#god iwaizumi is so fucking gay im laughing

[gendice]

OKAY i know mutual pining is the best fucking shit but like, objectively, who would pine more: oikawa or iwaizumi 

[toutallyahoe]

LUCKY ~ Matsukawa Issei (Haikyuu) (1/?)

requested by: --

pairing(s): matsukawa issei x male reader

a/n: *casually jamming to siu by maretu while being called a child by someone*

anyways, jokes aside, im posting lucky here because i literally have no content to give to yall atm

so enjoy me simping for mattsun

chapter one | chapter two

SWEAT DRIPPED DOWN MATSUKAWA ISSEI'S forehead as he let out soft pants. Dark eyes narrowing as the black haired male watches the setter of the opposite team, a second year named Yahaba Shigeru, setted to Kindaichi Yūtarō for a quick. With quick movements, Matsukawa Issei blocked the first year middle blocker's quick and had earned him and his team a point.

The winning point.

"Gah! I'm sorry!" Yūtarō apologized to his team as he bowed to which earned him some "it's alright!" or "you'll get it next time Kindaichi!" aswell as a "you suck" from a fellow first year, Kunimi Akira which immediately earned Akira some offended shouts from the tall first year.

Issei landed in his feet gracefully as he stood tall and proud of his block. God, it always felt good to successfully shut down a spike, and Issei knew that feeling well. The black haired middle blocker then felt his back being patted and Issei immediately looked behind him and saw his friend, Hanamaki Takahiro smiled lazily at him.

"You almost missed that one, huh Mattsun?" The male had said, tone lace with amusement and eyes glint with mischief. "Getting old there, buddy?" Takahiro continued in a sing sang voice as he saw Issei gave him an unimpressed look for a second from his comment.

On the outsider's point of view, it would've looked like Issei was pissed at Takahiro's comment. But the black haired male's face splitted into a grin as Issei rolled his eyes and gave a soft punch onto Takahiro's shoulder.

"Shut up, Makki," Issei had laughed as he turned to look at Yūtarō who was still looking down on his blocked spike that won Issei's team.

"Better luck next time, Kindaichi," Issei called out as the said male looked at him and then nodded with determination plastered in his features.

"I will get past your blocks! Just you wait senpai!" Yūtarō had said as both Takahiro and Issei looked at each other then and then at the determined first year, then back to each other. The two older males then bursted up laughing as they gave their underclassmen an amused nod.

"Hear that Mattsun?" Takahiro said. "Kindaichi will get pass your blocks!" His voice oddly had a mocking tone on it which didn't go unnoticed by the rest of his peers. The others could only sighed while Yūtarō looked a bit offended.

Issei only laughed at that as Yūtarō looked at his upperclassmen, a bit rather annoyed from them looking down at him... or were they just like that? Yūtarō doesn't really know much as he was still new to the team but the way that they are just so casual with his proclamation? Not at all feeling threatened by it? It made the first year middle blocker a bit miffed. Either way, the first year middle blocker swore he will not be shut down by his upperclassmen's blocks in the future.

"Oi, stop rilling up the first years, you two," Iwaizumi Hajime had said in exasperation as he softly slapped both the back of the two males head. Takahiro and Issei only snickered, not minding their ace's actions as Oikawa Tōru who was behind them whined on why Hajime was much more lenient on using violence to others but goes full force on him. The comment from the volleyball captain only earned him angry shouts of threats from the ace aswell as a hard punch or two, immediately showing the difference of how the ace treats the others and then Tōru.

"Ouch! Iwa-chan not the face!!!" Tōru cried out as he then screamed when Hajime had hitted him, in the face. The whole volleyball team didn't even bat an eye at Hajime beating the fuck outta the resident trash lord named Oikawa Tōru as they minded their own business.

This was normal...

"Oh, are you joining us going to the store this time Mattsun?" A fellow third year named Yuda Kaneo asked as he approached Takahiro and Issei and then handed the two some towels which had earned him some thank yous from the two. "You've been skipping an awful lot lately and it's Oikawa's turn to buy us snacks," Kaneo continued as the said male let out a hum and then shrugged his shoulders. Issei was about to speak but the light brown (some can say that it was pink really and Takahiro doesn't care really what others think of his hair) haired male.

