#from michigan's perspective he still has no fucking idea what had happened

[kivaember]

Soooooo, Walter and Michigan….. who’s what in the relationship…?

who's what what? :ua

if you're asking who's the top or bottom, then it's like, well. neither of them really. they're both switches, though Walter's the more assertive in what he wants and his boundaries, while Michigan is very much a "go with the vibe" kinda guy. walter does get fucked more on average tho than michigan, but that's just bc sometimes he wants to lie down and stop thinking about The Horrors (the possible future of the Coral assimilating all of humanity) for a bit by Michigan giving him multiple religious experiences.

actually im just gonna ramble in general about their relationship in apv-verse here: HOO BOY DOES MICHIGAN DO ALL OF THE EMOTIONAL HEAVYLIFTING HERE. the guy's a total jarhead, but even he possesses enough emotional intelligence to semi-seriously navigate a relationship while walter's just a complete dumpster fire of a mess crammed underneath an impenetrable shell of :|

saying that they actually work out fine.... which was exactly why walter ended up running off from ganymede for his ~mission~ bc he got spooked over how comfortable he was getting with michigan and how he was thinking less and less about his future plans to burn the coral and more what his life in general would be like.

moving on??? in this fucked up house??? not on walter's watch.

when michigan ran into him again on rubicon, they hadn't seen each other in like, well over 20 years at least with minimal contact. michigan just found it funny how little walter had changed... and kind of depressing.

[mego42]

while I was not specifically prompted, @foxmagpie posted a fic request that made my brain go hmmmmmmmm, so I went ahead and pretended it was a prompt for me because I do what I want.

i want to read a fic from rio’s POV of 2.10 when annie reached out to him both because i think annie trying to arrange a business proposition would be hilarious but also because i suspect that rio thought beth was either orchestrating things or that it would be a way to get her back and i wanna get in his head about it

can we meet

All in all, it's a pretty standard text. Rio could probably scroll through his phone and find at least 15 others at any given point. More if he didn't dump his phones every week or two. Even more if he didn't have Mick filtering most of the bullshit for him. 

But that's the thing, he does have Mick, which means when these kinds of texts make it all the way to him, he knows who they're from and what they want. The problem here is he doesn't know who the fuck this is or what they want or, most importantly, how the fuck they got this number. 

And that last part especially is a big enough fuckin' problem that he shuts his laptop and scoops up his phone, swiping through to call and see who it is. 

"Hello?"

He doesn't immediately recognize the voice that picks up, though it pings something. He waits, still not saying anything, figurin' he'll either place it, or they'll give themselves away. It's fuckin' unbelievable the kind of shit people will say if he just keeps his mouth shut and waits 'em out. 

"Is this…" The voice trails off, and he's right on the cusp of placin' it, can feel a face bubbling to the surface when it continues in a whisper. "Gang friend?"

The fuckin' sister. 

Rio's mouth snaps shut so hard it sends a pang through his jaw, and he's pretty sure she heard his teeth click together over the phone. 

There are motherfuckers who would kill—hell, who have killed—for his number, and here's this suburban bopper callin' him up like she can summon him or some shit. Like she has the right.

And isn't that just like Elizabeth, makin' her sister call? After her pretty little fuckin' speech, that prim, butter wouldn't melt it's over, leavin' his cut on the goddamn nightstand like he was some kind of hired help. 

His phone case creaks, giving slightly under the force of his grip, and he forces himself to relax. He leans back in his chair, drumming his fingers on his desk, tryin' to figure out how he wants to play this.  

He fuckin' knew it. 

He's not about to pretend the victory isn't at least a little sweet underneath the bitter rage just thinking 'bout their stalemate brings to the surface. He knew Elizabeth wasn't gonna walk away. She couldn't, she didn't have it in her. 

It isn't enough, though, knowing he was right. It's barely a dent, a scratch, a fuckin' scuff in the debt she owes him, the mountain of shit he's gonna make her pay for.

"Hello?"

He hasn't said anything yet, and it's makin' the sister antsy, he can tell. There's a static, scratching noise, and he realizes she's put her thumb over the speaker or something because he can hear what she says next, but it's muffled. 

"Are you sure this is the right number?"

Something in him bottoms out—he's not exactly tryin' too hard to identify what. The bright, bitter flair of satisfaction's gone as quickly as it came, leaving a dark, hollow space behind. 

The sister's actin' out then, going rogue. Elizabeth knows damn well what his number is. She hasn't exactly been too shy 'bout usin' it whenever she needs a payday loan. Or other services for that fuckin' matter. 

He can't help but laugh at that, but it's a harsh, biting sound. The audacity must be genetic. 

"Okay, now I know you're there. Stop being a dick."

He should hang the fuck up, now that he knows who it is. Hang up, block the number, forget all about that bitch and the sister. It's probably the smartest thing to do, all told. 

Except. Except she fuckin' owes him, and Rio hasn't gotten to the top by letting debts go unanswered. 

"What?" He asks, giving the t an edge sharp enough to cut. 

There's a pause. "What like you didn't hear me, or what like what do I want?"

Rio adjusts a potted bromeliad's alignment on the corner of his desk, running a finger along the edge of one of the tall, spikey leaves. Mick had dropped it on his desk one day with no fanfare, only snide commentary about Rio needing to take a vacation, and maybe this'll get him thinkin' 'bout it.

The annoying part is, it's not like the disrespectful fucker's wrong. Rio knows damn well he's let himself get far too twisted up in Elizabeth's bullshit. Offerin' to deal with her problems, lettin' her get away with all kinds of amateur hour bullshit like bringing her fuckin' kids on drops. He never should've let her strong-arm him into cuttin' her in. It's not like she's the first person to try, should've dealt with her like he would anyone else, string her up and don't give her the option to not tell him where his shit is. 

Hell, further back than that, he never should've followed her into that motherfuckin' bathroom. Should've kept it business, should've never found out how soft those miles of pale skin really are, how far that delicate pink flush can spread, how unexpectedly dark and rich she tastes.

Disgusted with himself, he shoves up out of his chair, pacing around the tiny, concrete floors of the control room currently serving as his office in long, loping strides.

He should take a week. Tie things up, take Marcus to Disneyland, or some shit. Get some fuckin' distance. Perspective. 

"Hello?"

Now the sister sounds like she's getting annoyed, and Rio's really gotta do somethin' about the two of them runnin' 'round actin' like he's someone they can get away with not takin' seriously. Like he's some sort of pet. Defanged. Declawed. Fuckin' neutered. 

"Get to the point."

"I mean, I kind of did in the message." 

Rio can hear some kind of groan or somethin' from the background. Probably the friend. She was the only one of the three of them who ever seemed to really get what kind of waters they were swimming in. How deep they were and what kind of monsters lurked beneath the surface.

"Yeah, that ain't really how we do things."

"I know, I...look—" He has to yank the phone away from his ear when she sighs, loud as shit, right into it. "Something...I mean, um. I know Beth quit, but, uh…"

He tunes her out, the way she's going, she'll be stutterin' her way around to her point about a half an hour from now. 

She wants a fuckin' favor, a hookup. They always do. Not just these bitches but everyone. Once you're at the top, all people want is a piece; it's only a matter of whether or not they're gonna beg for it or try to take it. Every now and then, they try to earn it. 

It’s one of the things he'd liked best about Elizabeth from the jump. Yeah, sure, she was arrogant as shit, struttin' 'round in those heels like she understood the rules the world played by. Like she could twist anything and everything' round her pretty little fingers and get away with whatever the fuck she wanted as long as she batted those big, blue eyes just right. 

But she was willin' to work for it. She might’ve expected to be awarded a piece just because she worked hard and that was the fair exchange for her effort. And isn’t that a trip? The idea of livin’ in a world where fair meant somethin’. Still, that didn’t mean she wasn’t gonna get down in the dirt and scrap for it. 

Her problem is—well, one of 'em, he doesn't even have enough warehouses to house 'em all—she looked out at her tidy little garden and thought that was the dirt. She didn't want to accept there's a whole other subterranean playing field underneath all of that. 

He'd seen it though, the thing with teeth and claws she had locked up inside her. It'd come out in flashes and splinters, peaking through the bars of the cage she kept it in, eyes flashing, tail lashing, and he couldn't help it, the urge to see what would happen if he pulled its tail. Let it loose. 

Rio stops pacing, coming to a halt in front of one of the huge paneled windows in the exterior wall of his office, leaning up against the edge and looking out. The panes are dingy, giving his view of the Michigan winter sky a bleak, barren cast. Not that it needed any more of one. This warehouse sits on the edge of a train yard, the miles of rust and concrete below reaching out towards the horizon. All grey and dirty red, broken up by the occasional patch of strangled grass or vibrant streaks of neon tags left behind to defiantly mark the artists’ passing. 

"...I guess what I'm saying is, you know, you still have options in this, um, market. If you catch my drift. I'm hoping that we can figure a way to continue this mutually beneficial arrangement…"

The sister's still going, so he ticks through his options. 

He'd have preferred Elizabeth came crawling back all on her own. That'd be ideal. He hadn't decided yet if he'd initially shut her out, make her work for reentry, and then make her pay, or go straight to the main event. It would've depended on the circumstances, what was most advantageous at the time. All good plans are flexible. He’s learned the hard way to always take contingencies into account. 

She would've, though. Come crawling back. It was only a matter of time. She's had a taste now, she'd let herself go just enough, she wasn’t gonna be able to pack herself back away in that soul-sucking suburban box of a house, of a life. Not for long.

Beyond that, there was the money. She might've thought she had enough, but four kids, three mortgages, and a moron with a talent for squandering every last thing he's given? That's a lot of financial upkeep. 

'Sides, even if she thought she was in the black, he was still keepin' tabs on all of them—it wasn't even personal, just good business, they were too new, too green, too unpredictable to go without the extra surveillance—and he knew that wasn’t the case across the board. Elizabeth might've been in an okay spot for now, but the sister and the friend sure as shit were not, and if there's one way to get Elizabeth to jump, it's come through her people. 

And on the off chance that all of that failed to come to fruition—always a possibility, she's stubborn as shit and not above gettin' into some kind of dumbass, fucked up mess to keep from backin' down—he's got his little landfill insurance policy tucked away on ice if he ever needs to really force her hand. 

"So, what do you say?" The sister‘s finally run out of steam.

Rio runs his tongue along the inside of his lower lip and tucks it in his cheek. 

Now that he’s really thinkin’ about it, this might actually be a better option than any of the ones already on the table. There's no way the sister and the friend are gonna pull some shit all the way off, not on their own. He knows how to read a room, it’s been the thing that’s kept him alive more than once, and he knows without a shadow of a doubt, the two of them aren’t half as effective on their own. They don't have Elizabeth's steely determination, her gift for spinning bullshit into gold. Not only that but there’s too much friction there. They need Elizabeth to grease their wheels. He can toss 'em some piddly shit that don't matter and let 'em get tangled up. Give 'em enough rope and all of that.

And hey, it's not like he came after her—them. If anything, he's tryin' to help. He’s givin’ them the same opportunity to earn some money, build their own side hustle. He's practically the good guy here.

The thought makes him laugh, this time like it's actually funny.

"Okay, well, thanks for that. You know, you don't have to be rude. I just thought—"

"Park. 2 pm."

"What? Oh! Seriously? Okay, great. Wow, that is...phew. That is a load off, you don't even kno—"

Rio cuts her off, locking his phone and tucking it back in his pocket, then tapping his fist against the window. 

Three seagulls are down in the warehouse parking lot fighting over scraps of something. Even all the way up here, he can hear 'em cawing, screamin', tearin' into each other for the same piece of the pie. After a minute, one of ‘em rips whatever it is away from the other two, swallows it and takes off. The others follow a beat behind, and he watches the three of ‘em fly directly overhead until the building obscure his view. 

Either Elizabeth'll come to him, or this will give him a new string to tug, somethin' he can use to yank her right back under his thumb. He'll get her right back where he wants her and then he'll— He'll—

Well. He'll just have to see. 

