#every time i use these generic tags i'm like wtf am i doing lol

[untaintedtea]

gouache studies from last stream since I’m trying to use up old paint  🍊🍓

[jonathanslms]

Here's what I missed on ! Tumblr !

It's pretty weird to return to this site after so long. (I'm not exactly a "Twitter refugee" as they seem to be called lmao, more like someone who, because of the whole Twitter stuff, realised that there are still people on Tumblr? And apparently the site stopped their weird filtering/post banning system bc they now allow porn again? Anyway,) I don't remember when I was last active on Tumblr because I deleted my old blog some years ago, but if I had to guess I was probably active from around 2013 to 2015/16 at the latest? And boy, there's so much new stuff...

Firstly, the quality and functionality of themes seems much higher? Maybe that's just because I'm older now, but there are just so many original and innovative themes and pages that, like, are so interactive?? And such a broad variety as well!!!

Adding on to that: Javascript is sort of forbidden?? The work-around is pretty fast and easy (just ask support for permission basically), but still, that sucks lol.

Then there's the whole "you can have an account but no actual blog"-thing?? Idk if I really like that. A lot of people seem to use the site like that, so it's apparently at least somewhat popular. But as a Tumblr-conservative (as in conservative about Tumblr, not a conservative on Tumblr) I must say that having a blog and customizing it was sort of the whole Unique Selling Point of the site, so... interesting choice. (As long as that's still possible I'm still happy either way, I think)

The whole Dashboard experience in general is just so different now. For one, there are ads? I'm not a fan of ads (shocking opinion, I know) and I'm sure had they done it right Tumblr could have become like Ao3 and not even needed them. Still, I don't mind them too much (haha certainly not bc I use adblock :) idk what that is, sounds very morally wrong to me) and I read somewhere that the premium version is only 40€/year, which isn't a lot a lot, but still unfortunate.

I can't even tell which features are new and which aren't most of the time (except for the replying to posts? and THE CHAT?? now that there is one I can't help but wonder why there wasn't one from the start?). I think there's a lot of stuff Tumblr implemented that used to only be possible through xkit before.

Speaking of which: xkit! There's a new version - xkit rewritten - and it's incredible. I didn't even think about re-installing xkit until I stumbled upon a post that mentioned it. Now that I am aware of its existence again, god have I missed it. Being properly on Tumblr without it just isn't the same, man...

Pretty sure the search and follow tags/trending/etcetc stuff is completely revamped as well, but I don't think I used that very often back then anyway. Once I followed a big chunk of blogs I just found new ones through snowballing.

The last thing I can think of that noticably threw me off was the slang? Like wtf is a blorbo? (I actually think I get that one now) What are those other scrinkly, scrumblo, beedy weeby words? Why do I feel several generations older all of a sudden? I can feel the immediate and visceral impulse of disgruntled rejection welling up inside me everytime I see people use any new slang word (or meme, looking at you old scorsese movie that doesn't exist) whose invention I wasn't there for. (please if you've been (back) here for a while, feel free to educate me on the new tumblr etiquette, memes and slang words, I'm curious, I wanna know)

Though that being said, the overall vibes have not changed much. It is still a site that embraces its nerdy lameness and unnecessarily deep deep-dives into ANYTHING. And after the last few months to years of seeing people attacking anyone and anything, and feeling angry/depressed every time I spent some time on my social media site of choice, I think this is a very nice change of pace.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Actually i don't get Reki at all. Like even in the first ep he was worse even than Shadow and i'm not talking abt Cherry, Joe and Adam. And he was ok and loved skating. But like... if your friend is better than you, then you get depressed and making your friend feel guilty abt you not being good enough? I didn't even ship Reki and Langa, they are just giving me only friendship vibes, but i'm still sad, wtf writers did with his character?

Yeah, same. Like, sorry, I just don’t think Reki’s character can be redeemed for me personaly at this point.  

