#and there are bits here and there where i related to holden

[kittykaspbrak]

Someone recently asked me why I enjoyed Final Destination 3 so much, and I accidentally wrote a mini-analysis so here you guys go. (I didn’t proofread it so I hope it makes sense)

Well, where do I even start. First off, the characters are extremely well written and easy to connect with, unlike any of the other movies (besides the first one).

The acting is absolutely phenomenal and the pure fear Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Wendy) managed to portray is actually mind boggling. I will admit Lewis (Texas Battle) was poorly written, being a stereotypical black jock never really plays well. But the other characters have their own uniqueness to them that we didn’t really see in some of the other movies. Ashlyn (Crystal Lowe) and Ashley (Chelan Simmons) were stereotypical “mean” girls but they were actually extremely nice and sweet in the movies, just girls who were kinda airheaded. Frankie (Sam Easton) was a weird ass pervert, but you have to admit his character was extremely (and sadly) realistic. Ian (Kris Lemche) and Erin (Alexz Johnson) were teenage dirtbag assholes which really balances out the ditzyness and almost airy feel of the other characters. Ian being super smart was honestly a refresher in the series, because not many people did try and apply other “laws” and “theories” to the equation. Julie (Amanda Crew) was that asshole teen little sister who acts like a brat but truly isn’t, which (if you’re a sibling) is so easy to relate and connect to. Kevin (Ryan Merriman) was a jerk in the beginning, but as the story went on you could kind of see him change and feel for him and his situation (at least I did. I know not many people can, but that’s cause of trauma for me…) And the little screen time we had for Jason (Jesse Moss) and Carrie (Gina Holden) made viewers feel torn about their death. With the 10 minutes they had, they were SUCH sweethearts and it breaks your heart to see them die like that especially knowing Wendy tried to get them off.

The plot itself is amazing, a control freak who now has the knowledge she isn’t even in control of her own life and death, as well as trying to stop everyone around hers demise. It adds a more realistic level to this that wasn’t portrayed in the others. She wants to be in control, but she can’t because that’s not the way death works. The clues being in the photos rather than in visions is genuinely so cool, although it was a bit of a reach at times. I found that it being a group of people who already know each other rather than strangers really drives the message further and makes the audience have a deeper reaction to the movie. The deaths itself were the best in any movie by far, and there’s no arguing on that. The tanning beds, the weights, the nail gun, the flag pole impalement, even the premonition Wendy had at the end that maybe (probably definitely) did happen with the train. Each death in this movie was beautiful, and the editing and everything about this movie is just gorgeous.

I think what worked for it was the fact it’s. Stand-alone, and not a continuation of the first two movies. Also, they had a lot more cool features than the other movies, like that whole “choose their fate” thing in the DVDs (I think). This movie is straight up just fun and a refresher from the others. The only movie I would consider being better than it is the 5th one, but that’s simply cause of the plot twist at the end and the cool thing they added with the “take a life, earn a life”

Anyways I hope this makes sense please tell me it does 😭

[thisisegregiouuuus]

2 more days...or i guess one, but still....going insane

saturday better hurry up and get over here im so excited to watch the shining, ive been itching all week for it 🙏 if anything gets in the way of my plans im gonna be really sad

ive been quoting the shining allll day to myself, i got to use a quote like twice with my friend so i was happy, it was unleashing my true self

also i read like ten chapters of the shining, so heh..yk... not to brag or anything....😼seriously tho i was so glad i read that much, i got to the bit where jack's backstory w/ his abusive father is revealed and he has his nightmare and all that, and i stopped reading just after he went to room 217 to check if the old woman in the tub was still there. I LOVE THE SHINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was so exhausted today and my uncle asked 'so have u been watching anything recently?' and oh... my god.... i cant tell you how long ive been waiting for someone, ANYONE to ask me that. SOOOOOOO long, and ik i could just talk about it but idk i just dont so i wait around, and everything i practiced in my head, everything i wanted to say ages ago if anyone ever asked me smth like that, just went away, bc i was so exhausted today so i had not a single thought, but i was insanely happy, and was glad i could finally talk abt it to someone. it wasnt enough tho, i still want to talk </3 PLEASE GOD!!!!!!!!! PLEAAAASEEEE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 SEND ME SOMEONE, ANYONE I CAN TALK TO ABT THE SHINING!!!!!!!!!!!

also i got embarrassed bc my uncle asked 'why do u like the shining so much' or smth like that and i didnt have an answer. like the question didnt embarrass me but the fact that i didnt know what to say, and i told him that, i said 'idk! i just like it' thats the thing with me liking things, i feel like if i like something, i know the reasons why, but as soon as someone asks me my mind just goes blank and i embarrass myself bc i dont have an answer for them. that reminds me of the time when i first read the catcher in the rye, absolutely loved it, and related to holden soooo much, like im not kidding ive never related to a character that much before, i almost cried reading that book, then i went and told my friend abt all that and suggested she read it. she did, and she said it was good, but asked why i related to holden, and ofc i know why, i could go on and on, but in that moment when she asked me, i just didnt know! it was stupid, it always is when i blank out like that

also did u know lana del rey's 'doin' time' is like inspired by or whatever by sublime's 'doin' time'? i'm not a fan of lana del rey and i kind of like sublime but as soon as i heard sublime's 'doin' time' it took me a bit but i recognised it, and its basically pretty similar to lana del rey's 'doin' time' but anyway!

also i watched superbad again last night. michael cera is me, just trust me please, also i have a big crush on him so idk if that's weird or like egotistical or me or smth but i love him

[cathygeha]

REVIEW

Annika Rose by Cheri Johnson

This is a book that has mixed reviews. Some are glowing and others much less so. The prose is well done and the dialogue easy to follow.  I began reading and two young women meet on a country road. One lives with her father and is out for a walk and the other has just moved into the cabin next door. They talk, tour the cabin, and Annika worries but admires Tina while thinking about drawings she has made. I was underwhelmed so read the end, as I sometimes do, to see if I wanted to continue reading based on the conclusion of the story. I wasn’t sure but still uncommitted so went to the middle and read a bit more here and there and found that there were characters that seemed charming in spots while also feeling rather dangerous. There was a dark vibe throughout and a feeling that left me thinking that this is probably a book for someone younger than I am who might be drawn in and be able to make more sense of it. So, did I read the entire book word for word? No Will I return to it? Probably not because I could not relate to the characters and their story did not draw me in. Would I read this author again? It would depend on the synopsis and if it was of interest.

I would like to thank NetGalley and Red Hen Press for the ARC – This is my honest review

2-3 Stars

BLURB

Ancient and contemporary myths—including both Ovid’s Metamorphoses and Ira Levin’s Rosemary’s Baby—overlay a coming-of-age story set in remote northern Minnesota. Seventeen-year-old Annika Rose and her father Wes have spent the years since the death of Annika’s mother in self-imposed social isolation on their farm on the edge of the woods. When a young woman named Tina moves into a house down the road, the result is a sudden explosion of feelings in both father and daughter and a fierce rivalry. At stake in the competition is not only their relationship, but the life of the vulnerable young woman at the center of it all. Advance Praise: “Part coming-of-age story, part ode to the landscape of northern Minnesota, this is also a horror story that reflects the larger horror of adolescence, of a girl’s fight for integrity in the face of demolished innocence. How could we forget Annika after we meet her? Her character is seared upon my brain. She is reminiscent of other stubborn, opinionated characters who struggle in the limbo between childhood and adulthood: Huckleberry Finn, Laura Ingalls, and Scout Finch.”—Amanda Coplin, author of The Orchardist “Cheri Johnson’s novel Annika Rose is a marvel of invention whose always knowing prose, alternately heartbreaking and hilarious, simultaneously glimmers and cuts. A magician with character, Johnson’s most artful alchemy comes in her protagonist Annika, who, if there is a meritocracy, will become as memorable a first name in literature as Holden or Huckleberry as teenagers choked and befuddled by angst, adventure, and an ever-encroaching and frightening very real world. Annika—an eighteen-year-old post-modern Laura Ingalls inhabiting a little trailer on the prairie—is a breathing contradiction, both an old soul and a doe-innocent naif. Yet her battle—to speak when uncomfortable truths finally outweigh convenient myths—is as ageless as both life and death.”—Neal Karlen, author of This Thing Called Life: Prince’s Odyssey On + Off the Record "Annika Rose is a coming-of-age story unlike any you’ve ever read. This novel peels back the skin of the genre’s tropes to reveal all of the sticky weirdness that exists beneath. Annika Rose’s narrative is a journey into deep psychic wildness where love, desire, envy, power, and violence collapse into one another. We open with what presents initially as a love triangle, but quickly reveals itself to be the face of a much more complex and multidimensional geometry of desire. The setting, at the edge of farm country in the age of supermarkets, is more than a backdrop. The creatures and hazards of the deep woods the characters still roam serve as an insistent reminder of the feral impulses powering our rational minds. Annika Rose is also a page-turner and compulsively readable, its sentences at turns as restrained and untamed as the country it describes." —Melanie Conroy-Goldman, author of The Likely World

[scorndotexe]

mostly unrelated to my catcher in the rye discussion enjoyment but i don't think you need to relate to a protagonist to be able to really get a book

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Prompt: Vampire Chris drunk on blood?

CW: Drunkenness, drug addiction, blood drinking, vampirism, creepy abusive comfort, WWI-period-appropriate xenophobia and brief vague possible homophobia reference, dehumanization, war whump

"Now, that'll get you blotto faster'n French liquor," Kirk says, sinking back against the muddy trench wall, careless for the dirt caking itself into the hair at the nape of his neck.

His helmet lay beside him upside down on the ground, and his brown hair was free to explode in its wealth of curls, a kind of halo around his head. He had one arm out, sleeve rolled back. His hands were caked in mud and smeared with drying dirt - above the line of his sleeve, though, the skin was paper-white, almost clammy.

It was this white skin that the vampire's fangs were buried in.

"Shit, Holden, y'gotta have 'im bite you, too." Kirk's grin widens. The shells had gone silent but every man flinches, now and then, hearing a phantom sound or feeling a rumble beneath their feet.

At least it's finally stopped goddamn raining.

The venom rolls through Kirk's veins, soothing his jangled nerves. He can barely feel the trembling in his hands and it feels like his mind, when it's in him. He's a farm kid from western Nebraska, the second son and not needed so much as the first to bring the crops in. So here he is, learning to love the feeling of teeth in his skin.

Maybe when he gets shipped back home he'll stick to the cities. They say the vampires have their dens there, where they can hide. You can buy venom enough to quiet your mind for a day or two, the city boys tell him.

They're in it as deep as he is, now.

Feels like half the American army is itching for venom these days.

"No thank you. I'm not gonna get sent home and start chasing fangs like the rest of you." Holden squints, looking up into the dark sky, the rolling clouds that seem far too close to the ground. "It'll rain again soon."

"When isn't it going to rain again soon? Oh, right, when it's already bloody raining." That's a Brit, they just call him Tommy. No one knows his real name.

He claims to hate them all, but since half his unit was blasted apart two days ago, he's hung with the 'Yanks' close enough. Kirk thinks he's fond of them, even if he won't admit it. Or just scared to be alone. He can understand that. He's terrified of the thought himself. "Shove the little vamp over to me, Kirk, I want some."

The vampire pulls his fangs free, licking over the wounds he's made until they close. He's a skinny little thing, pale as paper with bright red hair they stuff under his helmet when he's running medic checks in No Man's Land, trying to make him less obvious. Sure, he can't die from gas, but he can be blown to bits by a whizz-bang fast as any living soldier can.

"Please," The vampire says, turning big green eyes up to Kirk. "I, I, I'm tired, please, can I sleep?"

