#far too young to be dealing with any of it. multitasking worrying about a spanish test & trying not to kill yourself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

orcelito · 2 years

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angst digging turned into genuine enjoyment of seeing the kind of kid i was back then. hyperactive, dramatic, funny... and also so achingly sad. there’s a special kind of melancholy that comes from seeing a kid being very goofy then in the next breath genuinely fantasizing about being struck by lightning. it makes my heart ache for the lost joy of the time.

#speculation nation #i can be a little hyperactive sometimes still. jokingly dramatic. and maybe even a bit funny #but from my posts back then it seemed like i was bouncing off the walls 24/7 #but it's so heart wrenching to see this 18 year old being completely jovial #then turning around and making deep posts about how awful i felt about my life #things still arent perfect. but i wish i could just #reach through time. cup the face of littler me. and tell them It Will Be Okay #it all feels so horrible and dramatic when youre in the midst of it all #far too young to be dealing with any of it. multitasking worrying about a spanish test & trying not to kill yourself #i was so convinced that i was a bad person. *they* convinced me i was a bad person.#but i was just a struggling teen. i wish i had even a fraction of the compassion i now feel for myself back then #sometimes i can still be a little hard on myself. but then i remember how things were #and as obnoxious as i ultimately was. i love that little twerp.#this began as an angst dive but has devolved into me really realizing how much i love myself #it's easier to feel love for the past me. for the me so young. but they're still with me in the end #im a different person. but not That different.#i'll keep going. make a life for us that little me could be proud of.#suicide ment/

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