Like what should I even stand for in his character? I do not respect his life position at all. Like I dislike Makoto for being a shadow and not wanting anything in his life, but hey, at least he’s genuinely happy for Haru’s success. I adore Rin who never gave up and dove into the hardest challenge possible from the start to get on Haru’s level, cause he wanted to swim with him for the rest of his life and he got there. And then there’s this..  it’s like.. he loves to skate, but apparently not enough, cause his doesn’t want it, if he isn’t the best at it, so he’d rather... not skate at all? He wants to be as cool and on the same level with “naturally talented ones” and wants to compete with Langa, but he doesn’t want to do anything for it or search for his own unique style or smth to beat them in another way? And on top of that he’s also sad about seeing Langa succeeding? The whole thing is... like.. no, thank you?

Like are they really gonna go with the “you made me want to be great at this like you, but if only you are great at this, than screw both you and this?” lolz. Even if they will go with the psychological block bc of his friend’s injury, it’s gonna be lousy af now. It’s like is there even a route left which could make him look...ahem... presentable at this point? Idk.

I also was right about the fact that he’s the type who prolongs the whining instead of doing things, unlike some other characters who were in his position too; realistic maybe he is, but I don’t want it, honestly, like I see such things every day and I do not like it.

From what I’ve seen in the tag some are already trying to apply here like 50 mental disorders to excuse him and stuff like “it’s realistic” and at this point I’m honestly used to people on the internet using mental disorders not for spreading awareness, but bc they’re thinking it’s “trendy”, which is a cringe galore and shame on you. But it still makes me kinda sad all the time. Also there’s nothing unrealistic about not giving up and getting where you want, it’s just harder for, to say, “ordinary” people, that’s why most rarely choose this option (although it’s for you to decide if you’re ordinary or not, cause everyone can be extraordinary, you just need to find it in you). Anyways, drowning in a self pity is not the trait I’ve ever found appealing in people, along with the constant comparing yourself to others.

Sadly many prefer to use these excuses to get out of everything along with being lazy or jealous, esp the young generation. At this point, it’s like the same thing as with this other fandom. Like, sometimes when someone is trying to hit someone because he saw that he’s more talented than him, that just means that he’s an asshole, there’s no need to come up with ridiculous excuses to justify this and try to make him a hero. And sometimes ppl are just jealous, as simple as that. And no, not everyone is like that. At this point ppl on social media are like... fuck your hard-working characters, who are inspired by talent and do not give up on trying to prove yourself even if the whole world is against them. Let’s promote being emo and how it’s okay to spend your life on walking around telling everyone how you’re a useless trash, like this will help you in life.

Also if seeing someone succeed, esp your best friend, makes you sad, might want to reconsider the way of living your life. Just saying.

Also since when you have to be the best just to enjoy doing what you love doing? I’m like... personaly I do not get it. Looking at my vids 10 years ago they look like utter trash, but I tried and tried and yeah, I might not reach some levels of mega talented ppl, but hey, I’m still trying and searching for stuff I can improve all the time and watch talented ppl tutorials like “holy fuck, you can do that?”.

But hey, at least he doesn’t want to only make boards, he wants to compete... (or does he? I’m honestly not sure at this point lol)... I mean, there’s... that. but I thought, when he’s gonna realize it, he’s gonna be back on track, but n.o. xD back to self pity. ok then. Some go like “its only been 3 episodes” and I’m like “this... ain’t a 24 episodes anime tho..(?)”.

So far I’m just confused about what are writers intentions with some characters are. Like the most interesting ones at least for me are technically a background for some reason idk. I was literally sad about the wasted amount of screentime on Reki being.. well, nothing new.

Sad part about this is that people like this also need a constant reassuring to the point of them just sucking your life out of you, too, so I honestly do not know how to deal with this life position. Ppl like this have a tendency to never be happy, so Langa would just have to run after him and feed him with compliments for the rest of his life to water his tiny self-esteem or say smth “don’t give up, don’t give up, fighting”? It’s like... well, ok. Friendship, yeah, but ship? Nah, not for me. Also I do not smell any huge romance there tbh, and from Reki’s side this is all just a mess tbh.

The saddest part was that he saw that Langa won after his yelling and he didn’t care for that. Like Rin was mopping bc he wanted to swim with Haru, so when he saw that Haru wanted to swim with him, too, that was it for him. And that’s the problem all the viewers who watched Free! got hit with while watching this. My DMs are literally all about “why do I not feel anything about them?” or “sometimes cute, but smth doesn’t hit me shipping wise”. Cause I think most expected for some reason that he would also put Langa first, but at the end, they’re not on the same track, bc their priorities are different.

