#ewan that shitty old bitch

[gregoftom]

Something else I don’t think people consider with regards to anon’s point is what exactly those terms and conditions are.

We already know how prickly Ewan is about well, everything, and that he cuts Greg’s mom off at some point after season three starts I think. But like, is that even the first time? The brothers are much more similar than people want to believe and I think it’s possible Ewan could have cut Marianne off and brought her back in depending on their standing while Greg was growing up and he witnessed that. We just don’t have enough backstory to know because for some reason the writers set up this fascinating character and then did nothing with all that lore.

That’s why I can’t get behind people who think Greg was stupid to give up his inheritance. At least with Logan he was in good standing and guaranteed a job with Tom to look out for him. With his grandpa he’s on horrible footing and with no direction of what he wants from him either? Like if he quit Waystar and got another job somewhere else (which, as we’ve seen despite having the skills to hold his own in the company Greg clearly has difficulty in the workforce and maintaining employment), who’s to say Ewan wouldn’t also take offense to that job’s morals and demand Greg quit again? It’s a slippery slope where Greg would truly be under his grandpa’s thumb until his death and even then who knows what that bitter old crone would pull. And at no point does Ewan offer assistance to help Greg with that transition, like quit Royco and I’ll give you a cushion to help you get back on your feet. Nah. It’s do what I want when I want, without the guidance needed to make such a decision.

Also!!!! Thanks anon for reminding us we as an audience forget Greg literally supports his mom. On the little evidence we see she doesn’t seem to work or have a conventional job either, with always being in bed surrounded by wine and pills. Based on her panic spending in the season three premiere and Greg’s buying that 40k watch out of humiliation it’s clear neither of them have smart spending habits or know how to budget. Ewan likely never taught Marianne, and Marianne definitely never taught Greg and now they struggle to be well adjusted working members of society and he gets pissed at them for floundering. Obviously it’s an individual’s responsibility as an adult to look out for themselves and not blame or rely on other people but the fact that Ewan has endless resources at his disposal to help them not be struggling just to survive and doesn’t is nothing short of cruel.

(also don’t even get me started on the fact that Greenpeace itself is a problematic organization that just proves Ewan either does no research into what he wants to spitefully put Greg’s inheritance towards, or simply does not care and only wants it to look good on paper. Greg was right to want to sue lmao)

oh yeah no exactly that’s what pisses me off about ewan too like this bitch could tell greg to jump a certain height and greg would do it with a backflip and it still wouldn’t be good enough, he’s a find something to be wrong with it. ewan is very much like logan and i’ll never understand mfs who say otherwise.

wrt marianne i agree and do believe she has been cut off before, like, this isn’t the first time, and like you say she hasn’t been taught to budget and spend properly and neither has greg, which fits with ewan’s ideology so it makes sense that they would blow all their money. greg did indeed look after his mama despite the fact she would not give him money at the beginning [perhaps echoing her own upbringing?] and i didn’t think about the fact that maybe she doesn’t work and didn’t previously, on god maybe greg has been looking after her for a lot longer than we think and him supporting her when he starts to get money is just a continuation of that. oh oof.

oh for real ewan is a bastard i hate his ass he is awful, just as awful as logan and lmfao i know right. there’s a lot of issues with green peace but ewan doesn’t give a fuck, i’m pretty sure his view is it doesn’t matter if there are a few problematic aspects bc on the whole it’s a “good” organisation. his views and opinions and correct and justifiable in this matter. i love how ppl get so up in arms when greg says he’ll sue greenpeace like yeah there are better things to pick but it’s not exactly evil of him when for example one of their members lots a bunch of money via gambling and another did many short trips gassing the shit out of the atmosphere and going against their policy, not to mention damage to the nazca lines.

[sapphire-wine]

Clay please!