[staticscreenwriting]

God only knows - Billy Hargrove

A/N: I wrote this for dacremontgomerylover’s writing challenge. I chose the prompts :  “Are you ready for this?” “Ready as I’ll ever be” // “I’m in love with you, okay?!” // “I want you more than anything!”. 

It’s a bit angsty but mostly It’s cheesy fluff to make your heart all warm and fuzzy.

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

If you should ever leave me Though life would still go on, believe me The world could show nothing to me So what good would living do me God only knows what I'd be without you

Billy’s face is pulled into a frown as he stares at the black suit that hangs from the door of his wardrobe, almost mocking him. He’s supposed to be wearing it, right this moment. He’s supposed to be sitting on a table with a bunch of people he doesn’t particularly care about and listen to music he doesn’t like and drink punch that Tommy H. undoubtedly tried to spike at some point. And he’s supposed to do all that only because it makes (Y/N) happy.

But the truth is, he’s not wearing the suit and he’s not suffering through the bad music choices of the DJ at prom. And he’s not getting to see (Y/N) in her dress. The one she talked about for so long with that breathtaking sparkle in her eyes that makes the world, Billy’s world, seem just a little less shitty.

No. He’s home, alone and fucking miserable. There’s Metallica blasting through the house and a cigarette dangling from his lips and god there’s this awful feeling in his chest that he can’t really explain or understand. It feels bad though. Like someone burst open his chest and reached into it to squeeze his heart tighter and tighter every time he reminds himself of what could’ve been. What should’ve been.

He wonders what (Y/N) is doing now, if she wastes even a hint of a thought on him right now. There’s no doubt in his mind that she looks breathtaking. He knows her dress is red to match her favorite lipstick and he knows she plans on wearing her hair in big curls. She mentioned it one day when they were hanging at Starcourt and shared a serving of Cheese fries. He didn’t show it then but he listened to every word she said. He always listens. Now he wonders if letting her know, if showing her he cares would’ve made a difference.

Because that’s what got him into this whole dilemma, isn’t it ? His inability to let go of stubborn ideas, of dreams that were never dreams to begin with and open up to the one person that ever bothered to listen.

Every time he thinks back to that moment 3 weeks ago, his chest grows tighter and his hands get clammy. It makes him so unimaginably angry, at himself above all.

It was raining that day but it was friday and they spent every friday parked at the edge of the quarry looking down at the water and talking about their week or ranting about their parents or, on rare occasions, coming up with theories on how Steve Harrington’s hair managed to stay that pouffy and voluminous.

So even with the rain crashing down from the heavens, they didn’t wanna break tradition. So they went anyway and got comfortable in the car, sharing cans of coke and a pack of Reese’s Pieces while Mötley Crüe was softly playing from the car radio.

“ So, I got some really exciting news to share “ (Y/N) said and Billy could almost feel the excitement radiating off of her ever word.

“ Yuh ? “ he murmured around a handful of candy, hastily stuffed into his mouth.

“ Mh. I got accepted to University of Michigan. Dad’s super excited about it, he was so close to fainting when he hear — hey are you okay ? “

Billy still remembers the moment she said those words. His heart dropped right down to his gut and he felt both anger and sadness taking over everything.

“ That’s it then, huh ? “ he spat out, jaw tight.

“ What ? “

“ You’re going. To fucking Michigan. So that’s it for us then ? “

“ What are you talking about ? “ (Y/N) asked, confusion masking her beautiful face.

“ I’m going back to California. You know this. You knew this when you applied. “

“ I know, but this is a huge deal, Billy. This is a great opportunity. “

“ Yeah well what about Berkeley? “ his voice got louder with every word. Laced with malice and pure unfiltered betrayal. This wasn’t what they had planned was it ? It was supposed to be them by the west coast. Them in California where things are better. Where things used to be good. Not fucking Michigan.

“ I didn’t get in, okay ? They rejected me. Is that what you want to hear ? I wasn’t good enough. “ there’s another sparkle in her eyes. One of sadness and unshed tears threatening to fall any minute.

“ So ? There’s more universities there. Don’t see why it has to be one in Michigan. It’s like our plan doesn’t even fucking matter to you!  “ he knew it was unfair then. Could feel the guilt taking over his entire being and seeping through every pore. But anger was a feeling Billy was accustomed to. One he knew so well. It was easier to give into that one than face the fact that he was being unreasonable, unfair, and a huge fucking asshole.

“ What plan Billy ? “ (Y/N) asked and threw her arms up in frustration, spilling a bit of coke on the car’s leather seat. “ there is no fucking plan if it doesn’t involve a college for me to go to. All you plan is to go back. That is it. You have no perspective. There is nothing for you to go back to. And I — I would’ve done it if I could’ve. Because it makes you happy. But I need something to work towards. I need a future that doesn’t consist of just going to California and then watching what happens. I was hoping that you would be excited for me and that you would maybe consider putting the move on a hold and come with me until I’m done with university. I’ll have a degree then and an idea on how to build a future in California. Or we could do long distance until I’m done with school. Lots of people do it. . It’s not never it’s just — a little later than you were hoping for. “

In all honesty, she’s the one good thing in his life. The girl who somehow wormed herself in and never left again. The one girl he ever truly loved. But that wasn’t enough in that moment. Not enough  to fight off all the anger and frustration. All the misguided and misplaced fury. Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes anger is louder. Sometimes hurt is. Sometimes fear.

“ No. “

“ No ? You haven’t even — “

“ I said NO !” his voice rang through the car at an ear shattering volume and to him, it sounded an awful lot like the voice of his father. His blood went cold, his hands went clammy and all Billy wanted then, was to turn back time to when things with (Y/N) were easy. When he could still fool himself into thinking that things would work themselves out in the end and ignore the fact that his idea for the future was hazy at best and that asking of her to go with it, was absolutely selfish.

“ So that’s it ? California or nothing ? California or break up entirely ? “ her voice was soft and quiet and he could tell just how close she was to crying. And he hated himself for that, he still hates himself for that.

He didn’t respond with words then, just shrugged his shoulders like the stubborn baby he was, he is. He didn’t want to break up, god no. He loves this girl and even if he never told her that it was in all he did. In the way he didn’t hate going to school. In how he picked her up for class every morning. How he was comfortable just sitting with her and talking. How he told her about his mom. About his dad. In kisses and touches and hushed words when the night was young and quiet.

But he had always had this idea of the future, that he would go back to California as soon as possible and once he returned, things would magically solve themselves. Things would be better. Good even. He never once thought about giving up that plan, that dream of a future that seemed an awful lot like a lie. But it was a comfortable lie. One he liked to believe in.

One that didn’t terrify him as much as the idea of going to Michigan did. Even if that involved her.

“ Guess that’s it. Ball’s in your court “ He didn’t even dare look at her then. Just hearing the tears in her voice. The sadness. The unmistakable sniffles coming from his right, were enough to break his heart. Seeing it would’ve absolutely killed him.

“ Wow, “ she sighed followed by another sniffle “ I can’t believe this. You expect me to give up a secure future. A place at a university that means a lot to my family. For what ? Being a little housewife while you do one odd job after another pretending that all is well. Like being in California magically fixes every problem we have. It doesn’t work like that Billy. If I come, I’ll just be miserable. “

He knew this. Knew that every word she was saying was right. And yet, he was too stubborn to admit it. To her and to himself.

“ For me. You’d give it up for me. “

From the corner of his eyes could see her shaking her head and taking a deep, shaky breath “ No Billy. I’d end up absolutely hating you. “

The next words were some of the hardest he ever had to say and yet they slipped off his tongue as if they were nothing. As if they didn’t change anything.

“ Guess that’s it then. Get out of the car !“

And it was then, that he looked at her for the first time since their fight had started. And despite the tears running down her face and her hair being all messed up from combing her fingers through it in frustration, he thought she was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. To finally face all that he was giving up for selfish reasons, made him realize just how shit of a person he really was. And maybe people had been right all along. Neil. People at school. All of them. Billy Hargrove was an asshole. A liability. He broke things. Good things. The best things. He had actively and on his own accord, broken the one thing, the one person he loved most in the world. And he deserved all the shit that was coming to him. The anger. The pain. The heartbreak.

She didn’t respond, just shook her head, grabbed her bag and opened the door. As she stepped into the rain, Billy could see her jeans getting soaked in the matter of seconds and clinging to her legs. If this had been a movie, he would’ve gotten out of the car and ran up to her. Give her some grand gesture, some romantic speech about how much he loves her and use a lot of big words. He would’ve kissed her and the camera would’ve panned away with some sappy song playing in the background.

But this wasn’t a movie and if it had been, Billy sure wouldn’t have been the hero.

Billy’s face is pulled into a frown as he stares at the black suit that hangs from the door of his wardrobe, almost mocking him. He’s supposed to be wearing it, right this moment. But he’s not and it’s because he fucked up.

His eyes glance towards the ticket placed on his bedside table. The one (Y/N) had bought for him in hopes of spending prom together. The one she’d given him with that huge signature smile on her face.

He wonders if she’s having a good time, if she’s smiling that way now. If today is just another stop on her path to greatness. Because despite it all, Billy thinks she’s destined for greatness and he’s insanely proud of her. And if he wasn’t such a stubborn ass he’d admit to the fact that she deserves so much more than an uncertain future in a state that was never home to her with someone like him. And if he wasn’t such an ass he’d admit to himself that that state won’t be home for him either. No matter the memories. None of what made it home is still there. His mom is dead. His grandparents are dead. There’s no love there. And he actively fucked up the one chance of taking his love there with him.

There’s no love in California but there is love here.

He looks at the photo stuck in the corner of his mirror. It’s of (Y/N) and him and it was taken on his 18th birthday. She was the only one to remember. But that didn’t matter. She was the only person that Billy wanted to spend it with anyway. She’s smiling in the picture as Billy tries to look grumpy about the fact that she’s placed some silly birthday hat on his head. There’s a smirk hidden in the corner of his lips though. Because she makes things happy and worth it. Even the dumb shit. Even the silly stuff.

And it’s then that Billy realizes that all his dreams of the future have two things in common, her and California. But dreaming of them now, without her, feels hollow and dull. And maybe it’s not the place that’s home anymore, that’s happiness, maybe it’s her.

-OOO-

A cheesy Spandau Ballet song echoes through the halls of Hawkins High. (Y/N) hates it for several reasons.

1: It’s a shitty song.

2: it makes for a great song to cuddle with your date on the dancefloor.

And when usually she isn’t one to be envious of other couples, tonight she might as well turn green all over.

This was supposed to be a good night. A night filled with dancing and fun and kisses and dreams of a future with Billy.

But it’s none of that. It’s just a reminder of all the things she doesn’t have. And despite knowing that choosing university, choosing a proper path in life, was the right choice, it doesn’t make her heart hurt any less.

So she slumps down on one of the bleachers, cup of punch in hand and frown on her face. The red tulle of her dress surrounds her like a cloud of red cotton candy.

“ You know you’re supposed to be having fun right ? “

It’s his voice that sends shivers down her spine and makes her heart beat twice as fast.

When she turns towards him, he’s not in a suit but in his signature jeans and white shirt but it’s buttoned all the way up for once and he’s wearing the red tie she bought him that matches the color of her dress perfectly. He looks delicious and it makes her angry. He doesn’t get to break up with her, kick her out of his car, not answer any calls and effectively break her heart and then — and THEN have the audacity to show up here and look like a young god.

“ Nah. You don’t get to do this “ she says and stands up and rushes off. Nowhere in particular just — just away from Billy.

But Billy is sneaky and … fast. (Y/N) doesn’t even realize he’s caught up to her by the time she feels his warm hand softly grabbing onto her arm and spin her around.

When she gets a good look at his face, it’s filled with so many emotions it’s hard to place them all. Billy isn’t usually one to show his feelings. He’s guarded and reserved and the only emotions he really puts on show are anger and lust. And sure, there have been moments when he allowed himself to be vulnerable. When he shared other emotions with her. Sadness and joy and all the things inbetween. Those are the moments that made her fall in love with him in the first place. Those are the moments that are so hard to forget now that she never gets to tell him how much she truly adores him.

