#but i was just a struggling teen. i wish i had even a fraction of the compassion i now feel for myself back then

[orcelito]

angst digging turned into genuine enjoyment of seeing the kind of kid i was back then. hyperactive, dramatic, funny... and also so achingly sad. there’s a special kind of melancholy that comes from seeing a kid being very goofy then in the next breath genuinely fantasizing about being struck by lightning. it makes my heart ache for the lost joy of the time. 

[thetargaryenbride]

You Are Worth It [Levi x Reader]

Summary: You were ready to do anything for this man and if that meant defending him from your own comrades, then so be it.

Set before and during the No Regrets OVA

This is for @vennilavee  ‘s Writing Challange. I had fun writing~ 

This scenario is actually a part of my OC’s story BUT I decided to change it up a bit here and there and make it into a Levi x Reader instead. Enjoy!

Word Count: 7646

Warnings: Violence, Vulgarity, Profanity, some gore, some harassment

Pairing: Levi x Fem!Reader

Feedback is deeply appreciated~!

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❅

The Underground.

It was a foul place – lawless – full of thugs, drunkards and creeps. Unfortunately, it was also the home of women who most of the time had no other choice but to sell themselves, it was the home of sick people who only wished to glimpse the sun, and it was the home of malnourished orphans who died like flies in the dirty streets. And nobody was doing anything to help those in need.

Nobody but you.

You remembered the first time you set foot in the Underground. You were just but a little girl, holding tightly your step-mother’s hand as she made her way through the muddy streets, not caring whether her dress would get dirtied. You smiled fondly at the memory. Your step-mother’s friend had lost the rights to her citizenship and was hurdled into the clutches of the Kingdom of Shadows, being forced to work as a prostitute. But the two women kept being friends and your step-mother frequently visited to bring her food. You went only once but it was more than enough to break the pretty picture you’ve imagined – of a place safely tucked below the Inner Walls, with glowing crystals and beautifully shaped stalagmites. It was a hellhole.

You still thought of yourself as a little, naïve girl. You blamed your parents’ coddling. You were supposed to be more aware of the real world as a teen and almost young adult. You wanted to know the truth and the horrors that accompanied each day. That was one of the reasons you also wanted to join the Survey Corps. But you had promised to yourself that you’d join after you face the hell that is the Underground and after you offer some help to those who need it. After all, how could you fight and protect people from the Titans, if you couldn’t even protect them from fellow humans?

“Listen now, little lady, I know that you wanna do some charity shit down here but we also have work to do instead of escorting you. Just because your father is the Deputy Commander-,” grumbled the Military Police soldier from behind you but you didn’t pay him any attention. Instead, your ears strained to hear another sound – a child crying. You hushed the soldier and before he had the chance to give you some scathing remark, you walked away from him and towards the sound. The alleys were too narrow and the repugnant smell of piss and alcohol was heavy in the air but you tried your best to ignore it and kept walking. Turning right, then left, you came to a dead end. And there it was – the child – crouching on the ground with his knees pressed to his chest and little hands rubbing at his eyes.

You approached slowly and knelt down, your gown puddling all around you, the light blue fabric immediately getting mudded and dirtied.

“It’s all right. I’m here. No one is going to hurt you. I got some food too,” you spoke gently as to not startle him as your hand took out an apple from your bag and handed it to the child. He looked at you with big eyes and you offered an encouraging smile. That smile fell off your face the second you heard the clicking of a gun right behind your head. It pressed against you roughly, almost ruining your perfect bun. The child simply stood up and ran away.

“Now, don’t move, pretty thing. We don’t want to accidentally blast your head, do we?” came in a man’s gravelly voice, sending shivers down your spine. You dared not move as you felt him getting closer, his breath tickling your neck. “Ya better get those money ready, lass," he hissed out and you willed your body to stop shaking. It was impossible. Were you going to go out like this? Murdered by some thugs? Were you going to rot in this very same alley? Before you got the chance to see the outside world?

There was a swooshing sound. You closed your eyes, anticipating the worst, but then strangled grunts and coughing was heard, making you snap your head in the direction of the sound. Your eyes widened as you saw the two men fall dead on the ground, clothes soaking with the crimson blood that leaked from their throats, some managing to drop onto your cheek. Your eyes focused on a third man who was cleaning his knife. He didn’t pay you attention as he pocketed it and turned his back on you, ready to walk away.

“W-wait!” you called out and he halted. Let me at least see your face. Let me at least learn your name. “You saved me… I-“ you stuttered out but he interrupted you roughly, turning around to look you in the eyes. He was the most handsome man you’ve laid eyes on. The pampered, powdered noble boys couldn’t hold a candle to his rugged looks and the aura he was giving off. He had raven hair, locks falling around his eyes, pale skin and sharp eyes the color of a stormy sky. His clothes were a little bit baggy but even like this you could tell his body was built nicely so you assumed that he was a thug as well. Speaking of clothes, his were way too clean and pristine for someone living in such a filthy place.

“Don’t waste your breath. Go back upstairs to your gold and fine porcelain. You don’t belong here,” he spat out and your eyebrows furrowed as you slowly stood up, coming face to face with him.

“I’m sorry but you can’t say where I do or do not belong to. Maybe I don’t really fancy the world you speak of,” you told him firmly and his gaze lingered on your for awhile.

“You’re a lunatic then,” were his last words before he walked away.

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You didn’t listen to the man. One bad experience and some rude words weren’t enough to convince you otherwise. In fact, that made you more stubborn and you soon found your way in the Underground once again. This time you carried a knife. Your grandfather had taught you how to throw them and you regretted not bringing one last time.

The day passed by in a blur. The heavy bag full of bread and left-over pastries from your family’s bakery was now empty and you were ready to head back home and take a long bath. But you stopped when you heard a commotion. You bit your lip. You didn’t want to risk getting caught up in something again. But your heart was beating faster and your body felt warmer the closer the sound got and you supposed that there was some supernatural force that was pulling you towards it. Soon enough, you found yourself in the midst of a brutal brawl. The same guy who saved you a few days ago was being ganged up on. He was surprisingly holding his ground, sending lethal punches and kicks his enemies’ way. But you should’ve known they would fight dirty as one of the members sneaked behind the guy and prepared to shoot him in the back.

Your body moved before you even ordered it to, hand grabbing the knife hidden in the pocket of your dress and throwing it. It embedded into the head of the thug and he fell. Everything stopped for awhile. You could see the two members of the group looking at you with both shock and rage. You could see the surprised expression on the guy’s face, his arm up in mid-punch. Then there was a bang and you felt a searing pain in your middle region. Your vision blurred and the last thing you saw was the guy who saved you pummel the remaining members of the gang to death and scream something at you.

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When your eyes fluttered open, they saw an unfamiliar ceiling. Your first instinct was to stand up and run but your body was too tired and the only thing you managed to do was shift and move your head.

“Finally awake?” came in a voice and you gasped as you saw the same guy. Had he saved you? What exactly happened in the first place? You wanted to ask him multiple questions but the one you settled on was:

“Are you all right?”

He shot you an incredulous look.

“You were the one who got shot, dumbass. Worry about yourself,” he grumbled, furrowing his brows and you let out a weak chuckle.

“You are right… You know, we’ve saved each other’s lives so many times already and yet I do not know your name.”

“It’s Levi,” he answered your silent question and you smiled as bright as you could.

“Nice to meet you, Levi! My name is Y/N! Y/F/N!”

His eyes widened a fraction as he stared at you, a spark of what seemed to be recognition, relief and even fondness could be seen deep within. He uncrossed his arms and walked out of the room. You counted the minutes awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers or clenching and unclenching the sheets, before you finally decided to sit up. It was a struggle. The bullet had got you in the upper stomach but apparently he had nursed you back to health. You noticed that your torso was neatly covered in clean bandages as the blankets slid down a bit, making you shiver at the bareness of your arms. You blushed at the thought of him seeing you like this but nothing could be done. And you didn’t care that much about dignity and nudity when it came down to saving lives – others’ or your own.

Your thoughts were interrupted when he walked in the room, carrying a plate with peeled and sliced apples. For a moment, he stood by the doorframe simply watching you, before he made his way towards you and sat on the corner of the bed, placing the plate on your lap and outstretching his other hand. Your eyes fell on what he was holding and you gasped as memories from years ago flooded you.  

The day when you had been so curious you had begged your step-mother to take you with her. She had agreed and you had made your way to the Underground. You had stuck close to her as she walked into what you now knew was a brothel.

❅ 

“Carol! It’s so good to see you!” exclaimed your step-mom and the other woman chuckled as she gave her a hug.

“You didn’t have to bring so much food again. I’m so grateful to have you.”

You smiled as you watched the two women converse but your attention was stolen by a figure in your periphery vision, making you completely turn around. It was a boy. He didn’t seem to be much older than you. He was wearing a ragged shirt that reached his knees and some worn out pants but his hair looked clean and neatly cut. He watched you shyly, interest sparkling in his eyes as he took in your appearance. He had probably never seen a noble in such a place. You smiled and waved at him and he mirrored you after his hesitation worn off. You took a few steps forward and smiled brightly at him.

“Hi, there! What is your name?”

“Levi,” he uttered and you put your hands on your hips. You probably looked ridiculous – a child with lots of baby fat, trying to look and give off a motherly aura.

“You are very thin, Levi. That just can’t do!” you exclaimed in disapproval as you reached into the bag of food your step-mom had brought, taking out a few apples and placing them in your white apron. You neared the boy and beckoned him to take them. “Here, take these! Dad always says that an apple a day keeps the doctor away!” you grinned.

He gulped and his hands trembled a bit when he took the fruits from you, eyes gazing into your own with such gratitude and respect. And because you were so focused on his features, you noticed some smudged dirt on his left cheek. You clicked your tongue as you grabbed a handkerchief from your pocket and proceeded to wipe his face since his arms were busy balancing the apples from falling out of his grip.

“You got some dirt here. It’s very important to stay clean, you know,” you told him gently and he nodded.

“My mother says the same,” he whispered and you smiled as you tucked your handkerchief in his pocket.

“Then you keep this and make sure to stay clean,” you smiled at him before your step-mom called you and you had to bid him goodbye.

“Wait!” he called out and you looked at him over your shoulder. “What’s your name?” he asked timidly and you grinned at him again.

“Y/N! Y/F/N! It was nice meeting you, Levi! I hope we can meet again!”

❅

But you never met him again. When next time your step-mom had returned from her visit and you had asked about the boy, she said he was nowhere to be found but there was a rumor that one of the women working there had passed away and her child had disappeared.

“We meet again,” you sent him a watery smile as tears gathered in the corner of your eyes. You didn’t know why, they just did. You never pegged yourself as an overly emotional person but life was a mysterious companion.

“Yeah,” drawled the man quietly and for the first time since you’ve met, that permanent frown was replaced by a small, soft smile.

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Since that fateful meeting, your visits to the Underground became more frequent. You didn’t only want to do charity but you wanted to visit Levi. He told you to not come back. That it was dangerous. But you didn’t listen. You wore simpler dresses – not the big, intricate gowns. You tied your hair in a simple ponytail or bun – not the stylish hairstyles screaming that their bearer was a noblewoman. You usually never wore jewelry with the exception of the earrings your step-mother had gifted you, but you took them off during your visits, trying to blend in the best way possible. Of course, you were a woman, therefore it was only natural to attract creeps. But you managed to deal with them. You just wanted to help children and see Levi. Was it that much to ask?

“Eeh! There is a body of water this huge? And full of salt!? I cannot believe it!” exclaimed Farlan.

“It’s true! It’s written in a book that’s been banned by the government! Why do you think they banned it if it wasn’t true!?” you shot back.

“So, you mean to tell us that there are also fields of sand and multicolored lights in the sky in North?”asked Levi while he was focusing on polishing his knife.

“I know it may sound too incredible to believe but I know it’s the truth! I just know it! And I’ll go beyond the walls and see it for myself!” you grinned enthusiastically and Levi’s eyes moved from the knife and onto your form, one eyebrow raised in both question and challenge.

“Hooh? And how are you going to do that? By going on lavishing balls in Mitras?”

“By joining the Survey Corps!” you declared and the silence became so heavy that you could cut it with a dull knife. And suddenly, all hell broke loose.

“What?! Are you insane!? You actually want to join them and go fight titans?!” shouted Farlan as he stood up from his chair and you mirrored him, crossing your arms.

“I’d pick the titans ten times over the political wars we’re waging in the capital and all the hypocrisy and backstabbing!”

“You’re gonna get eaten! Do you really want to face such a death?!”

Their shouting match was interrupted by Levi’s almost frighteningly low tone, making them sweat and gulp.

“Oi, brat... Tell me you’re not serious… Tell me you’re just…in a phase or something,” he said as he put the knife on the table, his attention now fully on you. You sighed as you slowly sat back down on the sofa, a sad smile gracing your features as you looked at the two men. You contemplated but in the end you decided that you had to tell them.

“I’ve been serious ever since I saw my mother get eaten years ago,” you confessed and their eyes widened.

“What?” stuttered out Farlan as he slumped back down on the chair.

“I haven’t told you, have I? I was…five when mom…snapped, for a lack of better word… She told me that she wanted to see the outside world and I… I was so excited!” you gripped the fabric of your dress so tight that your knuckles turned white. “We sneaked outside the walls and… I was saved just on time by a Survey Corps soldier… My mom on the other hand,” you uttered, biting the inside of your cheek until it bled. “Shiganshina will always be my hometown. I can’t stay in Mitras. I can’t! My place is not inside the walls.”

“I thought you were… noble,” murmured Farlan and you chuckled.

“That’s half the truth. My father IS the Deputy Commander of the Military Police. Even before that, he was rich and powerful, coming from a family full of soldiers and nobles. The most respected family… One day he met my mom in Shiganshina. He was already married at the time but… One thing led to another and…here I stand,” you explained. “He would send money but I never saw him until…that day,” you gulped but the pain and bad memories were replaced by determination and bravery.

“I’ll join the Survey Corps. I’ll see the outside world. And I swear to you, once I am capable, I’ll get you two citizenship. I won’t let you rot in here,” you stated firmly and the men could only stare at you with both concern and fondness.  

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In the end, you did exactly what you wanted. You joined the Survey Corps after graduating top of your class. At first you were placed in Ness’ squad but after your first expedition and after you showed incredible skills and potential, you were moved to Erwin’s squad. You proved how great of a strategist you were and you showed them your political skills when it came to dealing with the Royal Assembly. That gained you lots of respect from the higher ups within the Survey Corps. You also built a name for yourself as Humanity’s fastest because all fellow soldiers who’ve seen you fight, including veterans, have said that there was no one faster. You didn’t brag though.  

Now, a year later, you were a squad leader yourself and there were rumors that you would be promoted to Captain. You smiled at the thought. You pushed your body and mentality way over the limits to prove yourself worthy as fast and as efficient as possible in order to gain a title – to gain power – because thanks to that it would be easier to save them.

Just hang on for a bit more, Farlan, Levi. I’ll soon be able to get you out of that hole.

Flagon’s fist hit the table as he growled in irritation, interrupting your thought process.

“Quite frankly, this is humiliating!”

“I couldn’t agree more,” nodded another Section Commander by the name of Deckan Caddel. His demeanor seemed calm but his eyes were glinting with a murderous intent. You never liked him. Sure, he was great soldier. But he joined purely out of revenge and bloodlust – because his father was eaten. He didn’t care about protecting Humanity. In fact, he always had such disregard for people, especially those who weren’t from Wall Sina like himself.

“Are you honestly telling us, who have always held formality in high regard, to accept a bunch of criminals?”

You had half a mind to tell him to chill the fuck out but you bit your tongue. Flagon was a good guy beneath his prejudices.

After discussing the newly recruited members and the formation that Erwin suggested, the meeting was over and everyone left. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Deckan ogling you before he walked off. You narrowed your eyes but brushed it off as you made your way to the private quarters aligned with your office and prepared for bed. Tomorrow morning the said criminals would be introduced to the others and it will be decided in which squad they would be put on.

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You were…shocked. The criminals everyone were talking about were none other than Levi and Farlan accompanied by a younger girl. Your mind didn’t even comprehend Commander Shadis’ words or the trio’s introduction. You were too busy staring at them, still unable to process that they were here, donning the noble uniform of the Survey Corps. You gulped down the tears threatening to spill and patiently waited for the introduction to be over. While Flagon was busy with subtly expressing his disdain of the three being placed on his squad and sending sharp glances Erwin’s way, you finally managed to gather the strength to come closer and into their line of sight.

The moment Levi’s eyes clashed with yours, you felt like crying and running to embrace him. Your heart started beating faster and your body warmed up after feeling so cold for literal ages. You didn’t know how this man; why this man; had such an effect on you…but you loved it.

His eyes widened and he subtly elbowed Farlan whose attention shifted to where he was looking at. He wasn’t as subtle as Levi though and his reaction was quite open as he pretty much gawked at you. Both men’s eyes shone brightly with fondness and relief.

Even when everyone were dismissed and allowed to go back to their own business, you didn’t. You quietly followed after Flagon as he walked the new recruits to the barracks.

“You two men will sleep here,” you could hear Flagon instructing them from your place in the hallway. “You lot have been living in the dumps of the Underground but do try to keep this place clean,” your eyes widened comically and you almost choked on thin air. Just as you supposed, Levi’s outraged “huh?” followed right away and he neared Flagon threateningly, breaking his personal bubble.

“W-what’s with that look?” stuttered out the man and you decided to intervene before it had gotten out of control.

“Now, now, Flagon, you used to sleep in those barracks too. But you’ve probably forgotten that they always have been dirty,” came in your voice, making everyone’s heads snap to your direction. Farlan’s lips twitched in a smile but Levi’s face was composed. Flagon clicked his tongue.

“And what are you doing here, Y/L/N?” he asked with a sigh and you shrugged, fully entering the room.

“I just came here to make sure you don’t start a fire or something,” you shot back teasingly and he rolled his eyes before turning his back on everyone.

“I’ll leave you to it. And next time don’t try to approach a commanding officer with such attitude. Maybe Y/N will be able to teach you some manners,” snapped Flagon and Farlan tried to salute respectfully.

“Yes, sir!”

“Your hand’s upside-down! You begin training early tomorrow! I expect you to be punctual!”

The moment Flagon was out of sight and earshot you didn’t hesitate to throw yourself at the two men, hugging them tightly. Farlan was quick to return the embrace but Levi froze for awhile, hesitating, before he awkwardly patted your head as you sobbed.

“It’s you! I can’t believe it!” you pulled away and took a good look at them. “You seem healthy. I’m so happy to see you! I still can’t believe that it’s you who Erwin recruited. He must have seen incredible potential! We have so much to talk about-“ your rambling was interrupted by a coughing, making you face the redheaded girl.

“I think we haven’t officially met! My name’s Isabel Magnolia! Nice to meetcha!” grinned the girl and you smiled at her, shaking her hand.

“My name is Y/F/N. It’s pleasure meeting you! You are probably confused as to how we know one another but I’ll tell you everything!” you hooked your arm around hers and tugged her towards the door. “I’ll show you to the girls’ barracks and,” your gaze flickered to the boys, finding Levi’s and holding his for awhile. “I hope I’ll see you two shortly.”

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You had talked to Isabel until the late hours, telling her about your background, about how you met Levi and Farlan, about your life in the Training Corps and then as a soldier in the Survey Corps. There was so much to talk about and you really wanted to make friends with her since she seemed to be someone very important to Levi and Farlan.

The next day had rolled fast and before you knew it, everyone were up and about – training. The three newbies were to be evaluated today – their skills tested.  

Levi was walking amongst the horses, mind wandering off to the mission at hand. If he wanted it to be successful, he had to play by the Survey Corps rules and one of them was to learn how to ride. Isabel had no problem with it. She seemed to be natural. Then again she has always been an animal lover so he wasn’t surprised at how fast she grasped horse riding. Farlan had some troubles with the horse he had chosen, the mare too feisty for him to handle. And Levi? Well, he still hasn’t chosen one.

“I think she likes you,” came in your gentle tone and he sighed, grateful for the momentary distraction. You came to stand beside him and before he could ask, you pointed ahead, making him focus his vision onto the beautiful black mare that was intently staring at him.

“You know, it’s not only you choosing the horse. The horse has to choose you too,” you told him as you both approached the mare and Levi slowly outstretched his hand, allowing the animal to sniff him before licking it. He smiled when she nudged his hand, beckoning him to caress her.

“Her name is Danika. I raised her,” you smiled and he lifted his eyebrows. “And this is Astaroth. My partner,” you grinned as you pointed to the horse right next to Danika. He was the biggest horse Levi has seen amongst all Survey Corps horses and the only one with such unique coloration.

“He seems a bit…different than the rest,” he mused and you hummed in agreement.

“They had found him outside the walls a bit before I joined. When I tell you he was wild, I mean it. They hadn’t been able to tame him never mind how many times they tried. Then I came and tried. My way. And it worked. He became my partner since then. He’s the strongest and fastest horse in the SC history. Trust me, it’s not easy riding him into battle sometimes but I’ve grown used to it,” you explained and he huffed.

“It’s not only about growing used to it. You yourself are probably a great rider. A natural,” he commented and you shrugged.

“Maybe…Say, do you want to ride together?” you asked and he nodded.

“Sure.”

That’s how you found yourselves riding the horses deep into the forest and away from all the ruckus in the training grounds. You wanted Levi to truly feel and experience the riding and bond with his horse which took some time instead of immediately jumping onto the animal and rushing it into gallop like what most did. And while the silence was comforting, you decided to break it.

“One of the perks about being a part of the Survey Corps is that you get to live surrounded by nature. Just look at it. Look how beautiful and peaceful it is. Fields upon fields and forests upon forest. So much greenery and beauty,” you sighed dreamily and Levi hummed in agreement.

“It’s not bad.”

“At the same time if you get tired of the peace and quiet, you can just roam the halls of the castle or the training grounds and sink into the pleasant noise of soldiers chattering, laughing, eating and training together,” you smiled as you looked at the man. The green shadows the trees cast upon him and the flickering-through-the-trees light bathing him made him look so beautiful, so relaxed…so gentle. Then your thoughts wandered off to a place deeper and darker.

“I still can’t believe that you’re here. That you chose to join the Survey Corps… I’ll be honest with you. I don’t think you guys are ready to be soldiers. Not yet. You need so much training and the expedition is too soon and,” you realized you were rambling so you took a breath and exhaled slowly. “I just…I just feel like Erwin’s offer and your decision will bring some catastrophic consequences. I trust my intuition. It has never failed me.”

“A bit too late for that now,” huffed the man and you bit your lip.

“Why didn’t you wait a bit more for me? I’m sure you calculated almost three years in the Training Corps and then one or so more until I get a higher rank-“

“I thought you were dead,” he interrupted you with a soft, heavy tone that surprised you.

“Eh?”

“There were a few times when I would overhear the MP soldiers talking. They spoke of failed expeditions and death. They mentioned you too. Humanity’s Fastest, huh?” he shot you a wry smile and you blushed but held his gaze as he kept talking, the smile turning into frown. “Not long after, I heard them talking about a particularly nasty expedition that resulted in lots of death. That even you weren’t fast enough to escape.”

“Oh, Levi…It’s…It’s my fault for not finding a way to contact you. Trusting someone blindly and waiting for years is just…not possible or rational,” you looked away and squeezed your eyes, your grip on the reins tightening. Levi shook his head.

“I don’t blame you. It’s not like you could’ve come visit personally or sent letters. So you don’t blame yourself either, brat.”

The following weeks were a pure bliss. You spent all your free time with Levi, Farlan and Isabel, filling them in on everything that had happened throughout the years and helping them adjust to the world above.

But dread came. It came too soon for your liking – in the form of the 23rd Expedition.

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Your squad was mostly responsible for support and defense. Whenever someone shot a black or a purple signal, your squad was to go and assist the squad that had shot the flare.

That’s how you had clashed with Flagon’s squad and you had to combine your strength in order to kill the horde of titans that had appeared suddenly. It was overbearing and a member of your squad was nearly eaten by an abnormal. It was an aggressive abnormal, like nothing you’ve encountered before. Despite the warnings of your squadmates, you had jumped into action, slicing off its hand and entering its mouth in order to grab the girl’s ankle and haul her out. The tongue had been so slippery from the leaking saliva that you had slipped and half of your body had fallen into its mouth. When your arm ceased holding its mouth at bay, it clamped down – not hard enough to snap you in half but hard enough to cut into your meat. Levi had been the one to save you, slashing at the titan and then catching you as you fell once the monster had released you.

Now he was standing awkwardly to the side, fists gripping tightly the handles of the swords, yet shaking, as you were sitting on the ground, back leaning against your horse who had crouched down to serve as your pillar, with the female soldier you had saved wailing and fumbling with the bandages.

“Calm down, dear, it’s not that deep. I just need you to tie the bandages very hard, ok? Like you’re tying a corset,” you encouraged her weakly but her hands seemed to shake even more. Levi tsked as he grabbed them from her hands and shooed her away silently. He grabbed your arm and carefully helped you up, turning you so your back was facing him.

❅

“Wow, Levi, you sure know how to treat gunshot wounds,” you commented as you observed the way he had nursed your injury. It had been a few days since the incident and you were already able to move. The man shrugged.

“Used to it.”

“I have to return home. My family must be worried,” you muttered as you looked apologetically at him. “Do you think you can help me put on my dress? The corset is a pain and it still hurts when I stretch.”

“Tch, come here.”

“Ouch! That’s too tight!”

“Just bear with it.”

❅

He pulled sharply at the bandages, the sound of fabric rubbing harshly against fabric and skin almost sickening as well as the way your waist and belly seemed to become flatter and flatter due to the force and how tight he was tying the bandages around your abdomen. You kept silent. The only thing you allowed were small grunts of discomfort slipping through your lips.

“O-oi, isn’t that too much?” snapped Flagon but you shook your head.

“It’s better than bleeding out. Besides, I need to go to Erwin and the Commander,” you grunted and Flagon furrowed his eyebrows.

“Elaborate.”

“I don’t like this weather. I have a bad feeling about it. It wouldn’t be wise to keep fighting if it starts pouring. It wouldn’t be a problem for the titans but it will be a major hindrance if we cannot see clearly. I’ll go to the center and talk to the Commander,” you explained while Levi finally finished with bandaging you. Your eyes locked and you exchanged gratitude silently. His gaze stayed longer on your form, eyebrows slightly furrowed in concern before he got onto his horse.

“You do have a point. The weather will be very problematic but on the other hand, we cannot cut the expedition so soon. We just left the walls,” reasoned Flagon and you sighed as you climbed on Astaroth. When he felt you on top of him he finally rose to his legs.  

“We can go back and wait until the weather is better, then continue. We are not going to lose anything if we just wait for a bit in Shiganshina.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think that the Royal Assembly will be understanding regarding this matter. They are already up our asses, threatening to defund us at every turn. This will be a good opportunity for them to spit on us yet again,” he growled and you sighed. He had a point, but still…

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about the Royal Assembly. I can deal with them. But I won’t risk the lives of my soldiers and comrades,” you declared firmly and your squad smiled as they looked at you with love and admiration. You were a great leader and you were already thinking and behaving like a Captain. That’s why you were so deserving of this title.

“Let’s go,” you commanded and everyone turned their horses, ready to gallop towards the center.

