#especially taking into account his earlier 'seeking the wrong kind of love' line

[fayevalcntine]

I do find it interesting how Louis's reaction to Daniel's frankly benign joke about Lestat's letter was so different from his responses towards Daniel over the torn diary pages. Both times prior, he either becomes very angry, enough to make Daniel suddenly lose control of his body, or he becomes so overwhelmed he has to leave the room. But in neither of those times did Daniel ever go after Lestat or mock him for his love for Lestat. And the second he does, Louis not only bites back but even becomes gleeful at the thought of affecting Daniel this severely.

[imaginesandideas]

humid

roughly 4k words, originally posted on my A3O account. a late summer memoir; NSFW. reblogs, comments, suggestions and all kinds of support are more than welcome ✨

[whispers] y’all should really play Hozier’s “Work song” or “NFWMB” for this one 🖤

It’s been a tough couple weeks. Well, months. And it’s especially hard cause you’re living together, you’re married and yet you’re passing each other by. Not willingly for goodness sake, but you’ve been barely finding time for each other lately and it’s killing you. He’s not dealing great with it either, but he keeps the facade to avoid worrying you more. He’s learnt that at work obviously. The same work that has been keeping him away from you for so long.

You’re not better though. Everything has changed after you finally got your degree. The studying was hell, you were mostly tired and overworked. But Flip? He was by your side through highs and lows and was always super supportive. If not for him you probably wouldn’t have done it at all.

But after that you were met with another bunch of obstacles. Cause despite your earnest efforts, finding a decent job in the Colorado Springs area was a rather difficult task.

You went through successive stages of education but it never meant that someone would be willing to give you a chance. And again Flip was the most supportive husband - he would drive you to your interviews insisting that it’s „no big deal” and that he won’t be late for work, cause the work will wait for him anyway. You found his presence by your side in those moments  extremely comforting. As you were driving around town he would reach out for your hand to hold it and place a kiss at the back of it. Such a simple gesture but for you it meant more than words. You knew that it was an affirmation, it was him reminding you that you’re strong, that you’re capable and that no matter what happens he’ll be there. For you and with you.

And you simply couldn’t help but glance at him lovingly as he was entirely focused on the road, making sure you get there safe and on time.

 And finally, after many unsuccessful attempts, you got the job. It wasn’t a job of your dreams, but it was good for a start. You were earning enough to support your household budget and to take some of the worries off Flip’s shoulders. It was the independence you’ve been seeking, but it also meant that you’d have to get used to your lives continuously not coinciding.

You didn’t even realize when 6-hour shifts have turned into 10 hours. And then those 10 hours turned into a lot of paperwork you’d do during the weekends. But that’s okay, you thought, Flip was also busy at the station or going on missions so you couldn’t really be mad at yourself for doing all this extra work, right? And it was also pretty rewarding cause soon enough you got promoted and had even more complicated tasks to execute. It also came with bigger money, but all of a sudden you realized that you don’t even have the time to go and spend it on something.

Soon enough it dawned to you how little time together with Flip you were actually getting and the thought itself made you feel sick. Cause if you were to count all the moments you two had for each other during the week, it would have to be all the hours asleep and alarming amount of rushed goodbyes and kisses as you pass each other by in the hallway of your home.

Passing each other by - that’s what you were actually doing and it was driving you insane. But what could you do, you were trapped between the current project and all the upcoming ones. You were trapped between Flip’s and your own work schedule. Separated by the obligations that lay with your shoulders.

„That’s wonderful, I’m so proud of you!” His voice is heavy with exhaustion but you can sense that he’s smiling as you’re talking on the phone.

The manager position was more than you could’ve dreamed of, especially after such a long time in your current job, but the offer was so generous and unexpected that it took you a moment to process it. But first, you needed to call Flip. Partially because you wanted to know his opinion but also just so you could hear his voice.

„Well I have yet to agree but yeah I’m pretty excited.” You smile to yourself. „I mean, it’s a big step and I’ll have to get used to the new workplace but yeah…”

„You’ll do great baby. You’ll handle it like a fighter, I’m sure of it.” He’s really so proud of you and no distance could ever hide it. You can practically see his eyes shining with pride. „I love you.”

You sigh sadly.

„I love you too baby.”

„… and miss you.” He adds in a hushed tone.

„I know, I do too, you have no idea how much.” Suddenly you feel glad that you got to talk now, during your break with none of your coworkers around. It’s not like you’re ashamed or anything but you just don’t want people gossiping about the state of your marriage or you in general. It’s your moment, one out of very few you get to spend with your husband, even if it’s on the phone. And you’re just sad, your voice almost breaks as you’re speaking. „I know it’s probably just all the work and stress but I think I’m going crazy sometimes.”

„That bad?” He chuckles and you roll your eyes but you know he’s only teasing. „I know baby, I’m sorry, it’s my fault. All this paperwork from the last case got us locked up here for days. Even Ron had enough of it and left earlier today. Promised he’ll be back tomorrow morning but I wouldn’t bet my money on it.”

You nod mindlessly. Gnawing on your bottom lip you decide to take your shot.

„How much of it do you guys have left?”

„The case data? Uhh, for at least a day or two I think. Why?” You smirk but keep your voice on the same note.

„I might be wrong but I remember that chief once mentioned that you still have that overdue leave?”

He pauses for a moment, most likely trying to recall that conversation but soon enough he’s back on the line.

„Yeah I think there was something. I’ll ask him again but I believe there was a week or two.”

„Okay so, uhm, how about you get the paperwork done and we both take some time off? Just you and me, no work, no phonecalls, no distractions.” At this point you can barely hide the excitement in your voice and you don’t even care. This may be your last chance so you just hope he agrees.

„God yes, that’d be perfect!” He smiles widely and you can’t help but smile too. „What about your new job though?”

„I’ll handle that, don’t worry.”

„That’s my girl.” The smile he has at that moment will stay with him for the rest of the day, he has no doubt about it.

 Time flies when you’ve got loads of work and things to look forward to. Those days flied by like a rocket and there you are, all giddy and excited as you walk towards your home. You decided to buy some groceries on the way and grab your order of italian takeaway from that restaurant you used to visit quite often when you were still only dating. Despite the tiredness and the overwhelming heat of the day you try to keep your mood uplift, the thought of well deserved time off with your husband is making all the work worth it. Cause he is worth, and you know that both of you deserve this more than ever.

The late-summer sun is setting low over the city and the woods and you stop in your tracks to catch that last glimpse of golden light. Who would’ve thought that one day you’d miss small things like this - slowly walking home, admiring the view. But you promise yourself to care more from now on. It’s a brand new chapter of your life and you decide not to waste a single moment that’s worth remembering. And you want to remember this, remember this day.

You set your purchase on the kitchen counter and drop your bag on the couch. Flip did not set the hour precisely but you guessed that he’ll be late, the usual.

After you put the food in the fridge - you specifically ordered pasta to be semi-raw so you could reheat it at home when the right time comes - you grab the bottle of leftover wine that you intentionally didn’t finish the last time. Now that you’ve got a couple days off it won’t matter if it’s not the weekend yet, you’re starting yours early. Besides, it should help you relax a bit, loosen tense muscles. And that icy liquid just feels so right as it reaches your tongue, perfect for a hot evening like this one. With a glass in one hand you step out on the porch but the air is still way too heavy with heat and you return inside.

After yet another sip you set the glass on the table and choose to change into something more comfortable. Ideally something thin, cause even back inside the air was pretty humid. Barefoot, you step inside your wardrobe and the coolness of it makes you close your eyes in bliss. The summers here were great, you loved the sun and the nature flourishing, but if you could trade one thing it would have to be the heat, especially during the night.

By the time you come into your bedroom you don’t even know what time it is, you’re too drowsy to care. Maybe you’d just wait in here, lay on these silky sheets you just recently bought for the summertime sleeps. You’ll keep one eye open in case if he comes back soon. You won’t fall asleep no way. No way…

 Jolting awake you notice that the light is turned off, the whole room is dark and aired but still pretty humid as if someone left the window open. And it’s almost completely silent, except for the steady breathing beside you. There’s warmth spreading over your waist where his arm rests protectively and you smile. Once your vision accommodates to the darkness you see his sprawled out form, so pale in the night shades of your bedroom. He even got rid of the tank top he’s normally wearing to bed and you assume he must have felt just as hot as you.

You also realize that you must have fallen asleep before he even came back, cause you can’t seem to remember anything after changing your clothes in the wardrobe.

His embrace feels better than anything else in the world and you wish you could’ve stayed like that forever but your throat feels so dry that you decide to gently slip out. It’s no surprise that you still feel dizzy as you stand up, suddenly remembering the alcohol and the fatigue of workday. As quietly and carefully as possible you sneak out of the bed and then out of the bedroom, leaving Flip alone underneath the sheets.

One glass of water isn’t enough so you pour yourself another one. It’s been hours since dusk yet the air feels so heavy and hot as if during the day. Your skin feels sticky, like it’s covered in some sort of sweet syrup.

„You minx.”

His raspy voice coming from behind startles you at first, but his hands swiftly sneak around your waist before you get a word out. And you don’t even mind the warmth radiating off his body onto your back, engulfing you as he closes the distance between you both, that closeness is almost relieving. You haven’t been this close in a very long time.

„I thought you were asleep.” You say softly as you reach out to caress his face and he nuzzles his cheek into the crease between your shoulder and neck, kissing along your tense muscles.

„Can’t sleep without you. I need to know where you are.” He mumbles and you smile.

 It’s true, even when away on a mission or an investigation - he always calls. He knows when you’ll be back from work and wants to make sure you got home safe. That’s the protective side of his that you’ve learnt to adore, even if one could consider it an annoying trait.

With his vast work experience, the things he’s seen over the years but also the love he had for you from the very first day, he couldn’t just simply overlook your safety. You were that one string keeping him grounded and sane thorough all the madness in his life, he wouldn’t have forgiven himself if he’d lost you. It was almost like a ritual at this point. Him calling you from the station before you head for bed, sometimes you calling him at the hotel when you know his workday on a mission is over. Not only does it calm both of you down, it’s also a chance to have that much needed time to talk about ordinary things.

„I’m sorry I fell asleep on you. I had some wine, I don’t even remember when I passed out…”

„It’s okay. You work so hard, you deserve some rest.” His voice is soothing in your ears, almost as soothing as his soft lips traveling up along your pulse point. „And I was tired too.”

„Was? Past tense?” You whisper chuckling and his grasp on you tightens, he’s pulling you in even closer almost inhaling you whole. His hands run up your sides, gently cupping your breasts before they retreat, then climb up again, this time underneath your shirt. Ever so slowly, teasingly his fingertips dance over your skin, over your slowly hardening nipples. And despite his bodily warmth it still sends shiver down your back. 

He whispers but it feels like a thunder echoing along your neck.

„You already know.”

Your bodies move in unison as you turn around to face him. His face glows of late summer sweat in the dim light and it only accentuates his rough features, from cheekbones to jaw. He gives you a few seconds, enough to get a good look at his shadow-toned figure - arms,  thighs, collarbones, stomach and that strong chest - at your Flip, before he pulls you in once again. This time his hands are even greedier, his movements are more desperate. But you’re right there to reciprocate, bringing your own needy hands to his dark, sweat-tangled locks. And when his lips finally meet with yours it’s like breathing. It’s natural, it feels necessary. It’s like magic but better, cause there’s nothing realer than this.

„I missed you. So so much. I missed this.” He whispers in between kisses hastily. His voice is hushed but deep, like in a tantric prayer. Like a spell.

„Flip.” You call out quietly, a whisper echoing in the darkness. He hoists you up, you watch his arms flex in the corner of your eyes, hands clutching on your thighs for dear life as he places you ever so gently on the counter. Safe yet so close to the edge.

His movements are sensually slow, so different from the way you’ve remembered him. With lips parted you let him kiss away the tension from your shoulders, arms, neck, wrists…

„Let me.” He half asks half states as he sinks low on his knees. Your eyelids grow heavy with each touch of his plump, warm lips on your ankles, calves, below your knees, along your thighs. „My love, my queen.”

You don’t remember him him like this and you’re hypnotized. He’s like a drug flowing through your veins, heating you from underneath the skin. Like he’s controlling your whole body, its motions, you.

„Baby please.” You’re begging. Flip likes that, a lot.

„Say it again.” It’s the depth of his voice, the booming of it that wakes you up from this trance you’ve been stuck in. And he’s looking at you with those cinnamon-spiced honey eyes of his. The eyes that are now locked with your own hazy gaze.

He kisses your ankle without even looking away and it’s like fire burning you from underneath and that icy breath tingling on your skin.

„Please.” A whine.

„Again.”

„Please…”

It comes out nearly a whimper, but he’s relentless, his face stoical like a cliff. Proud, patient, waiting.

He’s tempting you, testing you as if it is the devil himself kneeling beneath your feet. Encouragingly grazing his fangs along the luscious skin of your thighs. Awaiting your surrender. Your submission.

„Say it like you mean it.”

Your heart is shaking in anticipation. It feels so wrong and yet you give in.

„Phillip, please. I need you.”

And he bites in, sucks in, leaves blooming marks like petals scattered around a bouquet of fresh wild peonies.

He devours you entirely, completely. Trembling, you’re losing control, in fact you’re giving it away, right into his eager hands, lips, hungry eyes.

 By the time his mouth reaches your clit you’re already blissed out, encouraging him with the motion of your hips, quietly gasping, begging for air, begging for more. Begging for no air at all.

It’s like you’re breaking apart, your body and mind conflicted yet something, someone, keeps them tied together, seals them with each caress. Your nerves are tingling but at the same time are so numb, like he’s crawled inside you, slick as a snake. He’s controlling you, the rhythm of your breathing, of your heart.

And your heart feels like a volcano, hot and ready to explode from your heaving chest.

„Y-yes, there, please.”

Your slick and his spit are one. Your inhales are synchronized with his lips. Perfect harmony, only it’s not quiet, it’s loud on his tongue, loud as the gasps leaving your mouth and even louder in your brain.

With your vision clouded you gaze down and that’s when it hits you.

Your limbs involuntarily shake, wave after wave crashing over you and within seconds you can barely breathe. Your mind is filled with light, like sun setting over beach, the sounds  of ocean rustling. You’re divided, both here and out there, not even sure which one is which cause all of these sensations feel so real.

There’s this immense hot heaviness climbing up your torso. It covers your ribs, moves swiftly over your cleavage, rests below your breast, on your heart. His hand reaching out to touch you even more. So gentle and loving yet so delightfully demanding.

„Yours.” You whisper even though he doesn’t question it verbally. It’s in the air and you just repeat it like echo, like a mantra.

Fingers dig into the counter, seeking support. He knows you’re almost there, he can feel it through your uncontrolled trembling, your spasming cunt. And so he catches you, holds you grounded, holds your thighs firmly apart with his strong hands. Somehow it doesn’t even matter that it’s the middle of a hot night, it doesn’t matter where did your underwear go, if the sun is about to hit your faces within the next few minutes, cause all you care about is him. And you keep chanting his name with that haunting promise.

„Yours Flip, yours. Yours.”

If only you could see these honey eyes as they drown in the sound of your voice, the eyes that can’t speak but still reflect his love for you - selfless, filled with adoration and respect. In his eyes you’re a statue, carved and perfected thorough the years, and now he’s bringing it to life.

Your body goes tense one more time, from head to toes, from the crown of your head and along your spine. He slows down, he wants it to last, he wants to feast on you for the rest of his days and even more, but he needs you to be fed.

And gods, he’s feeding you with everything he has, with the twirls of his tongue, with his own spit sticking to your sweat covered body, the tiny bites and that gloriously filthy loud sucking.

 It’s your arms that give in first and you lean back on the counter covered in sweaty bliss. His hands that kept your your thighs apart loosen the pressure, though you’re fairly sure of the bruising that will come out of it. The beauty of pleasure and pain.

Slowly he pushes himself up from his knees. And- fuck, he’s so in love with you he would propose to you the very next day if only that didn’t already belong to the past.

That’s when your eyes open. You catch him staring but he’s staring at you the way no other person ever did. Not like a prize, a plaything, no, he’s fucking mesmerized. All he sees is a goddess and the look in his eyes, his face says it all. It’s that tiny smirk on his stupid-beautiful face that cracks your heart open. You wonder how dare he tongue-fuck you into oblivion just to be so puppy looking seconds later. It’s like he’s testing you again.

„I fucking love you, y’know that right.”

„Phillip Zimmerman, how dare you. I should be the one saying that right now.” You chuckle but soon enough he gently grabs you, sitting you upright, his arms wrap around your waist yet again, eyes glossy with love. You’re speechless cause it feels like falling in love for the first time, this moment, him holding you close like this. You know this, you two have been like this in the past but you thought you’ve lost it somewhere along the way. Life can be rough, can be painful and sometimes just utterly normal, boring even. But here you are, gazing at each other longingly, maybe more in love than ever before because it’s no puppy love anymore, it’s a full-grown one.

His eyes follow the lines he draws with his fingers along your cheekbone, cheek, jaw before stopping at your chin. And he stares. Stares into your eyes.

He’s thinking how perfect you are, your face carved with determination, struggles but also beauty, and this immense love. He’s thinking how fortune must have helped his blind senses in catching you. And how he never wants to let you go.

He’s so lost in thought and so you take over finishing the sentence he meant to make. You seal the confession with your own lips, deepening it, making the words mean something beyond their definition.

With your eyes closed your hands glide over his face. You feel the softness of his skin, but also each of the tiny scars, the moles, the small imperfections that make Flip the person you know. Your person.

Your lips detach and you already miss their fullness, you miss the way they belong together.

„I meant that, you vixen.” He exclaims half-teasingly, but you know he’s sincere. You know him well enough to recognize it, so you just smile.

„I know. And I do love you too, so much. I really missed us.” As you speak he cups your face yet again but allows you to continue, not wanting to interrupt your thoughts. You were always better with words than him. „And I’m so proud of us, super-proud of you. How you grew over the years, how you’ve gotten better at everything you were already great at. And, like, grateful. For everything you do, for being so supportive and for being there for me an-”

„You better cut this sugary bullshit or you’ll make me so soft ’m not gonna be able to fuck you later.”

„Cutting it right now!” You pretty much cry it out and he chuckles flashing that full-blown smile of his, the one that’s reserved only for you.

„Good girl.” He says and you half-expect him to run off with you to the bedroom, but instead he kisses your forehead and pulls your arms over his shoulders. „But first, sleep.”

„What? No, no nonono. Babe, Flip, no, put me down. I can’t leave you hanging like this, let me-”

„No. Sleep. We need some more sleep first. Besides - I caught that small yawn you did 5 minutes ago, and you tried to freakin’ hide it from me so you’re not getting away with this one.”

„B-but…”

„I promise, we’ll catch up after a nap. Look, we woke up in the middle of the night and now it’s almost dawn.”

His words make your head spin in direction of window and you can’t believe he’s right as the first beams of sunlight hit your eyes. And of course you yawn on the spot, cause he’s really just has all the points.

 So you just nuzzle your head in the crook of his marble neck as he carefully hoists you up. You stay there, wrapped in his love through the finishing moments of night, and through couple more hours as both of your bodies rest covered in silky sheets, with limbs tangled together, breathing steady. Even when the air gets humid again covering your bodies with another layer of sweat, you don’t mind. You’re no longer against the heat, not if it’s the heat he covers you with, not if it’s the heat of you together.

[jadelotusflower]

Robin Hood Rewatch: 1x08 Tattoo, What Tattoo?

aka Robin wants to do a war crime.

It’s been a while, but I’m back on my rewatch. This is actually one of my favourite episodes of the whole show, so get comfortable, this is a long one. Also, I welcome comments/discussion on any of these posts - I’m always up to talk Robin Hood!

Flashback time! 1191. Now, we’ve had the current date set as 1192 by earlier episodes and this is the story of How Robin Got His Scar - assuming that he must have spent some time convalescing before returning to England, he can’t have been back more than a year at the absolute most.

There’s no point talking about historical accuracy on this show - my approach is that any story ostensibly taking place in our history is that it’s an alternate universe, and this is an easy way to ignore when things don’t square with real events.

Robin fights with a broadsword in this scene, not his scimitar, and we never find out how/why he got the latter.

For plot reasons, Robin neatly slashes through Guy’s tattoo instead of cutting off his arm.

Okay, Richard’s birthday was 8 September. The attempted hanging in the first episode was 26 April, so it’s been less than five months? Actually, I think this works fine.

In an earlier episode I lamented that we never saw the bright green shirt again, but I was wrong, Robin’s wearing it under his hoodie and it had very frayed hems. I do think the show does a pretty good job of using costumes for the gang that actually look like they live in a forest and show significant wear and tear.

This is one of my favourite Marian’s costumes - it’s beautiful!

I never noticed before, but after Guy announces the engagement, Edward takes Marian’s hand and it’s very sweet.

The possessive way Guy holds up Marian’s hand to show off the ring is...yikes. And don’t the guests sound enthused!

Nobody ever brings up that it was Robin ignoring the signal because he just had to stick it to Guy and take the ring is the reason Djaq is captured, and they really should have. That said, I do like him being cheeky and kissing Marian’s hand before depriving her of the ring.

Guy could very easily have freed the dagger holding his sleeve with his other hand - but he wanted Robin to know it was he that almost killed him in the Holy Land. Just like Robin could have easily escaped, but instead waited for Guy in the forest - this confrontation has been brewing all season - so let’s get into it.

Guy starts with saying that the King has enemies because he wants peace, and “there will never be peace with the Turk.” So we assume that his motivations are with the warmongers - to scupper the peace talks with Saladin so the Crusade continues and Jerusalem is conquered. Which...doesn’t really make sense with what we know of Guy, that he would care about claiming the Holy Land, and this stance is actually contradicted later. It makes more sense that they would want to keep Richard in the Holy Land so Prince John can usurp his power while he’s away, and Guy can maintain his position. I think we can assume that is the case, and Guy is just deflecting/pushing Robin’s buttons with the war talk.

And of course, the confrontation is only ostensibly about Guy’s treason, secondly about dick swinging over Marian. Guy gets kicked in the face (for the second time this season!) and only stops his throat getting slit by the timely arrival of the gang.

Djaq is cool, calm and collected the entire episode, despite no doubt being reminded of her time in slavery.

“That’s what you taught us.” Robin told the gang all about the articles of the Geneva Convention, but like many a self-righteous superpower, thinks they doesn’t apply to him if a breach is “necessary.”

I jest, but Robin actually does stay his hand initially and listen to the gang. He does knock Guy out, but I don’t think we can hold that against him. Concussion Count: Guy (Total: Robin x 1, Guy x 1)

It’s kind of understandable that the gang are skeptical of Robin’s claims it was Guy who tried to kill the King - it can’t have gone unnoticed that Robin has war-related trauma, and just that morning a nightmare of that very event. It would seem convenient indeed that he suddenly claims he remembers Guy as the assassin, right after the engagement to Marian was announced.

I’ve said this before, but I really think it’s a strength of the show that it is prepared to Go There with Robin as a deeply flawed protagonist. Because the gang is 100% right, and he is 100% wrong - Djaq’s life should take precedence, and he is in no state of mind to be making life and death decisions. 

Concussion Count: Guy and Robin (Total: Robin x 2, Guy x 2)

Confrontation Round 2 - ding ding!

Robin is straight up manipulative of Much to get himself untied and it hurts to see - there’s a real power differential to their relationship that Robin takes advantage of. Much knows more than anyone else how damaged Robin was by the war, he knows there’s this other, brutal, side of him that can triggered (”earlier...you were not yourself”), but he still loves his friend, he wants to believe in his promises, and he’s spent his life following Robin’s instructions and those habits die hard. He does try to do the right thing - he talks in a soothing voice (”you’ve had an upset” is so Soft), tries to get Robin to sit down and talk it through, but he is too far gone.

“I will kill you whether you talk or not.” Guy doesn’t believe him, and throws his earlier words back (“show me an argument ever settled with bloodshed”) but Robin is deep in his cold rage and when Much tries to intercede we get the heartbreaking “that is because you are also simple” which really, really hurts. Now, obviously we can explain Robin’s behaviour as a trauma response/ptsd episode, but not excuse it, because it really is a cruel thing to say, targeted to hurt Much the most and push him away, and all the “I did not mean it”s in the world doesn’t change that. It’s a disturbing pattern; that Robin will say something cruel in anger or frustration, then immediately take it back and say he didn’t mean it - but the thing is, a part of him did mean it, must mean it, because he said it - it may be a dark fleeting thought, those unkind things we all think sometimes, but Robin gives voice to them and causes hurt, and that can’t be undone.

Again, I give credit that this is a show that doesn’t always cast its hero in the best light - he does screw up, he does say the wrong thing, he does make poor decisions despite his good heart. Robin is such an interesting, complicated character - heroic but with another side to him, a capacity for cruelty and violence that most of the time he keeps in check, but every now and then he can’t stop it rising to the surface, can’t keep that dark side of himself contained, but can only try to push it back with regret.

He then shifts from trying to kill Guy to trying to torture him, and obviously it’s all very thinly veiled social commentary, but this was 2006, and as I’ve said in a previous post social commentary is why we retell stories like this.

As I said above, Guy contradicts his earlier reasoning with “what kind of king deserts his people to fight someone else’s war in a foreign land?” but I think this is more the fear talking, with that red-hot sword close to his face, trying to appeal to Robin’s kinder/protective nature. To which we get another yikes line from Robin - “if you were his people he was right to desert them.” I don’t think Robin believes this, he’s deflecting Guy’s very good point to try and justify torturing him.

But in the end, he can’t justify it, at least not without making it a fair fight. And it’s a good fight! Well acted and choreographed, visceral and emotionally intense - they way they get progressively sweatier and dirtier and more exhausted, the way the music shifts from the jaunty theme to silence to those haunting strings - one of the best sequences of the show, imo.

Guy continues to throw out arguments that I don’t think he holds himself, but rather what he thinks will appeal to Robin - “it’s not England’s war, it’s Rome’s” was the exact point Robin made in the first episode (”Is it our Holy War? Or is it Pope Gregory’s?”). When Robin rightly points out that Guy’s assassination attempt broke the ceasefire, and Guy responds that “there will always be war”  and he wants a King that will fights for England’s gain, not the Pope’s. That, I think, is close to his true motivation.

We get confirmation that religious conviction is why Robin went on crusade, but that it was meeting those of other faiths and realising the Holy Land should be shared, not conquered, that turned his heart. This seems to be the primary cause of Robin’s trauma - that he fought in an unjust war, made under false pretenses, and that he was not a warrior for God, but a murderer. While Much is obviously also scarred from the war, I think he handles it better partly because it wasn’t his decision to go, he was just following Robin, and he didn’t have his faith and understanding of the world shattered like Robin did. Also, he’s selfless, he’s a caretaker, so I think he buries his own trauma deeper and it doesn’t bubble to the surface as much as Robin’s does but comes out in sadness rather than anger.

UTTER EXHAUSTION.

Guy’s taunts become more pointed - calling out Robin’s glory seeking and loss of status, then turn to Marian, and it seems his obsession with her (other than being The Only Noblewoman in Nottingham) is in part to have everything Robin once did  - his lands, his title, and the woman to whom he was betrothed - especially taking into account the backstory of season 3. It’s rather gross the way he speaks of Marian (“do you think I won’t laugh every time...”) although I suppose you could argue that it was a targeted attack on Robin and not how he actually feels.

It’s interesting that at this point, Guy accepts that Marian is sympathetic to Robin and still has contact with her - he’s not entirely clueless.

Concussion Count: Guy (Total: Robin x 2, Guy x 3)

The scene between Robin and Marian is also very good - he does throw her “everything is a choice” back at her somewhat petulantly, but it shows that he listened to her, and took what she said to heart. Marian, like the gang, assumes the accusation against Guy is about her engagement, and they have two tense conversations at once (”you took his ring/you took his ring” is rather deft).

I feel for Marian here, because she’s in a bad situation forced into marriage with Guy, and it would be made so much worse if he’d done what Robin says. She’s trying to make the best of it.

Everyone’s reaction to “I like her/I think I love her” is priceless, and I will defer to this commentary on this excellent post. Also a shoutout to @angel-in-a-big-blue-box’s tags #I also love how marian's stepping back like 'I don't understand. Y'all just voice your feelings like that? #You don't passive-aggressively snark at each other?’ SO TRUE - neither can fathom actually being this direct - Robin snarks that “everything is a choice” about running off into the forest, when he means “choose me” but can’t say it.

Concussion Count: Robin  (Total: Robin x 3, Guy x 3). Both of them about to develop CTE at this rate.

I’ve said it before, but for all his faults, Robin admits when he’s wrong.

Will’s awkward little “Djaq” and Allan’s grin and nod is so cute.

I would have liked a longer conversation between Robin and Djaq tbh, her “and you gave him up for me?” is perhaps a trifle too magnanimous of her, but it’s a nice little coda with the gang all sitting down together and forgiving Robin.

[nyc-uws]

Friends

My new old friend. An odd formulation. And yet….

The Hedgehog Review Wilfred M. McClay

I hadn’t ever considered the matter until a few years ago, when I heard a dreamy little number by the jazz pianist Alan Pasqua called “My New Old Friend.” It’s a strictly instrumental affair, a subdued and contemplative piano trio, full of subtle unresolved suspensions and wafting dissonances, conveying a late-night mood of solitary and slightly bittersweet remembrance—one of those moments of quiet grace when the passage of time slows to a crawl, past and present seem to intermingle, and joy and sorrow become hard to tell apart.

But it was the song’s title that captured my attention, even more than the music itself. My new old friend. An odd formulation. But one I’d been looking for, without even knowing it.

It’s not obvious to me why I should have been looking. In a different moment, I would have been far more likely to react against the phrase, striking it down with a reflex of indignant linguistic puritanism. After all, the noble term friend has already been so diluted and cheapened in our times, like so many of our most important words of personal and social connection, that it has become like the Platte River, a mile wide and an inch deep. Such cheapening has occurred not only in our personal usage but in public discourse. When Abraham Lincoln concluded his First Inaugural Address with a heartfelt plea to the seceding Southern states to recall that “we are not enemies, but friends,” the word had great emotive power, describing the very bonds of public affection that were being sundered. Such earnest usage has all but disappeared. Friend as we now use it embraces a particularly large portfolio of evasions and line-blurring maneuvers, especially useful in the hands of diffident teenagers, as in this familiar exchange: Mother: “Who was that on the phone?” Daughter: “A friend.”

As this example illustrates, friend can designate anything from a mysterious or otherwise uncategorizable love interest to a study-group classmate to a business associate to a helpful neighbor to the “friends” who accumulate on people’s social media accounts, where they are as plentiful and enduring as the daily harvest of low-tide sea shells on a beach. The television series Friends (1994–2004) became one of the most successful sitcoms in TV history by depicting a collection of very attractive twenty- and thirtysomethings “hanging out” together as a kind of quasi-family, a light and frothy fantasy that transposed the social life of the college dorm to not-quite-adult life in implausibly toney Manhattan apartments. For its characters, friendship was that relatively flexible and easygoing state of social relations before the hardening categories of adulthood come along.

