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#good lord im feelin some kinda way today sorry
xxxairheadedangelxxx · 7 months
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having pain induced emotional epiphanies while on the treadmill is somethin else
had an entire screaming match w RM in my head over how he is incapable of planning literally anything for himself which is why it seems so easy to find every little fault i have bc I am in charge of quite literally everything that keeps our lives running on a daily basis.
he was incapable of even just planning a trip for himself to visit his bf I had to fucking help him and make sure he had everything and walk him to the gate. Which do not get me wrong in concept I dont mind! Ive always been the doer, give me a thing that needs to be completed and I will do it and support you all the way!
its when you turn around and rip me to fucking shreds anytime something goes fucking wrong bc I am one person managing two peoples god damn lives while being frankly incredibly fucking disabled mentally and physically.
even better when those disabilities are treated like they dont fucking exist until someone can use it to martyr themselves bc they are just so big hearted for helping the crippled autistic idiot not fucking pass out in the middle of a crowded room. Or they took time out of their day to make sure I didnt have a screaming crying hyperventilating melt down at an event.
Nothing is ever wrong with me until it makes you look better. RM is like this. My mother is like this. Old friends were like this. I am absolutely perfectly fucking functional and have no excuse for being incapable at something until it makes you feel fucking good about yourself.
Im a burden. IU fucking get it I understand I do nothing but fucking burden the world around me by existing and wanting just a scrap of fucking accomodation you stupid cunt.
You want so badly to be the more sick, tortured, opressed minority that it can't even occur to you that maybe I have problems that impede my ability to literally fucking exist and that has kept me suicidal since fucking childhood. I know I have crippling all body pain, constant headaches, bones that are constantly fucking dislocated and a near constant inability to breathe but ur right that is absolutely nothing compared to your jaw pain that you gaver yourself and refuse to fucking fix and I have no idea how you feel of course Im so sorry.
I know I was incapable of completing school, damn near incapable of holding down a job, have a laundry list of processing/learning issues and a propensity to going fully nonverbal at the slightest provocation of stress but youre right I seem normal when I talk to people so you are way more fucked up than I am of course I am so sorry
fuck you. i fucking hate you and i fucking hate how i dont actually fucking hate you. I hate the person youve become. I hate the man who raised you for creating this disgusting putrid version of you.
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aquariusshadow · 3 years
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Live!Blogging HSMTMTS s2x9
Yessssss another early(ish) morning live!blog.
Portwell Nation and Andi Mack stans how we feelin today?
Lessssss gooooo
--
"maybe real happiness is about something else" *cuts to howie singing about love and the portwell duke sweatshirt scene* HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
oh no are seblos arguing????
so everyone's on the zoom chat except for ricky
ah ok that's explained phew
that was a cute zoom call
fsbdlsdfahskdfha
gina
what are you doing
ok her accent is very good
(at least i think it is ehehe i'm not great at assessing accents)
ajsdlfhjsdflsdfalhsdfhasdf
SHE CALLS HIM EEJ
he...called her to see what she says about ashlyn painting his nail
its the little things
theyre a married couple your honor
awww gina i get it all too well
but
she likes him
he likes her
thats what matters right now
hahahaha
oh no depressed ricky :(
rickerapy plz
hes a smol burrito
his mom better figure out theres something more going on with ricky and send him to therapy or something
this better not just be "oh rini broke up"
ricky sir
you need to work on yourself
jonah beck
JONAH BECK
BUFFY AND JONAH REUNION
daaaaaaaaang
interesting dynamic we got goin on here
burrito blanket turned into burrito hoodie
poor ricky
he's fiiiiiiiinally talking
im glad he's opening up to his mom
i hope his mom gives him legit good advice and actually tries to help him
hm....are they gonna make ricky a catalyst for nini's muse and thats gonna be how they get back together in the future or something?
