#everytime she posts something stupid about being an empath or a girls girl i wanna swipe up and ask her why she let her

[fridayiminlovemp3]

i neeed to stop obsessively hating on people but like if it’s bad why does it feel so gooddddddddd 🤨🤨

[shawnies-rihno-blog]

Ready For Me

A/n= Its mostly based on Ready for me by Alessia Cara. I hope you enjoy reading this. Thank you so much for reading!

WC: 2.3k

Where y/n and Shawn have feelings for eachother, but y/n can’t help but feel ignored by Shawn, so she tells him to come back for her, when he’s ready.

Warning; Brief mention of Camila + Angsty + also sum cussing

-----

 It was about 2:45am, and everyone had left Shawn’s apartment. Now Shawn and I were cuddling in his bed, looking out his big window, seeing the city of Toronto alive as ever. As I look at the CN tower changing colours, I think about how I should not be here, that i should leave, because in the end I always end up hurt. Not him.

“It’s gorgeous isn’t it,” Shawn comments, as he intertwined our fingers together under the blanket.

“Ya. Kinda weird how the city looks so alive even though it's way past midnight,” I replied quietly, not wanting to ruin this peaceful vibe.

You should Leave. Leave. Leave. Dumbass Leave.

“It’s not more gorgeous than you though.”

I smile. You’re falling for him. Why are you being stupid. Leave right now.

I know I should listen to the voice in my head, but he’s so addicting, more addictive than nicotine. He is like a cigarette though, he’s bad for me but I can't have enough of him. And whenever he calls i cave in, even though the last time was supposed to be the last time I saw him.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” he says, after awhile.

“Yea,” I say knowing he doesn’t mean it.

“You know that, y/n,” 

I hum in response. Shawn was leaving Toronto tomorrow to start his North American Leg of the tour. Shawn and I weren't just friends, because friends don’t do what we do, but what we have, it's not a relationship. It isn't friendship with benefits either, because that’s just sexual attraction towards each other and this relationship isn’t based on sex. Honestly, it’s complicated like a Facebook status. 

Whenever Shawn’s back in Toronto, he calls me saying he misses me, and that we should have breakfast together. He calls me over so I can sleep over at his place because he likes me very deeply. And then he leaves, whether it’s for tour, promo, or L.A. He forgets to call me and ask me if i'm okay, or even text, as if I never existed in his life. Then he’s seen with a girl, and i every single time I pretend that I couldn't care less. 

  He keeps saying it’s for “PR” and to help him with his new release, everytime he comes back to Toronto. But then I overhear him talking about how good she was in bed with his friends and I can't help but feel a little heartbroken. But I shouldn’t right, because we are not dating.

“You gonna stay the night here?” Shawn questions.

“Probably not,” I reply.

“Is there anything I can do to make you stay?” he asks suggestively, starting to lightly peck the crook of my neck.

“Shawn, you should go to sleep you have to wake up on time for you’re flight,”

“But I'd rather spend that time with you,” he says. And I look up to him seeing sincerity in his eyes. These are the moments that mess with my head, telling me what we have is real and that i'm actually important to Shawn.

“Please, y/n,” he says again. “C’mon it’s my last night, and i wanna spend it with you,” he continues.

“Okay,” I agree reluctantly. “ But all we are going to do is sleep, cus I have an early class tomorrow and you have to catch a flight,” I added.

“As long as I'm with you baby, nothing else matters,” he adds lovingly. So much for being just friends.

----

I wake up to sunlight shining brightly in my eyes. Then i feel little pecks on my face. On my forehead, both cheeks, my nose and lastly my lips. I instantly smiled, knowing who is kissing me.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Shawn says raspily, with a wide smile on his face.

“Morning, what time is it.” 

“7:15.”

“Oh okay, i have to leave in like 20,”

“Why don’t you go freshen up, and i’ll make you breakfast?” Shawn suggests.

“Watch you burn down the whole kitchen,” I add cockily.

“I’m an amazing cook! And i don’t burn stuff,” he replies defensively.

“Mhmm. I'm gonna pretend to believe that.”

