#except it stops being fun a third of the way through bc the game itself isn't very interesting or something I'm invested in

[kuromi-hoemie]

okok i got my day planned out then 🫡 go get a chicken sandwich breakfast, watch the untamed, get crossfaded, whenever i "want" to stop watching the untamed clean and then keep playing ori. perhaps keep reading at some point, but ori is Really nice as an experience.

[fallintosanity]

What are your thoughts on 7 Remake’s ~controversial~ ending? It’s been a few weeks now since I finished and I legit feel like I’ve journeyed through all 5 stages of grief and finally landed on Acceptance 😅

haha that’s fair! I have a lot of thoughts about the remake, but they’re coming from three different angles. 

(Spoilers under the cut obvs; also this got fucklong even after I cut a bunch of non-ending-related thoughts, and I apologize to those of you on mobile)

From the POV of someone who played and loved the original

Overall, I really enjoyed the remake, ending and all. I replayed the OG prior to the remake’s release, finishing literally four hours before the remake became available in North America, but it had still been months since I did the Midgar parts so it wasn’t too immediately fresh in my mind. Still, I was impressed by how faithful the remake is to the OG for the vast majority of the game. They noticeably cleaned up a few things, like Tseng slapping Aerith, which didn’t age well or stopped making sense with regards to the greater Compilation, which was nice to see. But they also doubled down on some of the ridiculousness of the original. I can’t tell you how much I cackled when the Hell House showed up, or how many times I said to my fiance in joy/disbelief, “They really managed to fit that in!” 

I also love all the little nods to the greater Compilation. I saw one interview excerpt from like... 2015 or 2014 or something that said the Remake is considered canon to the Compilation, and the content of the Remake itself suggests this. While some of the cameos could be considered nothing more than cameos (as much as I love Kunsel, I don’t think his name being dropped means anything other than that they needed a name and wanted to give a nod to him), there are other clear hints that Crisis Core and The Kids Are Alright, at minimum, are canon to the Remake. Hojo mentions “S and G type” SOLDIERs, i.e., Sephiroth-type and Genesis/Gillian-type. (Roche is a G type I am not taking arguments on this point) The description of the Buster Sword says it carries the hopes and dreams of those who came before, implying more than just Zack (i.e., Angeal). Zack’s scene right before he charges the ShinRa army is shot-for-shot the one from Crisis Core, which could have just been a nod, but the fact that he also says the same lines as the original is telling. There’s a lot of lore loaded into those lines. Leslie and Kyrie are both from The Kids Are Alright (which makes me wonder if the third ShinRa half-brother is floating around somewhere). You could make an argument for Before Crisis being partially or completely canon to the remake as well, since someone mentions a previous assassination attempt on the President, which happened in BC. 

But now we get into the issue of whether Advent Children is canon to the remake, i.e., the ending and the thing you actually asked about. ^^; This is where I’m more torn. My initial reaction to the ending was “Oh crap, we went from FFVII-Remake to Kingdom Hearts - oh shit now we’re in Advent Children - oh fuck now we’re in fanfiction-land.” Which... is definitely not what I was expecting from the ending of Part 1. 

On first playthrough it feels a bit like they overplayed their hand with Sephiroth in the ending: “everyone wants a Sephiroth fight in a FFVII game, so we’ll give them a Sephiroth fight”. I’ve seen a lot of complaints about the fact that Sephiroth appears in person in the Midgar sequence, when in the OG all we see of him before Kalm is the aftermath of President Shinra’s murder. I do think Sephiroth’s appearances prior to the ending were done well - the writers clearly intended to emphasize Cloud’s mental issues, and Sephiroth is too big a part of them to ignore. His appearances prior to the top of Shinra Tower both serve as a bone tossed to those who wanted to see him in the remake, and set up the Cloud-Sephiroth relationship a lot earlier and in more depth. You can see how utterly terrified Cloud is every time Sephiroth is around - even sometimes frozen into immobility. Depending on how things go with the Kalm flashback, this may also help cue new players in to just how wrong things are with Cloud. (After all, a SOLDIER First shouldn’t be afraid of another SOLDIER First, should he?) But the final fight against Sephiroth, or at least, a clone wearing Sephiroth’s face, felt premature, out of place, something that’s only there to appease people who wanted to fight Sephiroth now. 

Aside from the Sephiroth thing, I’m reserving judgment a bit on the ending as a whole. On the one hand, I’m deeply curious to see where the story goes from here, and how the writers use their newfound freedom (more on that in a minute). On the other hand, I don’t want this to turn into Kingdom Hearts 4, and I don’t trust Nomura in that regard, especially after all the bullshit that went on with KH3, Verum Rex, and FFXV/versus 13. I love Nomura, but like George Lucas, he desperately needs someone to rein in, edit, and shape his ideas.

I’m also not sure how I feel about all the theories being thrown out there - such as that at least one of the Sephiroths we see is the one from after AC, somehow flung back in time to fuck things up; or that the OG was, 999-style, Aerith seeing into the future and now in the remake she’s taking control to put everything on the path she wants. They’re interesting, for sure, and I think that with careful handling, it’s possible Squenix might be able to pull one of them off - but given what I know of Squenix (again, more on that later), I don’t trust them to do it well. I am, to be blunt, very concerned that later installments of the remake are going to turn into an incoherent tug-of-war between those who want to be faithful to the original, and Nomura’s desire to inject weird Kingdom Hearts nonsense everywhere. 

I say this with all the love to Kingdom Hearts, but it’s a very specific kind of story and it’s not what I want to see in my FFVII.

On a writing meta level

On the meta level, I’m fascinated by the choice to go with the whole Whispers/Arbiters of Fate thing. I don’t know how much of that is pure Nomura-injected BS vs how much was a deliberate choice by the writing team, but for right now I’m going to assume it was mostly a deliberate and unanimous choice. 

