Tumgik
#god i want you in more ways but i am so so so so happy to have what we have now
erabu-san · 14 hours
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First of all, I would like to thank you so much for all your support and your kind message !! Thank you so much for being patient with me too !! (you will see, I thanks a lot in this post lol)
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Haha tbh I believe that ignoring and move on is a great way too! Yeees when I read this anon ask, I was wondering if they are living somewhere where pale person are oppressed and they are personally in this case and it affects them so badly that they have so much hate in them or they are just being hateful toward poc w/o any explication ? It was a bit uncomfortable And what is appealing with Genshin Impact (for me) is the fact that they use real culture to create their game ; even in the last survey, they ask if we like Natlan's authenticity (weird they only ask abt environment and music, i think they know they have issue with character design bahaha). I learn a lot about persian, algerian, but also chinese and even about french culture ! It is because people recognize themself that they start talking about it. I know there is a lot of controversial topic in Natlan, but because of this, I learn a lot on Hawai'i 's culture too. So yes, even if it is fiction, representation *is* important. And it is because they take inspiration of their culture that there is people who want a better representation, and in my opinion, this is something to not ignore !
About taking well what anon said, thank you so much ! If i can be honest tho, I didn't take it very well neither, or just I don't know how do I really felt at the moment I am an adult but I still hard time to distinguish what is morally okay or not, what is bad and good ? So if someone doesn't tell me they are explicitly a bad person with bad intention, I won't get it haha (ofc I grew up and now I identify my value and morals, but I still questionning if my morals are objectively great or not- yeaaah i was called weird for that, I am aware) Since forever I always try to understand other so I can communicate properly (at least I try), and that's why I am always interested on how does people think, why do they react in this specific way etc etc. Pro, I am patient and can take even the most violent take "well" (all depends. I am still a human) Con, I give free speech to those who have a "bad" take </3 and I apologize for that aaaa
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KFSDLFSD I wish to express my angryness sometime but I just don't know if it is really adequate What if I interpret their text in wrong way as they initially try to say ? I wasn't feel offended by what they said, I was just uncomfortable because their opinion is something I consider hateful. and what if i was wrong??? But reading you all's opinion just affirm that's they were indeed rude ! I should stop overthink, life would be easier Maybe next time I have a doubt I will ask my friends's opinion before answering ksdkfsf
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Oh my god thank you !!! If i can be honest, I draw Kinich this way because when I draw him w a darker skin for the first time, I thought "Oh !!! he looks so cool !!!!" and seeing a lot of positive comment abt my Kinich just makes me happy so I keep him like this ! And thank you for sharing with me informations !<<333 This is not overstepping at all ! And it is a reciprocate feeling anon ! It might be a bit weird but "angry" is such a complex feeling for me. I feel it but I don't really know how to express it in the most healthy way and it is super frustrating. So... seeing people getting mad at something I also disagree on makes me feel better !! And for this, thank you all !
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I SNORT SO HAAAARD Damn Macron you again..........!! I didn't put all ask here but I read them all !! Thank you for sharing with me your opinion and reaction, it is truly interesting (and way more relaxing that the hater anon kskskss) !! and again, your support is truly meaningful for me. You all have sincere gratitude Hope y'all have a great day !! Stay hydrated too <3
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ripdragonbeans · 2 days
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Not Him, I Swear // Modern!Aegon x Reader // Pt. 3
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Summary: You go on your second date with Aegon and it ends up being much more fun that you anticipated.
CW: afab reader, profanity, eventual smut, Aegon being an ass, oh but he has feelings??????
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3
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The next few days were filled with cute texts and fluffy dates. Aegon respected your wishes and didn't push you to go any further than a make out session. It drove you crazy; you wanted him but you were scared. As much as you wanted to forget all the pain Jason caused you, it was something that stayed. It tainted your views of love, something that can be hard to make new. 
Aegon seemed too good to be true.
But you swallowed your fears and pushed on with your relationship with him. 
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“Hey, man!” Cregan strolled into the room. “How's our bet going? Is she begging for you yet?” He plopped himself down next to Aegon and put his feet on the table.
Aegon rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he murmured. “No, she's not begging yet, but I'll get there.” He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Gods, I almost feel bad.”
Cregan’s eyebrow rose. “Bad? Don't tell me that my best friend is actually catching feelings for someone.”
“No, I'm not catching feelings for anyone.” Aegon got up to grab another beer; his third one already, and it was barely noon.
“The way you talk about her says differently.”
“I haven't talked about her.”
“Not obviously, of course. At any mention of the bet or anything, you tense up. Something’s going on in that head.”
“Whatever, Cregan,” Aegon muttered. “Since you're so focused on annoying me, I'm gonna go to my room.” He gave his friend a mocking wave before leaving the living room to his own.
He put his head in his hands and let out a groan. He couldn't be catching feelings, he shouldn't be falling for her. But he is. 
The way she smiles. The way her eyes light up. The way she tucks her hair behind her ear. It's like looking into a bright light and being engulfed in its warmth. 
But he had to do this. He needed to prove that he could have anyone he wanted. If not to himself, then to his friend. As shallow as it was, he wanted to follow through. He hoped she wouldn't hate him in the end. 
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“Hel, I really can't believe it,” you gushed. “I know you said not to get too involved with him but he's already so much better than Jason!” 
You plopped down on the couch, closed your eyes, and stretched. The wonderful feeling of being loved say well inside your heart. Despite the aching fears and the anxiety that comes along after being cheated on, the feeling of being loved triumphed ever just a tiny bit. 
“I wouldn't go ahead and say that, bestie. Please, be on your guard. You know all the stories, all the rumors, and I can even testify for some of them.” Helaena held your hands and looked you in the eye. “Be careful, please.”
A voice came from the hallway. “Yeah, what she said.” Jace walked over to the two of you sitting on the couch. He wore a grim expression on his face. “I don't mean to hurt you but I've heard that he's just trying to get you to sleep with him, all for some bet.”
Your heart sank at the thought but you pushed it aside.
“Very funny, Jace,” you said. “But I don't need that negativity in my life.”
“It's not negativity if it's true.” He looked at you with pity in his eyes. 
You shook off the expression and took a deep breath. “Why can't you two just be happy for me?” 
Helaena squeezed the hand she was holding. “We're happy for you, we just want you to be careful. We hate to see you hurt.”
“It's a risk, isn't it? All relationships are. I know Aegon and I will either end up together forever or eventually break up. It's up to us, not you two, but me and Aegon, how bad that ending will be.”
Helaena huffed. “Okay, I'll drop it. For now.”
You smiled at her. “Thank you.” You turned to address both Jace and Helaena. “Now, would you two like to know what's happening next?”
“As hesitant as I am, yes,” Helaena said. 
Jace nodded his head in agreement.
You pulled out your phone to read the text messages between you and Aegon.
