#even the ones i consider my closest have denied me a roof on the basis of me not being their actual child

[chikinan]

i feel like there was a normal version of my life where i got into technical school for animation after highschool and slowly worked up into scolarships and moving out and working on the industry because I have the skills and the capacity and the charisma to do so, but I had no one backing me up and no chance for it so my 20's where spent in a bizarre fight for survival instead and I'm struggling just so much to start it out now

[nadeemahmedmumbai22-blog]

Doomed in Dubai by Nadeem Ahmed

Me; a Model/Presenter/Fashion event director living in Accrington, Lancashire! Hardly the fashion capital of the world I know! Just a mere small village where news spreads like wild fire! It was a known fact that I was a successful model due to my face being splattered all over the place, even locally! I have always been and still am very committed and dedicated to my work.

 Being a model was considered a very unconventional career for a northern lad but I knew from a very early age that I was going to break the mould and do something completely different! A very tough industry to break into but thankfully through a lot of challenges, rejections and hard work I found my path.

 My story begins from December 2003. I had completed several modelling assignments up and down the country and was so ready for a break. It had been a successful year and now that Christmas was fast approaching, it was time to wind down, spend quality time with family and break all dietary rules!

Traditionally every year, my family would get together at ours for the festive season.

 I lived with my grandparents from a very early age and considered them to be my parents. Our house was the central point for all the family and the thread that kept us all together.

I had a good relationship with most of my family members but there were a few rotten eggs which is normal I guess!

 I hadn’t seen my cousins for such a long time because of work commitments and so was more than excited about our get together.

We would talk till early hours of the morning without a care in the world.

On some days we would go food shopping at the supermarket at 3am creating a harmless racket!

  We got onto the subject of travelling and lucky for my cousin, she and her family had just returned from a place called ‘Dubai’. A place I had never heard of! In all fairness my geographical skills had never been strong. She spoke about it in a very enticing way. I was sold! I needed a break after working so consistently. It seemed the perfect getaway destination as halal food was accessible throughout with it being an Islamic country. I always ate halal food and the thought of going into a Mcdonalds where I could literally eat anything off the menu was so appealing. So sad but true! She also said that getting around was easy and most importantly it was always baking hot which to me was the biggest plus because I hate the cold!

 Before long, I had decided that I would be going to Dubai for my holiday. The excitement was building up thick and fast.

 I booked my flight which was going to take me to Dubai via Istanbul.

Once I had received all the confirmations, I broke the news to my family telling them that I would be going away for New Years. They were a bit shocked but at the same time so used to me going here there and everywhere! I felt I really owed this holiday to myself after working so incredibly hard! One of my friends recommended that I should check out a website called www.expatriates.com where people connected from all corners of the world sharing their experiences of travel and living abroad. I was always an organised person and so was on the case immediately. I registered myself on the site and left a message on the forum stating that I would be in Dubai and if anyone could make any recommendations?

 I was pleasantly surprised to have received some messages from someone called Ethan who seemed most helpful. He was initially from Brazil but now working in Dubai in one of the opulent hotels.  He was kind enough to suggest sorting out my accommodation for me to ensure I got a good deal. We exchanged several messages and it felt safe to say that he seemed a trustworthy guy.

It was decided that he would meet me at the airport in Dubai and escort me to my accommodation.

 Finally having got to Dubai after almost missing my flight and paying for a Turkish visa that I didn’t need, I was feeling a bit nervous about meeting Ethan but managed to put the doubt to the back of my mind and just decided to roll with it. After all I was an adult that was capable of looking after myself! Besides, Dubai was one of the safest places in the world from what I had read!

 As planned Ethan came to the airport, tallish, slim-built with sleeked back jet black hair. Not even an earthquake could move a single strand of hair on his head. He was very friendly and seemed as nice as his messages so I chilled out and began to feel comfortable in his company.

Not long into my stay, Ethan introduced me to one of his closest friends, ‘Luca Hadad’, a television personality from Lebanon who was working for a very well established company in Dubai.

Luca was quite tall, slender built, very fair skinned with green eyes.  His hair was very dark in colour with very tight curls. He was dressed very professionally and oozing with confidence.

 I seemed to have bonded very quickly with Dubai and I was sure getting the love back! This crazy love put a very random thought into my head.