I’ve seen a lot of other Remake opinions along the lines of a reluctant, “I guess they had to put the Whispers in there because a perfect remake wouldn’t have been satisfying to everyone. There’s always someone who would have complained.” I... don’t think that’s entirely true. Like, yeah, sure, someone’s always going to complain if it’s not a pixel-perfect remake, but based on the overall satisfaction I’ve seen from OG fans (including myself) regarding the parts that are true to the original, I think Squenix would have done just fine if that was the path they chose. And given how much attention they paid to making most of the game into a nearly-perfect recreation, I think the writers knew it. 

So why’d they go the whole Whispers route? 

My guess would be that the writers were giving themselves freedom, on a meta level, with the Whispers. It’s a way of both poking fun at, and solving, their own dilemma: do we make a perfect, hi-res copy of the original? Or do we change things to make it our own? 

The “change something to make it your own” is a longstanding trope when someone new is put in charge of something old. You see it in everything from Disney live-action remakes to new managers who change their employees’ routines just to “make an impact”. Most of the time, these changes are neutral / un-impactful at best, or outright frustrating / terrible at worst. I wonder if the Remake writing team wasn’t fully aware of this, and possibly tangled up in knots internally about how to handle it. Would it be seen as a bad, “make it their own” change to have Tseng not slap Aerith? What about adding Chocobo Sam, Madam M, and Andrea Rhodea to the Wall Market sequence? What about the changes to how the Avalanche gang reacts to Cloud, now that we have full animation and voice acting and it’s clear Avalanche has no reason to want to keep him around except for Jessie being horny on main? Where’s the line? 

I could see the Whispers being the writing team’s way of making sure they stay in line where it’s important, while also giving themselves the freedom to make the updates needed to allow the remake to work. They’re kind of a meta nod to the audience, a “don’t worry! If we get too far out of line, the Whispers will bring us back.” In that sense, the entire ending where you (the player) kill the Whispers and free yourself (the player) from destiny is you giving the writers permission to continue making those small changes. 

In FFXV, almost the entire ending sequence is a cutscene: Noctis on the throne, being murdered by his ancestors and descending into the spirit realm. But there’s one single quick-time event in there, one point where the player has to take action and push a button. It’s not even difficult, and on the surface it seems pointless. Except, if you don’t, Noctis lives. (Trapped in purgatory maybe, but he’s still there.) If you never push that button, Noctis doesn’t sacrifice his spirit and those of the Lucii to destroy Ardyn and wipe the Scourge from Eos. By asking - requiring - the player to push that button to commit that final act, the game makes the player complicit in Noct’s sacrifice. It’s a powerful moment, and similar to what (I suspect) the Remake writers intended with the Whispers. 

Because they could have left the Whispers in forever. They could have had them be a continuous presence throughout all episodes of the Remake, a little reminder that no matter what tweaks the writers might make to update the story, to “make it their own”, the Arbiters of Fate will ensure things are on track. That things will play out exactly as in the original. But by asking the player to destroy the Arbiters, the writers are asking for the player’s permission to make changes. And by killing the Arbiters, you’re granting it. Because, just like you can keep Noctis alive by not pushing the button when prompted, you can keep the original game more-or-less on track by never stepping through that portal, never killing the Arbiters. But if you do step through that portal and go through with it, you’re agreeing to accept that things might change, thus freeing the writers from the constant double jeopardy of changing things vs keeping them exactly the same. 

On a business meta level

As cool as (I think) that all sounds, the bigger question is, can Square Enix actually pull it off? And here’s where I start to have my most significant doubts. After the FFvs13/FFXV debacle and the hopeless mess that was KH3, I do not trust Nomura to tell a coherent story, even if it’s supposedly a retelling of an existing, well-known story. I don’t know anything about the inner workings or politics at Square Enix, other than that there are politics at play, so in fairness to him I can’t really say it’s because he himself is bad at telling a story, or just doesn’t have the support he needs to convey his vision well. But that gets into other issues with Squenix. We know their last several major games have had long and troubled developments. Someone way more attuned than me to the Japanese video games industry can talk in depth about why; all I know is that it happened (is happening?) and that it’s something of a miracle the remake came out as well as it did. 

On top of that, I’m a bit concerned that even if Squenix can get (and keep) its shit together, it might be up against external forces that constrain how it can tell the story of FFVII in the present. For example, from what I’ve heard, the reason Crisis Core never got ported the way so many other games did, and the reason Genesis Rhapsodos has never been seen outside it and a Dirge of Cerberus cameo, is due to image licensing fights with Gackt, Genesis’s face model. CC established Genesis as a key player in the events leading up to the original game’s story, and enough hints have been dropped about CC in the remake that, like I said earlier, it appears to be canon. But if Squenix can’t reach an agreement to use the character again, they might be trapped in a corner where they either have to completely rewrite the parts of the story involving Genesis, or dance around his existence. 

And on top of all that, it’s just expensive and time-consuming as hell to make games on the remake’s scale. Everyone expects the PS4 to be retired by the time Remake Part 2 comes out, which is going to pose huge logistical issues for releasing it. Squenix has been having a rough time of it lately, from what I’ve heard - are they, as a company, capable of handling all those logistical issues? I don’t know, and that makes me nervous. 

Still, they did do a remarkable job with the remake overall, even grappling with the pandemic around the launch date. So maybe they’re getting their shit together again, and things will be smooth sailing from here. We’ll have to wait and see. 

[teddystrap]

[神なる君と] Spirit duo - Rei

なんかちょっとラストスパートな感じですけど…

Rei is the friendly spirit that Sakuya and co. met when they were investigating rumours about hauntings in the old school building. He’s arguably the most ‘mysterious’ character, since nothing is known about his former life, and I was super curious what his deal is. Not to mention he’s the final obstacle standing between me and Mikoto!! Ψ(￣∀￣)Ψケケケ

Truth be told he’s not really my type, though - since I’m not 15 anymore. I mean he’s a ghost but looks more like a forest elf / Mori Boy circa. 2001, and his voice sounds like it’s breaking. Compared to the other characters also he has a personality (or lack thereof) that is blander than konnyaku. In fact I found myself opening all the Yuzuru options in his common route first before going back and redoing them for Rei, because senpai saranghae I only wanna be wit u <3... 

