#funniest fucking compliment i have ever gotten and also now my favorite

[brainfullofbees]

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[kimabutch]

I'm so sorry if you've gotten a similar question but just out of curiosity: What are your favorite things about each of the M9? (It can be just the first thing to come to mind, I just really like hearing your takes on them)

Oh thank you, that’s such a compliment!! Ok, going in alphabetical order (and excluding Molly not because I don’t love him, but because I feel like I don’t have a great handle on his personality anymore):

Beau:

Oh god I love her so much, it’s hard to even know where to begin! Maybe with the fact that Marisha might have my favourite sense of humour of all the cast. Beau makes me burst out in laughter at least once per episode. 

I love her strong instincts to help others — it’s been there from the beginning, with her attempts to stop the circus people from getting arrested, or her tucking in Jester. I feel like her decision to be a better person was a turning point not so much in her care for others, but in how much she admitted that to herself.

That being said, she’s tried so hard to keep that promise to herself, and to keep being better. She tries so hard to be more social. She tries so hard to treat her friends with tenderness that’s never been shown to her. She tries to hard to be an expositor, and to be patient, and to investigate shit. She tries so hard not to lie, and to be more emotionally vulnerable. And she’s succeeding! I’m so proud of her. 

I love that she’s a gnc lesbian, and that this is a big part of her story, and important. I literally cannot tell you how much it means to me that she’s a lesbian. 

Caduceus

Cad has been such a calming, loving presence in the show since his arrival in e28, but most of all I love his cracks — the times when he’s not as “good” as he first appears.

I love that he’s so incredibly judgmental, and has such strong opinions even though he initially appears quite humble and mild. It’s such a cool character choice, and 100% makes sense.

He also genuinely has no idea what he’s doing so much of the time, and I think that’s very cool and relatable of him. 

I really respect how much Taliesin has developed him since his initial creation. Tal has talked a bunch about how much lore he’s made for Cad since that one weekend where he created him, and I think it really shows in the way he’s played him. Having caught up about 5 episodes after he was introduced, I feel like I’ve gotten the chance to watch him being fleshed out in real time. 

Caleb:

Liam has said this too, but I love how even though Caleb is a serious, tragic character in many ways, he can be as much the source of gags as anyone else. He’s hilarious, and you can see his sense of humour shining through even when Caleb is trying his best not to show it.

I like that his story is one of healing. Not necessarily clear, linear healing, but gradual, realistic progress. Even if he “breaks” again — and he might — there have been times when he’s laughed with friends, times where he’s gone a little easier on himself, and times when he’s let other people help. There’s no taking that away, no matter what happens later. 

Despite the last two bullet points, I’ll admit that part of the reason I started listening to CR was for the angst, and boy has he delivered. Sometimes you need sad characters, y’know?

But beyond angst, I’m so glad Liam is playing Caleb with a sensitivity to how trauma works and consideration of real-life mental illness. I don’t relate to Caleb’s story, but I see parts of my own mental illness experiences in him, portrayed in a genuinely thoughtful way. 

Fjord:

Ok so I relate a lot to Fjord and it’s very difficult for me to talk about him without talking about myself 

With that being said: I appreciate that as a character, a lot of his issues stem from him being bullied as a kid. I’ve said it before, but it really helps me when I feel ashamed of being so affected by childhood bullying

I love that he’s simultaneously charismatic/smooth and nervous/awkward, and somehow those two things are both believable and don’t negate each other at all. He can be a bit of a disaster of a person, and yet people will believe what he says. 

I fucking adore warlocks. The first character I ever played was a warlock and they’ll probably always be my #1 spellcasting class.

Jester:

I love how dedicated Laura is with her Jester pranks. Both how she roleplays them even when there might be serious consequences because that’s what Jester would do, but also how they can turn into really cool moments that drive Jester’s character arc forward — from her Bahamut prank to “get out of my temple!”

Every time she cries or is sad, I feel my soul trying to leave my body and enter Exandria through my screen so that I can give her a hug. Laura plays the chinks in Jester’s well-crafted happy armour so well.

Combat clerics are so, so much fun, and so is the entire concept of the Traveler, and Jester’s relationship to him. It’s really different than a lot of clerics I’ve seen. 

Out of all the characters, I am maybe most interested in finding out where Jester’s character development is going. I feel like there’s still a giant dam to break, and I don’t now how it will happen or what it will look like. I think she’s already changed so much in how she thinks about the world and relates to others, but it’s clear that she’s not yet at peace. 

Nott:

It took me a solid dozen episodes to warm up to her voice and now it’s one of my favourite parts of campaign 2. Particularly when she screams. 

Ditto what I said about Fjord and childhood bullying — her backstory is so important to me. Also ditto what I said about Caleb and mental illness: Sam has clearly given a lot of thought to how trauma has shaped Nott, and I’m so glad that her journey through mental illness isn’t straightforward. 

Like with Jester, I find her to be a very cool take on her class, as a rogue who’s terrified to take the lead and who, despite her sneakiness, is among the most willing to use her own body as a distraction to save her friends. I also love the trope-defying fact that she’s a mom. 

I love that she has all of 5 CHA and tells the worst lies, but pulled a lying long con for 49 episodes, both on the M9 and on viewers… but somehow, it still felt realistic that she’d be able to pull that off, because Nott’s deception wasn’t based so much in outright lies about her backstory (she definitely did lie, but many of the lies contradicted each other or fell apart on close examination), but on evasion, her speciality as a rogue. 

Yasha:

She’s soft! She’s so soft! She’s tender and quiet and loves the beautiful things in life, and for me it’s not just about the contrast between her toughness and her softness (although I do appreciate that, especially as someone who’s been told they’re intimidating, both online and irl), but also about how genuine it is: you can feel it in the way she talks and how Ashley moves when she plays her. 

She is awkward as hell, and it’s so good. Yasha’s dialogue, both with NPCs and with other PCs, is consistently some of the funniest stuff in the show. Ashley really lets that 7 CHA, 9 WIS shine through in all its glory. 

I think her backstory reveal was the first time I bawled while watching CR, but it was fun because of the rising anticipation as she revealed that she’s a wlw. 

Her rage is so interesting! Every barbarian so far in the show (Grog, Lionel, Yasha) has played rage slightly differently, and I appreciate them all — but I think there’s something special about how rage is so clearly emotionally fraught for Yasha. I hope and believe that they’ll explore this more after she’s saved from Obann. 

[stormbrvkers-archived]

the 20 Questions of Positivity

or lack thereof anyway~ got tagged by @bisexualthors (thanks naomi!!) to do dis, and i’m tagging @himboshapt, @nadjas, @damerondjarin, @inthorantine, and @caracynthiadune. no pressure ofc and enjoy! 1. name (4) fictional characters who showcase your personality the best; explanations are optional - (1) rosa diaz (b99); she channels my inner edge lord/ (2) toph beifong (atla); she could step on me for all intents and purposes but her sass is a total mood/ (3) san (princess mononoke); she runs with wolves, literally, the lifelong fantasy i’ve had since i was four/ (4) tsume (wolf’s rain); he’s got trust issues out the wazoo but he’s got a heart of gold underneath, also totally relatable to me now than when i was younger sdfkljds 2. aesthetic - the smell of fresh cut grass while there’s a cool breeze on a sunny day 3. favorite musical/ play - .. can i say Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream even though i’ve never seen a live performance? 4. what is the best compliment you’ve ever gotten? - that i look like my mom. it’s great when people i barely know but knew my mom say that, but it weirds me out for a sec when i see it in the mirror 5. how many times have you been in love? - im a libra how dare u   twice, i think. 6. embarrassing story or fact abt yourself that makes you laugh now? - can’t think of one atm sorry 7. favorite disney/pixar movie? - ogod how dare u make me choose  zootopia or brave 8. favorite flower or plant? - succulents (i have 2 right now that are on my mobile bg, named Merry and Pippin)! also wildflowers, and water lilies 9. what’s your favorite holiday? - halloween!! and christmas bcos i love winter and or winter clothes lol 10. name (3) things that made you laugh or smile this last week - (1) my dog woofing in her sleep, (2) finishing my Wolf’s Rain fic, (3) picking fresh fruit bcos it’s hot as hell here in the great country of TX and fruit is a must slkfjwd 11. what song would you play to introduce yourself to someone? - oh god that’s a thing..?  “killer queen” by Queen, or “the Chain” by Fleetwood Mac 12. name something that truly makes you feel peaceful even at your most stressed moments - watching videos of one of my favorite comedians on Youtube 13. what do/ did/ would you study at college? - i Was aiming to get an associates in Graphic Design and, briefly, i considered changing it to Illustration but i got lazy and saw the measure of a hassle it would’ve been to change my major so i was like Eh this works 14. (kinda) weird question! which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself? - a black hand-me-down tank and my blue Garfield pj pants, most at ease especially since i’m at home all the time (covid horseshit aside) 15. what is a quote you live by? - i don’t really live by (1) quote bcos i like a lot of quotes, but there’s one that shakespeare said, ‘Though she be but little, she is fierce’. mood  16. name the funniest playlist title you have - sldkfjwe welp i don’t rly have that problem bcos, meticulous as i am with playlist titles, i haven’t had the pleasure lol 17. make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context - HARBULARY (sdlfkjwelf) 18. what is a message you would give your younger self if given the chance? - fuck what people may think or say; be a better friend to your gal pals; ask Josh out in hs; appreciate mom more.. also dump whats-his-face asap bc hes a limp-noodle toolbag  19. who is your favorite family member (if your blood relatives suck then mention some1 from your found family)? - (1) my mom was amazing, total saint. (2) my dad’s pretty cool too, i get a lot of my mannerisms from him lol. (3) my grandpa (on my dad’s side) is like my dad lol but he’s always been my fave between he and my grandma as long as i can remember 20. what’s a secret dream of yours? - to make my own graphic novel someday? that’s all i can think of off the top of my head tbh

