#forever wishing sam got a better plot ever club

[lizstiel]

GREETINGS, BLOOD FREAK.

[birdlord]

Every Book I Read in 2019

This was a heavier reading year for me (heavier culture-consumption year in general) partly because my partner started logging his books read, and then, of course, it’s a competition.

01 Morvern Callar; Alan Warner - One of the starkest books I’ve ever read. What is it about Scotland that breeds writers with such brutal, distant perspectives on life? Must be all the rocks. 

02 21 Things You Might Not Know About the Indian Act; Bob Joseph - I haven’t had much education in Canada’s relationship to the Indigenous nations that came before it, so this opened things up for me quite a bit. The first and most fundamental awakening is to the fact that this is not a story of progress from worse to better (which is what a simplistic, grade school understanding of smallpox blankets>residential schools>reserves would tell you), in fact, the nation to nation relationship of early contact was often superior to what we have today. I wish there was more of a call to action, but apparently a sequel is on its way. 

03 The Plot Against America; Philip Roth - An alternative history that in some ways mirrors our present. I did feel like I was always waiting for something to happen, but I suppose the point is that, even at the end of the world, disasters proceed incrementally. 

04 Sabrina; Nick Drnaso - The blank art style and lack of contrast in the colouring of each page really reinforces the feeling of impersonal vacancy between most of the characters. I wonder how this will read in the future, as it’s very much based in today’s relationship to friends and technology. 

05 Perfumes: The Guide; Luca Turn & Tania Sanchez - One of the things I like to do when I need to turn my brain off online is reading perfume reviews. That’s where I found out about this book, which runs through different scent families and reviews specific well-known perfumes. Every topic has its boffins, and these two are particularly witty and readable. 

06 Adventures in the Screen Trade; William Goldman - Reading this made me realize how little of the cinema of the 1970s I’ve actually seen, beyond the usual heavy hitters. Ultimately I found this pretty thin, a few peices of advice stitched together with anecdotes about a Hollywood that is barely recognizable today. 

07 The Age of Innocence; Edith Wharton - A love triangle in which the fulcrum is a terribly irritating person, someone who thinks himself far more outré than he is. Nonetheless, I was taken in by this story of “rebellion”, such as it was, to be compelling.

08 Boom Town: The Fantastical Saga of Oklahoma City, Its Chaotic Founding, Its Apocalyptic Weather, Its Purloined Basketball Team, and the Dream of Becoming a World-class Metropolis; Sam Anderson - Like a novel that follows various separate characters, this book switches between tales of the founding of Oklahoma City with basketball facts and encounters with various oddball city residents. It’s certainly a fun ride, but you may find, as I did, that some parts of the narrative interest you more than others. Longest subtitle ever?

09 World of Yesterday; Stefan Zweig - A memoir of pre-war Austria and its artistic communities, told by one of its best-known exports. Particularly wrenching with regards to the buildup to WWII, from the perspective of those who had been through this experience before, so recently. 

10 Teach us to Sit Still: A Sceptic’s Search for Health and Healing; Tim Parks - A writer finds himself plagued by pain that conventional doctors aren’t able to cure, so he heads further afield to see if he can use stillness-of-mind to ease the pain, all the while complaining as you would expect a sceptic to do. His digressions into literature were a bit hard to take (I’m sure you’re not Coleridge, my man).

11 The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences have Extraordinary Impact; Chip & Dan Heath - I read this for work-related reasons, with the intention of improving my ability to make exhibitions and interpretation. It has a certain sort of self-helpish structure, with anecdotes starting each chapter and a simple lesson drawn from each one. Not a bad read if you work in a public-facing capacity. 

12 Against Everything: Essays; Mark Greif - The founder of N+1 collects a disparate selection of essays, written over a period of several years. You won’t love them all, but hey, you can always skip those ones!

13 See What I Have Done; Sarah Schmidt - A retelling of the Lizzie Borden story, which I’d seen a lot of good reviews for. Sadly this didn’t measure up, for me. There’s a lot of stage setting (rotting food plays an important part) but there’s not a lot of substance there. 

14 Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy; Angela Garber - This is another one that came to me very highly recommended. Garber seems to think these topics are not as well-covered as they are, but she does a good job researching and retelling tales of pregnancy, birth, postpartum difficulties and breastfeeding. 

15 Rebecca; Daphne du Maurier - This was my favourite book club book of the year. I’d always had an impression of...trashiness I guess? around du Maurier, but this is a classic thriller. Maybe the first time I’ve ever read, rather than watched, a thriller! That’s on me. 