He's got heavy dark circles under his eyes. It's kind of cute.

"No," Kirk answers, curt, shoving the vampire away by his head, watching him fall into the mud. His uniform is marked with it, now, a dab of dirt over the 'V' sewn next to his medic's cross. There's a satisfaction, in Kirk, just in seeing the little thing laid low.

He won't die in this war, and Kirk probably will, but before that happens he can at least hurt something he can see. You can't see old Fritz when you fire on him from a distance - but you can see a vampire flinch in the dirt. It's not much.

It's something.

"Must be daytime," Holden speaks up, still staring up at the clouds. "You can't tell, weather like this, but if the fangs're tryin' to sleep, must be day."

"He sleeps when we're done with him, and not a moment before." Kirk's voice is a murmur, eyes half-closed. He's drifting in it, the way the venom dulls and deadens the eternal ache in his back and legs. The Germans could come roaring over the bags right this second and Kirk wouldn't give a damn at all. Let them kill him, at least he can go with venom in his veins, not as a basket case carried off the field. "Not a second before. Go on, bloodsucker. Get over to Tommy and help him get some shut-eye, huh?"

"I've been drinking all night, pulled some rations off someone," Tommy groans, rubbing his fingers at his temples. "It's done no good at all." It's a funny little gesture, so oddly normal and casual. Reminds Kirk of home.

His throat tries to close, homesickness bowling him over. The wish to return to his mother's worn smile, sit down to dinner and have her ask him about his day, when his problems revolved around the harvest and the hard backs of the pews in church-

He takes a breath, forcing it back, and gives the vampire a vicious kick in the ribs, listening to his high-pitched cry and how he curls around himself with a smile of his own.

Oh, he'll die, probably. The others from his town already have. But he can remind himself he's still alive, for now. One way or another. He can cause pain he can't feel himself, for once.

"I said get over to Tommy and smooth out his sharp bits, bloodfuck."

"Yes, um, y-yes, Kirk," The vampire says, pulling himself onto his hands and knees. His fingers are smashed into the mud deep enough to nearly disappear. If they could only get a few days of sunlight to dry out all this dirt, it wouldn't be such hell.

As it is, his socks've been damp for weeks, his boots feel like they're caging his feet in a swamp. He's worried about trenchfoot and trying not to think about it. He stole these boots off a dead German when his own started to fall apart, anyway.

He could've probably gotten new ones, but... it had felt good, taking something from Fritz after Fritz took so much from him.

Kirk tries not to remember that the German soldiers he fights have never caused him a single moment's harm on purpose. They're only fighting for the same reasons he is - because someone higher up who doesn't give a damn about them said to.

Kirk had been all gung-ho for the war until he'd been sent over here to fight it. All those articles in the newspapers, all the speeches given by men standing in town squares... it had all made it seem so patriotic.

They never tell you, Kirk thinks bitterly, that you'll be sent into a slaughterhouse. They don't tell you you'll spend your day breaking a vampire's fingers one by one just to watch them heal back into place and listen to his little cries.

Just to pass the time.

"Trade me your flask while the fangs takes care of you," Kirk says, and Tommy hands it over easy enough.

He watches Tommy grab the vampire by one arm and yank him over, vicious and violent, making the vampire boy cry out again. The sound is starting to grate on Kirk's nerves. It makes him sound too human. He hates being reminded that every vampire used to be a person.

He drinks whatever's in the Brit's flask, and it burns down his throat just the way he needs it to. Wipes out his worries, relaxes shoulders that seem always to be tensed up nearly to his chin.

His mama's a teetotaler, back in Nebraska. He'd been one, too, until the first bombardment. Now he drinks anything he could get his hands on, and the officers mostly looked the other way.

"Bite," Tommy orders. Kirk raises his eyebrows when Tommy doesn't roll up his sleeve but pushes the vampire's face instead towards his neck, turning his head to the side to bare it.

His eyes meet Kirk's, and he smiles, bitterly. "Works faster this way," He explains. Kirk just watches as the vampire's fangs glint in the eternal dim twilight, hesitating before they bury themselves in Tommy's skin.

The little monster's back arches, pressing them chest-to-chest. A low rumble comes from somewhere deep inside, the animal sound the vampire makes during a good feed. He doesn't do it much with the regular unit any longer, they mocked him for it and one day he stopped.

The vampire's throat works as he drinks, and Tommy's arm slides around the monster's thin shoulders, forcing him closer. He's nearly kissing his forehead, this way.

It's an embrace, and altogether more intimate of one than Kirk thought he'd ever see from the cold, standoffish Brit. He feels a blush creeping up his neck and his cheeks as Tommy lets his head fall back, groaning softly in a kind of contentment as the venom hits. The sound isn't quite like a groan at all, it's more like-

"Fucking hell, Tommy, are you an invert?"

"Invert suggests I give a damn what bites me," Tommy replies, without opening his eyes. His slurred speech deepens, goes slow. His hand curves around the vampire's shoulder, holding him tightly. "I'm after oblivion, lads. I don't care what parts the fangs have that give it to me."

"Fang-chaser," Holden says, good-naturedly. Clearly not bothered the way Kirk is. Maybe that's just his farmboy past talking, that he's even unsettled at all. Maybe Tommy's got a point - who cares what's between a vampire's legs if you're only interested in the damn thing's mouth in the first place? "Fucking fang-chaser, that's what you are. End up in a den getting your hips bit like Oscar Wilde."

"Who's Oscar Wilde?"

Holden laughs. "You should try reading a book or three sometime, Kirk."

"Sure, sure, whenever I get the damn time in-between running over this blasted nothing. In any case, Tommy's definitely a fang-chaser."

"Guilty as charged... just like you two." Tommy's hand slides up into the vampire's hair, gripping tight and gently pulling backwards. The vampire's fangs slide free, and it laps at the wounds, rapidly. Tommy groans again. Kirk finds himself unable to look away at the bob of Tommy's throat. How good does it feel, in the neck? He's never thought to try it. He thinks about it now. "Turn me in to face discipline for unnatural relations with the fangs and I'll do the same to you."

"Yeah, yeah, we got it. Fucking Limey bastard." There's no real animosity in Kirk's voice. He's too distracted, drunkenly considering the vampire boy's mouth. Wondering if he knows how to kiss. "You shared your liquor, I shared our bloodsucker, we're both of us in it to our necks."

"Not me," Holden says, innocent and pure as the driven snow. As if he weren't the one to give Kirk the idea to use the venom in the first place.

Kirk throws a clot of mud at him, which he dodges, laughing. They're all laughing, soon enough, except for the fangs.

The vampire lays there, his head pressed to Tommy's chest and forcibly held in place by his arm. His eyes are slightly wide, unfocused, and Kirk leans forward.

"What's this, then? What'd you do to the fangs, Tommy?"

"Hm? Nothing. Oh, I'm pissed as can be, do they feel the liquor in your blood?"

"I'm guessing they sure do. You drunk, fangs?"

The vampire's eyes drift over to Kirk, move too far to one side, come back again. He swallows, thickly. "I... I think I, I, I am," He says, and tries to push back against Tommy's chest, to free himself.

The Brit's arm crushes him back into place, his other hand moving up to run through the vampire boy's dirt red hair, petting him like one of the ambulance dogs. Kirk and Holden laugh at the vampire's weakness. "Stay right where you are," Tommy murmurs. "Or I'll run you through with my bayonet and let you squirm all day."

"Christ," Kirk says, blinking. "That's a bit rough, isn't it?"

"He's not alive, what does it matter?" Tommy lets out a bitter little laugh. "Might as well get a preview of our own ends, shouldn't we?"

"You two, maybe." Holden crawls into the dugout, the little bed-space, a kind of cave dug in underneath the upper layers of the trench. He lays down on his back, closing his eyes, hands behind his head. "I'm going to go back home and never think of you lot ever again."

"I pray every night to make it home," Kirk says, nodding along. "Not sure anyone's listening, but I got to try, don't I?"

"What happens to the fangs, anyway?" The Brit looks up, rocking a little back and forth. As if the bloodsucker were a baby needing soothing. The vampire boy has relaxed against him, the liquor-laced blood he drank lulling him into a complacent bonelessness. Kirk watches the vampire boy's fingers start to tap over the Brit's chest, a strange movement he's seen the boy do before in his few relaxed moments between the scream of the shells. He hums, low in his throat, tuneless.

"Huh?" Kirk blinks. "What d'you mean, what happens to him?"

"After the war's done. What are they gonna do with the bloodsuckers? Can't exactly pin a bloody ribbon for valor on them and send them on their way, now can they?"

"Nope. I don't know what happens. Maybe they'll just stake them all and have done with them."

The vampire shudders, giving a little whimper. Tommy leans down, lips moving against the vampire's hair. "Ssssshhhh. Not to worry, little fangs. War's not over just yet, now is it?"

"N-... no. Not, not, not, not yet." The vampire's eyes close, pink-tinged tears creating pale tracks in his dirty face. He's a sad drunk, then, Kirk figures.

Aren't they all, these days.

"Maybe you'll outlive us all, and make fools of us for keeping you." Tommy speaks with a patronizing affection, as mocking as it is tender, petting through the creature's hair still. It's... unsettling to watch. Kirk had figured the Brits and French probably killed all their vamps, since they were all disturbed by the sight of the vampire medics when the doughboys first arrived in Europe.

This, though... this makes it seem like Tommy's known a vampire or two himself, in his life. And he's sure as fuck not unfamiliar to what venom is good for outside of giving relief from agony to the injured.

Kirk frowns, thoughtful.

He's turned into a thoughtful drunk, too, thanks to this goddamn war. Sad and thoughtful. What a fucking waste.

"Sleep," Tommy says, almost gently, to the drunk little vampire. "I've got you. Sleep, little one."

The vampire's eyes slip closed. He doesn't breathe - there's no sense of his chest rising and falling. Kirk has to look away before the sense of wrongness, watching Tommy cuddle a corpse, makes him sick.

He takes a long, long draught from the flask, and relishes the burn that reminds him he's human, and alive.

His own eyes slip shut, and he prays for an hour or two of sleep before the next screaming shell bursts overhead.

-

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @insaneinthepaingame @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @astrobly @newandfiguringitout @pretty-face-breaker @endless-whump @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @doveotions @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @what-a-whump

[h0tch-r0cket]

What are your tattoos

so… i have a ton! here’s a brief little bit about all of them (if you want to hear about them lol)

starting from the top left

1) scorpio symbol on my ring finger- my zodiac sign

2) rose on my middle finger- honestly just liked the design

3) my dogs paw print- he’s my first dog so i wanted to get his paw with me forever❤️he’ll be 10 this year.

4) my grandma’s handwriting- she wrote that in my 5th grade yearbook and i wanted to get it after she passed

5) let there be light- it’s a quote from lucifer and the little doodle is tom ellis’ handwriting because it’s probably my favorite show and he’s my comfort character

6) cardinals- my first tattoo i got on my 18th//got it to honor my dad and grandma after they passed

7) catcher in the rye’s holden caul field- favorite book i read in high school and it was a book/author i learned about from one of my english teachers who had done a lot for me but has since passed since i left high school

8) geometric flower- on the back of my calf/probably one of my favorite pieces/got it just for the hell of it

9) <+> - supposed to be “positivity is greater than anything”

10) batman- another tattoo for my dad

11) stitch- hes my fav disney character

12) let’s find a place where happiness begins- quote from only human by the jonas brothers but i really liked it and took it as like you’ll find your happiness somewhere even if it takes time

13) the “game night” scene from lucifer- again, my comfort characters and i love this scene so much. “partners ‘till the end”

14) cosmic triangle- got it matching with my best friend since kindergarten

15) the pi symbol with the heart- i’m a math nerd and this is matching with my mom it’s supposed to be a nerdy way of doing infinite love

16) good things come to those who wait- a lyric from the song of the same title by nathan sykes. i can relate to this a lot

17) 1968- the year both my parents were born

thanks for the ask!!!

