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#even though he acts like he doesn't care
orithereticent · 2 years
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I should learn how to edit. I’ve wanted to do a Ricky/Cassidy edit to Broken by Lovelytheband for the last 2 years. 
Perhaps I will do bad fanart with the lyrics overlayed instead.
(Ori shouldn’t you be working on chapter 17 of Purposefully Silent, or chapter 4 of Anagorisis? Yes, but I also want to do a ship edit, let me live.)
like I just think the lyrics work so well, “ I like that you're broken, broken like me/Maybe that makes me a fool/I like that you're lonely, lonely like me/I could be lonely with you” and “ There's something tragic, but almost pure/Think I could love you, but I'm not sure/There's something wholesome, there's something sweet/Tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet”  and “ Life is not a love song that we like/We're all broken pieces floating by” 
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makiswirl · 3 months
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
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like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#kiki.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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gingermintpepper · 25 days
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One of my biggest pet peeves is the assumption that something has to be sad for it to be tragic.
I've always been a big believer of the 'Apollo has an awful love life'/'Apollo is plain unlucky with love' line of thinking but it does bother me that the general reasoning for that statement is given to the concept of 'Apollo is somehow undesireable and thus rejected' (Cassandra/Daphne/Marpessa) or 'his lovers die young and thus their love is unfulfilled' (Cyparissus/Hyacinthus/Coronis). I personally think that's a very unfortunate way of looking at things - not only because it neglects the many perfectly cordial entanglements and affairs Apollo has had, both mortal and divine - but because it presents a very shallow interpretation of the concepts of love and loss and how loss affects people.
Apollo can still grieve lovers that have a long, healthy life. The inherent tragedy of an immortal who knows his lovers and children will die and cannot stop it does not stop being tragic simply because those lovers and children live long, fulfilled lives. The inherent tragedy of loss does not stop being tragic simply because someone knows better than to mourn something that was always going to end.
What is tragic is not that Apollo loves and loses but that loss itself follows him. Apollo does not love with the distance of an immortal, he does not have affairs and then leaves never to listen to their prayers again. He does not have offspring and then abandon them to their trials only to appear when it is time to lead them to their destinies. He raises his young, he protects the mothers of his children, he blesses the households that have his favour and multiplies their flocks that they may never go hungry. He educates his sons, he adorns his daughters and even in wrath he is quick to come to his senses and regret the punishments he doles out.
Apollo loves. And like mortals, there will always be some part of him that wishes to protect the objects of his affections. Apollo, however, is also an emissary of Fate. He knows that the fate of all mortal things is death. He knows that to love a mortal is to accept that eventually he will have to bury them. There is no illusion of forever, there is no fantasy where he fights against the nature of living things and shields his beloveds from death. Apollo loves and because of that love, he also accepts.
And that, while beautiful, is also tragic.
#ginger rambles#ginger chats about greek myths#greek mythology#apollo#Listen man#I think there's something extremely beautiful about Apollo's affairs#Yes I know that Ares also loves and cares for his daughters but this isn't about him#There's just something about the way that Apollo put his all into it every single time#To the point that even when he does know better he still fights because of the strength of his love#The Iliad to me will always be a love story#Yes Achilles' wrath is said to come from his overwhelming feelings towards Patroclus#but what Achilles does has nothing to do with grief or love#By the end of everything Achilles forsook that love which ought to have defined his actions based on what he was saying#and warped it into a weapon meant to satisfy the void left by his loss#Apollo though - I am always taken aback by the sheer weight of his love#towards not only Hektor but towards all of Troy in the Iliad#And how he is very careful to balance that love and all the ways he wishes he could fight against their inevitably end#with his duties as one who is both aware of the impending end and whose position in the war#has put him in opposition with his elders#That delicate balance between a love so powerful that he is willing to take on the full weight of Athena and Hera's wrath#and an understanding that the battle he fights is not for victory but simply because for love's sake#How could you not think of that as beautiful and awesome and so achingly tragic#I feel the same about both