#genuinely hate the headers and the format of it all but this is the best i could do :

[selarina]

The Ken to whose Barbie?

-> Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader

Summary: He's supposed to be Ken this Halloween, as in Barbie's Ken, but he doesn't think he looks the part. But you insist that he does. He's blonde, he’s literally named Ken, and he's just oh so very handsome.

Tags: halloween party, established relationship, fluff, smut, jealously, alcohol use, spit kink, oral sex (f!receiving), implied (m!receiving) oral sex, kisses on the feet, bath scene, aftercare, she/her pronouns used for reader, unedited

Word Count: 2.5k words

Author's Note: wanted to release this on Friday the 13th but I couldn't :/ Also, sorry the smut was quick. I was horny and then I got un-horny

Read on AO3

"Wow, don't you look... flamboyant."

Shoko walked towards him as Nanami barely smiled. He greets her with a small nod. In truth, he feels absolutely fucking ridiculous in this outfit of his. He's supposed to be Ken, as in Barbie's Ken, but he doesn't think he exactly looks the part.

But you argued he does. He's blonde, he's named Kento, and he's oh so very handsome. Your words, not his. And so, of course, he agreed, albeit his reluctance.

“How have you been, Shoko-san?” Nanami inquires, hoping to divert her attention from his incongruous appearance.

"I've been good," she says, Shoko extinguishes her cigarette against the stone wall with an insouciant flick, her gaze sweeping from his exposed chest to the opulent fur draping him. "Did you lose a bet or something?"

"I do not engage in wagers," he says. "It's imprudent," he remarks.

Shoko smiles, ever so slightly. It's been years and yet some things don't change. She may not have an intimate understanding of him, not really, but she did know he would never show up in such an outfit, or in fact, any halloween outfit.

"It’s because of her, isn’t it?" Shoko probes.

He feels another of wave of chill wind hit chest, noticing the lack of a cigarette in her hand. Maybe she threw it in the bin while he was looking away. He doesn't say anything.

Shoko's expression changes now, and she smiles. He can't think of the last time he's seen her smile. She brings a hand up, placing it on his shoulder. “She’s a nice girl.”

“She is,” is all he says before Shoko pulls out another cigarette, as she vanishes back into the door.

There’s so many words to describe you, Nanami thinks. Nice is one that stands true, but it only really scratches the surface.

There’s so many words to describe you. So, so many but he can barely think of any as you walk towards him.

You're adorned in a tiny pink and white dress, the edges of your skirt just about hitting your upper thighs. And you're walking towards him with a sweet sweet smile. You look pretty.

"You look beautiful," he manages to utter as you draw near.

You leave a soft peck against his cheeks, "Thank you. You look beautiful as well," you move back to give his outfit a look.

"So, now you're taunting me. All after begging me to wear this shitty costume," he says.

"I didn't beg," you frown with a squint. You didn't beg. All you did was call him handsome, and he conceded.

"I can't believe you talked me into this," he says, as he holds out his hand for you, you stretch your hand out to loop yours into his.

Your free hand reaches for your phone, opening a QR code up, so the security could scan it.

"But you look handsome," you say as your hands shift from his forearms to his hand, as you pull him into the crux of the party. And so, he stops grumbling because as he's mentioned before — it's really all it takes from you.

The party scene is not quite what he expected, he was expecting chaos and sticky floor, but it's a bit lax and he can actually hear his thoughts out loud, even though he wishes nothing more than to turn them off now. Because you looks so fucking cute in your outfit, and every time you sit, your skirt rides up — just a little — to reveal your thighs, and he finds himself wishing he could just take you back home. He wants to leave.

No, he needs to leave.

Self restraint has always been one of Nanami's strong suits. But with you, it's always faded to dust.

His first kiss with you happened on a whim, it wasn't planned or anything. He saw you sitting outside on a park bench, on a normal forgettable park bench, and he thought you looked pretty. And so, he leaned in for a kiss.

He then met you days later for your third date, but he could barely let you get past your front door. The dinner reservation had gone to waste, but he just couldn't help himself, you looked too good in your dress.

"Let's leave," he says, bending down to whisper in your ears as you take a sip from your glass.

"What? No," you protest, a soft frown marring your features. "We just got here."

Mirroring your frown, he presses, "But I want to leave now."

He can't help but think about how unlike himself he sounds, he sounds like a child begging for a treat. You could sternly tell him you want to stay, and he'd listen, none too alike to a child.

"Hey," he hears a gruff voice from beside you.

It's a man, dressed in a military outfit, but neither of you know him, at least to his knowledge. He turns to look at you and he confirms the same because you're looking back at him with a similar expression.

"Can we help you?" you ask.

"I know you're dressed as Barbie," the man says. "But I think you're missing wings because you look like an angel."

Apart from the fact that the compliment is just too wordy. Nanami thinks he's pissed because this man has no etiquette, Nanami's hand had been clinging to your waist all night, so what made him think he could come over and hit on you?

But most of all, what pisses him off is that he's not wrong.

"Well, I'm Barbie and Barbie has a Ken so," you say, turning to him and he could swear your eyes twinkled just then.

The stranger persisted, with a chuckle, "Some Barbies have G.I. Joe boyfriends. You should ask my little sister."

Before you can respond, arms encircle your waist, pulling you close to Nanami. "Not this one." His words are curt and final, "Now, leave."

At that the G.I Joe guy's eyes widens, before he wordlessly takes his leave.

And that's all it takes from Nanami to take your glass from your hand before he leaves it on an unoccupied table with a loud clink. He guides your hand into his.

"We're leaving," he says plainly as you nod.

—

Your hands slide to Nanami's neck, and you pull. Your jaw flex as your mouths move. You're so used to his languid movements, that his quick movements leave you reeling.

His torso is completely flush against yours as he lifts you off the ground, still kissing you as he walks to close the front door shut.

Your ankles hook around his back, his hands slide down to grip the undersides of your bare thighs.

It doesn't take too long for him to drop you onto your bed, he quickly takes fur coat off, as he's coming back down to kiss you.

You taste like mint cranberry with a tinge of alcohol remnants around your lips, he thinks.

You cart your fingers through his undercut, before tugging on the roots of the hair above. 

He parts away from you now, and this time he slows down. Not because he needs it, but because he doesn't always act this way, he's not always this harsh with his movements, he loves treating you with soft caresses and gentle grips, but there are times like this where you just bring out a different, more untamed side of him.

You take his headband off, as your hands stay on his hair, but this time you play with it, carding through. You know he's thinking, and you know what he's thinking about.

"Kento," you say, soft as a whisper.

He hums. "Are you jealous of the little G.I Joe man?"

Little.

"Why would I be jealous of him?" he asks, as though you've insulted him by implying so. He admits it pissed him off, he admits there is a strange, more concerning side of him that wishes he could keep you all to himself, that he could keep you away from eyes that could see your beauty, but truly, he doesn't worry about other people much. He has all his faith in you.

"It did annoy me," he says. He bends down, leaving a soft kiss forehead.

And that's the last of his softness for you today, he comes back up. "Open," he says, his thumb grazing over your chewed up bottom lip.

And you do, as you often do, your mouth opens, and your eyes stare up at him, wide and waiting with devotion he can only think of deserving at times like this.

Nanami purses his lips and hocks a glob of spit directly into your mouth, as you swallow.

He pushes your legs apart. He bends down, placing the softest kisses all around your neck, "You're so good to me," he says as you groan in tandem.

His hands move up and down, tracing inconsequential patterns before they go up to tug at the straps of your underwear before he pulls them down your legs.

Nanami moves back from your body, your skirt is bunched up to your waist, and you sit upright as you stare down at him in all of your half-naked glory. It takes merely one look at your face— your lips ajar, your hair mussed, your stare hazy — for him to decide he should be on his knees for you.

His knees hit the ground, and his hands come to hold your oustered foot.

His lips come down to press a steady kiss to the arch of your foot as he maintains a painstakingly unwavering eye contact with your eyes.

Slowly, his kisses move higher. He presses the second one just past your ankles, his lips touching the flexing muscles of your calves. With his kiss, your muscles relax.

And then he moves even more higher to the sensitive skin behind your knees, it's ticklish almost so your toes curl to suppress the sensation. And then finally, he settles, he dedicates some time, stopping to leave more than a few kisses to your inner thighs.

Now as his face remains near your inner thighs, Nanami can’t resist, and he sucks twin hickeys onto each side of your thighs. His thumb coming to trace his work of art, as his eyes come back to find your eyes. His brown eyes entrapping you in place.

