#this isnt rly in relation to anything specific ive just been having a rly tough week + theres no one to tell abt it so i just have to cope

[toastsnaffler]

i hate being everyones depressed friend bc i dont wanna be a fucking downer + also at a core level i dont actually believe the world is miserable etc + i genuinely have a lot of lust 4 life + enjoy being a bit silly to keep the horrors at bay but also maintaining this 'only mildly depressed but still a fun guy to be around!' persona/facade around ppl makes me want to rip all my fucking skin off sometimes

[matoitech]

What are your top-3 werewolf tropes (popular or obscure) or things you wish to see more in stories about/with werewolves?

ooo rly interesting question and surprisingly tough for me to answer.. i think 'tropes i hate' are probably easier to identify LOL but for some tropes i like hmmm:

i tend to enjoy werewolf transformations however it goes in that universe's werewolf lore, whether its painful and bone breaky and screamy or painful but feels good afterward or magical and painless or whatever, i think theyre all cool and they can all say a lot abt how u want ur werewolves to be viewed and what ur trying to say w them. i think my personal favorite is like, there is some level of pain but more than anything its a RELIEF to get to shift so its worth the pain. theres lots of things in life like that and growing up i could relate a lot to feeling like i was ready to burst out of my 'shell' as in body into who i REALLY was. on multiple levels lol

pack as being a better version of family was a huge one for me as a kid. i didnt have a good home life or childhood so i dreamed of finding out i was a werewolf and getting to run away and live in the woods as a wolf with a group of ppl that loved me, that was better than 'family' and meant more. tho it should also be stated this was more like a fantasy scenario for KID me; as an adult i love political dramas in fiction so complicated pack politics seem really fun to write now. i still wrote them to an extent when i was younger into my werewolf stories too but more than anything i had the dream of it being like a total freedom and actually getting to be loved as who you really were thing. i also like werewolf universes where they DONT rly have either packs of groups that function as packs, whatever works for the narrative and lore the best, but i loved the whole pack thing a lot growing up

i love werewolves being able to be used to represent so many things.. this isnt rly a trope in particular but i love the expressiveness and creativity and originality and fluidity their stories can have and i think its rly cool how many ppl can be compelled by them and attracted to the potential in these stories. theres so MUCH you can do w them that goes incredibly underutilized. if i wanted to always write a different way of looking at or approaching or relating real human experiences to werewolves, or even just slightly different ways the werewolves function (and you have so many different KINDS of werewolves; dif levels of animal and human mind combo as a four legged wolf, furry anthro werewolves, beast werewolves, etc) i would never run out of material or alternative ideas. thereis so much that can make a werewolf story a werewolf story and a werewolf a werewolf. theres so many personal reasons ive always loved and felt connected to them. this is partly getting into the 'what id love to see' thing, but just HUGE massive potential in writing abt stuff like disability for example that u just never see. werewolves r smth ive always rly deeply loved a lot and been fascinated with and i think it shows in how like Personal me talking abt werewolves tends to get lol. this wasnt rly a trope but im counting it

for more things i want more in werewolf stories.. lots of stuff specific and niche to me personally lol, but i want them to stop being so goddamn cisgender i think werewolf stories r one of those things where the way gender is handled is so unneccessarily bad SO much of the time for no reason i can see. i guess ppl want to be '''realistic''' to animals but gender does Not work like that for animals so theyre just being annoying for no reason. theres a lot of gender essentialism in a lot of werewolf stuff? which is incredibly grating. and obviusly shitty

anyway as a dif thing one of my biggest qualms w werewolf stories is that i rly dislike the incorrect 'alpha' dynamics + crazy aggression of the pack members against each other like werewolves r Biologically Evil thing that shows up a lot in werewolf stories by ppl who dont know anything abt wolves or wolf pack dynamics, or just dont care i guess. i dont care abt 'alpha/omega' shit at all i never write that kinda stuff. so i want more things that Dont use that. lol

id love to see more werewolves who Like being werewolves lol. being realistic abt like the pros and the cons here but there is NO reason why there r so few stories abt werewolves who actually like being werewolves or at least like some aspects of it. theres not enough furries writing these things i guess. oh i forgot to mention i like never think of lycanthropy as a 'curse' unless im writing it For A Reason. other characters viewing it as a curse while the werewolf doesnt, thats another story. i think its just boring and too like horror werewolf tropey to me. being able to turn into a wolf man is not a curse what the hell thats like the coolest power ever. i see ppl complaining abt how werewolves r 'too happy to just realize they have cool powers and start killing ppl they dont like for fun, i want to see them be SAD abt it' but i dont actualy see the 'enjoying murdering for fun' a lot in media so idk what theyre talking abt. i guess horror, maybe, where the werewolves r the villains? i see way more of them moping abt how hard it is to be cursed to be a furry. bite ME then if you hate it so much

i could keep going but i am gonna cut myself off now lol, tysm for asking! i could say lots more but its 2 am lol