"Nah," Takahiro said as he shakes his head. "This fucklord right here has some stuff to do," Takahiro continued he patted Issei's back. Issei only snorted at what his friend had called him as he jabbed Takahiro with his elbow but didn't say anything else. Kaneo only nodded in understanding as the third year began to walk towards the others and started to chat with fellow third years, Shido Heisuke and Sawauchi Motomu.

"So, what's the plan with him?" Takahiro lazily asked as he swung one of his arms at Issei's neck to bring down the black haired male a bit to his height (the difference were only little really as Issei seemed to only be three centimeters taller to Takahiro) as the light brown (maybe pink again) haired male gave a grin.

"Same as usual," Issei had said as he shrugged Takahiro's eye roll. "What do you expect?" The black haired male huffed as his friend gave him a blank stare.

"You two are so boring!" Takahiro had said as he took his arm away from Issei and instead threw both of his arms in the air. "You don't YOLO at all, do you?"

"Bitch, what?" Issei had asked as he looked at his friend like the male was crazy which was debatable really.

"Ugh, gay, you and him are so boring," Takahiro had said as he saw Issei rolled his eyes at him.

"Bitch."

"Oh, wait..." Takahiro had said as he brought his arms to his side. Issei only raised a brow at his friend quick shift of mood. What was this salmon color haired asshole planning?

"Why don't you come with us and invite him?" Takahiro had said as the black haired male let out a hum and thought about it. Should he? He could invite him and hang out with both him and his friends. That's not really a bad idea. It's like killing two birds with one stone.

But...

"Eh, I'll think about it," Issei had said. As much as Issei loved to hang out with his team and probably bully their captain, Issei also enjoyed his alone time with a certain [Hair color] haired male.

"Makki! Mattsun!" The two said males let out groans as they heard their captain called out their ridiculous nicknames in a sing sang tone. "Oi! Don't just groan at me!" Tōru had whined as he approached the two males. Man, Tōru always wonders on why are his friends a bit of a bastards?

Scratch that— why are all his friends full time bastards?

"Are you going to join us, Mattsun?" Tōru had asked as he turned to the said male who shrugged at him. As much as Matsukawa Issei have respect for the chocolate brown haired male, Oikawa Tōru was also a dumb ass who's any ounce of respect you feel for him gets yeeted off a cliff when you realized the volleyball captain believes in very stupid things... like aliens for example.

"No thanks, I don't need to see your ugly mug more," Issei had flatly shut down (like how he shut down Yūtarō's quick which the first year was still lowkey sulking in a corner somewhere with Akira insulting him none stop) as the black haired male turned his back from the volleyball captain. "Dealing with you in practice is enough already."

Takahiro snorted at Issei's cold hearted reply as he watched the volleyball captain dramatically gasped at his friend's words. God, why was Tōru a dramatic hoe? Hanamaki Takahiro will never know... not that he wants to anyways.

"So mean!!!" Tōru cried. "Iwa-chan, Mattsun is being mean to me!!!" He cried as he turned to the black haired ace for support, only to get none. Like usual. Instead, the said ace only gave him a blank look and flipped him off which made the chocolate brown haired male cry out more. "Wahhh!!! Not you too Iwa-chan!!!"

"Shut up Shittykawa!!!" Hajime screamed as both Takahiro and Issei (who turned back to look at Tōru) snickered as they watched their ace threw a volleyball directly at their captain's face. God, seeing their dumbass captain getting beaten always made their day. Sadistic bastards the two are.

"Matsukawa-san?" The said male turned to who called him and saw that it was their libero, Watari Shinji who looked a bit worried for him for him which made Issei raised a brow.

"Um... [Last name]-san is here," Shinji had said as Issei perked up hearing the [Hair color] haired male's last name. 'Huh... he's early...' Issei had thought as the libero looked worried at the tall middle blocker. "And he said... you should hurry up..." Shinji then quietly added, "he seemed a bit pissed senpai..." which immediately answered Issei's mental question on why the libero looked worried for him.

Issei let out a hum as he said a quiet thanks at the second year libero who hesitantly nodded and walked away to join the others who started stretching.

"Eh? Uptight-san has been coming here more than usual," Tōru had wondered out loud, not at all embarrassed at showing that he was listening to a confidential message, well, not really confidential— but still, it was still rude to listen to conversations that clearly doesn't involve with you. Not that Tōru cares.