[hcldens]

HOLDEN NEWMAN ❖ TWENTY-FIVE ❖ ACCOUNTANT

I. stats

full name: holden theodore newman

gender & pronouns: cis-male, he/him

age & birthday: 25, april 13th, 1997

area of residence: downtown ithaca

housing: east hill, loft

occupation: accountant

school & major: recently graduated with a mps in accounting

time in town: a year

II. background

born in new canaan, ct. his mother was a broke socialite (not really broke, she still was richer than the average american but ya know nowhere as rich as before) and a doctor.

back to his mom, she belongs to a very known and old family in the us (think the vanderbilts bc yes that’s the family i based this from) but holden doesn’t really talk about them and really doesn’t know that side of his family well.

his dad, au contraire, had humble beginnings and worked hard to pay his way through college and med school. they met in 1994, at the hospital he worked at and well they fell in love and holden was born 3 years later.

was the perfect mix of his parents’ personalities. he share his mom’s love for art and his father’s thirst for knowledge. overall, he was very curious and sensible kid.

not the most committed student. he was always living in his own world, dreaming of the worlds he read in books or watched in films. however, he was naturally smart and so he did good at school.

death tw: his father passed away when he was eleven years old and from that moment on it was as if something within him died as well.

holden and his mom drifted apart after that since none of them knew how to share their grief with the other.

his mom began spending a looooot of money. so much that made holden anxious and he used to go to bed thinking about the family’s finances which, ya know, no thirteen year old should be concerned about that.

matured very fast, pretty much missed his teenage years and couldn’t wait to go to college and idk being thirty, flirty and thriving.

attended university in pennsylvania and while he wanted to study something related to art he ended up taking accounting and finance (rip) because google told him it was a stable career path.

lived briefly in london where he did a masters degree before coming back to the us.

worked for a firm for two years but a year ago he enrolled in a one-year program at cornell and he’s been living in ithaca ever since. he is still unsure if he’s gonna stay longer.

! ! one important piece of information is that he lies a bit about his background. he doesn’t mention he grew up in connecticut, instead says he grew up in maine (where his dad is from) and that he had a very average middle class upbringing which is not the case bc even if his family wasn’t extremely wealthy as before he still grew up very very comfortable. ! !

III. personality

if you are into personality tests and all that stuff here’s the tea: intj, type 6 (enneagram), type a, phlematic (temperament), lawful good, aries, ravenclaw.

cynical idealist, skeptical by nature, covertly hopeless romantic, walking paradox, inadvertently tactless.

has a very quixotic personality and even if he tries to conceal it, he still daydreams a lot.

he is still very sensible not even life can take that away from him so please no one cries in front him or he will leave so he doesn’t cry and start a vicious cycle of crying. no one wants that.

a worrier. he worries about everyyything and he just can’t help it which makes him a bit uptight.

very organized, i guess some could say, he’s a bit neurotic.

competitive so don’t invite him to trivia night

wouldn’t say he’s shy but he is indeed very reserved and rarely talks about himself.

extremely critical and most of his criticism is directed at himself but he can be a bit judgmental but never with malice.

dry, dark and sarcastic sense of humor that sometimes is not welcomed. especially because he’s very tactless so he doesn’t have that comedic timing so it comes across as questionable. the type that makes him go like “it’s a joke btw” and people just awkwardly laugh and walk away.

actually fun to be around when he feels comfortable or stress free aka once a year.

GOOGLE DOCS

[thecreaturecodex]

Dinosaur, Cutlasstooth

Image by Steve Holden, from The New Dinosaurs. Accessed on the Speculative Evolution Wiki here

[Commissioned by @martyslittleusedblog​. In the 1980s, Dougal Dixon wrote three books, all lavishly illustrated, that basically defined speculative evolution as a genre. The first, After Man, has had multiple reprints and is widely available. The last, Man After Man, is the rarest but has become the subject of memes due to its bizarre content.  Which leaves The New Dinosaurs with a bit of a case of Middle Child Syndrome. Obscure, never reprinted, and not well remembered outside of Spec Evo circles.

The New Dinosaurs posits an alternate world where the K-T extinction didn’t happen, and dinosaurs evolve into the present day as more than just birds. It has aged some ways very well, and in others very poorly. To its credit, it depicts dinosaurs with multiple types of complex integument, gives fuzz to ornithischians as well as theropods before the first feathered dinosaur fossils were found, and predicts the existence of small, arboreal gliding theropods similar to the bizarre scansoriopterygids. The anatomy is bad, but a lot of that has more to do with advanced understanding of how dinosaurs work, which I can’t blame Dixon for. What I can blame Dixon for is that The New Dinosaurs kills off most of the groups of dinosaurs that were actually doing well in the late Cretaceous. This move is seemingly so he has basal forms to change however he sees fit. The text very much wants to turn dinosaurs into modern species, mostly mammals--there are manatee dinosaurs, mole dinosaurs, pangolin dinosaurs, giraffe pterosaurs, flamingo dinosaurs, and the cutlasstooth, a saber tooth cat dinosaur.

There’s already a saber tooth cat in Pathfinder--it’s the dire tiger. And these statistics were built in reference to those stats, but a little less extreme. The dire tiger is one of the most egregious glass cannons in PFRPG 1e, being a CR 8 creature with the AC expected for a CR 4, and a damage output more in line with a CR 15. I wanted my cutlasstooth to be less swingy overall, and so has a better (but still low) AC and a worse (but still high) damage output.]

Dinosaur, Cutlasstooth CR 8 N Animal This bipedal dinosaur has a large head with forward-projecting, blade like teeth sitting in the upper jaw. Its arms are relatively short, but its legs are long and powerful, and it has a long stiff tail. The creature has a cape of filamentous feathers over its trunk and tail, but has leathery skin along its face and neck and a scaled belly.

The cutlasstooth is a strange predatory dinosaur found on alternate worlds and divergent timelines. They are similar in appearance to saber-toothed cats, and live in prides that tackle oversized prey like sauropods. The fangs of a cutlasstooth are serrated and wedge-shaped, allowing them to deeply pierce flesh and leave gaping, bleeding, excruciating wounds. Their claws are relatively weak by comparison, but still deadly to small prey items.

Cutlasstooths live in social groups comprised of a number of related females, their young, and one or two males. Males are ejected from the pride when they become adults, occasionally forming alliances with their brothers or cousins in an attempt to find a pride of their own. Battles between cutlasstooth males over mating rights can be deadly, but the animals prefer to use posturing and threats before than lethal violence. Males have shaggy dark manes over their hips and tails, which they use for display purposes.

A cutlasstooth grows to 25 feet long at maximum, and weighs roughly five hundred pounds. Males tend to be slightly larger than females.

Cutlasstooths as Animal Companions For a cutlasstooth animal companion, use the statistics for an allosaurus animal companion, only it gains bleed (bite, 1d8) and powerful charge (bite) at 7th level instead of grab and pounce.

Cutlasstooth CR 8 XP 4,800 N Large animal Init +7; Senses low-light vision, Perception +13, scent Defense AC 19, touch 13, flat-footed 15 (-1 size, +3 Dex, +1 dodge, +6 natural) hp 105 (14d8+42) Fort +12, Ref +12, Will +7 Offense Speed 40 ft. Melee bite +18 (2d8+8 plus bleed), 2 claws +17 (1d6+8) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks arterial spray, bleed (1d8), powerful charge (bite, 4d8+12) Statistics Str 27, Dex 17, Con 17, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10 Base Atk +10; CMB +19; CMD 33 Feats Dodge, Improved Critical (bite), Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Mobility, Skill Focus (Stealth), Weapon Focus (bite) Skills Acrobatics +14 (+18 when jumping), Perception +13, Stealth +14; Racial Modifiers +4 Acrobatics, +4 Perception, +4 Stealth Ecology Environment warm plains Organization solitary, pair or pride (3-8) Treasure none Special Abilities Arterial Spray (Ex) A creature suffering from a bleed effect imposed by a cutlasstooth must succeed a DC 20 Fortitude save or be sickened for as long as the bleed persists. This is a pain effect. The save DC is Constitution based.

[just-someone-who-likes-to-write]

Prince Nuada x Mischievous!Reader

(Requested by @athenacross27 : If I may have a Nuada x reader where reader is Hellboy's younger adopted sister and she likes to be mischievous to hide her fear maybe like a trauma? She teases Nuada allot but one day after a hard mission she hides and has an anxiety attack and Nuada finds her, confesses and fluff! Maybe implied smut in a funny way just to make it fun 😁)

(A/N): I had a lot of fun writing the story for this request and I hope you enjoy it.

Warnings: Talk of mental illness, loss of a loved one and implied smut.

It has been months since his defeat against the Hellspawn they call "Hellboy". When Nuada lost the challenge for the control over the holden army, Hellboy ha knocked him out of consciousness and when he woke up he found himself in the confinement of the human's organization that the demon served under. They all made it clear that if it wasn't for the link that bonded him to his sister Nuala's mind, body and soul, they would have killed him a long time ago. So instead they decided to keep him imprisoned until they see it is safe for him to roam around and maybe join them in missions. Nuada fought at first but seeing how much pain he brought to his sister with every escape attempt caused him to stop. After that, he decided to endure whatever the humans threw at him but he was not ready for the annoying human by the name (Y/n).

 Its as if it was her life purpose to drive him insane. The first time he learned her name was behind the iron doors, she would come to visit him almost every day just to taunt him, he tried to ignore her but it was impossible not to throw comments back at her. The day came when the humans trusted him enough to allow him the freedom to roam their base, aside from the group of human agents with their guns pointed at him his sister was there to greet him with a hug, which he returned.

"Aw, it's always touching to see family reunions."

Nuada's eyes widened at the voice. He scanned the humans, his eyes landed on a grinning girl standing beside Hellboy who was waving at him. Nuada pulled away from Nuala the pointed an accusation finger at her

 "You!"

 "Nice to finally meet you Sassy-pants."

 Her comment made the demon cackle. "Sassy-pants! That's a good one (Y/n)."

 "For the millionth time you wretched human, its Silverlance!"

 Nuada marched towards her with anger but was blocked by Hellboy.

 "Not a chance buddy, my little sister is off limits and if you dared to hurt her in any way you are dead."

 "Red!" exclaimed Abraham.

 "Ok!.. ok! Not dead just back to your room."

 ---

 After his release, you didn't leave his side always following him around to tease him. at first, it was you, him and Nuala but after a while, it was just the two of you. At the moment you were in the training room watching him as he swung a staff around with such elegance that made you drool every time you saw his muscles flix.

 "I thought the training room was meant for training, not ogling others."

 His words snapped you back to reality. Nuada didn't look at you as he said those words and kept training but you could see the hint of a smirk that crept on his face. You turned your head trying to hide your blush at being found out.

 "I was training Sassy-pants, I'm just taking a break."

 You could hear him stop to let out an annoyed sigh that made you smile. The time the two of you have spent together behind the doors and in person had brought you closer in some way, close enough that he doesn't even bother getting angry when you call him by that name, just annoyed.

 "Human, I have a question for you."

 "You want to take me to dinner?"

 "What?...No!" he said with a look of both disgust and embarrassment, which made you laugh.

 "What is your question princy?"

 "What is your true relation to the demon?"

 "My…brother?"

