#found out that months ago Jeanette went over to HIS- my family's- house and told them she was trying to evict us and asked for their help! !

[sheerioswifties]

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[one-more-offbeat-anthem]

guess who wrote snowbaz fanfic for the first time??? me, and just in time for the holidays! this is a lil one-shot I wrote for @snowybank​ as part of the carry on server’s secret snowflake : ) I hope you like this and have a happy holiday season! <3

(I was going to save this til tomorrow since I already posted a gift exchange fic today for destiel secret santa but I got IMPATIENT so here it is!)

pour l’amour du chocolat chaud (French for “for the love of hot chocolate”)

Un flambeau, Jeanette Isabelle -- Un flambeau! Courons au berceau! C'est Jésus, bonnes gens du hameau. Le Christ est né; Marie appelle! Ah! Ah! Que la Mère est belle, Ah! Ah! Que l'Enfant est beau!

“Baz, turn that off.”

I elected to ignore Simon--Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella was a classic Christmas carol. I told him so.

“Yeah, if you’re a bloody Frenchman.”

“Something wrong?” I arched an eyebrow. “You’ve been a little short recently.”

“Hm, I wonder why.” Simon went back to the book he was reading--although I noticed that his eyes weren’t actually moving.

“The coffeeshop again?”

“Yes!” Simon shut his book and slammed it down so hard on his and Penny’s coffee table that he might as well have thrown it. “People are so--so rude.”

“So, just like you?”

“Baz.”

“Sorry, sorry, keep going.”

Simon ran a hand through his hair (he needed a haircut--not that I minded the extra fwip of curls on top. It was fun to run my own hands through, and sometimes curly strands would fall over Simon’s face and Simon would let out a big breath to blow them away) and frowned. “They don’t say ‘please.’ If I ask them if they want whipped cream, it’s like I’m a major inconvenience. And don’t get me started on accidentally saying someone’s name wrong.”

“Those are normal problems.”

“It’s the holiday rush! We get ten times more people, so ten times as many bloody--” Simon started in on a string of unrepeatable words, and I stopped him with a hand to his shoulder.

“Deep breath.”

“Right.” Simon leaned into my space, resting his head on my chest, “It’s just exhausting. But what do I have to complain about? You’ve got so much work to do at uni, and Penny is off doing great things…”

I swallowed uncomfortably. “Why don’t I make us some tea?”

“Right,” Simon said, his voice short, “That’d be nice.”

----------------------------------------------

Things didn’t get much better. Simon told me that he “used up all his cheer” on the customers. I found that doubtful--I had vivid memories of our time at Watford and Snow stuffing his face any moment he could during the holidays. He never went home--well, except for that one time last year that he came to my house and dripped all over the carpet.

(And we snogged. But that was less related to Christmas and more related to, well...) 

I half-expected him and Penny to be baking scones and gingerbread every time I came to their flat (so...every day, unless Simon came to see me, but he thought my flat was “too posh”), but usually she was out, or video chatting with Micah, and Simon was grumping around on the couch.

“Simon,” I said one afternoon after a couple of weeks of this, “My exams are over. You want to go out?”

Simon shrugged and slumped further into the couch.

“Simon, love,” I softened my tone and sank onto the couch next to him, “If you hate this job so much, why don’t you quit?”

“Because,” he exploded, “I need a job! I need the money! I’m not rich, I’ve got no family to support me, and it’s what I--”

“If you say letting people treat you like crap is what you deserve,” I said, “I will spell your mouth shut.”

Simon slumped back again, all of the fight drained out of him nearly as fast as it had come. “I just feel...useless.”

“You’ve always been useless.”

Simon glared at me.

“Sorry, let me try that again.” I tugged on his hand until he let me interlace my fingers with his. “You’re not useless. Mostly.”

“You can be a right git sometimes, you know that?”

“Yes,” I said shamelessly, “I’m aware.”

----------------------------------------------

I didn’t tell Simon, because it might ruin my reputation as his number-one antagonist, but I had been thinking of ways that I could potentially cheer him up. It was Christmas, after all, and our first one as terrible boyfriends, so I wanted to do it right.

(Well, we had started dating last Christmas, so there was also our anniversary to contend with, but Simon was the sort of person who only got sappy if it was particularly late at night, and I was only sappy in life-or-death situations.)

Bunce was, of course, eager to help, which was irritating but great, because she was much more willing to “think big” than I was. By the time the day for our surprise rolled around, she was nearly vibrating with excitement.

“He’s going to know something’s up immediately if you keep bouncing around like that,” I admonished.

“What makes you think he doesn’t know something’s up already?”

“Because it’s Snow. You of all people should know how dense he is.”

“Right.” Penny rolled her eyes. We’d gotten to be better friends (something about defeating the Mage together and me saving her life via an incredibly sappy spell and now me dating her best friend), but Penny still thought I took the mickey out on Simon a bit too much.

As soon as Simon got home from work, in his usual spectacularly terrible mood, Penny grabbed his arm and dragged him into the kitchen, where I was sitting at a bar stool, drinking tea.

“Baz has something to tell you,” she burst out, earning a glare from me.

“I guess I do now,” I said. “We’re going out tonight.”

“Like, all of us?” Simon asked.

“Like you-me us,” I said, gesturing, “Get your coat. I have a surprise for you.”

Simon frowned but did as I asked, following me out the door and down the stairs of his complex. As we walked towards the Tube station he stopped short.

“What, Snow?” I asked.

“Where are we going?”

“Don’t you understand the meaning of the word surprise?” I grabbed his hand, interlacing our fingers so he couldn’t get away from me. “Trust me, love, this will be fun. Certainly more fun than whatever you did at work today.”

“Oh, don’t even get me started on--”

“I won’t.”

Simon raised an eyebrow at me, but then allowed me to pull him towards the Tube station.

“Where are we getting off?” he asked, once we were seated. The train was surprisingly not that crowded for this time of the year, and I crossed my fingers that the ice skating rink wouldn’t be, either. Bunce had helped me buy tickets online, but I felt like it would be a less romantic date if it was crowded.

Not that Snow knew we were going on a date.

“Piccadilly Circus. Stop asking so many questions.” I squeezed his hand.

“Are you taking me to the Circus to kill me?” Simon asked. “I know we snog now and everything, but I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“You wound me, Snow. If I wanted to kill you, I would have done it months ago, after we were no longer roommates. In fact, I would have done it as soon as we were no longer roommates.”

“Comforting.”

“It should be.” I squeezed his hand again, to reassure him or myself, I wasn’t sure. “You’re going to like what we’re doing, though.”

“Hm.” But Simon didn’t ask anymore questions.

Piccadilly Circus was beautiful this time of year, in the way that only Christmas lights and fluorescent advertisements and the cacophony of the crowds could make it. Simon kept hold of my hand, and glancing over at his face was almost spiritual, if I believed in that sort of thing--he was glowing in the lights.

“We’re going ice skating,” I finally revealed, “Penny said you would like it.”

“I would.” Simon was grinning at me, and he squeezed my hand once, twice. “As long as we get hot chocolate afterwards.”

“You drive a hard bargain. But yes, we can.” And then, without hesitation, even though we were in public, I pressed a kiss to his temple, because I had managed to make Simon smile.