For a solid minute, Nanami can't do nothing but stare at your pretty cunt. You refuse to squirm but every time he does this, it makes you feel squeamish and seen, you feel the need to kick off and run away. His warm breath dances over the sensitive skin, and you squirm — just a little, begging for the return of his mouth.

He smears his mouth against your cunt with open mouth kisses. Wet trails of his spit glister in the wake of his lips. He uses his fingers to pinch at your hood until your clit peeks out for him.

“You're so good to me Kento baby,” you whisper.

“Yeah?” Nanami asks. He likes hearing it every time, he asks you over and over and over again, until it's all you can seems to say.

You nod eagerly, "Yeah," you say with a soft gulp.

His hand continued to toy with your clit, your hips bucking greedily against the anchor of his hands at your hips, begging for more pressure, more, more, more. And it's just like him to give you more and beyond.

He moves in again — his tongue to his nose both buried in between your legs, as he laps and sucks on until finally your thighs start to show its very first quiver.

With that he moves, focusing his attention on your clit, he is persistent and needy in the way he moves, like he's a starved and depraved little thing. It's so unlike his usual self, so you commit it to memory every chance you get.

The foot that was once laying limp on his shoulder, now clenches, drawing him closer and closer by the neck with every move he continues to make. He can tell you are going cum soon.

It's the part he commits to memory— the way your hips arc, humping to get what you need to fly over the edge, as your eyes are shut with pleasure.

And you come into his mouth at one consequential contact, he relishes that familiar tang as he laps it all up.

He wipes his mouth with one hand and he looks up to you, you look at him and a quiet moment passes by, he can hear a vehicle outside, making it's way across the road.

And then you break out into soft chuckles, it comes out restrained because you're just so out of breath.

You move to the ground, your hand hitting the ground beside him, you're still breathing heavily as you force him to take your place on the bed.

Your hands settle on his thighs, as you caress it his high from over his pants. You look up, as you reach for his belt. "Your turn now, Kento baby."

—

“Tell me why it annoyed you,” you murmur, punctuating your sentence with a small yawn.

The warmth of the bath makes him feel even more drowsy than he’s been feeling, but this feels too nice to wake up and make or even order dinner.

Nanami lies with his back propped in the bath, his knees are spread, sitting against the bathtub to fit your body. Your back lays warm and wet against his chest, and the crown of your head just below his chin. His hands hold your breasts in each palm, slowly caressing your nipples.

Maybe it's because he's feeling drowsy. Maybe it's because you've drained him of his all his energy tonight, but he speaks up. “I guess, I just want you all to myself sometimes."

"Of course, you do. I'm a catch," you say with a giggle.

Nanami tweaks your nipple, and you squeal. The water around him sloshes over the edge of the bathtub, drenching the mat as you move in his hold.

“You can be cocky sometimes,” Nanami says mournfully.

You laugh, and the vibration of your chest shifts your breasts in his hands. "I am yours though," you say. Sweet as you are, he feels like you have to say this to him, you have to reassure him constantly. He doesn’t think he could just know this, as blind faith or by the look in your eyes.

Nanami may look a man confident of his abilities and status, but with you, he thinks you could do so much better. You deserve more than half-truths, and repressed staggering feelings, and so he needs to hear it

"You are," he says. "I guess it's just odd then."

"It's not," your response is immediate. "I understand."

"You do?" he asks.

"Yeah, did you see the number of women looking at you today?" you say, and there's a hint of agitation there, and Nanami hates to admit it but it does something to him. To have this knowledge that you could even care that much for him.

"I didn't see them," he says moments later when you’re both in bed. You nestle in deeper against his chest, barely awake at all. I only see you.

"I know," you smile, and he feels it against his chest.

[justlightthefirstspark]

United vs Chelsea - Conti Cup Semi Final - 29/01/2020

So the line up and bench for this one was interesting. Aimee Palmer was cup tied for this one, having already lined out for Sheffield United earlier in the season, Ella Toone is currently serving a 3 game suspension following a (questionable) red card vs Spurs, and both Kirsty Hanson and Leah Galton are out injured, which led to a very sparse bench, and pretty much the same XI as vs City. Lauren James started in place of Jane Ross, which was very clearly a good idea.

First half:

This game was a little cagey to start with, but ultimately a lot better than Saturday’s showing vs City. LJ had a decent shot around 6 mins, after some great build work from Groenen.

Abbie’s constant back passes to Earps returned, as did my anxiety. To be honest, Earps never looks completely comfortable to be on the receiving end of back passes so I don’t understand why the majority of that back 4 insist on playing that way so often?

Aside from those back passes, I though Abbie had a really good game. At least until she was forced off injured deep into the second half. She played an absolute stormer from the first whistle, and she was literally everywhere. Had a decent chance to get the first goal too around the 25 minute mark, very unfortunate to have that header go straight at Telford. She really, really redeemed herself after that performance vs City at the weekend.

‘27 - some Wales on Wales crime. Sophie Ingle booked for an almighty challenge on Hayley Ladd. Fair enough, the way Hayley fired herself into Ingle may have made it look more than it was. Entertaining tho. I’m also gonna take this opportunity to confess that I may be a little bit (a lot) in love with Hayley Ladd. I gotta be honest, I didn’t really know much about her before she signed in the summer, but she’s really, really great. I feel like she’s kinda underrated a little bit? Anyway, I genuinely don’t think this girl feels any pressure, like at all. A little bit like LJ I guess. She just gets her head down and does her job - calm and cool 100% of the time. I would very much like her to stay forever. I’m definitely gonna have to start watching more of this Wales team aren’t I?

‘34 - Earps with a cracking save. I feel like she’s more of a shot stopper than anything else, her distribution can be a little off sometimes, but she did really well to deny Chelsea there.

I think James and Arnot linked up quite well last night, especially around the 40 minute mark, unfortunately Lizzie was called just offside. She’s really impressed me (whenever she gets a shot) this season tbh, I hope she manages to get herself in the XI more often from now on.

‘42 - Jess Sigsworth pulling double shifts again. She’s constantly down around that back four, helping out and sometimes doing other people’s jobs for them and I’m kinda terrified that she’s gonna run herself into a brick wall at some stage? Like I think it’s fairly clear that we need to reinforce and add depth and quality defensively but I also think it’s pretty clear that Jess isn’t the answer to that particular problem, as impressive as her drive and her work rate is.

‘43 - United should have been clear and away on the counter there. There was an earlier challenge from Ladd (I’m pretty sure) that the ref took an age to make up her mind on, and by the time she decided to call it back, Groenen (again, I’d have to rewatch to be 100% certain) was up and over the halfway line on the break. Annoying af.

Halftime:

Tbh I thought United did really well to not have conceded and to still be in the game at the half. The first half as a whole was pretty decent, Chelsea ultimately had the better chances and were the slightly stronger team. I just wish we could have taken the few chances we had in the first half and made something from them, Telford isn’t the world’s best keeper and I feel like we could have tested her more and I was kinda disappointed we didn’t.

Second half:

‘47 - a fairly decent (surprisingly. It’s no secret we’re pretty piss poor at set pieces) from Zelem resulted in Amy heading just over, which hurt my soul. (I wanted her to score so bad youse have no idea)

‘52 - Arnot had a decent chance, and was 100% in cause Telford came about 82739 miles off her line, but unfortunately it was cleared away. (Sidenote: I HATE when keepers come off their line and out of their box like that, even opposition keepers. It just really shits me out. Anyway)

‘53 - a decent Chelsea opportunity goes wide. I saw somewhere (twitter probably) that it took a deflection, but I’d have to rewatch to be certain. FA Player get your shit together and upload the game so I can double check challenge 🙄

The game really started to come to life around the 50 minute mark. Both teams had decent chances within about a minute of each other, and United’s intensity really stepped up - they came out guns blazing in the second. Both teams pressing and passing really cleaned up around this time too.

‘61 - decent chance for Sigsworth. Angle was just too tight, but I think the build up was massively overworked. She passed it off the Zelem who held it for a little too long imo, before sending it back to Jess who lashed it into the side netting. Think Jess could have made something of it first time but hey, what’s done is done now.

Game started to get a little scrappy heading into the last 20 mins - back to the rushed and mismatched and intercepted passes of the first half.

‘70 - Chelsea free kick saved well by Earps.