“Y/N,” Flagon’s voice halted you and you half turned to face him. He had a solemn look on his face. “You can’t save everyone.”

“I can try.”

｡☆ ❅ ★━━━━ ❅ ━━━━★ ❅ ☆｡

Flagon had been right. So right about you not being able to save everyone. You realized that as you stared at Farlan’s body – bitten in half and lying in the mud with his intestines hanging. Or Isabel’s head at Levi’s feet. Flagon and his squad’s bodies were distorted and strewn throughout the field alongside their horses. It was a nightmarish sight to see. Even more so than usual. Who would have known that there would be more aggressive abnormals? You wanted to throw up right here and now but you were too focused on Levi. Levi whose raw, pain-filled, raging screams you had heard just a few minutes ago. Levi who was trying his hardest not to cry, yet his tears were still there mixed with the remnants of the rain droplets. Levi who screamed at Erwin, confessing that his true goal was to kill him before falling to his knees, seemingly giving up on life.

After Erwin spoke to him and left alongside his squad, Levi didn’t move from his position, eyes hidden behind his bangs, but you still knew that they were focused on Isabel’s head, probably flickering onto Farlan. Your squad members looked at you worriedly. You were too still and unresponding. They weren’t used to seeing you like this.

You gulped as you took a few hesitant steps forward, kneeling in the mud beside the broken man. The same man who you now, after this gruesome expedition that almost cost you your life, finally came to realize you held feelings for – feelings stronger than what someone would hold for a friend.

You gently took his bloodied hand and his eyes snapped to you when he finally lifted his head.

“Let’s go home,” you whispered as you sent him a small smile and he lowered his head again. Despite all, he allowed you to hold his hand and help him stand up and lead him to his horse.

The journey back to the walls was silent. Levi was to ride with your squad. You wanted to watch over him. You were at a total loss. You didn’t know what to expect from him. Therefore you didn’t know what would be the best way to comfort him. One thing was for sure. You had to be ready for him acting like a cold dick and trying to push you away. You supposed that with personality like his, that behavior was to be expected.

｡☆ ❅ ★━━━━ ❅ ━━━━★ ❅ ☆｡

And you had been completely wrong. He didn’t do anything like that. He didn’t push you away. He wasn’t cold. In fact, it was the total opposite. He accepted your comfort. He accepted your affection, albeit hesitantly. He allowed you to be near him and make him company. You didn’t talk much. Just being near one another was enough.

He thought that you were the only person he had left now. Like hell was he going to push you away. He wanted to be strong and go through this alone. He didn’t want to burden you with his pain. He knew you were suffering too. Yet deep down he bitterly admitted that he needed you to be there for him. He needed you to hold him. He needed your reassuring words and your company that soothed the aching throb in his soul.

❅ 

“Do you believe in reincarnation, Levi?” you asked him one night as the two of you were seated on the rooftop, staring into the skies.

“I don’t know anymore,” he whispered.

“I do. I believe that this body is just a shell and when it crumbles, our soul leaves and finds another one, either on this world or on another. Just look at the sky! It’s so huge! And I’m sure that there is more behind it, the further you go. Worlds upon worlds,” you smiled breathlessly and he raised his eyebrows, looking at the stars intently, as if trying to see beyond them the worlds you were speaking of. “I like to believe that all my friends who die get reincarnated into a world beautiful and free of titans and get to live normal and happy lives. That’s why I think that there is a certain beauty and relief to death, even if it hurts so much.”

“It doesn’t sound half bad,” he breathed out and you gave him one of those warm smiles that poured light into his heart. The type of smiles that almost had him smile back.

❅

He was probably exaggerating but from now on, you truly were…

His everything.

He didn’t care about anyone else. Why should he? It’s not like they cared either. In fact, they kept calling him a criminal. They kept being rude and condescending, mocking him at every turn. Hange, Erwing and Mike were the only exceptions so far, willing to befriend him and actually putting an effort in doing so. And you of course. The rest of the higher ups kept quiet so he didn’t know how they felt about him. But out of all, there WAS one bastard that just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He always went overboard with his insults and disrespect that even some of the cadets who used to hate Levi thought it was barbaric and had a change of heart regarding the matters.

Yeah. His name?

Deckan Caddel.

But you? You were brilliant. Every time Deckan would insult Levi openly, you would jump in his defense and insult the bastard just as fiercely which would make him glare dangerously at you before storming out. Levi always berated you.

“Tch, I don’t want you getting in trouble, dumbass. It’s not worth it.”

But to you it was more than worth it. So you fought. You fought for Levi.

And everything was good until one night, after waking up from a particularly nasty nightmare, you had rushed out of the comforts of your personal quarters and down the hallways. You wanted to go all the way to the male barracks and seek Levi’s comfort but a figure had halted your journey, making you stumble and almost fall down the stairs if a large hand hadn’t grabbed your arm roughly, shoving you against the stone wall.

“And just where is the little slut going?” taunted Deckan and you wriggled, trying to get out of his grasp.

“Let me go!”

“Nah, I don’t think so. Just who do you think you are, huh, little girl?” his voice sent shivers down your spine as his hands held your wrists so tight you swore you heard the bone crack. “I don’t care whether that sewer rat is your lover or your fuck buddy. You aren’t a Captain yet. So if you continue to oppose me and publically humiliate me just to defend him… I’ll make sure to break the life out of you, you hear me?” he growled as his knee slammed into your abdomen, causing you to groan in pain and cough out bits of blood. Said knee then slid down and came to rest between your legs, pressing onto your crotch and making your eyes widen in panic as your struggling became more fierce. “I’ll break you in every single way,” he drawled and his other hand went to grab your chin, squeezing it tightly. “And then I’ll make sure to suspend you from the Survey Corps,” he spat out and your eyes widened. “Or better yet. Now that I think about it, an accidental fall down the stairs might just do the job for me,” he smirked deviously and you gulped, anticipating his next crazy move.

Before any of you could do anything, a hand shot out from the darkness. It grabbed Deckan’s collar and harshly pulled, causing the man to steer off balance and lose his footing. You watched with a combination of relief and horror how everything happened as if in slow motion – him outstretching his hand in order to grab onto something, his body going further away from you before hitting the stone and proceeding to roll down. A thud was heard some seconds later, followed by a painful groan.

Then the sound of someone’s kick connecting with someone’s jaw echoed through the hallway, finally snapping you out of your stupor as you looked down to see Levi crouching down next to a beaten and bloody Deckan who was barely conscious.

“Touch her again and during the next expedition I’ll personally shove you into a titan’s mouth. I’m done with being silent and taking your shit, you filthy swine,” growled Levi and Deckan could only look in fear through his swollen eyes, barely nodding his head. Levi tsked before he climbed the stairs once again, taking your hand and quickly leading you into your office.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you whispered as he closed and locked the door.

“So I should’ve let that mongrel push you down the stairs?” he spat out and you shook your head. “He deserved what he got. I don’t regret my decision.”

“No, but-“

“Don’t! Just…don’t…” yelled Levi before his voice settled into a pained groan, almost cracking as his head lowered letting the bangs cover his eyes, his body slouching against the door. You knew that look. The vulnerable look. “Please, don’t get hurt…not because of me,” he mumbled. “It’s not worth it.”

You frowned as you approached him. Without hesitation, you took his face into your hands and kissed his forehead before you settled his head onto your chest, arms engulfing his form.

“How many times do I have to say it? I’ll die for you if I have to. Because it is worth it. It is worth it if it’s for your sake,” you whispered into his ear as one hand went to stroke his hair and he relaxed in your embrace, sighing softly as his own arms went around your body, pulling you even closer.

“Live for me instead.”

❅

❅

❅

[themoonlitsojourner]

Chapter 3: Come back home

Gar thought Raven didn't care. And he couldn't fault her for it after what happened when HE wore his heart on his sleeve. But now she's here with him. And he can't believe just how wrong he was.

In the dark room, lit only by fairy lights and the stars on the ceiling, Tara and Gar danced. They swayed back and forth, shuffling their feet in a pattern neither of them quite knew. The way they were dancing wasn’t important, after all. They were content just to be together, no matter what they were doing.

“How’s this for a dance?” Gar grinned. “It’s not exactly prom, but-”

“It’s perfect,” Tara reassured him. With a sigh, she leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He smiled down at her, running his hand lightly through her silky blond hair. “It’s no big deal, really. I’d do a lot more for you.”

When Tara looked up at him, tears shone in her ocean blue eyes. Tears he hadn’t understood at the time, mistaking them for happiness instead of sorrow. For affection instead of the dread of what was to come.

Leaning forward, she kissed him, so softly and sweetly he knew he’d remember that night forever. But like all the others they shared, it wasn’t long before the memory turned bittersweet.

~~~

Gar wakes up slowly. Why rush to return to his empty room and the aching hole in his chest? To the endless rain pouring down both outside his window and in his head?

But this morning is different. Today he awakens to cool jeans under his cheek and a gentle hand resting on his shoulder.

Gar’s eyes flutter open. No, he’s not still dreaming. He’s definitely lying with his head in someone’s lap. And when he cranes his neck to look, he can’t quite believe his eyes.

It’s Raven, of all people, who sleeps propped against the wall, head bowed and hair falling in front of her face, her hand resting on his shoulder. Her lips part slightly as she exhales quietly.

How does she do that? How does she find peace and control, the two things that have eluded Gar all his life? Especially now, when his world has shattered on the ground. He can’t imagine what the inside of his skull must look like right now. He doesn’t need to be an empath to know he’s a mess.

And yet Raven stayed. She pulled the pain from him, despite the havok it must have caused in her mind and the crick she’s totally going to have in her neck when she wakes up. She kept her promise.

Maybe he shouldn’t be so shocked. Maybe he should have a little more faith in his teammate. But honestly… Gar’d always thought Raven didn’t like him. That she only tolerated his presence. It’s why he can’t quite wrap his mind around it now that her actions say differently.

She could have decided to wait out the storm, could have let him push her away like the rest of the Titans. But instead she went miles out of her way to meet him in the dark hole he dug for himself.

When Gar closes his eyes, he can picture how she pulled his grief into herself, face creased in concentration. He can picture the single tear that rolled down her cheek, the first time he’s ever seen her cry. She hurt herself to help him. Why, he has no clue. It’s crazy. He’s lying with his head in her lap, for goodness sake!

I’ve gotta be a real mess if she’s letting me get this close. It’s all he can think of, that he looks so torn apart that she’s taking pity on him. Whatever the reason, he’s grateful.

“Rae.” She doesn’t stir. “It’s morning, sleepy-head.” Gar can’t help smirking. “And I think this is the first time I’ve ever been awake before you.”

“It’ll probably be the last,” Raven mumbles, still half asleep but falling easily into the familiar pattern of their banter. She pulls away from the wall, straightens, and immediately winces. Yup. Crick in the neck. Blinking against the light from the window, her careful gaze scans Gar’s face. Searching for the cracks.

“Are you okay?”

The world roars back to life around Garfield, the pictures and memories he’s desperate to forget flooding in.

“No.” He closes his eyes.

Raven lifts her hand from his shoulder. A pang shoots through Gar’s chest. Time’s up. She’s going to leave now, but he really shouldn’t be surprised. He is surprised she stayed this long though, that she answered a request he had no right to make. What was he thinking, anyway, asking the team empath to keep his chaotic mind company?

Gar’s about to sit up and let her go, and he knows she’s thinking the same thing, when he senses her hesitate. And instead of pushing his head from her lap, she pushes his hair back from his face.

As her cool fingers brush his forehead, Gar means to hold still, to listen to the part of him that’s afraid moving will make her stop. But the other side of him is so much stronger. It’s the part that needs to be reassured and held no matter who’s giving it, the part that’s been touch-starved by the hours locked alone in his room.

So Gar forgets who’s reassuring him and curls into it, seeking out more touch, more comfort. He presses his forehead into Raven’s side, letting her crisp cold wash away the muggy heat of his room.

Until he realizes what he’s doing. Never, in a million years, would Raven let him get this close. He’s totally making her uncomfortable.

You screwed up, you screwed, now she’s definitely going to leave.

But Raven doesn’t push him away. She stiffens, yeah, and she hesitates. Then she continues to stroke his hair. Her movements are awkward and unpracticed (he knows this is way outside her comfort zone), but there’s genuine care behind them. Gar tries not to purr when her fingernails scratch against his scalp in a way all the animal in him likes.

But it only takes a few seconds for reality to set in. Gar can’t ignore it any longer. Raven might be willing to stay and keep him company, but she can’t.

She has to go meditate so she can recharge. She’s told the team over and over that it’s not optional, and despite her incredible mental strength, Gar can feel the strain seeping in. The struggle to keep her mind level and calm after last night’s onslaught of emotions reflects in the tight control of her movements. She has to leave, and he can’t ask her to come back. Not after how much she’s given of herself just to be here.

Not when he isn’t sure if he’s even worth the effort.

“You should probably go.” Gar rolls off her lap.

Raven watches him for a moment, surprise altering her neutral expression and lifting her eyebrows a fraction. Does she think he doesn’t know how much of a toll her powers take on her? Maybe not. He doesn’t exactly act like he’s paying attention most of the time.

Raven’s mask falls back into place and she nods, rising from the bed. Gar looks away as she walks toward the door, unable to watch her go but too scared to admit he doesn’t want to be alone. Too ashamed to ask her to send Vic in. He’d never look at Gar the same way after seeing him like this.

Garfield hears the door swing open, but it doesn’t shut. He glances over to see Raven standing with her hand on the doorknob and studying him. Her eyes soften when he meets them, just the smallest bit.

“You’re not alone, Gar.”

Then she’s gone.

Gar stares at the closed door. You’re not alone. Just like he told her so long ago, back when they were still kids. Before their lives got so complicated and tragic.

What did he know then?

~~~

Garfield stays in his room all day. Despite the stubborn pessimist that she is, Raven hoped he’d reach out if given a little more time and space. That he would let his friends and teammates help instead of locking them out.

Apparently, she should have stuck with pessimism.

Raven has been reading the same line over and over when Victor flops onto the other end of the couch. She doesn’t need to ask where he was.

“This won’t last forever.” She lowers her book to give Victor her best attempt at an encouraging and understanding expression. “He’ll come around.”

Vic doesn’t even look at her. The frustration in his voice isn’t quite able to mask the pain. “You sure?”

Raven doesn’t have an answer.

~~~

It’s not her place and maybe it won’t change anything, but by the time night falls she can’t stand by any longer. If he won’t come out, then she’ll come to him.

Raven steps into Garfield’s room, edging around the pile of dirty laundry. “Victor misses you.”

They all do.

He’s lying in the same position as last time, on his side with his back to the door. Watching the rain that never seems to end. “I think I’ve figured it out.”

Though he can’t see her do it, Raven lifts an eyebrow. “Figured what out?”

“Why you like to be alone. Why you like the quiet. It numbs the pain doesn’t it? Calms the storm inside.” He crosses his arms and pulls his knees to his chest. “It makes it easier not to care. It’s safer that way, isn’t it?

Raven’s skin goes cold. But this time, it’s not because of her powers. It’s fear for Garfield and the way he’s talking. “This isn’t about me. And everything you just said? That’s not you.”

Gar rolls onto his back, cloudy eyes drifting to her face. “I just wanted to say I get it now. I’m sorry I didn’t before.”

This is not a time to freeze up, or wonder why in the world Gar chose to talk to the one person in the tower who is least equipped to help him. This is not a time to wish she’d learned something other than control and magic from Azar, such as how to interact properly with others. No, this is a time for action. To do something, to say something to help her friend. And maybe it won’t help. But Victor’s words echo in her mind.

Will it hurt?

Gar blinks, jaw falling open as Raven kneels beside the bed and lays her head on her arms, tilting it sideways so that she can meet his wide green eyes from the same angle. She needs to be on his level. See things from his perspective, both literally and figuratively.

“Quiet keeps the pain from getting worse. Solitude protects others from the storm.” She shakes her head. “But neither makes it better.”

~~~

Gar has never been this close to Raven before. Even when his head was in her lap she was still “up there,” her face a good two feet away from his. There’s always been a distance between them, both physically and emotionally, one that he could never figure out how to cross.

But now they’re equal, literally seeing eye to eye. Maybe that’s why Gar finds traces of... of feeling on the face he’s always thought battled Cinderblock’s for the title of stoniest. Or maybe the traces were always there. Maybe he just didn’t understand them until now. That’s true of a lot of things, actually.

He never thought of Raven’s distance as protection, both for herself and for her friends. But betrayal and loss really change a guy’s perspective on the world. So does a walk in his teammate’s shadowy shoes and even darker mind. Not that he’d ever tell her he could feel her emotions just as well as she could his when she used her powers to lessen the pain. She’d be mortified.

“I know it’s the last thing you want right now.”

Garfield’s attention flicks back to Rae, noticing the lavender color of her eyes as she speaks.

“But come downstairs. Please.” She drops her gaze, almost… embarrassed?

“Your friends miss you. They need you.”

Need… him? Gar can’t recall anyone ever saying they needed him. During a mission, sure, “Beast Boy, we need you to turn into a dinosaur,” but that’s Beast Boy. No one has ever needed Garfield.

He lowers his ears. “You need me?”

“Yes. We’re not a team without you.”

We. She’s saying we now. And he thought she’d prefer the team without him. Guess I was wrong about a lot of things.

Raven’s voice drops, and Gar knows what she’s about to tell him is important.

“What you said before, about not caring… I’m not supposed to care. It was the one rule I made when I joined the Titans, to protect myself and the others.” She tenses her jaw. “If I didn’t care, there would be fewer emotions to keep under control. And it wouldn’t hurt when the team told me to leave after they found out what I really was.”

As if we’d ever let you leave.

“Yeah. I understand that now.” Gar swallows past the lump in his throat. “It’s pretty smart, even though we’d never do that to you.” If I hadn’t cared about Tara, then I wouldn’t be hurting like this. My heart wouldn’t be shattered on the ground.

“No.” Raven shakes her head, frustration seeping into her voice. “No, it isn’t. That’s not what I’m saying.”

Gar scrunches up his nose, baffled, and she sighs.

“I’m not explaining this right. Garfield…” Her expression softens, and the mask falls away from her face. Completely and entirely. And for the first time, Garfield sees Raven, really sees her. No walls. No sarcasm or deflection. Just Raven, real and complete.

“I do care,” she confesses. “About you, Koriand’r, Victor, and Richard.” She looks away. “I care a lot. When it comes to the team, I’ve found it’s impossible not to.” Her brow furrows. “That means I’m going to get hurt someday, one way or the other. Something terrible will happen, or someone will walk away from the team, and I’ll feel like the world is ending.”

Just like I do right now.

“But it’s a price I’m willing to pay for my friendships.”

Raven pauses. Then she speaks slowly, as if realizing how she truly feels for the first time. “They’re worth it.”

Garfield’s mind whirls, set afloat in a strange new dimension where Raven makes eloquent speeches and shares heartfelt secrets. Where she cares about even him.

“You don’t hate me.” To Gar’s complete embarrassment, his voice cracks and the waterworks start. “I-I really thought-”

Raven’s eyes widen in complete horror. “Hate you? No! You… actually thought that?”

“You told…” Gar can’t say her name, images of blood soaked bandages flashing before his eyes. His hands tremble as he clears his throat and forces himself to continue. “Y-you said you used to.”

Raven falls silent. He can almost see her working through her thoughts. He had no idea how much went on behind her blank expression.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Sometimes I’ve been annoyed or irritated by you, especially during the first year. But I’ve never hated you.” She blinks and glances away. “It’s, um… kind of impossible, actually.”

For a moment, Gar forgets that Raven is Queen of No-Hugs and throws his arms around her neck. But this alternate dimension just gets stranger when she awkwardly pats him on the back in return.

Outside, the skies open up with a loud crash as the storm that the constant rain’s been threatening to bring all week finally breaks. Raindrops pound against the window in a steady rhythm while low thunder rumbles in the background. It sounds good. It feels like a release.

“I’m not going to lie.”

Gar lets go and pulls back, watching Raven’s face as she exhales.

“It will be hard at first. You’ll feel like you’re faking it every time you do something that makes you happy. But the joy will come back.”

“How do you know?” I want to hope, Rae. I want to so badly.

“Because you’re Gar.” She says it with finality, like that’s her whole answer. No hard logic or practical attempts to convince him. Just faith that he’ll come out alright because of who he is. Faith in him. “You’re stronger than you know.”

“Okay.” Garfield watches relief flood her eyes. She… she really was worried about him. “I’ll try.”

Five minutes later, Gar slips into the living room behind Raven, feeling oddly shy and self-conscious in his own home. But that only lasts the few seconds it takes for Kori to spot him.

“Garfield!” She flies straight at him like a rocket, stopping only inches short of running into him. Her eyes shine with unshed tears and she stretches out her arms. “May I give you a hug, please?”

“Why not?” Gar shrugs, blinking to hide his own tears. For once, he doesn’t mind how bone-crushing all Starfire’s hugs are. It’s never felt so good to have someone so happy to see him again. He’s never missed his friends this much.

The sound of Kori’s excitement brings Victor rushing in, Dick close at his heels.

A relieved grin splits the cyborg’s face. “BB,” he says quietly, holding out his fist. His soft brown eyes search Garfield’s face, still lined with concern.

With a start, Gar realizes how much he scared him.

“Cy.” He taps Vic’s fist with his own. “I’m… I’m sorry, dude.”

Stepping forward, Vic wraps him in a bear hug. “Man, don’t you dare apologize.” Is that… a sniffle Gar hears? “I’ve missed you, buddy.”

“Yeah,” Gar whispers into his best friend’s sweatshirt. “Me too, bro.”

After Vic releases Gar, Dick steps forward and wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a brief but sincere hug. “Good to have you back, Gar. Whatever you need, just ask. We’re behind you no matter what.”

Gar’s heart still throbs. The pain is still there. He has a feeling it will be for a long time. But as his gaze drifts from friend to friend, from teammate to teammate, he knows he’ll be okay.

His eyes land on Raven. The slightest corner of her mouth turns up and she nods, reminding him that he’s not alone. He never has been.

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2)

(Previous fic in series: Slow dancing in the Darkness)

(Next fic in series: The Sound of the Sword)

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

I know it’s not what you usually write, but could you do hc’s for Nicky / Aaron / Neil learning the actual timeline for Andrew and Roland’s “relationship” and then completely cutting Roland out of their lives? Bonus points if Neil like, kills or calls up Ichirou to kill him :) thanks :) I need closure :)

Don’t we all, babe? Here’s a lil something for your trouble

“How old were you when you lost your virginity,” Andrew read off the block. All the Upperclassmen, save Renee leaned forward in anticipation. Amidst the flood of articles published upon Andrew’s admittance to Easthaven, the media had muddled much of the story in regards to the entire Pre-Thanksgiving Fiasco. While Neil had taken the time to clear things up with the Upperclassmen, he’d left out a lot of the details, namely Andrew’s history of trauma. 

“It’s none of y’alls fucking buisness-” Aaron started. 

“Seven.” It was as though someone had sucked all the air out of the room. “He was dating my foster mother. She knew what he was doing. So long as she got her check, she didn’t care.”

Folding his hands in his lap in an attempt to sate his urge to reach out, Neil let his eyes go out of focus. Every single fiber of his being ached to touch Andrew. For eight months, Andrew had stood by his side, quelling his every urge to run despite the looming threat of his father. Even after Nathan’s death, Neil had bolted awake in the middle of nights, iching to cut and run. Every single time, Andrew had hooked a hand behind his neck, drawn him close, muttered quiet reassurances until he’d smoothed over all of Neil’s ragged edges. Admitting this could not be easy for Andrew. Why he’d even done it, Neil didn’t know but he wished that he could offer Andrew with at least a fraction of the support he’d provided him in the last year. By nothing short of a miracle, he was granted the opportunity to. 

Andrew’s arm dropped from off the couch back, settling across Neil’s shoulders. Immediately, Neil felt himself relax. 

“How old were you when you chose to have sex for the first time?” Nicky asked, hesitantly. That wasn’t a distinction anyone should ever have to draw and it cut Neil deeper than any of his father’s knives. 

“Seventeen,” Andrew answered. The Foxes collectively exhaled. In South Carolina, the age of consent was sixteen. It probably wasn’t a good call to grant hormonally charged teens the legal ability to consent to sex but what were they going to do? Have sex with an adult? 

“Who was it?” Nicky asked. Aaron groaned, clapping his hands over his ears. 

“Roland,” Andrew admitted. The second the name left his lips, Nicky’s smile faltered. Aaron’s hands dropped away, his brows knitting together as they always did when he was sorting through something. 

“No way,” Nicky laughed but it was false cheer. Concern welled in Neil’s chest. “Andrew, when you were seventeen, Roland was…”

“Twenty-three,” Aaron said. His voice was empty, devoid of all the fury painting his features. “He was twenty-three years old and you were a child.”

“I’m more than capable of making my own-” Andrew started.

“No you fucking weren’t!” Aaron roared. “He was your boss. Not only was he older than you, he was in a place of power.” Once more, a pregnant silence fell over the Foxes. None of the Upperclassmen nor Kevin deigned to intervene. 

“Aaron-” Andrew began.

“No,” he snapped. “I don’t- I can’t,” Aaron said as he rocketed out of his seat. Storming through, he knocked into the table and sent the jenga tower toppling. 

“How about we call it a night?” Matt asked. He didn’t wait for an answer before he began clearing away the blocks. Renee moved next, clearing up the glasses and coaxing Dan and Allison to help her with the dishes. Nicky stood, his movements mechanical as he made his way from the room. Kevin followed him out in silence. It wasn’t until everyone had left the room that Andrew moved. Unfurling from where he’d curled up on the couch, he drew his arm back from around Neil and stood. 

“Andrew,” Neil called quietly. There was something poisonous in the gaze he turned on Neil but it did nothing to deter him. “He wasn’t just older or your boss. He didn’t respect you.” Andrew’s lips curled in a snarl. “You had to handcuff him just to keep his hands off you.” Neil’s voice broke near the end but he didn’t care. It seemed to break something in Andrew too.His apathetic facade fell back into place but there were cracks in it now. From the slump of his shoulders to the muscle ticking in his jaw, Neil could see how their words had affected him. Andrew didn’t believe in regret for it was the result of shame and guilt. Surely, he felt neither of those things now. There was no shame in sating his desires. All teens had them. There was no guilt in it either. He wasn’t the one that had done anything wrong. 

Fishing his cigarettes out of his pocket, Andrew slipped one out of the carton and lit it up. He headed out the door with Neil at his heels. They parted ways at the door to their room, Andrew headed for the stairwell in search of some time to clear his head and Neil headed for their bed to give him the space he undoubtedly needed. 

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“How was y’alls weekend?” Bee asked, chipper as ever. “I heard you forwent the usual Columbia outing in favor of going to one of Dan’s game night.” Aaron’s heart stumbled. A wave of anger washed over him, thinly veiling the anguish beneath. Seven. Andrew had been hurting since he was seven. Not only that, but he’d allowed the unthinkable.

“How can you stand him?” Aaron asked, his body trembled as he struggled to contain his anger. 

“How can you stand her?” Andrew countered. As always, he looked entirely uninterested in the proceedings. He was slumped down in his chair, absently stirring his hot chocolate. 

