#god I want the polycule to be canon so bad I could die

[big-ass-magnet]

Your Stupid Face by Kaden MacKay is so Tarvek @ Gil core I can't stand it.

[bigskydreaming]

And one more bit from the “Kings of the Sky” AU albeit several installments in, because I just......don’t know when or why I stumbled into an obsession with the dynamics between Dick and Jason and Cass as the eldest three Wayne siblings, but its there, its real, and its happening. I’ve stopped fighting it. I just....enjoy writing those three being dumb siblings who are dumb like so, so much.

Anyway, in this AU series, Jason doesn’t go to Ethiopia and die, but rather eventually joins Dick at Titans Tower more regularly and is Flamebird. Both are closer with Bruce here than in canon because Dick helped Bruce and Jason get through the Garzonas stuff and Jason helped kick Bruce in the direction of Dick and adoption papers right after the Brother Blood storyline. Then Cass is actually the third to join the family, by way of Babs, and she’s Batgirl and then Black Bat, but there’s a period of time when its just Dick, Jason and Cass as the Wayne kids. 

(PS - this is the same series as where Jason ends up with his own age group of Titans, and accidentally falls into a love quadrangle of doom that is absolutely NOT a polycule dammit, with Tom Bronson (Tomcat), Ray Terrill (The Ray) and Todd Rice (Obsidian). Which amuses his brother and sister to no end).

Tim and Duke are both next, but sorta at the same time? Like Tim’s story takes a sharp turn when Robin II never dies and obviously is Flamebird now like Robin I is Nightwing, and Tim winds up in foster care after his parents die differently than in canon. Duke is also in foster care at this time, though a different placement, and while no Robin has died here, its been awhile since there’s been one in Gotham, and to kids who grew up with the idea of there always being a Robin, that feels weird and wrong ultimately. 

So Tim and Duke both hit on the idea of being Robin like, at around the same time and totally disconnected from one another, and that leads to them both joining the Batfam around the same time, and co-sharing Robin until Damian arrives much later and they both move on to new identities. But there’s no real confusion between Robins because Duke is the daytime Robin with more yellow coloring in his costume and Tim is the nighttime Robin with more red, and people say Red or Yellow if they ever need to differentiate which Robin they’re talking about. Anyway.

************

So [Tim and Duke] run into trouble eventually and then when running from trouble they run into each other and they’re like….huh. Awkward. And then they decide well, might as well both run from trouble in the same direction, I guess. So they do.

“Did you have a plan for dealing with these guys?” Tim yelled at Duke. The other boy looked back over his shoulder briefly and gave what would probably have been a half-shrug if he didn’t awkwardly try to barrel-roll over a car two seconds later.

“Umm, sorta?”

“How sorta are we talking about? Maybe the two of us together could fill in the gaps in the plan and come up with one full plan?”

“Uh yeah, no, its not that kinda sorta. I meant sorta in the sense that I thought I had a plan but it didn’t work and that’s why these guys are after me. Sooooo…”

“Not helpful, basically.”

“Yeah. Pretty much. And hey, I don’t hear you offering up a plan! Did you even have one at all?”

“Uh….I mean I kinda didn’t think I was going to need one because I figured some kid running around in a mask making a nuisance of himself was the sorta thing that was bound to attract Batman. And so I was just pretty much running around until that happened, and then I’d make a case for how I obviously need training and Gotham needs Robin and if its not me its likely to be someone else trying eventually anyway so why not be me?”

Duke paused just long enough to squint at him. “That’s a terrible plan.”

Tim rolled his eyes. The effort didn’t pair well with his huffing and over-all exertions from running for his life and all that, but necessity demanded. “Yeah I know, that’s why I never said it was a plan! It was mostly….more…idea-ish.”

“I’m just saying, I thought I was doing this wrong, but at least I had a plan! I mean yeah, it might have ended up with me accidentally busting in on what I thought was a bunch of Riddler’s henchmen setting up some kind of clue thing, only it was actually a bunch of Intergang type guys with alien space guns or some shit all dressed up as Riddler henchmen for some reason? I dunno what they were trying to do honestly, but so yeah I might have ended up running away on foot from like twenty of them and some kind of hovercycle -”

“I’m going to cut you off there and say wherever this is going its probably not the superior vantage point I think you think you have.”