‘71 - Goal - Chelsea. Really tight angle, just about squeezed home. Really good work from Mjelde in hindsight but I feel like Earps could have saved that one. I hate to blame her entirely but she really should have done better with closing that one down.

‘72 - almost an instant response from United. LJ had a fantastic chance to equalise but unfortunately scorched it over the bar. I’m not gonna lie, I expected a little better from her there, but I understand the urgency.

‘73 - pretty soft yellow for Sigsworth

‘74 - Ross 🔁 Arnot.

Seemed like all the wind was sucked out of United after that goal, approaching the 80 minute mark. Most of that intensity and urgency was still kinda there and evident in small bursts, but was mostly lacking.

‘80 - United forced into a change. Harris (don’t talk to me) 🔁 McManus. Abbie took a bit of a blow around 20 minutes in, committing a challenge she was ultimately booked for. Fair play to her, she played through it, but she was definitely struggling for a while there. Apparently she was on crutches after the game, so I hope it’s nothing too serious. Also interested to see what Casey does with that back 4 if she’s out for a while. Amy obviously goes back in and CB but it would appear Martha is higher than Ökvist in the pecking order, which is annoying. I get that Casey is more defensive minded and might not want to play two more attacking FB’s at once (Ökvist & Smith) but Martha... 🤐

‘84 - James had a great ball in that forced a corner that - you guessed it - nothing came of

‘85 - Earps had a great block to deny Chelsea a second (and really and truly kill me off)

‘88 - Harris decides to try her luck from a little way out. It was a decent shot to be fair, given the circumstances, just couldn’t get the dip it needed and never really troubled Telford on it’s way over the bar.

4 minutes at the end of the 90 but United couldn’t get anything to stick, which was massively unfortunate.

Two semi final defeats in a row is absolutely gut wrenching, and very hard to take, but last night taught me a lot about this team. I personally thought that this game was miles better and such an improvement on Arsenal away last season. They were much better all round, in every position than last weekend vs City. To come so close against the 3 best teams in the league 5 times now and walk away with nothing is hard, and I feel so bad for those girls. They give their all everytime they step out on that pitch, and they deserved more. This week in particular. Seeing them all in literal bits at the final whistle nearly broke me tbh.

But it’s becoming more glaringly apparent as the season goes on that we are in desperate need of a more clinical, stone blood killer up top. I’d also be open to giving Mikalen a run in goal to prove herself - I think Earps has been a bit off lately.

Galton and Hanson were massively missed last night, and I think we could have done with Toone as well, but oh well.

I had my issues with the ref as well last night, I have to say. I thought she handled the knocks and (most of) the bookings correctly, as well as the penalty shout (which was not a penalty, sorry Jess) but she missed a clear foul on Jackie (59 mins) as well as a clear tug on Arnot (64 mins) in the second half. I also thought LJ was very lucky to get away with just a yellow for her foul on Ingle at the end of the first half, looked a little more like a red to me 😬

Hopefully Galton will be back for Sunday - she absolutely tore Reading to shreds the last time out and I would very much like to see more of that 🔥, but I’m kinda worried about that midfield trio too. The last thing we need is three defeats on the bounce, but they must be dyinggg cause they literally never, ever stop.

I know this one is a little later than usual and the format is slightly different too, but I was watching the men (for some reason) as well, and it was kinda hard to keep track of two games at once lol. Plus I just wasn’t really in the mood to try and to this last night. Also - if anyone has critiques or corrections or questions about my opinions or anything else pls don’t hesitate to drop them in my ask and I’ll edit things and answer whatever as best as I can ✌🏽

[wtfy-cyzj]

*SPOILERS* CYZJ Subbed Ep. 9 reaction

Episode 9 is finally out with subs, so you know what that means: another play-by-play reaction text post! And it’s another 2-hour episode, so we’re back to the super long format.

As with previous installments, each major section of the show has a header so you can scroll if you’re looking for something specific. And, of course, spoilers and foul language kinda come with the territory.

Mission reveal and song assignments

Another two performance mission assignment – picking the third finalist pair and then establishing a ranking for the finalists – because they just gotta be ranked going into the finals *rolls eyes* - I could rant about how much I wish the producers would stop pushing the competitive aspect of the show while talking about it being about “breakthroughs”

Hao’s little goddamnit-esque laugh when the 1v1 mission is announced  :/

Anybody else get the feeling Victor’s the reason Eric & JC are worried about the other team picking their song? Like Hao might give them something out of left field because he wants them to show a new side or because he thinks it suits them, but not to torpedo them – Victor, however, seems a bit of a wild card

…! I seriously thought Eric had the card down the front of his pants for a moment there!

Aw, Hao’s smile is so sweet – I already knew Eric/JC got to do one of Eric’s songs – that little “you’re welcome” bow & Victor being totally checked out makes me think that was all Hao’s doing

So, yes & no – I expected Victor to at least playfully push to mess w/ the other team – he seems kinda disengaged though

Wait, is that Hao’s handwriting?! I was admiring it when Eric first revealed the card – I know people who only know English who don’t write that nicely – kid’s definitely an artist

“How can I not be satisfied with my own song?”  XD

Aw, that was really sweet of Victor to say he hopes they don’t mess w/ the song too much

I love that when Victor asks “by who” Eric & Xiao Wu both go “Drake” w/ a very soft “duh, who the fuck else” feel – and then Hao gets stoked when they start singing it

Yes! I’m so glad Jiacheng said that about Hao & Victor’s performances not being them together! I thought it about the last 2 performances, but since I didn’t really see anyone else talk about it, I wondered if it was just me. Plus there’s the whole cultural disconnect & not being part of the target demographic that added to it. It’s good to see someone who’s in the thick of it with them recognize that same thing

I want to talk about the warm fuzzy feelings I get from Eric & Jiacheng being so thoughtful about their choice and how this reinforces my desire for the show to stop leaning into the competition narrative, but Eric mimicking both Hao & Victor is too cute

I love that Jiacheng doesn’t know how to process Eric’s goofiness for a second – same Xiao Wu, same

Aw, the doodles!

Hao’s “don’t say anything” is great! – take a stand & make Victor dance!

“Okay fine, alright, I’ll dance. I’ll dance” – damn straight!

Second mission reveal

“Sprint Out” Attack? And that means…?

Meh… Another drawn out process to pick a collaborator? - it was cute w/ the ladies but since I haven’t seen anyone talking about the guests and the tease at the beginning of the episode was blah, I’m not really looking forward to it

Trying to ignore the elevator talk and not roll my eyes too hard

Meeting the musicians

Oh dear god, Yanan is so fucking cute watching Liron Man play! – tell me someone’s giffed that doofy expression and weird little wiggle! *heart eyes*

Ooh, Liron Man’s got a great smile – has nothing to do w/ anything but I couldn’t leave it unremarked upon

“The sound produced is very cute […] like a tortoise who lost its soul” – say what now, Yanan?! – that does not seem like a “cute” sound, sir!

Once again, being thoughtful and aware of the other contestants – brownie points to Jun

I’m so glad dude knows some Chinese! We don’t need another person stranded behind the language barrier even if it’s just one episode

Apparently, I love the pipa and didn’t even know what it was – now that I have a name, research will be done!

“My mother’s profession is also in the pipa” – poor girl stepped in it!  XD

Here I was thinking they reacted much better than with the previous lady guests, but no, still shy as fuck

I realize that as an apparently internationally-recognized musician, Wangtao probably plays the clarinet in ways that I never could imagine – unfortunately I took band from 7th through 9th grades, including marching band, so I cringed when I saw what he plays – and I immediately had to go look up this Eddie Izzard bit because my brain wouldn’t stop going “clahr-en-ahrt” and “WEzul WEzul” until I did

Watching Jun & Yanan discuss their options is a really interesting look into their personalities – “are we choosing calm or movement?”

“You decide” – brave words, Jun – I wonder where this fell on the timeline of Yanan deciding to leave the show

It’s not going to be a famous Western artist, Samuel – it’s never going to be a famous Western artist – sorry to burst your bubble, kiddo

Bahahaha! For all Zhennan’s “leave us a good one” in the elevator, Jun & Yanan picked the most obvious choice for the kiddies – …yes, I know I’m an asshole for finding that so funny

…Does Zhennan’s shirt say “same shit different day”?!