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

so this might totally not work but how about a scenario where Kuroo, Iwaizumi, Akaashi and Oikawa (sorry if it's too many?) had like a bad breakup with their (now) ex and they're trying to get back with her or smth and they have this one friend supporting them in the make up but also comforting and trying to distract them and stuff?? and at some point they realize they're actually in love with their friend? Or maybe she actually goes to whoop their ex's ass when she's being particularly mean 😂

Hhhhhmmmm well I usually only allow 3 characters at a time, but I’ll make an exception for this one! Mostly because it has a degree of angst that I absolutely love! But please be sure to limit to 3 for scenarios! Thanks love for the request! - Admin Satori

Kuroo Tetsurou:

Your heart had started hurting at the beginning of this mess. Your love for Kuroo shriveling up and aching when he’d gone off and found himself a girlfriend. He seemed so happy, so content with life and excited for the future… you’d kept quiet… you’d kept quiet and settled for being his friend.

Because you’d rather be his friend than nothing at all. Confessing to him how you felt once he was happy with how things were going would only threaten your friendship…. And if you had to go on without him? You don’t know what you’d do. He was your sunshine.

Yet…. About a week ago… his warm smiles seemed to dim before altogether extinguishing before your eyes when he admitted his girlfriend had dumped him.

For someone else. One of his friends from college.

“Because I’ve got a really ugly laugh, she said it freaked her out.” He chuckled halfheartedly, shrugging easily before running his fingers through his hair - he was staring into the mirror in his bathroom. You had come over to hang out and have fun with your friend, take joy in his company… but this wasn’t a side of Kuroo you were used to.

“An ugly laugh? Not even!” You scoffed, “She’s insane. Let her go ruin her life.”

But he didn’t let up. He wanted her back. He changed everything about himself so she would want him back. He cut his hair - short. Cropped black hair. He pierced his ears because that’s what his friend had.

You couldn’t do anything but watch in horror as he transformed everything for her. He wore different clothes, too baggy and weird matchups. Hats and too big glasses… Were those prescription based? Had he really spent more money to get new frames for his glasses?

“Tetsu-“ But he wouldn’t hear it from you. Too in his own head trying to figure out ways to change himself.

“_______, which one is better?”

Resting your hands on his, you had him lower the clothing out of the way, “Tetsurou….. Let’s go out on the town today…” He rolled his eyes, about to bring up the clothes as a show of ‘duh that’s why I’m asking you what to wear’, but you held his hands down, “Don’t you have any normal people clothes?” You smiled, but the irate tick of his eyebrow had you internally shrinking away from him.

Had you said something wrong? Was this really that serious?

So you slowly pulled your hands away, down casting your gaze before stepping back, “Sorry.. You probably have plans with her today, huh? Uhm… I guess.. Just shoot me a text if you need anything, okay?”

He didn’t respond, and you took that as your cue to leave.

You didn’t see him for days after that. He was busy. Taking classes on how to mask his speech to make it sound like whatever language was his mother tongue. Going shopping on his own to pick out the most similar clothing he could to the guy his ex was dating. He even changed his laugh… You hadn’t heard his real laugh in about a month now…

If you were being honest with yourself, you’re heart would break knowing you couldn’t even recreate his laugh in your memories. All you could hear is his forced laugh… he wasn’t happy, and yet he didn’t even see it himself.

But you were there for him. Sending him messages here and there, encouraging him to find himself before trying to get her back, sending the funniest of memes you’d think he’d like.

But you were hurting. More now than ever before. Because the young man you loved, the one you could see yourself with for the rest of your life… was slipping away. Slowly being replaced by some kind of imitation human.

You’d had it though. You were tired of watching him water down his personality because she couldn’t understand. Because she was the problem. He was perfect the way he was. “Wow, you’re so much smarter than me, I’m blown away by your brilliance.” He’d stumble over his fast learned French, complimenting her in a language she didn’t even understand but that she found ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’.

Irritation in your veins, you simply turned to her, and her smug smile, and growled out, “You’re a fucking idiot.” You were so angry. So furious. Before she could jump at the opportunity to shut you down, you were right there with your fury, “What kind of airhead are you? You don’t even KNOW French and you’re forcing him to learn it? For what? A chance to be by your side? Do you know how many women would JUMP at the opportunity to have Tetsurou for who he is? Millions.”

She scoffed, “Oh yeah right. He was an absolute loser before I-“

“No! No he fucking wasn’t!” You completely lost tack of where you were, your anger getting the better of your words, of your thought process. “He was smart! He still IS smart! Way more ‘brilliant’ than you! He learned French… in 2 weeks! Just to impress you! He changed everything about himself for you! And you’re still seeing someone else? Why even drag him along if you’re not going to commit? Why make him change everything about himself, everything I loved, if you don’t even want him?”

A simple shrug. “It was funny.”

No care. No sympathy. She didn’t care. She didn’t love him. He was her toy and she was having fun.

You didn’t even notice when you raised your hand to hit her.

But another hand held you back. “How cute~! You were pining this whole time? Oh, if I had known that, I would have made him change much more…” Then she was walking away, tossing a “Come on, Tetsu~, we’ve got some shopping to do~.”

“Uh…. Go on ahead of me… I’ll catch up….”

You roughly pulled your arm from his hold, but soon found all the fight had been leaked out of you in that moment of fury. You were tired. Tired and hurt.

Kuroo didn’t leave to catch up, though. He stayed with you. Silent. Watching your emotions play out on your face before you gathered what was left of your strength to cover what you were feeling. Hurt. Lost. Loss. You wanted to lash out, get him away from you as quickly as possible just so you could have your alone time - time to grieve over the young man who would never want you.

“I can’t…. I can’t do this anymore, Tetsurou… I can’t… It’s not healthy for me to watch you lose yourself for someone like..” Your hand waved weakly in the direction his ex had walked off in, “I just.. I don’t have it in me anymore.” When had your eyes welled with tears? No matter because you could feel a few of them slip passed your control down your cheeks. “I can’t stand by anymore… I can’t fight her… I can’t…. Your heart isn’t mine to fight for anymore, and that much is so fucking obvious since you’re just going to go after her and-“

Lips against yours. Hands cupping your face. You felt your heart break just a bit inside your chest at the mere idea of this being a dream or a trick. But if this were a dream or trick… what was the harm in indulging in the feeling of warmth spreading throughout your body?

So you fell. You fell for him harder than you had in the very beginning. Your hands held his against your cheeks, feeling his thumbs rubbing away your runaway tears, “I’m not… I’m not going after her… I’m not going anywhere…” Was that a choir singing in your ears at the sound of his real voice? That didn’t help dry your tears, but it had your heart swelling in your chest.

