picking up one of the mugs to look it over, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I take the credit for all the gifts, and you provide the coffee."

"I provide the coffee? How is that fair? What are you providing?" Audrey said.

"The company." He shrugged as if it was totally obvious, Audrey laughing out loud, turning more toward him when the shopkeeper looked over at the sudden sound of them disturbing the ambiance of the store. 

"It's a deal." She kept her voice down as she moved further down the aisle, pointing out a sun-catcher that was hanging on display. "Anyone?"

"Not even close." He replied. "I'm gonna rethink this deal if you can't hold up your end of the bargain." 

"To be fair, you haven't given me any information to go on." Audrey pointed out, still holding onto the sun-catcher, contemplating a place for it in her own apartment. 

Before Jeff could say anything else Charlie had found him, clutching a puzzle box to his chest he came over, stepping in front of his dad to show off his find. "Look, it's 1000 pieces...I've never done 1000 pieces before." 

Audrey smiled, mouthing '1000 pieces' when Jeff caught her eye passed his son. He grinned and nodded, giving in to Charlie's request. 

"Alright, we'll put it aside for break." He offered, taking the box from Charlie, "but you're supposed to be looking for something for something for your grandma."

"I am!" Charlie insisted.

"In the toy area?" 

When Audrey snickered at Jeff's comment Charlie turned to look at her, a wide smile on his face at the sight of the stranger. "Hi." 

"Hey." She greeted, smiling at the young boy. 

"I'm Charlie," He introduced himself, holding his hand out to shake hers. 

Audrey took the seven year old's hand, shaking as she introduced herself, "Audrey." 

Never one to miss anything, Charlie had noticed the look that his dad had given Audrey immediately, even as he was talking about the puzzle that he wanted. 

"How do you know my dad?" He asked blatantly.

"I, uh..."

"Audrey's a friend of mine," Jeff supplied, putting his hand on his son's shoulder to get his attention. 

Charlie leaned his head back, looking up at Jeff and giving him a toothy grin. "Can she shop with us?" He asked. 

"Well, don't ask me." Jeff replied. 

"Can you shop with us?" Charlie asked, looking back at Audrey, "I need help picking a gift for my nana."

"I would love to help you."

Charlie stepped away from his dad, grabbing Audrey's hand to lead her away from Jeff and toward the back of the store. Audrey glanced back over her shoulder at Jeff, biting her lip as she smiled at him. Charlie was a well adjusted kid for his age, comfortable talking to adults happy to spend time hanging out with Jeff. He knew there were enough people in his son's life, family included, that pressured him about the way Charlie behaved. They wanted a kid that was less used to spending the majority of his week with his dad and they wanted Jeff to be more interested in dating and less interested in fathering his kid. 

His mom had been thrilled, the night before, to babysit her grandson when she heard that Jeff had a date. It had been since his late wife passed away that he had gone out and before then she was the only one he had dated in years. 

-

"It's just been so long," she had lamented, following her son into the kitchen, attempting a whisper as she spoke. "You deserve to be happy-"

"I am happy ma," Jeff promised, writing out any information she might need while he was gone. Phone numbers, the name of the restaurant he was going to, Charlie's pre-bed schedule. 

"Happy with someone in your life. Someone who can help you raise Charlie. I know you don't agree but, he needs a mother figure."

"Charlie doesn't need a 'mother figure' and it's one date ma, I'm not gonna marry this woman." 

"You don't know that." Jeff's mom replied, adamant on her stance about the date. She had been trying to convince Jeff to get back into dating for a few years now. She knew it was hard, losing his wife so quickly after Charlie was born, and she felt like she had waited an appropriate amount of time but, around two years ago, she had started dropping hints. Mentions here and there about women that she knew from church or even just 'eligible singles' that she saw at  the grocery store. She had very little in the way of requirements.

"Please just watch him for the night and don't read too much into this?" 

"Is it so wrong to be optimistic?" She asked, "it's been a long time since you've even considered dating." 

"I'll call you on my way home, I'll just be down the street at the brewhouse."

-

Audrey crouched down so she could get a better look at the bottom shelf of the display where Charlie was checking out a few different glass blown ornaments. She reached for one, a red teardrop shaped ornament that was crackled and, when she held it up to the light, glistened. 

"That's really pretty!" Charlie exclaimed, taking it from her when she handed it over to him. 

"I think so too," Audrey replied, "what do you think about it as a gift?"

"I don't know," he pouted, nose scrunching as he inspected the ornament in greater detail, "dad, would nana like this?" 

"Is there a pink one in there?" Jeff asked, looking over from the display of candles he'd been going through. He liked everything about Christmas aside from having to buy gifts for people. Charlie was easy, he always knew what his son wanted. It was everyone else that gave him a headache. "She'll probably love that."

Charlie dug through the box of ornaments, careful that nothing broke, successfully pulling out a pink one, "I found a pink one!"

Audrey took the red one back, turning it over in her hand once more before putting it back in the box. 

"You should get that one." Charlie pointed out, "you could put it on your tree."

"Oh gosh," Audrey laughed, "I actually don't have a tree." She confessed. 

Putting up a tree had been the least of her worries this year, not even a table top had made it's way into her house though she'd spent plenty of time on pinterest and instagram scrolling through the holiday decorations of influencers who's lives appeared much more together than her own. 

"No tree?" Charlie looked absolutely offended at the thought of anyone not having a tree for Christmas, "dad! Dad!" 

"Yeah bud?" Jeff asked, tearing his attention away from a case of handmade necklaces that he shouldn't have been looking through so  early on in knowing Audrey when it was clearly her  he had in mind. 

"Audrey doesn't have a tree," the disbelief, even as he repeated what he already knew, was on par with the discovery of Santa's fraudulence. "We can get you a tree?" He reasoned, turning back to look at her, wide, eager eyes. 

"I really don't have a lot of ornaments." Audrey admitted. 

The first time she had told Chris that she needed space they had both assumed that she would be back within the month. But then two months passed and three months and she drove passed the house but it felt foreign to her. So she said it again, she needed space, mountains of it, years of it, more space than he could ever give her. And when she set foot inside the house for the last time to take what she deemed hers from a short lifetime of theirs, she left all but a shoebox of decorations. 

"Oh well," Jeff was smiling at her like whatever he said she'd be hanging on, "you happen to be in the presence of the best ornament chooser in the entire world." He pointed to Charlie as he spoke, indicating it was the seven year old who possessed all the expertise of Christmas decoration. 

"Really?" She attempted her best look of skepticism as Charlie nodded his head in agreement with his father. 

"Dad buys me a new ornament every year that I pick out all on my own." He replied as proof of his skill. 

Audrey agreed, unable to say no to Charlie. He was too sweet and she was enjoying spending time with him and Jeff too much. It was arguably some sort of honeymooning phase, she reasoned, that had her this invested in a guy that she had only been on one date with but she couldn't help it. This was just a for the holidays thing, a see where this goes, nothing special, thing that didn't have too mean too much. She didn't have to read too much into every look and every touch, didn't have to take everything so seriously, and still she was eagerly agreeing to spending the rest of her afternoon with Jeff and Charlie. 

"I gotta tell you Charlie," Audrey said as she walked through the Christmas tree lot with him, "I am no tree expert. I haven't had a real tree since I was a kid." 

"That's okay," he promised, "I'm the best tree chooser there is." 

Jeff walked just behind the pair, listening to his son discuss the important parts of the tree and how to pick the best one, talking with such authority that his bullshitting was almost believable. Once Charlie got started on a topic it was nearly impossible for him to stop and he loved showing off whatever knowledge he might have, be it minimum or not. 