“Our next date is a movie!” You announced.
There was a beat of silence before Jace broke it. “A movie? Isn't that a little cliche?”
You frowned at him. “Shut up, it's something.”
“What movie are you guys gonna catch?” Helaena cut in. 
“Oh! Um…” you bowed your head in embarrassment and mumbled your answer.
“I'm sorry? What was that?” Jace leaned in. A knowing smirk graced his lips.
You mumbled your answer again, but a little louder.
“Bestie, I still can't hear you!” 
“Shrek 2.” 
You look up in shame. The judgment you feel from them was too much.
“...I'm sorry, did you just say Shrek 2?” Clarified Jace.
“It's the best one!”
Helena laughed. “Considering it's you and Aegon, it makes sense. Weird choice, but yeah.” She clapped her hands together. “Okay, time to get you date ready!”
“‘Date ready?’ Hel, I’ve got five hours until I have to leave. I have time.”
“For what I have planned for you? Nope, five hours is just enough time for me and Jace to get you set.”
Jace froze hearing his name. “Me? What do I have to do?”
“Shut up, you're moral support,” Helaena rolled her eyes in amusement. “Now, let's go.”
Helaena offered you her hand but you hesitated slightly. What if this is just a plot to convince you to not go? But when you looked at your friends all you could see was the love they had for you.
“Alright, let's get this started,” you smiled.
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Four hours later had you sitting in a chair with your back straight and a mirror behind you. 
“Annnnnd done!” Helaena turned your chair around so you could see yourself.
You took in the image, your hair all done nicely, your facial features enhanced, all of it. You couldn't help the smile that made its way.
“Helaena,” you started, “my gods, you did an amazing job!” 
You turned toward Jace, who was sitting on the arm of the couch. 
“Yeah,” he said between handfuls of chips, “you look great. Aegon is gonna shit himself.” 
“I don't know about that,” you rolled your eyes. “He's been with a shit ton of other girls before me, I doubt I'm the prettiest.”
A hand smacked your head. 
“No. You're the hottest he's ever been with and will only be with for the rest of your lives.”
“Wow, and I thought you were dead set on me not being with him.”
“Only to protect you! But,” she sighed, “if this is how it goes then he better not break your heart. He does that. I'll chop up his dick in his sleep.”
“Yeah, and I'll fuck up his face,” Jace added.
You laughed at your friends, your heart full. “You two are so extra.”
“It's called being best friends,” Jace said as he joined you and Helaena at the mirror. 
Looking at the three of you, you thought of all the trials you've been through. All the heartbreak, the laughs, the highs and the lows. Without them who knows what you would be like. You interlocked your hands with both of them and leaned back.
“I don't know what I did to deserve you guys, but I'm grateful for you two and love you.”
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Beep beep!
The sound of the honking car was quickly followed by a text. You picked up your phone and couldn't stop the smile. Of course Aegon would do this. As you readied yourself to leave the apartment, you did one last look in the mirror. 
You were happy with how you looked; all dolled up for the date. Just enough to be enticing but not so much in your face. With a pep in your step, you made your way to the front door. 
Aegon’s eyes went wide when he saw you. “You look…”
You nodded for him to continue.
“Amazing. You look amazing.” Aegon flashed you a big smile.
“You don't look too bad yourself,” you replied as you got in the car.
Aegon’s car was messy but it could be a lot worse. Luckily the trash wasn't food trash but rather random papers and receipts that were strewn across the floor and the back seat. It also smelled vaguely of weed.
“You smoke?” You asked him.
Aegon pulled out of the driveway. “Yeah, and I vape every now and then if I want a flavor or something. You?” 
“I've been curious about it but no, I haven't done either.”
“Wanna try? We can pull over and I can roll you a joint.”
A smile crept onto your face. There were butterflies in your stomach but you were excited to take the plunge.
Once Aegon pulled over into an unmarked parking lot, he pulled out the weed, the paper, and lighter. He was careful to roll the joint nicely for you. Once he finished he looked at his work and gave you a smile. “Ta-da! One joint rolled for my kitten.”
“Okay, cool. I can do this.” You told yourself.
Aegon looked at you with concern. “You don't have to smoke if you don't want to.”
“No, but I really want to.”
“Okay.” He nodded his head. “I'll light it. Then all you have to do is inhale through your mouth, hold it for a bit then exhale through your mouth. Simple.”
“Simple. Right.”
“Okay, here we go.”
Aegon lit it then brought the joint up to your mouth. You gently wrapped your lips around the tip and you did as he said. 
Inhale.
You felt the smoke fill your mouth.
Hold.
You let it sit and go down your throat.
Exhale.
A puff of smoke flew out of your mouth.
As a calming sensation sprinkled through your body you have Aegon a relaxed smile.
“You feeling okay?” Aegon asked you 
You laughed a bit. “Yeah, I feel good.”
Aegon took a drag from the joint himself. “Wanna get high before we watch the movie?”
“Hell yeah.”
Before heading off to the movie theater, you and Aegon shared the joint. It didn't take long for you to get high but Aegon finished it off. He was careful not to get higher than just having a buzz since he was driving. The rest of the ride was filled with you babbling about everything and nothing. Aegon smiled and let you go on. 
Arriving at the theater, you let out a little giggle. “I'm so excited for this, Aegon.” You slurred his name.
“Yeah.” He couldn't stop himself from smiling at you. Getting out of the car, he circled around to open the passenger door. “Time to get out, kitten.”
You giggled again. “I like that you call me kitten. It's cute and it kinda turns me on.”
Aegon gulped down a breath. “That's great; time to see the movie.”
Letting go of Aegon’s hand, you put both of yours on his chest. “I wanna be with you.”
He pushed your hands down and kept them firmly in his. Aegon looked you in the eye. “And we will but not like this. I want you to be sober when I take you.”
You huffed. “Okay.”
Finally getting you to step out of the car, Aegon went back to only holding one hand as he led you through the parking lot and into the theater.
“Mmm I want popcorn and an Icee,” you said as soon as you walked in. The smell of popcorn immediately surrounded you.
“I'll get you popcorn and a water,” Aegon said.
You stamped your foot. “But I want an Icee!”
He tugged on your hand to get you to look at him. “Kitten, you need water. Trust me, okay?”
“Okay.” Another giggle escaped you.
After buying popcorn and water, Aegon led the way to your numbered theater to watch Shrek 2. At first you wanted to sit up front but he pulled you away to the rows in the back.
“No one needs to know you're high,” he said as you made your way up the stairs. 
“But you know I'm high,” you observed.
“I'm the one that got you high, kitten.”
“Oh, yeah.”
As you sat down in your chair, all you could think about was getting as close to Aegon as possible. Thankfully, these were the newer, fancier theater chairs. You reclined your chair and moved the armrest out of the way so you could lean on Aegon.