Kuroo kissed you softly, tenderly, anxiety eating at his core for making you wait so long for his attention. But when you’d gotten angry at his ex… when you’d admitted to being emotionally worn out… He’d seen you. The real you. The you who had been by his side even in his stupid choices.

“Please….” You whispered, “Please stop changing yourself…” You pulled from his lips before moving your arms to wrap around him, pressing your face into his chest and letting out a quiet sob when he held you close to him, burying his face in the top of your head.

“My laugh isn’t too ugly for you?”

You scoffed around a sniffle, pinching his side, “Your laugh is my favorite laugh.”

Iwaizumi Hajime:

Why had you agreed to this? To get in better shape, sure… but to watch him kill himself over someone who clearly didn’t have the ability to care? Not at all.

And yet you stayed. You helped. You watched and trained and worked out with Iwaizumi almost on a daily basis! You were feeling good about yourself! He would help you eat healthy and shed off any weight you felt shouldn’t be there! It was great!

Except that it wasn’t. Because he was taking it too far. A 5k, and you were beat! Ready to shower and rest your aching muscles…. And yet he turned it into a 10k, a 15k, a 20k….. Leaving you in the dust, or forcing you to catch up with him by non running/walking means. You’d catch up with him towards the end, driving beside where he was running on the sidewalk, calling for him to get in the car so the two of you can go relax and binge watch some TV.

But he’d only fight back. “I don’t have TIME to relax, ________. I have to keep working out. I don’t want her to think I’m lazy or getting fat.”

His ex. She’d pointed out his ‘chubby cheeks’ before breaking up with him… and now he was obsessing over it. Trying everything in his power to bulk up his body and slim down his face… Did he really look chubby to everyone? Did his efforts at the gym not translate into his physique?

You had lost count how many times you’d told him he looked amazing, that his arms were big enough to squish a watermelon between them or that you could hand wash your clothes on his abs….. He could probably outrun a goddamn cheetah… and yet he didn’t stop. He didn’t quit.

It wasn’t healthy. You were in your peak condition - where you wanted to be in terms of body weight and eating routines. You were feeling amazing! Endorphins firing off when they were supposed to, anxiety and depression long gone from your mind because you were taking care of the root of them… You were in the best shape you’d ever been and you couldn’t be happier!….

But you could. You could definitely be happier…. If he’d stop killing himself over his ex.

“Hajime, for fucks sake… You’re not even eating right anymore!”

“I can’t eat, ______. I’m just going to get fat and look like a damn hippo next to her. Gotta be in my best shape.” He’d brush you off, even going to move past you towards the weights he had in his home. He’d spent so much money on gym equipment - because the gym he’d gone to had noticed his unhealthy habits and actually banned him from going back.

Leaving you to be the only amount of reason he might listen to.

It wasn’t working though. He wouldn’t listen to you. Not when you pointed out his faulty thinking, not when you showed him videos saying what he was doing was unhealthy, and not when you practically begged him to come to his senses.

Stubborn fool…. But you loved him. You loved him for his heart, for his thoughts… for his kindness and thoughtfulness towards others… You loved him for who he was… not for how he looked - though he looked absolutely delicious. And yet… He didn’t see that.

You couldn’t keep this up. You’d stopped working out with him. Stopped spotting him when he lifted weights… At one point, you’d stopped talking or visiting him altogether.

He hadn’t noticed.

That probably hurt the most. The fact that you could disappear and he wouldn’t notice… Not how he was now. Before his ex? He would have physically gone to your house to check on you… but now? After her? After her thoughtless heartbreaking lies? …. He only thought of her, of how to better his body for her pleasure.

But you couldn’t take it any longer. Sitting there alone in your home… wondering what he was doing, wondering if he’d eaten at all or if he’d had any water… Why was he killing himself for her? Why? You loved him… You loved him no matter what, but watching him bend himself broken……

Iwaizumi was lying on his back on his weight bench when you entered his home. “______! Come spot me.” You didn’t fight, you followed his instruction…. But irritation boiled your blood when he lifted the weight off it’s support before you were in place… So you did something that rational thinking you would forever be embarrassed about.

You straddled him.

Legs on either side of his hips, you sat casually on his pelvis, hands under the steel rod he gripped in his hands. “Wha-what the hell are you doing?” He grunted out, forcing his mind on the weight shaking in his hold and not the pressure of your body on his. “Fuck, help me?”

“This is literally half the weight you were able to lift last month…..” You noted, the muted anger clear in your voice. But you made no move to help lift the weight from him. Instead you grabbed the steel from the top and pulled it down so it was over his chest, then you were leaning down on it.

Iwaizumi let out a gasp of a squawk, “________! Stop!” He called, his own irritation in his voice, he was getting angry with you… but you knew this was the only way for him to see.

So you leaned a bit harder on the steel bar, feeling his arms shaking as they struggled to keep the weight from ‘crushing’ him… though you knew it wouldn’t harm him… His muscles were so weak from overuse, he needed to rest… if he rested, you knew this weight wouldn’t have any chance against him. Yet he struggled. Because he was unhealthy. He was weak.

“You’re a goddamn fool, Hajime. In your drive to get strong, to be the biggest meat head in the whole world, you’ve made yourself the weakest human I’ve ever known.”

His green eyes showed his anger, showed his boiling rage, “Get. Off. Of. Me.”

You smirked, “Make me. Big strong Hajime… I’m sure you could toss a little one like me around like a ragdoll… So why don’t you?” His arms continued to shake as he held off the weight, and you felt disgust in your stomach at the sight of him, “Because you can’t.” You roughly pushed off of him, moving to stand behind the weight bench and pull the steel bar to its support rings.

Iwaizumi didn’t move, gasping for air as he stared up at you, his expression showing his anger…. But his eyes… His eyes showing his fear, because you were right. He knew you were right this whole time. “Why do you care? I’m trying to get….” He panted for much needed air, his lungs burning from the exhaustion making itself known.

“Because I’m literally watching the man I love kill himself. You’re wasting away to nothing but skin and bones, all your muscle is falling apart because all you do is wear it down…. Soon enough you won’t even be able to hold your own head up and you know what? She’s not going to want you back. Not then, not now, and not when you eventually end up in an early grave because your heart can’t handle the effort your exerting.”

No tears. You were quite proud of your explosion. In most cases where you were angry, you couldn’t get your words out clearly, or you’d lose your train of thought… but you’d been thinking about him nonstop since he’d been dumped… since he’d started this whole insane power trip.

The silence was deafening.

“I owe you… so much, Hajime. Because you helped me. You pulled me out of his swirling hole of darkness… and you pushed me to better myself… I’m healthy. I’m able to run a 5k without dying after a couple feet… I’ve been eating healthy and all my inner demons are being starved because I absolutely love myself now…..” You looked down at where he lay, limp and weak… and you wondered if this was the first break his body has had since the breakup. “But I’m not happy, Hajime… I’m not. I can’t be. Watching you do this to yourself… You’re in the top percentile in terms of body mass and weight…. But you’re not stopping… You’re wearing yourself down day by day, hour by hour…. Not eating because she said you’ve got chubby cheeks….”

Iwaizumi looked away, feeling his heart ache. “Do I still have chubby cheeks?”

“Yeah, you do.” Was your immediate answer, and his green eyes were back on you in an instant - he took insult to your telling him the truth. But you let out a sigh and moved to stand beside the weight bench, grabbing his arm and pulling him to sit up. He struggled to help you, everything about his body felt heavy, felt tired and nonresponsive…. But you didn’t seem worried. “That’s not going to be something you can change though…. You’ve lost…. Nearly a quarter of your body weight… and you still have chubby cheeks… I think they’re just genetics.”

You playfully pinched his cheek, and he let out an irritated huff, “How could you love someone who’s got a fat face?”

His body slumped, and you couldn’t tell if it was on purpose, against yours, leaning into you. You wrapped you arm around his waist, and rest your head on his as it laid on your shoulder. He needed your strength right now. “Hey now, chubby doesn’t mean fat. You’ve got a cute face.” You smiled, hearing his unintelligible grumbling. “Please…. stop.” You whispered, struggling to keep the emotion out of your voice… this was the first time in a long time you’d been able to talk to him about anything other than a workout plan.

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, you squeezed your arm around his waist, feeling him flinch at the minimal pressure, “Ah! Alright alright! Jeez….” He hissed out, letting out a exhausted sigh, “Then… Could you help me get better?”