“ (Y/N) stop running. “ he says and she’s this close to ripping him a new one. But there’s something in his voice that makes her stop. He seems — he seems sorry. Genuinely. And that’s not something she’s used to. Billy is stubborn and hard headed. He never says sorry.

“ What ? Why are you here, Billy ? “

“ To see you “ his hand lets go of her arm but slowly wanders down towards her hand, softly holding onto her fingers.

“ Yeah well you did. Now can you leave me alone ? You made it abundantly clear that we’re over. “

“ Wasn’t sure you were gonna be here “

“ Oh what, just because you didn’t want to come doesn’t meant I can’t go by myself. Isn’t that the same sentiment you’re going for with the California thing ? “

She says it to hurt him, deliberately. And it’s not fair but (Y/N) is sure whatever he’s feeling doesn’t even come close to the heartbreak he’s put her through. Ever since that night she’s been questioning everything. All the good moments. Was it really worth it? Did she really mean that little to him? Maybe it’s good she never told him how she felt. Maybe — maybe that would’ve completely ruined her.

“ I deserved that one “

“ You think ? Billy I — please just tell me if all we had was just you trying to pass the time. If all I was to you was a distraction until you could finally go home to California. “

His face falls and for a moment she regrets asking. But not knowing would’ve never let her mind go to ease ever again. Some things need to be said, no matter how hard the truth might hit you.

“ Never. Fuck, (Y/N). You were the only good thing in my life. You ARE the only good thing in my life. I don’t want you to think that for one single second. Not one goddamn second, you got me ? “

The tears are threatening to fall, again. It just doesn’t make sense.

“ Why are you here, Billy ? “

“ I’m in love with you, okay ? And I know I fucked up but I needed you to know that. “

His voice is raised and (Y/N) notices him getting more and more uncomfortable as the people around them take notice of their conversation.

And yet it doesn’t lessen the intensity of his words. Or change anything about the way he looks at her. Billy isn’t a person who does grand romantic gestures, especially not in public.

But he does this. Tell her he loves her in a room full of their classmates and he doesn’t waver or look away. He’s there in the moment and it’s all she ever wanted from him.

“ You love me ? “

“ Fuck yeah. I’m sorry I ever made you feel like I didn’t. “ Billy says and pulls her closer, cradling her face in his hand.

“ You look beautiful by the way. Smokin’ if I’m being honest. Like if Michelle Pfeiffer had a child with — I don’t fucking know, but you look incredible. “

“ You’re wearing the tie “.

“ I’m wearing the tie “

His lips are so close to hers she can feel his breath on her skin. And she wants to kiss him so badly, but no sweet words or love declarations suddenly make their problems go away. The fact still stands that her future doesn’t lie in California, at least not for now.

“ Billy ? “ (Y/N) says and pulls away slightly.

“ Hm ? “

“ Let’s get out of here. The music sucks. Tommy did a horrible job at spiking the punch and — “ she stops and looks around them for a moment, making all the nosy classmates around the avert their eyes “ — I think the people here are way too much into other people’s business. “

And he agrees, but not before pressing a soft peck to her lips. Because he’s still Billy Hargrove and if he’s presented with a chance to kiss his girl, even if it’s just a whisper of a touch, he’s gonna take it.

-OOO-

“ You’re a sight for sore eyes “

“ Oh shut up “

There it is again, that smile that he loves so much. He always thought telling her he loves her, actually saying those words, would be hard. That it would fundamentally change things.

It wasn’t and it didn’t. It just slipped out and it took a big weight off of his shoulders. Because whatever comes now, at least she knows how much she truly means to him.

It’s not fundamentally different it’s just — lighter. Easier. He always thought that saying the words out loud would make it harder for him to leave her. That’s not true. It just makes it easier to stay.

(Y/N) is perched on the red leather booth of the diner, across from him. Tull pooling around her like marshmallow fluff. There’s a greasy burger clutched in her hand and she’s smiling. God how he missed her smile.

“ I got you something. I got it last week and I was so close to coming around your but then I — “

“ You chickened out ? “ she asks and smirks.

“ Nah. I don’t chicken out of anything. You know this babe. I just— something came up. “

“ Like what ? “ (Y/N) questions and raises her eyebrow in suspicion.

Like my nerves. He thinks, but doesn’t say.

“ Like Tommy. Idiot locked himself out of his car. Had me pick the lock. “

And it’s not a lie. Not really. He did pick Tommy’s lock, just not that day.

“ How noble of you. “

“ Anyway — “ Billy starts again and fumbles around with his keys for a moment before placing something on the table in front of (Y/N).

“ A key chain ? “

“ Look at it. “

It’s a blue key chain with a bold yellow M on it. As (Y/N) realizes what it actually means, her heart starts beating a mile a minute.

“ It’s a Michigan key chain. Did you — did you drive up to campus ? That’s quite the drive, Billy. “

Billy nods “ Yup. Well I had to check out our future home. It looks nice up there. Pretty fancy. Heard they got some good bars. It’s better than Hawkins for sure. “

“ What are you saying ? “

There’s a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips and (Y/N) thinks it makes him look younger than he usually looks. Almost bashful. Softer. She wishes he would give her more smiles like this.

“ I got a matching one. “

“ Are you saying that you’re considering moving up there, with me ? “

Billy bites his lip and nods, waiting anxiously for her reaction.

And when it does come, it hits him full force. Right in his heart and swallows him whole. That smile. That goddamn smile that has him hooked. Line and sinker.

“ Billy, what about California ? I don’t want you to give up your dreams for me. If it’s what you really want I think we could make it work in one way or another. “

Billy just shakes his head though “ No, (Y/N). I want California yeah. But that’s a place and it can fucking wait for us. They ain’t ready for us anyway. I want you more than anything. Those three weeks where I didn’t have you around made me realize that I don’t want a future anywhere if it doesn’t include you. We’re gonna make Michigan our fucking bitch. “

There’s a smile on his face so big, (Y/N) doesn’t think she’s ever seen him smile that hard. She thinks it’s her favorite sight of all time.

It’s when the sounds of God Only Knows by the Beach Boys stars sounding through the diner, that Billy gets up and holds out his hand to (Y/N) who raises her eyebrow in question.

“ I think I owe you a dance, don’t I ? “

“ You hate dancing. “

“ I also hate ties and buttoning up my shirts and yet here I am. You wanna do this or not ? “

(Y/N) take a last sip of her soda before getting up and being pulled into Billy’s arms.

To have him hold her tight and sway with her, it when she realizes how much she missed this boy. Flaws and issues and all, he’s her boy. Her Billy.

“ I can’t wait to start this journey with you. “ (Y/N) murmures as her head rests against his shoulder.

“ I’m so proud of you, (Y/N). I know I didn’t say it when I should have but you’re — you’re so cool. Pretty sure you’re the only person with an ass almost as good as mine. And you — you make life seem less shit which is really all I can ask for. “

“ I love you Billy Hargrove “

It’s the first time he hears those words from anyone that isn’t his mother. There’s no way to properly express just how they make him feel.

Being loved is terrifying but he thinks it might just be worth it.

“ And I love you. “

“ Are you ready for this ? “ she asks, a gentle expression on her face and endless adventure sparkling in her eyes.

“ Ready as I’ll ever be. “

And it’s true. Nothing has ever felt more true in his life except maybe the fact that he’s in love with her.

Billy doesn’t know what’s gonna happen. He doesn’t know if things will work out. What he does know though, is that he loves her and that a future without her seems really fucking boring and miserable.

But that’s not a future he’ll have to face anytime soon.

She’s here in his arms and as her lips softly meet his, he can’t wait for more moments like these. In Indiana or Michigan or California. It doesn’t matter as long as they’re together.

And maybe sometimes love is enough to overcome the pain and the hurt and the fear.

And maybe sometimes life gives you a moment when it does feel like a movie.

And maybe sometimes even someone like Billy Hargrove gets to be the hero in that scene.

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

sarahf (Sarah Frostenson, politics editor): From the launch of his campaign to stump speeches on the trail, former Vice President Joe Biden is running on the idea that President Trump and his administration are an aberration. “This is not the Republican Party,” Biden recently told a crowd in Iowa. But some pundits, party operatives and other 2020 candidates think Biden’s stance is shortsighted and argue that Trump’s presidency is a symptom of a much bigger problem in the GOP.

So how much of an aberration is Trump? He has challenged norms and democratic values while in office, but Republicans have largely declined to break rank. Does this mean that Trump’s candidacy was just a reflection of the direction the party was already headed in?

natesilver (Nate Silver, editor in chief): Can you draw a through-line between Trump and the Republicans that came before him? Sure, yeah. I’m not sure it’s a particularly linear through-line, though.

Something can be in line with a trend but still be an outlier. Home runs are way up in baseball this year, but if someone winds up finishing the season with 83 home runs, that’s still an outlier. Climate change makes heat extremes much more likely, but if it’s 105 degrees in Boston in May, that’s still an outlier.

matt.grossmann (Matt Grossmann, political science professor at Michigan State University and FiveThirtyEight contributor): And the tendency for Republicans to get behind their president is actually one area of continuity. Republicans trust government consistently more under Republican presidents, often dramatically reversing course after a Democratic president.

julia_azari (Julia Azari, political science professor at Marquette University and FiveThirtyEight contributor): But at what point does it make sense to characterize something as an outlier? For example, people often point to the “Access Hollywood” tape or Trump’s remarks about the appearance of women, or his statements about immigrants as instances of norm violation. If you look at American history, racism and sexism aren’t unfamiliar themes, but it is unusual, especially in the modern era, for them to be so front and center.

nrakich (Nathaniel Rakich, elections analyst): Some Republican politicians were proto-Trumps. Think former Maine Gov. Paul LePage or Iowa Rep. Steve King. The rise of the tea party foregrounded a lot of Republicans who were saying outrageous things. And I don’t know if we want to count dog whistles, like the Willie Horton ad.

julia_azari: I would count those dog whistles and point out that Democrats were not immune to the temptations of making these kinds of appeals in that era either.

natesilver: Well, you can’t really characterize it as an outlier until you see where the next couple of data points line up, Julia. Which is why my basic meta-argument is that people are way too confident about this question, in either direction.

But that’s why I like the baseball or climate change analogy. Boston might be many times more likely to have a 105-degree day now than it was 50 years ago. That doesn’t mean it’s the new normal, however.

julia_azari: Of course we can’t know if Trump is the new normal yet. But I am not satisfied with this answer. I think we can and should have some sort of metric for whether his presidency is truly out of step with trends or historical patterns.

perry (Perry Bacon Jr., senior writer):

In New Hampshire, Joe Biden predicts that once President Trump is out of office, Republicans will have “an epiphany” and work with Democrats toward consensus.

— Sahil Kapur (@sahilkapur) May 14, 2019

So this is the core question to me.

Does Biden actually believe this? Or is he just saying it because swing voters might like it?

sarahf: Right. On the question of whether Trump is an aberration, a lot of what we’re asking, I think, is whether a “return to normalcy” is even possible. Within the Democratic Party, there is a perception that former President Barack Obama spent years trying to compromise with congressional Republicans and that those efforts often fell flat — Merrick Garland’s thwarted nomination to the Supreme Court is an example these folks point to. And so now it’s a question of whether Democratic voters actually think bipartisanship can still work. Biden is clearly running on a platform that he thinks it can.

julia_azari: The normalcy Biden describes was never a thing.

perry: Do you think Biden is being sincere? Biden’s comment was almost exactly what Obama said in 2012 about how his victory would break the fever of GOP opposition, and Obama was totally wrong, of course. I was shocked that Biden said something that seemed so obviously clueless, but it might fit with his electoral strategy.

natesilver: I think Biden is being sincere, for what it’s worth. He came up in an era of relatively high comity and bipartisanship in the Senate.

nrakich: And Biden is friends with many Republicans in the Senate, like Lindsey Graham. It makes sense that he thinks he can woo them to his side.

