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spacequokka · 3 years

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Say My Name | 08

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader f. OT9 Genre: Angst with some Fluff Rating: T Summary: It’s time to face your fears and make a decision. Word Count: 4.1k Warnings: talks about feelings and self-respect, it gets heavy for a minute but don’t worry—Soo’s there for you.

A/N: That moment when your PWP develops a plot with substance. I was expecting an intro to the smut but got something a little better. Somehow, this fits Kyungsoo’s style.

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You didn’t have the slightest idea what to cook for dinner. Usually, you just went with a meal plan, but you forgot to make one. In between your errands and making sure the dorm was fit to house all nine of them, meal planning somehow slipped between the cracks. Literally everything else had been taken care of, yet there you stood without the foggiest idea of what they should eat.

The front door beeped, signaling the use of a key card, then clicked. Kyungsoo stepped in, rolling his luggage behind him. His eyes swept the room before landing on you. A small smile formed on his lips. “_____, I’m home.”

You stepped out from behind the counter and made your way over to him. “Welcome home, Soo. Here, I’ll take your things for you.”

He shook his head. “No need. I can get it. But thank you.”

Your shoulders slumped. “If you change your mind—”

“I promise to call you.” His eyes met yours and held your gaze. “Jagi, you don’t have to push yourself so much for us.” He turned away, leaving you standing there at a loss for words.

You returned to the kitchen and flipped through the recipe book for the third time. It wouldn’t be long before the rest showed up, trickling in like a stream in a forest. It should have made you more anxious about cooking, but oddly enough, you found comfort. Life was flat-out boring without them around. Sure, they were chaotic and did no favors for your poor heart, but you wouldn’t trade them for anyone else in the world.

By the time you reached the rice and noodle section of the book, Kyungsoo came out of his room and made a beeline for the kitchen. You figured he was thirsty, but he didn’t stop in front of the fridge. Instead, he came to your side and put an arm around your shoulders.

He pressed his lips to your temple. “What are we looking at?” He asked, looking over the pages.

“Dinner ideas. I dunno what I want to cook.” You looked up at him. “Any requests? Please say yes.”

He frowned and bit his lip for a second, then his face lit up. “I do, actually.” He put his hands on your shoulders and gently guided you away from the book, around the island to one of the two barstools. “You sit and relax. I’ll cook.”

“What? No!” you protested, immediately jumping down before he could completely turn away. “It’s my job to feed you guys.”

He shrugged and guided you back up onto the chair. “Don’t care. I don’t get to cook often enough. I’ll do something quick and simple and you can supervise while keeping me company.” He stuck out his hand. “Deal?”

You eyed his hand with a pout, disgruntled yet unable to resist his puppy dog eyes. When it was clear he wasn’t about to change his mind, you placed your hand in his. “Deal.”

With that, he got to work pulling out utensils, pots and pans, and ingredients from the fridge and pantry. He chopped and diced, measured liquids, and sifted powders. Whatever he was making was from scratch. You were so captivated by his finesse that you didn’t notice neither of you was speaking to each other until he broke the silence. “If you don’t mind me asking, have you spent more time thinking about our situation?”

“Huh? What?” You sat up straight.

He bit his bottom lip and looked away for a second. “It’s my understanding that Jun talked to you about our intentions. Made it clear what we—all of us—want from you.” His chopping slowed to a stop. “You’re still up for that, right?”

“Oh!” You looked down at your hands and twirled your thumbs. “I…Yeah. I think about it all the time, actually. Still a little unsure about it.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “I understand.” He put down the knife and wiped his hands on a dishcloth. “Alright, let’s talk about it.”

You huffed with a shrug. “I don’t know where to start. I never do when I try to sort through it on my own, you know? Like…it’s so much all at once.”

He pulled out a saucepan and skillet from under the counter. “Overwhelming, huh? I can imagine suddenly having the affection and attention of nine men being more than you’re prepared to deal with.” The skillet went to the stove with care while he placed the saucepan in the sink. “You know you can tell us to chill out whenever you need a break. The last thing we want is to push you too far so soon into this. It’s new for everyone involved, but it doesn’t exist without you.”