"Expert ornament chooser and expert tree chooser?" Audrey asked, glancing back at Jeff with amusement. Jeff grinned back at her. 

"What can I say?" Charlie replied, "Christmas is the best time of the year."

"I can't argue with that."

"Besides, if you don't get a tree then how is Santa going to bring you presents?" Charlie asked, a look of distress washing over his features as his eyes met hers. The thought had just occurred to him and yet it was a troubling one.

"That explains the lack of gifts the last few years...I think Santa is still delivering all my presents to my parents' house." She teased. 

"Do you live by yourself?" Charlie asked, intrigued by the new development. 

If Jeff was eager to learn more about Audrey than Charlie was tenfold. He asked questions about her job and her house and what her favorite Christmas activity was. Jeff wasn't sure if it was just her being too polite to ignore Charlie's questions or if she was truly interested in what he had to say but she listened and chatted. Dating hadn't been something that Jeff had kept at the top of his to-do list and he definitely hadn't introduced too many people to his son. A few close friends, those that knew him before his wife passed away, but no one that he seriously considered spending his life with. Not that he was thinking that far in advance now but getting to know Audrey was definitely something he wanted to continue doing. 

The three of them circled the tree lot more times then Jeff felt necessary, scouring rows of evergreens that he was sure they had already examined until Charlie finally spotted the spruce that he wanted. He let out a shout of exclamation at the sight and broke out in a dash as if someone else might discover the tree before he could reach it. "This one!" He announced, standing in front of the tree and waving his arms to draw their attention to it.

"That one is..." Audrey looked at the tree on display, imagining the trip up the stairs and sheer mass of it sitting in her small apartment, "big." It seemed like the only logical adjective to describe the tree she was staring at.

"Big trees are the best trees." Charlie insisted, "you can get the most ornaments on." 

"Maybe you can, I'm still lacking in the ornament department." Audrey replied. A shoebox full was not enough for a tree that was threatening six feet tall. She'd been hoping that the seven year old would settle on something more akin to a tabletop but he seemed determined that the green giant was going to be part of Audrey's Christmas. 

"We can get you more ornaments." 

"Don't fight it," Jeff teased, coming up beside her. His hand fell to the small of her back, turning just slightly toward her so that he could whisper in her ear, away from Charlie's heightened hearing, "he's never gonna give in."

"I think I've already figured that one out." Audrey replied, looking at Jeff, unable to stop herself from smiling. 

Tree decided on, Charlie was as determined as ever to find ornaments that would go perfectly. He insisted that they not be too uniform, complaining, at seven, about the odd need for trees on television shows to have a ribbon woven through them. The strong opinions he had about Christmas were entertaining, to say the least, and Audrey didn't fight them. She had been content without all the fuss, happy to let Christmas happen the same way that it did every year but now she found herself letting Jeff haul a tree up her steps and into her apartment.

Charlie seemed as enamored by her tiny house as he did by her, rushing to the window to look out on the street that he'd walked around on a hundred times. "Dad!" He called, face close to the window pane, unbothered by the hint of cold that seeped in through the the old wood and glass. 

Jeff let the tree slide off his shoulder, leaning the tree that was as tall as he was against his chest as he looked over at his son, "what's up Charlie?"

Audrey locked the door behind them, bags in one hand as she kicked her shoes off. She had stopped for some ornaments along the way, practically clearing out her Target's Christmas section. Marci had eyed her suspiciously as she checked out, fully aware of Audrey's disdain for the holiday season. She had ignored her co-worker though, rushing through self-checkout as quickly as possible so that she could avoid making Jeff and Charlie wait too long outside of her apartment. 

"Look!" Charlie called, waving Jeff over as if the tree wasn't heavy and unstable. "You can see Main Street."

"You should stay for dinner and see it at night with all the lights." Audrey replied, setting the bags down on the couch as she went over to help Jeff, "I can't believe you guys stopped and got a tree stand too."

"You can't have a tree without a tree stand." Jeff shrugged, "that seemed pretty obvious. Tree, tree stand, ornaments..."

"Yeah, yeah, alright." Audrey laughed, setting up the stand. 

While Jeff did most of the assembly in getting the tree in the stand and cutting it loose from the netting, Charlie rummaged through the bags of ornaments, sorting them into groups that he decided went together. The tree didn't take as long as Audrey thought it would but it did look a lot better in her apartment then she had first suspected when Charlie had spied it in the lot. Though it blocked a decent amount of her window view, the ornaments looked pretty with the lights and she had even brought out the shoebox of special ones that she kept in her bedroom. 

"Some of these are pretty old, they belonged to my great grandma." Audrey explained, setting the box on the coffee table and opening it up for Charlie to see. 

"This one is so cool!" He held up a blue bobble, handpainted with a horse and carriage in the snow. "My grandma got me an ornament decorating kit and I painted one with a Christmas tree." 

"I bet it looks really awesome," Audrey replied, taking the ornament from him so she could hang it up a little higher. 

"You should come over to see it!" Charlie looked thrilled at his idea, turning to his father in excitement, "what do you think dad? Could Audrey come over soon?"

Jeff looked over Charlie's head to Audrey, their eyes meeting as Audrey smiled. It seemed a natural occurrence when she was around Jeff though she didn't want to let herself think too hard on the matter. 

"I don't see why not." Jeff finally said. 

"Well, since you're here now, what should we get for dinner tonight?" Audrey asked, taking another ornament from Charlie to hang up. 

"Pizza!" He replied without hesitation. 

"Pizza it is," She agreed, stepping away from the tree to grab her phone, "any toppings?"

-

Dinner was served on the coffee table, the three of them sitting on the couch to watch TV, Charlie choosing It Happened on 5th Avenue as his Christmas movie of choice. He sat between them, enthralled in the film, announcing favorite scenes just before they happened. Audrey had steered clear of cliche Christmas films like It's a Wonderful Life or Love Actually for a while, longer that she had been single. She never cared for them and always found them cheesy and ridiculous. The leads falling in love all within a week, enamored with each other as if there was no one else in the world. As if falling in love at Christmas solved all their problems. But here she was, watching this old black and white film and actually enjoying it. 

It was nearly three quarters of the way through when Jeff felt Charlie slump against him more that he glanced down, realizing that his son had fallen asleep. Audrey seemed to pick up on Charlie's sleeping around the same time, pausing the film and asking if wanted to let Charlie nap in her bed. "Unless you two need to get home?" 

"We can stay a little while longer," Jeff replied, reluctant to go as it was. 

While he carried Charlie into the bedroom, laying him on the bed and covering him with a blanket, Audrey cleared away the pizza and closed the front window. She grabbed a bottle of wine from the cabinet and two glasses, meeting Jeff back in the living room.

 "Wine?"

"What've you got?" Jeff asked, taking the bottle from her.

"Just a red, it's from a subscription I get every month." She replied, "I could be paying for a gym but-"

"Wine is better than a gym," Jeff concluded, heading back to the couch with her. She let him pour the glasses, a little heavy handed though so was she. "I was thinking about what you said, about looking for something that wasn't working at Target."

"My glamorous part time job...what about it?" Audrey asked, taking a sip of her wine. 

"The art teacher at Charlie's school is going on maternity leave and I heard they posted the job online. I'm not trying to overstep or anything, just saw it and thought of you." 

"Well, I'm flattered that you thought of me. I'll look into it." She replied, "part of me would love it, honestly, and the other part is terrified to actually do something like that. I feel everything has moved really slowly but quickly at the same time for me." 

