#except less 'what evil lurks in man's heart' and more 'no more anxiety let's live it the FUCK up'

[fullmoonfireball]

i keep thinking about ideas for g3 Jackson and Holt,, i haven't even caught up with the latest eps of the Monster High cartoon so idk why that's on my mind

[getalittlecountry]

First Time Again (2)

I cannot wait to share this epic story I finally figured out where it’s going. Also I will be posting chapter 18 of Shape of You tomorrow!

One

Chapter Two

When I came back to my head was in Cassian’s lap, but there were a few pair of eyes staring down at me. Tomas was one of them. I let out a slow breath, my head was pounding, but I felt a sense of reassurance as I laid there. My cheeks burned from blushing so hard. Cassian helped me sit up and then pushed my hair out of my face. His eyes searched me for injuries.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly. His hands were still framing my face. I leaned into him without thinking.

“Yeah I just,” my heart skipped a beat and Cassian smiled, “I had this crazy dream. That you and I —.” he was shaking his head, “what that actually happened?”

“Can I please take you to my uncle now? I need him to explain everything to both of us.”

Tomas was glaring at us as Cassian helped me stand up. I leaned into him more because of the fact that my body wanted me to than because I actually wanted to. At least that’s what I told myself, because my head was spinning. Between seeing my best friend again and whatever this imprint was, I felt like I was crazy.

And then there was Tomas, “I can’t believe you touched her before I did, man. I was supposed to imprint first. I’m older than you.”

Cassian glared at his cousin, “according to your father that’s not how it works. And you’re the one who grew up already knowing the facts.”

Tomas rolled his eyes, “I’ve had my eyes on her for the last three years man. Then you just show up, with your muscles and long hair and she bats her eyelashes and you’re both gone. That’s not fair! She always turns me down. She turned everyone down. What makes you so special?”

Cassian flashed him a cocky grin, “I guess I’m just special man.”

I squeezed his hand, “can you please get me out of here? Everyone is staring and I don’t like crowds.”

Cassian laughed, “let’s go.”

We walked in silence for a few minutes as the cool air cleared my head. It wasn’t dark yet, but the weather had changed to more comfortable since before my shift started. I carried my bag on my shoulder and kept a little distance between me and Cassian. I wasn’t sure how to feel, what to think. My mind was spinning and yet my body was begging to touch him again.

“I feel like I’m caught in a dream,” I laughed slightly as Cassian took a step closer to me, “like if you pinch me I’ll wake up.”

His rubbed his neck, “I thought my uncle was crazy when he explained the reason why my mother shipped me away. I mean she knew my uncle was here but when I was taken away she never mentioned family. She wanted me to get away from them all. And he said they searched for me, but they were never told where I was.”

“I’m sorry,” I reached out and touched his arm. He relaxed slightly, “it’s okay. I understand now she was protecting me from all this. Except she wasn’t. Because if it had happened before Luc told me what it was, before I was ready and with someone I didn’t even know, I would’ve been committed.”

“Why did it choose me?”

His smile was crooked and even more beautiful than I remembered, “because I think it knew how much I missed my best friend. Because in a way I think I came home for you, for this.”

We were quiet for the rest of the walk, which wasn’t too far. Cassian’s uncle lived on the nicer part of town. His house was beautiful, ours was a closet compared to this. Cassian held my hand tightly as we walked towards the white building, stealing my anxiety before it hit me. I smiled at him gratefully. He was suddenly my rock in this very unknown world.

"Uncle Luc! I'm home," Cassian called out. The house was very empty, "and I uh. I need to talk to you."

We stood in the kitchen and waited. A man with bright red hair and a scar along his left eye appeared. I realized then that the eye underneath the scar was glass. He smiled when he saw Cassian, but his face broke out when he saw me.

"Oh my stars. It's happened," he gasped as he looked at our hands. Cassian restrained himself. It took everything in him not to shield me from his own uncle. I could feel his need to protect me from everything, it was overloading him. Suddenly everything had become a threat to me and in that aspect to him as well.

“Uncle Lucien. I don't. We don't. We touched and we saw things and I guess what you told me is true. This is all real,” Cassian couldn't form a single sentence. Neither could I, "what is this?"

His uncle gave me a huge smile. His eyes, or eye, didn't leave me. He looked me up and down slowly, as if we had met before.