“Tilda didn’t rape me.” Bee sat a little straighter. Immediately, her gaze flicked towards Andrew. Aaron watched as Andrew set his cup back onto the desk. 

“I trust Neil.” 

“Like you trusted Roland?” Aaron’s voice came out sounding cold, empty, and nothing like himself. Fury lit up Andrew’s face. “He was twenty-three, Andrew. An adult! You were seventeen. What the fuck were you thinking?” A heavy silence settled over them. Bee always gave the boys a few minutes to cool down or pick up the conversation without her own intervention. Just as she opened her mouth, Andrew spoke.

“It was the first time I’d felt in control of things,” he said finally. “Everyone was always taking what they wanted from me. My… arrangement with Roland was purely transactional. I got him off and I got to feel like I was in control.” Andrew picked his mug back up from the desk. Aaron watched as he drained it in one go. “In retrospect, I see that I wasn’t. My sense of control was an illusion that Roland allowed me to maintain so that he could get what he wanted.” 

“That’s a very interesting insight, Andrew,” Bee remarked. She made several notes on her clipboard as Aaron digested his brother’s words. That was all they had time for. The two of them allowed Bee to walk them to the door of the clinic and drove back to the court in silence. 

Despite it being the middle of practice, Nicky was standing in the parking lot. 

“Hey,” he said, plastering a smile to his face at the twins’ approach. 

“What are you doing?” Aaron asked. He watched as a shiver ran down his cousin’s spine at the chilly tone. 

“I left the flash drive with all my old photos of Erik at the house a while ago. I’ve gotta go grab it so I can make him a video for our 7th anniversary! Kevin’s letting me borrow his car too. How was Bee?” Neither of the twins answered. “Alright, good talk!” Nicky called after them.

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Good talk indeed. It seemed that neither of the twins suspected a thing. Cutting the engine on, Nicky peeled out of the lot. A month after Riko’s death, the Ravens had sent his old car to Kevin. They’d said that, as his brother and closest family member, Kevin should be the one to inherit all his belongings. Of course, their intentions weren’t as pure as the media portrayed them to be. Every single one of Riko’s belongings served as a reminder of Kevin’s time in the Nest. 

The Foxes had held a bonfire on the beach in which they’d burnt all of it. Neil had attended as well. From what Nicky had managed to wring from him, his mother had died on a beach and Neil had been forced to burn her body. 

“It won’t be easy,” Neil had admitted, “but I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” The smile that had stretched across his had been so undeniably fox-like that Nicky had done a double take. 

It was nice seeing Neil smile. It was even nicer to see the way Andrew relaxed around him. The two of them had been forged in the hellfires of their upbringings into the most wicked blades in the Fox arsenal. But that didn’t mean they were invincible. Even the sharpest of knives could be scratched and chipped and, eventually, broken. 

Ever since Andrew first arrived in Columbia, Nicky had sworn he’d protect his cousins to the best of his abilities. He’d never once managed it. In fact, more often than not, Andrew was the one protecting him. It was time he paid him back for it. 

Nicky pulled into the parking lot of the ramshackle apartments at the edge of Columbia in record time. Atop his car, lounged a familiar figure. 

“Nicky?” Roland called as he sat up. His eyes were red and he reeked of weed. “What are you doing all the way out here without Andrew?” Nicky could feel his blood boiling beneath his skin. 

“When did you start sleeping with him?” Nicky asked, struggling to keep his voice steady. Roland’s brows knitted together as he thought.

“Started maybe… four years ago? It ended as soon as your little runner joined the line, though. Shame,” Roland said, sliding off the trunk of his car, “Andrew was the best I’d ever had.” 

“Do you know how old he was?” Nicky demanded. There was no hiding the way it trembled now. 

“He was seventeen.” The answer was immediate and it knocked the air out of Nicky’s lungs. “He was legal,” Roland said with a shrug. The old one two, he heard Matt say in his head. It suddenly struck Nicky that Roland was older than he was. 

“He was a child,” Nicky roared. “My child!” Before he even realized, Nicky had closed the space between them. His hand came up, curled in a fist. The jarring pain of his own knuckles connecting with the side of Roland’s jaw knocked him back into his body. 

“What the fuck, Nicky-” Roland started but, as he looked up from where he’d fallen, terror washed over his face. 

“Don’t you ever speak to me or my boys again,” Nicky snarled. The drive back passed in a blur. Making his way up the stairs mechanically, Nicky headed back to his own room. When he opened the door, he found Andrew settled on the couch with Neil in his lap and a controller in his hands. Aaron was stretched out on the other couch, watching the screen. 

“Can’t wait to lose a fourth time, can you, Minyard?” Matt taunted. 

“Fuck off, Boyd,” Andrew snapped. Aaron laughed, warm and bright, and the sound filled the room. Nicky watched as Andrew’s gaze flicked over to his brother, the ghost of a smile flickering across his mouth. My boys, Nicky thought with a smile. 

“Come on, Nicky,” Matt called. “I need someone who’ll put up a real challenge.” 

“Get ready to have that fine ass of yours handed to you,” Nicky shot back. 

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“You’ve missed quite a few birthdays,” Neil said, offhandedly. 

“That’s a helluva birthday present, Abram,” the man on the other end of the line remarked. 

“It is,” Neil agreed. The man huffed an exaggerated sigh. 

“Fine. You’ll have Roland’s head by the end of the week.” 

“Thanks, Uncle Stuart,” Neil said. He could feel the cruel smile curling his lips but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was one of the monsters after all.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 62 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 314 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

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RATE THE EPISODE 303 Responses

There was an interesting contrast this week between anime only viewers’ and manga readers’ reaction to the episode. Anime only viewers overwhelmingly felt positively about the episode. But for manga manga readers, many of the cuts in the anime dampened their enjoyment of the episode, and for some ruined it entirely. Still, overall, the episode got positive reception, even if it wasn’t overwhelmingly enthusiastic. 

a little rushed but still very enjoyable. it defo got the point across about Reiner's struggles

It was... Fine. I'll give it a solid 8/10 on emotional value and finally seeing these chapters animated. But accepting that the anime and manga are not the same and that there will be cuts is hard.

Wasn't very good. The cut scenes really hurt the pacing and overall story.

i thought the pacing was way too fast :(

Stunning. Beautiful 

Another great episode. My only criticisms are the music that was used at the beginning of the episode, which didn't really work, and the cuts but I understand why that had to happen.

Disappointing

Impeccable. The adaption was both efficient and emotionally effective. Zero misses so far - I'm officially a MAPPA ho. 

Really great! Feels different from the manga and makes me excited for future episodes, because even if it's not perfect, we will always have the original material + some fun new scenes that the anime is adding, can't wait for more

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 304 Responses

The much-anticipated scene where we learn amputee-kun is actually Eren was the most favored of the episode, with 37.5% of the vote. Following behind that with more narrow margins were the introduction to Marley’s titans, Annie and Reiner’s fight and Reiner’s suicide attempt. 

The first part was very rushed and I wasn't as impressed by it. But I was very impressed by the second part of the episode once the warrior kids made it to paradise. I also very much enjoyed how they animated the scene of Annie taking out her anger on Reiner after Marcel's death. There was just something about the use of colours that really appealed to me. 

The Reiner and Annie fight and Reiner's suicide disturbed me a lot more this time around, partially because I haven't read the chapters in a while, but this is easily one of my favorite episodes now.

WE GOT THE FULL ED LAST WEEK. AFTER SEEING IT IN ITS ENTIRETY, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT NOW? 294 Responses

The majority of the fandom are enjoying the new ending, with 65.6% loving both the song and the animation. 11.2% are enjoying the song… but not so much the animation. 11.9% feel that it’s “just okay.” Some are enjoying the animation, but not the song, and a few more dislike both. 

The song and the animation are truly beautiful and gorgeous. I couldn't imagine better. It is always so peaceful after the full of emotions episode. 

Beautiful song, although the bit with the streaks of shiny animation look like 480p and are a little boring. 

I didn't see it 

Bold of you to assume I watch the EDs and don't just skim ahead to the preview.

i'm not interested in the ending

There was a half ED?

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 5, HOW MUCH DID YOU ENJOY THE SEQUENCE INTRODUCING ALL OF MARLEY’S TITANS? 303 Responses

A very tiny fraction of voters weren’t impressed with the way MAPPA executed the scene that introduces us to the Marley titans and why each warrior was picked for the titans they received. However, the majority of respondents felt very positively about the scene, with 221 even feeling they, too, will become a titan as a result of the awesomeness. 

I really liked the marley titan montage but why the hell were the female titan's boobs so big? It looked so out of poportion

It was awesome and I loved the introduction to the Titans

OUT OF ALL THE TITANS THE MARLEY MILITARY HAD 9 YEARS AGO, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE? 299 Responses

Whether it’s for practicality or aesthetic reasons, we all have different titans that appeal to us more than others. This race was a close one, with the Female Titan holding on just slightly over the Jaw Titan in terms of favoritism. The Armored Titan came in at a distant third with the Beast Titan and Colossal closely behind. Only a very small fraction would like to inherit the Cart Titan from Piku-chan.

WHICH OG WARRIOR CANDIDATE WOULD YOU WANT TO ADOPT? 299 Responses

Overall, the majority (29.1%) wouldn’t want to adopt any of the OG warrior crew, whether because the responsibility is too much or because they don’t like kids at all (or perhaps, a missing third option being they don’t like any of them). But for those who would happily take on one of the OG warrior kiddos, 24.1% would most like to take Reiner home (and probably give him lots of hugs). 21.1% adore little Pieck and would shower her with parental love forever. 9.7% probably want to pinch little Bertolt’s cheeks, and 8.4% wish they’d adopted Annie instead of her father.

A LOT OF THE SHIGANSHINA BREACH HAS REUSED WIT ANIMATION FROM PAST EPISODES - THOUGHTS? 303 Responses

The majority of respondents felt positively enough about seeing WIT’s S1 style mixed in with MAPPA’s, with 42.9% feeling it flowed together well enough, and 26.4% understanding why they didn’t reanimate the event (despite preferring it if they had). 11.2% don’t care at all, and 8.6% think it was way too jarring. There are some who are reminded that they miss WIT’s style, and others who have a continued appreciation for MAPPA.

KAJI YUKI HAS LOWERED HIS VOICE A BIT TO DEPICT AN OLDER EREN. THOUGHTS? 301 Responses

Overall, nearly everyone seems to be pleased with Kaji Yuki’s more “mature” sounding Eren, with 76.4% feeling he is portraying an older and more jaded Eren perfectly. 11.6% are lost in their lust for a 2D drawing and are focused entirely on that (we understand lol). A few are simply indifferent to the lower tone, and a smaller percentage just prefer Eren’s voice prior to the timeskip. 

Anime onlys can spot him more difficult, which I like

Made sense to me, he’s not a teenager anymore after all, plus works better for this “new” Eren who’s less angry and shouty all the time.

I didn't even notice lol

Eren is adult so changing his voice was a very good choice. I like his new sound.

It was stupid that he ever talked so low before now. He was fifteen and he sounded like an adult, well they all do that bc it's standard anime shit but it makes it even harder when they become real adults.

NOW HE REALLY SOUNDS LIKE KENMA 🔥

WE’VE LOST COUNT OF HOW MANY TIMES WE’VE SEEN MARCEL GET EATEN. BUT OF THE OPTIONS BELOW, WHO DID IT BEST? 296 Responses

Seeing Marcel get eaten 2000 times seems to be a running gag at this point, so naturally we had to include this question. Whether it’s recency bias or objectively true, 44.6% feel that MAPPA’s take on Marcel’s death was the best. 30.4% feel that Isayama’s more recent art style truly does Marcel the most justice. 14.2% liked the way WIT Studio portrayed the scene and 10.8% like Isayama’s older, more grungy art style.

RIP Marcel

DO YOU THINK THAT REINER WAS CORRECT, THAT MARLEY WOULD HAVE HAD ALL OF RBA EATEN IF THEY HAD FOUND YMIR AND RETURNED HOME IMMEDIATELY? 292 Responses

In the hypothetical scenario that Reiner hadn’t convinced Annie and Bertolt to stay on the island, the majority feel that Reiner was wrong in his assessment that they would be executed practically on-site. 55.1% believe that the idea would have been out in the open, but ultimately rejected. Though, 35.6% feel that Marley is too ruthless and uncaring toward Eldians to care what the situation is, and would absolutely hand over their titans to others deemed more capable. Very few felt Marley would be understanding by default. Many write-ins feel that Reiner is the only one who would have been executed for the failure. 

Depends on if B/A emphasize that it was Reiner’s fault rather than their own.

If all of RBA got eaten then I think they wouldn’t use kids for their next attempt. Maybe teens around the age RBA were after training in Paradis military

Magath would have pointed out how wasteful it would have been, but probably even him couldn't have saved reiner

He was wrong. What would be the point of feeding them to other children, if they were the best candidates? Too much of work. 

Reiner said that there's a possibility that they couldn't find Ymir even if they try. He has a point. But I don't think Marley would have RBA eaten even if they lose Jaw.

They wouldn't go through with it because they seem to lack other qualified warrior candidates.

I think Magath and maybe Zeke would have tried to convince the government to not go through with it and that Reiner might have been the only one sacrificed.

Obviously. They would have indisputable proof that sending a bunch of kids to carry out a massively important mission is the dumbest shit they could have ever done and immediately they'd put the titans into older soldiers.

They'd let them live a few more years just for propaganda and used them for other battles, then they'd have them killed around their midterm.

Possibly, but they put a lot of time, effort, and money into training their warriors. It would be a big decision to execute all of them and start over. Maybe they would have executed Reiner as an example.

WHAT’S THE FORECAST FOR TONIGHT? 295 Responses

In our least-serious question of the poll, we asked you guys to try and predict the weather based on Bertolt’s sleeping pose. 18.3% believe his legs-on-the-wall pose means clear skies, 13.9% are certain it means rain. 13.6% are confident in an overcast night. At 11.5% foresee storms coming and 11.2% think it’s gonna be snow. 18% are probably just annoyed with the question. A few write-ins pointed out that Bertolt was, indeed, sleeping in the Hanged Man Pose.

It’s gonna be partly guilt ridden old man with a 90% chance of suicide by hanging

Blood and guts

HOW IS THAT EVEN COMFORTABLE?

Let's just call it hail

Hanged man posture, dreamed about the old man

raining titans

No one can make me like the warriors even if I don't blame them for what they were forced to do as kids. idc what quirky habits they have.

There'll be clear skies for some time but don't be deceived, heavy rain is incoming

This was amazing because it's a reference to The Hanging Man on Tarot cards: he's willingly being hanged for his sins. Look it up, it's so cool.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MAPPA CUTTING A GOOD CHUNK OF REINER’S TRAINING? 302 Responses

With only 20(ish) minutes to fit in all of Reiner’s backstory, cuts were inevitable. MAPPA made the decision to nerf most of Reiner’s struggles training as a Warrior Cadet (among a couple other more lengthy scenes during and after the wall breach). 62.9% are sad that some of these scenes didn’t make the cut, but also understand that we can’t have it all. 13.2% actually preferred seeing Reiner’s backstory in MAPPA’s condensed version, while 12.9% feel it completely ruins the characterization of the warriors.

I don't even remember what was cut 😂

Slightly ruined the warriors’ characterisations (especially Reiner’s)

I thought they could have shown a bit more about Reiner's underdog, it's something that really made me sympathise with him in the manga. 

Kinda disappointed, since some scenes were essential for a little background on their lives

Honestly, even after all the cuts and the restrains it tells the story of a "warrior", Reiner.

Mappa fucked RBA backstory and I would bet it's because they are biased towards Eren and 104th...

I wouldn't say it ruined their characterisation, but it did leave it a lot more shallow. I would've loved to see those scenes animated, but I also realise that things will have to be cut to fit everything in, and I think these cuts still preserve the forward momentum of the story reasonably well. 

The important scenes were animated, so it's good that way

MAPPA cannot animate every panel and the best will be, if fandom finally understands that. Every episode has limited amount of time and MAPPA is doing everything they can to make episodes good and easy to understand for anime onlies. I was fine with cutting because I know that episodes aren't long and there are more important stuff to animate than every part of training.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT NOT SEEING ANNIE PARTICIPATING IN THE FIRST WALL BREACH? 298 Responses

MAPPA completely glossed over Annie’s role in the wall breach, showing her being choked by Reiner and then waking up in the refugee camp later. 40.9% state they would have preferred seeing Annie play her part in the mission, though they accept that it isn’t there. 34.6% are concerned that those who don’t read the manga will just be confused as to where Annie was during all of the chaos (Oh no! Did RB leave her passed out in the fields!?). 16.1% are simply just disappointed altogether. A small fraction felt it wasn’t necessary anyway and have no problems with the cut. 

I feel kinda iffy about it because that was one of my favorite parts of the chapter, but oh well... it is what it is.

Kenny's scene should be eliminated.

I mean it's not like the female titan could destroy the walls herself. I think nobody expects it and then her absence makes sense

Yams did an oopsie in the first place retconing 

It really confused me lol for a moment I completely forgot what she even did in the manga and had to reread

KNOWING NOW THAT ANNIE IS ACTUALLY ADOPTED, DOES THE JOKE ABOUT HER BEING KENNY’S LOST DAUGHTER HIT DIFFERENTLY NOW? 299 Responses

We learn after Annie comes out of the crystal that her father is actually an adoptive parent. Annie, in an attempt to cover up why she’s stalking Kenny in the underground, claims (or jokes) that she was born to a brothel worker and is Kenny’s lost daughter. We asked if this made the joke any less funny to readers, though most of them didn’t think so at all. Only 14% of respondents say the new knowledge actually makes it a little sad. Some people forgot entirely that Annie is adopted and voiced their confusion in the write-ins. 

wait,,,,, she.,,,, she's adopted ??? wha- how did i completely forget about this

Kenny's gay anyway so it's impossible! Sorry, Annie :/

I don't really get this joke tbh 😅 Do people think she and Kenny look alike?

We're all Kenny's lost daughter

It just brings into question her true parentage, like how she can scream summon other Titans and if that’s a royal blood thing or not. But probably doesn’t matter since it hasn’t come up in the manga yet 

I hadn't thought about it before today.

She's adopted?!?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MAPPA’S EXECUTION OF REINER’S ATTEMPTED SUICIDE? 302 Responses

With such a weighty scene, execution is of utmost importance. So we were curious if you guys felt that MAPPA hit the mark. Overall, MAPPA’s take on this scene got positive responses from the fandom, with 42.4% feeling they felt about the same as they did when the scene came up in the manga. 26.5% actually thought that MAPPA did a better job with the scene, whereas 26.2% felt that Isayama’s original take on the scene is still superior. 

I think that while the manga's intent is for the reader to feel Reiner's pain and emotions during what he thought were his last moments, the anime focuses much more on making it disturbing and depressing (both taking into account the same things, just choosing to highlight different aspects of the scene). Not a bad change but I prefer the manga's portayal, it made me feel so much more attached to Reiner

Actual scene was good, but the build up was lacking.

I really liked the flipping back and forth 

Not nearly as emotional as I expected

The lighting was so good in the anime version. 

Bruh we needed the flashbacks cause they depicted Reiner's journey and regrets

I think it was more impactful in the manga, but MAPPA did it amazing too

The scene looked more serious but the building of the characters didn't live up for the moment. 

It impacted me differently than in the manga. I prefer the manga scene, but the anime's was still really good

I was worried about it being overly censored so I’m glad it wasn’t 

The execution was about the same, but it had a bigger impact when you read it for the first time

The drool was a great touch

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING CUTS WERE YOU DISAPPOINTED DIDN’T MAKE THE EPISODE? 292 Responses

While we shouldn’t dwell on cuts too much, there will still be things that people are disappointed didn’t make it into the anime. The scenes which were most missed this week were Annie’s role in the wall breach, Reiner passing along a tired Annie over to Bertolt atop the wall, RBA discussing their infiltration plans in the field (also known as the tree-uprooting scene), seeing Bertolt, Annie and Marcel surpassing Reiner in their training, and Reiner breaking up Eren and Jean’s fight (noticing Annie is exhausted). Well, at least the manga still exists, right?

I wish they didnt cut some of the flashbacks right before Reiner tried to kill himself. 

Really great episode, but Bertholdt looking up at the wall before breaking it was such an iconic panel, I'm a bit sad

Any cuts are a negative. I dont care how much it makes sense for the anime onlies, I just wish they somehow incorporate some of the small slice of life scenes that made the Marley arc special.

Truly loved it despite cuts and pacing, but just wish we could’ve seen that tree uprooting scene!

I still hold the sentiment that Mappa is cutting way too much from these episodes. The amount of small details getting cut from every chapter/episode results in losing out on smaller moments that in my opinion have a real impact. While I understand a 1 to 1 replica might not be possible, the amount of cuts is too much imo. Missing out on nearly all of RBA assaulting Shiganshina was a huge disappointment, and less Falco and Gabi scenes makes it tough for me to connect to them. Talking to my Anime-only friends though, they are very into this season, so I'm glad to hear it works for them. 

I'm not necessarily sad they cut so much, I feel like as an Anime only I wouldn't have noticed! The only thing I wish that had been kept was Annie's involvement in the destruction of wall Maria. 

I was sad they cut stuff but that’s inevitable.  The only cut I’m sad about is the scene before Bertholdt  breaks the wall.

some of the cuts made sense, some made other scenes kind of occur out of nowhere, like annie with kenny.

SO FAR, WE’VE LOST A FEW INTERACTIONS BETWEEN FALCO AND GABI AND SOME MOMENTS WHERE FALCO IS BLUSHING OVER HER. DO YOU THINK THIS WILL LESSEN THE IMPACT OF HIS EVENTUAL LOVE CONFESSION TO HER? 296 Responses

While the Falbi romance isn’t a major focal point of the series, it does play a big part in their storyline and overall character development as their involvement in the plot increases. MAPPA has had to let a few scenes go, so we were curious if manga readers felt it would lessen the impact of Falco’s inevitable confession just before the rumbling starts. 31.4% feel that the anime is doing just fine at portraying Falco’s feelings. 28.4% feel the impact will be lessened, but that it’s fine due to it being a minor plot point anyway. 14.5% are upset about the missing pieces and 11.8% think MAPPA will make up for it later. Smaller groups of voters either don’t understand why Falco likes Gabi or just don’t care. 

I'm more dissapointed about Zofia and Udo getting cut than those two.

Kid romance is lame anyway

It's not gonna hit like the manga but it's still pretty important plot imo

What works on paper doesn't always work animated, they're doing ok 

I hate gabi gahh

It is obvious he likes her anyway

Not really, they've established he has a big crush on her since he pretty much came out and told it to Eren

DO YOU THINK MAPPA DID A GOOD JOB OF HIDING EREN IN PLAIN SIGHT? 297 Responses

We failed to ask this question last week, but it still applied well to this week’s episode. When it came to anime only fans, we wondered whether manga readers felt MAPPA did a good job at making him as mysterious to anime watchers as Isayama did to us manga readers. 40.1% felt that MAPPA did a great job, as many anime watchers didn’t seem to catch on. 25.6% feel that they didn’t do any worse or better than Isayama did. 13.8% feel MAPPA did not do as well as Isayama, as some anime watchers easily caught on. 9.4% think they did completely awful at pretending it’s not Eren. Some write-ins felt we couldn’t objectively judge this as we already knew it was Eren anyway. 

I think the voice gave it away the most. The sneaky animation was great! 

Hard to answer because chapters were a month apart while episodes are weekly and I’ve already read the manga when it came out

well, I can't say much about this. since I know he is eren, I was just focusing on how Kaji Yuki will handle this important speech

They even didn't try to hide him. I'm disappointed because I wanted anime onlines to feel what we - manga readers - felt, when after few chapters we found that the hobo man was Eren. 

I honestly didn't even realize he was supposed to be hidden from the readers/viewers at this point. It was so obviously him in the manga and the anime. Genuinely confused by how many people did not catch on. 

Watching some reactors they were like "...wait...that *looks* like Eren...but his leg is amputated...his leg would've grown back??" but as soon as you heard his voice it was instantaneous 

I, being a manga reader, had a hard time getting how you couldn't see that it was Eren, but some of my friend only got it at the last scene.

Hard to say. WIth the manga, it took me a few reads to catch on, but now that I KNOW, it's hard to say anything.

Yes, I'm watching the episodes with my anime-only friend and he still hasn't figured it out

I think they did a good job, but with anime being the medium it was easier to guess due to both hair/eye color and voice.

It was nice, I was actually surprised that some of my anime only friends didn't even realize that it was Eren talking to Falco this episode

When Eren was finally revealed in the manga, I was *shocked! I had *no clue that was him! I think the anime did a great job, but of course had to reveal him sooner. It was perfect both in manga and anime imo.

It's obviously him once you see his eyes, but I don't think that the animation team were trying to make it a big shock reveal, they want this scene to say "this is probably Eren, but can you be 100% sure" to keep anime onlys engaged and reassure them that the main cast is still relevant.

Yes, but the manga hid him better, it took me way too long to realise it was him while reading

HOW WAS KAJI YUKI’S DELIVERY ON EREN’S SPEECH TO FALCO? 299 Responses

The vast majority of respondents were very pleased with Kaji Yuji’s delivery on one of Eren’s most prominent speeches. 38.1% felt it was exactly as they had hoped it would be. 28.1% were extremely happy, and feel that any delivery by Kaji Yuki as Eren will be 100% spot-on. 24.7% are simply just content with it. Smaller fragments of respondents just wanted to voice their thirst, or felt that the delivery could have been better. 

Better than I could have ever imagined

I don't really care

Eren is the best main character ever

Not my native language so I can't really tell how good it is, but Kaji's delivery seemed about right

It was a bit fast but good

Very good. You get a real sense of how clueless but trying to be tough Eren really is.

EREN TELLS FALCO HE HOPES FALCO LIVES A LONG LIFE. KNOWING WHAT WE DO NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT HIM SAYING THIS? 298 Responses

Eren already knows he will bring destruction upon the world, so it’s a wonder why he would bother telling Falco he hopes Falco will have a long life. 64.8% believe that he truly means it from the bottom of his heart, despite knowing his future actions will likely affect Falco. 10.7% believe he said this because he has already seen that Falco will survive the Rumbling. 10.1% aren’t really sure what to make of it at all. Smaller numbers of people think Eren was only trying to gain Falco’s trust and didn’t mean it at all, or believe that Falco will take part in Eren’s eventual demise and Eren is already aware of that. 

He saw him in his memories so imma believe what he says

I'm sure there is part of Eren that hopes for a good long life for Falco. Just like there was part of him that couldn't help but save the refugee kid. But that doesn't mean he isn't any less dedicated to his plan to genocide a whole lot of people. He has his conflicts, but in the end he's still going ahead with the attack on the square and later with the rumbling.

I think it's the same deal as him saving the immigrant kid when he knew that he would die in the rumbling.

In an ideal world Eren would want *everyone* to live a long life--he's been portrayed as someone who cries and disassociates while he commits his genocide so we're meant to understand he doesn't enjoy it. Sadly it doesn't matter what he hopes or wants when he's decided murdering everyone is what has to be done..