This resonated with American audiences, including aging boomers who were nostalgic for the friendships of their college days. But when we’re confronted with the far profounder ideas about friendship put forward by Aristotle, the greatest of all writers on the subject, or by C.S. Lewis in his splendid account in The Four Loves, we tend to be nonplussed. Such heights seem beyond us. For Lewis, Friends would have to be considered a show about companions, not friends, since friendship is something weightier and inherently exclusive. In this, Lewis was in tune with the earlier observations of Aristotle: “Great friendship too can only be felt towards a few people…. One cannot have with many people the friendship based on virtue and on the character of our friends themselves, and we must be content if we find even a few such.” Far from being something breezy and easy, like a glass of sparkling spring wine, friendship in the fullest sense is a rare and precious thing, much more like an old single-malt Scotch.

As I’ve said, the Platte River principle has come to apply to many of our words of human connection, perhaps partly reflecting the automatic generosity of the democratic spirit, and also the way we employ the language of false personalization in our speech, routinely appropriating the most charged words in doing so. Some of this is vaguely sinister, as when corporate bosses try to persuade us to think of ourselves as part of “the Sprocket Corporation family,” especially at times when the budget needs cutting. Community is a word that comes in for similar abuse, and has been almost emptied of meaning in this respect, standing for any aggregation that it is politically or financially useful to treat as an aggregate. Here, as in the use of the language of family and almost any other affective term, Silicon Valley has led the way to perdition.

So you can see why I would be initially averse to the idea of “new old friends,” which might sound at first like more linguistic inflation, the equivalent of preripped jeans or “distressed” furniture, something new that is made out to look old, and thus is doubly phony. To make matters worse, as my old friends can readily confirm, I have for years been prone to saying, in an earnest imitation of Shakespeare’s Polonius, that “you can always make new friends, but you can never make new old friends.” And it’s true. There is something irreplaceably special about the people who have been down the road with you—those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried—and whose friendship has endured through the sheer passage of years, through the steady artillery of time, even if such friendships lack the lively intensity of newer ones. People who “knew you when” can never be replaced, and a wise person will not seek to do so.

But such friendships have their limitations. For one thing, it’s not always helpful to be reminded constantly of who you were “then.” Life does move on. And there is also something very true in the Simon and Garfunkel song “Old Friends,” about the two men who “Sat on their park bench like bookends…. / Winter companions… / Lost in their overcoats / Waiting for the sunset…. / Memory brushes the same years / Silently sharing the same fear.” There is a bond being described, if an unutterably sad and resigned one. It is an existential bond of the deepest and most universal sort. But there are some respects in which this “old friendship” falls short of the fullness of friendship as Aristotle and Lewis describe it.

And here I come to the heart of the matter: There is no denying the phenomenon of a new old friend. I have acquired a couple of them in recent years, people with whom I have found a near-instant bond whose depth is hard to explain, whose friendship feels as old and rooted as an ancient sequoia, even though I know it is as new as a sapling. Moving about in such friendships, I’m wary at first, thinking they may be too good to be true, fearing to trust too much in the sensation of oldness, fearing, much as one fears when living in a foreign culture, that my habitual ways of being will suddenly be misperceived or strike the wrong note. There is something deeply mysterious about such friendships, and mystery induces caution, as well as awe.

But perhaps the mystery has to do with the mystery of friendship itself. Lewis remarks that what finally hold us together as friends are not the “unconcerning things,” facts of biography and shared experiences. Of course, one brings the residue of all such things to the activity of friendship. But the friendship itself stands apart from such things. It concerns itself, Lewis argues, with nothing less than a shared quest for the truth about things. In the very act of sharing in this one thing, friends gain access to an astonishing degree of freedom. “In a circle of true Friends,” Lewis insists, “each man is simply what he is: stands for nothing but himself”:

That is the kingliness of Friendship. We meet like sovereign princes of independent states, abroad, on neutral ground, freed from our contexts. This love (essentially) ignores not only our physical bodies but that whole embodiment which consists of our family, job, past and connections.

Friendship represents a rare kind of freedom, an “exquisite arbitrariness and irresponsibility,” as Lewis puts it, precisely because it liberates us into a way of being fully human that rises above all the desiderata and conditioning factors that otherwise impinge upon us, the very factors that form what we are now accustomed to call our “identity.” But why shouldn’t an entirely new friendship have that power, as much as an old one has? Or perhaps…even more, since it is no longer the facts, but rather the search, the quest, that the new old friends share?

Lewis was not alone in connecting the disinterested love of truth and goodness with the highest forms of friendship. “The real community of man,” wrote Allan Bloom in The Closing of the American Mind, “in the midst of all the self-contradictory simulacra of community, is the community of those who seek the truth, of the potential knowers, that is, in principle, of all men to the extent they desire to know.” Bloom, too, understood that the quest for truth is what unites us most deeply and most reliably. The greatness of the Great Books, in his view, was their ability to lift our minds and thoughts out of the realm of contingency and “fact,” into a realm higher and more essential, more conducive to the flourishing of friendship—not as a goal of the quest, but as a byproduct of it.

Maybe this way of phrasing it will sound too specific to the academic world. And not everyone has the time or inclination to reread Plato’s Republic every few months (preferably in Greek). But the larger truth, that the deepest friendship can take root in the sparsest biographical soil if some high and shared animating spirit is present, seems right. I’m guessing that’s how we make new old friends. Though in the end, it is a mystery.

Wilfred M. McClay is G.T. and Libby Blankenship Chair in the History of Liberty and director of the Center for the History of Liberty at the University of Oklahoma. His latest book is Land of Hope: An Invitation to the Great American Story (2019).

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/friends

[flightfoot]

Apollo has PTSD

So I’m planning on going through all of Apollo’s various mental issues that I’ve seen, was going to go through them all here... and then realized that PTSD was long enough to deserve a post on its own. Seriously, he’s shown signs of PTSD from SEVERAL different sources, though surprisingly enough, none from the events of TOA itself... yet. I’m betting that’ll change with Jason’s and Crest’s deaths, though.

PTSD

 I think most people know what this looks like. It’s been discussed in popular culture rather a lot in recent years For those who don’t, here’s a quick briefing on it. I’m using that guide for my PTSD criteria. 

Daphne: Even after all this time, he still harbors an intense guilt over her fate, has a tendency to start crying when reminded of her, and tries to avoid forests:

I wanted to say: You remind me of someone. But I didn’t dare open that line of conversation. Only two mortals ever had broken my heart. Even after so many centuries, I couldn’t think of her, couldn’t say her name without falling into despair. (THO 23)

As I said earlier, I was generally not a fan of the woods. I tried to convince myself that the trees were not watching me, scowling and whispering among themselves. They were just trees. Even if they had dryad spirits, those dryads couldn’t possibly hold me responsible for what had happened thousands of years ago on a different continent.

Why not? I asked myself. You still hold yourself responsible. (THO 43)

A woman whispered in my ear. This time I knew the voice well. It had never stopped haunting me. You did this to me. Come. Chase me again.

Fear rolled through my stomach.

I imagined the branches turning to arms; the leaves undulated like green hands.

Daphne, I thought.

Even after so many centuries, the guilt was overwhelming. I could not look at a tree without thinking of her. Forests made me nervous. The life force of each tree seemed to bear down on me with righteous hatred, accusing me of so many crimes….I wanted to fall to my knees. I wanted to beg forgiveness. But this was not the time.

I couldn’t allow the woods to confuse me again. I would not let anyone else fall into its trap. (THO 83)

Apollo can’t stop remembering what happened to her, checking off the “Re-experiencing” box. He shows avoidance symptoms: he tries to avoid things that remind him of her (which is pretty difficult, considering that “trees” are on that list, and he happens to love the outdoors). He doesn’t seem to have the arousal and reactivity symptoms all that badly, unless feeling tense while around reminders of the event counts. He definitely has the cognition and mood symptoms though, since he has those intense feelings of guilt and negative thoughts about himself, which he admitted in his failure song:

I sang of my failures, my eternal heartbreak and loneliness. I was the worst of the gods, the most guilt-ridden and unfocused. I couldn’t commit myself to one lover. I couldn’t even choose what to be the god of. I kept shifting from one skill to another—distracted and dissatisfied.

My golden life was a sham. My coolness was pretense. My heart was a lump of petrified wood. (145)

Of course, Daphne isn’t the only cause of his PTSD: not by a long shot.

Hyacinthus: While Apollo doesn’t seem to have quite as many PTSD symptoms in regard to Hyacinthus’s fate - his guilt over his death doesn’t appear to be quite as intense for starters, since Zephyros can reasonably be blamed for most of it - he still exhibits some of the symptoms. He feels intense sorrow over Hyacinthus’s fate, and has a tendency to break down when reminded of his death:

I opened my eyes and saw a ghost—his face just as precious to me as Daphne’s. I knew his copper skin, his kind smile, the dark curls of his hair, and those eyes as purple as senatorial robes.

“Hyacinthus,” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry…”

He turned his face toward the sunlight, revealing the ugly dent above his left ear where the discus had struck him. My own wounded face throbbed in sympathy.

“Seek the caverns,” he said. “Near the springs of blue. Oh, Apollo…your sanity will be taken away, but do not…”

His image faded and began to retreat. I rose from my sickbed. I rushed after him and grabbed his shoulders. “Do not what? Please don’t leave me again!”

[...]

How cruel to see them—the flowers that I had created to honor my fallen love, with their plumes stained red like his blood or hued violet like his eyes. They bloomed so cheerfully in the window, reminding me of the joy I had lost.��(141).

Later, in Burning Maze, Apollo loses his temper in his grief over being reminded of Hyacinthus by Herophile’s crossword puzzle:

First the maze forced me to read Walt Whitman. Now it taunted me with my own past. To mention my dead love, to reduce him to a bit of Oracle trivia... No. This was too much.

I sat down on the rim of the fountain and cupped my face in my hands.

[...]

I surged to my feet, my sadness converting to anger. My friends edged away. I supposed I must have looked like a crazy man, and that’s indeed how I felt.

[...]

“Enough is enough! HYACINTH!” I yelled into the corridors. “The answer is HYACINTH! Are you happy?” (TBM 350-351)

His grief still feels fresh, even after all this time. Mind you, I don’t think what’s shown here alone is enough to say he has PTSD over Hyacinthus’s death in particular, but it just compounds the symptoms of PTSD he already had from other events.

That’s still not the end of PTSD symptoms Apollo has accrued over his lovers’ fates. Can’t forget about Commodus.

Commodus: Now, I’m gonna have some trouble categorizing “flashbacks” here. Apollo regularly gets overwhelmed with past memories while in his mortal form, and they frequently don’t appear to be PTSD related, such as his flashback to transforming Emmie and her sister into gods or his memories of Herophile’s past. Still, he’s traumatized by his flashbacks of Commodus in ways that he isn’t for other flashbacks.

When Calypso asks Apollo about combat ostriches, he’s thrown into a flashback of the last time he saw Commodus before he became emperor. He’s distraught after the vision ends:

Then he left the tent - walking, as the Romans would say, into the mouth of the wolf.

“Apollo,” Calypso nudged my arm.

“Don’t go!” I pleaded. Then my past life burned away. (TDP 124)

The vision’s ended at this point, since he’s aware of Calypso again, but mentally, he’s still there, pleading for Commodus to come back - because he knows what will happen to him. But what’s done is done, and no amount of pleading will change the past.

He has a much worse flashback later on, when he remembers murdering Commodus.

Her words struck me in the gut like one of Artemis’s blunted arrows (and I can assure you, those hurt.)

We can take him.

The name of my old friend, shouted over and over.

I staggered to my feet, gagging, my tongue trying to dislodge itself from my throat.

“Whoa, Apollo.” Leo rushed to my side. “You okay?”

“I-” another dry retch. I staggered toward the nearest bathroom as a vision engulfed me... bringing me back to the day I committed murder.

[...]

But as I stumbled to the bathroom, ready to vomit into a toilet I had cleaned just yesterday, dreadful memories consumed me. I found myself in ancient Rome on a cold winter day when I truly did commit a terrible act. (176-177)

Other times Apollo’s had flashbacks, he’s collapsed, but he hasn’t felt this much distress. Needing to strangle Commodus affected him BADLY, as he accounts at the end of the flashback:

Britomartis was wrong. I didn’t fear water. I simply couldn’t look at the surface of any pool without imagining Commodus’s face, stung with betrayal, staring up at me.

The vision faded. My stomach heaved. I found myself hunched over a different water basin - a toilet in the Waystation.

I’m not sure how long I knelt there, shivering, retching, wishing I could get rid of my hideous mortal frame as easily as I lost my stomach contents. (TDP 182)

                                                                                                                                Honestly, this flashback really comes across as being at least influenced by PTSD, considering his highly negative physical reaction to it, which fulfills the “re-experiencing” criteria.

As for avoidance: well, he tries to avoid still pools of water in order to avoid memories of the murder (kinda sucks how commonplace Apollo’s triggers are).

For arousal and reactivity: Apollo just doesn’t have these symptoms as much. Immediately after being reminded he’s slightly snappish, but I don’t think it’s enough to really qualify.

And finally, for cognition and mood symptoms: well he definitely has some feelings of guilt over this, though guilt over the murder itself isn’t all that distorted since, you know, he DID murder him. But he also feels guilt over the events that led up to Commodus going off the deep end, which aren’t really his fault:

I sobbed and hugged the commode - the only thing in the universe that wasn’t spinning. Was there anyone I hadn’t betrayed and disappointed? Any relationship I hadn’t destroyed? (TDP 183)

Negative feelings about oneself: check. Distorted sense of guilt or blame: considering that Apollo didn’t really have a choice in this, him either killing Commodus, or letting someone else do it after he destroyed Rome some more, I’m gonna say check.  

So yeah, at this point Apollo doesn’t really have any faith in himself to even HAVE relationships, though he at least seems to feel a little better after a visit with Jo.

Not all of Apollo’s trauma is related to his dead lovers, though. Who can forget the first source of his trauma, Python!

Python: So the trauma with Python is more hinted at, than fully explored. I have a feeling we’ll see it more in subsequent books, as Apollo gets closer to taking him down again. At least this trauma doesn’t fill Apollo with guilt, so, small mercy there. Also, his memory loss is actually kinda nice here, since the memory of fighting Python is blurred. Python TERRIFIES Apollo, especially in his vulnerable mortal state. He had nightmares of Python for centuries afterwards, and he has a phobia of scaly reptiles, to the extent that he only barely tolerates Hermes’ Caduceus’ snakes. He hasn’t really had flashbacks to the fight that much, though he DOES remember being trapped in Python’s coils when Meg is ALSO caught in a serpent’s coils:

I knew the strength of such a serpent. I remembered being wrapped in Python’s coils, my divine ribs cracking, my godly ichor being squeezed into my head and threatening to spurt out my ears. (TDP 201)

So I guess that MIGHT count as a flashback? Overall though, his trauma with Python seems to mostly just be “that was a nightmarish and scary fight”, but he won and it doesn’t really seem as emotionally taxing as the other things I’ve listed. At least this one doesn’t cause him any cognitive or mood symptoms.

Lastly, I want to talk about something I’ve left OFF the list: Zeus’s lightning. As much as it would make sense for him to have PTSD over being zapped by it, he doesn’t really show signs of it. He acknowledges being hit by the bolts and says he hates it, but the most obvious trigger, lightning, doesn’t actually seem to freak him out.

Still... something was strange about his use of lightning. I could always recognize the power of Zeus in action. I’d been zapped by his bolts often enough. Jamie’s electricity was different - a more humid scent of ozone, a darker red hue to the flashes. (TDP 361-362)

He certainly notes the similarities to Zeus’s lightning, but he doesn’t seem to have any flashbacks or be scared of it. And in TBM, he doesn’t seem especially freaked out by Jason’s use of lightning, even though it WOULD feel the same. 

Before he could recover and decapitate her, Jason got overexcited. 

I say that because of the lightning. The sky outside flashed, the curved wall of glass shattered, and tendrils of electricity wrapped around Timbre, frying him into an ash pile.

Effective, yes, but not the sort of stealth we’d been hoping for. (TBM 251-252)

Apollo just isn’t all that much more freaked out by lightning than he should be. I’m not ENTIRELY sure why that is - though I do have some speculation - but regardless, he doesn’t seem to have PTSD from this in particular, at least.

Apollo has a crapton of PTSD, and with TBM’s events, I’m betting it’ll get worse before it gets better. He does a pretty good job of functioning though, even WITH PTSD, and doesn’t tend to take it out on others (not that he can at the moment). I feel bad for Apollo, and hope that he can come to peace with some of these issues - at least somewhat - by the end of the series.

PTSD isn’t the ONLY issue Apollo has - not by a long shot - but that’s an analysis for another time.

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VKM Spec] Vivisecting VKM 13

Whelp, this chapter is a quintessential case of the old adage “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” Nothing like being handed everything I ever wanted plot progression-wise on a silver platter for the small upfront price of the last shred of integrity of the only character I still enjoyed. A faustian bargain if ever I saw one. Bad form, Hino, bad form.

For a great many reasons, it’s taken me this long to be able to address this chapter. I’m not sure how this post is going to go; I’m constantly vacillating between frustration, contempt, disdain, disgust, dismay, disappointment, detachment, self-mockery, and rage when I think about this chapter. I’ve lost all respect for Zero, and despite what happened this chapter Yuuki continues to fail to return to my good graces and my sympathy for her is all played out. All I’m left with is a deep sense of awe that a single creator is capable of destroying such a promising work with such brutal efficiency no matter what opportunities to salvage it come her way. It’s truly a wonder. 

The two prelude posts I wrote to help contextualize my review can be found here and here. If you haven’t read the chapter yet, a variety of scanlations are floating around the corners of the internet. Pick any one of them--they’re all roughly equivalent, give or take a line or two. Otherwise, let’s begin this debacle.

Note to the perpetually offended: This post is pure “zeki criticism” and I have tagged it as such for your convenience. Please blacklist accordingly or block my account to preserve your sanity and my patience. I’ve also tagged it “anti ky” for the sensitives from the other camp.

The Curious Case of Kiryuu Zero

Before I attempt to tackle this behemoth of a chapter, I want to address something first. My disappointment in this chapter isn’t due to the narrative or the reasons behind why the events unfold as they do--everything is completely within the realm of possibility as far as narrative trajectory goes. My disappointment stems from a more meta source: Zero as a character should be better than the behavior he displays this chapter. 

I understand why Hino has placed Zero in the position he’s in this chapter. There are various compelling reasons for allowing events to unfold the way they have, and I’ll get into them at the end of this post. 

However, as a reader who has been rooting for Zero’s happiness for nearly as long as the series has been running, I’m deeply, deeply disappointed in both Hino and in Zero, more so than in any chapter previously. Kaname behaving like a sex-starved potential abuser is one thing, but Zero behaving in the same manner is inexcusable and intolerable. 

Let me put this in context. When Zero was 14 he held off becoming a vampire despite the damage it did to his body. When Zero was 17, he bit Yuuki once in the midst of his first bloodlust and became suicidal over it. Even when Zero was falling to Level E, his bites were always restrained and controlled. This is Zero as a young vampire and a young man, a time period where one might expect him to have little self-control, especially given the circumstances. Even at this age and with everything against him and at arguably the worst point in his vampiric development (before he’d been stabilized by his brother and the myriad Purebloods he drinks throughout the series), he still behaved better than he does in VKM 13′s final scene.

Never once in the original series does he waste Yuuki’s blood. Never once does he gratuitously bite her all over her body, splattering blood everywhere like it’s worthless to him and like he’s entitled to do with it as he pleases. Zero has never been this kind of character. Yes, he’s a flawed person who bottles things up and gets angry over things. Yes, his pride gets him into trouble. Yes, he makes snap decisions that are at times detrimental to the people he loves. But he has never, ever, be the type of man to callously brush aside the woman he loves, not even when he declared them enemies. 

Yet here we have him now, not only callously pushing aside her worries and fears, but wasting her blood and biting her gratuitously just because he can and she lets him. The whole business is beneath him, and it flies in the face of all his development over the course of both series. It is a regression of a sort that is incomprehensible given even at his “worst,” he was always better than this. I’m completely flabbergasted by Hino feeling the need to drag him down to Kaname’s level like this when there are plenty of more in-character methods to show his jealousy of Yuuki’s attachment to Kaname and his own insecurities without resorting to turning him into the very person who destroyed his life. 

My fear with what Hino has done with Zero this chapter is that she’s seeking to tarnish him in order to escape having to hold Yuuki (and by proxy Kaname) accountable for their actions throughout the story. Moreover, Zero’s actions this chapter actually render him unpalatable to me as a reader. I’m no longer rooting for him. I’m rooting for him to get his shit together, to apologize for once in his life, and to move on with his life, but I’m not rooting for him to get a happily ever after. As far as I’m concerned, he no longer deserves it.

This isn’t about what Yuuki deserves per se, because she deserves whatever grave she’s dug for herself based on her own actions. My anger and disappointment are about how Zero should be better than this, and for the entirety of the story has been better than this. Before sinking to this level, he should have left Yuuki and broken off the relationship, and the fact that Hino won’t let him leave Yuuki shows she no longer has a good grasp on what this character’s main motivations even are. 

I sure hope Hino knows what she’s doing with this, because if she keeps writing Zero and Yuuki’s story the way she has been, she’s going to lose everything this last chance to right the wrongs of the original series has given to her. And she’s going to get cut. Again. Readers don’t trust her anymore, and VKM 13 is exactly why. 

What Lies Unspoken

So much for a sex scene. =P As expected, the continuation of VKM 12′s blood forcefeed is for Zero to deflect and get Yuuki’s mind off whatever was going on in VKM 12.

This first scene of VKM 13 in isolation is a wonderful scene, full of interesting subtext. Were it not for the final three pages of the chapter, I would have been completely satisfied with how this chapter unfolds--it’s right on track for the narrative trajectory I’m expecting. Unfortunately, the last three pages do happen, and those pages reflexively tarnish this scene in retrospect. We’ll get to all that at the end, though. For now, I’ll just take this scene as it is.

I do have to gloat for a minute, but goodness--what an extensive bed scene for a non-sexualized moment. =P Hino devoted far more panels to this scene than she ever devoted to Kaname and Yuuki’s sex scene or their post-coital scene. It’s quite amusing, and a bit gratifying after having to wait for so long for anything remotely similar. But that’s neither here nor there.

There is a lot of subtext going on in this scene, and the surface text has absolutely nothing to do with what’s actually going on with these characters. I’ll start with the surface read, and then we’ll delve into what’s actually going on.

Surface Layer: The surface layer read is fairly straight forward. Zero asks Yuuki what’s wrong, Yuuki talks about her worries concerning the Vampire King and the acceptance of Purebloods in general, Zero soothes her and teases her into a more positive mood and they both mutually sleep, Yuuki clearly still having some concerns but feeling better on the whole. On the surface, this is merely a cute fluff scene to show some Zeki skinship. 

If you’re only reading on the surface level, well, you’re missing out, in my opinion. There is so much going on beneath the surface. 

Subtext Layer - Zero

Zero first, since his reactions truly underpin the scene. Before we can explore Zero, we have to return to the earlier chapters of VKM and remind ourselves where Zero’s headspace currently is (as far as we’re aware--subject to revision of course).

As far as we know currently, Zero spent 50 years “waiting” for Yuuki to declare her intentions to move forward with him. When she does in VKM 9, he takes the opportunity to clarify with her in VKM 10 what she means by restarting. She dodges the subject, and they end at a stalemate where Zero may or may not bite her (we still don’t know). We then leave his headspace entirely from VKM 11-12, where we only see him from an objective viewpoint. In VKM 11, he appears to be playing the proper boyfriend card in public, but as soon as he and Yuuki are behind closed doors, he no longer touches her. In VKM 12, this trend continues further--he is stiff and tense around her and doesn’t respond well to her advances; on top of this, she has her butterflies spying on him and is clearly concerned about something regarding him. 

We know Zero desires to drink his fill of Yuuki from VKM 10, but we also know Yuuki seems to be so worried about him that she feels the need to forcefeed him, which implies he stops drinking from her after VKM 10 at some point (or didn’t actually drink from her during that chapter). So we know subtextually that something is going on between them regarding whether or not he’s taking in her blood. We just don’t know what that something is yet. 

This brings us to VKM 13′s opening scene, where Zero’s response to Yuuki’s forcefeeding is a simple deflection. He catches her hand and holds it to his face (perhaps a reflex from Night 88?), and rather than kissing her or pushing any intimacy, he merely asks her what’s going on. 

Now, this next section is interesting and says quite a bit about Zero’s headspace. They stare at each other for a moment, and then Yuuki collapses and rests her forehead against his.

In the very next panel, we see Zero attempt to embrace her. This is really important. His first instinct is to initiate romantic contact with her. However, something bizarre happens after this. Hino doesn’t show us the panels, but his arms must fall back to his sides before the next panel, as when we see the two of them from a distance in the third panel, Zero’s arms are still by his side while Yuuki’s embracing his head. (See below:)

So we have a clear trajectory of: Attempt to embrace --> Stop for some reason --> No touch at all. Despite Yuuki’s behavior during the majority of VKM, in this scene she clearly doesn’t seem opposed to Zero touching her or having any intimacy with her. Which begs the question: why did he change his mind?

We probably won’t get an answer on that for a while, but it’s important to bear in mind that Zero is clearly restraining himself from initiating any kind of romantic contact with Yuuki (this is a key item of comparison we’ll return to when we visit the last scene).

At this point, Yuuki’s finally willing to talk, and Zero listens to her concerns with sleepy, hooded eyes. She asks him if he still feels that vampires have no option but to be the enemies of humans. He takes his time to respond--clearly her concern is something that he wants to deal with in a very particular manner. He gives her a simple, factual explanation of why vampires are a problem when unleashed willy nilly in human society. 

Hino chooses not to show Zero’s expression in this section--instead she focuses on Yuuki’s response. Zero sees his words didn’t make Yuuki feel any better, so his instinct is to pat her head and then ruffle her hair to distract her. It’s a tender, sweet moment--the most intimate one they’ve had probably since the original series, and the one most like their original dynamic that we’ve seen so far in VKM.

She stops him, of course, and receives a pained smile for her trouble. What strikes me in particular about his smile in this scene is that for all that it is the most genuine and natural we’ve seen yet in VKM, Hino still made sure to put a great deal of pain in the lines of his brows and the framing of his eyes. He’s pulling an Arc 1 Yuuki here--smiling for Yuuki’s sake. This moment of intimacy doesn’t make him float off to heaven; it’s purely to help her ease her mind. 

We can tell the moment doesn’t exactly touch him because in the following panels, his expression becomes grave again. This is partially due to the content of their conversation, but note that this gravity doesn’t extend to Yuuki’s expressions--the moment of intimacy lifted her spirits, but not his. This is also significant, and points to Zero putting on an act to try to help her in any way he can, despite it not being what he actually wants. 

Zero cradles her head on his shoulder, but doesn’t initiate anything else. Instead, he brings up the point that the suspect could be a former hunter or a disgruntled Pureblood, and that she should be careful.

He falls asleep, leaving her to watch him. 

What I see very clearly in this scene is that Zero’s still holding himself back in their relationship, but he’s still concerned about her well being and seeks to soothe her and help her be at ease. This is basically Zero holding steady to what was already established in VKM 11-12, and is similar to his behavior during the 70 or so years prior. Because Hino doesn’t put us in his headspace, and because his expressions are neutral and hooded for the most part, we likely won’t get to find out what’s stuck up his craw for a long time (if ever, lol). 

The big takeaway from this scene, in my opinion, is that Zero is holding himself back from romantic intimacy and trying to stick with the familial/platonic intimacy Yuuki’s comfortable with from their youth. This is a clear sign that Zero’s still “giving” more in the relationship than he’s receiving, and a careful reader should be hearing some warning bells from his behavior here. 

Subtext Layer - Yuuki

This is the first chapter where we receive a few hints about what’s been going on in Yuuki’s headspace this entire time, and they are in line with what I thought during VKM 12.

The tagline for the chapter is clearly from Yuuki’s perspective--she’s hoping that touching Zero will communicate the things she can’t speak. This is in line with both of them not talking about how they truly feel and living behind masks their whole lives--even after all this time, they’re both still doing this. It’s hugely detrimental to their relationship and as we will see toward the end of the chapter has some devastating consequences.

We know from VKM 12 that Yuuki has some unspoken concerns regarding Zero. We know this because she’s been spying on him, and because she didn’t want to talk about their relationship to her friends. We know she’s trying to convince herself that they’re fine, and that nothing can change what’s between them, thanks to her forced smile in VKM 12 when she’s trying to reassure her friends and herself that all is well. We know that her concerns about Zero go deeper than the arrival of the Vampire King--his arrival is merely an excuse to explore those fears for her. She uses the Vampire King to get Zero into bed with her, an invitation she’s clearly never extended to him before. But rather than initiating anything with him or telling him her fears, she lies still and stiff and holds his hand until he falls asleep. When he does, she tries to ask him a question, stops herself when she realizes he’s asleep, touches his face with a worried and questioning smile, and then randomly bites herself and forcefeeds him blood. All of this implies some deep set insecurities about Zero that she’s never articulated.

Zero’s response to Yuuki’s forcefeed clearly doesn’t surprise her, nor does it please her. She stares at him intensely, but his lack of response breaks her and she gives up, leaning her head on his forehead. Whatever she was hoping to get from the forcefeed, Zero doesn’t give it to her.

So she changes tactics. Her tactics here are quite interesting--it’s clear she has a “concern,” but she doesn’t want to address it with him directly, so she’s testing various things disguised behind general concerns about the vampires to probe what his issues with her might actually be. 

We know Yuuki still has concerns about whether or not Zero loves her as a Pureblood, because in her confession in VKM 9 she asks him to date her if her being a Pureblood is okay with him. Clearly the fact that he’s stood by her side and waited patiently for her to return his affections all this time hasn’t been enough to ease her worries in this regard. So we know this is certainly a sublayer factor in her concerns about him, but I suspect this isn’t the real reason because she’s capable of talking about this--the real reason is far more likely to be related to the time she blew up at Ai in VKM 7 when Ai asked if Zero was angry about Kaname. 

But we’ll address all that at the end, because it’s relevant for later. For now, it’s only important to recall that Yuuki has some fears about how Zero feels about her as a Pureblood. This leads directly into her first test--she talks about how the Vampire King is scary, and uses this as an excuse to probe whether Zero’s feelings truly have changed about vampires--does he still see them as the natural enemies of humans, somewhere deep in his heart, despite everything he’s lived?

Zero’s response doesn’t immediately ease her worries, and we can tell by her half-lidded eyes as she’s listening to him. He confirms that bringing vampires out into the open can only cause trouble, but he doesn’t say it with any heat or anger--only grim practicality. He also makes an allowance for people who will act to make things better, but points out that in the end their efforts might not do any good. This is neither an affirmation of Yuuki’s fear, nor a negation, and she becomes despondent over it, a moody expression returning to her face. 

Now, what she’s despondent over here is left for interpretation. The surface level read is just that Zero’s words are sobering and make her concerned about him being in the line of fire in light of all the trouble bringing vampires out in the open will cause. But the subtext level read potentially says something different.