Aaanyway.

-Mizuniwa Rei-

Rei-kun’s common route was actually quite revealing and interesting - in two of his ema, Mikoto actually asked to tag along, so it seemed like there might be some important information there idk. 

In his second ema, Mikoto tells Sakuya that she has the power to push people who are on the brink between Life and Death into one world or another, depending on what kind of guidance she gives.

Which in retrospect seemed like heavy foreshadowing for what’s about to come.

Fuu-san’s backstory was also revealed here:

Around 10 years ago, Fuu-san and his bff, a boy named Kawashina Yuuya, were students at Mikagurayama High School. One day they found a hidden basement storage room in the old school building, and turned it into their hang-out spot.

The basement used to be a bomb shelter, and had some books left over on occult spells and curses, that were used during the war to protect the townspeople. Fuu-san found a book with a spell to summon the powers of the Great Demon, and wanted to try it out of fun/boredom, but Yuuya was against it.

So Fuu-san did it by himself anyway. He got the sealed cursed box from the magical cave and took it back to the basement to perform the spell. Halfway through he passed out... and when he came to, he realised that Yuuya saved him by transferring the spell onto himself. 

Yuuya never woke up again, despite a lot of medical attention and whatnot. After half a year, Fuu-san decided to quit school and skip town to learn exorcism so that he can save his friend. But when he finally returned a few years later, Yuuya had already died...

Fuu-san lived with guilt all these years and thought that Yuuya died hating him. But when he went down to the basement with Sakuya to liberate his spirit, Yuuya’s spirit communicated through Sakuya that he doesn’t ever regret saving Fuu-san, and he hopes Fuu-san can stop blaming himself and go forward in life, smiling... By this point I was pretty much crying like a baby... ｡･ﾟ･(ﾉД｀)･ﾟ･｡

Oh how I wish there was a Su-sa-no-o in my neighbourhood, with a sexy store-owner like Fuu-san... 

But we’re not here to court Fuu-san (I wish we could, mang. I wish we could), so let’s get back to Rei. In his route Sakuya tries to help him to find out about his family and his past. She asks Aki for help ofc, and Aki reports back that she couldn’t find anyone matching Rei’s description in the database of deaths, nor the missing persons list...

And the mystery deepens dun-dun-DUN. This would’ve made for an interesting story development,... except the writers totally abandon it and instead opt for Rei and Sakuya frolicking around in the forest, true to his Mori Boy style (wholesomely tho, since they are both underage XD). Then Rei realises that he’s not long for this world, and he tries to put some distance between them - but Sakuya eventually convinces him that they should spend his last remaining time on earth together and make lots of beautiful (wholesome) memories.

There were a lot of group events in his route, which was nice since I got to see Yuzuru-senpai mucho. (Although he’s not an option here obvsly T_T)

You know I will happily choke on a fish bone for you, senpai <3.

So hoshimatsuri night, Rei undergoes the ceremony to pass into the other world. Sakuya stays home, because she’s not strong enough to go and say goodbye to him. Is this like deja vu from the Yorihito/Nisei story arc or what?? ...After that, Sakuya goes to the old school building one day after school, and finds a note from Rei. SURPRISE - he’s still here.

...

It turns out that Sakuya’s, uhh, clinginess is keeping him from successfully departing. At this rate he’s going to grow weaker and weaker and become trapped in the interstitial space between two worlds - forever. They keep communicating through notes, and through voice chatting over radio, while Sakuya grows enough balls to finally let him go.

Eventually she does. Because let’s face it - Otomate can’t afford to pay their seiyuu to carry on a story for like two gajillion chapters.

In his final moment of departure, he appears to Sakuya in a dream, but they can’t hear each other’s voice. Just as Sakuya is freaking out, he pulls her in and kisses her, then disappears into the ether. (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*)♡

...I guess Yuzuru and Rei’s routes don’t work the same way as Narumi and Yakumo’s, bc you don’t get the alternative ending by choosing the ‘wrong’ option for the last couple of choices. I wasn’t strong enough for senpai’s bad end, but I was actually pretty curious about Rei’s, although all the same I wasn’t able to unlock it. Either way I hope he didn’t get stuck in between worlds forever, poor kid has been through enough.

1. Good end: Fast forward 10 years, Sakuya becomes a teacher at Mikagurayama High School, just as Rei had hoped. She still goes to the garden every day to take care of Rei’s flowers. The old school building is about to be torn down because it’s too old and might be a safety hazard. She’s on her way there one last time... when she gets a call from Aki, who finally found out what happened with Rei’s past-life investigation 10 years ago. Unfortunately Aki trips on something and the line cuts off before we get to hear it. _(:3」∠)_

So Sakuya is there happily watering her flowers, when guess who appears - ahem *Rei*, now all grown up. He tells her that this time he’s not a spirit anymore... and the scene just ends there. I’ve seen a lot of abrupt endings but this has gotta take the cake. Although I’ll admit adult Rei is kinda sorta smoking hot, so less talk more making out!

[Thoughts] What can I say? This route really didn’t explain as much as I thought it would, although there were some good bits. For one, the Fuu-san backstory really got to me. Fuu-san was always the side character that I was most curious about, since he seems kind of... shady, and like he might’ve had a colourful past. His arc really delivered, and it’s my favourite out of all the four side stories, although I loved them all in their own way.

I was expecting to find out about Rei’s past here, but I guess the writers are saving it for Mikoto’s route / wrap-up, which almost certainly means there’s going to be a surprise revelation. So I am looking forward to that and I hope they don’t fuck it up.

The route itself actually felt like it was mostly stuff that belongs in a fandisk, rather than an individual character route. All the group hangouts, and scenarios that reveal idiosyncrasies about the other characters (e.g. everyone’s drawings in the Fuu-san arc. I finally got to see Yuzuru-senpai’s kawaii creations! :3).

Senpai’s art totally unleashes his inner otome...

