#god. wolfwood and his stupid confessional.

[shmothman]

Confessional

Pairing: Wolfwood & Reader, Vash/Reader Rating: Explicit (for language and discussion of explicit topics) Words: 773 Tags: gender neutral reader, Wolfwood's stupid portable confessional, trigun 98, reader has a crush on Vash and thinks it's unrequited, Wolfwood is my best friend who makes me want to punch him in the face A/N: this isn't really crack but it sure is stupid!

“You’re brooding,” Wolfwood says, coming to lean against the siding of the building next to you.

You shoot him an annoyed glance. “I'm not brooding.”

He plows forward like he didn’t hear you. “It’s about needle-noggin, ain’t it?”

“No,” you lie, “it’s not.” It’s not about him, or the way you wish he felt even an ounce of what you feel for him, or the way he was so close to you last night while he was drunk and now is keeping a careful distance. It’s not about any of that. Of course it’s not.

“It’d probably help if you confessed your sins,” he says, pulling out that damn ‘portable confessional’ with a shit-eating grin that makes you roll your eyes at the best of times—and now just makes you scoff.

“Yeah,” you reply with biting sarcasm, “I’m sure it would.”

“Come on,” he says, grinning wider. “You know you want to.”

“Not a single part of me wants that, Nic. I don’t even know the however-many-sins-there-are.”

“Seven,” he supplies helpfully, ticking them off on his fingers: “pride, sloth, greed, gluttony, wrath, envy, and—“ he winks at you— “lust.”

You laugh, incredulous. “Right. Okay. You know what? Fuck it.” 

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise as you snatch the confessional from his hands, putting it over your head and crossing your arms over your chest. If he’s gonna be an ass, you’re gonna make him regret it. 

“You wanna hear me confess my fuckin’ sins, Nicholas? Here: hey, father, I’ve been lustful as hell! I can’t even look in his general direction without getting horny! I can’t stop thinking about making out with him, and every time he pulls a trigger I think about his fingers inside me! I wanna fuck him six ways to sunday, in every position imaginable, over and over again until neither of us can walk for days!!” You can’t see his face right now, but you hope you’re making it as red as yours feels—though, damn him, it does feel good to confess this shit to somebody. Even if that somebody is Wolfwood. “I am lustful every minute of every goddamn day, and especially every minute of the night. And, hey, Isn’t masturbation a sin? I’m super guilty of that one. Like super guilty. Like every night guilty. He so much as smiles at me and I’m gonna jack off about it. I want to ride him like a goddamn Tomas, and you know what? I’m so in love with him, it hurts!”

…Well, you’ve sort of lost the plot, now. And you’re feeling much less confident than you were ten seconds ago. You pull the stupid box off your head and hold it back out to Wolfwood, jaw set and face flushed. 

His eyebrows are still sky-high, but he doesn’t quite look like you’ve embarrassed him… just yourself.

“There,” you say with finality. “That’s my confession.”

“Hi guys!” the voice behind you makes the blood drain from your face. Come on. You feel the warmth of him as he comes up behind you—you feel his presence, like you always do. “What’s up?” Vash asks.

Wolfwood’s eyes dart to you, then up to meet Vash’s gaze as he grins predatorily. “Oh, they were just telling me something really funny.” He cocks his head at you, and you want to wipe that damn smile right off his face. “Hey, why don’t you tell Vash what you just told me?”

You’re going to kill him. You’re actually going to kill him. Glaring daggers, you do your best to make your tone cheerful, though it sounds forced even to your own ear. 

“Oh, it really wasn’t that funny!”

“Sure it was,” Wolfwood says, smug as all hell. “Made me laugh, anyhow.”

You grind your teeth.

“I’m sure it was funny, I wanna hear it!” Vash says, and Jesus Christ, why did you ever open your mouth?

“Yeah, he wants to hear it,” Nicholas taunts.

You take a deep breath. “Oh! Hey, uh, I just remembered that Meryl and Milly need me for—um—something! Gotta run!”

With one final death glare thrown Wolfwood’s way, you turn on your heel, pointedly not looking at Vash as you make your completely un-smooth exit—you can’t let him see the way your face is burning.

God. Wolfwood’s never gonna let you live this one down.

Vash frowns as you leave, sure that he’s stepped into something, but not sure what. “What was so funny, Wolfwood?”