Asclepius' and Actaeon's deaths#Apollo loved BOTH of his sons - Asclepius and Aristaeus - so so SO much#He was so incredibly proud of them both and delighted immensely in the both of their victories and talents#And so when Asclepius dies and it is by his own father's hand - I have always found his act of wrath so fascinating#Honestly this could be its own separate post - but the fact that Apollo does not beg Zeus to reconsider or to bring Asclepius back#when Apollo has made cases for lenience on things like that before speaks of a level of understanding from Apollo that Asclepius was always#going to die because of his pushing of the boundary between life and death#so he doesn't bother trying to reason with Zeus or plea his grief - instead going directly to destroying something important to Zeus
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telling myself i can't start another tdwt rewrite but dear god do i want to write one focusing on alejandro and courtney in this weird situationship thats a lot more nuanced than just alejandro manipulating courtney and her falling for it. like theyre best friends they dont trust each other theyre the same person they dont know anything about the other one theres a mutual attraction theyre pining for other people theyre codependent they dont care about each other theyre platonic soulmates like i just want to do a deep dive into how messy that relationship couldve been building off of their friendship that exists in my head except the line between romantic and platonic is so fucking blurred they have no idea what they are to the other person
#they live rent free in my head as you can tell#ive been writing some intense moments for them in amicus curiae and im having a lot of Feelings about platonic alecourtney#tbh the whole concept of them replacing the best friends has been a great avenue for me to do a deep dive into their friendship#aughhhh i just. love them so much#and i do want to explore them in a situation where there is relationship potential even if that relationship never actually happens#because everything between them during tdwt could be so MESSY!!#like alejandro says he's just manipulating courtney but he's also doing it to make heather jealous but he's also genuinely worried about he#after the duncan thing but this is the only way he knows how to express that concern without making himself look weak#meanwhile courtney is falling for the act but she also knows its an act and is going with it for the emotional support it provides and shes#just doing it to make duncan/gwen jealous but she also is starting to see the real alejandro underneath it all because he does care even#though he doesn't want to and they do feel a strong connection that they dont know whether its platonic or romantic because romance is bein#shoved down their throats on this show and theyre both in complicated romantic dynamics with other people that theyre the easier option for#one another but they dont really want to be with one another like it just doesnt feel right#okay okay i legit have to stop and go to bed but just. them. im thinking so hard about them#platonic alecourtney
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lupins-hehim-pussy · 4 months
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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Hey love! So, I know you already have the proposal au, but I was wondering if you could do an arranged marriage au. And basically, Gilgamesh is in the mafia and Thena's horrible abusive father (Arishem) steals money or drugs from him that Thena doesn't know anything about. And Gilgamesh and his men just show up to her home while Thena's not there and when she comes back she finds out that she's being forced to marry Gilgamesh (which she's not that mad about bc Gil is fine asf🤭). But Thena is basically just shocked and she has to get used to being treated how she should and with princess treatment (like opening her door, giving her gifts just because, etc) Maybe a little age gap like Thena's in her early 20s, Gil is in his Early 30s👀. Also maybe like Gil gives her princess treatment but disrespectful in bed vibes😜.
But anyways I love you and your whole existence and when I found your Tumblr acc it quite literally the happiest day of my life and I literally would kill for you. You're my whole world I live for all your posts and sit waiting everyday for you to post. You are the best thing that happened to me and I'm so grateful you're alive. I love you so much!😘❤️
"Thena?"
She startled, but a warm yet gentle hand touched her shoulder, "hey, it's okay. It's me--I'm sorry to startle you."
She looked around her. She wasn't at home--well, she was. She was no longer in her father's home, where falling asleep out in the open could lead to her getting her hair pulled if he was feeling particularly inebriated and particularly mean spirited.
She was home, in her home with Gilgamesh. It was a massive, modern and sprawling house. She had her own room, despite sharing the house with her husband. It had its own walk-in closet and full bathroom suite. He had installed a library having found out that she liked to read (that was all the incentive he needed, apparently). The only thing her room didn't have was a kitchen, and Gilgamesh did all the cooking anyway.