This was so difficult unfortunately I was a bad CEO and didn't really think about him in these contexts before

Song(s) that reminds me of them (multiple because I have no impulse control but also could not remember the ones that actually hit for him)

I have a very dear headcanon that he blasts songs like “Another Way Out” by Hollywood Undead in the middle of the night so now that song reminds me of him

Let me give him a funny little space song maybe “Miles Above You” by Spektrum or “I Wish I was the Moon” by Ewan J Philips

Most songs in the Atlas albums by Sleeping at Last probably

What they smell like

This bitch bought the most obnoxiously named old spice deodorant in high school and has used it since. But if we want to be nice he smells like vanilla and an earth tone

An otp

I don’t actually ship him with anyone. I feel like the closest is with Apollo but I like them having more of a family dynamic. OTP Clay and the stars he’s working so hard to reach

A notp

There aren’t many ships for him to begin with so I guess that crack ship of him and Fullbright (“I see your on sale ray bans aviator sunglasses”)

Favorite platonic/familial relationships

PLEASEEE him and Apollo being the family Apollo didn’t have before meeting him. They’re brothers in all but blood, literally platonic soulmates. They’re roommates who are coraising Mikeko until Apollo moves out and Clay tells him he isn’t paying child support but he’ll give Mikeko presents on Christmas and his birthday.

Headcanon(s) that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

There aren’t many unsurprisingly. So I’ll use this space to say he owns really shitty pun graphic tees like he learned his blood type was B positive and immediately went out to get a shirt that said “bee positive.”

Disagreeing with canon that he died so he now has a very untasteful shirt that reads “I was the victim of an attempted murder trial and all I got was this stupid tshirt (not even the knife)”

Also going to slip in my "he's Phoenix's half brother" headcanon I'm going to say the popular opinion is that he's not because people have not considered it

The position they sleep in

On stomach and spread out

A crossover au i’d love to see them in

I haven’t given this much thought but he also looks like the main character of Fossil Fighters I'm ngl

Except....Gravity Falls AU...Clay and Grunkle Stan chaos combo...Clay and Ford and McGucket space science combo...

My favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

He’s got two outfits in canon so I guess the blue GYAXA jacket

[vei-saretti]

Part one of my "Let's roast Attack of the Clones".

I still don't understand how we got The Clone Wars, arguably one of the best Star Wars television media, out of this steaming pile of bad dialogue and awkward romance. I just... How.

This movie starts out with a bang, doesn't it? :D (Sorry, Cordé)

Speaking of Clone Wars, I love how now because of that show, I actually have genuine feelings for the once nameless Jedi that show up in the background, like Plo Koon and Luminara.

Haydennnn! I'm a firm believer that, like little Jake Lloyd, Hayden Christensen also did nothing wrong, he was just a bit less experienced than the other actors and was given shitty dialogue on top of that. The kid did his best. And I love him for it. But also why does he sometimes sound like a Brit trying to pass off a shitty American accent lol. Dude's American already. I read somewhere that the reason he speaks the way he does might be because he was trying to replicate the speech patterns Vader has in the OT, and just the general way he talks, which, if true, is I guess commendable, but he sounds like an idiot half the time.

Hayden and Ewan had great chemistry considering the awful script. I hate when people say they didn't. It's the dialogue that's awkward and clunky, not the actors' chemistry.

UGH ANAKIN STOP TRYING TO SOUND SMOOTH YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT. And he acts like an emo from 2005 in this movie and it's so fuckin' cringyyyy.

I can't wait for them to bring Temuera back. I miss his voice. He's such a badass as Jango.

Anakin, sounding like a teenage girl: sHe'S nOt LiKe ThE oThEr GiRlZ, mAsTeR.

These worm things are probably why centipedes make me wanna die when they get in my house.

"The Chancellor isn't corrupt." LMAO ANAKIN YOU DUMB HIMBO.

Obi-Wan: Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin. Don't rush into things, Anakin.

Also Obi-Wan: Dives headfirst out a window after a fucking droid.

What even is the whole droid/speeder chase though? It's like George just decided that anything goes and the audience will just take his shit (spoiler alert: We did).

How much do you wanna bet Jango was following this whole chase just like "Smfh, do I have to do everything myself?"

Obi-Wan saying he hates it when Anakin jumps off high things when Obi-Wan didn't just do that himself 5 minutes ago would be me as a parent.

