#god it all just sucks. hollywood is evil idk what else to say.

[thewingedwolf]

one thing about hbo is that when they get a journalist coming up to them and going “man do i have a fucked up story i want to follow” they really do let that person go wild. i’ve mentioned the way the ronan farrow one really moved me emotionally and that’s just because ronan knows how to investigate and tell a story to get you righteously angry for who it is he’s defending. he’s good at his job!

but this one, quiet on the set, has genuinely made my jaw drop a few times, even if i think some of the framing could have been better in the last episode. of course i know about all the rumors about dan schneider and the abuse on set, it’s hard to have been into the teen nick scene and not notice, and it’s pretty easy to figure out which kids were being harmed through too much attention and which were being harmed through not enough attention, and there’s been all sorts of rumors floating around for over a decade!

but the build up to the drake bell reveal was well handled, i thought. i was initially skeptical because i think it’s hard to make a documentary about child sexual abuse without leaning into being exploitative in some way. and at first, where you have the actors who left early, like katrina, or who you remember but weren’t mega famous like giovannie, and they’re all saying “this set was so weird & inappropriate, i knew something was wrong but i didn’t have the experience or vocabulary to say what” it feels a little too schlocky. like, oh we’re just kind of speculating on the inappropriate nature of dan’s “friendship” with amanda bynes for two episodes? yeah it is fucked up that two pedophiles were on that set, but did they hurt anyone on set?

and then drake bell walks into the room dressed like timmy turner and says it was me. he hurt me.

i can’t stop thinking about the choice of clothes here and the way it helps drive home the point of the doc. he’s sitting there in fairly odd parents colors as an adult and can’t describe the sexual trauma he experienced as a child still, has never spoken about it, had his mom lie to his father over it because he was so screwed up. really driving home the point that he was just a kid who had a knack for physical comedy and it got him preyed on by dan, a man who should have protected him, set up and handed over to a monster who traumatized him for months and years.

but when that reporter said she got a judge to let them unseal the court documents because drake bell told her how much support peck had? my jaw dropped, like yeah this is reporting, this is someone who saw this story and finally fucking cared not about the salacious details but about who knew what and why they did nothing to stop this from happening. it’s not about forcing drake bell or katrina jackson or alexa to live through the worst moments of their life - it’s about how so many people knew what was going on and didn’t do a god damn thing to stop it. it’s about how these monsters, these convicted pedophiles, were given access to little kids to hurt and traumatize and everyone knew and didn’t just look the other way, they actively helped cover it up. THATS the story. Not that it was an isolated tragedy but that it was a clinical, purposeful environment built by people who wanted to harm little kids.

[beaniegara]

11 Questions

tagged both by @yaboybergara​ and @ricky-goldsworth​ which is great because that gives me 22 questions mwahhahaha thank you folks!! <3 

RULES

1. always post the rules

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

now, see, I don’t know what to ask........ so I’m gonna be a little shit and tag folks to pick 11 of these 22 questions and answer them too. nini and gray pls don’t sue me for reusing your questions, thank fdgkfndgfdsk I’m tagging @kaylotta, @queerunsolved, @haunted-gays, @thatmademadej, and @i-am-ghost-proof-baby <3 if yall wanna do it, of course. no pressure.

this is incredibly long (and uncomfortably honest). let’s go lesbians let’s go

first, nini’s questions:

1. How many pets have you had in your life?

one. I’ve always wanted them but my mom and I have always lived in tiny apartments and had no way to care for a pet so it wasn’t until I was 17 that we adopted a kitten!! his name was merlin and he was the laziest, moodiest lil ball of fluff I’ve ever met. I.. had to give him away a year later because we moved to a place even smaller that wouldn’t allow pets so long story short I’m scarred for life and don’t think I can ever take any more pets without feeling guilty to my bone 

this is merlin btw I love him with all my heart and he now lives in a farm. as far as I know anyway.. :(

2. Do you believe in destiny? Why?

mmm interesting question. weird, metaphysical theories aside, I don’t believe anything is set in stone per se, but I do believe that some things are just... meant to be? in a way? for example, you can’t tell me ryan and shane weren’t meant to be friends and find each other in such an unlikely place as they did. one of my mottos, completely stripped from context because it’s from a rather pretentious tv show, is “the universe is rarely so lazy”. meaning that good things happen for a reason, and that you trailed that path for that to happen. yknow what I’m saying? I can’t really explain this without writing a 10 page essay because that’s just how my gemini ass thinks 

3. If you could chose one person on the great beyond, would you take the chance to talk to them? 

you mean someone who has passed away? oh yeah, I would talk to my grandmother. she was raising me and died when she was 4 and that changed not only my entirely life but our whole extended family dynamic... so many questions.

4. From all your hobbies, which one would you love to make a living of?

oh man, writing. I’ve been dreaming of being a writer ever since I was 9 or something. never panned out but that would certainly be the dream. if I could work with videos, subtitling, tv shows, cinema etc that would also be dope as hell!

5. What’s your favorite color palette to wear?

fkgjfsdgiusfdksd I have no fashion sense whatsoever, idk? I do like to wear dark clothes (because weight..) and reds (because pale).