 "But you look nothing alike." He stated with a confused look.

 "Wait!... Did you think that we were blood-related?" You laughed. "And I thought you were smart!"

 He let out a groan of annoyance at you causing your laughter to die down but your smile is still there.

 "He is my adoptive older brother, we maybe were not born from the same blood but we were raised by each other's side."  You explained as a distant look crossed your eyes.

 "We were raised by the same man, who didn't care for what's in the surface but for what's in the heart."

 Just then images of your father flashed before your eyes. That night you were the one who found him, you were supposed to help him examine the body they brought back but he started before you, and when you finally came it was too late. You could hear your heart pounding in your ears. Another image invaded your mind and this time of Red being stabbed by Nuada in the heart, seeing him wince in pain every moment the silver piece went deeper and closer to his heart, how weak he became, how he almost died in Liz's arms. Your breathing has slowly become rapid.

 "(Y/n)!"

 You snapped your head up and was met with golden concerned eyes. Nuada was right in front of you, his staff long forgotten on the ground and his hands holding your shoulders to steady you for your legs felt weak. Noticing your surroundings more you saw how you were securely hugging yourself as your body shook slightly. Realizing what was just about to happen you quickly pushed Nuada away from you and started to walk away but the Elven prince was right behind you.

 "(Y/n)-"

 "I'm fine!" You said as you turned around to flash him a big smile. "I'm just tired from all the work today I think I will take a nap."

 Before Nuada could say anything you turned on your heels and started to march back to your room where you stayed there until the next day refusing to see anyone including Red.

 ---

 After a few months, the B.P.R.D. finally trusts him to go on missions as long as he is accompanied by Hellboy and Abraham. They didn't have a choice since The human named Elizabeth was pregnant therefore unable to join them, (Y/n) on the other hand had no problem.  From what he learned it wasn't her first mission and from what he saw in their joined time in the training room she could take care of herself pretty well.

 They were meant to investigate the disappearance of human children, thanks to Nuada's royal influence over a few elves they were able to find out that it was Baba-Yaga. In their search for her Hellboy suddenly disappeared. They couldn't reach him or locate his whereabouts. Nuada noticed how (Y/n) seemed composed as she barked orders at everyone to search for him. After hours of searching and waiting Hellboy finally returns with a confident grin as he told them of how he killed Baba-Yaga. (Y/n) tackled him with a hug then proceeded to yell at him their entire way back to headquarters on how reckless he was. She might have been the younger sister but it was clear she was in charge.

 After giving their report everyone went back to their rooms. Nuada, however, couldn't sleep. he made his way towards (Y/n)'s room feeling that something is wrong. Before he could knock on the door he could hear the muffled sounds of crying, panicking he reached for the handle and slowly opened the door. When he peeked in he saw leaning against the wall, your skin was red, tears running down your eyes, you clenched your side as you struggled to breathe, you tried to say something but your words made no sense. Wasting no time, Nuada hurried to your side and ever so gently placed a hand on your shoulder, you flinched at his touch and looked up to him.

 "Shhh…It's alright I'm here."

 "N... Nua-" you struggled to say his name. carefully Nuada led you to your bed and sat you down.

 "You can control it (Y/n), just try to breathe from your abdomen, not your chest." You struggled to follow.

 "What do you feel?" he asked as he placed his hand on your cheek.

 "I..I fe...I feel ..y..y..your hand."

 "That's good, what else do you feel?" He then took your hand and placed it on his cheek.

 "C..Cold…i..i can..i can feel..your scars."

 "And here what do you feel?"

 He took your hand and intertwined it with his own. Your rapid breath started to slow down as you looked down at your hand with his, you stroked his hand with your thump.

 "R..Roughness…your…your hands..are rough."

 Both of you stayed like this and after a few minutes, Nuada was able to calm you down. you were held comfortably in his arms, even though you were now fine he refused to let you go.

 "When did it start to happen?" he asked breaking the silence, you bit your lip afraid to answer.

 "I… I think I always had it but got worst after…my father's death."

 "What do you humans call it?"

 "…..Anxiety attack…"

 "Hmmm… and what caused it this time?" He asked straight forward which almost made you laugh at how blunt Nuada can be. You took a deep breath before answering.

 "When Red suddenly disappeared… I was afraid that I was going to lose him too."

 You could feel Nuada's hold on you tighten, he wrapped his arm around your waist and brought you closer to him. the both of you were so close you could bury your face in the crook of his neck if you wanted to, but didn’t and only rested your head on his shoulder, though his scent that was like the forest still reached you and it helped you calm more.

 "I doubt that he would die that easily, I believe he is the kind that is too stupid it can't even die."

 "Don't say that he is still my brother!"

 You hit his chest playfully but couldn't help the smile that spread on your face as the two of you shared a laugh. You felt one of his hands started to massage your scalp, which soothed you further.

 "Hellboy, will not die on you, he cares for you too much."

 "….I just don't want to be alone in this world."

 "You are not alone." He assured you. "For I shall always stand here by your side."

 You felt your heart skip a beat at his words and you were sure that your face was growing red from embarrassment, you can’t deny your feelings for him but you still didn't want to seem weak so you looked up to him and flashed a grin.

 "What are you in love with me or something?" you tried to tease him but froze in your place as you felt him lean forward to you his face dangerously close to yours.

 "And what if I was?"

 His lips then gently pressed to yours, you felt your entire body tense before you melted into his arms. When he was about to pull away from you you leaned forward to kiss him back not yet having enough of him which he was surprised to at first but was a pleasant one as he wrapped his arms around you to keep you pressed against him, your kiss turned from gentle to passionate. When the two of you pulled away from each other you were panting, you tried to pull your body away from his but his grip on you became possessive refusing to let you leave his hold. You bit your lower lip when you saw the look of pure lust in his eyes, and you would be lying if you didn't feel the same.

 "You know its kind of late to go back to your room." You slowly wrapped your arms around his neck, your faces so close your noses could touch. "Would you like to stay the night?"

 His response to you was a smirk before he pushed you down as you let out a series of giggles.

 ---

 "Where is (Y/n)?" Abe asked as he joined Nuala and Liz to breakfast. Liz shrugged.

 "It's usually her that is at the table first but we didn't find her, so Red went to check on her."

 Abe nodded understanding, (Y/n) wasn't very well after yesterday's mission. He then turned to Nuala.

 "What about Nuada?"

 "I haven’t seen my brother this morning either."

 "Maybe slept in?" Said Liz.

 "I'm not sure he never misses training in the morning."

 Their conversation was cut short when they saw different agents run to the Cafeteria doors, which confused the three. Abe caught the attention of one of the agents stopping him.

 "Excuse me but what is going on?"

 "Is there a mission?" Liz asked confused that the sirens didn't go off. The agent shook his head.

 "Hellboy is chasing Prince Nuada through the building with a gun trying to shoot him down."

 "WHAT?" The three exclaimed.

 "NUADA!"

 They all turned their head and none was ready for the sight that greeted them. A shirtless Nuada was running away from a VERY angry Hellboy with his giant gun. Nuada ran towards them only to jump over their heads saying "Excuse me." Then he continued to run to the other exit. Liz not wanting her lover to get into trouble stood up and blocked his path, forcing him to stop.

 "What are you doing Red? If you keep acting like that Manning will get angry with you…Again!"

 Red pointed his stone finger at the Elven Prince.

 "That fucker slept with my little sister!"

 He said before moving around Liz to catch up to Nuada. Abe and Liz were both shocked at what they just heard except for Nuala who was laughing.

 "That explains what I felt last night."

---

I hope you enjoyed the story and if you did don’t be afraid to request.

[nitrateglow]

My god-tier Audrey Hepburn movies

I just realized I’ve technically seen all of Audrey Hepburn’s movies-- or rather, all the movies in which she was given star billing.

So, because I’m bored, here’s a list of my top ten personal favorites of her films. The criteria is simple: 1) she had to have starred in it, so nothing from her pre-Roman Holiday career counts nor does 1989′s Always, and 2) this is based on my level of enjoyment of the movie in question.

1. Wait Until Dark

Wait Until Dark possesses many merits, but Hepburn is one of its key strengths. For me, the most interesting performances are the ones able to balance seemingly opposing elements of the character in question. Here, Hepburn balances vulnerability with inner strength, insecurity and terror with courage, angry frustration with budding confidence. She makes her character seem like such a real, vital presence, like someone you would know. Also, having someone as sweet as Hepburn as the target for the cruel mind games and brutal violence of the villains makes the horror all the more terrifying.

Beyond her performance, this movie feels like it was tailor-designed to appeal to me: an intelligent and formidable villain, the everyday setting juxtaposed with a menacing atmosphere, scary scenes that don’t rely on gore, eccentric criminals, dark humor, a tight script without an ounce of fat on it. But you’ve heard me go on, so I’ll leave it there.

2. Charade

Charade is a prime example of how to mix suspense and comedy. The mystery at the heart of the movie is very clever, with twists and turns every other moment, constantly keeping the audience on their toes. Best of all, the film holds up after repeat viewings because of the delicious chemistry between Hepburn and Cary Grant, and the witty screenplay, which has such an elegant and tight structure that I seethe with envy as a writer every time I revisit this glorious thriller.

As in Wait Until Dark, Hepburn is concerned for her life as she’s terrorized by criminals, only here, they’re mostly more humorous in nature, sometimes even lovable (except Scobie, he can just jump off a cliff). She mainly gets to exercise her comedic chops, throwing off quips, sarcastic lines, and screwball banter with wonderful finesse. It makes me sad she never made more films with Cary Grant-- the two have a spark that belies the large age gap between them.

3. Roman Holiday

The character-building, naturalistic performances, and humor make Roman Holiday one of the best examples of romantic comedy. The film has both a gentle touch and a grounded maturity that make it more than just a remix of the earlier and quite similar screwball comedy It Happened One Night. To get a bit literary and pretentious, it reminds me a bit of Romeo and Juliet-- not because of the romance, but in how the movie starts as a standard screwball comedy and ends on a lyrical, wistful note you might not have expected.

Even though this was her first lead role in a feature film, I think Hepburn’s performance as Ann remains one of her strongest. Ann feels regal and dignified while also possessing the naivete and restlessness of a teenager on the brink of adulthood. It’s as fabulous a star-establishing movie as anyone could want.

4. How to Steal a Million

How to Steal a Million is pure fun. Not a moment of this caper comedy is to be taken seriously (which makes it the perfect quarantine movie if you need something to de-stress with). I always regard this movie as Charade’s even frothier spiritual successor: both films are playful, stylish, funny, and packed with romantic banter, plot twists, and colorful 1960s fashions. The main difference is that in this one, there’s no mortal threat involved and the humor gets a little more risque though not crass.

Also, how nice is it for Hepburn to be paired with a leading man closer to her age? Peter O’Toole was only three years younger than Hepburn when this was filmed. The two of them have glorious, cute chemistry.

5. The Nun’s Story

I hate the question of “objective best” anything, but if you put a gun to my head, I would say The Nun’s Story is features Hepburn’s most impressive work as an actress. For those who accuse Hepburn of being too affected, of being a mere clothes’ horse, here she is bare-faced, dressed in a nun’s habit, and playing a very reserved character whose dilemmas are largely internal. She plays her character’s spiritual conflict with an understatement that could only be considered skillful.

The film itself will likely be seen as “too slow” by most and there are a few colonial elements towards the Congo section that date it, but the film’s strengths, both from Hepburn’s performance and the mature way it presents its individual versus the system story, give it classic status. Few movies regarding organized religion are this balanced and lacking in propaganda, either for or against it.