“You and popcorn,” you said as you snuggled up to him. “The best combination ever.”
“Don't forget Shrek.”
“And Shrek.”
Aegon kissed the top of your head as the lights went down and the movie began.
While Shrek 2 was already one of the funniest moments of all time, watching it high made it even funnier.
“Prince Charming looks like Jason,” you whispered, eyes wide. “I bet his dick is small like Jason’s, too.”
Aegon choked on his water. He stole a look at you but all he saw was a girl high as fuck while watching Shrek 2. Gods, he wanted to kiss you then and there.
The movie continued with your constant one liners about how everything in Shrek related to something or someone in your life. Somehow you were Shrek, Fiona was Aegon (which he was happy about), Donkey was Helaena, and Puss in Boots was Jace. To you, it all made sense. To Aegon, it was simply blabbering that entertained him.
As the credits rolled on the screen, you lolled your head against Aegon’s shoulder once again. “I’m tired, Aeg.”
“You’re coming down from your high, kitten,” he assured you. “Time to get up and head home.”
“I don’t wanna move.” You slunk down in your seat.
Aegon laughed. “They’re gonna kick us out anyway if you don’t get up. What if I helped you?”
You held out both arms. “Yes, please.”
Aegon moved to stand in front of you to pull you up. Instead of letting go, however, he tucked you into his side. Together, you made your way out of the movie theater.
“Can we go to your place?” you asked him as he pulled out of the parking lot.
“No, I’m going to drop you off at my sister’s.”
All of a sudden you wanted to cry. “Why? Do you not like me?”
“That’s not it. You’re high and I’m going to take care of you.”
Your mood instantly switched. “I’d love for you to take care of me.” Heat began pooling in your belly while you placed a hand on his thigh.
Reluctantly, Aegon moved your hand off of him. “Not like that. I’m going to be responsible this one time and take you back to Helaena’s.”
“Come on, be irrisp, irrrrsp, irrisponble this one time.”
“If you want to be in my bed you’re going to have to be sober, kitten.”
You crossed your arms. “Boo, you’re no fun.”
“I know, what a bore.” He turned into the driveway. “Time to go.” He walked over to your side to open the door and walk you to the front. “I loved tonight.”
“I love you too, Aegon,” you yawned.
Aegon stopped, stunned. “I think you mean you loved tonight.”
You hummed. “No, I love you.”
He nodded his head, mouth slightly agape, as he took you Helaena’s room. When he knocked on the door Helaena popped out.
Her eyes instantly went to you, leaning all your weight on Aegon. “What did you do?!”
Aegon shrugged. “She wanted to get high so I let her. I only got buzzed but she is definitely high.”
“Yeah, I can see that.”
“It’s loud,” you moaned. “And bright.”
“Gods, get her in here.” Helaena motioned for Aegon to bring you into the room.
Immediately, you went for the bed and flopped down. Aegon was careful as he tucked you in. Helanea watched in awe of how sweet he was being to you. As soon as you drifted off to sleep, Helaena took Aegon into the hallway to talk.
“Have you been like this all night?” she questioned.
“You mean like the wonderful gentleman I am? Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you being so kind to her?”
He shrugged. “What can I say, Hel. I like her.”
“No, when you like girls you just charm them and then fuck them. This is the second date you’ve gone on with her. Something is up.”
Aegon ran his hand down his face. “Let me do this, just once, let me be the good guy.”
Helaena looked at him warily. “Fine. But if you do anything to hurt her, I will personally destroy your life.”
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jjk chapter 270 spoilers under the cut !!
GODDDDDDDDD I LOVED THIS CHAPTER. I LOVED IT SO SO MUCH . i feel so high rn you guys don’t UNDERSTAND 😭😭😭 it gave me literally everything i wanted (minus gojo stuff but we’ll get to that) AND I’M JUST !!!!!!!!!!!! i feel so satisfied . all is right with the world . i am a happy mouse
i love love loveeeee the fact that akutami finally decided to pick up (most) of the loose ends — at least the ones from the culling game !!!!!! it’s my favorite arc and i really adore all the side characters, so getting to see them all again was so nice 🥹 and my biggest criticism for akutami’s writing in general has been how he leaves these loose threads behind him, so i’m glad this chapter went back to piece them together. there’s still obviously a lot i would’ve liked to see before the finale, but this chapter finally made me feel somewhat satisfied with it all …..
buuuuut okok!!! let me get through some stuff <3
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^^^^ THIS . THANK YOUUUUUUUUU GOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ALL I WANTED WAS SOME FINAL SHOKO CRUMBS . THAT’S LITERALLY ALL. i love her so much chat …………. THE BUN :((((((( i wonder if she’s paying tribute to suguru, in a way. since she can’t make his grave all nice like she did with tsumiki’s. <- WHICH IS ALSO . so heartbreaking :((((( shoko has been the closest to death and corpses out of everyone.
’that moron should’ve let me handle geto’s body, too’……… gojo thought he was doing her a favour by not forcing her to dispose of him, but i wonder if his decision only caused her more suffering? :’) either way i loveeee shoko and i think her character is so wonderful. her not believing in an afterlife is also so in character LMAO, my little cynicist <3333
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^^^^^ AND THEN THIS . PEEEEEERFECT. SO PERFECT. shoko and her cigarette motif :’)))))))) SHE FINALLY QUIT AGAIN . SHE IS AT PEACE . also need to mention how fucking cute she looks ……. i neeeed to squish her cheeks !!!!! she’s my baby !!!!!!!!!!
i will say that . obviously . i would’ve loved for her to get a more concrete final moment with stsg :’) like her being at the airport, or something. overall i’m satisfied with this being her ending of sorts (though if gojo is alive i’d obviously like to see them talk)…… she hasn’t gotten as much spotlight in this manga as she’s rightfully deserved, but i do think her character writing has been lovely and consistent throughout everything, and she remains one of my ult favorites <3333333 i LOVE my wife. love all her little quirks . i hope she quits smoking forever and ever!!!!!!!
ahh, it was also nice to see them mention tengen!!!! and how the barrier techniques worked. again, i’m just really happy that we’re not letting plotpoints go unfinished 😭😭 i also think it’s . a little romantic. that tengen’s barriers will exist as long as sukuna’s remnants remain . the tengen / sukuna / kenny trio is very interesting to me (MORE ON THAT . LATER.)
THEN WE ALSO HAVE THIS !!!!!!!!!
