#fic.fer

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

Grave Digger - a Half life fanfic on fanfiction.net, saved here because i love the story and dont wnat it lost in time

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

Unclouded Days, because I'm not an idiot and I definitely remembered this story exists, part 3.

Part 1 | Part 2

"If I wanted to have a family... I'd have it with Alyx... Or Barney... But for right now...."

Gordon looked up from his journal. Taking a glance at his clock, he noted the date and time. 6:37 a.m. on a cold Thursday, April 13.

It had been a whole 2 months since he last visited Alyx and Barney. Gordon could remember the chill of the incoming blizzard as he trudged through the snow, and he remembered the chill coming back home afterwards.

His cabin was a safe haven away from the chaos of the society he helped create. Gordon wanted nothing to do there. He wanted to be by himself, for all too long he had been surrounded by people and he couldn't stand it. He thoroughly enjoyed the moments spent being away from everyone, where he was on his own, doing whatever. Nobody would boss him about. He wouldn't have to fight.

Barney had brought up a good point, but by accident. Gordon had mocked Barney by making such claims as having a family. And with Barney asking if he had one, Gordon spent long nights thinking about it.

No, he didn't have one, but Gordon couldn't deny that he had thought about having one, and having some kids of his own. He was still young enough to, but with whom? Barney would say yes, he and Gordon were always intimate with each other and would be asked constantly at Black Mesa when they'd marry. But it'd rule out children, as niether of them could reproduce with each other. Alyx would be uncertain about getting married, probably, mostly because she didn't know to the fullest what it meant. And niether of them felt a strong attraction towards each other, so would it even be considered a real loving relationship?

Gordon took another look at the clock. 7:15 a.m.. Temperature dropped a few degrees in the cabin. He sighed.

Another night wasted.

Closing the journal, Gordon stood up and stretched before opening the window to let it the sun and some fresh air. He stared outside, some animals crossing in and out of his vision, the leaves from last fall stuck down under the remaining snow. It was cold out, but the kind of cold one craved for in the spring. A nice and peaceful morning with a slight chill, the forestry just now waking up with snow melting around, providing nutrients to the life nearby.

He felt tired. Not unusual, as he lost quite a bit of sleep since that week in February. But Gordon couldn't fall asleep.

It was the entire point of that journal. To write his thoughts until he felt as though he could sleep. Some nights he considered heading back over to Eli and Kliener, maybe chat a bit. But being 40-something miles away would mean he'd arrive there sometime by noon. Other nights he considered working on some projects he laid out. But that would mean Gordon would have to turn on the other lights- all that artificial light would keep him up more than the red-light alarm he used to write in his journal. More often than not Gordon would just sit at his desk, writing away from 8 in the evening to 7 in the morning. The rare nights were when he didn't write in his journal, but instead bathed in the pitch black darkness.

Writing in the journal helped though. Gordon wouldn't have to worry about making sense to anyone, as long as it made enough sense to him. No need to appropriate a sentence, give it structure. It was a place where he could write what he was feeling, with no worry of harming anyone else.

Though sometimes Gordon wished he could actually tell someone, get advice or some help. It would have been useful as hell for him.

To ask for help gave Gordon the feeling of uselessness, a feeling he had been trying to avoid hard. To be told to do a thing gave him a purpose. So he did things that made him feel useful- took care of alien enemies for those that couldn't, provided backup to those who could, saved humanity, rebuilt society. Gordon did it all. There was no way he was going to ask anyone for help. He'd feel guilty as hell.

Gordon decided that he was done thinking such thoughts. And he had also decided that he would relax with a nice, warm shower, taking some time to ease off some stress.

Silence had been filling the lab. It was as if quiet things could become quieter, if it didn't make sound then it would start making other things stop making sound.

Alyx and Barney found it uncomfortable. The silence was deafening, and they could hear their thoughts much too clearly. It also provided a sort of laziness, a feeling of boredom, to the lab. A place once bustling with life and loud noises now only inhabited by two people with nothing better to do that they hadn't done forty times before.

"What if we went out of town for a bit?" Barney broke the silence, startling Alyx, who had been slowly falling asleep.