Vulnerable… You knew it was a long road before he was back to who he used to be… But if he wanted you to help him…

“And…. When I’m feeling better and I’m able to actually walk…” He cleared his throat, and you could feel the warmth of his face against your shoulder as he blushed, “Will you let me thank you by taking you out to dinner?”

“Uh…..” There goes your confidence in your words… You hadn’t expected that. Now it was your turn to blush, feeling your heart slamming against your chest as you watched his shaking hand take yours on your lap. And you knew he was shaking because he was weak, but a part of you felt as if he were shaking because he was nervous. “Uhm….” You cleared your throat, “Y-yeah… I-I’d love to….”

Akaashi Keiji:

So very flashy. How annoying… Your eyes traveled between the cool and collected Akaashi, your close friend… the man you loved…. To his girlfriend…. Who didn’t seem to care who was staring as she cooed and reacted loudly to the container Akaashi was currently offering her.

“Oh my GOD! Keijiiiiiiiii! These are so pretty!!!!” Pearls. A pearl necklace and matching earrings. She took the jewelry out of the container before tossing the velvet box in your genera direction, “Oooooh these are cute.” Akaashi watched patiently, though there was pride in his eyes… He was happy. He was content in her reaction because it meant he did good in shopping for her. But before he could really be proud, she turned to face him seriously and grab his hands, “Okay, so where’s my 4 months and 1 day anniversary gift?”

Your lips rolled inward and your eyebrows rose in your surprise at her greediness. But you remained silent. Akaashi had invited you out to hang out with him and his girlfriend, so pointing out her gold digging tendencies was definitely out of line. Akaashi stared at her in surprise, his eyes widening as her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the time lapsed, “4 months and one day?” He asked, repeating what she said to make sure he’d heard her correctly.

She rolled her eyes, tugging on his hands like a child on the verge of a tantrum, “Well, duh, Keiji~! Everyday with me is a blessing, right? Don’t I deserve nice things?” A pout and Akaashi was letting out a tired sigh before using one of his hands to pull out his wallet. “I want something prettier than the pearls! Something that glitters in the light!”

“Something expensive.” You muttered under your breath, feigning innocence when her head turned to acknowledge you.

“You don’t want me to be as boring and ugly as ______, right? Look at her~ No jewelry or anything pretty at all!” She huffed, pulling her hands from his and crossing her arms over her chest.

Insulted, but not really bothered, you simply rolled your eyes. Akaashi, though, didn’t seem to notice the jab in your looks, his fingers delving into his open wallet before pulling out a mind boggling amount of money for her.

She happily plucked the money from his fingers, and as he leaned down to press a kiss to her lips, she held up a finger to stop him. “Ah ah ah, no kisses. Not until I get my shiny stuff.” Then she was turning and prancing off in the direction of one of the most expensive stores in the city. Leaving you and Akaashi.

“Well, it’s really nice to see you, Keiji…. What’s been going on?” The idea of bringing up his girlfriends actions had you internally cringing. You didn’t want to talk about it. That was his life, his choice. And while you were pining for his attention…. You couldn’t force him to look your way in anything other than friendship.

His green eyes met yours, and your heart squeezed in your chest. He looked so tired. So exhausted. Had he been sleeping well lately? “Work. Honestly,” He smiled halfheartedly, “This is the first time I’ve been in public that wasn’t work.” His hum trailed off into silence. His eyes seemed to drop at bit, and you had to hold back the impulse to stroke his cheek…. That wasn’t something for you to do.

He’d been working nonstop. You knew. Pearls? On his salary? He must have been saving up for weeks. He probably even went into his savings account to pull for it… and you KNEW he hated dipping into that account! “How many hours this time?”

Akaashi checked his wrist watch, “Technically, this is only my lunch hour I’m using… I still have to go back into the office.” He must have seen your disapproving expression, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked in the direction of where his girlfriend had gone, “I’ll be fine. Work isn’t horrible..”

“You look like you haven’t slept in days, Keiji….”

“I’m fine, ______.” Was his curt response, wounding your already aching heart. You didn’t say anything more, allowing him to make his own decisions and run his own life the way he thought was best….

Yet you regretted not saying anything that day.

Because it only got worse.

He’d stopped texting you, stopped talking to you - and when you reached out to him… he only left you on ‘read’. Was he ignoring you? Was she poisoning him to leave you alone? Or was he genuinely upset with what you’d said that day?

But you were right, and you wouldn’t let his reaction to you make you question yourself. He was harming himself because she liked nice, material things… She liked expensive things, and he liked her - so he was going to bend over backwards to get her the nice expensive toys she wanted in that present moment. By any means necessary, you knew, because he was a loyal young man. He was a dedicated young man, who would stop at nothing for the ones he loved.

Did that mean he loved her more than he….. no, he never loved you. You were just a friend. You were sure Bokuto was a higher tier in affection receiving than you were. Because you were his girlfriends’ ‘competition’. If she didn’t like you… Then Akaashi had no choice but to agree with her.

Anger coursed through your veins as you shot up from your couch, feeling sick to your stomach at the idea of Akaashi not caring about you because he didn’t have the courage to think for himself. He was his own man. If he wanted to be friends with you, he damn would be! This silent treatment on the phone was absolutely ridiculous and you wanted some answers!

So why wait for them?

You banged on his front door, listening for any movement beyond. Another couple of bangs, and still no response. Was he home? His car was in the driveway… The lights inside the house were on… He had to be home. He was ignoring you or maybe he just… wasn’t paying attention.

The spare key. You remembered where it was. Under the doormat, you remembered telling him it wasn’t a good place to hide a key to his valuables…. Before he really had any valuables, that is. Akaashi had never been one for material things… Not until she came into his life and drained his wallet. She liked nice things…. He bought himself nice, useless things to make her happy… He bought her…. Probably thousands of dollars worth of material things.

The lights were on. Everywhere. You frowned as you slowly entered his home, closing and locking the door before turning off the lights nearest you. It was 3 in the afternoon, there was no point to having all these lights on when the windows were open.

“Keiji? You here?” You called out, a bit of a tremble in your voice - his empty house was creepy… No soothing presence of the man you loved to calm your nerves. “Keiji?” You tried again, slowly opening the door to his study.

Akaashi glanced over at you briefly before turning back to his laptop. He was working. On a weekend. Headphones in, you wondered if he was listening to a mundane lecture his boss had forced onto him or if it was his favorite music. He waved you off, his natural reaction to wanting to be left alone, but you only came closer. “________, I’m working. Please leave.”

But you didn’t. You scoped his office.

It was a wreck. A mess. A flimsy blanket and pillow on his office couch, books and papers littered all over the floor. Did he ever leave this room? Maybe for the bathroom since you didn’t see any unsavory yellow liquid filled bottles…. yet. The only site of food or drink being contained, poorly, in the trash bin. A whole pile of energy drinks beside it.

“What… the fuck, Keiji…” You had had it. You reached towards him and pulled the earbuds from him, making him lean back in shock when the lecture faded away from his hearing. “Keiji…. Are you serious? Look at this….” You waved towards the entirety of his study, “This has got to stop! You’re running yourself into an early grave!”

Akaashi shrugged easily, “I haven’t been home enough to tidy up. I have to make sure my next paycheck is big enough so-“

“No, no you don’t, Keiji. You have to take care of yourself. You have to drop her and focus on yourself!” An empty bag from one of the expensive stores caught your eye, you grabbed it and started picking up what you thought was trash, tossing it into the bag, “What the fuck is going on, Keiji.. It’s like you’re someone else entirely and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to you but you only shut me out, and honestly it’s getting harder and harder for me to try to help you because I know it will only end it failure and hurt my heart even more than it already is-“

“She dumped me, _______.”

You froze.

Dumped him? His shoulders sagged, and his hand tiredly closed the laptop in front of him before leaning back in his desk chair, his hands coming to rub at his face roughly. “She left me… And I need to get this money so I can get her something nice.. So she comes back to me…”

“Why?” You didn’t mean for your voice to hold the poison it did. But why would he want her back? She was only a greedy gold digger…. And yet…. He wanted that? He wanted that poison in his life?

Akasshi lowered his hands, giving you a surprised look, “…. Because I loved her?”