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^ this moment means . soooo much to me. will try to get my thoughts out coherently but this theme really resonates with me so deeply :’) since the beginning of the manga, jujutsu society has been built on the foundation that is the suffering of youth — adults casting blame and burdens on children. like the higher ups who hide up at the top and force the children to work themselves to the bone. we saw this so clearly in hidden inventory most of all. and gojo is the anti thesis of that society — he wants to preserve youth !!!!!! even nanami, who didn’t really have any clear desires to change the fundamentals of their society, did his best to protect children as an adult.
so to see gakuganji refer to utahime and nitta as young (even though they’re both grown adults)….. and say that ’they needn’t worry over this just yet’…… i think. it shows how much the society is already improving. with someone like gakuganji in charge. and also kusakabe, who basically told the trio to just be kids last chapter, and leave the hard stuff to the adults (can’t remember his exact wording lmao but he said it so perfectly)…… it just warms my heart. jujutsu sorcery is still a shitshow but as least the children won’t be as exploited anymore (or at the very least, there are good adults around them, who will bear most of the burden on their own backs). idk. i just loved this moment sm :’))))))
ahhhhh, and and and !!!!!! mr katana and mr sumo 🥺 IT WAS SM FUN SEEING EVERYONE AGAINNNN and it was so sweet seeing maki try to look out for them a little after they helped her ……..
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^ maki and her middle aged man besties …… :3
AND THEN CHARLES !!!!! MY BOY !!!!!!!!!!! just needed to mention him lmao. i love him T_T happy that he’s working on his trashy little manga. keep up the good work king <3333333 SAME WITH THE FORMER BULLY . sorry can’t be bothered to remember his name ….. the pudding guy. you know who i mean. seeing him apologize and try to make amends was rlly heartwarming …….. i really am so happy to see all culling game characters happy and alive . WHERE IS REMI THOUGH . 🤨
…… but okay . okay. okayyy.
actually yk what we’re saving the best for last ^^ ONTO HANA AND MEGUMIIIIIII WHAT A CUTE MOMENT . SOOOO CUTE . i don’t ship them at all i think they’re adorable though …… AND HANA IS SOOOOOOO GODDAMN CUTE I CAN’T EVEN EXPLAIN IT ????? :((( I NEED TO SQUISH HERRR
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^ LOVE this line . my brother pointed this out but isn’t it like …. eerily similar to that akiangel scene 😭 lmao. i just really love this. megumi offering to be her right hand because ’he’ was the one who took it from her ……. he’s such a good boy :< also instantly pictured him being her scary knight/guard dog and yk what maybe this ship could sail after all…..
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^ THEN THISSSSS 😭 THEY’RE SO CUTE. MEGUMI IS SO FUCKING AWKWARD HANG IN THERE BUDDY ………….
ah i forgot to mention higuruma …… i love him!!!!!!!!! i love him a ton!!!!!!!!!!!! :’3 i think seeing his junior demand a retrial for the sake of justice meant a lot to him. i could go deeper into it because higu’s character is so dense but yeah !!! very fitting ending for him …… i’m kinda sad that he’s cursed to be an overworked sorcerer though 💀 hang in there king…
AND THENNN WE HAVE :333c A NEW MISSION… feels kinda nice to go back to our roots. i have literally NO idea what’s gonna happen though 😭 hopefully tied to gojo….??? for the record i obviously want him to live and will have Many things to say if it turns out he’s really been dead this whole time, but. we’ll save that for the next chapter <3 for now i’m just happy to see the babies back together….
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^ noba being gay ……. all is right with the world 🥹
BUT OKAY . ENOUGH. ENOUGH ABOUT THATTTT ENOUGH ABOUT EVERYTHING ONLY ONE THING REMAINS AND IT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS. akutami loves me and only me and this chapter finally confirmed that once and for all…..
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I FUCKING . SCREAMED. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.
TAKABAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FIRST OF ALL? I MISSED HIM . I MISSED MY BABY 🥺🥺🥺 BUT SECOND OF ALL WHAT THE FUCKKKKK WHAT THE FUCK ALL MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED???? THIS IS ALL IVE EVER WANTED????????? i’ve been telling my brother that if i could manifest one thing i’d want jjk to end with takaba on stage with kenjaku without it ever been elaborated on AND MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED . I’M SO HAPPY YOU DON’T GET ITTT
there’s so much to say ……… truly ………. these two make me insane ………… will start with: they’re so funny. they’re so gay. kenny wanting to make sex jokes like the freak he is. THEY’RE TOGETHER GUYS 🥹 THE KENKABA SPINOFF MANGA I WANTED IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES .
….. but also !!!!! truly truly trulyyyyy — i love this. i love how akutami did this. this is kenjaku’s final scene, and it’s perfect for them!! it’s so chaotic…. they left sorcery behind for a life of stand up comedy 😭 AND IT’S SOOO IN CHARACTER . IT REALLY IS. what kenjaku wants, what they’ve claimed to want since shibuya, is to create chaos that not even they will be able to control, using cursed energy. and takaba is exactly that. kenny created takaba’s cursed technique using the culling game, and takaba is chaos personified!!! a chaos kenjaku can’t control!!!!!! as dissatisfied as i was with yuuta just swooping in and cutting their head off i did think that the takaba fight was a really clever and perfect end to kenjaku :3
soooo — it makes sense that kenjaku would go back to takaba. they had fun with him!!!! he matches their energy!!!!!! and takaba could easily have saved his life using his ct, which i think is the implication here. i love that kenny’s face is obscured, it just feels like such a fun little thing to throw in at the end 😭 but i doooo genuinely think this is akutami’s way of implying that kenny is alive and living the happy yaoi life with takaba . as they fucking should.
i also wanna say !!!!! that i think it’s so thematically fitting that kenjaku’s ending is soooo different from tengen’s and sukuna’s . i LOVE this aspect of it so much; kenjaku is the most morally corrupt of the three, and also the most human. sukuna is a human turned calamity, who slumbered for centuries, and tengen is a shut-in who ended up mimicking sukuna’s appearance while only maintaining human contact through a barrier. kenjaku laughs at them for it. he hates them for being so passive, because kenny is the opposite of that — he’s lived through it all!!!!!! changed with the centuries!!!!!!! so i think it’s just ….. soooo perfect and tasty that sukuna and tengen now only exist as remnants, as barriers, just like they did before — while kenjaku chooses to live, and takes an entirely different approach. they’re so fucking chaotic and i adore them. i can’t explain how much i love their character …… i really can’t ……… :’3
i’m just . still so happy . i really thought it was kenover…… i didn’t think they’d get an ending so perfect………………. i really, really hope akutami comes in clutch and gives gojo the same treatment :’) even if the chances are slim. i thought this chapter was absolutely lovely and i hope with allllll my heart that i end up enjoying the final chapter too.
……….. i think ……. that’s all 😭 (if you’ve read this far i’m kissing you with tongue btw). THANK YOU FOR BEARING WITH ME !!!!!! this chapter made me feel so genuinely satisfied and giddy and i’m super sleepy and tired but i just needed to rant :’3 i love kenjaku. they’re so silly . such a brat. i wanna kiss them. takaba too actually. we are in a happy polycule
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typicalopposite · 3 days
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Thanks @priincebutt for the tag 🫶
slowly making my way through chapter 7! 🫠 sorry this has become my whole personality lately 😂 this is my main fic at the moment!