A merry Christmas, indeed.

[resplendentgoldenwings]

All That Remains Chapter 5 Family and Friends

rating: teen

characters/pairings: Iris West, Barry Allen, WestAllen, OC: Jeanette and Brittney, Nora Allen’s sisters

warnings: language

summary: Twelve-year-old Iris attends Nora’s wake, eavesdrops on adult conversation and looks out for her best friend Barry, but she can’t protect him from everything.

beta: asexual-fandom-queen

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

notes: see end of chapter

15 years ago

"Did you just say that?"

"What? It's the truth, that man murdered our sister. I don't care what crazy story Barry makes up or if Henry's fingerprints weren't on the knife that killed her." Iris froze in the doorway of the enclosed front porch just out of sight of the adults.

That Henry was guilty was the conclusion everyone jumped to because nothing else made sense, but she'd overheard her parents discussing it. Her dad had said, Henry, as the culprit didn't fit the facts, even if Barry's version of the story sounded like some childish fantasy.

"That's utterly absurd Henry, and Nora adored each other, he wouldn't harm a hair on her head."

"Oh yes, the Man in Yellow did it?" The second woman said voice heavy with scorn and twelve-year-old Iris identified her as Barry's Aunt Jeanette. The one who looked so much like Nora that she'd started crying when they met the woman, Barry had simply thrown himself into her arms. The other woman must have been Mrs. Allen's sister Brittney.

She should probably show herself or back out of hearing range, but the girl did neither of those things choosing instead to eavesdrop on adult conversation.

"Nora indulged that child too much, can't tell fairy tales from reality."

"That boy just buried his mother, our sister and you expect him to be what normal? Are you serious right now Jeanette?"

"Are you serious right now? Our sister needs justice, and you're defending the man who killed her?"

There was a long silence Iris focused straining her ears to catch every word.

"I want justice for our sister just as much as you do, but you forget I lived with Henry and Nora for months there's no way-"

"-I don't believe this. I don't believe I'm hearing this."

Iris heard movement and shuffled backward just in time as Jeanette, Nora Allen's older sister stormed from the room. The older woman's red-rimmed eyes landed on her.

"I was looking for Barry," she said quickly.

"Well, he's not out there."

"Ok thanks."

"Hi Iris," Brittney was right behind her sister. "Is that cake for Barry?"

"Yeah."

"I haven't seen him since we got back here to the house."

"Okay, thanks."

Today was Nora Allen's funeral. She'd kept close to Barry at the church and then at the burial site, but gotten separated since they'd come home for the wake.

It was hard not to worry about him. Her best friend who'd saved her summer, her best friend who always tried to make her smile.

In the year since she and Barry had become friends, their two families had grown close. Close enough that since the Allen house was still considered a crime scene three weeks after Nora's death Nora Allen's wake was at the West house.

"You overheard us didn't you."

She tried not to look guilty.

"I used to eavesdrop all the time when I was your age. It's how you learn."

"No one ever tells us anything."

"I know. Well, I'm glad Barry has you for a best friend, he's gonna need good friends."

"I'm sorry about your sister."

"Thank you."

Brittney walked off into the house and chocolate cake in hand Iris continued her search for Barry: from room-to-room. There were people everywhere, not lots of them, but in each room, she checked eating, talking, drinking. She recognized a few of Dr. Allen's friends amongst them and some of his family from pictures.

Barry hadn't much felt like eating, but Iris in this first experience of death found her appetite undisturbed. He'd wondered off while she'd been eating with Wally and some of Barry's cousins at the kid's table.

She might have protested eating at the kid's table, after all, she had turned twelve, but it seemed well, childish to complain about it at a wake. So now she was wondering the house in search of Barry with a slice of chocolate cake in hopes of tempting him to eat something.

Iris found her mom in the hall coming out of the first-floor bathroom. For all that everyone was sad Francine was in one of her up moods, cooking for everyone, organizing everything, checking on everyone. Even now she was radiant. Soft, dark close cropped, tapered curls framed her heart shaped face, her black silk wrap dress swishing softly with each movement.

"Mom, have you seen Barry?"

Mrs. West considered a moment, a red tipped finger pressed to her lips.

"I think he was outside, the back with some of his cousins earlier."

"Thanks, mom."

"Iris where did you get that cake?"

"Barry's Aunt Brittany cut it already."

Her mother frowned.

"Is that for Barry?"

She nodded.

"Okay sweetheart, you get yourself a piece too."

"Yeah, thanks, mom."

Chocolate cake was Barry's favorite, especially like her mom made with ganache frosting and little red rosettes. Her mom had made it for their Christmas party last year. Barry's eyes got all big and round when he tasted it. He'd talked about that cake for the rest of the winter. She was sure he would eat at least a little.

Iris made her way to the back and found Jeanette's three kids, two boys and a girl all long and lean like Barry, the eldest of the two boys with the same flaming red hair as Nora all lounging on the patio furniture.

It was warm for fall. Shirt sleeves, suit jackets, and velvet dresses were all that was needed.

"Have you guys seen Barry?"

The youngest snickered and the oldest glared at him.

"Nope."

The autumn wind blew strong and stiff just then pulling down a rain of bright yellow leaves from the old Silver Maple tree in their backyard. Three sets of eyes studied her.

"My mom said he was out here."

"Haven't seen him," The eldest said with a shrug.

Her frown deepened. Her dad had taught her to pay attention to more than what people said, to what they didn't say. The snicker, the glare, Barry had been out here, and something had happened that much was clear.

"You guys got into an argument didn't you?"

The boy and the girl stiffened, and the youngest one flushed a guilty red.

"About Mr. Allen?"

The oldest boy glared at her and while the youngest boy looked at her in shock at being caught.

"We told him the truth, that his dad is a murderer."

Her free hand clenched into a fist with the flush of anger she felt. Barry was sensitive what this cousin had done was beyond cruel.

"What a horrible thing to say to someone. You guys are ass-holes." Iris rolled her eyes, turned on her heel and went back into the house more determined to find Barry than ever.

For a twelve-year-old Barry was a bit of a cry baby. He didn't do it to get his way or if he lost a game, but if you hurt his feelings his eyes would well-up, and he would sit sulking for a while, or if he got very angry he'd cry. He hated that about himself. If his cousins had said some nasty things about Dr. Allen killing Mrs. Allen he'd definitely be somewhere trying to hide how upset he was, trying to calm down. Some place quiet, dark and cool.

Iris made her way back through the house and hurried up the stairs. She checked the second-floor bathroom, and then her closet where she found him sitting on the floor face red and tear stained, black suit wrinkled. Barry met her eyes, and Iris felt her heart lurch. Her best friend looked so sad and desolate, the light that she usually saw there, the one that made it so easy to smile at him was dim, almost absent.

"Hey, Barry."

"Hey."

"I brought you some cake," she said holding the saucer out to him.

Barry eyed the cake a moment before taking it and setting it down in front of him.

"I didn't know your mom made cake."

"Your Aunt Brittany cut it. I think mom wanted to surprise you."

"Oh. Well, thanks for bringing it up here."

"You're welcome."

Barry scooted over, and she sat down next to him.