I actually think it was just mistake for all of our Free! hommies including me to go at it from the wrong point of view and from the beginning expecting it shipping wise to be like that one other Utsumi’s work. I mean, she’s just a director there, not also on the storyboard or anything else. Should’ve gone watching it with a clear head. The main ship just does not hit any spots for me either. And my heart does not lie there at all. I do blame Free! for this, cause it’s like impossible to compare bc of those our scenes, I keep seeing, but at the same time, they do not hold up not to the dynamic, not to anything at this point. Like I do not know where they’re going with them, but this is just not my type of a ship in general and definitely not the one I can go crazy about. I honestly do not think 3 episodes can change that. It’s says a lot if at this point I do not even care much for their reconciliation, I’m like.. tell me about the seniors’ drama tho xD So I’ll stick with my side ships.

Also, unrelated to the question, but did Adam seriously just went and hit Cherry with a board in the face?!!!! (THE FUCK DUDE?) Like, this was definitely not how I thought this was gonna go. I also kinda felt like Cherry was in love with Adam in the past. All in all this was like a... strange episode, at this point I just feel sorry for my baby Langa, Joe and Cherry were very cute (esp at the end) and my god Cherry is hot, but like I also want something complex pls, so idk I’m  still waiting for the Adam/Tadashi shananigans.

At this point I’m like “I love watching this, but what am I watching?” haha supernatural skating soup opera it is then. 

Also I just love Langa my dude, my man. How he’s such a puppy in real life, but so freaking hot when he skates??!!! T_T 

[olivieblake]

... I'm sorry, my message was too long and I couldn't be bothered to split it up LOL.

I just read Paradox and it was?? a masterpiece??? But I saw in the FFN comments that you said on your Tumblr that it was controversial oh yeah a lot of people had a lot of issues with it (the fuck) so I had to come here to (1) see and (2) spread some more love bc YOU ARE TOO TALENTED LMAO

AU Hermione was iconic as hell, and I loved her!! this is a very unpopular opinion and I appreciate it very much—she’s the primary reason this fic got so much negativity; people who chose to see her as purely a romantic rival for potterverse!Hermione decided to be v mean about her I actually preferred both AU characters initially - both Hermione and Draco - but tbf I love morally gray characters in general. Like that scene with her knife to Draco’s throat, can I say sexy??? yes like can you blame him? And the conflict with Voldemort, the fact that she took charge, my god. I am obsessed with literally everyone in your story and that is all I need to say 

You even got me to ship Jilly and while I’m not a Snilly shipper, I literally hate every man from Lily’s time so like. The fact that your writing actually got me to ship Lily with James of all people. I’m dead. Also I kind of loved James. That scene where he talks about Draco. I think I read it like 10 times bc I loved it so much I definitely think that’s one of my most memorable scenes from the fic

Actually there’s like at least 30 subchapters that I read about 10 times in a row, it made me take at least twice as long to read the fic as I normally would have

Admittedly both the originals grew on me, and I ended up preferring them; especially since new Draco was MIA for most of the latter half HA.

And also because – old Hermione did grow a lot more confident, and the fact that she stole the kiss, her entire realization about confidence and seizing what you want, I DIED 

And I also need to add your prose is BEAUTIFUL your dialogue is BEAUTIFUL your banter is BEAUTIFUL your characterization is BEAUTIFUL. I rambled about all this already in FFN comments but just. BEAUTIFUL. I appreciated the comments very much and am very happy to hear it!!

I’ve actually been in the worst reading slump for the past - year, actually LOL. it happens Nothing I’ve read has really seized me until Paradox - and honestly it did, woooo! it grabbed me from the very first chapter, and it was in part due to the hook (“wtf is goin on with hermione”) and in part due to, just, ugh, your writing, delicious. And then it just kept getting BETTER??? I was like “wow how does she do this” and then I was too busy gaping and screaming to ask that question anymore 

And that kiss??? May I say, the kiss at the end, it was. Perfect. I can’t. Not only was it beautifully written in general, but also, the moment with Draco’s recognition - the moment with him going *oh*, xyz, *oh*, that was so rhythmical on top of beautiful and I just. I screamed. definitely one of my favorite scenes I’ve ever written, thank you. writing it was a dream

