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#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!
oatbugs
ยท
1 month
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year
#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire
#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f
#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl
#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what
#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and
#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!
#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after
#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that ๐ . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to
#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me
#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother
#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids
#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo
#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up ๐คทโโ๏ธ
#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd
#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared ๐ but he potentially agreed so idk
#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date
#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a
#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay
#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK
#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl
#like is that even doable
#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much
#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us
#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x
#but it would be soooo funny
#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed
#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x
#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like
#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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