As expected, Rei failed to give me any doki-doki feels... except at the end, where we saw grown-up Rei and got to hear Iguchi Yuuichi’s normal voice for like 2 seconds. (I wish this game had a fandisk bc I *definitely* need more of that!!) From the other character routes I got the sense that he’s an iyashi-kei type of guy, and he’s probably the most consistent out of all of them, because he continues being selfless and caring about Sakuya before himself throughout - e.g. helping her to find her future path despite not having one himself. 

Still I gotta admit, when he confessed that he liked Sakuya, I did a silent fist-pump in the air, because FINALLY here’s a guy who said it first. I’m so tired of always having to make the first move >;(

Also the thing that Narumi said really touched me here: that Rei would rather choose a lonely existence as a spirit trapped between two worlds for the rest of eternity, than force Sakuya to let him go. Even when he was weakening, he never said anything to Sakuya. In a way he was perhaps the most adult-like one out of all of them. Admittedly I didn’t like Sakuya very much in this route. She seemed very self-absorbed and immature, refusing to face the truth. But eventually Narumi kind of slapped some sense into her (figuratively ofc, I mean Narumi would never actually slap her XD) and she did choose to do the right thing.

...I guess Narumi is determined to be the guy that has a crush on her and ‘saves her’ one way or another in every route. Kudos to him but he’s still only, like, my third or fourth favourite lols.

Lastly, I felt that this route was actually the most poetic + metaphorical one so far. (Maybe the other ones were, too, and I just wasn’t paying attention?) ...The metaphor of flowers bearing seeds that blossom into new flowers, bearing witness to their relationship and carrying on their legacy. When they first met the flowers were newly planted, and when they said goodbye they were just about to wither. 

Also Sakuya and Rei always met after class at sunset, the time between day and night - like the space between Life and Death. Idk mang but that’s, like, really beautiful or sumshit.

But this is the most poetic thing of them all~!

[sauteeneurode]

Opinion on the new Rahetalius video

I’d like to point out that this anon asked for my opinion, this ask will be tagged as “trash talk/s” (bc hey itsa me talkin a lot wa hoo). I held this ask off because I’m not a big person on opinions, I like to let things slide but this video sparked a big oof from me. I’ll have the video linked and my opinion about everything beneath a “Read More” thingo (sometimes mobile breaks it and it just doesn’t show sometimes kek).

So if you don’t agree then that’s fine. It’s an opinion, opinions don’t need to be universally shared and by that I mean: don’t scream at me trying to correct me because this is probably going to be the only time I’ll be transparent with followers about my thoughts, and I’m certainly not in the mood to reply to others about this. My opinion on this blog, or any social media of mine, does not nor shouldn’t influence them like I’ve always said, though I’m making an exclusion to spread my thoughts this one time but I won’t be carrying it over in any future post; sorry for a paragraph of me clarifying shit, this is Tumblr afterall, and I hope this will be a one time thing.

Rahetalius’ video was harsh, but sadly, Digital Extremes made this method the best way to get issue’s noticed and eventually resolved. People get aggressively loud since there is literally no other way to have DE listen anymore as it took DE nearly an entire year to acknowledge and then begin changes, this is why I can excuse Rahetalius being blunt. Rahetalius is tired, and so is everyone else about this situation but for it to stop I think DE needs to be clear about why they’re so quiet about this as these mods have been malicious to their community and have harmed it enough that Reddit literally became guerilla’s in this, these mods do no shy away that they have and still do dislike the warframe community. I acknowledge last December they finally added a third-party, but some reason still have their unsuccessful mods that sort of began this whole thing.

Though the reason for the video is not for his behavior, but for what he addresses and the points he brings up I can agree with; however, the points brought up didn’t receive acknowledgment from DE and the video as an entirety was pushed off as a “personal attack” towards the devs.I care for DE and the devs, they definitely earned themselves their position and the employee’s can be real sweethearts but it truly breaks my heart that they rather push off the whole thing as just a “witch-hunt” than looking at the video for what it has to offer as criticism, at the end of the video, Rahetalius offers his suggestions to improve moderation and to simply move on from this whole fiasco. I agree with Rahetalius’ video, his opinions and points over this issue.

I don’t like to be against Digital Extremes, in the past there was events or decisions I didn’t agree with but still accepted it: I cannot accept this decision though, and for that I apologize for those who may read this and be upset at me. I’m not telling you what to think, and if you decide you can longer follow this blog because of my thoughts then feel free to leave, I won’t ask people to accept my opinion.My feelings are at a fissure about the devs and the game itself with all of this I might just take a break from playing, I’ve been playing faithfully since 2015, and like any other I have purchased in-game content, purchased collectibles from the Warframe shop, etc from DE to support and love their game and nothing less.I’ve met my greatest friends through this game, fuck, even my significant other because of Warframe. Seeing how DE refuses to accept the video - forget the video, the community opinion, disheartens me from the game.I hope they can realize the video is not meant to be taken personal, but as constructional to see the flaws to how the mod program is, and there is no main targets except the DE themselves, and that isn’t meant to be taken with vice, but meant as having the devs work together to resolve this.

If you feel in any way my opinion is wrong or even if you do agree, I won’t be responding to them since I really don’t want to have this huge chunk of text twice on my blog but I’ll read them if they aren’t fueled by just seething rage bc I’m too old to deal with that anymore.