The first two weeks, when she wouldn't emerge from her room at all, he would leave trays out for her to take inside where she felt safe.
"I'm sorry," he repeated, speaking softly and moving so she could see him, showing her his hands. "I shouldn't have snuck up on you like that. I wanted to see if you were hungry, or if you wanted to move into your room."
A gangster for a husband, and he made sure her room was always open for her, that only she was allowed in it, unless there was any house keeping she wanted done. He had even hired a female cleaner, specifically in hopes of making her feel more comfortable.
"Thank you," she smiled at him, hoping to assuage his fears of scaring her. She let the book on her lap fall closed and curled her legs up under the blanket thrown over her. "Sorry, dozed off between chapters."
"You don't have to apologise," he assured her, moving slowly as he took a seat on the sofa. He wasn't at the far end of it, but it was more than enough space for her to feel separate from him. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "Are you okay? You seemed to be having a bad dream."
She was. Even removed as she was from that place, sometimes she would think was waking in her room, her desperate attempts to start a real career crammed into the corner of her room where her father wouldn't know to go digging for money.
The crinkle of her clothes in plastic bags so that he couldn't get them all wreaking of alcohol before a job interview. The way she would walk on the balls of her feet so as not to wake him when he was passed out on the couch in the middle of the day. The fear that every knock on the door would be another debt collector.
"Hey," Gilgamesh said as softly as he could again, "what do you need?"
If she hadn't woken from such a terrible dream she might swoon. It was almost a shame their relationship was one of contract. Gilgamesh was very good at seeming romantic.
She inhaled, putting on a braver face. "Some food sounds good."
"Okay," he nodded. His hand hovered, as if he would pat her knee under her blanket. But he stood instead, pulling himself away from her. "I can do that."
Thena stood, nearly slipping on the stairs of the elevated seating area to follow him into the kitchen. "Do you need any help?"
He did let his surprise show on his face, and instances like these she was reminded of the menacing - as well as cocky - gangster who had first appeared in her home and informed her of their marriage. "Setting a fire?--no, sweetheart, thank you."
She huffed, and she even managed to get a chuckle out of him. Laughing suited him more. "You must have had a hard day."
He immediately looked at her, trying to tell how any clue of how his work had gone could have slipped through the cracks. He worked very hard to keep all aspects of his business out of their home life.
She leaned against the spotless granite island/sink. "You seem more tense than usual."
He didn't rise to her bait, focusing on putting together a meal for her--for them.
But she was in the mood to poke the bear, as it were--the big grizzly teddybear in the pinstripe suit. "I figured I would get a 'no need, princess', at least."
He shook his head at her, pulling out a clay pot and retrieving the ingredients necessary. For a man living outside the law, he really was a great cook. "No need for a house fire--that's true."
"I am not that bad," she insisted, rising to her own bait if need be.
Gil - not Gilgamesh but Gil - finally looked at her with a little more mirth. He even chuckled, "Need I remind you of the eggs?"
She rolled her eyes at him. He had this big, beautiful kitchen, and she was home alone all the time. And sometimes she didn't want to wait for delivery to make it all the way to the house (and past security) while Gil was at work. She had figured making herself some eggs couldn't possibly go wrong.
"The hob at our-" she paused and moved on like it was nothing- "at my old place would take ages to heat up. I could never have known that this monstrosity can boil water in under a minute."
Gil glanced towards his very fancy oven on the other counter and then back to her. "Who turns the heat up all the way to make eggs in a pan?"
She shrugged, "they cook faster."
Gil let out a real laugh now, finally relaxing some as he finally started preparing the veggies. She could tell he was enjoying it when he slid them onto an angle to slice them. If it were strictly business he would cut them into little cubes instead. He shook his head. "I told you not to lift a finger while you're here."
That was true. After the fire had been put out, her housekeeping companion had insisted she simply ask if she wanted a meal. It was part of her requirements for the job and everything! Which was a little insulting, no matter how aware of her own cooking habits Thena was.
"I thought men wanted a wife who would cook for them as soon as they got home."