[inadeepanddarkdecember]

[[ this is kinda rambly and piecemeal and out of order since its an edited convo off of discord from before cy’s heart got replaced, but i decided i wanted this Extra Large thalassemia infodump on my blog. go read this primer first for basic info on thal; cyrus’s form is beta thalassemia major. ]]

even with a perfectly healthy and functional heart, cy'd still have a too fast pulse and likely have arrhythmias; that comes with the territory of his anemia, and he could still develop heart failure again later in life. the problem with cy's current heart is that its been scarred to shit by the extra iron in his body from his blood transfusions and hes developed cardiomyopathy as a result, which at this point is virtually guaranteed to kill him before he turns 30, even if he takes perfect care of himself and never develops any other complications from his thalassemia ever (which aint fuckin likely). this failing heart just deals worse with arrhythmias he already has, especially under stress, and already struggles to keep up enough blood pressure.

bone marrow transplants are currently the closest thing to a cure for thalassemia we have and hellll no he has not had that done i doubt hes even on a waiting list. with his shit in the state hes in, its questionable if he'd even survive the process its pretty intense, nevermind the finances and healing and finding a match and even so much as qualifying to have it done.

cyrus goes in for a blood transfusion every three weeks. when transfusion dates get close, within a few days, hes more tired; he doesnt go out; he can be moodier; he can get headaches and dizzy spells. he feels best after a transfusion, then its just a slow decline till the date rolls around again. i tend to rp him within a week or two of being transfused most of the time simply bc its easier to get him out there interacting with people.

sometimes they coincide with transfusion dates, sometimes they don't, but he has longer appointments to check up on his other bodily functions every so often. theres general stuff, looking at his counts, then more specialized appointments to keep an eye specifically on his heart or check up on his liver and other organs as needed.

thalassemia by itself kills a person through not having enough blood to get oxygen around the body; this is solved through blood transfusions. chronic anemia means chronic transfusions. which would be fine! except chronic transfusions cause a build-up of iron in the body, and that shit is toxic and where the more fatal complications tend to stem from for thalassemia patients. also, being anemic means your body thinks it needs iron, so it's prone to absorb more from food than the average person, an added bonus. consequently, there are certain foods cyrus avoids. legumes, dark leafy greens, etc. look up any list of iron-rich foods, and thats a list of shit cyrus ought to be avoiding or indulging rarely. (funnily enough, these lists also are often advertised towards anemic people because those who arent transfused have the opposite problem.) part of his tea drinking habit is because tea inhibits iron absorption, along with he just likes it. coffee works too and he doesnt object to it, but he prefers tea.

another consequence of chronic transfusions is that you end up with a lot of old shitty dead blood cells in your system, and your spleen is left to clean it up. unfortunately, when faced with that much to clean, it can enlarge (splenomegaly) and become overactive (hypersplenism). so it starts removing healthy blood cells too quickly and too early, which can cause the anemic patient to need more blood when being transfused, which risks more iron, and not to mention its generally uncomfortable for the patient with the enlarged spleen. in short, this happened to cyrus, so his spleen has been removed. spleens, however, also play an important role in the immune system, so he was already kinda vulnerable as an anemic, but having no spleen makes him doubly at risk of infections. he takes antibiotics as part of his daily pharmaceutical regime.

during cold and flu season, docs tend to strongly suggest he wear surgical masks during school and whenever hes around a lot of people in public places, but he almost never does. he doesnt like the attention it gets him esp in school, but sometimes he'll do it when hes on public transit or anything. he does carry hand sanitizer with him a lot of the time tho

bc his immune system is fragile, he often goes in-patient for what would be minor sicknesses for us, esp if theres a fever. he tends to be hit hard by them, and being sick can make his counts plummet as his body tries to fight off the disease.