But also a President Biden would probably need to get buy-in from only a few Republican senators in order to pass his agenda and get this “bipartisanship” thing to work.

I don’t think even Biden thinks he will convince a majority of the GOP caucus to vote for his policies.

matt.grossmann: Biden was the primary Democrat involved in cutting three separate budget deals with Mitch McConnell under Obama (going in wildly different directions), so he may have little reason to believe it can’t still be done. Believe it or not, most new laws are still bipartisan, and majority parties are getting no better at enacting their agenda.

sarahf: The McConnell whisperer!

julia_azari: Ha. From a strategic perspective, maybe it makes sense. It could be that people in the primary electorate are thinking more “I would like to get something done, and maybe Biden can do it” than “fuck the other party.” I’m not sure how any of the other Democratic presidential candidates think they will get their big policy ideas through a GOP-controlled Senate.

nrakich: I do think Biden has the best chance of striking deals with a GOP Senate. It’s just that people are overestimating how big of a difference he would make. Biden might be able to convince three GOP senators to vote with him. A President Tulsi Gabbard might be able to convince zero.

natesilver: TuLsI GaBBaRd hAs BiPaRtIsAn FrIeNdS ToO, Rakich, such as former Illinois Rep. Aaron Schock.

nrakich: Ha. That’s actually true — lots of Republicans are outspoken about how much they like Gabbard, so maybe she was a bad example.

But FWIW, according to a March poll from Quinnipiac University, Democrats said 52 percent to 39 percent that they would prefer a candidate who mostly works with Republicans rather than one who mostly stands up to them.

julia_azari: I just wonder if people want compromise in practice as much as in theory — and how having a divisive Republican president like Trump may have changed that.

sarahf: So, Julia, you’re saying that there might be a larger appetite now for a more combative Democratic president who is less willing to compromise?

I buy that, and I think we’re seeing that reflected in the messaging of several candidates.

julia_azari: Yeah, I think that’s a possibility. There is still this idea about building a new national consensus (at least on the Left). People think that there will be an election like 1964 or 1980 (at least, the narrative of 1980 as a landslide — Reagan won only 50.7 percent of the popular vote) and that there will be a 55 percent to 60 percent majority for a general approach to governance. But I think that’s a steep climb no matter how many rallies in the heartland or Amtrak trips through Scranton one takes.

matt.grossmann: 100 percent agree.

natesilver: I do think we have to ask how Republicans would react to Trump being defeated, by Biden or someone else.

Let’s say it’s pretty bad, for instance. The GOP loses the popular vote by 6 points, and all the major swing states go to the Democrat. Republicans lose another 15 House seats. And Democrats eke out a 51-49 Senate majority.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a one-term president, and that president (George H.W. Bush) came after Reagan had held two terms, so Republicans couldn’t feel too upset. Trump being a one-termer would be different, more analogous to Jimmy Carter.

nrakich: I’m not sure they would react that much, Nate? I feel like McConnell is just doing his thing, Trump or no.

matt.grossmann: Republicans would act like they usually do — a big backlash against the new Democratic president.

sarahf: You don’t think it matters to Republicans who the Democratic candidate is because party trumps everything?

nrakich: Sarah, I think some Republicans would prefer Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders because they’re easier to demonize (in the same way that some Democrats preferred having Trump as the GOP nominee in 2016), and some would prefer Biden because they think the country would be less ruined under a more moderate president.

natesilver: But if Trump loses, we’d be looking at the Republican nominee having lost the popular vote for the presidency in seven out of eight election cycles.

And all of this happening despite a pretty good economy.

I don’t know. I think the party might react a lot differently than in 2008 when John McCain losing was more or less inevitable.

nrakich: Maybe Republicans would come out with an autopsy report again, like they did after the 2012 election, for how they can return to relevance — and then ignore it again in 2024, like they did in 2016.

matt.grossmann: But isn’t a backlash against the new Democratic president the best way to deal with that?

julia_azari: In the past, it has mattered somewhat whether the defeat was expected, but otherwise, losing parties have reacted by building up institutions, thinking about innovation, etc. My research on election interpretation and what we have seen with 2016 and 2018 suggest to me that Republicans would try to put forth an election narrative to serve their ends. For example, after 2012, some conservative commentators on Twitter advanced this “it’s hard to compete with Santa Claus” narrative, suggesting that Democrats’ victories were because they had promised unrealistic benefits to voters, rather than that they had won based on the strength of the campaign or the ideas.

nrakich: I’m sure there would be hand-wringing, but I just don’t know if it will change Republican behavior.

McConnell will still try to make the new Democratic president impotent, and the party’s new presidential hopefuls — the Tom Cottons and Mike Pences and Nikki Haleys of the world — will still go to Iowa talking about how unfairly Trump was treated.

natesilver: I’m reallllly not sure about that, Rakich. I think a lot of Republicans would be happy to throw Trump under the bus.

nrakich: You don’t think GOP voters (as opposed to elites) would still be loyal to Trump?

And therefore that the path to the 2024 nomination for Republican hopefuls would be cozying up to him?

If Trump loses, he will certainly remain a major force in the party. He’ll keep tweeting stuff to his base, and he might even run again in 2024! The GOP might be stuck with Trump as long as he’s still alive.

natesilver: I think you’re forgetting how much presidents are treated as losers once they lose.

Hillary Clinton has become relatively unpopular among Democrats, for instance, even though there might be a lot of reasons to feel sympathetic toward her.

matt.grossmann: And would it be that hard for Pence or Haley to thread the needle? They can offer a very different style of leadership but still say they believe Trump protected America and brought about economic recovery.

julia_azari: Yeah. I think it’s possible you will see Trumpism without Trump. In my opinion, the party has moved in a Trump-y direction (although I know Matt disagrees somewhat at least on the direction).

natesilver: “Trumpism without Trump” reminds me of “Garfield minus Garfield”:

nrakich: If it’s a close election, how many Republicans will think Trump lost fair and square, though?

natesilver: Well, I’m stipulating that it won’t be a close election.

nrakich: That’s true.

natesilver: (Stipulating, not predicting, for the case of this hypothetical.)

julia_azari: Even if it’s not, I think there will be narrative delegitimizing it.

matt.grossmann: Did we ever answer the question of whether calling Trump an aberration was a good strategy for Biden? It’s very similar to what Clinton and Obama said in 2016, but it may have been an ineffective strategy then; some Democratic-leaning voters decided it meant that Trump was less conservative than the Republican Party.

julia_azari: I’ve been thinking of the question as: “Will reaching out to anti-Trump Republicans in the electorate in this way convince them to vote for the Democratic candidate?”

But as Rakich said earlier, I think the conventional wisdom might overestimate the difference between having Biden in this position relative to any of the other candidates.

natesilver: Liberals on Twitter don’t seem to like Biden’s strategy, which is a strong sign that it’s a good strategy.

I think his comments about Republicans magically deciding to compromise were dumb, but overall the “Trump is an aberration” message is liable to be fairly well-received.

After all, Democrats spend a whole ton of time talking about how Trump is historically, unprecedentedly terrible and must be curbed, impeached, etc.

julia_azari: But Democratic primary voters might see it as a signal of less animosity toward Republicans, and my rather depressing read of a rather depressing political science literature suggests that may not be all that strategic.

natesilver: I think a lot of Biden’s messages are things that will do “just fine” with primary voters but are fairly good general election messages.

matt.grossmann: “I will be able to reach out to disaffected Obama-Trump supporters” is a good argument. “We have to get things done and I’m the one to do it” is a good argument. “I will get us past this horrible era” is even a good argument. But saying positive things about Republicans might not be necessary or even helpful.

nrakich: Remember that Biden has paired his “This is not the Republican Party” with a healthy dose of “Trump is a terrible human being and the worst thing to ever happen to America and someone who should be punched in the mouth,” which probably will appeal to primary voters.

natesilver: Also, keep in mind that Biden specifically rests his case on electability.

So if, hypothetically, independents like him because he seems more reasonable and that helps to prop him up in the polls, that could make primary voters more likely to stay with him.

julia_azari: Put that way, it comes down to whether Democratic primary voters hate Trump or Republicans more.

nrakich: (I think the answer is Trump.)

natesilver: Democratic primary voters hate Trump more than the Republican Party, right?

matt.grossmann: They do, but they dislike both.

natesilver: Or maybe it’s pretty close, actually. Only 10 percent of Democrats have a favorable view of the GOP.

nrakich: So maybe they don’t think of Trump as an aberration. Maybe they don’t overthink it. Maybe they just think the Republican Party is whatever it is in the moment.

natesilver: The fact that George W. Bush’s image has been rehabilitated quite a bit is interesting. And maybe suggests that Biden is right (strategy-wise) to treat Trump as an aberration. Bush left office with a very, very low approval rating, and now a lot of people feel nostalgic for him.

nrakich: Yeah, 61 percent of Americans said they viewed Bush favorably in this 2018 poll, including 54 percent of Democrats.

matt.grossmann: Trump was perceived differently than the Republican Party in early 2016, which is often what happens in a presidential contest. Opinions of Bush became less aligned with opinions of Republicans once Trump came along. But I don’t think it will be an issue in the same way this time around: Trump is now a known quantity and opinions won’t likely change until Republicans have another nominee.

[stuffminusthings]

SomeWordsFromAMillenialTurning30InAWaySoHipsterYou’llNeverGetTo

Last year on my birthday, on my phone before I got out of bed, I read a story in the local news about an 11-year-old boy who, like me, had a birthday. Just on a different day. But his birthday came early on his clock, and with a condition that makes basic motion incredibly difficult. His family was selling lemonade to buy him a bicycle so that he could enjoy life at a speed of his own discretion.

I couldn't stop crying, so I got my things together, called my mom to find out how to get to the softball field where the lemonade stand was set up, and dropped off a fraction of a bike payment for a boy who really, really should ride like all kids should, but was maybe a bit bashful about all of the attention, and went on my way.

And now it's birthday season again, and, surprisingly I'm still in the same town.

Surprising.

Sure, in my 30 years I've lived in 8 states. From ages 18-28 I usually moved within a month of my birthday. Getting a job post-90's isn't the 90's. Spending my youth around different sets of people every few years makes moving on something I've already gotten over.

When I turned 29, I could have moved to another state again, sure. And a few months later, waking up in a different bed, I was sure I was going to have to move again to find a new job.

But it only took a few months from my birthday to find out why the boy was bashful.

It's a strange thing to spend nearly 30 years doing whatever you damn well please, and then to wake up covered in drool in a hospital needing a wheelchair with no recollection why. After spending most of my life viewing accommodations for accessibility as an excuse, I was determined to not let my injuries get in my way. Give me fentanyl, and, I know for a fact that I will be caught on foot, trying to escape the hospital hours after fracturing my pelvis in 2 places, and also my pubic bone, and my ribs, and a couple vertebrae.

But after the comedown, something hit me more powerfully than an F-150.

The millennial are the first generation in centuries to be raised before society could react to itself. We were only just barely hanging on before then. The industrial revolution changed everything. Work happens without human energy now.

But, nothing happens without energy.

Anyone offering help for energy we can't measure often receives the only tangible rewards. Sure, we're all hanging around for the after life, but if I know anything about death now, it's that it's lights out. I can't account for energy I can't understand, so I'm not going to.

Sure, you can bet on whatever you want after the lights go off, but you're only allowed to account for your own energy while reading this. Oh, you're screen is on? Guess you accounted for your own electricity. That's about how much effort you need to put into the afterlife. Oh no power?

It's not like you like reading this crap anyways.

But if you're not suddenly checking the weather...

We can create our own intelligent design by helping those around  us with the things we've already done.

I can't stand that it's been 30 fucking years and we're still selling lemonade to buy a kid a bike so he can feel the wind in his hair

There is a life to be made in caring for what you do have, not for your own sake, but for the sake of the things you are caring for.

Often times, we don't notice the things we need to care for until they need care.