cuz im not sure how i feel about that atm ehehe
jack and gina pretend to be siblings
ej and gina pretend to be dating
im just gonna leave that there
kourt's a legend lmao
"i never lie...except when i do" incredible
i mean...theyre teenagers. jack isnt able to get tattoos yet lmao
the duuuuuuuuke sweatshirt ahhhhhhh
YES WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IT
RICKY'S FEELINGS ABOUT THE DIVORCE/TODD
FINALLY
RICKERAPY CONTENT YESSSSSS
and we're talking about how ricky doesnt like change
finally
THERAPY
HIS MOM SAID THERAPY
RICKERAPY IS BASICALLY CANON
im sorry i'll calm down now
haljdlfhdsjfalsd
yesssssss
"let them go"
thank you mama ricky
spitting some good advice here
finally someone told ricky all this oh my lord
nooooooooooo
seblos conflict :(
aight north high whatcha got
sigh
you know
if they really had "theatre in their hearts and minds" all during spring break
then they would'nt hav spent the time stalking East High's instagrams and making the vid
idk i find the North High plot kinda meh
OMFG EJ
SIR WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE SOCKHAND
i love him so much hahaha
buffy and jonah dance off? yes plz
ooooooo this music video is pretty cool :D
this is so catchy i really like it
i actually really enjoyed all the jack and gina scenes--they seemed to really help show some character growth for her
im v impressed
awwwwwwwww rickyyyyyyyyyy
this is really good tho what
he's finally letting go of nini
some ricky character growth
this is a really good song tho maaaan
the emotion :(
HALDHFAJDFLHSA
EJ
HE CAME TO THE AIRPORT
THIS IS ADORABLE
HE BROUGHT HER A GRANOLA BAR
yall get yourself a guy like ej holy shit
--
Perfect way to end the episode. Not much to say other than I think this was definitely one of the best episodes this season. Rickerapy and Portwell nation how we doin today?
I'm very content with the character growth shown this episode.
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hysterialevi · 6 years
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Abraham - A RDR2 Fanfic
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Fanfic summary [NO SPOILERS]: Lyle Morgan and his eleven-year-old son have a conversation about Beatrice’s death, only for the boy to witness a second one.
Warning(s): Mild language
Author’s note: Bear with me if not everything in this story is correct. I’m not entirely sure where Arthur’s originally from (all I’ve heard is that he’s from somewhere in the north), so I just made something up lol. Also, this fic will only be one part. Anyway, hope you enjoy :)
From Lyle’s POV
A FOREST SOMEWHERE IN MONTANA
SUMMER, 1874
Strollin’ through the tall, thick grass, I led my mount around the forest at a casual pace while my son sat on top, consumed by his journal as always. It was an hour or two before midday, and right now, there was a radiant blanket o’ sunshine bathing the entire forest, painting everything with a golden tint. It was beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day out here...but this feeling of annoyance just wouldn’t stop naggin’ me, and I knew exactly why.
I briefly glanced over my shoulder, peering at my son as he scribbled something down in the weathered pages of his journal.
A quick sigh escaped me.
I didn’t know who the hell Arthur got his interest in art from, or why Beatrice even bothered buying him that book, but that child just couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from it. Every time I came across the boy, he was always scratchin’ down some fantasy world of his, or creating images of a utopia I ain’t ever seen. It was pointless.
He spent more time daydreamin’ in that book than he did playing outside, or hunting, or fishing -- hell, he didn’t even know how to read -- and yet, Beatrice seemed perfectly content with it.
Or at least...she did.
Beatrice weren’t around no more. She was killed by bandits a few months ago. Robbed. Left on the side o’ the road for the crows to feed on. But Arthur didn’t know that. Sheriff told him it was a wild animal that took her. A wolf, to be exact. And he believed him.
I dragged a hand down my face, suddenly feelin’ exhausted just thinking about it.
Had I done the right thing, not tellin’ Arthur the truth about his own mother’s death, I wondered? I figured the kid didn’t need to know the morbid details, or even the entire truth, but I still felt like a piece of shit for not revealing the full story -- especially considering that them bandits who killed Beatrice...killed her ‘cause of me.
I had stolen something from them. Somethin’ valuable. And before it fell into their dirty hands, that “something” apparently belonged to a rich plantation owner who really wanted it back. Ended up gettin’ one of the bandits hanged, and left them thirsty for revenge. But they didn’t have the strength to go after the plantation owner. So, they came after me instead.
They chased me for quite a while. They chased me across the mountains, across the swamps, across the goddamned snow...until finally, they came to their senses and realized there were much better, more convenient ways of hurtin’ me. And thus, their paths diverted to my wife and son.
Those bastards managed to corner her while she was ridin’ to town to do some shopping. Found her on some secluded road between here and the nearest settlement, and ensured she would never return. That was when Arthur went lookin’ for help to find his missing mother hours later, and the sheriff assured him a wolf had gotten to Beatrice.