I get out of his bed and head to the bathroom freshening up. When I’m done I head to the kitchen, meeting a shirtless Shawn who is wearing only his pajama pants. It wouldn’t be horrible to be stuck with this view for the rest of my life.

He turns around, clearly amused by my staring, “like what you see?” he questions as he moves the pancake from the pan to the plate. 

“Shut up, it’s not good to be self obsessed,”

“But if you look as good as me, its okay right?!”

He presents the plate of pancakes with maple syrup on top. When I'm done taking my first bite, Shawn says “Ya i know they taste good, no need to tell me.” 

“Actually I was gonna say, that they are really bad,”

“Heyyyy!”

“I’m kidding, they are really good,”

“Ya i know,” He replied cockily.

After finishing my breakfast, while chatting with Shawn, I tell him I have to go, or i will miss my class. I head to the door, Shawn grabs me, pulling me into him. Pecking my forehead and then kissing me with passion.

“Don’t leave, please.”

“You know I have too, Shawn.”

“Ya…” he replies sadly.

I can’t help walking out the door a little disappointed. Maybe i should've stayed, it’s just one class right? I push those thoughts out of my head and head to my apartment to grab my books. I hear my phone go off as I walk out of my apartment heading to my university.

Shawn: I miss you!

I swear this boy. He’s going to make me go crazy. I reply with a quick “i just saw you, you can’t possibly miss me,” and head to class, clearing my head.

---

It’s been 3 weeks since our last conversation. I shouldn’t be surprised but I always am. The last time we talked was when I texted him congratulating him on Senorita and he replied with a simple ‘thank you’. I asked him how tour was going, but he just replied with a great, not putting much effort in the conversation, so I didn't either.

One day as I'm scrolling across Instagram, i see a post of E!News, talking about Shawn seen mingling with a girl. I didn’t care much until i found out who the girl was. Camila Cabello. She was the girl Shawn filmed Senorita with. I really thought Senorita was just a music video, because Shawn always said they were just friends, so I didn't pay much attention. But after seeing those pictures i couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.

Last time we saw eachother, I really thought we could be something, and that i wouldn’t end up hurt. But I'm always wrong aren’t I. It’s my fault for being involved with a guy like Shawn anyways. Why would he settle with me, a girl who doesn’t even have her life together yet. 

The worst part is, none of Shawn and I’s friends know about our ‘relationship’ because as Shawn said “our relationship is gonna get leaked, and Andrew is not gonna be a big fan of that,” so I can’t go to them asking for comfort. I don’t know if i was hurt about the fact that Shawn did what he does again, or that I was stupid enough to think that he would settle with me.

Days pass and more videos and pictures of them surface online, one of the videos bothering me particularly. Shawn didn’t bother contacting me, so I didn't either. 

---

As summer came by, my friends from university and I decided to camp up north of Toronto. While camping i made a lot of new friends, one particularly cute one, named Jackson. We got really close, and later I found out we were both studying the same field. By the end of the trip he asked me for my number, which I gave happily. 

When I got back home from the trip, the first thing I did was open Instagram and post pictures from the trip, since there was no internet in the woods. I also started hanging out with Jackson, he made me happy, but I couldn't help but think I was cheating on Shawn.

Jackson and I end up going on a couple of dates, both enjoying each other's company. One night, after I get back from a party, Shawn calls me. I’m a little confused and surprised by not knowing the reason behind his call. I answer his call, not knowing what to do. 

“Heyy! y/n, i came to Toronto for like 2 days. I was hoping we could meet up.”

“Hii... That’s random, lol.”

“Ya i know, i was missing you so i thought to visit Toronto and see you.” Here we go again with his bullshit.

“Oh.” I reply clearly unimpressed.

“Well I’m actually right outside your apartment, wanna open the door for me?” He questions and I can already imagine the big smile on his face.

I end the call and head to open the door. As soon as I opened the door, Shawn grabs me and hugs me tightly, as if he let go, his world would collapse.

“Shawn please stop,” i try pushing him away. 