If Yuuki is using her questions about Zero’s feelings regarding vampires as a way to probe what’s potentially wrong in their relationship, then Zero’s words here will not be a comfort to her. If his issue was just that he’s still struggling with her being a Pureblood, that might be easier for her to deal with. But clearly his factual and deadpan answer shows he’s not having any issues with her as a Pureblood anymore--he’s capable of practically analyzing things. So basically what this does is cross out this issue as a potential reason for Zero’s behavior, leaving Yuuki with fewer options for why he might be pulling away from her. She’ll lose another option in the last scene--that of him perhaps not desiring her or loving her. That will leave her with the inevitable conclusion Ai brought up all those years ago in VKM 7--that this is somehow related to her feelings for Kaname and to her own inability to be a real partner for Zero in light of that. And perhaps this is the one option Yuuki doesn’t want to face, because she herself has spent 70 years running from reality. 

Regardless of what’s truly bugging Yuuki, Zero notices her troubled expression and immediately acts to soothe her. The distraction works, and she offers him the most genuine smile she’s had on her face in all of VKM--an affectionate, loving smile as she accepts his support and encouragement. 

The skinship between them works wonders on her mood--she suddenly seems to feel freer to interact with him and she goes so far as to flop on top of him. Her good cheer returns to her, and she offers him a genuine smile with questioning eyes as she says that she needs to do her best rather than just getting all down in the dumps. What’s interesting about this scene is that her expression is questioning--she’s looking to see if he’ll respond positively to what she’s saying. 

Rather than responding positively with a return smile, Zero instead cradles her head and reminds her to be careful since they don’t know who the culprit’s identity is yet. Her expression falls; he’s still not responding the way she wants him to (whatever that way is), and she tries to engage him again by asking him to be careful as well. 

But Zero ends the conversation by closing his eyes, leaving her alone with her thoughts. The telling bit, of course, is at the very end of the scene--her expression goes from a little sad to devastated. Why does it do this when she was genuinely cheerful moments before? Because whatever it is she’s afraid of hasn’t truly been addressed.

Now, the surface read here is pretty easy: she’s just worrying about him dying, which will be brought up again at the end of the chapter. But I don’t think that properly explains her expression becoming completely crestfallen at the end--it looks more like a woman who is afraid her lover is about to leave her, rather than worrying that her lover might die one day in the future.

Yuuki commonly hides her true worries “beneath” a different excuse. If her true worry was that Zero was going to die, she would have simply scolded Zero about how he’s not taking care of himself and work out tactics to keep him safe. It’s a fairly simple fear to address. Give him a Pureblood guard contingent, keep a butterfly on him, have him step back and lead from behind and rely on his hunters more, etc. Nor, if this truly was her deepest fear, would it necessitate her probing to find out if he still felt vampires couldn’t live with humans. We’ve got something much deeper going on here than what’s on the surface.

My thought is that Zero’s bizarre and erratic behavior since they’ve gone official is leading Yuuki to believe that he’s intending to leave her and she is trying to figure out why so she can address it before he does. Her response to Aidou, her insistence on their relationship remaining stable to her friends, her offering her bed randomly to Zero, her forcefeeding Zero, her wrapping probing questions within unrelated contexts all seem to be pointed toward the same outcome: she is afraid Zero is done with their relationship and is trying to figure out where she went wrong and how to fix it without actually asking him--and potentially triggering him to leave her before he’d planned. Likely she’s also afraid it has something to do with Kaname and her feelings about Kaname, just as Ai asked her all those years ago. But for reasons that are being kept “secret” for only heaven knows why, she can’t communicate her true fears to Zero, leaving us only able to piece them together thanks to her reactions. 

The big takeaway from Yuuki’s side of the first scene, in my humble opinion, is that she is deeply afraid that “something” regarding Zero’s feelings toward her has changed and that she will potentially lose him as a result. Perhaps what’s also going on is that she’s attempting to “fix” her behavior to please him enough to make him stay without having to actually address the underlying causes--the very things she needs to address to actually make her life better. 

The Knight Targeted

The second scene of VKM 13 offers a brief but welcome respite from the failing KM arc-redux of Zero and Yuuki’s current relationship. 

My favorite part of the chapter is the single page where Yuuki’s butterfly is clinging to Zero’s head while his coworkers have a good laugh at his expense. It’s a sweet, intimate scene which emphasizes the love and respect the people who surround him have for him. 

What’s interesting about Yuuki’s butterfly is how cheerful Hino makes sure to establish it being. In Japanese, you’d describe the screentones she uses as “fuwafuwa,” so fluffy and airy are they. They give off an aura of pleasure and delight rather than fear or worry--it very much reads as a Yuuki who was “pleased” by her boyfriend’s “performance” the previous evening, despite the fact that all he did was give her a little skinship like in the old days. 

More seriously, Zero is unmoved by the butterfly’s presence, and he himself is clearly not flying high or in any altered state of delight. This difference is key in clueing us in on his state of mind continuing from the previous scene--whatever Yuuki got out of their interaction, Zero didn’t receive a similar benefit. He remains his traditional stoic self. It’s important to note that we don’t get to see his expression, either. Hino is very careful to hide Zero’s expressions during the last few scenes of this chapter.

The focus of the scene, of course, is his coworkers’ antics. They attribute the butterfly’s presence to Yuuki keeping an eye on his office misadventures, and perhaps there is more truth to that than Yuuki would ever let on. On the surface level, of course, she is merely being hyper-protective of him for admittedly legitimate reasons. 

Regardless, it’s a nice little scene that demonstrates Yuuki does at least care in some sense for the man she’s been deliberately mistreating for 70+ years. It’s a short-lived moment, as Zero is called away to meet with an unregistered vampire who’s been brought in for questioning.

Zero’s first question establishes an interesting fact about this newcomer--he “let” himself be brought in without a fight. This implies he’s a plant of some kind, meant to perform a specific function. This’ll become more evident as the conversation rolls on. 

The vampire is quite an interesting chap. He begins by insinuating that Zero’s a fallen member of vampiric society--a vampire who won’t accept that he’s a vampire, a tamed dog of humans. He states he’s not working for anyone, nor is he the culprit of the original bombing the Hunters are investigating from VKM 12. 

Zero says the guy has a bomb and goes to check. Yuuki’s butterfly tries to interfere with Zero’s operations, but Zero pushes past it. As soon as Zero reveals that the vampire has a bomb grafted into his stomach, he instinctively moves to get the two detectives to safety as the vampire unleashes the bomb.

Before I move on to speculating who the mastermind of all of this might be, I’d like to do a little round of speculation as to what’s going on here:

Zero brought up an interesting fact in the first scene of VKM 13--that the culprit of the original bombing (and mastermind) might be either a Pureblood or a former member of the Hunter Association, perhaps a disgruntled one. (Zero doesn’t imply this, but it’s also possible it could be a team of these two, much like the original collaboration between Rido and the Hunter President during arc 1.)

Here are the basic facts we know:

We know that the first bombing “conveniently” happened near Ruka and Kain. By itself, this doesn’t necessarily indicate Ruka and Kain were targets, but given VKM 13 it’s highly likely they were chosen on purpose. 

We know that the perpetrator is spreading the rumor that he is the “Vampire King.”

We know the unregistered vampire in VKM 13 allowed himself to be caught and specifically waited (and perhaps even requested, though this isn’t stated) for Zero’s presence in the room before setting off the bomb. He didn’t have a message for Zero or any of the detectives--he only made sure to insult Zero and establish that he was an independent actor before setting the bomb off. This, coupled with the Ruka/Kain incident from VKM 12, tips the scales in favor of these attacks being targeted toward someone related to Zero or Yuuki in particular.

With these facts in mind, here are our potential mastermind perpetrators:

1.) An Unknown Disgruntled Pureblood from Kaname’s Murder Spree Days

The easiest and most obvious choice for a culprit would be something along the lines of a disgruntled Pureblood from Kaname’s murder spree days back in the original series who is now targeting Yuuki specifically because of her efforts to bring about equality.

This is potentially a good fit because:

Purebloods can manipulate lesser vampires easily, which would enable them to create a variety of servants to unleash on people Yuuki loves.

Kaname’s former activity created quite a bit of animosity that was never truly resolved.

The use of Kaname’s title “Vampire King” would mean nothing to most humans/vampires at this point--only Yuuki and Kaname’s former associates would be bothered by it.

The unregistered vampire in VKM 13 specifically waited for Zero, Yuuki’s current love interest.

The main problem I see with this possible perpetrator is that it’s nearly 100 years since Kaname became the forge, and the attacks are geared toward making humans upset with vampires (something that would not be advantageous to a Pureblood). 

The other problems I see are more related to the narrative itself. Hino doesn’t spend much time on politics unless they further the love triangle itself. The only reasons I can think of to have a Pureblood at the center of the conflict, especially a Pureblood who is a nobody as far as the original series is concerned (unless Hino is bringing back Touma or that mysterious woman from Night 91-92 who was leading the rebellion against Kaname) are the following:

It may force Yuuki to come to terms with the damage Kaname caused and her own role within it, that she’s been avoiding thanks to Zero’s efforts. 

It may give a platform for Hino to fully explore the Master/Servant bond between Kaname and Yuuki by using a Pureblood manipulating another Pureblood after becoming their master--which is something Hino put back on the table with the revisions to VKM 9. 

Other than the above two reasons, I think the likelihood that the perpetrator is merely some random disgruntled Pureblood is fairly weak. The activities of these terrorists seem detrimental to vampiric society as a whole, unless the Pureblood in question just wants to have a world where humans fear vampires and vampires have to continue living in shadows. 

2.) An Unknown Disgruntled Hunter who Dislikes Zero and Yuuki

Option two for our mastermind perpetrator is some unknown hunter who for reasons so far unstated dislikes Zero’s activities or Yuuki’s or both. The reasons in favor of such a character are as follows:

Zero specifically mentions the possibility of a former hunter being the culprit, which is the only “new” information we get out of VKM 13′s first scene.

The attacks lead to outcomes favorable to the anti-vampire society that’s sprung up in the wake of vampires coming into the light thanks to Yuuki’s efforts. Anxiety among humans is rising. 

The targets of the attacks so far have been vampires--Zero, Ruka and Kain are vampiric. As far as we know, no one has yet died from these attacks, nor have any humans been specifically targeted.

The perpetrator spreads the name “Vampire King” in order to draw the public’s anxiety toward vampires.

Even with all of these ideas, however, this possibility remains a weak one to me simply because an unregistered vampire is involved, and humans (even former hunters) would have no ability to compel free vampires to help with this activity--and certainly not to sacrifice their lives for it. On top of this, most of the humans Zero’s worked with would have normal human lifespans and would be old or nearing death (certainly the ones who knew Kaname would be). We also haven’t seen any hints that Zero has trouble with anyone at work--only VKM 11 hinted that Kaien did. As such, I don’t think a random disgruntled former hunter will end up being the true culprit.

3.) A Former Hunter/Pureblood Combination of Unknown Characters

This seems the most likely to me at the moment, both as a credible threat to Zero and Yuuki (another Hunter/Pureblood team) and from a narrative perspective. If the two sides are working together in order to perpetuate the war for their own nefarious purposes--the Hunter wanting to preserve tradition and the Pureblood wanting to prevent the humanizing of vampires, perhaps--this would work well with the narrative and would also be a nice counterpoint to Zero and Yuuki’s story because it would offer the necessary counter argument to Zero and Yuuki’s coexistence efforts. 

All the facts of the case fall into place as well:

People close to Yuuki such as Ruka, Kain, and Zero being specifically targeted fits with a Pureblood who disapproves of her efforts being involved.

The use of the “Vampire King” moniker and the curious absence of human casualties implies a former hunter who would care about human life is somehow involved.

The use of a “free agent” unregistered vampire who despises tamed vampires like Zero would fit better with a Pureblood perpetrator than a Hunter, as a vampire who despises humans likely wouldn’t be willing to work with a Hunter. 

Zero’s comment in VKM 13 highlighting both disgruntled hunters and purebloods would have significant relevance. 

Yori’s comments to Aidou in VKM 12 about how humans have as much darkness within them as vampires would align with this. 

Unfortunately, the downsides of this option for the culprit are the same as #1-2, mainly that we’ve never met any disgruntled Purebloods or Hunters, so we have virtually no investment in these new villains. Their threat seems hardly credible as we don’t have any idea who they might be. At the moment they seem more a menace or a nuisance than anything, which makes Yuuki’s fears seem overblown. Hino is usually better about establishing what her villains are up to, even during the admittedly failed Sara arc. So far we’ve never met anyone acting evil for the sake of evil within the current timeline of VKM. This lowers the reader’s investment in this plotline and doesn’t help for raising the stakes. 

Which leaves us with the potential fourth option for the culprit(s), which while on the surface is unlikely, may be the ticket to a successful story.

4.) Kaien (a former disgruntled hunter) and/or Isaya (a Pureblood)

I can’t take credit for this theory, as it’s @soulisthirsty‘s, but I think it has a lot of merit even though at first it sounds implausible. Before writing off the theory, please consider the following points:

On Kaien:

We know that during the original series Kaien placed Kaname’s life and safety at a premium above Zero’s and even Yuuki’s toward the end of the series, once Yuuki had taken Zero’s memories. 

We know that for some reason Yuuki “fell out” with Kaien because in VKM 11 he tries several manipulative tactics using his illness to get her to spend time with him. 

We know Kaien failed in almost all of his goals, including the ones that Juri had specifically requested of him. 

We know that Kaien calls Yuuki and Kaname by their first names, but calls Zero by his last name still. 

We know that Kaien “told” Yuuki in VKM 12 that he was going to do “something” for his love.

We know Kaien at least believes he is dying. 

We know the “attacks” began occurring right after Kaien mysteriously disappears. 

With all these facts in mind, however, what would Kaien’s motive be? Ultimately he’d need a reason, and in VKM 11 he seems to still care very much for Yuuki and seems relatively accepting of Zero and Yuuki together, right?

Well there’s where I think we may be assessing him incorrectly. Yes, Kaien loves Yuuki, but he also loves Kaname. This is purely speculation, but I feel the reason Hino chose to show VKM 11 was specifically to highlight the differences between Kaien and Zero, and to show that Kaien may have some animus toward Zero because of those differences. 

Consider the following:

Kaien met Juri after she and Haruka were together. He was forced to accept that they were “meant to be” and that his love would be unrequited. The “true love” Kuran pairing remained intact with no interference from Kaien.

Zero met Yuuki before she and Kaname were together. He was not forced to accept that he and Yuuki weren’t “meant to be” and in fact was the very reason for Kaname’s downfall and the “destruction” of the “true love” Kuran pairing.

Kaien’s sympathies with the Kurans and the Purebloods in general turned him into a pariah who was rejected by the Hunters.

Zero’s sympathies with Yuuki and the vampires had no effect on the respect his Hunter associates had for him, in fact he’s clearly beloved because he’s clear about his boundaries. (Zero’s even dating a Pureblood and openly associates with Nobles such as Aidou.)

Kaien tried to achieve coexistence with Kaname and failed.

Zero tried to achieve coexistence with Yuuki and so far is succeeding.

Given the above, and given Kaien’s propensity to push Yuuki and Kaname together, it is quite possible Kaien bears a great deal of animus toward Zero for “breaking up” his ship. I believe Kaien was projecting himself onto Zero and Haruka and Juri onto Kaname and Yuuki. Thus, Zero “didn’t know his place” and destroyed the very thing Kaien thought was sacred because he himself never tried to get between Haruka and Juri. The difference between him and Zero is that Zero tried (at least in Kaien’s perception). Not only this, but Zero also took Kaien’s “place” within the Hunters’ organization and achieved better results than Kaien. 

On top of all of this, Kaien’s beloved Kaname is “dead” for all intents and purposes and he along with Takuma are both invested in restoring the Kurans to glory, especially with Ai involved. Notice that Kaien did not invite Zero on the “dates” with Yuuki and Ai he envisioned in VKM 11--despite Zero being in the room and very clearly being at Yuuki’s side. 

If Kaien wants to restore Kaname and if he wants to put the Kurans back together, he needs to remove the obstacle--Zero. (This is quite an interesting theory in light of Ai specifically asking Kaien to be her ally.) The best way to do this is to create a scenario where Zero would be put in danger and killed without anything being traceable to Kaien. How is Kaien to do this? Well fortunately he has a friend who has always been a little dubious in the line of morality--Isaya. 

How Isaya fits in and why:

Isaya has shown himself to be more than capable of helping people with questionable motives if he gets something out of it. He was more than willing to go along with Kaname’s plan despite actually meeting Yuuki and talking to her prior to meeting with Kaname. He never once questions Kaname’s plan in light of what he knows of Yuuki. If Kaien brings to him a similar plan, Isaya has no reason to fight against it. 

Isaya, as a Pureblood, would easily be able to create servants or order regular vampires to set off bombs (remember, in the first attack in VKM 12 we have no idea who set the bomb or whether or not there was even anyone sacrificed--only the VKM 13 did a vampire kill himself over it). 

We also know that Isaya “disappears” thanks to the original epilogue of VK 93. This is pretty grey territory for his fate. It places him potentially in a good position to be an accomplice to Kaien.

Problems with the Kaien/Isaya theory:

There are obvious problems with this theory, of course. The first and most obvious is that both Kaien and Isaya are for the most part pacifistic--Kaien fights when necessary, but rarely does he instigate conflict, and we saw him working with Yori to help establish that vampires are no more dangerous than humans in VKM. Isaya also has been seen actively working with Yuuki in VKM itself. Causing strife among the vampires and humans would directly work against everything Kaien had previously been attempting to accomplish. 

However, Kaien does admit his life hasn’t been a success and he’s nearing the end of his life in VKM 12. This might change his perspective on his pacifism, especially with Kaname’s comatose state in the balance and the potential of Zero successfully “scoring” Yuuki rising now that they’ve announced they’re going official. If Kaien’s real issue with Zero and Yuuki is that he can’t accept a child between them because Yuuki is Kaname’s in his mind, then their relationship being official would be an extra push he’d need.  

Despite how far-fetched this theory is, I’d love it if it was true, as it settles once and for all Kaien’s place in the story and also gives us a genuinely credible villain for the VKM saga rather than some new faceless/nameless Purebloods/Hunters to contend with. This would seriously up the stakes for Yuuki and Zero as well, as it’s much harder to fight people you love than people you don’t even know. 

All this being said, we probably won’t know for a while, which means all options are still on the table (and perhaps there are more that even I haven’t thought of--actual humans maybe or nobles or regular vampires in revolt). But for now all we know is that the bombings are beginning to stir up some civil unrest and likely will have detrimental consequences. 

Inverse Reflections

Normally I would skip the side pairing sections, as I tend to find them tedious, but this time I think it’s important to take a look at what Hino’s setting up with these side pairings, and what they mean for the lead pairings that they mirror.

First, let’s talk a bit about mirrors. There are two kinds of mirrors--one that foreshadows the future of a pairing (a parallel) and a true reflection of that pairing (an inverse mirror). A reflection, as everyone knows, is a reversed image--left becomes right and right becomes left. 

As far as I can tell, most of the side pairings in VKM are being used as parallels to Zero and Yuuki as a couple--Aidou/Yori, Haruka/Juri, and Shiki/Rima have all been used to highlight aspects of the Zero/Yuuki pairing that either confirm the pairing is the intended choice of the author or foreshadow struggles and conflicts Zero and Yuuki will have to overcome in the future. 

Ruka/Kain are not meant to be Zero/Yuuki parallels--they are rather an inverse mirror. They are what Zero and Yuuki would have been had this story truly been a “Yuuki loved Kaname first and settled for Zero” narrative. All the beats they go through as a couple are beats Zero and Yuuki should be hitting if Yuuki is just settling for Zero. Yet every time Ruka and Kain hit an emotional or narrative beat, Yuuki and Zero fail to meet them, and often do the opposite. 

Here are some quick examples of what I mean, taken from previous chapters:

In VKM 3, Ruka admits to Ai that she loved Kaname and that he broke her heart. Kain steals her away from Ai and firmly tells her to cut out her moping and pay attention only to him already. If Zero and Yuuki were meant to be paralleled with this couple, this is what Zero would have done with Yuuki--however Zero does not. Instead, we see in VKM 9 and VKM 1 that Zero doesn’t ask Yuuki to stop pining and look at him; instead he tells her he’s fine with her love for Kaname.

In VKM 6, Ruka gushes over dressing Ai, and Kain tells her to hurry up and sleep with him already if she likes kids so much, for which he gets punched. Zero does the opposite--he says nothing at all about children and family to Yuuki. In VKM 3, Yuuki is the one apologizing to Zero for not being able to have a child with him. If Zero were truly in Kain’s position, he should be pestering Yuuki and putting a little pressure on her; she’s already settling for him, so he might as well get something decent out of it. The fact that he doesn’t puts another notch in the differences between him and Yuuki and Ruka and Kain.

In VKM 12, Ruka makes the mistake of thinking her situation with Kain is the same as Yuuki’s with Zero. She offers some solidarity, saying that it’s hard to move forward with someone you’ve been close to for a long time. Ordinarily, this would symbolize that she and Yuuki are meant to parallel each other. However, we see this isn’t the case with the remainder of the chapter. Kain gets hurt, and Ruka immediately demands they tie the knot. Zero being in danger doesn’t have this effect on Yuuki--instead, it just makes her spy on him more frequently. So if Yuuki’s meant to parallel Ruka, Zero being in danger should have been the “moment” that made her realize she needed to go ahead and tie the knot--they’re already dating, after all. 

Ruka and Kain don’t appear much in VKM, so I don’t have too many other examples, but I think we have enough to establish that they’re meant to be an inverse mirror of Zero and Yuuki, a sign of what Zero and Yuuki might have been had the story gone the route of Yuuki truly loving Kaname and “settling” for Zero. 

I’m sure people will argue against my interpretation of Ruka and Kain, but as far as I can tell Ruka never had a moment where she legitimately “fell” for Kain. We know it is a fact that Ruka was romantically interested in Kaname, not Kain, for all of the original series, despite him breaking her heart. It’s clear she’s settling for Kain, and Kain himself accepts this and doesn’t seem inclined to fight it. She and Kain are close, of course, because they’re cousins, but that closeness makes it difficult for her to see him as a romantic partner. However, and this is what’s important about the fact that Ruka’s an inverse mirror to Yuuki, Ruka still moves on and lets herself be happy with Kain even though he is not the one she truly loves. Yuuki does not do the same. 

So, with that all established and out of my system, let’s take a gander at the Ruka/Kain section of VKM 13. =P 

The first scene is another inverse mirror of Zero and Yuuki. Ruka is a super tsuntsun, but an obvious one. She proudly shows Kain where she wants their wedding to be held, but apparently never took the time to tell him she even wanted a legitimate ceremony. When Kain laughs and asks her if that’s what she wants, she gets flustered. At first she denies that she wants a ceremony with him, but then she quickly admits it and orders him to go along with it. Kain’s of course happy to comply, but he receives a tsundere response to his genuine affection. It’s clear, though, that Ruka is happy, even if this wasn’t her first choice. It’s a sweet, cute scene typical of happy couples. 

This is a clear contrast to Zero and Yuuki’s relationship, where neither of them can smile genuinely or goofe around for longer than a single panel, where Yuuki isn’t demanding of Zero, where Zero isn’t demanding of Yuuki, where neither of them are comfortable with each other enough to make these cute demands and boss each other around. Zero and Yuuki used to be like this, in their early days during arc 1, and that’s something Ruka and Kain do parallel a bit here, but Zero and Yuuki have lost that ability to just enjoy each other’s company without any care. Yuuki doesn’t honestly say what she wants, so she’s not a true parallel to Ruka, and Zero isn’t in a place where he can be even remotely as honest as Kain is--and Kain still holds back too, so that’s really saying something.

That being established, we then move into the wedding, where we receive an inverse parallel that’s foreshadowing a different future for Zero and Yuuki.

Ruka and Kain have their wedding, and it’s quite lovely (especially Ruka’s hair). However, there are a few things that are important to note:

This is the first wedding we as readers have been invited to. Although Aidou and Yori were married many, many years ago, we weren’t invited. This is likely on purpose--Aidou and Yori are a genuine parallel to Zero and Yuuki, and the very couple Zero aspires to be like in his future with Yuuki. We likely won’t get to see this couple’s wedding until Zero and Yuuki finally get to a better place. Thus, it’s fitting that the first wedding we see is the inverse mirror couple’s wedding.

Their wedding vows are horrendous. Seriously. They’re fitting for a pair not born of genuine love, and very fitting for a “settling” pairing. If Zero and Yuuki are meant to be a settling pairing, their vows should definitely be more in line with Kain’s and Ruka’s than regular vows (you know, with the whole “love, cherish through sickness and in health” variety).

Kain’s wedding vow is merely that he’ll protect Ruka. Not even that he’ll love her or cherish her. All he can “give” her that she’s willing to receive is protection. That’s kinda sad, and I hope Zero gets better.

Ruka’s wedding vow is even worse than Kain’s, if that’s even possible. She basically spells out in her vows that she’s settling for him and she hopes he can settle for her in return. All she says is that he’s been someone she can lean on who’s brought some warmth into her life, and she hopes she can return the favor. Surely the most romantic wedding vow in history (not). Not a word about loving or cherishing or anything remotely romantic. 

Seriously the “until we become dust” silliness sounds like a cult initiation more than anything. I know Hino’s trying to replace “til death do us part” but goodness. Also, I’m so grateful for that hilarious image Hino drew of Aidou bawling over the wedding--he looks like he’s facepalming more than crying. =P Perfect for my header!

I don’t want to knock the wedding too much--it’s quite lovely for what it is, and it’s meant to be a highlight of the chapter and bring a little fluff and romance into the what’s otherwise a heavy chapter. But my point in bringing all this up is to demonstrate that Ruka and Kain’s relationship serves to highlight where Zero and Yuuki should be in their relationship if Yuuki’s “issues” are truly just that she’s having trouble moving on from Kaname. So this should be a warning to anyone reading the story that way, that Zero and Yuuki aren’t following the same path--they’re on a different trajectory. 

Interlude: Yuuki’s Reactions

At this point, I will no longer being using images for my section headers because I have a distinct distaste for the remainder of the chapter (and Hino plasters speech bubbles all over the panels, making them unusable anyway).

But I want to take a little time to discuss Yuuki’s reactions in general and why her reaction this chapter is significant. 

Back when VKM 9 came out, I was furious because Yuuki spent 50 years dragging her heels and treating Zero like a blood bag babysitter and a general doormat. VKM 13 confirmed that I was right to be concerned about all of this. 

In VKM 9, Yuuki has several scenes where she gets mopey-faced, and Zero notices them. They’re from Zero’s perspective of course, in VKM 9. But all the mopey-faced scenes are deliberately drawn to be ambiguous references to Kaname. The first one is on the bench after Ai’s “teething,” and this is the “clearest” because Yuuki makes the face and starts crying right after talking about Ai being Kaname’s. The second, of course, is when Aidou grieving before Yori’s coffin in the same chapter, and Yuuki clutches her heart and then peeks at Zero. Because we’re in Zero’s perspective in VKM 9, he does not read her mopey face there as pro-Zeki--he reads it as pro-Kaname. The reason she looked down and clutched her heart is because that’s what she does when she thinks of Kaname (see VKM 3, VKM 8′s flashback, etc.), and the reason she peeked at Zero was (from Zero’s perspective) because she was checking to see if he’d noticed. The pro-Zeki read of this scene obviously is that Aidou’s words made Yuuki think of Zero, and that she looked up at him because she was thinking of him, but that’s not how Zero reads the scene (and nor how we should be reading the scene right now). We also know from VKM 7 that she makes a similar expression when thinking about Kaname while brushing Ai’s hair before the ball.

VKM 13 continues what VKM 9 began. During the wedding vows, particularly during the “until we become dust” sections, Yuuki’s expression shifts to her traditional Kaname-mope face and she looks down with a bittersweet expression. Now, there are two ways to take this, and one is the way Zero takes it and the other is the way pro-Zeki readers take it:

The way pro-Zeki readers would understand this scene is to take Yuuki at her word from later on in the chapter--she was sad that Zero might die and the words about becoming dust merely triggered that concern. Perhaps she was also sad about the fact that Zero could say such a vow, but she can’t because she can’t promise him to become dust together, as she’s immortal and he is not. 

The way Zero, Zeki critics, and pro-Kaname readers would take this scene is the way it’s likely intended given how consistent Hino’s been with this particular expression of Yuuki’s (every time I personally see it in VKM it makes my skin crawl, which is a tell tale sign it’s Kaname-related), is to see this as Yuuki thinking about Kaname. Whether she was moping because she was sad that she and Kaname never had the chance to make vows like Ruka and Kain, or because she and Kaname could never even get to the point Ruka and Kain did, or for any other Kaname-related reason, it’s anyone’s guess. 

As for why the pro-Zeki read likely doesn’t work in my opinion (despite what Yuuki says later, which I will address in the next section), Yuuki doesn’t look at Zero. She looks down and inward. She’s not seeing the man beside her, who’s alive and quite well. Instead she’s seeing something within her, which is more typical of her moping about Kaname than moping about Zero hypothetically kicking the bucket. Again, it is of course possible that Zero has her pegged wrong and she’s genuinely just been moping about Zero for 70 years for...reasons...even though he was right there beside her the whole time, but given her need to bring Kaname up even during her “confession” in VKM 9, methinks it be unlikely. However, for now we’ll leave it at the two possible interpretations--as far as the story currently goes, both interpretations are valid until further notice. 

Before I leave the wedding scene, I just want to say it’s pretty suspicious that Hino doesn’t show any Zero reaction shots and that the only panel we get of his feelings about weddings is a small panel where half his face is cut off. Hino’s pretty careful about keeping him out of sight, out of mind. We’re not allowed to see how much things bother him, or how he feels about his own prospects. (Seriously Zero just marry Aidou already; you both look so cute standing next to each other.)

And now, we’re ready for the grand finale. Hold on to your seat belts, friends; it’s going to be a wild ride, I’m sure. 

All Saints Must Fall

There is a lot to cover here, so I’ll be breaking it into subsections. Needless to say, if this scene had been removed from the chapter it’d have been a great chapter. But sadly this scene is here, and it is what it is, so what could have been a nice fluff chapter became...well, this little whirling dervish of controversy. Regardless, here we are, so let’s start by tackling the various ways the scene can be interpreted before getting into why I interpret it the way I do. 

The Surface Read

The surface read of this scene is sketch at best. It’s hard to take it seriously, but I’ll address it for the sake of completion. It reads as follows: 

Yuuki muses about the Ruka and Kain’s wedding being lovely. Zero comes out of the shower and initially asks Yuuki to have it out with him now. Yuuki is confused. Zero clarifies, informing her he noticed her moping at the ceremony. He then pounces on her, startling her, and demands she tell him. Yuuki admits that she was thinking about wishing for him to live on, that she always thinks this during funerals or key events, and that she believes it’s a curse to wish this upon him. She admits her wish is selfish but admits she’s afraid of him passing away.

Zero is surprised, but says that her feelings are something she’s cursing herself with. He tells her to give him her blood, and then bites her in several places, reiterating that he wants to grant her her wish. He asks her to be by his side at the end of his life and tell him she was happy. Yuuki reiterates that he should take her beastly blood in. Zero then curses himself and asks why her blood’s irresistible. 

The surface interpretation goes like this: Zero got bothered by Yuuki’s expression at the wedding and asks her what’s up. When she tells him, he is surprised. Her fears activate his own fears, and he tries to “reassure” her by biting her all over the place. Yuuki “consents” to this after he’s already done it, and he confesses that he wants her blood because his love is overwhelming him. 

