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andromedasstarship · 3 years

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faceless, nameless - chapter 1

photo credit - unknown

pairing - kylo ren x reader

warnings - canon-typical star wars violence, depictions of pain/near death experiences, sadness, depressed reader, angst, betrayal, hospital rooms, injured reader

summary - Poe opened his mouth a few times as if to speak, but nothing came out. After a few instances of this, you decided to address the elephant in the room. “You think Ren will come looking for me, don’t you?”

blog rules

a/n - the next chapter is completed as well and will be uploaded tomorrow after editing! thanks for reading :) send an ask/reply to be put on the taglist.

masterlist // read it on ao3 here

prologue // next chapter

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the moon

Unlike Kylo, you had never felt the need to wear a mask during your days with the First Order. Kylo had requested, near begged you to- worried you’d become too identifiable and therefore an easier target-, but your job wasn’t to intimidate. Your job was to be a diplomat and a strategist and the nicer face of Order. It was quite difficult to create the intimate bonds your job required if you weren’t able to show your face. Across the galaxy, they had many names for you- the devil’s whore, Lady Ren, concubine-, but no matter what someone called you, you arguably ended up having one of the most identifiable faces in the entire galaxy.

At the moment you weren’t sure if that was working better or worse for you. Sprawled out in the sand, in a pool of your own blood, a pair of Resistance pilots were standing over you. Their outfits were gaudy, you thought, bright orange and quite the eyesore. They were arguing about something, you were pretty sure it was whether or not they should save you. You forced yourself to focus and strained to process what they were saying.

“This is Kylo Ren’s girl, do you understand that? Kylo Ren’s girl. We touch her and we die.” The blonde haired one was saying.

“Do you see Ren around anywhere? Or anyone from the First Order?” That came out of the one with dark curly hair. He was undeniably attractive, you thought. “If we save her, maybe we’ll have a bargaining chip”

“That or he’s gonna think we kidnapped her and shot her and then he’s going to blow us all up!” Good point, blondie, a little off given the circumstance, but he didn’t know that.

They didn’t even try talking to you, good guy optimism or not, the faraway look in your eyes and your labored breathing told them it wasn’t worth it.

Eventually, you felt them pick you up and start carrying you somewhere, presumably their ship. The dark haired one had won the conversation with his whole ‘we’re the good guys’ mantra. Not that you were complaining, you didn’t necessarily want to die. When they dropped you on a table and started working at getting your wound cleaned you decided it was safe to let your mind go to sleep. You’d thank them in the morning if you woke up.

----

You did, wake up, but it was days later and you were in a rather nondescript, too bright, makeshift hospital room. Never one for dramatics, you didn’t try pulling out your IV or ripping bandages off or jumping out of your hospital bed. You just laid there and made a list in your mind of what happened; it was the first time since being shot that you had a true moment to think.

Kylo had come to you in the morning and told you he was taking you on a surprise trip to a nearby planet that had a beach.

You and Kylo laid on the beach for hours, he was rather distant, but that wasn’t cause for concern.

He kissed you like he was never going to kiss you again.

You felt a blaster shot rip through you and immediately assumed you were under attack.

Kylo was holding the blaster.

Kylo laid you down on the sand and left without looking back.

You laid there for..., you weren’t sure how long.

Resistance pilots saved you.

And now you were at...?

You took a better look at your surroundings. Too white walls, little in terms of supplie- especially in comparison to the splendor you were accustomed to-, scratchy sheets, no windows and one single metal door. You were undoubtedly in shock, still unable to process the extent of your injury, how close you’d been to death and especially the part about Kylo. There was also the IV taped snugly to your arm, you could only imagine they were pumping you full of various drugs and pain meds; they probably did it to keep you sluggish for when you woke up and not to help keep your emotions at bay, but you appreciated it nonetheless.

The drugs made it difficult to keep track of time, but you assumed it had been just under an hour when Pretty Pilot walked into the room. He must’ve not expected you to be awake, judging by how wide his eyes got when they met yours.

You decided to be the one to break the silence. “Hello.”

At that the pretty pilot fully entered the room, letting the door shut with a bang behind him. “Hello.”

“Am I allowed to ask for your name?” You asked.

“Poe. Poe Dameron.”

“I’m assuming you know my name already then?” You asked, shuffling in your bed to get a better look at him.

“Everyone knows your name.” Poe replied, walking further into the room. He pulled out a chair that had been next to your bed and sat down, looking up at you. “How are you feeling? You were out for nearly a standard week.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that came out of you; or the painful moan that followed after the movement sent a sharp pain up your spine. “I feel like I got shot.”

Pretty Pilot Poe grinned at that too. “Guess I should’ve seen that coming huh?” His face got a tad bit more serious and he continued, “do you know where you are?”

“With the Resistance I assume?”

He answered with a nod and leaned back in his chair. It was clear he was unsure how to proceed with the conversation, your years as a diplomat had taught you well in interpreting body language. This must’ve been uncharted territory for both of you. The First Order rarely took prisoners alive and the ones they did were never alive for long, nor did you have much involvement in their time with the Order. To your knowledge, the Resistance had never captured anyone of importance, not even a lowly officer or trooper. You briefly wondered what it was like when Poe and the blonde one carted you into the Resistance- ship, base, you weren’t really sure-, and plopped your dying body into the med bay.

Poe opened his mouth a few times as if to speak, but nothing came out. After a few instances of this, you decided to address the elephant in the room. “You think Ren will come looking for me, don’t you?”

Poe’s face morphed into a form of shock, but you could tell he was glad you had breached the subject of Ren. “We know he will.”

“No. No he won’t,” you started, rolling your head to the other side so you were looking away from him, “Ren’s the one who shot me and left me-”

Poe gasped loudly, effectively cutting you off. You rolled your head back to face him and couldn’t help the little smile that formed when you saw his more than bewildered face. At least one of you was processing the betrayal.

“If your people are smart, you won’t attempt to contact him or the Order and tell them that I’m alive.” You said quietly, giving him the most serious look you could muster.

Poe’s mouth was still opening and closing, a bit like a fish, but he managed to shake a nod your way. After a few moments of silence that were getting close to uncomfortable, he shot out of his seat. “I need to, um, tell my team. I’ll be back later.” He was out the door before you could formulate a response.

So, it’d been a standard week since Kylo- you weren’t quite ready to swallow that truth yet. It’d been a standard week since you’d last been on Starkiller. You wondered if any of your friends missed you. Not that you had a ton on base, but over the years you’d grown quite close with Phasma and as much as Kylo hated it, you and Hux got along very well and worked wonderfully as a team.

The longer you were awake the more aware you became of the pain. And, kriff, was it bad. Your muscles were sore, the sand had rubbed the back of your arms and legs raw, and every time you breathed you felt a sharp pain originate from the general area of your blaster wound.

When the door opened again- your guess was two hours later-, you watched an elderly woman walk in, Pretty Pilot right behind her. When your eyes met with the woman’s, you knew exactly who she was; she had the same eyes as Him. You’d also definitely seen her from Resistance intel the First Order had intercepted, but Kylo hated a tangible reminder of his past so those photos were never up long.

General Organa took the seat Poe had been in before, Poe himself leaning up against the wall behind her.

“So, Poe tells me Ben did this to you.” General Organa said, breaking the silence.

“He hates that name,” you said, feeling the slightest amount of guilt at how the woman’s face turned down at that, “but yes, he did. I don’t have the answers you want.”

General Organa reached a hand out, gently covering yours, and gave you the type of look only a mom could give. For the next hour or so, her and Poe bounced random questions off of you while graciously answering all the ones you had. At some point, food had even arrived for the three of you; a wholly ‘good guy’ gesture, even though you couldn’t stomach more than a few bites.

Before the General and Pretty Pilot left, she gave you a very simple ultimatum. The Resistance would allow you to stay as long as it took for you to heal and they would aid the process. When you were healthy again, you could either join them or be blindfolded and dumped on a completely random, hopefully inhabitable, planet in the Outer Rim. The only reason the majority of the council had agreed to take you in, was due to your intimate relationship with First Order happenings and plans; hell, you’d created most of them yourself and the ones that weren’t personally designed by you, still had to be approved by you. She didn’t expect an answer right then, which you were grateful for, but you all knew the deadline wouldn’t be too far out.

----

For the entirety of your stay, three standard weeks to be exact, Pretty Pilot would come into your room at least once, for hours at a time, and talk to you about anything. The first few days were pretty awkward, you had most certainly personally killed some of his comrades at least once, but you were both quite the conversationalists and his ‘good guy’ charm came equipped with second chances. You learned you were both fiercely competitive when it came to card games. A bit too competitive, seeing as one game got you so worked up you pulled a stitch or two, elongating your healing process.

Poe even tried to help you process your grief. He talked you into speaking to the designated Resistance therapist, who you were certain was just the person who gave the best advice and not an actual licensed professional; it didn’t matter much to you. She was a kind older woman, who sat across from you for 30 minutes a day, talking about this and that and ‘how are you really feeling today miss’ and ‘it’s okay to feel your emotions’ and other therapeutic nonsense. You had a feeling that these people thought you were incapable of feelings, not a horribly misplaced assumption, given your prior occupation, but it’s not like you were heartless. You weren’t- heartless-, you were just avoiding the reality of your situation for as long as possible. Some days, you felt like you weren’t even in your own body, just a soul looking in.

When the dam finally broke on day 13 of your hospital stay. The betrayal of having Kylo, the man you loved, turn his gun on you and leave you for dead quite literally brought you to your knees. It had gotten so bad- a mix of screaming and full blown sobs, you’d even thrown up at one point-, that one of the nurses had to medically knock you out. Even when you were able to refrain from crying each time you opened your mouth, you couldn’t shake the feeling of emptiness that had made home in your bones.

In all honesty, you probably weren’t the most reliable narrator in terms of your recovery period. Half the time you were either drugged out of your mind or stuck in a deep depression. Kylo’s betrayal had made you desperate for someone or something to accept you; a newfound fear of abandonment and worthlessness.

In the end, you made the deal with General Organa. You made it explicitly clear you would never outright hand them First Order battle plans or ship layouts- couldn’t handle the way it would make you feel like a traitor, couldn’t handle the idea you could be the reason one of your friends was killed-, but if they were on the right track about something you’d assist them. Saying yes left more questions to be answered and various topics to be addressed; you had made a brief list of them when making your decision.

Would you be able to stomach becoming a Resistance soldier who would be asked to kill First Order soldiers?

You couldn’t go anywhere without being recognized, so you’d have to change your appearance.

How would they inform the rest of the Resistance of your presence, at the moment only a handful of high level officials were aware.

The ones who know, understandably, didn’t trust you at all.

Joining the Resistance, in the way that you were, would be the furthest thing from easy. Good thing you were never one to shy away from a challenge.

-----

a/n - wow!!!!! i cant explain how excited i am for this story. thank you so much for your kind words and support so far. my heart is more than full. comments/replies/reblogs/likes always appreciated :)

taglist - @egguuuu @sunflowersandotherthings @clarizuliani10 @kylorendrip

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own star wars or any of the character involved in it.