"What do you mean? To where?" She stretched.

"To Gordon's."

"I don't know, would he even like visitors right now? We have no way of asking him."

"Surprise visit?"

"We can't ask him, Barney! We've got no way to talk to him." Alyx rested her head on the table, letting out a drowsy sigh.

"I know where he lives." Barney said, causing Alyx to look over at him. "He had told me an approximation, he lives east near the giant trees."

"In the shack?"

"Yeah."

"Barney, thats forty miles away. We'd have to start early morning to arrive at his house with some daylight left. And besides, there is no way we'd be able to spend the night there, it has four rooms- a bathroom, a tiny bedroom, a kitchen and a main room."

Silence filled the lab once more. Alyx had a point, it was already too small for one person, much more with three. And there would be no way of confirming with Gordon if they could even get there- if anyone else saw them leave, and it would be a given that many people would see them leave, then Gordon's privacy would be violated by everyone else knowing where he lived.

It'd be rude to arrive uninvited, and unpleasant if he wasn't there or was too busy to let them in.

"Can't you talk to him?" Barney stared at Alyx, who sat up with exhaustion.

"How do you think I would be capable of that?"

"With that weird vort-connection-thingy you two have."

She took a moment to think. "I'm... Not entirely sure. I don't think I can."

"Should we ask a vortigaunt?"

Gordon finished dressing and took a seat on his bed. He was disappointed. His bath hadn't helped to relieve any stress whatsoever, instead he was convinced it added more and made it worse.

Which... Isn't good when you are a sleep-deprived physicist who has just been to a version of hell and back at one moment and wiping the enemy off the face of the planet.

His clock now read 9:00 a.m. exact. He could take a walk around the forest, or maybe cook up something.

Or, instead, he could lay in bed, the window open, the covers over him. Which is what Gordon did.

It made the annoying sleeplessness much worse but one could not deny the relaxing comfort it brought. And slowly, just so slowly, Gordon began to drift off to sleep.

"You can communicate feelings and pain without words, but you cannot talk to the Freeman directly." The vorts had answered, causing a sigh from Alyx and Barney.

"Well, then, fuck how are we supposed to get him now?" Barney huffed.

"We wait until he decides to come over." Alyx replied, getting up to go back to the lab.

"Have either of you decides to meet the Freeman yourselves?" A vort inquired, walking up to Alyx and Barney.

"No." The both of them responded.

"It'd be rude to walk up to his house uninvited, seeing as others could follow us." Alyx look over at the vortigaunts, who gave the appearance of understanding.

The two left the vortigaunts and returned to their eerily quiet lab, where boredom struck again.

Gordon shot up, panting hard. Beads of sweat trailed down his face, his heart and mind racing. He glanced at the clock.

5:21 p.m. on a now warm April 13.

Gordon took a second to calm down. He couldn't remember what had caused him to be so hyped up. Was it a nightmare? Bad memory?

What ever it was, it was gone now. Gordon could be thankful for that at least.

Chest still pounding, Gordon took a second to gain his bearings and calm down. He found it extremely difficult to do such on his own. As a result, he went out on a walk. He found it best to take in the nature, listen to the trees and wildlife.

As much as Gordon would have liked to hunt, a gun would raise back past feelings of fear, anger and pain that the Resonance Cascade and the Uprising caused. He couldn't stand to hold such a weapon nowadays, the only reason he'd have one anymore is for safety purposes. But even then, Gordon would much rather fight with a knife.

Bored with his little house and, unfortunately, the forestry around him, Gordon set out to the lab. It was best for an escape, as he wasn't feeling all that great by himself.

It was daybreak by the time Gordon arrived at White Forest. He had taken some time to visit Eli and Kleiner, and had also gone for a bit of shopping in the main town. Once done with that,he made his way to the lab.

"Hey Barney."

Barney turned around and was greeted by Gordon.

"Gordon?"

"Yeah, I'd hope so. How have things been?"

Barney smiled. "Its been good. And you?"

"...not good." Gordon sighed and looked down a bit. "Haven't been getting good rest."

"Would you like to spend a few more nights here? At the lab with Alyx and I?"

"Yeah... I'd appreciate that thanks..."