6. Breakfast at Tiffany’s

While still Hepburn’s most iconic role, Breakfast at Tiffany’s gets called “overrated” a lot these days and fans of the original Truman Capote novella routinely dog it for making heavy changes to the source material. There’s also the, you know, gross yellowface a la Mickey Rooney that deflates every scene in which he appears. However, is the move bad? NO. It juggles zany comedy, tender romance, and rather heavy drama too well for me to consign it to the “overrated” bin. Blake Edwards was a fine director and this movie is one of his best.

And Hepburn gives a damn good performance as Holly Golightly, even if she is not the character envisioned by Capote. This character could easily be unlikable if played the wrong way-- she’s a “phony,” rather pathetic, and self-loathing despite her wit and charm. But rather than coming off as an unbearable loser, Hepburn’s Holly is a realistic, relatable loser we all love in spite of her own delusions and lashing out. She might even hit too close to home (or maybe that’s just me).

7. Funny Face

Funny Face took a few viewings to grow on me. It was one of the first Hepburn movies I ever saw (that was back in high school) and I was initially excited because it was directed by Stanley Donen who co-directed Singin’ in the Rain with Gene Kelly, a long-time favorite of mine. I expected this movie to be just as sublime and was disappointed when it didn’t hit that high mark.

Rewatching it later, I now find it very charming. It’s incredibly upbeat and relaxing, the sort of old-school movie musical that doesn’t get made anymore. Hepburn’s singing is a bit rough in the bigger numbers, but she is very sweet, a damn good dancer, and quite attractive to the point where she just takes my breath away. Fred Astaire and Kay Thompson are also wonderful and get a lot of great moments that show off their talent.

8. My Fair Lady

When considering what would go on this list, I was honestly shocked to realize how much I like this movie. I’m in the camp that considers Hepburn miscast, I find George Cukor’s direction rather stiff, and I really don’t like how the ending is changed from the original play. In spite of all this, I still really enjoy this movie for the songs, costumes, and what remains of Shaw’s brilliant satire on class and gender relations. Those three hours go by and the movie never outstays its welcome.

While I think Hepburn wasn’t the number one best choice for the part (I don’t really buy her as a crass flower girl in the beginning), she isn’t a disaster by any means. She’s still charming and sympathetic, and once she makes her transformation, you have to wonder how Higgins held it together, she’s so gorgeous. And I love the relish with which she approaches the “Just you Wait” song or the way she delivers the “move your bloomin’ arse” line at the races.

9. Sabrina

I think producers figured because of the fairy tale appeal of Roman Holiday, Hepburn would be perfect for this modern take on Cinderella, set in 1950s New York. Just like in Roman Holiday, Hepburn gets to undergo dramatic character development and show her comedic skills. It’s a cute movie, with a very charming William Holden and gorgeous black-and-white cinematography. It’s also shockingly uncynical for a Billy Wilder project.

About the closest thing this movie has to a flaw is Humphrey Bogart as Linus, the guy who Sabrina chooses in the end. This is a role Cary Grant could have played in his sleep, but Bogart clearly is not enjoying himself in some scenes. However, he isn’t movie-breakingly bad by any means. His character is meant to be a hidden softie and far more dependable than his handsomer brother, so I can buy that Sabrina would warm to him in the end.

10. They All Laughed

People tend to argue what the last “worthwhile” Hepburn movie is. Most argue it’s 1976′s Robin and Marian, while I’ve seen some go as far back as How to Steal a Million in 1966. They All Laughed, a Peter Bogdonavich comedy from 1981, gets my vote. This is a love letter to screwball comedies much like Bogdonavich’s 1972 classic What’s Up Doc, only with a far more melancholy edge.

Hepburn does not become a major presence in the movie until nearly halfway through. However, she approaches her role with a mature dignity that makes me wish she’d done more work along this line towards the end of her career. Her character comes off as an older, sadder Princess Ann from Roman Holiday. This makes the movie sound morose, but it isn’t: it ends with life going on and the characters accepting that with grace.

[emmalenalouisaellis]

Dear Diary ~ Reflecting on  Personal and Public Scribbles

“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

I preface this by saying this is not a complaint against computers. I have one, and for much of my adult life, I have worked on a computer. 

Typing is faster, smoother, and even though it's not foolproof, it has some form of spell-check. Or, since Word isn't always a comprehensive lexicon - something that can be found in a Google search or too - it is much easier to look through than an extensive, cumbersome dictionary.  Simply put, having a laptop is the ideal solution for a dyslexic writer like myself who has to sometimes wade through dozens of notebooks and character sheets, plot points and extended drafts to ensure that I can bash out something vaguely resembling a novel.

But, ever since I was a little girl, I have always looked forward to Christmas time. Because amongst the assortment of brightly and delicately wrapped gifts, I find myself with a brand new and unmarked diary. Every time, I feel the crisp, clean pages on my fingers, the soft, secure spine, where the neatly cut ribbon falls in matching or contrasting colours. I take up my favourite pen and write my name, neatly as I can on the front page. This, more than any other present, belongs to me. It will become my secret, my confidant, in a way that still charms me. A perfectly imperfect, personal collection of handwritten scribbles. A permanent memento of me that will still exist despite the ever-growing digital age.

And with the pandemic showing it isn't "over yet",  One might think that even here, as I write my thoughts over the internet, such things are archaic and cumbersome. Because as time goes on, more and more of us are clustering around screens to stay connected with loved ones or work colleagues - the world' Zoom'ing by as we are encouraged to remain apart, at home and sensible.

But to me, there still needs to be a balance. We can choose to broadcast everything - some of us do: posting publically to our friends we've met online and face to face through the years - using social media.

As one of my public faces, even my Tumblr has been meticulously polished, written and rewritten in a bid to be 'likeable' or 'relatable'.  This is partly because I love receiving comments and recommendations here, and seeing someone gave it a note makes me feel like my words are validated.  (For all those that do - old and new: Thank you).

The whole thing is very much a viewing platform and snapshots I feel noteworthy and vital enough to broadcast in many ways. It’s the sitcom of my life and that of others, and all of it plays out from the comfort of our own homes to keep others from worry and concern, all whilst sparking general curiosity. Talking points.

Ida Lupino (c. 1952). Courtesy Film Forum via Photofest

Whereas, in contrast, writing a diary feels more individual. Here I can rant and cry or smile and sigh without judgement and filters, simply recording my own reflections on the page without an audience. And there is something so aesthetically pleasing about it that you can't get from a typed out document. Sometimes there is blood from papercuts, ink splatters where I scribbled too fast, dried tears and smudges from my hand - but all of it is raw, personal and mine.

As someone with learning disabilities, I find it difficult sometimes to open up to others. But my diary is somewhere just for me, and very often, the words flow.

A diary is a beautiful expression of self-love, sometimes loathing by me and for me.

If we choose to share it, it reflects trust and openness, which I suppose is why there are so many cliché moments in teen dramas of girls feeling violated when they have their diary snatched and read by their peers.

But that’s the problem and the wonderful appeal of books: they can quickly transport us to another world.

When I was younger, I was by chance glancing over my Granny’s bookshelves when I found what would become one of my favourite books ‘The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady'  by Edith Holden. 

Since its first publication in 1906, the book has charmed many with its beautiful drawings of wild and garden flowers and a hint of charming recordings and recolections in words and paintings the flora and fauna of the British countryside in the four beautiful seasons. 

Much like her work - little stories and poems in my own diaries. I fill them with recipes, pressed flowers, autumn leaves and ticket stubs or add poems I’ve also fallen in love with when writer’s block strikes.

When I can, I love to write in fountain pen with flowing blue or green ink, or make more occasional, frantic scribbles in pencil. In contrast to my organised, documents and manuscripts, I am confident there are many spelling mistakes littering the pages. But that’s part of the charm. 

And the internet can often help enhance these futher. You only have to go on Pinterest to find beautiful pictures to print out or post in virtual corkboards and scrapbooks. Thanks to the interconnected world wide web, there are plenty of poems I can search for and add into my diaries to compliment my own ideas.  For example on the blog by Bella’s Rose Cottage I came across this beautiful little poem:

“The kind of flowers,

I find to be the workhorse of my cottage garden…

the self seeders,

who behave a bit naughty…

the sort of flowers that give the garden

that lived in look,

like the magic of finding a secret garden,

wild around the edges…

flowers to press in the pages of a book,

to remind you of a lazy summers day…

tucked into a little nook to sip quietly…

watch the puppies frolic…

a day to maybe,

use long seedpods of the Toadflax,

as a book mark…

and enjoy a nap…..”

- Bella Rogers

It was so pretty, that it helped inspire me to write this post. Spring is now upon us and with it a chance to reflect and enjoy new beginnings - and opportunities.  It’s nearly the weekend and now with renewed inspiration, the words are once more flowing freely from my fingers as the creative itch begins as always with those magical words:

'Dear Diary,'

I wonder what I shall write about today…

 Have a beautiful day 

x Emmalena

[alastanor]

To start, I would like to thank @cis-het-angel-kinnie for bringing this video to my attention, even if it was to praise the video rather than to point out it's flawed arguments against Charlie for main character.

If you have not seen the video yet, I recommend giving it a watch prior to reading this or you may be confused.

Click to read more...

What Is A Protagonist?

I am not bringing up this question because I think the source used was incorrect. However, the statement that "protagonists ask questions and antagonists make arguments" is an oversimplification of both roles. And I am going to explain why.

The trope of protagonist vs antagonist is an age old theme which has been used countless times throughout storytelling's history in books, plays, films, and story-driven video games. As such, the definition of both roles has continued to flourish and evolve over time. It is no longer good vs evil.

While @diregentleman used books written by, I assume, published writers for his argument, I am going to use Creative Writing and Literary Experts from a Masterclass article.

In the article, a protagonist is described as this:

"In storytelling, a protagonist is the main character or principal character or group of characters in a story."

More than one character is capable of being an antagonist in this story. Given that demons are meant to be redeemed, fitting the theme of the story, it is fair to surmise that all (or the majority of) the demons surrounding Charlie are protagonists in some form.

The article goes on to state that the protagonist's goals reflect the overall story goals and the plot moves forward based on their decisions.

This being said, Charlie's overall goal reflects the premise of the story, that being that Hazbin Hotel is a story about redemption. This is a goal that Angel Dust does not have.

In DireGentleman's video, he claims Angel Dust joined the Happy Hotel with the intention of being redeemed, albeit skeptical whether it could actually be done. This is actually inaccurate, and we see this in both the pilot and the comic.

Angel does display skepticism straight from the gate, but when they explain their reason for approaching him (that no one else has agreed), he makes this face:

Does that really look like someone who believes redemption may be possible? But for further establishment of just how little Angel believes redemption is possible, Angel also laughs them off and calls their goal "lame."

The only reason Angel agrees to Charlie and Vaggie's proposition is because it is a rent free place to stay. He admits as much just a bit further into the comic. By the end, Angel says "Redemption, it's silly. Huh, Nuggs."

The tone we are led to believe he uses is one of contemplation and relief. Relief due likely to the fact that there is some light at the end of the tunnel to the shit situation he was in.

This is just comic evidence, of course. If we go to the pilot, when Angel is engaging in the turf war with Cherri Bomb, he explains that he is using Charlie and Vaggie for free rent. Further exemplified when he later asks if participating in the turf war meant he didn't have a free room anymore. But also in his conversation with Cherri, he also admits that he is still taking some drugs behind Charlie and Vaggie's back. Something that we see immediately toward the opening of the pilot when Angel buys a bag of Angel Dust.

