#ft. matt schuester

[gabrielcohen-chang]

Helloooooooooooo there! Been a hot minuto since we chatted and your video game ask brought me here! We've gotta get a game in at some point, man! Ever played Helldivers?

Dude, I never actually got around to playing that one... don't think I've seen it in the shop either but now I'm gonna keep an eye out for any copies of that or the sequel. Steam has it too, so all else fails we can get it there and check it out.

[mercedesjonesx]

MERCEDES.

JONES.

MATTHEW.

SCHUESTER.

And to what do I owe the pleasure of being bugged by you? I say that lovingly, of course.

[charlierhodes]

Okay, first of all—Carlton?! That is the most majestic name for a pig I’ve ever heard. I need to meet this park-dwelling legend immediately. Like, I’m half tempted to bring Poppy and just hang out by the swings until he graces us with his presence.

And yes, I saw the TikToks!! I literally screamed when I saw Ember in her crown and robe. She is thriving in her queen era and I’m here for it. You all are just her humble subjects now, and honestly, I think she’s earned that status. I need to come back soon and present her with a proper tribute—maybe a tiny velvet pillow or some gourmet kitty treats. Phoenix can get a little bandana that says Official Good Boy or something equally ridiculous and perfect.

Also, don’t even joke—if Phoenix tries to follow me home, I will cry and also probably let him.

hahahahah! It was right there, Charlie, and I just had to go for it. See, that's the kind of thing I've got planned for my lottery winnings, too. Some people use it to buy gold toilets or jets. Us? We want to spread the wealth to the animal community and help them out. The thing with me is I wouldn't stop at shelter dogs and cats; I'd want to help any and all in need. Though I wouldn't go all Tiger King with it, certain animals should return to their homes, if possible, or with organizations that can adequately care for them.

Did you see the newest vids I added to the station's TikTok?? Ember now has her very own crown and robe! She commands us minions to do her bidding.

You bring those treats, and Phoenix will follow you and try to go home with you.

Its name is Carlton, and I swear I'm not imagining the whole thing in a Harvey/Donnie Darko kind of way. Check the park around sunset; that's when I usually see that glorious oinker.

[starringblainearch]

No way! I can still call you if my cat does ever end up stuck in a tree, though, right? So you're from New York as well? It absolutely is, if a complete change of scenery is what you're looking for. It's a huge difference, isn't it? I never imagined myself going back for just a visit, to be honest, but it does feel surprisingly good to be back.

Yes, it's such a good name! And I'd be happy to show you around, especially after hearing you like to do cartwheels and singing on park benches. I've always loved to jump on top of a grand piano or park bench to give an impromptu performance from time to time, so I think we'll get along just fine. And believe it or not, but I'm still finding the occasional glitter every now and then. That stuff is brutal. So — are you by any chance free tomorrow for the grand tour?

And we're not constantly rescuing cats from trees, either! Dude! This is awesome because I'm meeting other people who've moseyd on over from New York over here. So that makes me feel like it's a good spot after living in that chaos! Don't get me wrong, I LOVED how there was lots happening but it does feel nice to take a break from it and actually breathe in fresh air and not all that car exhaust!

Okay but the name Confection Connection is damn cute. Not gonna lie I think I'm gonna be hopped up on all the caffeine and sugar by the end of the weekend. If you see some random guy doing cartwheels and singing on park benches, it's just me. Half tempted to ask if you're free to show me around since you've got a pretty good feel for this city. Oh, and did you ever get all that glitter out or you still sparkling like a Stephanie Meyer's vampire?

[mercedesjonesx]

Mercedes Jones!!!

Mercedes: Matt Schuester!!!

[brodywestonx]

Oh, I know someone that's seen it that many times too, or at least it feels like she has. My niece is obsessed with it and I don't have the heart to tell her that "Defying Gravity" is literally starting to make my ears bleed. It's been a while since I've seen Little Shop of Horrors, I honestly don't even remember what happened in that movie other than the plant telling Seymour to feed him.