But Gil didn't latch onto her joke. He put down his knife, slowly and gently. He dried his hands on the hand towel below. Then he moved towards her, holding his hands out and asking for hers.
She watched as he did, curious enough to give her hands over to him. He held them so gently, even as he brought them up to his lips to kiss the back of each. She shivered.
He opened his eyes, peering down at her as he stroked her hand with his thumb. "Those aren't men. And you are not just 'a wife', Thena."
Did he want her to fall in love with him or not? The times when he was at work, and then completely secretive about it at home really seemed that he didn't. It seemed that he was upholding his end of the agreement with her father, and his vow to respect her and not to allow any harm to come to her.
But then other times he would say things like this, and she wouldn't know what to think.
She blushed as he left one last kiss on the tip of her finger. Then he was back to chopping, as if he hadn't nearly swept her off her feet (metaphorically speaking).
"Why don't you go sit down, sweetie? I'll come up and join you once this is on the heat." Back to that respectful distance.
She pursed her lips, moving away from the kitchen island as he started rinsing the rice and mixing sauces. That was just like Gilgamesh, to say something so breathtaking and sweet one moment and be a husband in name only the next.
She glanced at her book, although she couldn't even remember what she was reading in it before she had dozed off. Throwing herself back on the couch did seem to catch his attention somewhat; she could tell by the tilt of his head only vaguely in her direction. She also pulled the blanket over her again, with a little more force than the light cashmere needed.
If he only wanted to be half a husband then fine, but he didn't have to be a full time flirt to do it.
She peeked up from her phone as Gilgamesh walked up the three small steps to join her. He had a bad knee but wouldn't admit to it, maybe that was adding to the pressure of his day today.
"Okay," he groaned as he too threw himself onto the couch. He looked over at her, at her safe and respectful distance. "So?"
"So?" she asked in return, bristling at the grin on his face. It suited him a little too much.
He nodded, as if he had been thinking something to himself and had the affirmation he needed. She didn't know what he thought he knew, but she almost didn't want to. He leaned back on the couch, relaxing his posture. This was how a gangster would sit, she imagined. "Well."
"Well?" she prompted him again. But all he did was lazily wave his hand at her. She raised her shoulders, "you want me to...?"
He shrugged, even turning his head away from her. "If you want, I mean. You seem like you want the company."
He was calling her out on her wanting his attention, he meant. And he was right, but she didn't appreciate it. She turned her nose up at it.
"If you wanna sit in my lap, you can say so."
She shivered again, turning and half expecting him to be nose to nose with her. But whens he did look, he was back to pretending like he was halfheartedly watching something on the obscenely large tv mounted on the wall.
To his credit, he didn't say anything as she quietly shifted her position. She didn't tuck herself into his embrace or anything. They weren't actually married.
Gil lowered his arm from the back of the couch to her shoulder, letting her lean partially on him but not so close that she would feel trapped. "Put on that show you like."
"The one that puts you to sleep?" she smirked, even as she picked up the remote.
"It does not put me to sleep."
"It does," she corrected him, and it was moments like these when the marriage did feel less like a business agreement and more like...well, like something. "What about the food?"
"It has a timer, just take it off the heat when it's done."
It was he who was on the verge of nodding off, now. He really had endured a truly terrible day to be so exhausted. And she wouldn't be the one waking him.
She did put on her show, a historical drama she liked. And he really did nod off, the clay pot dinner simmering in the background silently. And only because he was dead asleep did she take the liberty of tucking herself against his chest. Just this once.
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19011301180905 · 6 months
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congrats to the alien stage team, they were able to tap into the yaoi tragedy market, i'm gonna cry over them for four hundred years
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IM GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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syn0vial · 1 year
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yes, jango genuinely and absolutely loved boba as a son. yes, he also left boba posthumous instructions to seek out dangerous individuals with the express intent of destroying his trust in others by exposing him to harm and possibly death at their hands.
understanding jango's character means understanding that he would not even REMOTELY consider these two facts to be contradictory <3
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bumblingbabooshka · 10 months
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Tuvok & Neelix are both cringe but only Neelix is free
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rizardofether · 2 months
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I got an idea for one of those talk about your characters prompts:
How would your Commander/other GW2 characters react to being stuck in a time loop?
