#god I’m tw tagging my own vent post while crying in the dark

[izzet-league-mad-scientist]

God I’m having the midnight angsts again

Would it really be so bad if I just got some light job somewhere and wrote in my spare time?

I’m trying so hard and it doesn’t feel like it’s making me any happier and the light at the end of the tunnel is seeming more and more fake every day

What if I could just enjoy the present instead of hoping that one day in the future it won’t hurt so much to keep trying

What if I didn’t have to take classes anymore and wouldn’t ever stare at my pocket knife for ten minutes after failing one

Is that really too much to ask

But I can’t make ends meet with a fucking hobby so I can’t stop working

I can’t stop

I can’t stop crying