16 O’Keefe: The Life of an American Legend; Jeffrey Hogrefe - I went to New Mexico for the first time this spring, and a colleague lent me this Georgia O’Keefe biography after I returned. I hadn’t known much about her personal life before this, aside from what I learned at her museum in Santa Fe. The author has made the decision that much of O’Keefe’s life was determined by childhood incest, but doesn’t have what you might call….evidence?

17 A Lost Lady; Willa Cather - A turn-of-the-20th century story about an upper-class woman and her young admirer Neil. I’ve never read any other Cather, but this felt very similar to the Wharton I also read this year, which I gather isn’t typical of her. 

18 The Year of Living Danishly: My Twelve Months of Unearthing the Secrets of the World’s Happiest Country; Helen Russell - A British journalist moves to small-town Denmark with her husband, and although the distances are not long, there’s a considerable culture shock. Made me want to eat pastries in a BIG WAY. 

19 How Not to be a Boy; Robert Webb - The title gives a clue to the framing device of this book, which is fundamentally a celebrity memoir, albeit one that largely ignores the celebrity part of his life in favour of an examination of the effects of patriarchy on boys’ development as human beings. 

20 The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad that You Did); Philippa Perry; A psychotherapist’s take on how parents’ own upbringing affects the way they interact with their own kids. 

21 The Library Book; Susan Orlean - This book has stuck with me more than I imagined that it would. It covers both the history of libraries in the USA, and the story of the arson of the LA Public Library’s central branch in 1986. 

22 We Are Never Meeting in Real Life; Samantha Irby - I’ve been reading Irby’s blog for years, and follow her on social media. So I knew the level of raunch and near body-horror to expect in this essay collection. This did fill in a lot of gaps in terms of her life, which added a lot more blackness (hey) to the humour. 

23 State of Wonder; Ann Patchett - A semi-riff on Heart of Darkness involving an OB/GYN who now works for a pharmaceutical company, heading to the jungle to retrieve another researcher who has gone all Colonel Kurtz on them. I found it a bit unsatisfying, but the descriptions were, admittedly, great. 

24 Disappearing Earth; Julia Phillips - A story of an abduction of two girls in very remote Russia, each chapter told by another townsperson. The connections between the narrators of each chapter are sometimes obvious, but not always. Ending a little tidy, but plays against expectations for a book like this. 

25 Ethan Frome; Edith Wharton - I gather this is a typical high school read, but I’d never got to it. In case you’re in the same boat as me, it’s a short, mildly melodramatic romantic tragedy set in the new england winter. It lacks the focus on class that other Whartons have, but certainly keeps the same strong sense that once you’ve made a choice, you’re stuck with it. FOREVER. 

26 Educated; Tara Westover - This memoir of a Mormon fundamentalist-turned-Academic-superstar was huge on everyone’s reading lists a couple of years back, and I finally got to it. It felt similar to me in some ways to the Glass Castle, in terms of the nearly-unbelievable amounts of hell she and her family go through at the hands of her father and his Big Ideas. I found that it lacked real contemplation of the culture shock of moving from the rural mountain west to, say, Cambridge. 

27 Dead Wake: The Last Crossing of Lusitania; Erik Larson - I’m a sucker for a story of a passenger liner, any non-Titanic passenger liner, really. Plus Lusitania’s story has interesting resonances for the US entry into WWI, and we see the perspective of the U-boat captain as well as people on land, and Lusitania’s own passengers and crew. 

28 The Birds and Other Stories; Daphne du Maurier - The title story is the one that stuck in my head most strongly, which isn’t any surprise. I found it much more harrowing than the film, it had a really effective sense of gradually increasing dread and inevitability. 

29 Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Faded Glory; Raphael Bob-Waksberg - Hit or miss in the usual way of short story collections, this book has a real debt to George Saunders. 

30 Sex & Rage; Eve Babitz - a sort of pseudo-autobiography of an indolent life in the LA scene of the 1970s. It was sometimes very difficult to see how the protagonist actually felt about anything, which is a frequent, acute symptom of youth. 

31 Doctor Fischer of Geneva or The Bomb Party; Graham Greene - Gotta love a book with an alternate title built in. This is a broad (the characters? are, without exception, insane?!) satire about a world I know little about. I don’t have a lot of patience or interest in Greene’s religious allegories, but it’s a fine enough story. 

32 Lathe of Heaven; Ursula K LeGuin - Near-future sci-fi that is incredibly prescient about the effects of climate change for a book written over forty years ago. The book has amazing world-building, and the first half has the whirlwind feel of Homer going back in time, killing butterflies and returning to the present to see what changes he has wrought. 