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protect-namine · 5 months
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I was thinking the other day that man, kokuto neji is such a character and I haven't liked a writer character like this since... shang qinghua?
which naturally led me to this thought: jj fic with svsss-style au where neji transmigrates/gets isekai'd into the world of havenna. as domina, of course.
it's extra fucked up imo because at least when sqh transmigrated in his book, he made up all of those characters and they mostly stayed in the realm of fantasy. like, sure, lbh was kinda based on himself in some ways and mbj was his ideal fantasy, but they still mostly stayed fictional, you know? sqq (sy) had to fix his plots because the characters sqh wrote strayed too far from their original plotlines
but theater makes a fictional world a bit too real and personal, especially when you use real people as inspirations for your writing. with neji, he'd be looking at rukiora and see three different people (mitsuki acting as rukiora; rukiora who was written based on a younger version of neji; rukiora who is her own person in this weirdly real world of havenna). neji would see fugio and to him that is both sou acting as fugio and the fugio who grew up with poison flowers. miguel is both fumi and the guy who ran away from his neshiromi fields. the only constant would probably be chicchi. she is too much like kisa in that... well. neji didn't really have a backstory for chicchi. chicchi is a blank canvas just like kisa is as an actor.
anyway. yeah, very sv-style character arc where neji, much like shen yuan in sv, is forced to humanize the villain. except this villain was his creation and is also tied to a bunch of personal issues for neji that he Doesn't Want To Think About and also he doesn't? really understand the character he wrote tbh?
isn't art supposed to process your emotions for you!! why must he process these himself!!
can you imagine neji, who always casts himself as a seer of some sort (fortune teller, ushinoko) or someone who generally has some control over his future or his "creation" (who is mary if not just another side of neji anyway; she's takihime redux, and takihime is also. neji). imagine this dude being transported inside the play he wrote but he doesn't understand it and he has no control over it and everyone's acting both in character and out of character. he both knows and doesn't know these people. they're fictional but also... real? does he treat them as real people? is domina real? he wanted his actors to imbue parts of themselves into his characters. are these people really just characters from a script? are they his quartz classmates? is he allowed to even hope that that's the case?
it's both THE improv exercise of his dreams and also. a nightmare
#mine musings#liveblogging jj#jack jeanne#i do kinda want to write this eventually. like separate from a njmtsks fic#oh god. not me wanting to write a fic about a story within another story. oh rama havenna...#we can even throw in the whole prayer theme. like yes the priest preaches in a godless town and he carries a bible but hear me out#what if the god he's preaching about is himehiko instead#like. prayers and confession as offerings to a theater god. said theater god put you in your own play to “help” you fix it bc you#as the scriptwriter don't even understand anything about your own play#i kinda envision this as a neji & kai fic#though neji mostly struggles with rukiora and chicchi and the way domina prevents him from reacting authentically#neji knows everyone's backstories and inspiration but them BAM he has to face chicchi and he doesn't know anything about her#bc he was banking on kisa making chicchi her own character and being the 'transparent vessel' that helps everyone improve#and also he just had zero notes about chicchi lmao#neji every night at pontartia: is she being ooc right now or is this how chicchi was supposed to be all this time#like remember that time when he said to sou that he only realized what mukai's character was about after kisa got her act together#it's happening agaaainnnnn with chicchi#meanwhile rukiora hates him soooo much and neji is sad that he can't even confess about this to the priest bc it would be ooc for domina#mikki hates him!! except that's not mikki. but she looks and sounds and acts like mikki!! and also like a younger version of neji!!#he'll look to jire and he's all sad and mopey and neji is like. suzu having nuance is GREAT but also suzu not being cheery feels so bad man#where's my moodmaker? hachipochi missing hours :(#he tries to talk to sou but that's not sou that's fugio and also. fugio only cares about chicchi#domina barely even interacts with miguel so neji has to devise ways for domina to talk to him while being in character#but the minute he gets close rukiora is there and miguel would never talk to someone that makes rukiora upset. go away madame!!#neji is left to commiserate with otori/facchio and himehiko is laughing in the background
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dizzyluc · 2 months
