#every time I replay mass effect I'm like. Oh yeah

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Stuck in an eternal loop of relearning I don't like canon mshenko and don't care for Kaidan in general even though I like what some fics do for him

[annamarabella-grumble]

mass effect replay thoughts, episode 11

episode 1 / episode 2 / episode 3 / episode 4 / episode 5 / episode 6 / episode 7 / episode 8 / episode 9 / episode 10

haven't updated these in a while! we're almost at the end of mass effect 3 now lmao. thoughts on mass effect 2 for the meantime?

we killed mordin solus in cold blood; did the math and everything--i enjoy padok wiks' company a LOT more. christ, he's weird. i like him

i'm never fucking playing arrival again, i swear on wrex's bollocks. a tiny room and five pyros??? NO THANK YOU

speaking of, if grandpa hackett doesn't stop calling me on my damn bananaphone the minute i enter a system where he's committed another war crime....... THIS PHONE IS FOR BANANERGENCIES ONLY

during every playthrough of me2 i successfully repress the memory of that damn reaper skeleton. it punches me in the face every time

the amount of times during me2 that chat was like "oh yeah that's an old bug," including for bugs i'd not encountered on my own before???????

now what about mass effect 3?

meeting anderson again: I HEAR YOU'RE AN ADMIRAL NOW, FATHER! GOOD FOR YOU!

that lil pat of shep's tummy after months under house arrest. father pls (i love their dynamic so much)

as always, we're fetching garrus first, as is proper and correct. we're not romancing him in this one, and i love how so few of their lines actually change. they're not together, but they adore and rely on each other. there's no shepard without vakarian, ain't ever gonna change

you know whom i do not adore? kai leng. god, i hate that railroady flippy bitch

he's not scary, he's not even interesting, he's just a plot device. BORING

which reminds me (sob): shep's fully ready to jump thane's bones in the atrium of a hospital. down, girl

speaking of: we're in love with traynor now, she's delightful. we played sweaty chess

speaking of speaking of: every stream we have a ten-minute section where we talk about how literally everything about mass effect would be better if everyone was queer

yesterday we played omega dlc and my GOD. the belligerent sexual tension, cut it with a knife. bioware are cowards for not just letting aria and nyreen fuck nasty on the floor of any of the dozen elevators we were on. shep can watch, she'd like it

(if you also like it, listen to "temper temper" by black pistol fire)

the section with the adjutants prowling around in the dark is my favourite thing in the world, it's so well done

"ask the ghosts if honour matters" is a raw af line

i can't believe that mr vega asks if we can adopt that husk head and then it ends up in my cabin anyway

also can't believe how married messers vega and cortez are I LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOUR HONOUR

steeb :'((

i've been having a rough time and i think a hug from jimmy vega would fix me. just compress me, bro

LEGIOOOOON :'((((

oh my god when grunt does the thing and you think he's gone and then he comes stumbling out of the cave and collapses

love how shep is like A LIL HELP HERE and garrus comes swaggering up leisurely to collect his krogan son (we're not dating but we're definitely co-parenting)

ADAMS IS SO HAPPY HIS ENGINEER DAUGHTER TALI IS BACK

i love tali's character arc

WE CURED THE GENOPHAGE BITCHES

dalatrass can go and sulk for all eternity, don't give a shit. wrex did the right thing

oh lookie here, ashley magically isn't racist anymore! hate how there's no discussion of that in the game. the writers just quietly retconned that shit when it could've been a genuine example of growth--something the other members of the og crew all got lmao.

fuck cerberus

FUCK CERBERUS

can't wait to blow up all the reapers

[jjmaebank]

Amnesia - JJ Maybank

a/n: this is based off the classic song Amnesia by 5sos, I'm sorry but I'm acc tempted to write so many more purely based on 5sos songs cuz there r so many GEMS. this one’s just a classic and this album reminds me of my childhood jfskk

LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE READING (if you want lol)

Flashbacks are in italics!!

warnings: sad :((

Words: 2.8k

[GIF NOT MINE CREDIT TO OWNER]

+

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted

JJ would drive by the beach every day just to get a glimpse at your special spot through the car window. When you first left he would sit there for hours, running his fingers through the sand that the two of you would lie on as you stared at the stars. He would sit there for hours hoping that maybe if he stayed there long enough you would appear next to him. He would sit there remembering the countless times you spent getting wasted and talking about stupid things.