"I know the feeling well. Don't feel like you need to consider anything just cause I mentioned it." Jeff replied, "take everything at your own pace."

"I'll never move forward if I do that." Audrey admitted. 

"Well hey, nothing needs to be decided now...I mean, Christmas break is right around the corner."

"That's right, you have finals for your semester don't you?" Audrey asked. She wasn't sure why it hadn't occurred to her the entire time that they were out shopping or looking for a tree but it was as if she suddenly remembered that Jeff had actual work when class hours ended. 

"Coming up, yeah." He nodded. "I'll be spending the next four days prepping and grading essays." 

"I'll trade you bitchy, impatient customers who think I'm secretly stashing all the stuff they want so they can't find it?" Audrey offered.

"Now that you mention it, the papers are fine." He replied, smiling at her as he took a sip of wine, "so this party coming up? It's your co-worker's?"

"Co-worker/best friend." 

"How did that come about...if you don't mind my asking?" 

"I guess, all my other friends are friends with  Chris too you know? They knew us when we were dating, as our relationship progressed, they went to our wedding. When I left him and it wasn't for any "good" reason, I think they felt like I was overreacting." Audrey admitted. Even more than leaving and telling Chris she was never coming home, she could remember the distinct heartache that had followed her falling out with her best friend. The way Leah had accused her of being dramatic and foolish and told her that she was blowing things out of proportion. "I mean, he didn't cheat on me, he wasn't some awful guy...a little controlling sometimes but not to the magnitude of telling me what I could and couldn't do."

"If you don't love someone, you don't love someone. You can't stay in a relationship just because they're 'not a bad guy'." Jeff replied. 

"I feel bad telling you about all this honestly," she confessed, "I'm trying to divorce my husband, you lost your wife, that's...I feel silly having such superficial problems."

"It's not superficial." He reassured. "I met Hannah in my early 30's after I had broken up with a woman who wanted me to propose to her."

"Oh no," Audrey laughed, "you were one of those!"

Jeff nodded, "thought I didn't want commitment, I think I just, didn't feel like I knew what I wanted. But, I met Hannah through friends and we took things slow until she basically told me to propose or get out-"

"I like her."

"She was great. You know, it's hard...she passed away around the holidays. It would've been our first Christmas with Charlie." He replied, "I thought about not celebrating...took me weeks to put up a tree. He won't remember any of that but, it felt like something I had to do." 

"For Charlie or for yourself?" 

"Both of us, I guess. I didn't want him to feel like Christmas had this awful connotation, you know? I didn't want him to grow up feeling like he couldn't celebrate and he had to be sad." 

"When I moved out of my house with Chris it was just, easier not to celebrate. It was just me and it felt ridiculous to decorate this little apartment." Audrey admitted, looking over at the tree in front of the window, "seeing the tree up though, I kinda missed that."

"If you let Charlie come back again he'll probably put gifts under it for you just to make sure it looks official." 

"Charlie is awesome, you have an amazing kid." 

"Thank you, I think so most of the time." Jeff laughed. 

9 Days Until Christmas

"I gotta say, the cowboy boots are a touch I wasn't expecting." Jeff laughed as Audrey stepped out the front door of her apartment. She did a twirl, showing off the outfit she was wearing beneath her plaid coat. 

"Would you believe me if I told you they were a Footloose impulse buy after high school graduation?" Audrey asked. 

-

Not everything feels like something else, but holding on to a pair of red cowboy boots that went with nothing in her wardrobe simply because of the sentimentality felt a lot like being stuck in place. When she came back for her things, letting herself into the old house with two suitcases that her mom had been reluctant to give away ("can't you just work it out? Have you even tried?"),  she had almost left them. Sitting there on the bottom of her  shoe rack, accumulating the dust that was inevitable for something so rarely worn, she had thought of letting them go too. Was it symbolic? To leave both the boots and Chris behind? But she could bring herself to leave them the way she had left her marriage so she carried them out to the car and put them in the front seat and then, three years and five months later she wore them to a Kacey Musgraves concert with Cady. 

"Can't say I'm a fan of the film." Jeff admitted. 

"Is that your way of telling me that you don't recognize Ariel's iconic red cowboy boots?" And now she wore them again. Red cowboy boots paired with black stockings, a jean skirt that fit the persona of Midwest Christmas she was trying to pull off, and a sweater that was cuter then it was ugly. Pink with white pompoms and a sequined Jolly Old Saint Nick. Cady's holiday party would inevitably be as country as she wished she was and Audrey had every intention oof dressing for it. 

"It is." Jeff replied, "but you look beautiful." Audrey had mentioned her best friend's proclivity for all things Tennessee Christmas but that had done little to influence Jeff's outfit. Dark jeans and a cable knit sweater with boots. Nothing entirely special in the outfit, and Audrey had never been one to give men's fashion too much thought, but he certainly looked good. "I feel like I should've dressed the part more." He took Audrey's hand in his as they made the short trek across the street and down to the small parking lot a block away. 

"That's okay, when we inevitably sneak away from the party because, god love her but Cady's 'Yeehaw Christmas' is a little more than I think I can bear, you'll look like a normal person and I'll look-"

"Like you're in middle school?" Jeff teased. 

"Exactly like that," Audrey replied.

Comical as it was, Yeehaw Christmas was the perfect describer for the party that they walked into. Cady had outfitted her shared apartment with decorations that looked as if they had been purchased at Cabellas or maybe just a Dollar General. Cady's wasn't the only party a friend had invited Audrey to this season but it was the only one she committed to, at least, making an appearance at. Her other friends were friends with Chris and she knew he would be there too, as if it was all some elaborate plot to convince her that maybe she had made a mistake when she decided that they no longer fit in each other's lives. 

"You made it!" Cady shouted across the room, rushing over to wrap Audrey in a hug. Ten years made little difference to either of them. The idea of meeting your best friend at a retail job seemed like something that truly only happened on TV but Cady had been the  lifeboat back to normalcy after the heartache. "Oh god, I'm so glad you came!" 

"I said I was." Audrey insisted, pulling away from Cady. She was standing slightly in front of Jeff and when her eyes met Cady's she shifted her gaze subtly to the side, a look that screamed, 'I brought him'. 

Cady's eyes shifted over to Jeff, brushing her blond hair back as she looked up at him. He was taller than her. Like a tower. He was taller than Audrey and she was relatively tall, or so everyone always felt the need to say when she wore heels. Before she could say anything Audrey continued, introducing them. "Cady, this is Jeff. Jeff, my best friend Cady. 

"Thanks for letting me tag along." Jeff replied, handing over the bag that contained a small hostess invitation. "Audrey said you don't do wine."

Cady took the bag from him, pulling out a bottle of  grey goose. "Thank you! This is the best Christmas present ever!" She joked.

More partygoers came, allowing Audrey and Jeff a break from Cady as they made their way over to the kitchen and the counter space that was doubling as a bar for the evening. There were cheap flavored vodkas, tequila, whiskey, gin, and some bottles of red wine stuffed into the small space between the sink and the fridge. 

"Guess we have our pick?" Audrey asked, looking over her shoulder at Jeff. 

"I'll stick with the whiskey, seems like a safe option." He replied, "only cause I've heard of the brand." 

"What? No peppermint mocha vodka?" Audrey said, trying and failing not to sound completely grossed out by the suggestion of the flavor. 

Jeff laughed, "tell you what, if you do a shot I will do a shot." 