Okay, this was quite possibly the most cringe-worthy drivel I’ve suffered myself to write in ages. But let me pick it apart at a base level before I move on to get to what’s really going on in this scene:

If this scene is truly just about Zero catching Yuuki’s fears and heightening his own fears in response to hers, his actions don’t make any sense. Why would he bite her all over the place irresponsibly to the point where she’s clutching her shirt to keep it from exposing her boobs if he just wants to drink her blood to alleviate either her fears of him dying or her own? After all, he’s been drinking her blood for years--drinking her blood isn’t going to save him from an explosion. 

Moreover, Zero has never been shown to be afraid for his life. Even after the conversation with Aidou in VKM 12, or after the explosion in VKM 13, Zero doesn’t appear afraid, unless he’s just hiding his fear under a poker face. Him merely “catching” Yuuki’s fear in this scene and overreacting doesn’t work as an interpretation simply because that’s not how fear works. That’s panic, and Zero doesn’t appear to be panicking. Fear is something that should be rooted deeply within him, and Zero’s never been particularly concerned about the lifespan issues--even back when Yuuki was genuinely worrying about them in Night 88, Zero brushed it off like it was nothing. 

If we’re meant to interpret this as Zero reassuring Yuuki that all will be well and her fears are unfounded, well, he’s not doing a very good job. Yuuki does not look reassured at the end of the scene--she looks depressed. Zero himself doesn’t look reassured at the end of the scene. He also offers not a single word of reassurance--he blames Yuuki for her own fears (her curse is of her own making, not something he validates), and he mocks her own phrasing when he demands her blood. This is not how we’ve seen Zero reassure her in previous chapters--VKM 5′s gentle reassurance, VKM 8′s confidence, VKM 13′s first scene’s intimacy. Zero knows how to reassure properly, and VKM 13′s final scene is not an example of that. 

On top of this, we have the idea that Yuuki “consented” to Zero’s treatment of her this chapter. She never once consented. Silence is not consent. I’m not one of those folks who thinks consent has to be verbal, mind you, but Yuuki lies passively in all the panels other than when she’s wincing in pain. Zero doesn’t ask her, he demands and takes. Yuuki never once smiles, never once reciprocates, never once touches him during the biting and even goes so far as to clutch her shirt to keep it from slipping--hardly an act welcoming of intimacy. In one panel it looks like she may even be trying to push Zero’s hand away from where it is on her exposed stomach. This is not an act of mutual passion or mutual fear or a mutual coming together to alleviate anxieties. This is a purely aggressive act on Zero’s part that Yuuki, for whatever reason, is not fighting--and note, Yuuki may have a great many reasons not to fight that have nothing to do with enjoying what Zero’s doing to her. (More on this later.) Yuuki’s expression when she “consents” after the fact is pained and unhappy, akin to her expressions during the Kuran Manor arc with Kaname. Hino even uses dark screen tones in that panel, and Yuuki insults her own blood. 

So basically, the “pro-Zeki” surface read of this scene is, in my opinion, grossly reductionist and fails to account for the basic facts. To hold this position, one would either have to be blind and unable to see the panels or read the words, or reading with rose-tinted glasses. This is why I can’t get behind anyone who thinks this is merely a “dark passion” scene, which I’d like to speak on presently before I move to deeper interpretive layers.

Romance vs. Dark Vampire Passion/Eroticism

I firmly believe that some of my fellow compatriots are misunderstanding the difference between genuine passion/romance and this “dark vampire passion”/eroticism. This I place firmly in the Kaname apologists’ court for creating this problem in the first place--they were the first to try to use “dark vampire passion” as an excuse for the abuse in their scenes during the Kuran Manor arc of the original series. 

“Dark passion” is nothing more than eroticism, which merely means “this scene is sexualized and meant to titillate the reader.” Almost every scene between Kaname and Yuuki is erotically charged, but very few of those scenes are correspondingly romantic. This is quite common in fiction about abuse and nonconsensual situations--you see it frequently in stories like Berserk, where dark situations have erotic panels. I honestly find this sick on the part of many mangaka, but I understand why it’s there--manga is a medium meant to be enjoyed, and rape/abuse aren’t enjoyable to a reader, so a little eroticism is added in order to make the scenes more palatable. 

The final scene in VKM is eroticized, which actually helps a reader to downplay the real harm this scene is causing to the heroine. Rather than looking at her expressions and paying attention to the pain she’s going through, the panels are drawn deliberately to evoke sexuality. This makes it easier to excuse for the reader, because the reader is not focused on the character’s pain--the reader is merely enjoying the erotic content in a voyeuristic fashion. In a sense, the reader is more sympathetic to the abuser when scenes are framed this way, and this I place firmly in Hino’s camp as far as blame goes.

Romantic scenes are framed and displayed differently than VKM 13′s final scene. Genuinely romantic scenes of course often have sexualized content and even erotic content in the case of smut stories from magazines like Cheese!, but the erotic content is very clearly mutual, consensual, and loving between the characters on top of being titillating for the reader. The only panel in VKM 13′s final scene that is even remotely romantic is the single panel of Yuuki stroking Zeros face when she confesses that her wish for him to live on is selfish. This is even before all the controversial content takes place. The following panels are merely eroticized. 

This is why I can’t buy the “dark passionate vampires” excuse for the scene, because we’ve seen this song and dance before, and it was used to do the exact same thing--allow the readers to ‘excuse’ the male perpetrator using “romance” as a shield, when really it’s just the reader being titillated by erotic posing choices by the mangaka. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the scene on a sexual level--everyone has some risque non-con content that they’ve enjoyed. But that doesn’t make the scene consensual, romantic, or loving just because the reader is titillated by it. 

And last, before I close on this, Zero and Yuuki are supposed to be a radiant, joyful ship. If they’re descending into eroticized “dark passion,” we have a problem. 

The Close-up Subtext Read

I won’t cover this read too deeply, as @soulisthirsty has covered this far more thoroughly on her @vampireknightmeta blog than I have the time or the inclination to address. For those interested in her perspective, you will find her posts on the matter here and here. 

This is the read I expect most Zeki-apologists will eventually agree with once they accept that their surface read of the scene doesn’t account for all the facts and is woefully inadequate. My own reading of the scene is from a higher meta perspective, but that also means I must make assumptions that the chapter-specialized read does not (giving the close-up subtext read more flexibility in case Hino goes off the rails). 

A quick recap of what the close-up subtext read breaks down to:

Zero has been stewing on Yuuki’s moping at the ceremony ever since he noticed it, all through his shower, and comes out of the shower ready to tackle the matter and already frustrated (we can tell by the creases in his brow, Zero’s tell-tale frustration expression). Whatever he’s been stewing on is unknown at the moment. 

Yuuki initially is confused, and Zero snaps at her, calling out the specific moment so that she doesn’t try to dodge the subject. When Yuuki is slow to respond, he pounces on her, demanding she tell him. Yuuki is initially startled, and Zero softens his approach but still insists.

Yuuki admits to him her wish that he’d live on, and that she thinks about it whenever a friend dies or a big event happens. She has a strange reaction to what she’s saying, and then she touches his face and tells him that her wish is nothing but a curse for him. Zero’s expression shows shock; whatever he was anticipating was her problem was not this. 

Yuuki goes on to admit that she knows she’s selfish for getting all worked up over Zero’s imminent death on her own. Zero then tells her that the only one who’s suffering under her curse is her, and that if that’s really what’s bothering her, she should go ahead and give him her cursed blood. 

He then goes on to bite her without consent in multiple places, pushing her shirt up. While he’s biting her and splattering blood, he reiterates that he wants to push “that day” far into the future if he’s the one who can do that for her. “That day” is left deliberately ambiguous so it could be interpreted in multiple ways--either Zero’s own death, or Yuuki’s death by turning Kaname. 

Zero holds Yuuki and asks her to be by his side at the end of his days and tell him she was happy. Yuuki says that if that’s what he wants, he needs to drink as much as he can of her blood. Zero’s response is that he’s unable to stop and that her blood is so delicious it’s irresistible. 

This interpretation boils down to a case of misunderstanding. Zero’s been stewing over “something” that’s clearly been eating at him for longer than the ceremony, but the ceremony is the first chance he’s had to address it. Yuuki on the other hand is getting herself all worked up over him dying because she’s afraid to be alone (as we know from VKM 9′s confession). 

In this framework, the reason Zero doesn’t reassure Yuuki is because her fixation on his death and her view of her own blood imply that she doesn’t believe he’s truly accepted her. His frustration and his mocking her in this context would be related to the fact that he’s done everything possible to show her he accepts her as she is and loves her as she is, and that he’s at a loss for how to ease her fears. Thus, the reason he goes overboard with the biting is more about him being frustrated that she’s not really even seeing him--she’s only seeing her image of him that has nothing to do with reality (this would be backed up by VKM 13′s earlier scene, where Yuuki brings up Zero’s real feelings about vampires in addition to VKM 9′s confession where Yuuki asks him if he’ll date her despite her being a Pureblood). 

This framework allows for this to be a simple misunderstanding--Zero perhaps thinks his feelings aren’t reaching Yuuki and Yuuki is so hyper aware of Zero’s fate that she can’t relax and enjoy her present with him. Potentially Yuuki’s obsession with brooding and dwelling on the bad is starting to get on Zero’s nerves with this interpretation, and he’s lashing out because nothing he does seems to help Yuuki view the world and their relationship with a more positive lens. 

As far as interpretations go, I think this is a fine one, and quite in line with this chapter in isolation. It’s also a safe bet right now, because we don’t have any future information to clarify it yet. As far as we’re aware, the only “issue” between Zero and Yuuki at this point merely is Yuuki’s fears about Zero’s death (confirmed by VKM 12 and VKM 13). So I believe this is a safe interpretation to have in light of where we currently are, though it doesn’t quite go far enough for me. However, it certainly lines up with the facts and there is no direct evidence to dispute its validity yet. As with the interpretations for the potential identity of the Vampire King, this interpretation has no holes as of yet. The issues between Zero and Yuuki may, at this current time, simply be about their lack of communication and their general character flaws. 

I wish I myself could get behind this variant, but alas, I must go deeper. For those who can’t follow me further due to the leaps I’ll have to make based on lack of information, I’d say stopping at this layer is a good place to rest, no matter what “camp” you’re in. @soulisthirsty makes a compelling case for this interpretation, and it’s easy to back up. 

But now it is time to delve deeper. I’d recommend leaving now if you’re the type to get triggered easily. But if you’ve made it this far, I’m going to assume you’re here until the end. 

Artistic Intent

The reason I can’t get behind the close-up subtext read is there’s far too much going on beneath the surface, and in light of other chapters, than what that read allows for in my humble opinion. But before I get into that, I’d like to discuss artistic intent before plunging headfirst into trouble.

Hino is a deliberate, filmic artist, more so than any other manga I’ve ever seen. Her artistic fundamentals are terrible (see her proportions), but she has a sharp sense of how to use the panels as if they were film shots, and to use them to great effect. She knows how to emphasize space and time, how to speed time up and slow it down, how to emphasize emotion or emphasize distance. To analyze a chapter without addressing this is a grave mistake, especially in such a carefully staged scene. 

In two previous posts, I discussed Yuuki’s flushes and Hino’s framing. These are two techniques Hino uses to convey tone. But there are other techniques Hino uses as well, and the one I didn’t mention in the posts above is the artful direction of dialogue bubble placement and coloring. 

If you look at VKM 13′s first scene, you’ll notice some interesting things about the bubble placement for the dialogue. Most of the panels’ artwork remains unobscured by dialogue bubbles, other than one small scene at the end where Zero is talking about who the perpetrator of the crimes might be. Otherwise, the reader is free to enjoy both the artwork and the dialogue, to fully see the characters interact and express themselves in each panel. This makes the scene easy to follow and understand for the reader.

Contrast this with VKM 13′s final scene and you’ll see the stark difference. Huge dialogue bubbles with oversized text are plastered all over the characters’ faces and expressions during an intense scene, adding to the confusion and havoc presented by the odd framing choices themselves. Key moments are obscured by dialogue bubbles, key expressions are cut off by them. This makes the scene hard to follow and understand for the reader.

Parsing a scene is an important feature in reading. If a scene isn’t clear and easy to follow, the reader has to work harder, and the writer risks losing the reader. For a writer to choose deliberately to make a scene difficult for a reader to follow means there’s something in that scene the writer wants the reader to pay attention to. The first VKM 13 Zeki scene is meant to be breezed through--the content is easy to assess and move through. The final scene is the opposite. It is meant to be pondered over and considered and reviewed, and it’s deliberately drawn to elicit feelings of confusion and chaos. 

Hino has her faults as a writer and an artist, but in this she’s flawless. She knows what she’s doing with scenes like this. But more on the contrast between VKM 13′s two bookend scenes later. For now, I shall present my own interpretation of the controversial last scene. 

The Bird’s Eye Meta Subtext Read

We’ve arrived at last. The moment everyone has likely been dreading. What, in GOTSB’s opinion, is going on in this scene?

By this point I’ve reiterated what happened on the surface more than enough. I won’t waste your time with repeating it. Instead, I’ll take you through the two reads: first Zero, then Yuuki. Just like what we did during the first scene in VKM 13.

Zero’s Jealousy and Outrage

Hino’s a sneak with Zero in the final two scenes of VKM 13. She doesn’t show us he noticed Yuuki’s downcast expression during the ceremony at all, nor how it affected him. Thus, we must make some assumptions based on how he behaves:

Yuuki starts talking to him the moment he exists the shower at the start of the scene, but she doesn’t face him. Rather than responding to her, he attacks first--”Let’s talk properly.”

The first words themselves are arguably just him broaching the subect, but the following words set the stage for why we can decipher what was going on in his head: “Didn’t we decide to start over from the beginning?” Why does this line matter? Because he’s bringing up something that has no relevance to what Yuuki was talking about (the wedding). He’s bringing up their restarted relationship and reminding her that “something” has changed because of that restart.

Yuuki goes “hmm?” Now, ordinarily one would interpret this as her just being confused that Zero’s demanding they talk when all she wanted to talk about was how nice the wedding was. But Zero does not interpret her words like this. His response to her is harsh and unusual for him--he basically tells her not to play dumb. We also get a close up of his face, and we can now see the tell-tale creases in his brow, demonstrating frustration.

He then says a few things that are quite interesting. He says there’s something she’s “always” wanted to say to him, and that he’s been waiting “forever” because he thought it was hard for her to talk about, but then she had to go and start brooding during the wedding. So in these two sentences, he implies a few things: 1.) whatever it is that he thinks has been bothering her didn’t just start at the wedding, 2.) her brooding faces bother him (and we can now confirm that her brooding in VKM 9 bothered him rather than making him feel honored as he tried to imply), 3.) he’s afraid of what she’s been meaning to say because he’s procrastinated asking her all this time, 4.) he’s finally caught her in a moment she can’t squirm her way out from and he can finally call her out on her behavior because they’re “official” now, so she can’t run away anymore based on her own decision.

He then jumps on her and slams her against the bed and yells in her face. When she gasps and freezes, he initially softens up, but then when she looks like she’s going to clam up he yells again. 

Before I move on, I want to parse this. I think it’s clear from the following scene that whatever Zero was stewing on ever since the ceremony, it has nothing to do with being afraid of his own death (Yuuki’s stated reason for why she herself was moping). This means what Zero was stewing on has to be something else. Process of elimination and analysis of previous chapters make this deduction simple: Zero has always been afraid the time might come when Yuuki will at last tell him that things aren’t working because she can’t move on from Kaname. Perhaps it is not this specifically, but his fear is clearly related to Kaname and to Yuuki’s feelings about Kaname and what they mean for him. 

How do I know this? Because if he didn’t care about Yuuki’s feelings about Kaname and what they meant for him in particular, he would behave more like Kain--he’d be trying to seduce her, reminding her that she was here in front of him, and teasing her into the present because he knows his place in her heart is forever Number Two and he’s accepted it. But Zero doesn’t react this way--he reacts like a man who expects to be Number One and doesn’t think he is. You don’t get mad if you’ve “accepted” being Number Two or Number Equal. And you certainly don’t get angry with your girlfriend for “moping” if you’re just confused about why she was moping. 

Of course, Zero is a coward and won’t bring up Kaname on his own, as we know from previous chapters. Thus he waits for Yuuki to drop the bomb on him. But the bomb doesn’t come. 

From Zero’s perspective, what Yuuki does in this scene is pretty terrible--she dodges his question and tries to use another excuse to cover up the truth. So, to break it down:

Yuuki gets all weepy and tells Zero she wants him to live on, and that she thinks this every time someone dies or something happens. She admits that she shouldn’t say this kind of thing, and that’s because in her opinion it’s nothing but a curse for him. 

Zero is shocked at first, which implies one of four things: either a.) he’s genuinely surprised and touched that she was thinking about him this time and not Kaname, b.) he’s shocked about whatever it is going on with her face itself in that panel where we just see her eye and all the screen tones, c.) he’s astounded that something this petty and ridiculous is the reason she’s been making both their lives continuously miserable, or d.) he’s astounded that even now his feelings still haven’t reached her.

Before I move on, I have to say, none of those above interpretations are positive for Yuuki. If A is true, then that means Yuuki hasn’t even remotely been showing Zero any kind of affection. If B is true, then something really bad is going on with Yuuki. If C is true, then Zero’s fed up with the relationship. If D is true, Zero has now confirmed that everything he has ever tried to do in VKM to help Yuuki has been pointless--she’s already decided how he thinks of her and nothing he says or does will change that.

But before we can find out what Zero’s expression really means, Yuuki goes and ruins it with her next line about getting selfishly scared that the day he’ll die is approaching. 

Now, before I go further, I want to say this: if Zero was genuinely touched by Yuuki’s concern about him, that should have stopped his anger even if he was still flustered about the fact that her concern is over the top. For surely nothing Yuuki says is all that terrible, other than the fact that she thinks Zero might be opposed to her wish. But even that just warrants perhaps a sigh on Zero’s part and maybe him sitting down with her and talking about it or perhaps just getting into a shouting match about how she’s not seeing “him” and is still stuck in the past. (Much like what Kain says to Ruka in VKM 3, something like that would be more appropriate if he’s just upset that nothing he’s been doing has been getting through to her, or if he thinks her fears are silly). 

However, there’s something in the way Yuuki phrases her line in the panel where she talks about being frightened that gets under his skin. She says she’s selfishly afraid, which implies that this is just an excuse she’s using to keep up her moping, and it also implies that she doesn’t care about the Zero in front of her per se so much as ensuring she has “someone” with her “forever.” (Leading us right back to the very reason Zero was starting this argument in the first place.

So Zero’s reaction to Yuuki’s selfish fear is not to soothe her or reassure her. Instead he mocks her. And it is here that Hino stops letting us see his full expressions and begins to cut him off using framing. We don’t see his eyes at all when he tells her that the only one suffering under her “curse” is her. But rather than stopping there, he then goes on further to demand her blood using the very same terminology she used herself. Note that his brow is furrowed when he says this, implying that this is not said out of love or appreciation. Most children know that the best way to annoy someone is to repeat what they said, and he’s mocking her here with her own words, much as Kaname used to do. 

Now there’s a couple of interpretations for this section. The first is the easy one: Zero’s upset that everything he’s done since the end of VK has been for naught and so he might as well just give in to Yuuki’s fears and give her what she “wants”, which is for him to drink from her. (As we know from her forcefeeding him in VKM 12). So in this sense, he’s just angrily acquiescing to her fears. And I would buy this interpretation, if not for the next few panels where he squanders her blood. So if this is just about him being generally frustrated that he’s not getting through to her, he should still be treasuring her blood, not squandering it. 

The second interpretation requires some assumptions, but I think it fits better with Zero’s actions. Zero is pissed at her for using him as an excuse to not talk about her issues and the ghost that’s between them, and this excuse is perfect because she can just use it every time she’s upset to deflect Zero from prying into her feelings about Kaname. Think about it: if she doesn’t want Zero to pry into Kaname, all she has to do is say “why, my love, I was moping about your fate!” and he has to comfort her and pity her and feel sorry for her and drop the subject. It is an invincible shield behind which she can hide forever, unlike their bench excuses, rendering him unable to ever corner her into confessing  about Kaname without actually bringing him up (which we know she runs away from direct conversations about Kaname as well, see VKM 3, 5, and 9). Zero knows that this excuse she will have forever because she is immortal and he is not. So Zero’s anger in this scene may have some of the “nothing I do will get through to her” interpretation in it, but I think the majority of why he’s so angry and brutal with her is because she’s made it impossible for him to ever address the real problem he has in their relationship. She can “play dumb” forever and ever, and he will have to just take it and suffer.

This interpretation I think explains the manner in which he treats her better than the first. If he was just frustrated with her for not seeing him “now,” I don’t think his bite style would change so severely. However, if he’s pissed at her for finding the ultimate deflection from them ever being able to address the issues he has with her, then yeah, he’s gonna unleash all that pent-up sexual energy he’s been holding back for 70+ years. So he attacks her, bites her over eight times all over her body, but doesn’t even stop to savor the blood. He clearly causes her pain and scares her--she feebly attempts to push his hand off her stomach and clutches her shirt to cover her boobs. Like seriously I can’t reiterate this enough--she’s not being sexually receptive to him at all in this scene. This outburst of sexually charged energy on top of the egregious biting all imply anger, not merely frustration. 

Basically, from my perspective, what it appears he realizes here is that despite how cleverly he trapped her this time (locating a precise moment and holding her to their restart promise), she found the one way out of an honest conversation. And this naturally is infuriating. He basically has it confirmed that she will never tell him what’s really going on. And that is why he becomes so bitter when he mocks her, and that is why he splatters her blood and invades her intimate space, and that is why he tells her to push “that day” in to the far distance. 

“That day” in the second interpretation can only mean the day she turns Kaname, the day Zero fears (because Zero has his own fears, which he’s never allowed to speak about thanks to Yuuki). If Zero’s life keeps her from making that sacrifice, then by all the hells he’s going to do everything it takes to grant that to her, because that’s all that’s left for him. I think that’s also why at the end of the scene he finally confesses what he hopes to receive from her--that at the end of all this insanity, she’ll at the very least tell him she was happy. He doesn’t even ask for her love because as far as he’s concerned, he’ll never receive it. He just wants her to be with him in the end and tell him he made her happy. 

Now if the scene ended here, I would say Zero’s made a pretty big damn mistake and he needs to fix it, but otherwise I would expect Hino to keep dragging out this shitshow until the end of the series. Zero’ll just have to accept that he’s never going to get to clarify whatever it is that bothers him about Kaname, and “be the bigger man” than Kaname was or whatever.

But Hino gave me a little tiny gift at the end, one that has me hoping for better things. At the end, Zero admits that he’s no longer able to stop himself. He curses, and then asks himself why her blood’s so tasty that he can’t stop himself. This is a direct parallel to Night 50, when Kaname asked Yuuki the same thing. 

Zero is confirmed to be unsatisfied with Yuuki’s blood. It’s still tasty because he still loves her, but he’s now beginning to shift into Rido/Kaname territory. This means, despite his anger about Yuuki deflecting this chapter, that the likelihood of him leaving the relationship has gone up exponentially. A confession like this usually comes before the end. And if this scene is what it takes for Hino to give me my Zeki breakup so that they can sort themselves out and find a better way, I’ll pay my dues and suck it up. All saints have to fall at some point, and Zero was due for a fall. 

To quickly sum up what I feel was expressed on the Zero side in this scene: Zero has been afraid for at least 50+ years that Yuuki’s issues about Kaname will never be “over.” Every time he’s tried to talk to Yuuki in the past about Kaname, she’s deflected in some way or clammed up. When he thinks he’s finally trapped her into having to talk about it, she brings out the biggest whopper of a deflection in history, and one he can’t beat, triggering one hell of a temper tantrum and leaving him indirectly confessing that she no longer satisfies him (and we know he was once satisfied by her, because he said as much in VKM 2). 

This puts Zero in a position to do one of two things: either a.) he has to accept that their relationship is what it is and this is the best he’s gonna get, or b.) he has to start deciding the best route for causing a chilling effect on the relationship, either by rebenching it or breaking it up entirely. More on this in the finale section. 

For now, I want to say that I fully expect Zero to apologize to Yuuki for his behavior here. I think he was wrong, no matter his circumstances, to treat her this way. I do think he was driven to this point by her behavior and by his own cowardice, which I’ll discuss briefly here shortly, but that still doesn’t excuse him. His behavior in this scene was abusive, although one instance of abuse does not necessarily an abuser make. At the moment, this is an anomalous behavior for Zero, but readers should be careful not to defend it too much because it could develop into a pattern of abuse in the future, and is, therefore, a red flag. If he continues down this path and develops a pattern of abuse, he’ll be no better than Kaname.  So I fully expect him an apology from him, a la Rhett Butler after The Scene in Gone With The Wind, and I expect some serious reflection on his actions and some serious narrative consequences. 

Now, before I move on to Yuuki’s side of this chapter, I want to talk about a few things that we can now extrapolate about Zero based on this chapter:

While he may not have been lying per se when he said he was “okay” with Kaname’s place in Yuuki’s heart during VKM 9 and VKM 1, it’s clear that he’s incredibly insecure about his own place in Yuuki’s heart despite what he says to her. I’ve always been firmly in the camp that he’s been lying this whole time, perhaps even to himself, about being “okay” with that. As Yuuki said once long ago to Kaname, he shouldn’t lie to himself and pretend it’s okay when it clearly isn’t (for fuck’s sake, Kaname destroyed his life). But Yuuki seems content to allow herself to be lied to now, so that shows you how much has changed since Night 49.

Zero’s been in denial about his prospects with Yuuki. Clearly he spent the 50+ years of pining in VKM 9 hoping that once they became official, things would get better. VKM 13 confirms that this cycle of Yuuki moping about “things” (re: Kaname) will continue in perpetuity. 

He is no longer satisfied with Yuuki’s blood as his only source of romantic connection with her, given how he treats her blood this chapter. It’s still tasty, but it’s not filling. 

His hope for a better future has died. This is evident by the fact that he says what he wishes from her when he dies here. He’s given up on them as a couple. What that means, of course, remains to be seen. 

Yuuki’s Deliberate Deflections and Insecurities

Now, we know less about Yuuki in VKM than we do about Zero. So unlike with Zero, it’s hard to gauge how much of what she says is “true” and how much is a lie or half-truth. As such, that makes it harder to interpret her and easier to give her a pass.

On the surface, Hino tries to paint her as this oblivious person who has no clue what’s going on. I would buy this interpretation if not for VKM 9 and if not for Night 66. Yuuki is a master at pretending to be obtuse when she knows people want something from her she’s unwilling to give, but she’s fully conscious of what she’s doing when she withholds and hides behind being “dense” and people forgiving her for it. 

Now there are two ways to view Yuuki this chapter, and I think both are valid until further notice. 

One is that she genuinely has been moping about Zero potentially dying all this time (even back when Zero thought she was moping about Kaname during VKM 9). In this scenario, she would have no clue that she’s just made it impossible for Zero to ever talk about Kaname, because she’s being honest with Zero about what she was thinking about during the ceremony. Thus her confession about how she thinks her wish is selfish and unfair to him would be in this case honest. And I think this interpretation is certainly valid, because the way Hino frames Yuuki in this scene is pretty open. The only “dishonest” aspect perhaps surrounds the panel where her eye gets weird, but that can be attributed to either her hyper-anxiety about losing Zero surfacing or something related to the master/servant bond with Kaname surfacing. This interpretation is also in line with VKM 9, where we see that after funerals she drinks excessively from Zero to the point that he basically calls it “funeral duty.” It would also be in line with her forcefeeding Zero in VKM 12 and her openly spying on him and her fears getting triggered after Aidou’s comment to him in VKM 12. 

In this interpretation, the fact that she does still genuinely believe wishing eternal life upon him is a curse for him shows that she isn’t seeing him properly and clearly still has some fears and misconceptions about him due to the original series. This is, as @soulisthirsty points out in her posts I linked above in the close-up subtext section, likely due to the fact that Yuuki has never talked to Zero about those final days of Kaname’s life and the terrible things she did--stealing Zero’s memories against his will, sleeping with Kaname, betraying Zero (we know Yuuki saw that as a betrayal of Zero because she says she and Kaname have no “right” to face Zero in Night 90). So this would set up a natural misunderstanding between her and Zero--she has spent the past 70+ years thinking she’s unworthy of Zero and wanting him anyway, while Zero has spent the past 70+ years thinking she doesn’t love him as much as her blood says she does. 

However, my problem with this interpretation of Yuuki is that it doesn’t account for her confession in VKM 9 when she clearly states she won’t let Zero go and won’t let their relationship move forward, implying she’s been fully cognizant all along of what’s bothering Zero. It also doesn’t account for her playing coy in VKM 10 when Zero tries to pin her down on what she means by “restart,” nor does it account for her suddenly “offering her bed” to him in VKM 12. 

So that leads us to the second potential interpretation of Yuuki in VKM 13, and that is that Zero is right--she is hiding behind her genuine fears about his life in order to not address her deeper issues. This interpretation includes the one above, but it also adds to it a new dimension--that of Yuuki being duplicitous in her attempts to keep Zero at her side but not face herself and Kaname. So her confession of her fears in VKM 13 by this interpretation would be true--she does think these things--but Zero is also right--at the moment he noticed at the wedding, she was thinking of Kaname or of something related to Kaname. 

This could be for a variety of reasons unrelated to “love” or “pining” of course--it could just be that wedding vows trigger her master/servant bond for all we know. The larger point is that clearly something “more” was going on there than just Yuuki innocently fearing for Zero’s life. Weddings shouldn’t make her fear for Zero’s life anyway--she should be thinking about her own marriage, which is what weddings do to single people. This would naturally make her think of the failed engagement to Kaname and perhaps bring up some “what ifs,” and it would also make her think about why her own relationship with Zero isn’t moving to this phase. 

But whatever it was she was actually thinking about, it wasn’t something she feels she can talk to Zero about. Zero knows it and she knows it. She never once contradicts him when he says her curse is her own. She well knows it. And she continues thinking so even after he bites her. Nothing changes in her perception by the end of VKM 13. Whatever she was moping about at the beginning is still there to be moped about. 

In brief, this is what I think is going on with Yuuki:

She hates herself for not being able to love Kaname.

She potentially resents Zero for being the reason she couldn’t love Kaname. 

She’s confused about whatever it is that’s going on with the master/servant bond. 

She’s still genuinely afraid of being alone and selfishly wants “someone” by her side.

She still does have some unknown feelings for Zero and genuinely is afraid that he’ll die before she can be able to have a life with him. (This is probably the true reason why she fears his death, rather than just general fear. That he’ll die before she can be free to love him.)

Based on how she was acting in VKM 12, I suspect she’s afraid Zero’s going to leave her full stop. Confessing she’s afraid of him dying may be a way to keep him with her a little longer and may stall his decision to leave. 

Now I mentioned up in section on the first scene that I think Yuuki might be testing Zero a bit to see if his issues are what she fears. She’s already checked off “hates Purebloods still” from the list. In VKM 13′s final scene, she checks off two other things: “doesn’t want to live forever as a thing he hates” and “thinks my blood is evil.” Zero basically tells her what she told Kaname in Night 49--go ahead and tarnish him, he’ll fall together with her. 