I’m sorry I turned this ramble into an entire essay but basically

Love

I’m so excited to read Nobility and Lady Vengeance and actually everything you’ve ever written lmfao

Actually I’m pretty sure I slept on Nobility bc it was “eventual Dramione” according to tags but with the way you write Draco (even the original) and his intensity (see below) I just. I am willing to raze my Tomione heart to ashes haha. well, I do think part of the reason you were able to enjoy this fic more than some of the early readers is because you may have come in with a more open mind? certain dramione fans were…. upset, to say the least, about the two being paired up with the “wrong” versions. regardless I’m happy to hear it

I also really love the way you write Pansy based on your Sirius fic so. Ugh. I’m very excited like you don’t even know

Also old Draco’s intensity in the final half/third of the story I can’t

He went from “very canon Draco who works well with Sexy Hermione” to me going laksjdf;asjkdfdjkdskskskskskks 

literally just

Draco: *stares silently at Hermione for five seconds, except written beautifully*

me: *dramatic swooning only it’s bc I actually fainted bc ur draco is a treasure and i am WEAK* wonderful

also the reconciliation scene at the end. so perfectly written; it was inevitable I’d love the one between old draco and new hermione, but I also loved the one following; it was – both meaningful and oddly sweet and – nostalgic, I think, is the word I’m looking for aw that’s nice

and that reminds me

you are SO GOOD at setting atmosphere it’s just – I feel like that’s one of the hardest things to write, is atmosphere, and yet. You do it so seamlessly in such an impeccable way to the point that I just got swept away by the story before I even realized it and just. ugh. thank you! all of this is very nice to hear

Your writing is amazing thank you

Also I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ramble quite this hard LOL it happens to the best of us. thanks so much for reading and reviewing!! I appreciate it IMMENSELY and I’m always especially happy to hear someone enjoys this story in particular

[janiedean]

I'm the anon who said you don't glorify obesity. Look I don't know anything about that ship y'all keep referring to and I don't know who "Hunk" is or whatever, I'm talking in general terms. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SHIPPING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT just to clarify. I think it's wrong that people glorify being skinny but I don't think glorifying obesity is any better (I'm talking about more than overweight - ACTUALLY OBESE)

I’m probably not explaining myself properly but I think people should be able to ship whatever they want, the shipping was never my point. I just think the way people on the internet have been going on like “Fat women are goddesses!!! Real women have curves!!! If you don’t agree you’re fatphobic!!!” is wrong. I have been hospitalized twice for anorexia, I know how being skinny is glorified but I don’t think switching it around so it becomes “being obese is totally awesome and if you say otherwise you’re a horrible fatphobe” is any better. I’m sorry for sending you so many messages, I’ll stop now.

okay so GIVEN THAT WE ALREADY CLARIFIED OURSELVES ON THE MISUNDERSTANDING: the problem is that we were actually talking about shipping XD and the other anon decided it had to be about health but like the problem in general is that as usual (on tumblr and I guess in the US because it’s mostly US beauty standards I’m seeing thrown around) is that there’s no middle way in anything. I mean, like:

body shaming is a thing. in general. the problem is that fatshaming is, like, a thing that is more culturally spread than the contrary even if in some countries (ie italy) there’s this concept that if you’re skinnier than a size 42 (I guess it’s like an S or small M) you’re omg so unhealthy please EAT SOME PUT MEAT ON YOUR BONES WHY DO U HATE GOOD FOOD, but it’s more of an older generation thing. like, I’ve had problems with weight bc when I was in freaking elementary school people would go like ‘omg you’re so fat’ at me and I thought I was and then I looked at some pictures years later and I was like ‘… wtf I was perfectly fine what the hell’ and there’s a general implication that fat/overweight = unhealthy when it’s not necessarily the case.

the problem is that when it comes to body positivity there is like literally zero distinction between curvy, overweight, fat and obese which are not the same thing, and there is zero distinction between body positivity and promote a healthy lifestyle. I mean, according to US standards someone who’s fat would be… like… normal here? a size M is seen as perfectly regular stuff but from what I see of US sizes, M is like OMG I’M FAT already, which… like. here it’s maybe curvy. also being some 3/4kgs overweight never killed anyone. but since I see ZERO DISTINCTION here, it’s all thrown in the same bag and it’s the exact same for people who have 3 kgs more than average, 10, 25, 50 or freaking 200. which is obviously not the same.