33 The Grammarians; Cathleen Schine - Rarely have I read a book whose jacket description of the plot seems so very distant from what actually happens therein. 

34 The Boy Kings: A Journey Into the Heart of the Social Network; Katharine Losse - Losse was one of Facebook’s very earliest employees, and she charts her experience with the company in this memoir from 2012. Do you even recall what Facebook was like in 2012? They hadn’t even altered the results of elections yet! Zuck was a mere MULTI-MILLIONAIRE, probably. Were we ever so young?

35 Invisible Women; Caroline Ciado Perez - If you want to read a book that will make you angry, so angry that you repeatedly assail whoever is around with facts taken from it, then this, my friend, is the book for you. 

36 The Hidden World of the Fox; Adele Brand - A really charming look at the fox from an ecologist who has studied them around the world. Much of it takes place in the UK, where urban foxes take on a similar ecological niche that raccoons famously do where I live, in Toronto. 

37 S; Doug Dorst & JJ Abrams - This is a real mindfuck of a book, consisting of a faux-old novel, with marginalia added by two students which follows its own narrative. A difficult read not because of the density of prose, but the sheer logistics involved: read the page, then the marginalia? Read the marginalia interspersed with the novel text? Go back chapter by chapter? I’m not sure that either story was worth the trouble, in the end. 

38 American War; Omar El Akkad - This is not exclusively, but partially a climate-based speculative novel, or, grossly, cli-fi for short. Ugh, what a term! But this book is a really tight, and realistic look at the results of a fossil-fuels-based second US Civil War. 

39 Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians, and the Hijacking of the American Conversation; Andrew Marantz - This is the guy you’ll hear on every NPR story talking about his semi-embedding within the Extremely Online alt-right. Most of the figures he profiles come off basically how you’d expect, I found his conclusions about the ways these groups have chosen to use online media tools to achieve their ends the most illuminating part. 

40 Wilding: The Return of Nature to a British Farm; Isabella Tree - This is the story of a long process of transitioning a rural acreage (more of an estate than a farm, this is aristocratic shit) from intensive agriculture to something closer to wild land. There are long passages where Tree (ahem) simply lists species which have come back, which I’m sure is fascinating if you are from the area, but I tended to glaze over a bit. Experts from around the UK and other European nations weigh in on how best to rewild the space, which places the project in a wider context. 

FICTON: 17     NONFICTION: 23

[spaceorphan18]

TDB Rewatch: Furt

This episode is weird.  I mean it kind of does a good job highlighting the strange super good and incredibly bad dichotomy of season 2.  I mean, I generally like the episode - it’s got a fair amount of Kurt, it’s pretty funny, I enjoy all the music.  But there’s an entire plot line where Sue marries herself.  I mean...  Sue /marries/...herself.  How did that plot line ever make it off the writing board?  

Okay, anyway...

Thoughts: 

This might be a weird thing to start off with - but the structure of the episode is very nice.  I mean - what happens within the plot lines are a little weird at times, but the episode as a whole holds together pretty well.  

Kurt is once again the focus of an episode - as season 2 lets him shine.  The bullying story is the best thing going on this episode (and kind of the best thing going on in season 2 right now, tbh).  It’s strange to me that all of this is so great when what’s around it is -- struggling?  

I don’t know, I’m all abstract thoughts tonight, apparently. 

This show has a massive love for Weddings.  And Proposals.  And wedding proposals.  Is Blaine’s proposal really out of nowhere?  I think not.  

Sam proposing to Quinn -- eeck, no the two of you are just not right for each other -- stop!! 

Oh, the return of the ‘be a man’ stuff.  **rolls eyes**  Artie, Mike, and Sam all stand up for Kurt.  Finn sings at him.  I just don’t know.  The show keeps wanting to put Finn on this pedestal and I just don’t buy it.  

However - I do like the moments between just Finn and Kurt (out of context of the be a man stuff).  I’m sad that they don’t get to be brothers all that often after this.  

FWIW - who ever said Kurt and Mercedes were done after last episode - watch them now, they’re a bundle of joy with each other.  

It took me forever to figure out what Santana’s motivation was for hijacking Finchel other than - because she can and because plot.  She feels left out of the all girls club that Rachel held earlier, and she wants control again.  Interesting.  

Meanwhile, is it just me or has it been a while since Rachel had a ton of focus.  This balance is...nice.  And Rachel has been pretty tolerable.  

The show remembered Brittany and Artie were dating, and that Artie and Tina once dated.  Huh.  