Meanwhile, Batman was not going to be coming because he’s off on a JLA mission. However, in his absence Dick and Jason are in town filling in, and they finished taking out the bad guys several blocks back and caught up to whomever was running from them, figured out the situation and are currently sitting on the edge of a rooftop watching them realize they’re totally lost and trying to figure out where to go from here. Mostly because Dick and Jason are incredibly amused listening to their back and forth and also just…this whole situation.

Dick justifies not piping up to let them know they’re safe now by saying this is good intel gathering so we can offer Bruce our assessment as to whether they’re gonna try and keep doing this whether we train them or not, and also how they handle this whole being lost situation. Not knowing they don’t have to run anymore isn’t going to hurt them and really, this is a good field exercise almost.

Jason justifies not piping up by saying this is fucking hilarious and I will hurt you if you end this any sooner than we have to, I deserve this, I had a rough week.

Which is right around the time that Cass pipes up from where she’s been lurking unnoticed behind them this whole time: “Oh no. Was it Tom? Or Ray? Or was it Todd?”

And she does it right in Jason’s ear so he kinda aborted-shrieks and almost falls off the roof except Cass is ready for that and grabs his arm to steady him.

“I hate when you do that!” Jason growls in an attempt to cover up how badly she got him and also because he hates when she does it which is why she does it a lot. Again, they don’t hate each other at all, but they do seem to act like it a lot, and neither of them is entirely sure why. They kinda just started doing it and have each been trying to get the other back ever since and ended up locked in an unending spiral of gotcha-gotchaback, except, y’know, Batfam style.

Dick occasionally picks sides just to muddy the waters. And then he randomly switches sides without warning, so neither of them ever wants to risk getting too peeved at him even when he’s helping the other, because that might push him fully over to the other side and leave them permanently outnumbered, so they’re kinda stuck, which is exactly as he likes it, lol.

“Why are you Satan,” Jason hisses dramatically as he gets up and stomps over to the other side of the roof to sulk, lest she almost knock him off again. Its not the almost falling part that bothers him, its that she’s the one that snatches him to safety each time. She’s like a freaking cat toying with a - yeah not going there, just blaming Selina. Knew them hanging out was going to be bad news for me somehow, he gripes.

Cass just shrugs and smoothly sits down cross-legged right where she is, grinning Cheshire-cat style at him from there. “Childhood trauma,” is her answer.

“Great, and now you’re stealing my comeback on top of it?! Is nothing sacred to you?”

She offers another shrug. He would like to return those for store credit please. Maybe get something useful instead. “Haven’t decided yet. Babs is still helping me explore my options. We’re going alphabetically and we’re only on  the E-religions.”

“God, you’re the worst. I can’t believe you ruined sisters for me.”

“You already used that same line last week when you came out of your room still half-asleep and she was just sitting directly across from your door waiting and staring unblinking and you yelped and dropped your laptop on your toe, and then cursed so loud that B came running around the hall thinking we were being invaded,” Dick reported idly, still perched in the same position he’d been in all along and watching the boys below them. “Just in case you thought no one noticed when you recycle.”

“I noticed too,” Cass added solemnly.

“I have no siblings,” Jason intoned. He threw up his hands dramatically and then loudly jumped down to the street below with a little help from the fire escape. It drew both Duke and Tim’s attention and they startled before realizing it was Flamebird. And that he’d landed on the street and was stalking past them while barely acknowledging them. And that that was Nightwing standing on the roof now with his hands on his hips yelling after him.

“Oh, reeeeeeal subtle. You’re not having fun anymore so you gotta make sure nobody else does either. Wow, the Brat-like behavior, just jumped out of the shadows with that one!”

And that was Flamebird not even turning around and just yelling back. “I HAVE NO SIBLINGS!”

And also they were both pretty sure that was Batgirl crouched on the roof next to Nightwing now, and she was…..sticking her tongue out at Flamebird’s back? No, Batgirl very much definitely was sticking out her tongue, that wasn’t in doubt, it was more just….very unexpected to see.

