#good lord GOD i shouldn't do this. i'm not committing. god i want to though. god i shouldn't.

[svtskneecaps]

friends and fiends if this truly spells the Over for the qsmp i may let the brainworms that have been festering in me for MONTHS--A YEAR, EVEN--win.

i may summarize the goddamn fucking lore.

[ventique18]

IDIA MADE AN AMV TO EXPLAIN HIS PLAN TO YUU AND FRIENDS IU'M FUCKING DYING

HE EVEN HAS A GOD DAMN NARRATION OMFG

"Ahh~ Only good things are happening lately~ As if we're in a dream~"

"Eh. It's actually just a dream tho."

"Hello everyone trapped in this empty world of dreams."

"This is Idia Shroud."

"So today, I will explain the strategy to beat:

"I BUILT A DREAM WORLD USING CHEAT-LEVEL MAGIC AS THE MOST EVIL LAST BOSS MAGE MALLEUS DRACONIA"

"The magical domain that Malleus created is similar to a server running a huge MMORPG."

"That means everyone's dreams are ran individually. Malleus and his clones are keeping an eye on the server."

"In other words, Malleus is the server admin."

"And his clones crack down on users who commit violations like in online games."

"Malleus is the game master who has the authority to manage the entire server."

"HE REALLY IS A DEMON LORD WHO RULES THE WORLD"

"Under his control, we have no chance of winning..."

"HOWEVER..!"

"With the super geek hacker group STYX using ORTHO ATTACK, the server source code has been analyzed."

"So using this, we're building cheating tools [WARNING: DO NOT DO THIS IN ACTUAL GAMES]"

"So using these cheating tools, the administrative rights to my dream can be transferred to me."

"Then I'll lure Malleus into my dream where I can get rid of that god damned invincibility!"

I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS OH MY GOD

"-- Well, it sounds like a perfect strategy but... The truth is there's just a few things about this cheating tool..."

"WHAT IF THE SERVER ADMIN FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS DURING DEVELOPMENT?"

"THEN,"

"GAME OVER."

"BUT BUT BUT--"

"The thing is, even though he's using autonomous clones to monitor each dream, it still shouldn't be easy to control the dreams of 20000 PEOPLE in Sage island."

"If problems turn up everywhere, he'll have to deal with them all!"

"Sooooo..."

"While I'm developing the cheat tool, I want you all to distract Malleus!"

"I want you all to gather party members to defeat the Demon King!"

"Once everyone's awake, I'll send out invitations to my own dream."

"Then I'll lure Malleus into my dream... THEN TURN ON THE CHEAT TOOL! As planned, Malleus' invincibility will disappear,"

"Then everyone will accept the invitation and gather into my dream!"

"THEN EVERYONE BEATS HIM UP"

"Then Malleus will have to take down his magic AND EVERYONE WILL BE FREE!"

"If you liked this 3-minute video, don't forget to leave a like!"

I'M GONNA FUCKING CRY THIS IS INSANE OMFG KASDJLKLDASLMASD

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fallen {Chapter Eighteen}

Alastor x (Fem)Reader

Warning: Mentions of abuse

I never thought I would give up on what I wanted most, and the realization of what I wanted was unobtainable, only made me feel worse. I was still left with so many questions, and a broken spirit. I hate not knowing, and not being able to remember anything doesn't make things any better.

It only leaves with stress, worry, and an immense amount of guilt. Stressed about my new residence in Hell, worry that I may never return to Heaven, and guilt for whatever I had done to land me here. I shouldn't have to feel any of this. I had felt it hundreds of times when I was alive, death, and being sent to heaven was suppose to erase all of that.

But now, it's like nothing has changed. I still feel so broken.

So, why not say yes to the deal Alastor had made me? Why not learn to become stronger, so I can protect myself against whatever is thrown at me? I'm so tired of feeling helpless. I won't do it anymore, I refuse to.

It's too bad my real appearance was a constant reminder of what I can no longer have.

"Isn't there a way you can make this permanent?" I ask Alastor, not taking my eyes off of my mirror. I had grown somewhat use to my false demonic form, honestly, seeing my true form was near jarring now. "Afraid not dear." Said Alastor.

"Though it is strange...If the good lord threw you out, why not have given you a true demon look to go along with your eternal damnation?" He asks. I furrow my brows. He had a good point. Why didn't God give me a demonic form?

Alastor had mentioned how valuable an angel was down here. How demons would do unspeakable things to get their hands on one, for their own sick desires. Was that part of my punishment? To be toyed with by a bunch of demons forever?

"I don't know." Is all I could say. "I just hate to hide like this. It makes me worried that this can all go away, the second the necklace is removed." Alastor shrugs. "It's the only way I can help you stay hidden in plain sight."

"Alright. Thanks anyway." I tell him. "And...thanks for finding another way." Alastor raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" He asks.

"I was so certain that there was nothing left for me. That I was doomed to never return to Heaven. I was left behind. Forgotten about...I didn't see any point of continuing on. I felt like I did when I was alive all over again..." I explain. "But, you managed to find another way for me. A way to make the best out of a pretty terrible situation. So...Thank you."

Alastor seemed slightly taken back by my words. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Yes well, can't have someone like you disappearing. I'm quite curious about how you angels work. If I didn't tolerate you as much as I do, I would have already known how angels taste." He says lowly. I chuckle. "You tolerate me?" I swore I heard a record scratch from somewhere. "Do not get use to it. You can go from that to distaste very quickly."

"Can't really say you have a distaste for me, if you've never tasted me." Alastor's grin twitched. "Now listen here-"

"Sorry." I say with a smile. "Thank you Alastor. I tolerate you too." Surprisingly, Alastor smiled softly. "Alright." I sigh. "Where do I start? Becoming a real demon, that is."

"I don't think it will be as easy as you think." Alastor tells me. "Unless you're ready to spill some blood, get blitzed out of your mind, or commit several felonies right this moment...I think we should take things slow. In the meantime, keep up that act of seeking redemption around Charlie and the others. We don't want any of them getting suspicious at your sudden change of heart."

"Right. I still intend to help Charlie too."

"And why's that?" Asks Alastor. "Because, what she's trying to do is so unheard of and pretty much impossible, and yet, I believe in her. I wish it could have worked for me, but I wish even more than it works for her." I tell him.

Alastor shakes his head. "I'm starting to believe your god is a fool to cast out such an innocent and naive person."

I roll my eyes. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something else."

"And what would that be?" He asks. "It was about when we were sharing how we both died. I feel like I upset you. You left in quite a hurry." I mutter.

Alastor hums. "Apologies my dear, I didn't mean to come off that way. No, you didn't upset me. Rather, your situation had stirred up some rather unpleasant memories."

"Unpleasant memories?" I repeat. "Oh...uh, you were...?"

"Not only I..." Alastor quickly shut his mouth and cleared his throat. "No need to bring up the past! We have an infante future ahead of us to look forwards to!" His lively tone had returned. "Alastor. It's only me. Who am I to judge?" I say softly.

Alastor fell silent. "But, if you really don't want to, you don't have to say anything." I assure him. Alastor's glance fell away from me, a light sigh left him. "I suppose if we're going to be working together, we might as well be honest."

I stayed quiet, letting him start when he felt comfortable .

"I guess you could say, my childhood wasn't the best. Grew up in a part of town, where my mother and I were treated differently because of the way we looked. And my father was no better, him being part of the problem. But that's not all, he'd tend to take his anger out on my mother almost every day. And when she was beaten near unconscious, and unable to utter a scream...He'd go to me. There were many times, I feared he'd actually kill me." My stomach twisted as I hear him speak.

"Yes, it was like that for quite some time. Until I finally did something about it...It wasn't until my early adulthood, that was finally able to put an end to his abuse...Do you remember when I told you about my first kill? How it is still so fresh in my memory, even after all these years later?"

I had a feeling I knew where this was going. "You never do forget your first kill...especially when it's someone in your own family. I made sure to do it when he was alone, I took him far into the woods near the swamps...I made sure he felt every ounce of pain I could give until his very last breath. Then I threw him into the swamp to be feasted upon by the wildlife that resided there."

"I thought I had finally rid myself and my mother of all the pain he had caused us...But my pain would only grow from there. A month later, my mother had passed. She got sick, and unfortunately, our family was not on the wealthy side. Couldn't afford proper treatment...From that day on...I only grew colder, the killings would pick up later on until I was eventually met with the end of the line."

