#everyone knows about roman’s issues they don’t give a shit unless it affects them

[concoulor]

wait wait wait in DC does logan send roman to get the money because he knows roman is the best charmer or because he wants him out of the way of the cruises hearing because of his weird sex thing

[kuriquinn]

Hi! I’ve been a fan of yours for a while and I was thinking you might be the best person to ask about this...but if you don’t have the energy I understand completely. I’ve been seriously questioning my sexuality and I was wondering if you also questioned a lot before figuring out you’re bi?

First of all, thanks for reaching out to me! It can be difficult to talk to anyone about this if you’re not sure, even if it’s just someone on the internet.

As for questioning...no and yes? I would put it more as an evolving conversation with myself as I got older than a lot of questioning. (Though, I watched my cousin and a friend go through a lot of questioning about whether they were bi or not, before they figured out they were a lesbian and trans respectively, so I know it’s definitely something that happens).

If there was any questioning for me, it happened later in life, and was more related to the particularities of my orientation rather than whether I was or wasn’t bisexual.

I was lucky enough to grow up in a pretty supportive household when it came to most social issues, and was always encouraged to think/figure things out for myself and keep an open mind. Around the time I was starting to think about this sort of thing, my mom was figuring out that pretty much everything she’d grown up told about LGBTQ people was wrong and my dad’s the most laissez-faire person in the world... So I was so, so lucky and privileged that I never had to worry about if my parents would still love me if I weren’t 100% straight, and we were never close to my extended family to give a shit what they think.

I think I started thinking about it in Grade 5 or 6 when it stopped making sense when I listened to classmates mocking gay people for who and how they loved someone else. I pretty much just told myself I wouldn’t care about that sort of thing, that I pretty much only liked boys, but if I met a girl I liked like that, then what did it matter if she was another girl? So I guess I started off just allowing myself to be open-minded or at-least open, long before I even realized that bisexuality was a thing.

And then, high school in an all-girls school happened, and I started realizing that okay, yes, girls were totally in my wheelhouse too. I had a huge crush on a girl some years ahead of me who was really popular (to the point she’s now actually a fairly well-known actress) and thus seriously intimidating, so I never said anything about it. I probably wouldn’t have even if there’d been a chance of her also liking girls because we probably would have been expelled for it or something (see Roman Catholic girls’ schools...).

I never had an actual “coming out” moment with my friend circle, I just was pretty open about “hey, I would love the person not the sex, so yes, girls are a thing for me”, and none of my friends ever made me feel like there was anything wrong with that. Which was great, because as I said, my school was not very up and coming with things like sexuality (again, see Roman Catholic girls’ schools...) We actually had this religion teacher who kind of derided the whole concept of girls who came out after graduation, and of course my classmates could be catty little jerks that spread rumours and harass anyone who was different, so I decided it was never anyone’s business my preferences?

In the years since high school I’ve spent some time wondering about myself and doubting my preferences, mostly because I have had one relationship which you could call long-term, and it’s been with a guy. I tried putting myself out there with the ladies, but every time I met someone, our personalities completely clashed and it just didn’t work out.

And I started wondering if I was actually bisexual? I thought, can you still be bisexual if you’ve never dated a woman? Which is part of that whole anxiety thing that comes with bisexuality. You’re never entirely sure you fit because everyone else is so keen to put a label on you. Lesbians think you’re a fake lesbian, guys think you’re a lesbian or a tease playing hard to get, if you have only dated/end up in a long-term relationship with one or the other, you get labelled with the respective sexual orientation...

I feel like part of being bisexual is you are constantly questioning yourself because everyone else is questioning you, or erasing your identity.

And then, in recent years I’ve been considering the whole thing again, and find I lean more towards pansexuality (because gender is not binary, and I really do believe in loving the person and not the little box people like to shove them into) and demisexuality (which explains not being able to have a relationship with someone unless I have an actual connection with them...)

Who knows what I’ll identify as in another ten years?

TL;DR: The thing is, sexuality is not always set in stone, and just because you identify one way at some point in your life doesn’t mean your orientation and identity can’t evolve as you get older and move through your life stages and circumstances, and start questioning if that’s really who you are. And your circumstances and privilege (or lack thereof) definitely affect your comfort level when figuring out that identity.

Questioning and figuring yourself out is healthy and part of an ongoing conversation. And if you go through a questioning phase and find that, hey, after all that you are completely straight? That’s okay too. Coming full circle doesn’t erase the fact there was a journey of self-discovery involved. And it doesn’t mean you might not feel differently about it in ten year or if the right person comes along.

Thanks for reaching out, anon, and I wish you well in figuring out who you are and what you want. <3

[eldritchsurveys]

276.

Looks and Personality

What do you look like? >> I was going to just paste a selfie in here but I felt weird about having a big photo of my face just... here, like that, so here’s a link to one instead. Which is also ideal because then people can choose to look if they want to know, or not look if they don’t care. How often do you bathe? >> Three times a week (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday). How do you wear your hair? >> I just keep it short. The longer it gets, the worse my ability to take care of it gets, so it’s way better for my sanity to just buzz it and call it a day.

