#faces are just. okay so I rarely look directly at them the way non autistic ppl do

[engagemythrusters]

Pretentious dick artists on the internet everywhere: using a reference is CHEATING

Me who can’t visualise faces w/out a face in front of me: 😭 😭

[angelswithcigarettes]

“A new connection”

Summary: Spencer's father comes back into his life.

Series: The journey of finding a home [Part 4]

Series Summary: With getting Spencer on the team, Gideon gets him out of the hands of his abusive Father. He knows his team are the right people to show him the kindness of this world but even if he was supposed to be one of the greatest profiler ever seen he didn't expect Morgan to be the one that puts the most effort into it.

Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Past Child Abuse, Emotional/ Psychological Abuse

Relevant Tags: Autistic Spencer Reid

Word Count: 8579

Chapters: 6/6

First Chapter:

[I advice you to read the other parts first]

If there is something Spencer loves when it comes to Morgan touching him it is when they lay in bed and he takes his finger and gently moves them over his cheeks, mostly with his knuckles and moves sometimes around his face and Morgan adores how Spencer will first giggle and the eventually relax, maybe humming slightly.

"I want to -" Spencer stops himself and then opens his eyes and dares to lock Morgan in the eyes for a second and then looks at the ceiling again.

In the beginning this would make Morgan insecure but by now he is used to him looking past him. Or on the floor. Or ceiling. More on the floor than on the ceiling.

There are rare occasions were he looks him directly in the eyes.

"Can we go get ice cake from the café down at the - at the park? At the park with Clooney?"

"Of course."

"All of the things?"

"All of the things." Morgan could break out in tears out of pride caused by Spencer asking to do things or for things.

When he first met him, Spencer would just not ask for anything. If no one would offer he would just go the whole day without food or water.

Gideon had told him that Spencer on many occasions fainted in the academy because he over did himself with physical exercises or got to caught up in reading the manuals.

Seeing him sitting on the grass, with Clooney laying next to him putting his head on Spencer's legs while he sits crossed legged, he can not understand how he could have let himself get so insecure about this relationship based on the option of people who have meet him for a few hours.

Morgan tears his attention away for a second chatting with a women next to him waiting for her order too while Spencer gets approached by a man causing Spencer to put an arm around the dog.

"I thought I recognised you." The man says looking down on Spencer. "Who is that friend of yours?"

"Clooney" Anxious but also feeling comfort in the familiar warm of his father's face.

"Can I pet him?"

"Yes" William reaches down wanting to pat him but the dogs starts barking causing the man to stand up straight again and to catch Morgan's attention.

"Excuse me, I will be right back."

"Oh he is a violent one." William says with a smile a little bit surprised by the reaction.

"He isn't." Spencer holds the leash. "Morgan will calm him down."

"Morgan?" The man turns around, seeing Morgan approaching them. Not running but also not walking like he has much time. "Is he here with you?"

"Yes."

"Okay, listen buddy I have to go."

"You can meet him!"

"No don't tell him I was here. I was a stranger asking about your dog." And as fast as he was there he was gone again and Morgan was there in front of him, talking to him but not making any sense and Clooney is there. Clooney is there. Clooney is putting pressure on his stomach. He likes that.

"There you go, pretty boy." He is sitting in Morgan's lap now. "That's good, look at you, breathing like the genius you are." He tries cheering him up, his fingers just like this morning running up and down his cheek and Clooney nudges Spencer's hands. "I think someone wants cuddles."

"A stranger asked about my dog."

"He is a cute dog what can I say?"

"A stranger asked about my dog."

"I know, it's nothing to be embarrassed about that that didn't went well."

"A stranger asked about my dog."

"Clooney is fine, come on" Morgan takes Spencer's hand and places it on Clooney's head. "I am sure he just wanted to know something about him."

"My friend."

"Absolutely"

"My friend."

"And what did he do? He protected you nobody will touch you when he is there." Morgan jokes even though its actually true.

