#excerpt from that thing im working on that ill probably never finish

[elsewhereuniversity]

She is sitting in a crowded Theatre

A play is about to start. The hairs on the back of her neck are rising.

She can feel something watching her, but when she looks around, everyone’s eyes are trained on the stage. She thinks she can see, among the audience... no. She decides that her eyes must be playing tricks on her. She turns her gaze away from the crowd around her, watches the strange shadows they cast instead. The unsettled feeling within her does not lessen.

She doesn’t want to look at the crowd, but she wants to be able to see what they are doing. No matter where she is looking there will be someone where she cannot see them. She knows this She feels frantic with not knowing what to do about it. She tries not to think about what she saw in the crowd. She wonders how someone can see without eyes.

Something is watching her.

Around her, the audience murmurs restlessly. Around her, the audience howls in impatience. Around her, the audience anxiously meows and eagerly caws and nervously nickers and makes a sound that crawls up her ears and worms its way into her brain and makes her tremble in utter terror as they wait for the play to begin. She touches her face with a shaking hand and her cheeks are wet and she is smiling. The weight of being watched rests firmly on her shoulders.

She expects for the something-watching-her’s stare to leave her once The Play begins, but it doesn’t— when the curtains pull back the gaze moves to the stage and stays on her. The Play starts. Around her, the audience writhes and then settles. Theseus, Philostrate, and Hippolyta enter the scene. Hippolyta’s eyes are dark as pitch.

She watches The Play, because it’s impossible not to watch The Play. The audience seems to favor the Fae over the Lovers, but Helena’s actress plays the role well enough to be an exception. Steve knows somehow that next time, that actress will be cast as one of the Fairies instead. She thinks maybe she should feel glad for her, but something is watching them both and there will be a next time. The crowd closes around her, boxes her in. She can’t stop smiling. It’s hard to breathe. She waits for an intermission that never comes.

Something is watching her, like she’s a part of The Play, like she’s up on stage acting and not sitting and watching, like she’s there solely for its entertainment. Why is she there? She doesn’t remember buying tickets to see this play, hasn’t heard a word about it in the announcements or from any of her classmates, even Mouse. She’s not entirely sure that this whole thing isn’t some strange dream she’s having.

Onstage, Hermia turns on Helena, lashing out and accusing her of stealing Lysander away. Helena’s voice quivers with pain and rage and confusion as she comes to the conclusion that Hermia has joined the two men in mocking her. The audience watches Helena intently, eyes gleaming, the way a cat watches a mouse.

Something sits down besides her. She can see The Woman out of the corner of her eye. She keeps her gaze fixed on the stage. Something is watching her. The Woman is sitting next to her. She keeps her gaze fixed on the stage. Titania enters the scene, lured over by Bottom’s poor singing. Bottom’s actor has a very good costume. She wants to believe he’s wearing a costume.

The Woman remains silent as The Play goes on, as it draws to a close, as the curtains come down, as the audience leaps to their feet with a roar of applause. As she jumps out of her seat before even the last of the applause has died down and makes to leave, The Woman speaks.

“I look forward to seeing you on stage next year.” The Woman says.

She goes cold.

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[femmesfollesnebraska]

Poetry and images by  Rose Bruno Bailey

Excited to feature the writing and images by Rose Bruno Bailey ...

DISORDER

I'm fighting

I'm fighting to forget

I'm fighting to remember

I'm fighting food

I'm fighting time

I'm fighting finality

I'm fighting a sterile existence

I'm fighting perfection

Im fighting to fit in

I'm Fighting to be finished

I'm finished fighting.

I'm a lover not a fighter.

But I will never win the fight.

Loss of love is the biggest defeat

With Love comes a price.

To love or to fight?

Either way we all lose.

MARATHON OF HEROES

Don't sit, stand

Don't stand, walk

Don't walk, March

Don't march, run

Run,

Run for your life

Run for others

Run for office

Run the world

Run

Don't sit, Stand,

March, and Run

It takes one

One person

One movement

One step

One

Run

INVESTING IN OTHERS

Money doesn’t buy happiness,

That’s what they say.

Tell that to the single mother,

Who can’t pay the power bill.

Or the uninsured,

Who can’t treat their chronic illnesses.

The weeping animal lover,

Who cannot call the veterinarian.

Or the elderly,

Who go without supper.

I see it daily.

The hard workers, the struggling.

The forsaken tired laborers.

The grocery store clerk,

Who works two jobs,

But tipped a waiter 100 bucks

Simply because he was frail and limping.

The kind givers who have nothing,

Who share something

Of what little they do have.

Kindness within exists.

Giving unconditionally.

Looking out for others

Just like them.

Community.

Happiness is found in hope, despite  

Foreclosures, liens, bill collectors,

Eviction notices,

Late fees, due dates.

Sucking away joy.

Spirits remains intact,

Needed to warm yet another cold day.

Lending a helping hand

To a neighbor,

Or a stranger in need.

Money may not buy happiness,

But it buys basic needs;

Tools we need to survive.

They also say most people just survive,

And to be happy you need to thrive.

How can you thrive

When you are barely surviving?

It’s a tongue twisting

Quagmire of a riddle;

A crisis of humanity

I wish to fix.

I contemplate who first said these words?

Probably a bored person

Who never lacked a roof or a hot meal.

Ebenezer Scrooge comes to mind.

Charles Dickens understood these things.

Money may not buy happiness,

But I would take my chances.

I would rather be wealthy

so I can help others,

instead of worrying

about dreaded bills.

In the meantime I give,

Whatever little I have to give;

Because that’s how we roll.

Excess pennies

Become

Heaven sent change.

This is community

Not defined by debt.

We seek happiness

In spite of the cliches,

Although the numbers on surveys

Tell us otherwise.

We prevail over poverty

Giving each other hope

With the currency of kindness.

FIASCO 

Hope, we are told to hold onto hope. it's really just a gussied up four letter word, fuck hope; A grandiose word for tease. I bought in, we all buy in; Images of sunnier shores ahead. Land never appears, hope casts you out to drown with no buoy. Hope is a passive aggressive bully, a busted pipe dream. Hope is like a cubic zirconia promise ring, fake, lackluster and never delivering. Rough waves of disappointment roll in, High tide sweeping away optimism for a better tomorrow. Today is under water, today is a flood Of salty tears and people who throw stones. Today sucks as much as hope lies. I may as well just let go of hope. I may as well just let go.

REMORSE I killed a fly I killed another being Weaker than myself They used to say She wouldn't harm a fly I used to say I wouldn't harm a fly But I did cause harm To that little buzzing creature I did not mean to be The reason For the fly's demise I killed a fly I'm Just another human Being Weaker than myself

TOO YOUNG TO DIE 

I paint my face, getting ready for my evening; sadly aware that somewhere an old friend lies in a morgue. Too young to suffer such a fate. She will never have the opportunity to have such a mundane moment again. A life snuffed out with the turn of the wheel. In an instant her family's world has come undone. I knew her, dark, beautiful, vital, alive. Painting her face, like myself and all women. Never knowing her last moments were near, as she performed her final beauty routine. So now when I paint my face, I contemplate life is too short. Our moments can cease at the blink of ones eye. Today I am melancholic, as I sleepwalk through my day. I vow never to take my life, or loved ones for granted. I paint my face, and I reflect, that one last time, so did she.

-

Rose Bruno Bailey @rosebrunobailey​

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Books is a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales ( Laura Madeline Wiseman / Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices(catalog of art / writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017) .Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com , including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists . A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Current prompt: What does being a womxn mean to you?

http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/183697785757/what-does-being-a-womxn-today-mean-to-youyour