6. What’s your opinion on queerbaiting?

I don’t have the time for it. for starters, it’s something that usually comes from people with very poor writing skills that can’t come up with plots interesting enough to keep viewers/readers hooked in. that already says something. no offense to anyone who is a fan of shows like these, but when it’s mostly written by white men I just don’t have any high hopes for it. you can ask flavs what my reaction was like when I realized the character I had headcanon’ed as wlw in hannibal was actually a wlw. I couldn’t believe it, because what???? since when does that happen, especially in a show run by a white man??? kjdfghsjgd 

I think this is part of a bigger conversation but my point is, don’t fall for it. I know it’s all part of the fight for representation, asking big names to produce big shows with lgbtq+ characters in it and so on, but for the love of god, watch something else too!!!! let GOT rot and die!!!!!!!!! look up different, smaller, cheaper shows, that’s where you find lgbtq+ content creators!!!!!! there’s so many wlw webseries out there, you wouldn’t believe it. you have a choice. don’t give any more of your time and love and word-of-mouth to shows/movies that clearly have no interest in being more diverse. they don’t deserve you. 

and that’s not to say any of it is on us. quite on the contrary, they’re using us. but aside from calling out their bullshit, we do have a chance to boost lgbtq+ content creators. don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re doing you any favors, or that they’re our last chance so we should be paying attention to what they’re doing/saying. fuck them!!!! you can’t queerbait me because I don’t trust you or give you the chance to do it. and you can shove your very straight, very white shows where the sun doesn’t shine, @ hollywood.  

7. Is there a language you would love to speak?

french and korean, mostly. I can understand a little bit of both, but I really wish I was fluent :( oh, will to live and learn, where art thou...

8. Do you have, like, a dream so wild you think it’s impossible?

kjgnsfdkjhjjs having enough money to support myself and my mother??? I don’t have any big, wild dreams, I think. just.......... living comfortably would be a+  

9. How many AUs of your own life do you have in your head?

oh man. I keep thinking about living somewhere in idk iceland or scotland just like... tending goats or something. that’s the most comfortable version of myself I can think of.

I also like to imagine if I could handle being a film director, because that sounds like fun. maybe a screenwriter? anything creative in films, really. 

there’s also the unattainable dream of having a wife and idk maybe adopting a kid? and we’d just. support each other. and love each other. and that’s just. I. [cries]

I like to think how things would be if I were actually hot and not socially awkward.. I’d be someone completely different, basically lol 

10. If you were to meet your younger self, do you think they would think you cool or not?

oh god, younger me would hate present me D: I had such high hopes for myself, I had lots of dreams lol never in a million years did I think I’d be where I am today...

11. Not a question, but please add something postive about yourself, something that you love about you.

IDJFSSIODUGSDFKGDSJ IT’S LIKE YOU KNEW I’D BE A NEGATIVE FUCK, NINI. I................................ I like that I have an easy time with languages? or with classes in general. I like to learn from people, I’m just really unmotivated to leave the house lol 

now onto gray’s q’s:

1. What’s your favourite music video of all time?

straight-up impossible questions right out of the gate huh I SEE YOU, GRAY. I SEE YOU kjdfgjfsdhgkdsjfs

I’ll have to go with a few,

“prototype” by viktoria modesta is just GORGEOUS. I can’t get over this video & song and it’s been years.

“jackpot” by block b looks creepy as shit but the context makes it such a clever yet fun video. take into account that these guys were screwed over by the kpop company that created the group, and that the lyrics talk about hitting jackpot in an industry that’s savage to say the least. to me this video is a visual representation of what a dangerous trap entertainment companies are in the kpop industry, and it also ties in with the groups’ story of being made into dolls by a company and then telling them to fuck off in the end lol 

“treat me like your mother” by the dead weather. I don’t know why I just love it. (cw: gun violence)

“emperor’s new clothes” by panic! at the disco. I MEAN, LOOK AT IT.

“manyo maash” by puer kim. I just love the aesthetic?

honorable mention: “tick tick boom” by the hives because that’s a banger. ba dum tssss.

2. What’s a favourite memory of yours?

I have plenty of good memories, thank god. I think one of my favorites is just hanging out with my friends in 2008-9; one of their older brothers was driving us around town, we were listening to the white stripes at full volume, singing along, all sitting pressed up close together in his shitty car. man, my teenage years would’ve been fantastic if I had stayed there with them!! 

3. Do you play video games? If so, which one’s your favourite?

I DO!!! I mean, not as much as I’d like because a) no money to spare on games/consoles, and b) I suck at basically everything. but I’m obsessed with paladins these days, and I’m also a big fan of LOTRO. I like horror games--mostly the resident evil and silent hill type--and fps. I grew up playing some tomb raider, medal of honor, resident evil... oh, those were the days. 

4. How did you first get into [your fandom of choice]?

with bfu it was that kind of thing where I’d see a meme or two cross my dash and it was always this ridiculous screenshot, or those “that’s it, that’s the show” kinda things with dozens of thousands of notes... until one day I was incredibly anxious, and I needed to watch something or I’d never finish the assignments I had for college. so I just thought “oh hey I should check out that unsolved thing people like so much, it’s buzzfeed so it’s probably good bg noise to work with” lol and it did work, and I did finish my assignments, and that means that I first watched the show barely paying any attention to it because I was busy doing something else. but ryan’s and shane’s voices helped me relax and to this day they still help a lot with my anxiety, to the point that I need to keep coming back every minute or so during episodes because I get distracted just listening to their voices and not absorbing a word lol

5. How did you first get into fandom in general?

uhh.. well, I was a big “pottermaniac” (that’s how I called it) since I was 9, but that was before I realized fandom was a Thing on the internet too. I remember when I was maybe 10 or 11, I entered a chatroom (god, those were wild) just in time to see someone saying in all caps HARRY POTTER IS GREAT AND YOU’RE ALL DUMB FOR NOT SEEING IT or something fkdsjgfdugfsdk and it was this girl using the nickname fawkes. she was older than me, I think that 15 or something, and we exchanged addresses (!!! how am I alive!!!) and were pen pals for a while. but it took me so fucking long to actually find the fandom online that I think my first brush with it was with the arctic monkeys forum I found online in 2008, where I mistakenly said I liked “the muse” and people laughed at me so I never went back to it lol then in 2010 I found out about kpop and that’s when I really dived head-first into fandom life. took me long enough (tbf I was very against the notion of being a “fan” because I was an idiot).

6. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

great fucking question. no idea. I guess.. traveling overseas? if we’re talking wild, distant things. but closer to my reality, getting a job that pays me at least the minimum wage disjgdfgkfsdk #fuckinternships

7. What’s something not many people know about you?

I love dancing and miss it like hell.

8. What’s your favourite medium for storytelling - movie, book, television, musical, comic, internet video, video game, something else? Why that medium?

ohhhhhhh this is an interesting question. as much as I love writing, and think that’s one of the best things we humans have ever come up with, I do love.. musicals? not necessarily theater--although that’s great and I’d sell my soul to see chicago live--but I love the idea of telling stories through music. I really wish we could bring back the custom of telling stories orally, and through music, and that we could as society agree that collective singing is beautiful and should be reintroduced in our day-to-day lives. sure listening to (1) artist singing is great but hAVE YOU TRIED SINGING ALONG DURING A CONCERT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGING TOO? best fucking feeling in the world. 

we had two bands in brazil, in different periods of time, that were so incredibly famous they’re still cornerstones in our music history. one was legião urbana, some folk-ey rock band that had a couple of songs telling these really long stories that I LOVE with all my heart. faroeste caboclo is our bohemian rhapsody, most people my age or older know the lyrics to it. and mamonas assassinas was this comical (?) rock band that sang dumb, fun songs that usually told stories too and that was the best. I miss that kinda thing. 

9. What’s your favourite food?

red meat, mainly churrasco. but I also can’t live without chocolate milk AND the whopper. capitalism has me by the stomach.

10. Do you have a joke to share?

fjgfsdgskfdgfsk I don’t.. it’s been so long since I last tried telling a joke, I don’t think I know any?

11. What song/artist helped you through your struggles?

pitty has been a big part of my life for some 14-odd years now. “be ok” by ingrid michaelson and “starlight” by muse were my anthems when depression hit hard during my teenage years. the white stripes has also been a constant, with gems like “blue orchid” and “a martyr for my love for you” turning into sort of theme songs for certain parts of my life. choi sam helped me through college. and even though they were a huge disappointment to the point that I stopped listening to them altogether, block b gave me a good 4 or 5 years of distraction from life.

[kateanddevinreview]

London Has Fallen

In which Kate and Devin write a porno

Devin: Okay, so this movie is just Gerard Butler being a badass right? Is this the one with Denzel Washington? Or are neither of those things right.

Kate: It’s something like that.

Devin: Well, Butler showed up in the credits, but so did morgan freeman?

Kate: It’s a trifecta!!

Devin: Or maybe I'm just racist and mixed them up.

Kate: Or maybe it’s the two of them being badass together.

Devin: I made some comment the other day about minorities being underrepresented at the oscars or something and they asked what actors I think should win instead and I blanked on literally every minority actor I knew.

Kate: Hahahah. It’s still true though. And to be fair, could you name any white actors?

Devin: My brain got stuck on Tom Hardy and forgot literally every other actor on earth

Kate:I think he’s on tv now anyway. So far this movie is starting a bit slow. Do you think someone is going to be shot soon?

Devin: I find it weird that we are in....India?

Kate:  I think we’re at an Indian wedding. Terrorist’s daughter is getting married

Devin: This is set up for motive?

Kate: Probs

Devin: The Phantom of the Opera and Harvey Dent go for a jog

Kate: Why are politicians always running? I don’t think they do that much

Devin: I think cause DC? it's an easy excuse to pan around the lawn

Kate: Ok well fine, coming at me with movie reasons. Wait, is this a sequel?

Devin: Is it? Was the last one just called "London"?

Kate: I was thinking Gerald saved a president in the last one?

Devin: She has crazy eyes

Kate: She does but she’s pregnant

Devin:  I'll forgive it if we get through this movie without her vomiting.

Kate:  She’s in like her third tri already so she really shouldn’t

Devin:  Google says this is a sequel, to Olympus Has Fallen. Lots of stuff falling apparently

Kate: Knew it!!! I’ve seen that one too

Devin: Really? I'm guessing last time he saved President Harvey Dent from terrorists, wooed or impregnated his wife, and got hired for secret service or unfired from secret service

Kate: Unfired, if it’s what I’m thinking of

Devin: This time he'll save the Prime Minister from terrorists, see his kid born, and...uh. Be knighted? That's my guess

Kate: Seems like a totally logical guess to me. I’m betting he discovers the Prime Minister was murdered. I don’t think people are expected to attend state funerals?

Devin: I think it's cause his vice isn't available? I think normally this is the kind of thing they send him for. But I am basing that on episodes of Madam Secretary so who knows

Kate: New guess!! President is killed and Butler has to protect Freeman

Devin: Hmmm. Maybe. Is Freeman the Vice?

Kate: Yes. He said “Hello, Mr VP”

Devin: I'm missing like half of this dialogue, idk how

Kate: Cause it’s boring

Devin: I want splosions!

Kate: This baby melodrama music is not my favorite. Once again I feel like writing is letting us down?

Devin: Yeah. Be better hollywood!

Kate: Also important people shouldn’t just sign shit without looking at it

Devin: is this the fringe guy? No. Who is he? He's someone

Kate: I think? No?

Devin: Fringe guy is similar but different. Oh! The Magicians? Magicians teacher guy?

Kate: No, definitely not him

Devin: IMDBing....

Kate: “Most protected event on earth”= everyone will die

Devin: Yup. This cast listing order is stupid. Do we know British Gerard Butler's name?

Kate: You mean the head of the British security? Also no. Also I think they’re going to use kids?

Devin: Yes, British guy. Mr. Sands! From Limitless. Thanks wikipedia, for your superior cast list

Kate: Limitless. That’s right, I never watched much of that

Devin: I really liked the main guy and all the arts and crafts in that show. I'm sad it was cancelled. Also we should add the movie to our review list

Kate: Yes!