He has heard about dogs being sensitive but he always thought people exaggerate to integrate their dogs into their family, but whenever they are out outside of their job, Spencer takes the dog with him and if he gets overwhelmed he will sit down with him or play with the leash.

What Morgan finds the most heartwarming is when he hears Spencer talking to him, full on monologues about everything. About cases, about the team, about his newest hyper fixation, about Morgan when he thinks he isn't around and even sometimes about his family.

The amount of information Morgan got from just standing around the corner is something he is not proud of.

"I am sorry - I just wanted to let you guys now that the lady in the stand put your order in the freezer you can pick it up whenever you are ready. Or I can bring it to you." The women Morgan talked to before he saw Clooney barking at the man offers kindly after approaching them.

"Thank you for telling us." Morgan waits until the women is gone. "You want some cake?" Shyly Spencer nods and ensures Morgan he can be left alone if Clooney stays.

What neither of them expected was that the moment he turns his back around William starts approaching him again and then hands him a business card. "Call me okay?"

He is gone again before Morgan can even get the cake. He isn't suspicious at what happened, interacting with strangers, especially men that are older in physically advanced in comparison to him, does often not end well if no one he knows is with him.

Morgan would go as far as to say he worked out a pattern.

Women are fine unless they are in their fifties and have reddish hair, he assumed that someone this age with this specific hair color at some point in any way harmed him.

Men his age and younger are usually fine unless they are wearing a blue uniform which is unfortunate on the job.

What never plays out are men in their late fortys already having light hair or gray hair just like the man or slightly younger man with brown hair.

Which is a problem because Hotch fits this criteria but its better than in the beginning.

Will went through that too, but they are pretty sure it was the name that caused the panic.

There are a few things that Morgan avoids wearing as well.

For starters grey suits, they tried it multiple times, not working out. It took quite some time to realize that.

Secondly a different cologne. Spencer takes immense comfort in familiar smells, and if Morgan smells different he tends to get a little bit unsettled.

Change in general is not something he appreciates.

In other people it just doesn't fit him but he knows that he is not allowed to be rude because of it and he really tries not to. But he also doesn't understand why he is not allowed to be honest, JJ had cut her hair short a few ago and Spencer had, after she asks what he thinks, told her that she doesn't look as pretty as before and thanks to the aftermath of her pregnancy she just started crying.

He got overwhelmed trying to comfort her because that wasn't what he wanted to do. He awkwardly told her that it will grow back and that people who haven't met her doesn't know that she looked better before and he really tried his best but was just making it worse.

Emily stepped quickly in and sat down with him and not in an offensive way asked why he would say something like this and then proceeded to make it more clear to him by asking him how he would feel if someone said that to him.

When Spencer in the evening prompted how he likes "that there isn't much you can change with your hair" towards Morgan because "people don't know what they want when they ask for an opinion on their hair" he maybe couldn't hold back a laughter.

What Morgan did not in any way put in consideration is his reaction to him shortening Clooney's hair for the summer because when he picked Spencer up from Rossi's in the evening he did not like it at all and it took a long time of him crying and Morgan patiently waiting for him to welcome the dog and Rossi got reminded of the time Spencer lived at his mansion and when almost everything would send him over the edge.

"Here is the ice cake we so well deserve." Having a day off is not something they are used too and for a long time not something Spencer liked and just ignored by coming in with Gideon who never took a day off.

"A stranger came over and asked about my dog."

"I know" Morgan leans down kissing him on the cheek and then hands him his plate.

He improved a lot. Both of them. Spencer in speaking and Morgan in understanding but there are still many things that go missing.

"A stranger came over and asked about my dog."

"What have you got there?" Morgan asks pointing at the cards he holds in his fist.

"What have you got there? A stranger came and asked about my dog." Sceptical Morgan takes the card out of his hand and reads the ingredients.

"A stranger? Are you serious right now?"

"A stranger came and asked about my dog."