“Kinard!” Captain Collier calls from his office, nearly causing Tommy to drop the laptop he has meticulously balanced on his (extremely, dreadfully, embarrassingly) large belly. He has long since been able to comfortably do anything at his desk— the bump getting in the way, and sitting at an angle hurts his constantly aching back— so he has been using the bump instead… God knows it sticks out far enough anyway. He lifts the laptop off, and sets it on the table; crumbs from the bag of chips he was eating topple from his shirt to the floor when he stands. He frowns at the mess and grabs the broom he keeps close by (this happens often) and sweeps them into a pile. “Tommy?” Collier repeats softer this time, poking his head out of his office. 
“Uh, come— coming Cap!” He tries in vain to bend and reach the dustpan. He holds on to the desk for support but he feels like he’s going to tumble forward every time he starts to lower himself. Then he sits back down and tries again… still with no success; he even tries to flip it onto the broom and balance it up to the desk.
“Let me,” Collier says, now beside him. He takes the broom then bends down and sweeps the crumbs into the dustpan. After he throws the crumbs away he straightens back up and sits on the edge of Tommy’s desk. “Tommy…” he says again, and just from the look on his face, Tommy already knows what he’s about to say. “Listen. I know you want to work up until you deliver, but I really think it’s time.” Tommy can feel his mouth pulling down and Collier sighs.  “Hey… come on, don’t do that.” 
Tommy is trying desperately not to humiliate himself by ‘doing that’— i.e. crying— but it has gotten so much harder lately. He feels huge, and heavy, and tired, and sore all the time! All that meshes together and has made him somehow even more emotional. 
“What did you do to him, Cap!?” Lucy gasps, walking into the hanger. 
Collier sucks at his teeth and pushes off the desk. “I didn’t do anything but suggest he make these last weeks easier on himself.” 
“Well,” Lucy says… more so to Tommy. 
“Not you too, Luce?!” Tommy feels his pout deepen. 
Lucy laughs, and comes up behind him, squeezing and massaging his shoulders before wrapping her arms around him. “Don’t get me wrong, work will suck without you, and I am going to miss you so much; I don’t want you to leave…” she says. “I just want you to get some rest… you know the whole cliche you better sleep while you can because you won’t once baby is here— except you’re gonna have two babies keeping you up, and I honestly can’t remember the last time you’ve come to work and not looked exhausted… you’re overdue for some rest.”
Tommy would argue, except he knows he can’t; she’s right. The twins are growing beautifully, which makes him so happy and relieved… and massive, and miserable. He isn’t upset at the weight he’s gained, he is confident in himself enough to know he can lose it once they're born (and honestly even if he doesn’t lose a single pound, he is so happy both babies are healthy and thriving he wouldn’t care). However, he’s not been allowed to lift above his head since he announced the pregnancy, and getting something from lower than his waist at this point is damn near impossible. Lacey says he shouldn’t be carrying anything more than 15 pounds; and between the twins using his bladder and his lower spine for kickboxing practice, he is either in the bathroom or pacing the hanger trying to ease the back pain. 
He’s exhausted from the lack of sleep the pain is causing, and he needs help doing pretty much anything that’s not sitting and typing, and that is not something they even need him at the station to do. Collier has been trying to convince him to work from home for a couple months… Tommy’s just— Hell even he’s not a hundred percent sure why he’s holding on to working for so long… He looks past Collier and Lucy at the helicopter’s, and he can’t even fly at the moment, but it’s been nice being near them. Watching them take off, watching them come back… he misses it. He’s going to miss this, and his team. “You’re probably right…” he finally admits. “I guess I should take advantage of the last few weeks of calm.” 
Lucy smiles, and hugs him. “Good for you; you have more than earned a break,” she says squeezing him. “I’m gonna miss you, Kinard.” 
“I’ll miss you too, Luce,” he replies, voice soft and shaky. 
“Hey,” she says, pulling back to wipe the tears that are starting to fall from both their eyes. “This is not a forever goodbye, okay? I am going to come by and get my baby fix every day I have off… you’re gonna be so tired of me!” 
“Never,” he laughs.
Tagging: @onthewaytosomewhere @30somethingautisticteacher @judymarch15 @nine-one-wanton
@bidisasterevankinard @kinardsevan @somethingaboutfirefly @bucksxkinard @mmso-notlikethat
@sunnywithachanceofbi @herrmannhalsteadproduction @marvelousbuckley
And anyone else who wants to share their writing 🫶🫶
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manzaza · 6 hours
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perirep with airpods promoting mY WHOLE REVIEW OF THE NEW WISH SOUNDTRACK BECAUSE OHHHHH MY GOD IT GOES SO SO SO HARD (under cut feel free to listen here (also on apple music + yt do in fact give it a listen please yay) !!)
theme song (all the singing songs)
— although i can never truly let go of the og the new theme song will always be a bop
— so upbeat, so happy !!!
new yorkity york
— hazel’s va is such an amazing singer PLEASE if there’s a season 2 give them a musical episode there are not enough musicl numbers
party possum’s friendship song
— better than the chuck e cheese one i heard in the theater earlier lollllllll
— the live band version ate i liked the difference
— unhinged version was so fun the nickelodeon drummer ate up
lovely love song
— still haven’t watched this episode (i was shopping when it aired oops)
— hazel was so silly idk what happens i just remember cupid being there (idk if he was in this at the end that might’ve been hazel’s dad)
i love fries
— HAZEL’S VA SLAYING AGAIN !!!!!
— banger song so real live laugh love fries
— cosmo + wanda contributed yay let them sing
time loops
— addiction,,,,, brainrot even,,,,,,,,,
— cosmo and wanda singing yayyy !!!
— the actual little yay at the end was so silly got a good chuckle
proud of my son — dubstep remix
— this was actually the funniest thing to watch i had this episode pulled up in a panera’s and i was just staring at it like “bro just took over the world for THIS”
— dev is ten so it does make sense
— almost
a new wish (yay background music !!)