#kylo ren #kylo #ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren/reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren/you #reader insert #kylo ren fanfiction #star wars #star wars fanfiction #'stori writes #faceless nameless

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stevenuniversallyreviews · 5 years

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Episode 128: I Am My Mom

“Maybe you can help us out.”

Ten episodes ago, Steven witnessed Yellow and Blue Diamond hatch a plan to bring more humans to the Zoo. Ten episodes in the future, Steven and Connie will finally reconcile from the fallout of the actions he takes to stop that plan. Thirty episodes ago was the first half of a double-sized story where we got our first major hint that Rose was imperfect, ending in a fight over whether Steven and Rose are the same person. Thirty episodes in the future is the second part of a quadruple-sized story about how imperfection is okay, ending in a fight over whether Steven and Rose are the same person. So yeah, in case the name didn’t give it away, I Am My Mom is central to Steven’s identity arc.

I’d argue that the arc revolves around I Am My Mom even more than A Single Pale Rose, and not just because the latter comes so late to the game. As huge as the Pink Diamond reveal is for the series, this isn’t Rose’s story. It’s Steven’s, and his story is about finding peace with his identity and growing out of his martyr complex, so it hinges around an episode where he assumes his mother’s identity to save his friends at his own expense. Solving The Case of the Shattered Diamond is crucial, but when it comes to big Steven moments, nothing beats the sacrifice we’ve been building to since he lost his Rose-tinted view of the past.

We start with a bang, setting up the stakes in record time: it takes mere moments to recap that Homeworld is stealing Steven’s human friends, there’s no way to chase them if they leave the planet, and Steven isn’t taking it well. When asked whether Aquamarine and Topaz are important, Deedee Magno Hall gets an early knockout with Pearl’s “Uh, yes!”: it’s vintage Frantic Pearl, but just a little snobby as well, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world that these are dangerous foes. We already have a great first impression of the pair, but this line read amps up their reputation in a way only Garnet or Pearl could provide context for.

It’s quick, but I also love that we establish how Amethyst leads the charge on gathering information and getting things moving. After confirming that their ship is gone, she asks Steven about who the kidnappers were, asks Pearl about whether these Gems are big deals, and asks everyone why only Steven’s friends were taken. She’s even the one who asks Steven if Connie sent more photos during the search. These questions could’ve been divvied up among the Gems, but it’s Amethyst who’s sensible enough to pose all of them, subtly informing her thoughtfulness and understanding of Steven’s concerns when he’s too upset to step back and think the situation through.

Rather than draw out the search to fill the entire episode, we keep up this fast pace by veering right back to horror: the use of Connie’s ringtone from Alone Together is just a killer, taking one of the most joyful moments of the series and letting it echo throughout the empty boardwalk until it’s drowned out by Topaz’s heavy drone. And after more bratty intimidation, Aquamarine even gets the question of why Steven’s friends are targets out of the way, so we can spend the episode focusing on the aftermath instead of scratching our heads.

Planting the seeds of this story all the way back in Marble Madness is, as I said in that review ages ago, some Rowling-level plotting: it’s so long ago that we get an honest-to-god flashback instead of just explaining what happened, complete with Andross Peridot. This not only ties the plot together in a way that makes logical sense, but after a season of Steven stewing over his mother’s actions and their consequences, we now have a consequence of his own actions to stew over.

Yes, he’s somewhat culpable in Greg's kidnapping, in the sense that if they hadn’t gone to Korea they never would’ve met Blue Diamond. But it was still Greg’s decision to talk to her, and Blue Diamond’s decision to “rescue” him. He magnifies his own involvement until the only person he blames is himself, because guilt has become a cornerstone of his identity of late, but it’s clear to us that it’s not his fault. But this time is different. He and we barely need to do any work to connect his friends’ kidnapping to his actions, because he literally told Homeworld who they were.

There are obviously mitigating factors here as well, namely that there’s no way he could’ve anticipated that a casual listing of names would lead to Homeworld targeting those specific people in an eventual human hunt. There’s also the vast distance of time and maturity between the Steven of Act I, who knew virtually nothing about Homeworld, and the Steven of today. But that second point just makes the theme of the past catching up with the Crystal Gems all the stronger, because it’s not like Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond a week ago. It took a while, but the bill came due, and Steven doesn’t even need his guilt complex to pick up the check on this one. The episode keeps on rolling after Steven’s big reaction, as its explanation of Aquamarine’s confusion over “my dad” seems to be the major takeaway, but his shame isn’t going anywhere.

As a temporary salve for the escalating tension, the first fight of I Am My Mom is full of cartoony elements, like Garnet’s impact leaving a Garnet-shaped hole in the wall and Pearl being launched into a glint in the sky a la Team Rocket (I know it’s a common trope beyond Pokémon, but I doubt anything with the blasting off again twinkle touched mainstream America in the same way). It mirrors the similarly slapstick battle of fellow second-parter Ocean Gem, complete with the shift in seriousness as the fight continues. In the Lapis fight, this occurs when Steven and Connie are nearly drowned in bubbles of water, but Aquamarine and Topaz manage to top it.

Aquamarine is horrible from the start, smug and impatient as she merrily bullies everyone around her. Her cruel sarcasm sets her apart from villains like Jasper and Yellow Diamond: while all of them drip condescension, at least the latter two are earnest about it. She sees the fight as a game, toying with the Crystal Gems’ emotions as their human friends are put on the line and employing her all-powerful wand to embarrass instead of wrapping things up quickly. But as soon as she’s bored, she goes a step beyond and drags the show into uncharted territory.

Shattering has been on the table a few times before, but it’s shocking for a villain to threaten to murder Steven’s friends. Aquamarine dances around the subject in her own trolling way, but her intent is intensified when Topaz grabs Jamie—a source of comic relief in the series as a whole and during this episode—and squeezes his head. Slowly. Effortlessly. As he quietly begs for help.

The intimacy of this threat packs a far greater punch than Yellow Diamond’s desire for the entire planet to die for a few reasons. First, it’s easier to wrap our heads around a smaller horror than an incomprehensibly huge one: as the classic possible Stalin quote says, a single death is a tragedy but a million is a statistic. Second, Yellow Diamond is light-years away and is talking about what she wants, while Aquamarine and Topaz are right in front of our heroes and demonstrating what they’ll actually do. And third, while we can assume that this show would never allow Earth or Jamie to die, it’s at least more likely that a single character is killed off than the entire planet.

Aquamarine’s threat does so much for the show beyond establishing her as a significant villain. The stakes of the series, which were already pretty high, ratchet right up. The possibility of human characters dying is introduced, which puts us in the right headspace for Lars’s shocking death; even if he comes back, he still dies on camera. And it steels Steven’s resolve to protect his friends by any means necessary. He might have let himself and his friends all go to the Zoo with a plan to escape later if their safety was assured, but it’s not worth the risk to have anyone he loves anywhere near this maniac.

But even now, Aquamarine remains monstrously petty. Far from the hardcore loyalists like Peridot, Jasper, and Holly Blue Agate, she’s lazy and willing to do a poor job if it means ending her mission early. Her overconfidence allows her to be fooled into bringing Steven along, but his overconfidence allows him to get captured for real as he tries and fails to make his bubble from inside Topaz.

As with the battle, we get another easing of tension as Steven struggles to escape. Given the circumstances we might expect more drama as the Homeworld ship escapes with the humans still stuck, but Lars expresses his fury through little smacks to the face, and Jamie recovers from his tight squeeze by going Full Jamie, to the annoyance of Onion and Aquamarine alike. And when the bubble finally does work, it makes Topaz look ridiculous as she inflates like a balloon.

Both the fight and this interlude help push this episode from great to outstanding, because I Am My Mom is enough of a downer that it needs some levity to get us through it, but too much levity could undermine the tone. It’s a delicate balance when the situation is this grave, but despite two major opportunities to falter, the crew pulls through.

With freedom comes Steven finally verbalizing his guilt, not acknowledging Connie’s suggestion to fuse and instead muttering in despair as the ship takes off. As he puts up a shell that foreshadows his imminent sacrifice, we cut to Lars similarly isolating himself from Sadie; while Steven’s stoic determination is traditionally considered heroic and Lars’s instinct to run as cowardly, neither is healthy for their relationships with Connie and Sadie. Sadie isn’t even mad when Lars flees after seeming to steel himself up to save her, it’s just one more disappointment she has to swallow before biting Topaz’s finger and skedaddling with an assist from Connie.

I think it’s this, more than the events that follow, that hurts Connie the most. It’s bad enough that she’s left on Earth while Steven goes off to space again, but on the ship, when she’s fighting her heart out to help everyone, Steven has already given up. As mentioned in Are You My Dad, Stevonnie wouldn’t have done much against the sheer might of Aquamarine, but Connie and Steven don’t know this in the moment, meaning he’s willing to put himself in danger but doesn’t consider her as an option before making that call. It’s not an unfounded complaint that he doesn’t consider her a true equal, and he unfortunately reinforces this mindset with his dismissive attitude in Dewey Wins.

Steven briefly escapes his rambling funk when the door opens, and we get one last moment of humor when Onion performs a dive perfect enough to elicit a double take, but Aquamarine’s wand proves powerful enough to keep even Alexandrite at bay. And now, when all hope seems lost, Steven pulls his decisive gambit.

Steven has danced around identifying as Rose Quartz here and there, most notably in Joy Ride, where he tells the Cool Kids about Homeworld Gems thinking he’s his mom but adds “...and maybe I am?” to the end. But otherwise he firmly asserts himself as Steven when misnamed, even as he struggles with the sins of his mother’s past; Rocknaldo, of all episodes, reinforces that he knows he’s a different person at this stage of the show. So telling Aquamarine that he’s Rose isn’t a matter of him believing it, but deciding it doesn’t matter if it isn’t true, because he doesn’t matter if his friends are in danger.

The complicating factor is that his sacrifice is noble, and despite the protests of his friends, it is the best way to guarantee everyone else’s safety. So it’s hard to just say he does the wrong thing: Aquamarine presented a threat so great that fighting wasn’t an option, and has an attitude so toxic that talking wasn’t an option, so surrender is an understandable position to take. From this point of view, his baffled reaction to Connie’s later disapproval makes total sense.

But this is a show about working together, about love in all its forms and how it can overcome incredible odds. Steven refuses to put his friends in danger, but what if they all rose to the occasion at the Zoo, the way Lars does on Homeworld? Who’s to say that Steven as a uniter couldn’t bring the Boardies, the Zoomans, and the Famethyst together and stage a grand escape, leaving Earth fuller than it was when they left at the story’s end? Their safety wouldn’t be guaranteed, but at least it’s better odds for the group than Steven’s odds upon surrendering himself as Rose Quartz, and he doesn’t allow them the chance to prove themselves.