"Yeah I don't think so." Morgan holds the card up in front of him. "William Reid? Doesn't sound like a stranger to me."

More chapters:

[silver-spider-art]

Borderlands Head Canons

Okay so I have horrible depression writer's block rn and have been replaying all the borderlands games while also daydreaming all the stories I want to tell with these characters. So I’m just going to write out my head canons for shits and giggles cuz I have a lot of thoughts.

Handsome Jack:

Jack is such a wild card. He’s an overgrown toddler and an impatient genius. Also sexy as hell and a problematic fave. I spend so much time playing the game sassing and back talking him (like he can fucking hear me) but I still adore him. And relistening to some of the dialog lines I’ve built up a variety of head canon and AU ideas for him. 

So canon vs fanon is a little squishy in my head but Moxxi claims his face is plastic surgery and I’m taking that to be more than the mask. He’s definitely ADHD and neurodivergent. Plus a good helping of PTSD and paranoia thanks to Grandma and trauma from his ex-wives. Those are all his starting points but he breaks into 3 categories based on Angel. Bad Dad, Okay Dad, and Good Dad.

Bad Dad is canon and tips the point of no return for Jack’s mental instability when Angel brutally (but accidentally) murders his wife/her mom. Afraid of his own daughter and horribly betrayed and without “the one good force” in his life, he starts down the path of ultimate Sheakspearian self-destruction. All relationships end tragically and he’s his own greatest enemy. As far as the wife goes, I’m 100% that she is on a pedestal in his head and while he can think no ill of her, the relationship wasn’t all roses. 

Okay Dad, in AUs this would be where however his wife died or was lost it didn’t result in his fearing Angel (I normally leave this idea for modern!AUs without Siren powers). He is still overprotective and “doing it for your own good” but without the torture or horrific manipulation. Because of this, while Angel might still resent or hate him, he still has something to live for and is capable of somewhat decent relationships. Still, he rather sucks at it and more often than not is self-destructive. (my fave for writing and reading)

Good Dad, this is a strange and mysterious creature that is nearly unheard of. So often this feels so out of place. So much would have to change to create a catalyst in his life for him to turn out healthy. I mostly see this as a redemption arch thing. Where he might be able to turn it around and make amends given the right people around him. 

The other thing I’ve been growing ever found of is trans!jack. He wears a ridiculous number of layers of clothing which is definitely hiding his soft gut, but I’m very fond of the idea that much of his bragging and defensiveness is overcompensation for his fear and trauma both from childhood abuse and gender. There is quite a bit in game dialog on the Jack vs John thing. For the trans!jack I’m actually loving the idea that when he came out and remade his life, he chose John and was hired in at Hyperion with them only knowing him as John. But as he got more comfortable with his new life (and Tassiter made him start hating his new name) he wanted to reclaim his birth name. That he’s always gone by the nickname Jack (born Jacqueline) and was now confident enough in presenting male (and helped by Nisha) that he would even let friends call him Jackie without feeling less masculine. (super self-indulgent reasonings for this)

Other random head canons, Jack is polysexual and pansexual. He prefers women romantically but usually has longer last relationships with men yet rarely thinks of them in the same light. He’s mostly into women powerful enough to crush him and while he is aggressive and into being on top, he’d make a shit dom. He’s impatient and easily losses himself to pleasure. He is, however, a very good sub but it takes a huge amount of trust for him to allow that. (this is also why he is so angry at his attraction to Rhys. Rhys is a soft nerd who can’t even fire a gun, the exact opposite of Jack’s type and he falls for him anyway.) Jack’s vanity knows no bound and he spends way too much time of his look every morning to look perfectly disheveled and like he doesn’t care. Also extremely attached to his favorite things with huge possessiveness (partially caused by aforementioned childhood trauma). Jack actually likes cats but hates being around then cuz old childhood pain. Jack is also complete and utter crap at taking about his feelings or opening up to people.

Timothy Lawrence: 

So for dear Tim, my beloved favorite, I have 2 main categories, canon doppelganger or au brother. 

