#gardener x herb is totally canon

[kalopses-sonderes]

Sonder?!

Sonder(me) x Cookie run kingdom +Ovenbreak +@tremendousconnoisseurgardener (Gardener)

Summary: Theres been a little debate on how the cookies would react to me changing my theme so much. So what if I got transported and saw what happened first hand?

note: just crack and super rushed

“Oww, my head.” I woke up, im on the ground.

To my right I see my friend, Gardener. “Why are we outside- Wait, this is cookie run!”

“Really?” I get up, and see huge walls to my left. “Theres my kingdom!”

Me and Gardener race over to the entrance, to see no cookies in sight. We walk through the empty roads to the castle. I knock, no answer. Gardener open the doors; and we see glass, tables, and maybe blood, all over. Theres yelling and screaming. I look up and see the ancients and legendarys looking over. Hollyberry notices me and whispers something to Pure Vanilla. Now they all are whispering something. I look at ground level and see Earl Grey, Millennial Tree, and Yogurt Cream.

“I was her theme first! Her favorite!” Earl Grey yells, throwing a table leg at Yogurt Cream.

I look over At Millennial Tree who almost got hit with the table leg, hes sitting down with tea in his hand. “calm down everyone, why dont we let her speak for herself? Its not right to say you’re the favorite with no proof..”

“Wha-” They all look at the door that they didn’t even notice open.

I slowly look at Gardener whos staring at me. “Whats going on..” He whispers.

“How am I supposed to know!?” I whisper yell back. Gardener nudges me forward, I scoff. “Um, hi?” I hear Gardener face palming behind me.

Millennial Tree Waves, A chair magically appears from some vines on the ground, he pats the seat. “Come! Lets talk about it.” He smiles.

I smile and begin to walk over just to be yanked by Gardener. The cookies above gasp and giggle.

“Uh oh, They wont be happy about that..” Pitaya says, leaning over the railing.

“What are you doing! We walk into a bloody, broken, mess and the first thing you do is walk over to them?” Gardener whispered.

“But, its Millennial Tree..” I say looking up at Gardener.

“Sonder! They’re fighting because of your tumblr theme!” Ananas yells.

Oh, I thought.

“Im the favorite, arent I?” Earl Grey said desperately. “Why would you change it?”

I instantly look away and point at Gardener.

“Excuse me-”

“It was his fault!”

“What?!”

“Oh my..” Pure Vanilla says.

“Hm, my bet on Earl Grey seems to have done me no good..” Sea Fairy says.

Earl grey picked up another table leg and launched it at Gardener, Gardener moved to the side and dodged it. “Weak..” He whispers.

“Why did switch me out so soon? I thought you loved me?” Yogurt Cream pouts.

“Herb, come over here.” Pure Vanilla says. “Distract the one called Gardener..”

“Because I can.” I say straight faced.

“Oh my, that had to sting haha.” Millennial Tree laughs.

Gardeners grip on my shirt tightens. “Hey Gardener, Is that herb?”

“Where!?”

He lets me go, I instantly walk over to Millennial Tree. I look over and see Herb in the corner. Oh wow, I thought. Herb actually was over there.

I sit in the vine seat, it was actually comfortable.

“Seems my bet to Millennial Tree isnt going to waste..” Dark Cacao says.

“How are you doing? Everything alright?” Millennial Tree places his hands on my hands.

So much prettier in person, I thought.

While I was deep in thought I didnt see the object flying towards my head. Not until Millennial Tree yanks me forward and I hit my head on his chest.

“Oh? You say you’re her favorite, but you almost killed her.. how disappointing..”

“Im gonna kill You Millennial Tree, I was the first!” Earl grey looks more insane than before.

“Wait till you find out you weren’t the first..” I say under my breath.

“Oh what was that dear? Earl Grey wasn’t your first? Did you hear that Earl Grey?”

“I-”

“It’s clearly someone in this room… Hm, Tell us Lilac. Why are you hiding in the shadows? Do you have something to tell us?”

“No, Lilac you couldn’t have been…” Yogurt Creak says defeated.

“So what if I was. It doesn’t change anything.” Lilac comes out of the shadows and into the light.

“I feel another fights gonna breakout, can I just go up there so I’m not in the cross fire?”

