#fuckin corporate fucks gimme our pirates

[knowlesian]

fuck it i want to talk about the kiss.

because this kiss is perfect. absolutely perfect.

regardless of the exact level of experience these two actually have with the mechanics of kissing (and i would guess it’s not much), kissing like this is new to both of them.

stede has been accidentally giving ed an entire ocean of mixed signals. because this say fellas, is it gay when involves a list of things like ‘leans in close and treats you kindly and wears your pants and so desperately wants to make you happy and offers to co-captain a ship’ as well as ‘picks up zero hints, does not seem to be aware of the way you want to kiss him, there’s some chick named mary up in this, fuckin for REAL is he gay or from new zealand???? i cannot fucking measure this ratio, it’s so weird’ & etc

so ed has been making aborted moonlight leans and being like STAB ME! THE STABBING IS A METAPHOR! PLEASE WOULD YOU GET WITH THIS, MY THIRST IS INTENSE and staring at stede like he’s made entirely out of red silk handkerchiefs, etc.

and now that the shit has truly hit the fan ed finally, finally, is like. fuck it. here we are, alone on a beach together, my beard is gone and your ship is gone and everything is fucked up, but just being with you makes me happy. 

literally at this point why not? worst case, stede clarifies that ed has been misreading the feelings building between them. 

(it must be said because thinking it hurts and i am nothing but generous with sharing the pain: that he misread stede like he misread the party at first, because the rules of the social road ed learned require a whole different set of skills than stede learned in his fancy world of melon spoons and tureens.) 

ed knows that if stede rejects him, he can always skip out to nurse his wounds alone. this is a perfect fuck it, shooting my shot moment.

so he pushes past the false start where he gets derailed by turtles and toes (and neatly sets up the finale at the same time, i love good writing i really do) and just lays it all out. right now, he doesn’t want to curve to fit around the spaces somebody else wants him to fill: he wants to do what makes ed happy.

and then because stede is at his core so fucking kind, he comes through in the clutch here and says the exact right thing once again, just like he did when he told ed he wore fine things well. there are a lot of responses stede could give here that would be... fine, or terrible, but this is the perfect one.

what makes ed happy means: i care what makes you happy. i might even want to be the one making you happy, on a longterm and regular basis. 

it also means: i’m not going to staple my narrow, not you-approved idea of what makes you happy on your face and then get pissed when you’re not 100% into it, because that is a clear pattern in your life.

literally the best and most beautiful thing stede could have said. unerringly hitting the heart of the things ed wants most, and totally on accident.

and then ed delivers the favor in kind, finishing it off with the absolute perfect thing he could say to stede, slowly because hooooly shit this is much scarier than getting stabbed and also totally on accident: stede makes him happy.

not just the fun they’ve had together, or the access to shared fancy pants and plans to match. just stede, existing in the world at all, and being by ed’s side.

which implies, even in these much less pleasant circumstances stede makes him happy. (and the unthinkable thought: if stede makes ed happy when things are generally not going well, maybe ed could still feel that way even if stede himself makes him unhappy once in a while.

you know: like how people are when they say they love you and they mean it.)

so stede bluescreens a bit because this is the first compliment of his life on this calibre and also he has no idea what to say to that, since he’s never heard it before! literally nobody has been like: hey stede. the fact that you’re in the world is very cool. you yourself are a net positive, and you make me happy just by existing.

AND THEN. THE FUCK IT TIPPING POINT. SHE IS HERE.

it’s not a teenage first date thing, though the vibes aren’t far off: but these are two men who just heard and said the thing the other most wanted to hear.

what makes you happy, ed? / what makes ed happy is you.

they both emphasize the other in that moment; they both receive everything they’ve ever wanted. 

(also it’s just some super fun wordplay. hate this team.)

anyway: the best slightly awkward but incredibly perfect first kiss.

i love that neither of them are in the perfect position for this; i love that stede is 100% not prepared and ed has to shift to keep it going and drops his hand slowly to the middle of stede’s back while he raises the other to touch his neck, and his FINGERS BRUSH STEDE’S THROAT which, fuck that. throats are vulnerable; thin skin, jugulars, the place where the pulse beats, etc. vampires like throats, weird serial killers like throats, lovers like throats. it’s all very metaphors gone wild and tender, because you have to feel pretty safe to let somebody touch your throat on purpose. 

anyway: i love stede’s little ‘mmph!’ sound, it’s all just so fucking perfect. 

and then ed cups stede’s face and i want to gnaw on SHEET METAL and he KEEPS IT THERE? KEEPS IT THERE. “your hand on my chest is my hand” style? look. i just. i hate the little details each of the actors on this stupid mean to me show emphasizes. the physicality of this cast is fucking insane and it makes me want to go full red stringboard doing a rewatch for each character and only paying attention to what they’re doing so i can really appreciate all these ridiculously talented people.

this show ruined my life, news at eleven, i will never think about anything else.

so yeah! ed is STILL CRADLING STEDE’S JAW stede is saying you make stede happy, i am throwing my fucking tv out the window, etc.

aaaaand then they start making the kind of plans that don’t have great longterm feasibility and the narrative starts to get the road ready for chauncey to royally fuck things up for everybody-slash-probably make things better in the long run but turns out we do not, in fact, have to hand it to chauncey for derailing a plan that would eventually have led to things going sour and then i cry, but that’s for the recaps etc.