Christ. I really was a terrible father, weren’t I? Not only did I pay more attention to a bottle o’ whiskey than my own wife, I had also neglected Arthur for years on end, and indirectly gotten his mother killed. And the boy was only eleven.
He had spent half of his life not knowing a damned thing about where his daddy was, or even what he did, only to lose the one parent he already had before he could find out.
Lord...there had to be some way to make this up to him.
I looked back at the boy, suddenly feeling an urge to say something -- anything -- to him.
“Arthur,” I called out, catching the kid’s attention as his head perked up from behind the journal’s pages, “put that damned book away for a moment, will you?”
The boy hurriedly marked his place in the journal with a pen and shut it closed, resting the object on the saddle’s surface as he hung his head low in shame.
“...Sorry, sir.” He murmured.
I shook my head, lettin’ out a concerned breath.
“You spend far too much time in that journal. It was a mistake to buy it.”
Arthur’s eyes wandered to the trees towering around us.
“I’m sorry, dad,” he apologized timidly. “But I like drawing.”
I scoffed. “Yeah? Well, I like Poker. But I ain’t got time to play it. Too busy worryin’ about survival, and keeping the both of us fed. You can’t always do what you want, Arthur. You gotta provide. Things like drawing, gambling...they’re frivolous. We got better things to worry about.”
The child quirked a brow. “Friv-uh-less...? What’s that mean?”
“It means we don’t need to do it,” I explained. “What we do need, however, is to eat. So put that journal away and keep an eye out for deer. You was the one who suggested we come out here in the first place.”
Arthur frowned in a discouraged manner. “Yes, sir.”
I gave him a stern nod. “Good boy. Now...you said you seen a big buck out here?”
The boy pointed ahead. “Yeah. It was by the river.”
I gave the reins a little tug, urging my horse to follow me. “Then that’s where we’ll start. C’mon, Boadicea.”
Continuing our little hunting trip, Arthur and I traveled deeper into the lively woods as creatures of all types scurried around us, rustling blades of grass and alerting the tiny insects that hovered above the plants.
There was a rather peaceful mood to the forest today -- a welcome change considerin’ how chaotic my life usually was -- and I had to admit: some part of me enjoyed being here with Arthur. I rarely ever got to see the boy because of my work as an outlaw, and when I did, he always seemed reluctant to leave the house. Whether that was because he was more of an indoors person, or simply ‘cause he weren’t eager to spend time with me -- I didn’t know. But it was good to be with him regardless.
Approaching the large river, I came to a temporary halt as I crouched down and examined the ground, carefully searchin’ for any tracks that could’ve possibly led us to the buck.
The area here appeared undisturbed -- save for the fish flopping in and out of the babbling water -- and as far as I could tell, there weren’t no deer running around this section of the forest. Not at the moment, anyway. Maybe they were at a different part of the river.
I took a closer look at the grass, only to be torn away from my thoughts when Arthur raised a question.
“Dad?” He asked softly. “Can I...can I ask you something? About momma?”
I paused, thrown off-guard by the sudden change in tone.
“Momma?” I repeated, slowly turning towards the boy. “Why you wanna talk about her?”
Arthur’s expression sank with sorrow.
“It’s just...you knew her better than I did. Or longer, I guess. And I don’t remember her that good. ...Do you?”
I gazed at him in a puzzled manner, admittedly still a bit taken aback by the abrupt question.
“...Clear as day,” I replied, unwilling to sift through the painful memories. “But that don’t matter. She’s...she ain’t coming back, Arthur. No one does, once they die. Ain’t no point in lingerin’ in the past when it can only haunt you. All we can do is move on. You understand?”
Clearly a bit hurt by my response, Arthur dropped the subject and averted his eyes from me, peering over at a nearby gathering of flowers instead.
He slouched despondently. “...I understand.”
That wasn’t good enough for me. I took a step towards him.
“Look at me when you say that, Arthur,” I demanded. “It’s important you look people in the eye when you speak to them.”
The boy brought his line of sight back to me, his face veiled behind a very subtle layer of fear.
He straightened his back a bit. “I understand.”
I nodded in approval. “Good. Now...let’s get back to huntin’ this buck. You sure it was around the river?”
Arthur gazed around. “I saw it this morning when I was playing with Copper,” he confirmed. “It was drinkin’ water right here. That’s when I came to get you.”
I observed the dirt underneath me, squinting my eyes as I searched for clues. The grass in these parts was quite thick, so that made it even tougher to spot fur, or dung -- and I still didn’t see any deer tracks -- but it certainly looked like another animal had been around here.