"Your cousins are ass-holes."

His lips quirked upwards for a moment. They'd gotten into swearing lately when adults weren't around.

"They really are."

For a long, while they were both quiet the sounds of the steady murmur of voices from down stairs, creaking floorboards as people moved through the house, the drone of the wind against the window panes filled the air. Iris studied the black velvet of her dress picking at bits of lint not sure where to begin but wishing things could go back to the way they were before Nora Allen had been killed.

"I'm sorry about your cousins Barry, about everything with your dad." She'd already told him she was sorry about Nora dying and she was; she liked Nora. Mrs. Allen was warm, kind, she'd seen her be firm with Barry, but she'd never displayed the famous red-haired temper Iris heard so much about.

"My dad did not kill my mom. He loves her."

"I know."

"Do you believe me though about The Man in Yellow?"

Iris didn't believe that Dr. Allen would suddenly stab his wife through the heart, but this man in yellow...

"The Man in Yellow is real Iris."

"Barry," she paused here unwilling to call her friend a liar, but her doubt was present in that one word.

"I woke up, and everything felt strange, there so much static in the air. I didn't tell anyone this, but the water in my fish tank was floating up, defying gravity."

HIs voice was soft, far away. Iris shifted position facing him; Barry had never told her about that night. She'd heard from her dad, but that was it.

"It was not normal. So I went looking for my mom and-" Barry paused here, and she could see tears in his eyes. Iris took his hand, held it, tight.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.."

"But I want to." He looked at her now. "I want you to know."

She held his eyes a moment; there was a desperation there that started a strange nervous feeling in her stomach, she swallowed.

"Okay, but will you eat Barry afterward?"

He stared at her a moment as if it had never occurred to him before nodding and wiping a hand across his eyes.

"I found her in the living room in the middle of a lightning storm. The air was electric. My hair stood on end like when you get clothes from the dryer. Mom was crying; she screamed for me to run. The lighting was all around her, red and yellow and I was so scared."

His grip on her hand tightened, and Iris watched him riveted now. He didn't seem to see her at all.

"There was a man in the storm. A man in yellow and I thought maybe he came right towards me, maybe. But then there was wind and leaves and fog, and it was cold, and I was outside. A police car came so I went with them and they brought me back to the house and mom was already..." Barry looked at her now; the far away look fading, tears rolling down stained cheeks.

"Oh, Barry."

He wiped at his face with his free hand, mopping up tears with his sleeve.

"They said I was twenty blocks away. I heard them; even they thought it was strange. I couldn't have run that far in bare feet. Something strange happened that night, and no one believes me. My dad didn't kill my mom. You don't think I'm lying or crazy do you? You have to believe me, Iris!"

There was desperation in his voice, his hand gripped her hers almost painfully and his eyes wide and intense pleaded with her to believe in him.

Iris nodded slowly. A man in lighting didn't make any sense, but she knew Barry wouldn't lie to her and he didn't seem crazy. Everyone knew for a fact that Barry was twenty blocks away. The neighbors had seen strange lights, lightning even though there was no storm that night. Barry's story fit those facts.

"Yeah, Barry I do believe you."

He smiled then, eyes lighting with it, the first she'd seen in weeks and Iris couldn't help but smile back. And then Barry hugged her not those intense hugs he'd been giving her since his mom died, where he held onto her like he'd never let her go. This was friendly, gentle, what she was used to, the hugs that caused that peculiar flutter around her heart.

"You have to eat now."

"Right."

He moved away from her and picked up the cake.

If Barry's mom had been killed by a man in lightning where did he come from and where did he go? She was too old to believe in stuff like Harry Potter or X-Men, but-

"I'm glad you're my best friend Iris."

His eyes didn't look as bright as they had when she'd told him she believed him, but the grimness in them was lessened, and she could see he was more relaxed now like he had just passed a test.

"Me too Barry."

"Did you want some cake?"

"Mhmm."

A/N- Hey everyone thanks for reading. This chapter is a little longer than the others. I've given Nora two sisters Jeanette and Brittney. Jeanette is the eldest and Brittney is the youngest. Barry's aunts probably won't come off as the best, because otherwise he would've gone to live with them right? Anyway hope you enjoyed it, and take a moment to comment or reblog. Chapter six should be up on Sunday.

[project1461-blog]

The illusion of freedom

Saturday, on my morning walk with my dog, I see my neighbor’s gardener, and his son, Gustavo, who comes help his father, on weekends. He gives my dog a biscuit, and loves the kisses he gets in return. This has become our Saturday ritual. And I always ask Gustavo if he’s had a good week in school. Whenever I’ve seen Gustavo he has been all smiles. I learn that he loves baseball, and math and Pokémon. He’s no different than my grandson, who is also eight. But this last Saturday Gustavo was not smiling.  He nodded hello and went back to raking, no cookies for my dog. I ask his father if everything is ok and I learn that ICE picked up a family member, and they are very worried. I can see it in Gustavo’s face. He is worried. 

It’s not safe out there. There are knocks on the front door, people are being pulled over because they fit a profile, plain-clothes officers, from ICE, are snooping around workplaces. It’s stressful to drive, and you worry if you will be pulled over for something you didn’t do. Even though the law says that you are not required to show your papers, you’re worried the police will ask. And it’s up to the cops to decide if they are going to turn suspects over to ICE.   

This kind of persecution is happening all across America. And Gustavo has every right to worry about who he talks to. This proud young man no longer knows who to trust. What happens when those who are apart of our everyday life, the familiar faces we have come to know and care about, start to disappear?

The mood is unsettling. People are whispering about where to hide.

I didn’t expect this widespread fear in Los Angeles. I thought we are a sanctuary city? But what does that mean?

Enrique Marones, director of the Angel Border project, explains that sanctuary cities are nothing new. We in LA have been a sanctuary city since the Reagan administration. Being a sanctuary city is misleading. The city does not have the authority over the federal government but can object to providing their law enforcement to assist ICE. Enrique underscores that everyone who is arrested and detained is entitled to a trial before they are deported. Those arrested are given two choices: sign a paper that says they will not re-enter the United States and they will be brought back to the country of their origin (which usually means they drive you to the Mexican border). Or if you ask for a trial that will mean a long wait in detention, often six months to a year, or longer. Immigration courts are beyond backed up. Trump’s machine has a business opportunity here because they will be contracting with private prisons, demanding a big increase in the need for detention centers.

LA Mayor Kevin Garcetti is opposed to asking his police force to work on behalf of immigration and customs enforcement. He does not endorse the practice of rounding up undocumented, law-abiding citizens. Since Trump signed his executive order Garcetti has gone out of his way to temper the fears of the Latino community. He holds meetings at high schools, and offers ways that his office can help families, who are victims of the recent and ongoing, round up. He can’t stop the detentions and the subsequent deportations. But his office has told me that they are providing information on how to procure legal aid and also how to help children who come home to an empty house, if their parents are taken.

Mayor Greg Stanton of Phoenix is in a tough spot. Phoenix cannot be a sanctuary city because of SB 1070, the controversial law that was passed in 2010. It was partially repealed in 2016, but a portion of the law is still on the books. But Mayor Stanton refuses to uphold the 289 (g) portion of SB 1070, and will not allow his police force to work tandem with ICE enforcement. Mayor Stanton is proud of his diverse city and is seeking multiple ways to offer help to the Latino community.