Doppelganger: needing money he took a job as Jack’s body double and had plastic surgery to look like Jack. Depending on Jack (Bad/Okay/Good) his relationship turns out drastically different. 

Bad ending poor Tim gets branded and has to fell his possessive and deranged boss and spends his life masked on Pandora as a mercenary. Always hiding his face for fear of those who want revenge on the man whose face he wears. 

Okay fate, he and Jack are lovers. They fight a lot and Tim’s most often catchphrase is “damn it, Jack” but in the end, Jack is his asshole. Their relationship is polyamorous and stable. But Tim is often in the shadows and overlooked, partially by choice. 

Good end? This is so rare I have no idea.

Twin/Brother: having grown up together they get Jack’s asshole and abusing Grandmother and Tim’s “laughs at your death” mother. Having one family member and someone he can always fall back on to help him and someone to be a hero for, Jack never goes full Bad ending. Despite all their fighting and issues, they balance each other out. Always falls in the Okay category of Jack’s relationship to Angel. 

But I’ve been working out the redemption arch to lead to a Good Dad ending. Jack actually being self-sacrificing for once and giving up something he wants for his brother's happiness. One idea is that both he and Tim are both pursuing Rhys but after some inciting incidents, Jack comes to realize that his family and friends are happier with Rhys in their lives and Jack knows that he’ll just ruin it like he’d started to do. I can see this beautiful scene of Jack seeing Tim and Rhys talk at a party and seeing Angel come up to join them. His heart aches because he wants that to be himself in Tim’s place but knows it would never happen. That in the end, he’s poison. So he chooses to give up. To let that peaceful scene be reality. That he can accept his claim on Rhys just being as family and not as lover. And that moment of clarity and change of focus helps get him on the path to repairing his relationship with Angel and his brother. Never a smooth ride and he fails a lot, but it does get better.

But back to Tim. 

Tim/Rhys is life. I love these two together like nothing else. Jack/Tim and Jack/Rhys is always unstable and huge potential for unhealthy. But Tim/Rhys is heaven and precious and good.

Tim loves cats and sweaters. He wants to write an epic fantasy story but has no faith in his abilities. He’s anxious and terrified of heights but he will be it anyway even while white with fear. He has a huge cybernetic kink he doesn’t want to admit to. Tim dated Wilhelm until the end and still deeply cares for the huge quiet man. While Tim dislikes blood and guts, he found he was actually really good and fighting. After he started the body double gig he got swoll and has stayed in shape since (his own vanity showing). He’s covered in freckles and tans dark in the sun. His voice can be very awkward and scratchy but confidence and vocal training helps that in the non-canon or modern!au settings. Tim is a much better fighter than Jack and can handle any weapon thrown into his hands (I mean just look at his skill tree in game) but he always holds himself back outside of combat and thinks of himself as weak. Despite his skill, he lacks confidence and in the bad endings always believes Jack is actually stronger than him.

Rhys:

My boy. Rhys is trans and autistic. He works very hard to make sure it doesn’t show. He volunteered to get the eye and experimental echo port in order to help compensate for his mental limitations and further enhance his positive skills. His cybernetic arm was also technically voluntary and for badass points he always claims so, but he wasn’t giving up a “perfectly good arm” but a barely functioning arm that always caused him chronic pain due to a poorly healed childhood injury. He stared in Data Mining and while he refused to act in violence to advance, Rhys has very gray morals and had done plenty of shady things to advance in Hyperion. He never had a problem with killing in the vague sense, just not wanting to get his hands dirty directly. This does change slowly, but he still hates guns. They are just very hard for him. When he must fight, melee is the way he goes. Rhys got his chest tattoos after his top surgery to disguise the scars. like his flashy cybernetics, his main goals are “if I have to stand out I want them looking at me because I’m too pretty to look away from”. He tries to fake it till he makes it with confidence even when he has no idea what’s happening. 

