#felix being the alter which oliver worships

[i-eat-boyz]

Fennel said what makes Felix interesting is Oliver looking at him. So what happens if he looks away.

So imagine Felix who is used to wanting, lusting eyes on him; picking Oliver up to be his stray of the month.

He can feel the desperate want coming off the boy in waves.

The longer he keeps him around (longer than he thought he would) he realizes what's different from Oliver.

Oliver looks at him like he's personally hung the moon and the stars. Felix feels himself become something greater, something more than he is (which he never thought possible) under Oliver's intense gaze. He feels almost god-like as Oliver stares up at him (always up) drowning in his blue doe eyed worship.

That's what it was Worship

He wants Felix with no expectations of reciprocation.

(At least no where near the same level)

So Felix gives him some (crumbs) as a treat. Sprinkling his attention here and there to keep Oliver fed.

Then something happens. They argue it's not his fault really Oliver was just being so.... (HIMSELF!!) and Felix couldn't stand it.

Then he tries to make it up to him.

( Isn't Ollie so lucky he's kind)

He gives a little bit more.

"How about staying in this weekend just you and I" "No thanks got work to catch up on."

He gives more and more of his attention, yet it seems to push Oliver further and further away.

It's to the point he's pretty sure he's taken up all of Ollie's voicemail box. (He hasn't left a voicemail before in his entire life!)

He's sitting drunk surrounded by friends (is that what they were) no Ollie in sight. He had texted him a few times (6 and 1 phone call) with no answer. He's angry now. Who does Oliver think he is? What does he expect from him an apology! So what if the fucking sod doesn't want to hang out it's his loss (he comforts himself). Then he's turning his head to tell Ollie just that to realize (yet again) it's India or Annabelle (whatever) under his arm. They had been saying something and he wasn't listening. Staring at him glaze eyed and expecting. Always expecting something, always wanting something in return.

He doesn't respond he gets up and walks out of the pub. He's stumbling down the path to the dorms wondering what he did before. What did he talk about before Oliver was there to listen to every deep inner thought and moronic question of his. What did he laugh about before Oliver's whispered and cutting quips. How did he live in such shallow water before Oliver dragged him to the great and wide deep.

Just to leave him there abandoned and lost. Grown too big to go back to the shallow pools.

He stopped in front of Oliver's door before he even made the decision to go.

He's knocking half wishing he doesn't answer.

Felix doesn't know what he'll do if he does.

[i-eat-boyz]

This post made me notice throughout the movie Felix is the one who initiates most of the physical contact between them.

Reaching out to him, kissing Oliver's cheek, pulling him close. Just being in his space and closing their proximity physically.

All of Oliver's advances were usually hidden popping his tire to save him. Following him and watching him from dark and corners and shadows and approaching him when the time is right.

I feel as if this shows in a deeper level their roles in their dynamic.

Felix seeks a surface level acquaintance ship with those around him. That's what he was raised around not showing real or at least negative emotions. Getting to know someone truly and becoming friends is seeing the good and the bad and showing it to them in return. Oliver is (to our knowledge) his first glimpse at someone purposely sharing what he deems unsightly in the light. It gives him a sense of being chosen and trusted to see something he himself would never show anyone else. He responds to this in the movie by closing the distance between them more and more physically throughout the movie.

Oliver is more focused on the emotional aspect of their connection. Sharing his "dark past" creating a bond between them. Becoming (in his eyes) the closest person to Felix. Knowing him the best. He leers and lurks in the shadows taking any piece of Felix he can get. He does this still keeping his distance. He knows if he were to show how much he really wanted from him. To show Felix his "True Badness" he would lose him and scare him away. Yet his every attempt to bring them closer is leveraging those negative emotions that Felix is so afraid of. Sympathy, Agitation, Guilt. He packages them in a way that is palatable to Felix.

Felix takes his touches and proximity as a gift. Just by being near him is showing he cares. Letting them be seen together allowing him into his space and taking up his is a sign of affection in itself. You see it in the way he punishes Oliver when he is upset. He immediately puts distance. Sending him away and him out and going to the pub. By his silence at the breakfast table after the 'ventia incident' and him hiding in a corner away from everyone else. His refusal to speak in the car the way he made himself scarce at the birthday party. He takes his very absence as punishment and to Oliver it is.

Oliver cares about Felix (loves) enough to be afraid to scare him away. So he takes what he can takeand steal and hides away to himself in the shadows too scared to physically reach out and be rejected. That is also why I feel as if Oliver's ways of manipulating Ventia and Farleigh are so different. He isn't scared of losing them or reaching out and scaring them away with his intensity and darkness and True Badness. He doesn't care about them. So he uses what he cares about the least to tame them his body.

When his Greatest fear is realized and already happening (losing Felix) he is no longer afraid to reach out to show himself to Felix because what else does he have to lose Felix is already giving him the worst punishment. Sending him away destroying any hope of anything more or lasting between them. So he reached out and showed his true self the real Badness inside of him. He strips himself bare and It's worse than Oliver thought doesn't just reject him he's disgusted, he's afraid. Felix can't stand it chokes on it when it isn't this easy little piece of trauma he can peck at any longer it's something real and it's something dark.