I don’t bring up this hypothetical because I wish it’s how the show went, even though it would’ve been great: Steven needs to fail to grow, and while it can be seen as a heroic deed, by sacrificing himself he fails himself. If he inherited one thing from his mother it’s the ability to inspire, and he can do it without her subterfuge, without even trying. He fails to value this ability, just as he fails to value his own safety, and his pathological selflessness wraps right back around to selfishness. It doesn’t matter if his absence makes his friends and family suffer, and it doesn’t matter that they have hidden depths that would allow them to work together and come home together, because by blaming himself for everything, Steven makes everything about Steven.

It’s a good thing to want to help people. And it’s easy to write a story about a self-centered soul becoming generous, because it’s a clear arc from Bad Trait to Good Trait. But it’s hard to write a story, especially a story for kids, that teaches the value of tempering helpfulness with self-respect, about setting boundaries and not taking the world’s problems on your shoulders alone. At a glance, Steven is doing what a hero does, but this is a show whose boy hero has the powerset of a support unit, a show that devotes two whole songs to the explicit lesson that strength isn’t about muscles. It challenges the norms of stories kids are told over and over again, and with luck, it might change some minds about the value of Stoic Loner Badasses over forging healthy relationships.

In Ocean Gem, Steven saves the ocean by talking to Lapis Lazuli in his own Steven-y way. In Gem Drill, he saves the world by talking to the Cluster in his own Steven-y way. And in I Am My Mom, he saves his friends by talking to Aquamarine, but through the same language of lies that his mother was fluent in, and this tainted methodology leads to a tainted victory. Steven Universe isn’t Rose Quartz, and I Am My Mom thrives by showing why he shouldn’t be.

Future Vision!

This is perhaps the harshest instance of Pearl’s inability to reveal what actually happened to Pink Diamond. It’s always tough to watch her cover her mouth post-Single Pale Rose, but this is the moment where the truth might matter the most in terms of immediate consequences.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

A nice, quiet image for a cacophonous finale. But I would’ve loved to see Aquamarine as a greaser or a goth or something, considering she’s already in uniform.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

It’s low for being such a downer, in the same way The Good Lars struggles to reach higher in my top list, but even if I rarely rewatch I Am My Mom, it’s hard to deny its greatness.

Top Twenty-Five

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

When It Rains

The Good Lars

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

I Am My Mom

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

That Will Be All

The New Crystal Gems

Storm in the Room

Room for Ruby

Lion 4: Alternate Ending

Doug Out

Are You My Dad?

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Gem Heist

The Zoo

Rocknaldo

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

Tiger Philanthropist

No Thanks!

6. Horror Club 5. Fusion Cuisine 4. House Guest 3. Onion Gang 2. Sadie’s Song 1. Island Adventure

#i am my mom #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

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heechulhamster · 5 years

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The Truth You Can’t Hide II - Junmyeon

KIM JUNMYEON (SUHO) x Fem Reader

Chapter 2[The Truth You Can’t Hide MASTERLIST]

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 ongoing

You did it so well for six years. You’ve hid your son from the biggest threat of his life. But one mishap led to the biggest secret in your life being face to face with the man you’ve kept him away from all these years - his father.

Mafia!AU, Angst.

This goes a bit way way back, enjoy the back story. :)

The ache that grew on your overworked feet didn’t even stop you from scurrying down the building and get yourself a cab. Not even bothering to free yourself out of the restraining work clothes. You’re not even sure if Junmyeon still lives in his old penthouse unit in the busy center of Seoul. The address itself was vague in your memory, the streets surely did change a lot for recognition for the past seven years. The city was noisier than ever, full of blinding lights and buzzing people of various appearances. There are more skyscrapers that filled the skyline, and the luxurious condominium you knew very well towered over the others. You could only look at its uppermost floor amongst all the glimmering lights of the city, hoping that in there is your son.

It wasn’t that you’re thinking that Junmyeon would ever hurt Jaejin. There’s this knowledge deep in your heart, past all the anxiousness that his apparent secret life brings you, that Junmyeon is still this gentle and well meaning man that you used to love. And the fact that he now knows that Jaejin is of his own blood just assures you that he is safe. This fear in your mind is this possibility of not seeing him again. That he’ll see this opulent and lavish life as better than he experiences with you. To grow up in a life like his father’s - to have servants at your beck and call, all that you wish will be laid down on your hands with a snap of a finger. Or that maybe Junmyeon will have all this pent up anger and desire to retaliate hiding your son from you. And with all his power and wealth, you know that if wishes to keep Jaejin from you, he’ll do it very well.

But there’s this hope in your heart that Junmyeon is the same loving guy you met over a decade ago.

The scent of both sweaty bodies and alcohol flooded your senses, both of which you weren’t accustomed to. Your friends, Haein and Ara who took the same major with you, convinced you that joining a sorority is a must and vital to Legal Management students. As these “sisters” would eventually help you once you reach law school. So now here you are, clad in a white dress that flowed just above your knee with a white feathery headband on your head guised as a halo. Apparently, the theme was something Angels and Demons. With your refusal to wear any skimpy and tight red or black bodycon dress, the exact thing Ara and Haein went for, you just sticked with the Angel part of the theme.

You three are at your 2nd year of college. And after the gruelling rules of the recruitment the last semester, all neophytes are excited to be rewarded with this soro-frat mixer - and you’ll lose the term reward very loosely. Mixers like these seems to be intended to find the members’ next college boy toy or some random exciting hookup for the night. Both things you aren’t exactly into.

You wouldn’t exactly call yourself a prude, but you’re not really outgoing either. Growing up in a conservative and traditional family, you grew up preferring reading books and staying in over the common high schooler choice of partying outside. A trait that wouldn’t get you very far in college.

To add to your discomfort, the party rules would keep you out of Haein and Ara’s company the whole night. It was a shackles mixer, where you’d practically be chained to a fraternity member the whole night and forced to get to know them. So you sat at the sorority house kitchen, far from the booming lawn and pool area without any idea who your designated partner would be.

“Is your ticket number 63?” A rather good looking, lean man towered over you as he suddenly asked.

You looked at the red ticket you’ve drawn earlier that read the exact number as he asked. “Yeah?”

The lean man tugged a somehow smaller man, one you could say that also was as dashing as the previous one. “Here she is man, told you you’re in for a treat. Bye, hyung!” The taller man with dimples you could swim in walked away laughing, leaving you and the smaller man alone.

“So, 63?” He asked with a smile, his small iridescent teeth and puffy cheeks making a notable appearance. You shyly nodded, noting that he also took the Angel part of the theme and he’s sporting a white short sleeved button down and white shorts.

“We uhm.. Kinda have to use this?” He raised his left hand that held cuffs, an act which you just chuckled to and agreed. He fixed the cuffs on your wrists and sat beside you on the kitchen counter.

“I’m Junmyeon, by the way. You?” You smiled at his pleasantries, his manner of speaking really spoke of class and formality. Not that you’re surprised as the college you’ve been in was almost considered to be for the elite and the wealthy. So you tried and respond with the same manner.

A silence filled with awkwardness filled the air between you and Junmyeon as everyone else unleashed their wild side around. The restroom was just adjacent to the kitchen and you just pretended that you don’t hear the filth going on inside.

“Oh dear that was strong.” You scrunch your face on the strong burning taste of alcohol on the punch you just drank. The unassuming fruity color packed a whole lot of kick down your throat.

“This? It’s not that strong.” Junmyeon responded beside you, gulping down his own glass serving of the punch.

“I’m not that good of a drinker.”

“Yeah, I noticed that you’re not much of a party goer.” He chuckled lightly, and the way his eyes disappear as it gets pushed by his cheeks was just a wonderful sight.

“I only got forced to go by my friends. They said it’s like a quintessential part of college, so here I am.” And then you remembered Haein and Ara, two of which you haven’t seen in the past hour. You turned your head around, looking for any signs of them.

“If your friends are the ones paired with Kris and Luhan, you won’t probably see them anywhere here right now.” Junmyeon downed another glass, lifting your cuffed hand along. You looked at him, baffled by the vagueness of what he said. “They’re probably upstairs, or maybe or maybe not here at all. You know, devils doing some devil things.”

“Oh.. yeah. I forgot that things happen very fast here.” You answered, sipping your straw for another sting just to hide your embarrassment. It’s been more than half an hour and you’ve just sat on a kitchen counter with Junmyeon, you thought that you’re probably boring him out. “I’m sorry that tonight may be pretty slow for you.”

“What?” His hands gripped the edges of the marble countertop, face turned to the side to look at you. “No, it’s not a problem. Don’t be sorry. I’m not interested in that.”

You weren’t able to help your face turn into a frown, to be blatantly rejected even before you took consideration of liking the man beside you. Sure, his wonderful appearance makes you flustered and shy, and you were more than interested to get to know him more.

“No, ugh. I didn’t mean that I wasn’t interested with you. I mean… hookups aren’t my thing. Slow is more kinda how I like it.” He said joyously before ending it with a wink which made your cheeks glow a bright shade of pink.

Unlike common romantic novels or narratives of college love, you didn’t hit it off with Junmyeon quickly afterwards. After the night of the mixer, which ended abruptly after some fratboys hitting the power supply with their illegal firecrackers, you seldomly saw Junmyeon. You found out that he was already a Junior, and he and his friends were a couple of frat members with great connections so they were able to sneak in at the party.

He wasn’t in the campus very often either. Rumor had it that he’s from a very rich family that runs a shipping conglomerate and that he takes units overseas. The very few instances that you ran into each other was only marked with a smile or politely calling each other’s names. Ara and Haein, who had bigger social circles than you, shared things that they learned about Junmyeon. Apparently, he majored in Business Management and was the only heir to their multi million business. And that he’s often considered too busy to date despite the few random flings he had just to keep himself a healthy young man.

It took another term before you got to connect with each other on social media, and you’d use the term connect very scarcely as he posts so little. Only a few posts about his recent trip to Paris, or the time he toured Italy.

College sinked in your skin too fast. You’ve dated around, you considered it to be an act of dipping your feet in the vast oceans. You had to be out of your comfort zone and you’re afraid of all the things you’ll regret trying.

It wasn’t even until your Junior year that you properly got to converse properly again with Junmyeon. You volunteered for an outreach in this student organization that required a lot of help to pack goods for the victims of a recent devastating storm. The long test week was over and you had a lot of free time, so you went and signed yourself up.

It’s still vivid in your memory how you only opted to wear a loose pullover and shorts. Not even bothering how you looked as comfort mattered most in working long hours of boxing food. You sat in the basketball gymnasium filled with busied people and stacks of instant ramen and canned goods. You sat down in front of a small box and started filling it with all the necessities, neatly stacking three cans of sardines and six packs of ramen inside with a bag of two kilos of rice. Silently, you finished box after box when you were suddenly interrupted by someone who sat beside you.

“Hey angel.”

“My name’s not ang-” You said as you turned your head to the perpetrator. Stopped immediately by the warm chocolate brown eyes that had contact with yours. “Oh, Junmyeon. Long time no see.”

“Yeah, senior year is really that busy.” He laughed as he sat down beside you and started packing his own boxes too.

“Why are you here then? Ah, you probably heard that I’ll be here so you went and signed up too eh?” You said in a teasing manner.