They completely lost that whole “working w/ musicians will be hard” thing real quick

“I feel like I tortured little kids”  XD

Someone’s setting himself up for a headache confusing jazz with jazzy, especially when picking a classically trained accompanist

It’s really cute seeing Eric & Xiao Wu being a little awkward with the pipa player after they seemed to calm with the previous female guests – they both barely look at her

I love arrogant!Eric, especially when he’s immediately replaced by embarrassed!Eric – I am, however, more than a little creeped out by the cartoon bull being blown around by, what, an umbilical cord?!

Aw, Jiacheng immediately defends his “arrogance” *heart eyes*

Wait, did Xiao Wu’s lyrics sound bad? Eric said it could “be a little better” so maybe the phrasing was awkward, but the translation of “lately, I’ve been scared of sleeping alone” grabbed my attention and made me wonder what prompted those words

They’re dorks and I love them

Poor Hao being left to talk to their musician alone

…! I totally blanked that this could be Minghao’s first chance to really do a traditional Chinese sound – aw, yay!

Hmm, Victor really agreed to do purely traditional? I guess “purely Chinese” doesn’t have to mean traditional instead of modern

And then we flash back and I stand corrected!

Performance day

Wait, they’re not gonna show how they chose the performance order between MH/Victor and Eric/JC?! I feel so cheated! thank god

Minghao & Victor are up first – 1v1

“I’m always ready!” *heart eyes*

Hao accidentally proposed confessing to the other contestants  XD – just because you think something is meaningless doesn’t mean it really is!

What’s cuter: Hao’s reaction when he realized putting in the other contestants’ names wasn’t the best idea or Hao’s reaction to the thought of name-dropping exes?

I love MH’s logic! Victor’s trying to downplay any romantic intention behind calling out a female artist by saying it’s about respect & admiration, so Hao throws out Jony J & Gong Ge - if it’s about respect & admiration he’s not wrong, but Victor’s face says otherwise – I laughed so hard I had to stop the video and go calm down by doing a load of laundry

I’ve gotta say, as someone who liked both JJ & GG from the beginning & still really likes them and as someone who started watching specifically for Minghao, I love that he brought them up again and in such a positive light. Fans can – and do­ – hate on them, but he’s got every right to continue to look up to them. He’s the one who was directly affected by their actions, yet he continues to admire them and voice that admiration. I don’t get how people try to drag them on his behalf when he says things like this.

Aw, it breaks my heart a little that Victor thinks making the song about the show is “limiting” their creativity – Hao’s had a lot of fun and had made connections on the show that he obviously values – how is making an ode to that a limitation?

I love when Hao speaks in English – it always surprises me how rich & deep his voice is – like I usually chalk it up to being an artifact of the language, but it’s genuinely appealing – does that make sense? Just me?

Am I the only one who thinks changing the names to their own makes it about self-doubt, not narcissism?

Victor’s so American!

I feel like Victor having to dance is a little bit of karma for being a pain in the ass  >:D

That little intro clip is adorable!

Aw, Victor did MH’s 8 hand sign!

Overall thoughts: I loved that! It wasn’t perfect, but I think, after Clap, it was Hao’s best performance by far. He definitely had fun and loosened up with Supernatural in ep.8, but this was a whole other level and I think a lot of it was from actually playing w/ Victor during the performance. I love that they switched it up and Victor had the vocal parts; he’s a talented singer so it was nice seeing him step out of the rapper role. And I was really impressed with Hao’s English. A lot of times, non-English-speakers do odd things with their emphasis on words, but he was pretty damn spot on. It makes me wonder just how fluent he actually is since we don’t see him speak it much beyond simple phrases. The one thing I wasn’t entirely feeling was Victor’s rap. It felt a little rushed? Cramped? It’s understandable since he’s working within a pre-existing song, but it did stick out to me. I don’t know why Victor was worried about dancing. That bit was less choreography and more conscious swagger, if that makes sense, and he pulled it off swimmingly. I wish they hadn’t cut to the audience during Hao’s dance break because it was my favorite one he’s done so far – less artistry and more simple fun. Can we take a moment to thank Eric & Jiacheng for making this gem happen?

“And we were constantly laughing at Victor’s attempt at dancing” – Eric! I’m glad he finally has someone else’s dancing to pick on but also smh

Eric & Jiacheng’s 1v1 prep and performance

Aw, Jiacheng gushing about the comradery on the show and wanting to help each other show their best sides  XD

The idea of them singing acapella is actually really cool – if anyone on the show could pull it off really well, it’s these two

I love that Xiao Wu seems to throw out more English the longer he’s w/ Eric – he’s gaining experience and confidence in other areas – why not English, too?

Back to Eric’s crush on Dilireba  XD

Aw, JC says they got close – of course they’re (probably) going to in a situation like this, but it’s cute that he’s talking about it – I know I’ve said it before, but I love that he’s so open with talking about stuff like that

Xiao Wu really looks like he’s about to cry reading those comments – and then Eric ruins the moment telling him not to cry

I already saw @bathtubofdonuts​’s post talking about them incorporating the fan comments in the stage but seeing them get to that point is so sweet

Wait, so why is it important to tell us the screenwriter lady is in the audience? Was it the OST for her drama?

Aw, Hao’s so touched already

I was starting to worry the editing was going to lose the comments to those close-ups

It’s not weird to comment on how pretty Jiacheng’s hands are, right?

Wah! JC’s teary-eyed!! I was already tearing up – don’t make me cry!

Ah, okay, so she helped Eric write the song

Overall thoughts: I was sniffly & teary, but I managed not to cry. That was beautiful. This is why I was worried when they were talking about making a more impressive set design in ep. 8. They do simple so, so well, and they really don’t need a bunch of extras. Just having that one element of the comments playing behind them was so gorgeous and impactful. I’m really glad that they didn’t have accompanists on stage with them because they’d just be a visual distraction. I know I’ve talked about it in previous reactions, but the combination of their voices is incredible. I doubt Eric has ever sung a sour note in his life, and I wish Jiacheng knew how gorgeous his voice really is. His little power vocal moment toward the end? Ugh! So good! I’m gonna keep saying how happy I am that they got to work together because of this show.

“I feel that this bundle here is trembling” – I’m going to be so sad not to see this sweet kid after the show ends! TnT

1v1 performance results

Nooo! I know what’s about to happen – I’m not ready for the angst!

Poor Jun looking so nervous over there w/o Yanan

I hate this fucking setup so much. I’ve said that I think the way Jony J left the show was probably at least partially prompted by the production staff. Knowing that Jun was given options after Yanan left and that, for all his extraness, Jun is super shy, I have a hard time believing the production staff didn’t go, “So you don’t want to be in the running anymore and ~play by the rules~? Okay, so how about we make it look like there’s gonna be an elimination then you come out and dramatically withdraw? Wouldn’t that be awesome!” Jun’s never been my favorite because his playfulness can come of really childish to me, but I highly doubt he would put Minghao this scenario again for funsies.

Having seen translations of this weeks ago when the episode aired, I was not prepared to tear up. It hurts to see Hao so freaked out again and try to pull Jun back bodily. And seeing the distress on Jiacheng’s face as he says “no!” at him, my breath caught in my throat. Ugh! I’m seriously starting to cry watching JC panic more as Jun compliments them all. X(

Oh god that whole bit after the interview section was… weird. It’s pretty obvious the way Eric & Jiacheng are smiling in the background that things were cleared up. But that audience reaction… It’s so cold? This weird sort of idea that idols “betray” their fans is something I’ll never understand in kpop. (This is taking into account all the chaos that happened because of Jun’s decision, not just what made the edit.) Disappointment I get, but there’s no compassion for the grace he displayed in a shitty situation or relief that he’s going to continue performing. This whole situation was made so much worse being in front of a live audience.