What was happening right now?

********

Eventually Tim and Duke have inevitably worn down [Bruce’s] resistance to training them by insisting they’re gonna keep doing this and if its not them its gonna be someone sooner or later anyway. Because, as they put it, you guys may not know this but Gotham’s gotten used to Robins by now and it freaks people out not to see one and Robin’s as important as Batman really and there needs to be a Robin and its not just us that will think that, like look at the fact that already two of us had the exact same idea, huh? And also, we’re gonna keep doing it anyway, sooooo….there’s that.

And then Cass vouches that they’re both 100% serious about that.

And then Dick vouches that as a former determined daredevil kid that was absolutely going to keep doing the same thing no matter whether you’d helped me or not, B, I also am of the assessment that these two mean it all the way.

And not to be left out and just to have something to contribute but also grumpy because his brother and sister are picking on him and he’s eighteen going on ten, Jason throws in: “And my assessment is that they both definitely seem dumb enough to keep doing this without help anyway and they definitely need help or they definitely will die, I’d give it a month, month and a half tops.”

And then Bruce dryly thanks his children for their contributions, their keen insights in this matter have been absolutely invaluable, he has no idea how he would make a decision here without it.

“Oooh, a rare sighting of Bat-snark in the wild. Someone call Nat-Geo quick, maybe he’ll do it again,” Dick says.

Bruce sighs. Duke and Tim look like they’re trying to decide if they’re allowed to be amused or if that’s also part of some weird Bat-test that they’re probably taking without even knowing it.

So Tim and Duke move in, start training together, and then also get sent to school together and it takes a month or so of settling in before they decide whether or not they actually are happy about this. There’s a period of deciding they’re supposed to be bitter rivals who snipe at each other back and forth across the dining table at every available opportunity, but that changes the first night Dick and Jason come back from the Tower since Tim and Duke have moved in and where Cass is also home instead of at the Clocktower with Babs.

Since all three of the older Batkids, upon seeing Tim and Duke squabble at dinner, decide to obnoxiously coo about how adorable it is watching the kids play. Which pretty instantly cements Duke and Tim as realizing their best chance of surviving the sudden acquisition of three older superhero ninja foster siblings who all can be as obnoxious as they are dangerous but also as much as they are - Duke and Tim are convinced - all quite insane.

A belief further cemented the next morning, with all three of them having spent the night at the Manor as well. Treating Duke and Tim to their first Saturday morning episode of the Cass and Jason show.

In this episode, Jason emerged from his bedroom in his pajamas still but warily peeking his head out first to look both ways down the hall before deciding it was clear…..and then makes it just almost to the end of the hallway leading to the stairs, when Cass drops down from where she’d been waiting perched above the other side of the door, in such a way as to suddenly fill the doorway just in front of him, hanging upside down suspending herself just with her feet wedged above the doorway, all while keeping her hands crossed her chest, a dead-eyed expression on her face, and with her tongue hanging out like she’s some kind of vampire hanging upside down in mid-slumber.

Jason shrieked and stumbled back a foot before catching himself and shoving two fingers in a cross shape in her direction.

“Demon! DEMON! Goddammit, I abjure thee, that’s supposed to fucking do something about having a demon sister, now what the fuck does it take to banish you!?”

“Can’t be banished,” Cass informed him, still upside down. “Can be bought though.”

Jason halted. “What?”

“I’m really surprised you never figured it out,” Dick said from his room further down the hallway. He was leaning against the doorjamb, arms casually crossed.

“Why did you think she never goes after me?”

Jason swiveled back and forth between his siblings suspiciously, trying to scry both their inscrutable (and in Cass’ case, still upside down) faces for signs they were telling the truth. “You’re telling me that Little Miss Monstrous has been a pain in my ass from day one and the reason she’s never so much as eked a single boo in your direction is you’ve been bribing her all this time?”

Dick shrugged. “Its all about getting in on the ground floor.”

Jason squinted, still unconvinced. “Nuh-uh. No way. You’re just fucking with me. Like if this is for real, what have you been buying her off with?”

Dick smiled beatifically. “Cuddles and hugs.”