"I see." I mutter. "I'm sorry that happened to you." Alastor said nothing to that. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I promise, no one but me will know about this." That caught his attention, his left ear twitched and he turned to face me. He opened his mouth to speak, closing it for a moment, then opening to speak again. "Yes well...if you value your life, you'll keep your word." I nod my head.

"I will."

[azuresins]

What character do you think is most misunderstood by the fandom or casual watchers/readers?

Agni. *Edit: the people he assaulted weren't actually dead, that's my mistake-- But the point is he should have been in jail, and our!Ciel and Sebastian "redeemed" and pardoned him in England. * I'm of the opinion that newcomers or people who want the full picture of what's going on in the story, need to disregard SI entirely and are better off just reading up until Book of Circus. I don't feel like SI makes the events clear enough. In fact? I'd go as far to say SI FUCKED up the curry arc immensely? And chapter 23 never got animated the way it was supposed to. Bits and pieces but not the way it should have been, we missed the best parts. Even in Book of Circus! It's such a shame! It's one of my favorite chapters and so many people are missing out. Agni post-events of the curry arc DESPERATELY tries to turn himself into the police to atone for his crimes because scotland yard is in the manor at the same him he and Soma are, ... and Sebastian literally wont allow it. Some highlights:

A lot of casual watchers and readers I find get really, really confused and somehow miss the point that during the Curry Arc, Agni was betraying Soma and going behind his back to protect his well-being and his feelings, yes, but... he was willing to go SO FAR to do that, that he went back to his first "sinful" nature (before meeting soma) in order to do so and dirty his hands again... And yet, Sebastian still considers him an excellent butler and sings nothing but praises. Regardless of why, Agni *assaulted, stripped, humiliated and hung people-of-import upside-down on display on the East End, and was one responsible for a lot of tension between Indians and British at the beginning of this arc. Even though he accepts he's guilty and in a sense "relapsed" back to his old ways and betrayed Soma (and his own culture and race), someone who he considers god-like in his eyes. ... he's given a second chance, but not only that, Sebastian (and Ciel) go out of his way to try to protect him. Of course it's under the guise of "Don't inconvenience us!" but they COULD have turned him in, and they didn't do that. I know a lot of people chant HE'S A CINNAMONROLL AND DID NOTHING WRONG (and Sebastian is one of those people) but I sincerely think it's beautiful that even though he "fell" and "betrayed" Soma and went back to "Sinning"... he still possesses his right hand and is forgiven and seen as good, he gets his second chance and not only does Soma consider him still a good person and declares him "redeemed" but this time, our!Ciel does the same thing for him and declares him "redeemed" and covers up his crimes, too. To me that's a really big deal?... but I rarely if ever see people talk about it, and when I talk to new readers or anime-only-watchers they seemed to miss that he LITERALLY assaulted those people and should be in jail, he didn't merely "help" or was running errands or anything like he ...literally committed a string of crimes in England for Soma because he was being blackmailed. Not just any people either, specifically British Lords of import that had come back from India. -- The East End is also Lau's territory, and one very final and important detail that never got animated or talked-about in the anime was that Lau and Ran Mao KILLED Mina and her husband, Harold West Jeb, because of what they were doing... and also, curiously, Lau spared Agni even though he was the one who was actually physically did the crimes and made problems for him. Agni got not a second-chance but a third-chance and I think it's very beautiful in the most tragic of ways that he continued to spend his life protecting Soma ... but it's also very, very sad because unfortunately... it makes a case for Real!Ciel's bizarre doll, because if he was truly 'watching' as close as he claimed the entire time and knew what Agni had done, all he has to do is say "He shouldn't have been allowed to live anyway he was anti-british a trouble maker, violent and terrible person! 💕" prompting me, personally, to jump into the manga like steve from blues clues and strangle him myself,,,,, But you get the point, basically what I'm trying to say is Agni is even cooler than he seems and more complex and I think people miss it.

[servenas-inner-fangirl]

Liveblogging Black Sails 2x9

Rewatching the first half of 2x9 because it's been a while and I am now more certain than ever that Abigail's entry was timed perfectly for the end of Flint's proposal to make Lord Ashe more suceptible to it.

Vane and his men enter the Spanish Man o' War in much the same fashion Flint won it at the beginning of the season, except they slaughter the sleeping men... parallels, parallels.

Vane didn't really win that fight with Billy, right? Looks like his men stepped in and Billy got a good kick in immediately prior. But then Billy is a giant, so who can blame Vane for not wanting to finish that one-on-one... also this way Billy can live.

Still digging the face paint.

But also Toby Stephens is so attractive in his role as Captain Flint. The hair, the beard, the way he talks, the way he moves... Like, Vane was pretty immediate, but this man is really growing on me.

I suddenly have a very bad feeling about Mrs. Barlow. What was she going to say when the knock on the door interrupted her?

So what, is Silver just gonna put a knife to Vane's throat and make him give up the ship? I so hope that's not the plan here.

God I love to see Anne fight. And we haven't really seen that since the pilot (if we don't count the murder of the guy from Flint's crew and his whore).

That atmosphere during the dinner sure is oppressive. And the ticking clock is making me nervous. Abigail couldn't play her role better if she had been instructed though (which maybe she was?)

Anne making a choice, still with blood spatters in her face. And I'm still pissed-off with Jack, but I'm glad she was there to save him. Shouldn't be too hard to convince the crew now...

Silver about to commit an act that might in the right light be read as selfless... or rather less selfish than usual. Wouldn't his chances be better if he swam to shore and tried to disappear in the dark streets?

But also if he succeeds and the situation with Lord Ashe goes south (which I suspect it will), they're all trapped in that harbor. That... doesn't sound good.

Vane, I believe you're barking up the wrong tree there with Billy. The enemy of your enemy is not necessarily your friend, and I don't think Billy shares your opinions right now.

But that captain's cabin sure is fancy.

I think that is the first time somebody actually managed to talk some sense into Vane, and the fact that it's not Eleanor or Flint, but Billy, is hilarious.

(Also you're still bleeding man, clean up your face.)

I think that's also the first time I've seen Vane run. It's kind of concerning.

Oh-oh, now Vane is coming after Silver personally...

Lord Ashe saying that bad word, "forgiveness"... this is where things go south, yeah? I think Mrs. Barlow knows it, too.

Oh, fuck, Flint's face. Ashe is asking for the one thing Flint can never give. All this hard work, for nothing... Wait, what?

The clock. The FUCKING clock. So it had a meaning but I was wrong about what it was. And Miranda is willing to blow up this whole thing for it, after everything. FUCK. (I mean, I get it, I really do, it's just...very unfortunate. AFTER FLINT SWALLOWED HIS PRIDE.)

And oh damn, she's taking no prisoners.

So this is not how I expected her death to go. I figured Flint would charge Ashe, and she'd be killed in the resulting scuffle. But she's just... executed? Holy shit.

Things don't seem to fare much better for Eleanor in Nassau...

Love to see Vane on the prowl, even though I hope he won't be successful. - Oh damn, outsmarted just like that, that's gotta sting.

I think what we're witnessing here is Vane having a change of heart in the light of Flint's treatment at the hand of Georgetown. Or at least that's what I hope it is...

Lesson learned, I hope: Don't hold Charles Vane at knifepoint unless you intend to follow through.

Awww, yes, the moment I've been waiting for!! Flint and Vane united are definitely a force to be reckoned with. Also I'm vaguely impressed Vane can admit he was wrong (or at least that someone else was right), although it's probably easier towards Billy than it would be towards Flint. Also Vane is not as stupid as he sometimes seems because he immediately understands the implications of Flint's capture for Nassau and by extension himself.

Quite ironic that Vane's taking of the Man o'War is what's gonna save Flint's ass in the end though...

Nooo, Eleanor!!

Wait, is that the first time we got a song in the credits?

[belberrii]

Here where I live (Mexico), there was this trend that talked about that people from Yucatan Peninsula were trying to "destroy" a Poseidon statue and while some of them claimed that it was in a joking matter(which it shouldn't matter, and you'll see why), some acted as if it was the worst thing you could ever commit.

All in "the name of the arts".

Okay we get it, you have a strong love for eurocentrism deities and whatnot,but you forgot my brother in Christ, the one who has a prickly pear on the face (something like that is said in spanish -> Nopal en la cara) and that, let's say, Poseidon would be forever grateful for your "efforts" in defending him because why not.

It's not like we don't have a rich culture nor interesting pantheon over here, right? It's not like here is very annoying or being ashamed by your own land,right? :)

I'm not gonna be a purist because at first I didn't see the appeal to this ordeal,but I had a thought and was that it would be sad and upsetting to see your culture, roots and traditions being erased just because the whites don't like the culture, the natives over there or because they want everyone else to lack identity.