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TW: Politics, Death, Suicide I really hate discussing politics, but after today I do feel like I need to at least say some things on it. So, one of the BIG reasons I'm against saying the whole "should have been killed" thing is because personally, saying that kind of thing will give the idea to those on the "independent" side, that's on neither party side, that one side wants their opposition killed in the literal sense. (While the other side has not blatantly said it... as of recent.) "As of recent?" Yeah, although not technically their opposing side, the cult literally wanted Mike Pence's head during J6, but it's like everyone forgets that... and do you know why? Recency bias. Whatever is in people's heads at the current time is what they are going to think the most on, which will sway their voting (J6 happened over 3 years ago, versus something that literally happened today... so people aren't going to remember as well that MP was on the idiots' list of "taking down" as well as about 10 people dying to J6, (hard to find info on all deaths) they only are going to think about the "current" news and paint "the guy that lived, that the opposing side wishes death on" a hero) Hell, I saw people trying to spin "no one died during J6, while 2 people died today." YES, PEOPLE DID DIE. (Most are... rather weird deaths, but one of the people participating was fatally shot by capital police, another from being trampled... but also overdose??? And two died from "natural causes" during the event? (a heart attack and a stroke) Then of capitol police, one died the following day from being attacked by the mob (mentioned natural causes, but the mob played a major role), and 2 officers... went out by their own means, one after the attack and one 4 days after) I swear, seeing people act like it wasn't a big deal and act like no one died when that was all on that idiot that just sat there for hours as it went down. (I still remember being home and watching it go down on TV, calling my mom as she did not know it was happening) I do have to say it though, you aren't going to get the opposing side to change their vote obviously (as they are too far up their own ass about their "savior"), but saying you want your opposition dead is not going to win anyone over on the fence about voting. The best thing you can do, is try not to give this anymore attention as of the following day, and continue to let people know all the things the GOP plan to do if they take office, and asking them "is that what you want in a president?" As much as I hate both candidates, I'd rather vote in the best possible person to make him NOT be president, than just throw my vote at a 3rd party at this point. (I'm usually one that would not care about voting, but at this point it's starting to get a bit "scary" with how bad the previous president's cult has been) Especially with how Project 2025 is sounding... Note: Also me trying not to use certain words in the above post cause I'm used to trying not to bring in certain words in the algorithm on Twitter, so I don't get a bunch of MAGA assholes or anyone of the like talking shit to me lol...
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aftermathing · 5 months
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The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."
#Okay to tb btw all the personal stuff is in the tags#Like. Not eating for a week because you couldn't get groceries hurts#and people will say 'oof sorry that's happening' but then#after you're able to get food no one will ever say 'I'm sorry that happened' even though you think about it and hurt from it constantly.#No one will ever say ':( that must have been so hard' because you're fine now right???? No psychological damage there?????#This example is stupid but I do think about it every time I feel hungry. I told people I wasn't able to get groceries#and there was no food in my house. And they said. Oof.#Instead of idk Oh God Are You Okay ??#No one cares when you've been abused your entire life and behave the way you do out of genuine terror because your brain is fucked forever#They don't say 'I'm sorry that happened it must have been really scary to turn you into Such An Asshole. I pity you like a dog :('#Speaking of man everyone loves fucked up abused terrified dogs and wants to be the one who makes them open up#And shows them that people can be good and kind and that touch doesn't have to hurt#But everyone is scared of fucked up abused terrified people#Humans are capable of harm even more than dogs and fear is understandable but.#Can you please call me good boy and shush me and tell me nothing's going to hurt me and let me curl up on your lap#And not hit me if I get scared and start to growl and feed me good and take me on walks and play with me#Even though I'm not very fun to play with and I'm still learning what's fun and what's mean and what's a toy and what's a hand#Plleeeaaase don't be jealous of a dog that doesn't eat good don't say 'tch he's so thin what am I doing wrong'#I want to eat good and grow and gain fat and be warm and be comfortable I don't want this#Don't say 'if abused dogs don't eat good then I don't deserve to either' no no no no eat good so you can take care of us both#Please please please I learned so many tricks to make people happy and call me smart but I don't actually know how to do anything I'm#Literally like such a stupid dog it takes me like one day of no one paying attention to me for me to become un-housebroken#I make a lot of mistakes even though I know better or I really should know better#And sometimes do things wrong on purpose to get attention either yelling or showing me how to do it right#But most of the time I genuinely don't know how to do stuff because I was never taught or I was taught and#My previous owners said 'this is how it is. It is this way because it is and it is forever. The answer is Because.'