THE PREVIEW SHOWED PIECK AND PORCO NEXT TO REINER AT THE DAYTIME FESTIVAL. THIS WAS NOT IN THE MANGA. WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS MEANS ABOUT POSSIBLE ANIME-ONLY ADDITIONS? 298 Responses

Many of our respondents seem to be looking forward to Pieck and Porco’s inclusion in the daytime festival. 47% are hopeful that this will mean some wholesome bonding scenes between the Warriors and the kids. 26.5% don’t know what to make of it, but are looking forward to it nonetheless. A handful of people think it will be similar to how WIT included Sasha in the Clash arc - adding minor details without changing anything in the story-line. 7% wish that MAPPA wasn’t doing this at all, and 5% are hopeful this means that MAPPA will find a way to repurpose Pieck crawling on all fours next episode. 

I still want Pieck butt

IN THAT SAME VEIN, IT SEEMS LIKE EPISODE 4 WILL ADAPT CHAPTERS 97 AND 98, ENDING ON THE FINAL PANEL OF 98. HOWEVER, THE VAST MAJORITY OF CHAPTER 97 WAS ALREADY ADAPTED IN LAST WEEK’S EPISODE. WHAT WILL THIS MEAN FOR EPISODE 4? 293 Responses

Who wants to place bets on the contents of next episode? While the largest chunk of people don’t know what to expect in episode 4, others are happy to speculate. 19.8% feel (or are at least hopeful) that MAPPA will fill in some screen time by repurposing already-skipped scenes. 19.1% feel that there will be minor additions, but not too much. A solid 16% feel that there will be a few anime only additions during the daytime festival. 10.9% are placing bets that episode 4 will actually bleed into chapter 100 before the end.

Mappa won't have to cut a lot of stuff like they did to ep 3

The title "From One Hand to Another" immediately made me think we would actually be getting Eren grasping Reiner's hand and transforming at the end (meaning chapters 100 and 101), but that's just so much. The title may just refer to Magath and Willy's handshake. 

What about just enjoying the show?

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 298 Responses

As expected of the fandom! Reiner and Eren’s reunion is the most anticipated scene for episode 4, with 74.8% having voted for that. 17.1% are most looking forward to the daytime festival, and 6% are excited to meet Willy in anime form for the first time. One commenter is very invested in the banquet and how it’s executed. 

Not this ep but if they cut the Udo and Kiyomi scene I'll RIOT!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I'm upset so much was cut from Reiner's backstory but the cinematography is freakin' excellent I can't even complain

*cheers MAPPA animators for their hard work* ... Perfect for anime onlies, I think. Made me almost wish I hadn't read the manga so I wouldn't have missed the cut scenes.

Cuts aside, the animation was much better than the previous episodes. 

"The one scene I really wanted was Bertholdt looking over the wall and seeing the EMA trio. Of all the cuts, I think that was the only one that was damaging to the story. I also kind of wish that MAPPA animated the reused scenes. I kind of like comparing and contrasting the animation styles of both studios so its a bit of shame that we didn't get anything new from Episode 1.

I'm really impressed with how much MAPPA is managing to squeeze in each episode and I'm content that Reiner's flashback was covered in a single episode rather than two. It just makes sense pacing-wise. The only real criticism I have is that in the flashback scenes where everyone is supposed to be 12 years old, they don't sound 12 at all. Their voices are way too mature, especially the males, and I understand they're voiced by adults, but I feel like they could have at least tried to sound more like kids. Other than that, great episode.

Elaborating on the missing content: they really shouldn’t have cut Annie’s transformation prior to wall Maria being breached. It makes it look like Reiner choked her out and then a minute later bert was kicking the wall through. 

I'm in the boat, where i think it wouldve been better if Mappa didnt cut out so much, but considering what there is to cover, we will live,but i hope they dont end up butchering everything Also the bit with reiner’s dad would be confusing to anime-onlies since it cross-cuts between that scene and him on the parade. I’ve seen some reactors think it was a daydream, or that he left during the parade. 

It was quite rushed, but I understand why they did it, the flashback wouldn't have been as impactful over 2 episodes, and I do think when the Marley arc was first introduced in the manga, manga readers were quite inpatient to get back to the main cast, so they might be feeding off that feedback. 

Mappa has become my favorite studio of all time. Not just in regards to anime, but studios in general. Their discography is on another level (imo) and the fact that on top of every other masterpiece they’ve made, they’re doing an outstanding job with my favorite series of all time just solidifies them as the first and probably the only anime studio that I can truly Stan.

Lots of (I think) Important stuff cut, but the meat is still in place. I like my meat to be juicy and marbled, while Mappa cut out all the fat that makes for a flavorful meal. I completely understand why and I am apathetic about it.

disliked the fact the wall breach was so quickly glossed over, and the transition between mappa and wit style was jarring to say the least

Regardless of the cuts, i think it flows together nicely. The anime has always been more speedy than the manga so i kind of expected this. I don't think it'll get as bad as s3 part 1 in terms of pacing. I trust in Mappa, so far i haven't been disappointed at all. The animation and backgrounds are absolutely stunning. That warrior titan sequence was incredibly well done. Props to the animators!

It was a bit confusing mishmash of scenes, but there were some good moments sprinkled in like the introduction of all of Marley's titans. The emotional reactions, however, just weren't the same as they were when reading the manga, to be honest.

I’m really glad they cut the part with RBA hanging onto Female/Armoured neck by a rope. That whole thing seemed stupid to me. Doesn’t match up with previous chapters and I feel like SOMEONE would have noticed two kids hanging onto the Armoured Titan’s neck. 

I think MAPPA is doing a really good job so far, can't wait to see the battle in Liberio. I'm not bothered at all with the CG titans because firstly, they look really good, and secondly, I understand why they had to do it. I also hope they don't censor many things or cut out some dark scenes that are important to the season because I would love to see everything animated. 

Felt like watching a recap episode... And it wasn't supposed to be one, so

I'm really dissapointed that mappa cut so many things from manga. Reiner's backstory is my favoure part of snk. Suicide scene completly lacks impact. 

I really dislike the fact that MAPPA is trying to show only bad side of the marleyan officers. They removed the gate guards, they removed the scene where Magath is telling RBA to stay safe (on Paradis). One of the best parts of the manga is showing that the both races (Eldians and Marleyans) have good and bad sides. By removing positive aspects of Marleyans MAPPA is creating totally different picture. This way the anime onlines may find the whole rumbling even more justified. The episode was pretty good and the OST has made some scenes to feel more dark and serious (especially the moment where the new titans are introduced), but sometimes I feel like the characters are speaking and acting way too fast. I was waiting for the scene with Kenny and Annie, but it took only like few second and was cut. I love MAPPA's version of Kenny. He has more serious aura and looks more like his manga counterpart. In other words;  wrinkled grandpa with skinny neck :) 

It honestly wasn’t my favorite, but I still loved it. I feel as though they skipped around a lot and there wasn’t a lot of scenes that actually tied together and I’m worried anime only watchers might get confused. Definitely some of the stuff I wanted to see animated didn’t make the cut, but I still love the animation style, the characters and the story!

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 285 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again next episode.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 47: The Firebolt

Sounds of jubilation rang in Alice's ears before the rest of her senses had even caught up with her. The place smelt strongly of wood polish and she flinched in surprise when something bright red looked like it was fixing to sock her in the face. She stumbled back in surprise and managed to tip over a whole casket of something that went spinning across the floor in every direction.

"Alice?" Frank called in concern as she muscled her way around what she finally recognized as Quaffles, the projectile charmed to be spinning in place showing off its new apparent aerodynamics on display.

"Over here," she called from the corner and following the loud noise around the mess of balls she made to find herself in the store proper, Quality Quidditch Supplies.

Frank sprinted over to her in relief, still shaking wood shavings out of his hair. "Sorry love, I landed in a pile of Make-Your-Brooms, I think some little kid was in the process of carving something into the handle when I interrupted." He caught her hand as he continued to look about. "Do you know where we are? I think that's Diagon Alley past that window, but-"

"You've never been in Quality Quidditch Supplies?" Alice asked in surprise.

"Me mum never brought me in here," he shrugged. "Thought the sport was a bloody waist."

"It's no wonder you wouldn't help me practice for the Beater tryouts next year," she laughed in surprise as his chagrin grew. "Don't worry love, I'll help you learn how to ride a broom over the summer, if you want," she quickly finished.

"I, ah, could give it a try," he uneasily agreed, clearly putting more enthusiasm into his voice than he meant. "Can't be worse than Neville's first try, eh?"

The two exchanged a look of pure love and excitement, their future spanning before them in that moment as Alice's mind corrected the instance, of teaching her son all about a sport she'd loved for ages.

Lily came over to them then with a deeply annoyed expression seemingly frozen in place. "Well, no use in expecting any of them to help us find the book soon. They seem to have reconsolidated their friendship by acting like even bigger loons than usual, if you can believe it."

Alice saw a beach-ball sized Snitch now being tossed into the air at the front of the store and believed her without question. She tugged her boyfriends hand and began waving Lily off to the side, "there's a collection of Quidditch manuals and how-to's on the far wall over there, we should start there."

They found Regulus there flipping enthusiastically threw Brooms to Buy. He began jabbering without even looking up, "these designs are fantastic! I can't believe how sleek the models become in a few short years! Do you think they worked out the design flaw of-"

He did look up then and flushed in surprise to see who it was.

Alice smiled politely and encouraged him to finish, "you mean the tailwind on the Cleensweep models? I sure hope so. I've been angling to save up for a new Silver Arrow because of it."

Regulus blinked several times in confusion, before a smile slowly lit his face. "You follow Quidditch?"

"It's a thing me and my mum love," she agreed. "I was going to try out for the house-team next year."

"We might be playing against each other then," he stated, and to her surprise she saw some excitement beginning to light his usual dower expression.

"You already on then?" Frank asked, eyeing the third year, who seemed almost miniscule to them sometimes being two years older.

"Yep, though I've only been a reserve player so far. The usual Seeker has actually been in the Hospital Wing all week though, so if he didn't make it out by classes today, I got to play in the match next week!" He exclaimed in pure child-like delight, then his face clouded over as he muttered in confusion what day of the week it was supposed to be exactly.

"I hope things work out for you then," Alice told him sincerely as Lily had long since lost interest in the conversation and perused every spine along here, but between the cover of Witch Weekly being dominated by some person with a surly face and heavy dark eyebrows, and a copy of Quidditch through the ages, not finding the book they needed.

Regulus nodded, blinked again in surprise as if just realizing who he'd been talking to, and managed the most friendly smile any of them had seen as he waved them off and began flipping through the magazine again.

"He's a weird kid," Frank muttered as they went traveling aimlessly down the isles of the store now with no clue where to look next, and not in any big hurry to be done and put in a more unpleasant place to use magic to find it. "Sometimes he's so hostile I feel like I can't take my eyes off him, then other's, he's..." he struggled to put into words what they'd just seen.

"A normal kid," she offered politely. "I'm still trying to figure that out as well. Seems he really only gets defensive when his big brother starts pushing his buttons and the pureblood issues come up. Makes you wonder what his home life's like," she finished with a sigh, eyes on Lily as she watched a Bludger go sailing over their head without interest. They heard it crash somewhere in the back of the store, and they all steered clear and went to the front instead.

The Marauders were beside themselves with pure energy, clearly all that candy they'd inhaled had taken hold. Black and Pettigrew were responsible for the majority of the objects being thrown around, unable to handle one for any length of time before daring the other to throw it, and the other complying. Lupin was sitting on the counter with an indulgent smile in place, occasionally waving his wand to fix something right only so his friends could go at it again. Potter was conspicuously missing.

"You lot have no restraint!" Evans snapped as a pile of Puddlemere United towels crashed into the floor from their wild antics. "Would you have some bloody respect for one place?"

"Live a little Evans!" Pettigrew called back, before he burst into a mad fit of laughter that almost sounded like a shriek. He jumped onto the space beside his friend and began hanging from the rafters in the ceiling, scrambling madly to lift the rest of himself up there.

Alice felt a bit of pity for him, it couldn't be easy to learn of this kind of future and the lad seemed to be taking his words to heart and enjoying himself to the fullest now. His friends were clearly indulging this. She turned away, and finally spotted the book. Potter was unintentionally drooling on it and didn't even seem to realize it, as it was propped on the display next to the Firebolt.

She darted over there as well, eyeing the beautiful, sleek design with relish. It looked fast just simply sitting there in the sun, she couldn't imagine the feel of one beneath her. She was surprised Potter wasn't crashing around the store on it yet.

As if reading her mind, he groaned in pain, "it's a display model only, not the bloody real thing."

"That's almost fair," she sighed with longing. "I can't imagine any security charms in the world would stop someone from trying to steal it." Her mind was already putting together Potter discovering this by trying to take one along with him now.

He looked to her in surprise, it looked almost painful for him to drag his eyes away, but clearly hearing her tone. "You like Quidditch?"

"Why does everyone seem so surprised by this?" She pouted.

"You've barely said a thing when Harry's games were going on," he shrugged.

"I like to play it, don't have much enjoyment for listening to it," she said back, while finally and reluctantly grabbing the book.

"Enjoy the chapter then, seems we'll be getting skipped forward to one of Harry's matches," Potter gave her a genial wave and went back to panting over the broom.

Alice wasn't so sure, the timeline didn't seem right for it at all as she'd thought Harry was just starting his winter break, but opened the book curiously to read the chapter title, which gave things a little more context.

Pettigrew fell from the ceiling in surprise, and didn't even seem to notice. "Harry's going to get a Firebolt!"

Alice gazed fondly at the picture, which didn't at all do justice to the lovely bit of wood in the window.

"I guess losing his Nimbus model changed his mind about getting a new broom like that," Frank laughed at the kids indulgence. "Poor lad needs a pick me up I'm sure," he finished more quietly, eyes still on Black who looked like he was trying to do a cart wheel for reasons beyond both of them.

The excitement of this news made everything feel like there was a new energy around it, even the dampening opening reminding them all how Harry was taking this news. It was clear the Marauders were trying very hard not to even listen, the three even abandoning the front counter to join their friend at the window and talking painfully loudly about anything they could think of.

Alice couldn't do the same, and not just because she was the one telling of poor Harry's suffering turned to hatred towards Black. She watched the teen flinch and edge even closer to his best friend, throwing an arm around Lupin like he was trying to hold himself upright at his soon to be godsons feelings. She'd been wondering about her own future ever since she'd learned about Neville, worried why her son never mentioned his parents and was raised by Frank's mother. If her son hated his parents even a fraction of what Harry was feeling for someone he should have been so close with, she didn't know how she'd be able to live with that. She honestly wished she had a better answer for him rather than more accusations.

Lily listened as Harry's friends tried to cheer him up, and Harry wouldn't let them as he reminded Malfoy may have been aware of this news. She vividly remembered the brats words to Harry about the elder Black, Sirius, and how she'd wondered if somehow he and Lupin were in on that horrible murder together. Now with this new information of learning their friend was involved, she wasn't so sure, but then how had the child of a Death Eater been so informed of the event? Was it really possible they'd both turn on their friend in a few years? What of Potter? The longer she thought of this the less sense it made.

Frank hoped that Harry going to visit Hagrid would help him. He needed someone to vent at, an adult in his life who would be a solid presence in this troubled time. He'd never known his dad, but thought he'd be a lot like Hagrid if he hadn't been killed by Death Eaters.

James turned to actually watch Alice with concern and surprise of what was wrong with Hagrid, then they all muttered, "I'd forgotten about that hippogriff."

"I say we start a Quidditch team for him!" Peter said at once, breaking off and making a run for the isles. "The Hogwarts Hippogriffs!"

"I don't think they'll give a school an international team," James snorted as he followed after him.

"If they did, we'd have to form one giant team, and the body count would never end," Remus snickered as he trailed after them.

Sirius hesitated to follow, eyes still lingering on the book. His friends refused to treat him any differently no matter what came to light, but he'd noticed these three with something new on their faces from that last chapter. It had not passed his notice Regulus had been about to draw his wand on someone either, for him. He felt like he owed all of them, something. A peace offering, a thanks, an apology, he wasn't sure, but some way to show he really wasn't this mad man of the future. He'd never really cared what anyone thought of him in school before, but this was different, he didn't want anyone to think he was capable of this! Now it was clear they were reconsidering and even agreeing with the Marauders something was going on about this story, now how to reinforce this when Harry's opinion of him was lower than ever?

Harry helping his friend to save the hippogriff was too sweet, almost sickly so, Regulus wanted to laugh. Hagrid was certainly one strange person, crying over a beast. He wondered idly, as he found a nice chair to sit in and continue flipping through his magazine, how Hagrid had survived Azkaban for as long as he'd been there. Regulus froze when he even realized Hagrid and Sirius would have been in there at the same time. He shivered and was happy for the change of topic to Harry getting Christmas gifts, especially that new broom he'd already snuck a peek at.

The boys ideas of who had sent it to him all had merit, he could even hear echoes throughout the store of varying people's ideas, most of them thinking it was McGonagall or Dumbledore again. Regulus wondered if they were really missing a rather obvious person, Sirius. He was certain he cared enough about Harry to use money he claimed no right to.

There was some scattered sympathy again for Scabbers once again being chased by that cat, and quite a few mutters when Hermione only made her position worse by worrying over who sent the broom instead of just enjoying the gift! He rolled his eyes even harder when he in fact heard the other Muggleborn present voicing this same worry Harry should not just be accepting this gift without question. He'd probably agree, if he thought there was anyone out to hurt Harry that wasn't around the last two years. He'd finally had to admit to himself there was no doubt Sirius was innocent of these crimes, and there was just no reason he'd be 'going after,' Harry.

Once again nobody seemed to give much of a passing notice to Lupin being absent for his health. It was a common enough thing for him in school, seemed he never grew out of that.

Remus flushed at this being pointed out anyways, then paused in confusion as the potion Snape was apparently making for him was again mentioned with no real understanding of it all. There was just no chance it was a coincidence. Snape knew he was a werewolf, and was giving him something for it?

James and Peter froze in front of him with weary expressions as well, but dared not speak of this in such a compact store where anyone could hear. Instead they gladly took the distraction of McGonagall coming to confiscate Harry's broom, and very loudly spoke of how infuriated they were with Hermione going behind Harry's back like that.

"She was looking out for her friend!" Evans shot back from five isles over. "I'd hardly think you would complain about that Potter, considering that's what you've been doing for your friend since the beginning!"

"It's different!" James thundered back, but with that light back in his eyes of finally getting the chance to spare with her again openly. "I'm defending Sirius from false accusations, not tattling to a teacher so they can nick his stuff!"

There was no response, and James preened with satisfaction, seeming to think he'd finally gotten through to her. He even went jogging back over to them, Peter hurrying to keep up.

Remus was all for standing around and watching the show of Prongs and Evans again, but got distracted. "Oi, Padfoot, I found you a Whimborn Wasp Jersey with Bagman's numbers!"

"Moony, you're the best mate ever!" He'd spoken without thinking, all but apparating to the isle he was in, but froze when he reached for it and their hands brushed together.

There was a pause as the two just stood there for a moment gaping at each other.

It's stupid to flush like some school girl, Sirius quickly corrected himself, he knew what you meant! Their fingers were still overlapped over the bright yellow stripes.

The two hadn't found an alone moment in quite some time now, and the more this kept happening the more charged the air became between them. They'd agreed to hold off the awkward conversation of whatever this was and include James and Peter in it, but that had been when they'd thought they were just traveling through Harry's first year. Now all of this horrible new information kept coming up between them all, the two honestly just wanted an escape.

Remus cleared his throat and finally stepped back, effectively putting the conversation off again like it had never been turned back on. "Well, put it on before Smith finishes!"

Neither gave a single care to the exclaims of surprise that Sirius could have sent Harry that broom, it felt obvious to them, and it's not as if this news would change anyone's opinion of him in either way.

Sirius shucked his bag, slipped out of his school robes and threw them off without care, grinning as he exposed his top half and Remus cleared his throat again. It wasn't anything the other hadn't seen over the past five years of sharing a room in the morning, he told himself, but he still found himself preening a bit and hesitating longer than he should have before pulling it on.

Moony caught his eyes and smiled again, whispering, "perfect fit," as they were teleported away.

[artificialqueens]

Come Home to My Heart, Chapter 1 (Lemyanka) - Plastiquedoll

read on ao3 ✨

Summary: Flashbacks to their first meeting back in the day when friendships started at “hello”. Flashbacks to their troublesome teen years, -where life without the other was unthinkable- and the first time experiencing a heartbroken wishing it was the last. Flashbacks to the silence of all those years, the unspoken words, and the lingering stares. Flash forward to the present to responsibilities and young adulthood, to return to the first place they ever called home. What were memories but a supercut of them two?

A/N: hi there, I haven’t written ff in a while (and I had never written ff for the rpdr fandom so this is a first) I hope you enjoy this chapter it’s mostly an introduction and their first meeting (ch 2 is already up) thanks for reading <3

-1-

At the age of five, there wasn’t anything that Priyanka loved more than chocolate chip cookies.

No, but, any joke aside. It was a serious matter for her. Her mother didn’t buy that many sugary cereals, colorful candy, chocolates, or sweets in general but once in a while, she would buy a bag of cookies for her to take to kindergarten and share them with her classmates. Needless to say she never actually shared them. Young as she was, she was smart enough to fractionate the bag and make it last a few more days.

To achieve this, she planned and skimmed, and even had a secret hiding place where she could eat them without anyone or anything to bother her. It was the only moment of the day where she disappeared for a couple of minutes. On a regular day, she would be playing hide and seek or skipping the rope with the other kids but since she had four siblings at home, playtime was the only moment she had for herself and her chocolate chip cookies.

She had discovered a little nook next to the teacher’s lounge; it was almost entirely covered by a large leafy bush. For months, she had done a wonderful job sneaking out and coming back to the group before her teachers even noticed her absence. It was perfect and it worked for her convenience.

That was until one faithful day…

Priyanka was about to take the first triumphal bite of her cookie -the tastiest one that always felt a little like victory- when she heard a faint sob nearby. She stopped mid-bite to check who had discovered her secret when she noticed it was one of the girls from the classroom next to hers. She had seen her a couple of times but never spoke or played with her before, until that moment.

The little girl was sitting in the stairs’ steps, dangerously near the entrance -which was forbidden territory for any children- the bush covered much from that angle and it was obvious she didn’t want anyone to see her crying as well.

“Hey…” Priyanka approached softly.

The little girl lifted her head, her face was puffy and her eyes reddened after all that crying. She was still very pretty with her blonde pigtails and Hello Kitty hairpins, it reminded Priyanka those dolls with giant eyes and plastic hair.

“Why are you crying?” Priyanka asked innocently.

The girl hadn’t noticed her presence until that moment and she sobbed a little more, unable to speak.

“Do you want me to call your teacher?”

She shook her head in a negative gesture.

“I-I…” She struggled to find the words. “I-Ilona… she s-said my… she said my name was dumb.” The tears kept rolling down her face. “And s-she didn’t let the other girls p-play with me.”

Ilona. Priyanka did know Ilona, their mothers were friends and she knew the girl could be a meanie sometimes but nothing she couldn’t handle.

Priyanka kneeled next to her. “She’s just being mean.”

“But no one wants to play with me now!” The girl bawled her eyes out. Loudly.

“Wait! Wait! Don’t cry… don’t cry.” For some reason, she couldn’t stand the image of that girl shedding a tear. The idea popped in her head. “I’ll give you a cookie if you stop crying right now.”

The girl stared at her with a big pout on her mouth and her eyes glistening with shiny tears.

Priyanka extended her tiny hand and offered one of the cookies she so dearly adored, -for her, those cookies made her happy thus it would help the other girl to stop feeling sad, right?- the other girl hesitated for a moment before grabbing it, no one could say no to a chocolate chip cookie and that was a well-known fact.

She murmured something similar to a «thank you» and munched in silence. Priyanka sat next to her and had a cookie for herself.

“What’s your name anyway?”

“I’m Lucy… but my mom and my dad call me Lemon.” She said shyly. There were cookie crumbs over her mouth. “Because I like yellow… a lot.” She pointed at her -indeed- canary yellow ruffled dress and matching shoes.

“I see… I’m Priyanka.”

“Nice to meet you, Priyanka.”

Lemon shook her hand in a gesture that felt business-like. This got the other girl giggling before sharing another cookie with her newest friend.

“What were you doing here? The teacher said we don’t have to come this way.”

Priyanka’s eyes widened.

“I-… can you keep a secret?”

Lemon nodded, very severe about it.

“I didn’t want to share my cookies with the other kids of my classroom.”

Lemon gasped audibly.

“But you shared them with me!”

“You were crying.”

The blonde’s bottom lip trembled. “T-Thank you.”

“It’s okay… I tell you what, I’ll play with you.”

“You don’t have to…” She said shyly again.

“But I want to… come with me.” She put the bag of cookies back into her Rainbow Dash lunch box and extended her single hand towards the blonde.

Lemon didn’t hesitate this time and held it firmly.

Priyanka, being the natural chatterbox she was, of course, managed to make friends everywhere but for Lemon -who had always being withdrawn with strangers- the ease she had was something brand new.

“What do you want to play first?” Priyanka asked, still holding her hand.

“Hopscotch!” The enthusiast in her voice was contagious. It was difficult to believe it was the same girl that was crying just a few minutes ago.

“I’m the champion of hopscotch around.” Priyanka said proudly.

“You were.” Lemon giggled.

“Hey!” But Priyanka was smiling as well.

After that day, their friendship was set in stone. Priyanka and Lemon, Lemon and Priyanka: never one without the other.

And from that day on, Lemon started bringing chocolate chip cookies to kindergarten as well.

[starkeristheendgame]

Starker Valentine

Firstly, I want to start by wishing @softstarkerstuff a wonderful Happy Valentine’s, and also every other wonderful noodle that may see this! This is my second time participating in a challenge and I am beyond excited! Softstarker requested a High School AU where childhood best friends drift apart after Tony rejects Peter’s feelings for him. Naturally, Peter has the mother of all glow-ups over summer and Tony is quickly forced to reconsider.

I didn’t wanna go absolutely crazy on the word count for this, so I haven’t actually written out the majority of the backplot. This fic takes place after said rejection and focuses on the requested act of Tony developing his character in order to deserve Peter’s affections.

(I said that and this ended up being over 4,000 words!)

@starker-valentines 

TW: Light Angst | (Not) Unrequited Love

“Tony. Get up,” Natasha hissed above him, and ordinarily the glint in her eye would have been enough for Tony to hop to, but the situation outweighed whatever horrible consequence she could bestow him, and he shook his head.

“We live here now,” Clint shrugged happily, popping another nacho into his mouth from the bowl he’d swiped before joining Tony in an act of solidarity on the floor, hiding behind a countertop in the kitchen. Natasha arched a dangerous eyebrow at the other boy, and even Tony twisted to look at Clint.

“Why are you down here?” Tony asked, risking leaning over Clint’s thighs to peek around the corner. Fuck. He couldn’t see him anymore, but that didn’t mean it was safe to move. He blew out a harsh breath and curled back up against the counter, scowling.

“Barnes has that leather jacket on again,” Clint announced simply, as though that explained anything at all. Above them, Natasha heaved a put-upon sigh, settling for kicking Tony in the shin with an unimpressed frown.