“Of course.” Millennial Tree says with a not so innocent smile.

[quitethepirategal]

Alphabet Headcanons!

List a headcanon that correlates with each letter of the English Alphabet. Can you list that many? It’s harder than it looks! Any tidbit of information counts, from the simplest fun fact to the lengthiest lore!

A - Red Jessica is an Aries. Her moon sign is Taurus and her rising is Leo. She’s also a cusp baby, giving her Pisces leanings.

B - She has quite a few books in her massive library, but her favorites are The Art of War, Anthony and Cleopatra, On the Origin of Species, The Prince, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding, Frankenstein, and Treasure Island. She reads more textbooks than anything else tho. She really wants to like Jane Austin but she just... can’t.  ( unrelated, I was trying to figure which Shakespeare play would be Jess’s fav and found this. Y’all I screamed. )

C - Cats are her favorite animal. Any kind of cat. The grace, the lore, the silliness, the toe beans; they’re majestic little idiots and she loves them. She has two of her own. Sasha and Rosie. Jessica’s loved cats since she first made friends with one as a very little girl and she remembers every cat she’s ever had or been friends with.  Her first cat was an alley cat that followed her around that she uncreatively named Katjie

D - Dutch Afrikaans and English are her native languages, she grew up speaking both. However, she hasn’t really needed to speak Afrikaans since her mother died, and is no longer fluent as a result. Her first word was “Ahoy” but her second word was “geld.”

E - Red Jessica has some ridiculous eating antics, as a result of living in starvation from birth to late childhood and living as a pirate from then on.  She can bite directly into onions and garlic cloves as if they were apples, will eat ( or save ) the bones and fat of any meaty meal, can eat an entire apple- core included, loves to eat or chew on citrus peels and raw herb leaves, has a somewhat high tolerance for both spicy things and alcohol, and, like all pirates, has learned to tolerate most rotten/stale/moldy/expired food.  On top of that, her pursuit in studying biology and botany crowns her as probably the ONLY person in all of the Neversea who knows what nutrition is and how it works. Also eating avocados make her ears itch.

F - One of Jessica’s signature mannerisms is putting her fists up by her face. When excited or overjoyed she’ll shake them and when shes shy she’ll kind of hide her smile with them. She rests her chin on her fists, holds them still by her jaw when waiting in suspense, and its immediately where her fists fly to when startled or snuck up on ( with the exception of when shes armed, to which her hands fly to her hilt or holster ).  This mannerism makes complete and total sense considering shes a trained kick boxer.

G - Gardening is her absolute favorite stress reliever and you can pry it from her cold dead hands. Just bury your problems in the dirt my dude.

H - Her curly ginger hair is certainly one of the first things you notice about her and she takes very good care of it; a wash every two days, plenty of oils, vinegar once a week for dandruff. Her curl type is 3a.

I - Red Jessica is a closeted artist and frequently engages in illustration, and while this mostly comes in handy for taking illustrative botanical notes, her other favorite subject is the human figure. Specifically, the human figure of people she finds attractive or has a crush on.  And if you ask she’d be happy to try and draw you! Though she isn’t what you would call amazing she is somewhat talented- with her drawings having very technical, anatomical, and minimalist influences. She also like to sketch pastoral scenes when out in her fields.

J - Jessica was a name her father picked out, naming her after his first love.

K - She remembers her first kill. At 13 she was involved in a skirmish and lunged at a man out from under a table with a rapier. She remembers the exact look on his face, and recalls it with pride. First kill is a right of passage to pirates.

L - Jessica’s love language is all over the place, but can be narrowed down to gifts, words, and quality time. Arrogant suitors, take note because Jess will literally never shut up about you; she will brag about you, remind you of your achievements, praise you for your talents, be proud of you, will show you off, insist to EVERYBODY that you’re the best, and in some cases, spoil you.  This goes for friends too, of course but this all goes especially for whoever she has a crush on or is courting her. She JUST!! LOVES STROKING PEOPLE’S EGOS!! Speaking of spoiling, she’s a total gift giver.  No reason or occasion needed whatsoever; she is the QUEEN of  “ I was thinking of you so I got you a little something.”