The interviews after Jun’s reveal are so sweet, but why does it feel like a memorial? It’s just shy of saying “in loving memory of Wen Junhui”

Top 3 ranking performances

I love when the show has to blur someone’s phone because it’s not the sponsor phone – it’s usually Samuel, but this time Eric’s the culprit

And there’s the performance order ceremony

Minghao, Victor & Lian Pieru (pipa) are up first

Interesting thoughts about the Mechanical Era – it seems like Peiru’s a good match for Hao

So the interview thing is the only lead up we get? I don’t want to episode to be 3 hours, but they’ve got such an interesting story they want to tell and Peiru seems like such a character, I was really looking forward to the preparations – now I do actually feel a little cheated

Overall thoughts: I may have actually liked this performance better than In My Feelings. It wasn’t as entertaining, but it was a cool concept that was executed really well. I’ve gotta say before I go on though, I’ve seen people complain about the editing of other performances, but this is the first one that’s been distracting to me throughout.  :/  If I didn’t know before going in that Victor was supposed to be the narrator, I don’t think I would’ve gotten that. The harsh stage whisper sort of effect in the beginning comes off kind of judgmental and, well, harsh where I was expecting more of an impartial observer style narrator. I wish his character had either done less interacting (to be an observer) or done more (to show his investment in the storyline and justify the judginess). It was a nice change of pace to see him being subdued while Hao was the higher energy partner. Hao’s rap in both performances this episode was great. They felt more natural and less stylized, which I really dig. He also showed his vocals more here than I think he really has in a while. At least it was more impactful than past performance. I would love to see a purely vocal song from him – no rap, light choreo – because he does really interesting things with his voice and we don’t get enough of it. [I just got a flash of him singing w/ Susu O.O] The choreo was impressive even if the edit made it hard to get the full effect. The end was great with the angry faces and the final little trill of the pipa.

It weirdly warms my heart to see them acknowledge they’ve been kind of at odds in their partnership up til now

Eric, Jiacheng & Lian Peiru (pipa) perform second

Uh, does Jiacheng’s overcoat have Donald Duck smack in the middle of a traditional tapestry?!

Not gonna gush about the VCR, but these two are so damn cute

We don’t even get an interview lead-in for them?!  >.<

Ooh, pop-style pipa is really cool…

Somebody put Xiao Wu in a musical please - even my theatre-hating ass would pay to see that

Aw, Liron Man reacting to them  uwu

Overall thoughts: I really enjoyed that. It was soft and sweet, and of course their voices are amazing. The set design was really pretty with all the florals. For some reason, thought, for most of the song Eric seemed strangely pulled back? Maybe it was because Xiao Wu was still on a high from the previous performance and the pipa is so distinct, but his parts just got overpowered to my ear. It was still beautiful.

Huh, Samuel really hasn’t gotten much screentime in this episode, even for reactions

Zhennan, Samuel & Wangtao (clarinet) are up third

Maybe it’s because he’s a good bit older, but I really appreciate the way Wangtao talks about Zhennan here – at least I assume he’s referring to Zhennan since Samuel seems pretty cool with being a kid – it doesn’t soften me to him, but it’s a needed reminder that his bravado may be more façade than arrogance – still find it annoying though *shrug*

Anyone else have to look up what an elaphure is? – it’s a Père David’s deer

Excuse me, mister clarinet man, don’t make me start thinking clarinets are sexy – I’ve already resigned myself to the fact that I’m probably gonna look up your music but that’s just taking it too far!

Overall thoughts: For anyone who thinks I’m just going to shit all over this because it’s Zhennan and Samuel, you’re wrong. I actually kind of dug that. It’s not really my bag, but I don’t dislike it at all. First off, the stage design is impressive with that cube setup. It’s really interesting having Wangtao on top of it (but also, get off the tall thing!). I would love to see a fixed cam of the performance to get the full effect. I really liked Zhennan’s solo in ep. 2, so seeing him go back to that sleepy, almost lazy delivery style is really nice. I’ve complained about him leaning too hard into his imagery (or did I cut that bit because I was being an ass?), but it was used beautifully here. Samuel really impressed me. His rap style still sounds a little like he’s trying to be someone else, but it didn’t sound awkward this time. It’ll be really interesting to see where his style goes as he comes into his own. And these are his best lyrics yet. Yes, I snorted at the LeBron reference in the otherwise whimsical song, but I really liked the honestly and depth. The dance break was beautiful and a nice escape from the more stock mainstream choreo Samuel’s been showing us. He does hip hop well, but I’m glad he gave us something more contemporary here and showed off his range. If I have a complaint it’s that Samuel’s voice gets lost in the “I don’t want” bits. I wish they’d at least brought him forward so you hear him more, or better yet, given him something a little more ornate to weave around Zhennan’s more drudging sound. His little vocalization before ZN’s final part was a pleasant surprise, and I would’ve liked more of that. They’ve made the best use of the accompanist so far, too. The whole thing was lovely and haunting and understated. Of all their stages, I think this performance has been the most effective in delivering the message they wanted to get across.

Jun & Liron Man (handpans) are up last

Why are the lead-ups getting shorter?! We’re going straight into the performance with no interview or VCR. I get that he’s not eligible for votes anymore, but I still want to see something, man

Total Pure Moods vibes here – fun fact: I wanted that CD so badly that both of my (divorced) parents got it for me for Christmas that year – I was a weird kid

Aw, is he singing along with Jun?! So cute! *heart eyes*

…off the tall thing, please…

Overall thoughts: If you’d told me before this that I would eagerly watch a Jun solo three times in a row, I would’ve laughed in your face. His style just isn’t for me usually. And yet, I watched this three times in a row (I zoned out and just listened to first time, watched the second, and read the lyrics the third). Thank you, Yanan, for picking the handpan. I never would’ve thought the distorted ring of a handpan would complement Jun’s very unique vocal quality as well as it does. This is the most at ease we’ve seen Jun on the show, and I don’t mean relaxed or confident. It didn’t seem at all like he was performing or was “on” but like he was singing for the sheer personal pleasure of it. After his stress in previous episodes, it was so good to see. As for the song itself, I have no fucking clue how to describe it. It reminded me of the weirdest things without really sounding like any of them. I mentioned Pure Moods, but also The Little Mermaid and “What Is Love” – as in the song from A Night at the Roxbury (listen to it, young’uns, and be confused). There were others, but I’ve blanked because that last one was a little too wtf.

“He was definitely enjoying it, really” – you know it’s true when the guest is saying it

Wait, no contestant reactions even?! Why are we getting robbed of the good stuff in this episode, goddamnit!?

Points reveal for the finals

This is for the ranking going into the finale – plus starting points which seems weirdly unnecessary?

Hao & Victor got 66 votes – why so low?

Xiao Wu & Eric got 73 – better but still really low considering the stages & past scores

Zhennan & Samuel got 72 – why so low?!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad my boys are leading, but they all gave incredibly good, polished stages and those scores really don’t seem to reflect that. I mean, they’ve given out 80s before – are the panelists given criteria or is it purely a matter of preference? – the contestants all look a little disappointed with the scores, too

After show nonsense

“passionate teens Zhou Zhennan and Samuel, gentle warriors Wu Jiacheng and Zhou Xingzhe, mood players Xu Minghao and Ma Boqian” – I don’t know why those labels amuse me so much but they do

I’m glad we get to see Samuel & ZN react to the handpans because they were so cute with the other instruments

Damn, Samuel really is a quick learner

Did he mean to play Eric’s song? He’s definitely got a bit of an artist crush on Eric, but that’s adorable if he was trying to play it. And impressive that he did it well enough on something he just learned how to get a sound from that the others recognized it!

  My personal rankings

MH & Victor

Jun

Eric & Xiao Wu

Zhennan & Samuel

Usually picking my rankings is super easy. My favorite and least favorite have been leagues away from the others, but I really liked everybody this week  :D

And now, another long wait until the subs come out for the finale...

[welcome-to-my-darkside-satx-blog]

Just how to develop a Google Friendly Site for finest Search Engine Optimization

Exactly how to develop a Google Friendly Site for finest Search Engine Optimization

The first point to think about is the better your website structure is, the more are the opportunities that you'll have a higher position in internet search engine. Every internet site comes with its own page structure. The most effective ranking web sites have a structured and also well thought out web site framework while some consist of a disorganised group of website.

Although there are lots of professional website developers that can help you ahead up with a proper framework for your site, here's how you can develop a website framework that can help you improve your SEO techniques.

1. Planning the Site Framework Prior To Build

If you're developing a web site from the ground up, after that you remain in the very best position to prepare a website framework to achieve the most effective SEO possible. Strategy your framework as very early as feasible. As a matter of fact, it ought to be before you even start constructing pages in your CMS. You can create a strategy making use of a spread sheet program, a whiteboard, a word processor etc. Preparation ahead of time is a fantastic method to organise your info, LINK framework, and also navigation. Every little thing crucial needs to start with a plan.

2. Location search phrases in your Links

An additional vital component in establishing solid internet site rankings is your LINK format. If you are mosting likely to rationally think through your power structure, then this shouldn't be difficult to achieve. The LINK structure of your internet site web links should follow the power structure of the web site. This indicates that your URL has real words instead of plain icons, or numbers, and also consists of the most suitable keyword protection.