"Shittykawa, don't just insult people! Especially him!" Hajime had said as he slapped the back of the volleyball captain's head which earned the ace a loud whine from the male. Why was he friend's with this guy again? Right, because he was forced too when they were kids. Fuck.

"But Iwa-chan!" Tōru cried as he rubbed the back of his head on where the ace had slapped him. "Don't you think it's weird that Mattsun always gets in trouble with Uptight-san???" The chocolate brown haired male asked as he pouted.

"What did you do anyways, Mattsun?" The captain had asked as he turned to look at the black haired middle blocker. Issei and Takahiro only looked at each other with blank stares as they were mentally messaging each other if their captain was really this fucking dumb.

"Jeez, Dumbkawa," Takahiro started and hearing that ridiculous and very insulting nickname made the volleyball captain whine on how "mean" he was. Takahiro doesn't give a single fuck though as the nickname was very true. "I knew you were dumb but I didn't think you were that dumb!"

"What do you expect from a guy who believe aliens exist?" Issei added. "Dumbkawa, how did you even graduated middle school again?" The black haired male continued as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, with your small peanut size brain, how?" Takahiro joined in as he did what Issei aswell, crossing his arms over his chest as they blankly looked at their captain who was now on the floor, dramatically on his hands and knees as he cried how cruel his friends were. Each words the two males spouted had pierced Oikawa Tōru's heart with imaginary arrows. And fucking hell did it hurt. What the fuck, why are his friends such assholes? Damn.

The volleyball captain was about to loudly cry out and proclaim how much of a bastards his friends were when everyone then kept quiet when they heard someone new had talked.

"What is going on here?"

Everyone frozed. No one moved a single muscle as the whole volleyball team robotically turned their heads to the direction of the voice to see a male student wearing the school's uniform. It would have been a regular student if it weren't for the white arm band on his right arm where the word "PRESIDENT" written in large red bold text.

It was none other than the student council president, [Last name] [Name].

And the [Hair color] haired male was certainly not amused as he looked at each one of them with a cold blank stare that sent every member of the Aoba Johsai males volleyball club shiver down their spines as [Name]'s arms crossed on his chest.

"I am asking once again, what is going on here and why are you all so loud?" [Name] had said as he then turned to the volleyball captain who immediately let out a yelp when the [Hair color] haired male's stare was directed at him. "Especially you, Oikawa Tōru."

The chocolate brown haired male sweated from the blank stare directed at him. The volleyball club captain, Oikawa Tōru was absolutely on the verge of pissing himself as this was no ordinary student. This was the student. The student who had shown prowess to lead their fucking school without a sweat. The one where everyone student body absolutely respects and adores, just like him!!!

This was the [Last name] [Name] for heavens sake and this guy was no laughing matter!!!

"Oi, [Name], why are you here?" Issei's bored voice cut through the tense atmosphere like a knife as Tōru let out the breath he never knew he was holding when [Name]'s stare turned to the black haired third year. It took a minute or so for Tōru to realized what just happened as he then guffawed at how casual Issei was to talking to the [Hair color] haired male as the rest of the team watched, everyone easing up a bit.

"EH?!?" Tōru loudly screamed in shock, eyes widened as he seemed to not believe what he was just witnessing. [Name] didn't seemed to be bothered by the third year setter's shock cries as he looked at Issei and rolled his eyes at the black haired middle blocker.

"I told you to hurry up and change, I don't have all day," [Name] had said as Issei snorted at his words.

"Actually," Issei started. "You told my teammate to tell me to hurry up, so, ha!" Takahiro and Issei swore they heard the [Hair color] haired male mutter something in the lines of "god he's such an idiot" and "he's just being a smartass as usual [name], don't mind him" to himself in which the two were absolutely amused by it.

Takahiro had to stop himself from snickering when he saw the usual stoic and proper [Hair color] haired male let out a sigh as he uncrossed his arms off his chest and instead began to rub his temple.

"Just hurry up already Issei, I have to walk you home and aswell as going to the convenience store to buy something," [Name] said in exasperation as the black haired male rolled his eyes but nodded.

"You only have five minutes to change or else I'll leave you," [Name] had said.

"Also, hello Hanamaki, good to see your doing well," The said male gave a thumbs up to him as [Name] gave Issei a look and then turned his back to them as he began to walk to the gym's door and went outside.