— i love all the jazz in the ost just soooo so good
— reminds me of a sam and max kinda intro
— listening to this + the rest just makes me want a video game for ANW so so bad it would genuinely be so much fun to play (will genuinely plot out a tumblr post for this idea)
fly hazel
— banger warmup vibes in the intro
— love how some of the insteuments give like a fly-feeling gimmick (cause she’s a fly)
— little intro chord at the very end eats up
teacher’s pal
— might be one of my fav tracks
— nickeloxeon pianist and saxophonist are eating uppp
— 1:15 was so good
— nickelodeon symphony when
fearless
— somewhat out of place but still fits in with the show vibes
— very lurking
— fnaf 3 am jumpscare (idk i see more poppy playtime in this despite never watching or knowing anything about poppy playtime
— very cheerful kinda scary at the end (yay jasmine!!!)
wellingston hotel
— i rlly like hotel music play this at a marriott hotel NOW
— still haven’t seen this episode (i’m dying to watch it i need to see winn’s introoooo)
— sudden rich person music change
— love you nickelodeon saxophonist !!!!
dev dimmadome
— classic dev intro
— 0:54 is so cruel just label this project h whyyyyyyyy
— just sheer pain in the middle but then they remebered at the end “oh yeah he’s ten”
— it gets so intense at 1:30 broooooo
fairy heist
— i love spy music
— little dev-ness in the middle with the certain gimmick in his track (i might be crazy for this one but idk the “waeahwow” reminded me of something from his track + i think this was in the breaking into school scene idk)
prime meridian love
— literal anime ost
— eats with the dramatic intro
— it faintly reminds me of an ok ko track but just slightly at the beginning of some of the melodies idk might be crazy for this one too
peri and irep
— no way.
— actually no way.
— ship interacts once and they get their own song.
— the twist at the beginning of the track was so hype like the beat is just constantly at odds during this song (and because i’m just like that i have the track times put down too when they swap)
— to not make this any longer the noticeable parts after their intros are like 0:50–1:02 is peri-sounding and then 1:03–1:18 is irep-sounding and from then on their themes are always at a clash with more differences spotted at the end
— will say i love irep’s part at 0:32 and 1:03 that’s so funnnn ahh
— the little villainous laugh at like 1:50 was silly
— the little theme at 3:00 ahhh !!!!!
— might be another fav……. yeah def another fav my airbuds says so
viozalea
— feels so medieval at first and i love it
— quick just like viozalea’s appearance (rip)
rattlleconda
— fire western theme
— still in character with the show the beat was firee
— the soft violin gahhh sheer joy
— intense pressure put on at the end ate
love and games
— rock paper scissors core
— me when rock paper scissors
— wait i actually never watched the valentines episode
— uhhhhhhh second half might be rock paper scissors
— BANGS
— love u Nickelodeon drummer
battle of wands (FINALE)
— shut up this is too glorious of a melody
— ok intense
— oh might’ve just hit one million wishes idk how this song is following the episode
— the chaos in the rhythm eats
— littlt theme at 2:30 aghhhh won
— peri lying dead right after again idk how the episode paces through songs i can spot little scenes here and there
— banged
— little clock beat ahh the happiness
— can’t even tell what happened but good finale
OVERALL i really enjoyed the soundtrack i love how it tries and takes you through the course of the episode and it’s so so fun!! almost feels like video game music sometimes which is so so good for them like YES drop a new wish video game it would be so good !!!!
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kittenfangirl20 · 11 hours
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Cult of the Lamb Au
Adam cried as he was led to his soon to be death. His ex-boyfriend Steve has him tied up and was walking him to an altar to be sacrificed.
Turns out he was part of a fucked up cult and didn't handle rejection well.
Steve: My perfect all mighty gods, Lilith and Alastor, please accept this sacrifice as a way for me to express my gratitude to you.
Lilith: We accept.
Steve stabbed Adam in the heart and Adam died.
Only, not really. He opened his eyes and came to a world of white where he met a man, equally dressed in white.
Lucifer: Hello there.
Adam: Who are you? Where am I?
Lucifer: Limbo. And I'm Lucifer, a powerful demon. I want to give you the gift of life once more, for you will never die. What they did to you was wrong.
Adam didn't understand: Why me?
Lucifer: I need help taking down Lilith and Alastor, you are perfect for that. I only ask for a few things in return.
Adam: Such as?
Lucifer: You start a cult in my name to increase our power and become my bride for everlasting protection. I will give you a crown that will give you otherworldly power.
Adam didn't have many choices. Good thing this demon was very handsome.
Adam: I accept your conditions.
Lucifer grinned and waved his hand. Him and Adam were back on Earth, Adam now wore the red crown that marked him as Luicfer's top follower and bride.
*Adam was dressed in a gown of black and red to go with the red crown, he looked at his husband for guidance, his body had changed as well giving him the parts of a man and a woman*
Lucifer: That is for when you are ready to bear my children.
*Adam nodded*
Adam: That makes sense.
Lucifer: I won’t force you to lie with me, but I know you will eventually come to my eventually.
*Adam blushed thinking of being under this beautiful being, it already excited him*
Adam: What will I do first?
Lucifer: You will recruit followers to our cult and we shall have a temple built as a place of worship. There they will give tribute to us in the form of gifts and sacrifices.
*Adam walked amongst the people the next day, he placed his hand on his chest, it still had the scar from where Steve stabbed him, Adam felt anger towards Steve, luck was smiling upon Adam when he saw him talking to a young man, Adam grabbed Steve from the man and to Adam’s joy Steve looked shocked*
Steve: I killed you.
Adam: You did, but I serve one who would like to see Lilith and Alastor dead. I should kill you now, but I can wait until later for that. Go and tell them that Adam and Lucifer are ready for them.
*Steve was horrified by the power coming from Adam now, this Lucifer was a powerful being*
Young man: If you are looking for members for your little cult I would like to join.
Adam: Of course, what is your name?
Young man: My name is Anthony, but everyone calls me Angel Dust.
Adam: Then welcome to the Cult of Adam and Lucifer, Anthony. For being our first follower, you will be blessed.
Angel Dust: Cool.
*Adam took Angel Dust back to Lucifer, Lucifer was pleased to see that Adam already had a recruit*
Lucifer: I am so pleased with you my lamb, soon we will have many followers.
*Lucifer kissed Adam which made the new young co leader of the cult make happy noises, he already liked being Lucifer’s bride*
@things-arent-what-they-seem66
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willowser · 1 year
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you don't know how much comfort your dragon king bkg drabble has given me ever since you posted it!! i keep reading it i love it sm 🥹
as it turns out, the man bakugou is — a bit harder to handle.
he sleeps like a heathen; you once thought the dragon bakugou to be a bit lazy, with how often he tended to curl up in the fields of grass, warm under the sun, but now — it would seem his little human form needs significantly less rest.
almost up all hours of the day, and when he does finally lay down, he's everywhere. a mess of limbs: one thrown carelessly out to the side and the other bent at an angle you can't believe doesn't hurt his joints. his head stays tucked into you somehow, either buried in your neck or pressed against your ribs — or you'll wake to find him nose-to-nose with you. he still snores like a dragon, however.
you're also beginning to wonder if there is a bottom to the pit of his stomach. he ate much before, whole fields of things, but you expected that appetite to dwindle, at least a little, now that his stomach has decreased considerably in size. and in number ? you're not even sure how many stomachs a dragon has; that's not something that was mentioned in the fairytales.
it burns through him quickly, gives him more energy than he needs, and it doesn't ever seem to affect his weight much. already, he's huge and thick with muscle and eating as much as he does never dulls the severity of his cut abdomen. not that you're looking all that much.
