#fuck i miss aleks so much sometimes like maybe they didnt know me so much and i kept a lot back but they were there for a while at least | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toastsnaffler · 1 year

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i hate being everyones depressed friend bc i dont wanna be a fucking downer + also at a core level i dont actually believe the world is miserable etc + i genuinely have a lot of lust 4 life + enjoy being a bit silly to keep the horrors at bay but also maintaining this 'only mildly depressed but still a fun guy to be around!' persona/facade around ppl makes me want to rip all my fucking skin off sometimes

#like great well i guess i will just never have a shred of real human connection ever in my life forever 👍#bc no one is able to handle even seeing me at the most diluted base level of depressed i let them glimpse. let alone hold space w me #this isnt rly in relation to anything specific ive just been having a rly tough week + theres no one to tell abt it so i just have to cope #and even if anyone did give a shit theyd have to be willing to ask and dig to keep me completely truthful and also id have to trust them #in other words its just not smth that could possibly happen lmfao #fuck i miss aleks so much sometimes like maybe they didnt know me so much and i kept a lot back but they were there for a while at least #and that was enough yknow it doesnt have to be all that much im not asking for the world here just someones shoulder every now and then #urhgfhg oh well. its ok this is just how it goes how the cards are dealt etc. at least im not affecting anyone. at least im here for myself #hopefully tomorrow will be a little better etcetcetc over and over for the rest of my life #if anyones reading this sorry for being grumpy ill be alright i promise just needed 2 vent a bit! kissing u on the forehead + tucking u in #goodnighttghrthtthkt #.vent

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