“Him I can understand,” she begun, motioning to Clint, who paused like he didn’t actually know if he ought to be offended or not. “But you. I had higher expectations of,” she sniffed, eyes scanning the room behind them before she reached down, grasping a fist of their shirts and hauling them to their feet despite their yowls of protest and clamours to hide behind her.

Heart in his throat, Tony cast a quick glance around, but couldn’t find the object of his fears. Or... The person. He relaxed a fraction, mindlessly pawing at Natasha’s iron grip with the dull awareness that his shirt would likely be crumpled.

“Idiots. The both of you. If I were less of a friend I’d complain about you ruining my night,” Natasha sniffed as she begun to drag them out of the kitchen, Clint still desperately clinging to his snacks and having no qualms about stealing a bowl. Tony kept himself alert as they walked, fugitively scanning the rooms as they made their way towards the door.

He couldn’t exactly say he lamented leaving - Contrary to every single clichè American film, high school house parties were often measly affairs, more pizza than booze and always with that one weirdo pretending they were absolutely wasted off alco-pops and mixers. 

This party was largely no different, thumping music that made it hard to talk, pizza that had long gone cold and Tony would rather starve than touch, shitty drinks with a 4% content.

Mm, but no. What made this party truly, utterly horrific, was the fact that Peter Parker had shown up. And really, that sounded meaner than it was intended. Tony didn’t hate Peter - Not even close. Wasn’t disgusted by his presence but terrified of it.

Peter was - Or rather, had been, his best friend. This is where Tony’s sort kind of did realise the typical ‘teen film’ plot.

Boy meets boy. Boys grow up as childhood best friends, joined at the hip and vowing during recess to never, never, ever break friends. Boys navigate pre-teenhood together. Boy gets crush. 

Apparently, other boy also gets crush. Boy admits crush. Other boy is too emotionally repressed and terrified to admit crush. Boy rejects boy. Summer comes. Boy gets glow up. Other boy now doubly regrets rejection and is left to wallow in pitiful regret and jealousy.

Yeah. Tony liked it about as much as he liked Marmite, which was to say, not at all. When Peter had rolled over on their bed, eyes imploring and voice soft as he admitted his feelings, something within Tony had died. 

Because Peter was this perfect, pretty thing he was destined to never have. The flower that Tony was too scared to pick because he didn’t want to see it wither and die.

“He’s gone all thinky and melancholy again,” Clint complained at his side, and Tony thumped him on the shoulder, tripping over the welcome mat as Natasha lugged them along like reluctant suitcases. 

Tony would have given a smart quip in response, something scathing about how Clint was also running away from someone, but a soft voice interrupted the quiet of the front yard just as they reached Tony’s car.

“Tony?”

Fuck. Fuck. Don’t turn around. It was easy to pretend he hadn’t heard, grabbing Clint by the scruff to stop the moron from turning and waving as they hauled into the car. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t face it. Him.

They were barely even in the car before Tony begun to pull away, Clint and his nachos rolling around in the back as the teen struggled to buckle himself in. From her seat up front, Natasha eyed him.

“Coward,” she announced, and Tony immediately agreed without shame. He was, of course. He was a coward. Had been from the start, from the moment he was old enough to let his feelings morph from the love of a friend to just...Love. He drove with a grim expression and an ache in his chest that felt like drowning.

He lay in bed for the remainder of the night, nose filled with chamomile and flora and heart aching with every memory that encompassed all that he had left of Peter. He had run away that night, recoiling from the prospect of ruining something he loved, and knowing he was ruining it by running. A vicious circle; a rat maze he was destined to run forever.

The torture of it had only increased upon their return, when cheeks round with baby-fat had slimmed and sharpened, when Peter’s unruly curls had smoothed into rolling, silky waves. He’d worked out over summer a little too, no longer just slim but lean. Summer glow-ups were nothing new, but Peter’s had hit hard.

Peter’s new looks had only succeeded in turning him from a neutral, friendly nerd to the newfound adoration of Queen’s Public High School, the boy suddenly inundated with attention and propositions. Peter seemed to have taken it in stride, not exchanging his personality for popularity, and still sat with the same two friends at lunch, still studied hard and ignored the feral social ladder.

It only made Tony love him all the more.

His sleep was restless and by Monday he was tired and grouchy, stalking through the halls towards his locker with a pair of deep shades covering his stinging eyes. Natasha cast him a glance as sympathetic as she could offer when she had made her opinion of his torment clear, and steered him towards first period. 

Peter was already there when they arrived, slouched over his desk and engaged in an enigmatic conversation with Ned. Tony allowed his gaze to linger for exactly six seconds before he slumped in his own desk, decidedly across the room from Peter and slightly in front, so he wouldn’t have to spend any of his lessons watching the other boy and lamenting the loss of his warmth.

A shadow fell over his desk and Tony slowly lifted his head from where he had been staring at the floor, willing his migraine to jump ship. The shadow belonged to one Steve Rogers, who’s summer glow up had happened over the previous year, and who had gone from your average joe with pretty eyes and a jawline to a six foot tall, broad-shouldered, lean hunk of very biteable meat. If Tony wasn’t fairly (entirely) certain one Bucky Barnes would knock all his teeth out, he’d have tried a taste.

“Can I help you?” he asked blearily, tipping his head so his glasses dipped and he could see Steve without a vignette of black. Steve merely raised an eyebrow, and Tony narrowed his eyes suspiciously in response.

“Hm.” And then Steve turned away, striding towards his own desk. Tony blinked dazedly at the now empty space, cast a sideways glance at Steve who sat down and begun to talk to Clint without a peek in return, and sighed. Ah. So Peter’s presumable warning about not going after Tony for breaking his heart must be nearing its end, then.

Wonderful.

At lunch, Tony snuck off campus and drove to the nearest Starbucks, returning to Natasha’s side with a coffee that was more espresso than water. He slouched in his seat and gave a pathetic whine, rubbing at his temples, and she slid a manicured hand through his hair, deliberately catching the tips of her nails on his scalp.

“If you weren’t such an emotionally repressed baby, you wouldn’t be like this,” she ‘soothed’ gently, and he cast her a sideways scowl.

“Yes, thank you for that. Nothing compares to your compassion and support,” Tony grumbled, scowling at her from behind his glasses. He needn’t remove them - she knew him well enough by now. Across the table Clint leaned forwards, petting idly at Tony’s forearm whilst his gaze remained steadily on Bucky from across the hall.

“Thighs like that should be illegal,” he sighed dreamily, and Tony and Natasha raised a brow in unison. Tony wasn’t the only one afflicted with love-interest related drama; Clint had gone and fallen in utter besottment with Bucky Barnes, also known as the second side of Steve Rogers’ coin. 

Unlike Steve; Bucky had always been tall and broad, with a slick haircut and a face that was already breaking hearts across the school.

Tony’s gaze drifted, away from Barnes’ denim clad thighs and instead to the sweater-clad form besides him. Peter was sprawled in his chair, sipping absently at a Cola and paying delighted attention to whatever conversation was happening. He looked... 

Soft. Soft in a way that Tony knew was huggable, touchable. His sweater was a deep blue to match the unlaced Doc Martins on his feet and his hair was askew like he’d been running his hands through it all morning.

“Stark!”

Fuck.

“What can I do for you?” he ground his teeth, voice faux sweet as he turned to eye Ms. Hill, who arched a brow at him and leaned down, plucking his coffee cup from his grasp.

“Please, correct me if I’m wrong, but last time I checked, the campus lunch hall didn’t stock Starbucks,” she announced, voice steely as she stared him down. Tony only offered her a short smile and an easy shrug.

“Correct.”

“Well then. I hope you’re sufficiently fuelled for a long day - you have detention. Immediately after last period.”

Tony simply cast her a serene, unbothered smile, taking his cup back before she could throw it in the trash. Tony’s grades more than made up for any mishaps he might incur, but Howard would still be displeased with him. Even more so at the triviality of why he was facing detention. 

Neither of his friends deigned to say anything about the instance, though Clint had given a dramatic wince at his punishment and had tossed a scowl at Hill’s retreating back - ever the supportive friend.

Natasha disappeared shortly before the end of lunch, though Tony had long since learned not to question her. He’d once found her lounging behind the bleachers, making a scalpel out of a piece of plastic card, some gum and a pencil. 

Since then he hadn’t dared to think too hard about what she might be doing whenever she wasn’t sitting in view and judging everyone.

She was back by the time last period rolled around, sitting primly in her seat with her book open, interest lost in a magazine she had apparently pulled out of nowhere. A glance at the cover showed it was a rifle magazine and Tony was not, at all, surprised.

Last period was history, and their tutor was a decidedly crabby old man who was never pleased with the efforts of his students. He was a fair grader - Never shorting them of their achievements, but he sung little praise and always had something to say about improvements.

They'd been given homework that no amount of groaning would rescind, and Tony pulled his from his bag with a sigh, rooting in his bag for a pen. In this class, he sat at the back, and it gave him a full vantage of where Peter was practically sitting in the lap of the pretty girl that had transferred here not too long ago. He had a vague notion of her name, but he knew for a fact that Peter always called her 'MJ'.

"Students! I should hope your weekend was spent wisely. Anyone not in possession of their homework will receive a detention," Mr. Ardell announced, hands clapping together. Tony breathed through his nose at the sound, pressing at his temple.

"Stark. This is not a nightclub nor a fashion show. Take the glasses off, and keep them off," he added in a snipe, and Tony forced a brittle smile, steadfastly ignoring the way that soft, honeyed eyes turned to him as he slid his glasses off And set them on his desk.

Even the typical 'bad type' student or the dumbest of them all listened to Mr. Ardell. The man had a booming voice and no hesitation about dealing punishments. 

At a glance, Tony could see that every student had their homework on their desk. Every student except Peter, who was rummaging around in his bag with a growing sense of urgency. Tony perked.

That was unusual. Peter often had his homework out before the teachers even got a chance to ask. Tony’s gaze remained fixed on the boy, who was now frantic as he dug around, mindlessly passing Mr. Ardell his homework as the man roamed the room, collecting sheets, right up until he stood opposite Peter, who floundered.

“I... I did it! I packed it this morning. It was right in my folder and now it’s gone!” Peter breathed, panic blossoming in his eyes. Mr. Ardell was quite clearly having none of it as Peter rambled and rifled through his bag, until Mr. Ardell finally held up a hand. Despite himself, Tony sucked in a breath, wincing in sympathy.

“Detention, Mr. Parker. And such a shame. You’re one of the few that don’t frequently make me wish I had the money to retire sooner,” Mr. Ardell sighed, and Peter crumpled. 

It made Tony’s heart clench in his chest, sympathy surging through his veins. He had no doubt Peter had done the homework - But perhaps he’d simply forgotten to pack it.

He was sitting there, chin on his palm as he watched MJ comfort Peter, when he sat bolt upright.

Detention.

Tony had detention.

That meant -

“Aw, fuck.”

“Mr. Stark!”

As Tony packed his bag at the end of class, Clint came sidling over, nudging him with a meek smile. “Hey, man. It’s not that bad. Just put some earbuds in. I bet he hates your guts too much to talks to you anyway!” he added cheerfully as they strode from the room, and Tony cast him a flat look.

“Gee, thanks.”

“No problem! Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow. I gotta dash if I wanna make it home to walk Lucky before food!”

And then, there was just Tony and the rapidly emptying hallway. He heaved a sigh, ground his teeth, and strode towards the detention room. It was only half an hour. 

That was nothing. He could make it. The wild notion of fleeing and dealing with a double detention tomorrow crossed his mind, but Tony could only stand being in school for as long as he had to, and with a duck of his head he strode down the hallway at a faster pace. The sooner he got there, the sooner it was over with.

He reached the door and was about to push it open when the sheet of paper caught his eye.

Detention students - Room 3A12.

Tony frowned, but turned on his heel, making his way towards the other room. Perhaps that one was being cleaned or something. He was putting his earbuds in when he pushed into 3A12, Guns’n’Roses already filling his ears when a yelp of; “don’t let the door shut!” filtered through, followed by the soft slam of the door behind him.

He blinked across at Peter, who had stopped mid-stride, arm outstretched, looking pained. “Fuck! It locks from the outside. Now neither of us can get out,” Peter whined, and Tony scoffed.

“None of the doors in this place lock only from the outside.” to prove his point he turned, grabbed the handle, and slammed shoulder-first into it when it did not move as he did. Tony frowned, lips thinning as he jiggled the knob, tried again.

It wouldn’t open.

“Who the fuck installs a door that doesn’t open from one side!” Tony exploded, panic beginning to seep like cold water through his veins as the reality of the situation hit him. He was stuck alone in a room with Peter. Opposite him, Peter groaned and sank back down onto the -

“Son of a bitch.” They weren’t even a proper classroom. There were barely ten tables in here, a tiny whiteboard and a miniscule teacher’s desk. They couldn’t have been put in a smaller room if they tried. But speaking of the teacher's desk…

“Where’s the teacher?” he asked, nose crinkling. Opposite, Peter heaved a sigh, fidgeting on the edge of his seat and tugging at the ends of his sleeves.

“I don’t know. I’ve been in here for ten minutes, nobody has come in,” Peter sounded quiet, miserable, and Tony’s heart squeezed uncomfortably within his chest as he sunk down into a chair, frowning. 

Maybe the teacher was just held up with a student. They’d arrive soon enough, and Tony could be out of here and far away from that plush mouth, those dark eyes.

The minutes ticked by, with nothing but the sound of the clock on the wall. Tony tried texting Natasha and Clint, but they were both home already. If Peter had text anyone, he’d had similar luck, because ten more minutes passed and still not a soul even passed the door. 

Tony blew out a breath and tossed his phone down, running a hand through his hair and leaning back in his chair. From the corner of his eye, he could see Peter watching.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re staring.”

“There’s not a lot in this room to look at.”

Tony gave a soft sound, eyes closing behind his shades as he settled. This wasn’t so bad. He could do this. They just had to wait and hope that a caretaker came around, or that someone called the reception to report that they had not come home. More minutes ticked by.

“You’re still staring.”

“I can’t help it. I haven’t...I haven’t seen you in a while,” 

Tony sucked in a breath, eyes closing and fingers beginning a tempo against the table. No. He couldn’t do this. If he did this; he’d crumble. He’d get to his knees and beg for all he’d lost, and he couldn’t do that. Not as a Stark, and not to Peter. Couldn’t lead Peter to a reckless end.

“We’re in all the same classes,” he noted roughly, and Peter made a soft, frustrated sound besides him. Tony winced but said nothing more, steeling himself. Peter deserved better than him - especially now, when it would look like Tony only cared because he’d changed. Except... Peter hadn’t changed all that much. He’d just filled out a little, gained some confidence.

“You’ve been avoiding me and ignoring me.”

“So have you,” he replied evenly, relenting to the fact that Peter wasn’t going to drop the issue. He let his head loll to the side, almost startled when he found Peter leaning forwards, arms around himself, staring at Tony with shining eyes.

“I haven’t wanted to. You pushed me away, disappeared, came back and won’t even look at me”.

Tony ground his teeth, chewing his tongue. “It’s not like I wanted to either, Peter, but I couldn’t…” Couldn’t be around you, knowing that, and not taking advantage of it. Couldn’t see you hurt. Couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t.

“What, you were so disgusted with me you couldn’t even bear to be around me?” Peter sounded defensive now, voice hardening slightly, and part of Tony was thankful. Yes. He could do barbed. He could fight. He could take Peter hating him. At least he wasn’t hurting him further, that way.

“I’m not disgusted at you,” he replied quietly, turning his gaze away. He couldn't bring himself to say anything else, throat tight and hands gripping his desk to stop them from shaking. He thought about ringing Clint, bribing him to come open the door, but Peter spoke again.

"I get it if you don't like me that way but... It's not fair. Treating me this way. Being so... Awful about it.”

"I'm not being awful. I'm…"

"Running away from your feelings? Yeah. That's kind of your MO.”

And Peter said it so bitterly that Tony flinched, teeth clipping the edge of his tongue as he sucked in a breath. Low blow. An emotionally neglectful childhood was bound to leave it's scars.

Peter seemed to regret his words immediately, because he actually stood, taking a few steps to reach for Tony. Despite himself Tony leaned away from the reaching arm, mindless of how much he longed for the contact.

"I didn't mean…"

"Words said in anger are still words with intent.”

"Tony…"

"I can't do this. I can't pretend to hate you and I can't be around you without wanting what I can't have!" he didn't explode, but it was said with some degree of passion, standing to round on Peter, who sank into a chair, looking up at him sorrowfully.

"You can have me!”

If only.

"You said it yourself. I run from my feelings. I can't have you because I'll fuck it up, and I’d rather lose you without hurting you and without attaching myself. I'm a fucki-"

The rest of Tony's emotional rant was cut off sharply as Peter reached up, grasping him by the front of his shirt and hauling him down, so he had to brace himself with one hand on Peter's chair back and the other on the table as Peter's plush mouth met his own, clumsy and a little too forceful.

A man with a stronger will would have pulled back. Would have stuck to his cause and not been selfish.

Tony was not that man.

He let his lips part, opportunistic of the way Peter gasped against him, licking into his mouth and moving his hands to cradle Peter's jaw, relishing in what he knew would be the only time he could indulge his festering love.

There was a click, and then -

"I told you it would work.”

They jerked apart, mouths red and eyes wild, Tony twisting to find none other than a prim looking Natasha and a dubious looking Steve taking up the doorway.

"What." Tony managed, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Obviously this was a set up. A good one, too. It took forever to sneak around and replace the door lock. You two were disgusting and all... Pining. It had to be stopped," she announced, like a mad plot was nothing unordinary.

But turning, looking at the flushed grin on Peter's mouth and the sparkle in his eyes... Well. It was worth getting another detention for missing the first, and it was worth the hours of agonising emotional talk with Peter, tears and sloppy kissing and the jeers from their friends when they came into school on the Wednesday, hand in hand.

"How come I wasn't in on the whole plot?" Clint whined at their table during lunch, casting a mulish glance around them. Natasha gave a sigh and pet at him with faux pity.

"Because you're an idiot with a big mouth," she informed him, twirling a lock of hair around a finger. Overnight she'd gone from fiery copper to a blue-black. It suited her well. Some black lipstick, and she'd be every boy's wanna-be-goth-girlfriend.

"Only we get to insult the idiot and his big mouth," came from above them, and none other than one Bucky Barnes ducked down, pressing a kiss to Clint's cheek, before moving on to Steve.

"That's... New," Tony managed, glancing across at Peter, who looked equally perplexed. Clint had the decency to look sheepish.

"At least I didn't need to get locked in a room to sort my shit out," he grumbled, and Peter giggled, before kissing the affronted look off Tony's face.

Tony wasn't good at feelings. And he'd never been in love before. But Peter was worth it. Peter was worth trying, learning for. 

[biwenqing]

long for you

Wei Wuxian has often been accused of speaking without thinking. This time, he might be overthinking what just needs to come from the heart.

for fytheuntamed on tumblr's untamed spring fest day four prompt: bunnies

Teen | Words: 1568 | ao3

Wei Wuxian sat, looking at the blank paper in front of him. He wanted to fill it, spill onto it everything that was chasing itself around his mind. Maybe if he put the words down, he would be able to speak them without drowning.

Taking a deep breath, he picked up and wetted a brush. Wei Wuxian began only for no characters to reveal themselves. Instead, he began to carefully draw the little bunny nest he had found when he camped beside the road the day before. Three little babies, their eyes still mostly closed and ears so small, curled into a perfect circle of grass. The mother must have been in a hurry for Wei Wuxian to be able to spy them, the tangle of leaves that made up the roof not fully covering the babies.

Once he captured the image, Wei Wuxian wrote around the picture, describing what he had seen. How he had settled on the other side of the road with Lil Apple, and watched for the mother to come back, ready to chase off any fox or hawk that might prey on the nest. He had used some of the Lan meditation techniques to rest while he kept watch.

[That felt fitting, Lan Zhan. I knew that you would have done the same.] Wei Wuxian wrote as he reached the final space on the paper. [I often find you with me, even though you are far from my side. I imagine your reaction to all the people and things along my travels, hear your voice in my dreams. I miss you terribly.]

Signing his name, Wei Wuxian tried not to linger on the words as he waited for the ink to dry. It was only a fraction of what wanted to come pouring out. But there were things that were better said in person, he had to remember. He could only hope that Lan Wangji would understand. He folded it and took it to be sent out.

The woman who accepted the letter raised her brows at the address. “Gusu is only a few hours ride away,” she said but then quickly waved a hand. “Sorry, not my place to comment.”

Wei Wuxian’s smile was more forced than normal. “I’m in town for a little bit. I will check back before I leave in case there is a response.”

The woman nodded. “As you say. Have a good day, young master.”

Returning to the inn, Wei Wuxian stopped to make sure Lil Apple was content in the stables. As content as she ever could be anyway. Her bad temper seemed to have gained her a priority spot among the horses and ponies. Wei Wuxian gave her the carrot he had brought and went to find his own dinner.

Wei Wuxian was able to shake off some of the odd melancholy that had been hanging on him like ill-fitting robes, after some wine and joining different tables to collect information from other travelers. Talking with his waiter as well got him the local gossip. There seemed to be some issues with an old well just outside of town, haunted by a spirit of a child who had fallen in long ago. It wasn’t pressing, only harassing those who came too close, so Wei Wuxian decided that he could leave it for the morning. Another unpaying job, but he didn’t mind. It was important to let that spirit rest.

The room he had paid for was small, unlike the lavish ones Lan Wangji had been able to afford when they traveled together. It was a nice break from sleeping rough, and Wei Wuxian was able to order an almost warm bath so he could wash some of the smell of donkey off himself. Letting his outer robes dry after he washed them, he dressed in just his red ones before climbing into bed.

It wasn’t late but the day’s travel had been long. Wei Wuxian fell asleep as soon as he pulled the covers over himself, leaving the window open on a summer night.

The sound of someone landing on the floor, the boards creaking, had Wei Wuxian startling out of bed sometime later. He reached for Chenqing where it rested next to the bed, turning to face the intruder.

Even when lit only by weak moonlight, Lan Wangji seemed to glow. It must have been a bit of a struggle to get through the window. Wei Wuxian blinked slowly trying to process this as his sleep-addled brain seemed to give up functioning by the sudden appearance of Lan Wangji, too much like the dream he had been startled from.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji apparently had no such issue gathering his thoughts. He strode across the room, hand gently wrapping around Wei Wuxian’s wrist.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian breathed, trying to read his face despite the deep shadows. It was too dark. “Are you angry at me?”

“If you were to pass by so close without coming to see me, yes,” Lan Wangji said, letting go and stepping back a bit. He waved his hand to close the window, and again to light the two little lamps in the room.

Wei Wuxian looked away and admitted, “I hadn’t decided.” He wanted to make sure he had the right words in the right order before he saw Lan Wangji. This was not the time for his rambling.

“Why the letter?” Lan Wangji asked, then seemed to notice that Wei Wuxian was only dressed in his under layer. His ears turned red, as they did when he was embarrassed, and he focused just on Wei Wuxian’s face. “Why say that you missed me but not come see me?”

Wei Wuxian tried to hold Lan Wangji’s eyes. With the light, he could see that there was a tension around his eyes, in the lines of his mouth. Wei Wuxian felt something inside him sink. “I have made you unhappy.” That was the opposite of what he always tried to do, despite what others may believe of his actions.

“Only in that I miss just as fiercely,” the words came out in a rush and seemed to surprise Lan Wangji as much as they did Wei Wuxian. He didn’t stop though. “Every day I wish you were at my side, or that I was at yours.”

“But your duties...” Wei Wuxian said even as he stepped closer, letting Chenqing rest on the bed once more. Lan Wangji not only let him into his personal space but reached to take his hand.

“Don’t make me happy as Wei Ying does,” Lan Wangji said, eyes searching Wei Wuxian’s face.

Wei Wuxian didn’t know what he would find there, but he knew what he wanted. Reaching up his free hand, he gently touched Lan Wangji’s cheek, trying to find the mirror to his own truth. Lan Wangji pressed closer, turning his head into Wei Wuxian’s hand until his fingers brushed the headband.

Wei Wuxian let out a shaky breath but didn’t pull away. He felt silly at the way tears gathered in his eyes, but there was no way he could contain all that he felt. “How can we have only been parted a month, and it hurts this badly?”

Lan Wangji didn’t have an answer, lifting Wei Wuxian’s other hand up and pressing a kiss to his fingers. His voice was rough when he said, “Come home with me Wei Ying. Come home until I am able to travel with you.”

“I will,” Wei Wuxian said, not needing to think it over anymore, not when Lan Wangj voiced what he wanted most in the world. But he had one thing left that worried him. “Your reputation-”

“Is strong and will not be harmed by me finally being happy.” Lan Wangji pressed another kiss to his hand, and it felt like fire being sent through Wei Wuxian’s veins.

Wei Wuxian moved his other hand to run it over Lan Wangji’s ribbon. Lan Wangji didn’t pull away, instead, he began to smile in his way. Wei Wuxian wanted to taste that proof that he could make Lan Wangji happy. “Lan Zhan?”

“Wei Ying?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Always.”

~*~

The innkeeper was clearly surprised the next morning when two people left the room he had rented to one, but he didn’t comment. Nor did he seem put out by Wei Wuxian saying he wouldn’t be staying another night, especially when Lan Wangji paid and left a large tip. Walking out of town with Lil Apple in tow, they aimed to stop by the haunted well before turning towards Gusu. So much was the same and yet to Wei Wuxian, it felt as if the world had shifted overnight.

He couldn’t stop smiling.

“Did the mother come back?” Lan Wangji asked, breaking their companionable silence.

“What?”

“The bunnies,” Lan Wangji looked over at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian found it was possible for him to smile even wider. Taking Lan Wangji’s hand, he tangled their fingers together. “She did. She fed them and then covered the nest properly.”

Lan Wangji nodded, seeming pleased.

“Lan Zhan, you really do have such a soft spot for bunnies.”

“Mn. And Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian laughed, leaning into Lan Wangji’s side. “It’s an honor to be placed so highly.”

“It is the bunnies who should be honored,” Lan Wangji said, and Wei Wuxian knew he was sharing in the laughter.

[primergon]

let me be the portable heater that you'll get cold without, Ratchet / fem!reader

Summary : It was winter, and even without the snow, Jasper has managed to make the nights colder than it should be. You cling onto your second cup of hot chocolate tonight, relinquishing in its warmth. In the midst of Smokescreen's cheering and Arcee's laughter, you shouldn't have noticed Ratchet staring at your arms shivering against the porcelain.

But you did.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning : No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: F/M

Fandoms: Transformers - All Media Types , Transformers: Prime

Relationship: Ratchet (Transformers)/You

IT was Christmas eve. Mariah Carey and Michael Buble have been fighting over the radio station for nearly two hours now, droning out into a series of cheery jingles and tunes that could hardly be heard under all the noise.

Smokescreen was running from Ultra Magnus, who doesn't appreciate the mistletoe the young mech had set up for him. Albeit, when the time came, he had been in deep conversation with Optimus. The Autobot leader was diplomatic as always, urging his second in command to partake in Earth's festivities and out of respect,and had kissed him in the forehead.

You had never seen the stoic mech so speechless, it was only when he came to his sense did he march towards Smokescreen, who had nearly sent himself into stasis out of laughter.