3. Develop Your Internet Site Navigating in CSS or HTML

When creating your website menu navigation, make sure to maintain the coding simple. Utilizing CSS and also HTML is the best strategy. Coding in Flash, JavaScript, and Ajax can limit the online search engine spider's capacity to cover your internet site's well considered pecking order as well as navigation.

4. Make Use Of a Navigating Structure

Your navigating framework must follow your website's power structure. Make certain that the web pages, the majority of especially the most vital ones, are not buried deep within the web site. Superficial sites must work better from the perspective of the search engine crawler as well as your internet site's individuals.

5. Create a Header That Note Down Your Navigating Pages

Your top header should list down your primary web pages. Internet designers suggest making use of a top navigational header that includes 3 subcategories. This must suffice to complete whatever you need for your internet site.

Consisting of any kind of other components besides the primary classifications can make your web site seem distracting. If you're creating a parallax web site, see to it to have a consistent header food selection that will display in every single scrolling stage.

6. Develop an In-depth Internal Linking Structure

Inner connecting framework puts meat on the bones of a logical web site hierarchy. Additionally, they aid customers easily navigate a site, develop info power structure for an offered site, and spread web link juices all over the sites. Each of these reasons is directly connected to creating a tight-knit as well as highly incorporated web site framework. There's truly no demand to complicate points when it comes to inner connecting. The web developers UK suggests that the basic idea is to ensure that every single page of your site consists of a few web links to and also from one more web page within your website.

Just how to make Google Love Your Website

As the leading internet search engine, Google will be your site's utmost court in terms of how well it will certainly rank in the online. So, if you observe that your internet site isn't ranking high in internet search engine results, after that there's a likelihood that Google hates your website, which is genuinely unfavorable particularly if you need to pay regular monthly web sites fees.

So, what are the reasons why Google may not like your website and also what are the important things that you can do to repair this?

1. Your Internet Site Layout is Outdated

A number of ranking elements are actually constructed into the general style of your site. So, prior to you even start to take part in SEO, you need to think about the general layout of your internet site. For instance, Google penalises web sites that are not mobile-friendly. So, if you have an old website and it's neither very responsive neither mobile pleasant, after that you can not anticipate to place high.

Various other variables to keep in mind are metadata and title tags. These are some of things that will inform Google of just how to rank you. So, if you don't have any one of these, then Google will not be aware of your internet site, which discusses why Google doesn't like you at all. An additional thing that you can do to make Google like you, is to let individuals share your material. To make it much easier for individuals to share your web content, make sure you add social media sites sharing switches on your web site.

2. Your Link Structure Isn't Reliable

Hyperlinks are incredibly essential when it concerns online search engine position. Backlinks are usually the first thing that would come to mind when it involves web links. However, both outside as well as inner links are also really important. Google suches as to see you linking to some other authority websites. It's a great idea that whenever you upload content on your site, link it to high domain name authority web sites where you have gotten such information. This suggests that you are publishing top quality info on your web site and also this is what Google desires.

It's not nearly enough that you pay regular monthly websites. You need to additionally ensure that you are utilizing interior links to all your content. This is one way for Google to know what your material is actually like. You may also take into consideration linking to landing web pages from your blogs or the other way around. However when you do this, ensure that the links are proper to the content or you'll simply cause more damage to your internet site.

3. Your Material Provides Little Worth

Are you composing material for the simple purpose of ranking your web site? Well, you far better think again. Writing for the function of ranking is not that sensible when it comes to search engine position. You need to have the ability to use value to your readers. Google has its own method of understanding if your site deserves displaying to web individuals.

You must have a concept by now why Google hates your website and also what you can do in order to rate high. This needs a lot of hard work yet it's absolutely worth it, specifically if you're spending money to pay month-to-month sites.

[lovelyparanormalbooks]

Looking Back // 2018 goals, highlights, and what's to come...

Okay well this year has FLOWN by?! I can't believe we're already at the end of 2018. I have barely any school left (a few years but still in the long scheme of things),... Having 'proper' exams has certainly kept me busier than I would've liked but this is also partly my own fault due to my (now cured) binge watching obsession and desire to procrastination (because it's cool but my bad, I no longer believe this).  This is one of a series of 2018 wind down posts; you can view reasons why I am grateful for this blog here. The other posts, Looking Ahead and December Wrap-up aren't live yet. I'm gonna use this post as a platform to talk about this year's goals, my highlights (blogging and life), and discuss what's to come since I'm leaving and you guys should remain in the loop about that! Without further ado:

i. reflecting on mmxviii goals (yes the format is just to feel cool)

Here are the goals I set at the start of this year, along with notes about the completion of them:

1. 2+ blog posts a week except on hiatuses

(I finally used a gif here!!! But anyway.) This one was a big fat FAIL. What a joke. By my count, there will be a total of 58 blog posts completed and published in 2018 (keep in mind a lot of the first few posts were things like weekly wrap-ups too, so I wouldn't really count those as proper posts either). I'm hesitant to set a similar goal for 2019, but I might just go with "try to post regularly" which can be interpreted ambiguously I guess. It'll be even busier than this year, that I'm certain, but I'm going to try and manage my time better so I frequent the blog more.

2. NO backscheduling; if I don't have a post done in time, I'll post it a week later or when it's finished

This one, I adhered to; much easier than last year since I wasn't as strict about post frequency, and didn't make it my life's mission to do 365 posts for 365 days (stupidest idea ever). As stated above, since I didn't keep my two posts a week goal at all there wasn't a point to backscheduling. But just as a fact, I have several posts which I need to write which are on my calendar that just keep getting pushed back, and I was quite proud of myself for finally writing pt. ii of NZ Education Issues a few weeks ago, which you can view here (I pushed this post back week after week from April).

3. Less Blitzes/Tours; I'm only going to do them if they're about books I care about

In 2018: zero book blitzes/tours! (No wonder my blog traffic was so static.) I wanted to step away from doing these because even though they were pretty much zero effort for me I wasn't promoting content I was genuinely interested in. So I stopped altogether, though I think I might do some in 2019 on the odd occasion, and to make it more worth my time, actually go digging for books I'm actually passionate about.

4. More discussion posts

Yuss!! Another success. I wrote ten this year, which isn't a lot (hang on, in 2017 I wrote 37... does that mean I don't win?) but it was more a focus of my blog for sure, though that's mainly due to a lack of posts. So I'll count this one as a completed goal but the fix for 2019 is just to post more, because I have plenty of ideas waiting to be thrown out into the world.

5. Comment on more blogs frequently

I didn't comment on other blogs a massive amount in 2018 (I wish I had stats for this!) but then again when do I ever? Sorry fellow bloggers, I'm super lazy and I know I should do it more, but effort. I did try harder to comment on other blogs, achieving this through unfollowing pretty much all blogs on Bloglovin and going onto Wordpress to find blogs I was genuinely interested in to follow (and even then, only commenting on posts of theirs that attracted my attention in order to leave meaningful comments). This worked for me because it created a connection between me and other bloggers and gave me incentive to comment on their posts because I wanted to read the content rather than feeling forced to do so.

6. Set aside more time for blogging

I definitely class this one as a fail, but hear me out. I did do one thing right here; I had blocks of time which I devoted to blogging, and these often stretched past an hour. The problem is, with every one of these (I am forever indebted to my dad for providing me with such nice office space to do this, btw) were two or more sessions of bland internet surfing where I could've been blogging. Sometimes I did stuff related to school, but mostly this was just a massive waste of time. I'm trying to plan more in 2019, so I'll try and make computer sessions just for blogging.

7. Make graphics for blog posts

Yes, and no? Yes: weekly wrap-up graphics (which I barely used since I gave up on that pretty quick), monthly wrap-up graphics, and the "until next time" at the end of each post (by far my favourite, not because it looks great but because I completed something I'm satisfied with and use often). No: review graphics (this is the reason I haven't posted a review here at all this year, in case you've been wondering about the lack of those on here even though there are a bunch on goodreads). My aims for 2018 were really only these four things, so 3/4? But I'm pretty disappointed about the reviews thing because it's the rating graphic that stumped me as I wanted something unique here; I even made two header graphics for my reviews of Nevernight and Godsgrave, which I might use in 2019? Ah well, something for 2019 I guess! Just so you know, I'm also planning on making divider graphics, and as for anything else... you'll see. That's it for goals: is 4/7 a pass? Next up is a reflection on the yearly challenges I did.