It was a lost cause. He was. Your heart ached as you dropped the bag, not finding the point in cleaning up if it would only revert once you’d left. “Why?” You asked again, this time balling your fists by your sides, “Don’t you see what she’s doing? She just wants money. She just wants you to spend all your money on her so she can look good. That’s all it is. She doesn’t care, Keiji… She doesn’t give a damn! You spent all that money on her, you missed holidays, you missed my birthday, you missed your own birthday for fucks sake…. And what? She left you anyway? Don’t you see?”

When had you started crying?

You roughly wiped away your tears, “She’s not going to change, Keiji… And you’re a goddamn idiot if you think she is.” You sniffled, “No one who really loves someone does that. They don’t make you bend over backwards just to hang out with them, they don’t love you depending on the dollar amount of a gift, or make you lose yourself to make them happy!” Akaashi was taken aback when your eyes met his. He’d never seen you so distraught before - never seen that expression of pure torture in your eyes, “I love you, Keiji… and I would NEVER make you change yourself for me. I would never ask you to spend your very last dime on something stupid like earrings or a diamond necklace….”

He was at a loss for words. “I….I know that, ______…..” His voice was calm and collected, but the hesitance at the beginning of his response told you he felt out of place. He never would have expected you to confess.

“Then why…” You started only to stop…. Seeing there was no point in letting him see you fall apart… “You know what….. Forget it…” You sniffled, rubbing at your cheeks to clear the tears before making your way to the study door.

“N-No, wait!” His hand grabbed your opposite wrist as you went to open the door. “Please…. Don’t leave.” Your hand rested on the door as he held you in place, “You’re right, _____. You’re right. I’m a complete fool… For not listening to you, for ignoring you… You’re right… and I’m so sorry… Please….” His voice cracked, and you prayed this wasn’t a trick…. “Please stay.”

Oikawa Tooru:

“I think I’m going to stop doing anything with Volleyball…”

That took you off guard, and you lowered your coaching clipboard. He was the coach at his former highschool… and he wanted to stop? Everything? You huffed with a smirk, “Yeah sure, when pigs fly, Tooru.” But when he didn’t laugh, you glanced up at him once more, “Why would you want to do that?”

Oikawa shrugged, “Ah… Because I’m not any good at it. Busted knee, it’s not like I’m going anywhere grand or amazing with this kind of career.” So nonchalantly was he digging into himself, you ached at how harsh his words were. “So might as well give it up before it wastes anymore of my life, right?”

“I think….” You started, “If you enjoy what you do… why give it up?”

That seemed to confuse him for a couple days. He’d come into the gym, teach the players a new tactic then spend the rest of the session in his office, making it seem like he had paperwork to do but really… he’d just sit there and stare off into space.

Had what you said really been that insane?

Apparently to his girlfriend, it really was. Soon enough you heard the office door slamming closed and the sound of clicking heels as she stomped to where you stood on the side of the court - watching the students playing easily with each other. She grabbed your shoulder and whirled you around to face her.

You nearly reactively punched her for putting her hands on you. But you restrained yourself in time for her to stare huffily at you, “Did you tell Tooru it was fine for him to keep this job?”

“First…” You calmly responded, setting down the clipboard in your hands before staring at her fiercely, “Don’t ever fucking touch me again.” She didn’t seem to flinch, her jaw only clenching in clear annoyance with your calm demeanor. “Secondly, Tooru is a grown man. He can make his own decisions.. I just simply said-“

“OH! So it WAS you! You bitch! He needs to leave this dead end job and get something better! Something that actually suits his handicapped self! He’s broken, ______, let him fucking leave this hellhole and get some desk job or something.”

The expression you pulled wasn’t something you were used to. Disgust? Maybe mixed with humor? Or maybe it was disgust and insult? “Tooru is not broken. Not in the least. He’s fully functioning and much stronger than he was as a teenager… If he wants a break from work, he’s got plenty of time off saved up-“

She scoffed, “Clearly, you’re not understanding me.” Her eyes became hateful as she glared at you, “He quits.”

A snicker pulled from your mouth at her complete seriousness, and when her fury only seemed to increase, you shrugged easily, “I can’t take that from you, sorry. Tooru-“

“STOP calling him that! He’s MY boyfriend. You call him something formal or-“

“Like I was saying, Tooru,” You emphasized his name, “will have to come talk to me about it if he really wants to quit… I doubt he does, but my office is open for any appointment he wants to set.”

Then she stomped her foot like a toddler, “Don’t you realize he’s broken? He can’t do anything right! Always clumsy around the house, talking about volleyball as if he’s ever going to play again, honestly, what’s the point?”

You nodded as if you were actually listening, grabbing the clipboard now to show you were done with the conversation, “Just tell Tooru to come talk to me and we’ll get it figured out. Thanks. BOYS! Huddle up!” You yelled loudly, gaining the attention of the high schoolers.

Oikawa didn’t come talk to you about quitting that day. Or even that week. But she sure was in your office more often, complaining about how you were tricking Oikawa or manipulating him into staying. She was easy to handle, though… Kind of fun with a side of dead brain cells after each conversation with her… But it’s not something you could stop since she would come into the building with the request to talk to Oikawa.

It hurt you to see him having to deal with her everyday. It hurt you even more to know he was willingly staying in that kind of relationship instead of looking your way… But you saw him everyday, too, and you were able to talk to him as you would if he were yours….

Yet that ache in your heart remained. Because he wasn’t yours. And by the looks of that relationship, and her control over him, he never would be.

Then one day… out of the blue…. She dumped him.

He didn’t come to work for days. And you gave him time. You didn’t worry about his absence because you knew what it was to be heartbroken… You were just stronger for how you handled yours.

By the second week of his… unplanned leave, you’d decided that was enough. He needed to come back to work.

When he opened his front door, you were surprised to see he looked relatively normal. Clean, put together, rested… He looked great! “Breaks up, bub… Time to get back to school.”

Oikawa frowned but allowed you into his house, “_______, I just got dumped… have some sympathy…”

You scoffed with a smirk, “I did! For almost 2 weeks, Tooru… But you gotta get back to work sometime, so why not today? The kids are…… What’s that?” Your eyes were drawn to a bag of what looked like charred books and magazines. Burnt to a crisp and resting by the front door to be taken out with other trash. “Are those….” You could make out a few titles, space and aliens and planets and stars…. They were his nerd books, his favorite topic… Burnt and ruined. Ready to join the garbage… “Are those your…. Your alien books?”

He didn’t meet your eyes when you looked at him in shock, simply shrugging before making his way further into his home, wanting to be away from the memory of yesterday. The memory of burning his books and interests down. “Ah, what’s the point, ______~? I’m nearly 30 years old! Space is for kids who have a chance to get there.” He shrugged easily, as if 30 years of obsessing over the unknown was nothing to him.

“Your whole life…. Tooru….” You were speechless, how did someone handle these cases?

“She said I’d never make it to space, so why bother? And honestly, she was right… So I figured… why keep the clutter? Maybe she’d enjoy the cleaner house when I win her back.”

“Win her back…..” You echoed, but it didn’t sound like your voice - honestly, you could barely hear your voice over the cracking of your heart.

Oikawa nodded with a smile, as if he’d done something right! “Yeah! I even got rid of my Volleyball magazines and some of my previous-“

You slapped him across the face, an impulse reaction, “What the hell is wrong with you?” Then you were grabbing his arms, his hand coming up to rub his cheek with a sour look on his face, “All your things? All your interests?”

He shrugged, “She didn’t think they had a point.”

Anger seized your body and you shook him in your hands as best you could… He just let you slightly wiggle his body, “What the hell is wrong with you?? Who cares what she thinks? If you liked them, why didn’t you keep them?”

A laugh…. One of his fake laughs escaped him as he pulled out of your hold, “You’re right, ____! I’m just an idiot, huh?” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Just a blind idiot who doesn’t know how to make anyone else around me happy… I couldn’t keep my girlfriend because she didn’t like my stuff.. and now I can’t keep my best friend because you didn’t like what I did with my girlfriend…” He put his hands on his hips and shook his head with a ‘hopeless’ smile on his face, “I just can’t win, huh?”

You wanted to hit him again. You wanted to shake the sense into him. You wanted to yell and tell him how wrong he was for thinking so lowly of himself and allowing the ideas of others unhappiness change who he was.

But you could only stand there in shock.