#'now quit asking repetitive questions before I pop you'#If I do something Because and not know the reason why I'm doing it that's not learning that's acting#Especially habits taught specifically to hurt me and not being allowed to question it or know why I'm being hurt#Oh my god I acted out so much when I was younger and all my friends were so disgusted and hurt by me and yelled at me every day
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britneyshakespeare · 9 months
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Another Thing Wrong With The Former Gifted Kid Discourse, Since I Can't Stop Thinking About It:
people have such an unhelpful tendency to universalize their own experience when talking about the plights and struggles about Gifted Kids™—and what they are talking about is not necessarily invalid, but they're more often talking about their individual responses to their particular schools' policies. This Is Not A Systemic Analysis. it's helpful; i sympathize with you. But You Are Not Dismantling The Inequities by saying this or that happened At Your School when you were a child, and it affected you this or that way because of Who You Are.
example. i always see people talking about neurodivergence in this conversation, which is actually helpful in spotlighting how the Gifted Kid discourse often glosses over such complex intersectional issues. you can talk about how you were Gifted & Neurodivergent and how those experiences lead you to future disappointment. this is, i must stress, valid. but your analysis of your own life Is Not A Systemic Analysis. your experience alone will never speak for how the educational system and trends in policy among schools across the united states affect ALL neurodivergent people negatively because there are neurodivergent people who are Different From You. not to mention that when people point out that very often "Gifted Kid" usually correlates with some degrees of privilege, people push back and go nooooo I'm neurodivergent. people across all other marginalized identities who are systemically disadvantaged by the educational system can be neurodivergent. this does not make you, initially, when you were as a young Kid determined to be Gifted, NOT also in fact privileged.
if you are not ready to discuss experiences that were different from your own growing up, you aren't really engaging in the discourse of how to improve public education in the united states. it's a diiii-verse country we live in. not only in the ways we traditionally think of. when we think of "marginalized" or "oppressed" people, some specific and historically significant groups come to mind. when it comes to advantages that set up a child for future educational success, these broad categories often leave gaps because they lead people to generalizations, and ultimately, fatalism.
but there's really so much hope in early childhood education if we were to make things more equitable, ie like i always say UNIVERSAL PRE-K. these kids who are determined as "gifted" more often than not were just from more enriched home environments that prepared them for learning how to read, write, and do math. it's often not special innate abilities that leads to differences in outcomes for different students, but That's How The Kids Interpret It When Some of Them Are Called "Gifted." they're more often than not, not doing something that's truly exceptional or precocious for their age. they're displaying signs of age-appropriate development, when often, the kids who may be lagging behind them skill-wise just Haven't Practiced Those Skills As Much.
so yes, that's why there's a correlation in things like upper- and middle-class white kids being seemingly more successful in school (and more commonly deemed "gifted") at a young age. it's from privilege. it's not even just the implicit biases of their educators already working in their favor for their race and class. it's the fact that being more privileged, generally, means their family and parents had all of their basic needs provided for. they had more time to read with you. they could buy more development-promoting toys. they probably had better mental health to cope with the demands of child-rearing. if they suffered chronic or sudden physical health issues, they were insured. privileged children are usually less exposed at a younger age to the harshnesses of this world, as every child should be. ALL of these little advantages build up, in terms of what a child can be provided with before they go to school. anything that's going wrong in a child's family system can negatively impact them without them even being old enough to understand it.