His laughter faded in the distance, replaced by light bickering coming from Arcee and Jack, who couldn't seem to decide on the location of the ornaments. Miko and Bulkhead were both wrapping gifts, although it could hardly be called wrapping from the way they were just sticking tape everywhere.

You smiled at the warmth, telling Raf to be careful as Bumblebee lifted him to the top of the tree. The young boy struggled to put the star in place and you didn't miss the way Ratchet was staring too, eyes wary as his student wobbled above Bumblebee's palms.

" Yip yip yip !" He gruntled, getting up from his place before scooping Raf up for himself. " You must be more careful! You humans seem to forget just how fragile you are."

You let out a good-natured laugh, sipping your chocolate beverage. He gave you a side-glance, before focusing back on the child.

You have to admit, you wished you were on the receiving end of his nagging.

As annoying Ratchet's over-protective nature may seem, you find it lovable. His sarcastic quips and disgruntled complaints were just genuine concerns covertly hidden to avoid any suspicions that he's gone soft.

Therefore, every time he would scold you, you can't help but soak it in. It feels nice to see that he actually cares, in his own unorthodox way.

Ratchet gave you a questioning brow, reminding you that you've been staring.

Shit.

You averted your gaze, cursing to yourself. The last thing you want the medic to know is that you've been catching yourself caring for him - no, it was more than that. You were visibly attracted to the ‘silver fox’ aura he carries with him, his controlling nature just makes you wonder if he was the same day and night.

You nearly choke on the marshmallows, your face burning under the night's chill.

The sweater June had gotten you as a gift wasn't enough to keep the cold out of your skin, although you must admit, it is cute. You had a sinking feeling June had purposely purchased one that matches Ratchet's color scheme, after you let slip that you find his bad-tempered nature endearing - " didn't know you had a thing for grumpy men."

As you leaned against the railing, you fail to notice that Smokescreen was walking towards you. He tapped you lightly on the shoulder, a shrewd grin plastered across his face. He pointed you to look up and when you did, you felt a little dumbfounded, until you saw this little plant hanging between the two of you.

Oh.

You let out a chortle, hiding it behind your sleeves. The rookie was practically bouncing, if he had a tail, it would be wagging. He leaned politely, not enough to be invading your personal space but just enough to tell you what he wants.

You shook your head, Smokescreen had always been drawn to you. His free spirit, courage, and cheerful personality didn't go unnoticed. Yet, if anything you loved the mech like a friend. But, Smokescreen seemed to admire you, in a way you can only call puppy love.

Fitting, you smiled. It was Christmas, Ultra Magnus was slumping behind him in defeat ( a victim of Smokescreen's youthfulness ), the music was obnoxiously cheery and it was the most beautiful time of the year.

So you decided to indulge him, leaning to kiss the mech on the cheek. His door wings fluttered and you couldn't help back a guffaw, the whole team erupting into a chorus of teasing. You patted him on the head, turning back to the Christmas tree.

Ratchet paid the scene no mind, holding Raf as still as he could. The mech simply looked at you, rolling his eyes at your antics.

That tugged a string and your heart tightened, for a fraction of a second you had hoped he would notice. You wondered what he might think, but it seemed you had hoped too soon - Ratchet wouldn't concern himself on who you are, moreover on who you kiss.

Although it is true, that he seems to have enjoyed your company ( you knew when to talk and when to not ) and the way you never seem to get tired of explaining to him all about Earth's customs. ( He even seems to enjoy your little arguments, knowing that they never mean anything but good-natured teasing.)

The idea of him liking you was good as finally convincing Arcee to reverse her colors to pink.

You sighed into your empty cup, refilling it.

It was winter, and even without the snow, Jasper has managed to make the nights colder than it should be. You cling onto your second cup of hot chocolate tonight, relinquishing in its warmth. In the midst of Smokescreen's cheering and Arcee's laughter, you shouldn't have noticed Ratchet staring at your arms shivering against the porcelain.

But you did.

It was late. The radio was now playing in its lowest volume. Optimus, Smokescreen, and Ultra Magnus have gone to investigate a Decepticon signal while the others went to take the children home.

You decided to stay behind, volunteering to clean up the plastic cups and left-over food. Although Optimus had encouraged everyone to clean up after themselves, Christmas is never really Christmas without a little bit of mess.

You were more than happy to help, considering that you had all the time in the world - and you intend to share it with the medic, even if it was in individual silence.

He was busy monitoring the Ground Bridge, leaving you to sweep the floor.

The radio was announcing its last song for the evening, taking their time to chat about the festivities beforehand. All the while the trio reported back to base.

" We've tracked down the signal and secured a few Energon, Ratchet," The chirpy voice called out, " Don't worry about the Ground Bridge, we're going to take the scenic route. Optimus wants to show us more of human Christmas customs, so we're heading to town."

" Copy that," If anything Ratchet seemed  -  annoyed ? He was muttering incoherently to himself, "Anything else you'd like to report, Smokescreen?"

" Say hi to her for me !" He pipped up and you laughed at Ratchet when he turns to you sharply.

" There's no need, she heard you loud and clear!" He ended the line, his grumbling growing louder as he tapped on the keypads. You frowned at him. It was hard to see him distressed, it was harder to see something bothering him during Christmas!

A familiar tune filled the air, carried by the wind filtering through the open doors. They howled in the distance, the cold seemingly far away from where they stood. You huffed as Ratchet's typing turned more forceful, walking over to the radio. You turned the volume up, letting the static clear before the singer's voice begin to flood the room.

Ratchet looked at you, " What are you doing?"

You were beginning to sway gently, moving across the floor with as much grace as you can muster. You tried to match your pace to the tune, pretending to use the end of the broom as a mic.

Ratchet's confusion began to thaw, leaving way for curiosity. There it is, you grinned, the telltale trait of a medic. He watched you move your shoulders, the swing of your hips, and the tapping of your feet.

" I'm dancing," You gestured, " And I don't want to do it alone."

The Ratchet everyone knew would have rejected the prospect of dancing, with you, out of all people. The old medic should have dismissed you, going back to his work. Yet, there was no work to be done, everyone else was busy except for him.

For the first time in a while, he finds himself devoid of any reason to not dance with you.

He could have made one up, that is, if he didn't want to. But the way his apprehensive look faded to one of interest didn't go unchecked and the way his legs carried him to where you stand seemed to claim otherwise.

You expected him to pick you up, but much to your surprise - and delight, he had utilized his mass displacement. In an instant, he was your size, albeit you only reached his chest, but what matters is that you were able to look at him properly.

" I thought you were against using mass displacement for recreational purposes?" You asked, smugly smiling at him.

He scoffed, " That was when we were low on Energon, Smokescreen, however - has managed to get us some. Unless of course, you'd rather wait for him to come back."

You reached out to him as he pulled away, " What? No ! Ratchet what are you talking about, I asked you didn't I?"

He avoided your gaze, but you weren't having any of it, so you continued to move to the rhythm - letting the slow tune carry you. The music twirled like thread around them, coaxing Ratchet to move in sync.

He gave in, wobbling, " I haven't danced since- " he snorted, " since I was a young mech."

" What better way to improve than to practice?" His eyes widened at the implication that you were open to the idea that this isn't a one-time thing, he seemed to be pleased by it, taking your waist.

You rest your hands loosely around his shoulders, " See, it's not so-"

He stepped on your foot, causing you to yelp.

" Frag !" He muttered, " I'm sorry-"

" That's okay," You reassured, pulling yourself closer, " It's okay."

The music carried a mellow tune, singing a song about confessions, and you feel one coming up right now. The two of you have started to blend with the song, and without noticing you've rested your cheek against his chest.

He didn't push you away.

" I don't-" He started, " I shouldn't be doing this."

" Why not?" You stayed in place, not wanting to raise your head to see his expression. Your heart pounded fiercely against your chest and you hope he couldn't feel it.

" Smokescreen."

That was enough to make you look at him. He had this forlorn look in his face, one of defeat. You pieced the puzzle, watching as his expression shifted from helplessness to hurt.

" Ratchet I don't like Smokescreen," You laughed, leaning closer, " I like you."

His eyes widened for a fraction of a second, but he stepped back in denial. Your name, nothing short of a gasp, as it fell from his lips, " I - I can't. Don't you think you deserve better? Smokescreen is young, bright - surely he complements you better."

His voice sounded so fragile, so unlike the doctor you know - but here, with you in his arms, he was anything but an Autobot at war. They're nothing when you're here, anchoring him to the present.

You shook your head, leaning your forehead against his helm, " No. I know what I want."

He inhaled. You allow him his silence, knowing that he was arguing with his conscience. This won't be easy - you chuckled, is anything ever even easy when it comes to metal titans from outer space?

" Are you sure?"

The music was nearly coming to end, it was pulling its last verse, dragging the tune into a crescendo. You didn't want this moment to end, so you reach out to hover your lips above his, in permission.

When he nodded mutely, you kissed him.

He was warm against you, gentle yet passionate as the grip around your waist tightened. You were now flushed against the mech, with metal hands cupping your cheeks and tugging your hair. It escalated from chaste to somewhere akin to electric, innocence washing away with each tug of his denta.

You, however, needed to breathe. When you pulled away to gasp for a lungful of air, Ratchet had to hide his embarrassment. He supported you as your legs tried to regain some sense of balance, blood rushing past your ears.

" The flushing around your facial area could only mean that both vasoconstriction and thermogenesis have been successfully activated within your system, increasing your capacity to generate warmth."

You furrowed your brows, " Are you saying you knew this would warm me up?"

" You were cold." He stated, glancing at your hands. The gesture touched you, sending another wave of fuzzy warmth throughout your body.

" You noticed." You kissed his cheek, " But don't worry, I don't need that."

You dove back into his chest, nuzzling his neck as you waltz through the final notes.

" Oh? Why is that?" His voice above the shell of your ears was intoxicating enough to send shivers down your spine, they sounded rough - laced with the kind of satisfaction and content only cats have once they've had their cream.

" Because I have you."

That fished a laugh out of him.

The radio crew bid their farewells, wishing everyone a goodnight's sleep to prepare for tomorrow. Their hefty laughter and chatter bounced against the walls, accompanying the pair who continued to dance - even after the music ended.

Bonus :

Ultra Magnus : should we stop them commander? Optimus : No, we should let them. Ultra Magnus : With all due respect sir, we've been waiting by the entrance for two hours now.

A/N : I hope this doesn't seem too OOC, I love Ratchet and his grumpiness, he deserves more love ! <3 Tell me what you guys think below, I take criticism ( just be nice lol im baby)

And yes, this work is inspired by I Wanna be Yours by the Arctic Monkeys

You can find more of my work in AO3 under sirensangel ! 

AO3 link : let me be the portable heater that you'll get cold without

[anistarrose]

Fear The Reaper A Lot, Actually - Chapter 3

AO3

Chapter Summary: The battle continues! Kravitz arrives to help. Taako chills out. Angus remains skeptical.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz

***

The cloaked necromancers Chad and Dave stood beside their fallen comrade, seething with rage. Green tendrils of electricity flew off their staff, materializing into twisting vines that pulverized almost every stone surface in a twenty-foot radius.

Behind them, Magnus coughed up water and struggled into a sitting position. He was still loosely bound by moss, but managed to swat the attacking vines away from Merle, who was looking even worse for wear on account of residing almost directly beneath the epicenter of Taako’s stalactite-shattering stunt.

“Don’t worry,” Merle mumbled, fumbling with a waterlogged Extreme Teen Bible. “I know how to deal with plants —”

His holy symbol began to glow, only for that radiant light to fade almost immediately as Merle’s head slumped. “Never mind, I think I’m concussed.”

From his position on the ledge between Angus and Kravitz, Taako watched with increasing concern.

“I really fucking didn’t think through the collateral damage of that move, did I?” he muttered. “Hey, Kravitz? If you’ve developed any grudging respect for me at all over the forty-eight hours we’ve been playing this game of cat and mouse, then can you do me a solid and get those two out of danger?”

Kravitz eyed the pile of rubble in the center of the cave, where the pool had once been. “Technically, I’ve been hunting you for more like twelve years. But I think I can figure something out.”

Before Taako could even react to the first statement, Kravitz turned into a ball of light and zipped down to the ground floor. Dave took a swing at him with the staff, but Kravitz was too fast, dodging green lighting bolts and disappearing into the shattered remnants of the stalactite.

There was an anticlimactic pause, then a low rumble, and a stone construct began to assemble itself as rubble from across the cave flew together to form four massive arms and fists. A few of the surviving slime constructs charged him, but Kravitz effortlessly flicked boulders through their heads with his lower pair of arms, then scooped up Magnus and Merle with his upper pair.

“What are you even doing with that staff? Either stop him, or hand it over to me!” Chad wrestled the staff out of Dave’s hands and pointed it at the base of the construct’s torso, summoning more vines and wiry tree roots that bored into the stone. But before they could bind or shatter any vital foundations, Taako took his cue to rejoin the fight, dropping a Fireball on the necromancers from directly above before casually floating down to their level, Umbra Staff still wreathed in flames.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Kravitz scanned the cave for ledges out of the way of danger, but Angus still occupied the only safe spot he could see. Instead, he drew upon his link to the Astral Plane and concentrated — and as the cracks in the construct’s form began to glow blue, several sapphire crystals burst out of the wall of the cave to form an elevated platform. He set Magnus and Merle down atop it, then brushed the last scraps of moss off their bodies with surprisingly dextrous stone fingers.

“Unhand me, you undead — oh, never mind, that’s actually really helpful,” Magnus told him. “But do you think you could get me my axe back?”

The construct’s head turned, as a movement on the ground floor caught Kravitz’s attention. Scattered pieces of moss were slowly creeping back together, reabsorbing diluted puddles of slime and writhing as they formed new undead constructs.

“Maybe later,” Kravitz answered, voice echoing across the cave. “Right now, I’ve got other priorities.”

From his bird’s-eye-view, Angus noticed the reforming slimes at the same time Kravitz did. “Taako, behind you!”

Taako had been handling the two surviving necromancers with ease, but he barely reacted in time to dodge a spray of acid from one of their newly formed minions. This one was taller and more deformed than any of the others, and its three arms wielded gelatinous copies of the Extreme Teen Bible, Railsplitter, and the Umbra Staff. Its face was perpetually bubbling and reforming, sprouting Magnus’s sideburns before replacing them with Merle’s beard, then Taako’s hat.

“Ugh!” Taako spat, recoiling. “I know you’re necromancers, but I didn’t sign up for this horror movie shit!”

“Try freezing it, sir!” Angus yelled, cupping both hands around his mouth. “Your Sleet Storm took out a lot of the vines last time!”

Taako fired off a simple Ray of Frost, catching the slime abomination in the shoulder and freezing its whole body solid in just a fraction of a second. Its face solidified somewhere between Merle’s and Taako’s, locked in a shouting expression — but thankfully, Taako didn’t have to stare at his fused likeliness for much longer, as Kravitz’s construct detached and launched one of its fists with a burst of blue astral fire, pulverizing the frozen construct into a thousand clouded ice crystals.

“Nice shot!” Taako called out. “But fuck, I wish we’d realized their weakness sooner!”

“Damn you, and damn your reaper friend a thousand times!” Dave bellowed. “But you haven’t won yet! Fuck ‘em up, Chad!”

Chad slammed the tip of the staff against the ground, and a dozen more vines arose to bind the stone behemoth. Kravitz let it crumble, turning back into a ball of light and zipping over to Taako’s side, where he rematerialized as a humanoid skeleton who gripped his scythe as three new, equally deformed slime clones rose and advanced towards them.

“If you freeze those three, I bet I can shatter them all in one attack,” Kravitz boasted, grinning at Taako.

“Create another sapphire at about torso height in the wall on our left, and I bet I can freeze ‘em all with just one ray!” Taako raised him.

“You’re on!” Kravitz plunged his scythe into the ground, and a sapphire crystal burst out from a wall of dull gray limestone. Nodding approvingly, Taako fired off another Ray of Frost, which ricocheted off the reflective blue surface at the perfect angle and flew in a straight line through all the clones, leaving each of them frozen.

Kravitz twirled his scythe and it morphed into a elegant black longbow, three sapphire-tipped arrows already nocked and blazing with ghostly flames. He turned his bow sideways as he fired, and each arrow pierced one frozen enemy, shattering them into three identical piles of icy shards.

“Ohoho! Nice one!” Taako laughed, applauding enthusiastically. “Look out for those clowns with the staff, though!”

Chad screamed and charged at Kravitz, wielding the intensely magical staff like a melee weapon — but Kravitz simply plucked the string of his bow, and upon hearing the tone, Chad dropped the staff and slammed his hands over his ears. In one lightning-fast motion that literally crackled with electricity, Kravitz reverted his bow to its scythe form and swung at Chad, who was vaporized the second the blade pierced his skin. A mottled brown cloak fell to the ground, sliced in half but no longer occupied by anything but dust.

“Could you do me a favor and freeze the rest of that moss, Taako?” Kravitz called out. “I’ll wrap up this battle on my own, if you don’t mind.”

“Go for it!” Taako told him, conjuring a floating bag of popcorn.

Kravitz vaulted into the air, tearing a rift through the fabric of the Material Plane with a twirl of his scythe. He vanished and reappeared behind Dave’s back, but Dave was ready for him, pulling out a longsword as he whirled around and parried Kravitz’s attack.

“Ah, you’re one of those people,” Kravitz commented, looking about as unperturbed as a skeleton could. “Got into necromancy later in life after the fighter class didn’t work out for you, eh?”

Dave managed to deflect Kravitz’s next flurry of strikes, but found himself losing ground as Kravitz backed him towards the wall below Magnus and Merle’s perch.

“Though it looks like you’re a little out of practice,” Kravitz went on. “Don’t worry — I’m sure you’ll find some new sparring partners in the Eternal Stockade.”

Gasping for breath and only a few more steps away from being cornered, Dave threw back his hood to reveal a rugged half-elven face, and managed a dazzling smile.

“You don’t have anywhere left to retreat,” Kravitz remarked amusedly. “Why the optimism?”

“Because I know something you don’t, reaper!”

“Which is?”

Dave tossed his cutlass from his left hand to his right. “I am not left handed!”

Kravitz laughed so hard that his appearance flickered between living and skeletal, even sprouting raven feathers in his hair for a brief moment. “Really? That’s all?”

Dave’s expression crumpled. “What do you mean?”

With each hand, Kravitz pulled his scythe in opposite directions, and it morphed into two new scythes, each blade as sharp and deadly as the original. “I thought you were going to say you had two swords!”

Shoveling popcorn into his face with one hand, Taako pointed his Umbra Staff behind him and blasted a reforming moss monster without even looking at it. “You tell ‘em, Krav!”

Dave tried to feint to the right then flee to the left, but Kravitz transformed into a dual-wielding whirlwind, twirling blades into a vortex that could’ve torn through solid stone. But every one of his movements was too precise, too carefully honed, to possibly strike an unintended target like a wall or misplaced boulder — one moment, Dave’s longsword was flying out of his hand, and the next, Dave himself was no more, vaporized into a cloud of dust that quickly dispersed and a bright soul-light that was banished directly to the Eternal Stockade.

A wand carved from gnarled wood fell to the ground, and as usual, the Umbra Staff inverted to slurp it up. For just a moment afterwards, Taako could’ve sworn that it tugged his hand ever so subtly upwards and pointed at Kravitz — but the second Kravitz turned around, the tugging stopped, and the residual magic aura surrounding the umbrella faded.

“Well, I suppose we should do something about that necromantic staff.” Kravitz transformed back into a human and walked over to the offending magical artifact, manifesting a black leather glove around his hand as he picked it up. “It’s not quite Grand Relic-tier dangerous, but that doesn’t mean it’s safe to leave lying around, either.”

He tore a new rift with his scythe and tossed the staff through. “And just when I was making headway on all that Miller paperwork…”

“Hey, if you need help, I bet you could outsource some of it to Angus!” Taako suggested. “You’re not kidnapping him to whatever weird afterlife cubicle you work from, though. He’s my student.”

“Angus is the child?” Kravitz glanced up to the ledge Angus still stood on, who was watching the events below with a mix of fascination and horror that could only come from a kid detective in over his head. “What were you thinking, bringing him here? He could’ve been hurt if I hadn’t arrived when I did!”

“Well, in my defense, I didn’t expect to have any potentially traumatizing battles with slime monsters,” Taako retorted. “It’s not my fault my life never has a dull moment!”

Kravitz sighed. “Neither does your undeath, apparently.”

“That’s just the way things go for celebrities. Nothing I can do about it!” Taako flipped his hair, then made a mental note to cut it now that it was getting long enough to flip. He didn’t want it turning into a mullet.

“I could name plenty of celebrities whose deaths have been relatively law-abiding, actually,” Kravitz told him, expression deadpan. “I’d say about eighty percent of them total, or maybe seventy-five.”

“I can only imagine the Astral Plane tabloids,” Taako chuckled, tossing his Umbra Staff into the air. “But anyway, let’s get you down from there, Agnes.”

The opened Umbra Staff flew into Angus’s hand, and with only slight hesitation, Angus leapt of the ledge. The handle was warm, but not hot, and something about that gentle heat just felt reassuring.

As Angus safely floated to the ground, enveloped in silver light, Kravitz made a sweeping downwards gesture with his scythe, and the sapphire crystals supporting Magnus and Merle began to rumble and slowly descend.

“Is it Angus or Agnes?” Kravitz asked the boy detective. “I think I must’ve misheard you at least once.”

“Well, it’s definitely not Agnes,” Angus replied. “Are you really the Grim Reaper?”

Kravitz chuckled. “I’ve had this job for almost eight centuries, and I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me that before. Usually the scythe’s convincing enough.”

Angus crossed his arms. “A little skepticism is always healthy, no matter how obvious the conclusion may seem. Caleb Cleveland taught me that, just like he taught me a lot of things.”

“Can’t say I’m familiar with Caleb Cleveland, but that sounds fair enough,” Kravitz cheerfully conceded. “Though maybe you should exercise a little more of that caution the next time Taako and his friends drag you along on a dangerous mission. Speaking of which, let me fix you all up.”

As Magnus and Merle reached the ground level of the cave, Kravitz’s scythe shimmered and morphed into a lute. Intricate carvings of various corvids covered almost every inch of the ebony wood, with tiny sapphires inlaid for their eyes. Magnus looked over the handiwork approvingly as Kravitz plucked out a simple melody, and an aura of rosy pink healing magic washed across the room.

Merle rubbed his forehead. “Huh, my headache just melted away…”

Taako laughed. “Yeah, that’s what healing magic usually tends to do for concussed people!”

“Has this been our problem the whole time?” Magnus added. “Has Merle just not been able to comprehend the concept of healing?”

“Did the concept of healing get erased by the Voidfish?” Taako wheezed.

“I can comprehend it just fine, assholes!” Merle retorted. “I’m just not used to seeing it as a performance!”

Kravitz returned his lute to scythe form. “Playing four chords and healing you wasn’t a performance. But Taako and I destroying those three undead? That was a performance.”

Taako beamed. “Hey, speaking of which — is there any chance killing three horrible slimy boys is equivalent to taking out one lich in the bounty system? Because I think I rocked it today, not to mention the two of us really vibing, and it would be cool if you could cut me just a little bit of slack.”

“I’m afraid none of today’s harvest had actually died and escaped the Astral Plane before, which means they still rank far below both the three of you, as well as your actual targets,” Kravitz replied. “But I could probably pull a few strings and make sure your cells in the Eternal Stockade are all next to each other, if it makes you feel compensated.”

“Does that include Lucas Miller?” Magnus asked. “I really don’t want to be stuck in a cell next to Lucas for eternity.”

Kravitz shrugged.

“Noelle and Maureen can hang, though,” Magnus clarified. “They’re cool.”

Taako ignored Magnus, walking over to Kravitz’s sapphire platform to examine it. Even after knocking on it and prodding it with his Umbra Staff, it remained solid. “I might end up regretting this question, but your sick crystal stunt reminded me and now I gotta know — if you’re this good with your scythe, then why didn’t you just take a physical form in Lucas’s lab and kill us that way instead of fucking around as a crystal construct?”

“No matter how powerful I am with it, there was always a chance of my scythe touching a crystal and being transmuted into pink tourmaline, which would’ve rendered most of its powers unusable,” Kravitz explained. “So I decided to go in incorporeally — which I may or may not regret, I haven’t decided yet.”

Taako nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think I would’ve cast that tentacle spell on, like, a dude. Not that I’m know whether you’re thinking of that as a positive or a negative —”

“You know, there’s something I really should’ve given you last time!” Kravitz deflected, transforming back into a skeleton and hoping his flustered expression would be harder to read on a skull than on a face with eyes and skin and flesh. “You need a way of summoning me!”

“You mean saying your name three times doesn’t work?” Merle asked.

“Unless I’m already scanning for undead in the general area, no.” Kravitz reached into his robe and pulled out a quiver of arrows, which he handed to Taako. “These are tipped with sapphires and fletched with raven feathers. Stabbing one into a surface of your choice while saying my name just once will release a powerful magical flare and get my attention, and I’ll warp over as soon as I can.”

Grinning, Taako slung the quiver over his shoulder. “Dude, that’s metal as fuck!”

“But please save them for genuine necromantic emergencies — either when you get a lead on one of the liches, or if another dangerous situation like the one today comes up.”

Taako’s grin faded. “So… they’re for business only.”

“I… uh… I’m sorry,” Kravitz stammered, immediately regretting the stipulation. But I can’t change my mind now, there’d be no way to explain it without just sounding awkward…

“It’s a company policy,” he fibbed. “Not my choice, unfortunately.”

Taako seemed to buy it, though he still looked disappointed. “Oh, well. Woulda been nice to hang with you, but I guess I’ll — we’ll see you later, then.”

“Good luck, Taako,” Kravitz said. “Good luck to all of you — and I mean that much more sincerely than I meant it last time.”

He tore open a portal to the Astral Plane and leapt through it with a dramatic swing of his cloak — but not before seeing Angus stick his tongue out at him, stubborn and defiant in that uniquely ten-year-old way.

Returning to his office overlooking the Astral Sea, Kravitz sighed, and addressed the raven perched on the back of his swivel chair.

“You know, I don’t think Taako’s student likes me very much.”

“Caw,” replied the raven, which almost certainly translated as either I smell popcorn or oh Kravitz, what in the world have you gotten yourself into?

[bugaboowritings]

Punk!Marinette - A Short Drabble-

Marinette Helps Adrien out of a Tree

 I have been going down holes as I avoid spoilers. Even found my unfinished writing about Punk! Marinette just had to polish it up. Inspired from art under the punk Marinette tag and @musicfeedsmysoul12 who wrote some things on this au. 

Also I’m slowly posting my work at ao3 to make it easier to find, my username is bugaboo0scrambles for anyone interested. 

Marinette clicked her tongue with satisfaction. Admiring her work with her mirror. With years and years of practice, applying winged eyeliner still seems like a game of Russian roulette. Going perfectly amazing or making her say “screw it” before giving herself a smoky eye to cover it up the ‘step-sisters’ she painted on her lids. Yet, it was a part of her routine, something she kept since that summer ago spent watching strangers talk about products and brushes.