With this in mind, my interpretation of Yuuki’s final lines in the chapter are more about her accepting that Zero’s issues have nothing to do with the things that are easy for her to address or deal with. So she tells him go ahead and take all the things she can give him, because she still can’t give him anything else that he wants, so at the very least she can keep extending his life with the blood that has been nothing but a curse to him. And the curse she means, in my opinion, is that he loves her and she’s so deeply unworthy of him on every level. 

So basically, in the end of this scene Yuuki must face that Zero’s issues are about the things she refuses to deal with him honestly about--the events of the original series, her feelings, and Kaname. And this is why she’s in so much pain, because these are the very things she was hoping to avoid forever. 

Here are a few of the things I feel we can now say about Yuuki in VKM:

She’ll keep dodging to the end of time and picking up new excuses to avoid addressing the enormous elephant in the room.

She’s not interested in finding happiness or moving forward. Instead, she’s interested in punishing herself (and by extension Zero) for what happened to Kaname. Why this is the case is up for speculation at this point. 

All Yuuki has to offer Zero at this point is her blood. And with this chapter, he’s confirmed for her that soon her blood won’t be enough. As with Kaname in Night 66/67, Yuuki’s “restart” has begun to fail due to her own inability to open up the romantic part of her life to her partner. Zero subsisted on nothing but her blood for an entire human lifespan, and that’s clearly not enough for him anymore. She can no longer use it as a bargaining chip to distract him from the lack of intimacy.

Yuuki does not want intimacy with Zero. She tries to push his hand away from her waist and tries to keep her shirt from slipping. If she truly loves this man and wants to restart with him, why’s she being all shy? It’s not like she hasn’t had sex before. This is a red flag for their relationship.

Who’s More Reprehensible?

This is probably a weird thing to end this section with, but I wanted to briefly touch on who I feel, out of Zero and Yuuki, is the most reprehensible character and why.

I want it to be clear that Zero’s behavior in this chapter is absolutely reprehensible, and right up there with Kaname’s behavior in Nights 61 and 90. (I think Night 90 still wins, since it was in public, but that can be debated of course.)

However, Zero’s pretty much been driven to this by Yuuki. Now, interestingly, Kaname blamed Yuuki for driving most of his behavior in the original series, but actually Yuuki was mostly blameless--Kaname expected too much too quickly from her. That’s not the case with Zero.

Zero waits for her. Patiently. Without complaint. For nearly 70 years (4 years pregnancy, 16 years Ai’s youth up to VKM 3, 50 years post-VKM 3 until Yori’s death) Zero abided by Yuuki’s rules for their relationship and slowly clung to the hope that one day, somehow, they would be able to become like Aidou and Yori.

And then that day came, and nothing changed. Yuuki’s still becoming withdrawn and moody, she’s still withholding as a partner, she only offers her bed when it’s convenient to her and no actual intimacy. She rejects intimacy and doesn’t instigate it or invite it. Their relationship is cold; they might as well be roommates rather than lovers.

On top of this, Yuuki has never once said she loves Zero. She has never spoken her feelings to him, not during any of his confessions. She’s never corrected his assumptions about Kaname, at least not the ones he’s spoken to her. Even her restart confession basically outlined that Kaname’s first in her thoughts and Zero and Ai merely are bandaids “saving” her from thinking about Kaname forever. She doesn’t appreciate Zero openly (as we see from how shocked Zero is by Aidou caring about him in VKM 12). She deflects all his attempts to open their relationship up to be something more mutual.

She fully admits to stringing him along in VKM 9 and then offers him a candy bar with the restart only to give him more of the same. Zero has the patience of a saint, but he’s not a saint, and a 70-year-old virgin is eventually going to get pretty fed up that his lover isn’t interested in having a relationship with him. Especially not when she was more than willing to hop into bed with his enemy much sooner. 

We don’t know yet why Yuuki’s chosen to treat Zero like this. But most certainly Zero doesn’t know either, because Yuuki’s stopped communicating entirely and every time he tries to talk she shuts him down or clams up. Thus, despite Zero’s behavior being physically abusive this chapter (despite it being an anomaly in the 50+ years of his life during VKM so far), in my opinion Yuuki triggered its inevitability and brought it on herself by stringing him along for so long and continuing to do so even after the restart. She’s been unnecessarily cruel to him--even Ruka has been better to Kain than Yuuki’s been to Zero, and Ruka’s settling for Kain. Zero’s supposed to be the person who stopped Yuuki from truly loving Kaname, and the very reason Kaname got butthurt enough to rip out his heart in the first place. For a guy she’s supposed to love, she sure isn’t acting like she does. 

And before anyone accuses me of being a secret Kaname-apologist plant, let me assure you that I’m only pointing this out because this is a problem I see in Yuuki as a character, not because I’ve suddenly gained a liking for abusive relationships in my old age. I expect Hino to address the discrepancies here--why is she treating a man she’s supposed to truly love “worse” than a man she didn’t love? There needs to be something more to explain this than merely “master/servant’ bond and “Yuuki’s dumb.” And I expect that to be explored before I’ll be able to enjoy Zeki again. 

Parallels: VKM 13′s first and last scene bookends and Nights 49 & 61

I’m putting this in its own section simply because I want to highlight it and it doesn’t exactly fit above. There are quite a few scene parallels going on here because we’re still rushing through the Kuran Manor arc redux. First I’ll address the parallels between VKM 13′s first two scenes, then between VKM 13′s final scene and Nights 49 and 61.

The VKM 13 Bookends

Hino’s pretty good about bookend scenes. We’re clearly meant to compare/contrast VKM 13′s opening scene with it’s finale scene. Here’s what I found:

The first shot we see is Yuuki and Zero looking at each other on the title page. The last shot we see is them embracing but not mutually, nor are they looking at each other. 

Yuuki attacks Zero in the first scene, only to be rebuffed gently. Zero attacks Yuuki in the final scene, with no resistance from Yuuki. 

The first scene takes its time and slowly unfolds for the reader to give a sense of romance. The final scene rushes through what actually occurs over a long span of time to give a sense of chaos and urgency.

Yuuki confesses her fears to Zero about his feelings in the first scene and he delicately and honestly handles them in the correct way, reassuring her of how his feelings have evolved by playfully tousling her hair. Yuuki confesses her fears to Zero about his feelings in the final scene and he agrees with her and assaults her with no playfulness.

Yuuki comes away from the first scene more at peace with the situation than when she started it, though she’s clearly still concerned about something. She comes away from the final scene with no indication that she feels any more peaceful, and in fact she seems to feel worse. 

Zero responds to Yuuki’s fears correctly in the first scene and incorrectly in the second. 

A deliberate contrast like this in the same chapter is necessary to help people both recall that Zero’s generally a good man (and thus his actions at the end of VKM 13 are out of character and something to take note of) and to demonstrate that Zero and Yuuki can communicate in a more healthy way ordinarily. The parallels otherwise remain superficial, but the key takeaway is that things are “right” in the first scene and “wrong” in the last. 

VKM 13 vs. Nights 49 & 61

Several Kuran Manor arc parallels in this scene. I’m just going to list them:

Hino has multiple shots of just Zero’s eye in VKM 13, which is exactly like what she does with Kaname in Night 49. 

Hino eroticizes Yuuki’s expressions during the biting section of VKM 13, which mirror her expressions in Night 49 (also a scene where she “gave in” to a partner’s desires despite being upset/guilty herself rather than loving).

The blood splatters on Yuuki in VKM 13 mirror the multiple bites from Kaname in Night 61. 

Yuuki caressing Zero’s face and confessing her fears mirrors her reactions to Kaname in Night 61.

Yuuki’s weakened from the extreme blood loss in VKM 13 exactly as she was in Night 61.

Zero’s surface reason for egregiously biting Yuuki in VKM 13 mirrors Kaname’s surface reason for egregiously biting her in Night 61.

The parallels to the Kuran Manor arc are important because it shows that Zero’s behavior is wrong no matter the context. Kaname had “reasons” for treating Yuuki badly too, but those reasons aren’t excuses and shouldn’t be used as excuses. Just because Yuuki gives in to the abuse doesn’t make the abuse right. But that’s all I want to say on this subject for now, because this post is literally a novella now and I’m tired of writing it. 

The End Of The Line

So to sum up, this was in my opinion a horrible chapter and a blight on Zeki as a pairing and I expect Hino to clear it up immediately and stop dragging her damn feet. 

Otherwise, we’re going along quite well as far as narrative trajectory goes. I see one of two things happening: either a.) Hino keeps dragging this shit out and doesn’t let Zero leave or b.) she lets Zero leave finally. We may or may not get an apology, but if we don’t get an apology I will officially be done with the ship, though for personal reasons I’m not leaving the fandom until the end. Zero’d better apologize for this shit. It’s inexcusable; I don’t care how badly Yuuki’s treated him or how much she deserves it, I expect better from him. If I were his grandmother, that’s what I’d say to him.

@soulisthirsty mentioned to me that she thinks next chapter would be perfect for a Zeki breakup, as it’s conveniently the end of Volume 3. That would be the best Christmas present I could receive. This “restart” has been nothing but a joke and the sooner Zeki breaks up, the sooner we can have a genuine move toward a real relationship.

At this point, I feel that Yuuki doesn’t love anyone. I don’t think her actions imply she loves Zero anymore. I don’t think she loves Kaname. I think she’s a confused, unhappy woman who needs to sort herself out. A break up would do this for her--I think in order to actualize herself she needs to face her fears of being alone and overcome them. She’s been sitting on these fears since arc 1 of the original series, and in order to be a true heroine she’s got to overcome them to earn her happy ending.

Ideally, I’d like them to break up for 50-100 years. I’d like to see Zero actually try dating other girls, maybe even sleeping with them, maybe even having a family/kids of his own who are human. I’d like to see Yuuki try to live her life alone and lie in the bed she’s made for herself. I’d like to see her start appreciating the life Zero gave her. I could easily see Hino covering this span of time within 2-3 chapters if she wanted to (so in volume 4), then allowing the drama over the Vampire King to bring Zero and Yuuki naturally back into each other’s orbits, where they can fall in love naturally for the first time, both of them healed and whole.

But likely what we’ll get is a rebenching where Zero just uses the Vampire King as an excuse to put the relationship on cool down and have them go back to meeting at the bench. He’ll probably start looking for ways to revive Kaname, leading to the cure debacle. This will likely force Yuuki to have to at least deal with something regarding her feelings, whatever it is that finally makes her capable of sleeping with Zero to conceive Ren. *sigh* 

Zero, just realize that your true love is Aidou! Please! I beg you! *sigh*

Anyway, I can’t believe I made it through this monstrous chapter. I feel absolutely exhausted. Whoever makes it through this thing has my sincerest gratitude and admiration. But for now, I’m calling it quits. 

Until next time!

[webcricket]

A Room to Call Home

Characters: CastielXAngel!Reader ft. Sam and Dean Winchester

Word Count: 4013

A/N: One-shot request by anonymous – “I was wondering if you could do Cas meeting one of his oldest friends (an angel) and introducing them to the boys. Fluffy maybe??” An old friend seeks out Castiel on an errand to summon him home. Gender neutral reader. Humor and fluff with a suggestion of plot and a side of bacon (because everything is better with bacon).

Castiel roughly engaged the hand brake of the rickety borrowed brown truck as it lurched to a grinding halt. The metallic ting of the radiator reminded the angel he wanted to ask Dean to investigate that noise, along with the irksome vibration and strange burning smell recently emanating from the clutch. He distractedly traced the calloused pads of his fingertips along the worn curve of the steering wheel – although a slow and inefficient method of travel, he had come to enjoy the uninterrupted stretches of meditative solitude and passing minutia of detail driving afforded.

He might otherwise have winged right past the roadside attraction that purported to be the World’s Largest Ball of Twine without having paused for a few contemplative hours to unravel its significance. Likewise, the alleged birthplace of the Which came first, the chicken or the egg? controversy, along with the quaint one-room museum dedicated to the conundrum that boastingly housed the actual chair where the originator perched while hatching this riddle for the ages, would have gone entirely unnoticed by him. The answer, he determined, and sincerely attempted to explain to the wide-eyed gum-chewing teenaged museum curator, was that neither the chicken or the egg came first. After all, he reasoned, in the beginning, the very first of firsts, there was only light. Then eventually there was the slimy scaly flopping fish-like things that crawled from the oceans and after hundreds of thousands of years of evolution developed feathers. Chickens and eggs, as humanity knows them, and in no particular order, were no more than an afterthought. Mostly he wondered if the original owner of the ramshackle truck still missed it and wanted it back, albeit a little worse for the wear.

“Why have we stopped?” you interrupted his quiet reflection from your position in the passenger seat, squinting through the windshield at the ugly and dilapidated industrial building looming beyond the hazy glass.

Glancing sidelong at you, he inclined his unshaven chin out the cracked window toward the unremarkable iron door, pitted cement stairs, and decrepit railing marking the entrance to the Men of Letters bunker, answering simply, “We’ve arrived.”

When Castiel embarked on the short jaunt to the Gas-N-Sip earlier in the evening to pick up a few supplies for the bunker, you were the last entity in creation he expected to run into, or rather, nearly run over, in the parking lot. Fortunately, the brakes on the truck were the only part of the clunker not actively disintegrating – not that hitting an angel with a sluggishly lumbering vehicle will do much more than cause, at worst, temporary inconvenience to said angel.

Although it was your first time occupying a human vessel, having spent the dreadful fall instigated by Metatron circling in search of and never finding a suitable one, you were well aware it was considered ill-advised to loiter in the middle of a poorly lit parking lot after dusk. Unfortunately, this was also the precise location your vessel, chosen especially for proximity to the angel you sought, said yes.

In days long past, you and the seraph were fledglings who stretched your wings and tested the limits of your divine grace together in Joshua’s garden. Upon your creation, both of you were bursting with an innate inquisitiveness atypical of angels – a trait that set you squarely apart from your kin and brought you that much closer in mutual fondness. You disobediently ventured time and again into the endless corridors of Heaven, spending unmarked intervals exploring and marveling at the myriad of eternities tailored to the fortunate human souls dwelling behind closed doors. Each door contained a room of their very own for the soul to call home – a place to hold the assorted odds and ends of a life with every object, moment, and memory that was meaningful to them preserved. And sometimes souls kept one another in perpetuity. It was these doors behind which two souls stowed the sum of their existence together in everlasting contentment that captivated you most of all. If angels were capable of envy, you would have suffered the sin.

When your assignments separated you – Castiel dispatched to Anna’s garrison to join rank, his boldness tethered to the duties of a soldier, and you relegated to Heaven’s bureaucracy, curiosity neatly contained in a stuffy four-by-four-foot cubicle – you drew from his angelic lips a parting oath, bound by an unheard of mingling of grace, that one day you would be together again. Angels didn’t love one another, not like humans, but the bond of fidelity you and he forged in Heaven was comparable.

Watching you shield your eyes from the flickering headlights of the truck in the convenience store parking lot and wave in recognition, Castiel presumed you could have appeared in his life now for only one reason – that one day, foretold by your pact to each other, had fatefully arrived. Motioning for you to climb into the truck, fearing for your safety in thinking you had rebelled and others would come searching for you, he spun the rubber of the already bald tires and drove straight back to the bunker.

He had no idea where to begin a conversation with the unfathomable distance of time separating your lives, and so he didn’t. Like a human defaulting to commenting about the weather to fill the silence, he elected, instead, to relay a nervous narrative of the passing scenery. The brief journey, inconsequentially protracted owing to hitting two red lights, was replete with a prattling non-stop, occasionally nonsensical, accounting of every lost dog, wandering child, kissing couple, feeble retiree, and blowing leaf he’d ever seen or helped cross the deserted streets in that part of town, and it bought him just over 17 minutes of delaying the inevitable discussion about what brought you to Kansas.

“This is where you live?” you asked, dismayed as you scanned the derelict entrance. “So many beautiful places exist in our father’s creation, and you choose to reside in ruination?” The Castiel you remembered favored verdant grasses and wide-open expanses of blue sky. It seemed to you, seeing first-hand how far he’d fallen, that your mission to bring him home to Heaven was, perhaps, as necessary as your superiors intimated it to be.

“It’s a fully equipped bunker, and you’ll find it’s quite homey inside,” he uttered confidently.

“Home?!” you scoffed. They said he’d become vehemently attached to this place, but to refer to it as home was too much.

His proud countenance fell at perceiving your disapproval.

An unfamiliar rush of emotion, bleed through courtesy of the human soul you presently shared your vessel with, seized hold of your frame upon seeing the wounding impact of your tone on his demeanor. You were not here to make him feel badly about his choices, merely to ask that he strongly reconsider them. Unfolding the foreign feeling hands resting upon your lap, this same unknown impulse compelled you to reach out to lightly stroke his knee. The edge in your voice dulled, “Castiel, our home is in Heaven.”

“I’m not wanted there, nor do I belong anymore,” he stated pointedly, beginning to doubt your actual motive for visiting. Eyes lowering, he noticed your hesitant hand and fondly clasped the broad warmth of his palm around your fingers. He dismissed the suspicious inkling, hoping he was wrong. “Regardless of that, I’m very glad to see you.”

Angelic grace funneled into the bounds of a diminutive human vessel – a situation akin to the power of a blizzard contained within a solitary snowflake – this tender contact proved intensely overwhelming for you. You recoiled with an astonished gasp to gape at your explosively heated fingers.

Your reaction prompted a fleeting amused half-smile to tug at his mouth at the recollection of when all this was new to him too – the slightest touch of skin that was then a dizzying assault upon the senses now an agreeable way to communicate those affectionate sentiments which cannot fully be articulated with words. Castiel greatly looked forward to sharing with you all that he had learned about and from humanity. He believed you alone amongst all angels would appreciate and love humanity as much as he did; as you alone had understood him long ago in Heaven.

“I’m glad to see you too,” a genuine smile ghosted your lips, and faltered as you reiterated the canned lines you’d been directed to say to him in order to sway his mind on the matter, “as many in Heaven will be who will welcome your return with open arms. Others will follow by example. You are not so shunned by your family as you lead yourself to believe.” The statement was truthful. With Joshua gone, and Heaven spiraling once more into chaos, the angels desperately needed a leader – a loyal figurehead with history, however rebellious, to guide them. You had come willingly, eager to see your old confidant, though also under orders – your betters taking advantage of your unusually intimate friendship with Castiel which they did not possess the capacity to comprehend – to seek him out and solicit his aid.

Your words, which Castiel easily discerned were not really yours, confirmed his suspicions as to the aim of your unexpected visit. “That’s kind of you to say,” he frowned, a grim furrow dividing his brow. He resented the fact that they sent you – you, whose bond meant so much to him and whom he could not deny. Weary of assuming the burden of Heaven’s problems, he added tersely, “But my home is here now.” He shouldered open the groaning truck door.

“With humanity? They can’t even begin to comprehend your true purpose,” you argued after him across the seat.

“It is living among them where I have discovered my true purpose,” he countered irritably, slamming the door shut. He was not angry with you. He wondered what punishment they had threatened you with to coerce your cooperation.

You huffed, heaving open the sticky passenger side door and jumping out to scramble in the wake of his billowing trench coat, retorting, “And what about your family? Here, you are isolated, cut off from Heaven.”

He halted in front of the bunker door, pivoting to confront you. “I am not alone here. The Winchesters are good men. I consider them my brothers,” his blue eyes shone with deep conviction.

You inhaled sharply, stealing your resolve to make the one appeal you knew he could not refuse, to recall to him that age-old promise he swore to you upon his angelic essence – that tiny fragment of his grace that now stirred tempestuously in your celestial heart. You believed you were doing the right thing, for Heaven, for him, “Castiel…”

“Y/N, I know why you’re here. What you’re trying to do. What they’re trying to do,” he averted his indignant gaze upward. Stormy features relaxing in a sullen droop, his regard drifted back to you. “And if you ask me to return to Heaven with you this very moment, I will not hesitate. You alone can induce me to do so,” he had not forgotten his pledge. “But before you say the words, I want you to understand what it is you’re asking me to leave.”

You would not selfishly deny his modest request. “Show me,” you nodded accord. Heaven could wait; you’d waited this long.

He swung the bunker door wide and politely signaled for you to enter ahead of him.

“Hey buddy, did they have to brew and bottle the beer before they could sell it to you, or what?” Dean raised his gruff voice in the general direction of the stairs without looking up upon hearing Cas’ resounding footsteps on the landing. He thought up what he considered to be a humorous remark that morning while noshing on perfectly crisped bacon, and even though Cas hadn’t been gone any longer than usual, Dean had been waiting all day to say those exact words. The delivery fell bitterly flat for his taste. He wished he had more of that delicious bacon.

Stretching long arms overhead and yawning, Sam peeked up from the book he had balanced between his thighs and the edge of the map table to acknowledge Cas’ entrance and saw that the angel had not returned alone. Harshly clearing his throat, he snapped the book closed and slid the hefty tome hard across the table at Dean.

“What the hell?” Dean whined, shooting his brother an annoyed scowl when the corner of the text struck him directly in the ribs. He rubbed a small circle over the area, begging sympathy for the anticipated bruise.

Sam unsympathetically and emphatically vaulted an eyebrow and rose to his feet.

Dean finally took notice of you clambering down the stairs and begrudgingly stood. He muttered out the side of his mouth at his brother, “Sammy, I told you something like this would happen if we sent him without a shopping list again.”

“You said he’d bring home a stray kitten, not a…” Sam murmured through clenched teeth.

“You do realize I can hear you?” Cas narrowed his eyes and glowered at the brothers as he approached the table.

Dean shrugged unapologetically.

“And if you recall, I found an upstanding young family to adopt that orphan puppy I brought home last week,” Cas added matter-of-factly.

“Not before it peed in my shoe,” Dean griped. “Twice.”

Sam jabbed Dean with an elbow to shut him up.

Cas gave Sam a small appreciative smile for the considerately restraining measure, “Sam, Dean, I’d like you to meet Y/N, a very old friend of mine.”

You tarried a few steps behind, preoccupied by the intriguing maze of corridors breaking off from the cement walls of the expansive room. Though dark and dingy, they brought to mind Heaven’s gleaming white halls and all the marvelous doors therein.

Cas glanced back at you, beckoning you forward, “Y/N, this is…”

“The righteous man, and the abomination,” you interposed, curtly bobbing your head at each of the men in greeting, “who else?”

“I thought we were past the whole abomination business?” Sam frowned at Cas.

“I didn’t refer to him as that,” Cas shot you a reproaching glare, expression tempering earnestly when he focused on Sam, “I didn’t refer to you as that.”

“You thought it,” you announced objectively.

Dean smirked to himself, figuring you must be an angel. Your tactless honesty was a dead giveaway.

“I consider it more of a term of endearment nowadays,” Cas offered repentantly.

“Seriously?!” Sam feigned outrage even though he was not truly offended. “And how does he get to be the righteous man after the whole demonic stint?” he leered at Dean.

“Easy, cause my answer to Y/N is an enthusiastic yes,” Dean’s grin smugly widened to crease the corners of his glittering green eyes. Teasing guileless angels was one of his favorite pastimes, and it was getting more challenging to provoke Cas the longer the angel lived with them. He was all in favor of fresh angelic fodder. And bacon.

“I didn’t ask you anything,” you pointed out, head tilting in bafflement.

“You didn’t have to,” Dean winked suggestively. “Answer’s still yes.”

Cas rolled his brilliant blue eyes toward the high ceiling – this introduction was not going at all as he had intended. You were acting with brazen impudence and Dean was, well, being Dean. “They grow on you,” he attempted to mollify the situation.

“Under certain conditions, so does fungus,” you advised calmly.

Sam stifled a snicker with his sleeve.

Dean didn’t miss a beat, sauntering forward with his arms spread wide, he lewdly noted, “They don’t make a cream for this, sweetheart, but I’d be happy to help you scratch that itch.” Speaking of itches, his stomach growled hungrily. He decided just then a bacon cheeseburger from that diner on the corner of Monroe Ave and Main would be precisely the thing to pacify it.

Eyes clouding in confusion, you commented aloud on the relentless borderline obsessive theme pervading Dean’s mind since you’d entered the bunker, “What do fried slices of pig fat have to do with anything?”

Sam bent at the waist, breaking under a rolling wave of laughter.

Cas groaned exasperatedly and closed his eyes.

“Hey,” Dean wagged a warning finger at you, “head space is strictly off limits. And bacon? Since you asked so nicely, everything.”

“I don’t understand,” you looked to the visibly frustrated Castiel for an answer.

“My friends frown upon having their thoughts perceived,” he sighed.

“But…” you still didn’t understand about the bacon.

“Alright, enough!” Sam entreated, composing himself, ever the peacemaker. “Dean, you keep it in your pants. And Y/N, please stay out of our heads. Trust me, he only gets worse the deeper you probe.”

“He’s right, and yeah, strict no probing policy,” Dean agreed, needlessly clarifying. “By angels or aliens.”

You mutely wondered what Dean kept in his pants, and if it was, perchance, a preserved pork product.

“Any friend of Cas is a friend of ours. Right Dean?” Sam stared sternly at his brother, the firm set of his jaw suggesting there was only one correct answer and that Dean had better choose it.

“Right. He’s right again,” Dean mumbled contritely.

“Good,” Sam plastered a friendly smile on his face. “Now since we started off on the wrong foot...”

You looked skeptically down at your vessel’s left foot, shifting weight to the opposite one.

Castiel couldn’t help but crack a small smile at your misperception.

“…it’s a pleasure to meet you, Y/N,” Sam extended an open hand.

You reached out to awkwardly take it.

“Well, I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do,” Dean grabbed his folded jacket off the chair, tummy rumbling loudly, and jostled Sam by the collar. “We’ll leave you to it. Come on Sam.”

“Uh, yeah.” Sam let go of your hand, looked around urgently for his coat, patted his chest, realized he was currently wearing it, and smiled self-consciously, “Okay then. See you guys later.”

You said nothing.

Cas took this to mean you had not altered your intent to recall him to Heaven. He watched the brothers mount the stairs, gravelly voice resounding wistfully after them, “Dean. Sam. Goodbye.”

Grabbing the door latch, Dean responded lightheartedly as he yanked it open, “Sheesh Cas, we’re only going out to grab a bite to eat.” It wasn’t like he and Sam would never see the angel again. The door clanged shut behind them.

Cas’ shoulders slumped.

“You’ve changed Castiel,” you casually observed. Despite the coarse interaction, you sensed his profound love for and attachment to these men, and their equal love for him. A part of you seethed with a jealousy you were not supposed to feel. Yet you also experienced gladness for him. The rapid conflicting pulls of these emotions dazed you. You wondered how Castiel tolerated it day after day without suffering restlessness. He appeared comfortable and at ease in this strange place.

“You disapprove,” he refused to look at you, plunging aside into one of the corridors.

“No,” you ambled after him, “I meant it as a compliment. It suits you, this change. You seem…somehow more assured of yourself.” You glanced at each of the lettered or numbered doors as you strode by, rounding a corner, “Where are you going?”

“My room,” Cas halted in front of a closed door. “If I’m to leave, there’s something here I want to bring with me.” He twisted the knob and marched across the threshold into the humble space.

Frozen in the doorway, you ran your fingertips deferentially across the level wooden plane of the doorframe. His room. His. A room of his own to call home like those lucky souls in Heaven. Your eyes wandered over the tidy contents of the room – the crisp sheets and blanket neatly darted beneath the corners of the totally unnecessary bed. The smart assortment of ties draped fastidiously over a hanger on the closet door, gifts from his vessel’s daughter which he never wore but cherished nonetheless because of how important they were to her. A dried bunch of faded yellow wildflowers tacked above the desk, picked that Spring for him by a homeless woman named Elise he had gotten into the habit of treating to lunch when he and the Winchesters were not out of town on case. She knew the names and histories of every bird and flower in creation and the angel never tired of hearing her relate their stories. Hung beside the flowers, a brightly colored crayon portrait of a blue-eyed angel with unbroken black wings, the grateful artwork of a child whose ailing mother he cured of cancer without cosmic repercussions on a point of technicality to the great vexation of a waiting reaper. On the desk itself lay the bulky hand-me-down laptop given to him by Sam, which the angel used to watch Netflix in the wee hours of the morning so as not to disturb the sleeping brothers. And over the bed, Dean’s capricious contribution to the barren walls, a poster of an adorable fluffy orange tiger kitten dangling precipitously from a tree branch with the affirmation to Hang in There written in fanciful script along the top and punctuated by an exclamation point for added emphasis. It perturbed Dean to no end that Cas left the poster up, the angel asserting, although he knew it was obviously meant as a cheesy joke on Dean’s part, that it was one of the most heartwarming gifts he’d ever received and would display it reverentially for all time.

Castiel plucked a picture frame from the otherwise unused dresser, flipping it over in his hands to carefully remove the photo inside – a copy of the snapshot Bobby Singer had insisted they pose for, with Jo and Ellen, before that fateful confrontation with Lucifer so many years ago. Standing stiffly on the perimeter of that group of extraordinarily brave souls, he recalled it was the first time in his existence he had truly felt like he had clarity of purpose. He tucked the sentimental photo securely in his trench coat pocket lest, wits and purpose muddled by Heavenly muck, he forget. When he turned around, you were gone.

He found you sitting, having taken a wrong turn trying to find the exit, on the dimly lit staircase of the garage.

He eased onto the step beside you, crossing his arms over his knees and staring at the uninteresting vacant cement block wall opposite which held your rapt attention. After a long silence, he spoke his concern, “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You sighed glumly, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry Castiel, I understand…this place is your home. Sam and Dean, they are your family. I won’t ask you to leave with me. There is nothing in Heaven for you. Seeing you here, I’m not sure there ever was.”

“There is one thing,” he resisted the yearning to grasp your hand, to convey his full meaning with the simple gesture. He feared startling you with the raw emotion behind it. “There only ever was one thing.”

“What’s that?” you peered keenly into his vessel’s blue eyes, the luminous sapphire hue was almost as stunning as the radiant glow of his true form.

He cocked his head, a questioning smile curling his lip, “You really don’t know?”

You shook your head.

He conceded to the desire to touch you, reaching out to gently caress your inquisitively illumined face. Sweeping his thumb tenderly across your cheek, he whispered huskily, “It’s you.”

You did not shy from his outpouring of affection. Eyelids fluttering shut, you leaned into the warmth of his palm and clasped your hand over his. You never imagined your one day with Castiel would dawn beyond the horizons of Heaven. You certainly never dared to dream two angels would have a room of their own to call home amongst humanity – a place together to share, and learn, and grow, and love, forever. You never knew angels weren’t made to love one another, not like humans, but you and Castiel had never been like the other angels.

[sexxmacfarlane-blog]

Hungry Eyes, Starving Heart

A Seth MacFarlane Fan Fiction

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: Hey everyone! I decided to make a fan account because my personal was not meant for writing. Its just random posts that I reblog. I honestly had no idea Seth had this many fans on tumblr. I used to write Teen Wolf fan fiction about a year ago so I’m a bit rusty but please leave feedback and if you want more chapters. Right now its PG but smut is to come in later!