You nodded and gnawed on your bottom lip. Silence settled between you two as he filled the pot with water. Your thoughts were all over the place. Where should you start? What should you say? The more you struggled to put your thoughts and feelings into words, the more frustrated you got. Without a word, Kyungsoo placed a water bottle between your hands.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

“Stress and dehydration don’t mix.” He went back to cooking, adding spices in with the vegetables. A heavenly aroma filled the air and your stomach growled in response.

“No shit,” you mumbled, uncapping the bottle and drinking half of it right away. When you put the bottle down, you resigned yourself to word vomiting until you couldn’t think of anything else to say. “I feel like a slut for wanting two guys, much less nine. Even more so since I technically work for them. Then there’s the whole ‘don’t shit where you eat’ thing. If things go bad because of this, I’m potentially out of a job. I don’t think it would be so bad if I didn’t also live here, so there’s that too.”

The front door opened and a jolly voice called out, “Honey, I’m home!” Baekhyun appeared in the hallway dragging his suitcase. “Soo! You’re cooking?” He crossed the kitchen with a little skip, throwing his arms around your neck and crushing your face to his chest. “And how is my favorite brat doing?”

You fought against his hold, struggling until he released you with a kiss on the top of your head. “I am not a brat.”

“Three out of nine experts agree you can get mouthy when you’re not getting your way.” He dodged your swing and stuck out his tongue. “Anyway. Gonna shower and take a nap. Wake me when dinner’s ready, though.”

Kyungsoo agreed to Baekhyun’s request, then waited until he heard a door close. “Okay, so that’s a lot to unpack.” He paused to drink from his own water bottle. “Honestly, you’ll feel bad about it for as long as you care about what others think of you. I know, it’s easier to talk about not caring than actually doing it. It’s something we could help you work on. Personally, I see it as a testament to how desirable you are. The people who’d say things like that about you likely could never find themselves in the same situation.”

“If you’re about to say something about sticks and stones--”

He smirked. “No, but I’m glad you know the saying.” He stirred the food in the skillet. “I don’t know if this will mean much to you, but none of us think that way of you. You know that, right? You do so much for us with the brightest smiles we’ve ever seen.” Noodles went into the pot of boiling water. “You’re as important to us as we are to each other.”

You shook your head. “Am not.”

“Without you, we wouldn’t look forward to coming home as much. I mean, yeah it’s nice to relax, but really, we look forward to sharing our experiences with you. We want to take you with us on trips and tours so badly, but we can’t. Not without putting you in danger. So we can’t wait to come home and share our stories and give you souvenirs…” He turned to look at you. “Home isn’t home without you. No one else could ever make this place our home the way you do.” He turned back to the stove. “So, for us, it isn’t about sex. Our main motive is making sure you’re taken care of the same way you take care of us. You do a lot of giving and make a lot of sacrifices. We want to make it clear that we appreciate you by giving you the most precious thing we have to give: our feelings.”

You balked at the words. “I don’t need thanks for doing my job!”

The front door opened again, this time followed by loud talking and laughter. Junmyeon came in with Sehun, followed by Jongdae and Minseok. They each stopped to give you hugs and forehead or cheek kisses before continuing on to their rooms. You caught the pointed look Junmyeon gave Kyungsoo before he disappeared. Kyungsoo turned off the stove and pulled down plates. You scrambled off the stool to help him get out the things needed to set the table.

“_____,” he murmured when you were close enough. “Is this really just a job to you?”

“Huh?” You looked at him. The question made little sense. You never said it was just a job, did you? Did you give the impression—

“There are things you do that other maids for other groups don’t do.” He sighed softly, “Things that even friends don’t do. You remember little details we mention one time in passing. Like the name of the body wash Sehun got from a hotel that he really liked. Or hunting down discontinued things we like. Or putting up new pictures of our family and pets for us to see when we get home.”