After days of speaking to immigration lawyers and human rights advocates on the struggles of undocumented immigrants, all agree that there is a humane problem regarding the back log of cases in immigration courts across the country. There is a shortage of judges. Until President Trump and his Justice Department, and Attorney General Sessions, can truly grasp the necessity of hiring new judges, the problem is only going to get worse, especially given the increase in new arrests.

We all may be familiar with the case of Sara Beltran Hernandez, 26 who has been in detention since November of 2015. Last January Sara asked for asylum to escape violence in El Salvador. Sara has been in detention waiting for her trial. She began complaining of headaches a few months ago. Then suddenly she got dizzy and passed out. She has a brain tumor. Sara almost died before she was brought to the hospital. Once the condition was ‘considered’ under control, immigration officials brought Sara back to detention, refusing to allow her to go stay with her family in New York to get treatment for the tumor.

Amnesty International released this statement:

"We are asking for immediate humanitarian parole. We can’t wait for a bond redetermination hearing. She doesn’t have days, she has hours ... we need her to get out,” Zuniga said. “This is the 13th day she has not had this surgery, and we do not understand why. People like Sara who are seeking asylum for horrific violence should not be treated like criminals while their cases are processed. We must do everything we can to ensure protection for people who are fleeing violence."

Story after story is coming out, like that of Jeanette Vizguerra, a mother of four who is now living her life in the sanctuary of a church basement in Denver to avoid deportation.

Daniel Ramirez Medina, 23-year-old a DACA recipient, had twice been granted deferred action and employment authorization under the DACA program. ICE picked him up on a charge of being in a gang. ICE has no standard by which to prove Daniel’s affiliation to a gang but just mentioning a possible gang affiliation will not bode for him in court. Daniel has a three-year-old son.

"Undocumented immigrants who wind up in removal proceedings are not entitled to a court-appointed attorney, the standard rules of evidence do not apply, (and) hearsay can come in."  -- Stephen Yale-Loehr, professor of immigration law practice at Cornell Law School

Josue Romero Valasquez’s case stands out because he is like a lot of average American teenagers. He hangs out with his friends, at the skate park. He is a good student. He got a scholarship to art school, and is considered gifted. Josue wants to become an architect; he mentors younger kids to teach them art. Two weeks after Trump’s executive order, Josue, a DACA recipient, was stopped by San Antonio police. He was on his way home from the skate park. Was he stopped because of profiling? The cops searched him. The officers found a half of a joint in his pocket. He was arrested and turned over to ICE. Fortunately for Josue, the pro bono legal defense fund, RAICES, agreed to represent him. Jonathan Ryan is handling Josue’s defense. So far he has been lucky and continues to be protected under DACA. There is a misdemeanor B charge, for the small amount of marijuana. He is clearlyno threat to his community.

Josue’s case got the attention of the press. Most of those arrested, wont have the visibility of these early DACA cases. Although DACA has not been repealed, as yet, all of those in the program are frightened.  Every person who signed up for this protection gave immigration their personal information. They have reason to be worried.

Homeland Security has called for raising the number of immigrants ICE incarcerates daily, to 80,000 people. Mother Jones magazine recently interviewed ACLU attorney Carl Takei, who gave them this statement: “Last year, ICE detained more than 352,000 people. The number of detainees held each day, typically between 31,000 and 34,000, reached a historic high of about 41,000 people in the fall, as Customs and Border Protection apprehended more people on the southwest border while seeing a simultaneous rise in asylum seekers. But doubling the daily capacity to 80,000 would require ICE to sprint to add more capacity than the agency has ever added in its entire history. And we don't know if 80,000 is where he'll stop."

We are at the beginning of this. It will never be okay to let our guard down, and moreover not to put ourselves in the way of an injustice, to try and protect those who are at risk. We are witnessing a rounding up, in huge numbers, of hard working, decent human beings. This series of cases describes but a microscopic example of the harassment hundreds, even thousands, are experiencing every day now.

I was inspired by California State Senator Kevin de León when he recently said, "I can tell you half of my family would be eligible for deportation under the executive order, because if they got a false Social Security card, if they got a false identification, if they got a false driver’s license prior to us passing AB 60, if they got a false green card—and anyone who has family members, you know, who are undocumented knows that almost entirely everybody has secured some sort of false identification. That’s what you need to survive, to work.”

[themargaret66-blog]

I have another cold - the 3rd this year!

It seems I have another cold and it is raining again.  It has just about rained every day for the last seven months. The sun was supposed to be out today - there is no sun - but it is raining again as usual!  Apparently, this has been the wettest winter that we have had in many years and as a consequence, the vegetables are rotting in the ground - especially the potatoes. This, of course, drives the price up. For the last two days, I have had a stabbing pain in the right side of my head and the right nostril of my nose is running like a river. Last night I kept stuffing pieces of tissue into the nose to stop the constant running. I went on the net to see what the problem could be - it may be a migraine.  However, I am sick of being constantly sick for this past winter! Every night I have the electric blanket on the middle setting and I leave it on all night long - which you should never do! However, I am constantly cold and I can’t sleep if I am cold.  Have decided to buy a new electric blanket every couple of years - to play it safe - so that I don’t end up burning down the house. 

Jim, Adrienne and Matheus finally turned up at about 4.30pm and stayed until 7.30pm.  We had a long talk about the election, the guy who booted my letterbox one week ago at 12.30am on Sunday.  This guy totally wrecked my letterbox. Housing NZ has promised to look at the problem in the 10 days from the time this vandalism happened - however, I am not holding my breath.  We also talked about the bus driver who will not lower the bus for me and for the past few months I have been sending emails to his boss about this problem.  One of the last times when I saw this bus driver - he told me to my face that he is not going to lower the bus - as it takes too much time! I then walked and sat down in the bus in a state of a shock! Then about three weeks after this incident - I got an email from the Ritchies & Murphy management saying that they have closed my file on the matter as the problem has now been resolved. I was furious and responded by saying no this problem has not been resolved as this particular  bus driver refuses to lower the bus! Since sending the last email - I have not seen this particular bus driver.  I have now encountered several new female bus drivers.  I haven’t caught the bus as much in the last two weeks because I have been spending a lot of time completing Photoshop work on my photos.  When I had Desiree’s car for one week - I took many photos such as the open Pit Mine in Waihi, Henry’s grave at the Manukau Memorial Gardens Cemetery, Waikumete Cemetery and so forth.  Then one week ago I took photos on the Ponsonby Church Heritage Walk and the Grafton Heritage Walk. On both occasions I was carrying alot of gear - some people were carrying nothing!  I had a back pack which had my camera, book to read on the train, rain coat, umbrella, also in a plastic bag I have a spare pair of knickers, pad for incontinence (in case of an accident), scarf and socks. In another bag (over the shoulder) I had a packed lunch (which I make the night before) and a drink of Vita Fresh. I always take a packed lunch and a drink when travelling anywhere in Auckland - so I am not wasting money on buying food.  However, I always set aside enough money for one cup of coffee. Sometimes when I go shopping at the Manukau Mall - I will buy sushi for lunch - however that is the only exception to my rule for not buying lunch when I go to some event in Auckland. 