I kneeled down, shuffling the grass outta the way with my hand.
“It looks like some wild horses might’ve passed through this area,” I examined. “But no sign of deer. Oh, well...the day is still young, and we have some time, so we’ll keep looking.” I gestured to a nearby bridge. “Let’s try over there.”
Grabbing my horse’s reins, I continued to guide it through the woods as Arthur scouted the area for me, his big blue eyes scanning the sharp horizon while the sun escalated in the sky. There was a certain determination in his temperament now, and the longer we carried on trying to locate this buck, the more my son seemed to be enjoying himself.
Perhaps there was hope for us, after all.
“...Dad?” The boy called again, making me flick my eyes to the side. “What if there are wolves out here?”
I encouraged him to stay calm. “Now, don’t you go worryin’ about that. If we see wolves out here, we’ll be fine. We’re armed, we’re fast, and we’re smart.”
Arthur wasn’t convinced. ���...Momma was smart.”
I sighed in a melancholic tone at that. “Yes...she was. But...Momma was killed by a different type of wolf.”
He tilted his head in a puzzled manner. “What d’you mean?”
I gestured to my rifle. “Not all wolves are the same, Arthur. Some use their teeth, some use their guns, and some use their tongue. You gotta be able to identify them when you see ‘em.”
The kid didn’t say it flat out, but I could tell he knew what I was really talkin’ about.
“Those sound more like people.” He replied. I let out a gentle chuckle.
“People can be worse than wolves, Arthur. In fact, I’d prefer a wolf over some o’ the people I’ve met.”
Arthur leaned forward in the saddle, his body swaying along with Boadicea’s steady speed.
“What kinda people have you met?”
I lowered my voice, thinking back to the bandits who killed Beatrice.
“Killers. Thieves. Deceivers. Men who will constantly betray each other even though they share the same motive: greed.”
I turned to Arthur with a remorseful look, hopin’ to do at least one right thing in my life, and use myself as a cautionary tale that money weren’t as clean as it seemed.
“...Greed,” I told him, “it breaks people, Arthur. They may not realize it, ‘cause greed can get you far in this world...but the reward ain’t worth it. Not compared to the things you have to sacrifice. In the end, you’ll have tons of cash, only to realize that there are luxuries not even millionaires can afford.”
His innocence took over. “Then why do they do it?”
That was a question I asked myself everyday. I shrugged in a disheartened fashion.
“Because they don’t care. So long as their pockets is heavy, and their bellies is full, they’ll keep on going. But like I said, greed poisons you. It kills you. And you won’t even notice until you’re already sittin’ in a grave. So promise me, Arthur, promise me that when you get to my age...you won’t become a wolf.”
Despite evidently bein’ a little confused, the child was able to make some sense of what I just said and agreed to the promise, reassuring me with a small smile.
“I promise.”
“Good boy,” I praised, bringing my mind back to the main reason we came out here. “Anyway, here’s the bridge. Why don’t you hop down and help me find this buck?”
“Okay.”
Sliding down the saddle, Arthur effortlessly climbed down and joined me, scurrying ‘round like a mouse while he searched for any signs of the buck. But so far, there was nothing in sight.
“See anything?” I checked. The boy shook his head.
I wiped some sweat off my brow, letting out a fatigued sigh. This animal was certainly proving to be a challenge to hunt down. We had already been in this forest for a couple hours now, and our efforts still hadn’t paid off. Part o’ me was almost starting to suspect if Arthur even saw a deer in the first place, and not some other kinda animal.
I decided to take a short break, and turned to ask the boy.
“You positive the buck was roamin’ around in these parts? Or that it was a buck at all? I haven’t seen any tracks so far.”
A soft rustle suddenly reached my ears, interrupting my conversation with Arthur as I reached for my gun, only to be stopped by a sound I didn’t expect.
It was a man’s voice.
“...Don’t even think about it,” the stranger warned, cocking his own gun. “I will shoot if necessary.”
Freezing at the intrusion, I remained perfectly still and didn’t utter a single word as a pair of footsteps steadily approached me from behind, followed by two more men coming in from the front on horseback.
They were all dressed in similar outfits donned with Nevada hats, and I couldn’t help but notice the star-shaped badges shimmerin’ blatantly on their chests.
Shit. These were lawmen. What the hell were they doin’ out here? I never expected the law to travel this far into the country. This was definitely odd.