The thought of leaving my life in the UK behind and trading it in for a more exotic lifestyle! It made sense, I was meeting the right people, I was so happy and at peace, I even had continual great weather which was a big thing for me! So, in true Nadeem style I literally ripped up my ticket! In those days we didn’t have the privilege of e-tickets.

I had decided Dubai was going to be my new home. I wasn’t going back to the UK!

 Being totally spontaneous was nothing new to me. It was my comfort zone. I loved to live life on the edge!

Everything was falling into place so naturally that it felt so surreal.

 I found a lovely studio flat in Deira. It was cosy and all mine! I was settling in so seamlessly. I felt so blessed that my family were so supportive of my crazy decision.

I felt I knew Ethan and Luca on a much better level now and we were all getting on so well. Luca even suggested that I would be a great asset working for his company presenting English lifestyle programmes. This brought music to my ears after all my money wouldn’t last forever and I needed to work!

 Luca was in touch on a regular basis and he mentioned that he would have to leave his swanky flat in Sharjah because the landlord didn’t want tenants anymore. Me being me suggested that he should move into my place until he sorted himself out. I was just so grateful that Luca was pushing his seniors to have me working for them. It was the least I could do!

 A meeting had been arranged at the office for me to sign all the paperwork and get all the formalities out of the way for my new job. I got there early and eager as usual. The paperwork was all in Arabic but Luca just asked me to sign on the dotted line and pay the equivalent of £500 cash for the visa. I thought this to be very odd but paid up and didn’t question it in the hope that I would officially have my visa sorted soon and a full time dream job. He was a friend so trust issues were not even on the agenda.

 I had been most productive by contacting several model agencies. To my delight, all the hard work had paid off because the work was coming in!

 Then one day Ethan decided that we should have a party at my house to celebrate the big move and friendship and so on. He would supply the alcohol and my job was to get some food. I made it clear to him that I didn’t drink but the curiosity had always lingered with me. I had never in my life tasted alcohol! Ethan bullied me into having my first drink, except my first drink was not a little shot but a whole pint of orange juice out done by Jack Daniels. Needless to say I was paralytic. All I could remember was smashing plates, one after the other which was so out of character for me! I also remember being slapped very hard by Ethan and being thrown into a cold shower with my clothes on! The hangover was the worst anyone could ever imagine. I vowed never to drink again!

 Time was flying by and there was still no sign of my visa. Things started to go down in a very surreal way. I was told by Luca that Ethan would be moving into my flat because his contract was coming to an end and that he didn’t have anywhere else to stay. Luca who initially had promised to help me financially with rent and bills seemed to have swallowed his words as there was no sign of even a dhiram from him! My money was running out and I needed financial help. Instead, I was having to pay ridiculous amounts of money regularly for my visa that still had not been processed! Unfortunately I was not aware of the rules and regulations regarding visas in the UAE so I was at the mercy of Luca and his knowledge of these things!

 My stress levels were shooting through the roof because now I was looking after two more people as well as myself. They were becoming very reliant on me for food, bills and everything basically. They were blatantly taking full advantage of my kind nature!

 I was constantly reassured of empty promises that never saw the light of day! There seemed no end to my misery until Ethan announced that he was going back to Brazil then heading off to London to start a new life. It truly was amazing to hear such good news.

 Still no visa however there seemed to be a bit of light at the end of the tunnel as Luca and one of his local friends came up with an idea for a lifestyle television show. I was to be fully involved in recruiting models and covering the fashion aspect for the show. The best part was that the local lady would be able to sort my visa out for me. This was such great news as the locals have a lot of power and can make anything happen at any time! Finally it was all pulling together.

 Luca’s behaviour was getting incredibly weird. It’s like he was testing me to see how much I trusted him by doing vile things like putting faeces on my toothbrush and completely denying doing it as no one else had access to my flat apart from him so it had to be him, stealing my phone from right under my nose and making me believe that I had lost it even though I was 100% sure where I had left it before heading out for a casting.  He had stooped to an even lower level by pimping me out to a wealthy local without my knowledge by referring to him as a ‘client’ that wanted to book me for a model shoot. When I met the client he had a totally different agenda and shouted at me when I refused to comply with his dirty intentions. He said that Luca had received an advance payment for my time with him and that Luca would not receive the rest of the remaining fees! This was all way too much for me to handle! I was losing my mind! I couldn’t believe I was being punished for being so trusting!