The laces on her boots drew out the gap between leather and skin as if it was a long sign. Marinette tugged on her laces tighter before reaching a fixed level of security. Fitting in like a second skin. Her hand smoothed over her slick new shoes, relishing its aesthetic allure and not helping the snicker that came up her throat. The heels on this pair were a whopping 3 and a half inches. Nothing major compared to the other shoes on display in the market, but it was enough to give her the needed height to make her a pinch taller then Alya.

With that, she carefully went down the stairs. Watching her step as she got comfortable to the new height. Accepting her death only twice while she barely caught herself from tumbling down the stairs.

Stuffing the long laces into the inside of her boots before making it out of the backdoor of the house. Her hand on the doorknob, other on her hip. Calling out to her parent goodbye as the front of the bakery buzzed with customers.

Nibbled on her maroon-stained lips before checking the trash can. Emptying it to before her parents forgot about it.  

The fresh air outside was mixed with the sounds of cars and that horrible unidentifiable “alley smog” rushing to her head. Pushing the plastic bag out the doorway and into the alley. Stepping out before her dad escaped the customers to plot a kiss on her daughter’s head. His beard carried traces of flour while his apron was clean except the splash of fruit-filling by his knee. Wishing Marinette good luck at school before he rushed to get more ingredients as her mother yelled from the front to take care.

Marinette lightly swept her bangs to get rid of her father’s messy, flour kiss. All while her nose crinkled at the smell of day-old eggshells and butter wrappers. Holding her breath and feeling her wrist twist as she opened the dumpster to throw in the trash. Not helping the gag that came up as the garbage smelt of sun-baked vomit cookies. Letting go of the metal lid causing it to slam shut. If her caffeinated tea didn’t wake her up, then that harsh sound did. Even scaring off the black cat that slept peacefully before screeching off into the street.

-----

“How lame.” Chloe scoffed. Rolling her head like a rag doll as she raised her sunnies from her clear-blue eyes. Her nails, done and polished, flicked the lone blonde strand over her ear.

“Nice shoes, Mari!” She yelled. Booming her voice through the quad. “Matches the whole clown suit too!”

Marinette flipped her off without even looking in her direction. Making her way to the other end of the school to meet up Alya. The one classmate that could manage a conversation with her without being intimidated.

Alya typed swiftly on her keyboard without bothering to look at the keys. A skill that Marinette envied and Alya swore to be like second nature after months of drafting sharp observations over comics, movies and Paris local heroes on her blogs. She sported the denim jacket Marinette decorated for her with patches and pins all with a khaki pleated skirt. Topping it off with her very own white-tee. Her new merch, a commission by Marinette, for her Ladyblog.  

“Alya.”

“Marinette.”

Marinette threw her bag under her before lifting her ankles to cross her legs. Rocking back and forth, waiting for the typing to slow down. Once it did, it reached a sudden stop.

Alya sighed and saved her work before tugging her bag on her lap. Sliding her laptop out of harm’s way.

“I got a new scoop last night.” Alya grinned. Relaxing into her seat. Crossing her glossy legs.

“You will never believe what I saw, girl!” Jumping on Marinette as stars lit up in her eyes. A quick transition from her blank expression earlier. Marinette, knowing where this was going, played dumb.

“Let me guess,” Mari hummed, narrowing her eyes at nothing in the distance. Only to get spooked when Alya shook her.

“AHH! I can’t wait! Just let me tell you!!”

Smirking at the journalist. Alya, as if her tongue was on fire, spit on her amazing story.

There she, in the middle of the night, getting a drink of water. Like how she always did when she was staying up late for an article. Only to hear a loud noise outside. Assuming it’s an Akuma before considering the idea of an earthquake happening in the middle of Europe or a plane crash. Incentively fishing for her phone to see the most amazing sight ever. The greatest thing to hit theaters in its time. The most inspiring and jaw-dropping things to ever live in black and white. The scaly, creepy Godzilla! Stomping out the streets of Paris in the dead of night. Apartments lights flicked on as the beast strolled through the street. Holding in its roars as it tossed its tail. Missing a building by a hair. With a “zip” and a “wow”, the Parian hero duo leaped neighborhoods and buildings. Chat Noir tossed his baton in the air, saving Ladybug by the fraction of second from being dino-chum as she twirled up into the air. Ladybug’s yo-yo looped around the monster swiftly with her momentum, tripping the beast toward the bottom of the Eiffel tower. With Chat Noir’s cataclysm ready, Ladybug called on her lucky charm and-  

“- and Agreste at 10.” Alya murmured. Watching Adrien come through the front door with Nino by his side. Laughing at each other as they look back to Nino’s phone. Marinette turned around, groaning- knowing this morning routine too well. Trying to make herself seem smaller as she pushed back her shoulders. Hoping to go under notice. Already feeling his lime-green eyes on her back.

“I’ll be hiding in a tree or at the art studio, whatever I reach first.” Already grieving the loss of a perfectly good morning. “Text me if you need me.”

“See ya.” Alya waved. Slumping back to the bench as Marinette rushed away in the opposite direction of Adrien.

-----

“Marinette!”

“Agreste.”

“Ah. . .Come here often?”

Marinette had to stop the snort that came up her throat. Being a second late as a small chuckle left her lips. Having to shut down her face to not give Adrien the fuel to keep going. Bring back that dull expression as she watched Adrien struggle a little bit more.

“I don’t usually come here, but if I do I’m not dangling out of trees.”

“Uh,” Agreste hummed. Unsure what to say as he felt the tingling of blood rushing to his head competed with the deep blush that appeared on his cheeks. Or maybe that was just the pain of his blood rushing to head. Yeah, maybe it was the blood rushing to his head. 

On the bright side, however, it made it harder to see if he’s blushing.

“I’m practicing my tree climbing. . . ?” He smugly answered. 

“Practicing,” Marinette repeated. Letting that lame reason melt on her tongue before she even thought of accepting it. Crossing her arms as she stuck her leg out. Her heel rocked back and forth on the dirt. Creating a little hole as she thought this over.

“I’m not one to try and get into someone’s business-”

“You’re not getting in my business. I MEan, I-I don’t mind you asking about it. .!”

Marinette kissed her teeth. “Right . . . “

Biting her lips as she left out a long sigh. Pitching the bridge of her nose, the click on her rings hitting her septum piercing. She’ll regret this, she knows it already. She just had to humor him, even if it was a little longer.

“So Agreste. I would hate to bother this,” Marinette motioned. Her hands raised up and down and around. “But you seem like you need help? Do you need help to get down?”

“. . .Actually, yeah.”

----

“Why is Marinette pulling Adrien out of a tree?” Alix questioned. Pointing out the window when Alya and Mylene came over. Her finger covering the odd scene outside.

The three girls press their faces up the glass as they watched the commotion outside unfold.

“It looks like Marinette is shoving him in a tree to me...” Alya mumbled. Squinting her eyes before she removed her glasses. Rubbing them quickly against her shirt before pushing them back up her face.

Mylene bit her thumb, “Do you think we should go and help them? Maybe they-”

A muffled thump hit the ground. A puff of dirt rising in the air, covering the teens outside. Coughing as they waved the dust away. Marinette smoothed the dirt off her jacket as Adrien groaned.

“I think they’re fine.” Alya hummed. Returning to her notebook.

“Okay, so what did you get for question seven?”

[you-guys--are-losers]

Super need a fix about the scene where peter takes his shirt off in front of MJ. Maybe an alternative;) love ya

//Love ya, too!!! Ahh, I was hoping to receive a prompt about that particular scene. ;) I definitely have some thoughts about it, mostly concerning what would have happened if Ned hadn’t shown up right at that moment. So, here goes, and I hope that you guys appreciate my alternate ending! 

A Purely Anatomical Interest

Summary: MJ has imagined Peter Parker taking his shirt off in front of her many times. Now that it’s happening, though, everything is so much more confusing. Killer drones, secret identities, illusion tech, and a super-fraud: it’s enough all on its own, and MJ knows she’s capable of handling it.

Peter Parker’s abs, though? Those are another story. 

Characters: Michelle Jones x Peter Parker, Nick Fury, Quentin Beck

Word Count: 4,169 

Warnings: Partial Nudity, Teenage Awkwardness, Fluff, Angst

/ gifcredit: @alwaysthequietones /

Slam, thud.

The door to Peter’s hotel room slams shut behind them, causing both Peter and MJ to start slightly in the quiet of the suite. The noise is followed by the soft thump of their shared discovery as Peter tosses it on his bed. In the middle of the refined hotel room, the hunk of advanced metal tech is almost humorously out of place.

Or, at least, it would be humorous if everything weren’t so real all at once.

Suddenly, the soft humming of the radiator that was so calming when MJ initially settled into her own hotel room now seems ominous, like a quiet whisper that she can’t quite make out, no matter how hard she tries.

The warm glow the light casts over everything now feels ironic as Peter immediately launches to action, shooting to close the curtains. MJ is left standing in the center of the room, watching as the dweeb (whose relationship to her is far too confusing to contemplate at the moment) leaps into the action. Every little, paranoid measure he takes seems almost like second nature to him, something that strikes MJ as both amusing in a twisted way and a little sad.

How much of this, she can’t help but wonder, is a result of losing so much to the Blip?

Peter’s quiet mutterings snap MJ away from her quiet analysis of Peter Parker, and she simply watches and listens as he continues.”

“I can’t believe I gave back those glasses,” Peter breathes, peeking through the curtains one last time for good measure. Before the blue gingham has even had a chance to flutter back into place, he is already across the room and situated at his laptop. “I mean, how could I be that stupid? He’s probably spying on me right now, or sending a drone to come and kill me.”

MJ knows that the proper response is probably something like, “No, you’re not stupid, anyone would have made that mistake-” or whatever, but nothing of that sort leaves her lips as she turns to stare at him. Her eyes widen as she stares burning holes into the loser across the room, incredulous.

“You had access to killer drones?”

Okay, so not her smartest comment; after a quick examination of the statement, she supposes that his killer-spandex probably have given him access to a number of dangerous weapons. But drones… That sounds like something that she’s read about in one of her many conspiracy theories, except this?

This is real, in a way that fills her with both a pressing sense of anxiety and the strange, slightly macabre urge to laugh. After all, this is her life now, and he’s talking about things that sound like they came out of a low-budget sci-fi movie in complete seriousness.

“Yeah. I didn’t really want ‘em, especially after I almost killed Brad,” Peter mumbles. He ignores her stare for a moment, and MJ can’t help but be slightly grateful. She’s sure her eyes are bugging out of her head, and for a moment, she can’t even find words.

“You almost killed Brad?”

Peter’s eyes snap to her then, and at that moment he at least has the good sense to appear slightly sheepish and flustered as well. Now, MJ is acutely aware of the fact that she is standing in the middle of a chaotic, jumbled mess in Peter’s hotel room, and she’s pretty sure that he’s being struck by the same sort of realization.

Just when MJ thinks he might address it, Peter opens his mouth, hesitates for a fraction of a second, and moves on. “Look, I have to call Mr. Fury and tell him Beck’s a fraud, but… I think he tapped my phone.”

Right, right. Okay. There’s really no time to think about what this means; no time to think about them, about the weird walk on the bridge, about anything but the strange simulation tech that is sinking into the duvet and mattress topper.

MJ can tell that Peter’s mind is moving quickly, perhaps too fast even for him. He’s trying to think, but he’s not processing anything but his panic, and MJ knows that if he continues down this path he’s going to overanalyze himself into a meltdown.

Luckily, MJ’s expertise with conspiracy theory has brought her to the point that little can shock her, and this affinity for true crime has also taught her how to react in a crisis. Granted, most of the crises are hypothetical (except for the current political climate in the US, but that is an issue for another day), but any experience is beneficial if it makes her helpful in a situation like this.

“Okay, so what are you gonna do?” MJ’s voice is sharp, practical as she scrutinizes Peter. For a moment, his eyes flicker to hers, and MJ can see the shifting of his brain into gear as his face loses that stupidly adorable flustered expression. A quiet sort of confidence is left in its place.

“Um, I need my suit,” Peter begins, and MJ offers a small nod. There. He’s figuring out what he needs to do now, and she can tell that her logical question was enough to ground him. “And I have to go to Berlin and talk to Mr. Fury in person.”

With that, Peter jumps into action, and MJ observes him as he grabs a dark bundle of fabric (pfft, ”Night Monkey” her ass) and immediately begins to remove his shirt and pants.

It takes MJ a moment to even process what is happening. As soon as it hits, her eyes shoot open so quickly it hurts. Peter doesn’t realize their compromising situation quite as quickly as MJ, but when he does, his mouth falls open slightly.

His eyes meet her own, and for a moment, they stand in front of each other just staring.

MJ can see the beginning of a slight, awed smile that Peter is trying to hide, and so she quickly looks anywhere else. Unfortunately, the only other option presented her is, well–

Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope-ity nope, nope, nope.

They’re just muscles, MJ tries to remind herself as they seem to stare her down. Just anatomical structures meant to allow movement of the skeleton. They’re useful, and that’s all. There’s nothing about them that’s supposed to be aesthetically pleasing…

Oh, but they are.

It is only then that MJ realizes that the pair of them have been staring. Heat floods her cheeks. MJ swallows, clenching her jaw, and offers him what might be an attempt at a nod before she slowly revolves, turning to face the wall. There is a moment of hesitation as her eyes find the fancy wallpaper, seizing on the pattern as the rustling and zipping of fabric resumes.

Maybe if MJ stares at the wall designs enough they will erase the image of Peter’s bare chest that has burned itself into her mind.

This proves to be just wishful thinking, however. No matter how hard MJ tries to think her way out of this one, to focus on something, anything else, all her brain can scream at her about is the fact that Peter Parker is standing behind her, half-naked and built like one of the Spider-Man action figures in the stores.

She always had thought them to be an exaggeration, but nope.

Maybe this doesn’t have to be a weird thing. The thought comes out of nowhere, and MJ’s eyes drift upward as she tries to keep herself from considering it. Maybe if she focuses on the light fixture above her–

You had a chance on the bridge, and you blew it, the voice in her brain realizes. You lied.

A little pang of guilt worms its way through her stomach, and MJ is having trouble ignoring it. She searches for any way to ease it, but there isn’t one. MJ’s policy is honesty, even when it hurts. Now that she’s broken it, she understands why.

Because even if the truth hurts, it doesn’t hurt as much as it does to hide it.

And here is a chance to make it right. It is for this reason that MJ slowly begins to turn, eyes traveling to the side as she waits for the loser that she’s been crushing on for years to come into view. But each second that it takes to turn adds to the panic in her chest, and at the very last moment, MJ’s stomach lurches to tell her she can’t do it.

Okay. It’s fine, it’s okay. MJ snaps her head back forward so that she is facing opposite him, squeezing her eyes shut. For a few seconds, MJ takes deep breaths as she struggles to regain her composure.

Alright, this is stupid.

It’s Peter Parker, MJ reminds herself. Her mental voice is chastising now, fed up with the amount of pure, unfiltered teen stupidity that is running rampant through her brain right now.

This is the kid who tripped on the way onto the bus, smacked into the side railing, and then apologized to it. He’s not some terrifying, unapproachable person; he’s him, and that’s why MJ likes him. Maybe even more than that.

And that’s why he deserves the truth.

MJ takes a deep breath, slowly allowing her eyes to open. After a minute, she deliberately sucks in some air, parting her lips. It’ll take two seconds, she reasons, to tell the truth. So go. And with that thought, MJ begins to speak.

“So-”

What if he doesn’t feel the same for you, and when he looks at you his stupid puppy-eyes have pity in them?

The thought crashes into MJ out of nowhere like a semi-truck into a smart car. It knocks the breath out of her lungs, and before she even has time to think, words come tumbling out of her mouth.

“There’s actually three types of muscle in your body. Or, at least, in the human body. I don’t really know what kind of muscles there are in the spider body, so I guess that you could have some weird, hybrid-type muscle going on. You know, because of the radiation.”

Each syllable follows directly on the heels of the last one, sending them all stumbling into one another as they hit the air in a rapid-fire burst. The movement of the fabric behind MJ stops suddenly, sending the room into silence for a moment.

MJ might be imagining it, but when Peter speaks, she swears that she can hear a bit of breathlessness in his confused tone. “MJ, what are you-”

The panic returns again, this time in a stronger surge, and MJ knows that she can’t let him talk. She can’t let him, because what if he says something and it hurts? So there’s only one alternative left.

“There’s smooth muscle, which some of your organs are made out of. It’s the slimy stuff, and it kind of does its own thing, so you don’t really see much of it. Then there’s cardiac muscle.”

“MJ-”

“It’s the stuff that makes up your heart, and it’s pretty weird-lookin’. Kinda got that whole bamboo aesthetic goin’ on, you know? It’s called striation. Also, each cell has more than one nucleus, so that’s pretty cool, too. I wish Flash had more than one brain; it might make up for some of the stupid.”

“Wait, I don’t-”

“Then there’s skeletal muscle, which is the type you can actually build. That’s the stuff the bodybuilders have a ton of. It weighs, like, a ton or something, and it’s basically the stuff that moves around your bones, kind of like puppet strings. So your skeleton is one big puppet, and then your muscles are the things that make it dance around like a marionette.”

“Um, okay. So that’s all pretty cool and creepy, but-”

“Right? So there’s no reason for muscles to be attractive.”

MJ stares at the wall all the more fiercely, her breath becoming even more shallow as silence stretches between them. She swears she can hear Peter’s breathing catch in his throat, but before she has time to analyze it, MJ surges ahead.

“They’re really just useful, so there’s nothing that impressive about building them up, right? Like, bodybuilding competitions are just weird. ‘Oh, huh, you have the same stuff everyone else has, you just wasted more time and energy than anyone else on pointless movements. So, here’s a trophy.’ All that having muscles means is that you did the same thing that everyone else already does to function a couple extra times. So this whole thing everyone has for muscles is really weird.”

MJ can barely hear Peter’s slightly constricted interjection. “MJ, I-”

“Some scientists think that it has to do with the whole strength thing. Apparently, our monkey brains like looking at someone who has whatever body type is the hardest to get because it means that that person is powerful. Since today, food is less difficult to obtain for a larger percentage of the population, someone who is muscular or skinny has sex appeal. That’s why when everyone was, like, starving to death and dying of dysentery and plague, being well-fed and heavier was seen as the ideal body type.”

MJ is fully aware that, to date, talking about diseases involving violent episodes of diarrhea has not been a particularly successful seduction method. But now that she has started talking, MJ can’t stop. She needs to say anything, anything and everything.

She needs to say everything because if she stops talking she knows she’s going to have to say the truth.

“So, by that logic, muscles aren’t really attractive. They’re just the hardest thing to get, so they’re the most sought-after,” MJ rambles, seizing a panicked breath between statements. “Pretty lame, really, how capitalistic attitudes ruin our standards of beauty. It’s one of the many evils of the system-”

“MJ.” Peter seems to have recovered his voice, though it is slightly lower and huskier than normal.

MJ clenches her fists, and her breath seems determined not to leave her as she attempts to burn holes in the wall with her eyes. Maybe, if she stares hard enough, she can set the building on fire, and then they never have to talk about this situation ever again. Or, hey, they don’t know the full capabilities of the advanced technology on Peter’s bed. If MJ presses the right button, it could open a hole in the ground that will swallow MJ right up.

Deep down, though, MJ knows that whatever happens next is inevitable. There’s no avoiding the discussion that’s going to follow, so she might as well let it happen to her. MJ lets out the held breath in a soft sigh, loosening her fists.

“Yeah, loser?” MJ’s voice is quiet, and though the words themselves have confidence, she can’t keep a note of hesitation out of her voice.

“I, uh– could you turn around?” Peter’s voice is just as flustered and uncertain, and something about it calms her. It is for this reason that MJ nods, and before she can stop herself, slowly turns herself around.

As soon as she does, MJ can feel all the blood in her body return to her face again. She manages to keep herself frozen, at the very least, but the hammering in her heart makes it feel like someone has shoved Usain Bolt into MJ’s chest cavity. Because, though Peter has the suit on up to his neck, she can still see every single muscle in Peter Parker’s chest, each one only further highlighted by the gleaming, black, suit.

MJ can’t help but think that if there is a God out there, She must have chiseled each and every sculpted rise and fall in Peter’s chest Herself.

In order to preserve her sanity, though, MJ locks her eyes onto Peter’s own. In them, she finds the same alarming depth that is there every time she glances his way. As her eyes fix themselves onto his own, MJ knows that it is this deep, dark warmth that keeps her looking his way, keeps her observant.

As she looks into them now, she sees a tangle of emotions: hesitation, uncertainly, awkwardness. But what she sees that causes her heart to skip a few beats is the hope that ties it all together.

“So, um…” Peter starts awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. MJ swallows thickly, pursing her lips, but she doesn’t look away. “I-I’m sorry. I should’ve thought about it before I started, uh, changing. You didn’t consent to seeing that, so…”

“Uh, no, it– it’s fine,” MJ replies, a little too quickly. For a second, there is more silence, and they both quickly look away from each other.

MJ’s gaze snaps back to his, though, when Peter clears his throat. When her eyes find the slightly awed smile forming on his lips, though, she can’t breathe again. Her eyes narrow just a bit, and the question that leaves her lips is slow and careful. “What?”

Peter quickly erases the smile, but a fraction of the expression remains in his wide eyes. “Uh, nothing,” he stammers. “I mean, we just established that, um, there’s really no reason for anyone to find my muscles attractive.”

MJ isn’t sure quite how to respond to that one, but it’s easier to give him a quick, stiff nod than it is to address the warm tingling in her stomach, so that is what she does. “So?”

Peter’s eyes lock on her own, and they hold all of the familiar things: nervousness, for one thing, and an acute awareness that whatever he is about to do it probably a bad idea. There’s also a gleam of intensity, though, and this is what prevents MJ from looking away as he speaks.

“Well, uh… I guess, even if that’s true, I wouldn’t be upset if you did.”

That statement sucks all of the breathable oxygen out of the room, and MJ’s eyes widen as she gawks at him. She has to process this– she needs to run his statement through her head once, then twice, and then maybe three or four more times for good measure…

No.

For once, a smooth, cooling silence settles itself over the chaos in MJ’s head. As she looks at him, letting his words wash over her, MJ realizes that there is no pity in those eyes, no matter how hard she looks. In fact, if she looks hard enough, she can see something else, something that scares her for a different reason.

Something that scares her in a good way.

So, when MJ speaks this time, it isn’t to drown him out or to hold herself back, and it isn’t in a jumble of words. This time, her words aren’t meant to beat away the fear, they’re meant to embrace it– and they’re meant to do it in as few words as possible.

“Good.” The one word is enough to fill the space between them, and as soon as it drops from her lips the ripples it creates expand into crashing waves that roar in her ears. Peter’s eyes widen across from MJ, but then the smile is returning.

When he looks at MJ, Peter looks like he has never seen anything like her before– he looks at her with an admiration that is pure and whole. It’s not the sort of absentminded appreciation that one has for a sparkling jewel or a static painting, something meant to be seen and not touched. This is the wonder inspired by a storm rolling in with massive, crashing waves, all of the awe that accompanies a brilliant sunrise, the kind of art that will never quite fit in a frame.

MJ lets out a shaky breath, and then she is taking a step to close the distance between them. Immediately, Peter matches it, and then they are so close that their chests are almost touching, so close that MJ has to tip her head down slightly to maintain eye contact with him.

Slowly, experimentally, MJ raises a hand and brings it to rest on Peter’s upper chest. It is warm, solid beneath her fingertips and the suit, and MJ can feel the sharp gasp that her touch causes in Peter Parker. Her eyes rise to meet his, and when they do there is a playful glimmer in them. In response, Peter slowly lets his hand wrap around the back of her neck, resting where his fingers can tangle in the baby curls at the nape.

His touch makes MJ nervous, but this is a different kind of nervous. These are the nerves that result from knowing that something is coming… Something soon, and something that is going to change everything you thought you knew for the better.

“Because even if I did like looking at your stupid arms or anything,” MJ informs Peter, composed though the inches between them seem to tingle with expectation, “it’s only because I’m an inquisitive person with… With a purely anatomical interest.”

Peter’s thumb travels lightly along the side of her neck, barely skimming the skin as he looks up at her. His smile only grows then, and MJ isn’t sure if her body is built to process the slight hint of adoration she can see in his irises.

“I-I think I can live with that,” Peter manages to say, his voice an octave higher than normal. “And, um… Maybe, when I get back from Berlin, we could have– I dunno. An anatomy lesson?”

MJ stares at him for a minute, face completely inscrutable. Peter’s eyes widen as he realizes what he’s said, and MJ watches as his eyes dart around the room, clearly searching for a means of escape.

“Wait, I– uh, I didn’t mean it like-like that, I-”

It’s Peter’s panicked stammering that causes MJ to break. The laughter that bursts from her is wild and unexpected, and it can’t possibly surprise Peter more than it surprises MJ. But there, in the middle of the hotel room, MJ can’t help but sit in the middle of it all and laugh. Peter joins in too, after a minute, and when they step away from each other it’s with a new sort of ease that MJ has only tasted around him before.

“You didn’t just say that.”

“Um,” Peter says with a grin, rubbing his neck sheepishly as he strides to the window, “yeah, maybe you can forget about that while I’m gone?”

“No chance.”

“Yeah, I knew it was a long shot.”

The window slides open, then, and as the night air enters the room, the sort of frenzied relief that MJ feels darts out into the darkness of Prague. As MJ turns to face Peter, there is something different in her eyes– something determined. “Hey, dork.”

Peter, who has by now effortlessly leaped into the open window, turns to face her. He has pulled down the mask on his suit now, and MJ can’t help but miss his dark eyes as she stares into the glassy, opaque ones. “Yeah?” he asks, and just the sound of his stupid voice is enough to make her heart twinge again, renewing the uncertain tension.

“Come back.”

For a minute, those opalescent eyes lock on her own, and MJ thinks that Peter is going to turn without saying anything. But then, his stupid voice pipes up, slightly constricted and forced in its optimism.

“Well, yeah. Who else will be able to get you that anatomy lesson?”

MJ can’t stop the shocked laugh that leaves her, and she slowly shakes her head. “Okay, yeah. Get out before I call Flash and tell him you have a thing for teacher-student stuff.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Peter replies, saluting her in response. His gaze lingers a little longer on her, though, and she could swear his body language softens. “Um… Bye, MJ. I’ll be back soon.” He moves to leave through the window then, but MJ finds herself lurching forward.

“Wait,” she says quickly, and Peter immediately freezes and turns back to her. As soon as he turns, his arm shoots out to catch the piece of tech that MJ has just tossed his way. “You’re gonna need this.”

“Oh.” Peter’s sheepish voice causes warmth to crawl up the back of MJ’s neck. “Thanks.”

“Let me know when you get there.” MJ isn’t sure what prompts her to say it.

Peter gives her one quick, final nod, lingering for a moment before he finally leaps into the night. MJ is left in his hotel room with the sounds of Prague drifting in through the open window. As she moves to close it, though, MJ realizes that those aren’t the only things that Peter has left with her.

MJ now has a slightly better understanding of the anatomy of who Peter is… And, though she can’t quite explains why, MJ knows that once they manage to get through this mess, there are going to be plenty of lessons for the both of them on the other side.