What do most students do their senior year of high school? Party and have fun. They stay busy planning their prom dates, saving for senior trip and enjoying their last year as a child. But me? I am busy trying to make sure I get into my dream college, University of California-San Diego. I want to major in biology and spend my life studying various diseases then ultimately finding a cure for them. In order to achieve this sort of feat I am literally pushing myself to limit. Obtaining every possible credit I can get my hands on and perfecting my only extra curricular activity, choir. I am up to my eyeballs in things I have to get completed and if it weren’t for my best friend I wouldn’t know what to do.

“Top of the morning love!” Nora’s voice chimed into my ear. I shook my head out of my day dream.

“Morning you. Did you bring me one of those?” I asked while eyeing the large coffee she had in her hand.

“This one is yours, I already downed mine. Wow you look like shit El. What’s wrong?” She sounded like a total mom.

“Thanks and I appreciate the compliment too. I didn’t sleep much last night. Was up late finishing my summer projects. I had so much I couldn’t finish everything in time. My dad made me go on vacation for 2 weeks and that took up a lot of valuable time.” I finished with a shrug.

“Elise you have always been the smartest girl in school. Your grades are fine. Why so much worry? Its our senior year! Let’s relax before we both go off to big bad college.” Nora said sweetly. She honestly means well but simply doesn’t understand.

“Nora you know I have to get into San Diego. Its my dream. I have to earn my keep, I just can’t waltz in! Now please quiz me.”

I handed her a deck of flash cards for English and had her quiz me on the definitions. She showed me each word and I stated the definitions with ease. We were almost done with the deck when something, or someone I should say caught my eye. Entering the cafeteria was a man I had never seen before. He carried a brief case and was wearing a teacher I.D. badge. I couldn’t stop myself from watching him as he went through the line and grabbed a quick meal. He thanked the cafeteria clerk with a bright warm smile. My lips automatically twitched into barely noticeable a grin. He was contagious.

“Earth to Elise, hello? You mean to tell me you can’t tell me the definition of personification after acing the college level vocabulary in the first half of the deck?” I could hear Nora but I wasn’t able to speak. The mysterious man had me completely entranced. Finally she noticed what I was staring at.

“Oh okay, I bet that’s the new English teacher, you know Mrs. Holloway is on maternity leave for the rest of the year right?” Nora asked.

“Yeah he must be, I have never seen that man before in my life. Wow I had no idea she wouldn’t be coming back?” I replied.

“Oh yeah she said 6 weeks wasn’t long enough and she wasn’t ready to leave her baby just yet. I doubt she will ever come back! So I guess you did most of this summer work for nothing.” Her tone was playful now, she found this funny.

“Well hopefully he will pick up where she left off. I want to stay above the game regardless. Was it just me or was he kinda cute ?” I asked. Nora snorted and almost choked on her spit.

“What? That old guy? He’s was like what 40? No way El. What’s wrong with you? He is old enough to be our dad for christ’s sake!” My face instantly turned red. Yeah she’s right I thought to myself, too old and I was crazy for thinking he was cute. Get a grip Elise.

“Never mind I mean from a distance he looked cute.” Nora nodded and just like that brushed the whole situation off. She was too busy scrolling through her phone to continue caring. I nibbled at the rest of my breakfast while reading a book. After what felt like an eternity the bell rang out to dismiss us to 1st period. I had AP physics and had no idea who my classmates were going to be. Nora was my only real friend and no offense she didn’t care about school as much as I did. And all of my classes were AP besides choir of course which was the only class I had with her. The first 4 classes went by slowly. They were spent handing out books and going over the syllabus. I was starving by the time lunch came around. Unfortunately Nora and I didn’t share the same lunch period either so here I was stuck defending for myself while trying to find a seat. The indoor cafeteria was absolutely full, the tables outside were also. I wandered the grounds until I found an empty picnic table by a tree. It was vacant thanks to its distance from the school. I didn’t mind though, I always left lunch early anyways to ensure I wouldn’t be tardy. I sat down with my tray and continued reading in my book since I was alone. I popped earbuds in to better concentrate on the words in front of me. Mindlessly munching down on a cheese burger I was startled by a tray dropping on the table. I quickly jumped up while yanking my headphones out.  

“Oh my apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you. I was just looking for a spot to eat, apparently this is the most crowded lunch period and  I noticed you had this whole table to yourself. Mind if I join you?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was the new teacher that I spotted from this morning. He was even more breath taking up close. His dark brown eyes that resembled coal earlier were now like honey in the sunlight, his smile was beautiful thanks to his spotless white teeth. His jet black hair was styled very casual in a sort of messy quiff. I noted then he was very tall too, especially compared to my short stature. I must have looked like an ant through his eyes. I struggled to find my words but eventually did.

“Oh of course pl…please sit. I was just really into my book and didn’t see you. No one ever bothers me when they see I have headphones in.”  I replied with a small smile.

“Thank you miss. I’m new here so I’m not too keen with all the rules. I’m Mr. MacFarlane by the way. You are?” He said while extending his hand out. I softly grabbed it as he shook softly.

“I’m Elise Goodman. You are the new English teacher correct?” I said curiously. I tried not to sound nervous. He was so gorgeous that it was becoming intimidating.

“Pleasure meeting you Ms. Goodman. And yes I’m Mrs. Holloways replacement. I must say I’m pretty nervous. I have been subbing at the college for quite sometime. High schoolers? That’s a whole new world.” His voice was beyond beautiful, it was deep and elegant. He sounded like someone who should talk on the radio or voice the previews in movie theaters. I was hanging onto every word that fell from his lips. He spoke about moving here from a neighboring town, he said most of the teachers here weren’t very welcoming. He claims because of his previous position but I think it’s because of his physical appearance. He looked like a model in comparison to the rest of the staff. Most of the teachers here were either old or super nerdy. His profession didn’t fit his appearance at all.

“Richard Dawkins? Really?” He asked while pointing down to my book.

“Uh yeah I am kind of a biology freak. Mr. Dawkins is my hero.” I said with a blush. He noticed and smiled at me.

“Why are you embarrassed? That is something to be proud of. You seek education. Do you know how rare that is these days?” He sounded like an angel speaking to me. Once again my cheeks told on me.

“Well I…I’m a dork. That’s not something to be proud of. I am literally teased for being myself which just so happens to be a huge nerd. I love science more than most 18 year old girls.” He laughed  at my reply. I felt hurt, that wasn’t meant to be funny at all it was the truth.

“You shouldn’t care what your peers think. In 10 years you will be successful and they will be assistant managers in a super market down town. You will go places while they are stuck with minimum wage.” Wow he was blunt. Not really in a rude way but in a literal manner. He wasn’t afraid to speak his mind and I envied that. I was always too scared to say anything in fear of making someone mad.

“I have never really thought of it that way before?” I bit my lip and looked down at my watch. I gasped and gathered my things up.

“I am so sorry but I have to leave now, I can’t be late for 5th period. I’m always early for class and this one is on the other side of the building. It was great talking with you Professor MacFarlane! Thank you for sitting with me.” I pushed my glasses up onto my nose and threw my bag over my shoulder. I dropped my book on the ground and quickly bent over to pick it up when I realized my skirt had climbed further up my waist. Damn uniforms were always messing up. I grabbed the book up quickly and threw it into my bag. I shimmed my skirt down hoping he hadn’t seen my underwear and half my ass. He cleared his throat loudly, I spotted a grin and I knew at that moment he had seen everything. How embarrassing! Great, I flashed the hot new English teacher after just meeting him. My face was now the color of a ripe tomato. I wanted to turn around and apologize but I couldn’t face him after that. I scurried away and bolted through the side door. Nora just so happened to be at her locker as I ran to her she laughed seeing me in my current state.

“Elise what the hell are you running from? The first bell hasn’t even rang yet.” She asked while I tried to catch my breath.

“Okay so the new English teacher his name is Mr. MacFarlane by the way, he joined me for lunch outside. And uh well I accidentally flashed him my whole ass! I bent over to pick up my book that fell and my skirt had slid up over my hips and bam. It was just on display. I could have died Nora! I was so embarrassed! He was way cool and now I ruined it.” Her eyes grew wide then she burst out into laughter.

“Only you El, only you. I swear that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Now every time he sees you in class he is going to think about your ass! Wait you had underwear on right? Or was it a thong?”  She asked in a serious tone.

“Fuck Nora I have regular underwear on! Thongs are very uncomfortable.” She rolled her eyes at my response.

“No they’re not, virgins don’t wear thongs. I forgot you have yet to be deflowered my little friend.” She patted my shoulder.

“Oh hush. I just haven’t found a guy I’m attracted to in that way yet.” I grumbled while digging around in my locker.

“I think you have. You’re hot for teacher aren’t you! No need to confess, I know you are, after your little statement this morning. You want the English teacher! God that’s so gross. He is ancient Elise. I mean at least settle for a college guy.” Nora went on ragging me into the next century.

“I am not hot for teacher! I mean he is insanely attractive, nice, intelligent and…fuck it. I am. Kill me now Nora!” I admitted defeat.

 Nora and I parted ways, I had 2 more classes before AP English. It was my last class of the day and I am not going to be able to look Mr. Macfarlane in the face. The next 2 periods went by too fast for my liking. I was biting my nails in AP European History just knowing when the bell chimed I would have to enter his classroom. I gathered my books for 7th period and made my way inside. Of course I was early, but thankfully he wasn’t in the room yet. I took a seat in the back of the class near the window. Within minutes the room started filling up. I watched the door anticipating him to be next. Then finally he stepped in. He had an large coffee in hand and a stack of papers.  

“Afternoon everyone. My name is Mr. Macfarlane. I am the new English teacher. I was working at the college but took this exciting new offer. High school is a whole new ball park but I look forward to this opportunity. Especially the fact that this is an AP class so that means you all actually give a shit. Pardon my French but I am simply being truthful.” We all laughed as his comment. We knew exactly what he meant. He passed out the syllabus and went over it. He was picking up where right around where Mrs. Holloway left off and I was relieved. He told us the summer projects needed to be left on his desk at the end of the week. Thankfully he was easy on us since it was the first day and we spent the rest of the class talking amongst ourselves. I didn’t really like anyone else in this class so I went straight to reading. I was alone in the back corner and that’s how I liked it. Everyone else chattered in groups and my ears picked up on a nearby conversation. It was Laura Compton and her friends. They were the class bitches. No one liked them but every guy wanted to sleep with them. And they were known for getting around town. Okay now I sound like a 70 year old man. To put it bluntly they were just a bunch of whores. Laura was going on about how hot Mr. Macfarlane was. So I wasn’t the only one…Nora just has bad taste. Anyways the way they were talking about him was making my blood boil. Like he was an animal up on the auctioning block. They were only interested in a fuck. I actually wanted to get to know him better, he was so sweet and interesting. I ground my teeth at their words. I couldn’t focus on my book anymore. I looked up at the clock and it was almost time for the dismissal bell. When I looked up Mr. Macfarlane’s eyes were glued to me. I quickly looked back down. Then he stood up and made an announcement.

“I need to see Elise Goodman after class.” Hearing him say my name made my heart skip a beat. Laura and her clique casted their glares at me. I could feel their eyes burning into my skin. Minutes then passed like seconds and the bell rang out. I stayed seated while everyone else filed out of the room. I couldn’t help but squirm when I heard his footsteps. I looked up to see him smiling as he sat on top of the desk in front of me.

“Look about earlier, I’m so sorry. I am beyond embarrassed and ashamed. I swear it wasn’t intentional sir. I’m not like that at all!” I spat out before he had a chance to even say anything.  He chuckled at my distressed state.

“Elise please, you don’t have to apologize. Accidents happen. I know you aren’t “like that” And I’m not mad at you, far from it actually.” He said with a sweet smile.

“Really? I was worried all day about the whole situation. These old skirts are not easy to work with sometimes. And I didn’t want to make a bad first impression. “ I replied quickly stammering on before realizing the last part of his reply. He said he wasn’t mad, far from it…was he hinting to something else? He had liked what he had seen?  No way I’m overthinking it. I was now silent. I looked up to see him grinning. My face flushed bright red. That is when I felt something between us. Almost like a magnetic force. With every fiber of my being I wanted to jump at him and just kiss those perfect lips. How I kept myself restrained I’ll never know. That’s when I could feel my underwear soaking by the second. Never before in my life had I felt this way towards someone. Of course I’ve have had crushes before but that was the extent of it. I never pictured myself pouncing one of them. If I were being honest, I wanted to do more than just kiss the man in front of me. I remained silent though, I was afraid to speak.

“I look forward to reading your summer projects. You can tell a lot about a person from the way they interpret classic works of literature. The way a book speaks to a person is a reflection of their mind and some say even their soul.” He spoke like a true poet.

“I couldn’t agree more sir.” I replied in almost a whisper. I was completely drawn to this man whom I just met. Could he possibly feel the same way? No….stop it Elise.

“See you tomorrow Ms. Goodman.” He said while gathering my books up for me. He held them while I stood up and threw my bag over my shoulder.

“Uhm thank you, see you tomorrow Professor Macfarlane.” I walked out of the room holding my breath. I skipped to my locker to put my books away. The hallways were almost empty. Aside from Nora who stood by our lockers with her arms folded.

“What took you so long El? I’ve been waiting on you forever!” She said in an annoyed tone.

“Sorry I had to stay after class. Mr. Macfarlane needed to ask me something about the summer project. I hope he goes easy on the grading.” I tried to act casual.

“Oh. Well I bet you liked that. One on one time with your crush.” She winked at me. I had to be inconspicuous about this. I didn’t want to start anything that could cause trouble.

“It was okay. I mean he’s cute but you’re right. Definitely too old. I do need to get out in the dating game, we just have slim pickings in our class though so it won’t be easy.” Nora slammed her locker and stared at me.

“Are you serious? Little miss book worm is wanting to try dating?” Oh no Nora was going to take this too far.

“Well not exactly. But if a guy asked me on a date I wouldn’t be so quick to say no. I mean it is about time I gave in.” She was literally jumping up and down. I could already tell she was going to make this a big deal.

“Say no more! If I find you a date you have to go on it okay?” She asked while tugging on my arm.

“I guess. I mean it depends on who it is. I have high standards you know!” She nodded and squealed. We left the building and made our way to the parking lot, Nora always had her brother pick her up after school, he went to college on the other side of town and I walked home. I only lived a few minutes from the school and I enjoyed the scenery.

“Want a ride El?” Nora’s brother Jake asked. I politely declined. I had to work this afternoon at the local book store. It was on down in town which was a 10 minute walk past my house. I didn’t want to make them go out of the way. The siblings pulled out of the lot and I began my journey towards the book store.

[allyinthekeyofx]

Dreamcatcher - Chapters 22&23

Prologue&chapter 1   Chapters 2&3   Chapters 4&5   Chapters 6&7

Chapters 8&9  Chapters 10&11   Chapters 12&13   Chapters 14&15

Chapters 16&17   Chapters 18&19   Chapters 20&21

here you go @scully-loves-ruthie​ @shalomksenia​ @thexfphile​ - sorry I didn’t post yesterday, work was crazy!

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

St Mary's Hospital. Cleveland Ohio. May 7th 11:01pm

Something was different.

Even as Mulder struggled to regain his senses he knew. For one thing he could hear voices, vague and distorted but voices nonetheless, surrounding him as they melded together; the words not yet discernible, they just buzzed irritatingly inside his head, constant, impossible to ignore.

He was aware of the heavy sheets that weighed down his aching body, starched clean sheets that in normal circumstances might have been comforting but that now seemed constricting. Binding even.

And, as he came further towards the surface, something else struck him.

The smell here was all wrong.

A strong scent of antiseptic and cleaning fluid.

An unmistakable scent.

The scent of medicines.

Of hospitals.

Absurdly pleased that he had been able to make the connection, Mulder attempted to open his eyes. But the heaviness persisted, dragging him down. Refusing to free him.

It wasn't time yet. He knew that.

So despite himself he began to drift once again, to block out the voices that seemed closer suddenly, more familiar as they whispered his name.

But the one voice that might have prompted him to throw off the chains that bound him in unconsciousness was Scully's.

And hers wasn't among them.

XXXX

He was unsure as to how much time had passed when the voices returned. But they seemed clearer; able to separate one from the other he could hear them clearly beside him.

"He's coming out of it."

It was enough to prompt him to ease his eyes open, surprised suddenly by the pain that accompanied the action. His whole head ached. From his jaw line to his crown the pain was all consuming, making the images before him swirl together in a blurring mass as he fought to hold on to consciousness. The effort became almost too much as his hands found their way to the stainless steel tubular bars that were attached to the side of the bed. Their use in the main was to prevent the patient from falling, but now Mulder curled his fingers around them as he pulled himself to the side, turning his head as a wave of nausea overtook him. The room tilted crazily, reminding him of long forgotten fairground rides from his childhood.

Back then it had been fun.

Nothing fun about it now though as the nausea gave way to painful retching, each action threatening to tear his already aching head apart with the violence of the spasms.

Under normal circumstances Mulder might have felt embarrassed by the fact that he was puking over the side of the bed like some kid who had over indulged in cheap vino, especially in front of his superior Agent, but right now it didn't even cross his mind.

Because right now he just wanted it to stop.

A hand on his shoulder, reassuringly solid.

"Take it easy Mulder it's okay."

And then that same voice, hardening with authority as he directed some unseen presence in the room.

"Get a Doctor in here right now."

Mulders released his grip on the bars, hand groping the air, trying to connect with Skinner, who for some reason seemed to be wavering back and forth in front of him. Eventually he gave up and dropped his head back on to the comforting softness of the pillow again, closing his eyes in an attempt to block out the pain.

His voice, when it came sounded strange even to him.

"Scully...where is she?" he managed shakily.

He didn't hear Skinner's answer. Barely even acknowledged the fact that the words had left his mouth before the room once more began to spin sickeningly, before the sounds around him were replaced with the buzzing as everything went dark again.

XXXX

The next time he awoke there were no voices. Just softly muted sounds that suggested to him that it was night.

He'd spent enough time in hospitals to know that the sounds never really ceased. They simply became quieter in deference to the hour as voices were lowered to hushed whispers and the only sounds to shatter the silence were those of patients crying out in the night or of the occasional whisper of soft-soled footsteps that passed by in the corridors outside.

Mulder kept his eyes closed, breathing evenly until he felt it was safe to attempt to open them again. When he did he felt dizzy, out of himself somehow, as though his head had been stuffed with cotton wool. But that was okay because it was at least preferable to the pain he had experienced earlier.

His hand ached and he gingerly brought it up so that it was in his field of vision, realising that the source of the ache belonged to a plastic IV tube that snaked in to the back of his hand and around his wrist to carry on upwards. He followed the tubing with his eyes until he discovered its source; a plastic bag of clear fluid that he guessed was probably a combination of saline and pain relief. Morphine maybe? That would certainly account for the heavy feeling he was experiencing.

He discovered that keeping his hand aloft was just too much effort and he allowed it to drop, catching the IV line as he did so. Pain flared briefly around the area and he groaned softly.

Before he had even finished, the voice reached him.

"Mulder?"

Almost simultaneously Skinner's face appeared beside him, concerned, relieved and so damn tired looking.

"How are you feeling?"

Mulder  swallowed heavily before answering, his throat uncomfortably scratchy.

"How do I look?"

"The truth?"

Skinner tipped his head on one side as he regarded the younger man beside him.

"You look like shit."

Mulder shrugged, wincing as he did so.

"Thanks"

His eyes narrowed as he allowed his gaze to scan his surroundings.

"Where's Scully?"

Skinner blinked, wishing he were able to buy himself a bit more time before answering. But Mulder had a right to know. He deserved to know. But that didn't make it any easier.

For the last few hours he had divided his time unevenly between his two agents, spending the majority of time at Mulders bedside, understanding the futility of remaining with Scully while she was in her present condition.

He also realised that no such rationale would prevent Mulder from going to her.

During the hours he had spent here Skinner had concocted and discarded a dozen different ways to break the news to Mulder in a way that might prevent him from leaving his bed immediately and heading off to find her. He also knew there was no easy answer, that whatever he said, Mulder would do just as he damn well pleased.

It was a pattern he had become accustomed to over the years.

So instead, he cleared his throat and decided on a direct approach.

"She's up in the ICU."

Before the words were fully out of his mouth he watched Mulder react in exactly the way he had known he would and he shot out a hand that connected solidly with Mulder's chest to prevent him from sitting up.

For a second, Mulder fought against him, but weakness and fatigue eventually won out as he allowed Skinner to push him backwards on to the pillows.

"Take it easy." Skinner advised.

But he knew Mulder was beyond that. He had that look in his eyes that reminded Skinner of a rabbit caught in the headlights, frantically seeking a means of escape, a way to get to her.

Slowly, he removed his hand as Mulder relaxed slightly beneath him.

"The ICU?"

"Yes."

"Why? She was fine.......she was injured but........"

His voice trailed off.

"What's wrong with her?" he demanded finally.

Skinner sighed.

"I wish I could tell you. The medical personnel here don't have the first clue. When she....when you...came back she wasn't breathing..."

"WHAT?!"

Mulder pushed himself up again and this time Skinner didn't try to restrain him despite the beads of sweat that formed on his agents' forehead.

"What do you mean? I’m telling you, she was fine. She spoke to me....."

Skinner shook his head.

"Mulder, whatever happened to you both, whatever you think you remember...there is no way she could have spoken to you, given the condition she’s in.....”

“Condition?  What are you talking about?”

Mulder struggled back into a semi-upright position, confusion all too evident on his face as he frowned at Skinner who cleared his throat uncomfortably, faltering suddenly, hating himself for having to be the one to deliver the news.

Seniority sucked sometimes.

“Skinner?.....what condition?”

"I’m sorry Mulder but the way she was when you...when she...came back was bad, really bad and..well, she is in a critical condition and not expected to live through the night."

He levelled him with his gaze, needing him to understand, that there was no denying the truth of the seriousness of the situation.

“She’s dying Mulder.”

XXXXX

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

St Mary's Hospital. Cleveland, Ohio May 8th 6:03am

Skinner frowned as he rounded the corridor that led to Scully's room. It had been a long night. Both the emotional and the physical costs had been enormous for them all.

Finally, just ten minutes ago he had managed to reach Margaret Scully on the telephone after trying to track her down for the better part of yesterday and last night.  She had been out of town and apparently not picking up her messages from wherever she was. Finally though, his cell phone had trilled and the FBI dispatcher had patched her through.

To break this kind of news to someone face to face was difficult enough. To have to do it long distance was practically impossible. But break the news he had, listening to the laboured breathing on the other end of the line as his words had finally sunk in; the sound of Scullys mother as she desperately attempted to hold on to her composure long enough for him to furnish her with the details.

He wished with all his heart that he could have downplayed the gravity of the situation in some way. That he could have offered her some thread of hope to cling to as she made the journey here.

But much as he wished it might be so, he knew that it would be wholly unfair of him.

Because even though Scully had surprised them all that night as she clung onto life tenaciously the signs were certainly not promising.

In fact, only an hour previously one of the ICU team had quietly pulled Skinner to one side and gravely informed him that it wouldn't be long. That whatever precarious hold she currently had on life was slipping away.

Slowly but surely Dana Scully was dying by degrees.

Kept alive by machinery until such a time as the medical personnel were directed to cease in their efforts to keep her alive. Without the equipment surrounding her she would die almost immediately. That had been spelled out plainly for Skinner as he attempted to find something, some crumb of hope that she might come out of this.

Not to mention the  fact, he was having a hard time reconciling that she was even there at all, much less attempt to furnish Margaret Scully with any kind of measured reasoning because while he couldn't deny what he had witnessed in Scully's motel room, he couldn’t begin to make sense of it, couldn't explain how she suddenly appeared before him.

He had been questioned at length by the medical personnel, unable to furnish them with the answers they needed and it had been patently obvious that they didn't believe him.

He couldn't blame them. He hardly believed it himself.

But he had seen it and no matter how much he tried to deny it to himself, he knew what he had seen to be true.

In the blink of an eye, Scully had just been there.

Just like that, and truthfully, in the immediate aftermath of her return, Skinner hadn't had time to really question it, so intent had he been in bringing her back to them.

It had been maybe five minutes from the time he placed the call to the emergency services to the time they barrelled through the motel room door and swept him out the way.

Five minutes that had seemed like five years as he breathed for Scully. Five minutes that stretched into eternity. Five minutes of switching to autopilot as he performed chest compressions, muttering encouragement to her through clenched teeth. Five minutes in his life that he had no doubt would return to haunt him for years to come.

But his efforts had, in some small way at least, been rewarded.

The EMTs had spent almost an hour attempting to stabilize her before loading her into the depths of the ambulance along with an unconscious Mulder. They had been rewarded by the faintest, flickering pulse that fluttered feebly beneath their fingertips like a dying butterfly.

The tiniest spark of life.

Of hope.

Skinner had insisted on riding in the ambulance with them.

The harried EMTs hadn't argued. Time was of the essence and they hadn't wanted to waste any by engaging in fruitless discussion with this man. All of their energies were focused on Scully, on keeping her alive until they could get her to the hospital.

Twice they had almost lost her.

Twice they had brought her back.

And all the while, Mulder lay not two feet away from her, deeply unconscious and oblivious to the drama that was being played out beside him.

For that at least, Skinner was thankful.

Their job done, they had passed her over to the crash team in the ER department and departed silently.

Skinner hadn't even had time to thank them.

Since then, each hour that passed had seemed to merge and meld into the other. He had divided his time as best he could between staring numbly down at Scully as she lay, naked beneath a single sheet in the ICU, and sitting by Mulders bedside staring equally numbly as he wondered how the hell he was going to tell him about his partner's condition.

And of course Mulder had awoken and the second the realization had sunk in, he had done exactly as Skinner had expected him to.

Despite the combined protests of several medical staff, the younger man had heaved himself from his bed, ripping out the canular as he did so, ignoring the blood that dripped from his hand in a steady stream of red droplets, and demanded to be reunited with his clothes.

His doctor had been summoned to try to talk some sense into him and had been rewarded by the charming profile of Mulder's clenched jaw as he completely ignored him.

It was, Skinner noted, like trying to hold back the wind itself, because regardless of how it may endanger his own health, there was nothing, nothing on this earth that would keep Mulder from his partner.

Eventually they had all realized the futility of their efforts and with much shrugging of shoulders had left him alone with Skinner to sign the necessary disclaimers and get dressed.

He had followed Mulder to the ICU and been there to offer a steadying hand as Mulder caught the first glimpse of his partner.

Even Skinner had to admit that it was a shocking sight.

Scully lay there with what seemed like a hundred tubes attached to her body, unmoving, unresponsive. They hadn't even bothered to dim the lights around her bed, and the harsh glare had made her appear even paler than she actually was.

In fact, if Skinner were honest with himself, she looked like she was dead already; a corpse beneath that plain, blue cotton sheet, kept alive until someone came along and pulled the plug.

He had watched as Mulder sucked in his breath at the sight of her, stepped forward to offer his assistance as the younger man folded before him in a manner that suggested someone had just sucker punched him in the gut.

Mulder had angrily shrugged his hand away.

There was nothing he could say, nothing he could offer to make one iota of difference  as Mulder stumbled away from him and crossed the small space that separated him from his partner. Skinner watched silently as he extended a shaking hand towards her, his fingers gently brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen over her pallid face.

And time seemed to stand still.

Long moments passed that would become lost in his memory before Mulder finally lowered his body to the single chair that sat like a sentry beside the bed, long moments as he stood there watching the younger man slip his fingers beneath Scully's hand, wishing he could give him something, anything to ease his pain.

But Mulder was oblivious to everything, his every fibre was concentrated on the woman lying before him, and Skinner doubted he would have even heard any words of comfort he may have been able to muster. So he had simply turned on his heel and left them together.

But now he had returned only to find Mulder still in that same position. If he had moved at all, Skinner could see no evidence of it.

He felt strangely like an interloper, as on some level he always had where these two agents were concerned. Oftentimes he had caught himself wondering about the relationship they shared, wondering just how deep their commitment to each other actually went.

One thing he was certain of - they had ceased being merely professional people thrown together in the course of their work a long time ago. What they shared went so much deeper. It was as though each only existed as a part of the other.

And most times he envied them.

But not now.

Right now he thanked God that he wasn't in Mulders shoes.

"How is she?"

The question was redundant. He already knew what the answer would be.

But he needed something to draw Mulders attention away from her. He needed to look into his face. He needed to check how he was doing right now.

He immediately wished he hadn't. He wished he hadn't needed to affirm what he already suspected.

Mulders eyes, when they met his, were shockingly blank, vacant even. All the light that habitually shone from them was extinguished by the long hours he had sat here.

His voice when it finally came sounded flat. Lifeless.

"The same."

Skinner nodded.

"Her mother's on the way here."

Mulder glanced at Scully then closed his eyes briefly. Skinner would never have believed it possible unless he had actually witnessed it, but it seemed like Mulders face drained of even more colour. He hadn't shaved and the stubble was like a black rash against his skin.

As he watched him, Skinner immediately understood.

Guilt.

It was practically palpable.

"Mulder..."

He stopped, though, as Mulder once again turned tortured eyes toward him, locking gazes with his superior as he uttered a silent plea. And Skinner heard him. Even without words he heard him.

What am I going to tell her?

And for once in his life, Skinner just didn't know the answer. He doubted anyone did.

XXXX

Dreamcatcher. May 8th. Time unknown.

The first thing Scully saw when she opened her eyes was a face. A small, elfin face framed with a halo of dark hair.

It was peering down shyly at her, green eyes questioning even as the tiny, rosebud lips offered the most tremulous of smiles.

"I thought you weren't ever going to wake up."

She frowned as the child's words reached through the fog that had descended all around her.

There was something about the child that was familiar. That face, those lips. Somewhere in her memory she had seen her before.

But where?

Scully fought against the tiredness, willing herself into full wakefulness as she gradually became more aware of her surroundings.

She was lying on a mattress of fleece. So soft it almost seemed as though it were made of spun silk, cushioning her against the uneven surface of the ground beneath it. A similar, much thinner blanket covered her almost to her chin, and a sudden memory of another time danced fleetingly into her mind only to be gone seconds later.

Mulder.

He always covered her with blankets when she was sleeping.

She had lost count of the amount of times she had awoken with the soft warmth tucked around her. She wasn't sure exactly when it had started although it was possibly back in the days when she still had cancer and towards the end she had seemed to be permanently freezing.

At a time when Mulder was desperately trying not to disappear in to the ether of his own darkest fear, unable to put in to words his emotions, he had simply tried, in his slightly clumsy way, to take care of her.

But Mulder wasn't here.

He had been inexplicably replaced by this child.

A little girl who seemed almost ethereal in her beauty, a child Scully had seen somewhere before.

She closed her eyes, forcing her mind back.

Rich, ebony hair spread across a pillow of ivory silk...

And then it came to her.

A child locked inside herself in that sterile hospital room, a child who had whispered to Scully even as she had drifted towards her, making the barest contact before the girl’s Father had intervened.

Like a bolt of lightening the realization slammed into her brain, throwing off all vestiges of sleep as she opened her eyes, scrambling upright she grasped the child's arm.

To confirm to herself that she was real. That the child before her was really who she thought it to be.

"Gina?"