“NO! NO! Bullshit! I am NOT falling for this crap again, you are not gonna get me this way this time. I call BS, fuck you, nuh uh, you’re lying out your ass and your ass-face both.”

“Wait, what is this ‘this’ that I did before? What ever are you talking about?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about.”

“Is this about the Care Bear you had when you were fifteen?”

“Shut upppppppppppppppp, I didn’t have a Care Bear then, you’re such a - “

“Oh, I dunno, I’m preeeeetty sure there’s some holiday photos from that year that would say otherwise, pretty definitively in the form of you and your Care Bear….”

“That I only had because you literally just gave it to me as a present solely so that you could claim that I had a Care Bear when I was fifteen, you douchebag!”

“Just because I gave you the Care Bear didn’t mean you had to keep the Care Bear and hold the Care Bear and love the Care Bear, Jay. You chose to do all that.”

“I only kept the damn thing because you’re an asshole who lied about it being a family heirloom so I felt like I had to or I’d be a total jerk. Is nothing sacred to you?”

“I didn’t lie! It is a treasured family heirloom! Its the first Care Bear I gave to my little brother to teach him the important and valuable lesson that Care Bears - say it with me now - “

“Finish that sentence and they will never find your body.”

“CARE!” Cass shrieked from behind him before jumping on Jason’s back and bearing him down to the floor in an undignified tangle as she splayed atop him like a starfish and he stared up at the ceiling in a kind of strangled frozen fury, like there was so much emotion he wanted to process he’d overheated and now was stuck like that until he cooled down.

That was when Dick leaned over him and solemnly added one final thought, as though it was a crucial addition of the gravest importance:: “A lot.”

Jason’s eye twitched.

Dick’s eyes went wide in response. “Uh oh. He went to the Danger Zone. Run Cass. We’ve unleashed the dogs of war!”

Cass was off and on her feet in a second, taking off down the hall like a rocket. “Not the dogs of war!” She yelled.

Dick was only seconds behind her when behind him, Jason rose like an eruption, growling wordlessly and sparks practically flashing from his suddenly flinty eyes. He charged after them like an enraged bull.

“Kenny Loggins wouldn’t want this!” Dick yelled over his shoulder as he rounded the doorway and vanished. Jason rounded it in hot pursuit.

“Poison Ivy won’t even be able to make compost from what’s left of you when I’m through!”

The yelling and running vanished into the distance. Duke and Tim finally looked at each other blankly.

“What?” Tim asked. Duke shrugged helplessly.

A door opened at the end of the hallway. Bruce stuck his head out. “Is it safe?”

Tim just stared at him.

“What?” Duke asked.

**************

LOL mostly I just want to get to the tail end of the series, when Dick and Jason go undercover as supervillains in the Society of well, Supervillains....Dick as War Shrike and Jason as Gray Jay. (A kind of bird usually known for or referenced as being thieving and unpredictable and unexpectedly dangerous despite its size. Jason never went into the Lazarus Pit here and so isn’t as huge as he is in canon, he’s on the smaller side due to his early life’s malnutrition. Living with Bruce helped him catch up enough that he’s not TINY tiny, but he’s still smaller enough that this particular mantle fits him a little better than it would his massive canon depiction).

Cass also partakes in the undercover storyline, just showing up uninvited in a persona she’s crafted for the mission and calls Black Swan. And War Shrike and Gray Jay are both so startled and obviously a little freaked by her unexpected arrival, that combined with her being ticked at her brothers for leaving her behind, RUDE, and them sufficiently cowed and guilted by her wrath, that it all adds up to the other villains as being clear evidence that she is the boss and they are her advance minions. 

Which mollifies and satisfies Cass immensely, and leaves Jason grumpy that their mission was hijacked and also his sister is The Worst, and leaves Dick temporarily disgruntled because This Whole Thing Was His Idea DAMMIT but then five seconds later finding it hilarious because Dick is a chaos connoisseur and he has an appreciation for whimsy and the unexpected.

“I can’t believe you not only gate-crashed our extremely sensitive and delicate undercover operation, but you completely hijacked it as well! This is so typical,” Jason grouched.

Cass simply swept ahead of him and strode down the hallway with lethal grace. “Silence minion.”