What really puzzled me though, weren’t the fact that there were three lawmen just...waitin’ for us out here -- it was more the fact that Arthur didn’t seem phased by any of this in the slightest. Just what exactly was goin’ on?
Trotting closer to me, one of the mounted men glowered in my direction as he ordered his deputy to restrain me, his firm, steel eyes never wavering.
I recognized him instantly.
“...Sheriff Buchanan.” I muttered through gritted teeth.
He returned the greeting, scowling from under his hat’s rim.
“Lyle Morgan.”
I shrugged at him, unsure of what to make of the situation.
“What is this shit? What’s the sheriff doing all the way out here?”
Buchanan glanced at Arthur, standing in front of him in a protective manner.
“I told you I’d use every option I had to get you behind bars, Morgan...and I meant it. You made the choice not to heed my warning.”
Taking a second to process what he just told me, the realization suddenly hit me like a bullet to the gut as I stared at Arthur with a sense of immense betrayal, unable to believe what was happening.
There never was no goddamned buck.
Things was never gonna work out for me and Arthur.
This was all a trap.
My own...son...had turned me in.
He was the bait, and Buchanan was the true hunter.
I clenched my jaw in rage, doing my absolute best to shield my emotions as the deputy kicked me to my knees.
“...A-Arthur...?” I whispered, my voice trembling.
The boy looked me straight in the eye, standing adamantly beside Buchanan as his deputies tied me up. I threw a glare at the sheriff, damning him till my last moments.
“You bastard, Buchanan...!” I cursed. “You turned my own damned son against me...?!”
The man showed no guilt and tightened his grip on his rifle, silently advising me to stay back.
“No need,” Buchanan denied. “You drove him to me all by yourself.”
He placed a gentle hand on Arthur’s shoulder and guided him towards the second deputy, ordering them to bring him back to town.
“Clayton, bring the boy back to the office. We’ll figure out where to send him later. For now though, just keep him safe, and look after him.”
“Right away, Sheriff.”
Preparing both his horse and mine for departure, the deputy left Arthur next to the sheriff as the boy stood firmly in place, his innocent yet damaged gaze never leavin’ mine.
Despite the hint of remorse clouding the child’s eyes, it was pretty obvious Arthur felt he made the right decision in turning me in. And just as Buchanan’s second deputy started to drag me away, I couldn’t help but notice a beautiful Whitetail buck wanderin’ around in the distance, its majestic antlers standing out like a crown on a monarch’s head as it bathed in the golden sunlight.
The animal swayed its head in my direction, almost as if trying to communicate with me.
“I’m sorry, dad,” Arthur whispered as he walked towards Clayton, blocking the buck in the process. “...But you made me promise.”
Taking his leave, the boy finally mounted up and steadily trotted away from the scene, only to reveal an empty spot where the buck once stood as he left the forest.
Well...I may have found the buck like I planned, but it weren’t my job to kill it.
And it certainly weren’t my place to look for it.
I could hunt them down to my heart’s content, and kill ‘em all I wanted for my own desires...but in the end, they would always be able to afford the one luxury I’d never obtained.
Peace.