Devin: Splosion! I didn't think those guards were supposed to have real guns? Then again EMTs should definitely not have rocket launchers

Kate: Hahaha, yeah, those cops are definitely plants. It’s clearly a very well orchestrated attack

Devin: Pretty sure only america gives their cops guns. Also, rocket launcher

Kate: Wow I don’t care how this movie ends the world would not recover from this

Devin: Yeah Kate, it's fallen. Show. Us. The. Egg. It's not London unless I see the big glass egg and the ferris wheel

Kate: How did they know that one president wouldn’t leave on time?

Devin: Trackers? Or they caused the traffic?

Kate: No, he decided?

Devin: Motorcycles, a car's only weakness

Kate: Nice driving!

Devin: Don't injure civilians!

Kate: Ummmm, Devin. I think that ship has sailed.

Devin: He rammed the bad guy into a non bad guy car!

Kate: Oh fuck. Ok so who is the black lady? Is she the First Lady?

Devin: Voight buddy, you could have moved. He's the driver, she's the head of secret service

Kate: He was driving! It was a bullet! Give him some credit. Is she?

Devin: Yes. According to wikipedia

Kate: She’s not doing much. And she hunkered with the president?

Devin: Right? Stop flailing. Where is your gun, woman?

Kate: Oh god. That was brutal

Devin: That was very brutal

Kate: Why didn’t they park closer to the chopper?

Devin: Crashing in 3...2...oh ok nvm

Kate: Hahaha

Devin: He's got a cane so you know he's evil

Kate: So true

Devin: Moral of this movie: don't trust the handicapped

Kate: And yet, they didn’t detect a plan of this magnitude

Devin: Uh, did those people just have labels?

Kate: Yes. NSA and something else

Devin:  Like, movie? Movie. We do not care

Kate: I’m assuming it will be important later?

Devin: Why is the lady not doing anything?

Kate: Nice, flares! I like flares. Why are they flying so low anyway?

Devin: I got distracted googling the secret service

Kate: Anything pertinent to share?

Devin: Apparently the director just does the boring shit, so idk why she's even here

Kate: Ummmm, I think the movie should end here?

Devin: Yes they all died. The End

Kate: No way anyone survived that. I call bullshit

Devin: Also, I assumed presidents would have like one guy their whole time in office? But apparently they hire someone new a lot. Oh she dead.

Kate: For the secret service?

Devin: As director. Like Obama had 2

Kate: I mean, that’s four years for each

Devin: Trump has already had 2. The first guy for like 2 months? 1 month?

Kate: Well, Trump does that a lot. He’s had like 8 communication directors

Devin: I just wonder if they choose to leave or if the president purposefully swaps them out

Kate: Also working for the president is really intense, so maybe you just burn out and have to leave

Devin: Makes sense. The local biker gang is here

Kate: I don’t think bikes make that noise. That is dumb

Devin: Yes. Also no one checked the wreck

Kate: At least we know from earlier scenes they are fast runners!

Devin: This looks like he put his manifesto on youtube

Kate: What point is there in entertaining this phone call? Also why does he care about one president?

Devin: Imagine if he called before they watched the video! Like 5 minutes earlier

Kate: Right? He should take the uniform too

Devin: 

"Who is this?"

"It's...seriously? You didn't see my video?"

"h/o googling it"

"It's on youtube"

"yeah one sec, gotta sit through this 50 shade of grey trailer"

Kate: Ahhhhhhh Being hunted by motorbikes!! Oh no

Devin: Sure, that's subtle. Also this is a regular subway

Kate: I like that he was able to loot the body for weapons. Very practical

Devin: Jesus Gerard Butler. WTF? You went from zero to torture in no time

Kate: I know, little intense. Definitely running on adrenaline

Devin: This is the most 'murrican fucking movie. You cannot convince me that huge squads of racists didn't come out of this movie going "rah rah ‘murrica"

Kate: Oh god. Unfortunately yes

Devin: Although these talky bits suck. I'd rather have more fighting. Oh, thanks label, I really cared what time it was

Kate: Everyone is dead, that’s what this discussion is. I mean surrender and then ambush. How many people do they think there are? You’re not going to be professional right now? Weird

Devin: Blah blah blah. Bitch it was a wedding. Of course his family was there

Kate: How did you not know his family was there? It was a wedding. So dumb

Devin: What even is the point of that dialogue? There better be drugs in his water or something

Kate: What kind of shoddy intel are you all operating on? This is dumb. Do criticize if necessary. You have to teach them. Also off color jokes?

Devin: "You know what's most important Mike? Children. That's why we are never going to spend time with ours in any subsequent movie."

Kate: Of course it’s not your delta team.

Devin: Yeah why was that message not in code?

Kate: Zoom in!

Devin: Enhance! Your safe house has a fucking skylight!?

Kate: Seems like a pretty lame safe house. Oh this is gross

Devin: This movie is very gratuitous with its gore

Kate: It really is. And president you should not have done that. You are not almost out of this by any long shot

Devin:  There must be a porno of this where they fuck right then

Kate:  Did all of MI6 just die?

Devin: I'm not going to lie, that weird pirate porno you made us watch that one time is better than this movie

Kate: Haha! Oh pirates. Also my taste is terrible because I still enjoy this

Devin: I don't believe the hackers would make this basic of a mistake

Kate: No, me neither

Devin: Also driving seems like the quickest way to be spotted?

Kate: They kept everything under the radar but you didn’t notice this earlier?

Devin: Ok I guess at least the car is bulletproofed

Kate: How many of these terrorists are there supposed to be?