Jason spluttered behind her and she grinned to herself. He really made it too easy sometimes.

[s1utspeare]

YOOOOOO GIMME OUR BOY JGY!! BABY MENG YAO!!!!! FAV MURDER BOY 💕

J TO THE G TO THE Y LETS SEE AINT NOBODY KILLING IT LIKE OUR JGY

How I feel about this character: I love this gay lil murder bitch. i love him so much. like there’s just something about him and i don’t know what it is but deep down inside me i legitimately stan him so hard. SO hard. it’s a little ridiculous honestly. but like. THE DIMPLES. i. what? how? like whoever did the casting for this show was on some Galaxy Brain Level Shit cause not ONLY did they make The Most Beautiful Man On the Face of the Planet, Xiao Zhan, the main character, but they made Zhu Zanjin the FUCKING PLOT???? i couldn’t come up with this shit if I tried. he’s so tiny and pretty and deadly and i love that so much. literally one of the best villains I think i’ve ever known. Actually scratch that. he should just take the number one spot because DAMN this man knows how to GET IT. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 3ZUN RIGHTS BABES. this relationship is SO FUCKED. it’s SO DELICIOUS. they need to fuck it out like immediately but also holy SHIT the drama and the pain and the toxicity?? this is in NO WAYS a healthy polycule but I love them and i love their relationship dynamics and i love how Stupid they all are about each other. like shit. would this be good in real life? fuck no. but narratively i EAT THIS SHIT UP

I also kinda ship one-sided su she and xue yang with jgy?? like they totally have crushes on him but i think he’s only got room for Two and those slots are already taken, sorry boys. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character: i really really really love meng yao & nie huaisang. like. nie huaisang has someone gentle and quiet and willing to listen to him talk about fans and birds and all of his interests? and meng yao has someone he can Take Care Of (bc he really does like that, he likes being needed). Also jgy in qinghe is a whole other person. i love him, he’s a ball of seething incompatibility and i love that he gets to Stab A Bitch good for him honestly. also that part in episode four where the Wen get to Cloud Recesses and meng yao immediately steps in front of nhs to shield him, and nhs kinda?? presses himself into his back??? like i think meng yao is second only to da-ge for nhs and sometimes comes in first and i just really love that a lot for both of them

My unpopular opinion about this character: this is gonna sound so bad but i don’t want him to be happy. I love that he’s fucked up. I love that he’s a twisted bitch who is All for One. I love that his morality is hanging by a fucking thread. I love that he’s all razor blades hidden in a rose garden. like shit. he’s so fucking interesting and so neat and so smart and so realistically portrayed that i don’t think I would want him any other way. like if he were a real person, obviously i would want good things for him, and i wouldn’t wish him ill, but he’s NOT, he’s a fucked up evil man and i literally SEETHE thinking about how Good he is character-wise. Shit. I wish I could write a villain as good as jgy. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish we’d gotten to see more of him in Wen Land. Like I know that would have ruined the Shock Value when nmj gets captured and then is like “ope the dude i kicked out went to Work Here who could have seen this one coming” and then would have ruined the villain reveal later probably but I feel like he was committing some Atrocities and I would have liked to see him be a Little Bit Feral. He deserves it. I deserve it

ONCE AGAIN CROSS I WOULD DIE FOR U THANK U FOR ASKING ME ABOUT JGY I FUCKING LOVE HIM. THANK GOD I’M LIKE. A NICE PERSON IN REAL LIFE BC I THINK IF I WAS ANY MEANER I THINK THE AMOUNT OF LOVE I HAVE FOR HIM AND HIS MURDER SCHEMES WOULD BE SLIGHTLY WORRISOME. ANYWAY I LOVE U BABE lemme see if I have a jgy meme for u 

[hauntedfalcon]

TLJ reflections now that I’ve finally seen the damn movie

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS and LONG POST

I want to preface this by saying that we as fandom, any fandom, have thoroughly sold ourselves that line about how fanworks are the reclamation of our modern myths now that said myths have been fully commoditized. I felt powerful the first few times I saw that quote circulating. Then I started to feel tired, because every Johnlock shipper from here to space was using it in part to imply that they were, like, super progressive and important. Also, it has been used to justify some notion that fandom creates canon, and I’ve never agreed with that. 