What colours do you tend to wear? >> Black, mostly. At this point it’s largely just convenience (a black garment will automatically match everything else in my wardrobe), not because I don’t like other colours. Do you have any tattoos? What, where and why? >> The number 19 in Roman numerals with a spider dangling from the “I” on the inside of my wrist (Dark Tower reference, and a reference to me); a Mannaz rune on the back of my hand (it’s the Norse rune I like best); “scully, it’s me” on the inside of my elbow (I’ve been an X-Phile for literally most of my life and it really does define me at this point. Sparrow has the matching version -- “mulder, it’s me” -- but I had been planning on getting this even before we decided to do it this way).

What kind of clothes do you wear? >> A lot of band shirts and branded lounge pants and hoodies. I like to be comfortable but also advertise the things I like. What kind of jewellery do you wear? >> A few important pieces, but nothing much. Jewelry annoys me because I love the way it looks but it can be such sensory bullshit. Is there anything else you often wear? >> Not really. Would you say you had a “look”? >> I don’t think so, no. I used to, but I don’t have any of the clothes I used to have and finding new ones to match the look I like is... so fucking hard. I cannot convey to you how much of a nightmare trying to shop for clothing is for me. Another reason why I just buy a lot of t-shirts. :T When going out, do you dress up or down? >> That obviously depends on the outing. And how I feel that day. What do you wear to bed at home? >> Lounge pants and an undershirt. What do you wear to bed when your somewhere else? >> The same. Is there a place you keep any prized/secret things whilst you’re away? >> If there was, I wouldn’t tell you. What’s your favourite food? >> I don’t have one specific favourite food. What’s your favourite drink? >> Non-alcoholic? Jasmine green tea (cold). What’s your favourite desert? >> I don’t have one. What’s your favourite type of food (e.g Mexican)? >> That’s really difficult to choose. Do you have any mental problems? >> Sure. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? >> I don’t have any phobias, no. Why might somebody dislike you? >> There are a variety of reasons someone might dislike me, and I’m sure I can’t even think of them all, because I can only see myself from the inside. But everyone’s dislikeable to someone. What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? >> I think I have a way with words. I mean, I spent most of my developmental years really interested in language and story-telling, and I guess it paid off. Or maybe it’s a Gift(TM), I don’t know. Who knows, really? It’s just the only kind of charm I have, so I’m glad I have it. :p What is your greatest strength (e.g. honest, loyal, brave)? >> Resilience, adaptability, curiosity. They kind of all go hand-in-hand. What’s your greatest shortcoming or flaw (e.g. cowardly, alcoholic)? >> My tendency to treat myself harshly for even the slightest things. But whereas my greatest strengths are innate, this greatest flaw is definitely learned behaviour from how I was treated. Who do you most admire? >> *shrug* Who do you most love? >> *shrug* What three things do you look for most in a partner? >> I don’t really look for partners in the first place. Do you like crowds? >> Crowds tend to be sensory hell for me, so I avoid them whenever possible. What are your hobbies? >> Mehhhhhh. If you can’t get to sleep in the middle of the night, what do you do? >> Read, usually. What is your favourite animal? >> Otters and capybaras. What is your favourite colour? >> Gold. If you could ask God (to athiests - IF there was one) one question, what? >> Well, as neither a monotheist or an atheist, I really don’t know what to do with this question. If I have a question for a god, I usually just... ask them. Rate yourself on these traits from 0 to 10. 0 - do not possess this trait. 10 - you have great amounts of this trait. Calm temper >> Number scales are so arbitrary to me and my personality traits are dependent on situation, person, etc. None of this is set in stone like I’m some kind of character trope. Skipping. Charm Cheerfulness Confidence Courtesy Curiousity Forgiveness Generosity Greed Helpfulness Honesty Loyalty Optimism Patience Self-sacrafice Wit

Background

Where were you born and raised? >> New Jersey. Briefly describe your family. >> I really would rather not. You must choose one - your childhood was calm/peaceful or tragic/turbulent? >> My assessment of my childhood is extremely unreliable because I really wasn’t too present for most of it. I spent most of my childhood inworld. Outworld was just this incomprehensible mess that I couldn’t make any sense of until well into adulthood. Did you have any rolemodels? >> No. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? >> Hmm. How did it affect you? >> All in all, I had a maladaptive development, still have remnants of post-traumatic behaviour, and still lack the ability to form healthy emotional bonds with other people. Have you ever had any recurring nightmares or themes in nightmares? >> I mean, maybe when I was younger, but I don’t remember. What were they? >> ---

Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend? >> Something like that. Do you have any close friends? >> No. Briefly describe your best friend: >> --- Any enemies? >> No. What’s even the point, really. Who? What are they like? >> --- Would you risk your life for your best friend?(not lover or family member!) >> I... can’t imagine risking my life for anyone. With who was your most important romantic relationship? >> --- Of what are you most proud? >> I don’t know. I guess the fact that I kept living, and kept fighting for a better day. Of what are you most ashamed? >> Maybe that I can’t just... fix everything wrong with me through brute force, by myself. Which is stupid, because no one can do that. But I feel like I have no other choice, so if I can’t fix me, then...????