you may not think of yourself as Privileged. you might prefer to think of yourself as Gifted. Gifted is so nice, even if it's demoted to Former Gifted. at one point you were told you were superior and it felt really good. and You, reader, i do not know You. i'm not calling You privileged, even if you are! hell, everyone's privileged in some way. i am at the point in the post where for transparency's sake i think i should say I Could Be What Some People Call "Former Gifted". i was called smart as a kid and given special homework sometimes etc. i'm not calling any Former Gifted people stupid for not realizing this either. what i mean is that this kids Are Not Usually Actually Gifted. this is a compliment given overwhelmingly to children who were just simply not deprived. when people say they were once Gifted, they're more often than not saying I Had The Early Opportunities To Learn Everyone Should Have, But Doesn't. this doesn't make you an outlier. It Might Just Be A Sign of Privilege.
#also I Am Privileged#i wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth in fact my parents were unemployed for much of my childhood#and there were many medical stressors for multiple of my immediate family members that complicated things#my father was diagnosed w type 1 diabetes when he was recently laid off in a pre-affordable care act world.#but in terms of having basic needs met and provided for. i did!#i didn't know the differences for my family's circumstances#also both of my parents are college-educated which helped them get out of that and helped provide for the privilege i was born into.#I Acknowledge These Privileges Not Because They Make Me Bad But Because Not Everyone Has These Things Handed To Them!#privilege doesn't mean you don't struggle. it means you don't struggle as much as you could've.#things couldve been worse#rant#long post#im not making it rebloggable bc i dont trust this website lol#people wanting to say 'im not privileged im neurodivergent' in this convo just grinds my gears#theyre making it seem like 'gifted' = neurodivergent which is NOT true#even if what they were praised for seems in retrospect to them to be their neurodivergent qualities. and#how that might emotionally interact with the future disappointment of realizing you're Not Special.#or even the social isolation you MAYBE experienced from your own school's policies for students like you!#that's again though not a systemic analysis but a personal one. and that's fine. that needs room#but people will assign a disproportionate amount of importance on their individual experience. and deny they could be privileged!#it feels very 'oh officer id never kill my husband' but about privilege lol.#its ok to be privileged. its ok#if those privileges are that you were regularly fed and lived in a stable home and your parents were there for you then thats a good thing.#universal pre-k is what ive been driving home but really all other systemic inequalities affect educational success is what im saying.#much like suicide prevention is more than just having a hotline. it's correcting the injustices of the world that make ppl feel hopeless.#educational justice is providing an equitable world for all children SO THAT they are capable of being reached by education#let's acknowledge the layers please. please
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theduchessofnaxos · 10 months
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This paper is actually going quite well.
Too bad it's complete bullshit.
#I'm not lying#but I'm definitely not being brutally honest about the historiography here#look the first few works are technically all social histories but there's a qualitative difference from the later ones#and the politics is still important enough that I should get to call them political histories#Also frankly I don't care#I just need to finish the damn paper by midnight and then I will be free of this fucking course#I have never in my LIFE dreaded going to class before this course#And honestly? It's soul crushing! I have no will to succeed here!#My only motivation is that I liked the rest of the semester and I need to pass this class to continue the program!#the professor asked for an additional evaluation (still anonymous) and I'm torn about how brutal to be#because on the one hand it was an enlightening course and I am definitely better equipped as a historian than I was three months ago.#on the other hand every single one of my classmates had completely given up by the end because no matter what we did it wasn't good enough#and also the professor was just fucking mean a whole bunch. But in that subtle way where you feel crazy for noticing.#so the class was horrible but I don't want him to feel horrible but also maybe he deserves it??? I can't even tell if he's actually a dick#or just acts like one#which is perhaps not a meaningful distinction but if he doesn't mean to I'd feel bad being too harsh#though several incidents make me think he meant to#blegh. It'll all be over by midnight!#And then I can focus on studying for women's history and - joy of joys - writing a syllabus about Victorian fashion and politics#I fucking love historical fashion that's going to be absurdly fun
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