Character Dynamic

I cannot emphasize this enough, the Hunicast is NOT a good exemplifier for character dynamics. Every single "character interaction" is based on fanon, not canon, and they are prompted by the fans themselves. Only Viv really knows exactly how Angel and Alastor would canonically interact. It is no better a source for character dynamic than the wiki is for accurate information. IE, some things may hold true, but the majority of it is not and it is better just to wait until it is confirmed canon.

Moving on...

There is a lot of focus on Valentino as a main antagonist, based entirely too much on the hope that Angel will be the main protagonist. And this is really just disingenuous when you consider there are two other implied Overlords, as well as several other sources of strife within the world of Hazbin Hotel.

An Antagonist is someone working against the protagonist to prevent them from achieving their goal. Alastor would not meet this criteria, as he is a self-professed observer and conflict creator. But he is not a main antagonist. Someone working against the goal of redemption could be anyone from the Overlords (which, far as we know, would include Valentino), Lucifer, or even Heaven itself.

Where antagonists come into play, quoting Masterlist once again, I think these two types of antagonists were overlooked:

A conflict-creator. An antagonist doesn’t have to be a “bad guy.” Sometimes, they’re just a character whose goals are in direct conflict with the protagonist’s, like Mr. Darcy in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice or Javert working to arrest Valjean in Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables.

The protagonist themselves. The main source of conflict in a story can be from within the protagonist themselves—their shortcomings or insecurities are keeping them from reaching their goal. A prime example of this is Holden Caulfield in J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye. While Holden comes into conflict with many characters in the novel, the ever-present antagonizing conflict comes from his own obsessions and insecurities.

Now, why did I bring up these two types? Well! I'm glad you asked! You see, where conflict-creator comes into play would line up more with Alastor. He isn't really the bad guy, but he does create some friction where his goals meet with Charlie's. He is a professed observer, but it is strongly believed that there is something else, another goal, that he has omitted.

As for the Protagonist themselves, this lines up pretty strongly where Charlie is concerned. You could argue that it does for Angel too, but Angel's goal, as mentioned before, is not Redemption. That goal is Charlie's, and hers alone. Yet it is her naivety, inexperience, and insecurities surrounding her failures as a princess that are holding her back from achieving her goal. Going by this, not only do we have multiple protagonists, but we also have multiple antagonists.

"So far, no one else's past is wrought with tension like Angel Dust's."

Even if this wasn't a sweeping, dismissive statement made with limited information, it would still be incorrect. Why? Because each and every character in Hazbin Hotel is going to have their own story to tell. Stories that will each be as relatable and wrought with tension, the only reason we know Angel so extensively is because Viv put the most work into him. She has admitted that Alastor and Angel were characters she wrote based on past dealings and experiences she had. Let those implications sink in a bit.

Now, to further this, people don't need to empathize with a character to like them. They can sympathize as well, even if they personally cannot relate to the emotions the character is feeling.

And where Angel is concerned, he is not addicted to drugs. Angel has used drugs to escape the pain of his trauma. His response in the pilot to having his drugs stolen from him is not one of a typical addict. Which leads us to believe the drugs are simply a coping mechanism more than they are an addiction.

Real Audience for Hazbin is 12 to 16

I would really fucking hope you are joking. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that this was said by someone who isn't a parent. While yes, kids will be sneaky and watch or play things they're not supposed to, a show with drug use/abuse, rape, sex, physical/mental/emotional abuse, and suicide is as much for them as Rick and Morty.

Further, it is not just these themes that make the show for adults. It is the format of the storytelling. Yes, you can complain about what you consider issues with the pilot. But at the end of the day, it did it's job. It established the story premise, introduced important characters (Fat Nuggets does not fall in that category, calm down), gave a basic understanding of their relationships to each other, and get the audience interested in continuing the series. Considering the views for the pilot and the resulting disproportionate growth of the fandom, I would say it did that in spades.

Hazbin Hotel is not Steven Universe. I cannot say this enough times, and the reason I cannot is because I cannot tell you how many times I have come into contact with the underage side of the fandom griping about lack of lore, griping about lack of production information, and overall being exceedingly impatient. At the risk of sounding like an old miser, the underage side of the fandom has never had to wait for additions to a series. Like waiting for Homestuck updates, or the new release of a Harry Potter novel. They have had a steady schedule of content, along with shows that give exposition dumps "in the first 3 minutes."

So don't look at Hazbin Hotel through the lens of kids' show fandoms. It has so much more to offer than that.

Alastor vs Valentino

No, this is not about whether Alastor could beat up Valentino. In the video, DireGentleman pulled a huge pet peeve of mine and lumped Valentino and Alastor together, labeling them both "monsters." Which is opening a huge can of worms for me. So, I will give a brief summary of why that is wrong, and provide a link to one of my other posts for deeper diving.

So, there is a reason why Valentino is more hated than Alastor is. Lumping them together is a mistake.

Valentino is a pimp that abuses and manipulates his victims through intimidation and (implied through) some kind of addiction to the red smoke (whether that is real or symbolism is yet unknown). He takes who and what he wants, be damned the consequences or who gets hurt. He is incredibly self-serving, with no consideration for anyone else. He uses people like pawns, and when those pawns refuse to do what he wants, what does he do? He forces them to do it anyway.

By comparison, while Alastor may use his people like pawns, he also has more consideration for them and doesn't abuse them (far as we can tell). The evidence to support this is the attitude of those serving under Valentino vs those under Alastor. Niffty and Husk both seem to not have a problem with Alastor, and where Husk is concerned it seems that his attitude toward Alastor is their typical banter. But definitely nothing that displays abuse. In fact, when Husker is hesitant or even refusing to do as Alastor asks, Alastor doesn't force Husker. He offers payment in the form of something Husker genuinely likes.

Now, while some might argue this is also manipulating through addiction, one could look at it this way. However, Alastor didn't make Husker an alcoholic. That was Husker's vice to begin with, Alastor simply has no intention of fixing it. After all, Alastor has said he doesn't think anything can change a sinner.

For further explanation and delving into Alastor, click here.

Parents don't 'get' Charlie = Disney Princess

Once again, we fall upon the slippery slope of disinformed statements. While the joke was made that the princess of hell expresses herself best through song, parent issues do not equate to being something that is relatable primarily or only to kids and teens. It's kind of offensive that there is a sort or implication in this statement that adults don't have issues like insecurities surrounding their own failures, or parent issues like what Charlie has or worse. And once again, we fall into the empathize vs sympathize realm and I once again will say that the audience does not need to empathize with the protagonist to make them a good protagonist.

Charlie is a failed princess, her people don't respect her and didn't even prior to her hotel announcement. Yes, she is sheltered and naive. Likely due to how little she was able or allowed to interact with sinners. After all, her ex-boyfriend was from another hellborn family. One that, from what we can surmise, interacts rather frequently with the Magne family.

And it is because of this naivety and inexperience that her method to redeem sinners will not work.

In the video, DireGentleman states that we can pretty much assume that Charlie's redemption methods will work. But her methods, as we see in her song, is to inject demons with meds and take away/burn their vices. She is seeking immediate resolutions to problems that require therapy and a long process that should be making sinners want to change. All Charlie is currently accomplishing is earning the ire and scrutiny of her people. This is why I previously mentioned that Charlie is both protagonist and antagonist, as she is getting in her own way to accomplishing the goal of redemption. And this is where we find that Charlie meets the "starts out being wrong" requirement mentioned in the video as well as "admiring a character for trying."

Charlie is also in a perfect position to be the tour guide for us, the audience, as we observe the metamorphosis of every demon who needs to be redeemed. She is, once again, surrounded by those who need to be redeemed which means we will witness every character arc. This includes Angel, who does not need to be the central focus for us to witness his story.

Finally...

It was stated, or at least implied, that Hazbin Hotel's pilot is no longer relevant. This is a statement that pretty much leaves me puzzled. The only way it would be irrelevant is if Hazbin went in a completely different direction, and we have no reason to believe it will. Vivziepop is still creative director for Hazbin Hotel, and A24 is notorious for giving creators their creative freedom. What A24 is doing is animating, making VA regulations, and ensuring there is an air tight lid kept on the project. Especially given it's popularity in such a short amount of time.

Contrary to what DireGentleman said, Hazbin Hotel will definitely live up to it's hype. Being picked up by A24 will not compromise the show simply because it's not in the same realm of indie production that Helluva Boss is. And it's a bit unfair to Vivziepop to imply as much.

In Conclusion...

Please do a bit more digging in regards to not only the show, but everything surrounding it. Don't lump fanon and canon together and expect them to be equal sources, and please do not claim an obviously adult-audience show is more fit for children and teens.

And lastly, please do more digging to better understand media and storytelling. Reading books is great, but what you were using as the foundation for your arguments were far too simplified and vague,, given the complexity of the protagonist and antagonist roles. Overall, the video just came across as one huge helping of Angel Dust bias with a side of strong dislike for Charlie.

[vampirequeenhybrid]

rage of fire

                                                   he’s dead

It was a dark starry night, rain had just fallen from the sky as I sat down on a park bench near my hotel. As I sat down I received a phone call from someone unknown, I answered the phone and received devastating news, my friend, Max, was killed by a vampire. I started to feel full of rage and agony as I sat there crying. I have known Max since I was in 2 grade. He was like a brother to me. Before standing up to head back to the hotel I heard rustling in the bushes nearby, a wolf had appeared out of nowhere so I grabbed my gun from its holster and aimed it at the wolf. As my gun was aimed at the wolf, the whitish grey wolf had run off into the deepest part of the woods. I lowered my aim and put my gun back into its holster before sighing and feeling nothing but rage as I stood there falling to my knees crying in pain, grieving my dead friend.

Minutes go by and I get up from the ground, walking slowly back to the hotel I was staying at but before I got there I was bumped into by a good looking male with pretty blue eyes. "Oh hello sir" I said to him. The male looked me up and down and smiled " hello i'm Jay" nice to meet you" he said. I shyly smiled back " h hello i'm kayla '' i said with a crooked smile on my face. " what are you doing out in the dark? It's not safe for someone so pretty like yourself out this late at night " said jay. I chuckled, hiding the fact I was sad " out for a walk " . I lied to the cute boy standing in front of me, I did not want him to know the truth as I just met him, who knows what or who he is.

Jay smiled at me back as I stood there with my gun ready to fire in case he tried something. Jay kept smiling at me " ahh i see well it's nice to meet you, i'm out looking for a vampire that killed my brother " said jay with a gun on his left side in its holster and wearing hunter gear. I looked at him in sudden shock " oh my gosh same with me a vampire killed my friend and i'm wanting revenge as he was my childhood friend" said kayla taking her hand off the holster. Jay looked shocked " do you know Max kenner?" asked jay. Kayla became shocked her eyes widened in disbelief " why yes! I do, are you related to him?" she asked. Jay nodded " i'm his brother Jay holden Kenner, we never lived together and our parents got separated when we were younger" he said looking at the brunette.

" oh my im sorry im kayla smith, and i'm sorry about your brother if you like maybe we can hunt the son of a bitch down together" i said of course with rage building up every ten seconds but i felt calm around jay as we stood their together sulking over the lost of Max together. Jay leaned in to hug me as i backed up a little being overly protective of myself as i just met jay " sorry we just met not ready for a hug by a stranger even though you are Max's brother, maybe next time" i said putting my hand back on the holster as i felt endangered again by a man in the shadows behind a bush. " I got to go, Jay, " I said before giving my number to him so we could meet up again before heading back to the motel.

As i got to the hotel i double locked the door behind me and cheeked the curtains and behind doors to see if anyone was hiding in the room. Once it was clear I took my gun out of its holster and put it under my pillow and took the holster off and set it to the side before grabbing fresh clothes and headed to the showers. After the shower I dried myself up and got dressed and headed to bed for the night.