As the doors shut. Oikawa Tōru had to processed what just fucking happened. When the realization hitted him like Hajime spiking volleyballs at him for being a trashy dumbass, the volleyball captain immediately was in Issei's face as he bombarded the tall third year questions.

"Matssun!!! What is your relationship with Uptight-san?!?"

"Why aren't you scared at him?!?"

"How the hell do you even know him that well?!?"

"When were you close?!?!"

"Didn't you spiked a volleyball at him last year?!?"

"Are you two friends?!?"

"How can you made him feel other emotions besides annoyance?!?"

"What do you both do?!?"

"How did you even befriended him?!?"

Questions after questions were fired at Issei as his captain was shaking him back and forth by his uniform. Issei looked unamused by the volleyball captain's actions as he then grabbed Tōru's hands off his shirt while Takahiro had sneaked (it wasn't that hard with the male being too busy shaking his friend like a rag doll) behind the chocolate brown haired male and then slapped Tōru's head, hard.

"Ow!" Tōru cried as he turned to glare at Takahiro while rubbing the back of his head to ease the slight pain he was feeling. "What the hell, Makki?!?" The said male only stuck his tongue out at the captain which earned a whine from Tōru.

"Dumbkawa, Mattsun and Prez have been dating for literally two years now..." Takahiro said like it was the obvious obvious truth. Well, it was besides for the trashy captain of Seijoh. "Why do you think Prez has been coming here for awhile now and fetching Mattsun?" The male rhetorically asked as he then gave the dumbstruck captain a lazy grin.

"Are you seriously that dumb, Dumbkawa?" Issei and Takahiro had asked in sinc as they gave their captain very judgemental stares that made the third year setter wail on how cruel their words were.

"Did you seriously didn't know?" Hajime asked, eyebrows furrowing as he looked at his friend who snapped his head towards him and then screamed "YOU KNEW TOO IWA-CHAN?!?"

"The whole team knew... well, besides you it seems," Kanoe commented as the rest of the team watched their captain freaked out on the news that their Matsukawa Issei, resident fucklord (along with Takahiro) was dating the student council president, [Last name] [Name].

"Why didn't no one told me about this?!?" Tōru cried as the whole team stared at him with a "are you fucking serious?" look.

"They didn't even tried to hide their relationship— so shut the fuck up Shittykawa!!!" Hajime had yelled as he got irritated when the volleyball captain still wont shut his loud mouth up from crying and wailing on how everyone in the team was cruel on not telling him about Issei's love life.

"AHH!!! NOT THE FACE IWA-CHAN!!!"

"SHUT UP ALREADY YOU ANNOYING DUMBASS!!!"

 "You did not tell them that we were dating?" [Name] had asked as he glanced at the black haired male who shrugged at his question. The two were already walking home together as Issei ditched his team to walk with his boyfriend and the black haired male was telling his boyfriend about what happened after he had left the gym. Yes, Matsukawa Issei was dating the [Last name] [Name] and Issei still wonders how he managed to nabbed a snacc like this guy.

"Well, it's not really their business," The black haired male said in a bored tone. "And besides, everyone in the team seems to know," Issei had said as he shoved his hands onto his pants pockets. "Well, everyone besides that trash of a captain of mine," Issei continued as a grin formed on his lips when he heard [Name] chuckle.

"Weren't we obvious though?" The [Hair color] haired male wondered out loud. "I mean, I always dropped by when I have the time."

Yes, it was true. When [Name] wasn't busy doing his student council duties, he does, in fact, dropped by the gym to greet and watch the males volleyball club practice. It was a wonder how Oikawa Tōru did not noticed how he was always talking to or being beside Issei. Perhaps the chocolate brown haired male was definitely an idiot.

"Well, you know how Oikawa is," Issei had said as he took one of his hand out off his pockets and instead grabbed [Name]'s [Skin color] hand where the [Hair color] haired male instinctively intertwined their fingers together. A soft flush on [Name]'s cheeks which made the black haired male grin.

"The guy's has volleyball for brains," Issei had said as he then laughed at the [Hair color] haired male's retort.

"Like you aswell?" The black haired male squeezed [Name]'s hand as he sent the male a playful glare.