“Am I not supposed to do those things?” You asked, becoming increasingly unsure of your duties.

He gave you a long look, then shook his head, putting down the plates. “How can I put this?” He closed his eyes for a second. “Those actions are very intimate and are, if I’m being honest, things we’d like our girlfriend or wife to do. Things like that aren’t done for an employer unless asked for. We never ask for the incredibly thoughtful things you do.”

“Then, should I stop?”

“No. No.” He grabbed your hands and held them to his lips. “Let me ask you this. Why haven’t you gone on dates or even had casual hookups since you started working here?”

“Because I haven’t had time. That and there’s not much privacy when you’re all here.”

“And when we’re overseas? Do you go out and date when we’re not even in the country?”

How could you tell him you’re usually too exhausted from trying to keep up with them to think about your love life without sounding pathetic? “I…do not. I like to stay on top of my chores and prepare for your return. I love my job and take it seriously!”

He let go of your hands to cup your face. “Jagi, listen to me. Do you love your job, or do you love us?” The question floored you. “Because we have the impression that you’d still do all that you do for us even if you weren’t paid to do it.”

You couldn’t even tell him he was wrong. They were more than a paycheck to you. They were dear friends, pushing their way to becoming more. Something that you’d always been afraid of and avoided like the plague. Yet, somehow, you blurred the line between you over a cup of orange juice.

Someone lightly touched your back as they opened the fridge next to you. “He’s right.” Junmyeon leaned into view and smiled. “Oh, love. You should see your face. Remember that whole honest expressions talk?” He touched your nose. “This is one of those moments where it really shines.”

“Dinner’s ready, by the way,” Kyungsoo said without looking away from you.

“Good. The others will be home in a minute.” Junmyeon patted Kyungsoo’s shoulder, then disappeared.

You looked at Kyungsoo, searching his eyes for some sort of reassurance as he searched yours for confirmation. You licked your lips and whispered, “I’m scared, Soo.” His thumbs caressed your cheeks. “What if it doesn’t work out? And I don’t want to lose you guys’ respect either. Hell, I don’t want to lose respect for myself. And I love this job. I can’t imagine losing everything just because I got greedy.”

“You’re not being greedy, jagi. You have needs we want to satisfy.” He rubbed his nose against yours, then gave you a soft, lingering peck on the lips. “Don’t you deserve to be taken care of, too?”

“Well, ideally, yes, but not by my employer.” You closed your eyes, aware of how ridiculous you sounded, but still unable to let it go. “I can’t help but feel like the sex is tied to my paycheck, and it makes me feel…cheap. Kinda worthless. I want nothing more than to throw caution to the wind, but I know how easy it is to be tossed aside and left to fend for myself. It was hard to get this job and I know I’ll have a hard time finding work if I get fired for having sex with one guy, much less what amounts to a basketball team. The culture here isn’t too forgiving on women.”

“I get that.” He pressed his forehead to yours and looked into your eyes. “But, and hear me out first, would you rather keep the job and things remain professional or lose it to have us without all this guilt?”

The front door opened again, but you didn’t pay attention to who came through it. “What do you mean ‘lose it?’ If I lose this job, there won’t be another job for me. Not one with the benefits this one has. A-and if I lose it, fuck, I lose you all. There wouldn’t be any having you. And the guilt would eat me alive, regardless.” You tried to pull away, but he turned you so that your back was against the fridge and held you against it. “How-how can you even say it so calmly like that? Like losing me wouldn’t hurt you at all. I…I don’t get it.”

“God, does your brain do this with everything? Over-think and jump to conclusions, then get yourself all worked up over what’s ultimately nothing.” He wiped your cheeks with his thumbs, bringing your attention to the way unshed tears lined your eyes. “No wonder you’re blindsided by this. You spend too much time in this beautiful mind of yours, baby.” He wrapped his arms around your waist and held you against his chest. “I was just suggesting you quit. Then you can get another job with none of the issues you’re worried about, like something flexible that allows for travel.”

Your stomach dropped to your toes as your heart stuttered. “You want me to quit?”