Getting back to Adrienne and Jim’s visit - I noticed that Jim was not interested in my Polyfest photos, the images of Desiree’s girls, Pasifika photos and so forth.  Apart from the election (which Jim did not have much to say about), the booting of my mailbox, the extremely rude bus - Jim was not interested in anything else. I stand corrected - he said I had a great garden. Jim’s principal interest is going to the casino in Hamiton.  I have no idea what Mary is interested in - I don’t think she has any interests. She has never had a garden, never cooks or bakes or does anything else. She spent most of her life (until she retired last year) washing dishes in a old people’s home for many years.  Every Saturday - Jim and Mary would go shopping and pay their bills by cash - because neither could operate a cheque book! Meanwhile every Saturday - I would take Desiree and Adrienne to the courts at Minogue Park in Hamilton to play netball. Val my aunt from Thames told me at my  last visit to her - she and Dennis her husband would go shopping in Thames every Friday (when they lived on their various farms) and then go and see Anne - Dennis’s sister! When I thought about this statement later that Val had made - I thought, during all of those years you would visit my mother on one occasion and vice-versa, once a year, but visit Anne (your husband’s) sister each week for many years! So then when my mother died - Val was at the funeral service - crying and sobbing! This is from someone who never came to visit my mother and family!  But then I thought why did my mother not get her license - then she could have driven to Val’s house in order to visit. Val only lived about 30 minutes away. Val also said to me - you must have gone shopping on a regular basis and I said no we never went shopping.  However, we often went to the movies on a regular basis with my father at the Embassy Theatre in Thames.  There was also the Regent theatre in Thames - but we hardly ever went to that theatre. I remember on one occasion, I went and bought two handkerchiefs from a local shop in Kerepehi and booked up this cost to my mother. I was 13 years old at the time. I was then made to walk with my mother to the shops and then my mother explained to the shop assistant that I was paying for the handkerchiefs with my money! She told the shop assistant (Audrey Billington) that she was furious and that this sort of thing was never going to happen again! Who would do that to their own child?!  When my own children were teenagers - we often went shopping and I paid for everything! I usually bought them clothes, knickers and bras and so forth. If there was something I did not agree with - this would have been dealt with IN MY HOUSE! I would never involve people outside the house - which my mother did! AS USUAL SHE ONLY THOUGHT ABOUT HERSELF OR JEANNETTE MY SISTER - but that is another story!  Except to say that I remember that Jeanette had many fancy expensive bras - which my mother had bought for her! I had to buy my own bras (the cheapest that I could find) with money that my father gave me for birthdays and Christmas. I use to make my own clothes and knit all of my cardigans and jumpers. Jeanette never ever did any sewing or knitting. I don’t remember Jeanette ever making a thing for herself - EVER in her whole life!  My mother use to make her clothes!

For many years Jack Lord would visit our house EVERY SATURDAY - so that my mother could give him money to bet on the horses at the TAB in Ngatea!  She always had money for the horses - BUT NOT ANY MONEY FOR TWO HANDERCHIEFTS! Throughout my school years I had to use toilet paper for this purpose!  Many years later when I came back from Australia at the age of 22 years old and going on 23 years - I had taken up smoking while living in Australia.  When in Kerepehi - I use to smoke in the bedroom (where I was sleeping) at Kerepehi.  Mavis (my father’s second wife) found my ash-tray filled with cigarette butts and ash in one of the dressing table draws - I was then sent to live with Barbara and Tom. Mavis was appalled to discover that I was smoking in HER HOUSE!  SHE TOLD ME THAT THE HOUSE AT KEREPEHI WAS HER HOUSE on several occasions! I use to think to myself - your welcome to this house as I have no wish to live in Kerepehi! It is too far out in the boon-docks for me to even consider living in Kerepehi again! Then as soon as my father had died and his money had been distributed - she got 50% of his estate and me and my two sisters got the other 50% of the estate - she tried to sell her house from Kerepehi to me through our lawyers!  I refused - I did not even have to think about it! I was completely shocked that Mavis would have the gall to do this.  My sisters and I had grown up in this house - from birth and for myself to the age of 16 years! For me I would never buy anything from Mavis - out of principle! I stayed at Barbara and Tom’s house for about two weeks - then went to live and work at the Maternity Hospital in Te Awamutu. 

I had to laugh - even though it was a great visit from Adriennne, Jim and Matheus - she kept getting Desiree to phone me - (so I wouldn’t find out her new phone number)! GET OVER YOURSELF ADRIENNE! Adrienne seemed to think that it was okay (in fact it was something that she thought should be encouraged) for Silua and her mother to talk on the phone every night for many years - I just thought that this was way too excessive!  However, Adrienne has decided that she doesn’t want me to have her phone number - as she doesn’t want to receive twice weekly text messages from me! Absolutely pathetic! Adrienne hates me so much - it is very sad! I noticed that Matheus was very standoffish - which is understandable as he hasn’t seen me for 10 months. Also he had not seen me in the 12 months leading up to last Christmas! So in effect he has seen me once in the last approximate two years!

I am going to a AAAP training on Thursday in Onehunga - meaning Auckland Action Against Poverty.  If I can get there on time and if it is something I could get interested in - then I will do it.  I want to do volunteer work in order to get some referrees - so that I can go back to doing paid work.  At the present time - I don’t have any referrees to call upon! 

Anyway must leave this blog and go and do some Photoshop work!

[joyfullyrejoycing]

Do you think it is important to teach children how to be responsible for their dental routines?

I think it’s important for kids to develop a good relationship with tooth care. If it’s an enjoyable experience children will naturally take over more and more of it as they get older. Just like with walking and talking, kids want to be more competent at life. On their own schedule. Just like adults, they resist being pushed into activities they don’t yet want to do. If it’s stressful, they’re resist even more.

Until kids have naturally taken over, parents should be responsible. Tooth care is too much responsibility to hand over to a child who isn’t interested in it.

Some ways to ease kids into dental care:

Recognize that when kids first get teeth that having a pleasant experience with tooth care is way more important than clean teeth. If they had fun holding a brush, chewing on it, or opening their mouth to let you touch their teeth with a brush or cloth, that’s a win.

Unless a child enjoys toothpaste, water will work just as well at the beginning.

Let the child brush your teeth. Give them a tip or two when they seem open to it (they do want to be more competent at grown up tasks), but make a good experience be what counts.

Brush teeth together. As a kid I remember it took aaaages all alone while the rest of the family was doing something more interesting. When it’s a companionable activity, kids will brush better and longer.

There are more ways than brushing to help teeth stay cleaner. It can cause panic and a need to force kids when parents believe there’s one and only one way to accomplish something and it must be done perfectly for it to work. Breathe. Fear will cause more problems than it will solve.

Let the child pick out their own toothbrush and toothpaste. Expect to have to go through several purchases. Don’t let penny pinching get in the way of creating a good relationship with dental care. In the long run, a child finding products they’re happy with will be pennies compared to forced dental work.

Some kids are very sensitive to textures and tastes. Be the one they trust the most to help them find a solution.