also, there is the complete lack of realizing what it means to be healthy and to not be thin. like, as has been said already it’s absolutely not a guarantee that being thin or skinny means that you’re healthy (I had a friend who used to be chubby, then got sick with a freaking chronic disease and came out of it with a body that ended up finding her a job as a fashion model but SHE STILL WAS HEALTHIER BEFORE THE FREAKING CHRONIC DISEASE), I’ve struggled with my extra kgs all my damned life and whenever I go on vacation with friends that are thinner than me but move around less or don’t go to the gym and the likes I am the one who can walk for longer or gets tired less and I have better blood tests than my father who’s at his ideal weight and takes five pills for a bunch of different stuff. some people are just heavier as a body type but if it’s their body and it’s not due to shitty eating or lack of exercise or whatever then they’re not unhealthy. obviously severely obese people who can’t walk for more than twenty minutes without feeling like fainting aren’t in that category but like never mind that for a moment, the problem is that your size doesn’t automatically mean unhealthy and having 20 extra kgs on you makes you fat maybe but not freaking obese.

THEN, on body positivity: there is a healthy difference between NOT BEING A JERK and spreading awareness re healthy habits. like, society/media and the likes shouldn’t promote being thin, they should promote being healthy ie eating well and exercising, not THIN = HEALTHY. as stated you can be healthy without being thin. (or, as the character we were talking about that you weren’t referencing, you can be mostly muscle and have some chub over it and THAT’S NOT BEING OBESE XD at the same time, if someone is overweight or obese or whatever for any reason whatsoever you can’t go at them and tell them omg go lose some weight you loser THAT’S HORRIBLE. I mean, there’s a difference between saying that one should try to be as healthy as possible and go like OMG YOU’RE FAT YOU’RE HORRIBLE. if body positivity means not shaming someone else for their body then go the fuck for it. the problem is that then according to people saying ‘okay but if you can’t walk to the supermarket and back without feeling short of breath and you might get heart diseases maybe you should consider dropping some extra weight for your own benefit’ is fatphobic which… lolno. not everyone is fat because of bad habits and they shouldn’t have people making them feel bad even if they are but assuming that the above sentence (especially when doctors recommend you to do more exercise) is inherently fatphobic imo is ridiculous. if my doctor tells me I should lose some weight then I’m gonna consider it and I’m not gonna feel like he’s *phobic*, if someone goes like ‘omg you’re so fat you’ll never find a guy who wants you’, that is fatphobic. like, THERE’S A DIFFERENCE. (at the same time people who are skinny/thinner than average shouldn’t get told all the time OMG PUT SOME MEAT ON THAT SKELETON REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES like fuck’s sake respect all body types. being a real woman has zero to do with how much meat you have on you.) what should be glorified is be healthy and be happy with whatever body type you have as long as it doesn’t cause you problems and at that point nicely try to make those problems right while you’re encouraged without shaming anyone in the process. (which also means: gdi don’t put other people down if they’re trying to gain weight or lose it, ffs.)