Nicholas claps him on the shoulder, the portable confessional set down on the ground. “Believe me,” he says, slipping a cigarette between his lips. “You’re gonna wanna hear it from them.”

[holdin-out-for-a-hero]

Confessions- Nicholas D. Wolfwood x F!Reader

A/N: this is written for 1998 Wolfwood, because he will always be the best Wolfwood. Reject modernity, embrace tradition.

Words: 1535

Warnings: none?

A knock on the door was how it started.

"How can I help ya?" He leaned against the door, signature charming-borderline-flirtatious smile adorning his face.

But when he looked to her, his smile fell. Something was wrong. He could see it, in her face, in the tightness of her shoulders, in the nervous wringing of her hands.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, a brow raised.

"Is confession still open?" She asked. She had never made a confession to him before, never even seemed like the religious type. But he could tell something was weighing down on her today.

"It's always open," he held the door open for her to come in.

She stepping in apprehensively, glancing around the room until her gaze landed on the table, where the confessional hat was resting.

"You don't have to wear that stupid thing, it's just us in here," he started, approaching the two chairs at the table, "Care to sit?"

She sat down stifly, looking like a deer caught in headlights as he stared back at her.

"I've never done this sort of thing before," she muttered.

"I didn't think so," he laughed.

"So uh... I'm supposed to pay you, right?" She held out a hand with a few coins in it.

"No," he stopped her, "it's on the house. I can tell there's something weighing heavy on your soul."

"Yeah, you could say that..."

She stared at the bottle of liquor and shot glass on the table.

"You need a little loosening up?" He picked up the bottle and poured a shot into the glass, "Relax, sweetheart, the only ones who are going to hear it are me and God Almighty."

She took the shot and downed it.

"Another, please."

He laughed and obliged.

"This must be something pretty heavy to get you all nervous like this." Silence. He looked up at her, the shot glass paused at her lips, and tears welling in her eyes, "The Lord forgives all, and he doesn't judge those who come to him for forgiveness."

"Will you judge me?"

The question took him by surprise, he stared at her a moment more.

"Sweetheart, I'm in no place to judge anybody," he poured a shot of his own this time, same glass, and downed it, "If the Lord can forgive me for all I've done, then he can forgive any miserable sack of shit in this world, let alone a sweet little thing like you."

He caught himself, mouthing a quick "sorry" to the sky, which caused her to giggle.

"I won't judge you. There's nothing you can say to me that will make me see you any other way than I do now."

She stared into his eyes a moment more, debating whether on not she could trust him. But those warm browns wore away at her resolve and eased her worries. She took a deep breath.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

He looked up to the ceiling

"You ready, big man?"

Another small laugh escaped her lips, putting a smile back onto his own lips, a real one this time.

She divulged her deepest, darkest secret to him. One that was years old, and more tragic than it was heinous. But she still held that guilt, as many do, and he understood why. No one knows how their actions can affect the future, and she was just another victim of a cruel fate.

The words spilled out like a broken dam, years of pressure pushing it all out in an almost unintelligible stream of tears. It was raw and ugly, and even though he said he wouldn't judge her, she sat waiting, watching his expression. Was he judging her?

He just stared on, face slack and eyes half-lidded, thinking. It stayed silent like that a moment more, him adjusting in his seat as he processed what all she had admitted.

He looked back at her.

"You've carried that burden for a long time, haven't you?"

All she could do was nod as the tears broke through, broken sobs pushing themselves up through her lungs.

"C'mere," he opened his arms.

She didn't think twice, stumbling into his arms with no shame, curling up into his lap and burying her face into his shoulder. Her grip was tight, holding on like he was her only lifeline. The charismatic priest with dubious morals, who held her back with such sincerity, such care.

"You don't have to carry that burden anymore," he shushed, smoothing a hand over her hair.

She sobbed harder; it was something she had needed to hear for years.

"Oh God..." she cried, tears soaking through his suit jacket and onto his shirt, "I'm a disgrace, aren't I?"

"You're not a disgrace," he said, "That's bullshit. Don't you ever think you're a disgrace."

His grip on her tightened as he let her release her emotions all over his jacket.

"Look at me," he said.

She didn't hear him over her own sobbing.

"Look at me, Y/N."