There are some ideas at Toothbrushing Ideas. Here are the ideas From Brushing Teeth to Cleaner Teeth:

My son Jude (4) had his first visit to the dentist the other day. Six cavities! We've come up with a game to play that he really loves; inspired by his love of computer war games! Sergeant Green (his green toothbrush) enters the battle ground, shooting and brushing away all the acid spraying bad bugs. When Sergt. Green's health is running low from battle, Jude holds out his hand with boxes of health for collection. When the battle is over, Sergt. Green retires for the day, returning for combat before Jude goes to bed. All good fun!! — Kathryn

When our boys did not like to brush their teeth, we bought a few toothbrushes and types of toothpaste for each of them. It turned it from "let's brush" to which toothbrush, which bathroom, which toothpaste. With all the choices they forgot they did not really like having their teeth brushed. — Amanda

My son has sensory issues and hates the feel of bubbles in the mouth. He brushes with that pink kiddie mouthwash stuff on his brush.

My three year old likes me to scream while she brushes. "Haha we're hiding in the teeth. Yummy teeth. Oh no, here comes the toothbrush .… Aaaaaahhhh, helllp, noooooo, noooooooooo! We'll hide on the top teeth! No, she's on to us! Arrrgh!" And on like that for however long it takes to get the job done, or until she gets bored. It works best if I really ham it up. Alternatively, brushing while listening to or singing Weird Al Yankovic's "Microscopic Bacteria" is entertaining and motivating. — Tamara

I read somewhere recently (I think ... I don't think I came up with this one on my own) that someone suggested looking for foods in the mouth. I brush Storm's teeth on the bed (very rarely in the bathroom, because he prefers lying in bed) and just have an overhead light, so sometimes it's hard to see. Recently, I started telling him if he opened wide enough, maybe I could see all the way down to his stomach to see what he ate for dinner -- that did the trick. So, I rattle off things I remember him eating, ask about stuff if I need more time or forgot and it works wonders. Silly comments like "Look at all those pieces of hot dog!" or "Do I see a tiny bit of grape in there?... Yes, I think I do!". Sometimes, when I'm finished brushing his teeth, he'll ask to brush mine. Wyl (9), seems to like company when he brushes. — De

I was expecting but didn't see it, the use of a water pick. That is what my youngest is using these days. She puts toothpaste in her mouth and kind of chews it around and then uses the water pick to spray off food and get in between teeth. She refuses to use a toothbrush, she really dislikes brushing. We've tried all kinds of toothbrushes and toothpastes, and none of them really got her into brushing her teeth. The water pick works great.

We also use the fluoride free Tom's apricot toothpaste, since she doesn't like any of the other flavors. The fluoride free Tom's strawberry was her favorite but we can't find it anymore, it has banana and fluoride in it now and is no longer enjoyed. — Jenny Cyphers

I have always looked for cartoon characters in my kids mouth while I brush their teeth. We have looked for Spider-man, Batman, Star Wars characters, Backyardigans, etc. Sometimes it gets a little difficult because the kids giggle so much : ) In the beginning I didn't even called it brushing teeth. I make up some sort of silly name for it, and I very dramatically "play" with their teeth and the left over "food" in their mouth. Tooth brushing is just another playful moment in our house. — Jeanette Crichton

It is interesting, I've just been doing a quick and cursory exploration of the world of oral bacteria via google and found this: Prevention - Dental Caries which shows that the earlier you get mutans streptococci the more prone to caries/cavities you are, with absolutely no discussion of how much you brush or floss your teeth. Here's an abstract about the natural history of Streptoccus sanguinis (a benign oral bacteria) Natural History of Streptococcus sanguinis in the Oral Cavity of Infants: Evidence for a Discrete Window of Infectivity I think I like it most because it refers to oral bacteria as "indigenous biota of the human oral cavity". Oh, how I love science!! There is this talk abstract: Colonization of mutans streptococci in caries-free Swedish teenagers which found no difference in colonization of mutans streptococci in caries free Swedish teenagers and caries prevalent Swedish teenagers. Similar finding here: Colonization with Mutans Streptococci and Lactobacilli and the Caries Experience of Children after the Age of Five with the added comment that it isn't diet that is doing it. Oh, I could do this for a long time.

It's really cool. It isn't scary, or something to be used to scare a child with, they are cavities, holes in your teeth caused by acids. The bacteria, the indigenous biota, are just living there, they are indigenous. Well, they are indigenous from about 30 months old, on average. Yes, toothbrushing makes a difference Caries Research 1999 Vol. 33, No. 2 (an old paper, 1999, but cool for the British social class stuff -- I'm assuming that's what the manual versus non-manual mention is about). A big difference. But it isn't going to keep you clear of caries if you are prone to getting them.

Hard cheese is supposed to be quite good for regulating the population of mutans streptococci, quick search shows that lactobacilli tends to keep populations of mutans streptococci in check. Xylitol has been shown to reduce plaque and when mother's chew it for the first couple of years of their child's life the colonization of the child's teeth by mutans streptococci is delayed and thus caries are less likely to occur. — Schuyler Waynforth

It turned out that he just didn't like the toothpaste. He had switched from a fruit flavored kid toothpaste to a minty adult paste. He discovered that he hates mint, but didn't realize that he could just switch back to his old toothpaste. Now he uses that Crest citrus flavor, which has some mint in it, but he doesn't seem to mind that. — Carron Armstrong

Isn't it funny when a really big deal turns out to be about something so simple?!? I laughed when I read this, because a few weeks ago Jade (one of my 3 1/2 year old twin girls) told me she didn't ever want to brush because the toothpaste is 'howibwe' … it was kids minty something or other. After she told me that we went out and found Tom's apricot flavour (tastes like jam) and she's been brushing non-stop ever since. Oh, and they also got to pick out a fancy motorized Dora toothbrush which delights them to no end :). — Jodi Bezzola

How about using xylitol mints and gum instead of brushing?? check Xylitol.org — Alex Polikowsky

Or peelu gum... — Zoa Conner

If your child has weak enamel over-brushing can CAUSE cavities as well. I have strong enamel and take horrid care of my teeth. I just turned 37 and have no cavities. Both my parents have full dentures and both brothers have mouthes full of fillings. But I can't for the life of me see telling a child that the "bugs" will bore through the teeth until the child screams in pain will bring you closer or make the child think you are nice. FWIW I'd leave the kid alone. Tell the kid about brushing, why we do it and then leave it be. My kids are not forced to brush their teeth. But they have several flavors of toothpaste, different brushes, and gauze pads to use instead of brushes if they wish. It's their mouth … I leave them alone about it. — Karen Swanay

The point was that it often doesn't help to overstate consequences to children, because it can erode trust if the outcome isn't what Mom said it would be. I think the use of color tablets or other items might be great for some people! The question is whether you should tell children they'll get cavities and pain if they don't brush.