It's tough to feel the need to care about anything you don't know when you go to kindergarten in Hollywood Hills.

If you look at older maps, the Negaunee, Michigan neighborhood where I played tag in at recess was Labeled “Hollywood Hills.” The modest midwest print map relics represent a lingering resentfulness between elements of the working class taken to the highest degree of sarcasm.

I love where I come from. But it takes actually standing in California and on the shores of Teal Lake to really get the joke. Otherwise it's just second hand.

And thanks to the internet, we can do anything second hand. #vanlife

Van life, if you're doing it for anything other than recreation, is fucking stupid. It gets old when you're on your fourth stint in a van and sick of the fact that it takes an hour and a half to find a safe place to take a shit in the morning. Just to start working. You were cavalier enough pissing onto the sidewalks of what was questionably marked a school zone the night before.

Tell that to anyone who hasn't had to do that yet in their van adventures, and well, they'll tell you what.

I lost my license for 6 months thanks to Michigan's Graduated License Program after 3 speeding tickets where I was definitely speeding all three times, but all three police officers got arguments about me speeding “not that much.”

The last time, I even argued that I'd been in the car with my police officer father and watched him use his badge to get out of speeding, and that it was bullshit that I was getting a ticket.

I got my license back the day before I moved into a van for the first time. I felt so cool chasing the sun West into the wild unknown just like on TV.

I wasn't wrong then, if I've learned anything from my poetry degree, it's that we're all living our own home videos.

Pure objectivity isn't possible. We make objective nature shows, and then forget that we're in one.

What other species spends all of it's time making better and better dioramas?

We are surrounded by people who go on the news to talk about fake news, while the average citizen with a cellphone is often the most unbiased source. Tourists expect to do the things they see in tourist videos, because they want to know. Know what they are supposed to do. Pride in knowledge can be blinding. Anyone who works at a tourist destination will tell you that.

Go to Mackinaw Island after dark, and don't bother trying to sleep. The bison in Yellowstone? Not quite as annoying than the cattle in Oregon. For sure.

If a sign of intelligence is recognizing ones self in the mirror, but what about the ability to pull away?

I drove through Wisconsin, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, California, New Mexico, Colorado, New Mexico, and finally got pulled over  and didn't get a ticket in Nebraska where I was going exactly 5 over while exiting a construction zone. I didn't argue that time because my parents had just split up, and only one of them knew, and I needed to get home. I didn't get a ticket for the first time in my life.

The point of creating a god was to remind us that an alternate, objective perspective is possible. But in a species full of “C” students reading spark notes, the details of the message gets lost.

The crime isn't failing to understand the content, the crime is failing to make something for the “C” students to become “A” students. If they like video better, that isn't going to change. You stubborn teachers. If everyone gets an “A,” we'd probably just move on to better things to teach.

I know because I probably got a “D” senior English, where I was told I “couldn't possibly” have read Macbeth in Elementary School in Arizona. I don't know for sure because I still haven't picked up my last report card or my diploma. I knew that in the scale of things, passing tests from that school didn't mean register.

Power, not technology, kept church services in dead languages until only recently. I was taught Macbeth by a teacher who moonlighted as a Comedian, who censored out the scenes with the porter. The only words of the play I actually read in high school were “nose-painting, sleep and

urine.”  I knew the rest already from a man whose dreams, I hope, consisted largely of telling jokes.

We're getting closer to realizing objectivity now with media. Security cameras already see everything as it happens, but limited only to where they are pointed and what their sensors can record.

God creates man in his own image and vice versa. And that's all anything is, an image, sure we make “better images” that show more and more of what's happening, but we can't even physically see what's happening. We know this only because we have instruments that we made to look for things we think of in a way we comprehend. Things Fall Apart.

Sure there might be evidence of a higher power somewhere. Regardless, it's not going to affect how anyone feels unless it changes the way they feel happy. Thanks to the progression of cave paintings to the printing press, emoji's still make the most sense. People who spend all their time writing will take offense to this, but as emoji's are more accessible across a variety of languages across the world, reading text-based communication will soon become an education of luxury.

There's no need to burn books if people don't know how to read them. Try burning the Aztec Calendar that literally everyone has seen—or at least thinks they have. Try reading the hidden features on a LaserDisc.

If it's a sign of intelligence to pull away from the mirror, where is it that the same species makes a video camera, and then realizes that it is only part of a bigger movie?

If some species is watching me right now, on my 30th birthday, it would probably comment “That one sure went a whole lot of places before going nowhere.”

But I'm only a container of ideas. As long as they spill out well I'll be satisfied no matter where I am.

It's the idea that the best ideas should be kept at the top that keeps them from spreading.

Shakespeare, makes South Park make sense, but I grew up being told not to watch one and hating the other. And I had to figure out for myself that together, they are wonderful. But that's the age we live in. Embracing the past while denying the inevitable future is irresponsible. The Swedish skier kid on TV in the  Olympics was right, Wu-Tang is for the children, but not the way most of us experience it as Americans.

It's probably a good thing Americans don't care about big guns as much these days. The world's largest shotgun, parked right next to the world's largest chainsaw, didn't even make the local news when I almost died in sight of them.

But, it was a foggy day.

I'm just guessing that the most excessive of consumerism burned itself out in the 90's—I was there. My parents built a house and a pool out of loans with jobs that they were sure would satisfy them forever. Everybody was doing it. The fountain-of-whatever-you-want was made in a hill range that was there before the fountain but only named after it.

You can't just build a house and get a job every few years forever. Materials run out. The incredible concentration of our Nation’s wealth, and the mismanagement of it, created dozens of artificial populations that don't produce their own food or energy. I know. I spent a decade in Arizona. At one time, Gilbert, where I lived was the fastest growing city in the U.S. We went from 1, to 5 high schools where I was one of over 2000 kids. That was never gonna work. At some point creation for the point of consumption burns out in the desert. Just ask the Hohokam.

My next run in with the law was 8 years and a couple continents later in New Mexico. I was speeding through a canyon between Raton and Angel Fire totally lost and with a nearly empty tank while driving my grandmother's Anti-Abortion sticker laden jeep. I explained that I was speeding, and I was confused.  I got directions to the nearest gas station.

When it was my turn to crash came I felt so slick to be at home in a place that worked off a crash with the cold-war-hype and was making the best of it.

Now I live in a place where there is more fresh water than anywhere else on earth, there are more trees and forests and trails than almost anywhere on earth. And nobody noticed that in the 90's because the winters here are too cold, and construction too remote. In fact almost everything we use is imported.

It took a lot of wandering around to see that. But in 30 years of traveling, I'm still on the same ground. Earth.

On my 30th birthday I want to stop trying to be like anyone but myself, but that person knows it takes other people being themselves to do that.

I'm doing my best just to feel normal, when I was already fucking weird.  But if I don't accept the new me, and embrace the changes I need to make in myself to be able to embrace those around me as well, well I'll be just that.

Fucking Weird. With no patience for lemonade stands.

[lavenderprose]

Fic: Those Bright-Eyed Boys

Title: Those Bright-Eyed Boys Author(s): Lavenderprose Rating: T Summary: Yuuri has no idea how he came to be surrounded by so many different kinds of love.

Notes: Written for Victuuri week Day #1, with the Yuuri prompt: Confessions. Will be cross-posted to AO3 at some point, but not right now because I’m barely getting this in before the day is over and mama needs to slEEP.

Just so y’all know, there’s some past Chuchuyuu (Yuuri/Phichit) in this, but it’s mostly just them being incredibly loving and supporting friends and Yuuri being very deeply an happily in love with his fiance, Viktor Nikiforov.

So, Yuuri's alcohol tolerance is…pretty good. Like, there are several Russians in this club right now and he's keeping up with them pretty well. Is that a stereotype? He isn't sure, but they aren't so different—these people learned to drink on spirits, same as Yuuri did. He and Phichit ran bad, bad vodka through a Brita filter and put it in water bottles and carried them in coat pockets to parties where they mixed it with punch, orange juice, coconut Margarita mix—anything cloyingly sweet that would mask the taste. Something that wouldn't taste horrible if it came back out the same way it went in. It took a lot of trial and error to figure out where their limits laid, and sometimes Yuuri still fucks up. Getting wine drunk at the 2015 banquet is still at the tippy top of his list of Worst things I've ever done, literally, ever. He was hungover for three days and spent most of the flight home wrapped around the airplane toilet to the point where a man who Yuuri is pretty sure was an air marshal asked him where his parents were.

Because Yuuri didn't and still doesn't look twenty-four. The same ageless quality is the reason Phichit started wearing eyeliner.

But yeah. Yuuri Katsuki? Pretty accomplished drinker. Not exactly something he'd tell his parents or the Japanese press, but not exactly something he's ashamed  of either.

So when he shouts, "I'm not drunk!" in Viktor's ear as they're dancing, Viktor laughs and probably doesn't believe him, but Yuuri is telling the truth.

"Look, okay—so, okay—my twenty-first birthday, Phichit and I got, like…oh boy, tequila? And there was a worm in it. I'm not even kidding, it was a real worm—"

"Mexican Town is a wild fucking place," Phichit says, appearing suddenly at Yuuri's back. This club is playing mostly American pop music for some reason, so with Phichit there it feels almost exactly like old times. The song is periodically telling everyone to make their hands clap.

"Phichit, tell Viktor I'm not drunk," Yuuri says to his friend, leaning back against him and turning his head to yell against Phichit's face. Phichit is familiar and soft and smells like the apartment Yuuri moved out of over a year ago. Viktor is kind and laughing and there is a look on his face like the first time he saw Yuuri do Eros.

"Yuuri still has his shirt on," Phichit tells Viktor, now essentially wrapped about Yuuri like some sort of large and friendly snake. "So he's not drunk. You don't know what drunk looks like until you've seen Yuuri after eating a tequila worm."

"We split it," Yuuri insists, tugging on Viktor's shirt until he's pressing against his front, still laughing. Yuuri laughs with him because he's so happy. He just won silver at the Grand Prix Final, he's engaged to Viktor Nikiforov (Who's beautiful and amazingly kind and very good to him and also: the love of Yuuri's life) and his very best friend in the whole wide world was here to see all of it happen. "I only had half. I was drunk for two days."

"I saw God," Phichit adds, and then screams because the song has changed and it's one of those songs that Yuuri will forever associate with half-remembered nights in the basement of a club on Michigan Avenue, riding home slumped across Phichit's lap with slim fingers combing his hair back and giggling, the smell of forty degrees in Michigan in February. "Yuuri! This is our song! Viktor, this is mine and Yuuri's song! This was the first American song I heard!"

"I'll let you have him for it, then," Viktor says. "I'm going to get some water." He looks so happy. Yuuri can't deal with it. He kisses him, his fiancé, and then twirls around into Phichit, who laughs and wraps his arms around him and swings him around. Their hair is still slicked back from the free skate earlier. Phichit is sort of unbearably handsome with his hair combed back that way, his kind and expressive eyes with a fine outline of his usual black liner.

"I'm so happy for you," Phichit gushes, tilting him backwards. "You're engaged! You're going to be married, Yuuri!" He says something in Thai that is probably congratulatory.

"I know," Yuuri laughs. Phichit straightens him back up and they spin. Dancing with Phichit feels familiar, and good, and nice after all of the (Wonderful, frightening, sublime) excitement and strangeness of the last few weeks. If Viktor's fresh perspective and new love is the compass Yuuri needs to find within himself a better and happier person, then Phichit's comfort and reassurance is the path that Yuuri will follow towards it.

As the song ends, Yuuri kisses Phichit, smiling against his lips. It's something he's done hundreds of times. Phichit smiles back at him when he pulls away.

"I love you," Yuuri tells him, wondering if a simple three words can convey the depth of feeling he has for his best friend.

"I love you too," Phichit tells him, eyes kind and soft. "And I'm…so glad that you finally found someone who can love you the way you want to be loved. I want you to be so happy, Yuuri."