“What?” he questions, hurt flashing on his face for a brief second. 

“You can’t just pretend to miss me, when you didn’t even contact me once in the past four months,” I state trying to hide my feelings.

“But i do miss you, you know im really bad with communication, and most of the time I don't even have my phone.” He tries to explain. I can already feel my heart empathizing with him, but I tell myself that I'm not going to fall for his lies this time. 

“Shawn, its- uh- i don’t know, but you need to stop with your excuses.”

“But they are not excuses, and you know that. C’mon i thought you were the one person who actually understood me.”

“No! Don’t you dare say that. I try my best to understand you and your bullshit. But I can’t okay!” I say raising my voice, he was starting to piss me off.

“What bullshit? If you are really complaining about me not contacting me, maybe you should’ve!” Shawn replies, raising his voice to match mine.

“I did!” 

“Ya once, congratulating me, and I REPLIED. You are the one who left me on seen after that.”

“Shawn, maybe you should leave, we can have this conversation later.” I replied quietly, knowing raising my voice would do nothing.

“Why? Cus’ your boyfriend is coming over?” Shawn scoffs. I’m taken aback by his remark, since when did I have a boyfriend.

“What boyfriend?” I question, truly confused.

“Who are you lying to here?”

“Shawn i don’t have a boyfriend, why are you accusing me of shit.”

“Oh really, so that Johnson guy is just your friend right?” Shawn spits.

“You mean Jackson?”

“You really think I give a crap about his name.”

“We are not dating, but yea we’ve been on dates, but why would that even matter, when you don’t even care about me.” I say, getting more pissed off by the second.

“Wow. I guess I really was wrong about you. I really thought we had something, but you throw that right out the window as soon as someone makes a move on you? Honestly I can't even say that, maybe you made a move-” I cut him off, because he’s being ridiculous.

“Oh don’t you even dare go there. You cannot say this shit to me, you’re the one who threw us out the window the second you decided to kiss that girl. Do you even realise what you're doing.” I say raising my voice again.

“I told you it’s PR! What part of that do you not understand?!” He replied angrily.

“Oh I thought, only hand holding was for PR, i guess you finally got an upgrade and started sucking girl’s face publicly.” I say clearly pissed.

“Why do you have a problem with my career! You know this is apart of my life. Why can’t you understand that.”

“Cus’ clearly i’m not apart of your life,” I say, tears forming in my eyes.

“Y/n, you’re the biggest part of my life,” Shawn says quietly.

“Right, that's why we can’t walk down a street, or that's why our friends can’t find out about us, because you're too scared or probably too ashamed to be with me.” I say, tears threatening to spill.

“I'm not ashamed to be with you. There is nothing to be ashamed off. There is just so much going on in my life, and I don't want to pressure you with my life. And I still have a lot of things to figure out.” Shawn’s face is flushed now, probably by all the yelling.

“Right and you think pushing me away is totally helping me?” I question.

“Y/n-”

“No just stop okay! You clearly have too much going on, and you keep saying everything is PR when i don’t even know if it really is. You aren’t ready for me or this relationship-”

“No you can’t just-”

“Shawn just don’t even okay! Figure things out, and come back. And i'm not saying i’m gonna wait for you, cus’ I’m not gonna and i'm not going to promise and then lie, but I'll always be around.” I say wiping tears away, trying my best not to breakdown in front of him.

“Y/n, just please- i’m begging you, just give me a chance,” Shawn begs with tears in his eyes.

“Shawn, please figure things out, do what you have to do until you’re ready for me.” I say, as I can feel my heart physically crack.

The funny thing is, when an addict is over his addiction, he feels happy as if he has accomplished something. But I can't help but feel empty and weak inside, even though I got over my addiction.

 I guess yay for me!

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oMg. I don’t even know if i like how i wrote it, but i like the idea of this idk!!! But thankyou SOOOOOOOOO much for reading, it means so muchhhhh. I hope there aren’t many errors or gramatical mistakes. I hope u enjoyed reading it, pls leave feedback if u like! X.

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Thankyou once again!!!!