A-Z Book Challenge

I was a bit disappointed I didn't complete this challenge last year, but I'm giving it yet another shot this year. I have all the necessary books to complete it (I haven't yet read them all though as of writing this post), so all I gotta do is read! I'll check back in to see if I do complete it, or it's another thing to add to my long list of fails.

Goodreads Yearly Challenge

I don't wanna talk about this,,, a massive fail. My reading goal each year has gone down, from 2014 when I first did this challenge, 250 {completed}, to 2015, 210 {incomplete, I didn't even make it to 200}, 2016, 150 {complete}, 2017, 125 {complete}. All of these years I pretty much expected that I could do what I did the year before, but ended up lowering and adjusting them towards the end of December when I finally confronted reality. This year, I aimed for 100, but no. I've reset it to 50, which I know I'll get, but it's quite disappointing that I didn't even get 100. (What's sadder than that is for next year's goal I'm thinking 75 because I gotta read more, but I'd ideally like to read 100+).

Ebook Challenge

An accurate description of the time I've spent on my iPad when I could've been reading on kindle:

(instagram). Disappointing, I know! I was thinking, I'll read more on my iPad when I go away this summer and there's no wifi, but that's yet to happen as of writing this post so we'll see, we'll see. I aimed for 25 books here but so far I've read 5. It may rise to a few more, but I'd say 2/3 maximum, and I'll update you if/when that happens.

ii. highlights of this year

If you thought I was done... Nope, not yet. I'm sorry this is so long!! But I've been enjoying dragging out my posts for a bit longer if just so that I feel I've accomplished more (this probably isn't helping). Did I forget to mention that this isn't all gonna be positive? Oops. Well. Let's start off on a negative:

1. my twitter being deactivated

This was... not fun for me. I don't even use Twitter that much, but at that point in my life I was using it a lot as a tool to keep myself updated about certain things which occur around the world; the deactivation funnily enough occurred around a convenient time in that I was unwillingly one distraction less during some stressful months. And recently I rejoined Twitter with a new account (@caszriel_) when things had calmed down, and I guess it's the fresh start I wanted but also I want my old account back please!

2. following more people on Wordpress and being (relatively) active on their blogs

I was able to interact with so many cool people this year! Maybe it was partially due to my own lack of consistent posting, but I found time to read and comment on a bunch of blogs which was a really enjoyable experience. In 2019 I'd love to become closer to these people and discover more amazing blogs.

3. making amazing memories with amazing people

Oh man. While it was sad not to have classes with some people who I'd been casual friends with in 2016/2017 the independence of the timetable for senior classes and lack of a 'core class' group of people you encounter in 5/8 classes made it so much better for me, even when sometimes I hated the lack of streaming since I had classes with people who had previously been kept out by the streaming (I'm sorry but I just really don't like these people okay), but I wouldn't trade it because firstly, less classes total (6), more like a genuine high school experience, and 2017 was not great. But kinda and also not related to this are all the amazing people I hung out with this year who helped make my year awesome. Because true friendship doesn't suffer the bounds of having none/few classes together or even being at different schools. I'm so thankful for all of you who helped cheer me up when I wasn't having the best time, and being around to listen to my stupid rants. (And to everyone reading this post, I love you too

4. getting through my first year of formal examinations

At the start of 2018 I was pretty excited for this year. Yay, exams (yes I know I'm weird) which I can actually study for online with past papers. Also, I didn't think anything could be worse than parts of 2017 (hey, I wasn't wrong). Proper assessments!! (Yeah I feel like every year up till this year has been pretty wasteful education wise but that's just me,) the externals were mostly fine but I can never say I'm looking forward to results coming out on January 15. Internals got extremely stressful at some points just because not all of my teachers are the greatest or sympathetic to your many extracurricular commitments (in June I had SO much music stuff I was out of one class for around two weeks straight because of that and that ate up all my lunch times and pretty much all after schools that weren't already occupied). For 2019 I'm motivated and hoping to amp up the workload and go for a lot of scholarships, so bring it on!

5. 2018 in general; discovering new music, getting back into tennis (passionately)

I was not expecting 2018 to be so good. I had an amazing time and it's gone pretty fast! I love that I've been able to listen to more country music and discover all these amazing artists, and also reignite my love for tennis (Roger Federer is the best guys). Here's to 2019!

iii. what's to come?

I'll elaborate in more detail in at the top of my final post of the year, December Wrap-up (live 12AM EST 31st December) but basically, I'm leaving this blog... But making another one? I'll be transferring all my Bloglovin' followers and meanwhile you can find it here. I'd also really like to start making designs and stuff on etsy/society6 and I'll keep you guys updated about that!

How did you find 2018? Was it better/worse than previous years? What are your most memorable moments, positive or negative? Did you meet all your 2018 goals?

3>

[celticnoise]

Perhaps it was the seats that made analysing this game so easy; they were top drawer.

The view offered me a perspective you certainly don’t get on the telly, the chance to watch every part of the pitch and see how the game was really being played, as opposed to simply what was happening on the ball. And that was instructive.

Reading our press you would never know we played against a world class team, filled with world class players, coached by a world class manager. Brendan is a top drawer boss, but he doesn’t have these tools at his disposal, and his tactical ideas are not yet fully formed.

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From the opening minute three things were clear; Bayern were going to press us whenever we were on the ball, they were going to take advantage of our narrow game plan and spread the play wide and we were making it easy for them by leaving too big a gap between the guys staying up the pitch and those who were defending our penalty box.

Bayern has an interesting, and highly effective, system which I’ve seen other top European teams do in the past; they play football in little triangles.

Whenever one man has the ball the triangle forms; there’s a guy in an advanced position to his left and other to his right.

He has two passing options instead of just one, and that enables them to move the ball fluently, and quickly, up the pitch. Their players also take their time on the ball; you never see, as you saw so much with us, guys desperate to get rid of it the second they receive it.

That means they take a moment to decide what the best option is; move with the ball or make a pass. There’s something else; they play tight, compact, which means a pass is never more than ten yards from one man to another.

The difference in styles is stark; Celtic players getting the ball often rushed to get it to the next man. Invariably there was no next man; our system seemed disjointed. Too often a player with the ball would have no options but to try a risk pass. And because Bayern also defend in a triangle zonal system, with one guy pressing and the other two covering in case the ball gets past him, that resulted in us giving away possession far too often, especially in that first half.

Added to that, when we tried to make a forward pass the distance between the player with the ball and the one trying to receive it was often far too great. That was easy pickings for Bayern’s razor sharp midfielders who intercepted them time and again.

The lone striker role doesn’t suit Griffiths either; I say this time and time again. There are those who believe he’s the best striker at the club; he is the best natural finisher, yes, but he lacks what Dembele has in spades; that physical presence and that exceptional first touch that lets him get the ball under control wherever and however he receives it.

Our long passes to him were mostly wasted; he was being double marked by two of the best central defenders in world football. He was never likely to get much change out of them; they are far too good to make mistakes in a situation like that.

Craig Gordon is not good enough at the top level. There it is, I’ve said it. For the second goal he doesn’t even move; that is dreadful lack of awareness. The guy who gets that header knows Gordon is too far to his left, but in his wildest dreams he never expects, for a second, that our keeper won’t even move except to turn his head as it goes by him.

The third goal is awful. There’s no other word for it. The back-post is completely unguarded; a defensive lapse that must have had Brendan pulling his hair out. I think it’s the keeper’s job to organise the defence in the penalty box at a moment like that. Gordon does not take leadership of that area like he should. He does not demand that the defence cover him, that they cover each other, that they maintain their discipline.

And on a night when we are playing a very narrow system, and one which has allowed world class wingers all the time on the ball they could wish for, why the Hell did the goalkeeper play every kick-out into a wide position where our players would have to chase after it, and theirs could simply stroll on up to it or watch as it sailed harmlessly out?

The manager cannot like what he sees; I know I certainly don’t.

The second half was played in a different fashion. The media thinks they took their feet off the gas; in point of fact what happened is that we narrowed the gap between the midfield and the attack, our players calmed down enough to take that extra second on the ball which makes all the difference when passing it to a team-mate and the manager made the right substitutions. Griffiths was toiling in that role. Armstrong did nothing of note.

I don’t want to turn this into an Armstrong bashing session, but in all the European games I’ve watched him in this season I have yet to see one where he played particularly well. I hate to say it, but at this moment in time the best thing about him is the song. If a club sticks a million onto the offer in January I would let their fans have it.