Response by Rah about how the devs reacted toward the video above:

Also here’s a fun little thing that someone really wanted me to add here

[deathghost8]

Adventure basics module 0 ~ the zen paradox crash course via Alan Watts

The first version of this is 4 hours and a half, nearly. Here are the notes from the stream session where I ran the entire playlist. 1- there isnt anything else to think about except here and now. thinking about the future has no value, its value is an illusion, bc future is an illusion. 2- skull glee "laughing everlastingly []~[] death was but the good king's jest, it was hid so carefully " 3- to stop clinging to the value of survival, practice thinking deeply about what is real. something that happens "only once" doesn't happen at all. there is not just one cosmos. all stopping implies starting. 4- we're looking at the terror that nothingness may "Win" this game. it's something to look at, as we look at stories in the arts. 5- Watch This: what happens when accomplishing Shutting up 6- the point of anything is arrived at Only in the moment. Now. 7- the point is... Play. Enjoyment of the Vibe of now. 8- you don't have to try to understand anything. you just listen to the sound. but you can't help naming what is heard and seeing thoughts appear which are words. Listen to them, they are part of the total general noise. 9- how to contact your higher self - no, it contacts you. all you do is Watch This. You are here. Now. 10- we are gonna figure out some paradox states that deal with what it means to stop Wanting to do Good / be better. 11- this question is, how can i outwit Me ? The quest for satisfaction just changes, what is Good just changes as we quest. 12- why do you want to know about Becoming better? Doing good even to oneself can be amazingly destructive. How do you know what's good for you? 13- we are going to pay for all of the improvements that have been made as we have interfered with nature. until we have become a plague of virtuous people, all in all. 14- watts and carlin both manage to describe how humanity is absolutely horrifying as soon as it's more than one, more than an individual virtue. ()hour 2 begins 15- with the most elementary lesson. about sensation, the core dual aspect of On / Off, vibration. life is this system of now you see it, now you don't. 16- here, we are beginning truly to describe universe symmetry, mutual arising, and the negative principle. particles of truth we are going to see about absolutely all things. 17- there is no road to here, because you're already there. we are all here. Now. 18- all of the observable energy / electricity transactions have to do with a circuit closing point. the motion doesn't start until the circuit closes. it takes time for the circuit to form, then time for the energy to transfer. 19- we are in the nature of god segment, which gets us to consider how the Father Authority figure is a problematic culture element of religions other than those of Zen. -this segment is about the thought that there IS authority to existence - and it's NOT you. 20- the page that words are written on, the space wherein dance and music unfolds, fabric, the Sub Stance. Underneath. existence is Being this substance. -COnsciousness thereby represents the most Elusive Whatever it is that we know about 21- the BLANK is absolutely necessary for there to be Anything. The []Kali is representative of horrible, unthinkable badness. We have made death scary with monsters. 22- The []coincidence of opposites - basically what a mutual arising construct is. Zen Paradox. 23- Neti Neti. THE void. God who has No image. 24- Not formal atheism. The luminous Darkness. Total trust attitude, letting go. REAL paradox zen. 25- The ability to STOP chasing fulfillment and instead inhabit the only Anything that there is. Now. 26- We are always in a hurry to get things finished, and so the things that we finish weren't worth finishing 'cause they were done so fast.* 27- We don't have TIME to sit... to sit and listen to the water. REally? I've been questioning this since like age 3. 28- at 2 hour mark -we are going to think about work as play, everything as play, the concept of accessing our spontaneity. 29- now we fully weigh what does it mean to untie the knot that coercion thought patterns is. it's not necessary to go on living. raising all the kids to think of their Duty to go on makes everyone miserable. 30- the disruption against coercion, it is like parable. slyman, the joker. Scoundrel, ourselves. 31- there is no way out of the bind of doing any actions but not thinking of them first.... [ THIS is a zen paradox structure I first encountered when it was about how the characters in hitchiker's guide to the galaxy learn Flight.[] 32- This is going through a door, then turning around and seeing there was never a door. You're not trapped. You just step over the prison. [] ()third hour beginning, some comedy about zen masters now 33- the zen student is one who has checked out of the status game. focusing on the real value of reality and sensation instead. 34- it takes two to make a quarrel. 35- Zen cannot be explained - you have to use words to describe within a language that it has a limitation. the limitation is what we are trying to describe. 36- Watts directly calls out the trauma caused by coercion in childhood and education. No subtlety about how prepared are we to undo the damage caused to kids by education. 37- mutual arising is the evidence of the difference between absence, Tone, decay back to its absence. it's a stone falling into liquid 38- Sensation is the good term to directly refer to real existence content. 39- to be awake is to be watching existence, watching the vibration. to see the spontaneous action after succeeding at not inhibiting it. - and everyone has the ability to wake up from the illusions to instead just watch real existence, the basic energy sensation in the core of all. 40- Ego is a social institution, like words are a Noise to indicate something that exists. 41- if you would like to be anxious it's alright, you can, you don't have to chill. but if you get to the point u no longer enjoy the game, you don't have to do it. 42- the whole fun within a game is you don't know the whole outcome. watts explains this regarding life. an aesthetic about trusting the game is the core Play attitude he is trying to teach. 43- you cannot take the risk out of human connections and social goings on. it becomes impossible. 44- Secure "safety" where whole system "Watches" itself, elaborately self conscious - surveillance state, you are tied up in that process and literally cannot act. Halted. To have freedom, Risk is present. A community that doesn't trust itself does not function to wellbeing or chill. 45- last few segments on this playlist are the Structure built out of the prior particles. Upper level. about social systems, currency, interaction, and Love itself. they are about sharing and Sovereignty of the WHOLE which requires the framework, the mesh vibration. 46- he totally takes the time to rip on rushing around in automobiles. it's stupid. hurrying is so completely LAME, and so is being furious. 47- he literally describes that its absurd for money to be issued out then re collected in tax. the system would be simpler to be a money issuing system to install spending power across the population, while first keeping what budget needed. -that distro failure is where we are now in dehumanism system. we've generated a shit load of revenue on behalf of people, using the tech, but that gain has been hoarded and used in ways that have ruined the Mesh of our human community. instead of distributing the gains to humans' behalf.

[audiogrizzly]

GOTY 2020 - Runners Up

I feel I should start off with saying a bit about what this year was like for my gaming hobby,  it was the first in many years that the PS4 was not the system where I took away the most games, for me it was the PC for a change which has slowly been becoming my number 1 place to play.  Though this year also brought a new console generation and I have picked up a PS5, as well as an Oculus Quest 2 (so technically I can now play PC VR, which for a couple of years was always a platform that gates off a few key releases for me despite having a headset for my PS4.  And yeah, working from home has allowed me to use the time that would have been taking up with commuting to play games, so I have had more time to play than usual.