“I…. I loved your interests… Tooru… I loved hearing you talk about aliens… Or space in general… Hell, I didn’t understand half of what you were talking about, but I loved hearing you talk about it…. And Volleyball?” You let out a huff of disbelief, “I fucking TOOK the job as the team sponsor because you were the coach! You know I didn’t know a thing about Volleyball before you…. And you were nice enough, sweet enough, to take the time out of your busy day to talk to me about it and show me videos of you playing in the past…..” Your heart leapt into your throat, “And… And you’re telling me you… You just… got rid of everything?”

His eyebrows furrowed, his heart hammering in his chest. He was upset you hit him… but maybe you were right to. Maybe he was losing his mind…. He’d gotten rid of everything… for her… but you… You liked those things, so why had he gotten rid of everything because she hadn’t?

“I… I don’t know….”

Pity filled your heart. Pity for his confused head, his foggy thinking… she’d wrapped herself so much around him, constricted his air and reasoning so much that even after her releasing him… he was still affected by her poison. “Oh, Tooru….”

Tears filled his eyes, “I… I don’t know, _____! I don’t know why I did it! I don’t…. I didn’t….” He reached up and wiped the tears leaking down his cheeks, “I just.. She didn’t…” Realization of what he’d done was finally setting in and you could see he deeply regretted everything he’d done. “Oh my god…” He slowly lowered himself to sit on his couch, slouching forward as he covered his face with his hands, feeling shame wrapping around his body…

You joined him on the couch, not giving him a chance to argue before you were wrapping your arms around him and pulling him close to you, “It’s not your fault….” You whispered quietly, but he only shook in your hold. He’d gotten rid of his most prized possessions… Without even pausing to think if it was a bad idea…. “She hurt you, Tooru… She dug herself into your life and uprooted everything….” He closed his eyes tightly, wishing what he’d done was just a bad dream… that he’d never met her… that’d he’d just gathered the courage to be with you from the beginning! “And when you’re better…. Feeling better or thinking better…. We’ll go get cooler stuff…. Cooler Alien things and space stuff….”

Oikawa felt guilt and shame pinching his heart. Here you were…. Supportive and sweet… offering to help him when he was the most idiotic of people to fall for someone so evil… and yet… He hadn’t seen that before. He’d chosen to be blind to it. Because his ex had chased him… And he liked being chased - but you… You waited. Patiently, you waited for him to come to his senses.

You just wished you’d been more proactive in voicing your opinions of his ex. Maybe it would have saved his alien books and volleyball stuff. “Thank you… For slapping me…” That took you offguard, too, and you couldn’t help but feel a rush of deja vu at his ability to keep you on your toes… But you could only laugh in surprise. “Seriously… If you hadn’t slapped me..” He trailed off, knowing he’d been under his ex’s spell before you’d hit him…

Humming with a small smile, you squeezed him in your hug, “Thank me by talking to me about space and volleyball.. Or anything else you like…” He blushed deeply… You could feel the warmth and wondered what he was thinking about, “So what do you li-“

“You.” Oikawa blurted out, feeling his face light on fire with his embarrassment, “I like you… A lot…”

[purplesurveys]

1100

[created by: vyvyan86]  

If someone's laughing, do you instantly think they're laughing at you? I mean, not automatically? People can be laughing for many reasons. But if they’re laughing near me and if I even catch them looking at me from time to time, then it can definitely make me feel paranoid.

What is the strangest thing you've been asked? I’ve said this before, but a masseuse who came to the house a couple of years ago once looked at me intently and asked if I’ve gotten pregnant before. When I asked my mom about her, she explained that that particular masseuse has a third eye. Of course I didn’t buy it, but it was a fascinating scenario nonetheless and I still liked the fact that out of everyone in the family, she had only ~sensed something with me.

What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? Homelessness.

What was your favorite game as a child? I liked playing Diner Dash, Insaniquarium, and Cake Mania on my dad’s laptop. Our parents didn’t keep a strict eye on us as well and we were allowed access to Grand Theft Auto games at a young age, which ended up being one of my all-time favorite video game series.

What’s the stupidest thing you've ever heard? There’s a lot of crazy fake news that have come out over the last few years; I can’t really tell which one is stupidest, but they all are to some extent.

What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? Make spreadsheets about stuff I will never have to refer to. It’s a great way to be distracted/occupied, so I don’t shy away from starting one whenever I feel the need to.

What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? Mr. Bean. My mom didn’t like the character’s antics and she especially hated how he technically doesn’t talk, since she felt like it would have an effect on how we learned language (we mainly learned English from the TV) and the way we speak.

What is your personal catchphrase? I say, “Awesome!” when I’m pleased with something, which is a habit I picked up from Gabie. I also tend to say “For real?” whenever I’m surprised.

What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? I like being given lazy scratches on my wrist or leg. It’s also nice when someone plays with my hair, but it depends on who’s doing it; sometimes I’ll find it too invasive.

What was your 'Oops, wrong person' moment? This doesn’t happen a lot to me, fortunately. For the most part, it’s only been instances from childhood when I mistakenly held on to a stranger’s hand instead of either of my parents’.

What do you find attractive that isn't considered 'normal' attraction? I’m not particularly attracted to muscles or fit bodies in general; a little bit of flab or what the internet calls ~dad bod~ has always been more than alright with me.

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? Nearly fall asleep in a swimming pool, or go on a loud rant about someone while that someone was still within earshot.

What's your proudest moment in the bathroom? I have no idea what this means, and I don’t want to ask.

What’s something you own that gets you lots of compliments? Some clothes/shoes I have. Also, my car back when I placed reindeer antlers and a red nose on it a few Christmases ago haha.

If money was no object, where would you want to live? If that was the case, I’d be in New York City right now.

Who is your favorite mythological character? I never took a liking to mythology and the creatures associated with it.

What's something that's happened which couldn't happen at a worse time? My breakup. We were also recently informed that my mom has been retrenched sooooooo life isn’t particularly dandy at the moment. I’ve stopped complaining about my heavy daily workload and have instead felt grateful for it, because at least it keeps me occupied enough and not think about the stuff happening at home.

What is the best pickup line you've ever heard? I don’t like pickup lines.

What did aging ruin for you? My back and my eyesight.

What is the most hilarious thing you’ve ever heard? Ugh, questions like these are impossible to answer. Off the top of my head, I’ll go with this video.

What is the darkest thing you have seen on the internet? Crime scene photos, beheading videos, and corpses. There have also been other stuff but they’d be too triggering if I tried to describe what they are.

What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? I can’t have milkshakes unless I’m fine with the stomachaches I will inevitably get after.

What Wikipedia article have you recently read? So I watched Royal Rumble yesterday (I haven’t kept up with wrestling in years, but I always come back for the big pay-per-views) and there’s this female wrestlerI think I’ll soon develop a full-blown crush on. I wanted to look her up and I learned that she’s Rhea Ripley, so I briefly read up on her life and career.

What's a book you were made to read in school that you really liked? Without Seeing the Dawn will always be my favorite. Taking it up in English class was never a chore for me. Number the Stars was a great read too, as was Dekada ‘70.

What objective did you fail to complete this week? I haven’t worked out at all this week, which I should’ve been able to do twice already according to the workout plan I’m currently subscribed to. But it’s fine, I’ll just try to catch up.

What could have gotten worse for you but it didn't? Work. I kept making a million mistakes during my first two months and thought I’d never get the hang of it, and I was just waiting to get fired immediately lol. But everything’s going smoothly now - I’m not as lost as I used to be, and I’ve even taken to tutoring some of the newer hires.

What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? I’d have appreciated it if we had been taught or at least briefed on how to obtain crucial government IDs and documents. I didn’t exactly enjoy walking through everything by myself and being expected to know what to do.

What is the best thing about having a Significant Other? Oh my god, everything. I loved and treasured being in a relationship. I appreciated even the arguments because it made me get better at communicating, know how and when to apologize, and how to be more in tune with another person’s feelings. But my favorite part about it would probably be having a person to share everything about yourself and your life to. I’ve learned to be okay being by myself, but I feel the loneliness the hardest when I’m going through a rough patch and remembering that I no longer having someone to turn to.

What makes you unusually uncomfortable? Injections, blood tests, anaesthesia, anything that’s meant to prick my skin.

What is an upcoming purchase you're excited about? I don’t plan on making any purchases soon. Maybe a couple boxes of macarons with 25 pieces each for my birthday to treat myself?? but that’s the only one I’ve been planning.

