#everything and everyone apart from him has basically said twitter is in shambles

[hyperfixated-homo]

so. someone explain what happening with twitter rn please. because i just had a chat with my dad about it and it basically went like

me: hey isn't twitter like collapsing rn

dad: not really. only if you're a liberal. im on the side of freedom of speech so it doesn't really affect me

me, pretty sure thats not whats happening but also not knowing enough about it to argue: okay??

[some-creep]

SERIOUS and OFFICIAL RE3 Creep Review

Resident Evil 3 Remake is a good and fun game that I have already dedicated more energy into than all of RE2 Remake.

However. We can’t leave it at that so here’s a stupid long post.

First off: This will not include any mention of the freebie multiplayer game bundled in, RE: Resistance, a game that I unfortunately like but also realize it adds absolutely nothing to the purchase of this game itself.

Second: I have no goddamn idea what other people are saying about this game because I haven’t even clicked on the steam store page to see the general review scores. I don’t have twitter, and I refuse to watch reviews. All I know is vague youtube titles I’ve seen in my feed. That’s it.

Third of all: Everything I’ve ever written on here is disjointed and confusing so buckle the fuck up.

Oh. And spoilers.

To start this story we must go back to everyone’s favorite year, 2003, when RE3 released on the Gamecube and I was in third grade. Watching my cousin play it when he stayed over was my first actual experience with the series. And Nemesis was, like, really fucking scary at the time because I was a child. I bring this up because as you all might know, I’m a bit of an obsessed weirdo sometimes. This is where it started for me, so RE3 is kind of a big deal for me personally. Conceptually, this game means kind of a lot to me I guess.

As a “remake”, RE3 does, like, a terrible fucking job at being one of those. This is flat out, just, not a remake. At all. It’s a re-imagining. It would be easier to count the things they included from the original over the things they cut, that’s how different it is. OG RE3 had like. Three environments. And the remake just straight up cuts one of them and slaps a different character in the other. Alright I guess. We don’t see Brad get killed by Nemesis, because that just… doesn’t happen anymore. Jill doesn’t go to the police station… at all even. There’s no missile countdown during the final boss fight which was my favorite part because it was like. I know it was just a glorified timer but it was much scarier to me than the self destruct timer? Idk for some reason the concept of a missile destroying the whole ass city is an idea that genuinely just kind of freaks me out to this day.

This will sounds very hyperbolic but the ending was kind of garbage. Mr. Paul I love my Wife Anderson did a shot for shot recreation of the original ending and I guess I was just expecting something like that instead we got. Not. That. I don’t know if these complaints are valid but they are things I’ve been thinking about a lot. Half that scene straight up just takes place in a map that is just an empty white void. If that after the credits scene wasn’t a possible hint at a Code Veronica remake I will riot. CV is my other favorite game (conceptually. CV itself is a completely fucking unplayable nightmare game).

There’s no helicopter fight. There’s no gravedigger. There’s no giant spiders. There’s one bonus costume. Hell, there frankly isn’t even a lot of Raccoon City at all.

I guess it is short. My first play through was 4ish hours of logged gameplay and 6ish hours of total playtime with cutscenes and nemesis chases which apparently pause the timer since they’re basically QTEs? This doesn’t really bother me like it does other people. I don’t have a lot of free time anymore. Everyone fucking hates that this game is short from what I’ve seen? Idk. (It’s no shorter than RE2. RE2 just seems longer since you can be Leon or Claire but their stories are basically identical. B scenario in RE2 Remake was a fucking joke.)

Buuut… I really, really like this game.  Carlos is fine. He’s in this game. I still don’t like him that much but he’s the best of the male sidekicks. Maybe I like him more than Leon. He isn’t offensive or anything I just don’t stan him as hard as everyone on here seems to. Mikhail is way, way better now. Love how he knows who Jill is. Nikolai has… good facial mocap I guess. He’s certainly in the game and is evil and Russian again so no change there. Tyrel is a character who does things and is in scenes. He seems nice. He’s doing his best. And then there’s Jill. Who got the best treatment of anything in this entire game. Not like, physically of course, her ribs are absolutely destroyed and her spine has been snapped several times after all of that shit they put her through in the cutscenes.

I loved, loved, loved the opening. So much. Jill’s apartment. Her nightmares. The fact her life is in shambles. I’ve gushed about this before but I genuinely loved how the game opened. It’s everything I could have asked for and so much more. It’s an idea I’ve toyed w/ before in one of the only finished stories I’ve ever put on AO3 and I’m so glad to see it acknowledged canonically. I just. Ugh. I loved it.

Everything she says is beautiful and perfect and sassy and sometimes angry and it’s just. Good. They let Jill say fuck and she became unstoppable. Also she at least still says the You want S.T.A.R.S. line. It’s way, way, way early, in a scene that makes no sense for it to be in at all. But she says it. And I liked that she said it. I’m easy.

That stupid railgun bullshit at the end?? I was streaming it live and just exclaimed “is this game even real???” because I was just so all about it. We’re all still giggling at “Bitch can’t even swim.”

It’s fun to play as Jill and do sick dodge rolls. I’ve gone through this game four times now, once on each base difficulty and again on Assisted with just the hot-dogger fire knife w/o healing. Sick dodge rolls make the game very easy if you don’t fuck them up. I always fuck them up. But, still. I feel like all the bits are there from RE2 but just better. I intend to go through the game on the other two difficulties. Wish me luck. I am frankly terrified. But I want to do it.

Two of the nemesis fights are just straight up identical though. Which is. Okay. Sure. Whatever.

This game only had two puzzles for reasons I do not understand. The subway puzzle was the hardest of the two. It is the first puzzle in the game. Arguably, it is the only puzzle in the game because it is the only one you have to think about for more than 11 seconds to solve.

When the credits play the new version of Free from Fear I genuinely forget every weird problem I have with this game because it’s just… so good. Once again. I am easy.

This whole thing probably sounds like more complaints than praise for a game I’ve put this much time into, and maybe it is, but it is easier to talk about about something bad about a game than to pinpoint what you liked. And I love to complain as we all know. This is horrible as a remake. It’s great as a follow up to RE2 Remake probably. I think plenty of people already disagree with that. But plenty of people like to just be wrong on the internet.

Speaking of RE2 remake why did Pale Heads return from.. the ghost survivors dlc of all the fucking things. That’s just weird. They were a weird inclusion. Maybe I’m not totally surprised something like that made it over but it’s still… weird. They’re fine as an enemy type. I just ignored them though.

I think that for me it is just enough to have good and fun characters that I enjoy. I just. Like how Jill is written. And honestly, that’s kinda just all I need. It doesn’t really matter to me that this game is something of a horrible amalgamation of vaguely borrowed concepts from the original game. Sure, the RE1 remake is great because it’s mostly completely faithful, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to do it. Re-imaginings like this can also be good. This one is good. It’s fun.

There are a strange amount of tentacles in this game to the point where I wonder if someone on the dev team just straight up had a fetish. Especially after you get the lockpick. That scene is. Um. Yeah. It’s in the game.

Is that really how I’m going to end this? Talking about the tentacle fetish?

Yeah.