Because some will rarely brush and never get a cavity, others will brush faithfully and get lots! We don't want to mislead children in order to get them to do something. That's all. — Ren

To eat an apple or carrot or piece of fullcorn bread [bread made of whole corn grain] cleanses the teeth good enough. — Ulrike Haupt

I have flossed and brushed every day for my entire 41 year old life, and yet every trip to the dentist shows up yet another cavity or some other form of decay. It's just the way I'm built. My husband on the other hand never flosses, never brushes at night and has never had a cavity. — Jodi Bezzola

I have a child in the exact situation ... I made sure to provide lots of implements ... interesting power brushes, milder toothpaste (or even no toothpaste!) and just modeled good dental hygiene. Making it a battle isn't going to accomplish much other than proving to him that you don't trust him and that he can't trust you. Forcing a child who has what sounds like sensory issues and has a history of dental issues is really setting him up for difficulty. My son has gotten better about brushing now that he's noticed that sometimes people have bad breath ... he's 6 now and will say "wow mom you need to brush" I always say "yes I had garlic for dinner " hoping that he will connect that some foods make your breath stinkier and that some things like poppy seeds, strawberries, blueberries etc make your teeth look icky if you don't brush. Ultimately I leave it up to him .… I can fix his teeth but his spirit might be trickier! — Lisa B

I just hand them their toothbrushes with toothpaste on them in the tub and they brush. I suggest teeth brushing every morning/every evening and sometimes they go for it and sometimes they don't. — Jodi

I am 42. I can eat as much or as little as I please, of whatever I please. I can brush my teeth or not. I can even DRIVE to the fast-food place when I want, and eat what I want there. I'm the one with the debit card, so I can buy what I choose at the grocery store. Why aren't I choosing only sweets and Doritos, and filling my cart with stuff that's barely food? Because I prefer how I feel when I eat food as close to the source as possible, mindfully. I feel better when I eat that way. Why do I brush my teeth? Because my mouth feels better when I do, and actually, I've found my mood is better, too. I found that out by not brushing my teeth. I had to give myself total freedom when we started this journey, too. Now - everything is a choice. Everything. I don't do things because my mom told me it would be good for me. I do things because I WANT to, because of how my choices make me feel. — Caren

When I was a kid I remember being sent to brush my teeth alone and it took hours. Okay, not really ;-) It felt like hours!

So what I did with my daughter was to do it with her. We talked and joked. I made sure she had a brush and toothpaste she liked. I'm sure I must have mentioned preventing cavities in there at some point. Eventually it became automatic. Sometimes she would say she didn't feel like brushing. I'd say don't. And she'd say what if I get a cavity and we'd talk about the difference between habitually not brushing and skipping once. I can't remember her choosing not to brush but it would have been okay if she had. — Joyce

For brushing teeth we've made it as easy as possible. We used to brush our teeth together, now the boys prefer to brush together. Some kids like a small mirror to watch themselves. Toothbrushes and toothpaste can be moved. Another bathroom? Kitchen sink? We also let the kids pick out their brushes. Right now they really like their electric power ranger brushes! We also buy natural toothpaste (Tom's of Maine kids strawberry) which has a mild flavor they don't seem to mind. We also bought flossers, rather than using regular dental floss. My older son has had experience with cavities, so he doesn't seem to mind brushing and flossing so much anymore. for my younger one (3) as long as I don't push he will let me help him out once a week or so. the other times he does it himself. I know its not perfect, but we have sort of made a game with the "EEEE! AAAAAHHHH! OOOOHHHH!" mouth shapes. :-) — swissarmywife

I encourage my girls to brush and buy them fun toothbrushes, child friendly floss, mouthwash etc. At their recent dental visits dd8 has 5 cavities she'll be going back to have filled and dd 5 has 3.

Now my autistic son who almost never allows us to brush his teeth went for his check-up last week and once again has 0 cavities. — Nicole Willoughby

We use non foaming, non fluoride toothpaste (no spitting required), so brushing and flossing teeth happens in bed, right before story. I read a story and maybe rub her back a bit, and she is out. — mimiphilomena

Xylitol -- All Natural Sweetener

"...Xylitol is a dentist's dream. It reverses all these destructive effects of sugar on oral health. Xylitol is non-fermentable and therefore cannot be converted to acids by oral bacteria, thus it helps to restore a proper alkaline/acid balance in the mouth. This alkaline environment is inhospitable to all the destructive bacteria, especially the worst variety, Streptococcus mutans. It also inhibits plaque formation...." — Alex Polikowsky

Ah, yes! My son frequently forgets where he was headed / what he was going to do and it happens with teeth brushing, too. There is much less stress if we go to do it together. I give him a piggyback ride to the bathroom, sometimes he brushes his teeth and sometimes he wants me to do it. I don't mind helping him brush at all, I think it helps him figure out the sensations and movements of what a good teeth brushing feels like. We talk about each part of his mouth and he asks questions, etc. Since he's fiercely independent in many ways, it's a treat for me to be able to do something for him. We pause to chit-chat and giggle. Sometimes we'll brush our teeth together or he'll want to brush mine for me.

If told him to go do it he'd make it halfway down the hallway and start playing. I'd get frustrated, remind him again, direct him toward the bathroom, spot him in the living room a few moments later and discover he still hadn't brushed his teeth. I'd send him down the hallway again with my patience rapidly decreasing, and so on until eventually I was close to yelling and all but dragging him into the bathroom or on the verge of making threats like "no bedtime story" etc.

There is a principal behind the act of teeth brushing - taking care of ourselves so we stay healthy. Both ways are trying to meet this goal. One way tries to figure out how to make it happen in the most joyful, non-coercive way. There are no commands, rules or punishments involved. It does, however, require me to be present and actively engaged with him to accomplish the brushing of teeth.

The other way is the opposite. It starts with me thinking I can issue a command and have it obeyed and that should be the extent of my involvement. Every time he needs redirecting my frustration level grows because I'm not suppose to have to intervene - I said "do it" and that should have been it. I choose to turn it into a battle of wills and to take his inability to complete the task on my timetable as a sign of disrespect.

Which way is respectful towards the child and is more pleasant for both of us? Which way is ultimately more hands-on? Which way honors the relationship? — Susan

Of course, I kindly remind him to brush his teeth

One alternative would be to talk about his breath without going straight to the solution - I forget that myself and tend to go straight to solutions. After all, my solutions are fabulous! Why wouldn't anyone just want me to tell them what to .... oh, oops.

Part of supporting autonomy is giving our kids the space to think of some of those fabulous solutions on their own - the other part is then being willing to help them problem-solve if those "solutions" aren't exactly what they hoped. To use a montessori truism: "kids learn to make decisions by making decisions" and that includes less than successful decisions, so they can experience the whole process with our support backing them up, and helping them figure out the "what now"? parts.

So, again I remind him to please brush his teeth. Sometimes, this happens several times.

Try starting the conversation in a different place - hey, guy, your breath is pretty stinky in the morning, but toothbrushing seems to be a hassle for you... can we find a better solution? If he's not used to this kind of problem solving (if mom jumps to solutions, why should he be?) he might need some prompting. Can you set up the toothbrushing somewhere different? Can y'all look into mouth rinses for first thing in the morning? Gum? A tongue scraper? Maybe y'all could look into some of the causes of bad-breath together and find yet more possibilities - like a change of night-time snacks, or more humidity in the bedroom or a nasal rinse? There are dozens of possible solutions to morning breath and creating a healthier mouth environment.