Devin: It's just the same 4 guys, they're really fast. They keep healing when they're off screen

Kate: Seems like an infinite supply. Mutants!! Also Mike is still somehow always faster

Devin: Now I want an action movie where 3/4 of the way through you realize he's been re-killing the same 5 guys over and over and surprise! it's really a fantasy/horror movie!

Kate: That would be so good. Change the whole game. I do oddly think this would make a good porno with very very little change

Devin: It's cause there's so much standing really close while breathing heavily and the plot is basically just as thin

Kate: Yeah pretty much. It’s a male romance novel

Devin: Also there have been.....5 women? in this entire movie. 6, I guess. Wife, mother, secret service director, beehive, assistant cop, MI6

Kate: Assistant cop?

Devin: Black lady?

Kate: I don’t remember her

Devin: She was in the bullpen with not!Fringe guy

Kate: Ok sure

Devin: Oh, ok, and random lady who had a text label I didn't read

Kate: There was the turning 30 woman and one lady head of state.

Devin: Still, none of these people shooting right now? There's like 20 guys in this scene!

Kate: Nope. Can’t have women in harm’s way unless they don’t have a choice. Also no lady terrorists

Devin: Only lady terrorists allowed are dead motivation ones

Kate: Also I’m subbing lady because it’s faster to type than woman

Devin: Agreed

Kate: Omg. Whispered “Mike.” Straight out of a romance novel

Devin: What? Are you ahead of me or did I miss it?

Kate: Maybe? The president whispered it

Devin: No! I must have missed the Mike whisper

Kate: He should be really tired by now. He didn’t have dinner!

Devin: "Hear that? My boyfriend is coming"

Kate: He really should just kill the president. It doesn’t make sense not to

Devin: There is so much manly eye contact and face holding

Kate: So much

Devin: Like I'm pretty sure almost this exact sequence happened in Outlander

Kate: In the porn there would be a scene where the president seduced him, Mike walked in on it, and then they have a threesome

Devin: With the bad guy?

Kate: Yup

Devin: That seems like it would be out of place plot wise. Would the bad guy turn himself in or something?

Kate: No. Just random sex that doesn’t make sense

Devin: Weird. The sex should make sense!

Kate: It’s for real a thing that happens in porn, you get whiplash. Oh god. This is lame. Really?

Devin: One punch where he runs all the way across the screen. So stupid

Kate: Did we learn who the brit mole was?

Devin: Nope. They hacked the police station I think? Damn! Wheelchair guy didn't even get to make a speech about how bad America is. This movie is not even pretending to care about America's mistakes

Kate: Why didn’t he just shoot everyone?

Devin: Out of bullets?

Kate: He hasn’t run out of guns until now

Devin: What even is this dialogue right now?

Kate: Really dumb

Devin: "You fuck with America? OH HELL NO. WE BAT SHIT. WE WILL FUCKING MURDER ALL Y'ALL."

Kate: America’s not even 500. Witty banter!

Devin: "EVEN OUR PRESIDENT WILL PICK UP A GUN FOR MURDER TIME"

Kate: Also he’s not dead because you haven’t killed him?

Devin: Yeah you just punched him a bit and talked nonsense

Kate: Once again, another thing they wouldn’t have survived.

Devin: I feel like the porno version of this has them go back to their wives at the end with lots of meaningful looks and sly smiles between the two main dudes. Like "yeah, we'll do this again next mission"

Kate:  Oh no! But yes probably. Why was there a lock in an elevator?

Devin: Is the president the only one alive from this whole thing? They would definitely make out in this elevator

Kate: I think one other world leader survived? There was a missing link to the terrorist?

Devin: I guess?

Kate: Who sent a fucking video?

Devin: Honestly this plot is stupid Yeah he's def the mole. Also he's running away? Like he obviously did it

Kate: Are we supposed to care about him or her? Because I do not

Devin: They would have had sex earlier in the porno

Kate: Yeah. It would have made more sense. Just kill him already

Devin: Also she would have just arrested him. I feel like the porno would have less murder

Kate: It’s weird that normally I complain about too much sex? But this would just be better as a porn

Devin: Yeah our review is basically "this would have made a better porno"

Kate: How would you have found him?

Devin: Who hears "look out your window" and looks up at the ceiling? Oh maybe that's what the missing link was?

Kate: Also the VP does not have the authority to call that type of strike

Devin: What is this 10 angled shot explosion? Ok, we've got a baby

Kate: So it’s been at least a few weeks

Devin: No prime minister but I didn't realize it was his funeral so I feel like the president is close enough. Now knighthood

Kate: Sure. They don’t know how emails work? Re: is for replies

Devin: "Many people would say this is our fault, but we're america so fuck those people. we'll kill those people."

Kate: “Commence spending no time with my kid”

Devin: In the porno version we end instead with a mirror of the earlier DC lawn scene, with them sitting on a bench watching their wives/kids, and the pres saying something like "still want to quit?" and Butler saying "and leave you, sir? Never." And then meaningful eye contact. Roll credits.

Kate: Hahahah

Devin: Okay, so scores

Kate: Yes. Scores.

Devin: 3/10 for the movie, 6/10 for the porno

Kate: I go a little higher movie? Like 4.5 for the movie.  6 for porno though. I think we can agree that no porn should ever rank higher than 7

Devin: Yeah. Like, even amazing porn is still porn

Kate: Ummmm tropes? So many, “family as our motivation”

Devin: “America is terrible and we never learn anything”?

Kate: Which is so hypocritical

Devin: “One man assumes command of literally every other character without argument”

Kate: Hahahaha. So like 7 on the tropes? They all fit the plot really well

Devin: Yeah, I mean it had a very particular niche and it played to it

Kate: Exactly

Devin: I'm going to give the title an 8/10. Catchy and accurate

Kate: I can agree. Thematic

Devin: London did pretty much fall. Like an old lady in a Life Alert commercial

Kate: Better than Olympus has fallen

Devin: Yeah, plus how fucking pretentious is it to call the white house "olympus"?