You're not alone with that one. I still haven't seen it. Someone offered to show it to me sometime, and maaaaaaaaybe I'll see what it's all about and if it's actually worth watching it 10 times (I know someone who has), but I don't think anything will ever come close to Little Shop of Horrors.

[gabrielcohen-chang]

Ha! I should start a recommendation board at work—“Employee Picks: If We Were Stuck on a Deserted Island with Just One Game.” But nah, this is just me being nosy. As for my answer… drumroll please—I gotta go with Pokémon HeartGold. It’s got nostalgia, my favorite region, a ton of post-game content, and you can have a Pokémon follow you around! Never gets old. Plus, if I’m stuck with one game forever, I need variety, and raising different teams would keep things fresh. But man, Red Dead Redemption is a solid pick. The first game is a classic, and yeah, Arthur’s story in the second one wrecks me. I respect the pain.

My brain took me on a WHOLE unnecessary journey by incorrectly reading that question. OKAY! To forever play a game? Hmmm. One I keep returning to is Red Dead Redemption. It's tough to decide which one because I love both. I will say the first one mainly because Arhur's story guts me each time I play it. What is yours?!? Are you putting these answers up as game suggestions at work?

[mercedesjonesx]

Mercedes: LMAO not you trying to take over the world one name at a time. I need to know—what kind of business do you see “Matt’s” being? Mercedes: I appreciate your dedication to getting the sun to cooperate. Hopefully, it listens! Mercedes: Ohhh, now you have to do it. Frosted tips and all. If you’re gonna commit, commit. I better see some chain wallet action too. Mercedes: And you know I practically live at the bar lol of course I'll be there. And every Friday after that.

Matt: If it was up to me, I would verb the hell out of my name, AND every other kid/pet will be named after me. Whenever someone tells me they're getting a pet, opening a business, or having a baby, I suggest my name. It hasn't happened yet, but one day, Mercedes. It will! I hope Matthew's has some bomb ass margaritas. 🤣😋 Matt: The day before yesterday, I catapulted a very stern letter to the sun. Fingers and toes crossed, when it reads it, it'll divert all its warm sun rays in your direction. But not on you, because you might sizzle underneath its heat! Matt: Y'know it! Matt: Will you be there this Friday night? I have the perfect outfit for this. Even tempted to frost the tips of my hair and fully embrace the 90s vibe.

[gabrielcohen-chang]

Dude, Dead Space was something else, right? And yeah, I totally get you on the backlog front. It seems like there are always more games to play than time to play them. Remastering Condemned would be wild! That game had some seriously creepy moments. The mannequin scene? Yeah, that was pure nightmare fuel.

I manage the GameStop in Allentown, but man, being a gaming QA tester sounds like a blast! It might not always be as glamorous as media tends to make it out to be, but it's always sounded like the kind of thing I'd love doing. I like what I do, though. I mean, talk about video games all day? Yeah, I'm good. And hey, major props to you for pursuing your dream of being a firefighter. That's some real hero stuff right there.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! Dead Space! I did hear about that! If I didn't have a million a half games on my To Be Played list I would pick that one up again. It makes me wish they remaster Condemned as well because that game freaked me out. There was a scene with mannequins and I wanted to nope the fuck out of there.

Where do you work? Ever since I saw Grandma's Boy as a kid I wanted to be a QA tester in gaming. Though I've heard from people that it's nothing like that. Mythic Quest is supposed to be more realistic with what goes on. But, my drive to be a firefighter won out in the end!

[gabrielcohen-chang]

Gabe: okay but now I’m tempted to google “what app are the kids using these days” and that just screams “old guy vibes” 😂 Gabe: also, Grease 2 reference? Respect, respect. I aspire to that Cool Rider energy. 😎 (even if I'm more of a scooter guy lmao) Gabe: DUDE, Dead Rising got a remaster?! How did I miss that? I'm off my game (ha no pun intended). Now I gotta check that out. Is it as chaotic and hilarious as the OG? Please tell me they kept the weird weapon crafting. Gabe: New Year’s Eve was decent! Hung out with some friends from work, played way too many rounds of Mario Kart, and managed to not be the first one to pass out for once lol. How about you? Any wild zombie-fueled parties I should know about?