Audrey grabbed two shot glass sized red solo cups, never one to back down from a challenge, and poured the vodka in them. Truthfully, she just wanted to see him drink something as ridiculous  as Christmas themed vodka simply because he struck her entirely as a classy kind of drinker, even his beer on their first date had felt superior to all those cheap brands she'd snuck in high school. He was game for just about anything though, proving it as he kicked back a shot of the sweet liquor, feeling the faint burn of it down the back of his throat. 

"Can't say I love feeling like I just tossed a whole pack of spearmint gum in my mouth and lit it on fire." Jeff commented, sticking his tongue out for a second as if that would get rid of the taste. Audrey coughed around her shot, almost losing it but swallowing at the last second. She gagged and shook her head furiously at the tiny cup in her hand. 

"No." She finally said. "No, that was terrible."

"It was bad."

"It was...oh god, I need something after that." She replied. 

Jeff shifted bottles around until he found a decent red nestled in the back. "How's this?" He grabbed two cups from the stack, filling them a little more than he would a wine glass. 

"Works for me."

She took his arm, pulling him passed the fridge and a little further into the kitchen as people came in to grab drinks. Jeff moved with her, turning so his back was to the other couple and the two of them were in their own little corner. Audrey looked passed him, watching as a few more people came and went from the kitchen. 

"I really didn't feel like I was going to feel old being here but I totally do." Audrey muttered. 

"You feel old?" Jeff scoffed, "how do you think I'm feeling right now?" He brushed his hand through his hair to draw attention to the strands of gray there among the black. 

"Well, don't worry, I have no plans to stay the whole time," Audrey whispered as if someone would overhear her, "I love Cady but she can go forever if she's drunk enough and I definitely think she's on her way there."

-

Jeff opened the door to Charlie's room, the dinosaur nightlight in the corner glowing and painting the room a dim yellow. The party had been a short lived experience followed by a quick meal at a diner down the street from Cady's apartment. He and Audrey had sat there in the booth against the window, the conversation easy over burgers and fries. 

It had been fun, good even, to go out with Audrey and go to a stupid holiday party. Everything was fine until he walked in the front door. His mom was in the living room watching an old  Christmas special, a million questions on the tip of her tongue when he came inside. He'd managed to dodge most of them, skirting around details and specifics as he rushed her out the door and promised that he'd see her soon. He wasn't completely sure that he was ready to divulge details about Audrey to his mother. 

Back in his own room, Jeff sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling off his sweater and undershirt and tossing them over to the hamper. His eyes landed on the picture that sat on the dresser, the same picture he'd looked at a million times in the last seven years. It was a picture of him and Hannah on their wedding day, close enough that the bottom of her dress was cut off but it didn't matter, he could remember everything about that moment. That day had felt like a godsend, the moment in his life when everything felt like it was going right and he was finally on the right path. Jeff stood up, crossing the room and taking the picture off the dresser to look at it closer. 

Audrey popped into his unprompted as he stared down at the picture of his late wife. Was moving on something that he really wanted? He'd thought about it before but it never felt like the right time. He never felt ready to let go of Hannah's memory or the love he had for her. But he knew there was something different about Audrey. He didn't feel so much like loving her would be giving up Hannah. Something he hadn't felt once in the last seven years. Something he felt like he had to hold onto. 

[haydenmarin]

( samuel larsen | cismale | he/him ) ——— well well, if it isn’t hayden marin coming out of apartment 5.1. i always think of the sweet smell of nicotine clinging to worn leather, the vibration of bass through your rib cage, and the bittersweet freedom of giving up when i see them, don’t you? anyway - i heard the twenty five year old moved out to new york seven years ago to go to school and become a baseball player. that must’ve gone nowhere because they now work as a club owner; maybe that’s because they’ve a tendency to be calculating, libertine and sarcastic. i guess they could’ve been someone… — [ pepper | 23 | est | she/her ]

heyo all, i’m pepper, twenty three, she/her pronouns, and i’m always late dfkjdfkj as you can see, like i literally had everything prepared beforehand i don’t know how i’m still late... honestly rip. a bit about me i guess, i am still waiting for fergie to come back from her hiatus (because no song goes as hard as fergalicious, that’s a fact), i still don’t really understand what tiktok is and i’m okay with that, i’m  addicted to pinterest and atm i’m really craving some fries. okey doke, now that that’s over with i’m super excited to PROPERLY introduce you to my trash son hayden!  here are some stats on him, here is his pinterest board, and here is his playlist! down below is hayden’s bio which is hella long sdkjdskj i’m so sorry i wrote up a short form but i liked his full bio better. if you read absolutely ANY of it i love you okay.

CANCER TW, DEATH TW

BIO ;

Hayden was born and raised in Santa Barbara, California where he happily spent most of his childhood by the beach. He was raised solely by his mother, Rosie Marin, who did her very best to bring him up on her own despite his father’s purposeful lack of involvement. Rosie owned a small local bakery (aptly named Rosie’s) that she and Hayden lived above. Hayden’s childhood was peppered with memories of waking up to the scent of fresh bread, pushing up onto his tiptoes to ice cupcakes, and of course, always being the most popular kid in his classes because his mom brought the best snacks. Hayden and his mother had just nearly enough to get by most of the time, but Hayden grew up very loved and very happy. His mother made sure of that at the very least.

Unfortunately, Rosie was diagnosed with lung cancer when Hayden was just ten years old. She fought hard against the disease for two hard years before she unfortunately passed away when Hayden was twelve. In all honesty, Hayden has never really quite gotten over his mother’s death. At the time his mother was quite literally all he had. He never knew his overly religious grandparents (who disowned Rosie for having a child out of wedlock) and he had no aunts or uncles that he knew of. All he really grew up with was his mother, and watching her die for two years was incredibly hard for him, and after her death he felt that for the first time in his life he was truly alone.

To everyone’s surprise, but especially Hayden’s, after his mother’s death his father got into contact with him through his godmother who Hayden was staying with at the time. Shockingly enough despite his total absence for majority of Hayden’s life, Hayden’s father wanted to take Hayden in. Hayden was very much against it, considering he had never met his father and was reasonably rather upset with him for abandoning both him and his mother. However, Hayden’s godmother thought that living with his father would be best for him, not only considering that it may be Hayden’s last chance to have a relationship with a parent but also because Hayden’s father, Raphael, was very well off. So despite his (very vocal) protests Hayden was then sent to live with his father, which quickly became a very sour arrangement.

It became very clear very quickly that Hayden’s father wanted nothing to do with him. He spoke to Hayden only when necessary, seemed to forget his son was there most of the time, and left on business trips near constantly. Eventually Hayden learnt (through some rather sneaky eavesdropping) that the only reason his father had taken him in in the first place was to please Hayden’s stepmother. Apparently, Cheryl, or ‘Cherry’ as she insisted everyone call her, was practically begging Raphael for a baby, and seeing as Raphael had very little time or desire for having a child he decided that having a twelve year old around was better than an infant. Hayden was hurt to learn the truth about his father’s desire to take him in, and even attempted to run away in a fit of anger. But he was very quickly found by some of his father’s security and brought back to his father’s expansive home before he could get very far, and every attempt following the first resulted in much of the same thing.

Eventually Hayden gave up on running away. His father was rarely home long enough for Hayden to demonstrate how much he loathed him anyways, and within the walls of his father’s home Hayden was at least clothed and fed. He resented his father and longed to run away back to his godmother’s home but unfortunately his father’s home was a long way away from Santa Monica.