Just a note, I’m only one person and despite what I said in the previous paragraph, I cannot play every single game that comes out in a year, I try to prioritise the games I want to play and I do pay attention to games that get good write ups from critics.  At the time of writing, I have yet to give a good amount of time to the following titles which are likely to come up on many other GOTY lists: Half Life Alyx, The Pathless, Hades, Cyberpunk 2077.  I’m sure these are great games, I have enjoyed many other titles that the developers of them have released before, but however much I enjoy them further down the line, they have missed their chance at being included in this particular list.

So in addition to my GOTY, Ghost of Tsushima, here are the other games I have enjoyed most of all in 2020, ordered by release date:

Journey to the Savage Planet

This was the traditional January game for me.  I know a lot of people see the first month of the year being a bit slow for games but I feel there’s always at least one gem.  It was great to see a Metroid style game that took a lot more from the Prime series rather than the 2D roots of that genre.  The humour didn't quite connect with me but this was a fun distraction that I wasn’t expecting at the start of the year

DOOM Eternal

One of the earliest games I had added to my 2020 watchlist, the sequel to one of my top games of 2016 was always going to be something to be all over.  I felt it was a little more arcadey and leaned on typical game mechanics (e.g. extra lives, traversal puzzle, arena based encounters) rather than the exploration aspects of the 1993 original that the 2016 reboot left intact.  But you don’t get action as satisfying and as brutal as DOOM

Final Fantasy VII Remake

The earliest game I picked up that I put forward for this list and wasn’t on my original watch list.  I didn't play the original FF7 all the way through, but I had played to the point where this remade 1st episode stops at, it essentially covers the first disc on the 1997 original.  I’m more into action RPGs than the turn based menu cooldown mechanic that’s more typical of Japanese RPGs, so with that out of the way I was able to enjoy the world and the story.  I got really engaged by this one and I can’t wait to carry on the story.

Gears Tactics

I always loved the idea of the turn based tactical strategy game when XCOM Enemy Unknown came along.  But I was always more a fan of the combat side than the whole running of the base part of the game.  XCOM was also one of those top games that I always sort of pretended to be into, to make myself seem more like a thinker than a button masher, y’know?  I can name a large number of people who fall into that category too.

I reckon Gears is perfect for this genre and I’m glad to see that Tactics doesn’t make me collect resources and develop new technology while making sure my underground bunker has enough power.  It’s pure action and I love it.

Streets of Rage 4

This game was on my watch list but even I was surprised at how good it turned out.  SOR4 will appeal more to those who played the original games, and the second in the series is my favourite SEGA game ever as well as being quite high up my all time list in general.  This 21st century continuation does not diminish the originals in any way and even makes you come around to the third in the series in a way by including references and it’s best elements.  A hyper stylish tribute and great brawler in its own right.

The Last of Us Part 2

I assigned Ghost of Tsushima as my game of the year, but TLOUP2 would have come a close second.  I just enjoyed being in the world of Tsushima more than I did in the zombie infested post-apocalyptic Seattle.  I see this game as being the equivalent of a great box set, typical more of the second season of an excellent American TV series where they do add a few interesting ideas, a few “wow” moments, but more than its share of devisive moments too.  I can get why people didn’t like the twist as we are used to playing heroes in our games, it can throw us when a bit of perspective is added.  Personally, I felt it was an act too long, but still an intense action adventure.

Rocket Arena

I still played a lot of Destiny at the start of the year and both last year and this year's Call of Duty's were on my most played list.  But Rocket Arena held my attention for most of the summer.  Ultimately, I fell off the game because I was sick of teammates leaving matches, it’s the sort of game where leavers get penalised but are not replaced.  But I found the game to be enormous fun and soon I hope to jump back into the game as I see a few changes have been made.  The game has also taken all sorts of steps to be made available to as many people as possible thought giveaways on Twitch and PlayStation plus as well as being added to EA Play Pro, everything that stops short of just being made free to play which is something I actually hope it shouldn’t have to come to as I like the idea of the Overwatch model where new maps and characters are added for free every now and then.

Carrion

Carrion was a game I added to my watch list after it was shown in Devolver Digital’s over-the-top and sometimes sort of ‘trying too hard to be subversive’ E3 presentations (2019 and 2020).  It looked like a take on the Metroidvania game that took, if you ask me, one of the most appealing aspects of the Metroid games, it’s atmosphere.  Plus it sometimes feels great to be the menace, especially when you go out to total massacre your captors (see also Ape Out)

Fall Guys

I’m sure a lot of people have just totally fallen off of this game since about a month after it’s launch in August, I know I have.  But when it was new and in the conversation, there was no doubt that this was a fun game.  It also came out around the time where you could have guests round and it made for a great “pass the controller” type of game, despite having no split screen modes.  It may be my lack of desire to play a new multiplayer game which stopped me from playing it, though it’s appeal to me is that it’s one of those first of games you can just leap into matchmaking by yourself with.

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2

I don’t normally put ports or remakes into my year lists, but I will make an exception here (and one later on) as it has been so long since the games included in this collection first appeared and to compare old with new, it’s almost a whole new world.  Yet it is still familiar, and there’s no bloat, even the item shop (where you can buy decks, wheels, profile pictures etc) doesn’t get in your face.  It also, thankfully, takes influence from the right places of the follow up to both of these games, Pro Skater 3, in making the most finely tuned Hawk’s experience.  I only wish they had included the 3rd game, at least as DLC, but there’s still time.

Star Wars Squadrons

Air or space combat has never appealed to me all that much over my many years of gaming.  I’m not even all that big a Star Wars fan, but I got on board with Squadrons in a big way.  Playing in VR and with a HOTAS really immerses you too, there’s nothing like playing past someone and turning your own head to see where they heck they have got to.  And although I am not all that big into Star Wars, I can tell they have taken great care with the universe and turned out something that doesn’t interfere with cannon all too much.  Put this alongside Gears Tactics in the “I like the idea of this sort of game but I never get on too well with it, but I really liked this one” bucket

Watch Dogs Legion

I know Legion got a hard time in reviews, and I did experience a less than optimal performance in the game, but it was great to run around modern London on foot for a change.  I enjoyed Watch Dogs 2 before this and yes, I get why people think the game is just silly, but Legion finally shows that the game knows when to not take itself seriously and it's all the better for it.  A great touch is when you recruit people for your organisation, they can all get into any car and drive it around, but every now and then you will find a recruit for whom one of their perks is “has their own car”, that is London in a nutshell!