Matt: hahahahhahaha if it helps, I don't know if there's a newer way of saying that. TBH, most youngins are usually on some other app outside Insta. TikTok, too. Matt: pssssssssh! It did and does include you, buddy bud! As in the awesome words from Grease 2, you're a cool rider. 😉 Matt: well... I'm lounging around the house and playing Dead Rising. They remastered it, and damn, it's good. It feels like I'm playing a brand-new game with how good these graphics look. Matt: how did the rest of your New Year's Eve go?

[gabrielcohen-chang]

Gabe: Okay, you got a point about the Costco samples. It's almost worth making a trip there just to hit all the tables they have set up... not that I've spent a day walking around Costco just for the samples 😂 Gabe: A floor keyboard would be epic! I so want one for my apartment, although having one in the store would be pretty cool too! Maybe I should run the idea by corporate?? Sadly, I can't just decide things for the store even tho I manage it 🙄 Gabe: Souls games are a love-hate relationship. I swear they were designed to test our patience. Prince of Persia brings back memories, though. Good times… and a lot of game over screens 😂 that game taught me I'm just not meant for that type of game play Gabe: Yeah, I'm working Monday. Honestly, I work most days, so come by whenever! I'll hook you up with a discount on whatever you need -- just don't tell corporate lol

Matt: The thing about skipping those boring parts is that you'll miss out on the good things that happen, even during the mundane. The parts I want to skip involve getting gas or paying bills. Shit that I can't see ever having fun with. I don't want to skip grocery shopping because I like getting things. Especially if I hit up Costco samples! Matt: RIGHT?!?!! I still have a mighty need for that floor keyboard. It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine. Matt: The very one! These fucking souls games... But I keep going back. I don't know why, but I kept thinking about Prince of Persia while playing parts of it. Kept dying in that one, too. Matt: You working Monday? Finally gonna get my ass to Allentown and plan to swing by your store.

[mercedesjonesx]

Mercedes: Bedazzle it? Please, you'd probably glue sequins everywhere and call it art. 😆 But seriously, that night was a blast. Mercedes: And yes, I'm definitely framing that picture. It's going right next to my desk for daily inspiration.

Matt: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Matt: I still have the crown from that bachelorette party! Glad they invited us into their fun! Matt: you should print and frame that pic! I’ll bedazzle it.

[mercedesjonesx]

Mercedes: 😋 Now that’s what I’m talking about! Fresh, juicy brisket? You know the way to my heart! 💕 If you find a good BBQ spot, you better save me a plate. No excuses! 😘 Mercedes: Risk management, huh? Yeahhh, not exactly thrilling but necessary, I get it. You’re always looking out for your crew, gotta respect that. Do your thing, Mr. Responsible! Maybe if you're lucky I’ll bring you some wings to get you through the boredom. Mercedes: Julia always rocks it, no surprise there! But don’t even get me started on paperwork. Running this bar has turned me into a paperwork queen, and I did not sign up for that! 😩 I swear, there’s always another form to fill out! Does it ever end?

Matt: 😯😯😯 Hey now! If I’m gonna offer up some brisket I’ll make sure it’s just been smoked and sliced so you get it when it’s fresh and juicy! Don’t know if this city has a decent BBQ spot BUT if I find it I’ll make it up to you 😘 Matt: Exciting to me but probably boring to you. It’s on risk management. Figured my crew can use a refresher course. Matt: Of course Julia’s rocking it! Shes da bomb.com 😁 I am all too familiar with the joys of paperwork. Feel like that’s all I handle nowadays 😫

[charlierhodes]

Oh my god, furrever homes—Matt, that is peak dad joke energy, and I am so here for it. But also, yes to cloning ourselves so we can adopt every single animal. Honestly, if I ever win the lottery, I’m buying a giant house and turning it into a luxury pet sanctuary. No shelter pet left behind! And okay, first of all, those videos? Absolutely iconic. I will not be recovering from the mental image of you narrating their lives anytime soon. Please, please post some on the station’s socials. The world needs to see Ember judging everyone from her ladder throne and Phoenix living his best spoiled lapdog life.