I suppose I could give up on working with him

Sometimes a break is a valuable solution to explore. Its good to "red flag" situations where you seem to come up with only two options, though. That's often a good sign that you've gotten stuck in your thinking - and a good opportunity to go to your kids and say "hey, I can't figure this one out, lets put our heads together". And if that doesn't work, well, that's one of the things these boards are great for - seeing a bunch of different perspectives and possibilities. — Meredith

Actually, this [teeth rotting because of not brushing] is not true. Tooth rot has more to do with a genetic roll of the dice than care. I am 36 yrs old and have on paper taken horrible care of my teeth. As a child I did not brush for MONTHS. Even now, I do not brush twice a day (mostly because I have mouth ulcers and at times it's too painful to brush.) I have NO cavities. No rot, no periodontal disease. Both my brothers take much better care of their teeth but they have tons of fillings. I really think it's just a matter of chance. So as uptight as I am about everything else still on tooth brushing I sort of leave it alone. I remind every now and again "Hey, have you brushed your teeth lately?" But I don't ever bug them about it.

You can give other things a try...toothbrushes that make music, light up, bubblegum toothpaste. Offer different options perhaps. Also gauze on a finger tip works too. Not as good as a brushing but better than nothing. — Karen Swanay

Absolutely. My grandmother used to say, "You either got good spit or bad spit." I brush my teeth after every meal. I even carry a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse and have been know to give myself a quick brush in the car. Last year I had to have 4 root canals and 3 cavities fixed! My husband usually brushes once a day, sometimes twice and very seldom has any problems. I can only remember him having one cavity in the last 10 years. My dd was tremendously influenced by our last trip to the dentist. He is very good with children and took the time to show her with a plastic model how to brush most effectively. He talked to her on her level and explained all about dental care. I have also been able to find cute little books about dental care that my kids enjoyed. This helped a great deal. Sometimes if we are going out I will ask them if they remembered to brush and try to remind them before bed but other than that I don't worry too much about it. My own experiences have shown me that it doesn't make a whole lot of difference in how many dental problems a person has. — Aubrey

I do agree with you by the way. I have one cavity and have not taken the best care of my teeth. My father is the same way, and I'm pretty sure genetically I got his teeth. Both of my girls are adopted. My 9 year old has the worst teeth ever. I lost count a long time ago on the number of cavities she has. We go to the dentist every six months and she has anywhere from 2-4 cavities every time, and she DOES brush her teeth. Now my 7 year old is the one that does not brush her teeth. She only has 1 cavity so far, but really I have no history on how her birth parents teeth were. — Kelly

I've made teeth brushing a priority. I've never forced it, EVER. I've only made it fun and since I model good oral hygiene habits myself, they seem to be fine with it. I've had at least 4 friends whose children (all of whom were under the age of three) had to be put under to have cavities filled. One girl's teeth were literally crumbling out of her mouth. None of these parents practiced consistent toothbrushing. If my child starts to resist teethbrushing? Well, I guess I'll have to lighten up a bit and hope for the best. I'd buy different kinds of toothbrushes (electric do a better job in a shorter time), and toothpastes. I'd hope they'd go to the dentist so they'd get cleaned good at least twice a year! I'd continue to model good oral hygiene habits. — Kendrah

For us, DS would sometimes comment on my (or DH's) "morning breath" by saying our breath was "hot" and we'd go brush. So, when his breath gets "hot", I'll mention it and ask if he wants help or wants to do it himself (he's 9). I think that's another big area of the situation too - just because a child is 6 or 7 or 8 or whatever doesn't mean they "have to" brush on their own by themselves in the bathroom. Sometimes we've had three tiered brushing action with DS, then me looking over him into the mirror and DH looking over my head (which usually occasions lots of silliness BTW). Often, DS will request I do the brushing for him, so I do. Sometimes we'll take the toothbrush, a small cup of water to rinse and another cup to spit into (and a small washcloth) into the other room and brushing occurs while watching TV. Sometimes brushing doesn't occur before bed and after breakfast but at other times of the day when there's a convenient 'pause' in the activity level of the day and that's cool too. — Deb

One thing I did was buy the ACT fluoride treatment, which they like to use, and I feel like at least they're strengthening their teeth even if they don't brush as well. Eating apples and cheese is supposed to be good, as well as a glass of water after meals. We also play dentist where we take turns brushing each other's teeth. I'll just say that it's been a while and ask if they want to play dentist. We've also experimented with brushes and pastes. For while, Breanna would let us use a washcloth to clean her teeth, it works as well without all the overwhelming sensory issues of the hundred bristles and toothpaste flavor. — Melissa

There are things you can do besides actually brushing teeth: use Dr. Ray's Spiffies tooth wipes. These are individually foil-wrapped wet wipes for teeth that have xylitol in them. My younger ones chew them like gum and then spit them out. The great thing about these is you can carry them around with you - she can clean her teeth whenever she gets the urge.

She can also rinse her mouth with a baking soda or xylitol wash. Some foods, such as cheese, are good for teeth. She can chew xylitol gum or eat xylitol mints.

Half of our family (my sons and I) have the strep mutans bacteria that causes early childhood caries (ECC). My sons both had partial bridges by the time they were two. By the time my youngest was two, he had 6 teeth pulled and had two lower molar crowns. I could visibly see the teeth dissolving over a two week period. I brush, floss, and still was going in for a cavity repair every month or two.

One of the changes we made was to brush before instead of after eating. The bacteria must come in contact with carbohydrates to acidify; even brushing immediately after eating allows the bacteria to acidify. By brushing before eating one removes the bacterial plaque, which takes twenty-four hours to recolonize. We also eat foods to remineralize our teeth and take cod liver oil, and use xylitol toothpaste and products.

My youngest has not had a single cavity in two years. One eye tooth that had begun calcifying when we made our changes - has not progressed AT ALL into any decay.

We do not have any resistance to tooth brushing, is just part of our routine like washing hands after using the bathroom. We keep toothbrushes in the kitchen, the bathroom, and the car, for convenience. My boys lay on the bed at night and "mommy robot" brings the robot brush - or they are frozen and the tooth brush unfreezes them - whatever game they invent, I will do. — Shannon

My youngest has some sensory issues and doesn't like brushing very often. He also has teeth that aren't especially healthy. We found this mouthwash that has xylitol and no alcohol, so he loves it. We also keep baking soda around..... — Ren

I have one kid who neglected his teeth a lot and rarely gets a cavity. I have another who is a good brusher and has had lots and lots of dental issues starting when she was two. It does seem to be a bit of a roll of the dice. Some things that helped here: I offer a small piece of cheddar cheese at bed time to help remedy the PH of her mouth. My kids like it and it is a really good way to keep the acid down. Also, there are so many cool toothbrushes and flavors of toothpaste and stuff, now and then we all go get new ones. It's always fun. In fact we were at Target today and we each got a new fancy spinning toothbrush and I bought a different flavor paste for each kid. I spent more than I normally would but they all had a blast and they were excited to try it out when we got home. — Krisula

Someone, I can't remember who, suggested: Let the child brush your teeth. Then ask if you can brush his. Be okay if he says no. — Joyce

From: Joyce Fetteroll's answer to Do you think it is important to teach children how to be responsible for their dental routines? at Quora.