coming back around to iron related bullshit, iron overload is treated by iron chelation, for which there are mainly two medicines, deferoxamine and deferasirox, and cyrus uses the latter because i have never been able to find out enough goddamn information about deferoxamine. deferoxamine is the more common and cheaper of the two medicines; its injected subcutaneously over the course of 8-12 hours and has its own list of side effects and the process itself tends to be kinda painful from the accounts ive read. its done at home, often while the patient sleeps bc... well, when else are you gonna get a child to sit still for 8-12 hours. its definitely the one cyrus was on for a while, when he was younger. bc ive had a hellish time finding info on the pump used for deferoxamine and more about that medicine generally, cy’s currently on deferasirox. slightly different side effects, but otherwise does the same job in pill form.

thalassemia patients who've been cared for properly should be healthier than cyrus is. most patients his age havent had a heart attack already and arent dealing with heart failure, not yet. his parents have always struggled financially to keep up with his medical bills, but there was a time when he was still young that they still thought they could manage if they just worked hard enough. they were too proud to accept help, and he suffered for it. they eventually gave in but even then still struggled to keep up. sometimes a sudden unexpected change in insurance policy would fuck em for a while finanacially. so sometimes they'd not fill a perscription for a while or wait longer than they should to take him in-patient, hoping he might just tough out a cold or smth. sometimes he'd manage to do that and have abysmal blood counts next time he went in, and a couple of times he got so sick he was legit on death's doorstep by the time he got to the hospital and needed way longer to recover. sometimes cyrus would be too fussy about the deferoxamine and they didnt have the energy that night to force him to accept it or he'd turn off the machine himself after they left. not too often, he was pretty good about just accepting it and did most of the time, but it def happened more than a few times. and if it had already been activated, they couldnt reuse it and had to throw the dose out, in which case that was it he skips it no replacement they cant afford it not in the budget.

and because the effects of iron overload are long-term ones for the most part, it was easy to be like "ehh he seems fine for now". like, they knew the risks, but it was hard to see them as anything but so far in the distance as to be irrelevant. cyrus himself isnt great about the whole self-care thing either; his depression has helped nothing. he's been known to just flush or toss pills in a small spiteful act of rebellion, all his parents care about is that hes still alive and their money, and medicine's expensive, so wouldnt it just piss em off to throw it all away. he'll eat foods he shouldnt for similar reasons, along with just the pleasure of it. and sometimes he hits the sort of suicidal low where he just.... doesnt see the point. each dose he takes is a choice to keep living, and sometimes that choice isnt one he wants to make.

no one quite realized how bad he was tho till his first heart attack. he was so young; the docs dont rly know when hes skipping, so they werent watching too closely for the effects of it. and the damage his body took over time was amplified by his frequent stress. the heart and liver are the ones most affected by iron overload; his liver is somewhat damaged too, but thats not too bad yet, not as bad as his heart.

other little thal things: hormone levels can get super fucked. cy's puberty was a bit delayed, and his testosterone levels remain kinda low compared to average, so hes not as hairy as his genetics might otherwise dictate. he will never be able to grow a proper beard; it'll always be way too patchy and uneven. and despite what his touch aversion and other factors like stress and said low testosterone might lead you to believe, hes got a pretty strong sex drive, though he suppresses the hell out of it.

he was homeschooled for his first few years of elementary bc health concerns, but that couldnt be sustained bc of cost. so he rejoined public school since then. i wouldnt be surprised if his peers used his puberty delays against him, but i'd expect they were making fun of him less bc he was a late bloomer and more at his general girlishness, esp since this would also be around the time he was growing out his hair.

he has had people do the "lookit me ive befriended the sad disabled kid arent i good <3" schtick (which esp pisses him off bc its similar to shit melinda pulls) and hes met the people who try to be nice to him for three days then turn a 180 on him when he doesnt immediately cheer up and get all buddy buddy with them. and hence he now treats kindness from strangers with extreme skepticism, suspicion, and aggression. (thomas also feeds into this but ye) it scares off plenty of legitimately nice people who he could have befriended, buuut.

Oh, a couple Fun Facts I forgot to mention. bc anemia, he bruises easy and injuries generally take longer than normal to heal. And in part bc depression and in part bc meds are prone to fucking with his appetite, either killing it entirely or just making him nauseated, he tends to not eat enough and is kind of underweight. Melinda put him in charge of dinner most nights as part of a genuine good faith effort to ensure he's getting at least one good meal and get him home when he's supposed to be.