"You love me though," Issei had said as he saw the corner of the [Hair color] haired male's lips twitched a bit as [Name] then looked away. The black haired male wasn't bothered though when his boyfriend looked away from him. In fact, Issei thinks it was cute to see the almighty stoic and stubborn student council president of one of the powerhouse of the prefecture act a bit cute and flustered.

Issei smiled as he heard his boyfriend mutter three simple words. Three simple words that made him feel all warmth and tingly in the inside. It was disgusting, but Issei came to enjoy that feeling.

"I unfortunately do."

God, Matsukawa Issei was definitely lucky to be dating [Last name] [Name]...

next >

[ssvgawara]

Haikyuu characters as things said in the hhcu

a/n: this is pure humor and just something fun, the hhcu is wild and says stupid shit more than once a day so i complied a ridiculously long list of quotes and put them together in this list to share with yall so please enjoy, read more because again this is so long also pt 2. some of these r pretty nsfw so uh yeah <3

Oikawa: When he gives up his torso 😍 

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Nishinoya: Fisherman daddy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto: I trust no condiments

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Osamu: YELLOW BAD OIKAWA IS NOT ALLOWED IN MY KITCHEN

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tendou: Give ass in shiratorizawa?

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu: Garlic air freshener

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Nishinoya talking about his sex life: ITS THE GOOD OL FASHIONED POW POW GRUNT GRUNT WINDOW WASHER ULTIMATE FRISBEE DICK CONNECTOR 

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hinata: thank you!! also my oven melted??? and caught on fire 😰 

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Yaku probably thinking abt kuroo while saying this: not gonna front im terrified of the live action grinch and if i ever see him its on sight

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kageyama: Except that one mustard faze I had

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Lev after yaku kicks him yet again: NO INCH ACTIVE INCH VERY ACTIVE

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Suga after Kiyoko holds his hands: premarital eye contact is already a sin

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Iwaizumi realizing Oikawa probably wouldn’t know the difference between hawaiian rolls and milk bread: when he says hit it till it breaks, he means the packaging of hawaiin rolls

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

All of Seijoh to Oikawa: You know whats really sexy? Self care.

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hoshihumi: like a three year old. still baby but also evil at times🤡 

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Oikawa right before his death: "MORNING HAJI!~" slaps tiddie

┉ ��� ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

 Anyone falling on love with haikyuu boys: hey a good reverse harem never hurt anyone

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Idk who says it but terushima would do this: places his hand to my heart but then hes like heh heh boob squishy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tendou: centrepical force saved my bag of chocolate!!

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Lev thinking it was a literary masterpiece: *reads about a fourth of the bee movie*

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hinata making fun of Kageyama: milk is better than the feeling of the ball touching your fingertips during a perfect set

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hinata and Kageyama failing tests: thats just the dumbass in me babey!!!

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu simply trying to annoy Osamu: Are y’all meaning to tell me you DON’T take your raw chicken on walks through the city?

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Yahaba: PUSSY ALWAYS LEAVES

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Mattsun just to annoy everyone: yall ever think about how in the 50s and 60s they just put raw hotdogs or shrimp into jello and ate that shit and enjoyed it???

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Suga: i am now crying and my boyfriend is concerned and i can’t tell him that I’ve lost my husband and children

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma; Smh my head

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto: Sorry not all of us can have double decker extra stuffed bottoms up extra large super sized t n a like me🥰🥰💅💅

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Everyone to bokuto: titty enthusiast ✨✨

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Me to kuroo: sorry babe youre a scorpio you dont have any rights anymore

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tendou: i accidentally lit a  baby on fire

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu: This feels real human centipede

Bokuto: theyre not ass to mouth

Atsumu: Close enough

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto when a minor inconvience happens: Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every day, I wake up....

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Sakusa: Remove your lips from my penis

Atsumu: I use a gluestick as chapstick i cant

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Goshiki: Arson or boot in my book, set fire to something live a little

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tsukishima: I don’t like recieving pain. It hurts

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma annoyed w kuroo: Put your dick in the fucking catfish’s pussy then

Kuroo being annoying: How deep is catfish pussy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Makki to Mattsun: Ayo babe what if we fucked on the catfish tank

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kiyoko tiredly, to Tanaka: I’m not putting salt and pepper on my pussy lips