Barney took Gordon's hand and led him to the lab, where Alyx greeted them both with an excited smile.

Gordon got set up in his old room again. Sitting upon his bed, he stared at the ceiling in silent contemplation. Closing his eyes, he began to silently cry, for no reason he could find.

When Alyx stepped into the room, she caught a glance of the tired and teary-eyed man. She took that as a moment to sit next to him and offer weak support.

Gordon glanced over to her and wiped off his eyes. "S-sorry..." he muttered weakly, his voice shaky as hell.

Alyx smiled. "No need to be sorry. Just let it all out."

END OF PART 3

---------

Heyo! Its yours true. I need help to try to make it towards the end by offerring your support for the story and reblogging/asking more about it/ messaging me! Rb>likes, and the reblogs offer me more motivation to continue writing the stories, and same would go for my ravenholm comics, that you can read at @returntoravenholm-awgag ! I'd appreciate all the support I can get from anyone! Thank you!

-marc

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

Gordon hadn't meant to.

He had gotten caught up in the moment- so many metrocops and Combine soldiers were heading straight for Gordon. All that was going through the physicist's mind was just getting through the fight.

So when Gordon had finished the fight, when Alyx had popped behind him, and set a hand on his shoulder...

Bang!

Everything happened so suddenly. Gordon could only recall being touched, but as he stared down at Alyx, he understood that what had happened was his fault.

Alyx lay bleeding on the ground, her breaths becoming shallow and her sight fading.

Gordon stared for several minutes before he fully processed that that was Alyx who was laying on the ground. Once it had gone through his mind, Gordon dropped to the ground and began sobbing.

He hadn't meant to.

Gordon, still sobbing, lifted up Alyx into his arms and held her close. He stood up, carefully holding Alyx still, and tried to find anything. A medkit, a medic's station, antlion grubs.

Upon finding a kit, it had been too late.

Laying Alyx on the ground, Gordon fumbled opening the kit. His vision was blurred by tears he could not wipe away.

Minutes felt like hours begore Gordon could finally work on healing Alyx. He didn't care how late he was to saving her, all he felt he could do was apologize repeatedly while sobbing, waiting for a miracle.

A miracle had happened. It took a bit, but Alyx had come back, however she was too weak to get up or move in the slightest. Gordon didn't realize this. He had set himself into a corner and cried, apologizing over and over and over again.

Barney had met up with the duo, looking over the scene before going up to Gordon and asking what happened.

"I killed her."

Those three words rang in Barney's head as Gordon continued his apology, facing the ground and getting louder with his cries.

Gordon hadn't meant to. Gordon had never meant to. He had never meant to get so out of his head and so lost in the moment, so lost in the feeling of whatever feeling of freedom and hope Gordon had gotten in killing the enemy and saving mankind.

Within moments, Gordon was being held in some sort of bastardized cell, out of his hazard suit and in normal civilian clothes. He had been stripped of his weapons, and the door had been locked from the outside.

Eli had been alerted to what had apparently happened, and had become quite upset.

As Alyx recieved treatment, Gordon sat alone in his cell. He cried, waiting for whatever punishment was being thought up, wanting nothing but to apologize to Alyx.

He knew it most likely was never going to happen, but only he could hope.

Soon a few rebels came into Gordon's cell and dragged him out into the courtyard. They had tied Gordon's hands together before setting him outside, and once out they tied him to a lamppost. Gordon made no attempt to struggle, as he felt this was deserved.

He never meant to, and yet it happened. Gordon regretted so much and yet he wasn't able to fix his mistake. He wasn't given all that much of a chance. The most he could do was patch Alyx up and administer the GrubJuice.

But even then he wasn't sure that had worked.

It was hard for either of them to tell what happened to the other at any given moment. The vortal bond made them more emotionally connected, but they couldn't be sure if the other had died or gotten hurt. Half the time it was hard deciding who was feeling what and why.

So, when the rebels yelled at Gordon for what he had done, it was no sutprise that Alyx felt the same emotional pain that Gordon was experiencing.

It was hell for Gordon. He was unable to explain himself properly, and just saying 'I don't know' wasn't a good enough response to any of the rebels' questions. In fact, it made them all the more angrier that Gordon had pretty much fatally wounded Alyx.