“It’s just an idea I had.”

You looked away and blinked back a fresh wave of tears. “But then, where will I go when you hire someone to replace me?” You swallowed hard. The thought of someone new moving into your room and getting to know them the way you had tore you apart. Maybe you were wrong, and this was all a lie. By giving into the lust—that’s what it had been, right?—you’d obviously disgusted them enough to come up with this clever way of cutting you off and kicking you out. The thought settled around your heart with an icy vice-grip.

“You’re literally doing the over-thinking thing again, right here in my face.” He exhaled loudly and moved his hands to your shoulders with a squeeze. “How many ways can we possibly put it? We need you. We want you. We’ll always want you, ____. There is no ‘replacing’ you for us. If you quit, we will not be hiring anyone else.”

“Then who’s gonna do the chores and run errands? Who’ll check in on the fur babies--”

He cut you off with a kiss. “You, love. You can still do those things, if you want, except we’re gonna help you. We’ll keep the house in order together. All of us. You’ll keep your room. Everything will stay the way it is now, except you’ll be free to travel with us. No more leaving you behind. We’ll figure out your job situation because it’s clear you want to be independent. It’ll take some time, but we’ll respect that…as best we can.” He looked to the side and pulled you away from the fridge and turned you. You got a glimpse of someone’s chest before Kyungsoo let go and you were pulled into a warm embrace. “Hey, Nini.”

Jongin pressed a chaste kiss to the side of your head and followed it with a soft rumbling reply. “Hello. I missed you guys.” You waited for him to let go and were pleasantly surprised when he continued to cuddle you, breathing in your scent as he reveled in your warmth. His lips moved to your ear as he murmured, “Did you miss me like l missed you, sweetheart?”

Your cheeks caught fire as you did your best to hide a smile, bringing your arms up to hold him close. “I…Yes, I did. I always do.”

Jongin’s arms tightened around you. “I’m glad to hear that.” He pulled back with a wide grin. “I brought you some stuff back from the fashion show.”

“Like what? It can’t be clothes.” You shook your head. “You don’t know my sizes.”

He laughed and kissed you. “Not off the top of my head. It’s in the group chat history, though.”

“You’re kidding, right?” You looked at him, completely serious. Jongin walked you backward until your back hit a counter, then lifted you up onto it. “I don’t need clothes, Nini.”

He shrugged, paying no attention to the sudden flurry of movement around you. Plates, cups, and silverware clattered as they moved the food to the dining room. Jongin turned your attention back to him with his finger. “I don’t see the point of all the money and fancy things if I don’t have someone to share it with.” He leaned in and lowered his voice. “And I saw the picture of you with Junnie at the party. That dress…” He bit his lip and let it go slowly. “I admit I was jealous, but it also inspired me to have you at my side like that.”

“So you’re finally coming around to the appeal of role play?” Jongdae snickered as he pulled a bottle out of the wine fridge.

Jongin rolled his eyes as his cheeks flushed. “I’m getting there.”

Jongdae patted his shoulder and smiled at you. “Hello, beautiful.” He leaned over and kissed your cheek.

“Table’s set!” Chanyeol hollered from the dining room. Jongin stepped back and allowed you to hop down. Kyungsoo appeared at your side, taking your hand and leading the way to the table. You were surprised to see all of them taking their seats, including Yixing and Chanyeol, who you didn’t even see come in.

“Hi, _____.” Yixing batted his eyelashes at you, taking your hand and brushing a kiss to the back of it once you were within reach.

“Welcome home.” You squeezed his hand.

He pulled out the empty chair beside him and gestured for you to sit. In no time, everyone was seated and began pouring drinks and loading their plates with meats and noodles. It wasn’t long before the conversation in the kitchen slipped to the back of your mind. You got swept up in their travel stories. Jongdae’s flight somehow got mixed up and he ended up in Siberia for a weekend, something Minseok and Baekhyun found utterly delightful. Yixing’s staff pulled a prank on him, resulting in him cross-dressing as Little Red Riding Hood. Sehun and Chanyeol got to see an elephant perform tricks, then ride it. Best of all, the last performance of Junmyeon’s play had sold out.