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thesanguinecrow · 7 years
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I haven't really seen any of your personal posts but I am curious and would like to know, if it isn't any trouble
it isnt trouble im just glad someones interested bc i usually feel rly annoying this will get to the song point i promise but here goes tldr at the bottom. so it all started when my friend who i had only met a few months ago went out of his way to talk to me bc like we were relatively far appart. we were going to first period and he yells to me “get to class rose!” and i jokingly flip him off then he yells back “mines bigger” and we go on our ways. i hadent given it much thought at the time but now i see it as just the start of him trying to get closer to me. after that there wasnt much more conversation. then one day after school has ended he snapchats me out of no where and im like ?? ok and we start talking and hes sharing his antics and im just in amazement bc my life is pretty boring n he’s out here stayin in vegas alone (oh btw im gonna be a high school senior and hes gonna be a sophmore im a lil uncomf. with our grade gap but im not actually sure of his age but ik its not more than 2 years n age smooths out with time and im not interested in doing anything sexual atm even kissing would be rly pushing it) anyway be tells me a personal detail about himself ide rather not disclose but shows hes comfortable opening up to me. we sent eachother back and forth snaps of us making funny smooshed faces and stuff like that like i trust you not to screenshot and post this everywhere kinda face. soon after that wich was around the fourth of july he went off to camp and didn’t have his phone. i didn’t know he didn’t have/couldn’t use it and this whole time I’m freaking tf out and im here thinking OH MAH LORD WHAT IF HE DIED and internally sobbed. then after being sent home bc he broke his hand he gets back on sc and im like I THOUGHT YOU DIED ARE YOU OKAY!!!????!!?!?! and ever since then it’s been wishy washy bc he wouldn’t go on snapchat for hours and ik bc he has his location turned on on the map and it wasnt there. hes told me he doesnt have his phone which i regret not asking why but i assume his mom takes it or somrthing like oh its bad to be on it 24/7 somethin like that. hes also sent me pics of his torso but these increased post camp. he even sent one and captioned it “i felt hot in this one” and another 2 focusing on his mucles (hes not the most muscular but its noticeable hes got some) i think on sunday he was on and i sent a snap of me with my hair tied up in the front like a unicorn horn and my hair is like 6 and a half inches (17 cm) so its sticking up adding to the horn effect. then he sends me a snap back saying “well im single” and im like “me too” and hes just like *sigh* if only there was something i could do about it kinda sigh and im like “hey wanna hang at the beach wednesday anf hes like yeah but we never set a time before he didnt have his phone and all day wednesday me all shaved up (bc dysphoria and falling to societal beauty standards plus i wanted to wear my white short shorts with out my jungle creepin out mah butt cheecks and upper thighs lowkey mad i cant figue out how to tuck but i was gonna deal and do my best) i got my brows did my skin was doin ok and he wasnt on all day and i had a limited time frame to hang bc the beach is relatively far from where i live andi cant drive or have a car or get a ride and my mom doesnt trust me in uber or public transportation and idek bus schedules or how that works so i had to go with my mom to her job to then go to the beach bc they’re close to eachother but no meeting time set we dont hang i slowly steep into a pitty party and im like ok mood is sad woe is me then today i decide to stay home and seep into this poison of negativity and he snaps me if i wanna go to the mall and im here ready to throw myself of a cliff while on fire bc i had gone with my mom every day but today and im like well f*ck sh*t im so deeply upset and saw the potential to hang today and i feel so at fault for staying home the one day we could hang and nope. i hate having these feelings bc i have reason to believe he likes me and bc of that i ended up liking him back and it irritates me that we cant have consistent conversation and its just like when ever he happens to have his phone. i dont like when i catch feelings, form a crush, become infatuated and i say infatuated bc ik its not something as deep as love i dont know much about him but i do care for him. he blacked out bc of his diabetes and i was really concerned for him and i honestly feel like the mom friend sometimes. but i just want to get to know him and see if it leads beyond infatuation. whenever i get infatuated its often hard core and i have vivid images of us at the beach but also not. like its just me alone no boardwalk no docks no pier just me ocean sa d and sun. i dont like feeling so out of controll its overwhelming and suffocating. i like to believe im a hard cold b*tch whos in controll of my emotions but im not. i can be apathetic but romance just stikes me to my core and i hate it that my feelings always feel or are one sided like ik no one is obligated to like me back but it seems like he does like me. i dont care but do care, deeply, at the same time its a mess and i hate having these negative feelings its like poison in my soul its heavy and petrifying. my tarot readings have been discouraging but my pendulum readings have said he likes me (i havent done a pendulum in the past few days but it still seems like he does) idk i guess im clingy and i feel like i annoy ppl a lot and with the song cut to the feeling its like cut to the feeling i wanna play where you play with the angles i wanna wake up with you all in tangles no more hesitation this is on not in order but you get the picture i didnt really pay much attention to the lyrics bc i think its a great sounding song as with most of my music but then i started to sing (terribly) and learn the lyrics and i wanna be in a relationship but when i think about it and im put in the situation it could happen i panic like suddendly everything is moving so fast and sometimes i even start trembling and shaking and i dont wanna rush into things so fast but i still love the song but now all i can think about is this whole situation and the song only presses it. i asked him how he feels about me and im waiting for a response. idk im just not feelin too good and this is really bringin me down and i could get over it and be done or at least i believe i could but i dont want to.. anyway yeah the song is pressing these sore spots in my emotional mess and its makin me sad sorry this is so long but im glad someone cared to hear
TLDR: im an emotional mess bc i cant talk to my crush often and had missed and failed chances to hang out. i wanna see where things go but not rush into things and cut to the feeling is a good song but its poking at these tender feelings.
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