Alignment, Ethics and Religion

What is your religion? >> I am my own religion. --Facetious answers aside, I don’t have a religion because none of them suit me. At best, I’d be a syncretist, but mostly I’m just irreverent. Where do you stand on abortion? >> I am pro-choice. Where do you stand on the death penalty? >> I really don’t see a point to it. I mean, I can see what other people regard as the point, but it doesn’t sway me personally. Where do you stand on wearing fur? >> I really don’t care. Wear all the fur you want; that’s not a hill I care to die on. Do you have a moral code that you follow? What? >> Meh, not really. My take on morality is really just... everything is situation-dependent and moral codes are always subject to revisions -- and when people refuse to revise them, messy shit tends to happen. Could you kill somebody? >> I mean, maybe. For what reason would you kill somebody? >> I don’t know. I feel like self-defense would be a pretty solid reason for me to kill someone. But if I’m honest, “curiosity” is just as solid a reason, for someone like me. (Fortunately for everyone involved, the law exists, and I like my freedom.) Would you SERIOUSLY CONSIDER killing anybody right now? >> No. Do you trust easily, or not? >> Not. What are your political beliefs (anarchy, communism, democracy etc.)? >> I have no political beliefs. I literally could not be bothered to give a fuck, and I certainly couldn’t imagine seriously arguing with someone about this shit. What, if anything, WOULD you sacrifice your life for? >> I really can’t imagine sacrificing my life for anything. My life is the most important thing to me, and it’s the only one I’ve got. Would you ever, for any reason, abandon your friends in an hour of need? >> I mean, yeah, there are certainly situations and unforeseen circumstances that would necessitate me abandoning a friend in their hour of need. But I think I would do my best to not do that unless it was extremely necessary.

Motivation

What are your dreams/ambitions/goals? >> Hm. How do you plan to reach them? >> --- How would your ideal partner look? >> *insert a picture of Cenarius from World of Warcraft here*

Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? >> Oh, I don’t know. I think a lot about what it would be like to raise a child with all my sensory issues and... unorthodox approaches to life. I’m still not entirely convinced I could do it, especially if I’m the only parent at home most of the time. I’d prefer to help raise a child, like in a communal kind of setting, and contribute to the child’s development by being someone who will encourage their creativity and curiosity and sense of wonder and sense of humour. But the real messy shit (literally) about raising children? The noise and smells and dirt and all of that? I’d do it if I could, but I’m pretty sure it’d be at least mildly disturbing for a child to see their parent or parental figure having a meltdown while trying to clean up after them. Children tend to take shit like that real personally and there’d be nothing I could do to persuade them otherwise. Who would you want to start this family with, or do you not yet know? >> --- What would stop you from reaching your goals (e.g. death, retirement fund)? >> --- What do you see yourself doing next year? >> I have no real comprehension or concept of anything past a couple of weeks into the future, at most. What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? >> See above. Would you ever have an affair? >> I’m not in a strict monogamous relationship, so that’s not even necessary. Would you ever have a one night stand? >> No, those days are over. What are your greatest fears? >> A bad death is a great fear of mine. I don’t think I’m particularly afraid of death itself, I’m just afraid of a bad death.

More information

If you had a month of nothing (no work, no obligations) what would you do? >> My life is mostly like that already. How do you relax? >> Eh, it depends. What one thing would you change in this world (free Tibet, abolish Sweden)? >> *amused look at “abolish Sweden”* I don’t have anything like that. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? >> No. How would you like to be remembered after your death? >> I think I would just settle for being remembered for a while. I don’t like to focus too much on how I’m seen by other people, because that’s completely out of my control. Plus... I’ll be dead. It’s not like I’ll ever find out how people remember me, so what’s the point in caring?

Random questions

Where you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? >> Nope. How did they affect you? >> --- Do you have any famous relatives? >> Not that I know of. Wouldn’t really care if I did, either. Do you have to try and live up to your family’s expectations? >> --- Are you a loyal member of any organizations? >> No.

General Information

Name: >> Mordred. Age: >> 31. Date Of Birth: >> May 28. Race: >> Black. Height: >> 5′5″. Weight: >> 148lbs. Are you happy with this? >> No, but I’m trying really, really hard not to hyperfocus on it, because all it’ll lead me to do is punish myself and we’re trying to move away from that kind of behaviour. Desired weight: >> 130lbs. Sexual orientation: >> Inworlders only. First language: >> English. Second/Third/Fourth etc. languages (if any): >> --- Why did you take this survey? >> It looked interesting enough, and I hadn’t already taken it.