Will in the background is the best kind of Will.  He didn’t annoy me this episode, and he seemed like he was having a good time at the wedding. 

I love Burt and Carole.  I love them.  

Their wedding vows being about Kurt were a little weird though.  I get what the show was going for, but it was a little weird. 

I kind of wish they had let Klaine (and Brittana) be as excited about getting married as Burt and Carole were.  

FWIW - Karofsky’s dad was a guest star on Lost.  

Okay the Sue plot line.  

It wasn’t as bad as I remembered - as there are some genuinely funny moments in it?  

It’s still a stupid plot - and it almost felt like watching an entirely different show at times.  I get what they were doing it - tying in the family theme, but I feel like something less stupid could have been used.  Jane Lynch and Carol Burnett deserved better.  

I think both actresses did great with what they had though.  

The music! It was all fun, and I danced a bit myself.  I don’t know why Kurt doesn’t sing during Marry You (an oversight, yes!) but I liked all the music.  I didn’t even mind Ohio - even if I felt like it was boring more than anything.  

[brianjaeger]

2020 Academy Award Best Picture Nominees Guide For Those Who Haven’t Actually Watched Them

The 92nd Oscars are here and it’s time yet again for all of us to lord over one year’s worth of millions of people’s passions with the certainty of a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (which ironically takes places one day later) and say aloud, “This art is and forever shall be known as better than that other art!” 

Throw the notion that expression through the medium of film can exist simply to reflect a myriad of emotions and varied experiences right into the wind. We gotta know what that BEST art is, son!

So with mere hours left before Sunday’s spectacle, you’re probably asking yourself one question. “Brian, why do you keep doing this?” No, not that one. “Brian, Tumblr? Really? Does that still exist? Why don’t you spend the slightest amount of time to find a better medium for this?” No, not that one either. “But Brian, I haven’t actually watched any of these films. What am I going to do?!” Ah, now that’s the one. But fear not. I’ve got you covered. For the 6th time, I’m here to give you a rundown of what I think all of these movies are about without actually seeing them, along with some pithy little talking points to take into your Oscar parties to sound like a goddamn genius.

Ford V Ferrari

In this epic clash of man vs. nature set in the den of Harrison Ford’s summer home in Plano, Texas, the extremely hungry aging star has just had a large pie from Ferrari’s Pizzeria, located at 3949 Legacy Drive, delivered…and now it is time for battle. On the About Us section of their website, Ferrari’s Pizzeria makes a “promise to our customers to provide the best Italian food using recipes handed down from our Italian grandmothers.” Hold on to your Italian grandmothers, kids - that promise is about to be put to the test. (Yeah, it’s real.)

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

That cameo by Mater from Cars is really what pushed this film into Oscar contention.

Christian Bale's car in Ford V Ferrari is also an unwavering method actor and remained in character as a car for the entirety of production.

Who won? I'll give you a hint, in the long run, it was not the quality of life for the American working class!

The Irishman

In this gritty thriller, Lucky the Leprechaun’s father, Frank Leprechaun, an immigrant who worked as a farrier making horseshoes in Ireland before coming to America, wishes on a shooting star for a way to make a better life for his family. He finds that chance by doing hits for the mob and we see his first job take place under a pale moon, when he shoots a diamond store clerk in the heart, blood red ballooning out onto the green grass, like crimson and clover. Later, an aging Frank Leprechaun kills union leader Jimmy Hoffa and as he dies, he divulges the secret that Hoffa’s body is buried on a plantation in Lexington to Lucky. The young boy looks back and makes a firm promise to his dying father. “They’ll never get Kentucky farm.”

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The de-aging technology used in The Irishman was so advanced that, while you can’t see it, De Niro's testicles are actually two inches higher in the first half of the movie.

The run time of the movie is 3 hours and 30 minutes which is also the average amount of time Netflix users scroll through options before deciding to just watch the same episode of The Office again.

In Ireland, this movie is known as The Man.

JoJo Rabbit

From M. Night Shyamalan comes the story of a scared young boy who claims to see Jewish people. While adults around him are trying very hard to see them too, it’s Adolf Hitler who helps the boy to overcome his fear and actually communicate with the Jews to understand them and realize that the reason that he can see them is because he can help them. And then at the end we realize that Hitler was actually a Jew himself THE WHOLE TIME!  

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

I thought it was just a bit on the nose that Taika Waititi chose to have JoJo sing her hit “Leave (Get Out)” at all the Nazis during the Allied occupation of Germany.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to cut Sam Rockwell’s hair in a bathtub.