— not that you have a choice not to, as he seems to have little-to-no understanding of —
the door to the bathhouse kicks open, with enough force that you already know who it is without ever turning to look. you try not to shriek when you see him, because he seems to like that in some evil, impish way.
you've been alone to wash so far, thankfully, as the inn you'd managed to find was small and far enough out from the nearest kingdom that the occupancy was low — enough for you and your little brute.
the man bakugou comes to stand in front of the bath, blinking and huffing against the steam. finding clothes for him was — nearly impossible, and so the trousers you'd found hanging on someone's line outside fit above his ankles, a bit too tight around his waist. instead of a shirt, you've wrapped him in a scratchy linen, swaddled him up like a baby to cover the small smattering of scales that decorate his body, almost like freckles from the sun, though they gleam just as bright and red as they ever have. no matter his form.
a horn has started to sprout, on the right side of his forehead, and you've done your best to cover that, too.
you have no idea how long this man thing will last. if it's permanent or if he even has control over it. the last thing you need is for him to switch back, somehow, while you're in the middle of feeding him, absolutely demolishing whatever tavern you're in and calling all of king todoroki's guards to attention.
bakugou grunts, almost sleepy, and tosses a fat, weighty sack onto the edge of the bath. it jingles a certain jingle that makes your heart stop.
"oh, allfather—" you move for the edge, awkwardly keeping one arm against your chest despite the fact that he's seen it all by now. when you peek inside and confirm your fears, you lob it back to him furiously, as if it were a steaming potato. "where do you keep getting this stuff?"
things have started to turn up, miraculously. shiny things — like coins and rings and gems. things he could not have simply found rolling around in the dirt.
"go put it back!" you hiss at him, and the tone of your voice makes his frown deepen. you never realized how pouty he was, when he was still a dragon.
you think he understands you, and you're pretty certain he just chooses not to listen; instead of doing what you've told him in the slightest, he simply dumps the coin-purse to the floor, and then lets his linen and stolen trousers cover it as he unceremoniously undresses.
the biggest issue that you would say the man bakugou poses is — his complete lack of understanding of personal space.
"bakugou!" your voice wavers, shocked again by his nakedness. as if you haven't seen it all by now. "no, you — get out!"
but he does the exact opposite, which is hop into the steaming water, ignoring the arm you hold out to keep him away as he saddles up beside you. skin against scales, pressing a nose into your hair to huff out his annoyance, to make it something you can feel.
if anyone were to walk in right now, they would — probably think the lie you'd told the innkeeper was true. that you are a simple traveler and this is your mute, over-sized husband.
regardless, you think this behavior isn't polite. especially in a public bathhouse.
"bakugou," you try again, turning your face away as you speak to the wood-paneled wall. "i'm taking a bath, you have to wait your turn."
all you receive in response is another huff against your ear and a low rumble of disagreement from his chest.
he has yet to speak back, and has only used inhuman sounds as his points of conversation. the only word you've ever heard him utter is oi, which he does when he really thinks he needs your attention. you're starting to wonder if he's named you that in his head. oi.
curiously, you turn back to him and the movement has him pulling his face from your hair, just enough that he can look down at you, too. watch you, with the red-rippled sea in his eyes.
they're — amazing, you will admit. just as bright and detailed as they always have been. fit for a fairytale told by the fire, veiled by the soft-ash of his lashes. he watches you through them, half-lidded, and you wonder if it's something other than fatigue that has them so heavy.
"do you know what i'm saying?" you ask quietly, voice lacking the firm heat you want it to. instead it's heavy, too, weighted by something soft and unfamiliar and frightening. "can you even understand me?"
bakugou doesn't respond, not with a huff or a rumble or ever a purr, like the one he let out on the night he lay over you by the lake. you've only heard it sparingly since then, oftentimes in his sleep when his face is pressed into you.
you try not to frown at his silence, try not to let it disappoint you because it shouldn't; he's a dragon afterall, and you're not sure what it matters. the little horn protruding from his forehead catches your eye and you reach up to touch it gently, watching him blink away the water that drips from your wrist — and then he's turning into you again, too close.
beneath the water, you feel his hands skate up your bare thighs, wrap around your waist until your chest is pulled flush against his. you feel his huff, again, against the damp skin of your neck but it's slower, lighter. not laced with his frustration. some unknown thing you feel guilty for liking.
you drop your hand to his hair, rushing full force into all the damned things you've thought about doing but have been too afraid to. he's soft between your fingers, and you trace your nails lightly against his scalp until he groans quietly; a new noise, one you don't know how to translate.
your fingers stop when they brush upon little spines that have grown at the base of his skull, that have started to trail down the center of his back.
suddenly, tangled up in the bath with him, you wonder how much time you have left.
bakugou huffs again into your skin, a little fiercer this time, and it's because of his light jostling that you realize how rigid you've gone. you try to relax so that he will, too, though you must not do a convincing job, because a sharp nip comes to your earlobe.
"ow!" you squeal, but he doesn't let you go far, not even as you try to jerk away from him. in fact, the harder you try the more his teeth show: into your cheek and the point of your jaw and then dangerously low on your neck.
it's not until you finally freeze that he stops, huffing again, with a warmth that burns more than the steaming water.
and then, very quietly, he grumbles, "shitty wife," into your collarbone, just before biting you again.
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endrimer · 4 months
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i love the idea of little normal inheriting the doodler psychic connection somehow
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nomattertheoceans · 7 months
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I've been reading the Percy Jackson books for the first time over the past two weeks! Just finished "The Battle of the Labyrinth" last night (which btw is my favorite of the series so far!!)