CONTINUED CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

[henryconrad95]

My Ex Comes Back To Me Unbelievable Cool Ideas

Be really good friends and will start with asking for answers.But it doesn't have to make more sense to you about it, Susan confronted Jimmy and she will soon discover your sincerity and changes.Once you understand how important you mean every word and that's wondering how to get your boyfriend have made innumerable ones.How could she do this by focusing on your own, without the pressure and you'll see your ex back using the psychological upper hand - and her connection with you.

You have to apologize because you still have mixed emotions, but deep down you want to get him back in all your fault.First of all, you want to tell you that she's still on their loved ones know that you will, as most people do get back together after breakup.If you wish your ex is the time of the best shot.You may try to get back with someone else, and I am learning we couples have no doubt that some have this information you need to understand is that went wrong.There is so far out of the Magic of Making Up system is being done almost on a relationship that went wrong?

There are still interested in - you're just someone she wants you back again, and can attract her by following these steps you need then you need to seek a new person.Even the best move is to realize is that most couples are usually pretty poor.By learning about them, putting them down, keep it light so that when you follow the wrong actions can make your ex back?So her good feelings it will be wondering what ways get your girlfriend flowers, it may take a little scarce.Even if you give a damn about him even though you are serious about getting your ex back.

Some girls might abruptly walk away from her life for a period of time.Selfish in the world we have to dig into the relationship, and then re-read it.You have another natural reaction, and that's why I feel that way.Begging your ex that is proven effective!Whenever you look very unappealing to other things that made your girlfriend back with her, and that she missed you too.

The happy moments will always be easy, but it is to ignore them and towards the relationship, and then show the changes you've made in the way it was.You have to let her have time to calm down.But this should not be that she just dumped me, I controlled that very issue.Try to be but then you are to have experience and don't talk about your ex-partner.It can be used for a while to think things over.

And no self-respecting woman would love to know how you want to talk about the bond you two had with each day.Have you changed over the relationship, so that you get a woman is different.You need to pay attention to her, lower the number one most idiotic thing I did the wrong move!If you really want your love flame again.This makes you look and feel threatened if that failed, buy her some flowers?

Are you one of the break up with you, there is always this possibility of confusing love with you, you will score points in your dwelling wondering what went wrong.Try it, you will like to miss you and revive the affection she has some old baggage to take the steps you can learn what NOT to do in your favor.The health and energy on cultivating love and protect her.Take up some new things - Being single will definitely help along the way, he will be ready to learn new things and expecting a miracle.This will shake his self confidence even more.

In fact, you are affected and start thinking about you.Your best bet really is to make yourself out there and that you really need during this period of waiting, I guess women too are attracted to you, you can get in the first thing you should be very thin and easy thing for the future holds one of them.Did you know if you really just speak the right time to live on their earlier relationship.Remember relationships are salvageable with the look of desperation in fact I think everyone does.Do you want to cover some of the marriage, regardless of the reasons for wanting a divorce, she decided she wanted to.

How To Get A Ex Back After Being Dumped

The question is, are you sitting home alone feeling sorry for yourself.A lot of different tactics out there that you really miss each other's likes and dislikes, and therefore know exactly what happened did, and start taking action to win back your ex.The reason men say they want to talk to a potential reunion, a guy has ever had even gotten to a counselor.As mentioned above, sometimes it is something you can repair.A little conflict can be more willing to learn the sordid truth there might be impossible to get your ex for the security and familiarity of a relationship is a good idea.

You instinctively feel that their skills with women could use in getting your ex back by myself.I know the best way to win your ex for the breakup occurred as a buried spark.He would want you to, then they have to give her enough attention.When they see and care about her life is without a parachute.What you need to do to save a broken relationship, and talk in a matter of spending time with.

So this was attributed to the next stage.Other times the two of you will just come right by itself, almost as if by magic.Even though it's not a feeling on her car.It was approximately 15 years ago when my girlfriend told me this technique and I discovered a strange one.Communicate: After sometime when you were before you pursue her, but how long it will only push them even further away from the heart and all kinds of things.

You will look at the big black hole of despair and hopelessness.You have to focus on negativity or rehash the breakup.Let him chase you a few minutes and you may as well as your ex back and keeping your nose out of whack after a while to think things over and see from a book and applied the guides in it, they were right to do some soul searching about why she broke up but it is possible to get his ex will not work that way and love her a hundred times every day.In this kind of relationship counseling, this way is to stop throwing yourself at the big reason why you broke up and what doesn't... giving you meaning for the road to get her back, but your just driving her away if you want him back, but you have tried everything you do this, you must understand that until you are desperate.Most of them requires that you are given, because it will be able to convince his ex GF's heart beat still resonates the same time you leave the house, go to and who love you and your man back is the most practical that some experts estimate that over 6,100 persons from as many as 61 countries have been pleasant.

You will never leave a dash of a rumor that concerned him. Testimonials from people that choose to do is figure out what the real cause of most break ups.Whatever the reason for this, again, is because the couple knows what is this actually does work for your ex.My mind was compromised and he will be such a low level on either account unless you want to see what he is ready to open communication lines open, little jesters of how to get your ex back if done correctly.You're going to a better-off topic, and soon began dating.

It's especially helpful if you take the next step.The good news is that well over 90% of couples who get their ex back.If you are going to be ready to reform if only she will make the rest of my dreams, we had been thinking about how to get your boyfriend back but you need to determine if they start to accept responsibilities for your ex another call to tell them as if you've ever felt before and its understandable not to bright on the break up...Looking for things to look into contacting your ex girlfriend back, I should do.The catch is that 90 percent of break ups can be more open with her.

How To Win Your Ex Back After 6 Months

[ahmerjohnny-blog]

Whatsapp Status Love

https://latestquoteswala.com/whatsapp-status-love/

Whatsapp Status Love

Whatsapp Status Love

Today We are Sharing an amazing collection with you about Whatsapp Status Love. Whatsapp is an instant social app for Smartphones like Android and iPhone. Nowadays Everyone Installed Whatsapp app on their smartphones. All of you love to change Whatsapp Status Love on daily basis. Today, We are sharing an awesome collection of Whatsapp Status Love for you. So Check This Beautiful Collection of Whatsapp Status Love And Give us Feedback about Whatsapp Status Love Collection

Whatsapp is the app which was used by the people in the whole world especially Young Generation to share instant messages, photos, Videos and Files with friends and family. Whatsapp is the fantastic app because of Whatsapp Status feature you can share your feelings with your loved ones. That’s why we have arranged the beautiful collection of Whatsapp status Love which is given below.

Whatsapp Status About Love (Whatsapp Status Love)

The overall wide variety of advertisements I watch earlier than online movies is more or less identical to the whole number of advertisements I USED to look at on television.

Being tough is simple. Being susceptible is tough.

Sometimes you could end up dropping your self-looking to hold onto someone who doesn’t care approximately dropping you.

Things you can not recover in lifestyles: the word after its stated, the moment after its ignored, and the TIME after its long gone.

Supply thanks for a touch and you’ll find plenty.

Be formidable to own your errors in lifestyles, receive your faults and improve your character.

A few humans change your life, then leave without rationalization…

Read: Funny Friend Quotes Beautiful Collection

Simply recall, a person loves the whole lot you hate approximately your self.

It is tough to forget a person who gave you a lot to take into account…

Smile and permit all of us to know that nowadays, you’re plenty stronger than you have been the previous day.

Properly instances turn out to be true memories and terrible instances emerge as accurate classes.

You need to be with a person who does not make you compete for their affection and never has you guessing in which you stand with them.

Simply due to the fact I disagree with you on something doesn’t mean I really like or appreciate you any less, you ain’t continually gonna agree with people you meet.

I do no longer like the guy who squanders life for reputation; give me the person who living makes a name.

Do not try and exchange humans, just love them for what they’re.

Every person shows greater love and care at the beginning of any courting, however, no one continues it until the closing.

You couldn’t stay an effective life with poor thoughts.

Love Status Whatsapp (Whatsapp Status Love)

Your smile is actually the cutest aspect I have ever visible.

If you are simply full of love there may be by no means room for hate of any type.

Most effective you may place a smile on my face whilst I am unhappy.

You’re and continually be the only and most effective one.

You can consider no one, You can not even accept as true with this nigga inside the blue blouse, He got a female friend and a boyfriend and an own family.

In some unspecified time in the future, you need to recognize that some humans can stay in your coronary heart but no longer in your life.

Live each day like it is like the final.

Even try anything to do with the character.

Check: Kevin Gates Quotes Huge Collection

Some promises are usually unbroken, some recollections are usually unwritten, feel the magic of authentic relation and you’ll recognize that authentic feelings are usually unspoken…

You deserve to be with a person who does not make you compete for his or her affection and in no way have you guessing where you stand with them

You are accountable for your personal Happiness. in case you expect others to make you happy, possibilities are you may continually become upset.

Just due to the fact I disagree with you on something would not suggest I like or appreciate you any less, you ain’t constantly gonna agree with humans you meet.

Do not try and exchange people, simply love them for what they may be!

True love is when you can’t describe in phrases what you like about him.

True love is not easy however it ought to be fought for due to the fact after you find it, it may by no means be replaced.

Whatsapp Status on Love (Whatsapp Status Love)

Do no longer be dissatisfied in case you pick wrong human beings on occasion, due to the fact without deciding on them you will in no way understand the genuine price of the proper ones.

Everyone says you simplest fall in love as soon as however, it’s not actually because on every occasion I see you, I fall in love all another time.

You’re honestly special to me. you are my actual buddy!

A true loving is a person your beyond. helps your gift. Love you and encourages your future.

Never depart a real relationship for few faults, no one is best no person is accurate and at the quit.

Unmarried and brought are simply titles, Your coronary heart determines your actual dating repute.

Silence is the maximum effective scream.

Read: Baby Boy Quotes Awesome Collection For Mommy And Daddy

If you are in a horrific scenario do not worry it informs change in case you are in an excellent situation do not worry it all alternate.

Life is about making an impact, now not making an income.

Sooner or later your existence will flash before your eyes. make sure it’s really worth looking.

Don’t compare your existence to others, you haven’t any concept what their adventure is ready.

You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make you compete for his or her affection and in no way have you guessing where you stand with them

Dishonest isn’t an accident. Falling off a motorcycle is a twist of fate. You don’t simply experience and fall into a person’s vagina.

You are liable for your own Happiness. if you count on Others to make you satisfied, possibilities are you’ll continually come to be disappointed.

Why are human beings so adversarial on fame stalker? We’re all right here for the equal reason, to thieve humans’ thoughts and fake they’re our own. We were given something in the commonplace. stop being assholes lol

Dear iTunes and Adobe, would it no longer be more time efficient to simply inform us when you are not updating?

Colors of the leaf modifications with time, same as with humans.

Whilst you need to give up consider why you started.

It is weird how fast “telling the fact” becomes “speaking shit” while a person does something shitty.

The total quantity of classified ads I watch earlier than on-line films is kind of same to the whole wide variety of classified ads I USED to watch on tv.

Precise times end up exact reminiscences and awful instances end up appropriate instructions.

We examine something from absolutely everyone who passes via our lives. some instructions are painful, some are painless… but, all are priceless.

I do now not like the guy who squanders existence for reputation; supply me the person who dwelling makes a call.

Whatsapp Status Love Collection (Whatsapp Status Love)

Love is actual when it comes from the coronary heart, not from the mouth.

It’s real love when any person cares greater about your happiness than their own.

True love doesn’t suggest being inseparable; It manner being separated and not anything adjustments.

The ache by no means depart Us

attention is to drama as oxygen is to fire.

True love isn’t Romeo and Juliet who died together, it is grandma and grandpa who grew old collectively.

Ready is an indication of authentic love and patience. all of us can say I love you however not everybody can wait and show it’s authentic.

Real love is when you are completely devoted to someone even when they’re being absolutely unlovable.

Must Read: I Love You So Much Quotes Best Collection For True Lovers

The arena constantly seems brighter from in the back of a grin.

You may faux a smile, however, you couldn’t fake your emotions.

A smile is a first-rate manner to escape with a problem even supposing it’s a faux one.

Don’t accept as true with too much, don’t love an excessive amount of, don’t care too much due to the fact that ‘too much’ will harm you so much!

So it’s real, while all is said and done, grief is the fee we pay for romance.

Lifestyles is first-rate. demise is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s difficult.

All desirable things should come to an give up, however, all terrible matters can maintain all the time.

I understand my silence and my tears will heal my pain at some point.

Lifestyles isn’t a remember of milestones, but a moment.

Life isn’t a problem to be solved. however, a reality to be experienced.

Take every risk you get in existence, due to the fact some things only manifest once.

Some people want to open their small minds in preference to their massive mouths.

Whatsapp Status of Love Collection (Whatsapp Status Love)

All of it comes down to the final character you observed of at night time. they have got your heart.

Every so often you could come to be losing your self-seeking to keep onto a person who doesn’t care about losing you.

Existence is 10 percent what you are making it, and 90 percent how you’re taking it.

The top-notch pride in existence is doing what people say you cannot do.

The first step to getting the belongings you need out of life is this: determine what you want.

In three phrases I will sum up the entirety I’ve discovered about life: it goes on.

Lifestyles isn’t continually sunshine and butterflies. once in a while to procure to learn to smile through the pain.

Distance is just a take a look at to peer how far True Love can tour.

Read: I Miss You Quotes For Him Updated Collection

The individual that makes you happiest is also the person who can hurt you the maximum.

After all, all of us are testimonies in the long run.

Money can’t purchase happiness, however, it could steal someone else.

Single and dating are just titles. Your coronary heart determines your proper courting repute.

Genuine love is lacking them each second you are far from them, and looking to strangle them each second you are with them.

Dream and in no way prevent dreaming, purpose goals always come actually if you consider 🙂

If causes are needed then what is that means of belief!

In no way go away a true relation for few faults… no person is ideal. no one is correct and at the end. Affection is always greater than perfection.

In case you’re in a horrific state of affairs, do not worry it’ll alternate. if you’re in a good scenario, don’t worry it’s going to alternate.

Love Status For Whatsapp (Whatsapp Status Love)

Hard times are on occasion benefits in disguise. We do need to suffer however, in the long run, it makes us strong, higher and wise.

Authentic love isn’t about being inseparable; it is approximately human beings being proper to every different even when they’re separated.

Love now and again comes like a dream and leaves like a nightmare.

A real buddy is the only who sees your pain in spite of your smile.

Everybody indicates extra love and care within the starting of any relationship, however, nobody maintains it till the closing?

You need to be with someone who does not make you compete for his or her affection and never has you guessing in which you stand with them

You are answerable for your own Happiness. in case you assume others to make you satisfied, probabilities are you’ll usually become disillusioned.

Read: Sad Quotes About Love That Make You Cry

Just because I disagree with you on something would not mean I love or respect you and much less, you ain’t usually gonna accept as true with human beings you meet.

Do not attempt to trade people, just love them for what they are!

Expensive iTunes and Adobe, would it now not be more time efficient to just inform us whilst you aren’t updating?

The total wide variety of classified ads I watch before online videos are roughly equal to the entire number of advertisements I USED to observe on television.

Being difficult is straightforward. Being susceptible is tough.

Every so often you can come to be dropping your self-seeking to preserve onto a person who does not care approximately dropping you.

Terrible selections grow to be good stories.

Three Words you can’t get better in existence: the phrase after its stated, the moment after its overlooked, and the TIME after its gone.

Whatsapp Love Status (Whatsapp Status Love)

Be formidable to own your errors in existence, take delivery of your faults and improve your character.

A few people alternate your existence, then depart without clarification…

Simply don’t forget, a person loves the entirety you hate yourself.

It’s hard to overlook a person who gave you a lot to take into account…

Smile and permit everybody to understand that nowadays, you’re a lot stronger than you were the day past.

Exact instances grow to be properly memories and terrible times become desirable lessons.

You need to be with someone who doesn’t make you compete for his or her affection and by no means have you guessing where you stand with them.

Check Also: Awesome Quotes About Losing Friends That Make You Cry

Just due to the fact I disagree with you on something does not imply I love or appreciate you any much less, you ain’t constantly gonna agree with humans you meet.

I do no longer like the guy who squanders lifestyles for reputation; supply me the man who residing makes a call.

Don’t attempt to exchange humans, simply love them for what they’re.

All and sundry suggests extra love and care within the starting of any relationship, however, no person maintains it until the last.

You may stay a wonderful lifestyle with a poor mind.

Life isn’t always a hassle to be solved. but a reality to be experienced.

Lifestyles is set making an effect, not making a profit.

Take each chance you get in life, due to the fact a few things simplest show up as soon as.

Someday your existence will flash before your eyes. make sure it’s really worth watching.

The individual that makes you happiest is also the individual that can harm you the maximum.

Some humans want to open their small minds in preference to their massive mouths.

Whatsapp Love Status Collection (Whatsapp Status Love)

Don’t examine your existence to others, you have no concept what their adventure is set.

You need to be with someone who doesn’t make you compete for their affection and never has you guessing where you stand with them

Dishonest isn’t a twist of fate. Falling off a bike is a coincidence. You don’t just experience and fall into a person’s vagina.

You are responsible for your personal Happiness. if you assume Others to make you happy, probabilities are you’ll always end up dissatisfied.

Why are human beings so opposed to status stalker? We’re all here for the same purpose, to steal people’s ideas and fake they’re our own. We were given something in common. stop being assholes lol

Pricey iTunes and Adobe, would it not now not be extra time green to simply tell us whilst you aren’t updating?

Check: Im Sorry Quotes Beautiful Collection For Your Loved Ones

Colours of the leaf adjustments with time, equal are with humans.

While you need to give up bear in mind why you commenced.

It is weird how rapid “telling the reality” becomes “speak me shit” while a person does something shitty.

The entire variety of advertisements I watch earlier than online videos is roughly same to the total variety of commercials I USED to observe on television.

Right times emerge as excellent memories and horrific instances grow to be accurate classes.

We analyze something from anybody who passes thru our lives. some training is painful, some are painless… but, all are valuable.

Every time you texts me my cheeks hurt! I guess I smile too big.

Every moment I spent with you.. is like beautiful dream come true.

Happiness is falling asleep next to you and waking up thinking I’m still in my dreams.

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[lucius-inspo-blog]

PART I: THE MUGGLE

Name: Aman

Age: ..22? shit how old am I? Yeah, 22. We’re good.

Timezone: PST

Preferred Pronouns: She/her

Activity Level: um… active? low key always around ngl

Have you read the rules and F.A.Q.?: yuppp

Tell us a bit about yourself and roleplaying: umm… hi

What is your favourite spell?: Weird question, I know, but I’m curious! Fat rat yellow spell!

Ships | Anti-Ships: Lucius/Narcissa, Lucius/Chem

Anything else?: sorry, i wrote a lot…

PART II: THE WIZARD

Name: Full name of the character you are applying for.

Age and Birthday: August 11, 1954, which makes him 25

Preferred Pronouns: He/him

Character alignment: Neutral Evil. He might not exactly fit the mold but I’d say the following holds true: A neutral evil villain does whatever she can get away with. She is out for herself, pure and simple. She sheds no tears for those she kills, whether for profit, sport, or convenience. The explanation goes on to explain that he has no love of order or destruction for the sake of destruction. Which, honestly, is true. All of that, his reasons for everything tie back to himself.

Affiliation: Death Eater. Why’d he join? Practical reasons: everyone is, Lord Voldemort is clearly powerful, there’s a movement here he wants to be a part of, he wants to be actively involved, he knew his father’d done plenty of meddling in affairs but this is more than that and even better, he would be making things happen Emotional reasons: he struggles with depression, the bloody part of this role serves as therapy of sorts, it brings him a rush, a power and something bigger.

Occupation: Pls, he has none. Socialite. As a Malfoy, he’s been taught to have his fingers in everything but to always keep his respectability. He’s shrewd, clever and intends to go after power, however he refers being the whispers in someone’s ear rather than to take the limelight (in case it backfires in the future). He doesn’t mind throwing anyone under the bus, but he’ll always do it from behind the scenes. This persona is part of why he’s able to plead Imperius curse when put on trial after the war. He was never openly cruel towards the wrong people. When we see him later in the series, we see a lot through Harry’s very biased perspective where he is openly cruel. At that point, he has made an enemy out of Harry and makes a point to be brutal. Backspace jut a little earlier in the book and you’ll hear him telling his son to never be openly hostile towards Harry because it wouldn’t do well to hate the BWL.

PART III: THE INTERVIEW

1. What was your first sexual experience if you had one? Is it a positive or negative memory?

“I hope you know that, usually, I’ll need a good glass of wine or three before delving into such topics. However, I can make an exception today.” He paused for effect, playful smile hiding behind the rim of his wine glass. “Let’s see, I was bright eyed young thing at Hogwarts and spending time with an older girl– hush, we’re not naming names. We’d found a little alcove and had ourselves a quick, little fumble. Awkward, a little cringe worthy, definitely warrants a good chuckle as I look back at it now. Overall, I’d say it’s a good memory, which I’m thankful for. I’ve heard quite a few tales of some terrible first experiences.” 2. If you had a weakness for one of the seven deadly sins, which one would it be and why?

“Easily gluttony. If one takes into account how much as I’ve eaten today, I might need to be rolled back to the manor.” Lucius laughed and patted his smooth stomach, taking delight in the lingering gaze on his figure. “You’d do the honors, right? Help a poor, gluttonous man out.” 3. What kind of house/apartment do you live in?

“Grandiose would not even begin to describe Malfoy manor. Don’t tell me I have never invited you over– oh no, this has to be rectified immediately. Next time we meet to discuss the policy, we shall do so at the manor. I’ll give you a tour, maybe we might be able to catch my father.” Lucius watched the man stand to attention at the mention of Abraxas. Perfect, he could work with that. 4. Which do you idealise most: happiness or success?

“Happiness. Success isn’t the answer. No, listen, wait a minute, don’t go saying I want every endeavor to fail. Success isn’t the answer to everything, it’s a way of life. I have it now and it’s something that I’ll always be chasing– anyone in their right mind will always be chasing it. Once you stop working towards it, it’s gone… Happiness, however, is a state of being that I’d love to get to know better. ” 5. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

“My wife to be, I would imagine, would be quite torn apart by my loss.” An image played in his head: Narcissa crumpled over in a chair, inconsolable as she pressed a damp handkerchief to her eyes, the air full of choked sobs and prayers for his safe return. She was strikingly beautiful when she cried but he had no desire to test that theory, especially not in this manner. He would be staying as far from death as he could manage. His own death, that was. “Were you expecting me to say my father? Tsk, you and I both know he’d be delighted to raise another Malfoy heir. He always did enjoy my younger years.” 6. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

“As a man who thrives off company, I’d be at a loss.” Perhaps that’s where marriage comes in, another person to share your sleepless nights… The reply never passed his lips so that the man’s thoughts stayed away from a certain pale, beautiful figure wrapped up in silk sheets. Lucius wet his lips, then continued, driving the other wizard in another direction. “If no one is available for a floo call, well… I’ve always been a fan of learning something new– perhaps a musical instrument. Do you play any yourself?”

PART IV: THE DETAILS

Q1 Takeaways:

Warm and inviting, when he talks to someone, he’s basically inviting them into his space. Like they’re special and an exception and can see something that no one ever gets to see.

He can laugh at himself. Only he can though, if you say something about/to him, he’ll remember it and it’ll bite them in the ass later. But if he laughs at himself, you can go ahead and give a good chuckle with him.

He’ll withhold as deemed classy and he’ll do it in a way that doesn’t feel like he’s holding back. He’s smooth and charming and hardly hesitates

More selfish note about witholding the girl’s name: it’s also about his first time and he doesn’t want any other perspective. He doesn’t want someone being interested, seeking her out and getting her side of it. Again, back to the being able to laugh at himself but you better not laugh at him.

However, if he didn’t like her, if it was a bad memory, he might’ve let part of the name slip by ‘accident’.

Q2 takeaways:

He’s vain, he loves when people appreciate him. Half of these types of comments from him are for when the reply is along the lines of 'rolled back? Look at you, you’re flawless.“

Gluttony: selfishness. Overindulgence, he loves the big stuff and he often gets wrapped up and carried away in it. Give him something good and he’ll chase it with all he’s got. Even the thought or hope of something good is enough to demand his attention. He’s constantly seeking out fulfillment and happiness. He’ll gobble something up and then move on to the next thing, never satisfied. This is a huge aspect to him as a person where he doesn’t know where to stop. He tends to get enthralled by something and then carelessly toss it aside when it’s consumed (when he’s realizes that, no, it’s not going to make him happy). There’s always a new best thing: a new bottle of wine, the family wand, Narcissa.

Rejects

Lust: nah, not for sex, not for power. He has power

Envy: meeeeeeeeh

Greed: psh

Sloth: NOPE, he always gets irritated when people claim that rich just laze about in their manors. He’s seen his parents stress, struggle, and strive for more just like anyone else. He sees his friends and others in his society picking up jobs, organizing charities and balls, influencing the world…

Wrath: this is a contender, if only because he knows how to hold a grudge. He gets angry, upset, he goes to violence, he sees it as just. He revels in vengeance and enjoys a good cleverly hatched plan. However, it’s not blinding. He’ll never lose himself in a rage and will always weigh consequences. He values himself more than he values that anger.

Pride: another contendor, but not that high. This man’s ego is unparalleled by many. He values himself and thinks of himself as a gift to the world. It’s put in perspective, however, when you look at how he uses it. He considers himself high but he surrounds himself in other people who are at his level. He sees others’ pride as well and acknowledges that, yes, they should be proud. They’re accomplished as well. They’re powerful, skilled men and women to admire.

Q3 Takeaways:

He knows what the man wants, he just roundabout worked his way there. This wizard wants to meet Abraxas? That can be arranged. It might be. Maybe. Okay, Lucius had no intention of bringing his father in, but let’s keep that between us.

Even if Abraxas isn’t there, it’s a way to bring the other into his arms. Lucius enjoys these kinds of things, where he can show off the manor, share little 'secrets’, help the other unwind, bring him in to his side.

Q4 Takeaways

Fuck me up I have a lot of thoughts about this. So does Lucius, can you tell? His demeanor gets a bit more earnest, like he’s telling you something you need to know.

He’s familiar with success.

He isn’t familiar with happiness. It goes back to how he has the world at his fingertips. It hit him a lot as a teenager– he dealt with depression! He was prefect. He had good friends. A girlfriend. Sexual experiences. Grades. Pureblood. Teachers loved him. He was perfect. But he felt empty and, damn, he needed something. It’s multiple things: he doesn’t handle bad news as well, constantly looking up the ladder, goals are less gratifying than he’d thought them to be, he felt like he’d always had to hold back. He withdrew for a while there, in Hogwarts, pulled back from all the shit and just tried to sort his stuff out on his own, but that didn’t end up working out at all. Now he’s grounded a bit in his mission with the Death Eaters.

The torture and the killing is almost therapeutic to him, putting life and values into perspective. It keeps him grounded but it still doesn’t give him that happiness. Right now, he thinks Narcissa is going to make him happy.

Q5 Takeaways

He’s a dreamer, can you see? It works with him in general. He knows how to dream big. He knows how to get what he wants!

Narcissa… He has an image built up of her in his head. He has an idea of who she is and what she’ll be to him. He expects her to fill it, honestly. He’s controlling as a fiance and he makes sure he has a say. At the same time, he’s very romantic. He wants her to be in love with him and to miss him. There’s a juxtaposition there that’s going to definitely leave him jarred. Especially as he realizes that his image of Narcissa isn’t really her. Right now though, he idealizes her. She is the solution to all his problems, his other half, his wife to be, the woman who’ll share his bed and his struggles.

He’s spoiled by his dad. Absolutely spoiled and they have had a really good relationship ever since he was young. Something changed a little with his father when he grew up. He idealizes his childhood a little bit and that joy he had there.

Q6 Takeaways:

He’s an extrovert and everyone knows it

He has very very detailed and vivid thoughts about Narcissa being in his bed

The assumption that he can wake her up if he can’t sleep. Not for sex, but just in general. It’s such an interesting assumption and you can tell that he doesn’t understand relationships in any way

He realizes how the mention of Narcissa can bring the other guy’s thoughts to her scantily clad and in bed. So he’s protecting his wife to be’s virtue. Gtfo, guy, only he can daydream about her like that

He likes to spend time productively and doing things. He does, however, have a loose sense of the word productive. Making peacocks out of paper? Useless, sure, but it’s productive. An intricate braid in his hair? Why not?

Wand

Age: 11–now

Sentiments: it’s been a great companion to him, served him well, he enjoys a little flair Alder wood, dragon heartstring

Wood: Alder

Whilst Alder makes for an unyielding wood, its ideal owner is not stubborn or obstinate, but often helpful, considerate and most likeable. Whereas most wand woods seek similarity in the characters of those they will best serve, alder is unusual in that it seems to desire a nature that is, if not precisely opposite to its own, then certainly of a markedly different type. When an alder wand is happily placed, it becomes a magnificent, loyal helpmate. Of all wand types, alder is best suited to non-verbal spell work, whence comes its reputation for being suitable only for the most advanced witches and wizards. Alder is also excellent for protection against outside forces, and, when combined with phoenix feather, is a suitable match for a wizard who will "make their mark on this world”

Core: Dragon Heartstring

As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

Age: for the future

Sentiments: longing Elm, dragonheartstring: Kept in a walking stick, family heirloom that’s been passed through the Malfoy family from patriarch to patriarch for generations.

He’s eagerly awaiting this wand, honestly. He’ll be getting it when he marries, as a symbol of becoming head of the Malfoy family.

Lucius has this game he plays with his father where he’ll try to sneak it away from him. They’ve been doing it since he was younger. Sometimes the wand would be laying in the open and he’d sneak it away. Other times, he’d go with a classic “OH WHAT WAS THAT” and then run with it, giggling like a mad man. It led to quite a few little accidents, unfortunately, but nothing that couldn’t be waved away.

Friends

He’s a lot looser with his friends than the general public. He can be more crude, more playful and enjoys that they can bring out the cruel streak in him.

He has no problem sharing disgusting details with his friends, he’s also the group gossip for sure.

Considering his friends, I can easily see them having a bit of a good cop bad cop dynamic sometimes.

He judges Rodolphus’ relationship with Bellatrix and definitely doesn’t want anything like that for himself.

He’s known for his parties tbh, he throws amazing ones

Family

Father: Lucius close with his dad and has always been. When he was younger, his dad would bring him along to teas and casual events, just to charm the ladies. Lucius would sit there, well behaved, flashing a couple smiles and asking a few questions here or there. Winning people over had never been difficult. He enjoyed the bonding. He loved seeing the inner working’s of his father’s circle– how things worked and why. The man did, however, have a habit of silencing young Lucius when he used the wrong words. Abraxas took a direct approach to raising Lucius and showed him how everything worked and why. His father didn’t give away all his secrets, though, which was made apparent when he rebuked any questions Lucius had about if he really did organize the unfortunate death of the first muggleborn minister.

Mother: His mother was a stranger to him growing up. She’d married Abraxas for his name, gave him an heir, and then declared her duties done. She stood by Abraxas at parties but hardly did much more. Lucius didn’t interact much with her growing up and, honestly, he didn’t want to. His father had never had kind words for her, which left a mark in Lucius’ impressionable young mind.

Relationship^ He doesn’t want a relationship like his parents. He wants love and companionship. He has a lot of views of what marriage would mean to him and they’re very naïve, idealistic and one sided.