Phoenix was mopey after we left? My heart! That is so tragic. Guess that just means we have no choice but to come back ASAP. And I’ll bring extra treats next time to make it up to him. And, um, a potbelly pig?! What is happening in this town, and why do I love it? If I don’t see this pig waddling down the street soon, I will be filing a complaint.

That's what I said! No animal should ever be without a home. There was a cloning question sent to Kurt, and it just made me realize that cloning could do some good if we clone ourselves so we can adopt every single animal stuck in those shelters. Props to the no-kill ones, but those poor little fuzzballs are still stuck in them. I like to call forever homes furrever homes. ha! I sent a WHOLE bunch to you. I'm not apologizing for how long they are or that I created voices for these two. 😋 Tempted to upload a couple of these to the station's socials.

I pouted the biggest pout to ever pout when I found out I missed your and Poppy's visit. This only means you guys should swing by again. Those treats definitely put you in Phoenix's good favor. I heard he was a mopey boy once you two left. I'm setting out treat jars tomorrow, so whenever you or anyone's pets visit, we've got them ready. Rumor has it one of the locals in the neighborhood just adopted a potbelly big, but we haven't seen it yet.

[charlierhodes]

Aww, poor Phoenix, being stuck there for 10 months! I’m so glad he found his forever home though, and I’m sure the station's love and care will make all the difference. Also, I’m already dying to see the pictures and videos. Like, I am bracing myself for the cuteness overload.

Okay, I’m ready for those photos and videos. I’m absolutely not joking when I say I’ll probably watch them on repeat. As for when Poppy and I can come by, we’re so down! I’ll swing by Friday, hopefully. Otherwise I'll be there this weekend and sorry if you can't be there for it! And I’m gonna bring some treats too, so I better be allowed to spoil them both!

Yessssss! We went back and forth with different names, and those stuck. It was important for me and the station to get a dog at the shelter the longest, and poor Phoenix was there for close to 10 months. Thank God he was at a no-kill shelter. Oh, I got pictures. AND videos. Get ready for the bombardment. Pluuuuuus, they're wearing little costumes, though Ember is NOT a fan of hats.

Okay, okay, It was more like 1,999,999,999 days. Yes, yes you do. When will we get to spend some time with you and Pops? I'm at the station tomorrow and Friday if you guys wanna come on by. Ember girl is convinced the ladder truck is her home. She chills on the roof. Phoenix is still getting used to things, but he's pretty much a lapdog. When one of the crew takes a break in our media room, you'll find Phoenix snoozing on their lap. He's a happy pup, which we love to see, given his past.

[charlierhodes]

Okay, first of all, obsessed with those names. Ember and Phoenix? That is so on-brand for a fire station. I love it. And a pittie?! Ugh, my heart. They are the sweetest babies. You better be sending me pictures ASAP because I need to see these little cuties.

Also, 2,000,000,000 days is such an exaggeration, but I will allow it since you brought me adorable news. Poppy and I have to come meet them. Like, immediately. She’s gonna lose her tiny little mind over new friends. Tell me everything—how are they settling in? Who’s already spoiling them the most? And please tell me Ember has claimed some ridiculous high-up spot as her throne because that just feels right.

That's the spirit, Charlie! It's one I try to adapt to most things in life. I'm not blind to the horrors. God, have I seen the horrors firsthand. If I don't allow my inner golden retriever demeanor to take over occasionally, I will be in a sad puddle for a good chunk of time. Which is no bueno. I do help where I can or sprinkle sunshine whenever possible.

It's been 2000000000 days since we last chatted; that's my bad HOWEVERRRRRR I come bearing good news! The station adopted a dog and a kitty cat. Ember the cat (Calico) and Phoenix the pup. Phoenix is a pitbull rescue.