Throughout each tale told to a backdrop of silverware scraping plates and various degrees of giggles, you couldn’t imagine not being there. It made you realize Kyungsoo had a point. Would you listen this intently to anyone else? Would you bother to go all out with little touches and gifts that might be overlooked for another group? Would you enjoy the work as much if you weren’t doing it for them?

No.

No, you wouldn’t.

Life wouldn’t be the same, wouldn’t be as wonderful, without them. Given the sly looks and smiles directed at you, it was painfully obvious they felt the same. If you had any reservations about being with them the way you all wanted to, then it was up to you to fix it. The final decision was up to you and you alone.

“_____?” An elbow nudged you.

“Hm?” You looked up with wild eyes to find everyone looking at you with a mixture of worry and curiosity.

Junmyeon cleared his throat. “I asked if anything happened to you. What did we miss?”

Various heads nodded. The last time you’d been the center of attention like this, Minseok had his fingers buried in your pussy while Jongin begged to tongue-fuck you. Your face burned at the memory. Now was so not the time to revisit that night. “I…uh…” You shrugged as you quickly chewed the food in your mouth. Once you swallowed, you continued, “Not really? I mean, I got to see this herd of huskies at the dog park when I was out picking up supplies. But that’s nothing compared to you guys’ stories.”

They were quick to disagree in various ways with Minseok flat out demanding to hear more about the husky pack he clearly belonged to. And just like that, you found yourself detailing your boring days, with them barely looking away to finish their food. Kyungsoo and Minseok had suggestions for cleaning things you had trouble with, while Baekhyun and Chanyeol declared themselves your official escorts for grocery shopping when available.

“You shouldn’t have to struggle with the bags!” Chanyeol frowned. “And it’d be much easier to make substitutions if one of us were there with you.”

“We should revise the chore chart and make a menu!” Baekhyun volunteered, receiving a shout of agreement from the group along with pats on the back.

“While we’re at it,” Minseok smiled, the light in his eyes dancing with mischievous mirth. “She needs a bigger bed.”

Junmyeon snapped. “You have the nerve to bring that up?! I’m still mad at you for that stunt.” He put down his fork as if he knew it’d become a weapon in a minute.

“If she had a bigger bed, we wouldn’t have ended up on the floor. I needed more surface area to work with.”

“You’re the oldest! You’re supposed to be leading by example.”

Minseok nodded. “You’re right.” He looked down the table at the others. “Guys, listen up. If your tongue is buried in her pussy, there are no consequences, so as long as she cu--” Junmyeon slapped a hand over his mouth and tilted his head back, whispering threats you were too far away to hear. As the group erupted into laughter, you stared down at the food on your plate with a fond smile. Even with Junmyeon on the verge of strangling Minseok, you were still comfortable. Content even.

‘Home isn’t home without you.’

You looked at Kyungsoo, who was watching the show with a grin. Those sharp eyes of his caught things you’d miss even with a magnifying glass.

‘Or do you love us?’

In your short time on earth, you’d had plenty of love with an equal amount of loss. With time, you became overly cautious and skeptical, hell-bent on safeguarding your heart even if it meant becoming best friends with loneliness. It wasn’t until you took this job that you slowly stopped caring about being alone or feeling lonely. Even when they weren’t there, they left behind so much life and love for one another that you never noticed the things you’d given up. Watching them laugh while they shared a home cooked meal reminded you of something you’d forgotten.

You weren’t the only one who’d be risking it all. They could just as easily lose the same precious thing you wanted to protect so desperately: home. If they had the courage to try, if they thought so highly of you, shouldn’t you reward their adoration and loyalty with your own?

You inhaled and let it go slowly, carefully putting your fork down and pushing away from the table. An abrupt hush fell over the group as their attention turned to you. When you were sure you had their undivided attention, you looked Kyungsoo in the eyes.

“I quit.”

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