And it does not help that people here(not everyone,only the "special ones" if you get my drift) are clasists, racists and xenophobes, so there you have a toxic cocktail.

So yeah fam, I guess I have to agree on the sentiment of not liking people appropiating your land and then treat you like shit or dismissing you disapproving a lot of expats, nomads and whatnot invading your place. If you don't see that,just like how some people stated here but from other matters,yet the same thing, then you pretty much lived in the privilege and are either ignorant or naïve to not notice that.

Or what? The rising in prices for even the basic stuff is mere "causality",hm? Or that you cannot afford a good house because you didn't get enough money for it? Like how some bafoons here call it "Make a lot of efford,son if you want to be someone in life!" (in spanish we call them shark-minded, or roughly translated to spanish: échele ganas mijo. El pobre es pobre porque quiere.)

????

So yeah... no. I won't support anyone with that mindset. The worst part guys is, that here some feel proud to have a tiny speck of european blood. Like those that are "Omg!!!111!! I have 5% of french blood! Yaassss!!11!! 😍" Yeah some are like that. Or feeling pretty just because some have light color in their eyes. Gods,so annoying those people 😐 Is the same as the ones that are the reincarnation of Cleopatra. Yes Sharon,you and other hundreds of other people are the reincarnation of one person. Sure sure. Mhmm. But... are you agile in... you know... doing the deed down there as well?

Ah! But it's because natives are such a "wild,ignorant animals" and because that joke of putting down said structure(which it's still there) are going like "hahaha southerners =ignorant animals lmao! 🤣🤣"

They do have a marine deity though and it's called(if I remember correctly) Ah-Xoc or "Lord Shark". And that one sounds rad tbh. Just imagine seeing a sculture of that deity with some mayan motifs rising on one of the beaches of Yucatan and with some info about him,but it's me being a bit biased with animal-like deities.

But yeah, how fun is to put on a high pedestal some people and some race,huh?

[thewordworrier]

So I have like 10 drafts for mcr writing but I'm afraid to share it all. Any advice or tips for starting a blog dedicated to my writing and sharing my love for mcr?? I really admire you and your blog 🖤🖤

Oh Anon 🖤🖤🖤 That is so sweet of you. Actually, this is a pretty good time to start expressing your love for MCR, considering their huge resurgence. And, if you’re brave enough to tag your work properly (unlike me to an extent) then you might get a decent enough audience! As per normal with me: a) rambly advice under the cut <3 b) any follow up questions or anything, let me know <3