 I tried to kick Luca out but I became a victim in my own home. I could not get rid of him no matter how hard I tried! I was trapped!

 After shooting a fantastic pilot of the TV show in a wonderful studio in Ajman with all the amazing crew, I felt there was a bit of normality coming my way. No doubt it was going to be short-lived!

 I was still without my work visa and realised that my tourist visa was about to expire! This was such a huge worry naturally. Again like a million times before, Luca convinced me that the local lady- Fatima his friend, would sort it out!

It so happened that Luca managed to speak with Fatima after the shoot. She said that we needed to meet up with her cousin as she was too busy and hand over my passport to him. He would then insure that it got to her.

 We met her cousin who came to meet us in a very expensive luxury car. He insisted we get into the car. I then handed my passport over to him. He seemed quite genuine and concerned for me. However, that was the last time I saw my passport!

I was officially an illegal immigrant which meant I had a curfew as the police did random checks at night. If I got caught without any id then I would be put straight into jail, no questions asked! I don’t look conventionally British so how would I prove my identity without any official documents? I was a prisoner in a foreign country!

 One random morning, Luca was up earlier than normal and all I could hear was the rustling of bags. He was all packed and ready to go back to Lebanon! It was a beautiful surprise to learn that I was finally getting rid of this dishonest, self-centred person who claimed to be my friend but just used me and rinsed me dry of my money!

Whilst leaving, he kept assuring me that Fatima would sort my visa and that I should stop worrying! He had instructed her to contact me as soon as it was done! I still had that glimmer of hope and with that bit of positive feeling I said good riddance to bad rubbish!

My home was once again my own.  I was so elated! Words simply could not describe how I felt at that moment!

 I went back to bed to sleep and got up feeling fresh and happy!

My peace was brutally interrupted with a heavy knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone which was strange! So who was it? I went to open the door and to my extreme horror, I went flying back with a heavy punch from one of the guys that had come to my house. They were four heavy built guys on the hunt for Luca, who had swindled them out of thousands of pounds too as he had done to me. They knew he lived at my place and so came to get their money as they too were promised working visas but didn’t see anything for their money.

I tried to explain that I too was a victim of Luca’s trap but they wouldn’t  have it! I was being severely battered by the ring leader who was amused at my reactions of when I was being hit!

 They insisted that it was my responsibility to get all their money back and if I didn’t they would kill me and scrap away every bit of evidence of my existence. I was forced to write a document saying that I owed all of them money and that I would be paying the full amount back to them asap! They needed my fathers name, my UK address and my signature. According to them, this was a bound contract that I had to fulfil! I was told I was not going to get away! They had turned my flat upside down. It looked like a bomb site! They raided my wardrobes and took everything that seemed of value to them including my bag that housed my official documents including my university certificates, birth certificate, college certificates and cash money, not forgetting my mobile phone, my designer belts, clothing, camera and walkman!  It didn’t seem like there were going anywhere! I was officially held hostage in my own flat!

 I was given just a few hours to get thousands of pounds together. They hit me some more and left leaving my flat empty and lifeless with just a few things scattered around promising that they would be back the following day. On leaving I got my final punch for the day and they finally left several painful hours later!

 Naturally I was not in a good way! The Stress and panic was overwhelming as I tried to figure out how I could possibly get such a substantial amount of money together in such a short space of time?

 Time flew whilst I was lost in my thoughts on trying to make heads and tails of this surreal situation! It was too late! I got the dreaded knock on the door again. It was full blown aggressive and I felt that my life was about to be shortened! I was finished! They came busting in and continuing with the torture they had started the day before. I couldn’t get the money! It was impossible! I was being strangled and beaten. It was like I was having an out of body experience! It didn’t feel like it was really happening! The truth is that it was and I was living my worst nightmare. I was ‘Doomed In Dubai’!

Things were progressively getting worse and I was told by the ringleader that I would be taught a lesson that I would never forget! I was dragged onto the bed by my hair and held down by all four of them. I fought with my last bit of fight but failed miserably because I was totally outnumbered! Then the most horrific thing that could ever happen to anyone happened!!! The ring leader unbuttoned his trousers and thrust himself in me!! My body rose in the air like a dead corpse!