Of all the nominated films, when it comes to winning Best Picture, this is…Nazi one! (Cough. Look around. Place your drink on the table. Slowly collect your coat, walk to the door, pause as if to turn, sigh, leave.)

Joker

It’s 1964 and Cesar Romero has established himself as a force in Hollywood. A multi-talented performer and veteran of WWII, Romero has amassed an impressive body of work playing roles as a versatile character actor, when he gets a call from his agent.

Agent: Cesar, I’ve got something that I think you’d be perfect for.

Cesar Romero: Is it a complex villain in a new Western? A dark turn as a gangster in a noir? A comedic foil in a Sinatra vehicle?

Agent: No. Better.

Cesar Romero: What is it?

Agent: Get this. An evil clown Batman nemesis…on TV!

(Silence.)

Cesar Romero: Um.

Agent: You’ll be kind of like a sidekick to Burgess Meredith! And guess what he is?

Cesar Romero: (Deep breath.) What is he?

Agent: Like a half-man, half-penguin sort of thing…I think. But he’s also evil! Oh, and you’ll also get to star alongside Julie Newmar!

Cesar Romero: Oh, well that may have legs. So, do we have a “will they, won’t they” dynamic?

Agent: Not at all! But she is evil too. And also part cat!

Cesar Romero: I do not understand any of what you are saying.

Agent: And it’s got Frank Gorshin!

Cesar Romero: And what is he? Let me guess. Like an evil frog person?

Agent: No, no! He’s The Riddler. It’s sort of the same exact deal as your character, only he doesn’t wear any makeup. Isn’t this wonderful?!

Cesar Romero: (Pause.) You have to be joking.

Agent: No, Cesar. YOU have…to be joking.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

We still have a little bit of time for Joaquin Phoenix to die and win a posthumous Oscar for this role and keep with tradition. Then in 11 more years, a woman will win Best Supporting Actress for playing the Joker role and then in another 11 years the actual Joker will direct Joe Kerr in a reboot co-starring the Impractical Jokers…and win an Oscar.

I found the end scene touching when Arthur’s wife delivers his child and asks, “Arthur, what do you want to name your son?” And he replies, “Béla.”

Todd Phillips only made this big flashy blockbuster for the studio so that they’d let him do his deeply personal, intimate art house project, The Hangover IV.

Little Women

In a fresh take on a movie that I think is about some nuns living in a cottage during, fuck, I dunno like 1845? 1912? Aught 5? but there’s like a mean one, and a smart-and-sort-of-pretty-but-not-too-pretty one, and they probably have a dog, oh and a horse, and they have fights about vying for the love of the same boy they grew up with who is now some hot stud with poofy hair and poofy shirts and a nasally British accent, oh and there’s 2-3 other sisters that really just serve to further the main sister’s plot, and there is like fucking grass everywhere and how is all that grass not staining the shit out of those long flowy dresses that they always wear on their farm – or is it a glen? can you live ON a glen? – but later the guy marries the right one and he’s a strong man but is totally cool with her writing about some bullshit about being like a female doctor pioneer or something – oh and she’s wearing a straw hat with like a ribbon that’s always flapping the fuck around behind her – I forgot also that they only have one parent, the other is definitely dead and that comes up a little too often, and my mom and two sisters have to have tissues near the goddamn couch while they watch this seemingly 14 hour fucking miniseries or movie or Hallmark marathon because even though each of them could goddamn recite the dialogue from memory they still cry every…single…time…and OH MY GOD, CAN THIS ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, SOUND OF MUSIC, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE OR WHATEVER THIS GIRL STUFF IS PLEASE BE OVER SO I CAN HAVE THE LIVING ROOM TV BACK TO WATCH BOY STUFF!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Not many people know this fact but on her death bed, Louisa May Alcott’s final request was that if a woman ever directed a film adaptation of Little Women they would absolutely under no circumstances be nominated for a Best Director Oscar. So, really, that’s on her.

To ants, these are very big women.

Alan Dershowitz and Prince Andrew's favorite film.

Marriage Story

Dr. Ellie Sattler has established her second career as a divorce attorney after years as a paleobotanist and now fights so that “woman inherits the earth”...or at least gets primary custody and more than half of the assets.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The roommates of Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig have become increasingly annoyed listening to several minutes of the two repeating, “No I hope YOU are recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences with the Academy Award for Best Picture…and hang up first,” before ending their long phone calls every night.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to hide Robert Smigel in the attic.