“Woah, where’s the slow and shy girl that I knew back at the mixer? College sure did change you.” Junmyeon said, which made the two of you laugh. “No, actually my father is one of the sponsors so, you know. It would just make sense for me to be here.”

“Okay, whatever Mr. Rich guy. Let’s just pack here so we can finish earlier, I have a lot of essays to write.”

The long hours flew by easily as you chatted with Junmyeon. It seemed like putting canned goods into boxes just went automatic on your hands as you lost yourself on the galaxy of his thoughts. He told you stories how he was mistaken as a celebrity in Italy, and the day he almost tripped off an ancient sculpture at Rome. Junmyeon had inserted a lot of jokes along the way, ones that you don’t think you’d laugh at if not for the budding interest you had for him. In return for his enthusiasm in sharing his stories, you told the narrative of you running into your roommates getting it on. Not understanding what it meant to have a sock on the door. And you sure do hope that the survivors of the recent floods would feel the extra love and happiness that filled along the boxes that you packed.

You thought that day would be very much like the mixer, nothing but an episode of sweet nothings. A wisp of memory that you’d look by after a few months or years and wonder why all he was is a fleeting fancy. No, this one was different for he asked your phone number after packing almost a hundred boxes. It was different because he called you that very night, asking if he could interest you to go out for dinner. It was different because Junmyeon was far different from all the flings you’ve encountered before him.

Junmyeon wasn’t the kind to be nervous for a date because it seemed as if he had everything planned down to the last detail. A fine silk void of creases and he left no room for mistakes. He picked you up at your dorm on the dot. He cleaned up very well with his exquisite dress shirt, obviously branded - probably even haute couture. He rolled up with his Benz, looking all shiny and polished. Junmyeon exuded so much calmness during the ride that you felt as if all the nerves were passed down to you. A perfect fit for a modern day prince, and you weren’t sure if you’re up to the task to be his modern day princess.

You should’ve expected the dinner to be far from normal, as he was far from an average person either. But not even in your hindsight did you expect for a rented vintage restaurant that mimicked Greek ruins, rose petals set the mood and candlelights illuminated the place. The grandiose of everything made you feel very little.

“I reckon that I’m way too overdressed for the occasion.” You noted with a light chuckle, trying to mask the pent up nervousness deep within you. The black vintage dress that you kept in your closet for very special events suddenly felt lacking.

“No, you look perfect. Everything else is just over the top, fault on my part.” And there was his endearing smile. “I just thought this was fitting for the daughter of a former politician.”

Your jaw dropped in shock, “How did you know?” It wasn’t very much of a secret but you tried and keep this fact on the down low.

“It wasn’t that hard to find out.”

Time seems to speed up whenever you’re with Junmyeon. You tried to cherish and savor each passing moment, you wish it were trinkets that you could pocket and save in a jar. The dinner was followed by subsequent ones, each more relaxed than before. The luxurious restaurant was traded for a movie night in his penthouse, still far from the ordinary but let’s be honest - is there even anything ordinary when it comes to someone as impeccable as Junmyeon?

The relationship itself, being committed to each other and official only came as a realization. It wasn’t marked by a wonderful proposal nor a question but rather an agreement. As if you just both come into terms that you’re comfortable with each other’s feelings enough to present the other as their partner.

It felt like Junmyeon has been a vital part of your life, his constant presence was almost a necessity. It wasn’t a toxic relationship but a rather very serene one, his friends almost consider you married. It wasn’t even far from thought, he asked for you to work in their company to be around you more often. An offer you couldn’t refuse for sure - you have your boyfriend beside you and a high paying job was a combination to die for.

Yet taking the job meant a compromise in your side. It was never part of your plans to work and settle down right after college, it was never in your sight. Harvard was the plan, you and your parents have known this ever since you were twelve. Take up Legal Management in one of the most prestigious universities in the campus, and then fly to the States to study in the most premier Law School one would consider. But that was far off from Junmyeon’s mind.

He wanted you to stay, here with him, be with him. He always would reason out that he’ll be able to provide what you need and more, to which you had no doubt. The Kim family probably had enough money to support up to five more generations, even with a lavish life. But to be a lawyer, a good and reputable one, has always been your dream.

But Junmyeon was your serendipity - a wonderful sudden discovery that made all else a blur. A sudden diamond on the way that made the hike for the pot of gold futile. So with him you stayed. As you couldn’t bear to break his heart and his own dreams, one that consisted of settling down with you he said. The thing about Junmyeon is he’s too idealistic and a hopeless romantic on the inside. He was very vocal on what he wanted on your wedding, about your children and how many. All of these fragile little gems that he cherished so much were on your hands, and you loved him so much at that time to crush it.

It was all smooth and tranquil until he started getting busier at work. It wasn’t even work that you understood as he kept on saying it was his father’s favor, who in turn started to grow weaker in health. He’s been flying from one country to another and back, sometimes even for weeks. What he was very busy about was kept unrecorded in the company. And you’ve started to question.

All it needed was an unassuming folder that lied on his work table for you to find out. Junmyeon was knocked out on the bed, too tired and wasted from proving how much he missed you due to his recent long trip. Curiosity got the best of you and you decided to put silence in all the questions that kept you awake at night.

But you would have rathered not look on the contents now that you read it.

Far from your anticipation of recent transactions of a new ship, probably an acquisition of new plane models to fasten shipping - it was the worst case scenario that you didn’t even knew was possible for a man like Junmyeon. To be fair, it was still shipping transcripts. But the contents were of the horrendous kinds, far from what you handled in his company that included family packages, beauty products or overall goods. These “products” were made for the worst members of human society, illegal weapons - those who could erase an entire locality with a press of a button. Guns of all sorts, those handheld and ones you thought was only issued for military use. Cocaine, LSD, methamphetamine, compounds that wouldn't have made much of a big deal in college but it sure does when it’s shipped in hundreds and thousands of kilograms.

And it was all undersigned by a certain SUHO.

Your mind quickly connected the dots. Whoever Junmyeon was doing this work for wasn’t necessarily the makers nor producers of the said equipment, they were simply shipping them. Making the impossible dirty work more than possible. And the shipping behemoth that the Kim’s family had was a sure fit for the job.

It all made sense. These certain container vans that were over the initial count that Junmyeon blatantly told you to disregard, saying that you were the one that made the wrong tally and count. The sudden emergency shippings that had to be made at midnight.

And you don’t know how to react.

This life was far from what you dreamt of, the righteous and abiding. Actually, this was the exact opposite of such. The defectors, rebellious, and one treacherous to mankind and life itself. You loved Junmyeon, but you definitely cannot accept this aspect of his life.

But you chose to not say a thing.

You were smarter than that, far more logical that just blurting out that you spied on his belongings while he was fast asleep after making you orgasm one after another. You knew that this would only lead to complications, probably even lose your life or your sanity if he knows that you’re aware.

So you planned your escape.

A handful of acceptable reasons was already jotted on your list. That he was too busy for you, that you wanted to go and pursue your dreams in Harvard, that you’ve been wanting to try something new in your life that doesn’t revolve around him because your life was with him and for him for the past two years. Even you tried so hard to make yourself believe that this was the reason that you’re leaving him. That it wasn’t because he’s living a dangerous and a life so wronged that you didn’t have it in your guts to be part of it.

That you wouldn’t ever want the growing life in your belly to take part of. No, the life that you’d give birth to wouldn’t only be another spawn to continue such a vicious act.

It took all your might and tears to leave. To watch him break down, and cry, and beg, and kneel in front of you only for you to turn your back on him on the very end. All his pleads and promises to spend more time and stay with you was all but a shout into the void as you still hopped on a plane fast to California to leave everything behind.

To break your own heart to stick to your morals, and to care for your coming bundle of joy.

And you wouldn’t let that all go to waste now, not now that you’ve worked so hard to be the best mother to Jaejin for the past 6 years. Not now that you beared everything alone, to depend on yourself starting at the age of 22 while raising another in your arms.

You arrive at the luxurious condominium, almost limping on the pain at the balls of your feet. You quickly dashed to the information desks and painlessly smiled at the attendants that looked so pleasant and formal towards you.

“Can I have a dial to room 52A, please.” You said as you plastered a forced smile on your face. Yet a sense of hurry was in your heart.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. I’m not sure if you had the right room information, perhaps you’re trying to reach another unit please?” The attendant with caramel blonde hair and blue scarf responded to you with her pearly whites all displayed as a part of her job.

“No, It’s really for room 52A for Mr. Kim Junmyeon.” You reiterated yourself.

“Hold on for a second as I contact Mr. Kim if he’s expecting any visitors right now.” She politely responded once more as she grabbed the phone and talked in a shushed manner. “We’ve been informed that Mr. Kim is not in his room as of the moment, Ma’am.”

“Are you sure? I just.. I just really need to talk to him right now.” You tried to keep your composure.

“I’m pretty sure that Mr. Kim hasn’t been around the vicinity for the past few weeks. He’s probably residing in some of his other properties. Good day Ma’am.” She greeted you again with a smile before she entertained other guests.

Of course, Junmyeon would never be dumb. He’s too calculating of a person to sit with Jaejin here if he’ll hide your son from you. You lived here with him for a year, of course you’ll go here first. You scanned your memories for where else could he be, he probably had a thousand more houses or condominiums now but you’re left with no choice to stick with what you know.

So with hope in your hands, you headed off his old family home on the outskirts of the city.

The drive almost lasted half an hour, the village was meant only for the wealthiest of the wealthy. Just below the wondrous sight of the mountains yet still bearably close enough to the city center where their businesses would be. You remember it here, the lavish and aristocratic house that his parents owned. The one with marbled walls and doric columns and topped off with an exquisite fountain on the dead center. If they weren’t here, you might as well count the number of stars in the sky and sands on the beach as that’s how hard it would take to find them.

Guards clad in black scanned you, they phoned inside to ask if a visitor was expected. If they were this intricate on searching you, Junmyeon was probably inside. And Jaejin would hopefully be, too.

Surprisingly to you, the condescending gates were opened and you were let inside the Kim Estate. Guards ushered you inside, not bothering to speak as small talk wasn’t the reason you rushed here for. You just wanted to see your son, happy, and alive, to alleviate all the worries in your mind.

The living area was nothing short of exquisite, large antiquette sofa sets lined with white leather ornate the room. The grand staircase almost looked like something off fantasy movies. The whole mansion just reeked of immense power and wealth just like what Junmyeon exudes. All this glitter and glamour and all you’re searching for was the jolly laughter and toothless smile of your son.

“Mama!” You hurriedly looked on your left, where Jaejin emerged from the kitchen wearing a smile. With open arms, you almost ran into his embrace. The thud of your heart was almost as loud and booming of that of a thunderstorm. Almost squishing your son at the tightness of your embrace. “Uncle Jun brought me here, he said that we’ll make cupcakes and have more pistachio ice cream!”

“Oh he did?” You tried to laugh along his happiness, how innocent he was on just how you almost died of worry and anxiety over the past two hours. The tears that fell down your eyes cannot be held back, the wave of emotions that you felt just won’t subside.