“Don’t you think that there are enough cows in the world for them to coordinate a mass uprising against the meat industry?” You asked as you stared up at the star scattered sky.

JJ chuckled as he stared at you with absolute adoration.

“Babe, cows aren’t humans...they can’t coordinate a global rebellion,” he laughed, his eyes never leaving your face as you scrunched up your nose in protest.

“But they did it in Animal Farm,” you pouted, the alcohol had really clouded your logic.

“What the hell is Animal Farm?” JJ asked, still smiling at your passion for social justice.

“Oh, I forgot you don’t read,” you teased, turning your head to meet his gaze.

JJ rolled his eyes and began to tickle you in response causing you to erupt into fits of giggles.

“Why would I read when I have you to give me in depth summaries of every book in the world,” he smirked, continuing to tickle you.

Your laughter. It hurt him to even remember the sound, but every time he cracked a joke with the pogues he wished he could hear it again. He wished he could watch the way your dimples showed and your eyes crinkled as you burst into a fit of laugher. He wished he could watch the way one of his jokes sent you into hysterics to the point you were holding your stomach, to the point you were out of breath. But he also wished he could forget.

I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted.

Your last kiss. It was breathtaking. You’d spent the whole day out on the water  with the pogues, swimming, snorkelling, soaking up the sun. JJ remembered this day as one of the most epic days of pogue history; it was the last time you were all together as one, as one big happy family. He remembered the overwhelming feeling of pride he had as he watched you beat Pope in a shotgunning challenge.

“That’s my girl!” He yelled as you downed the beer and smashed the can down on the boat as Pope continued struggling with his.

You smiled and hopped on his lap, giving him a quick peck as you celebrated being the coolest girlfriend anyone could ever have.

You were his soulmate, or that’s what it felt like, for him at least.

He remembered walking you back to your house on The Cut that night, your fingers interlaced as your hands swung with your steps.

“Today was amazing,” you smiled, masking a sadness that JJ hadn’t noticed at the time.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” JJ smiled, tracing small patterns on your right cheek with his thumb.

You leaned into his touch, knowing it would be one of the last you experienced, but you didn’t want to spoil this perfect moment.

JJ leaned in, connecting his lips with yours in a soft yet passionate kiss. But you immediately grabbed him and brought him closer, increasing the intensity of the kiss knowing it might be your last. Your lips tasted like your strawberry flavoured lip balm, but with a slightly salty tang from the sea, and he loved it.

Your lips glided against each other in such harmony it was as if everything about the two of you was meant to be. Your fingers ran through his locks of blonde hair, tugging at the nape of his neck. He responded by hooking his fingers in the loops of your jean shorts and pulling you against him.

Eventually, you pushed yourself away from him gently and smiled.

“Goodnight, babe,” you smiled.

“I love you (Y/N),” JJ whispered into your hair as he pulled you in for a hug, not knowing that his words had almost made you cry into his shirt.

“I love you too, JJ Maybank,” you responded, knowing it would probably be the last time he believed you when you said it.

And even though your friends tell me you’re doing fine Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you?

It had been a year; a whole year since you’d left. You’d come back to the Outer Banks a few times during the holidays to visit your parents, but you’d never once gone to see him. You had a new boyfriend. JJ had seen him a few times the one time you brought him home with you. He knew he was biased but he didn't like the look of him, he reminded him of Rafe Cameron and he couldn't comprehend why you’d done what you did just to end up with him.

JJ would watch you from afar, making awkward eye contact whenever you ran into him at The Wreck, but neither of you had the courage to say anything. It had been a year but JJ could still read your emotions from a mile away. You looked lonely, abandoned, lost. At least that was what he kept telling himself like a mantra to stop him from breaking down or punching something every time he saw you.

However, he would ask Kie how you were every time you left and she would be brutally honest and tell him you seemed like you were doing fine. And every time he heard those words it would break him a little bit more.