Variety reports that a remake of Marriage Story is now slated for fall of 2026 with Colin Jost in the role originated by Adam Driver in a version of the story that will be produced by real life.

1917

The seventh and final installment of the 1910's saga follows the previous successful box office hits 1911: The First One, 1912: Now There's Two, 1913: Why Not Three, 1914: Get It? Years Are Sequential. That’s Really All This Joke Is, 1915: This Is The Fifth One (But Fourth Sequel), and 1916: 19 Fast 16 Furious.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Originally, the movie was supposed to have a ton of cuts between scenes but after saying, “Action,” a producer whispered to Sam Mendes that they only had budget left for one single take after hiring every single recognizable British actor still alive – so Mendes started screaming, “Run! You there, start shooting at them. Keep rolling! Keep running! Jump down that waterfall! Let’s go, people, keep up! Hide in those trees now! Oh look, more bad guys! Pew pew! Duck! Run over that way! Do not…stop…shooting!”

If this movie was called 2017, Colin Firth would have just pulled out his Samsung Galaxy Note 8 and texted, “Call off attack,” with a GIF of Admiral Ackbar saying, “It’s A Trap!” Then, mere seconds later he would have received, “lol k thx”.

1917 earned Benedict Cumberbatch a nomination for “Most Distressingly Off-putting Mustache”.

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood harkens back to a time long, long, long ago in Hollywood's history when the majority of top actors were white, the majority of directors were old men and individual parts of women's bodies were oddly objectified and sexualized. We’ve come so far since then!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Please don’t ruin the fun and let Brad Pitt know that a movie was actually being filmed around him from June to November 2018.

I didn’t think the film was particularly that great but every single person I know who lives in L.A. and is either in or adjacent to the entertainment industry corrected me that it actually is.

Oh, I’m sorry – I think you’re in the wrong place. This is the once upon a time where a man is burned alive with a blowtorch. If you’re looking for the once upon a time where a man’s eyes are drilled out of his face, well then, pal, you’re gonna want to go to Mexico.

Parasite

Oh. I’m sorry. I accidentally put a Best For'n Language Film here at the end of this list of the best ‘Murican films.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Parasite was, by far, the best movie I read this year!

나는 기생충을 진심으로 감사 할 수 있도록 한국어를 배웠습니다.

Bong Joon-ho's Parasite might leave you asking who are the real bottom feeders in the black comedy about social structures. There's plenty of food for thought as this picture is deeper than than what it may seem like on the surface…is the word-for-word review from Rotten Tomatoes Super Reviewer Aldo G that I just read to you out loud after pulling it up on my phone here.

[themonkeycabal]

Christmas Gift Fic #8

What do you mean it’s not Christmas anymore? Hogwash, it’s Christmas until tomorrow. (I’m trying to get a few more put together. Again, I’m sorry if I don’t get to yours, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, and I might use the prompt at a later date.)

For this one, an anonyfriend asked for: How about Pepper and Darcy's Mom planning/plotting Darcy's future wedding?

***

"Pepper!" Rebecca waved, catching the other woman's attention.

"Rebecca, hi," Pepper greeted as she wove through the tables to the one Rebecca claimed at the edge of the cafe's patio. It was November, but the weather was mild, and there was a heat lamp nearby, making the patio plenty comfortable.

Rebecca stood and offered her a quick embrace, before directing her to a chair. "I ordered already, I hope you don't mind. They have a quiche sampler, and I don't care if it's a mom brunch cliche, but I love quiche and I won't apologize for it. Also, mimosas. I won't apologize for those either."

She nudged a glass at Pepper and gave her a close look over. A little tired, maybe, but not exhausted, she decided.

Rebecca and Pepper weren't exactly friends, but they had common interests — namely Darcy and Tony. That made them natural allies. And, truly, Rebecca did like Pepper. They tried to meet every couple months. For Rebecca it was a mission of mercy; the woman deserved a break from Tony from time to time.

Tony's long string of assistants was never a subject of interest to Rebecca, except how they might impact Darcy. But, since he'd always been careful to keep them separate, she'd never worried much. If she considered them at all is was with the amusement and curiosity of what the story was this time — where they came from and how long they'd last. Until Pepper Potts came into their lives.

One day Pepper walked in on Tony and Darcy, and the cat was out of the bag. Darcy came home and told her all about Tony's pretty assistant who was also pretty cool. Rebecca hemmed and hawed on what to do about that. Should she call Tony? Should she try to vet the woman? And then she felt a twinge of chagrin, remembering how irritating Tony was when she married Paul, with the vetting and the checking him out and the being obnoxiously intrusive. Okay, okay, she got it then. Fine.