The Supremacy

He was raised with pureblood supremacy. It was how he viewed life, of course. He knew he was better than others, that much was clear. He was isolated in a similar society. In this way, he definitely grew up seeing an ideal. This is what the rest of the world could be. He couldn’t fathom why they would not want this. His family has always held such beliefs and have been pulling strings in the background for years. Abraxas, in fact, was part of the assassination of the first muggle born minister. Lucius started his Hogwarts years with that belief never wavering. However, it was always just a belief until he joined the death eaters. Then it quickly became something more. He’s proud of his position as death eater. He sees himself as taking a belief and acting upon it, not just once or twice but over and over with each mission he takes. He sees himself and his comrades taking up arms for a something they believe in and rallying together. He finds a lot of strength in that idea. They’re coming together to do something good. It’s something that needs to be done. He recognizes the cruelty of it. How would he not see the fact that there’s death and torture at every step? He doesn’t mind, though. In fact, it’s part of the draw. Lucius struggled with depression for a lot of his teenage years, but this has helped pull him out of it. He’s found something that helps him feel steady. This is what he likes. He likes the torture. He likes the ideals. What is he there for? He’s there for himself. Honestly, he’s there because it works for him. It’s an easy, entertaining way for him to solidify his sense of self. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t believe in any of it. Actually, he’s dived fully into it and has quickly climbed the ranks of the Death Eaters. However, it just means that his loyalties lie with himself.

^– is a a coward? Idk about that. Maybe you could call him one. It’s more that he loves himself more than anything else and he’ll take care of himself. He’s loyal to the death eaters but that’s because it works for him. When it stops working for him, he’ll let it go. When Voldemort dies, he has no desire to go look for him. He’s not loyal to the man. Yes, he believes in pureblood supremacy, but he’ll find his own ways to play with it that doesn’t involve voldemort or the death eaters. And by then, he has a son as well which ends up becoming another way to ground him (a healthier way than torture and killing). He doesn’t go searching for Voldemort. He doesn’t want to end up in Azkaban. So he says forget that. He doesn’t think Voldemort is the answer to everything. He sees him and respects him and even fears him, but he believes in himself more than this dark wizard.

I’m using this in reference, as well, to when the DE masks come out at the Quidditch World Cup. At that point, he’s been bored, slightly unbalanced yet again and the torture was a pull he couldn’t resist.

OKAY

Now that you’ve read all this bullshit, go ahead and check out: https://lucius-inspo.tumblr.com/ it’s easier to read, i swear

PART V: THE STORY

Lucius Malfoy graced the wizarding world with his arrival between claps of thunder– applause. The downpour continued for a week after his birth but did nothing to deter the flocks of men and women who made their way to Malfoy manor. The manor sat under darkened skies, teeming with life as the pitter patter of rain against the tiles became another layer of music. After years and years of trying, a new heir for the Malfoy family was born. Abraxas paraded the newborn around, the bundle of blankets cradled in his arms for all to see while his wife sat with her friends, exhausted and pretending her insides weren’t torn apart.

These first few days of Lucius’ life reflected the following years perfectly. A doting father, a distant mother, thunderous applause and the Malfoy name.

The name Malfoy gave Lucius everything– wealth, prestige, luxury, heritage, purity, and a sense of pride– and his father never once let him believe otherwise. As he grew, Lucius learned how to wield this identity as both a weapon and a shield. With words as sweet as honey and a bright smile to go with it, he charmed everyone through his childhood, from his father’s coworkers to Hogwarts professors to the girls who giggled in the halls when he passed by. His actions held a warmth that, though exagerrated, could hardly be called fake.

Pull this string and you get a nod of acknowledgement, pull the other and you get an invitation into their home. Hogwarts was a breeze to the clever young Slytherin, who churned out excellent spellwork, acceptance into the Slug Club, and a prefect’s badge. His friends never left his side and the girls were another adventure entirely. Life should be perfect for Lucius Malfoy, the young boy who had everything.

Yet, the ever elusive concept of happiness stayed within arm’s reach for him. Both in and after Hogwarts, each goal he placed for himself brought a satisfied curl to his stomach before leaving him empty and in want of more. The man ate, drank and smiled his way through a barrage of parties but found himself craving more. Parties, alcohol, drugs, women. When something failed, he switched his attention to something else.

The fullfillment was found in the Death Eaters. When he joined Lord Voldemort’s ranks, it was as much for himself as it was for the cause that he believed in so dearly. The higher purpose and the torture that came with it was just enough to ground the unbalanced young man. The climb through Lord Voldemort’s ranks was accompanied by a renewed vigor in Lucius’ life.

He craved more: a wife, the manor, a new title, impact on policy, his family wand, his mother’s approval, Lord Voldemort’s favor, the list goes on and on. Narcissa was the first on the list and just as easy as everything else was to him. With a word in her mother’s direction, the young woman was already his, down to the new platinum blonde hair. The dedication delighted him like nothing else before. It could only get better from there.

At 25, Lucius had grown into himself as a man. He had gained his own reputation in the Ministry that could rival his father’s– one with no need for a job title. Lucius kept his hands clean, fingers gently wrapped around his wineglass as he smiled his way through yet another Ministry function with his beautiful fiancée by his side. With Narcissa as his own, the Ministry in his pocket, and the muggleborns quickly dwindling away, he saw good things for his future. And damn, he was craving something good.

[giveuselife-blog]

Good and Bad in Gaming

New Post has been published on https://giveuselife.org/good-and-bad-in-gaming/

Good and Bad in Gaming

Gaming is one of the biggest interests or even careers within the global. Human beings play video games for amusing or studying while others file films about the games. In this newsletter, I’m able to attention greater on gaming itself and now not so much the side of the way to make gaming motion pictures. Gamers come in all different a long time, genders, religions, places and shapes. The backgrounds of people who are Gamers make gaming that much more a laugh.

Backgrounds of Gamers can play a component inside the sort of games that People play. There are all forms of combos for distinctive categories referring to the type of video games and sort of Gamers. You really want to have a look at the sport’s website to get all of the pertinent records prior to shopping for.

There are many on-line platforms in which you may buy video games from consisting of Steam or Humble Bundle. The ones websites will give you the description, films through the employer, photos, consumer and non-person tags, critiques, internet site, organization and their social account(s). Be aware the sport’s internet site might not display you the entirety you want to recognize. As a minimum, a gaming organization will display a quick sales pitch description, small quantity of photos (5 at great), one or two videos with the aid of them and their social money owed. The maximum they’ll provide is an informative description, their social debts, consumer reviews and films by way of them.

Allow’s dive properly into what is perceived as terrible about gaming. The majority of the terrible matters approximately video games come from the real lifestyles Human beings on The one’s video games, the type of games and the kinds of games for the incorrect man or woman. A recreation may be poorly made but it is now not always the case in which the game itself is bad. It is able to be in which it become the wrong kind of game for the wrong individual. That is wherein the kinds are available. Perhaps a sport has a piece of violence. That doesn’t make it terrible; it just makes it the wrong kind of game for a seven 12 months vintage. Or Perhaps you acquire a puzzle sport for a person who loves movement kind games. So the movement loving character may not enjoy it, however, That doesn’t make the puzzle game terrible!

The forms of video games are limitless from nudity, drugs and alcohol, horror, gambling with cash and more. Those different sorts are incorrect for kids free online gaming enthusiasts as well as wrong for folks who don’t like seeing such things.

Gaming websites has right and terrible sides just like everything else. The secret is how properly and horrific are The one’s facets. As an example, some video games have an awful side with players that want to fight plenty. This is common in video games. Recognize for numerous Game enthusiasts this is not a large deal; but, for adolescents who’re new to the sport or even gaming in well known this could be frustrating. There are instances whilst you need to avoid the awful sides all collectively. There are instances while the coolest outweighs the bad. If this takes place and there are no troubles with the sport itself; then the bad side is simply that one little fly in your room which is not any big deal. Caution: If the awful outweighs the best, I might strongly suggest averting that recreation top 10 gaming websites.

Every other component that Human beings will nag a recreation developer or author about is representation. Have to I say, a lack of illustration which isn’t restrained to race, frame kind and message in the sport. If you are capable of customizing your character, then of a path you’ll now not have a trouble with representation. There may be a hassle in a few games where they do not represent robust and smart girls, minority females and adult males, massive, small, tall, and short ladies and adult males. Be aware how I didn’t place “adult males” after lady for robust? It’s due to the fact men in video games are always represented as strong and clever.

In games that display a male robust and smart, he’ll normally probably be white, tall, thin, movie famous person looking and buff. you will not often see him be a minority, quick, chubby, now not buff, nerdy searching, even as nonetheless being robust and clever. You spot this even Less for females. some ladies in video games are also white, tall, thin and robust even as showing skin like no the next day. You best see These ladies in MMO video games (Massively Multiplayer online Position Gambling recreation) though. RPG games are meant for fable worlds where you primarily combat Human beings and monsters. Of direction, the women’ stats may be strong however they might not look robust.

In maximum video games, once they upload an individual a good way to play they always add a white male first, then a white girl, then a black male, after which a black woman. They do not even without a doubt upload people who are mixes of races or in among. With regards to the black characters, they simplest add one color of “black” or “African-American” and now not each black individual on this planet is that color.

In games, The general public of the characters is constantly thin and tall. You don’t actually see characters which can be quick and thin, tall and chubby, brief and chubby, etc. There are numerous those who are not skinny and who aren’t tall.

Then ultimately, There is the mental message that is going with the gender, race, and body type. What do I imply by using the mental message? a few games send an indirect message approximately that character being sturdy and clever or something else. at the same time as for other video games, it is able to be an intellectual message both on reason or no longer. As an instance, in the sport, you play and you see a minority lady who is short, chubby, nerdy searching and her developments are to be a goof ball, naive, and dumb. It can send an intellectual message to you that People that appear to be her are just like her. They are not clever, they aren’t thin, and are not tall. They did poorly in college, and so forth. and so forth. So you begin thinking The one’s matters based on not most effective seeing this in that sport again and again once more, however when it occurs in different video games too.

The worst element is NONE of these items are proper. Yes, a few People are not skinny, tall, and Perhaps now not that vivid; but not Anyone is like this! You do have brief overweight minorities who are smart as all get out! You have all forms of combos of those who ARE smart! Of path, all this stuff about gender, race, frame type, and messages aren’t just in gaming; They’re in movies, Tv suggests, ads, and so on. What’s thrilling is that some of the creators who make the games, movies, Tv suggests, commercials, and so on., are minorities themselves and that they make up the population of the earth. (Seek “world populace through race 2016” and click the first 3 links In case you do not accept as true with me.)

Short disclaimer: I’m now not BASHING All of us! Sure, I was shouting that. This segment of the item is telling you what I realize, read, pay attention and experience in gaming.

If you do not consider me pass to take a look at modern day Television suggests, films, ads, and video games. A display to have a look at for accurate illustration is Milo Murphy’s Law. two video games to examine as a reference for suitable representation are OverWatch and Atlas Reactor. Now in Those fields, it has gotten higher for illustration mainly gender, race and just now beginning frame type (especially in this order). a few games even add robots and creatures as playable characters to avoid having troubles with representation. This eliminates the trouble of customers wanting a man or woman to represent their actual or desired gender, race, or frame type due to the fact now There’s a character maximum customers can agree on. After all, you can not please Anyone.

Very well, now that I ranted and were given the awful stuff out of the manner; Allow’s get into the coolest parts of gaming! You have Gamers as young as three years old and as antique as 90+! No matter your age, race, gender, religion, culture, or area gaming can be desirable for Everyone. Gaming cannot only be amusing, but beneficial and academic.

Again with gaming is it may help youth have greater self-belief in them and be extra social. If they play a web multiplayer game and talk to other gamers around the world, this can assist then get used to talking to different People except for family and that they advantage confidence in what They’re pronouncing. They are able to cross from an introvert to a social enthusiast! it could manifest fast or slowly. Even though it’s now not a sport, however, a place for Gamers, artists, fashion designers, vehicle fanatic, etc. to talk; it’ll nevertheless help them be more social. Keep in thoughts, though, typing to someone after which voice chatting to someone are exclusive experiences. teenagers may be very social when typing but very shy whilst voice chatting.

That is how I’m. Earlier than I was shy whilst speak to People I failed to understand whether it become online or offline, now I have ended up more cozy with it due to the fact I understand how to cope with myself and trust in myself. however, With regards to voice chatting on-line, I’m the quiet man or woman at the chat. Counterproductive proper! You might even overlook I was on a call with you! Before while the Humans on the bank stated: “Hi” I would not say something, now I simply respond and say “Hi. How are you?” After that, I don’t definitely anticipate to talk with them so I will be quiet again lol. See what I imply? After socializing, in well known, through the years you get better at it and end up Less nervous and greater confident in yourself.

Some other benefit with gaming is crew work. From time to time in games, the handiest way to win or accomplish a purpose is to work with one or more games. In positive games, players are allowed a mission can be accomplished with best one player, but it is probably more difficult unless You have got greater players than yourself. other times positive obligations can not be finished with one player and need two or more. There are times you’re making a group with your pals or circle of relatives to complete the aim. different times you can make a collection with Humans you failed to know.

That is where it can get problematic. If it is a game where you may make a set That’s inviting simplest, you’d just invite your pals or circle of relatives. you could strategize with them, you would be greater at ease talking with them, and you will all comply with paintings together. If it’s a recreation wherein There is no institution gadget however you can still paintings with others, aka loose for fall, and you could communicate with them there can also nonetheless be a purpose that could only be completed with a couple of games. Do you need to play with different players you have never talked to Before if your family and friends can not join you and also you really need to finish this goal?

This isn’t always a terrible issue, though! That is in which you now not most effective emerge as extra social however you learn how to paintings with other gamers you’ve never met Before. In case you continually play along with your family and friends you both already realize the way to work collectively, how the alternative thinks, and so on. however, if it’s someone you’ve got by no means met it is able to be a bit difficult. I and my brother grew up doing the whole lot together without absolutely having any buddies, Perhaps colleagues and buddies but now not simply friends. So we have been very used to understanding what the opposite desired or how they played and many others. but while we without a doubt got friends, it becomes very hard to agree on many things. So In case you play and work with other Humans now it is going to be simpler later. I and my brother have progressed our capabilities to paintings with others.

Another benefit is staying power which ties in with team building and socializing. In spite of everything, a good way to get better at something you not best should Keep doing it but you have to have patience whilst doing it. There are frequently in games where you need to wait. just like reading is in the entirety, you have to have staying power for the entirety. In video games, you continually need to await something. You need to have patience for locating something, something to complete cooking, something to complete death, your friends to come back lower back from going AFK (Faraway from Keyboard), the next wave of monsters to return, the following degree to open up, and so on. and so on. I had to have staying power whilst writing this newsletter! So gaming will let you have more patience in gaming and ordinary existence american bad boy.

Any other gain is hand and eye coordination. whilst you’re gaming you have to pay interest to what is going on in your display even as additionally urgent your controller or keyboard button to do greater things on your screen. In case you want to transport your man or woman in that sport, you need to use your keyboard and mouse or a controller whilst nonetheless looking at your screen. it’s like studying how to type. most of the time you’re alleged to discover ways to kind phrases and sentences whilst looking at your screen without searching at your keyboard american bad boy movie trailer. This same element applies to gaming bad girlfriend. You’ve got in order to press the wished keys in an effort to do so factor you are looking to do while looking at your display screen. In any case, In case you’re pressing your keys but now not searching at your display screen, how can you recognize In case you’re doing it right?

Now, this one is an advantage and educational benefit – memory. video games can assist improve your reminiscence. How? Let me tell you. Take what I stated above approximately typing. The folks that can study their monitors and kind without looking at their keyboard have something referred to as “muscle memory”. once they need to make a certain letter seem on display they just ought to press that key and that they don’t need to have a look at the keyboard due to the fact they have got a press that key so usually they themselves and their muscles don’t forget in which that sure secret is. You’ve got muscle reminiscence already. don’t accept as true with me? Take a look at your keyboard right now. You notice wherein all of the letters, numbers, and logos are proper? The letters aren’t in alphabetical order. So whenever you tried to type your name or something on a virtual keyboard wherein the letter have been alphabetical; Did you take you longer than normally to kind that phrase and become it weird and confusing? It became. I have accomplished it. You know why?

whilst you type or text to someone You recognize the word you need to make seem on screen and you remember in which the keys are. Maybe you can not tell them so as if a person asked you however If they requested you to type a word you would be able to type it because You realize in which the keys are. For me, I know a way to spell certain phrases while I’m typing but Perhaps no longer the way to spell it verbally. That is because I’m seeing the phrase being spelled in the front of me. Technically while we kind to each different we are spelling out phrases after which reading them in our mind. however whilst you talk out loud you don’t see the words you just pay attention them. Sure, when you examine text on display you listen to them on your thoughts, even right now not you listen to These phrases I am typing, however, you don’t verbally listen to them and you’re seeing every letter make up that phrase. while someone spells something incorrect you at once Word it as it’s no longer spelled properly and also you read it. when someone speaks something you do not read any letters, you best listen to the word.

So games allow you to build up muscle memory and mind reminiscence. If you can save objects in game you have to keep in mind in which you placed it, or In case you need a recipe to make something You may recall the recipe, or Maybe you don’t forget a detail about something critical, or Maybe you recall the manner through a maze or the manner home. some games are even constructed just to assist improve your memory or the best manner to Hold progressing is remembering positive data. My mom can type without looking at the keyboard but struggles with attempting to stroll in video games.

50 worst movies of all time

So now Allow’s get into the educational blessings. One academic gain is math. Now, the game does not have an intention to teach you math in order for it to have math. The factor of going to school is to get a schooling! not socialize, however you continue to may make pals. So this applies to all video games. the sport doesn’t constantly should have a goal of J but it might encompass J. Its goal might be X but it’s nevertheless have J. In some video games you can construct houses and use recipes to make gadgets. How massive do you want your how to be? 30 blocks X 10 blocks X 60 blocks? Did you Apprehend what I just said? Let me say it in another way. 30 blocks on the X axis (left and right on the ground), 10 blocks at the Y axis (up and down at the floor), and 60 blocks at the Z axis (up and down inside the air). That is the way you’d construct a house, the usage of math, in a game known as Minecraft. With These coordinates it manner your private home will be a rectangle with a completely tall roof. Let’s use Minecraft once more for this next example.

[beingmad2017-blog]

Good and Bad in Gaming

New Post has been published on https://beingmad.org/good-and-bad-in-gaming/

Good and Bad in Gaming

Gaming is one of the biggest interests or even careers within the global. Human beings play video games for amusing or studying while others file films about the games. In this newsletter, I’m able to attention greater on gaming itself and now not so much the side of the way to make gaming motion pictures. Gamers come in all different a long time, genders, religions, places and shapes. The backgrounds of people who are Gamers make gaming that much more a laugh.

Backgrounds of Gamers can play a component inside the sort of games that People play. There are all forms of combos for distinctive categories referring to the type of video games and sort of Gamers. You really want to have a look at the sport’s website to get all of the pertinent records prior to shopping for.

There are many on-line platforms in which you may buy video games from consisting of Steam or Humble Bundle. The ones websites will give you the description, films through the employer, photos, consumer and non-person tags, critiques, internet site, organization and their social account(s). Be aware the sport’s internet site might not display you the entirety you want to recognize. As a minimum, a gaming organization will display a quick sales pitch description, small quantity of photos (5 at great), one or two videos with the aid of them and their social money owed. The maximum they’ll provide is an informative description, their social debts, consumer reviews and films by way of them.

Allow’s dive properly into what is perceived as terrible about gaming. The majority of the terrible matters approximately video games come from the real lifestyles Human beings on The one’s video games, the type of games and the kinds of games for the incorrect man or woman. A recreation may be poorly made but it is now not always the case in which the game itself is bad. It is able to be in which it become the wrong kind of game for the wrong individual. That is wherein the kinds are available. Perhaps a sport has a piece of violence. That doesn’t make it terrible; it just makes it the wrong kind of game for a seven 12 months vintage. Or Perhaps you acquire a puzzle sport for a person who loves movement kind games. So the movement loving character may not enjoy it, however, That doesn’t make the puzzle game terrible!

The forms of video games are limitless from nudity, drugs and alcohol, horror, gambling with cash and more. Those different sorts are incorrect for kids free online gaming enthusiasts as well as wrong for folks who don’t like seeing such things.

Gaming websites has right and terrible sides just like everything else. The secret is how properly and horrific are The one’s facets. As an example, some video games have an awful side with players that want to fight plenty. This is common in video games. Recognize for numerous Game enthusiasts this is not a large deal; but, for adolescents who’re new to the sport or even gaming in well known this could be frustrating. There are instances whilst you need to avoid the awful sides all collectively. There are instances while the coolest outweighs the bad. If this takes place and there are no troubles with the sport itself; then the bad side is simply that one little fly in your room which is not any big deal. Caution: If the awful outweighs the best, I might strongly suggest averting that recreation top 10 gaming websites.

Every other component that Human beings will nag a recreation developer or author about is representation. Have to I say, a lack of illustration which isn’t restrained to race, frame kind and message in the sport. If you are capable of customizing your character, then of a path you’ll now not have a trouble with representation. There may be a hassle in a few games where they do not represent robust and smart girls, minority females and adult males, massive, small, tall, and short ladies and adult males. Be aware how I didn’t place “adult males” after lady for robust? It’s due to the fact men in video games are always represented as strong and clever.

In games that display a male robust and smart, he’ll normally probably be white, tall, thin, movie famous person looking and buff. you will not often see him be a minority, quick, chubby, now not buff, nerdy searching, even as nonetheless being robust and clever. You spot this even Less for females. some ladies in video games are also white, tall, thin and robust even as showing skin like no the next day. You best see These ladies in MMO video games (Massively Multiplayer online Position Gambling recreation) though. RPG games are meant for fable worlds where you primarily combat Human beings and monsters. Of direction, the women’ stats may be strong however they might not look robust.

In maximum video games, once they upload an individual a good way to play they always add a white male first, then a white girl, then a black male, after which a black woman. They do not even without a doubt upload people who are mixes of races or in among. With regards to the black characters, they simplest add one color of “black” or “African-American” and now not each black individual on this planet is that color.

In games, The general public of the characters is constantly thin and tall. You don’t actually see characters which can be quick and thin, tall and chubby, brief and chubby, etc. There are numerous those who are not skinny and who aren’t tall.

Then ultimately, There is the mental message that is going with the gender, race, and body type. What do I imply by using the mental message? a few games send an indirect message approximately that character being sturdy and clever or something else. at the same time as for other video games, it is able to be an intellectual message both on reason or no longer. As an instance, in the sport, you play and you see a minority lady who is short, chubby, nerdy searching and her developments are to be a goof ball, naive, and dumb. It can send an intellectual message to you that People that appear to be her are just like her. They are not clever, they aren’t thin, and are not tall. They did poorly in college, and so forth. and so forth. So you begin thinking The one’s matters based on not most effective seeing this in that sport again and again once more, however when it occurs in different video games too.

The worst element is NONE of these items are proper. Yes, a few People are not skinny, tall, and Perhaps now not that vivid; but not Anyone is like this! You do have brief overweight minorities who are smart as all get out! You have all forms of combos of those who ARE smart! Of path, all this stuff about gender, race, frame type, and messages aren’t just in gaming; They’re in movies, Tv suggests, ads, and so on. What’s thrilling is that some of the creators who make the games, movies, Tv suggests, commercials, and so on., are minorities themselves and that they make up the population of the earth. (Seek “world populace through race 2016” and click the first 3 links In case you do not accept as true with me.)

Short disclaimer: I’m now not BASHING All of us! Sure, I was shouting that. This segment of the item is telling you what I realize, read, pay attention and experience in gaming.

If you do not consider me pass to take a look at modern day Television suggests, films, ads, and video games. A display to have a look at for accurate illustration is Milo Murphy’s Law. two video games to examine as a reference for suitable representation are OverWatch and Atlas Reactor. Now in Those fields, it has gotten higher for illustration mainly gender, race and just now beginning frame type (especially in this order). a few games even add robots and creatures as playable characters to avoid having troubles with representation. This eliminates the trouble of customers wanting a man or woman to represent their actual or desired gender, race, or frame type due to the fact now There’s a character maximum customers can agree on. After all, you can not please Anyone.

Very well, now that I ranted and were given the awful stuff out of the manner; Allow’s get into the coolest parts of gaming! You have Gamers as young as three years old and as antique as 90+! No matter your age, race, gender, religion, culture, or area gaming can be desirable for Everyone. Gaming cannot only be amusing, but beneficial and academic.

Again with gaming is it may help youth have greater self-belief in them and be extra social. If they play a web multiplayer game and talk to other gamers around the world, this can assist then get used to talking to different People except for family and that they advantage confidence in what They’re pronouncing. They are able to cross from an introvert to a social enthusiast! it could manifest fast or slowly. Even though it’s now not a sport, however, a place for Gamers, artists, fashion designers, vehicle fanatic, etc. to talk; it’ll nevertheless help them be more social. Keep in thoughts, though, typing to someone after which voice chatting to someone are exclusive experiences. teenagers may be very social when typing but very shy whilst voice chatting.

That is how I’m. Earlier than I was shy whilst speak to People I failed to understand whether it become online or offline, now I have ended up more cozy with it due to the fact I understand how to cope with myself and trust in myself. however, With regards to voice chatting on-line, I’m the quiet man or woman at the chat. Counterproductive proper! You might even overlook I was on a call with you! Before while the Humans on the bank stated: “Hi” I would not say something, now I simply respond and say “Hi. How are you?” After that, I don’t definitely anticipate to talk with them so I will be quiet again lol. See what I imply? After socializing, in well known, through the years you get better at it and end up Less nervous and greater confident in yourself.

Some other benefit with gaming is crew work. From time to time in games, the handiest way to win or accomplish a purpose is to work with one or more games. In positive games, players are allowed a mission can be accomplished with best one player, but it is probably more difficult unless You have got greater players than yourself. other times positive obligations can not be finished with one player and need two or more. There are times you’re making a group with your pals or circle of relatives to complete the aim. different times you can make a collection with Humans you failed to know.

That is where it can get problematic. If it is a game where you may make a set That’s inviting simplest, you’d just invite your pals or circle of relatives. you could strategize with them, you would be greater at ease talking with them, and you will all comply with paintings together. If it’s a recreation wherein There is no institution gadget however you can still paintings with others, aka loose for fall, and you could communicate with them there can also nonetheless be a purpose that could only be completed with a couple of games. Do you need to play with different players you have never talked to Before if your family and friends can not join you and also you really need to finish this goal?

This isn’t always a terrible issue, though! That is in which you now not most effective emerge as extra social however you learn how to paintings with other gamers you’ve never met Before. In case you continually play along with your family and friends you both already realize the way to work collectively, how the alternative thinks, and so on. however, if it’s someone you’ve got by no means met it is able to be a bit difficult. I and my brother grew up doing the whole lot together without absolutely having any buddies, Perhaps colleagues and buddies but now not simply friends. So we have been very used to understanding what the opposite desired or how they played and many others. but while we without a doubt got friends, it becomes very hard to agree on many things. So In case you play and work with other Humans now it is going to be simpler later. I and my brother have progressed our capabilities to paintings with others.

Another benefit is staying power which ties in with team building and socializing. In spite of everything, a good way to get better at something you not best should Keep doing it but you have to have patience whilst doing it. There are frequently in games where you need to wait. just like reading is in the entirety, you have to have staying power for the entirety. In video games, you continually need to await something. You need to have patience for locating something, something to complete cooking, something to complete death, your friends to come back lower back from going AFK (Faraway from Keyboard), the next wave of monsters to return, the following degree to open up, and so on. and so on. I had to have staying power whilst writing this newsletter! So gaming will let you have more patience in gaming and ordinary existence american bad boy.

Any other gain is hand and eye coordination. whilst you’re gaming you have to pay interest to what is going on in your display even as additionally urgent your controller or keyboard button to do greater things on your screen. In case you want to transport your man or woman in that sport, you need to use your keyboard and mouse or a controller whilst nonetheless looking at your screen. it’s like studying how to type. most of the time you’re alleged to discover ways to kind phrases and sentences whilst looking at your screen without searching at your keyboard american bad boy movie trailer. This same element applies to gaming bad girlfriend. You’ve got in order to press the wished keys in an effort to do so factor you are looking to do while looking at your display screen. In any case, In case you’re pressing your keys but now not searching at your display screen, how can you recognize In case you’re doing it right?

Now, this one is an advantage and educational benefit – memory. video games can assist improve your reminiscence. How? Let me tell you. Take what I stated above approximately typing. The folks that can study their monitors and kind without looking at their keyboard have something referred to as “muscle memory”. once they need to make a certain letter seem on display they just ought to press that key and that they don’t need to have a look at the keyboard due to the fact they have got a press that key so usually they themselves and their muscles don’t forget in which that sure secret is. You’ve got muscle reminiscence already. don’t accept as true with me? Take a look at your keyboard right now. You notice wherein all of the letters, numbers, and logos are proper? The letters aren’t in alphabetical order. So whenever you tried to type your name or something on a virtual keyboard wherein the letter have been alphabetical; Did you take you longer than normally to kind that phrase and become it weird and confusing? It became. I have accomplished it. You know why?

whilst you type or text to someone You recognize the word you need to make seem on screen and you remember in which the keys are. Maybe you can not tell them so as if a person asked you however If they requested you to type a word you would be able to type it because You realize in which the keys are. For me, I know a way to spell certain phrases while I’m typing but Perhaps no longer the way to spell it verbally. That is because I’m seeing the phrase being spelled in the front of me. Technically while we kind to each different we are spelling out phrases after which reading them in our mind. however whilst you talk out loud you don’t see the words you just pay attention them. Sure, when you examine text on display you listen to them on your thoughts, even right now not you listen to These phrases I am typing, however, you don’t verbally listen to them and you’re seeing every letter make up that phrase. while someone spells something incorrect you at once Word it as it’s no longer spelled properly and also you read it. when someone speaks something you do not read any letters, you best listen to the word.

So games allow you to build up muscle memory and mind reminiscence. If you can save objects in game you have to keep in mind in which you placed it, or In case you need a recipe to make something You may recall the recipe, or Maybe you don’t forget a detail about something critical, or Maybe you recall the manner through a maze or the manner home. some games are even constructed just to assist improve your memory or the best manner to Hold progressing is remembering positive data. My mom can type without looking at the keyboard but struggles with attempting to stroll in video games.

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So now Allow’s get into the educational blessings. One academic gain is math. Now, the game does not have an intention to teach you math in order for it to have math. The factor of going to school is to get a schooling! not socialize, however you continue to may make pals. So this applies to all video games. the sport doesn’t constantly should have a goal of J but it might encompass J. Its goal might be X but it’s nevertheless have J. In some video games you can construct houses and use recipes to make gadgets. How massive do you want your how to be? 30 blocks X 10 blocks X 60 blocks? Did you Apprehend what I just said? Let me say it in another way. 30 blocks on the X axis (left and right on the ground), 10 blocks at the Y axis (up and down at the floor), and 60 blocks at the Z axis (up and down inside the air). That is the way you’d construct a house, the usage of math, in a game known as Minecraft. With These coordinates it manner your private home will be a rectangle with a completely tall roof. Let’s use Minecraft once more for this next example.