When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you? Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine? Cause I’m not fine at all.

JJ remembered the first time he heard him talk to you like that, like you were nothing. You’d accidentally spilt your drink on him at the Wreck and you’d started laughing about it as you would’ve with JJ.

“What the fuck!” He yelled.

“Babe, it’s just soda,” you giggled.

“Yeah and it’s gonna stain my new fucking shirt,” he growled, “god you’re so fucking clumsy.”

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes, but JJ knew that his words had more effect than you lead on.

JJ had stood up from his chair to go confront the asshole but John B grabbed him by his shirt and sat him back down.

“Don’t, JJ...” John B said sadly, knowing it hurt his best friend to see the girl he loved with someone else, but he knew that if he involved himself with you right now it would only hurt him more.

JJ would lay in his bed and wonder how it was possible that you could be so...normal, so okay, so fine. It made his heart ache as he realised what the two of you had must have been a complete and utter lie. There was no way you could just forget about what the two of you had unless it never meant anything to you in the first place.

He would go through periods of hating you, punching the walls in his room and screaming as he convinced himself you’d lied to him the whole time. His life at home hadn't got any better, but at least he could say his father’s punches didn't hurt anymore. The pain was nothing compared to the hole you’d left in his heart. He would take a thousand beatings if it meant he could have you back. But you were fine, and he was far from it.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving I remember the make-up running down your face And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them Like every single wish we ever made

JJ would replay the moment you left over and over again, trying to fathom how you could have done such a thing to him, the person you claimed to love most.

JJ heard a knock at his door. His dad wasn’t home, but he could come back at any moment, so naturally he was concerned as to why anyone would come see him when he was the one trying to escape this household.

“(Y/N)?” JJ asked, confused as to why you were stood on his porch. “What are you doing here? You know it’s not safe.”

The concern that laced his voice made your heart break as you dreaded what was about to escape your mouth.

“We need to talk...” you replied sadly.

JJ’s heart rate went up. Those words never lead to anything good. He observed your facial expression but you were stoic, the only hint to how distraught you were being the faint dark circles under your eyes that showed you hadn't slept. And you hadn’t. Not a wink.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” JJ asked, the concern in his voice even more evident, except his concern had shifted from your safety to whatever you were about to tell him.

“I-I have to tell you something,” you confessed.

JJ ushered you into his room and sat you down on the edge of his bed, sitting down by your side.

“What is it? You can tell me anything,” JJ continued, being the loving boyfriend that he was.

He had no idea what was coming for him.

“I’m...I’m leaving, JJ,” you sighed, your voice shaking as you feared his response. He tended to lash out when his emotions got the best of him.

“Leaving? What do you mean? Like for a bit?” JJ spouted questions, hope still laced in his voice.

“No, JJ...for quite a while,” you said, the tears that you were holding back finally escaping.

JJ’s eyes widened, his hands balled up into fists.

“W-what?” He choked, tears of his own brimmed his eyes.

“I got this amazing opportunity to study in Europe,” you continued. “I know I’d planned on going to UNC Chapel Hill so I’d be closer to home but I applied for their semester abroad programme not thinking I’d actually get it.”

At this point you were speaking too fast for JJ to even comprehend what you were saying. In fact, he wouldn't have been able to even if you’d spoken slowly.

“A semester, that’s not long?” JJ asked, some hope resurfacing.

“I know and that’s why I applied for a semester but they said they can only offer me the year abroad programme...” you explained, crushing his remaining hope.

“And you’re taking it?” JJ asked angrily, the skin on his knuckles going white from how hard he was clenching his fists.

“J...I have to...you know it’s my dream to study in Paris,” you said, going to rest your hand on his.

He pulled away from your touch instantly, causing your heart to sink.

“How long have you known?” He asked, looking down at the floor.

“Not that lon-” you started before JJ stood up angrily.

“How goddamn long, (Y/N)!” He yelled, looking down at you.

“3 months,” you whispered, letting another tear fall down your cheek.

All you wanted in this moment was for JJ to wipe your tears gently and caress you, hold you, but he couldn't even look at you right now, let alone touch you.