Dirt 5

Dirt 5 wasn’t on my list, and I have had a sort of on-off relationship with the series.  Dirt 5 represents a sort of middle point in the scale between the off-road racer and the serious rally simulation.  I would actually say it's closer to the former actually, it’s definitely the most arcade like the franchise has been in years.  It forgoes point to point rallys in favour of an “all racers” starting grid in most disciplines.  The inclusion of a story is a bit weird, especially as you never actually see any of the characters, it made me wonder what the point was, but I loved the racing as well as all the weather and mud effects.

Assassins Creed Valhalla

I’ve literally just finished this game at the time of writing and what a monster this was at over 55 hours in my playthrough.  I had my doubts that a game set in Viking/Saxon era England could rival the BC Egypt in AC Origins, and that game is still my fave, but there was a lot of beautiful scenery in Valhalla as well as crazy plot points when you got near the end.  It was great to finally play one of these “new” AC games with a steady frame rate (I always had technical problems before) as I have enjoyed the new combat system since Origins and it was fun to visit settlements whose names I recognise from modern era England.  Apart from one really annoying game breaking bug (saved by a previous save file) a number of freezes and it being maybe a bit too long, I’d recommend this heartily.

Replay corner:

Master Chief Collection (throughout the year)

As I said earlier when I talked about Pro Skater 1+2, I don’t normally put ports and remakes, but I wanted to give a shout out to the Halo Master Chief Collection, which I played on PC throughout the year.  It’s in it’s own section here as part of it was released last year, but each couple of months in 2020, it was great to replay each of the games in this series, especially as I said goodbye to Xbox in 2013, Halo was one of the franchises that I knew I would miss and it’s great that I can finally get reacquainted with all the ones I have played before.  It's a shame that Infinite did not come out this year, though I can tell why they wanted to put it back in the oven, plus I still haven’t really played Halo 5 yet as it’s one of the few games that are actually Xbox One only, I have my fingers crossed for a PC port of that though.

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 6 Confessionals

I mean I didn't make the idol play. But um #LUKEDIDTHAT. Love he did that. But Lexi self voting??? Ruining Luke's plan of getting someone out? ICONIC!! Poor Lexi is prob going to go home lol. But I'm happy the idol I found did something but sad that its now gone and a new one? might be able to be found for those  4 remaining.

One more fake swap / fake merge and I'm going to vote myself off this island.

So iconically, Luke idolled, which i'm happy about. I'm NOT happy about Ryan being voted out considering I was kind of wanting to play a game with him. It also doesn't make sense considering... he's tried in every challenge, and has helped out the tribe greatly imo, but then again - we don't know the social dynamics and tribe outlook on their tribe. Carson told me he found an idol, and i'm superbly excited. Will he use it on me? Likely not. But it's still good to know we have it in OUR possession, and i'm not planning on leaking a word. The fact that he told me is satisfying though, and I do truly feel as if he's my #1 in the game right now. The challenge? Pass. It's something... logic puzzles are... awful (yet a little fun at times, sure). The cup thing... whomst... and the counting? I'm fairly triggered. I'm going to likely sit out because i'm busy today and I just couldn't care or want to do ANY of that. also why is there no SWAP!

Last tribal was fun with my idol play but Lexi made it less iconic with the self vote but that was completely understandable since she has a lot going on personally and I hope she's okay <3 It worked well in the sense that Jordan and Jay can still convince Lexi that they just had to do what they had to do with the tie and they saved her over Ryan. I compleTELY FUCKED UP THE COUNTING PART OF THE CHALLENGE WHICH I WAS ALREADY EH ABOUT DOING SINCE IT'S THE WORST BUT EUUURGH I MESSED UP. I'm hoping that we can win but if we don't then I hope I can trust Jay and Jordan enough to keep our 3 alliance strong and just vote our Lexi unanimously providing she doesn't have an idol or anything like that. I'll make an update after results...

Can you believe we win again? If we merge, it's gonna be 7-3. What a time to be alive!!! 

WHEWWWW i searched Mancos for the idol bc of my idol clue i got and i fucking found the idol and wow... i decided to tell Zach because I definitiely wanna nurture a relationship with him (love him so much) and we're a dynamic duo for sure!! i only talk to hi9m though and i def gotta fix that. playing this game AND another game at once is just a bit much but im still doing my best.

OKAY IM SCREAMING HOW DID I EVEN GET ANOTHER REWARD?? Idk how many rewards there have been in total bc I forgot but I've gotten 3 and didn't do 1 bc it was too risky but like what the heck how is this even happening?? I'm shook 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5g0x_0uPJo

WE WON IMMUNITY YESSS!!! going into the final 10 7-3 is definitiely amazing and im assuming luke goes on the other tribe. im fine with that bc it seems like everyone on my tribe is close to luke, so theyll be closer to me if hes gone!! im definitiely enjoying this tribe but like.. where does everyone stand?? who knows. we havent gone to a tribal since eric combusted and i dont know where i stand. i trust zach and i kinda trust bryce even if we dont talk strategy but idk where everyone else stands. katie truists me i think, but idk if i talk to her enough for it to be a FULL trust between us?? shes probably the one i trust the most after the other 2. charlotte is... whew?? she hates zach im pretty sure so like... idk about that personally. shes a good player and also like... idk i just dont talk to her as much as the other returnees. willow is cool and shes super nice but we NEVER talk strategy and also she like gave tons of info to eric allegedly then voted him out so idk if i can trust that rlly but like  thats a bit hypocritical bc i kinda used him too. i need to try talking more strategy with her. and chris... we talk and they're pleasant conversations but like willow, i dont talk strategy enough with him. plus hes a good game player from what ive seen in this game?? i know hes busy so i just gotta start getting a bit more out of him. my social game has def been slipping and if i dont get it up, im looking at a merge boot status bc tbh? i think im a pretty big threat. ideally, jordan pines is merge boot, then we can use lexi/jay to possibly get out some of our tribe, maybe charlotte?? on second thought i could use jordan for that too but like.. i dont trust jordan lmao. IDEALLY, id like a boot order of... f10: jordan f9: charlotte f8: lexi f7: willow f6: chris f5: jay f4: bryce f3: katie/zach, depends on who i think i can win easier against?? then ideally a final 2 of me winning. but survivor is always changing, so nothing is for sure. thats just how id LIKE it to happen, but nothing is gonna happen exactly so ill just pray!!