Kate: Exactly

Devin: What would the porn title be? I feel like they're usually puns?

Kate: Pun for sure. London may fall but our guys stay up

Devin: kind of long

Kate: It could be the tagline?

Devin: Oh yeah, good tagline. My brain gave me "Banging Private Ryan" which does not fit but is almost certainly a movie that exists

Kate: Hahahahaha. Banging president something? Whatever his name was

Devin: No idea, I called him Harvey Dent the whole movie. London Goes Down?

Kate: London laid down? Cause laid. Get it?

Devin: H/o I have to see if there is a real porn title for this. NSA people monitoring my internet searches, I'm really sorry

Kate: Gives them some spice! A story to take home

Devin: Top result for "London Has Fallen Porn Title" is:

"London Has Fallen movie condemned as racist 'terrorsploitation' "

"London Has Fallen is gun-barrel porn"

Kate: Whelp. Yep. I feel bad for enjoying it?

Devin: "London Has Fallen Is The Worst Film About Our City Ever"

Kate: Oh no it was a piece of shit for sure. Super fucking racist

Devin: “Blowing London.” That's my official submission

Kate: Nice! “Blowing London” is great. I thought you’d actually found it.

Devin: Ok, any parting words?

Kate:  It was a dumb racist movie that I feel guilty for enjoying anyway? Which means we should have more action movies made with better plots and motivation. And female representation!

Devin:  Or more action movies that are just porn

Kate:  Or that. What about you? Parting words?

Devin: If you want to see a movie where Gerard Butler brutally murders everyone, this is it. Or, you know, go watch 300, it is less awful.

Kate: So true.

[bonobojosocialcommand-blog]

My name is Raven Gray and I have a story to tell.

Raven is a trickster in the prevailing view of mythology of which I know very little of and profess to know even less in the era of falsified understanding and also, that there is a whole system of thought here that I can only illuminate as the aptitude of my archetype would allow, that of a guide for travelers, as I assume we all are on some level, traveling from one universal guise to the next, some thru the underworld and some in the more bracing and binding spot light of the mainstream that, in this rendition of the world and it’s ways, went thru a time of crisis and a time of change and ultimately a transformation of which this narrative talks of deeper things in the CDN context, ciphered in order to deflect the idea that I can do anything about the current problems I have and so have created this fantasy-scape in order to escape from the bondage of duality and the menace of plurality and the demonized universality that I encounter daily, no I write this as a warning and as a piece of satire and as a filament of revenge and a notation to the Goddess that I seek to serve her and in what regard does Kali require me to be a warrior on the field of battle because underworld guise is a short-form for corruption and so this is not something you can do for very long before you realize, your an outlaw in a broken system.  

Now how did I manage that?

I can’t really say so I will disclose what it was like to be sixteen at a time when context collapsed, noticeably speaking.  

My parents are my guardians and they work for the State in one capacity for another, in the medical system, coming home one day with sorrow in their eyes but saying very little.  I didn’t know what to make of this because I stay home from school, home schooled by a neighbor and only going into town once or a twice a week for supplies and to say hi to people that have ties to the rural economy, whatever that happens to be in this instance.  We are a town on the lake,and big money on the lake too, always been there, more on the American side of things, Hollywood choosing NWO as being the place to coincide with their desire for privacy.  The timber mills have been revived recently but it’s all robots, and the tourism, well, my parents kept me away from it.  They keep me out of sight, really, and it’s been like that for a long time.  I lasted one year in school and my parents pulled me out after that year.  I can’t really say what happened, it was too long ago but whatever the case may be, I had a surprise the next morning when my dad was on the phone, usually emphatic about things, curiously defeated and laconic in his ministration to me after he clicked off from her.

Do what she wants.

I always do, I said.

No, really, he said.  If she says to lick her ass, do it.

I’m sure it won’t be necessary I said but my ears burned and my mom wouldn’t let me out the door.

You look like a disgrace right now.  Go up and change your fucking shirt.  Tighter pants.  And fucking do something about your breath.  Stupid fuck.

I ignored her.  I always do because I can for some reason, something about the way I got here and the way it went at school, I live at home and I educate myself continually on anything and everything available.  I want to be a commando some day and my mom assures me I will, when she’s not bitching at me to take care of my physical appearance.  I took my time and she took it as a signal to show up, unannounced.  She’s not my real mom, I don’t have a real mom that I know about, not in the real sense of being related by virtue of exception; I seem to be exceptional and that is not my doing and not for me to know what’s been chosen for me, and why I should abide by that social selection.  She told me to not wear underwear.

I said what?

You want to be a commando right?

Oh fuck off.

She hit me with the back of her hand.

Off.

Fuck you.

What?  Do you know what could happen if you don’t go over there and it goes well.  Do you know what could happen to us?

No…what…fuck man…stop scaring me…why can’t you say something about this…I told you…

Because there is no fucking way, don’t you get it…we are on the wrong side and you aren’t on any side, don’t you understand…you read A Star Named Henry like we told you right?  Just fucking do it Raven fuck man I don’t have time for this fuckery, I have my own things to do before…

Oh God I thought but it came out of my mouth and I cautiously brought down my jeans and let my guardian pick the outfit for what was supposed to be a yard work gig followed by some kind of tutoring for a friend from Taiwan?

Just make it works she said, pointing at the thing between my legs.  What is that?

What?

That?

It’s your foreskin.

Yes.

Yes.  