“3 fucking months?!” He yelled, his rage consuming him and anger clouding his vision.

He immediately turned to his wall and punched it with all his force causing a deafening cracking noise.

“JJ your hand!” You exclaimed as you stood up, knowing that was the sound of a bone or two breaking.

“I don't give a shit about my hand right now, (Y/N)!” He turned around to face you.

His eyes had gone dark and his lip was trembling. You did this, and you hated yourself for it.

“How could you keep this from me for 3 months?” JJ’s voice cracked, his own tears finally escaping.

You went to wipe them but again, he flinched away from your touch.

“I wanted this summer to be great, epic even! And it was, JJ it was... like yesterday on the boat, that was one of the best days of my life! I didn’t want it to be ruined by the fact I was leaving,” you cried, your mascara starting to run down your face.

“But it was all a fucking lie, (Y/N)! You do realise that right?” JJ continued shouting, this time tugging at his hair angrily as he paced around his room. It broke you to see him like this but you were the only one to blame.

“Don’t say that J...that’s not true...”

“You don’t get to say that! You knew you were spending your last moments with us, with me. I didn’t!” He yelled, glaring at you. And for the first time ever he looked at you with what looked like resentment, hate.

“Did you just expect me to be fine with this, with you just dropping this on me out of the blue?” He continued.

“No, I didn’t,” you whispered, “but I didn’t want our last summer to have an expiration date on it you know...”

“That is so unbelievably selfish, (Y/N),” JJ stated, his words cutting like knives.

“You’re fucking SELFISH,” he continued, causing more tears to pour down your face.

“JJ please don’t say that...I did this for us, so you could remember us happily!” You sobbed.

“Well you did an excellent job at that, well done,” JJ laughed sarcastically, clapping his hands in a fake applause, “because this isn’t sad at all right?!”

“J-” you started, your whole body shaking at this point.

“No,” he said, “just get out.”

“What?” You whispered, looking at the boy you loved who couldn't even look you in the eyes for more than a second.

“I said get out,” he repeated.

“JJ please, I don’t want us to end like this!” You pleaded, your throat closing up feeling as though it was wrapped in barbed wire.

“I said GET OUT!” He yelled, tears streaming down his face, his voice coated in pain. He hated how he was acting towards you and he knew he’d regret it but he couldn’t look at you. He didn't want to hear your voice right now.

You nodded sadly, wiping your tears, your mascara now smeared on your face and coating your fingers.

“I love you...” you said gently.

You waited a moment to see if he would respond, but he remained silent, refusing to look at you. You sighed in defeat before walking out of his room and out of his life.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia And forget about the stupid little things Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you And the memories I never can escape

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

That day was scarred into JJ’s mind. There was nothing he regretted more than the way he had acted. He still didn’t understand why you’d hidden it, he would’ve been upset at first, but ultimately he would’ve cherished every day with you even more. But he knew you weren’t selfish, and he knew you didn't mean to hurt him. You were trying to protect him and your last moments together. He still thought you’d gone about it the wrong way and in some ways you did too, but what was done was done. He simply wished he’d had the self control to keep himself from saying the things he did, and to say the things he didn’t.

He never told you he loved you back. That was his biggest regret. He never said goodbye. That was his next regret. You’d left for Paris two weeks after you told him about your year abroad programme there. Two weeks. He could’ve spent every minute of those last two weeks with you, but instead he spent it alone, avoiding you at all costs. His pride stopping him from apologising and his pain stopping him from being around you at all.

It hurt him so much that you’d ended that way, and as much as he wanted to put the blame on you, he knew he played a part in it too. But it was too late to reverse the damage. All he longed for now was to forget. He’d spent a year hoping you would come back and hoping you could go back to being JJ and (Y/N), the power couple of the Outer Banks. But when you came back with him, he realised it was too little too late.

All there was left to do was erase you from his memory.

