#gonna be a hectic week but hopefully a gooood oneeeee????

[vvrists]

idk how do read mores but this is just a whole long rant thing about my parents lmfao

i’m so fucking anxious about going to back NY this thanksgiving break even tho it’s only gonna be for like 5 days lmfao i can’t overthink it though. i’m just freaking out bc living there over the summer SUCKED i’m honestly fucking traumatized......and however long i lived w them before going to college... i havent seen my parents for longer than a couple of hours since the end of august and i have been the LEAST stressed i’ve ever been in my whole fucking life.

i honestly hate the holidays it makes me feel like i’m just full of shit and it’s all abt presents but what does that even mean. idk. all of my relatives live in peru and we aren’t close so its not like its a big family gathering. its not like i wish i spent the holidays w the rest of my fam anymore tho bc they’re kinda religious lol. i’m an only child and i like literally know nothing about my parents and they know nothing about me. they lied to me about sooo many things and i only found out they lied bc they told chase and NOT ME!! i ask them abt stuff and they just tell me its none of my business...i feel like i’ve just lived this fake life w my mom and dad for so long tbh.. all my friends love them sm and think they’re great and they literally are to everyone EXCEPT FOR ME when we are alone at home and guests r gone. behind the scenes.

they make it seem like its soooo hard for them to deal with me but like u grounded me when i told u i was depressed and cutting and even after finding me trying to kms i was the problem and why can’t i just be happy and deal with life!!!

idk i guess i know they love me but it’s just in a fucking weird need for control, manipulative, deceitful, gaslighting, destroying every ounce of your self worth until you do what i tell you to do because i’m your parent type of love. like YES OK thank you for giving me life and DNA.. took me 20 ish years to be able to say thanks for that cause i wanted to diEeeEeeeee every damn day before that... and yes i lived in your house and you raised me and fed me and provided me with all of the material things i could ever need... but that doesn’t mean u get to take out all of your frustrations and whatever the hell else on me every day of ur life bc i’m not a punching bag!!!! i’m not overreacting UR JUST BEING REALLY FUCKIN MEANNN and i wanna say shut up but i’ll just get called crazy at that point!!!

i just have so many thought abt this and i’ve had shitty therapists my whole life so everything sits in my head lmfao. feels good to get it out on here tho it’s like my online diary huh how cute. havin a lot of thoughts here at almost 3 am. at least i’m on break for a week amirite