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#god! cyanos r so cool tho
opens-up-4-nobody
路
2 years
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#ok. so the guy from school i visited emailed me today like: good news! we unanimously voted to extend u an offer here
#so expect the formal offer in the next week. and im like uuuugh i wanna say yes so bad
#bc in the us i would have more flexibility in the program than i would in the uk
#and my options in the us r either to b a big fish in a small pond at this schoolor a little fish in a big pond at the other
#bc this school is underfunded and a bit isolated out in the mountains but the staff r pretty great and big egos dont seem like a big issue
#but if i go to the other school its like a big well funded school. the application was like 75 dollars. fuck u and really annoying
#and i mean id have to live in new jersey. so in the city with city driving and prob a more high pressure school environment
#and more of a chance of dealing with big egos. but like career wise im sure it would b good. assuming i don't mentally collapse
#but i mean that doesnt seem as fun as spending 5 years out in the rocky mountains
#like thry have fucking moose and bears! there were deer and turkeys in town!
#and my dad just sent me a video of all the spring peepers singing back home and im like 馃槶 bc froggies and he was like i bet u could find
#frogs out in [redacted city] and im like 馃槶 ur right. it just seems like the better choice for my poor overtaxed brain and the project is
#so cool too. i want to get the cyano species as my computer background asap. and the guy is nice and apparently super supportive
#and i could probably walk to hiking trails. god. i mean i have to say yes to that. i wanna say yes so bad. send me the formal offer bro
#ill fucking take it before i even hear back from the other schools lol. ugh. i hate making choices
#oof i am so excited to kno where im going and plan my departure. its gonna b such a pain moving tho i pray that my mum or dad can drive
#with me bc otherwise the 20hr drive by myself might kill me. thats almost as bad as my initial move out here lol. the us is so big
#ugh. again choices. is this the right choice? probably one of the biggest decisions of my life. the project feels so right. cyanobacteria
#my algal group of choice. and hot springs. how tf do u say to no to that? i mean. id b doing that in new jersey too but with red algae
#ugh. put me out of this misery lol. also as an aside. shout out to my fucking disaster brain for not being able to focus on a single thing
#my boss in a meeting: so glad to have students and staff so excited to b working on this project!! me: lady i hate that im on this project
#bc im just sitting in until they can get an actual student. i just do what im told but appreciate the enthusiasm lol
#ay. im so tired. i wanna see the snow and mountains. and fix my head. and get outta the desert. and listen to frogs 馃惛 馃槍
#unrelated
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opens-up-4-nobody
路
2 years
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#i wish i could post some of my microscope and public outreach stuff here
#like its annoying bc one of the sites nearby is extremely cool and iconic and i wanna gush abt it
#but like also i don't wanna broadcast that hey i live near X location!
#i guess i just gotta wait until i move
#then ill be like yooooo this state park is rad as fuck and u should go there
#and i dont kno if im allowed to share the mircoscope stuff bc its like im doing it for this project
#and like its for public outreach but idk
#i just wanna be like loook how cute and weird the cyanos are 馃槶
#sigh... maybe someday
#hopefully i can get my shit together and read some papers this weekend
#but i got v little sleep last night so who knows
#god! cyanos r so cool tho
#unrelated
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opens-up-4-nobody
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2 years
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#sigh... the urge to write a fic vs the urge to just draw out the scenes i want vs the urge to not do any of those things bc i do not have
#that kind of time. against my better judgment i have begun writing out a story. which is a terrible idea but. i just need this to exist?
#but also writing takes so much time and i have to remember how normal ppl act. like how do friends work? blah idk
#also i need to look for a phd and read abt cyanos bc ive managed to get a tiny sliver of enthusiasm back
#bc cyanos r so cool
#and i got to talk to some ppl abt potential projects. tho im prob just gonna be banished back to photosynthesis machines...
#god i am so fucking awkward around groups tho. like how does one teach in an interactive way? i fucking hate those activities so much
#which is terrible bc they r good for learning. but unfortunately i would just rather not
#it irritates my brain bc im just like. this is so inefficient. let me just tell u everything and we can leave so i dont have to b around u
#i was not born to teach. i was born to be a lab creature toiling away over flasks of goo
#never having to see anyone ever
#sigh... this weekend i will start looking for a phd. i will do it. i will. and i will cultivate my fic
#bc i need it to exist and i need it to be short. please let it be short so i can be free of thus curse
#why is it every time i write its like im exercising a demon from my body. away foul beast. be gone! let me rest!
#unrelated
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