Truthfully? The best tip is just to do it. Maybe warm up your blog a little first, reblog some pictures or whatever you like. Make a pinned into post so we can get to know you. (Obviously you don't have to do this, but you can if you like.) Tumblr is like a personal scrapbook; it's your little corner of the internet and you get to cultivate your own experience. Don't be afraid to block people, or tags or anything like that. Turn off the ability for people to send you anonymous messages if you need to. You can always turn them back on later. If you're nervous, don't tag anything. That's how I started. I'd tag it with stuff for my own blog searches (like - #mywriting or something) but I didn't dare tag it with names. Heavens no. Nowadays, I do that, because I'm a little more confident. Actually, if you create a side blog, I'm pretty sure that you can password protect those if you ever need to. If you're super nervous, don't share anything personal about yourself. You shouldn't share anything too personal anyway. I fell into sharing my writing accidentally, really. I will always say that you can blame @robinrunsfiction for that. And she's the reason I keep sharing. To be honest, I still get nervous sharing sometimes! Hell, I get nervous when I see an unfamiliar username liking my writing posts. I’m very like - is this the user who’s gonna send me hate-mail? Maybe I’m a little paranoid, but I can’t help that. I’ve been toying with the idea of posting my stuff on AO3 as well, and for some reason I can’t seem to make that jump - I’m really nervous about that for some reason? My point with that paragraph is that, we all still get a bit nervous sometimes. If you're not confident with/about your writing... That's okay. That's normal. I've been posting on the internet since... Ugh god, since I was a teenager. A long time. I look back on some of the older stuff and... I cringe a tiny bit because, good lord that's old. But, that’s okay - I've gotten better (I hope!!!) but those old stories helped me get to where I am today. You can share things, then change your mind and take it down later if you want. Or you can leave them up as a reminder that you’ve improved. Because you will improve. That's the thing - we all start somewhere. The more you do it, the better you get. One last thing though; you do not owe anyone anything. You write because it makes you happy, you write because it’s fun. You’re not being paid for this (legally you can’t really, it’s fan fic, there’s laws about that); you are providing content for free. Even if you start taking requests - the above still applies. You have a life outside of Tumblr; you might have school or a job. You might have a partner and kids, or you might be a kid in your family so you still have family commitments. You have friends, other hobbies. You should never feel pressure to provide free content for anyone. Especially not if it starts sucking the joy out of writing for you. Don’t let anything do that.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: [So the vibe is evidently just showing up at the pre-drinks at this gfs house, we'll have to be some level of wasted to have the nerve so from the off it's a mood lol] Amelia: [a select gathering of the gays that you weren't invited too, but it's okay because Amelia can't throw you out when everyone else is like yeah come through] Jac: [literally you'd have to make such a drama and that's not you and also no one knows why you stopped being besties so it clearly appears chill from the outside, I vote the club should be a gay one so you have to commit to that hen] Amelia: [agreed because clearly her gf has planned this because Amelia's plan was to go and get that haircut and outfit with her mum so] Jac: [too pure for this bitch, we all know this is just an excuse for her to party like any other night really, which is rude, do something special but no, at least you're simply that hoe so it's not like we even have to work hard here, the flirting is blatant] Amelia: [it hurts my heart because you know Jamelia would have gone IN for each other's birthdays] Jac: [and her last one was start of transition year so they would've still been friends, AND it was her 16th so it would've been really poppin'] Amelia: [brb sobbing] Jac: [thank god jac is also miserable and only pretending to be living her best life or this would be even ruder] Amelia: [and thank god Amelia isn't in love with this gal] Jac: [and that lmao] Jac: [to me it should be like they just straight up make out on the dance floor 'cos her girlfriend is the 'its not a big deal omg!' type but even if it weren't, it is because it's Jac] Amelia: [hence when Amelia loses it it's Jac she's shouting at and being like how could you do this to me etc not her gf] Jac: [mhmm mHM we all know she's barely speaking at this point so she's not gonna say anything and your gf will be going off 'cos she looks the gobby type so you can slap her if you need babe lol] Amelia: [she so is the gobby type, Amelia just straight up dismissing her because this isn't about you babe I gotta scream at Jac rn thank you] Jac: [meanwhile we're just trying to walk away like the audacity] Amelia: [literally like SAY SOMETHING! because is there anything more frustrating than when someone won't react and you're literally 💔] Jac: [there is not, just shouting 'I'M SORRY' ala Tracy because we do not sound sorry at all but she is never a loud person so everyone else is gonna be shook like damn] Amelia: [your aunt Cass would be proud of that, but Amelia just gonna walk away] Jac: [good lord go home gal, or at least a different club lol, also like to point out she has a September birthday so also would've been after Savannah left so that would've been cheery lol] Amelia: [nice parallel because we know Amelia's walking home but fuck knows how far it would be, we're not at Erin's house now hens] Jac: [I'm sure you don't live right in town, your fam seems a suburb type so that'll be a nice trek, you poor bitch] Amelia: [just sobbing the whole time probably, even though she's not a crier like Savannah is] Jac: [you'd have to have a cry, if Jac hadn't gone catatonic as a defence mechanism, she would be too] Amelia: [which is why we're not getting our parents to pick us up because don't wanna be sobbing to this degree in front of them and her mum already hates the gf so we don't want the I told you so either] Amelia: [plus her mum probably thinks she's over Jac by now because we downplaying things forever] Jac: [parents can only be so much of a MVP at this age] Amelia: [I think when they see each other again it should be another argument that turns into Amelia kissing her because that's a trope for a reason] Jac: [yes, you are both owed it without the audience tbh] Amelia: [like I have no idea where they are when that happens, are you gonna show up on her doorstep to have another argument or what gal lol] Jac: [maybe you had somewhere you went together, idk where or what vibe, so you know she's gonna be there, even if it's just a different club and you're outside angsting] Amelia: [ooh excellent, yeah there's any number of places that could be 'theirs' you've known each other long enough] Jac: [precisely, it can be as everyday and unspecial or the opposite as we'd like, Dublin centre is not that big it's not insane to suggest] Amelia: [when do you think that is, clearly pretty soon after because the emotions have gotta be high] Jac: [yeah, sooner rather than later, like we did this for a reason and like you said, it's too frustrating when someone won't react to you] Amelia: [literally could be the next day/night I'd believe it] Jac: [i literally thought you meant the same night so yes i agree lol] Amelia: [omg that's even better tbh] Jac: like you turn round like AND ANOTHER THING, tensions are beyond that high] Amelia: [exactly] Jac: [at least Amelia is angry enough to break it off 'cos the levels of fucks you don't give rn about anything] Amelia: [yeah she's angry and sad enough to be like ffs what am I doing and actually go home] Jac: [thanks babe, we all know it happens but don't need it to literally look like 2nd choice to your hoe gf 'cos it ain't that] Amelia: [how am I gonna start a convo from here because I clearly am lol] Jac: [thank god you both drunk, I can do it if you want] Amelia: [go ahead if you think you can boo] Jac: you home safe Amelia: no, I'm dead in a ditch Jac: great Amelia: it'll make life easier for you, yeah Jac: my life couldn't be any rosier Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: glad to see your flare for the dramatic ain't died in that ditch with you Jac: flair, which one Jac: idk Amelia: you took that over from me, remember Amelia: you really fucking did Jac: aren't you impressed Amelia: if you'd got there earlier you could've pushed me out of the way to blow the candles out on the cake my mum bought too Jac: you don't wanna be kids no more? Jac: could've said sooner Amelia: she's not a doll, she just wants to look like one Jac: who? Amelia: the girlfriend you wanted to share so badly Jac: oh her Jac: bride of chucky maybe Amelia: you did scare everyone with your apology Amelia: very exorcist-ish Jac: I was going for Carrie Jac: oh well Jac: still a better match than you two ain't it Amelia: oh you were trying to win a prom queen sash with acts of charity Amelia: I get it Jac: shouldn't you be throwing all this shade at her Amelia: wait, I'll add her in Jac: ha Jac: go ahead Amelia: she won't accept, sorry Amelia: I did try Jac: devastating Amelia: are you home safe? Jac: yeah Amelia: you do have the 👿👹👺👻 inside protecting you, I guess Jac: its always got a home inside me Amelia: well yeah, you don't ever kiss anyone long enough for it to transfer hosts Jac: you'll wanna get rid of the girlfriend then Jac: before you get infected Amelia: you already did that for me, such a good 🥳🎂🎁 Jac: couldn't think what else to get ya Amelia: 💐? Amelia: no? Jac: thought she might have beat me to it Jac: made a bit of an effort Amelia: she wanted me, that's all I needed Jac: past tense Jac: and that's definitely not the first time she's done that Amelia: what do you care? Jac: you think this is how i'd show it if I did Amelia: I try not to think about you anymore Jac: there's no need to make yourself sound stupid in the process Amelia: not when you're there to make me look it Jac: you'll get another girlfriend Amelia: because that's what is ripping my heart out about this Jac: that's your problem Amelia: stay the fuck away from me Amelia: if you'd done that I wouldn't have a problem Jac: I plan on it Jac: done what I needed to do Amelia: great Jac: enjoy what's left of your big day then Jac: have some 🎂 Amelia: you've made sure I can't Amelia: where's Savannah Moore with a 👏 emoji when you need her? Jac: Sligo Jac: last I heard Amelia: those poor country lads Jac: you've never cared about any lad a day in your life Jac: you can just admit you miss her Amelia: 😂 Jac: hilarious Amelia: not really Amelia: but I physically can't cry any more, I must be dehydrated Jac: unsurprising Jac: me either Amelia: 🍾🥂 Amelia: have a nice life then Amelia: probably leave tonight out of your achievements during the uni interviews Jac: nah Jac: diversity and adversity is all the rage Amelia: that's why I'll be mentioning it Jac: you're welcome x2 Amelia: 🙌 Jac: you sure she don't wanna join Jac: 'cos she's annoying me Amelia: I don't care what she wants or feel sorry for you Jac: yeah Jac: then tell her that Jac: not relaying your message Amelia: I have Jac: she's a liar too, makes sense Amelia: you're well suited Jac: besides the obvious Amelia: that you've done what you needed to do, yeah Amelia: tell her that Jac: I have Jac: not my fault she's so thick she only understands actions Amelia: if she's been messaging you since the 💋 you'll have had time to tell her everything I didn't Amelia: even if it has to be via charades Jac: the fact I didn't fuck her is all the information she's getting from me Amelia: the dancefloor's a bit public even for her Amelia: but maybe she'll be willing to break the rules for you, that's what people do Jac: let's not pretend it was about her Jac: only room for one delusional person in a relationship, don't you know? Amelia: you're ready for that, are you? Amelia: I don't know anything about relationships as it turns out Jac: first cut is the deepest Amelia: if you're going to sing, it's meant to be Happy Birthday Jac: yeah, you wish Amelia: I only got the one and I've already used it Jac: don't tell or it won't come true Amelia: I don't remember it now anyway Jac: bullshit Amelia: if it was 💇🏻 related it definitely didn't come true Jac: you didn't get a fringe Amelia: I still hate it Jac: it's not why you got cheated on Amelia: thanks, that makes me feel loads better about 👧🏻 Amelia: can you just take the posts down please Jac: I dunno Amelia: Jac Jac: fuck sake Jac: one thing Amelia: just do it Jac: then that's it Jac: there's your present, I don't owe you nothing Amelia: no, then that's it because I don't want anything to do with you Amelia: it doesn't make us even Jac: I don't give a shit about being even with you Jac: I win Jac: end of Amelia: it's not a fucking game Jac: you're the only one not playing Amelia: so leave me out of it Jac: that's another favour Jac: pick one Amelia: fuck you Jac: i'm keeping the pictures up then Amelia: enjoy your win Jac: naturally Amelia: 👏👏👏 Jac: you aren't her Amelia: you aren't you Amelia: it still doesn't make us even Jac: maybe you never knew me Jac: we weren't friends, after-all Amelia: there's no maybe about it, if we were ever friends you wouldn't treat me like this Jac: nothing is as simple as you'd like it to be Jac: but sure Amelia: you really hurt me again, it's that simple Amelia: and this time it was deliberate Jac: and you don't hurt the people you love Jac: grow up, Amelia Amelia: not like that Jac: that's easier for you Amelia: what about ANY of this is easy for me? Amelia: you told me to try, I did Amelia: now what? Jac: it isn't my responsibility to worry about that Jac: you figure it out Amelia: I had it figured out and you tore it down Amelia: take some fucking responsibility for that Jac: what, with your shit girlfriend who doesn't give a fuck about you Jac: that was wrecked before I got there Jac: deal with that Amelia: you wrecked me before she got there Amelia: I still think about you all the time, miss you all the time Amelia: and I do have to deal with that, all the time Jac: and I've got nothing to deal with Amelia: of course you do Amelia: happy people don't gatecrash and ruin other people's birthdays Jac: then you'll forgive me for not feeling sorry for you Amelia: I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want you to be sorry for what you just did Jac: you want a lot Amelia: not this time Amelia: it's bare minimum Jac: I'm happy to disappoint and leave you wanting Amelia: then you win again Amelia: congratulations Jac: yipee Amelia: Don't contact me again unless you're got something to say that means something Jac: fine Amelia: you sound faker than Savannah could ever Amelia: it'd be impressive if it worked Jac: have I contacted you before now? Amelia: that doesn't matter because today you did Jac: today I ruined your relationship and birthday Jac: then I asked if you got home Amelia: yeah, and that all means something Jac: it means I wanted to fuck up your life Amelia: at least that wish came true Jac: there's always shooting stars and eyelashes when there isn't candles Amelia: there isn't a quick fix for this Jac: there's no fix Jac: there's only out and it's still 2 fucking years away Amelia: you were supposed to give me time, that's supposed to be one Jac: well I didn't feel like it today Amelia: clearly Jac: get over it Amelia: I'm not even through it, it literally just happened Jac: I'm not apologising, I can't be any clearer Amelia: then don't Amelia: I didn't know how to beg you when we were friends, I can't do it with this version of you Jac: Done? Amelia: I was done before I actually got home Jac: Well I've not gone home Jac: so we both lied there then Amelia: Where have you gone? Jac: what's it to you? Amelia: I don't want what happened to Is to happen to you, or worse Amelia: I care about you Jac: it won't Amelia: I'm calling your parents Jac: maybe I've told them you're obsessed with me already Amelia: maybe but it's still ringing Amelia: they can decide what they want to do Jac: you're such a snitch Amelia: because I really care what you think of me right now Jac: nah, just hope it makes you feel good about yourself worrying my parents for nothing Amelia: I don't feel good about myself because of you Amelia: your parents are irrelevant to me Jac: we've got that in common then Amelia: they're probably going to want to talk to you and I don't so goodnight Jac: Bold of you to think I'd answer Jac: but it is a reason to turn my phone off so yeah Jac: later Amelia: you're really 😎 we get it Jac: that's what I'm doing Jac: you're so smart Amelia: it's why you want to keep the pics up Amelia: like a 🏆 Jac: i wanna keep em up so you have to see them Amelia: I don't have to see them, I've already blocked you both Jac: 😂 Amelia: What's funny? Jac: 🤡😥 would've been more applicable, perhaps Amelia: probably Jac: you can pal up with Is again, she's up for it Amelia: yeah because I really want to drag her into whatever 🎪 you've started up between us Jac: you're so considerate Amelia: something really fucked up happened to her, you were there, don't act like you don't remember Jac: and you weren't there Amelia: I know that Jac: then you don't get to say shit to me about it Amelia: I'm not, I'm saying this isn't about Is Jac: when is it ever Jac: poor girl Amelia: stop it Jac: you walked out on her Jac: she didn't have enough daddy issues? Amelia: I walked out on you Jac: same difference Amelia: you said you'd let me Jac: and I did Amelia: until now Jac: you're only 17 once Jac: it's not going to happen again Amelia: it shouldn't have happened at all Jac: should woulda coulda Amelia: promise me that this is it Jac: I don't fancy your girlfriend Jac: kissing her was bad enough Amelia: I mean, promise me that I don't have to look over my shoulder for the next 2 years in case you decide that you want to ruin my life again Amelia: because I can't Jac: Amelia Amelia: I'm serious, I'll leave school before I let you do this to me for a third time Jac: I'm not in a position to be making promises about anything, to anyone Jac: I'll try Amelia: okay Jac: just Jac: I don't know Jac: never mind Amelia: you're scaring me, you know Amelia: I should've made you promise not to do any reckless shit back then instead of the other way round Jac: everyone's scared Jac: they say it like I can change it Amelia: I thought I was doing the right thing but everything just keeps getting worse Amelia: for me, you and Is Amelia: even for Savannah, Sligo for fuck's sake Jac: even if you'd done it different Jac: I'd still have done the same Jac: it still would've all happened Amelia: what are you going to do now? Jac: nothing matters now Amelia: you matter Amelia: to me Amelia: come to my 🏠 I'll call your parents back Jac: we're not doing this again Jac: no Jac: it's bad enough i have people in my life i can't get rid of Amelia: we're not doing anything Jac: stop caring about me Amelia: I can't Jac: how much more do I have to ruin your life Amelia: you have ruined it, that doesn't mean I want you to be dead in a ditch Jac: all I'm going to do is break your heart over and over and then I'm going to leave forever Amelia: tonight it's already broken and that's all I'm talking about Amelia: take the guest bedroom Jac: no Jac: because then my family will just think we're friends again and that I'm fine Jac: I'll go home, okay, just stop Amelia: if you stop lying, I'll stop this Jac: I'll send you proof, for fuck's sake Amelia: okay Jac: fine Amelia: [we're just waiting for that pic like] Jac: [however long this is gonna take, at least you're probably a bit more central, the most begrudging pic of the front door lmao] Amelia: no, put your outfit in it so I know it wasn't stored on your phone Jac: 'cos I just have pictures of my door Jac: [but does, some weird angle to not get your face in] Jac: haven't got a newspaper, so sorry Amelia: if you hadn't stopped the party early, they might have been delivered Jac: it was a crap party anyway Jac: she hadn't even booked a table Amelia: Yeah Jac: at least you can have a better girlfriend for your 18th Amelia: can I? Are you going to let me Jac: probably not Jac: but if she's less easy to ruin then there's nothing I can do about that Amelia: you'd have to try something else, that's all Jac: obviously Jac: I'm still smart Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment Jac: I'm not saying I'm not going to ruin your chances at happiness Amelia: it's not like I need you to Amelia: SO capable on my own Jac: it's not taking credit if you're making excuses for me Jac: but alright Amelia: I'm talking about the 💇🏻 which you can't take credit for Jac: it suits you Amelia: that is the most hurtful thing you've ever said Amelia: take it back Jac: it's also true Jac: and you wanted me to stop lying Amelia: 😒 Jac: at least you don't look like every other girl now Amelia: you think I did before? Amelia: also that's because no other girl wants to look like 👧🏻 Jac: I mean everyone has the same hair Jac: you stand out more Amelia: you don't Jac: well I'm special, obviously Amelia: I know Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😉 Jac: you're an idiot Jac: Jude better be at a sleepover Amelia: her hair stands out Jac: you should tell her that Jac: she'll be so glad her attention-seeking doesn't go unnoticed Amelia: she think I'm flirting with her so no Jac: oh yeah Jac: you're a predatory lesbian now Amelia: I kissed you Jac: after I kissed your girlfriend Amelia: you don't fancy her Amelia: that wasn't why you did it Jac: she fancies herself enough Amelia: So does Savannah, that wasn't a problem for you Jac: don't talk about her Amelia: sure, I wouldn't want to upset you Amelia: what's the point being 💔 if you're not the saddest Jac: she's gone, there's no point talking about her Amelia: my parents know hers, she's not gone from dinner table conversation at my 🏠 Jac: sucks for you then Amelia: sucks more for her that she's been sent to catholic school Jac: Catholic school? Amelia: yeah, her dad had that brainwave Jac: that is unfortunate Jac: probably a better school than ours though, so she'll be thrilled Amelia: it's my dad's favourite joke threat now Jac: at least you could avoid me Amelia: true, I should call his bluff and take him up on it next time Jac: go for it Jac: it's only me that has to write off this shit school on her uni app Amelia: the rest of your app will more than make up for it Jac: that's the plan Amelia: exactly, so it's not technically a compliment Jac: you're shit at this Amelia: thanks Jac: no, that really wasn't a compliment Jac: not one of your not technicallys Amelia: 😏 Jac: did you get a car Jac: I bet you got a car Amelia: [a picture of it because why not say she did] Jac: just got to pass now Jac: then you can go where you like Amelia: then I can runaway Jac: nah Jac: they'd take you off their insurance and you'd be fucked Amelia: because I'd never drive without insurance Jac: the police would be frantically looking for you as is Jac: that's always how murderers get caught out Amelia: 🤫 you're ruining this too Jac: you fantasize on your own time Amelia: this is my own time, you're home safe Amelia: I don't owe you my full attention now that your 👅 isn't in my ex girlfriend's mouth Jac: have you kissed anyone else Amelia: no Jac: do you regret it being her Amelia: it wasn't you, that's what I regret Amelia: but it couldn't be so Jac: yeah Jac: at least it was a girl Amelia: I'm not stupid enough to kiss any boys Jac: some just call it heterosexual Amelia: and I'm not so it'd be stupid for me Jac: alright Amelia: but I should probably kiss more girls Jac: why should you Amelia: because she'll think all the wrong things if I don't Jac: true Jac: I thought you didn't care about what people thought though Amelia: I'm going to have to find new friends from somewhere Jac: don't you gays stick together Amelia: she sticks with them and I don't want to see her Jac: you move fast Amelia: I don't really have a choice, do I? Jac: I don't need friends Amelia: handy since you don't have any Jac: that's why I don't Amelia: yeah, because you only care about what you need Jac: duh Amelia: did you ever care about me? Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: did you ever care about me when it wasn't because you needed something? Jac: what kind of question is that Amelia: one I need the answer to Jac: we were friends forever Jac: what did I get from it half the time Jac: no more than you did or didn't Amelia: okay Jac: that was a dick move making me answer that when you already knew Amelia: I didn't know Amelia: whenever I talk to you I end up with more questions than answers Amelia: and end up questioning my sanity Jac: you don't need to Jac: your work here is done Amelia: you can't tell me what to do when you don't even do what you said you were going to Jac: so you're going to continue to make a bad decision, just to be awkward Jac: that's smart Amelia: because you have such good reasons for doing what you did earlier Jac: 'course I do Amelia: go on then Amelia: tell me them Jac: already did Jac: I wanted to fuck it up for you Jac: felt great Amelia: there's smarter ways to feel good, and easier Jac: I've tried those Amelia: oh well I loved being your little experiment, thanks Jac: whatever Jac: it needed to be done Amelia: no it didn't Amelia: you keep saying that Jac: you don't get it Amelia: I don't buy into your fake bullshit, no, and that's all you've given me all night Jac: what's fucking fake about the fact I can't stand to have anyone around me happy? Jac: there's nothing fake about misery being the only thing I can stomach now Amelia: you didn't break up your parents or ruin your brother's music career, you sought me out when I haven't even been around you Amelia: you're full of shit Jac: trust me, I'm doing my best Jac: and you're full of shit if you're now trying to say you don't see me every day Jac: and that it isn't the fucking worst Amelia: I thought it was, until you did this Amelia: now I can say today was the worst Amelia: you're so fucking selfish and cruel Jac: nothing has changed Jac: I sped up your inevitable break-up, that's it Amelia: no, you went out of your way to hurt and humiliate me Amelia: everything has changed Jac: if you say so Jac: it wasn't the first time for me Amelia: who are you? Jac: it doesn't matter Amelia: who the fuck are you? Jac: I don't know, Amelia Jac: alright Amelia: you can't treat people like this Jac: then tell everyone what I did Jac: I don't care Jac: you could've done something about it Amelia: what did you want me to do? Jac: I thought you might put up more of a fight Amelia: for what? Against what? Jac: because I humiliated you Amelia: it wasn't the first time for me either Jac: never like that Amelia: I'm not going to fight you Jac: your loss Amelia: I keep telling you, I care about you, I don't want to hurt you Jac: I wish you'd stop Amelia: I wish I could Jac: yeah Jac: well Amelia: it's my loss, like you said Jac: don't worry, I've got my own Amelia: that makes me feel loads better Jac: it should Amelia: it doesn't Jac: you're infuriating Amelia: says you Amelia: I'm so angry at you Jac: because I wanted you to be Jac: that's the correct response Amelia: no, because I love you too much to hate you Amelia: because it won't go away Amelia: and I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my fucking life no matter what you do Jac: I don't have the answer Jac: If I could make you stop then I would Jac: but I don't know how Amelia: me either Jac: there's nothing I can do if you don't hate me by now Jac: I dropped you for Savannah Jac: I did everything I did tonight Amelia: I was there, I don't need you to recap Jac: I couldn't have made it easier Amelia: there's something wrong with me, there must be Jac: not as bad as me Amelia: my mum said at the time that I fell in love with you years ago and I can't expect to fall out of it in a few weeks or months Jac: logic adds up Amelia: she thinks I'm over it now so clearly not Jac: you probably said you were Jac: or near enough Amelia: the girlfriend thing kind of said it for me Jac: yeah well Jac: I've had loads of boyfriends Amelia: you're not in love with me Jac: I meant it doesn't mean anything, necessarily Amelia: yeah Amelia: my mum is more old fashioned though Amelia: romantic or whatever Jac: more romantic than your girlfriend, yeah Amelia: 🙄 Jac: she wasn't good enough for you anyway Amelia: I'm not good enough for anyone Amelia: I'm literally still in love with someone else who isn't them Jac: it isn't that simple Jac: you can feel things for more than one person Jac: you just, didn't for her and she wasn't worth it Amelia: maybe other people can but I don't Jac: how would you know Jac: it just hasn't happened yet Amelia: I'm too self aware if anything Jac: that's some lesbian nonsense Amelia: I'll put it in my bio then Jac: tinder Amelia: I'm not kissing that many girls, she'll definitely think all the wrong things Jac: be kicking herself, like Jac: or is it only okay when she does it Amelia: probably Jac: just like a lad Amelia: 😣 Jac: awh Amelia: I can't be bothered Jac: with girls? Amelia: I'm not trying anymore, you didn't keep your promises anyway Jac: what does that mean? Amelia: it means I don't care, my life can stay the mess you wanted it to be Jac: alright Jac: not like I can turn around and say 'no don't' now Amelia: and if you turn around you won't see me Jac: what? Amelia: school, I'm not doing it either Jac: shut up Amelia: online maybe so my dad doesn't rage Jac: that's bullshit Amelia: so is this Jac: no, fuck you Amelia: 😂 Jac: so you all get to fucking leave and I'm the one stuck dealing Jac: nah Amelia: I've got nothing to stay for Jac: it's school, no one does Jac: jesus Amelia: you said yourself it sucks having to see me every day Amelia: I'm doing you a favour Jac: you are ridiculous Jac: you think you can just run away like this is some shit indie song Amelia: I've tried the alternative Amelia: it didn't go great Jac: you think Savannah is bad? at least her parents made her go Jac: you're such a spoilt brat Amelia: I don't think about Savannah Jac: you don't think about anything Jac: christ Amelia: your audacity is another level Jac: your stupidity is worse Amelia: yeah, I've proved that loads of times over Jac: fucking hell Jac: your life is so hard, Meelie, yeah Jac: everyone thinks its my fault, what happened to Is Jac: and the more she says otherwise, the more it sounds like it was Amelia: no they don't, I don't Jac: well you love me so you're clearly insane and a bit biased Amelia: even if I hated you I'd still know that you weren't the one who assaulted her Amelia: it's his fault, nobody else's Jac: me and Sav still ran like we had something to hide Jac: that's all anyone cares about, working out what Amelia: you were scared, in shock probably Amelia: you felt like it was your fault Amelia: that doesn't mean it was Jac: all I know is she's fucked off, no one will say anything to Is, so it's all down to me, whatever people wanna say or think about it Jac: so yeah, sorry I think your idea is fucking laughable but been there, done that Jac: didn't solve anything, it only made the rest worse Amelia: I know it's a stupid idea, alright Jac: you can't go, alright, you just can't Amelia: you know I'll fight the whole school before I'd ever fight you Amelia: I'll do it for you too, if that will help Jac: Yeah, I do Jac: nothing will help but Jac: at least you're still here Jac: nothing else is the same Amelia: I'll be in detention every day for the next 2 years if that's what it takes to shut people up Jac: I don't deserve it Jac: or anything but hate from you, and I do fucking know that Amelia: you don't deserve to get the blame for being there and being her friend Amelia: I should've been too Amelia: and after it happened we should've talked Jac: maybe it's just karma Jac: I've never been a good friend to her and by the time it happened Jac: well Jac: I made you leave Amelia: I ruined our friend so I had to leave Amelia: *ship Amelia: that's not your fault either Jac: maybe it is Amelia: it's not Amelia: I shouldn't have told you how I felt Amelia: or been jealous of Savannah Amelia: or made such a big deal about the date you went on Jac: no Jac: I get it Jac: you weren't wrong Amelia: I did the wrong thing by leaving you and Is Jac: I couldn't wish the alternative on you Jac: having to stick around and watch Amelia: I still had to watch Amelia: I couldn't go that far Jac: I know it's my fault because it happened again Amelia: what? Jac: Savannah Jac: I kissed her Amelia: I don't understand Jac: you should have been jealous of her Jac: I mean Jac: you know what I mean Amelia: you mean you felt something for her Jac: I didn't want to feel any of it Jac: but she was straight and you weren't so having her around was meant to be easier Amelia: why didn't you just tell me? Amelia: you lied and lied and made me feel crazy Jac: because I feel crazy Jac: I fucking am Jac: I just Jac: it's not like I left that conversation and told her Jac: I kept on and got with lads and pretended to like it, tried to Amelia: everything you said, everything you did Amelia: oh my god Amelia: I can't Amelia: I can't take this in Jac: like I said, it's fucking karma Jac: I fucked it with you and it happened to me Amelia: I'm supposed to feel what, that she queerbaited you? Happy? validated? Jac: I don't know Jac: probably Amelia: did you know how you felt about her when I told you how I felt? Jac: why? Amelia: because you told me over and over again that you liked boys and you'd change that if you could Jac: yes, and I told her the same thing Jac: and I acted accordingly Amelia: I've spent so long feeling horrible for putting you in that position and none of it was real Jac: it was real Jac: I don't want to be Jac: I want to be straight Amelia: it isn't a choice