He always looks everything up on the EchoNet and panics when his connection to it is cut off. It’s his safety net/blanket in many ways. The more the situation is out of control and not following his plan, the more his anxieties act up and leave him vulnerable. This is how Jack easily manipulates him when everything is going to hell. He needs more time to think through things then the chaos of Pandora allowed. Once he’s used to the wasteland and it’s people, this is less of an issue. (Hyperion Rhys vs Atlas Rhys)

His special interests are colorful socks, Handsome Jack (he regrets that deeply after meeting the man), and his new interest is A.I.s. Though Rhys is very into his cybernetics and has moded them some, he can’t build them. His skills are haking, programming, and coding. His old goals where to get a job in digital security or programming once he could get out of data mining. Now as Atlas CEO his pet project has been building and refining A.I.

Random: Rhys is bisexual and leans a bit poly. He is sex positive but doesn’t have to have it in a relationship. He will follow along with most all his partner's kinks as it’s most important for him that they are having fun together. Soft fluff and cuddles are what he lives for though. (everything about this is super self-indulgent)

Angel:

Angel is autistic. It puts her in an especially dangerous/vulnerable position with her powers and Bad Dad Jack doesn’t know what to do with her without his wife to help. He loves his baby girl dearly, but he’s lost and doesn’t know how to help her. In the end, he uses her to fuel his own obsessions and the veneer of childhood is stripped from her eyes as resentment sets in. She lost her father long ago and now only wants release. Like Tim, she could have tried to kill him herself, but while she can and does betray him, he’s still her father in the end.

Okay Dad Jack, (mostly modern!aus) struggles with how to raise Angel but genuinely tries his best. His second marriage was entirely to have a mom for her, knowing he was a shit parent. That wasn’t a good marriage and Angel still didn’t get a mom out of it. Angel goes up angry and resentful of her dad and often refuses to call him anything but Jack. She’s angry that he still treats her like a child. She can’t live on her own and needs assistance in common tasks due to her limitations, but can’t stand being treated childishly like his always buying her unicorn themed things and his insistence on not swearing. She struggles to understand that Jack needs these things for himself too and they both just suck at communicating to each other. They circle around each other, in a strange dance, more like roommates than family. Angel works for Jack as his security expert and hacker/spy. She was instrumental in him taking over Hyperion.

Good Dad... like beforementioned, this is hardly a thing. The good times are mostly in her early youth.

Angel is a lesbian and in okay or good settings falls for Gaige. Jack is very not okay with his daughter dating an openly Anarchist Anti-Cooperate Terrorist who has built death machines. They met online and spend nearly every night having hour long conversations. Gaige makes her feel more normal and nonbroken than anything else in her life ever has.

Random:

Tiny Tina is trans. I read this in a fic and it’s just canon now.

Zer0 is a nonbinary cyborg. They have had most of their body replaced and generally don’t want to be human, so they took matters into hand to make that happen. They feel kinship for Rhys because of this and are growing fond of the awkward man and proud of his bravery foolishness for going into battle despite having no skill. Zer0 and Tim fight well side by side but they do NOT get along outside of combat.

Nisha is aromantic and pansexual and only doms. Her whip very much is used in the bedroom. She and Jack are always off again on again.

Maya is aro/ace and a total badass.

Sasha and Rhys date for a while but end it mutually finding they fit better as friends than lovers.

Gaige helps Rhys make his new cybernetics and he has to argue with her to not install more than one weapon in the new arm or lasers in his eye.

Wilhelm was always going to die of Bone Waste and the surgeries and cybernetics were just delaying the inevitable. Jack set him up to die, but it was willingly on Wil’s part because he didn’t want to die in a hospital but in a huge and epic fight that would be the stuff of legends. 

Vaughn is aromantic and sex nonpulsed and he and Rhys are platonic bros for life. Rhys is 100% okay with this and anyone else in his life has to accept his deep love for his bro.

(I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot, but this is long enough for now, oops)