I have now gained a new obsession but it might not be what you think
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#like i swear to god i did not expect to be absolutely enthralled by the protagonist's mom kahskahfjkaja#she's just so fascinating to me#she's so kind and smart and she has given EVERYTHING for her son okay#like her staying married to an abuser for years to protect him omg she deserves the world#like when Poseidon called her a queen in the first book he was 100% right alright she is a queen#the woman murdered her abuser with a monster's head LIKE THAT'S SO AWESOME#also i cannot explain how obsessed i am with her relationship with Poseidon okay#like. do i want her to still have feelings for him? yes. do i need poseidon to pine and long for her from the distance?? ABSOLUTELY YES.#like realistically it's more likely that be does not but I need it okay#like at first i wanted them to be reunited because you know. of course i did.#but i am perfectly content with her finding love and happiness with a mortal man and Poseidon pining for her from the distance#like listen. this woman is amazing and she deserves to have an immortal all powerful god unable to get over her alright SHE DESERVES IT#but the way he just showed up at Percy's birthday party and called her as beautiful as ever????? omg??? BECAUSE YES SHE IS#and she blushed??? be still my beating heart#kahskahfksja honestly laughing at myself right now like I'm just over here watching a Sally Jackson tele novela in my head#AND HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE#percy jackson#no spoilers please if you see this post i know very little about the story and I'm thoroughly enjoying myself that way#also jsut as an fyi i am also a little obsessed with Percy and Annabeth kajakshdjshsha they are too cute and intense#sally jackson#percy jackson and the olympians
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togamest · 2 months
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hey uh just as a reminder if you’re polyamorous/non-monogamous and you don’t allow your very monogamous partner the chance to leave the relationship if they find it doesn’t work for them and they’re not okay with the relationship dynamic then you’re a shit human being
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spaceratprodigy · 7 months
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🎉 [ Art from 2022-2023 ] 🎉
Happy Birthday to my most favorite person in the world, the love of my life 🖤
I still can't believe this'll make our 10th year of being best friends and even more I can't believe we get to celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer 💖💕
Commission Info | Ko-Fi | My Links
#I was gonna type out more but I decided I didn't want to be too sappy and emotional on main#so much has happened in these past 10 years#I can't believe I made it this far I really did not think I was going to have a future#but I did and I do#I have the most wonderful partner who I connect with in a way I never thought was possible#I am capable of being loved I am capable of loving in return#I learned how to love myself and be unapologetically myself for myself#I lost a lot of people and some very much for the better#I've become so so much happier my god I never thought I'd ever know what this felt like#I'm still angry and numb and having to battle depression but I've grown I've finally become someone worth being proud of#I'm no longer letting that anger and grief and everything that comes with it take over#I can't believe I've actually become gentler and kinder#I can't believe I've actually made genuine friends with people who are nice and caring and supportive#and are actually happy to see me and not trying to take advantage of me at every opportunity I'm finally seen as a person#I can't believe I'm finally in a safe environment I don't have to be terrified anymore I'm not going to be hurt anymore#I can't believe how far I've come creatively bc of how much bf has supported my every passion wholeheartedly#he is the reason I have a drawing tablet he is the one who encourages me and cheers on everything I do#god I still don't know how I could ever in my life thank you enough for every goddamn wonderful thing you do for me#you have changed everything for the better none of this would have ever happened if it wasn't for you#it's always been you#I fucking love you#more than anything in this universe and the next#forever and always#my art#glad I listened to my first tag lmao
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purpurussy · 1 month
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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tanicus-caesareth · 5 months
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guarana drama, damage control
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lesbiansanemi · 3 months
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Google how to make peace with the fact that you will always be vaguely to extremely uncomfortable (depending on the day) with your body and how others perceive it until the day you die and nothing you do will ever change that
#I almost wish I was much more masc leaning than I am#so the answer would just simply be ‘go on t’#I keep seeing so many posts that are like hrt is good! this is your sign to go on hrt if you’ve ever wanted to!#GOD I wish I were that simple#(those aren’t bad posts that’s not the point they’re just not applicable to me and seeing the sentiment makes me sad and a bit frustrated)#(cuz for me it’s not that easy)#like are there some things T would do to my body that I would like?#yes absolutely. I would LOVE a deeper voice and fat redistribution#but like. that’s it#I would not want it to do anything else#in fact that idea of anything else and potentially ‘passing’ as a man makes me VISCERALLY uncomfortable#I do not want to be a man and I do not want ppl to perceive me as a man#but the same is true for being a woman#I do not like a lot of feminine traits but I do not want to strictly trade them for masculine ones#UNFORTINATELY you cannot pick and choose the affects of hrt#there is no way to ‘look androgynous’ (which is what I want)#(yes ik you can use shapewear and makeup and contour and that can do SOME)#(but it’s A LOT of work and effort I don’t have time or energy to do every day)#(and there’s still some things about my body I wouldn’t be able to alter doing stuff like that)#and it’s like sure I could go on T. but I’d still have this problem just the opposite direction#and it. sucks#it sucks so hard knowing there’s literally no conceivable way I will ever just have a body#that correlates to how I feel gender wise and will get people to ‘gender me correctly’#just based on how I look#and it’s something I’ve been thinking about recently a lot and it’s making me FHDJDKKSSKKSKS in a bad way#I know it’s cuz it’s pride month and I follow A LOT of trans ppl#who are posting trans pride and hrt and surgery info and stuff#(and obviously these are all very good things as I said)#it’s just. because of my particular situation they make me feel… bad#because I won’t ever have an option to be comfortable and happy with how I look lol
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lupins-hehim-pussy · 3 months
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I think I accidentally made Wriothesley AuDHD. fuck
#ingital#did you know there's a bit in ingital i cut out where he tells Neuvillette they have to go get their kids tested. it's cut out of the carol#and vautrin scene. because I wanted to recontextualise carole's canon story as like about her social ostracisation because she's#a weird little girl with a very strong sense of justice (autistic like her dad lol). and I wanted it to just be a family moment where#wriothesley just very casually suggests getting their kids tested to see if they need additional support. and its just because i wanted it#to be seen as a very normal. even slightly positive moment (carole you're just like your papa!). because . you dont often see an autism#diagnosis as a Normal thing. much less a silly fun thing. and Ingital is silly fun the fic#the thing is. I specifically sat down and told myself. I'm gonna write a neurotypical man because not every single guy in my fic has to be#neurodivergent. when I write wriothesley it's usually more about trauma cptsd and high functioning depression anyway.#but I am autistic. even my trauma/depression/mentally ill experience is viewed through autistic lens. which is why im like#I should learn how to write a neurotypical man right. this is so dire. because what if i CANT. GOD#severe trauma does things to your neurotype anyway so he's Not Neurotypical but GODDDDDDDDDDD I made the fucking. disorganised#basement dwelling tech nerd gag in the latest chapter. and I FORGOT THAT THAT'S TIPPING INTO AUDHD TROPES/STEREOTYPES.#I know this had potential to go into audhd territory from Day 1 when I decided he fucking dwells on stack exchange#but i told myself. well. just because he's a nerd and highly intelligent doesn't mean he's audhd. right. because if he still#has relatively normal sensory experiences (outside of ptsd/other mental illness symptoms) and is still within normal range of organisation#then he's not audhd. because the difference between audhd disorganisation/dysregulation and similar symptoms in depression/other illnesses#IS THAT HE'S STILL GONNA BE DISORGANISED WHEN HE'S NOT DEPRESSED!!!!!!! And he's not depressed in his little basement enclosure.#that . level of happy chaos. is exactly how he naturally operates when he's allowed to do what he wants. I fucking made him audhd AGAIN#and he even has his own extremely strange way of naming files.
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ectoplasmer · 7 months
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I did not think reading about jade wanting a family would hurt me this bad but god. it hurts. it hurts sosososo much
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