#except it’s normal for literally everyone else so im trapped in the psychic prison and can never tak about it on top of how embarrassing it
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my brain is so fucking evil for the dream i just burst awake from. what is WRONG with me.
#purrs#i can’t even say what it is LMFAOOO like it was just. it was just so PERFECTLY engineered to be upsetting based on very very recent#information i had absorbed and now im awake at 9am andni went to bed after 3:30 anyway bc i couldn’t sleep but i WAJT to sleep more but i#also don’t so i can hang out and have time to myself today outside of packing the stupid kitchen. but im so fucking mad about this dream.#WHAT THE FUCK. why did i dream that. now i feel weird and anxious and i want to throw my phone into a river. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!#i can’t say what it is bc it’s a) a topic no one ever talks about b) that happens to be one of the things on this earth that upsets me most#except it’s normal for literally everyone else so im trapped in the psychic prison and can never tak about it on top of how embarrassing it#would be if it did bc it’s like a joke but i actually feel it so hard and unironically. but omg iwwish i could wring out my brain i feel so#like poisoned by this dream now and i won’t be able to stop thinking about it. head in hands#delete later
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man..
#WOAH tumblr dark mode updated what the tags look like.. Anyways um i am struggling so bad i already posted abt it last night but i am#struggling so bad. w the whole reentry into the world thing. like i want to but i can’t bc of my m*m and also im scared. but i want to SO#bad and the remaining 4-5 weeks i have until that happens are just… gonna be excruciating bc it’s like i could be but i can’t and i have to#wait and watch and shit while most ppl get to make that choice i dependent LY but then even then when i get free will i be brave enough to p#push past like the mental block or whatever of.. being w ppl ahain w/o having her anxiety abt delta rattling in my brain. idk. this is all#so fucking stupid and i don’t wanna put it out there but im scared my hubris is gonna get me killed but also it’s not hubris it’s like.#actually what is happening rn and what is possible and i. godddddd i don’t know how to make sense of any of it i feel like im going crazy#i want this stupid fucking pandemic to be over so bad and my whole life is abt to change and is already changing and im losing my hold on th#the world as i know it and i am so fucking scared and confused and distraught and HUNGRY and i hate how this is bound up in my quest for#agency independence whatever in trying to get out of here like. but also do i want to. but also don’t i want to. fuck. help#delete later#purrs#ik none of this makes sense i just am so fucking beside myself by all of the developments. its happening so fast and its so close yet so far#away and i am sick and tired of waiting but also shouldn’t i want to stay here and be safe and protect my family. list of tumblr girls who a#are trapped for 5000000 yrs in the psychic prison number 1 tess pepprs. lawl#also like im literally going back to campus in 6 days and seeing so many ppl and how can i NOT hug anyone u know. how can i NOT get close#how can i see everyone and still have to be…. like this when no one else is for no fucking REASON except it’s for a very good fucking reason#tfw covid proves to you that the only place u can get enrichment is outside of the enclosure and u get 5 hrs of it for the first time in 532#days and it changes u as a person and u are incapable of being normal all of a sudden 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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