Amelia: and you can't just twist everything to make it one Jac: acting or not acting on it is Amelia: so why did you choose to act on it by kissing her, if that's what you think? Jac: it was a mistake Jac: when we left Jac: after Is Jac: and it was just us Jac: then it destroyed everything and she's literally run away Amelia: and then you destroyed what was left after she'd gone Jac: yes Amelia: great Jac: I'm aware Amelia: are you? Amelia: for years I thought things were one way only to be told they weren't and now you're telling me an entirely different story again Amelia: 🤯 Jac: because we don't live in the ideal world where I accept myself for liking girls and I choose the right one and we live happily ever after Jac: we live in the world where I kissed Savannah and she looked at me like I was the boy who assaulted Isabelle Jac: and that's how I feel about it, and I would rather pretend to be straight forever, and have no real friends again, than have to do that, and feel that disgust again Amelia: we live in a world that doesn't revolve around Savannah fucking Moore Amelia: because she doesn't accept you, you can't accept yourself? No Jac: it's not her fault Jac: the rules don't make no fucking sense Jac: do you know how often she told me she loved me, how beautiful I was, and smart and perfect and kind, that she wanted me in her life forever? Jac: but that doesn't mean she wants to kiss me Amelia: that's why it literally is her fault Amelia: she flirted with you more than I EVER have, or would dare to openly do because I would get called a predatory lesbian and she gets likes and follows Jac: but she meant it Jac: I know she did Jac: that's just friendship to her Jac: it's too confusing Amelia: you want her to have meant it the same way you did, like I wanted you to with me Jac: but I did Jac: I lied Jac: so I know it doesn't make a difference now Jac: but still, you weren't wrong and I did, I am, whatever Jac: it was shitty to lie, I know, I accept it Jac: but she meant it all but she is straight...how does that work Amelia: I don't know Amelia: straight people are weird Jac: I don't want to find that relatable Jac: I want to be normal Amelia: I'm not abnormal, shut up Jac: fine, straight Jac: I don't want to ever have to think about this ever again Amelia: why do you want it so bad? Jac: so I don't feel like this Jac: the not knowing Jac: how much it hurts Jac: boys are easy, I told you Amelia: because you don't like them Amelia: if you were straight you'd get hurt just the same Amelia: you said it, Valentina's no different than a lad Jac: lads just like me Jac: I've never kissed any lad and had them recoil Amelia: they liked me too, it doesn't mean I had to like them back Jac: I mean it's not the same Jac: if a lad didn't like me, he'd have reasons Amelia: loads of girls like you too, I was friends with them for a bit, I heard all that gossip Amelia: Savannah's reason is that she doesn't like girls, any of them Jac: but she loves me Jac: more than she ever did Ty, I fucking know it Amelia: not like that, like Is loved us Jac: I can't stand it Amelia: I know Jac: you know I am sorry Jac: don't you Amelia: yeah Jac: you just had come so far and had done so much work Jac: it wasn't fair Jac: what I did wasn't, but it wouldn't have been to act on it, when I wanted so badly to be straight, for everything I did tell you to be true Amelia: no, I was in exactly the same place that we left each other in Amelia: you're not the only one who can lie Jac: I'm just so sorry but that's worth fuck all Jac: I hate how stupid all of it seems now Jac: redundant Jac: but that's close to a fair punishment, I suppose Amelia: you've already been punished Amelia: and sorry always means something when it's a real one Jac: I feel Jac: I don't Jac: I'm broken Jac: I don't even want to be a person now Amelia: I don't want to find that relatable Amelia: but it is Jac: fuck's sake Jac: see, why would I choose this? Jac: even if they're weird, this never happens to straight people Amelia: of course it does Amelia: Savannah's parents are fucked Jac: just because they don't love each other no more Jac: when they got together, I'm sure they both knew Amelia: still, her mum's so broken she's barely a person Jac: all I'm saying is we're getting dangerously close to comparing being gay to a mental illness Jac: which is what homophobes say and I'm not trying to be the confirmation Amelia: it's not being gay, it's loving the wrong person Amelia: there are happy gays, I've met some Amelia: and your brother isn't being held back by it Jac: don't get me started Amelia: Jude's love life is messier than his Amelia: more dramatic Jac: he'll end up with a girl Amelia: you don't know that Jac: wait and see Amelia: yeah, I'll stalk him from afar like a fangirl Amelia: 🤢 Jac: it's not the same either Amelia: you love a competition Jac: yeah, this is so much fun Jac: him and Jude are the same Jac: it doesn't mean anything to them, so they aren't getting hurt Jac: they don't care, it's not serious Amelia: you've got me, we're very much the same Amelia: in this anyway Jac: I don't want to love anyone ever again Amelia: then don't Jac: that's why I have no friends Amelia: yeah well you don't need them, that's the line and the lie, right? Jac: it's not funny Jac: I can't be trusted Jac: with any kind of relationship with a girl Amelia: I'm not laughing because me either Amelia: I make bad choices and I'm proven stupid, remember Jac: it's so fucking isolating Amelia: school is anyway Amelia: we're all in boxes Jac: you never used to hate it this much Amelia: now you understand how much I hate everything Amelia: how exhausted I am Amelia: it'd be nice to have the solidarity if it wasn't so horrible Jac: I'm just trying to get used to it Jac: accept it Amelia: at least you don't have to see her every day Amelia: maybe that'll make it different Jac: I never get to see her again Amelia: you don't know that either Jac: I do Jac: she's unlikely to stop by when she's seeing her mum Amelia: you verbally recoiled from me, ruined my birthday, nobody would call it likely that we're talking Jac: naive optimism is exactly what got you here Jac: don't even need to scroll for the reminder Amelia: ouch Amelia: you always find new ways to hurt me Jac: you really did just say you made bad choices and were stupid Jac: continuing this conversation is just another one for the list, probably Amelia: I can say it and do so you don't need to Jac: alright, alright Amelia: you're blocked though, this is the only place you could try to Jac: I could make another post but the point has been made well enough I reckon Amelia: it's not my birthday now so there's no point Amelia: ⛅ Jac: sod you then Jac: don't want you getting the wrong impression Amelia: 😂 bit late for that Jac: yeah Amelia: my dad'll be up soon I'll just wait ☕ Amelia: don't need you to entertain me any further Jac: you gonna tell him about your shit birthday Amelia: I'll tell them both we broke up and they'll be thrilled Amelia: it's all they want to hear Jac: you can tell them it was my fault, it doesn't matter to me Amelia: why would I do that? Jac: dunno, but having someone else's parents take over and shout at me for a bit might be mildly entertaining Amelia: they think I'm over you, they want me to be better Amelia: I'm not going to ruin the lie Jac: rude Jac: but fine Jac: guess you don't owe me Amelia: no, I don't Jac: enjoy your coffee then Amelia: it'll taste disgusting like it always does Amelia: the biggest lie of all Jac: you aren't as exhausted and sad as you say you are Jac: the taste would've been acquired by now, you massive child Amelia: I've had to hide it longer than you Amelia: I'm just more skilled and hilarious Jac: so you're better at being sad? Jac: and I love a competition 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I've acquired a taste for anything with a high enough alcohol content, there you go Jac: I was drunk before I got there and that was still apparent Amelia: haven't needed stitches yet Jac: that's something Jac: anyway, how'd you figure you've had to hide it longer? Amelia: because I have Amelia: you were sitting pretty on a ☁ with Savannah for ages Amelia: nothing could touch you up there Jac: that's where you're wrong Amelia: I'm not letting you win again Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like I was fucking boys because I thought I wanted to Amelia: okay 🏆 no need to make me cry thinking about that Jac: they aren't that bad Jac: well, usually Jac: just not as interesting, it didn't make sense Jac: why we would waste time we could be together instead Amelia: it's really sad Amelia: as 💔 it was seeing you with lads, I thought it was at least what you wanted Jac: they aren't the ones that made me 💔 Amelia: I know but Amelia: I can't imagine doing that, or how it would make me feel if I thought I had to Jac: well you're much softer than I am Amelia: excuse me, it took you years to break me, Savannah did the same to you in 1 Amelia: you're not that hard Jac: I think that says more about Savannah than it does you Jac: but alright Amelia: right, because she's so perfect Amelia: I actually can't compete Jac: shut up Amelia: it's true Jac: it isn't that simple, I keep saying Amelia: it's as simple as you've already said, she's straight and I'm not Amelia: it was safer for you, except it wasn't Jac: you make it sound Jac: ugh Amelia: isn't it? Jac: you think I'm a right cold, calculating bitch Jac: and I'm not saying you're wrong but it was nice when you thought otherwise Amelia: we can't go back, you really drilled that into me Jac: I know Jac: oh well Amelia: oh well? that's the best you can do, yeah? Amelia: doesn't sound very calculating and well planned out Jac: because it's all over Jac: the only thing I've got left is uni and the career I want Jac: nothing else can or is going to exist Amelia: that's more than I've got Amelia: I haven't exactly been concentrating on my app Jac: well you're going to run away and find your Thelma aren't you Amelia: you ruined that fantasy with reality Jac: yeah right Jac: you're still a hopeless romantic Amelia: with a 🚗 I can't drive yet Jac: have you had any lessons yet Amelia: no Amelia: I keep asking my dad but he's always too busy Jac: go ask him now Amelia: I've drank too much to go now Jac: well duh but he'll feel so bad for you he'll make time tomorrow or whatever Amelia: and we're back to calculating Jac: someone has to if you wanna be wild and free Amelia: 😂 Jac: how early is it Jac: will the library be open Amelia: it's weird that the library is still open at any hour Amelia: you're literally the only person who ever goes there Jac: excuse me, only child Jac: you try and study with a house full of annoying kids and dogs Amelia: I'm fine with a 🏠 swap, I don't feel like studying Jac: yeah only if you make it permanent Amelia: you wouldn't take my guest room for a night, I don't think I'd be able to make that happen Jac: because you were there Amelia: rude Jac: sensible Amelia: nothing's going to happen Jac: yeah exactly Amelia: what does that mean? Jac: it means we aren't going to be friends Amelia: why not? Jac: I told you why Amelia: I'm not asking you to care about me, I'm saying I'm here for you Jac: No Jac: I wasn't joking when I said I can't have friends Amelia: I know you weren't Jac: that includes you Jac: especially you Amelia: okay Jac: okay Amelia: good morning then Jac: 👋