Rather than make a big deal about it, not wanting to spook Tony, Rebecca made a plan to see the woman for herself. She waved off Happy's offer to pick Darcy up for a long weekend with Tony, instead she took the day off work and drove Darcy over early. Maybe it was a bit much, but, in Rebecca's opinion when a new person enters your kid's life, you take notice. Their safety was always priority. And when your kid was also Tony Stark's daughter, security and safety took on new, nightmare-inducing aspects. Not that she thought for a second that Tony would allow Darcy to be around somebody who was a threat to her, but, still, Rebecca was her mom and it was her right to meet this woman.

It worked. Tony's house — or AI and that would always weird her out — announced their arrival and she and Darcy entered to find Tony shuffling his feet in the foyer, Ms. Potts standing serenely beside him. He made a quick introduction then watched them both warily while Darcy stood with him and added her own curious gaze. Pepper broke the awkward silence by offering Rebecca coffee and suggesting the two Starks go to the workshop. Tony didn't have to be nudged twice, he picked Darcy up, slung her over his shoulder, and dashed off. When Pepper rolled her eyes and worked her jaw from side to side, Rebecca knew they'd get along just fine.

"So, how are you?" Pepper asked, taking a long sip of her mimosa. "That is excellent."

"It is," Rebecca agreed, enjoying another sip of her own. "I'm doing well. My mother's made her annual demand that I tell her who Darcy's father is. I've issued my annual refusal, so I'm in for a good six months of the silent treatment — or as I call it: heaven." It was a little ritual they had — every year on Darcy's birthday, her mother got snitty about Darcy's mystery father. Why she thought, after sixteen years, that Rebecca would suddenly crack, who knew. Francine would have to wait, just like the rest of the world. Rebecca had no intention of telling her until Darcy was ready.

"Sixteen. I can't believe it," Pepper murmured. "How was the party?"

"Oh, it was good. It got a little wild when Sam broke the ping-pong table, because for some reason he decided to demonstrate his wrestling skills on it. Showing off for all the girls, of course. Only his pride was injured."

Pepper snorted a soft laugh and raised her eyebrow. "Wrestling?"

"He's in a phase; it's all WrestleMania all the time right now. I don't even know. Twelve-year old boys. Paul thinks it's hilarious." Rebecca's eyes went wide when the server brought a plater of mini-quiches. They looked amazing and there were so many. Brunch was the most awesome culinary invention ever. "The rest of the party was good. Darcy didn't punch anybody or set anything on fire. I think Marley has a future as a party planner." Marley was one of Darcy's oldest friends, a pretty girl with a light, bubbly personality that hid a strong core of 'don't put up with none'.

"She must be pretty persuasive. Darcy was firm on not wanting a big party," Pepper observed, helping herself to a few of the pastries. "Tony was disappointed. Sweet sixteen; he thought it should be a big bash."

"Yeah, and what was was he going to do? Rent out the Hollywood Athletic Club and bribe packs of A-listers to attend." Yes, yes, that was exactly his plan. "Darcy would hate that."

Pepper shrugged. "Sometimes I think he suggests things like that just so they can argue about it. Four years and I still don't always understand them."

"Sixteen years and they're still a mystery to me when they're together." Rebecca took a bite of quiche and stared out over the green hills slipping in and out of the southern California haze. "I know my daughter, but there's a whole part of her life that I only get a glimpse into every now and again. She's so much like him sometimes it's almost shocking."

"Except for the times when she's so unlike him — like turning down a big party," Pepper observed.

"She's terrified of being discovered." Rebecca frowned and glanced over at Pepper. "She's not afraid of anything but that."

"She likes her independence," Pepper said. "She sees how people follow Tony around, how they watch him, how they report on him. He's learned to deal with it — either play into it or ignore it as it suits him. And, frankly, he's attention starved. But, I think for her it looks like a cage."

"Do you two talk about it?"

"Sometimes." Pepper drew her napkin through her fingers as she thought. "I think, honestly, there's something of a thrill in it for her, to have these two separate lives. She gets to move between both of them however she likes. Both have their pros and cons."

Rebecca sighed. "It won't last forever."

"No, it won't." Pepper gave her an apologetic look. "You know how careful Tony is."

"Oh, I know," Rebecca assured her. "I have no complaints. And she's getting older, she'll be able to cope with it when the time comes. I just … I see what it does to Tony. I don't want that for her."

"She's not like that. I can't see her getting swallowed by the fame. It won't be an easy adjustment, but she's self-possessed enough that she'll manage. And she's hardly alone."

