#goodbye I am emotional now akjhsdkagl

[caelanglang]

Have you ever taken a break from doing something you really loved doing for a stupid reason - like the inspiration has run out, or you can't remember why you liked it in the first place. It's been so long since you've enjoyed doing it and it just feels like a chore so you stop doing it for a while and now it's been days or weeks or maybe even months or years since you've done said thing.

And then out of nowhere you feel that random itch in your brain that whispers to you Do it. Do it again -

And the voice comes from nowhere, like a devil whispering in your ear demanding you to commit some sin. So of course you're worried - what if I'm not supposed to do the thing?? And you sit with the anxiety for a while and then decide that's stupid so of course you wave the anxiety off and decide fuck it let's do it!

And so you go to do the thing and your hands shake as the anxiety sets back in - what if I don't remember?

It's been so long, maybe too long, what if you've forgotten? What if it hurts more to return than it hurt to leave in the first place? What if it all kills you inside and rips you apart because you used to be good and now you aren't. And what if you were never meant to do it at all?

But still, you're sitting down so you might as well try . . . and it's like the world has suddenly become a little brighter. Because it flows right out of you, like a dam that's been overflowing for a little bit too long. This - this is home. You've done it a million times before but this moment? It's like you're doing it for the first time all over again and the wonder has set back in. Life has color again and you realize just how much you've been missing that thing. You didn't realize it - not with how monotonous it had felt before but . . .

But life without it was a little less full and you decide that you'd rather not live like that again.

So yeah I started writing again, and halfway through the word's clicked and I felt a little better.

*running up to you and giving you a big big hug*

hey there, I hope you know that whatever it is that you went through, it's valid to feel those emotions and I am so darn proud of you for overcoming all the noises and anxieties and fears that's been trying to stop you from loving your craft all over again. What ever reason it is that made you stop for a while, I don't think it stupid. It happens to the best of us. I hope you are not undermining the things that you went through because I understand that feeling,,, burning out or completely losing touch of something is so painful. Having the desire to return to it but realizing that the magic from before isn't there anymore hurts just as much. It's valid to be afraid of trying again or returning to something. I am so happy that you took the leap forward.

Welcome home. I'm glad you got to feel the passion overflowing again. I'm glad that you got to see the colors again. I hope that you know, even homes need renovations too sometimes. It's not your fault for running out of steam or motivation. What's important is that you are still alive—living and pushing through. One day, you'll be able to channel all those into your craft too! That's why humans create in the first place; we express our lives and emotions through creations :)) I'm truly happy for you and I am cheering you on!

And you are right! When the voices come and try to stop you from creating always tell yourself "fuck it let's do it!"