"Nesta," he whispered, "we've been waiting for you for a long time. Cassian deserves you, you both need each other."

A lump formed in my throat, "what's happening?"

Lucien looked at his nephew, “I told you, you were sent away all those years ago because your mother thought it was safer. She thought she could protect you by taking you away from our family. But it only put you in more danger. She also saw how close you and Nesta were. It scared her."

"Uncle Luc. I don't understand."

"Please sit," he motioned to the chairs but neither of us moved, "okay. Well. I guess we'll all stand then."

I held Cassian's hand tighter, "I feel like I'm crazy. This is all crazy."

"No no. You aren't crazy, Nesta," Lucien took a step towards me. Cassian pulled me back, "ah my apologizes. I forgot the bond will be raw. It's refreshing to see a young couple so newly imprinted. I've forgotten what that's like."

Cassian blew out a breath, "uncle Luc explain. Nesta's heart is going crazy."

He ran a hand through his long red hair. Then he blew out a breath. "We're from a long line of Ourboros. We are the beginning and the end of the shadow world. We were the first to be released, fae blood runs through our veins. And we are the end. We stop the rest of the evil things from entering this world."

"But we aren't evil?" I asked slightly breathless.

"No. We stop the evil."

My mind was spinning. My hands ached to touch Cassian, to stop the anxiety that flooded through me. But I stayed where I was, I didn't reach for him. I took in a deep breath and let the words sink into my skin.

"I feel like I've stepped into one of my favorite books. You mean we fight demons? Like shadowhunters?"

Cassian laughed but his uncle looked confused, "uh. Shadow what? No we protect the others from a shadow world. And before this life, possibly a long time ago, you were one of us. Which is why Cassian's touch awaken the bond. Because you've always been his other half."

He rubbed his hands on his legs, "and something wicked is coming. The bonds have stopped until now. And I think that you're going to be the key to stopping whatever it is lurking in the shadows."

Cassian pulled me closer, "I feel like I can't keep my hands off you."

I giggled as his uncle smiled, "that's the bond. You'll do everything better together. Her touch is your cure to everything. It's normal. Just take it slow son," Cassian's eyes got tears at the word son, "she's still adjusting."

"I know uncle Lucien. I can feel her heart beating."

"What about my sisters? If I was once one of you does that mean they are too?"

He shook his head, "no. Our souls pick who they inhabit it doesn't always mean siblings are too. Your special Nesta. I can feel it."

Cassian's arms wound around my waist, "yeah. I can feel it too."

It felt weird and yet completely right to be drawn to Cassian. My body relaxed as he touched me, my heart slowed down. I wasn't worried about how different my best friend was. I wasn't even worried that I was going to push him away. I just knew I wanted him. I just wanted to be right here in his arms.

"It's the bond," his uncle smiled, the red in his hair seemed brighter, "the fact that you aren't afraid of this. Of him. He calms you. He is your drug, Nesta. You're scared, but he takes that away."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "what happens if we aren't together?"

"Well you will suffer withdrawals. Yours will be worse than Cassian's because you have less magic in your blood. You're more human even if our ancestors picked you. So now it'll feel like you're sick. But if you wake up beside him you'll have the best rest of your life."

I thought about my sisters. What would they think if I randomly decided to let someone move in after only having him back in my life for less than twelve hours? Then again they weren’t going to stay forever. Feyre would be leaving soon. If she got into the art school. Still they wouldn't be thrilled if I randomly told them my once best friend was staying with us.

"Don't worry," Cassian took a step back but kept his hand in mine, "I'm not moving in tomorrow. I still want to get to know you again, Nes."

I winced at his use of Tomas’s nickname. I saw him understand the moment it crossed my mind. I couldn’t help but smile and see him work out the fact that he would never call me Nes again, "it seems like you already do."

"I can feel your anxiety, your fears. I won't push you if you're not ready. We’ll go as slow as I had planned before. I told you I came back for you."

I blushed as Lucien smiled, "Cassian felt a pull to you even when he was a child, Nesta. His mother never told him, but we always know there's something different about us.”

He let out a breath and went on.

"You have to take it slow. Cassian's scent will mix with yours and the demons will know. They've been searching for you Nesta. The shadows you see aren't harmless. They’ve been waiting for you to wake, for the bond to take hold. They can’t attack you until they know you’re truly one of our other halves. Just, be careful okay? Once you're together the door opens. You need to gain your abilities before that happens."