She glanced up at him slowly, her face a pitiful sight to behold.

"You are not a disgrace. You got that?"

"I need another shot," she said, leaning over his arm to reach for the bottle.

He grabbed it and held it out of her reach.

"I think you've had enough."

"I've only had three shots!"

"Yeah, of 80 proof!"

She dropped her arms in defeat, another wave of tears building in her eyes. She looked up at him.

"I don't wanna feel like this," she said.

"The only way out is through, believe me. Liquor will dull the pain but it won't let it go away."

"You're one to talk."

He laughed.

"You've got a lot of nerve too, Y'know?"

He pulled her back into his chest, placing one hand against her hair, the other around her back.

"And you've got a lot left to get out, so you might as well get it out now. I don't want you dealing with this alone."

And she did, though not nearly as violent as before. This time it was just occasional sniffles and whimpers, gently shushed away by the calming comfort of Wolfwood. Who would've thought a man like him had a side so soft?

"I hate to see one of God's children in so much pain," he whispered, almost to himself, "At least one of the good ones, anyway."

This caused her to snort into this jacket. A smile grew on his face.

"You all worn out?" he asked.

A low hum came from his shoulder, muffled by his jacket.

"I thought so," he said, placing his hands under her legs and behind her back.

He picked her up gently and walked over to hotel bed.

She made a confused noise and looked up at him with big, doe eyes. She made no attempt to escape his grasp, though; she trusted him.

"You need to rest, and I doubt you want the other idiots to see you like this, they'd never leave you alone. They'd suffocate ya and grill it out ya," he said. He placed her down on the bed gently and pushed a hair away from her face.

"I'll sleep on the floor, so you don't need to worry about that."

He took the second pillow from the bed turned to walk away, when a hand tugged at the end of his jacket.

He turned around and was caught by those doe eyes, still glassy and red and pitiful looking.

"You want me to stay?" He asked.

She looked away, a small blush dusting her cheeks.

"I mean... only if you want to."

He huffed in amusement before slipping off his shoes and coat jacket.

"Scoot over."

She did so without a second thought.

He slid into bed beside her and placed his hands behind his head, elbows splaying across the pillows.

"Come 'ere doll," he said, tired.

She scooted towards him and laid her head against his shoulder, just below his jaw, and curled up into his side.

He placed his arm around her back and rubbed slow, lazy circles into it. He could feel the tension drop from her muscles as soon as he did so. He huffed in amusement.

"Comfy?" He asked.

"Mhmm" she hummed softly, eyelids starting to drag every time she blinked.

Another few seconds passed in a comfortable, cozy silence.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Oh, It's just part of the job, Sweetheart."

"This is?" She lifted her head from his chest to look at him.

"Well, no, not this," he laughed, "But I don't particularly mind this either."

A smile formed on her face and she shut her eyes, listening to his steady heartbeat as it lulled her to sleep.

Nicholas stared up at the ceiling, waiting, until he heard her soft snores. He looked down at her peaceful expression, the redness from the crying had started to fade away.

He placed a soft kiss to the top of her head before turning back to look at the ceiling, which he knew he'd be getting familiar with that night. Cause with the girl he liked all curled up and comfy in his arms, he didn't think he'd get much sleep that night.

[fedoranonymous]

Infinite List of Beginner-Friendly Anime Recs: Trigun

"I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call."

tl;dr I questioned someone’s recommendation for someone else’s first anime on the basis that people who are unused to anime might like something that’s less than 20 hours long and tells one complete story within the first hour or so, and 20,000 words later I decided to make my own post(s) because I clearly had Feelings

26 x 30 minute episodes + 1 x 90 minute movie | watch it: netflix (?) | hulu | amazon prime | funimation 

insurance agents go looking for a legendary outlaw in the Wild West But IN SPACE (tm) so that they can accurately estimate how much damage is caused by this humanoid natural disaster. damage still accrues.