Alyx was still to weak to try and convince the others to leave Gordon be or to bring him to her. Eli most definitely wouldn't have let Gordon nearby, now that Alyx had gotten seriously hurt because of him.

But no one believed that Gordon had never meant to hurt her.

It was weeks before Alyx was allowed to stand and move about. She had fully recovered after a week, but everyone wanted to make sure she was okay. Alyx only really wanted to see Gordon and talk to him.

Gordon was still tied outside, suffering physical and emotional exhaustion as well as a bit of dehydration and hunger. It was hard to sleep sitting up, and a bit much more harder to eat and drink without hands. But with some time, he had adapted to some sleep and little food.

Since Alyx was able to walk about, she went on a small search for Gordon. Only she really knew he hadn't meant to hurt her.

Upon finding the poor man, Alyx set to work undoing the ropes that bound him to a pole. She became distraught by Gordon's appearance- his clothes were slighty ripped up, his body cut into with the rope and some aggressive force, and his eyes were dark with exhaustion and refused to open fully. The most energy Gordon could expend was pleading Alyx to leave him alone to waste away and become bait for the Combine. Alyx wasn't going to let that happen whatsoever, no matter the cost.

Once Gordon was free, Alyx brought him to her room as secretly as possible. She laid him in her bed and left once more to grab food and water for the poor man, who had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

With some rest and food, Gordon finally tried to apologize one last time, only to be told to quiet about it. Alyx had forgiven him the first time he began apologizing, when he had first shot her.

After all, Gordon hadn't meant to.

But even though he had one person's trust again, it was going to take so much more to gain everyone's trust.

Part 1 of ???

Part 1 | Part 2

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

For @filamints, they had the idea.

Silence filled the lab. It was peaceful.

The rebels had gone off to do their own little thing, leaving Eli and Kleiner alone.

The silence was wholesome, and the two men decided to grab a couple chairs and drink some debatable 'tea', enjoying the silence.

"How're you doin, Izzy?" Eli looked over at Kleiner, who was taking a moment to think.

"I've been fairly well, I suppose. And what of you, Eli?"

"I've been good. As good as one could get."

"That's good."

"How's Lamarr doing?"

Kleiner smiled softly. "Ah, still the same old Lamarr as when I grabbed her."

"How'd you even find Lamarr, anyway?"

"Well, after we seperated, she teleported in front of me. So I decided to take her along, hopefully to examine her."

"How were you able to do that?"

"Oh, I couldn't for a while. But once I could, she certainly made a great pet, despite what Barney says.

Eli chuckled. "Ain't that the truth."

A rebel walked past, breaking the silence for a slight minute. Waiting a little longer, the men decided to talk again.

"Are you planning on helping Alyx with any upgrades soon? She'd been talking about doing something as such."

"D0g isn't mine anymore. Alyx pretty much has it under her control. It's pretty cool what she's done, isn't it?"

"Of course! I remember when you first built it. Quite the mischievous little thing!"

The men shared a chuckle.

"It sure was! Barney swore up and down that the thing was possessed. He swore even more when D0g tripped him."

"I have never heard more words like that come out of his mouth!" Kleiner chuckled, taking a drink of his 'tea'.

"I think thats where Alyx learned some of her vocabulary. A tiny robot tripping a man with the mouth of a sailor would teach any seven year old in the nearby vicinity to swear as such." Eli watched as Kleiner laughed, a smile spreading on the formers face.

"Well, no kidding! I'm just as sure Barney had a grand time as he fell."

Eli nodded. "And I'm sure he was enjoying every bit of teaching Alyx when not to say such words."

"That entire day?"

"That entire day."

"I'm sure he would've loved to spend much longer doing such a thing."

Eli chuckled. "Probably."

Kleiner smiled warmly before pouring he and Eli another cup of 'tea'.

"What do you say to helping in the garden next week?" Kleiner asked, glancing to Eli for an answer.

"I'm down, when I have time. What do you have growing?"