+

A/N: holy shit that made me SAD, amnesia is my cry song. FUCKSJF I'm sorry, but like at the same time I'm not cuz like I'm kinda proud of this

tagging some lovely people: @maybe-maybanks , @baby-bearie , @obx-sos , @drewtruly , @drewstarkey , @spilledtee , @thelocalpogue , @heliopvth , @jmaybank , @ruelstyles , @jjmaybanky , @jjmayibeyoursbanks , @jjmayspanks , @ceruleanjj

[elvensemi]

After all these years, I'm genuinely curious about #1.

1. How did you get into Dragon Age? 

Oh gosh have I not told this story here? Man, it’s not even a particularly long or complex story. I wasn’t a Bioware fan or anything; I’d never played Baldur’s Gate or Mass Effect. I just heard through the grapevine that a game had just come out that had a mlm romance option. You have to understand, DA:O was like... not the FIRST, probably, but DEFINITELY the first mainstream release to have anything like that. It was SUPER controversial at the time, even more so than Liara, who was edgy but got a pass because straight men like being titilated by wlw romances played for their pleasure. But mlm? Yeah a lot of male gamers were P I S S E D. (Youngin’s these days,,, don’t know how good they have it,,, *shakes cane*). 

So obviously I bought it pretty much on the spot. Representation for the me? Unfuckingheard of. It could have been any kind of game and I would have bought it just for that. I played it solely for Zevran, but I did really enjoy it and wound up replaying it pretty often. When DA2 came out, I thought it was godawful and it absolutely killed my interest in the genre; Dragon Age was dead for me and I just replayed DA:O from time to time. When DA:I came out, I didn’t have any hopes whatsoever (I was amazed they even had a third game coming out), so I didn’t get it until some random video game reviewer my bf at the time watched, gave it crazy rave reviews and I looked into it and EVERYONE was giving it crazy rave reviews. 

So I was like. Heck. Why not? Picked it up, romanced an egg, and my life in hell began. XD TBH while I liked DA:O, Dragon Age didn’t become a Special Interest(tm) for me until after DA:I. Fortunately I still remembered every stupid little detail from playing DA:O ten thousand times so I didn’t have far to fall. Special shout out goes to the solavellan subreddit (my first and only reddit experience), which was my first real experience with like... actual fandom space. 

Ask me Dragon Age questions (I’m bored!)

[annamarabella-grumble]

mass effect replay thoughts, episode 1

i'm currently replaying mass effect (legendary edition) from the beginning, on stream, and here's some thoughts on yesterday's episode

episode 2 / episode 3 / episode 4 / episode 5 / episode 6 / episode 7 / episode 8 / episode 9

eden... eden prime.... paradise.... it's almost like it's *smacks lips* symbolic. that's right, fun times are over! (wails about humanity's loss of innocence. standing awkwardly between the kids table and the grown-up table.)

it sure is fun how the first time we ever see an asari, she’s got the titty window (more like windshield) of the century

blue boobs to the face at terminal velocity

she also clearly only plays second fiddle to saren, even though "matriarch" writes a cheque the game won't cash

the kaidan roast began as i’m sure it means to go on — searingly

every time i talk to him and pick the nice dialogue options for the paragon points, i take 100 psychic damage

yes i know that’s meta-gaming, i don’t care

also, it’s FUNNY

at the same time as it’s infuriating that bioware refuses to let you be heterosexually friendly and queerly horny. hornily queer?

saren is on screen for a total of like 50 seconds in the first hour of the game, and already i know a) he's tall and mean and b) i need the name of his dentist. dude’s got metal fillings!

the council: oh yeah, saren. he’s sooooo normal!

he’s not

he also gets the zoomies when he’s mad

executor pallin calls humans the council's favourite pet, and i'm distressed that shepard objected to the 'favourite,' but not so much the pet part

love being dragged into space on a job interview i never knew about, wanted, or was ready for. sorry you're dead, nihlus, but that was WEIRD, bro

everyone's real sad about jenkins (they all tell you! ten times!), when to the player he's literally just poor leeroy who had to die for absolutely new reason other than making himself a self-fulfilling prophecy. "be careful what you wish for," the game says. the neon sign blinks awkwardly.

we want to romance chakwas

the controls feels so floaty, i have no idea whether i'm hitting anything

i'm playing vanguard for the first time and it's fun. i get guns and hulk smash!

mass effect is a very serious game