Idk why, but "She went into the club, Master!" is a way more funny line to me than it should be.

Yeah, Death Sticks dude is hilarious, but can we talk about the pink Twi'lek that looks like she fell in love when Anakin waves at her table lmao. Like honestly same, girl, same.

Ooh Anthony Daniels cameo.

And here we see Padmé turning over her power to the most powerful Sith in the-- Oh, whoops, I mean Jar Jar Binks. Silly me.

How does Padmé see Anakin bitch out like a child and still wanna fuck him? I don't get it. Like he's cute and all but his personality is uglyyyy. To be fair though, Obi-Wan seems like he can be a dick sometimes. Very helicopter parent seeming.

EW STOP WITH THAT CREEPY EXPRESSION YOU LOOK LIKE A SERIAL KILLER. And didn't Anakin learn anything from Obi-Wan's constant flirting with anything with legs? Why is he so bad at pick up lines?

Padmé talking down Anakin as a Jedi in front of the Naboo dignitaries is incredibly awkward and just downright rude, honestly. I hate how that scene feels and I really wish they had taken it out or just not had it in the first place. What purpose did it serve? We're trying to root for their romance, not pit them against each other, damn...

I love the look of the Kaminoans. Creepy as hell but fun to look at. Their history is very interesting as well.

THE LAKE DRESS MY GOD THE LAKE DRESS. I love it so much, but also is she trying to tempt poor Anakin? It practically goes down to her ass in the back...

"We keep him here", like Jango is a pet dog or something lol.

I just love how the Jedi Order essentially ordered Anakin to go on a romantic getaway with a very attractive young female senator like that wasn't the worst fucking decision in the history of ever. "Oh yes, this horny 20 year old Padawan with an authority problem would never do anything behind our backs."

Oh look, it's my Mandalorian husband (sorry, actual husband :* love you). But really though, I'm so sad that this and the video game Bounty Hunter are the most Temuera ever got to play Jango, other than the occasional one line part. Jango is who made me fall in love with Mandalorian culture and we were robbed, man. Can't believe it took 18 years to bring Tem back to Star Wars. Disgraceful. The guy is amazing. And the way he speaks Mando'a? Ugh, perfection.

Why is Padmé insisting on wearing the sexiest outfits she owns? Like what is this slinky black corset number? It's like she's trying to torment him.

Also Hayden delivers these awful fucking lines better than most would in his situation... Even Natalie is struggling. But Hayden's speech at the beginning of the fireside scene is just sooooo cringy, no one could save that. Not even Leonardo DiCaprio could make that sound romantic.

This Obi-Wan vs. Jango fight is AMAZING. I'm pretty sure this is the first time we ever saw a Mandalorian really fight. Now we have a whole TV show. Oh, how the times change.

The seismic charges are hands down the most satisfying sounding weapon in all of Star Wars. I have it as my text ringtone. Scares the shit out of me whenever I get a text. 10/10.

[lumiereswig]

1991 be our guest or 2017 be our guest? ps i just asked plumette or lumiere but u already answered that so lol yikes

1991 ALL THE FUCKING WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

like, we all like ewan mcgregor here. we do. but i don’t think i can ever truly fucking forgive him for mISSING OUT on jerry orbach’s fucking Iconic™ rendition of Terrible Frenchy Welcomeness. that shit has been running in my brain fairly non-stop for about two years now and i have stopped calling it “jerry orbach’s horcrux” and started calling it “heaven” because after a certain point you’ve just got to accept you’re possessed by an old showman giving it his all in a fucking bitch ass recording booth in 1991.

and that’s just talkign about how it SOUNDS. the actual?? animation?!?! fucking STUNNING. i am that horrible hideous old nerd who doesn’t even lIKE disney animation some of the time, and yet the stuff in Be Our Guest (1991) is just—what?! the hell??!?! they did this AND I LOVE IT?! like:

lumiere is a fucking detailed drawing. yet he does ALL THIS FUCKING MOVEMENT

the eiffel tower

all the old showman things made miniature—the matchstick cane, the candle-thingy bowler hat, the juggling of the candles

there’s a can can, she said, pretending that she didn’t have extremely detailed and passionate emotions about this

mrs. potts fucking RAPPING

all of cogsworth’s fucking interjections

lumiere just casually capturing all of us with his own shitty dancing and straight-up sexy, waxy, candle charisma

the busby berkely/esther williams references with the spoons jumping into the punch

just. this was all. drawn by hand. except for the bits where the plates are experimenting with early CGI. but like. LUMIERE