"Pumpkins, mostly. Some cabbage too, we could make a Thanksgiving meal! All we'd have to do is convince a few of the others to find some turkeys or even just birds and we'd be set. Didn't Alyx mention that she and Gordon found some potatoes nearby?"

"Thats a great idea! We could probably leaving hunting the fouls to Barney and some others, and if Alyx can find the potatos, we could make the food and have a grand feast!"

"I'm sure everybody would enjoy that!" Kleiner smiled and nodded. Eli shared in the excitement.

"Do you suppose Gordon knows how to make pumpkin pie?"

"He has before, remember? That Christmas potluck, Gordon brought in his homemade pies."

"Oh, yeah of course! I bet he'd be enthusiastic to help us with the food."

Several footsteps rustled down the hall. The two scientist stared out the door and sighed as a few rebels walked by.

"I suppose its time to head back to work?"

Eli nodded. "Maybe tomorrow night we could talk more."

Kleiner nodded and smiled at the thought.

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

"Why?"

Gordon looked over at Barney. "Why what?"

"Why did you leave us? Why did you leave me?"

"Barnes, I had no choice."

"Where'd you even go?"

"I don't know."

Barney stared at Gordon, upset and in disbelief. Was his best friend really lying to him?

"Why'd you go..?"

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"Was it because of me?"

Gordon's eyes widened in shock as he stared at a rather teared up Barney. "No, no it wasn't you!"

"If thats the case why didn't you tell anyone!?"

"I wasn't given the chance to!"

"You could've done it before!"

"Barney, no, I wasn't even awa-"

"Bullshit! Why Gordon?! Why'd you go?"

"I was kidnapped!"

"By who?!"

"I don't know!"

"Where were you for all that time?!"

"I don't know!"

"Can't even describe it, huh? What are you 'fraid of?"

"Nothing!"

"Then where were you for twenty years?!"

"I don't know."

Silence filled the room. Barney's expression went from upset to outright anger.

"Why are you lyin to me?"

"I'm not lying."

"Why are you lying?!"

"I'm not!" Gordon screamed, result in Barney to step back in fright. Gordon sighed and stepped to Barney. "I'm sorry, Barnes I didn't mean to scare you-"

"Leave me alone. If you ain't gonna tell me the truth, then I want nothing to do with you." Barney shoved Gordon away and stormed out of the room.

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

Ok. Ok ok. @faebiie you asked for this.

3 days till the defeat of the Combine. The main three had made a camp surrounding a very large apartment complex. It served greatly, there was only one way inside the camp- a small grate that led to the apartments sewers.

Gordon had spent a vast majority outside of the camp. He insisted he do the patrols. There hadn't been any action from the Combine, but Gordon wasn't willing to miss out on the fighting.

Alyx watched Gordon from the penthouse window. She had grown concerned for Gordon. Whether it was the fact he hadn't left the HEV suit for the past two months or had only six (seven?) hours of sleep. Or perhaps it was because Gordon was practically hiding several wounds under the hazard suit. Whatever it was, Alyx hated the thought and hated even more the feeling.

"Gordon's not gonna come in anytime soon if ya keep watchin' him," Barney chuckled, taking another sip on his beer. Alyx rolled her eyes at hom.

"I know Barney. Its just-"

"You love him. I know, Aly. But Gordon doesn't need you ta worry 'bout him. He doesn't need saving. Gordon's got this war won."

Alyx looked down, upset.

A rebel burst in through the door. "We need your help! The Combine are attacking!"

With that, Alyx and Barney ran downstairs and out onto the scene.

The fight only lasted an hour. 1,000 fought, two hundred died and about six hundred injured, half in critical.

As everyone gathered inside to sheild away from the Combine, Alyx waited for Gordon at the gates.

And she waited.

And waited.

In total Alyx waited about five hours before going to search for Gordon. As she searched, she began thinking the worst.

What if he was taken hostage?

What if he was horribly injured?

What if he died?

She shook her head, trying hard, desperately hard, to get such thoughts away for her.

Becoming desperate, and having just made a full lap around the apartment, Alyx began calling for Gordon, running through the streets. Her call didn't go unnoticed, however, for as she called, she heard distantly...