[hauntedfalcon]

I'm really fuckin confused. Why are we wanting performers to wear corsets? I know people go nuts for that "backwards and in heels" stuff, but my response is a loud and aggrieved "They shouldn't HAVE to!" Like the lady who played Cinderella couldn't eat anything solid and had to piss in a bucket because she had to stay in the corset and sewn-on dress all day, why would Watson want that experience?

Not sure how to word this exactly and someone has probably already done so at length better than I can, but it has to do more with double standards than anything else. Or two double standards, or maybe a triple standard, in this case, since you brought up Cinderella. No, I wouldn’t want Emma Watson or literally anyone else to have the same experience as Lily James and oh my GOD I just IMDb’d to find out what her name is and Kenneth Branagh actually directed that steaming pile of shit movie? How does one go from Jane Foster to that? I–

I digress. 

The double standard is this: both Watson and Jacqueline Durran said the motive behind making a bunch of somehow… mysteriously… un… supported… garments in a story written in 18th century France was so Belle could be ~active~ and ~unrestricted~ and ~ride a horse~. 

First of all, this perpetuates a fundamental misunderstanding that’s kind of sad to hear from an actual costume designer. Stays and corsets are not inherently restrictive and uncomfortable (at least I have it on good authority, having never had the money for one myself, but I would love to own one someday because support garment that puts the weight of my boobies on my hips instead of my ribs and shoulders? yes please, basically check around and you’ll see people praising properly fitted stays to the high heavens). Women rode horses in corsets. Women did basically all things in corsets that we do today. 

And secondly, right now, in the year of our Lord 2017 (and last year, and the year before that), women on multiple stages in the United States are dancing and running and singing in full voice… while wearing boned stays. 

Basically there was never any reason why Emma Watson’s hypothetical corset experience would have to be like Lily James’s, because that’s terrible and they did it very very wrong and have I mentioned how much I fucking hate the 2015 Cinderella adaptation? But with a competent costumer and proper fittings she could do literally anything the role required.

Emma Watson didn’t want to wear a corset, so she didn’t, and Disney didn’t make her, even though they were willing to shove Lily James into one that made her waist the size of my calf. Nothing about those creative decisions make sense to me.

But the idea that she rejected the corset in order to be a better role model princess because it would have kept her from being active is a clear, obvious, giant lie, and if you don’t believe me you can ask Betsy Struxness and Morgan Marcell and Ariana DeBose and every other woman in Hamilton. Why is anyone celebrating Emma Watson for rejecting the corset in favor of being active when the Hamilton ladies are demonstrating on the regular that the two are not mutually exclusive? 

And before someone says it, yes, Beauty and the Beast is a fairytale, not history. Hamilton is musical fanfic about the Founding Fathers. They have equal reasons to strive for historically appropriate costuming. One of them made an effort, and the other just… gave up. 

And we don’t *have* to. We get to walk around all day in bras, or nah if that’s your thing, we are free of Oppression Garments in our daily lives! 

But Emma Watson chose to take a role in a film set during a period where stays were part of a woman’s daily life, and indeed where all the other lady characters I can find images of are wearing corsets, and she said “no, not me, I’m special”. 

So on the one hand we have the double standard of Disney telling Lily James to starve herself so she could be the atrocious shape they wanted Cinderella to model for young girls, versus Disney not saying shit to Emma Watson, and on the other hand we have the double standard of Hamilton’s ladies actually committing to what their roles entailed, versus Emma Watson deciding her 21st century notion of empowerment belongs in an 18th century story. 

tl;dr: I am not saying anyone has to wear corsets, ever. I am saying Emma Watson’s stated reason for not wearing a corset is absolute bullshit. 

[takeabreathandsmile]

hello, love! i would like to start off by saying that i am a christian, which makes the situation i'm im especially rough for me personally. okay, let's begin. i am a HORRIBLE liar. i lie to my parents - not constantly, everyday, but over things like maybe something i shouldn't be watching that they don't approve of. i hate it. i want to stop. it makes me feel so wretched and guilty. any advice? i don't want to tell them because 1. im scared 2. it'd break them. i'm so helpless and lost.

First of all, you aren’t wretched. There isn’t a Christian in all the world who hasn’t stumbled in their faith at least twice since accepting Christ into their heart. I think this is something that we all tend to do more often than we care to admit, because lying is one of those sins that comes very easily to us and is immediately rewarded. Good on you for deciding to make a change, you’re already on the right path.

I know it’s scary to admit to something that you’re ashamed of, but the only way to get rid of the guilt you get from lying is to be honest. Take small steps, you don’t have to have a Hollywood moment and shout your confession from the rooftop, take it slow. Start by dealing with the action itself, then the lie. 

When we commit a sin, we often tend to try and justify it in our minds. We tell ourselves “it’s not that big of a deal”, or “what they don’t know won’t hurt them”, or “it’s for a good reason.” And even though we manage to convince ourselves its okay, deep down we know it’s not. If your parents don’t want you watching something, chances are there’s a good reason for that. So, first you have to stop listening to that little voice. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.“(1 Corinthians 10:13) As soon as you entertain the thought; take a moment, pray for the strength to resist your temptations and when God gives you that strength (it may only be for a brief second, but that’s all you need), take it and walk away from whatever is tempting you. Keep saying “no” to that little voice as soon as you hear it, and eventually you’ll find that the voice gets quieter and quieter over time. It may never disappear completely, but it’s grip on you WILL loosen.

Put it into practice little by little. Start by answering honestly when your parents ask you little things that you’re tempted to lie about; maybe if you haven’t cleaned your room or done your homework or something along those lines. Even if it’s embarrassing, just be honest, show them that you respect them enough to tell them the truth, and  then immediately do what they ask you to do. When you can open up about little things, it paves the way for the more daunting matters. Your parents will value your honesty and obedience, they will appreciate the trust you put in them. This will mend your relationship by leaps and bounds and make it much easier for you to talk to them about things that are weighing on your mind.

Finally, pray for courage, and when you feel like you can, sit at least one of your parents down one-on-one and ask them about the subject. If you have a friend or sibling or someone else who is already aware of your dilemma, ask them for their support (whether before, during, or after the conversation is up to you). Ask your parent why they disapprove of the thing so much and why they don’t like you being involved in it. Don’t interrupt them, allow them a chance to explain their point of view and try to understand where they’re coming from. When they’re done, you say “I haven’t been fully honest with you lately and if it’s okay, I’d like to start right now.” Make sure they’re listening, and when you have their attention, it’s your turn to explain your point of view. Just be honest, don’t try to sugar coat it, don’t make excuses or try to lessen the effect, get it all out there. Maybe explain to them how/when it happened and why you didn’t want to stop. Explain to them afterward that you feel terrible for lying to them and ask them for their advice on the matter. They will be proud of you for speaking up and they will be happy that you sought their help. There’s nothing a parent loves more than when their child asks them for their help, trust me.

It may take awhile, don’t try to rush it unless you feel like you’re ready. Don’t be discouraged if every once-in-awhile you fall back into it. Just stop when you catch yourself, ask the Lord for forgiveness(but only if you’re truly sorry, you can’t apologize and then go on doing it afterward) and ask Him to help you be stronger the next time you feel tempted. That’s all there is to it.

If you want to talk more on the matter, or if there’s anything else you’d like to ask me, my messenger is always open and you are always welcome to drop by.

God be with you, love.