#failure life newblog teacher girlfriend funny snowday

[captainlulueliz-blog]

My Life

and why I need to start a blog.

Growing up, I was that typical bossy, annoying, snotty brat. When I didn’t get my way; I cried, pouted and did almost anything I could think of to deal with the emotional stress of being let down. 

Sadly, I carry this with me today. 

My parents passed away at a young age, and I didn’t forgive them for it. Obviously you can’t blame someone else for getting cancer then dying, right? But my emotional instability stems from the fact that they left me before I was ready. People often say that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Obviously I can handle a lot to have been put in that emotional sinkhole when I was 9 and then again when I was 15. Being the older sibling I decided that I needed to be there for my family and hold it together for my little brother instead of being selfish and grieving appropriately. 

This lack of grieving led me down a long path of life with anxious feeling of “everyone is going to leave me”. Separation Anxiety, if you will. Obviously no one wants to date someone who has Separation Anxiety. It goes well for a few months, until it doesn’t. That's why I am complete SHIT as a girlfriend. I am perfect, independent, not clingy or needy... until my attitude and demanding nature and type A personality get to be too much for him and he decides to become distant. The more distant a person becomes, the more I hold on, and the more they pull away. Then they find console in another girl and I finally look like an idiot for not knowing about it in the first place because I was so jaded that I thought things might actually be going well. 

The one thing I have ever felt successful at was my job, but even then, I don’t always feel that way. I thrive on praise. Its funny that I do because I don’t really give into positive reinforcement with my students. I am a teacher, I like to think I am a darn good teacher, too! I am smart, caring, giving, loving, and friendly. I lack some sternness, and my kids tend to walk over top of me and are always too chatty, because I let it go too long at the beginning of the year, and when I finally get sick of it I am screaming but then its like February and its really too late. I feel I am an amazing teacher, until parents get involved. I love parents, like most teachers, when they are supportive of you. Parents who think their child is innocent and could do no wrong, or who like to challenge you and think they can teach better than you. You, who has a masters degree and went to school for 5 years specifically to teach their darling little children. Specifically the shipyard worker who had 2 years at the apprentice school, you can certainly come in and tell me how to do my job. Those parents make me roll my eyes. 

Maybe this blog is a way to help me cope with the pain of my failing life, or maybe its just to make a joke out of everything that seems to be going wrong today. 

On another note, I have been out of work, FOREVER and I am going stir crazy. Please send help.  SOS.