Wait…

I can’t believe she did that but walking out the door, I didn’t feel undesirable even if I had to go and clean something, realizing suddenly what will happen if it’s not that way…

And as I try to learn from life, that is a lesson in being good to yourself…

I remember this time very well for what came later.  It was a crisis and people were dying.  I know because I saw them on the road, in the cars, other cars pulled up and they were just looking around and I melted by on my bike and they didn’t see me go by or at least I didn’t think so because I was up above on the roads above the highway, paved and discrete from the gravel interstice of the old mining sector and a necessary risk when going to see Addie Packer and her friend Minnie from Taiwan, a young exchange student who fortuitously, answered the door without looking this way or that, asking me how the weather was.  I was about to say…

And they held up their hands.

It’s the white terror but now it’s gray terror and people are scared about the focus of the surveillance that has taken over the public trust without scaling itself as anything.  I know what happened with Snowden but I don’t trust it in the sense that he depends on Russia for his abiding safety from the USA, maybe it is the USSA at this point…like how does this even work and so I’m not Snowden but I also recognize when people are looking at me and so they are scared, not so much about the cocaine they have hidden in the compost toilet of the cabin way up in the mining zone of Timber Town, and how that works for the people who come from LA and Berlin and Moscow to party in places that are so discrete, you would think there was something in the hillside.  I know from my sojourns there is something to think about here, and this part of the world, NWO, it’s perfect in the central sense of being central, close to the center of the Country and where the State retreated too when Canada fell apart for the last time, and the Resistance scattered, things looking dire here and so Taiwan has a certain interest in placating this particular aberration while it lasts, it’s only been two days without police on the job and we can say light entertainment on television where the death panels aren’t operating and you can’t see anything that you don’t want to, so we have to put up our own show and it was easy to see what it would be now that I’m in the mode.  Waiting in the wings was hard to do in the sense that I always knew I had a purpose, and as a frame of reference, I had to express myself and not betray any hint of the calamity happening off-screen, in non-data world and in the involuntary mixture of finances, crimes and investor confidence such as the terminal liquidity of the dollar ended and the yuan was too toxic to be spent on necessities and so things became social currency in so many ways, hence the brick of cocaine and the handguns.

We spent some time shooting that day.  I had a Mauser 9mm they had Glocks, they had an AK that had a buck to it.  They gave me a .32 to use in case something crazy happened when I went to certain people’s houses as I went to do the yard work and there was no one there.  I came home and my mother started to cry.  I turned around and said, what can I do about this and went waited on the steps of their house until they came home, surprised to see me still there after three hours in the cold, waiting for someone to come by, knowing what was at stake if I didn’t show up.  After that, and what happened, the risk to me, they sent me to Addie and Minnie to get sorted out and get in play of where I need to be when I needed to be there.  My parents had time to hide and so they did.  The team that showed up.  Couldn’t get in.  Couldn’t get it.  They could get me but they didn’t want me like that and so finally the Stressors came home and Mrs. Stressor told me that I looked like I was a wraith and I should wear baggier clothes.  But at the same time, the woodshed needed to be cleaned and so could I please go there and start?

It was a much delayed event.  Once you get sucked into this headspace you realize how macabre it is to think attention is connection, yes it is, but there is something else there too and IDK what it is.  Man cannot live on bread alone and people watching other people don’t have agency like they think because on the outside at the outset, the woman in question had control.  But I was the object of desire and there was some kind of moment of decision that had left normal parlance in the dust and so there weren’t words for how she felt and she just cried and cried and cried and said sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone…

And then we had to lay down and yes, I did lick her asshole…and she paid me to do so and paid me to be around, to keep her company and to talk to people for her such as it was underworld guise to do so.  That was the code for corruption such as Canada became too corrupt, too evil and an extra-judicial State form of tribunal came from abroad and deposed the weak central authority until they ran for parts North of Winnipeg, but really Minaki, that’s where the State ended up.  Why there is always killing involved in power politics, doesn’t have to be but for some reasons, these idiots thought it was fine to take a shot at the State or what’s left of it and greased some innocent people.  No?  What is this then, and who made these friends of my family so unhappy?  I can’t tell for sure because I know nothing of the world outside my home town for not having been there in time, that is I traveled when I was young, to New York, Cape Town, Mumbai and Jerusalem, my real parents disappeared, my guardians are religious folk with ties to evangelicals but also involved in organized crime that I learned about slowly as it was obvious who I was to be if they could outlast the present regime of terrorists.

Now it’s gray terror and it’s all fucked up.  

I was going to leave the Stressor’s but Mr. Stressor told me to stay and we went out on the deck and he started up the BBQ.  I asked him what he thought and he said of what.

Of me giving you a blowjob right now.

Oh IDK about that.

No?

What did you want?

Well…

Oh I see, how about we wait for another day and involve your friend in there…

How do you mean?

Well, I’ll sketch it out for you electronically and get back to you…people need to see something to calm them during this time of uncertainty…I hate gray terror, it’s social extortion, but where is the State?

In hiding, in Minaki.

I’m as much the State of influence at 16 and doing what for this man for others to see as desperation equity, like these people want some kind of fleshly tribute and in that way all I can do is thank Google for the pop-up historicfact, Rome was run by prostitutes in the Tenth Century and the Pope was assassinated in Belgium and that was because the Swiss Guards were absent and ISIS found the pontiff and there was going to be a war, so we had a chance, but only if we got it together and got this cordon up and the State back on it’s feet.  I have to get to Minaki somehow and there are insurgents everywhere, more like irregulars that are not loyal to the Sun State such as narco-democracy is going to outwit this particular calamity in function and in form.  The only problem is, some men like this, don’t like drugs and I have to say to him, I can perform that way if I take this drug and he says, fuck this, I hate dope and what it does to people.  We go for a ride and I try to convince him.  Just let me do what I need to do, your wife did and it was fine.  I’m not letting you do this when I want to do that; I know I said, so what’s the hold up?

There is none he said.  Take off your pants and get the fuck out of the car you little fuck.