The next morning I woke up with a text from Jay. "can't wait to find the son of a bitch with you" he texted. I just yawed not feeling it this morning but decided to text back "same here jay wanna meet up at the coffee shop on third street" i replied to him. After replying I finally got out of bed and got ready for the day, I grabbed my gun and holster and put it on, the town I was in did not care if anyone had guns on them since it was full of hunters and supernaturals. As i got ready i received a harshful overprotective text from my older brother Hunter " where the fuck are you little sister!" he texted with the angry emoji. "Shit now he is going to hunt me down '' I said to myself as a bit of anxiety built up so I texted back " mystic falls, Georgia someone killed my friend hunter" i texted with the sigh emojis. I then received another overly protective text from a hunter at this point and I was getting annoyed with him. I was 16 and old enough to fight my own battles. " dame it sis your only 16, expect me to be there by nightfall now, you're not fighting this alone" he texted. I then sat on my bed and sighed, I couldn't turn, find my iPhone off as he had that locked from me.

After texting with my brother, I grabbed my bag and started making my way to the coffee shop to meet up with Jay, still upset with my brother Hunter. " Sometimes i really hate you hunter" i said to myself as i walked to the shop. Once i got to the shop i saw Jay in a black hoodie, i walked up to him and shook his hand " nice to see you again" i said to the 17 year old male. Jay smiled and had ordered coffee for us two and a desert. I then sat down across from him and discussed our tactics to find the vampire that killed the one we loved. " So how are we going to kill this son of a bitch vampires are pretty fast and they are good at hearing humans coming from a mile away" i said. Jay chuckled " well i learned something from a show, we can kill it with wooden bullets but lets hope its not an original i don't know where we could find white oak" jay said before getting up and getting our coffee. After he got the coffee I felt a funny feeling in my gut, "am i falling in love with my dead crushes brother now ?" I thought to myself feeling all mushy inside." I can't believe this!, i am falling in love with him" i thought again hating myself now while watching him come towards me with the coffee and desert.

Jay sat down and put the coffee and desert in front of us two. " so, do you have any leads on where to find him or track him down?" he asked. I looked at him and think for a second " no but my only lead is to retrace your brothers footsteps to find a clue, last time we talked he said he was at an ice cream shop on fourth street so we should start their" i say looking around to see an empty coffee shop but only the workers.

Jay nodded and sipped his coffee " okay then tonight will start there " he said taking another sip of his coffee. I just sat and smiled " so how long have you been in mystic falls " I asked trying to start a conversation. Jay chuckled " not long i just moved here, i lived outside of atlanta for half my life" he said. " oh cool i live in Michigan. It's pretty cool. most of my family lives there so yah" i said to him. We continued to talk for a while as the place started to get busy.

[ginnympotter]

Jily idea: something about them in college and being in the same class/group over zoom calls or Them running into each other at the grocery store and they realise they’re both wearing a Star Wars themed fabric face mask 🥺🥺🤠

A/N: omg i love this so much, ESPECIALLY because i just got 2 star wars themed masks!!! so this is PERFECT lol thank you!! This is essentially just me writing 2 people nerd out over star wars so hope that’s your thing :)

His stomach turns over as he sees a flash of red hair whiz past the produce section. He grips his basket and speeds up. “Evans!” he shouts as he reaches the pasta aisle, much louder than intended to compensate for the fabric slightly muffling his voice. 

She turns sharply, and he notices a lot of things at once. One, she is smiling through her mask, as her cheeks enlarge and her eyes crinkle. Two, her eyes are even more green in person, green unlike anything he’d ever seen. And three, the mask robbing him of her smile’s full glory, is in fact a Star Wars mask too.

“Vader?” she asks, cocking her head to the side a bit. 

“Colorful Vader,” he corrects her. “My mum made it, and she felt too restricted with just black and white. And seeing as I’d be blind wearing an actual full Vader mask that would cover my whole face, because I don’t think the mold accounts for glasses, why not wear something a bit more cheerful in these trying times.”

“And I’m sure your mum wouldn’t want to deprive the world of that whole face,” she smiles still. “Don’t you think Anakin would probably need glasses though? You can’t tell me his vision wasn’t completely fucked up by almost burning to death.”

“Definitely. Maybe he wears contacts?” He wishes he could step closer to her, as to swim in her eyes properly, especially considering they’re all left uncovered. They had been partners all semester for their online course in contemporary adolescent literature, so he had only ever had the pleasure of seeing them through a blurry camera screen, and it’s not like Zoom’s picture quality is state of the art. They had grown to be quite friendly, even texting sometimes about non-coursework related topics. He wishes he could hug her. But they remain distant, and he focuses in on her mask. “So you like the sequels as well, I take it?” he asks, gesturing towards it. It has little drawings of BB-8 on it. “We’ve never discussed that.”

“The first two, anyway,” she shrugs, picking up two boxes of spaghetti and throwing them in her cart. “The last one was rubbish.”

James thinks he might confess his love right then and there, but forces his mouth to say different words. “BB-8 is the best thing to come out of them, so I respect the mask choice.”

“Thanks,” she says in a kind voice. “I originally wanted to get an Ahsoka mask, but they were out of stock.” 

"Wait...where did you order your mask from?”

“Some sweet woman on Etsy,” she explains. “Not sure her real name, but her username is Thermopolis327. Maybe a Princess Diaries fan, although I only saw Star Wars designs.”

James could not believe his luck. “That’s my mum’s Etsy shop!”

“Your mum?” she asks in disbelief. “But isn’t her name Euphemia?”

“Yes,” he says, trying not to think too hard about the fact that she even remembers such a detail. “Euphemia. Mia. Mia Thermopolis, Princess of Genovia. Least coy alias name, but she is pretty proud of it.”

“It’s brilliant.”

“I’ll tell my mum as soon as she gets some Ahsoka fabric to send you one. But for now, better off that Ahsoka didn’t have to see Vader like this.” 

She laughs, and James feels the pit in his stomach deepen at the sound. She contemplates two boxes of pasta. “What you say, James: penne or rigatoni?”

“Penne all the way,” he responds.

She tosses three boxes of penne in her cart. “Thanks. Still think it’s best to stock up on pasta since it doesn’t go bad, then I can avoid coming here as often.”

“Smart, you are,” he says without thinking. “I’m sure I’ll see your masterful pasta dishes during our next Zoom lunch final project meeting. Maybe you’ll still have left when it’s safe for us to have a proper meal together.”

He can see her face flush from the little skin that is not covered by her mask, and then realizes what he said. Before he can try to save himself from embarrassment, she does it for him. “That would be lovely. But we can also just eat pasta over Zoom while this is all going on once the project is over and, you know, talk about something other than Holden Caulfield’s obsession with where the ducks go in the winter.”

James laughs nervously, instinctually putting a hand in his hair, ruffling it. “Yeah, instead of discussing Holden calling everyone a phony we can talk about Anakin essentially calling the entire Jedi Council phonies.”

“I mean, they kind of are,” Lily shrugs. “But we can talk about anything, really. It doesn’t have to be restricted to fictional characters. Although, I wouldn’t mind if that were a hefty portion, either.” 

James adjusts his glasses, which have fogged up a bit from his erratic breathing in his mask throughout this conversation. “Count me in.”

“It’s a date, then,” she declares, and as he can’t contain his smile, she laughs. “C’mon, it looks like you have next to nothing in your basket, and I’ve only just started myself. Let’s finish our run together. Six feet apart, of course. We’re both going to need some fuel to top off that Catcher project conclusion.”

“Roll on, BB. I’ll follow,” he says.

She winks, puts one foot on the shopping cart, the other on the ground to push forward, and does just that, leading the way. 

[citrinekay]

Roadtrip prompt! They’re going somewhere together (not for work). it’s just really domestic and they bought snacks and everything ❤️

There’s just something about these two driving in cars together that I can’t get enough of. Thanks for the prompt!

Bill hadn’t given any consideration to his mounting vacation days for some time until Wendy had announced she was taking a trip to the Florida Keys, and Holden had remarked that he hadn’t taken any days off in awhile either. He’d quickly turned to Bill to point out that they shouldn’t let Wendy have all the fun. 

Bill shrugged. He hadn’t gone on a real vacation for a few years because he’d been too focused on work. He wasn’t complaining, though, because their work is important. 

He’d forgotten about the conversation until the next morning, when the idea was fully gestated in Holden’s mind. 

“We should go see the Grand Canyon.” Holden said, sitting up in bed with his disheveled hair and eyes wide and alert despite it being seven o’clock in the morning. 

“Okay.” Bill said, rubbing a hand over his sleep-laden eyes. 

“I always wanted to go as a kid, but my family never had the money for out-of-state vacations.” Holden said, “How many vacation days do you think you have?”

“I’m not sure. A lot.” 

“I think we should drive.”

“What? Why? Don’t we drive around enough together as it is?” Bill asked.

Holden turned around to cast him a mischievous smile. “It’ll be an adventure. Please?”

Bill sighed, “It’s a what? - two or three day drive? Maybe more if there’s construction and traffic accidents - which there’s bound to be. Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” Holden said, flopping down against Bill’s chest to pander with wide, pleading eyes. “It’ll be fun. Will you at least consider it?” 

Bill considered it for all of one day, though “considering it” was a loose term. He could see that Holden already had his heart set on the trip, and wouldn’t be letting the idea go anytime soon. Besides, as it turned out, he had more than enough vacation days compiled to allow for driving time and a full week in Arizona. 

They’d struck out two days ago on an early Saturday morning, bags packed, cassette tapes, snacks, and bottles of water stashed in the front seat for the drive ahead. Holden rolled down the window and sang along with the radio as they crossed the state line between Virginia and North Carolina, and all of Bill’s misgivings sailed out the window into the summer air along with the upbeat lyrics of “Tiny Dancer.” 

Holden’s high spirits remained through the brief trip across the tip of North Carolina and into Tennessee. By this point, Bill had grudgingly given into his urging to sing - or rather somewhat hum - along with the music. Bill smoked another cigarette while Holden shelled peanuts out the window, popping them in his mouth in between mutterd song lyrics. 

As they sped across the threshold into Arkansas, Holden leaned over to tuck his head against Bill’s shoulder. His fingers crept over to trace Bill’s knuckles and the back of his hand before nudging them in between Bill’s fingers. They were quiet for a long time as the landscape changed around them, rolling green hills rising up into rocky mountains peppered with miles of trees that seemed to go on forever. 

Eventually, Holden sat up and started talking again, reminiscing about some of the different places his family had lived throughout the Midwest. Somewhere in between a story about Milwaukee and St. Paul, he’d made them both promise not to bring up anything work related. Bill agreed without complaint.

 The sunset slipped across the sky in hues of gold and pink as they crept towards Oklahoma, the land dipping down into flattened stretches of grassy fields that allowed the dome of the sky to swell above them. Holden sank down in the seat, breathing a happy sigh. 

“Thank you for this.”

“For what?” 

“This trip.” Holden said, casting Bill a faint smile. “It means a lot to me.”

“Hey,” Bill said, catching Holden’s hand and bringing his knuckles to his mouth, “If seeing the Grand Canyon is what you want, I’m going to give it to you.”

“I do want to see it.” Holden said, a smile tugging at his mouth while his eyes went soft and hazy as a lake on a foggy morning. “But this is more important to me … You.” 

Bill cleared his throat as emotion hit him suddenly in the chest, a yearning and a satisfaction that seemed to compete for residency in that space all at once. 

“It’s nice, right?” Holden asked, sparing Bill having to respond immediately. “Driving, just the two of us.”