We lost immunity...again...shocker! Jay approached me earlier to potentially blindside Jordan and get him out since he's a huge threat at the upcoming merge but ultimately decided that using his connection with Katie and his reputation as a meat shield would be to our advantage since we're both winners and that is enough to get people to target us. It feels weird working this closely with Jay. If we merge next then plan to get Katie using Jordan, Carson using Jay and Zach using myself and then add Charlotte into the group and we should have a strong group. I also want to find out who gave me the immunity idol so I can first of all thank them, second of all ask them why and third if all work with them. I just hope I'm not being screwed by Jay the same way he was trying to screw Pines. 

Confessional #1 this round: Fuck ulta, i hate this tribe, i want to leave, ryan palmer let me go home

I accidently self voted last round and it tied between me and ryan because luke used an idol. so they voted ry out and i cried alittle. thats about all. 

Confessional #2- Rip Lexi, this is wrong, how the fuck are we gonna be at 3 players, after this wtf they have an entire tribe waiting to fight us

Im so happy we won again to be able to go into a merge with 7-3 majority maybe and a 4 person group into the 10 person game! Things are going well

Wish I can find the idol and hope luke doesnt go out either here

bye lexi! honestly like... idk. all newbies on their tribe are gone, it's so funny. im anticipating merge! or a swap.. or something. its 7v3 for crying out loud! im not sure what my move is going forward, but i think im confident. just kidding, i'm likely leaving. this is a bs conf but i may make one tomorrow hehe

haha I beat Jay

wow can't believe I'm this seasons challenge beast

We're really that tribe that's completely decimating everything.

I've been out all day and I see that they voted out Lexi. Every tribal that Jordan pines makes it through makes me even more nervous about getting to a merge with him around. We didn't have a good history in our last game but I'm hoping that there are more people around with bad blood with him so I can kinda just get by without getting any shots fired at me. I just want to go into a merge already. None of this potential "tribe swap" to make things even for one more round. I usually get fucked in a swap and I'd rather not have history repeat itself.

Over the course of the past week or so, i've been attempting to mend things with Charlotte. She's the only person that I feel like would be dead set on getting rid of me, so to weaken that desire would be sufficient. I also want to work on Katie and Chris a bit more so that the newbies (since i'm already decent with Willow, I believe) would be more loyal to me. I need opportunities! As for the pending upcoming merge or swap, i'm not ready. I would hope the 7 Ulta stay together for a BIT or something, like vote out Jordan. I'm semi-close with Jay and Luke, so would I want to vote them out right away? Well, in the wise words of Jay - absolutely not. But I would if I had to. I'd be more lenient with voting Jay since i'm now developing a friendship with Luke (because of another ORG) and I really like him, he's a cool kid. Him and I have NEVER worked together in past ORGs so if we manage to survive and make it on a tribe together, it'll be something refreshing. Carson's still my favourite though. He's a social god and it's scary. The kid has school from like 7-3pm and still finds more time to message me somehow or someway. It's... wildt. I trust him to an extent and him and I both have agreed that like we'll go far but obviously we are bale to betray one another if essential to our own game. I likely won't make it that far though RIP. I told him i'd be his lapdog, despite the tag of the season o.O Bryce. I didn't mention him yet. He's cool, him and I rarely talk but I think he's overall a great person. I'd like to talk to him more but our last conversation felt dull and I can't force a convo (not his fault, communication is indeed a two way street.) Nonetheless, it's something I may have to work on for my game. Also lowkey it's so funny because two tribals ago, you provoked the question regarding returnees and newbies, and here are some facts: - Ryan asked you to stop shoving it down his throat. He got voted out consequently. Iconic, right? - All newbies on their side are eliminated - All the boots in the game in general are newbies (with the exception of my Bahamas representative Willa...RIP good soul. The good die young!) So basically a returnee will win this game. It might be slightly worrying to Katie/Willow/Chris and they may want to extend and form bonds with OG Copa so that they have backup, because obviously there's a trend with voting out the newbies. Anyway, this is my third confessional this round... more than expected hehe hope you enjoy! P.S look at this rude ass message: On 2017-09-14, at 6:36 PM, carson wrote: > Use the Golden Rope to hang urself please HSDGNISDGNDS It was so funny I choked bye now

I seriously thought I was being screwed this round because I didn't think Jay would flip on Lexi but he did and I'm still here! 5 votes against me and I'm still here which is great!! There are only 3 of us left on Copa and we're an alliance so if we don't swap/merge and lose immunity then....it's going to suck. I think maybe I'd be in the middle? But equally Jordan and Jay have known each other a lot longer than they've known me so they might see me as disposable and get rid of me which I hope isn't the case. I really wanna merge and go work with Zach, Charlotte and Carson who I know and think I could work well with. Also Bryce, a newbie from last season, someone who I'd be interested in hooking up with in this game and working with!

So I got another advantage which is lit, I guess all these advantages are making up for kvaloya, anyway who knows how I'm gonna be able to explain the randomized vote?

Okay so like I just realized I'm in another game with Eric. And I kinda led the charge to get him voted out so I'm trying to win immunity otherwise he is totally killing me so sorry this is a terrible confessional but I'm STRESSING. 

If we don't merge I'm so incredibly fucked