“Why are you crying mama? Do you want a cupcake too?” He willingly offered to you the chocolate pastry on his hand, you just shook your head no.

“Nothing, Mama was just very tired at work today, Jaejin. I’m just very happy to see you.”

“Aw, I don’t like seeing my Mama sad. Is your new boss bad? Should I make him face the wall, mama? I don’t like seeing you cry.” Jaejin tried to wipe the tears that fell down your eyes, even blowing it a little in attempt to make it dry.

You just wanted to hold your son for a little longer, just memorize how warm he feels to your touch. How his giggles sound and how he cares for you like no one else would ever do. Because the past two hours just made you realize that Jaejin has been and is now your life, and it would kill you to lose him on your sight.

You saw a silhouette walk towards the both of you from the kitchen, donning a white work shirt and slacks. And you stood up from your seat and cleared your throat as you shot him your most threatening look. Lowering your head once more, you talked to Jaejin “Go ahead and have more cupcakes, bunny. Me and Uncle Jun have something to talk about.” Jaejin gave you a sweet peck on the cheek before joyfully prancing to the kitchen again.

You shared a look with Junmyeon and you knew just what will transpire between the both of you.

He started walking towards the study to which you followed suit. The environment was closed enough and you could lash out all your frustrations toward this man without worrying that Jaejin will hear you. You entered first and you quickly turned back to him once he closed the door.

“What the fuck, Junmyeon!?” Your hand smashed against the hard oak wood of the table, creating a loud thud that resonated within the space. “You’d really kidnap Jaejin from me? I thought we agreed on how we’ll do this?”

“I never officially agreed on anything, Y/N. And kidnapping? How will I kidnap my own child? If there’s someone who hid Jaejin away it was you!” He was still relatively calm besides the fact that his voice raised a few volumes up.

“That’s out of the damn topic, Junmyeon! You just took him without me knowing and you even emptied all his things in our apartment. Who the fuck in the right mind pulls stunts like those?”

“I was just trying to protect him! You’re the one here risking him, always leaving him alone anywhere. First he was lost in a large mall, now he’s left alone in a daycare for hours. Tell me, are you even competent enough to be a mother if you put your son in all these kinds of danger?” You gasped at his accusation.

“I, alone, raised Jaejin for six fucking years, Junmyeon. Just because you have all this money and wealth doesn’t mean you’re so much of a better person than me.” You pointed at him, “Besides he’s only ever in danger because of you, Junmyeon. So don’t go and put the blame on me.”

“What? Now suddenly I’m the bad guy. I barely knew Jaejin for a week and I’m the one putting him in danger?” His tone finally changed.

“Jaejin is always in danger because he’s your son, Junmyeon.”

“If you’re talking about being in danger because I’m rich, that fails to make any sense as I can afford all the protection he deserves.” Junmyeon reasoned out, walking to the other side of the table.

“No, he’s in danger because of what you do. He’s in danger because of all these people that surrounds you and your job, Junmyeon. Stop playing innocent because I know that you aren’t, Suho.” You dropped the bomb you’ve been carrying for years, Junmyeon’s mouth was now wide and agape on the sudden revelation.

“What? What are you talking about?” He stuttered

“Come on, Junmyeon. Stop playing fucking games. You say Jaejin is in danger? That's because your whole life revolves on playing with fire and walking on thin ice. Dealing and transferring all this bad shit known to mankind all over the globe.Having an army protect all the kinds of the worst people, protecting these killers. What parent in the world would not be frantic over their child’s safety if they’re running an illegal business guised as a shipping company.” Trembling was present in your hands, you don’t know how long the strength you feigned would put up with all the fear that’s deep inside your heart.

“What… How? When?” Was all the barely audible musings that fell out of Junmyeon’s lips. You turned away, in attempt to leave. But you’ve barely even reached the study’s doors when he spoke again.

“You can’t leave. Not anymore.”

“Why? Because I know how pungent your life is, Junmyeon? Would you kill me because I know what breed of asshole you are?” You felt your eyes as they started to water, tears slowly trickling down your face for the umpteenth time for today.

“No. Because Jaejin’s not leaving here. If you want to see your son, you stay here with him. If you want to leave, I’ll make sure this is the last time you’ll ever land your eyes on him.”

#exo #junmyeon #junmyeon imagine #junmyeon fanfic #suho imagine #suho fanfic #exo imagine #exo fanfic #exo!mafia #mafia exo #mafia junmyeon

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robininthelabyrinth · 7 years

Note

Fic prompt: Instead of Carter dying in episode 2 of LoT, Rip dies. Up to you who takes over the mission and how it goes from there, but would be interesting if Kendra ended up in charge...

Fic: Captain Kendra (Ao3 link)Fandom: DC’s Legends of TomorrowPairing: Kendra Saunders/Ray Palmer, Mick Rory/Leonard Snart, Legends Team/Healthy Friendship/Drunkeness

Summary: Carter Hall dies on the Legends’ first mission, and Rip Hunter dies along with him. Now the Legends are stuck in time without a leader - what to do?

(Answer: Kendra Saunders, Captain of the Waverider)

A/N: @jq-piccadilly, this is the fic I mentioned!

—————————————————————————————-

There’s a knock on her door.

Kendra swallows and looks up. She’s expecting – she’s not sure. Ray or Sara, maybe; they seemed nice. She wishes it were Carter, knocking perfunctorily before barging in without asking the way he always did, but it isn’t. He’s gone.

Just like Rip is gone, lost on the same mission in which they saved Carter’s body for proper burial.

It’s Snart.

She blinks, wipes her eyes.

“Can I help you?” she asks politely. The lessons of life as a barista…

“Crew’s a bit down and out now that Rip’s gone,” Snart drawls, coming in and letting the door swing shut behind him. “We need to get it together if we’re going to keep going.”

“And are we going to keep going?”

He raises his eyebrows. “Well, I lived through the 70s-to-2000s time period the long way through the last time around. It was okay, but, you know, not necessarily something I’d choose to re-watch if I had other options.”

Kendra finds a slight smile threatening to break through. He sounds so very droll about the possibility of being stuck in the past, like it’s some sort of minor inconvenience. It probably is, to him; he’s a criminal. He could make a living anytime, anywhere.

“Why did you come to me?” she asks before she thinks better of it.

“Because it’s your mission,” Snart says promptly. “Rip sold us on a pile of crap, remember? Saving the future, when he really meant saving his wife and kid?”

“That’s not crap,” she protests, even though she hadn’t exactly been happy to hear that she’d been recruited on a personal mission of vengeances instead of a heroic (sanctioned) rescue.

“All of us had reasons to join up,” he says. “But every single one of us knew that yours was to fuck up this Savage guy so he stops fucking you up.”

“That was Carter’s mission,” she says. “I don’t know how to do anything. I’m new; I just found out about this a few months ago.”

Snart shrugs. “So? I’m just a thief. Started out knocking over ATMs; now I’m internationally wanted supervillain known for stealing jewels and high-end artwork. Be all you can be and all that.”

Kendra slaps her hand over her mouth, but she’s too late to keep from snorting in laughter. “That’s terrible,” she tells him, unable to keep from smiling. “That’s not at all inspiring.”

“That’s some Disney made-for-TV shit right there, you kidding me?” he argues, but he’s smirking.

“But still,” she says, getting back to the point, even though her mind is temporarily distracted in wondering how exactly a Disney made-for-TV movie would handle the story of a young enterprising thief eventually fulfilling his life-long goals of supervillainy. Sadly enough, she’d probably watch that movie on repeat a few dozen times. “Why me? How can I possibly help?”

“The crew’s down, as I said,” he says, hopping onto her desk and kicking his feet idly. “Low morale, everyone’s upset, everyone’s aimless. Now that Rip’s gone, there’s no direction. But when we signed up, we signed up at least nominally to save something - well, everyone but Mick and me, anyway - and we all knew about your mission. Carter’s mission, whatever. Way I figure it, no one’s going to argue if the weeping damsel in distress takes charge and insists we keep going.”

Kendra considers this for a moment. “Snart,” she says slowly, not without a slight amount of horror. “Do you actually live your life as if it were a Disney made-for-TV movie?”

“Hasn’t failed me yet,” Snart says breezily. “You’d be amazed at how quickly people fall into line when they hear their cues.”

“Life as Hollywood,” she says, shaking her head. The worst part about it is that she suspects he’s right. “We’ve been subliminally trained our whole lives to know what the expected narrative is.”

“That’s the ticket,” Snart says. “Since I ain’t interested in being stuck here and there’s no way in hell anyone on this ship’ll listen to me when I say jump, I go to the only legit damsel in distress I know.”

“You don’t really think…”

“C’mon, Kendra,” Snart wheedles. “You back my play, I’ll back yours. It’ll work out great.”

“I don’t know,” Kendra says doubtfully. “I don’t actually have any skills. I was just a barista before this, you know.”

“Even better,” Snart says. “You can make us coffee while we plot out how we’re going to put this mission back on track.”

“We?” she echoes, unable to keep from smiling. Carter’s militant presence, always giving orders, imbued with purpose and confidence that he was making the right choices over her wishes until she wanted to punch him in the face, seems very far away right now. She would never be able to do whatever it is that Snart wants her to do on her own, but she’s starting to think – with Snart’s help – she might be able to fake it.

Snart has that charismatic confidence that Carter always acted like he had, the one where you look at him and you believe you can do anything he says you can.

And, oddly enough, Snart seemed to want her to agree to his stupid scheme, like if she said no, really said no, he’d drop it and come up with another one that left her alone to her mourning. Carter had never been good at that part.

“Oh, I’d make the coffee myself,” Snart says breezily. “But even Mick says my coffee is too burnt to be drinkable, and when the arsonist starts complaining about things being too burnt, you know you’ve got trouble.”

Kendra starts laughing.

———————————————————————————————————–

“Listen,” she says to the collected group in front of her. “We stopped Savage from selling that nuke, we got Ray’s suit tech back, and the future is still on track. We lost Rip and –” she swallows. “– and Carter. But we’re not done yet.”

“I kind of think we are,” Sara says, her arms crossed, her back slumped, her eyes glaring. “We’re a bunch of nobodies, according to Rip, that he decided to pick up to save his wife and kids, which is pointless without him, and now we’re lost in time without him.”

“You signed up to this mission to stop Savage and save the timeline from an evil dictator,” Kendra says, crossing her own arms. “Not to help Rip. Carter and I have been killed by him two hundred and seven times. I don’t want to die this time, too.”

“We’re not going to let you die,” Ray says immediately. He’d been the one to save her from the knife fragments in her blood stream, along with Stein; he’s already invested.

Wow, that was actually just as easy as Snart said it would be. Ray really was the weak (or, as Kendra prefers to put it, the honorable) link in the chain.

She smiles at him and he grins back at her, back straightening a little.

(Over his head, Snart winks at her.)

“I think,” she says, looking around the room. “I think we can still defeat Savage.”

“Not that I’m not up for it,” Jax interjects, “but as far as I know, we’re still lost in time.”

“If I found a way for us not to be, would you all keep on with the mission with me?” Kendra says, looking in each and every one of their faces. “Or was your decision to keep going – to become Legends – just for Rip Hunter’s benefit?”