DRAWN BY HAND

MY CANDLE HUSBAND DRAWN BY HAND!!!

he is so fuckign EXPRESSIVE!!!

again, its intense feel of being a classic old Broadway showstopper

it’s just perfect.

the 2017 one? i have issues with it. like, i’ll watch it. and i will laugh. but it can’t TOUCH the ‘91 one. cuz….

it’s a little too busy. there’s so much going on, like they are so worried about losing your interest if they don’t hold to one idea or style. there’s what i always refer to in my head as the Fucking Disturbing Cabaret Reference. (it’s when he swings his hips, and the glasses echo him? why the fuck are we referencing Cabaret. Cabaret is so fucking gross guys.) there’s the parts where i KNOW ewan is trying really hard not to verge into a Mexican accent but there’s just that QUESTION. there’s the part where Mrs. Potts has this extended shot of just STARING at the camera—like after saying “brewing,” there are several seconds of her just staring at the camera while woozy music plays—and then she WINKS. whose kink was that?!?!

just in general, 2017 lumiere is not as amazingly expressive as 1991 lumiere is. that was the biggest bummer for me—there just wasn’t ENOUGH of ewan’s face in there for me to fall in love, as i do when i watch 1991 (which very, very, very clearly has jerry orbach’s facial expressions written all over it.) i think i would have been fucking pleased if they had ewan mcgregor just THERE, dressed as a fucking candelabra, dancing on the table. that would have made me happy as pie.

this has taken 207 years to write, i hope you were pREPARED for a treatise because you fucking got one. congratufuckinglations. i love be our guest.

[make me choose—or just ask me any questions you want]

[gregoftom]

omg tom meeting greg’s family has so much lost potential and i feel like overall it would NOT be a positive experience. and god it’s overlooked for good reason considering the events of the next episode but imagine tom comforting greg after his confrontation with ewan from the deleted scenes

oh yeah no esp because it’s at the funeral lol. ewan’s a shitty old bitch so that would always be awk asf but marianne would be okay with him at least i think. greg might be constantly vibrating in place like mom DONT embarrass me or i’ll kms in front of everyone ❤️

and ohhhhnnnhhh :( uhf yes like. i think even though greg would try to seem nonchalant, he might get snappy about such a sore spot but tom would still be gentle with him and try to make him feel better somehow. oh if tom had gone to the funeralllll 😩

at least as a result of him not being there we got him being able to say where tom was when shiv had no clue which was So affair coded it’s not even funny, so we take our blessings where we can.

[gregoftom]

tvtropes doesn’t have sections for tom and greg but they have a bunch for side characters like pugh and bill of all people and it makes me want to eat my hands (ewan’s page reads him to absolute filth though so that’s funny at least)

wtf tvtropes step it tf up???? that’s like. basic. it should have a tomgreg section in of itself. tg is literally featured in museums lmfao, smh. but as separate characters they should have their own pages?? shameful. but lmfaoooo thank god. ewan that shitty old bitch

[gregoftom]

something that breaks my heart wrt greg’s lack of familial love is logan has told greg he likes him to his face meanwhile in the script ewan’s “i liked you well enough” is just so evil he can’t even say he disagrees with his choices but still loves him it’s just so gross like his openly bigoted uncle who his grandpa claims is the moral opposite of him provides more outward affectionate than his own grandfather. it would not surprise me if that was a deciding factor for greg to stick around, anytime anyone shows him an ounce of kindness he’ll go to bat for them, yet rarely is the loyalty returned, is it a wonder he “switches sides” so much? i have no patience for people who think greg in the one in the wrong in their relationship, especially knowing that with the few “happy childhood memories” he was so cruel as to write words on his forehead?? any time ewan hate pops up i gotta cheer because people in the general fandom never call him out or acknowledge he will burn in hell right beside logan

