#fatandtired

[perfectinternetvoid]

I can only speak for myself and speak for today...

Sometimes I find myself looking for an inspiration or motivation that will trigger me to be better. But I sit here day after day in the fucking reality of the fact that I am responsible for creating/manifesting my own motivation and being my own inspiration. I need to stop thinking weightloss is an advertisement end result of after the fact and forgetting all the hard work. I need to stop thinking that there will ever be an easy way out and stop questioning myself. Theres so much I've denied myself, talked myself out of, excusing myself from, that when I reach my grave I'll be 37 and thinking, "well this was it." A whole pizza, lack of discipline/control, no respect for my diet or health, no love deep within me. And as clearly as this plays out now I can not predict the future. I can only say that at 27, I'm 350lbs 5'5 have hbp, sleep apnea, diabetes, anxiety, depression, bpd..and I'm not quitting on myself.