And now I just feel hollow. Is there a bigger modern myth than Star Wars? Could there be more thorough reminder than The Last Jedi that no, modern myths do not belong to us, and if we try to stake any claim on them they will be put into the hands of someone who is wholly disinterested in any aspect of them that we value, and they will be fed to us in a form that defies us to create any fanworks about it at all? 

This is the first time I am watching a Star Wars trilogy as it unfolds where I actually care about most of the characters. For better or worse, and probably largely because of the impact of that idea of reclaiming our modern myths, I feel incredibly protective of them. I recognize that my basis for what I expect from those characters is one prior movie and a handful of expanded universe materials, so I wouldn’t say “the real [character] would never [heinous act],” because unfortunately the content of the movie I just witnessed is canon, but I can certainly say that my versions of those characters wouldn’t. 

All that being said:

Paige

Paige

Paige Tico

Paige didn’t even get to speak a line

would it have killed them to have her say “I’m on it Poe” as she went to drop the bombs 

with urgency and resolve and just a hint of fear in her voice 

Paige Tico is a hero 

Poe 

Poe Dameron

Poe was right

#PoeWasRight

Finn and Rose and Poe’s plan actually would have worked if Holdo had spoken to Poe in good faith and given him cause to trust her with that information

I’m still not sure what Holdo’s plan was, she died as she lived, with hair full of secrets 

Poe’s characterization was cocky, for sure, but people have been calling it chauvinist and I didn’t actually pick up on anything despite the efforts to play his concern when speaking with Holdo like a subtle wink wink nudge nudge to all the overqualified women in the audience who have ever had a dude tell them something they knew already 

(also can someone tell me where the line was where Holdo and Leia objectify him? because I was watching and all I heard was “He’s a troublemaker. I like him.” which was... not at all the sort of thing that people were talking about) 

I believe that Rian Johnson believes that Poe is the Han of this trilogy and I believe Oscar Isaac deliberately played all his scenes the opposite of how he could have played them and how Rian probably wanted him to play them 

that being said, my Poe would never get his fellow soldiers killed with recklessness

you could absolutely get Poe to the place he needed to be at the end of this movie without bloodying his hands 

“how did you two meet” was the most Jealous Boyfriend thing I have ever. heard. 

Finn

Finn

why was so much of this movie about Finn being in pain

I don’t like that 

his panic when he couldn’t move after being stunned? I don’t like that 

Rian Johnson is great at writing abuse, both physical and emotional

he’s terrible at knowing when to stop 

like when it’s an interaction between two people who are both supposed to be protagonists :) :) :) 

why wasn’t Finn given anything meaningful to do 

there was an interesting comment somewhere about how this is a movie about heroes failing, all the plans fail, every single one 

but that doesn’t actually make it any less tedious to watch, and as my husband pointed out it’s not what people want in a Star Wars movie

also while this is supposed to be the Empire of the trilogy and there were many call backs, Empire never backed down from the mood it established, while Last Jedi suffered from wildly disparate moods and tried to end on a high note where Empire embraced the low and still made us feel like there was clear forward momentum 

Rian Johnson had no idea what to do with Finn, just no clue how to handle him 

why was he excited about Canto Bight? we just don’t know

on the upside Finn’s immediate concern upon waking being getting to Rey was A+++++++++++++ consistent characterization 

as was the line “Rebel scum,” which indicated not a commitment to the Resistance the way I’ve seen people claim, but a commitment to rebel and as you might guess, I am one thousand percent HERE FOR IT

Rose 

Rose 

Rose Tico

you know how PacRim was in part such a big deal because for once the Asian woman didn’t sacrifice her life to further the white man’s story? TLJ gave us Rose stopping Finn from sacrificing himself and she didn’t have to die in the process 

I can’t believe Rose and Finn doublehandedly destroyed war profiteering 

Rose’s sense of wonder and her jadedness are my two favorite things 

Rose gave away her necklace and her vintage Rebellion ring without hesitation in order to further the cause so I think it’s only fair that in Episode IX someone gives her jewelry 

and by someone I mean Poe Dameron and by jewelry I mean one quarter of his mom’s ring because that my friends is a polycule in the making 

Leia 

why

why what? why everything honestly

why did they go to the effort of keeping her alive when she actually gets blown up in this movie, that was in the plot before Carrie Fisher even died 

what the fuck are they going to do now 

episode IX clearly would have been Leia rebuilding the Rebellion from scratch but uhhhhhhhhhhhh first they have to figure out what to do with the fact that they’re out of Carrie Fisher footage! and solving that problem is clearly going to require them to do one of the several things they’ve already said they wouldn’t do!