ANON you are my best friend!!! i know it's... it's very painful and so accurate like ewan is such a shitty old bitch i swear to god. detest his ass. oh yeah i think it canonically is the reason greg chose logan, the "fun uncle" instead of his grandfather, like. you're gonna choose somebody who shows you even a little real proper affection rather than somebody who acts like every little thing is your fault including the reason you aren't liked when you've done everything in your power TO be liked. he absolutely wasn't in the wrong at all and i too have no patience and just simply Ignore it because they'll never afford greg the same sort of nuance or sympathy that they would give the siblings. the parallels between greg and ewan and the sibs and logan are glaring tbh and LMAO same here like i love that bitch getting dragged through the mud bc i literally NEVER see it even though it's fully deserved. logan is a cunt it's true we been knew, but so is ewan? lmao.

[gregoftom]

I don’t Greg hates Shiv at all to be honest. I think he likes Ken and Con and has neutral feelings toward Roman and Shiv. The latter two are pretty rude to him but he still tries to engage with them. They’re just cousins

well when we look at "like" in the context of the show it's really important because as shiv said "i love you but i cannot fucking stomach you" and i think that's a sentiment which applies to Most of the relationships in the show. wrt ken there are multiple factors regarding how greg feels towards him like. the reason he goes to ken so much is because ken is the only one of them who showed him any decency like, con did as well but con is not really considered a major player. he likes con well enough i agree but when it comes to ken it's much more complicated than he likes him, tbh. but he's the one he comes to most bc ken is the only one who gives him any kind of day lol [when he feels like it.] and i mean he was pretty fucking peeved when ken gaslit him and fucked him around about burning him and called him a parasite lol. that hurt. i think greg wants to like ken, but actually likes him? i dunno.

it seems like by s4 greg doesn't really like roman and why would he, rome has never done him any favours lol, he treats him like garbage just like pretty much everybody. they rebuff his advancements. and mostly he wants to talk to him as a part of the group of siblings because of information OR to try and connect with them because that's the thing about greg, he wants desperately to like his family and for them to like him, but the tragedy is that is just not the case. they treat him like shit and then expect him to do things for him like. why would he like any of them tbh. it's more of a sort of desperation to be part of the group, to be included, to be a member of a family, to have connection. tom can see this in him and that's why he uses the word family to coax him, because he knows it works. the difference is tom actually did look after and help greg as much as he could whereas the others told him to get fucked OR in ken's case, helped him when it suited them and then forgot about it or fucked him over later.

i think the only person greg actually likes is tom. he wants to like his grandpa as well but he cannot stomach him and like that is completely understandable bc ewan is a shitty old bitch. he loves his grandfather, he can't help it, but he doesn't like him. who would lmfao. like... the thing is it even comes to like, human feeling as well. who would you end up actually liking, someone who yeah okay treated you kind of shitty and pushed you around and had a lot of anger and took it out on you but took care of you when you were all alone in the bigwig world for the first fucking time, dropped in the middle of all this shit, self sacrificed twice just because you ask when you know the others would do jack shit for you even if you begged on your knees, or people who don't give a fuck about you unless it suits them and then turn around and tell you to get fucked? it's kinda psychology as well.

aaaand when it comes down to shiv, i don't think you would smash the bottle in the face of somebody you were even neutral towards, tbh lol. i know the show deadass had them just talking normally at the funeral but that's an issue i feel that's very prevalent in s4 like, there's no fallout because of time constraints i guess? or because they wanted to focus more solely on the siblings and the side charas got shunted to the side slightly. i also don't think you would say "you wanna strategise? you wanna fry her ass up?" about someone you were neutral towards, lmao. so i do think there's a bit of dislike towards shiv there specifically. he doesn't like her being mean to tom! and that like. makes sense? i think most of us would actively dislike somebody if they were hurting our best friend physically, mentally and emotionally. even if you look at it from a platonic pov [lol] greg is defensive of his closest [and only] friend.