So Hayden started to build a life for himself where he was, and that life started with school. Even without being the kid in school who’s mom brought the best snacks, Hayden was still quite popular in school, and for the most part that was due to baseball. Hayden had always played baseball, ever since he was young and his mother used to bring plates full of orange slices to his peewee games (the Marins had always been a baseball family. Screw football or hockey, if it wasn’t on a baseball diamond they didn’t care about it). Hayden also had the good fortune of actually being very talented. So when Hayden tried out for catcher on his high school team he got the position very easily, and was even bumped up to first string to boot. Although some of the upper year students weren’t particularly happy about a freshman making first string, a lot of the colleges were. Hayden’s talent was noticed and sought after from the time he was about halfway through his sophomore year, and his near prodigy level skill was even featured in some local sports magazines and the local newspaper. Despite knowing that the magazines likely wouldn’t have cared about Hayden’s skill if he wasn’t going to one of the most well known private schools in the state, Hayden’s ego still inflated a bit at the recognition.

For a few years that’s all Hayden’s life was. Playing baseball, hanging out and partying with friends, and occasionally having to deal with his father and stepmother when the situation called for it. It wasn’t the best life, and Hayden wasn’t exactly happy but it was all Hayden really had, so he did his best to make do with it. In all honesty at that point the thing that made Hayden happiest was his team. While Hayden’s home life was broken, his team helped him find the community he craved. Playing baseball and being part of a team made Hayden feel that he belonged somewhere, like he was wanted somewhere, and Hayden clung to that sensation gratefully.

But when Hayden was about halfway through his junior year things rapidly went downhill. You have to be a level 10 friend to unlock what happened there because I honestly don’t think Hayden has talked about it since the night it happened, but basically all you need to know is that a series of events happened one night that led to Hayden basically being thrown out of his home that very same night and disowned, full stop. 

Hayden’s only saving grace was that his father was too proud to let his son live on the streets. Raphael set Hayden up with his own apartment near his school, and paid for Hayden’s rent and expenses. However, he did so without communicating with Hayden even once, and it was very clear that Hayden had essentially been disowned. When Hayden was eighteen the money stopped, and Hayden moved out of the apartment. Hayden and Raphael haven’t really talked since.

Hayden got into university on a full baseball scholarship, despite all the chaos. He leaned heavily on his chosen family, his baseball team, throughout that difficult interim between being kicked out and graduating, and during that time he threw himself into baseball with such vigor and intensity that he impressed more than a few of the scouts circling around him. He ended up choosing NYU because it was the school that was the farthest away, and although Hayden didn’t want to be far from his hometown and his mother’s grave, he did want a fresh start away from his father and Cherry.

Hayden university experience was unremarkable but very significant to him. In fact, the fact that it was mostly unremarkable is what made it so special to him. For the most part, Hayden was pretty close to completely happy. He became captain of the baseball team his second year, made lifelong friends in his team and his frat, and eventually achieved his ultimate goal, getting recruited onto a professional baseball team in his junior year. Hayden graduated early with a degree in business, proud of his accomplishments, and finally feeling as if he was breaking through a barrier of tragedy through his life. He was finally approaching his happy ending.

But of course it didn’t last. Hayden played for the New York Yankees for almost two years, (and was damn good at it too) before he injured his shoulder in a game. The injury was serious enough that his future in baseball seemed to just sudden became nonexistent. In a moment, a split second really, all of Hayden’s dreams that he had just barely reached suddenly crumbled in his hands. Disappeared into fucking nothing. It was like god had it out for him. Hayden didn’t take it well.

After the doctor’s final diagnosis (a solemn gaze behind wire rimmed glasses, a fucking clipboard that Hayden wasn’t allowed to see, stainless steel, the smell of death, god Hayden fucking hated hospitals), Hayden stayed in New York because even if he wasn’t living out his dream, well he had nowhere else to go. He went on a bit of a bender though. Drinking, partying, drugs, girls, guys – you name it, Hayden indulged in all of his vices in an attempt to find comfort. Some friends he made through the years tried to get into touch with him (and some very notably didn’t) but Hayden never really did much more than go through the motions with any of it. ‘I’m fine’ quickly became an automated response, one he didn’t even have to think about, one he would give whether drunk or high or completely and utterly lost– Because he was. He was fine. Anyone who thought differently could get fucked.

Hayden bought the club on a whim. His time in the league meant he had more than a bit of money saved, and since the place was for sale and Hayden liked to party, he figured it was a no brainer. He’s owned the place for almost three years now, and it’s actually been surprisingly successful. Hayden’s status of ‘former baseball player’ was enough notoriety to get people to show up, and the fact that the place was actually more than decent kept them coming. Hayden treats the club like more of a hobby than an actual business, too busy with his extracurricular activities to have more than a passing interest in it but… it’s fun. And well. It’s not like he has anything else to do.

Hayden also moved into 5.1 on a whim just over three years ago, mostly to make sure there were people around him in case he happened to drop dead one day yk, a precaution. He lived by himself for a while before that while he was in the league and after his injury but honestly Hayden is a big extrovert, he hates being alone, and living by himself in the huge ass loft he used to own just made him feel more lonely. So he responded to the first ‘roommate wanted’ ad he could find and now here he is. He honestly has enough money that he doesn’t need to be there, but he likes the company so he’s sticking around. 

PERSONALITY / HEADCANNONS ;

Hayden, is as the kids say… a fuckboi, probably

He is very loyal, like he cares a lot about his own but anyone outside of his circle he’s kind of indifferent to. Like he’s friendly, and almost pleasant but like… he does not really care about them yk, there’s a distinct lack of like sincerity in the way he treats his friends vs randos (or even ‘friends’)

Morally grey to the max

A very good liar, who lies often. Can be very manipulative but he doesn’t have a reason to be lately, so he mostly just manipulates business partners.

LOVES messing with people. It’s like crack to him

Very sarcastic

Will sleep with anyone he’s attracted to tbh. Bisexual, and very comfortable with it by now. Used to be kind of iffy with it when he was playing professionally, but now that he’s got no chance of ever being a pro again and the paps have pretty much left him alone he gives no fucks.

Actually pretty clever, hence the whole actually being able to own a successful business thing.

Might bake for the roommates of 5.1 if they’re nice to him and he’s actually really freaking good at it like he learned from his mom, and honestly baking highkey reminds him of her so he doesn’t do it too often. 

Lowkey his dream is to go back to santa barbara and run his mom’s bakery (his dad sold the place but hayden bought it back as soon as he had the money) but since he kind of considers himself a failure and disappointment to his mom at this point his bitch ass doesn’t think he deserves to yet, so he’s staying in new york for a while. 

Hates hospitals with a passion. Would rather die than go to one willingly. When Hayden is sick he just voluntarily suffers. 

Oh, and Hayden’s club is named Omnia and friends get in for free so feel free to hit him up for a good time.

WANTED CONNECTIONS ; 

i would love a bromance for hayden honestly that would be fun 

a godsibling! hayden used to be v close to his godmother so this could be fun too

someone who he has a bad influence on? someone who’s a good influence on him? 

one night stand! maybe they didn’t even realize they were going to be living in the same apartment complex at first but then they found out and it was like oh shit 

fwbs or ewbs

a secret fling could be a fun thing to play out!

a hateship. like they bicker all the time and they really wanna wring each other’s necks, just give me some good old fashion animosity.

someone who frequents his club maybe, perhaps he’s always kicking them out or perhaps they’re always partying together.

maybe an ex that he was dating during his time playing professionally (can be f/m/nb) that Hayden ended things with when he got his injury and moved to New York? Fun drama. 

Some friends from college would be cool too if anyone went to NYU.

omg that reminds me i have a headcannon that Hayden dated the first and only person he ever loved in college and they broke his fucking heart so if anyone wants to play that out and dive head first into some angst with me then lemme know. 