The sting of happy tears builds up behind Yuuri's eyes and in his throat. Thickly, he says, "I am happy. I don't think I've ever been this happy."

"Good," Phichit says, wrapping his arms tight around Yuuri's shoulders.

They pull away when the jostling of the crowd grows too violent, and by unspoken agreement Yuuri trips his way towards where Viktor disappeared to while Phichit spins back into the crowd, engulfed in moments. Yuuri finds Viktor on a barstool slightly removed from the dancefloor and somehow, probably because the floors of this place are their own special hazard, crashes between his spread knees. Viktor bursts out laughing and catches him by the fabric over his shoulder.

"Here, darling, drink this," Viktor says, handing him a large and full glass of water. There is another glass, half-full, by his elbow.

Yuuri takes the glass and downs half of it in one go, not realizing how parched he was until the cool water hit the back of his throat. Viktor stops him from drinking too much of it at once, taking his wrist in hand and gently maneuvering the glass back onto the bar and Yuuri to lean against his chest.

"Really, I swear, I'm not drunk," Yuuri mumbles against his shoulder. Viktor's hand is big and warm on his back, reassuring. "The universe is just conspiring to make you think I am." He turns his face into Viktor's neck, inhales the smell of his cologne and feels happiness trickle up and down his spine. Tomorrow is the gala, when they will debut their partner skate and Yuuri will fulfill a lifelong fantasy in front of hundreds of people. Skating on the same ice as Viktor Nikiforov. Skating with Viktor Nikiforov, dancing beside each other.

Viktor kisses the top of his head. "I believe you."

Yuuri grumbles and turns around, leaning back between Viktor's thighs with the edge of the seat digging into his back. Viktor wraps his arms around his waist, chin hooked over his shoulder, and Yuuri has never felt so warm and loved as he does in that moment. He feels wanton with it, like a slut—but only for affection, and only from Viktor Nikiforov.

"I haven't seen you dance like that since the Gala," Viktor murmurs in his ear.

"Hm," Yuuri hums, tilting his head to the side. "Phichit's the person I learned all of that from." That and a pole dancing teacher named Moxie whose class Phichit had dragged him to half a dozen times his last year in Detroit, but it'll be a cold day in Hell (Or a warm day in Siberia) before Viktor learns that particular tidbit.

Viktor presses a long, hot kiss to Yuuri's cheek. "I think you must have had a love affair with our friend Mr. Chulanont."

Yuuri stiffens immediately, spinning back around in the circle of Viktor's arms. "I—Viktor, I would never—"

"Oh, Yuuri, no," Viktor presses a hand to his face, shaking his head. "I didn't mean it that way, love. I meant—I don't know what I meant, sometimes I speak without thinking." He presses a kiss to Yuuri's forehead, gentler than the one previous.

Yuuri closes his eyes and bites his lip, drops his hands to Viktor's lap. This is his fiancé, the man he's going to marry. Doesn't he deserve to have full disclosure? Even though the idea of telling him some of these things makes Yuuri's anxiety spike, his blood pressure double, his palms sweat? How will Viktor feel, knowing that Yuuri is routinely alone with a man whose bed he frequented for longer than he and Viktor have known each other?

"I wouldn't really call it a love affair," Yuuri mumbles, playing with the buttons on Viktor's shirt.

"You don't have to tell me," Viktor says. His hand goes to Yuuri's chin, tilting it up. "It's okay, darling."

Goddamn it. What is it about this man and making him cry? Yuuri is beginning to think that he's cursing himself to a life of weepiness, marrying Viktor. He'll be buried under pillows daily, just fucking sobbing, and Viktor will have people over and be forced to say Oh, that's just my husband, he's a bit emotional—don't slip in the puddles.

"Phichit isn't like that," Yuuri says quickly, just to get it out before he thinks better of it. "We—you should probably know that we…before I met you, before I moved back to Japan, we were—having sex. A lot. And we didn't really, um, break up. I just—I moved back to Japan and that was, um, now things ended. But we were never—we didn't date. Phichit doesn't, um, do romance, I guess? He's the friendliest person I know, the best friend I have, and he's—I know he loves me, but not…not like that." He reaches up and straightens out Viktor's collar for the utter lack of anything else to do with his hands. "I didn't know how to tell you. I'm sorry I didn't before."

Viktor's hand trails up his back, fingers against the dip of his spine. When Yuuri chances an upward glance, Viktor's eyes are soft, the line of his mouth gentle. He asks, "Did you love him?" in a way that says he might be, in an odd way, commiserating with Yuuri. Like he is speaking not as Yuuri's fiancé, but as a person who understands what it is to have felt for someone something that they couldn't return. Yuuri doesn't know how he got in this situation. He has gone from admiring Viktor Nikiforov from afar, knowing all the while that he would probably never even hold a full conversation with the man, to standing between his knees in a crowded bar, Viktor's promise on his finger and blue eyes boring into him, asking to be his confidant.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Yuuri whispers.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't." Viktor's forehead touches his, their eyes now too close together to focus. An elephant could run through the room, and Yuuri would have been none the wiser. If he looked up in a moment and realized that the world had come to a calamitous end around them, he might not even be concerned. Viktor's breath is on his lips, telling him, "I want to know everything about you. Even the parts you don't like to think about. That way, I can think about them for you—and love them, even though you can't."

There go the tears. The first one drops down his cheek. The second sneaks into the crease of his nose and stays there, gross and wet and uncomfortable.

"I did," Yuuri whispers. He licks a third tear off of his lips, tasting salt. "There was a while where I thought…maybe I could be happy. Just being around him, being affected by his presence, his…happiness. Because I didn't think that I would ever get anything better than that—someone who made me feel happy, and took me to bed, and felt about me the same way I felt about them. Two out of three wasn't bad, you know?"

"Did you tell him this?"

"No," Yuuri snorts. "I knew how he was. One of the first things he told me was that he didn't understand people getting married and only being with one person their entire lives. Phichit wants to meet people and make them his friends and have a big group of people that he loves and supports, not just one person. He wants to…roll around in bed with handsome men and not feel obligated to call the next morning. He loves people. He's kind, and someday he'll probably settle down in an apartment with a few friends and he'll be happy like that. But I don't see him ever devoting himself to one person. Not in the way I've always seen myself doing. Not the way I want to do with you."

Viktor kisses him then, not to interrupt but to agree—to tell Yuuri that yes, that's what he wants too, that he isn't alone. Yuuri loves him, God he loves him.

"Don’t think less of him," Yuuri implores.

"How could I?" Viktor murmurs. Their hands lace together; Viktor brings his mouth to Yuuri's ring. He's only had that ring for three days and already, he thinks he might die if he lost it. "He loved you until I could."

Yuuri wraps his arms around Viktor's shoulders and presses his hot face into his neck, weeping. "I love you." There's a woman behind Viktor who probably can't speak English and looks pretty alarmed at this red-faced crying man hanging off her seat neighbor, but she seems disinclined to comment. Yuuri closes his eyes and breathes.

"I love you too," Viktor says, kissing his neck, cheek, ear, hair. "My Yuuri. My darling."

He eventually pulls away and drinks the other half of that glass of water. The music is still pounding, and the tears gave him a headache and he's starving, but he thinks this might be one of the best nights of his life.

"Heeey!" Phichit crashes through the crowd, dragging along an unfamiliar man by the hand. The unfamiliar man is taller than even Viktor, Mediterranean with a slightly homely face but piercing blue eyes that make him strangely beautiful, and a friendly, uninhibited expression. Phichit gestures to him, somehow using the same hand he's holding onto him with. "I found you guys! This is Thomas."

"Tomás," corrects the man in a kind tone, obviously unconcerned. He probably wouldn't be able to pronounce Phichit's name either; Yuuri couldn't his first hundred or so tries.

"Right! Sorry." Phichit points to Yuuri. "This is Yuuri, my best friend."

"Hi," Yuuri says, falling back in shyness now that he has more water in his belly than vodka, still feeling the residual tear trails on his cheeks.

"And this is his fiancé, Viktor." Viktor and Tomás shake hands, both exchanging accented greetings. "Yuuri's the silver medalist, and Viktor's his coach. They just got engaged the other day." To Viktor and Yuuri, he says, "Tomás was telling me that his friend runs a tapas bar not far from here, and that she'll give us half off our food if we show her Yuuri's medal."

"You could show her your engagement ring instead," Tomás says, gesturing to the ring on Yuuri's finger. "A medal, an engagement, both are to be celebrated. Congratulations!"

"Thank you," Yuuri says. To Viktor, he says, "I'm starved, what about you?"

"Always in the mood for tapas," Vikor says, nudging Yuuri the barest minimum of distance away to stand up. He waves a hand towards Tomás. "Lead the way."

They gather Mila and Otabek on the way out, and Viktor ends up at the front of the group, probably telling his life story to Tomás as they walk because that's just what he does. In about ten minutes, Tomás' friend the bar owner is going to recognize Viktor from one of his international ads and he's going to spend twenty minutes signing autographs and taking pictures, but for right now he's just being the friendly person he naturally is.

"Are you okay?" Phichit asks, walking beside him at the back of the group. He hand goes to Yuuri's elbow. "You look like you've been crying?"

"I'm fine," Yuuri says, and means it for once. He lets a smile break across his face. "I'm…the best I've ever been, I think."

Phichit's eyes dart over his face, examining, then breaks out in a smile of his own. "Same. I fucking love Spain."

"Well, it beats Downriver," Yuuri says.

They laugh. Yuuri doesn't know how he got so lucky, to be surrounded by so many different types of love.

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 5

I just spent an awfully long time looking for a specific thing to steal as a header image only to give up and use a basically unrelated picture.

Hi, are you ready for some college football? Are all of your rowdy friends coming over? No? Mine, either. We’re in this alone and in the dark, lordt willin. Let’s get drunk and gamble and pretend life is just this. I’ve got 20 or so hours to kill, a TV, and a cable subscription with internet access.

There are times and places and football teams. These things intersect at appointed schedules as listed below. The times are eastern and the football teams are pre-determined. All of the scheduling information is pilfered from FBSchedules. Yell at them if anything is wrong. The odds are determined by bookmakers, many of whom are based in my fair city of Las Vegas, NV. NV is pronounced Nuh-vadd-duh. The duh stands for stupid. I get mine odds given to me for free at Vegas Insider. What you do with this information is entirely up to you, friend.

Saturday, September 28

Matchup                                                       Time (ET)                TV/Mobile

NIU at Vanderbilt                                          12:00pm                   SECN

Remember that kid from Western Kentucky saying “they supposed to be SEC!” on the sideline? That was seven years ago this week. He wasn’t saying that about Vanderbilt. Nobody has ever said that about Vanderbilt, even though they have been in the conference since its inception. 

Buffalo at Miami (Ohio)                                12:00pm                  ESPNU

The line has completely flipped on this game. I’m not sure what happened and I refuse to do any research to find out just know that betting on Miami OH is apparently an awful idea.

BYU at Toledo                                               12:00pm                   ESPN+

In my memory BYU’s uniforms are always a lighter shade of blue than any photographs will ever support. I know I’m not alone in this weird trick of the mind. That’s all I’ve got to say for this game. It could be interesting to watch.

Central Michigan at Western Michigan      12:00pm                  CBSSN

CBS Sports is the official station of degenerate watchin’ up of football and it is a moral travesty that it is sullied with MACtion.

Holy Cross at Syracuse                               12:00pm                  ACCN

Huge matchup between the Ringer and ESPN. I find any positive notice for either of these schools to be most distasteful.

Kansas at TCU                                              12:00pm                   FS1

I think I’d probably rather watch Gary Patterson and Les Miles yell at each other for 3 hours than watch this game but that isn’t really a disparagement of the entertainment value contained herein. I can’t bring myself yet to publicly espouse my thoughts on this game but they are historically significant in a sense. No, I don’t expect Kansas to win but that’s not as far from what I think will happen as I’m comfortable with.