“Yeah.” Bill said, “It’s really nice.”

It was past ten o’clock by the time they made it to the hotel that Holden had booked in advance. Bill got out and stretched his legs, relishing not being cramped in a car for less than half an hour before falling into bed exhausted. 

He woke the next morning to Holden curled up against him, golden sunlight through the window making the dark brown of his hair gleam luscious chestnut. Bill carefully traced his bare shoulder as he leaned in to plant a kiss on Holden’s neck, inhaling his familiar scent, drowning himself in the quiet solitude of his moment. 

Quantico seemed to fall far behind them, a disant, gray outline that he could have seen in a book somewhere. This reality, his arms wrapped around Holden, felt like it was the only one that shoulder matter. It took all his willpower to get out of bed to face another day of driving, but Holden’s eagerness to reach their destination urged him along. 

They drove for two more days, passing through Oklahoma, the northern edge of Texas, and New Mexico before the sign for the Arizona state line heralds a closing end to their journey. 

Night descends on the desert like a shroud, plunging the colors of the cloudless sky through shades of blue, purple, and black before the pinprick of stars and the half moon hanging overhead are the only source of illumination outside of the intermittent streetlamps dotting the interstate. The radio plays at low volume, a hushed lullaby that had Holden’s head slumping down against the leather seat cover over an hour ago. 

Bill carefully rolls down his window to light a cigarette. The scrape of his lighter cuts through the quiet bluster of the wind, unanswered by the echoing void just outside of the car. As smoke pours from his lips, he casts a glance over at Holden’s lax expression of blissful sleep. A smile tugs at his mouth.

 Not two hours ago, Holden had been pressing whether Bill wanted him to take a turn driving or not as Bill had spent most of the trip behind the wheel. Bill had said no, he prefers to drive; more than that, he prefers to watch Holden sleep, rocked to dreamland by the steady motion of the car over never-ending asphalt. 

Bill turns his gaze back to the road ahead illuminated by the yellow swath of headlights making out the black strip of road ahead. 

Everything is quiet now with Holden slumbering beside him and the interstate all but vacant of traffic. Against the black backdrop of the sky he can begin to see the narrow, crooked outlines of the Grand Canyon’s myriad rocky formations beginning to emerge beneath the milky moonlight. The idea of driving them all the way into the town where neon lights and streetlamps could dispel the sense of distance that this place gives him seems like an offense he can’t abide. 

Easing his foot on the break, Bill brings the car to a crawl, and guides them off the shoulder of the road into the sand. He puts the car in park, and turns his gaze to Holden’s slumbering expression cloaked in shadow. 

He takes a drag of his cigarette and exhales slowly in the silence. The car engine ticks as it cools, but otherwise he can’t hear anything - not even the wind. 

Taking off his seatbelt, Bill leans over to press a kiss against Holden’s cheek. 

Holden stirs, uttering a moan. “Are we there?”

“Not quite.” Bill murmurs, stroking his thumb across Holdens temple where his hair begins to curl. 

Holden’s eyelids flutter open in the darkness, searching the shadowed corners of the car and the street ahead for landmarks. “Where are we?”

“Just outside of Flagstaff.” Bill says. 

“Why are we pulled over?” Holden asks, pushing himself upright in his seat to survey their location on the side of the road. 

“Come on.” Bill says, nodding toward the desert. 

Holden frowns as Bill shoves the door open with his shoulder, and gets out of the car. Sand shifts beneath his feet as he stretches his back, easing out the knotted kinks from hours behind the wheel. 

Holden clambers out of the car, and peers over the hood at him. “What are we doing?”

Bill shuffles around to lean against the hood of the car, and waves a hand for Holden to join him. “Just come here for a minute.”

Holden hesitates for a moment before pushing the car door shut. He ambles around the hood of the car, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with his knuckles. Sitting on the hood beside Bill, he drops his head to Bill’s shoulder and suppresses a yawn. 

Curling his arm around Holden’s shoulder, Bill draws him closer, and breathes out a quiet sigh. 

“This was a good idea, you know.” He says, quietly. “Getting away for a little bit.”

“Now you agree with me?” Holden asked, teasing gently. “You spent the whole first day complaining about your back hurting.”

“Yeah, you got me there.” Bill says, uttering a low chuckle. 

Holden laughs quietly, tucking his cheek tighter against Bill’s shoulder. 

A slow breeze creeps in from the desert, void of the daytime humidity that is sure to come with the rising of the sun. Holden shudders softly, and Bill draws him closer, rubbing a hand over the goosebumps prickling his arm. 

“Cold?”

“No.” Holden murmurs, defiantly. 

“We can go if you want.”

“No, this is nice.” Holden says, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. “I’ve never seen stars like this, have you?”

“No.” 

Holden lifts a hand towards the sky, his fingertips drizzled in pale, pewter light as if he could dip his nails into the smattering of stars. 

“Big Dipper, Little Dipper, Orion’s Belt …” He murmurs, naming off constellations as his fingers wander across the blanket of the sky. 

Bill slips his fingers under Holden’s jaw and turns his mouth into a kiss, interrupting the whispered string of names. A quiet whimper rolls off Holden’s tongue into the gentle stroke of Bill’s mouth, and his lips fall open to the gentle touch. Bill strokes Holden’s cheek, savoring the softness of his skin and the sweet taste of his mouth, the weightlessness in his chest while this moment unfolds privately in the darkness. 

When he pulls back, Holden swallows hard, his nostrils flaring gently with a deep, shaky inhale. He leans his forehead against Bill’s, closing his eyes against the warm, wandering caress of Bill’s thumb working its way down his jawline and throat. 

“What if we just kept driving?” Bill whispers. 

“What?” Holden asks, offering a choked little laugh. 

“We see the Grand Canyon like you wanted, and then we keep driving.” Bill says, nudging his forehead against Holden’s.

“Really?” Holden asks, despite the smile fighting underneath the bite of his teeth. “And never go back?” 

“Yeah, why not?”

“I don’t think your back would make it to the West Coast.” Holden says, muting a laugh when Bill begins to scowl. 

“Fine, forget it.” Bill says, leaning back. 

Holden gazes at him sheepishly from beneath his eyelashes. “It’s a nice thought, though.”

“Yeah,” Bill says, scanning the dark shadows cloaking the landscape around them. “It is.”

They sit on the hood of the car for a long time, Bill smoking a cigarette, Holden resting his head on Bill’s shoulder. He tries to catalogue each second in his mind - the cool breeze, the endless desert making them small, the weight of Holden’s head on his shoulder, the warm gust of his breath on his neck. 

Things have a way of slipping out of your hands when you aren’t watching, he thinks. Everything changes so quickly. Moments you think will last forever disappear in the blink of an eye. But not this one, not this time. 

Half an hour later, they’re back in the car, driving into Flagstaff where the hotel awaits and the next day promises adventure just as Holden had predicted. Bill casts a glance up at the sky as they leave the desert behind. The moon hasn’t moved despite the distance traveled, and some things, like the stars, are forever.

[blue-mint-winter]

The Expanse s4 was another exciting chapter in the story. I’m already planning a rewatch. Here are some thoughts:

The main thing I noticed about the season is that it feels too short. The finale seemed to me like it was actually mid-season finale. Episode 10 ended and my reaction was: “wait, what? Where’s the rest of it?” and that’s because only the main storyline about Roci crew on Ilos concluded. Everything else - Bobbie, Avasarala/home politics, Inaros, Drummer - is left hanging in the middle of action.

Secondly, in a way s4 doesn’t have the same gripping suspense as s3. I’m not sure what changed, writers or creators or maybe something else, it just didn’t pull me in as strongly as previous season. But, to be fair, this is a beginning of a new story arc. The first s1-3 told us about the discovery of protomolecule, the Ring and opening the way to new worlds. S4 is the start of colonization era (hopefully). The Ring changed the status quo. Therefore, the deescalation of stakes makes a certain amount of sense. I am sure they are going to go up pretty soon whenever s5 gets released.

(Spoilers under the cut)

Ilos/New Terra reminded me a bit of TNG episode in which Data had to convince colonists to leave their planet or they would die. Holden does the same thing. Of course that was just that one element  and the story was more complex. Generally, it was interesting how Belters and Murtry’s people had to coexist despite mutual distrust and animosity, but my favourite parts belonged to Naomi, Lucia and Alex. These characters had really great interactions and I loved how they related to each other and helped each other. Also, Naomi’s backstory is getting more relevance :) Other character I really liked was Wei and I’m upset about her, because I think she was the best from the cast on the ground and I was hoping she’d get somewhere in character development. Another character I have to comment about is Lucia’s husband, because he was really annoying, but The Expanse didn’t leave it at that and let us just dislike the guy, instead we saw that even if he yelled at Lucia and didn’t understand her, even if he was cowardly, he still showed compassion and a good heart. He wasn’t the bad guy and he had a right to have his opinion and be upset with Lucia. And I think that’s what fundamentally sets this show apart from others - it has a heart.

It was great to see Miller one last time and say goodbye to him (even if it will never be as epic and satisfying as Eros). Another character we said goodbye to was Clarissa when she messages Amos to thank him in the beginning of the season. I find it an interesting reversal that Holden and Naomi manage to save Lucia from Clarissa’s fate by lying in their report. Lucia was fortunate enough to get a second chance without paying for her crume for the rest of her life.

Ilos gave some new information about what killed the Builders. What I found peculiar about the struggle on the planet was how symbolic it was in places. What they go through is like plagues - the swarm, the flood, the killer snails, the blindness. And am I the only one who thought about dinosaurs when that shock wave came?

The political situation is shown by the 3 plotlines which we know are connected but the complete reveal and payoff should be in next seasons. In the Belt, Marko Inaros is stirring trouble, so Drummer and Ashford are dealing with it from the Medina Station. They make a great team, but Ashford really shines through in this season in my opinion. It’s amazing how he developed from being the antagonist in s3, but in some ways he stayed the same, which makes an interesting blend of old and new in him. He did his best and I’m sad to see him gone. This storyline also shows so well who Inaros really is and why he’s so dangerous. Not to mention, he’s Naomi’s ex and it’s inevitable she’d cross paths with him again in the future which will be no doubt exciting.

Bobbie’s storyline on Mars deals a lot with how their society changed because of the end of the war with Earth and finding new planets to settle. The Mars is going through a serious identity crisis and it seems people would just abandon the planet. It’s starting. Bobbie’s story is of an ex-marine that’s no longer needed in times of peace, how she tries to be a good Martian but it just doesn’t work anymore because the Martian dream is dying and corruption and crime are flourishing in these circumstances. Bobbie gets involved with it. And once again we get characters introduced as dislikeable, but we can’t hate them after ep 10. In the end, the corrupt police officer is just a guy that wants to give his family a better life, preferably on a new planet. But the underground weapon selling to Belters has to be a part of Inaros’ scheme.

The last is Avasarala storyline. She is running in the election for the Secretary-General. What I like about this plotline is that we get to see more of her husband and their relationship, even if it becomes strained because of the campaign. Another great thing is that this is an election for a planetary leader with two female candidates which is something so refreshing to see. Nancy Gao has a likeable political persona and I’m very curious what kind of leader she will become. The political battle between Avasarala and her was one of the highlights of this season for me. This storyline also effectively reminded me why I could never love Avasarala as a character. She’ll never be one of my faves in this show. I can like her, enjoy her, laugh at humorous moments she has, but I will always remember that she had a Belter tortured in the very first episode of the show. There will always be that unrepentant harshness and lack of remorse at her core. She’s classy, but we want her to be noble and she’s not and she doesn’t even want to be.

This is it for now, I’ll probably have more thoughts when I rewatch :)