Follow the Read More for more convincing and trigger warnings (to my best recollection)

Features:

less “space western” and more “western in the space”. Other than some pieces of Lost Technology (TM) this is a pretty standard rooty tooty mcshooty until you get into the Worldbuilding

the fact that the primary cast consists of one lovable doofus who just Doesn’t Know Why Everyone Keeps Shooting At Me and two insurance adjusters who are following him around to try and keep track of how much damage he causes still cracks me the fuck up

the best excused recap episode of all time re: they’re insurance adjusters. they have to SEND the rePORT ahahahahaha brb dying

one of the official summaries called Vash “more doofus than desperado” and like. yeah. yeah. you get it.

you thought Aang’s Technical Pacifism was good but Vash manages to not kill people while creating a torrential rain of bullets. For real. If you like the idea of action movies but hate seeing blood, most of this show is gonna be excellent for you and the rest is gonna be okay to good.

Wolfwood. Just. Give me this midwestern hick priest with his drive by confessional and his money grubbing ways and his heart of gold (ThInK oF tHe ChIlDrEn) and his literal cross to bear (do not google because spoilers but yeah) and his somehow keeping up with Vash when Vash has been an impossibly skilled fighter for like 8 episodes so far. Yeah he’s only in like two episodes. He’s still a great character!

pretty much every recurring character is Wholesome As Fuck and I’m here for it. Tons of quotable moments about how you can never give up and you have to keep moving forward and the inherent coolness of people and yeah. Just a good uplifting show with a whole lot of wasted bullets.

that time Vash has to pretend to actually be every rumor that has ever been spread about him and immediately starts singing “ladee dadee died~ genocide~ ladee dadee dud~ an ocean of blood~ let’s begin the killing times” because he is actually a five year old sometimes and i love him so much

impeccable animation, character design, sound work, etc would I recommend you something that would be painful to enjoy? I mean I guess you wouldn’t know, I could have outstandingly bad tastes, but no you cannot go wrong.

“Repeat after me: This world is made of! Love! And! Peace!”

I might say “x anime did better in the US in Japan” with more or less accuracy, but Trigun abso fucking lutely did so well in the US it got a movie over a decade later because that’s how long it took for dubs to come out back in the late nineties and early aughts. Surprise surprise, Westerns do better in the West. It’s also got the violence porn balanced with a specific precious moralizing that vibes well with a predominantly Christian audience balanced with genuinely awesome humor. Trigun truly is the anime for people who don’t like anime.

Watch Out For:

General warning for violence, guns being the answer to every problem, mostly implied body horror, at least one serial killer, this might be the show with the (implied?) cannibalism someone fact check me, child endangerment (to be fair it’s the child doing the endangering by sneaking in where he isn’t wanted), alcoholism, and general rough times. There’s something really poignant that’s escaping about how God abandoned the world but us humans don’t have that luxury, it’s that kind of setup.

Honestly special shout out for the specifically very accurately Christian proselytizing considering that it’s a Japanese production and as a rule Xtian imagery in anime tends to be used like, say, grecoroman imagery in Hollywood. Occasionally accurate but usually just kind of generalized meh. It was a plus for the overall production but if you’re on my blog it might be a minus for you.

Episode 4 to the point that it’s regarded as borderline ooc. A woman is tied up in such a way that she’s dangling from the ceiling and Vash makes a beeline to try and see up her skirt. It’s an obvious gag and nothing is shown iirc (to be fair I only watched the broadcast version), but I know some folks would like the warning especially after the previous point. It’s a shame because the rest of the episode is really good, it’s an adaptation of the pilot chapter that got Trigun greenlit, but the scene is fairly standalone so should be skippable. Just look for Vash’s eager puppy look and go forward about two minutes.

Millie Tommygun, being the cheerful, optimistic one of the two main girls, can be treated kind of shittily by the narrative, which is hilarious considering Vash’s Whole Everything. I think Millie has internalized the idea that she’s the stupid one to Meryl’s Sarcastic Genius, but also Millie’s the one who figured out who Vash is first and just generally the one who calls people out on their bullshit, with a smile, which is literally their jobs. She’s never unlikable, though, unlike Meryl who needs to defrost to Vash’s Whole Everything despite having Millie for a friend. Perhaps they only just met on this assignment? Otherwise idk why Meryl ain’t used to it yet, probably some heterosexual bullshit.

Any time Knives is in the summary. Remember that “at least one serial killer” yeah that’s Knives et al. Shit has to get darker before you can see the light shining through.

Overall Trigun is such a good anime. It’s just. Have you ever wondered what Avatar the Last Airbender would be like if it was an East Asian author writing about Western tropes? Now you know.