Middle Tennessee at 14 Iowa                       12:00pm                 ESPN2

Life is never easy for the middle Tennessee. You have the older Tennessees (mostly) acting exactly like your parents and you have the younger rebellious Tennessees acting out and forging their own paths, sucking up all the attention. A good way to be noteworthy would be a big road upset! But that’s not going to happen. Beat the spread (-23.5) and at least the gamblers will remember you fondly. 

Northwestern at 8 Wisconsin                        12:00pm                   ABC

I don’t know exactly why I’ve always hated Northwestern but I hope Jonathan Taylor runs for 500 yards and 10 TDs today. Pound the over.

Rutgers at 20 Michigan                                   12:00pm                  BTN

Often lost in all the talk of Michigan being overrated and Jim Harbaugh being a shitty recruiter is the fact that Michigan has never really been much better than they are right now on a consistent basis and they’ll stay at this level until a superstar QB signs there and makes the then OC look like a genius. That’s how things work now for all but the very top of the top programs. Having said all that, the line is moving towards Rutgers and that should never happen. Wolverines by 30.

23 Texas A&M vs. Arkansas (in Arlington, TX)   12:00pm           ESPN

aTm isn’t great but Arkansas is deep in the trash can right now. This is a sad and hollow SWC rivalry revival. Is it worth gambling on Arkansas to make the Jimbo 10-year guaranteed contract continue to look bad? No, it is not. Aggie by 50.

Texas Tech at 6 Oklahoma                                  12:00pm           FOX

I am easily swept up in hype, especially on offense, but I have this creeping idea that Oklahoma is the second best team in the country this year. And I’m not looking at the line or anything when I say this but take the Sooners and the points this week and every week until the playoffs.

Delaware at Pitt                                                    12:30pm            RSN

The loser of this game gets the Joe Flacco statue. It’s just Joe Flacco. He did end his college career at Delaware so it’s fitting that they’ll be stuck with him for all eternity.

Mississippi at 2 Alabama                                     3:30pm             CBS

There was an implication left open in the Oklahoma writeup. It’s applicable to this game. Still, don’t bet on Alabama games. Nick Saban hates you as much as his buddy Bill Belichick hates you. So the final here? 38-14. Bama won’t score for the last 24 minutes.

18 Virginia at 10 Notre Dame                               3:30pm             NBC

This marks the second week in a row that Notre Dame will play their third football match against a team from a school with claims as America’s first “public” university. I have an exceptionally bad feeling about this one for the Hoos. At least Bryce Hall one-on-one against Chase Claypool is interesting from a scouting perspective.

Wake Forest at Boston College                           3:30pm              ACCN

ACC acction, it’s just like football!

Iowa State at Baylor                                              3:30pm              ESPN

Baylor has been a secret weapon for gamblers so far this year but the line on this one has flipped and now Iowa State is a road favorite. I go mostly off gut here and I’m not going out of my way for a Big XII game that doesn’t involve Oklahoma but my feeling so far is that Baylor is a top 25 team that voters are too embarrassed to vote for. Maybe Iowa State did some really hard training this week and it’s expected to pay off.

Coastal Carolina at Appalachian State               3:30pm              ESPN+

I don’t think I’ll actually seek this out on ESPN+ but there are two things about this game that interest me, Darrynton Evans and these glorious helmets that App State will be wearing (that twitter thread is worth reading if you like this stupid sort of thing):

Minnesota at Purdue                                             3:30pm             ESPN2

The nation’s consensus worst undefeated team is a road underdog against the one-man band that is Purdue football. I’m inclined to say bet Gophers (?) at +1.5. Sorry in advance.

21 USC at 17 Washington                                     3:30pm               FOX

The last time these old conference foes (since 1923, in the Pac precursor the Pacific Coast Conference) was 2016 when USC wrecked a perfect season for UDub and exposed Jake Browning as not particularly good. Washington still went to the playoffs but Jake Browning never fooled anybody again. What does this have to do with this game here, today? Glad you asked. Absolutely nothing.

Indiana at 25 Michigan State                                 3:30pm              BTN

I hear this is the game of the week in Guantanamo.

Florida Atlantic at Charlotte                                   3:30pm            NFLN

Something about this game just makes me laugh. Like it’s a joke. It’s a clown here to amuse me.

1 Clemson at North Carolina                                  3:30pm             ABC

Carolina got up for this one by losing to App State. Clemson is favored by 27 on the road which just a little high considering that Trevor Lawrence may have befriended Jameis Winston’s bookie in the offseason.

Akron at UMass                                                        3:30pm        FloSports

Fuck this game.

Georgia Tech at Temple                                           3:30pm         CBSSN

Georgia Tech may have to rebuild their roster entirely after a decade+ of Paul Johnson option ball but at least they’ve also already forgotten how the option works. Future Miami head coach Rod Carey has the Owls poised for another bowl loss and his 2-1 team is favored by 8.5.

SMU at USF                                                               4:00pm         ESPNU

I don’t know what the people of Austin did to Charlie Strong but it hurts my heart. SMU didn’t even get a top 25 ranking for beating TCU last week but if they beat the spread this week they’ll be 5-0 and (probably) ranked for the first time since... when, 1986?

Towson at 9 Florida                                                   4:00pm          SECN

Florida is a talented team overall but their QB situation is pretty dire. Towson is the best team they’ve played in weeks but I’d still feel pretty good taking the Gators -36.5.

Cincinnati at Marshall                                                5:00pm        Facebook

The winner of this game will go mostly unnoticed. Marshall is a slight underdog at home and off the top of my head that seems like good value.

Louisiana at Georgia Southern                                 6:00pm        ESPN+

Ragin Cajuns and Southern Eagles - this game belongs on CBS Sports. This is trash but it’s beautiful trash.

New Mexico at Liberty                                                6:00pm        ESPN+

RTARLsman alert! Antonio Gandy-Golden plays for Liberty for some reason and he’s easy to spot in games like this. He’s huge and tends to make highlight reel catches even when he doesn’t need to. In 4 games he has 24 catches for 544 yards. That’s stupid and a pace that should continue for the rest of the season.

Arkansas State at Troy                                               6:00pm        ESPN+

I hate that all of this great Sun Belt inanity is hidden behind a paywall. 

East Carolina at Old Dominion                                  6:00pm        ESPN+

ODU is in a perfect position to completely crumble after failing to take down either Virginia Tech or Virginia when they had a chance. ECU started as a slight favorite and now they’re +3 but that’s just homefield advantage. So these teams are even. Roll damn Pirates.

24 Kansas State at Oklahoma State                          7:00pm        ESPN+

Kansas State has SMU’s rightful ranking. Chuba Hubbard mostly sucked against Texas but the man still worked him senseless with 37 carries. I wouldn’t bet on either team but under 60.5 seems reasonable.

Louisiana Tech at Rice                                                7:00pm        ESPN3

The Mailmen -9 seems like theft to me but I am openly bad at this.

Mississippi State at 7 Auburn                                     7:00pm        ESPN

I’m not sure the Barners are ready to drop a seemingly easy win but one must be ever mindful of the possibility. If not now, when?

Nicholls at Texas State                                                 7:00pm       ESPN+

With no bookmaking numbers to draw from I really couldn’t begin to tell you what’s happening here.

Stanford at Oregon State                                              7:00pm     Pac-12N

Stanford and the under. This conference could use a big shot of boredom.

UAB at WKU                                                                    7:00pm      ESPN+

UAB is going 12-0 without ever getting a top 25 ranking.

UConn at 22 UCF                                                            7:00pm      ESPN2

The Civil ConFLiCT! UCF is a 43-point favorite and, honestly, that’s too low. The trophy will go in the trash again.

UTEP at Southern Miss                                                  7:00pm       ESPN+

In the days before there were 100 D-1A teams this would have been a nice little off-the-radar kind of game. It’s pretty bad now, though.

South Alabama at ULM                                                  7:00pm        ESPN+

ULM is a 15.5-point favorite. Holy shit, USA must be putrid.

5 Ohio State at Nebraska                                               7:30pm         ABC

Nebraska seems light years away from competing in the B1G and they don’t really look any better to me now than they did last year or the year before but they are 3-1 so I must be missing something. I thought Ohio State would slip a little post-Urban but so far they’re the statistically best team in the country.

Colorado State at Utah State                                        7:30pm       CBSSN

A true beauty. USU has been scoring 40ppg but Jordan Love hasn’t had a big stat padding game yet. That should change here as Colorado State is pretty bad. Stay away from the line but over 70.5 is definitely in play.

Kentucky at South Carolina                                          7:30pm        SECN

This slate of primetime games is a great excuse to get some chores out of the way. Call your parents. Talk to your wife. Pick out a nice Christmas gift for your bookie. You won’t be missing anything worthwhile. This isn’t even the worst of it.

NC State at Florida State                                                7:30pm        ACCN

I can’t confidently say this isn’t the worst of it. FSU is rounding into shape for quite the painful showdown with Miami in five weeks. That game is going to be a sad reminder of what once was. This game is just painful for the sake of being painful. ACC action, I can’t believe it’s not cancelled!

Houston at North Texas                                                  8:00pm      Facebook

If you watch this one up, keep in mind that you could be watching along with the next Edward Snowden. Who’s watching you. So don’t be too libertarian with your browsers.

Fresno State at New Mexico State                                8:00pm       FloSports

I don’t know what FloSports is but it sounds like it has to do with Florida. Maybe they got confused when they saw Fresno State listed as FSU or something and it’s too late to change it now.

UNLV at Wyoming                                                         8:00pm           ESPNU

Take Wyoming on everything. UNLV is a horrible team and nobody looks good on the road in Laramie. Wyoming is no great shakes but they’re at least 10 points better than UNLoVed.

Washington State at 19 Utah                                    10:00pm             FS1

Everything else can be trash, the Pac-12 After Dark is good this week.

Hawaii at Nevada                                                      10:30pm          ESPN2

MWC After Dark isn’t a thing but this definitely fits in the same genre as the games listed above and below it.

UCLA at Arizona                                                       10:30pm            ESPN

UCLA came back from 32 down to win a game 67-63 in regulation against a ranked opponent last week, I missed every second of it, and there is absolutely no feeling whatsoever that the program has turned any sort of corner. Well, somebody has to win this one and here’s to hoping the combined store goes over 100 again.

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to 2017 college football TV watch ‘em ups: week 8

Last week was odd starting with the Friday games and this week features a few more eye-catching matchups so get ready for everything to go chalk.

The thing that’s got me a little perplexed here is that some of the lines seem very high, especially following on the heels of last week’s carnage. I’m a little short on time so I’ll try to run through these quickly. If that disappoints you, good, I’ve always wondered what it’s like to have kids.

Times are eastern, info is ripped from FBSchedules, gambling info is from Vegas Insider and all advice is guaranteed for the full amount of my weekly RTARL earnings and not a penny more.

Saturday, Oct. 21, 2017

Matchup                                                          Time (ET)                  TV

Akron at Toledo                                              Noon            Raycom/ESPN3

I like the way the games were sequenced this week because if you look at this from top to bottom the first games listed are the lowest of the low but they’re actually starting across from some worthwhile watch em ups.

Idaho at Missouri                                           Noon                   SECN

Missouri is favored by 14 but would anybody really be surprised if Idaho wins? Idaho is so bad they’re giving up on 1-A football but that doesn’t mean they’re worse than Missouri.

Iowa at Northwestern                                    Noon                    ESPN2

Oh, Iowa. So close to beating Penn State and being up in the top 10. But here they are just a couple of weeks later scuffling and roughly equal to Northwestern. Josey Jewell deserves better than this (UPDATE! He won't play in this game.) Those kids in the children’s hospital that looks over the Iowa football stadium deserve more. That hospital has been there all along, right? How come I never heard of it until this year?

Iowa State at Texas Tech                              Noon                      FS1

Classic cross-conference matchup of the dregs of the Big 8 taking on the dregs of the SWC.

Louisville at Florida State                            Noon                     ESPN

FSU is gonna run train on Louisville unless Lamar plays the absolute best game of his life. Think of how good of a game he has to have for it to be the best of his life. QB is legitimately the only position where Louisville is anywhere close to even with FSU let alone where they have an edge.