Slowly, one by one, all the heads nod (except for Mick who pinches the bridge of his nose like he’s got a headache, and looks suspiciously at Snart like he knows Snart’s got something to do with this – smart man).

“Great,” she says, smiling. She’s got this, at least for now. “Then let me remind you that we have a source of information for time travel which is just as useful as Rip Hunter. Gideon?”

“Yes, Ms. Saunders?” the AI’s voice pipes up.

“You can set destinations through the Timestream, correct?”

“Yes, Ms. Saunders.”

“And can you show us, I don’t know, a video or some training manual on how to drive one of these things?”

“I have several, Ms. Saunders,” Gideon says cheerfully. “Who would you like to be trained as the pilot?”

Kendra blinks. She hadn’t thought of that.

“I don’t see why we can’t all take the lessons,” Snart drawls. “Never know when you need to switch getaway drivers.”

“Not all of life can be categorized as a heist, Mr. Snart,” Stein tells him.

“You’d be surprised,” Snart says.

“No, it’s a good idea,” Sara says. “If we all learn a little, then whichever one of us is best at it can be the main pilot, but we’d all be able to do it if we needed to. We wouldn’t be reliant on one person.”

“There’s no reason not to share information,” Stein puts in. “The more educated people we have on board –” his eyes flicker towards Snart and Rory, who both ignore him. “–the better.”

“Maintenance,” Rory grunts.

Everyone looks at him.

“If we’re learning about piloting, we ought to learn ship maintenance, too,” he clarifies.

“My partner’s right,” Snart says, smooth as anything. “What if something breaks or we get shot at by that crew of Bounty Hunters that got sent after Rip? We’d be stuck if we didn’t know how to fix the ship – and I know that Jax here, at least, was able to make the jump ship work by reading the manual.”

“Ah yes,” Stein says disapprovingly. “Your little excursion.”

“Didn’t work anyway; take wasn’t worth it,” Snart says with a shrug, but the wrinkle Jax gets between his brows is one of worry and concern. Kendra might not be as smart as some of the people on board, but there’s nothing wrong with her EQ or her common sense: she’s going to have to get to the bottom of what happened on that little jaunt of theirs before they go much further.

She’s not going to let any stupid secrets get in the way of the mission. They had enough of that with Rip.

No, they’re going to do things differently, and for once in her life, she actually has exactly the right skill sets to make it work.

Not as a barista, no. As Kendra Saunders, three-time summer camp counselor and winner of most favorite counselor award three years running – from both the campers and her fellow counselors.

“Okay, guys,” she says, starting to grin. “Rip says we’re basically invulnerable here in the time pocket, right? It’s a place for repairs and for recollection. So we’re going to use the time we have, and we’re going to learn everything we need to know: about the time stream, about the ship, and about each other.”

Snart frowns a little at her at the last one, but hey, he wants her to be the stand-in captain? He’s going to have to live with the consequences of his choices.

“Rip kept secrets from all of us,” she says. “Lots of secrets, even when it was information that was relevant, even essential for us to know about, about his relationship with Savage, about the Time Masters, about everything.”

“Secrets that came back to bite us all in the ass,” Sara adds, nodding.

“So from now on, we’re going to be open and we’re going to communicate and we’re not going to have any secrets like that,” she declares, putting her hands on her hips.

“I don’t do sharing,” Mick puts in.

“I must admit, I’m not particularly interested in –” Stein starts.

“Gideon,” Snart suddenly says. “Is there any liquor on board?”

“Searching now, Mr. Snart.”

Everyone blinks at him.

Kendra frowns a little. Damnit, Snart, she thinks. You said you’d back my plays if I backed yours…

Snart looks around the room.

“Well,” he says. “If we’re going to be playing truth or dare and ‘never have I ever’ and sharing tragic backstories and whatnot, I sure as hell ain’t doing it sober.”

Kendra smiles.

———————————————————————————————————–

“Well, that was horrible,” Len says the next morning. He was definitely Len now, to all of them, except maybe to Stein; sure, he’d rather cleverly gotten around having to actually tell his backstory by having Gideon recite parts of his prison records, but honestly, that was bad enough. Nobody wanted the first person perspective on the subject. “Let’s never do that again.”

“Seconded, Leonard,” Stein says, head flat on the table.

“Whyyyyy,” Jax moans.

“Psssht, you’re all weaklings,” Sara says, fist-bumping Mick. They’d bonded over tales of drinking games and bar-fights past.

“I meant the feelings bit,” Len says, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, let’s never do that again,” Sara says, nodding. “Ever. Sorry, Kendra.”

“Captain Kendra,” Ray says, unable to keep from grinning.

Kendra puts her hands over her eyes. Maybe if she doesn’t look at them, they can forget the particularly intoxicated portion of the evening that involved her donning a Gideon-made pirate captain hat and a few rousing choruses of the song “yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me.”

Maybe.

If she tries really hard.

“Here’s to Captain Kendra,” Jax cheers. Quietly cheers, given the general state of hangover.

Nope, they’re definitely never letting that one drop. Damn you, Pirates of the Caribbean!

Kendra idly wonders if she has any past-life experience being a naval captain. She kind of hopes so; it would be very useful. Thus far all she has are memories of that original life and a few feelings about Aldo Boardman.

“Where are we going?” Sara asks.

“I had Gideon analyze Boardman’s journal,” Jax puts in unexpectedly. “I figure she’ll be better at tracing patterns than we are.”

“Good thinking,” Len says.

Jax looks pleased with the praise.

“Looks like we’ve got our navigator,” Ray teases, punching Jax lightly on the shoulder.

Jax looks even more pleased.

“So, Gideon,” Kendra says. “Where to?”

“My analysis indicates that information on Savage will be found in the Pentagon in Washington DC, 1986,” Gideon says.

“Huh,” Mick says, frowning.

“What’s up?” Sara asks him.

“Nothing,” he grunts. “Just…something. A feeling.”

Len glances at him.

Mick nods.

“And in English for the rest of us?” Kendra says pointedly. Their odd disjointed language of gestures and eye contact was adorable, but not helpful under her brand new iron-fisted (and highly intoxicated) reign of open communication.

“Mick’s got good instincts,” Len says. “Sometimes it just takes time for the thoughts to come all the way up to the surface, s’all. He’ll tell us when he can.”

Mick nods.

Kendra could see that Ray and Stein looked puzzled – they’d probably never had to fight their own brains over the mere act of thinking – but she holds up her hands to forestall any questions. “Okay,” she says. “We need to get information on Savage from the Pentagon, which means we need to break into the Pentagon. Len, this seems like your field of expertise.”

“I don’t know,” Ray says. “How much does thieving really have in common with breaking into the Pentagon?”

“You say that like I don’t have experience breaking into the Pentagon already,” Len sniffs.

“He does,” Mick says. “We were so drunk.”

“Lisa’s 21st birthday,” Len says happily. “I don’t even remember what it was she wanted from there.”

“Wow, you make a lot of bad life choices when you’re drunk,” Jax observes.

“We make a lot of bad life choices period,” Mick corrects.

“I feel like that should be our ship motto,” Sara says. “The Legends: We Make a Lot of Bad Life Choices.”

“What the hell,” Kendra says. “Why not? It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Gideon,” Len says, his eyes glinting with pleasure. “Please pull up blueprints of the Pentagon.”

———————————————————————————————————–

“Obviously we need to get them back,” Len says stiffly.

“We will,” Kendra assures him. He’s taking this hard.

They’d all agreed that in terms of on-call decisions during a fight, it was best to defer to Sara, who had the most experience with small-team tactical battlefield maneuvers out of all of them; Len’s experience being more aimed at infiltration and overall planning. Len had done his part and left with the core when he’d needed to, but he’s extremely upset at Sara having ordered him to leave his partner behind.

And now they’re short Ray, Stein, and Mick.

“We definitely will,” Sara says grimly. “We need to get into the gulag, and for that, we need information. Bratva information.”

“I like the way you think,” Len says, but no one is fooled by the smile he offers. The hard glint in his eye hasn’t gone away.

“In the meantime,” Kendra says, thinking, “Jax, you have that mental connection with Stein you told us about; could you tell him we’re on our way?”

“I can carve letters into my arm and he’ll see them,” Jax suggests.

“Do it, then get Gideon to heal it as fast as possible after you feel like he’s see in,” Len orders. “We don’t want Valentina or Savage to get wind of what we’re up to. Sara, you’re with me.”

“Do you need help finding a Bratva stronghold?” Kendra asks.

They both look at her pityingly.

“Right,” she says. “Not questioning the thief and assassin when it comes to mob stuff.”

“We’ll be right back,” Len says, and sweeps out.

Sara shoots them a thumbs up.

—————————————————————————————————–

“I’m calling it a win,” Kendra decides. Her first as ship’s captain. “We got our teammates back, Valentina and her project are history, and we kicked Savage’s ass, even if I couldn’t get close enough to stab him personally.”

“Don’t forget we still need that knife to do it with, or something else from that era,” Sara says. “So keeping you away from him was definitely the best move here.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kendra grumbles. She hadn’t enjoyed being forced to stay on the outside.

Mick grunts in solidarity. He’s oddly grouchy, but Len assured them it was just that he was still waiting for that thought he’d had to come to the surface.

“I lifted some vodka from the Bratva,” Len says, distracting them all by waving the bottle around. “Let’s celebrate a prison break well-done.”

“How does this always end with alcohol?” Jax asks.

“Legends of the Waverider: We Make Bad Life Choices,” Sara reminds him.

“You’re all bad influences on Jefferson,” Stein puts in.

“Says the guy who roofied him,” Ray teases. A few rounds with Gideon in the medbay had set him right as rain.

“That’s right, Grey,” Jax adds, grinning.

Mick give a shot glass filled with vodka to Ray. “We’re even now,” he tells him sternly. “No more feelings.”

“Sure thing,” Ray says, beaming at him and clearly not believing him in the slightest.

Sara punches Mick cheerfully in the shoulder. “C’mon, Mick,” she says. “If I can get over my bloodlust and not take the short-cut out – thanks, Len – then you can have more than one friend.”

“No, he can’t,” Len puts it. “Just me. Sorry. Slot’s filled.”

Mick cracks a smile.

“You need to learn to share,” Kendra tells Len.

“No kidding,” Sara agrees. “You can’t keep all this to yourself.” She gestures at Mick.

“Watch me,” Len says.

“Leeeeeeeen,” Ray whines.

“Fine, fine,” Len concedes, smirking. “Mick, this group of idiots is under consideration.”

“Under consideration!” Kendra says, putting her hands to her chest in mock-upset. “Mick, can you believe him?”

“I never do,” Mick replies, but he’s smiling. “You shouldn’t either. He’s a born liar.”

“I’m hurt,” Len says.

“Lie,” Jax says.

“I could be,” Len says.

“Shut up and drink, dorks,” Sara says. She holds up her shot glass. “To Captain Kendra!”

“You’re going to have to drop that sometime,” Kendra warns.