TAKEN CONNECTIONS ;

dolly = little sister he never wanted / soft spot 

kitty = work wife / flirtationship / friend from college

jac = ex fwb / ride or die 

art = bad influence / haaaave you met ted? 

juliette = good influence / in house nurse 

chris = bromance / friend from cali 

[fearofyoongi-blog]

Oblivious To My Dream

[ The Wild Someone pt. 1 ]

tags: college au, youtuber taehyung, dancer jimin, dancer jungkook, new york city, yoonmin, eventual taekook

main character: kim taehyung

word count: 4641

read the prologue HERE

“Hey— Oh, sorry. Were you recording?” Jimin asked with a wincing expression. Taehyung felt very familiar with that look though. There was one person who had no shame in interrupting his livestreams or recordings. Park Jimin. Not that Tae ever minded. Sometimes he felt insecure in himself, especially around Jimin’s energetic behaviors. He could let the other go on and on, without any regards.

The video he finished posting was a prime example of that. Taehyung spent the better half of three hours editing the video that meant to be a book haul. Instead, Jimin encouraged him to spend more money on other things. American skin products. American clothes. American movies. Additionally, instead of making the video alone, Jimin sat by him. Making more commentary than needed through the entire recording. So Taehyung busied himself this afternoon and made sure to do the video he wanted.

Taehyung shook his head at Jimin, pushing out his lower lip. “Nope,” He responded with the pop of his lip. “Checking emails,” He lied before clasping his hands together. “Did you just get home from yesterday?”

The clothes gave his roommate away without a doubt. Taehyung recalled Jimin in the same yellow pullover yesterday. Except with different colored jeans. Something he could assume was an accident, since these new jeans fit the other well. Tilting his head, he glared at Jimin and waited for an answer.

Yet the other guy nodded with enthusiasm at the question. Taehyung was well aware of Jimin’s new relationship. His roommate had been seeing this guy, Min Yoongi, for a few weeks now. The couple spent almost every evening together. Taehyung didn’t mind having the apartment to himself these days. He found it romantic that the couple wanted to spend that much time together.

“We’re going out again tonight too,” Jimin finally added after realizing Taehyung was quiet. “You, me and Yoongi. It’s time you met him.” A soft groan escaped Tae before his roommate continued with urgency. “It’s to celebrate! To celebrate us, Tae! Three years in the city. We’re almost done with school, we’ve been roommates for this long. We have to celebrate before finals consumes our lives.”

Taehyung was not tough to persuade when it came to invites and social gatherings. He enjoyed the nightlife and enjoyed going out with his best friend. On the other hand, he had an odd feeling brewing in his stomach. What if he didn’t like Yoongi? What if he ended up being the third wheel? What if he was jealous? Taehyung rubbed his lips together as Jimin gave him a deep pout. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You look like you’re about to turn me down.” He snorted at that. “Tae…” Jimin sighed before moving further into the room. “Let’s go out. I want you to meet him. He’s a good guy.”

“I’m not even saying anything, and you’re begging me,” Taehyung commented. Tilting his chin up at Jimin as he adjusted his glasses, he continued. “You’re not going to let me say no, so… might as well give me the details.”

Jimin shouted for glee, moving closer to hug Taehyung as if he had coaxed him into the plan. “In an hour! I already scheduled an Uber so get up!—”

“Wha--”

Jimin clapped, which echoed the room, to interrupt Tae. He began moving out of the room and stripping his clothes to prepare for the evening. “Yes! Come on. Put something else on and meet me in the lobby! Happy hour starts at 5pm and I don’t want to miss it— again." He glared back into Tae’s room, knowing the other hadn’t even stood up from his desk yet.

“Alright… Alright… I’m going…” Tae huffed in defeat, walking over to his closet. They weren't many outfits in his closet. Not for this occasion. After a pensive search, he decided on a pair of black leggings and an oversized burgundy blouse. The leggings were tight, and the shirt was too big for his frame. Tae then added his favorite black loafers and his eyes settled on a black beret as well, to which made him smile.

Sighing, he tossed the beret on his head and pushed it backwards. Tae seemed to have enough time to look at himself in the mirror. Smoothing over the light wrinkles in the front of his shirt whilst chewing on his lip. He swallowed thick, wondering if this was decent last minute outfit. It did seem like a typical, casual outfit for the guy. It was very conservative, some would call it old fashioned, but it fit his frame well and didn’t make him feel so small.

Standing next to Jimin felt like that sometimes. Jimin was a dancer, slender in his waist but thick in his thighs. More often than not Taehyung would catch himself comparing their physiques. Tae was not as active as his roommate, so he never took any of the internal criticism to heart. Still he would feel nervous. Jimin’s personality, plus his style, on top of his body type, he was an eye catcher. Something Taehyung never felt like, being a farmer’s son and all.

He waited another few minutes for his friend. Despite his words, Jimin never failed to be the last ready to leave. His roommate's outfit wasn't much different from his own. Jimin paired his black skinny jeans with black boots. The turtleneck framed his jaw, while the yellow moon on his sweater matched his golden hair well.

Credit goes to searching for the perfect evening outfit. It seemed as though their Uber driver waited an extra four minutes for them because of it. The man had no issue complaining about it. Jimin apologized with a pout and offered his boyish charms. Not long after the scolding did their driver start to take them to their destination.

“You didn’t finish giving me the details,” Taehyung spoke up after a few minutes. “Where are we going?”

“You look fine, if that’s what you’re asking,” Jimin retorted with nonchalance in his tone. His eyes trained on the open Uber app. He watched the destination on the screen with a pensive expression.

“That’s not what I’m asking--” Taehyung rolled his eyes before glancing out the window. The car took an unexpected drive over a bridge, so he knew for sure they were meeting Yoongi somewhere out of the way. The guy cursed under his breath at his friend. It never failed that he would be drug off to places courtesy of Jimin.

It seemed like Jimin could read his mind though, because without missing a beat, he huffed and spoke again. “There’s a new bar not far from here,” He explained as if it were an inconvenience. “Yoongi had some business in Lower Manhattan. So we’re just meeting him halfway.” Licking over his lips, he tilted his head at his friend and smiled. “You’re gonna like him, just watch.”

Taehyung wasn’t as sure as Jimin about this. He was a kind person, sure, and he knew how to turn on his charm whenever necessary. That didn’t always mean he liked every person he came across. Even so, he knew better than to argue with Jimin. Least of all in front of a total stranger. Taehyung nodded in response, and pursed his lips. “What does he do? Yoongi? Some business in Lower Manhattan sounds suspicious.” He teased, revealing a toothy grin to the other to show his jest.

After elbowing him, Jimin scratched his neck. “He’s a music producer.”

Taehyung raised a brow. “And how did you meet him again?”

“Just coincidence,” Jimin smiled to himself before shrugging and glancing to Taehyung. “I went out with some friends, he was at the bar... I said hi. We hit it off.”

He could sense that his friend was smitten, but he didn’t know how bad it was until now. Making a sour face, he giggled and released a groan. “You’re taking six classes this semester. It’s your last year of college, you have an internship coming up, and you work full-time. I’m curious how you make time for Yoongi.” It was an odd, condescending question, Tae didn’t mean any offense. He couldn’t resist his curiosity. His own schedule, which was less stressful than his Jimin's, conflicted. He couldn’t imagine adding a romantic aspect to it. Not right now.