Rebecca gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks. I'm sorry, I'm getting all," she waved her hand vaguely, trying to explain her feelings of anxiety, "it's just … she's getting older. My baby's growing up. Sixteen! She's got her driver's license. We've set her loose on the world."

Pepper nodded slowly, then her lips tipped up into a little smirk. "I suppose I shouldn't tell you Tony's been letting her drive for years, huh?"

Rebecca clapped her hands over her ears. "No. I don't want to know."

Pepper laughed and took another quiche and a slice of tomato. "The closed tracks, if it makes you feel better. And Tony's an excellent driver. Terrifying, but excellent."

"Not helping," Rebecca said, shaking her head.

"He's having a little meltdown about sixteen, too," Pepper continued. "He won't admit it, of course. But he's been doing safety rating research on cars and trying to install trackers on everything she owns. I say trying because she's caught him at least three times."

Rebecca laughed. "That jerk. God bless him."

"I have to tell you, of all the things I didn't expect when I took the job as his PA, it was bracing myself for his teenaged daughter." Pepper held up a placating hand before Rebecca could fully parse that sentence. "She's a great kid, I really like her, but she told me there's a boy she likes. Tony is emphatically not prepared for that."

Rebecca shuddered a little, she wasn't sure she was ready for that either. "She's had a few little crushes, and a little hand holding, and going to the movies with other kids kind of things. But not a real boyfriend yet. But," she leaned forward over the table, "I cannot wait for Tony's reaction when she finally does. Hilarious."

Letting out a long breath, Pepper shook her head. "Please don't wish this on me. He's difficult enough, now we're adding boys to the equation?"

"It's going to happen," Rebecca told her with a shrug that said she'd accepted this reality. "His name is Josh, he came to the birthday party. I don't know what I think of him. He was perfectly polite, but he got a little mean with his teasing of Sam when the table broke. But, teenagers can be jerks, so I don't know."

With a sigh, Pepper propped her chin on her hand and gazed out over the landscape. "Sixteen. Boys. And then college. That's already started, Tony's pushing hard for MIT, and she's mostly ignoring him, but … that's going to be a thing, I can tell. The math issue was bad enough and that was just one class."

"I'm going to apologize, because I know this is not what you wanted when you took the job."

"No, it's not—"

"No, let me finish," Rebecca cut her off. "But, Tony's his own world of chaos, I know that, and you've got enough on your plate. In this, I think your best bet is to just let them battle it out themselves. Don't try to mediate. There's no reason you should burn yourself out on their dramas. They love each other, they'll get over it."

Pepper blinked at that and was silent for a moment. "If you want me to stay out of it, I will. I just thought—"

"Oh no, oh God no," Rebecca said quickly, reaching out a hand when she realized Pepper took her words the wrong way. "I didn't … I wasn't telling you to back off or anything. I appreciate how much you do for Darcy, and I love that she has another woman she can talk to about things. I'm so grateful. Honestly, it makes me feel better knowing she and Tony have you. I just meant, I think they're them, and some of these things … we just have to let them be them together. They are a mystery only they understand."

Smiling, Pepper took her hand and gave it a brief squeeze before reaching for the carafe of mimosa. Yes, this was a conversation that needed a little alcohol. "Thank you. I try not to get into it, but I want to be there for both of them." Then she laughed and poured them both another glass. "Wait until she gets married."

"Oh boy," Rebecca said dryly and raised her glass. "Though, she'll be a beautiful bride — in, you know, ten years or so."

Pepper grimaced and shook her head. "That's barely enough time to start planning. That's not nearly enough time to even start softening up Tony. Can we say fifteen?"

Rebecca gave her a wicked grin and reached for her purse. "I have a notebook, I have a pen, I have ideas, and an afternoon to kill."

"I have a meeting in two hours."

"Tony has a meeting in two hours," Rebecca corrected. "Call him and tell him something important came up. Now, I know everybody loves the spring wedding, but that's boring. Darcy is not boring. I think autumn. Maybe even winter. Depending on where it is, can you imagine? Magical, am I right?"

Pepper laughed a little and hesitated for a moment, clearly not sure if she should be drawn into an afternoon of fantasy wedding planning. And then she gave in to the allure of the amusement. "Tony has property in upstate New York. The northeast is beautiful in the fall."

"Tony has property everywhere," Rebecca said. "We should go over it, make a list, rank them from best to worst on factors of travel time, expense, seasonal appeal, etc." She clicked the pen three times, grinned again and put pen to paper. "New York — go!"