M - Jessica is really really weird when it comes to materialism.  At a first glance, shes as avaricious as they come. She hoards beauty in the form of an art collection that graces her fine chateau’s halls and eminence gardens of gorgeous flowers.  She is a little crazy about treasure too, never missing an opportunity to treasure hunt, and has been known to loan-shark a time or two.  But in actuality, as made apparent through getting to know her, she isn’t really greedy or possessive at all.  Yes she loves pretty things and yes she is great at making money but believe me when I say that she is in the treasure hunt for the hunt more so than for the treasure.  Were she somehow to loose it all, money, island, treasure, everything, she’d be more concerned that whoever took her priceless art won’t take care of it.  In the best laid plans of mice and men, Jess is totally a mouse.  She’s lived the majority of her life owning nothing but the clothes she had on so, she’d just cut her losses and start over… come to think of it being wealthy is a bit boring…

N - Jessica has never been to Neverland. In my canon, only one pirate ( Hook ) was brave enough to ever set foot on that cursed island. Red Jessica, like the rest of the neverpirates, are too afraid. Most heard tales of an unbeatable foe and that the island itself is watching you, and that’s enough to keep Jessica away.

O - Oranges are her all time favorite food. She’ll eat anything with orange in it. Second favorite is crab or lobster. Third is pineapple chili sauce.

P - Her Myers-Briggs personality type is ESTP- a, the Entrepreneur.

Q - Jessica was Dread Pirate Grace O’Malley’s quartermaster. There are 9 Dread Pirates in the Neversea, each one being a legendary pirate of old, and they have the power to grant only the most talented pirates among them recognized captainship.

R - Red Jessica is is short for Red Handed Jessica for no reason other than I am Peter Pan ( 2003 ) trash.

S - Red Jessica’s crew is a sisterhood of sorts. While she is authoritarian and a captain to be feared, Jessica is friends with everybody in her crew and trusts them with her life. Her ship, The Rose, is practically a floating sorority; complete with weird traditions, gossip, gag rivalries, inside jokes, hazing, and the occasional prank. She even aids in getting them dates ( pro wingman right here ) and babysits some of their kids. Granted, they haven’t done much sailing or piracy in some time. But they all live comfortable lives on Crimson Isle, and they’ll be ready to sail should the need arise.

T - Jessica tends to trust people a tad too quickly and “give too much away” so to speak. It’s gotten her into trouble and even gotten her heart broken a time or two; but for some reason she never learns. She’d like to think she’s great at keeping secrets and to a degree, she is… but I wouldn’t trust her with any of mine- that I will say.

U - Oppenheimer, a pirate in the crew of the Flying Frigate ( in the movie the Pirate Fairy ) is her uncle.

V - Jess finds that she spends most of her days in her vineyard. She’s perfected the growing of grapes and timely shipments of wine, but now shes tinkering with how different aspects of growth effect flavor.

W - Jessica, whether she’s aware or not, is capable of being attracted to women. But she’s never really had any female partners. She’s not homophobic and wasn’t raised in an environment that was homophobic ( pirates pretty much love and sleep with whoever they want to ) it’s just ...never occurred to her to date women. Most of the reasons as to why are subconscious maternal issues but in short, Jess already has difficulty separating different kinds of love. Friendship and romantic love kinda... feel the same. She really only knows how to love one way and she can never tell if a woman is being friendly or flirty, much less if SHE’S being friendly or flirty. For this reason I’ve always labeled her as a questioning bisexual or a heteroflexible...

X - Her most recent botanical experiments revolve around xenogamy, also known as cross pollination. And just to flex, she’s also a huge xenophile for both Spanish and Chinese culture.

Y - Yellow is her second favorite color after red. Pink is her third and emerald green is her forth.

Z - In Jake and the Neverland Pirates, we see a type of rose called a Zebra Rose. While no such flower exists in actuality, I’d like to believe this is a result of some of Jess’s experiments - the medicinal purpose being to combat itching and irritation. 

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Tagging  - @emcads @shiningsilverarmor @ofrcvenge @hunterhuntcd @youthflight @rcinbowconnection @jesterabandoned @inhxrmony @captainxhaddock @forvistxkonge @mcnsieur and you!!!

[kalopses-sonderes]

Sonder x Earl Grey Cookie is canonical? Huh, so that means, Gardener x Herb Cookie is canonical too.

Sonder x raspberry mousse is also canon🤭