Yet the question only made Jimin smile wider. He was blushing bright red and he shrugged again. “We make it work. I don’t know how. We just do.” Meeting his friend’s eyes again, Jimin rested his palm under Tae’s chin. “When you know it’ll be worth it, making time just comes naturally.”

As he was about to speak- hoping to ask another question- the car pulled into a parallel space and stopped. The driver put his vehicle in park and caught a glimpse of them through the darkness. “My wife and I met by chance in 2004,” The man started with a frail smile. “I worked for a taxi company and she was running late to a meeting she considered the most important of her life.” His smile seemed to grow, the more he talked about the encounter. “It was a thirty minute ride to her destination and we never stopped talking. Instead of getting out of the car, she stayed. I didn’t charge her. We talked and drove for two hours. We married three weeks later,” His eyes checked on both Jimin and Taehyung before snorting. “Don’t let love slip by. Never.” Then he turned back in his seat and huffed, adjusting his Uber app. “Be safe tonight, kids.”

Jimin and Taehyung looked at each other before exiting the car. Neither had anything else to say in that moment. Tae seemed locked in his own thoughts. It seemed pure, the little detail that man shared. Taehyung would cherish it forever. When he thought about love, he reflected on his favorite books. The cliche romance novels with a man catching a woman. Those were his favorite to swoon over, to recite, to remember. As he considered those novels, he looked at Jimin.

The other was talking to a hostess, checking to see if Min Yoongi was on the list. Taehyung bit down on his lip as he thought of an apology. I should give Yoongi a chance. I’m being too harsh and I haven’t met him, the guy said to himself. Fingers clasped together as he looked into the unknown bar. Tae gulped as he imagined what Yoongi would look like. What was Jimin’s type anyway?

For someone so outgoing and free, Jimin kept this relationship private. Jimin never posted anything about Yoongi. Not a photo, a quote, nothing. Jimin never went into detail about the relationship. Least of all what Yoongi looked like. It was in his thoughts that he realized he was being watched. His eyes panned over the bar from the window, but he could feel foreign eyes on him from inside.

The bar was beautiful from the outside looking in though. Red and black themes furnished the brick building. The booths were dark and leather while the hardwood floors seemed almost red. A bar lined the left half of the area. Next to that were stairs, where Taehyung could only assume were for VIP rooftop service. That was typical for a bar. If he were being honest, Tae examined the bar's aesthetic as a means to avoid the stark stare he pulled from inside.

Taehyung found the eyes at the corner of the room. The other man was standing with his hands in his pockets. His eyes were dark and heavy. Tae wanted to assume the inside of the bar's windows had a tint to them. So no one on the inside could see out. That their eyes didn’t meet. Yet when the stranger noticed that Taehyung noticed him, he smirked. Nothing wide and toothy, or shy. No, this guy was making eye contact without apology. Taehyung gulped and moved his eyes, focusing on Jimin again. In a moment's notice, the hostess escorted them inside after figuring out where Yoongi was on the list.

Jimin rested his hand on the small of Taehyung’s back. Thankful for the touch, as it pulled Tae out of his thoughts. “Come on, he’s inside already,” He addressed his friend with a sense of excitement in his tone. It was quite cute, considering Jimin had only recently left Yoongi’s home. How long have they gone without seeing each other? Taehyung didn’t hinder Jimin any longer though, following his lead into the bar. It was hard not to notice the eyes still on him. Feeling watched was something that never escaped him.

It made his skin hot. If it weren’t for his golden skin tone, Taehyung was sure the stranger would catch him blushing. His ears even felt warm. The walk through the bar was long and winding. Taehyung ended up settling behind Jimin. Praying to no longer be in direct view of unnecessary eyes. He swallowed thick as he noticed they were getting closer to the man staring at him. Worrying seemed to be a lost cause because the stranger’s party started to filter out. Taehyung peeked from over Jimin's shoulder while watching the stranger. The other trailed behind a few other men. To Tae, they all looked the same height. Meekly he caught a better glance, finding his eyes wider than ever as they met the stranger's.

It happened for less than a few seconds, but he seemed entranced. For those few moments, he became trapped in a bubble with this other man. He was tall, his hair dark and almost covering his eyes. Taehyung released a shaky breath and caught a glimpse of the other’s backside. Muscular, his clothes casual and loose, just like Taehyung’s. Except the stranger’s jeans were better fitted, and he wore Timberlands that only added to his height. As the other walked further away, he headed in the direction from which Taehyung arrived. Their eye contact did not falter.

It was then that he realized his heart was unsteady. Each step away from the other caused his heartbeat to race faster. Half of him unsure of the staring, the other half so sure and familiar that he didn’t want it to end. Taehyung wanted to follow behind this stranger and talk to him. Similar to what Jimin said he had done for Yoongi. It was unfortunate that he had hardly taken in his surroundings at that moment. Taehyung was so encased in the gaze that he bumped into a booth. Stumbling and falling front first into the seat. He didn’t have time to catch the stranger’s reaction. By the time he recovered, the other was out of the door and on the street.

The eye contact, broken by clumsiness.

A shaky breath escaped his lips as he found himself seated beside another stranger. This one seemed less gawky and more present in the moment. Tae’s eyes searched for Jimin with urgency, only to find him sitting opposite of this stranger. A platinum blonde, thin man wearing a long sleeve sweater and ripped skinny jeans. This had to be Min Yoongi.

Taking them in, as a couple, made Tae smile. The blonde in Yoongi’s hair matched the golden color of Jimin’s. Even the way they greeted each other was cute. A simple, bashful grin. Then Yoongi bumped Jimin's chin with his thumb, causing Jimin to wither in his seat. Taehyung was jealous of the moment. Neither bothered to address him yet. They seemed lost in their reunion which made him snort. At least it gave him enough time to peek at the entrance of the bar again. Deep in regret, he wished the stranger would return. If not for a hello, at least a goodbye.

Nothing.

In disappointment, he fiddled with the menu on the table. With no aim or thoughts, the guy flipped through the Happy Hour options and sighed. Taehyung was only met with that feeling of drabness, then the sound of Jimin calling his name.

“Hm?” He grumbled before he turned his attention back to the people beside him.

“Tae,” Jimin chuckled in a breathy expression after saying his name. “This is Yoongi, the guy I’ve been telling you so much about.” Typical him, to compliment himself. The comment made Yoongi cringe, his eyes squinting with embarrassment.

“Right, yes,” Taehyung sat up straighter and extended his hand to Yoongi. “I’m Taehyung. Jimin’s roommate. I’m sure you have heard plenty about me too, right?” He asked starkly, joking at first but deep down hoping Jimin brought him up. They were best friend’s after all.

“He might have mentioned you, one time too many,” Yoongi replied with a daring grin. The proud guy took Tae's hand and shook it. Jimin matched that with a smack on Yoongi's arm before hiding his face in his sweater.

After putting his hand down, Tae fell back into his thoughts. He wondered about the stranger and who he was. Most of all, if Yoongi knew him. He allowed the couple to fall into a conversation after giving their drink orders to a waitress. Tae would wait all night if he had to, if it meant finding out who the stranger was. For now, and the next thirty minutes, his attention focused on his phone as he checked his phone.

Lucky for him, he did not wait long. Five minutes after, the waitress returned with their drinks. Jimin started to speak again while Tae and Yoongi downed their round of drinks. “Who were those guys sitting with you before us? I meant to ask earlier. I hope we didn’t just interrupt your meeting.” Jimin said wryly, though Taehyung knew his words were only to show modesty. Again, Jimin was the king of interruption and great timing.

This conversation caught Tae's attention, and he turned to them again. He settled his phone in his pocket and listened.