I surprised myself by not crying in any of Carrie Fisher’s scenes, but when R2 showed Luke the original message? HOO BOY it was raining on my face!!!!

no but the Confirmed Very Powerful Force User Leia Pulls Herself Back from the Cold Dark Vacuum of Space thing? gorgeous! gorgeous scene. gorgeous, breathtaking 

but I’m just operating on the headcanon that she died in her coma and what remained was a tangible Force ghost 

(Yoda bopped Luke on the snoot)

(the dice were a tangible Force projection what the fuck) 

p.s. why didn’t Leia move the damn rocks 

Rey

Rey spend half this movie talking to Krylon in her head but she didn’t even get to speak a line to Finn

they done you dirty Rey

I’m sorry Rey

the thing about this movie is that the people who are going to believe what they want to believe, no matter what, are going to find a way to say “that was misdirection!” 

and for once I’m not (just) talking about Re/ylo, I’m talking about the bit with her parents 

yeah Krylon doesn’t know shit about her parents and he was taking up the mantle of emotional manipulation and abuse that Snoke had just bequeathed 

but Rey coming from literally nowhere is SUCH A GOOD and I’m saying that as an avowed Rey Kenobi supporter 

let her come from nowhere and no one

let her be an example of a hyperpowerful hero in this series who didn’t get that way with midichlorians or bloodline 

let her strive to be great for her own sake, not in relation or reaction to what came before her 

Gareth Edwards

I SAW YOU GARETH EDWARDS, I SAW YOU IN THE TRENCHES, STICKING WITH STAR WARS TO THE BITTER, SALTY END 

that came out wrong 

Luke 

damn Mark Hamill threw everything he had into this and I really respect that when it’s clear from his interviews that he hated everything he had to do

hate that the character was in that position, hate the shitty writing of the intervening time, love the resolution, but tbh if he was just gonna die why not actually physically show up  

the total silence when Holdo jumps to light speed and everything gets reduced to stark iconic images: gorgeous, breathtaking

the hug: gorgeous, breathtaking 

vulptices and fathiers: gorgeous, breathtaking 

the Caretakers: I’d die for them 

Rose converting her FO uniform to biz caj chic on Crait: gorgeous, breathtaking 

Luke and Yoda cracking open a cold one while the Book Tree burns: gorgeous, breathtaking 

everyone’s makeup: bad, they looked either ill or painted

(I don’t actually know anything about makeup but I know I grimaced a lot)

all the many, many moments of bombast that covered over or otherwise distracted us from the few instances of nuanced ideas or potential plot progression in this film: gorgeous, breathtaking 

for half a second Luke was talking about how the light can still exist without the Jedi and I leaned forward in my seat like yes, yessss, but then we had to cut to Creepy Dark Cave on Training Planet Where You Go for Answers But You Only Find Your Own Face 

like Jesus just let the philosophy professor ramble for a little while, it won’t hurt anything and he’ll be in a good mood at test time

anyway this movie sure gave my eyes a lot to absorb and occasionally it activated all three of my feelings

but all it actually accomplished in the context of the trilogy is to kill some people and take some stuff away 

it occurred to me toward the end that there wasn’t anything in the movie I would have to edit out for my kid to watch it, but there’s no way she’d be able to sit through the whole thing

two and a half hours is too God damn long for a Star Wars movie, full stop

ten minutes of concrit from the story group could have led to some interesting avenues to explore and probably tightened it up a lot 

but instead it was painfully clear that no one said no to Rian at any point and what that got us was a movie that was extremely fatiguing to watch