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Saeko: I’ve got that Deep dish, super soaker, wet, succulent dripping honey suckle like sweet marinated mooseknuckle, extra thick, slip n slide, water park, waterbender, extra ribbed, the seven seas, gorilla grip, flex tape, primordial soup Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion pussy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu not really knowing what cooch means: I got the body builder cooch

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Oikawa after not sleeping to train, extremely sleep deprived: youre got unending

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Goshiki; Commit arson

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Akaashi: I leave for 10 minutes and Bokuto is 240v (mouth edition) fuckmaster pro 4000 with semen drip collection tray, automated self-lubricating 6 speed pulsating pussy and built in Polycrystalline floatable silicon

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Oikawa; I’m coming to murk your ass xoxo

Iwa: I will literally shiv you bitch

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kindaichi: ✨ bob duncan exterminates you asmr✨

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Makki: I’ll try to find my favorite about Jacob sartorius vampire babies with Hillary Clinton

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma after playing some obscure video game: also i can’t sleep😔 too busy thinking about human sized bats

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

ME fuck yall im carpetting my bathroom: you already put rugs in the bathroom might as well carpet that bitch

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kuroo talking abt something sciency idk: LIKE A BODY WIG

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Seijoh when iwa throws balls at oikawa: spousal abuse right in front of my salad

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hinata making up some new stupid song: Ants on a log ants on a log

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu to piss off Osamu once more: world f amous allegra chicken

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Semi: Gay little Ushijima’s left hand

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto: Are you disagreeing with the fact that I am thicc as phuck

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kiyoko: Guys is it uh... is it possible to sprain a titty cause.... Uh....

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Terushima: He laughed at the end of his own joke what a fuckin chad

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bokuto: IS THAT THE DOG FROM ZOOTOOIA

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kageyama: milk is kinda like organ paint huh

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Nishinoya: i don’t think socks taste good

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Tendou: out of your mummy, into my tummy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hinata; shout out to me who thought chickens had four legs until last summer

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Oikawa Hanger: I WANNA HANG MY CLOTHES ON HIM 

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma: What a little pissbaby

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Yamaguchi: i am literally so curious about what it's like to kiss a boy that it's almost killing me

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Daichi about Suga: he may be cute, but istg there’s some kind of raging devil trapped in him

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Saeko: fuck society my titties are out

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Hinata after getting lecture by everyone for sneaking into the training camp: GOOD NEWS MY DAD IS NOT GOING TO PUT ME IN THE OVEN

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Just me thinking abt any first years: children. toddlers. Tikes.

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Me waiting for the fever: When is malaria?

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Uhhhhh probably tendou his vibes: Ill electrocute his cock

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Akaashi just go w it probably about bokuto: Why is he shoving cheese up the pussy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Osamu tiredly: Ooey gooey cheesy chicken vagaina

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Nishinoya trying to catch a very large fish: Dom the Crab

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bonus crabagraph: The crabs death reverberated and struck fear into the hearts of all crabs in existence because of this one 60+ year old mans volatile universe-crunching swing. Dude defied the laws of gravity by simply getting pinched by the crab. Man just reinvented the laws of physics and all of science due to the sheer force of will and untapped wellsprings if potential unleashed by the crab. If aliens show up it’s because the supersonic radio waves released by the banging of the crab against the cabinet are the first ever created in the universe. Man could cause a ripple in space-time with his crab launching abilities. Guy probably opened a gateway into another universe when he launched the crab. You see how the cabinet door opened and stayed open? It’s because this elder tore a hole through the fabric of reality to the Other Side simply because he experienced a minor bit of pain. The way he released a defeated roar of agony. The ancient gods awoke from their deep slumber and this old man single-handedly revived all his ancestors. New wars are about to start because of the way this man broke the barriers containing this reality into one fixed area. This universe is now expanding at such a rapid rate the the geosphere will now be reshaped. This man probably unknowingly blasted a hole in the other side of the planet because the shockwaves of the aggressive rippling effect of this poor crustacean slamming at lightning speed into a small wooden frame. The crabs insides were probably fused into the shell because this man’s angry, rage filled, pain filled battering ram of an arm throwing him through every known dimension and re-arriving in this one at the mere moment to experience the most pain a crab ever has or will in the rest of the existence of crabs. This elderly man probably has phased through and broken every human limiter known to man just because he got a minor pinch by a crab. He probably is bio-medically fused with crab DNA at this point. A legend.