During the summer, his agent had convinced him he was a hot property and that English clubs would pay him stupid money. I wonder if it’s still on the table, because he is miles away from being the player his agent and those clubs evidently think he is.

Dembele showed, in his brief time on the pitch, why he remains a hot property and why we don’t stand a chance of keeping this guy into the long term. He oozes class. He can rough it up with good defenders. He can take the ball with his back to the goal and turn and go by them. He has a great eye for where his team-mates are. He is unselfish.

Moussa is a class player, and there’s just no doubt about it.

This was a hard game to judge us on. The media’s nonsense about us being “humbled” suggests that we went into it full of ourselves and making big predictions; nonsense. We did no such thing. Bayern took Arsenal apart on that ground last season and then went to the Emirates and did exactly the same; a 10-2 aggregate hiding. We won’t suffer that.

But we do have to do the simple things better; goals two and three were absolutely preventable and had we not last the third so soon after the re-start our more settled style might have given them a fright. There are things about our system which clearly work; we are getting better at a more continental style game under Brendan but there’s a way to go yet.

I am actually looking forward to having Bayern at Celtic Park. If we don’t make the silly mistakes we did here then I do genuinely believe we can give them a game.

This was more frustrating than humbling, but they are an exceptional team with footballers of the highest calibre. It was a pleasure to watch Arjen Robben and Muller on the right, and in Kingsley Corman they have one of the developing stars of the global game; he will be a name on everyone’s lips in the next couple of years. Lewandowski prowled the box like a lion. Their midfield barely did a thing wrong all night. Their style of play is advanced and well-constructed.

They will humble better teams than us. They will soundly thrash better teams than us. Those who doubt they can go all the way are ignoring history; they always do. Their team has barely missed out on the semis in the last ten years. This year will be no exception.

http://ift.tt/2xSQfZl

[disparais]

without them, there wouldn't be any of this

started this post whilst in the car, with my mother’s careless words ringing in my ears, but i later found the time to expound upon some other things. started off rambly, but i realized there was still a certain flow to my thoughts, so i threw in headers wherever appropriate during editing.

also. i was so upset when i first posted this pre-edit/organization (i left the post hanging while i was having lunch with my parents and then the worst stomachache of 2017 after - no idea what the pathophysiology was behind that one) that i forgot to format the post under a cut help

why i hate staying at home: (aka the catalyst for this post)

words have consequences hadghxnsb how can you say things like “i always cringe when people tell me i must be proud that my daughter’s in medical school because i think you’re going to flunk out” fuuuuck why am i even still surprised

scheduling and plans:

also a little unhappy with people who flake on plans. casual plans may be casual but i still take them as binding as long as a date has been set. and i don't appreciate clearing my schedule, especially where j is involved, only to be told that they've been cancelled. especially when it's because the people involved have knowingly made plans with other people. (double-booking is different, i guess, since it's unintentional. plus i’m guilty sometimes since my social calendar is nuts sometimes, so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad about that.)

[update: moments after mentioning double-booking, i realized i was supposed to do zumba with a for fc sigh this is why i said double-booking is unintentional.]

this cancellation just stings so much because it plays into my deepest insecurity, i guess, that i'm overinvested in the friendship and i just. care too much. i mean, why else would our plans matter so much to me and not to them?

and why does reciprocity matter so much to me, anyway? g said it best when she said that God’s love for us is unconditional and we should be striving to love others freely. logically i don’t think i impose any expectations on others in terms of gestures. it’s a scorpio thing to love deeply and jealously, and i need to learn to not be affected by others’ apathy/ignorance.

overly-full social calendar:

i don’t get how i can feel like i don’t have that many friends, even though my social calendar is frequently packed. i guess i really hardly see my close old friends like f, ly, l, h, m, a etc. these days. not forgetting assorted people like the lower-maintenance guys like j and j, and other people like d and k (who slept over recently! it was cool). also truly pleased with the direction suitefam is heading in (see section below).

was actually really pleasantly surprised when d realized i was in school last term (when i was on the way to meeting j) and wanted to meet me spontaneously, even if just for 15 mins (she dropped whatever she was doing and ran over). she said, amongst other things, that meeting me was grounding and calming. a clear 受宠若惊 moment for me, which gave me hope - maybe i do have something apart from sensible advice to offer people (gotta learn to curb my instinct to dispense it when unsolicited, though).

limited social energy:

(i only get to my point in the 4th paragraph tbh) increasingly annoyed with qx sometimes because i genuinely don’t care that much when he cancels on me (beginning to think sometimes that he’s not as important to me as everyone, myself included, thinks he is) bad thoughts stop here but i do care that he tries to foist me onto the next available person. i get that he flakes on people for family because he’s separated from them by a goddamn ocean and he clings onto them. i don’t get how he thinks forcing me to interact one-on-one with someone i’m not really close to is supposed to help my social reserves.

and that’s not even it - the day before, i asked if he wanted to do lunch after anat tutorial, and when he suggested la nonna and i agreed, he began scanning the place to determine who to ask along. what happened to the guy who ditched house lunches because he couldn’t be bothered to wait for them to eat and because he hated sitting on the floor? i’m beginning to think true as those excuses were, they were just flimsy cover-ups for his initial loneliness whilst he was trying to fit in.

honestly happy with the way i am right now in uni - no longer fomo with regards to most things (apart from suitefam HAHA), and far more fiercely independent than before. just a little disappointed in qx in terms of how susceptible to peer pressure in terms of wanting to fit in and all he turned out to be, though i guess it’s sort of understandable since these are truly all the people he has. i probably take my social network for granted sometimes.

after all of this rambling, i mostly wanted to say that i am bone-tired dealing with people from medicine. i hardly find deep/stimulating discussion with these people (my immediate peers) and instead i have to put up with banter and it is. so tiRING

the difficult part is dealing with people like qx who inadvertently worsen the situation by open-jioing people to most things we do. it already costs me to initiate an interaction with someone regardless of whether or not we’re close, and unless you know you’re jio-ing someone else i’m close to, you should know that your “inclusiveness” comes at a relatively hefty cost to me.

and the worst part is when i explicitly expressed my exhaustion (rare, unless my walls are down - suitefam sees me at my most tired and vulnerable tbh) and he said “yeah, yeah, i understand” and i disagreed and HE INSISTED HE DID, and still wanted to invite someone. WHAT EVEN I CAN’T he should have seen me the night of my 5.30am htht with kt. i bet i looked like a complete wreck at 1+ when i showed up at her doorstep but thank goodness for people like 2/5 of suitefam around whom i am comfortable ♥

tl;dr introvert invisibility is real extroverts please don’t pretend to be introverts just because it’s cool and counterculture kthxbai.

suitefam:

truly pleased with the direction suitefam is heading in - definitely getting closer to g + kt every day, and this week we even got to hear from c and s.

suddenly realized that suitefam has opened up a whole host of opportunities for me to indulge my love language in terms of gifts as i’m now able to grab something simple on the way back to share with the suite/drop things in peoples’ buckets/run into my room to calligraph a quick thank-you note. didn’t use to think i was really into gift-giving as a gesture of love as compared with the other 4 love languages, but suitefam is really challenging that self-perception. always good to develop another love language, anyway.

also being reminded very keenly on how much touch is a love language for me, in the sense that if my walls come down far enough for me to be comfortable with personal touch (2/5 of suitefam - naturally, since they’re the people i’m closer to), it is a very rare and precious and lovely thing; touch, even unintentional, is so inexplicably comforting and comfortable for me.

j’s birthday:

i was not mentally prepared to have to celebrate with j on monday and now i need to whip something up asap omG I AM FREAKING OUT HERE what am i even supposed to get him?? (update: that’s right i got him pretty much the same thing i got for my ex previously. smh why am i so goddamn practical and uncreative)

going to ilight with him tomorrow though so that’s a plus - self-reminder to pick a suitable outfit and i guess tomorrow’s going to be burnt on making his card. i sometimes wonder whether we’re truly a good match for each other or not aaa the low-maintenance thing is definitely a pro in friendships but i’m beginning to wonder if it’s okay for us or not since we aren’t just friends after all.

conclusion:

i just want to study for pros and not have to deal with all this omg i swear after tmr i'm just going to buckle down and study because life and socialization is so not worth it sometimes really a little hurt and not ready to deal with the people mentioned in this post for now but it's hard because i do love them (love is not a word i use lightly) but all this is making me wonder if i’m equally loved i guess