"Alyx....?" Gordon was weak, but safe enough. He could hear Alyx's cries, but alas, couldn't soothe her. Fuck, the man couldn't even stand. His side had been blown off by a hefty shotgun- ironically, his own- and it left him heavily wounded and vulnerable.

As Gordon heard Alyx's cries grow softer, he searched for a flare or a pistol, whatever he could use to attract her attention. Finding only his blasted shotgun, he raised it up and fired.

It wasn't long until he was found. But unfortunately for Gordon, he was found by the wrong people.

Alyx ran around the corner to see Gordon getting the shit shot out of him by a few Combine soldiers. Firing her own gun, Alyx managed to pick off several of the soldiers, unfortunately leaving one to run off.

Ignoring the run away, Alyx set off over to Gordon, who was miraculously still breathing.

Hes still breathing, still alive, hes ok, he needs help, get him help, get him home-

Alyx lifted Gordon over shoulder and started running over to the apartments, the poor man limp and bleeding. As they burst through the door, Gordon was relieved of his armor, which was fully wrecked and therefore trash and soon taken to the medic bay, and Alyx was instructed to shower.

One full day until the Combine were liberated.

Everyone was waiting on Gordon to even slightly show signs of life. He had been left in critical, he had lost way too much blood to even be deemed alive.

Alyx watched over Gordon as the man slept. She gripped his hand, held back tears, and started trying to speak to him about something- anything- to even get a soft nod or a squeeze from him.

Kleiner and Barney watched Alyx hopelessly as she spoke. Soon Kleiner left the room, unable to watch Alyx speak mindlessly.

Barney sat by Alyx. "Y'a know, I don't think he's gonna come back from this. I think its over fer him."

"No its not!" Alyx bowed her head and started crying. "Its not over! He can still come back!"

"Aly, he ain't comin back." Barney set a hand on Alyx, prompting a punch from her.

"He'll make it! He has to! He has to..!" Alyx collapsed, sobbing hard.

Barney watched Alyx before going over and hugging her. They both held the hug for atleast ten minutes before taking tgeir respective spots next to Gordon.

The last day for the rule of the Combine.

As rebelmen and medics prepped for this final battle, Kleiner, Barney and Alyx waited around Gordons bed- either for a flatline or for a wake up.

The hours ticked on as silence, with exception of the heart monitor, filled the room and held still everyone's voices. It felt wrong to talk, wrong to move, wrong to even breathe as they watched Gordon's heart monitor.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Some church bells tolled as noon hit and the first bullet was fired outside. The Combine had been the first to attack, and there were many. Too many for everyone, an upsetting ration of one rebel for every 40 soldiers.

As the sound of gunfire rang outside, Kleiner, Barney, and Alyx waited by Gordon's bed. The noise of the gunfire and heart monitor upset the mood, but there was no stopping the war. No way they could risk killing hundreds of revels just so they could listen to Gordon's life line.

Another hour passed. Kleiner left the room to help the medics with some of the rebel injuries. Alyx and Barney sat uncomfortably as the monitor beeped on.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep beep. Beep beep.

The heart monitor raced as Gordon stirred and sat up, wincing and letting in a sharp and pained gasp of air. Taking a long look around the room, Gordon put on his glasses and grinned weakly.

"Didja miss me?"

"Gordon!" Alyx wrapped her arms tightly around Gordon's neck, nearly strangling the poor man. He patted her back as an attempt at offering consolance.

Barney smiled and took Gordon's free hand. "Glad to have you back."

"Glad to be back."

Alyx backed away from Gordoon and wiped her eyes clear of tears. "You haven't missed much, todays the final day."

Gordon nodded. "Thats great. You two head on out, I'll see to it that I can snipe out the soldiers, for unfortunately I can't be on the front lines. We can chat later."

Alyx and Barney nodded.

"We'll give em hell in your name, doc."

With that, Barney and Alyx left the room with a clear conscience on a single goal: some time with Gordon.

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

Return to Ravenholm, the Event and the After Affects - Chapter 1: 1 Week Until - Wattpad

https://www.wattpad.com/776634737-return-to-ravenholm-the-event-and-the-after

[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

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[a-cluttered-gordon-freeman]

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