"Abilities?" I went stiff. Cassian's thumb brushed against the back of my hand.

"You will get powers, abilities, gifts, whatever you want to call it. We have no idea what they will be. But they will help you fight. Your strength will become greater, your speed too. You will become a fighter. And of course everything you do with Cassian will be done better. Don't be scared, you'll be with each other when it happens."

Lucien let out a breath. His eyes went to his nephew and back again, "the shadows want to break you two before you get your abilities. You don't remember your past lives because they more than likely took you away from each other. Please be careful, okay?"

Cassian squeezed my hand softly, "we'll be careful uncle Luc. I won't let anything hurt her, she's too important to me. She always has been."

I smiled slightly as he looked at me. My body wasn't panicking because he was touching me. But my mind was swirling. Shadows and demons, hunting me? The stories I heard as a child were real and I had been in love with Cassian since the start of time? I could barely understand what I felt for my former best friend, let alone another world full of evil beings.

Cassian felt my panic and stepped closer. I looked at Lucien. He looked so happy to see us together. As if he had been there for all the other times.

"You two were always the hardest to convince. But you were always the hardest to separate," he said softly, "I'm so glad you found each other again."

We stood there for a moment. Lucien watching as Cassian kept his hand in mine and I tried to figure out what to feel about this entire situation. My body was warm and flooded with mixed emotions. Cassian was thrilled. I was happy, but also a little hesitant to give into those feelings.

I was slightly scared. Not of the evil shadows, not of Cassian. I was scared of myself. I was scared to let myself fall for him. I was terrified to lose myself to someone else.

Because all I had ever known were my sisters. And now they didn't need me anymore. Wouldn't there come a day when Cassian didn't need me either?

"I don't think so," he whispered softly, "even before all this I wanted you again. I missed you."

I turned my face towards his and smiled. My hands were shaking but he held them gently, letting me go through my own emotions without forcing his on me.

"Tomorrow," Cassian looked at his uncle and let me have my moment, "will be the worst right?"

The red head sighed, "yes. Tomorrow is the first after the imprint it will be the worst. But after that it will get easier. You'll learn to disagree, to fight and make up as if the bond didn't hold you together. Nesta are you okay?"

I bit my lip I nodded slowly, "yeah. I think I should go home," my head was spinning and I knew my sisters would start looking for me soon. I looked at Cassian, "I mean I should. But. My body is rejecting the idea of leaving you."

He laughed, "I'll walk you home."

I nodded and he looked at his uncle, "we can talk more when I get back? I think I need you to explain everything a little deeper."

"Of course," Lucien smiled, "and your father. He'll be thrilled. He's the champion of our family and he's been waiting years to have a newly mated couple."

Cassian winced, "I don't want to meet him yet."

"Of course. When the time is right."

I leaned into Cassian as he glared at his uncle. I pulled his anger out and he relaxed against me. I brushed my thumb against his cheek fighting the urge to kiss him. He had been back in my life for less than 12 hours. I needed to get my head evaluated if this was real. Because I could barely think about anything other than jumping him right in this moment. From biting that grimace off his beautifully handsome, tragic face.

"Walk me home," I whispered as I gave in and kissed the corner of his mouth, "please."

He swallowed, "yeah. Okay let's go."

He pulled me out of the house and once the fresh air hit I took in a giant breath.

"That was... a lot," I finally said as we walked slowly down the street, "you believe it?"

"It's hard not to when I felt what I did the moment we touched. And I've always missed you, I've always felt I was supposed to find you again. So yeah I do believe him. He's also been telling me the same story for the last week."

I looked at Cassian and felt a surge of pride, of undeniable need for me. I held his hand tighter, wishing he'd pull me into his side.

"So are we still on for our date? I don't want to scare you, but I'm already wishing we could spend the night together."

"Yeah," I felt that same feeling of wanting to spend every minute with him, "but can we have our own date first? Without my sisters? Tomorrow?"

"You read my mind," he whispered as he pulled me closer, "tomorrow. You and me. No bonds. No imprints just two best friends catching up."

I nodded, his fingers tightening on my waist, "it's a date," I held up my pinkie and he wrapped his around mine.

"We can catch up with your sisters after we've figured this all out," he let out a sigh and looked at me, "just for the record before whatever this bond or imprint happened, I felt drawn to you again."