“Never,” Sara says.

“To Captain Kendra!” they all chorus and drink.

They only get one shot in before someone is shooting at them.

“Gideon!” Kendra yells. “I thought you said we were safe in the time stream!”

“We’re under assault from another time ship,” Gideon says. “They appear to have located us.”

“No kidding!” Len snarls.

“Get us out of the time stream, Gideon!” Sara orders, fighting her way to the driver’s seat.

“Sara, get us out of here!” Kendra orders, snapping out her wings for extra balance and helping a staggering Stein to his seat.

“Aye aye, Captain. Gideon, give me manual control. Everyone, strap in!”

———————————————————————————————————–

“Well, that could have gone better,” Sara observes. They’re in what Gideon tells them is Starling City, 2046, but in an uncertain future.

“We crashed,” Ray says. “Oh, my beautiful baby, look at what she did to you…”

(He’d taken to the ship maintenance lessons like only a mechanical genius could, though he freely admitted that sometimes Jax’s common-sense solutions were far more useful.)

“We’re alive!” Sara protests.

“I’ll take the win,” Kendra says groggily. “Ray, Jax, can you work with Gideon to fix her up?”

“Can do,” Jax says.

“Of course,” Ray says. He blinks. “Wait, does that mean I’m Scotty? I’m totally Scotty!”

“Hey!” Jax says, poking at him. “If you’re Scotty, who am I?”

“Chekov, obviously,” Ray says. “You’re the youngest, and you’re the navigator.”

“I can live with Chekov,” Jax says. “He got all the girls.”

“Kendra’s Kirk, of course,” Len says, looking extremely amused. “Since she’s the captain, and since we seem to be going with TOS here.”

“I call Sulu,” Sara puts in. “Since I’m the best pilot-slash-helmsman and the best with swords.”

“What’s Len, then?” Kendra asks.

Len arches an eyebrow.

“Spock,” everyone choruses.

“I want to find Oliver,” Sara says. “I need to know what happened, and how to stop it.”

“Fine,” Kendra says. “But we do it on the way to getting the part Gideon says we need. Len, we need a plan.”

Len nods.

———————————————————————————————————–

“So, it’s a trap,” Kendra says, staring at the distress call from the Acheron looping on her screen.

“Yes, very likely, but even taking that into account, we have to try to help.”

“What we need is for Len and Mick to go screw until they’ve gotten over the stupid fight they’re having,” Sara opines.

“Are they in a romantic relationship?” Stein asks blankly.

“They’re married,” Kendra says. “They told us that on day one.”

“I think I may have missed that.”

“You were very drunk,” Jax says, patting him on the shoulder.

Kendra rolls her eyes and pulls open the door to the cargo bay. “Mick,” she says.

“What?” he growls from where he’s pacing around. “Need me to go out?”

“Well, what I need you to make up with Len so we can get our planner and our muscle back,” she replies dryly.

“I’m an arsonist,” Mick growls. “Not a relationship therapist.”

“Oh my god,” Ray says. “You’re totally Bones!”

“What?” Mick says, distracted from the angry angsting routine they’ve all been treated to this past week.

“I’m arsonist, not a relationship therapist, damnit,” Ray says, beaming. “That’s totally a McCoy ‘I’m a doctor, not an insert-X-here’ line!”

“I always shipped Bones and Spock,” Sara says thoughtfully.

“Don’t be stupid,” Mick says, scowling. He had opinions on Star Trek, as they’d discovered when they’d watched a few episodes in the last few days of downtime. “They’re obviously in a polyamorous relationship with Kirk and the Enterprise, and – no offense, Kendra –”

“No, no,” she says hastily. “I’m focusing on me right now. Not that you’re not both very pretty princesses.”

“Besides, if anyone’s bagging Leonard, I call dibs,” Sara puts in.

Mick growls.

“You’d be invited, of course,” she tells him sweetly.

“Don’t you mainly like girls?” he says grumpily.

“About 80% of the time,” she admits freely. “But that still leaves 20% for guys, and Leonard is – how did Kendra put it – the prettiest princess.”

Mick’s lips were twitching into a smile despite himself.

“No,” he says.

“But you’re mad at him,” she whines. “Which means you’re not using him right now. And I’ve always wanted to sleep with Elsa! Lifelong dream here, Mick.”

“No means no, Birdie,” he says. “Also, that movie only came out three years ago.”

“Ruin all my fun, why don’t you,” Sara says.

“Where is Len, anyway?” Kendra asks.

“Sulking about how all his plans seem to be going wrong recently,” Jax replies. “And Mick icing him out, of course. Didn’t even crack a smile at the pun when I made it; it’s gotten bad.”

Mick hums a little.

“Mick?” Kendra prompts.

“No, it is kinda weird,” Mick says. “We haven’t had a plan go wrong like the last few in a while, not without external interference.”

Kendra shrugs. “Yeah, well,” she says. “What could be interfering with us now? We’re travelling through time.”

“That’s it,” Mick says.

“What?”

“That’s it,” he says, suddenly excited. “Hold up, I need to get Lenny.”

He strides out of the room.

“…are we going to rescue that ship or not?” Ray asks. “Also, what just happened?”

“Not sure,” Sara says.

“Well, Snart’s become Lenny, so I think we’re moving in the right direction,” Kendra says. “As for the ship – yeah, let’s go. We’ll try to compensate for the fact that it’s obviously a trap by sending Sara, Jax and Stein in, plus Ray to drive the jump ship if you need a quick getaway.”

“The most under-estimated members of the group, I like it,” Sara says approvingly.

“Say,” Ray says. “If Mick is McCoy, does that means Stein is Uhura?”

“It’s the only major role left,” Jax says.

“The brilliant diplomat and linguist who also knows how to fix the ship and fight when necessary?” Stein says mildly. “It’s not science, but it’s certainly the next best thing. Regardless, Jefferson, if we’re going to go…”

“See ya, Cap,” Jax says, waving. “Landing party away.”

“I know we have a tractor beam,” Ray says to Sara as they head to the jump ship. “Do you think we have transporters?”

“I don’t trust ‘em anyway,” Sara says, her voice fading away.

Kendra shakes her head and settles into the captain’s chair. “Okay, Gideon,” she says. “Give me the rundown on this ‘Acheron’…”

———————————————————————————————————–

“So according to the Acheron’s data, the next place Savage is likely to be is 1958, Oregon,” Jax says. “Weird, but sure.”

“Okay,” Kendra says. “Let’s go. Program in the destination, and –”

“We don’t want to do that,” Len says, striding in, Mick at his shoulder like nothing ever happened.

“We – don’t?” Ray asks. “Are you sure?”

“We went through a lot to get this intel,” Sara protests.

“Yes, exactly,” Len says. “That’s the problem. We went through just enough to get this intel.”

Kendra sits up straight. “Explain,” she says.

“Mick here’s noticed something weird with all the missions we’ve been on so far,” Len says. “We’re extremely unsuccessful, but usually not because of anything to do with our plans – which I should know, since I made ‘em –”

“I don’t know, we screw up pretty often,” Sara says.

“I account for that in our plans,” Len says. “Always do when working with a new crew. Everyone’s got strength and weaknesses, but a flipped coin doesn’t hit tails every damn time you try it, and even the shittiest crew has better luck than we’ve been having. We only need to flip heads once to finish our mission – and Savage – but nothing’s been working out. So what’s the point?”

“Hey,” Ray says. “Even if you don’t succeed, it’s still worth it to try. We’re trying our best to make a difference here.”

“Exactly, Haircut,” Mick says.

“Thanks, Mick,” Ray says. “Wait. Exactly what?”

“We’re making a difference,” Len says. “Every time we go somewhere in time, the timeline changes – just a little bit, nothing major, nothing we’d notice. But I had Gideon analyze it over the last few hours –”

“Was that what you were doing?” Jax says with a knowing smirk, nodding at the hickey one Len’s collarbone.

“We also discussed our partnership,” Len says, not without dignity. “All’s well there.”

Mick smirks.

Sara wolf-whistles.

“About time,” Kendra says, nodding in approval.

“If you don’t mind letting me continue,” Len says archly.

“You were telling us that Gideon was analyzing the timeline,” Stein says.

“All our actions have resulted in a slight adjustment of Savage’s timeline for conquest,” Len says. “He starts focusing on it earlier; he figures out that time travel is a thing – not hard, with Rip showing up just about everywhere and spouting off about his future family –”

“Don’t speak ill of the dead,” Kendra says automatically, even though she privately agrees that that was a seriously stupid mistake on Rip’s part. Has he never seen a time travel movie?

“Wait,” Jax says, frowning. “Wait. I think I get it.”

“You do?” Stein says. “I must admit that I’m still lost.”

“It’s a minor adjustment of the timeline,” Jax says. “Little tweaks that result in a bigger end result. Just like Rip said, the way you’re supposed to do the whole time manipulation thing.”

“Yes,” Ray says. “But Rip’s dead.”

“Rip is,” Len says. “The group that trained him, the Time Masters, ain’t anywhere near dead.”

“You think we’re being used,” Sara says. Her voice is sharp.

“Yeah,” Len says. “I think the Time Masters were in on this from the start – not Rip, necessarily. I think Rip was honestly trying to save his family. But even in the small time I knew him, Rip was – emotional. He reacted on instinct, not on logic, no matter what he pretended.”

“They kill his family, he runs off, collects us, and we adjust the timeline for them,” Sara says. “Why do it so indirectly, though?”

“Remember how Rip said we were insignificant to the timeline?” Len says.

“Yeah?”

“Then how’d he find us?”

“What?”

“Gideon can’t find any record of any of us making a major impression on the timeline,” Len says. “This Gideon can’t, anyway, but if you’re being a paranoid bastard like me, you start thinking – Gideon’s a computer. Computers can only work with the information they’re given. Garbage in, garbage out – no offense, Gideon.”

“None taken, Mr. Snart.”

“Anyway, if the Time Masters knew Rip was going to run off once his family was killed and the Time Masters knew Rip, they’d probably know which ship he was going to take, too.”

They all go quiet, thinking of that.

“What did you find?” Kendra says.

“I looked up a future textbook about the Flash,” Len says. “Then had Gideon do a search for Mick and me. We appear dozens of times, apparently. I didn’t look to see what, but we’re there – we’re in a history book. That means, to my reckoning, that we ain’t really irrelevant to the timeline. And neither, I suspect, are any of you. Actually, if I had to guess, based on our little jaunt to 2046, our absence from the timeline was kind of the point, for them.”

“We’re causing more trouble than we’re solving,” Kendra says. “But how do they know – the ship?”

“I don’t think so,” Mick says. “I think the nav system’s fucked up, yeah, but you’ve got to feed information into a computer to get it wrong, and some of the stuff that’s gone wrong has been outside of the ship.”

“Like what?”

“Boardman,” he says.

Kendra frowns. “Aldo? What about him?”

“His notebook didn’t make sense,” Mick says. “Took me a while to figure out what struck me wrong about it, but I finally figured it out.”

Sara leans forward, eyes intent. “What happened?”

