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#finding out i’ve been a sidereal pisces moon all along rlly changed a lot for me like when i’m actively present in reality my aries moon
bo0zey · 2 years
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thinking abt how i’m already a chronic maladaptive daydreamer w a sensitive sidereal pisces moon in the 8th house and having access to klonopin is like a forcefield of protection for my brain and body it’s only times like these i feel safe enough to come out of hiding and glide around the real world for a little bit before the drugs wear off and i dive back into my other multi universes and try to experience life through them instead except but lately it’s gotten harder and i think it’s because i’ve been so out of touch with reality for so long that i got stuck in this weird state of writer’s purgatory i used to be able to draw so much inspiration for my characters and story plots from the real world but now it’s blanks ……..i need 2 go outside n touch grass or smthing how do i feel connected to myself and the world again i don’t want to but i think that’s the reason why i can’t write anymore as much as i try…i spent >17hrs a day trying to organize 4 different stories at a time my brain is scattered im losing hope and motivation all over again …. alllll over again!!
#also i would like 2 add that pisces + drugs r Not a good combo bc pisces are already prone to escapism#finding out i’ve been a sidereal pisces moon all along rlly changed a lot for me like when i’m actively present in reality my aries moon#she’s like grrrrr emotional rampage chaos like the aries moon sun stereotype??? no bb that ones for the Moon lmao#i hate the term maladaptive daydreaming i feel like everyone uses it like haha im so quirkyy but like#ok listen i’m not trying to put myself on a pedestal if anything their comments just make me want to invalidate my own feelings anymore#i’ve been told i struggle w imposter syndrome i didn’t like when my therapist told me that it didn’t make me feel any more validated#i felt like she was lying to placate me#i wish i could’ve taken up writing in a healthier coping mechanism way but instead i let it take over everything my entire world#i could’ve graduated college w a way better gpa n shit but no i wasted hours writing instead of assignments and still i have nothing to show#maladaptive daydreaming ruined my life i want to cry i can’t believe im saying this when i condisdered it my safe space for so long#my sanctuary my garden of eden what have i done i feel like i just ate fruit from the tree of knowledge and now i see i realize i was never#i was never safe anywhere . my stories entrapped me i lost all my friends bc i liked the ones in my head so much better#now i’m alone and lost and stuck between 2 worlds i can’t believe how i used to write 30 diff works in progress at one point i had ideas#now i’m stuck in a cycle of recycling new and old ideas there’s nothing new i get lost and confused i’ve entangled myself in this web#this story web!! haha lol#idk what im saying im going to shut up now my brains foggy#i have an idea but it’s not appropriate for tumblr so im gonna write it down in my dumb journal#ramblings
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