 They eventually left swearing and spitting, leaving me for dead promising to be back! I was bleeding and crying for my mum uncontrollably. I was damaged far more than anyone could ever imagine!

 Even though the situation was extreme and I was at my weakest, I needed to find a way out before they came back and finished me off for good! I had no money, no id or anything to my name for that matter. By the grace of God I found a phone card that had fallen on the floor beside my sideboard which miraculously had some credit on it. I rang one of Luca’s friends from the phone booth just outside my flat who I had met a while back because his number was an easy number to remember and for some very strange reason it was stuck in my head. It was a risk no doubt but I had nothing to loose.

I managed to speak to him and he advised me that I should go and stay with him which I did. He turned out to be an angel. He put me in contact with my family who then sent me some money over to get a new passport made from the embassy, a ticket to come back, a mobile phone and anything else that I needed.

 Getting a new passport was by far a challenge and a half. I had to go to the police to get an official letter to say that my passport was missing which took weeks. I had to go everyday to the police station and tell my story to different officers. They obviously never exchanged notes! During this time I had become so frail! I was losing my hair, weight and not to forget my confidence which was nonexistent!

 My family were in panic mode wondering whether I would ever return to the UK again? There was one particular time where I had lost the will and I remember vividly saying to my mother on the phone that I would never be coming back!

 I feel blessed to have amazing friends as one of my friends from the UK found out that I was in trouble. She immediately contacted one of her friends who was visiting Dubai at the time, asking him to meet up with me and to accompany me to all the official offices to get my documents stamped and authenticated. He came to my rescue and was a huge tower of strength.

 Eventually the day came when I finally said my goodbyes to Dubai. It didn’t feel real to me at all as I had lost all hope.  I wasn’t myself anymore. I had lost everything!

 I found it very difficult settling back into the UK.  I wasn’t in a good place! I had to start my life from scratch which was no joke at the age of thirty! Every night I would have the same nightmare reoccurring which severely affected my sleep and my health!

Whilst in Dubai I didn’t have time to absorb all what had actually happened to me, I was just concerned about getting the hell out of there, but back in the UK it was starting to hit me more and affect me massively.

 One day I took my mum and grand mother to a summer festival where my friend was performing. She had visited me in Dubai but I hadn’t mentioned anything to her about what was going on behind the scenes. We had a nice day and went back home at a reasonable time. Every day I was hating on myself more and more and on this particular day I was at my worse to the point where I ended up taking an overdose of paracetamols. I didn’t want to live anymore! I was found split seconds from death and saved. The ambulance had taken me to hospital and I had my stomach pumped. I stayed in hospital for a good few days and managed to arrange some counselling sessions with a psychiatrist. He encouraged me to get tested because I was sexually assaulted, which I did. I offloaded everything onto him which helped me hugely because it was building and bubbling up inside. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to my family about it!

 Slowly slowly I was making progress. My confidence was coming back which was quite amazing. I decided to contact my model agencies to start working again. I loved my work and needed this to keep me sane!

 I was truly blessed with another chance in life.

My test results came back negative and I started to enjoy life again.

 After settling back and getting into routine I had a fantastic job offer of presenting a travel documentary in the UAE. I panicked but then decided that it would be good for me to go back and conquer my fears plus it was an opportunity of a lifetime to work with such bigwigs of the industry. I followed my heart and accepted the offer. I pulled through nicely after confiding in my colleague who supported me throughout!

 I was always a traveller and felt that I needed a change. I was getting a lot of modelling work in London and so saw it as a sign to leave Lancashire and start afresh in London which is exactly what I did!

My life here has been fantastic and exhilarating. Naturally I still have some trust issues even today but not on the same level as before. I have surrounded myself with amazing positive people, my dear friends who have showed me how life should be lived. I am eternally grateful for their unconditional love and support!

 It was important for me to write my book because it has helped me close this chapter of my life for good! Also I would not want anyone else to go through what I did, even if it is just that one person that learns from my experience. It’s a hugely educational rollercoaster read with a warning to others especially for people who have the travel bug and want to work and settle down abroad.

On the positive side of things, I am a much stronger person. I have learnt a very valuable lesson the hardest way possible. I have taken something so negative and turned it into something so positive! In my words- “What Breaks you, Makes you”!!!!