“1985,” Mick says. “How’s a guy from 1973 accurately predict where intel on Savage is gonna be in 1985?”

Len glances at Mick, pride shining in his eyes. “No one’s got instincts like Mick,” he says, sounding as smug as if it’d been his idea. “We all missed it.”

“What’s it mean?”

“I think they’ve got some method of tracking us – maybe the ship, maybe something else, like Mick thinks – and they’re following us through time to make sure we do what they want. They’re pulling our strings like puppets.”

“Gideon says the Time Masters’ home base is a place where time doesn’t work properly,” Mick says. “They call it the Vanishing Point. That’s where the bastards are.”

“So to defeat Savage –” Kendra starts.

“We’ve got to get through the Time Masters first,” Sara finishes.

“I’m in,” Jax says. “I don’t like the idea of being screwed around with – no, Grey, I’ve forgiven you already – by some bastards with an agenda.”

“There are no strings on me,” Len quips.

“Everyone strap in,” Kendra orders. “The 1950s survived Savage without our interference the first time around; they’ll survive him without us this time around, too.”

“Vanishing Point, here we come,” Ray says.

———————————————————————————————————–

“It needs someone to stay here!” Ray calls, his hands deep in the guts of the Oculus.

“I’ll stay,” Kendra shouts back. “I reincarnate! Pick up one of my future selves, we’ll be fine!”

“No!” Ray says, horrified. “No – Kendra –”

He looks at her, and she swallows. She knows how he’s starting to feel about her, and she’d be lying if she wasn’t thinking about him sometimes, too. They hadn’t gotten anywhere yet – they were still just a ‘maybe’ – but –

“Your self-sacrificing gestures are all appreciated,” Len says. “But we’ve got to make a decision and the rest of us need to get out of here, if the boom’s gonna be as big as Boy Scout here says it’s gonna be.”

“I’m the captain,” Kendra says. “I’m going down with the ship, okay?”

She swallows, and thinks about it, but no, she really means it. Somehow, out of Kendra Saunders, barista, summer camp counselor, reincarnated Egyptian priestess, hawk-hybrid – somehow, out of all of that, she ended up becoming someone that she was pretty damn happy with.

Kendra Saunders, Captain of the Waverider.

She can die proud of that.

“Out of my way,” Mick roars, and they all turn to him. He’s got a limp Time Master in his arms.

“What’re you doing?” Ray asks, but Len’s already dashing forward, grabbing the Time Master’s arms.

“We’ve just found us a volunteer,” Len says, grinning maniacally. “Ray, position his hands.”

Ray does, and pulls back, blinking in shock as his stupid plan to sacrifice himself is abruptly taken away from him.

“Take Ray and go,” Kendra orders Mick. “Tell Sara to take off - we’ll be on your tail.”

Mick nods and grabs Ray and tosses him over his shoulder, pelting at top speed towards where Firestorm is guarding the Waverider, Sara in position as pilot. No plan without a getaway plan; that was Len’s first rule, and it’d served them really well so far.

Kendra holds the Time Master’s arms in place.

Len aims his gun and fires, filling the entire inside of the chamber with ice, the Time Master’s hands frozen in place, the ice a solid barrier keeping anyone from interfering.

The Time Masters howl in rage and charge them.

Kendra spreads her wings and catches Len under his arms, taking to the air as fast as she can, strong wing-beats carrying them far quicker than any pair of legs, Len aiming his cold gun around them in a deadly stream of cold that slows bullets and freezes lasers and clears the path for them.

The Waverider’s doors are closing, but there’s a roof-side door, a service entrance, that’s left open just a little bit longer - nothing anyone would notice, nothing that would make them vulnerable, but the perfect last-minute way in for someone with wings.

They tumble down into it, Kendra slamming it shut and shouting “Go!” but Sara’s already putting them into jump.

The shockwave follows them into the time stream, knocking the whole ship head over tail, and Kendra clings to Len, ducking her head into his shoulder and wrapping her wings around him to protect his precious brain as they get flung around the ship.

At last, Sara wrenches the ship upright.

Kendra pulls away.

“I’m okay,” Len assures her. “You?”

“Wing’s a bit bent out of shape,” she says, flexing it a little. “Help me preen later, we’ll call it even.”

She had never thought about preening her wings before Len had suggested it, never thought of it as anything more than a magic extra instead of as a part of her, but now she’s addicted to the slick glide of oil through her feathers.

Ray volunteers often.

“Hey, guys,” Jax says, poking his head. “With the intel we lifted from the Vanishing Point, I think that we might be able to save Rip, and his family, too.”

“Really?” Kendra says, eyes wide. She hadn’t been expecting that.

“Really,” Jax confirms, and he’s beaming.

“Well, then,” she says. “I think we have our next stop.”

“And then can we get on murdering Savage already?” Len asks a little plaintively. “I think I’ve had my fill of this hero business; I wanna get back to the murder part of the events.”

Kendra pats his cheek. “Next step,” she promises. “I’m looking forward to that part, too.”

——————————————————————————————————–

It is every bit as satisfying as she might’ve thought.

They kidnap Rip’s bleeding body from Savage’s clutches back in 1973, shoving it under Gideon’s loving medbay lasers in stasis mode.

They grab the dagger from Savage’s hideout in 2016, plus a bracelet that Kendra sees in a vision. She gilds the mace Carter gave her, and smiles.

They go to 2166.

Savage is about to kill Rip’s family.

The day before they arrive, lingering in the time stream, the whole team sits up late into the night – with a few drinks – brainstorming ways that they could save Rip’s family without messing up the timeline and causing Rip never to come and collect them; that way lies paradox.

Len buries his faced in Mick’s lap and lets the other man stroke his brow.

“He thinks better that way,” Mick tells them, only slightly defensively.

“I don’t know why Rip would come get us unless he saw his family die,” Jax sighs. “It’s a pretty strong motive, and we know he actually saw the bodies.”

“Pity we can’t swap someone else in like we did at the Oculus,” Ray says, resting his head on Kendra’s shoulder.

Kendra drapes a wing around him and smiles.

“Why not?” Mick asks.

“What do you mean, why not?” Sara asks.

“He means, why not?” Len says, sitting up, eyes glowing the way they’ve all learned means he has an idea. “Gideon – you’ve been able to regenerate injuries, even severe ones. Could you create, uh, hunks of meat in the shape of human beings, with the right DNA to be Rip’s family?”

“I am not able to recreate life,” Gideon says apologetically. “All attempts to use the body-duplication technology to do so have failed.”

“I don’t need them alive,” Len says. “I need two dead bodies and a hologram projector.”

They all look at him.

“Rip’s family doesn’t need to die,” Len tells them triumphantly. “He just has to think they have, for all the same actions to occur.”

“I like the way you think,” Sara tells him.

“That seems rather cruel,” Stein says.

“Think of how happy he’ll be when he gets them back,” Jax points out. “And no paradox. Those sounded pretty unpleasant.”

“Let’s do it,” Kendra says, and drops her free hand – the one not occupied in petting Ray’s forehead – to the ancient dagger that now lives in her belt.

And smiles.

———————————————————————————————————–

Stabbing Savage is beautiful, beautiful catharsis.

Rescuing a future incarnation of Carter – brainwashed to be Savage’s servant, the poor boy – and reviving his memories is sort of an unexpected bonus.

“Kendra,” he says, staring into her eyes. “Oh, Kendra. I don’t know how I could have forgotten you, my goddess.”

…possibly a bonus. She’s not sure.

“Thanks, Carter,” she says, untangling herself a little. “Uh. Please have a seat? We’re going to go back to 2016 to make sure nothing’s gone wrong while we were missing.”

After that, well, they hadn’t fully decided.

“Yes,” he says. “And then we can live together, free from Savage at last. We can be together, free from strife – we can have children and watch them grow old together, together forever at last–”

“That’s an option,” she agrees.

An option.

One.

As in, one of several.

Committing ritual suicide is also, theoretically, an option.

They’re at about the same level of likelihood at the moment.

But hey, she’ll think about it. She’s young; she might want to have kids one day. Just, you know, not quite yet. Going from barista to warrior goddess to mother of a man older than her (oh, Aldo!) had been…weird. She’d been drifting, unsure of who she really is.

She likes who she is right now.

The next few days make very clear that Carter might have mixed feelings about it.

He tries to lure her to training with him; she declines, as she has to focus on developing strategic objectives regarding rescuing Sara’s sister with Len. Besides, Sara’s much better at actually slowing down and explaining things instead of just assuming that Kendra’s “warrior goddess”-ness would abruptly jump in and teach her everything she needs to know.

He tries to override her views on any number of issues, only to be totally ignored by the rest of the crew.

He tries to take away her mace because he’s “better” at wielding it and she doesn’t “need” it.

He thinks preening her feathers is gross and unnecessary.

He also thinks they should be having sex right now, because surely she realized how much she really loved him once he was gone, and you never know what could next come to separate them.

Kendra hides in Ray’s bedroom. “Tell me I didn’t say something that stupid right after he died,” she says.

“I could always lie,” Ray offers. “You wouldn’t believe me or anything, but I could try.”

“You’re the best,” Kendra says. “Question: how did I manage to have such bad taste in two hundred and seven lives?”

“Well,” Ray says, “he might not have been quite so, uh…”

“Bossy and self-centered and privileged as all hell?”

“…I was going for ‘like me a few months ago’,” Ray says. “But, uh, that works too.”

Kendra snickers. Instituting sparring sessions with Sara as the automatic punishment for saying something stupid and self-absorbed had been a good way to teach everyone a little lesson.

(Despite generally being okay on privilege issues, when Sara screwed up – sexuality issues and racial minority issues are not the same type of experience, thanks! – she’d gotten assigned a lecture by Len on the principles on accounting, which he could apparently do, straight-faced, for over three hours straight. Sara apologized to Kendra and Jax, promised to do better and also asked why in the hell Len knew how to do that. Len just laughed.)

“You know,” Ray says hesitantly. “We never – I mean, if you wanted to – he is your soulmate –”

“You know, I never really believed in soulmates, growing up,” Kendra says. “And then Carter swept into my life and he was so sure of everything, so I thought – you know, most girls aren’t lucky enough to get a literal sign from fate that this is the one for you. So I went with him. And you know what?”

“What?”

“As Len would say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result,” she says. “I’m done being insane. I think it’s time to try something new.”

“Really?” Ray asks, and his hope is there in his eyes, unspoken but quietly wishing.

“Yeah,” Kendra says. “Really.”

She kisses him.

———————————————————————————————————–

The Waverider successfully rescues Laurel Lance and the team agrees – sans Carter – to continue on their journey through time.

“I love your necklace,” Kendra tells Amaya. “We can help you save your boyfriend. Vengeance first, though; otherwise whoever killed him might try again.”

“I love your wings,” Amaya tells her. “I accept your offer, Captain; I am under your command.”

“It’ll be good to have another girl on board,” Kendra says.

And she smiles.

#my fic #atomhawk #dccoldwave #Kendra saunders #mick rory #leonard snart #ray palmer #sara lance #martin stein #jefferson jax jackson #captain kendra

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