What is the worst game you've ever played? When I was still taking PE, I dreaded it every time we had to play basketball or water polo.

What’s the oddest thing you like to do? I really like doing tedious tasks, like inputting things into a spreadsheet or writing out lists. I think I’d be a great secretary. < Yeah same. Literally what I said earlier about the spreadsheets.

What's the funniest news story you've seen in the past few weeks? Some fixers at the LTO who approached the mayor of a nearby city to convince him that they can fast-track whatever business he’s in for there, not knowing he’s the fucking mayor. What a mess lmfao.

What do you really really want right now? For things to go back to normal. My parents are very secretive about finances - probably because they don’t want us to worry - but I hate not knowing if I could even turn on the fan or any of our lights anymore. I also hate that I feel guilty whenever I buy things for myself knowing that both my parents are in sticky situations.

What do you hide from people? Things going on in my personal life. I will refer to my problems in social media posts occasionally, but would never provide enough context for people to know more about my life than I’m comfortable with.

What was the first sign you knew you had a crush on someone? I got increasingly nervous around them and I just wanted to be with them all day and listen to their stories and buy them food and stuff. Also, I knew when I started crying over them. Hahahaha man this just made me feel so nostalgic. I miss that feeling of first falling in love with someone.

What's the best lemonade you've made from the lemons life gave you? The self-love, self-acceptance, and self-validation I gained after my breakup felt and continues to feel wonderful. I never realized how much of myself I sacrificed and gave away. I will never do that again and will always make sure to leave more than enough room for myself in the future.

Who was your cartoon crush while growing up? Sam from Totally Spies and Shego from Kim Possible.

What's the best way to deal with religious door knockers? We don’t have those here. But I imagine just telling them “No thanks” and closing my door.

What’s the most hypocritical thing you’ve ever seen or heard? My mom is a big hypocrite in general; she exhibits some behaviors that she would typically chew me out for. But she would never admit to that; that, or she wouldl use mental gymnastics to convince me that the way I’m doing the thing is wrong and that her version is the acceptable one.

Who’s the most interesting person you’ve ever met? Probably one of the artists at Pinto Museum. Every time I’ve gone there, he’s always standing at the first gallery - he looks like your typical visitor, but I’ve come to realize he actually scans the museum looking for people who are genuinely into the artworks and not just there to shoot photos. I know, because he has always ended up approaching me and whoever I’m with at the time so that he can explain every single painting. He’s done the same thing with me - I think he keeps forgetting me, but it’s fine - 2-3 times, with the same spiels and same interesting explanations and anecdotes. In the end he always reveals that he painted a number of the works in the museum and for his sake I will always try to act surprised, haha. Anyway, he’s brilliant and very talented, and always has great stories to tell.

What just doesn't impress you? Certain movies that are meant to be hailed as one of the greats.

What’s the worst possible way to introduce yourself? By being an ass from the get-go, I suppose.

What makes you wish that you were born in the past or the future? I hate missing out on things when I’m already around, which is why I often wish I could live long enough to see what advancs and developments we could be capable of reaching in the future. Would we find a cure for cancer? Will I get to see my country get richer and more developed like it has always deserved to? Will travel to outer space be a thing? It’s stuff like that I’d love to see happen and the idea of potentially missing out on them because maybe they’re not meant to happen in my lifetime kinda bums me out.

What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? I started loving the shit out of myself from my breakup. I thought I was already comfortable with who I was and where I was in life, but I soon learned that I could be doing so much more for myself, self-esteem-wise.

What's something people are proud of, but it doesn't impress you? Wealth, usually, especially if it’s generational. < True. Also, fucking watches? I’ll never understand the need for watches that cost a million pesos when I could easily stomp on them lmao.

What's the worst possible moment to go and play on a bouncy castle? Doing it with an upset stomach.

Who is the greatest ever comedian? I don’t know about greatest. I certainly don’t watch enough comedians to make such a choice.

What’s your irrational fear? Sometimes I’ll get an irrational urge to do something stupid and/or dangerous. For instance I was in Tagaytay last weekend, on the 20th floor of a condo and to my surprise, the windows could be opened and they didn’t have any bars either. As I opened a window I thought about jumping and it freaked me out, so much so I immediately closed it and never went back to it. I believe there’s a word for this phenomenon in a foreign language; I just can’t remember what it is now.

What's your oldest memory? Waking up inside a Winnie the Pooh tent with my sister when I was 3, she 1. My parents let us go ‘camping,’ even though the tent was simply set up on the floor of our bedroom.

What can you not wake up without? Greeting my dogs.

What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Side bangs.

What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? “I would ask you to consider your response in light of the respect that my rank and office deserve, not that which my age and gender might suggest.” from The Crown. Holy shit that line was so good. I’ll need to rewatch this showagain.

What's something people love to hate? Mainstream culture. < Very true.

What’s something that is underrated but extremely useful? Car adaptors have saved my ass so many times while driving long distances and needing to constantly use data to have access to Waze.

[dokidokikusoge]

TOp TeN GaMes of 2017 The Official Only List Forever I Can’t Believe I GOt Teleported To Another World As A PIece of ChiCken MEat

Hi.

It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it? Well it’s that time of the year again, which means I get to write out a list of ten video games that I thought were awesome in the year 2017. Despite being busy translating and editing video game text for work, I somehow found time to finish approximately 30x more games this year. In the name of research. Or something.

Boy oh boy has there been a whole lot of good games. Everything from massive AAA titles to tiny little indie darlings. Free experiments and expensive 150 hour adventures across time and space.

This is not an objective list, but it is 100% the absolute truth and all other lists are full of shit. Fuck those lists. Fuck my list. FUCK THE POPO.

Let’s rock.

For what it’s worth, there are a TON of other games I adored this year that didn’t end up making the list. Titles I’m still playing like Splatoon 2, Super Mario Odyssey, or Fire Emblem Echoes (amazing localization). Just because they’re not on this list doesn’t mean they aren’t every bit as fun. This was a packed year.

10. Xenoblade Chronicles 2

I’m cheating.

I have not beaten Xenoblade Chronicles 2 yet. I’m 85 hours in and on chapter 7, but I have not beaten the game. I desperately wanted to include it on this list, and quite frankly, would have put it much closer to the bottom. It’s just that good. However, I figured it’d be unfair to do so considering I haven’t even come close to seeing the end credits.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is the best big budget PS2/Dreamcast JRPG that never saw the light of day until now.

That’s about the best compliment I can afford it.

9. Gravity Rush 2

So the original Gravity Rush was one of my favorite games the year it first released for the Vita. Despite the load times and some of the muddy visuals, I found Kat’s bizarre tale of gravity bending madness to be equal parts charming and dark. Coupled with the legendary Kohei Tanaka’s score, I couldn’t help but be dazzled by her ability to travel through the air like a rocket. I spent years waiting for a sequel that would wrap up her story. I’m glad I got one.

It has its issues (the quest design and some of the pacing), but Gravity Rush 2 is still mostly everything I wanted from the end of Kat’s story. Beautiful world design crossed with fun traversal, an amazing soundtrack, and a whimsical little cast of characters means that even almost a full year removed from its release, I still think back fondly on the game. 

See you around, Kat. Thanks for all the fish.

8. Resident Evil 7

It’s so good to have you back, babe. I missed the shit out of you.

I used to be one of the biggest Resident Evil fans this side of the east coast. I’ll never forget Christmas Day many years ago, when I opened up two boxes to find a Playstation console and a copy of Resident Evil 2 (and no memory card WHOOPS). But since then, things have taken a turn for the worse. I enjoyed Resident Evil 5 for what it was, but it was starting to feel like something else entirely.

And then Resident Evil 6 happened, and I couldn’t get more than a few hours in before getting angry. 

Yet somehow Capcom managed to win me back. Somehow Resident Evil 7 reminded me of what I used to love about the series. It certainly didn’t hurt that I played the entire thing in VR and loved every second of it.

Bring on RE8.

7. The Evil Within 2

And the award for most improved sequel goes to... The Evil Within 2. A wonderful surprise and return to form for producer Shinji Mikami and his team. If you like good survival horror, this will be your jam. Fixes every single issue with the original game, at least in my opinion.

Bethesda dropped the ball on marketing this game, but don’t let that stop you from experiencing one helluva time.