now, the problem with shipping: the thing is - and I swear to god I don’t wanna sound like a sjw now but I hope the previous essay has made clear how I feel in general on this issue - that, in my experience, fat/overweight characters especially if they’re male are seen as… either the laughing stock of the group or the harmless nerd or anyway never as sexual objects. every damned time I ship something where a guy is overweight/fat (notable exceptions jacob and queenie from fantastic beasts which tbh really was a nice surprise for the part where the fat guy who’s also a sweetheart hooks up with the bombshell and it’s THE BEST ROMANCE OF ALL good go you man) right as rain there’s rarely fic for it least of all porn, and even if there is someone will go around saying the fat character isn’t attractive or deserving of getting some. when I say ‘sam tarly syndrome’ I mean ‘fat/overweight guy is a sweetheart who has a lot of nice ships they could be in but they get thoroughly ignored or if it happens in canon fandom lols at it’. I mean, I basically had to start the jon/sam tag on my own (if you see the fics at the beginning it’s honestly sad to see TEN of mine all after the other), once on a kinkmeme I was like ‘okay doing it’ at a pwp prompt and I got as an answer OMG I WAS HOPING YOU’D SEE THIS NO ONE ELSE IN THIS FANDOM WRITES PORN FOR THESE TWO and whenever people discuss canon sex scenes…. the only one in the book that always gets lol-ed at is sam and gilly’s in spite of the fact that okay, it’s badly written, but ALL of the sex scenes in asoiaf except one are badly written. it’s not worse than the average. but sam getting some because a relatively hot girl wants him and the sex - omg! - actually being somewhat not vanilla is seen as… like… OMG HAHAHAHAHA I CAN’T BELIEVE HE’S GETTING SOME OMG HOW EMBARRASSING as if this guy being overweight means he can’t be seen as a palatable partner when it comes to having a sex life. same as the other anon being like ‘omg hunk (the person we were referring) is fat and unhealthy so he’s not good enough for the other person’ is… exactly the same. I mean, this hunk character is admittedly the one person in that bunch I’d actually date irl same as sam is the one character from asoiaf I’d date irl the others are completely out of the question, but since they’re *fat* naaaaah? and guess what sam/WHOEVER is a lot less popular than ships which make a lot less sense but are two hot characters stashed together bc they’re hot. (jaime/sansa has like 300+ fics and jon/sam is still under 100 but okay sure tell me it’s because it makes no sense. lol no. and being that the only porn around for those two was written by me and maybe two/three other people says all.)

at that point then people go like ‘well but it’s because they’re unhealthy’ and that is when it becomes ridiculous. because going with the above problem re fatshaming being a thing that happens on a societal level, it becomes IF YOU’RE FAT YOU’RE NOT SEXUALLY DESIRABLE AND NO ONE SHOULD WANT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR UNHEALTHY WEIGHT, which mixes stuff that doesn’t even go together with being sexually desirable which is something inherently personal. as in: if someone who’s unhealthily fat for whichever reason has a significant other who loves them and their body guess what THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVE A SEXUAL LIFE AND TO BANG PEOPLE/GET BANGED TO THEIR PLEASURE. because when it comes to preferences in the bedroom or loving a person, size can be a thing - some people have certain body shapes preferences and so on - or it cannot be a thing at all and anyway it doesn’t matter when it comes to your right to be seen as desirable/being desirable. people of all sizes can be desirable or sexy or definitely sexually available regardless of the size - like everyone is freaking allowed to be sexually desirable even if they don’t conform to whichever is the beauty canon around.

and given that I personally got told more than once also by admittedly well-meaning people that they wouldn’t ever consider seeing me as desirable because I was overweight or not as thin as other hot person around our class or even better, the aforementioned friend who turned out to be a fashion model using that as some coping mechanism (as in, she didn’t like being sick obv. but since she had come out of it with a scorching hot physique while I had then undiagnosed pcos so I was struggling with weight all the damned time and I was healthy otherwise... er let’s say that she used to tell me stuff like ‘ah well look at you and look at me instead how much better looking I am’ which obviously was in order to make herself feel better about her illness but sure as hell didn’t help me feeling good about myself), I’m honestly fucking tired of this whole trend in shipping where overweight/fat people don’t get any from their hot best friends with whom they’re absolutely shippable but the hot friends get shipped instead with the most improbable hot people that happens in 90% of fandoms I run into. because it’s just a reflection of how irl if you’re overweight a lot of the time people will say that your weight puts you out of the goddamned dating field and everyone deserves to be in there, damn it, regardless of their size. it has nothing to do with being healthy or unhealthy. and saying shit like ‘omg X is fat they’re not good enough for Y’ is really fucking old already. 

 tldr: I hope I made clear why I got pissed at the other anon and what I think of the whole matter. obviously no one has to glorify being *unhealthy* (extreme obesity and anorexia are both unhealthy) and no one needs to put other groups down while doing it (looking at you n*icki m*inaj - like sorry but according to my standards she’s thin, having a nice ass doesn’t make you *fat* or curvy, and going like FUCK ALL THOSE SKINNY BITCHES is the exact contrary of body positivity tbh). but at the same time everyone deserves to be seen as sexually desirable and it’s bullshit that the current narrative depicts being overweight as something undesirable. both in society and in fandom.

/peace