Maryland at (5) Wisconsin                            Noon                    FOX

Hahahaha - Maryland in the B1G is never going to become normal. It’s so stupid it hurts. Maryland isn’t any worse off from a wins-losses perspective, for what it’s worth. The ACC is better than the B1G from top to bottom and Maryland would be trash in the AAC. If Wisconsin doesn’t win by 40 I’ll be heartbroken and I don’t even really care about Wisconsin.

(10) Oklahoma State at Texas                       Noon                    ABC

Texas is still trash. Is it still Charlie Strong’s fault? Because they’ve got talent it just doesn’t go together for some reason. OK St is the best not really great team in the country. Put them up against any other team in the top 10 and they’d lose but against any unranked team? That’s basically a guaranteed blowout.

Purdue at Rutgers                                         Noon                   BTN

Is the Jeff Brohm to (insert big job opening) train slowed down at all? Or is it understood that Purdue hasn’t had a decent player since Drew Brees retired and so Brohm is getting graded on a generous curve.

Temple at Army                                               Noon                CBSSN

This is absolutely terrible and I love it. You don’t want no part of this Dewey Cox! CBS Sports is incredibly addictive but has no harmful side effects.

Tulsa at UConn                                               Noon                ESPNU

UConn is my least favorite team in the country. They’re boring as all hell but they never win but they also don’t get blown out on a reliable basis. What a waste.

Pittsburgh at Duke                                         Noon                 ACCN

I like to think Miami put Duke into a death spiral. I’ve really disliked David Cutcliffe ever since the Corn Elder return game and I wish Duke would lose every week.

Boston College at Virginia                            12:30 pm           RSN

Hey, Boston College found an offense last week! How much you want to bet they lost it during practice this week? UVA is right on the cusp of being horrible but they keep winning. They should get up to 7-1 before the bottom falls out. 

Kent State at Ohio                                          2:00 pm            ESPN3

I hate MAC football for the same reasons I hate Big XII football - there’s no expectation of anybody ever getting stopped so when a game is close it feels like a ripoff when there’s a game-winning drive. Like it shouldn’t count. Anyway, somebody will win this game.

NIU at Bowling Green                                     2:00 pm            ESPN3

Sutton Smith racks up at least a sack every week and I have no idea if he’s any good at all. I may not know much but I can assure you I won’t know any more about Sutton Smith on Sunday than I do right now.

  Troy at Georgia State                                      2:00 pm            ESPN3

The best part of Troy beating LSU is that they aren’t even particularly great within the context of the Sun Belt. They got knocked back by USA last week so seeing them as a 10 point favorite on the road is disconcerting.

Western Michigan at Eastern Michigan       2:00 pm             ESPN3

I’m trying to stay positive about the MAC this week. I bet that LT for Western gets a bunch of pancake blocks this week. He’s very good.

Buffalo at Miami, OH                                       2:30 pm             ESPN3

Miami and Buffalo had a cool rivaly in the 80s and early 90s. That’s not relevant because I’m talking about the NFL but I really loved Bruce Smith and Dan Marino and Thurman Thomas and Jim Kelly and the Marks Brothers.

Central Michigan at Ball State                       3:00 pm             ESPN3

Central Michigan is favored but Ball State hasn’t lost at home so there’s a storyline!

Arizona State at Utah                                       3:30 pm              FS1

What the hell is this clearly Pac-12 After Dark game doing kicking off at 1:30 Mountain Time? Utah is going to beat the hell out of Arizona State. I don’t think anybody on the planet can actually explain what happened last week in Seattle for the Wildcats but it won’t happen again.

Coastal Carolina at Appalachian State           3:30 pm           ESPN3

Coastal Carolina is close to the bottom of 1-A in almost every offensive and defensive category and App State is about on part with a Power 5 also-ran. 24 points or thereabouts is enticing.

Georgia Southern at UMass                            3:30 pm     11 Sports/NESN

This is one of the worst games possible this year. UMass is a 7.5 point favorite because they’ve actually won this year but if you feel confident betting on a game like this you are an alien.

Illinois at Minnesota                                         3:30 pm             BTN

Is Lovie Smith in danger of being fired? He’s really fucking bad and Illinois is only consistent in their inability to ever get better.

Indiana at (18) Michigan State                         3:30 pm            ABC

Indiana is the Big 10′s version of UVA but they didn’t get the schedule luck that the Hoos have had. It wouldn’t be a shock for the Hoosiers to beat Sparty and it wouldn’t be a shock to see them lose by 20. It’s worth mentioning that Sparty is just sort of OK but they did beat Michigan so we all love them.

North Carolina at (14) Virginia Tech                 3:30 pm          ESPN2

VPISU is a 22 point favorite and that seems low to me. UNC is horrid and the Turkey Gobblers are just barely out of the conversation as an elite team. Next year the Hokies should be a top 10 preseason team.

Syracuse at (8) Miami, FL                                  3:30 pm          ESPN

18 points seems crazy high to me even though I think Syracuse beating Clemson last week was even flukier than Iowa State beating Oklahoma the week before. People are falling all over themselves to talk about what a great job Dino Babers has done at Syracuse but that was basically the first good game we’ve seen from this program in about 13 years. So let’s not get crazy here. Miami’s big problem so far has been that Malik Rosier sucks in the first half. I’m interested to see what they can do if he’s good before halftime for once.

Tennessee at (1) Alabama                                 3:30 pm           CBS

Speaking of crazy lines - holy hell does Tennessee suck right now. Butch Jones is fired, he probably knows it by now. The only reason he’s still walking around on the sidelines is Tennessee doesn’t feel like paying his buyout. I still find it hard to believe that Bama will play hard enough to win by 34 (or even 37 depending on where you go.)

(20) UCF at Navy                                                  3:30 pm        CBSSN

UCF has been destroying people all year but Navy is the worst matchup for basically everybody in the country except Army (and Geogia Tech if they ever played each other.) At some point Nebraska or Texas or somebody is going to throw a ridiculous amount of money at Ken Niumatalolo to get back to 10 wins per season the quick and dirty way.

Kentucky at Mississippi State                            4:00 pm         SECN

SEC! SEC! SEC! No joke, this is probably going to be pretty entertaining as far as these things go. Both teams are just good enough to trick you into thinking they’re really good.

(9) Oklahoma at Kansas State                             4:00 pm           FOX

This would be such a perfect Bill Snyder game for K State to win. There really isn’t a good reason to think they can even compete with Oklahoma but Snyder has figured out even worse matchups before.

Oregon at UCLA                                                    4:00 pm         Pac-12N

I do not trust anything about UCLA. Josh Rosen is a threat to throw 10 interceptions against an Oregon defense that has loads of talent but no real cohesion. Oregon’s offense looked very bad last week without Justin Herbert (broken collarbone) so the Ducks might struggle but I have faith in JMJ to put together a defensive gameplan that still gives up 30+ points.

SMU at Cincinnati                                                 4:00 pm           ESPNU

The ms621s should be able to do whatever they want on offense. The 7.5 point spread seems low to me but I’m not sure it’s so odd as to make me feel good making a strong recommendation one way or the other.

North Texas at Florida Atlantic                            5:00 pm          ESPN3

Lane Kiffin still hasn’t done anything publicly embarrassing and I’m starting to get impatient. How long can this last?

ULM at South Alabama                                          5:00 pm            ESPN3

Maybe USA is out of their stupor now and can play like I thought they would back in early September? Maybe.

Utah State at UNLV                                                 6:00 pm         ATTSNRM

This is an ugly matchup in an ugly setting with no clear buildup. Good luck.

UAB at Charlotte                                                     6:30 pm      beIN SPORTS

UAB is 4-2 and creeping up on bowl eligibility in their first year back as a college football program. That’s one of the coolest low key stories in the sport this year. They have a decent shot to be 8-2 going into Gainesville on November 18th. Florida will be favored but UAB getting to that point with a better record than the Gators would be hilarious.

BYU at East Carolina                                              7:00 pm          CBSSN

No idea what’s going on with this time slot for this game. Both teams are pretty bad with random flashes of good. Who knows what to expect here.

Rice at UTSA                                                            7:00 pm    KMYS/Stadium

This should be a pretty easy win for UTSA. I’m just practicing that being an actual expectation that exists in the world.

Southern Miss at Louisiana Tech                         7:00 pm          Stadium

La. Tech does some cool stuff with their gameplans but I haven’t watched them play this year and they’ve been wildly inconsistent. I’d actually like to see Josh Allen go to Lousiana Tech next year if he does the grad transfer thing instead of declaring for the NFL draft. I think he’ll go somewhere with a higher profile but I’d still love to see him Ruston, LA.

(16) USF at Tulane                                                  7:00 pm            ESPN2

Tulane keeps getting better but so does USF and USF started out much better than Tulane. This should be bad in a fun way.

(24) LSU at University of Mississippi, Oxford      7:15 pm              ESPN

LSU lost three first rounders last year who are all among the NFL’s best rookies this year and they got their coach fired because they sucked so bad. This year is not much different for LSU. 

Wake Forest at Georgia Tech                                7:30 pm            ESPNU

The Wreck should be back to Ramblin’ after Miami shut down the option in the second half last week. There are a lot of things Miami’s players are capable of that Wake Forest’s players are not capable of.

(21) Auburn at Arkansas                                         7:30 pm             SECN

Bert isn’t dead yet! Maybe professionally but he looks like he might literally die at any second and I’m not joking to say I’m a little bit worried for him.

(19) Michigan at (2) Penn State                              7:30 pm              ABC

Michigan is going to make this ugly and James Franklin will do what he always does and try to challenge them on their level and it’s going to end up biting Penn State in the ass and I will never in my life feel happier about Michigan beating somebody.

(11) USC at (13) Notre Dame                                   7:30 pm             NBC

This is oddly important in the larger scheme of things. One of these teams will leave as a 1-loss playoff contender and the other will be playing spoiler from here on out. USC’s defensive front is banged up which is a little frightening with Notre Dame’s offensive line and running game. Here’s to Sam Darnold not playing like a fucking idiot for a full 4 quarters for the first time this year.

Arizona at California                                                8:00 pm          Pac-12N

Arizona’s offensive strengths are not going against the strengths of the Antifa Bears defense so this could get a little wild. Too bad nobody gets Pac-12 Network.

Kansas at (4) TCU                                                     8:00 pm            FOX

TCU is barely favored over Kansas by more than Alabama is favored over Tennessee. I find that hilarious. TCU is at the point in the season where they have to turn it on for style to make sure they stay relevant in the national conversation. That’s very bad for our plucky JVhawks.

(23) West Virginia at Baylor                                     8:00 pm             FS2

Will Grier is on pace to become the big enigma of the 2018 NFL Draft. Get ready for the conversations where he goes from first round sleeper to top 10 possibility to punchline when he gets drafted #3 overall. His gun is real and he’s got just enough size and athleticism to spark the yearly gumflapping about whether the offense he plays in will hinder him from transitioning to the pro game. Can you feel the excitement? As far as this week goes he shouldn’t have much difficulty notching his 7th 300-yard game.

Wyoming at Boise State                                           10:15 pm         ESPN2

The Josh Allen Sucks tour continues with a Boise State team that has maybe just decided not to be terrible all year. He only threw one interception last week so maybe he’s turning things around?

Fresno State at San Diego State                             10:30 pm        CBSSN

SDSU was looking like a New Year’s Six option with a Heisman Trophy contending running back but things are looking different this week after the wheels fell off at home against Boise last week. When they aren’t playing national championship contenders Fresno doesn’t look half bad. This is a big game for the MWC but only has national importance in SDSU wins.

Colorado at (15) Washington State                         10:45 pm          ESPN

Luke Falk did his level best to make Pac-12 football look as fraudulent as possible last week. The Antifa Bears are trying to duplicate the program methodology of Colorado so let’s see if Falk can put up another 5 interceptions against the O.G.

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