And he threw me out, in my home district, on the wavy roads with no way to get back to safety except through the cross fire of endurance and desecration because there are trucks loading and there are convoys racing and I don’t know where I am but in the woods and naked and how did I get here because he took everything off me and I will remember him for being so smug and so delirious at the same time.

I was found but not in the way I thought.  Some hikers got to me that night, hikers with lights, they were berry hunting in the dark and they were not clothed, either.  I couldn’t believe it, and it was Addie’s gofer, given who Addie was in the Party, she had perks and one of them, was a houseperson, and so that one stood in for her and the real article came out to look for me, sans pyjama and with her friend Suzette, a big Native woman that also took off the finery to escort me to safety in some kind of context zone given that physicality had taken over and we are on the knife edge of solidity and solvency and sobriety and context is portable and they hooked me up to a context machine, and it’s only been forty five minutes since I disappeared from the car, a date gone wrong, he thought he was getting his dick sucked but I thought he was going to kill me and so I ended up naked in the back of his car and I ran and now he’s got some explaining to do and his wife is currently telling him fuck off and he shrugs and they are going to have a fight that she can’t win but also she doesn’t need to given what they suggest about me.  Get Him Out of the Woods and into Town and get him working at North Works, NOW, get him out and about, the conquerors are in town and they will get to Minaki if they know where it is, it’s 60 miles separating this and the end of the Earth, get the fuck on your bike and start riding okay, it’s an old suspension model and yes you are wearing clothes but you won’t always be able to, so remember that, just do what you have to do for the conquerors, who are looking alien species anyway and have abdicated share social understanding in favor of purity of mind that is only dedicated to one thing: consumption.

Let them consume you and let them feast on your beautiful body.  You are going to be outside, it’s summer in NWO and there is lots of traffic and this is parallel conceit, you are invisible except for people that need to see you.  Go.  And yes, you can do that before you go, if it gives you courage.

No, it’s like communion.

Explain?

I can’t…it’s the breath of death, captured in a little bit of moisture between your posterior elements…

Whatever keeps you alive my sweetling…

And she kissed my mouth, Addie Packer, fucking Commie and the only reason I’m alive right now.  My guardians?

IDK where they are and I might never see them again.

On the bike, the pressure is insurmountable as long as I remember that I am who?

What?

Where?

Blowing through that push and if it gets tense, clothes are coming off in this gray terror such as I get to the top of the first hill and have an idea, from Addie Packer of course, why not just strip down mostly anyway and live it like that, and dare them to intervene, they want us lower than them anyway, this red faction in a blue town, not that it matters, I’m Gray and Blue and Red have always been fighting and black is always completely in the enforceable dimension of notoriety, Blacksburg Virginia, remember that shit from KillTube?  I have seen Kill Tube and I have isolated from that strata of insanity such as it seems on the way in that there is some kind of unearthly providential experience happening and people just walking right by me in the dark and don’t say anything and I don’t know what they are doing, but I’m naked and it’s funny to think of me riding down the dirt road in NWO, nothing on me but a backpack with provisions and trying to skirt the pressure, and the filaments of danger such as I couldn’t make the turn on the T to go left so I went straight and I went up the big hill, streaking my whole neigbhorhood, this bare bum flashing by and everyone that was out, not saying a word.

I won’t say about my front because I was endowed like a prince and it was a mystery to me, because it got in the way, trying to do stuff, I could literally sit on my dick.  No really, I had a big fucking wang and so when it came to it, Bridget the neighbor rode out with nothing on and I was like, huh, that’s what she looks like and she was huh, I knew what he looked like and I was like what the fuck am I going to do with this cos we have to ride but is there a hurry?  We are on the highway and there is a way in the woods to ride for a long stretch that is parallel to the asphalt but terminates in a swamp.  We pick the swamp route and she says literally, let’s go thru the swamp.  Both of us are naked riding bikes in the middle of the blazing hot midnight sun such as it’s sweltering, that’s why I do it, take my clothes off, you have to understand it’s a lot hotter than it used to be and she agrees, this Bridget of my life and she is like, yo, stop staring at my butt and I was like, sorry honey, I can’t not, it’s big…

What?

Don’t slap me.

Look, I have to tell you she said as we dismounted and walked our bikes into the undergrowth, looking at the onrushing headlights as if it was a dream.  Everyone is so busy they can’t see us right now but when they can, they aren’t going to be happy with anything you say, they are going to cluster around you and put thoughts in your head that they then act on and so if you don’t have the right thoughts, the Machine will kill you, or so they say, IDK, I have wrestled with it recently.  It killed my friends she said, I’m one of the few left and now I do things on the side of the road for people that remember their bodies and have compassion or just need to put on a show or like the way my body looks when it’s nude because I don’t wear very much any more and so the partisans are naked socially but clothed culturally such as they are the shock troops of an eco-movement that is heading this direction after having been routed in Copenhagen according to some kind of news source, and who got routed, for what, do they mean routed like shown the way and then pointed themselves to their destination, or eliminated from battle?

Will we ever know?

In the meantime, the eco movement isn’t touch with me, so I have to get in touch with it, and it might be the wrong eco fascists for this guy.  Angie is going to get me thru the swamp but I have to get up the lake and into town on my own.  That shouldn’t be that hard once I get onto the Winnipeg River and into one of the rich Brits have vacation properties here now and it’s all Potemkin and I know vaguely where the sore sports are, and the sweet spots and I know people think I’m the Second Coming but who cares, it’s not important what people think, it’s important I get to flesh out the necessity of content in a fractious time and illuminate my surroundings with the providence of my own time in the sun and my own passage towards grace and understanding of the necessities and duties that come with a life well lived.  A life not undone and I ask her, can I hug you before we plunged into the swamp?  

She says yes and then pushes me down for tribute.  

The Planet of the Bonobos has already started and I am the chief of their tribe.

  #amwriting #draft #underworldguisecontent