I smiled, "me too. I guess absence really did make the heart fonder didn't it?"

He nodded, smiling as he brushed my hair back, "I know we got sidetracked but I'm really glad I'm home," he whispered softly as he walked with me, "I'm really glad you're still here."

I smiled, "I'm really glad you're home too."

We got to my door, "damn. It looks exactly the same. I can't believe it all looks the same."

I smiled as I leaned into him, "so tomorrow morning..."

"I'll come right away. Leave the door unlocked. I'll be quiet."

I nodded, "okay. I can feel your heart," I whispered as I pressed my hand against his chest, "in here and beside mine."

He smiled, "I know. I think that's my favorite part."

I closed my eyes waiting to see if he was going to kiss me. Our faces were so close. Our breath mixing together. But he didn't close the distance, he didn't press his lips to mine. He kept his distance as if he was afraid of making a move too soon.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he squeezed my hand, "oh and Nesta. You can't tell them."

I nodded, "I know. It's our secret now."

He leaned in and pressed his lips to my cheek, "goodnight sweetheart."

I melted at his new choice of nickname. I felt his pride flare knowing he already effected me so much. When I tried to move, to turn and walk in the door, I couldn't. I let out a breath but my legs were stuck. They felt like lead. Cassian was waiting for me to go inside. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I can't go in," I said softly, "Cass I can't walk away from you."

He laughed slightly, "Lucien said this would happen," he framed my face with his hands, "go inside and see your sisters Nes. I'll come back tomorrow I promise. And you've got me right here."

He pressed my hand against his chest and I felt his heart beating with my own. I took in a breath and swallowed the lump in my throat. I turned before I could get stuck again and went into the house.

It smelled amazing. Feyre was cooking when I walked in. Her face lit up, "Nesta! Oh good you’re finally home! Guess what. I got it! I got the scholarship!"

She jumped into my arms before the anxiety could flood my body. I hugged her back, focusing on my sister instead of whatever it was inside my body screaming for Cassian to come back. I let out a breath and tried to stop thinking about him. It made things a little easier.

I pulled back and looked at my baby sister, "I'm so happy for you Fey. If anyone deserves it its you."

There were tears in her eyes. She wiped them away and laughed, "I made you dinner. To celebrate. To thank you. You always put me above the rest and you worked so hard to get me through school. I never thanked you."

"I'm you're big sister. Of course I would take care of you."

She shrugged, "I know. But you didn't have to. You deserve so much and you sacrificed it for us. So we're having dinner and celebrating. Everything is from Elain's garden. She should be home soon too."

I hugged her again, feeling my own wave of emotions flood over me. I loved my sisters, but I felt a need for Cassian. A want for him. I wanted to celebrate with him, to include him in this moment. I felt him pull on whatever tethered us together as if he was asking if I was okay. I let out a shaky breath and shook my head.

I watched Feyre finish getting dinner ready and I realized what this was. My sisters didn't need me anymore. We were all grown up. I wanted Cassian to be here in this moment with me because I felt like I was losing my sisters. Elain was in a good spot and Feyre was now leaving for school come the end of summer.

"Thanks Feyre," I whispered as I wiped away a few tears. She finished setting the table as I watched. I decided to tell my sister part of my good news, "so guess who I saw today."

"Cassian," she giggled and wiggled her eyebrows, "he was asking for you. I don't remember him, but damn. He isn't seven anymore."

I laughed, "yeah. He asked me out on a date. Is that weird? We were best friends when we were babies. And now he wants to date me?"

I sat down at the table as she stirred whatever was in the pot, "I think it's fate."

I rolled my eyes. Feyre started talking about school and I kept thinking about Cassian. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was okay. Feyre was going to school, Elain didn't need me to hold her hand anymore. She had started to come out of whatever darkness Grayson had pulled her into. I could move on with my life since my sisters were moving on with theirs. I could finally be a teenager, or a twenty two year old. And I could find myself with Cassian.

I couldn't help but smile. I wanted Cassian. The fears and doubts were slowly fading without his touch as I sat there thinking of his handsome face. I realized as I looked out the window I was already counting down the minutes until he showed up tomorrow. It wasn't the bond that wanted him or needed him. It was me. I missed my best friend again already.

Maybe, just maybe, this whole thing wasn't so crazy after all.