[tsarisfanfiction]

Regret (Tales From The Heart)

Fandom: One Piece Rating: Teen Warnings: mentions of major injury Characters: Shachi, Law, Penguin, Heart Pirates

There was nothing gentle about Shachi's return to consciousness. Often, he floated somewhere between awake and asleep for a while, gradually acclimatising to the situation before his senses fully returned to him. This time, awareness crashed over him like a tonne of bricks, as if he'd jerked awake from a nightmare, leaving him grasping at straws of reality to ground himself.

"Shachi?" a voice asked, but the ginger paid it no mind, attention stolen by the way his nerves seemingly cut off just before his shoulders, nothing but a void where his arms should be. Memories slammed into the forefront of his mind; being caught, cruel laughter, the pain. A searing agony that took his breath and voice away in one fell swoop as his arms tore, warm blood trickling down his skin.

No!

He jerked forwards, trying to sit up, to see his shoulders. His arms. A firm hand pressed down on his chest, restraining him and stilling his movements. It was off-centre, a little to the left; right over his heart.

"Don't move," the voice said again, gentle but firm like the hand.

"My arms!" he gasped, fighting the pressure to no avail. "I can't-"

"It's okay," he was told, and the fog cleared from his brain enough to recognise Penguin's presence, the older man bent over him in thinly veiled concern. "Don't worry, it's just anaesthetic." Shachi stopped struggling, staring at Penguin in muted comprehension as the words and their implications settled in.

"They're not..?" he asked, unable to finish the sentence, to voice what could have happened, had been happening.

"They're still attached," Penguin said calmly, although his fingers were trembling lightly. "Law already did the surgery, you just need to rest now." He looked away for a moment, his gaze settling on something Shachi couldn't see from where he was lying, and he was far too tired and shaken to even consider focusing his haki. "I promised I'd wake Law when you came to," he said, sounding apologetic. "He's just in the next bed, hang on a moment?" There was a pleading note in his voice, but Shachi wasn't paying any attention to him again.

Law.

He remembered Law's face, like he remembered fighting to get free and pain. He remembered his captain, just standing there, watching. Penguin, too, and more of his nakama behind. They'd watched, just watched as he was dangled in powerful arms like a ragdoll, doing nothing.

Somewhere, deep in the recesses of his mind, rationality whispered that they'd been frozen in shock, couldn't have moved no matter how much they wanted to. He'd been there himself, knew intimately what it was like to watch in muted horror while muscles ceased taking orders from the brain.

Shachi's mind wasn't listening to rationality, stuck in the rut of they watched, they didn't help as it circled around and around in his mind.

Tousled black hair invaded his sight, followed by a pale face with red indents of fabric and eyes bright with weariness. The implications were lost on Shachi, who opened his mouth to croak a single word before Law could finish gathering himself together.

"Why?"

Law blinked, confusion gathering in his tired eyes.

"Shachi?" he asked, gently, as if he thought he wasn't in his right mind. "It's okay," he continued after a moment, just before Shachi could clarify his question. "The surgery was a success, you just need to rest to let it take, then your arms will be operational again. The anaesthesia is to make sure you don't move it accidentally."

Shachi couldn't care les about any of that, not right now when the betrayal of being abandoned to his fate had swollen to encompass almost all of his brain.

"Why didn't you save me?" he rasped, his weak voice cracking halfway through. "You were there, you were right there, and you… you just watched."

Law's face turned stricken, half horrified, half guilt-ridden. Beside him, Penguin's face matched his perfectly.

"I…" his captain said, faltering. "I…" He fell to his knees, the impact reverberating clearly along the metal flooring. "Oh, Shachi, I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry!" Tattooed hands groped wildly, eventually settling for his shoulder, half on the numbness, half burning his skin with the raw emotion. "I… I froze up, I couldn't move, couldn't think. I just shut down, I'm sorry, Gods, I'm sorry!"

The grip was too tight, hot fingers clenching as if he'd disappear any second without them there to ground him to the mortal plane. Sobs echoed in the air, broken, heart-wrenching sobs as Law buried his face in Shachi's sheets.

The rational part of Shachi's brain forgave him instantly; Law was blameless, that could happen to the best of them. He was still alive, still had his arms, so they must have done something after he blacked out, rallying themselves just in time to save him when it really mattered.

He still wasn't listening to the rational part, letting the crazed, terror-fuelled instincts do the thinking for him, and turned his head away, unable to shed the feeling of betrayal even though this was Law and he was beating himself up over it enough even without Shachi adding fuel to the fire. Penguin, too, he supposed, although he could barely see the other man from where he stood a little behind Law, looking at least as distraught as their captain.

Shachi couldn't deal with those faces, not now while everything was still sinking in.

"Get out," he said, the words mumbling together as they left his mouth and became acquainted with the pillow half covering his mouth. There were twin intakes of breath, sharp and painful.

"Shachi-" one of them started, he didn't care enough to sort out their voices.

"Out," he repeated, voice sharper this time as he moved his head a fraction so it wouldn't be swallowed by the bed linen. Another broken sob and then the pressure on his shoulder lifted. A hand carded through his hair, just once, but he stoically refused to look up and meet their gaze. Another devastated sigh and footprints began to recede, pausing a short distance away.

"Call if you need us," one said, not moving for several long seconds as if they were hoping Shachi would change his mind. He didn't.

Shifting his head was the closest he could get to rolling onto his side, stubbornly facing away from the door as it shut, so that was what he did, finally catching sight of an arm-shaped lump by his side, where it should be even if he couldn't feel it at all. From it were several thin tubes, running various liquids into his dead arm, and at the sight of them the rational part of his brain gained a slightly louder voice, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut because none of it was Law's fault and he shouldn't have taken it out on him and Penguin.

They'd understand, of course. Painkillers strong enough to completely cut off all sensation from his arm certainly had the ability to mess with his brain and Law would know that better than anyone. It didn't stop any of it hurting – his sharp words, or the perceived betrayal – and he gulped in a large breath, wanting to go back to sleep where the pain stopped and his tongue wasn't a razor edge but unable to fall back under.

He couldn't sleep, but he feigned it whenever the door opened, because if they thought it was asleep they wouldn't bother him and then he wouldn't lash out at his undeserving nakama. He had no idea how many of them were really fooled, several coming to sit by his bedside and some even talking to him in a low voice. They apologised for being useless, told him what had become of the enemies (and Shachi would have hugged them for that if he could), wished him a swift recovery. It was all low-volume, and gentle enough that he could continue to pretend he was asleep, so he did.

He refused to face them again until the painkillers wore off and he knew his thoughts and words were truly his own once more.

[prider-parker-imaginations]

ℍ𝕠𝕝𝕕 𝕋𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥, 𝕊𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥

Title: Hold Tight, Sweetheart

Characters: Peter Parker x Male!Stark!Reader (can be read as platonic or romantic)

Warnings: grief, language, implied PTSD, Endgame spoilers, Far From Home spoilers, honestly just angst

Prompt: Rainbow by Kesha

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: My submission for @locke-writes Intro to 2020 Challenge! / Sequel can be found here!

“Sorry you had to ditch your friends.” You crouched beside Peter in the cathedral tower overlooking the carnival below. The two of you would have blended in with the gargoyles, just two shadows against the night sky if anyone had deigned to look up. “Also sorry Fury chewed you out earlier. That was a dick move.”

Peter let out a breath through his nose, his head lowering a fraction. The lights below reflected like stars in his eyepieces. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

You shrugged one shoulder and tried to suppress a pang of guilt. You hadn’t seen Peter since the funeral. “Been keeping busy.” This was something you were good at. Throwing yourself back into your work was a way to keep moving forward. It was a way to move on without really moving on. You could just pretend like nothing had changed. When your life gets turned upside down, finding a new centre of gravity was better than dealing with the vertigo. Leaving Peter behind had simply been an unfortunate side effect. 

“It’s been awhile.”

You rubbed the back of your neck. “Yeah. That’s my bad.”

“No, it’s okay, I get it.”

An uncomfortable silence stretched on for several beats.

“You don’t... think all this is weird?” he asked after a minute.

Laughter drifted up from the crowd far below and you frowned. “Which part?”

It was Peter’s turn to shrug in the dark.

You shifted so you were sitting cross-legged on the ledge, elbows on your thighs. “Weird is kind of an understatement nowadays. I just punch what Fury tells me to punch.”

“How, uh... how’s Morgan?”

Your gut twisted and you stared harder into the festivities below. “I haven’t been home in awhile,” you admitted, the words feeling strange on your tongue. The cabin had never been your home. You had only visited a handful of times since the funeral. It was a place filled with a life you had never been a part of. A life that had moved on without you. The only connection you would have had to it was gone. You weren’t sure you knew how to be part of a family anymore. You wanted to like Morgan, you really did. She was a great kid. But every time you looked at her, your stomach squeezed. And as nice as Pepper was, you couldn’t help but feel like an intruder. You had been part of Tony’s life, not hers. No, working was better for you. It was better for everyone. You sniffed and blamed it on the cool night air. “She misses him though.”

Peter gave a small nod, “Yeah, me too.”

You swallowed, casting the teen a sidelong glance. “What about you? How’ve you been holding up?”

Up here in the darkness, even with his face shrouded, you couldn’t help but notice how young Peter looked. You were both young, you reminded yourself, though you hadn’t felt young in a long time. “I didn’t expect to be saving the world this summer. I know it sounds stupid but I just wanted to try being normal for a little while.”

You pulled one knee up to your chest, resting your chin in the crook of your arm. “I know what you mean. I never really got to have a normal life. I was angry about that for a really long time. It was just easier to be pissed off.”     “What made you change your mind?”

“Bucky helped. And dad too, eventually. He wasn’t the best dad, but he was trying. We had a lot of lost time to make up for. I didn’t have to live in the dark anymore. I could try to be a person again instead of just some tool to hurt people. My head’s still fucked up but it’s my head again.” You tilted your chin to look up at the sky, your eyes tracing over the constellations as if they held some sign telling you how to move on from a life that was never really yours to begin with. They twinkled back silently. A sigh fell from your lips, “I’ll never have a normal life. I think I accepted that a long time ago.” 

Even as you spoke the words, ou knew they weren’t entirely true. Yes, you had given up for a long time. Hydra had ruined your chances at anything normal when they turned your life upside down the first time all those years ago and made you into a weapon to use as they pleased. But there had been a brief window where you had hoped. Once you had been freed of Hydra and found your father, things had been almost good. They hadn’t been easy. There was a lot you needed to learn how to do again. You’d forgotten how to daydream, so consumed with all the wrong things Hydra had implanted in your head. But you hadn’t been alone. Now, though? Now there was even more of a reason for you to throw yourself into your work.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting a normal life, though. You might not get it, but it’s okay to want it. I think most of us wish we weren’t who we were sometimes. It’d make things a hell of a lot easier.”

Another stretch of silence fell punctuated only by the noise of the festival below.

“Are you sure you’re okay to do this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You glanced over and felt your throat tighten at the sight of the glasses case in his hands. Your eyes burned as you looked up at the sky again. “Oh. That.”

“I don’t know why he left them to me,” Peter admitted quietly, and you could hear the guilt in his voice.

A rough, joyless laugh fell from your lips. “He trusted you.”

“But you were his son.”

“You were never brainwashed by a terrorist organization bent on world domination.” You forced a tight-lipped smile and wiped at your eyes before he could see the hurt threatening to leak out, “Besides, I never had my dad’s brains. I’d make a shit Iron Man.”

“It’s not for the next Iron Man. It’s for the next Tony Stark,” Peter pointed out softly.

You swallowed hard, struggling to reign in your emotions, “Not helping, Pete.”

“I’m sorry.”

You ran a hand over your face, biting back a groan. You hadn't been trying to make him feel bad. “Don’t be. I just... I have to believe he had his reasons, you know? Picking you over me. You’ve always been better than me. I was just a reminder of all the mistakes he made. All the times he’d fucked up. But you were something new. Something good. I’m just damaged goods. Hydra messed with my head and it's still all fucked up. I’m here to fix all the things I’ve screwed up. But you? You’re here to make something better."

Peter fiddled with his sleeve beneath his webshooter. "I think maybe we're all a little fucked up. Mr. Stark made a lot of mistakes, but you weren’t one of them.”

You bit back a snort. "He didn't even know I existed until after Berlin. Hell, he knew you longer than he knew me. He didn't have to help teach you to be a person again either. You've always been a complete package." You rubbed a hand against your chest, your chin tucked against your neck. “He wasn’t a bad dad. I was just a shitty excuse for a son. Makes sense he wouldn’t want me touching his legacy. Who wants to give a kid who once had Hydra screwing around with his brain and DNA access to a global defence system?”

You swiped the wetness from your eyes and let out a shaky laugh. “Shit, this wasn’t supposed to become a pity party.” You stood sharply, pacing along the ledge. One hand raked through your hair. “Look at us. We’re supposed to be saving the world and here we are. Dad couldn’t just make things easy for us, could he? He brings us back after five fucking years and he’s just-” you stopped short, voice cracking. You drew in a shuddering breath, ducking your head. You pinched the bridge of your nose, chest tight and painful as all the emotions you had been trying to shove down for eight months came bubbling up and out. “He’s just gone.” Your hands moved to your hips as you stared up at the sky as if gravity would help keep the tears in. “I keep working because I don’t know what else to do. I had just found him, Pete. And then that purple bastard came along and-”

You were saved from having to finish the thought when Peter hugged you. You felt something inside you break, the hot anger turning to wet and water. Your nose pressed against his shoulder, hands fisted against the back of his suit. It had been so long since you’d cried. You were a weapon. Weapons didn’t cry. But you were a boy beneath all the shit and that boy was hurting.

“I know,” Peter whispered, thickness in his voice as he held onto you, “I know. I miss him too.” 

You pulled away, using your sleeve to swipe your cheeks dry as best you could. God, you felt pathetic. You were supposed to be a hero, or at least something like one. You were supposed to be watching out for a creature that threatened the entire planet, and instead you were a crying mess. “I’m sorry. Shit, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go.”

“How was it supposed to go?”

    You forced out a half-hearted laugh at the question, “I don’t know. Kick some Elemental ass and then go get drunk maybe. You could tell me about your school year and we could pretend we’re normal and I’m not the most fucked up human on the planet. Something like that.”

    “Here.”

    You blinked as Peter held out the glasses case, vision still blurry with tears. You shook your head, “He left it for you.”

    “He left it for the next Tony Stark. That’s as much you as me. Just try them.”

    Reluctantly, you reached out and opened the case. The glasses lay there over a note with your father’s handwriting. Your throat tightened. When you picked up the glasses, you did so as though they might shatter at your touch. It felt wrong. It felt like you were tainting his legacy, just like being with Pepper and Morgan had felt like you were invading somewhere you shouldn’t. You swallowed a lump in your throat and slipped them on. The lens lit up and you blinked in surprise as a feminine voice sounded by your ear.

    “Stand by for retinal and biometric scan. Retinal and biometric scan accepted. Hello, Mr. Stark.”

    Using that name to address you felt wrong. It felt like you had taken something that didn’t belong to you. Like you weren’t worthy. You swallowed hard, a shaky feeling settling in your chest. “Hey.”

    “Mr. Stark has recorded a message for you. Would you like me to play it?”

`    It felt as though the wind had been knocked out of you, “What?”

    “Mr. Stark has recorded a message for you. Would you like me to play it?” EDITH repeated patiently.

    Your eyes flickered to Peter, searching for courage in the pale eyes of his suit, your heart pounding in your chest, “Yes.”

    “Hey, kiddo.”

    The sound of your father’s voice washed over you and it was like someone had reached into your chest and wrapped their first around your heart. You covered your mouth with your hand, choking down a sob. Peter reached out and took hold of your other hand, offering a gentle squeeze.

    “I’m going to skip over the whole ‘if you’re listening to this, I must be gone’ spiel. We both already know that and I’ve got more important things to say. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. And I’m sorry I’m not there now. You deserved a better dad than me. I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life. Not being there for you when you were little was one of them. I couldn’t give you the family you deserved. If I could go back and do everything again, that’s what I’d change. All this talk about time travel and all I can think about is if I could somehow save you from the hurt you’ve endured. But that’s not how it works, so I’ll settle for just having you back. If I can’t change the past, maybe I can change the future. I’m just sorry I can’t be there to see it with you. I hope you can forgive me.

“You’ve been through so much and you know better than anyone that life can be terrifying. But you’re still here, or at least, you will be. I know you can make it. Our scars make us who we are, and you’re strong, and you’re good. What’s left of your heart is made of gold. You’re my son, and I love you more than you’ll ever know. Hold tight. You gotta learn to let go. Put the past behind you. Trust me, I know the ghosts will try to find you. But you have so much ahead of you, so much more than anything you could ever leave behind. You have the chance to create your own legacy. Not my legacy, not Hydra’s legacy. Yours. You and Peter, you’ve both got so much potential. That’s not from me. That’s from you. So make the world a better place, but do it the way you know how. And do me a favour and look out for your little sister, okay? The world is a scary place and she’s gonna need her big brother to help her find her way through it. I’m proud of you. And I love you.”

EDITH’s voice sounded again, quieter this time, “Message ended.”

Hot tears continued to track down your cheeks and you could taste salt on your lips as you slipped the glasses off of your face and handed them back to Peter.

“Are you okay?” the boy asked softly, his fingers still brushing yours. You could hear the wetness in his voice and picture the dampness of his cheeks even behind the mask.

You shook your head. A shuddering breath fell from your lips. “Not yet. But I’ll get there.”

--- --- --- --- ---

A slow smirk curled Quentin’s lips as he listened over the hacked comms and added to his mental list of weaknesses to exploit. You were almost making it too easy as you spilled your guts to Peter, all your doubts and regrets. All that pain, right there for him to twist and mold as he saw fit. Two mourning, lonely boys desperate for a father figure, desperate for guidance and comfort and reassurance. He could do that. He could wrap the two damaged boys around his finger easily, digging his claws deep into those broken places.

He pressed a button on his own private comm, “Riva, open a file on the Stark kid. Compile all the information you can find on his time with Hydra. Look into the Bucky guy too. Might be something there we can use in case things go south. Get Guterman to come up with something that’ll help me relate to him too. Maybe some sort of Hydra equivalent brainwashing a friend or having to undergo experiments to get my powers, something like that. It’ll look good to have Stark’s kid supporting me until he tragically reverts to his former training and I’m forced to kill him.”

“On it, boss.”

“And start prepping the simulation. I’ve heard all I need and I’m getting sick of listening to them cry over Stark. It’s time for some real action.”

[opalgelance]

thoughts on steven universe future

td;lr overall opinion: steven universe future is better than most of the original steven universe, especially seasons 3-5, but there are still some real iffy plotlines in future

i hate that the diamonds were redeemed but at the same time, the happy clouds blue and yellow putting gems back together scenes were so pure

it simultaneously warms my heart and infuriates me 

but we finally got a blue diamond song, god i love her voice

EDIT: also steven basically tortured white diamond and nearly killed her and it was pretty disturbing bc steven is 1. in a really bad mental state, like way darker than i thought they’d show him go, since this is technically a kids show and 2. was also kind of trying to hurt himself, which both hit me really hard bc i had similar periods of blazing anger, wanting to self harm and harm others that i felt had wronged me when i was a teenager, but its also what white deserves

ncsndlljklkcndkls i want to enjoy this show so bad but,,, steven having ptsd makes him a violent douche??? diamonds killed who knows how many gems in their reign and never really felt bad about it in original su but now they’re supportive life coaches??? no thank you

on more positive notes, i loved how priyanka described mental health and how she treated steven throughout the entire check up, she was so nonconfrontational and whenever he felt stressed she deescalated the situation,,, it was so good

the animation is the best its been since season 2. the poses are clean, very well drawn, and on model. there are more action scenes than like 90% of steven universe and they’re animated way better, like theres actual fighting and motion asjksacbcbj no one is stiffly posed, no one has strange proportions, no one is drastically changing sizes in between shots (well besides steven in growing pains onward but when he does change size its supposed to be like that lol)

i liked seeing the real roses but didnt love it? i wish we saw more of the roses designs up close, and i wish they fit a little more with the other quartzes? it might be just because its era 3, but the roses were all way more unique than jaspers and amethysts generally seem to be. i like that they were more unique designs and had different personalities, but surely the diamonds wouldnt have tolerated that back in era 1 or even era 2, had the rose quartzes not been bubbled? also i get that they’re reminiscent of pink bc she created them, but hippie and superfan were so naive, more so than other quartzes. if each quartz group was slightly different, it would make a little more sense tbh like if quartzes were the entire gem army, but each group was slightly different. i always liked the idea that rose quartzes were either the defense or the healers of the gem army.

little homeschool and guidance were fun and genuinely enjoyable, considering not a whole ton happens in them. i wish townie episodes had been more like them. like you could replace the gems with random humans, but it would still be a fun episode? idk, maybe involving the humans in gem stuff wouldve made better townie episodes, like lars and the cool kids. it wouldve probably helped steven feel more “human” too, if the human and gem worlds collided a bit more in the series.

bluebird was... an ok episode, but im not sure how well it will fit into what i feel like the end will be, where every episode of future featured someone steven helped or affected in some way, and they all come together to help steven when he corrupts. or rather, i guess if bluebird did say something, it would feel more hollow bc steven didnt help them lol the gems and universes were just friendly to them, and thats it. it wasnt as bad as a very special episode (my least favorite episode of future), but it felt like a townie episode with no townies LOL at least we got a new fusion i guess

a very special episode was just,,, infuriating. there was that weird football scene where they just like,,, talk about screen resolution for a minute then play the full commercial for little homeworld we just saw last episode???? i did genuinely enjoy the rainbow scenes, but it just built up to not nothing. oh no, it was something alright. the whole episode was just future vision and then theres like a minute long psa??? it felt like that wacky randomness that would have happened in like, ok ko, teen titans go, or clarence jaskjcbkcjbskb

mr universe is tied with dear old dad episode as my least favorite greg episode. i get how both of them feel. greg wanted to tell steven about how he escaped from his miserable childhood and remade who he was, no longer a demayo but a universe. the problem imo was that greg became way too absorbed in the past. it reminds me a bit of s1 pearl, how she’d proudly recount gem battles and basked in the glory of fighting for their freedom, but she struggled when she had to recount the more unsavory parts of war. and that really affected amethyst, since she didnt fight in the glorified war pearl told her and steven about. amethyst was the byproduct of one of the bad parts of the war, and that became part of her identity, until on the run, where pearl finally realized that she needed to tell amethyst that she wasnt bad. amethyst’s creation may have fractionally hurt the earth, but that wasnt her fault. it wasnt her fault that she emerged too late to fight either. and it wasnt her fault that she existed. sounds familiar to to stevens rant in the van. 

steven didnt ask to be made. he didnt ask to be the half gem half human son of a diamond. but he grew up being told about how great his mom was, and that while no one would ever say it, she was gone because of him. to create steven, rose had to die. it was roses decision, but as the product of that decision, steven feels responsible. not only that, but being told constantly about his amazing mother, steven felt like he had to live up to her, had to be like her, had to replace her in the gems and greg’s lives. throughout the series, steven is constantly either trying to be like his mother, until he realizes its ok to be himself. but then the question is posed; is steven even himself? or is he still part of rose? and once he finds out that he’s steven, and has always been steven, he’s still reeling from the realization that his mother was pink diamond. and that really shows in future, where steven is becoming like pink. at first he doesnt even know, because besides the jungle moon dream, him and the audience never knew about this side of pink. this angry, short tempered, diamond who lashes out mostly physically. and unlike before, no one’s telling steven about pink (besides pink pearl) hes finding out firsthand, and this pink mode is basically being forced on him by his gem. steven has little to no control over this form. hes not trying to live up to his mother, or wondering if he is her, like before. now, he’s losing control to whatever programming is in his gem.

but back to mr universe. in the van, greg is going on and on about how lucky steven is, and how free steven is, but how can either of them compare their lives to each other? the similarities just arent there. steven is right, greg and pink were “raised” in very similar “households”. both had their wishes and desires suppressed by controlling, abusive parents. we know pink was abused mentally, verbally and physically (being physically dragged away from the screen by yellow in jungle moon, stevonnie being grabbed and thrown into the time out cell by yellow, when she still thought steven was pink), but greg at the very least was mentally assaulted. but they diverge from here. as greg said, he thought disco was back. rose started a war. you cant compare them any further. 

but at the same time, steven was raised completely differently. he was raised in a home with love and freedom, but he was also not given the opportunity to be a normal kid. theres a difference being forcing your kid to do something and not giving them the chance to try something. steven was never given the option to go to school (well in the comics he was but i guess thats not canon now since it seems like steven wishes he went to school?) he was never given the option to live in a house, or go to the mall with friends. the only other kids he knew were the boardwalk kids, but even then, he doesnt seem very close with them. for such an outgoing, friendly kid, steven wasnt given many opportunities to make friends. steven’s upbringing was very relaxed, yes, but it was too relaxed. he needed more structure, and more importantly, more humanity. i always thought it was weird, how little steven seems to have interacted with humans before connie, considering that his mother so desperately wanted steven to experience being human. yes the show is about gems, (and yes, i dont like most townie episodes), but steven was never shown doing a lot of “human” kid things inbetween episodes. the episode never started with him coming home from a friends house, he hardly ever spent time with friends other than connie in little scenes. like he was never called for a mission while playing cards with peedee, or coming home after an after school activity. any scenes like that were either just steven by himself, or with greg, and occasionally connie. but connie is a new addition to his life. how many years has he been doing fun stuff with only his dad for company, or by himself? yknow, “non traditional” childhoods and living situations are becoming more and more common in media, rather than the “two parents in a suburb house” thing, but steven’s life is beyond any unusual childhood any other kid would have. i mean he’s never even been to the doctor! which is probably for several reasons, like the fact that he apparently doesnt have a ssn, he can heal himself, has a damn gemstone in his stomach, and is half alien. but still, thats not something he has in common with other kids. no matter how much love and freedom he was given, steven was raised as an outcast.

i agree with the notion that both greg and steven were both right and wrong in mr universe. i guess they both have that in common with rose lol 

greg should have read the room better, realized that his pep talk wasnt the support and apology steven needed to hear. but steven shouldnt have acted out in the way he did. i get that’s the “theme” of steven’s spiral, maybe for the younger audience to better understand how steven is acting? but crashing his dad’s van that gregs been living in for like 20 years? fucking SHATTERING jasper? that’s going way too far to prove a point. it would have been better to maybe mirror story for steven, where marty and greg are arguing, marty is watching the road and they narrowly avoid hitting a car. but crashing the car could have been pretty serious, especially for greg. now jasper, that episode shouldnt have been approved. steven should not have shattered jasper. he fucking killed her. rose/pink didnt even shatter anyone. and if it wasnt for steven getting another superpower out of nowhere, jasper would have stayed that way. he should have just cracked her gem, poofing her in the process. the rest of the episode wouldve played out exactly the same.

anyways ive been writing this for like 2 hours but i feel better letting it all out. if you enjoy future keep enjoying it! it’s definitely more like a B+ compared to season 3-5′s general C-/D+. but please take into consideration future has some themes that people personally relate to, like mental health, and that you shouldnt shit on someone elses opinions that are based on their own personal experiences. especially if you dont have mental health issues, dont keep pushing your opinion and telling people that personally relate to future’s themes that they’re wrong? thats fucked up man