“That was Jin and... some dance group. He wants to hire them for his new artist’s music video,” Yoongi started, both him and Tae watched as Jimin nodded along. “You haven’t met Jin, he’s been out of town for awhile.” Then he turned to Tae. “Jin’s my roommate. He owns a part of his dad’s record label, so he’s got creative rights of almost everything in his side.” Tae’s eyes followed as Yoongi began to rub his hands along his pants. Was he nervous about something?

“Jin just got back into the city so I had him meet up with me here for drinks. While I waited for you. I didn’t know he was bringing them,” Yoongi further explained to Jimin without missing a beat. Even emphasizing the word them as a means to defend himself.

Taehyung finally spoke up. “Who are they?”

Surprised by the interest, Yoongi and Jimin looked at Tae. Jimin grinned coyly while Yoongi answered his question. “--Don’t know. Never met them before now. I know they’re a dance crew that’s from South Korea. They travel a lot and are pretty well known.”

“He meant their names,” Jimin added hoarsely, glaring at Taehyung. There was a pause from Yoongi. Tae and Jimin were doing a weird gaze that seemed unreadable to the naked eye. Something Yoongi wouldn’t be able to translate, even if he wanted to. “Oh, don’t give me that." Jimin scoffed at Tae. "I saw you staring at them. Which one caught your eye, hm?.” He taunted Tae, who bashfully scratched his neck.

Nice as he was, Yoongi shrugged. “Honestly, I didn’t ask. I didn’t know he was bringing them so I didn’t bother to learn about them any better.” Yoongi said, in hopes of getting the spotlight off of Taehyung. They all sipped their drinks for a second before he continued. “They did follow me on Instagram, from their account. They’re gonna be in town for another week or so. I can link you up, if you want.”

That right there was enough of a let down for Taehyung. To hear the stranger he met eyes with will only be in town temporarily. It seemed that all hope to know him better washed away. Knowing who he was would be pointless. "Not necessary, I was only curious," Tae sat back against the booth and finished his drink. Maybe that’s why he didn’t say anything, He told himself. He knew it would be pointless, too. Pressing his lips into a thin line, he waved a waitress down and asked for shots and another drink.

Jimin felt caught off guard, but more than accepting of a shot. Yoongi didn’t decline either, despite being here the longest, and offered to put the order on his tab. When the drinks arrived, Taehyung downed one and only asked for more. If he was going to mope, he would rather do it drunkenly. Tae continued to sit in silence. Yoongi and Jimin became involved in yet another conversation. They seemed good at that. Good for them.

His gaze went back to the entrance of the bar. Dazed and confused about the guy he let walk away. If it was pointless to dwell, then why was he dwelling? Taehyung had never felt this out of place before. Whenever he went to a bar with Jimin, his friend seemed to be the center of attention. Guys, girls, it didn't matter. Tae was much more reserved. Yes, easy to speak to, yet difficult to capture his attention. Regardless, even without a word, he captured this stranger's stare. Of course he wanted to know why that was. Even if he were to find out it was for his best friend, like every other time before.

“So what do you do?” Yoongi asked, a few minutes later. Managing to pull Taehyung out of his sullen thoughts for a conversation. “I mean, I know you’re in college like Jimin but… What do you?”

“Literature,” Taehyung said shortly before returning to his drink.

“He loves books and novels and films.” Jimin stated in addition to his roommate's brief explanation. “He has a YouTube channel too. He talks about all kinds of literature on there. It’s fascinating.” Tae snorted at Jimin’s compliment though. Knowing well that the other didn’t watch any of his content. Only if he was in the video as well. Even so, Jimin would sit there and talk about himself throughout the entire video. Nothing more.

“I enjoy scripts and broadway too,” Tae said after an extra minute of his silence. Jimin had gone on about something else, but Taehyung didn’t hesitate to cut his friend off. As a means to answer Yoongi. “I like musicals. I try to go to plays in the city. They’re expensive, so I only go once a year. Haven’t missed one yet.”

Yoongi was quiet, nodding along to everything Tae revealed. “Wow, you’re really into the arts, huh?” Taehyung nodded. “Do you do anything yourself? Like, writing, acting even? Painting? Or are you only a fan?”

“He sings,” Jimin, once again, chiming in. “Boy, if you like my voice, you should hear his.”

Taehyung dismissed his friend nonchalantly. “I don’t sing. I mean, I do, but I’m not trained. Not like Jimin.”

He could sense Yoongi feeling overwhelmed by this tennis game of conversation. The guy’s head was bouncing between the two of them as they carried themselves through. A smile lifted his features before he laughed. “You should let me hear you someday. Did Jimin tell you I’m a music producer? I’m always looking for people to work with.”

Jimin shifted in his seat and cleared his throat.

Taehyung didn't noticed. Instead he agreed and shook his head all the same. “Singing isn’t my thing though. I do it in passing but-- it’s not my thing.”

“Then what’s your thing?”

Taehyung didn’t know who the question came from, but he didn’t answer either way. He swallowed thick before taking down the rest of his drink. If they had asked, he would admit that he didn’t understand the question. For as long as he could remember, his thing was literature. He dreamed of other ambitions. Being an actor, being on broadway and singing, but those weren’t serious careers. Not for him.

Not for the farmer’s son from South Korea.

His parents allowed him to move to South Korea for the sake of bettering his education. If they ever learned about this need of his, this insatiable need to be front and center? He didn't know how they would react. He didn't know if he wanted to know either. So he suppressed these ambitions. Rather than pursuing them, he stood behind his desires. Tae vowed to channel his interest elsewhere.

At some point he felt himself check out completely. The third or fourth round of drinks had met the roommates with glee. Taehyung drank and drank until he was a giggling, bubbly mess. He remembered dancing around a little bit, outside of the bar. Jimin and him locked arms and shouted to the city until they became hoarse. They friends were lucky enough that Yoongi had a car, so they could catch a ride from him.

From there, it all seemed like a blur. Taehyung hopped into the backseat of the car and laid on it.  Jimin rested in front, entwining his fingers with Yoongi's free hand. Both were singing with the radio. Whatever was playing, even if Tae's English wasn’t perfect, he caught every melody. From the backseat, he opened up his phone and jumped on Instagram. He can’t remember why or when he pressed the ‘Start Live Video’ button, but he did it. In a matter of seconds, his followers joined the video chat. They all seemed to enjoy and listen to Taehyung’s rendition of the song played.

Even Jimin and Yoongi were quiet and attentive. They made eye contact and nodded at each other. Jimin basked in the glow of being right about Taehyung. The guy could sing, even if he wasn’t trained like him. If Taehyung were listening close enough, he would hear Yoongi mentioning a track he had in mind. While listening to Tae sing, he imagined the song and melody, how it was perfect for him. If he were paying attention, he could hear Yoongi begging Jimin not to feel upset about this.

Yet Taehyung seemed lost in his own world. Singing to the song with confidence even he couldn’t recognize. As the third song came to an end, he looked at his feed and grinned wide at the followers watching. Insisting, with a finger to his lips, that they could keep this secret between them. Before he knew it, Tae exited the app and laid hard against the seat. The familiar bridge, from earlier, came into view from the window. He knew he was going to be home soon. Try as he might, he couldn’t stay awake for the rest of the trip.

Instead his eyes fluttered shut as visions of the stranger from the bar came to view. Tae dreamed of singing to the boy. Singing until he agreed to stay with him. Don’t let love slip by, he hummed to the man in his dream. Never. Fingers caressing the skin he wished to know. If only it were real. If only.