6. New DanganRonpa V3

The less said about this one the better. Try to go in blank if you can.

Some people aren’t fond of the direction this one takes. I don’t think it could have gone any other way. The perfect way to end this franchise, should this truly be the end.

5. The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III

But Elliot, how is this game not higher on your list!?

The answer is actually simple. I’ve stopped really approaching each entry of the series as independent games. They’re just chapters in one larger saga. No single game is my favorite. The series as a whole is my favorite.

Cold Steel III cut me deep. The game takes the format of the original CS, improves on it, and then shakes things up to the point where you’re not even sure where you’re standing anymore. I can’t count how many times I screamed at fellow series fans, shook by what had just taken place. This series continues to blow my mind time and time again, and the wait for Cold Steel IV couldn’t possibly feel any longer than it does right now.

4. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

I don’t like 3D Zelda games. Let’s just get that out there. I never liked Ocarina of Time. I never liked Majora’s Mask. I enjoyed Wind Waker the most out of the bunch (but still nowhere close to my love for the 2D games). I hated Twilight Princess and I had zero interest in Skyward Sword and its motion controls. 

I also don’t like open world games very much.

A 3D open world Zelda game? Well now you’re talking my language...?

Any other year and this would have been an easy number one. Too bad that 2017 is packed with killers.

I can’t wait to go back and play the DLC.

3. PUBG

Man, what a surprise. I haven’t been THIS into a realistic multiplayer shooter since my days of playing Call of Duty 4 endlessly during its beta test on the 360. 

To be honest, I’m not even sure if it’s the game I’m in love with so much as it’s the moments with friends I’ve gotten to experience within the game. I only ever play in team matches, but every single round is like some dumb action movie starring me and my pals, and even when things go poorly, they typically go poorly in the stupidest way humanly possible. I’ve played so many hours of PUBG that I’m scared to check the exact number.

I want to play this game with every single one of my friends. It’s that kind of experience.

2. Dragon Quest XI

I think the funniest thing about Dragon Quest XI’s place on this list is that in any other year, this shouldn’t have been close. That just goes to show you how absurd 2017 has been for video games.

The less said about the journey of DQXI the better. All I’ll say is that it is simultaneously the perfect jumping point for franchise newcomers while also being the most beautiful, glorious love letter to those who have been there since the beginning. This is quite possibly one of my favorite games of all time, and if you manage to make it to the true end without being at least a little bit moved, you might not have a soul.

You might be an android or something.

Wait a sec.

1. NieR: Automata

Was there ever any questioning this? What else is there to write about this game that people much smarter than me haven’t already? It’s oppressive, it’s suffocating, it’s joyous, it’s hopeful, it’s hopeless, it’s crushing, it’s tear-inducing, it’s a breath of air after emerging from deep within the water. NieR: Automata is a very special game, made by an extremely talented group of men and women who should have been recognized for their talents a long, long time ago.

Much time has passed since Drakengard, that bizarre and kind of terrible but fascinating PS2 game, first hit shelves and got dumped on. But now, finally, Yoko Taro and his close collaborators are finally getting the chance to step out into the light.

Thanks, 2017.

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[thiswasasuperterribleidea]

Of all the days to get an extra hour...

Today is going to be a LONG day.

Literally..because of this whole “fall back” day light savings, we get a whole ‘nother hour in the day BS.  ...Just what my crazy little brain needs... an extra 60 minutes to race wildly in circles...But also  a long day in general, because I’m a bad person, and today I have to own up to it. 

It’s ironic that today happens to be the day everyone in the world is talking about time... because timing is my worst fucking nightmare lately.

Now everyone, myself included always says how hard it is to find a good guy. Someone sweet, cute, and attentive, ...one that actually cares about what you have to say. Also,someone you share friends with, and are similar too. Well it isn’t that hard. 

The hard part is getting the timing right for that guy to have a fair chance...

I went out to dinner again last night with someone I met through a mutual friend. We’ve hung out in our group of friends a few times. This was only our second actual date.. but we’ve been texting pretty regularly for almost a month. It’s funny because our mutual friend Mike that we met through is awesome. One of the nicest, funniest humans I have ever met. He is also extremely loud and obnoxious but in the absolute best way... To the point where I swear what I am describing is actually a compliment. He is great and will always make sure you’re having a good time, and he’s really sweet too. Like sweet to the point where he saw my signature emo depressing break up tweets and reached out to me to cheer me up almost every day. So I was really curious what his friend would be like in a one on one setting. I couldn’t handle a Mike haha. But this kid is so sweet too, just in so many different ways. I got a speeding ticket the other day and he is trying to pull some strings to help me get it dropped...I barely even know him and he is going out of his way to help me out...  He remembers absolutely everything I say... and always seems interested. He seems innocent and selfless and just like me in a lot of ways. (Not in the innocent and selfless way clearly..) but he fell asleep in the middle of a party in a chair in the middle of the room... not because he was drunk... but because he was exhausted... and if that ain’t me... idk what is. 

I also let him in on the embarrassing fact that I have seen close to no classic movies and he told me that may be a deal breaker cause he’s really big into movies. He asked me my favorite movie and I said Toy Story. He laughed.I think he thought I was kidding but... I asked his and he told me he was scared to tell me because if I didn’t know it he may have to stop talking to me.... he said Pulp Fiction.... I fucking love Pulp Fiction... actually is one of my favorites too. He was so happy.... I for sure passed his test.

After dinner... instead of going home like the last time, he asked me to come out and meet his friends downtown. It made my stomach drop. Maybe he didn’t mean it as a big deal... he just wants to see his friends and not be rude to me in case I see he was out later... But I know I wasn’t gonna ask him to come out with me and my friends.... At this point I knew I was playing a game that I didn’t want, or mean to be playing. I should have passed and said I was tired. But instead I dragged it out a little longer and said sure. This was hard for me. One of the things I wanted so badly with Darren was to be friends with his friends. Meet the people he talked to me about... But the timing just never worked. Now I have this sweet kid introducing me to all of his friends...something important to me... and my mind is still in the wrong place caught up on something that is never going to happen.

We met his friends and hung out with them for about an hour. They were nice people. But I felt guilty being with them. I started to get hungry again, because that’s my thing. Have a nice dinner... not eat 90% of it and then get hungry a few hours later. I said I needed a snack. Now, we could have gotten a snack at the bar we were at. They had late night menus... but he told me he knew exactly what I had to have... he asked me if I ever went to The Beer Collective. I said never heard of it... and he told me we had to go now. I told his friends it was nice to meet them...(I hope I never see them again) and we started to walk...

This place is awesome. I can’t believe I have never been to it before. The beer was so good... they had like 5 kinds of sours which apparently is my thing when it comes to beer ( I know nothing about alcohol or alcohol I like) but every time I ask for one there’s usually just the same one kind ...so just the beer was exciting in itself... but that’s not why he took me here. On the menu, under appetizers.. the first thing listed... is dill pickles.... GUYS. I fucking love pickles. Like honestly one of the best foods in the world. Like I got to restaurants and ask for extra pickles and the waiters look at me like I am crazy.... and now he is showing me a place that does it for a menu item... I was so excited about the pickles... but I also couldn’t believe he remembered to take me there because he knew I loved pickles. It was so thoughtful. So sweet. The absolute perfect snack. He nailed it. If I was testing him... he would have passed. The only problem was as we were sharing the big plate of pickles and bonding over how much we both love them... I remembered Darren. And I remembered how Darren wouldn’t be sharing this plate of pickles with me... that I would have more pickles to myself because he thinks they’re disgusting. And then I realized being similar to someone doesn’t mean it’s supposed to work... It almost makes things a little boring. I think I’m more of an opposites attract kind of believer. All I knew was... my head wasn’t in the right space last night and I wasn’t being fair or honest. 

Today I have to stop talking to him. I hope it doesn’t hurt him. But it might. But no one should be doing all these cute nice things for me when someone else is still stuck in my stupid mind. He’s really great. I don’t know why I had to just run into him now. I don’t know why the universe couldn’t wait a few months for me to run into him then. But I clearly need to go back to being alone to work on myself. I am nervous thinking about what I’m going to say to him.  Time is a real bitch, Happy Daylight Savings!

PS completely unrelated sidebar... EVERYONE GO OUT AND VOTE ON TUESDAY!!! It’s verrrrry important!